Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The REAL Cure for Heartache (It’s Not What You Think)

Episode Date: September 19, 2016

What’s the cure for a broken heart? “Stay busy,” most people will say, “and before long, you’ll have forgotten all about it.” While this tactic may work in the short term, it’s not going to fix the root of your problem. In today’s episode, I’m going to reveal the REAL, lasting cure for heartache, and teach you a how you can take action today to feel better fast.

Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey and I am really excited about today's show. But before we jump into it, I want to ask you a question. Have you ever been texting with a guy, maybe you've been on a few dates, when suddenly his texts stop cold? One minute you're flirting back and forth late into the night and the next minute he disappears into thin air. It's not your fault. Guys do this all the time. The question is, what can you do

about it? Well, I can tell you exactly what to say to reignite his interest after he's gone cold. Stay with me until the end of the show and I will tell you. I want to give you what I believe is the biggest cure for overcoming heartache. One of the key things we're always told when we get out of a relationship is you've got to stay busy. Because if you stay busy, you're not going to be able to think of this situation as much. Now, this is a kind of short term fix. The problem with distraction is that it's just that. It distracts us in the short term and then the moment we're alone, all of those negative thoughts, all of that pain comes rushing back in. And we find ourselves simply waiting for the next distraction so that we can

numb ourselves to the pain. See, there's a concept in avoiding pain called numbing, which is not a long-term solution. Numbing is just when you, for the moment, numb yourself so you can't feel anything instead of actually fixing the root of the problem. The alternative is progress. Progress, for example, is when you focus on a project that means something to you. You know, when you actually work, you know, that feeling you get when you actually on a project that means something to you. You know, when you actually work, you know, that feeling you get when you actually work on something that really contributes towards your life goals. When you do something that you think, wow, that thing, that's what life was all about, was me writing that essay or me going to that place and visiting that place I've

always wanted to see, or me starting that business plan for a business I've always wanted to create, or whatever it is, something that really gives you purpose, something that contributes to your life goals. I kind of see it like this. I mean, if you've ever read Stephen Covey's book on the seven habits of highly effective people, one of the things he talks about is the difference in life between doing what's urgent and doing what's important. And he talks about how your life will change if you focus on doing what's important, not on just doing what's urgent. Doing what's urgent is like fighting fires all the time. Doing what's important are the things that actually move you towards your goals.

Well, that's a kind of useful frame of reference to think about in a breakup. If instead of focusing on what's urgent, you focus on what's important, and what's important are your actual goals, the things you want to achieve in life, you'll get the feeling of making progress. Now, this doesn't mean you'll feel no pain, but the pain that you do feel will be gradually overshadowed by the excitement that you have for your life and for the progress that you're making. Now, you may say, but I don't have any big life goals right now. So, you know, if you said to me, what can I work on today that will make me feel massive progress? There isn't anything. I don't know what project I could

really lose myself in and that would give my life meaning right now. That's okay. You can start small. You could start, for example, by taking a cycling class at the gym because you know that you want your body to be in better shape. You know that you feel like your health is something you want to focus on a bit more and that it would make you feel more confident to really get the most out of your body and be fit and healthy and have energy. If that's the case, just doing a cycling class today can help you feel an increased sense of purpose because you'll feel like you progressed. So even that, though it's not life changing necessarily, it can still make you feel progress. Again, we're talking in degrees here because going to a cycling class isn't going to magically make you not miss somebody. It's not going to magically make you feel no pain. But the name of the game is not feeling zero pain. To begin with, the goal is to lessen the pain. So here's my goal for you today. If you're heartbroken, if you're in pain right now, if you're missing somebody, the greatest way for you to feel today like you've made the most out of your life is to actually focus on an area of your life where you feel like you're making progress. And the quickest way to do that is to think of what goals do I have right now?

In what areas of my life do I want to improve? And what actions can I take today to take me further in those areas? Progress is the key, not distraction. Thank you, my friends. I'll speak to you soon. Come join me for the conversation on Facebook, facebook.com forward slash coach Matthew Hussey. I know it's hard sometimes. Life ain't easy. But we can make it a little easier day by day if we work together and listen to each other. I think it can be easier. I'll speak to you soon. Okay, at the beginning of the show, I promised you that I would tell you what you could say to reignite a man's interest after he's pulled away.

I've actually put together an entire free guide for you called Nine Magic Texts No Man Can Resist. Just copy and paste any of the nine texts and you'll instantly be right back in the forefront of his mind. So ask yourself first, is this guy worthy of me? And if the answer is yes, try one of these texts out and let me know what happens. To get your free guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash texts.