Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The Secret to a Better Sex Life

Episode Date: March 11, 2016

What do you do if your guy has every quality you want – attractive, funny, smart, loving – but there’s just one thing missing: he’s not satisfying you sexually? You really want to make it work, but how do you improve the situation without crushing his masculinity? I tackle this tough topic in today’s episode, telling you exactly when, how and where to talk to him about sex (hint: it’s not in the bedroom). When done right, your man will actually end up thanking you for it (and you’ll be pretty pleased yourself)!

Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey and I have an amazing show for you today. But first, let me ask you, did you know that there are three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild? Okay, you're right. Confidence is one, but can you guess the other two? I'll give you a minute to think about it and we'll come back to this at the end of the show. But first, let's get into today's episode. Today, we are going to talk about sex. Somebody recently left a comment on my Facebook relating to sex. So here it is. Hi, Matthew. I've been seeing this guy for quite a long time now. He is sweet, sexy, funny and and caring, and we get along very well. We share the same interests and values in life. The only problem is that when it comes to sex, he's very

prudish and timid. I would even say slightly uptight. Sex talk makes him uncomfortable. Sometimes even talking about feelings is hard for him. I wish he could let go for once and just enjoy the action fully. How can I help him and myself in the best possible way without impinging on his manhood? I really do care for this guy and I want to work this out. That actually will serve you very well in having these conversations with him. Because starting from a place of admiration and respect is really helpful when you're talking about sex. If you come to it from a place of you're not doing enough, you're not adequate, there are things that you do that I don't like or there's so many things that you don't do that I would like and it really frustrates me. You come at it from that tone and immediately you start putting someone in a more nervous place

about it. They already feel like they're not satisfying you, like they're not making you happy. So start with that admiration about him. Even when you start to get into the talk about sex, start with what you admire about him and what you love about him and how this would only build on what you love. I also want you to begin to talk about it in terms of what would turn you on. If you can actually help a guy understand what would turn you on, you'll find that he'll actually see it as a roadmap. We aim to please us guys. And sometimes we need a greater roadmap for how to please you. We worry that if we just try something out of the blue, we're going to do it wrong, that you're not going to like it. If you tell us, here is what I would like,

you give us a roadmap for how to please you. And trust me, we will thank you for it if it's done in the right way. But in the context of, you know what I would really love to do with you? What would you really love to do with him? Make it about him. Also make it about, use positive reinforcement. I love when you surprise me. I love when you do this. I always say, if you want someone to be more spontaneous in the bedroom, take the slightest, tiniest hair of spontaneity and say to them, I love it when you're spontaneous like that. It turns me on so much. All of a sudden he has the positive reinforcement he needs to tell him, ah, it's good when I'm spontaneous. She wants me to do this more. You can build a lot of what you want out of tiny moments

that give you a glimpse of what you want. Also, don't be afraid to have a chat about sex. Don't be afraid to talk, whether it's in a sexual moment or not. I always think some of the great moments to talk about sex are when you're not in the bedroom. If you're out and about and you're having a good time and you're walking along, and in some way the subject of sex comes up, you should say to him, you know what, I'd really love you to do more.

Do you know what would be so sexy to me if you did it? And then start talking to him about it. So those little things allow him to come out of his shell. But communication is everything, especially about sex. People feel very awkward about sex, but the couples who do it the best, the couples who have the best sex life are the ones that actually talk about it and chat about it and feel like they can be open about their desires. So don't be vague. Feel free to be specific. Do it from a positive place. Don't feel it always needs to be in the moment during the act.

It can also be after the moment or on a random day when you're having fun. Do it in a positive moment, not a negative moment, and give him permission to actually tell you and talk to you about it and be open about it and be open to listening to. Because if you really hear what's going on in his mind, if you really hear what the issues are, you can actually begin that process of getting him over those. And of course, remember that many people start with issues that relate to sex and those issues are eroded over time by being with someone who allows them to come out of their shell. So don't expect everything to happen overnight. What you're

looking for is little glimpses of progress where you see that someone is becoming more of what they can be sexually and more open and more fun. And that's going to come from all of this amazing communication that you're having. Thank you for writing in. Such a brave and thoughtful and empathetic question. And I love the loving spirit that it was delivered in. Well, did you guess what the other two mindsets are that drive men wild? Good news, you don't have to rack your brain forever for the answer. I'm giving you free exclusive access to a Q&A session from my live seminar where I coach real

women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and more. To get your free access to three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.