Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The Rejection-Proof Way to Ask a Friend Out

Episode Date: March 10, 2017

Our caller, Karen, has a crush on her friend. She thinks there’s a chance he likes her too, but he’s very shy. Is there a way she can test the waters without risking too much, she wonders? Absolutely! In today’s LOVE Life, I’m going to give her – and you – my #1 strategy to take a friend from a familiar context to a flirty one (aka an actual date) without ever risking rejection. Before you know it, you’ll be on the road to romance, with the Friend Zone in your rear view mirror.

Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey and I have an amazing show for you today. But first, let me ask you, did you know that there are three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild? Okay, you're right. Confidence is one, but can you guess the other two? I'll give you a minute to think about it and we'll come back to this at the end of the show. But first, let's get into today's episode. We're back again with a caller and this caller's name is Karen. Karen, are you there? Yes, I'm here. Good to speak to you. How are you? I'm doing very well. How are you? I'm good. What was your question, Karen? Okay, my question is, how can you tell if a guy you already have a friendship with is interested in you more than a friend? How long have you been friends?

Two years. And do you see each other a lot or a little? A little. Like how much? Once every two weeks, probably. But it's in a different environment, I should say. In what sort of environment do you see him? He actually is my tattoo artist.

He's your? Tattoo artist. Ah, I see. Okay. Yes. The plot thickens. This is interesting. Yes.

So, I mean, I read a lot about your, you know, I listened to your book and YouTube and, you know, the whole touch thing. Oh, my God. Wait, you're not getting a tattoo every two weeks, are you? No, but I'm getting one that's really big. Well, done, that's taking a long time. It has to take a long time because that's how

you're seeing him right now, right? Yeah, but I, yeah, exactly. Yeah, we keep prolonging it,

it seems. Does he go slower than a normal tattoo artist? the first night was seven hours. How does it feel when you're with him? Does he,

do you feel he flirts? And if so, in what ways does he flirt? I don't know I do feel he flirts But he's very shy But he'll make subtle comments But it's usually after we're done tattooing Have you ever

During or after a tattoo session Have you ever, during or after a tattoo session, have you ever said to him, let's, we should go grab a coffee or we should go and hang out? Well, I kind of, he asked me what I was doing the rest of the night,

so this past Saturday. And I said, oh, I might go to a local bar with some friends. And he's like, oh, where? And I said, they have a comedy show there and stuff like that. And he's like, Connie, i said they have a comedy show there and stuff like that and he's like connie i'm interested in that let me know next time

i mean they didn't have one that night but he's like what he he suggested it okay so what that's it what what i would be doing at this stage because of course what what needs to happen is you need to take it out of the context of the way that you guys meet each other, which is in his tattoo parlor, right? Right. You need to take him away from that environment so that you can actually see what the two of you are like outside of that.

Right now, it's still too much of a superficial connection where the two of you are just seeing each other in that work-related context. So I would be trying to pull him out of that and say to him, you know, for example, discuss movies you want to see. And when the two of you hit home on a movie you both want to see, that becomes an idea for something that you can do together. Now, of course, it doesn't have to be seen as a date. You don't have to frame it like that. Just frame it like, yeah, we should go see that. And do it very casually and very matter-of-fact. It doesn't have to be seen as a date You don't have to frame it like that Just frame it like this is a

Oh we should go see that And do it very casually and very matter of fact As opposed to Maybe we could go see it this weekend Which immediately I always think when people introduce a question At the end of their sentence They're already putting doubt

Into the situation Rather than just saying oh let's go see it i'll tell you know do you have his number do you have his his uh cell phone number yes i do so i would i would he's on my facebook and i was so excited about talking about you like he knows i'm talking to you i'm assuming that's so funny that's so great um i would be telling him in a very matter-of of fact way that you want to, that, that,

you know, you should go and see a film together. Or if there's a, if there's a cool place that you want to go to where there's amazing food, Oh my God, I have to take you there. It's amazing. Just be matter of fact about it.

And then of course you've set, you've planted the seed for when you want to text him afterwards and say, um, Hey, I'm going to go see that movie this Saturday. You want to come or even, even better. Um, I'm going to see that movie this Saturday. You want to come? Or even better, I'm going to see that movie this Saturday. Come.

That's it. When you say that, you're being very assumptive. You're being very certain. And especially if someone's a little bit shy, they always appreciate the slight extra assertiveness from your side because they then don't have to look at it like, oh, should I, shouldn't I? I'm just going to go for it. Right.

And also, I mean, I have no problems flirting with other guys. Like, I mean, all the other guys, it's a sexy place that I joke around and kid around with. But when it comes to him, I'm like a little bull girl. Yeah, isn't that the terrible irony of attraction? Yeah.

I never had to chase anybody or ask a guy out. It's always harder when you care. Yeah, exactly. But you know what? You can do it and you don't have to

put yourself on the line all at once. Just see if you can take him out of that environment, out of that context and don't be afraid to send an assumptive text outside of it

just saying, hey, I'm going to the movie this weekend come along and then see what he says back you can't be rejected because you haven't asked anything exactly exactly beautiful suggestion about the comedy let me know next time say that again like about the comedy show exactly and by the way He made the suggestion Let me know next time And by the way Of course the next time You are at a comedy show

You can send him a message And say I'm at the comedy show Right now Come It's so much fun And see how he responds to it Sometimes a little bit

More directness is nice As long as it's not Accompanied by Another five messages Afterwards Exactly Yeah I usually keep it

Short and sweet. Perfect. Awesome. Karen, thank you so much. I appreciate you calling in. Thank you, Matthew. All right, look after yourself. I look forward to listening to more of your stuff.

Thank you. Bye-bye. Thank you. Bye-bye. Well, did you guess what the other two mindsets are that drive men wild? Good news, you don't have to rack your brain forever for the answer. I'm giving you free exclusive access to a Q&A session from my live

seminar where I coach real women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and more. To get your free access to three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.