Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The Ugly Truth About Gossiping

Episode Date: July 4, 2016

What’s the big deal about a little gossip? Well we all know that talking trash about someone else can hurt their feelings if (when!) they find out, but you may not realize just how much this behavior is hurting YOU in the process. I uncover the ugly truth about gossiping in today’s episode of LOVE Life, and explain why the real recipe to building yourself up is not tearing others down.

Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey and I have an amazing show for you today. But first, let me ask you, did you know that there are three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild? Okay, you're right. Confidence is one, but can you guess the other two? I'll give you a minute to think about it and we'll come back to this at the end of the show. But first, let's get into today's episode. If this is the first episode you've ever listened to, welcome and shame on you because the previous ones were brilliant. Go back and listen to them immediately. Today's topic is why you shouldn't gossip. Now, this isn't a preaching episode. I certainly have gossiped and will continue to gossip in

various ways, inadvertently and unexpectedly, and sometimes without even knowing I'm doing it, but I don't want to, and I don't think any of us should. And I'll explain to you the practical reasons why we shouldn't gossip. Firstly, I always look at the times when I find myself gossiping or when I hear other people gossiping and I ask myself, how much time must I have on my hands right now? Because I have a rule for myself in my life, which is everything that I do should be moving me closer to my goals. Everything. Now, of course, I have different goals. I have goals around leisure. I have goals around work. I have goals around my body, all of these things. But when I look at gossiping, it's very hard for me to square that with any

single one of my goals. How do I look at that in the context of my vision for my life and say, yes, that's where it fits in. Here's where it's helping me. So firstly, I think gossip is indicative of having too much time. Secondly, it shows that we're validated by the wrong things. So if you're sitting there talking about someone behind their back, it very often is indicative of where you've trained your focus to go. If I can speak badly about someone else, I can start to feel better about myself. Now, of course, the danger of that is it's not a recipe for growth. It's actually a recipe for shrinking because the more you gossip, the less you feel the need to grow. Instead, if we were to talk well of people, that would be a growth mindset because people who are not afraid of

growth are not afraid of other people growing because they actually like a bit of competition. They like people around them who can bring them up and who can actually challenge them in new ways. And if you're gossiping more than you're complimenting people, your focus is trained in a negative way. You're training yourself to go to a negative instead of going to a positive. And don't ever think that that doesn't affect you in more ways than just your gossiping. It starts to affect you in every area of your life. Because guess what? When you look, when you train yourself to find the worst in other people, you also train yourself to find the worst in yourself. So instead, start training yourself

to find the best in people. Next, number three, it gets back to people. See, the thing about giving people insults is that it very often helps somebody else to go and tell that person that you said that. Now, it may help them in terms of their job if they think that they can get something out of turning that person against you, or it just helps them be in rapport with someone else. Because guess what a great way to connect with someone is, is to go and reveal secrets to them. So very often the incentive is high for people to start spreading insults, especially because people like to gossip. So when you say something negative, it goes to the next person. And even if it doesn't go directly to that person, it then goes to a new group of people because gossip is

negative. Very often by definition, it's negative. We pass it around because it's salacious. Now, of course, you're also spreading the message that you're someone who can't be trusted. And let's face it, any friend who is remotely mature or astute will know that if you're gossiping to them, you're also gossiping about them. So when you're behind someone's back, when you find yourself in a group, ask yourself this fundamental question. Am I being negative about people right now? Or am I being positive? Am I focusing on being better than them and showing people that I'm better than them by trash talking them? Because you can either show that you're better than someone by growing and competing with them or you can show that you're better by bringing

them down a notch. One of them results in you growing continuously and the other one actually results in you shrinking in your abilities and your insecurities over time that doesn't mean that you get fake and that you compliment people on things that you don't believe it means that regardless you try to find the things that you do admire in people and the people that you don't admire you try to avoid you try not to make the subject of conversation because let's face it if you don't like this person that much, why are you making them the subject of conversation? Why invest more in them? Even when you're not with them, it makes no sense at all. This is about retraining our focus, my friends. And this isn't just some woo-woo little talk about being nicer and being more spiritual. You know, I'm not that guy. This is a talk about practically getting more of what you want by being a more positive person. Take care, my friends. If

you're not following me on Facebook right now, go to Coach Matthew Hussey. I'll see you there. Well, did you guess what the other two mindsets are that drive men wild? Good news, you don't have to rack your brain forever for the answer. I'm giving you free exclusive access to a Q&A session from my live seminar where I coach real women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and more.

To get your free access to three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.