Love Life with Matthew Hussey - This Makes People Want to Be Around You

Episode Date: May 25, 2016

Ever notice that the people you want to be around most are the ones who make you feel great about yourself? I’ve got a simple technique for making others want to be around you, and it takes very little effort on your part.  It’s one of my top secrets of charisma, and in this episode I’ll tell you how to get your hands on all of the others that will make you an expert with people.

Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey, and I have an amazing show for you today. But first, let me ask you, did you know that there are three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild? Okay, you're right. Confidence is one, but can you guess the other two? I'll give you a minute to think about it, and we'll come back to this at the end of the show. But first, let's get into today's episode. Today's topic is making somebody else the expert. Now, I'm going to explain this in a moment, but I want to just preface this by saying one of the most important things we can do in becoming better with people is to actually make them feel great around us, to stop trying to impress everybody with what we know and who we are, and to allow ourselves to be impressed by other people. You will notice in life that the people that you want to be around are the people

that make you feel great, that make you feel impressive, that want to know more about you, and feel like you want to be around people that make you feel impressive, that want to know more about you and feel like you want to be around people that make you feel like an interesting person. And one of the things we do, one of the traps we fall into when we go and speak to people is that we ourselves want to sound impressive. We want to be the ones who know everything. And when someone tells us about themselves, we tend to connect with them simply by showing that we understand what they're talking about and not by trying to be more curious. So I want to give us a couple of ways that we can make other people the expert instead of making it

about us, instead of making it about ourselves. So here's some of the phrases you can use. During conversation, say, I don't know much about this. You have to tell me. So when you say you do that, what does that mean? Okay. You could say that. You could say, let's say someone says they're a management consultant. If you have no idea what a management consultant does, don't pretend. Don't say, oh, great. That's awesome. So how long have you been doing that for? How long have you been doing that for is literally just an escape question so that you don't have to talk more about something you don't know about. Instead of doing that, say, you know what? I have friends who are management consultants and I never quite understand what it is they do. You have to help me. What is it a management consultant does in

a nutshell? Now, the great thing about that is you're making them the mouthpiece for management consultants everywhere. You're making them the expert. And in making them the expert, they see that you're trying to actually connect. See, when you just brush past something because you don't understand it, we're not connecting and we're not fooling anybody because people tend to be pretty good at picking up on when we're not following what they're saying. So instead of doing that, just saying to someone, you have to explain this to me because I, you know, in layman's terms, because I don't really understand it, but I'm super curious. That's a really big compliment to somebody. You know, I don't know about this thing, but I'd love you to teach me.

And the other side of this is if you know somebody is an expert in something and you happen to be in a group dynamic, let's say my camera guy, Jameson, who I work with on my YouTube videos. If you haven't seen any of those, by the way, go to Get The Guy Team on YouTube and you can go and watch all of those. Let's say I was out at a party with my man, Jameson, and we were standing there and I was explaining to somebody how we shoot our videos for YouTube. And I was talking about resolution or the type of cameras we were using. Instead of just rolling into that, which might put Jameson on the defensive because he knows a thousand times more about any of that stuff than I do. I could simply say, you know, Jameson can tell you much more about this than I can. He's the expert here. But one of the things we do when we're trying to shoot the

best quality videos is this. Now, here's what I've done. I've made Jameson the expert. So I'm now free to talk without feeling like somebody else might, like he might be competitive with me in that moment. He's much more likely to be my ally and back up what I've said if I make him the expert than if I don't acknowledge his expertise in the situation. So it's not just about deferring to someone and asking them to teach you something directly. It's also when we're speaking, we should take the time to acknowledge where there is, where there are expertise in the room, where somebody else knows more than us or where somebody

else has something to add. You know, so and so, like there might be another person who has done a lot of work on stage who we're talking to. And I say, you know, Brenda, you've done so much work on stage. What, what's your opinion on that? Do you, you must have a unique take on this. And then we bring her into the situation as well. So now she's an expert in a different capacity, but I'm showing I value what she can bring to the table. So really seek to make other people the experts in certain areas and show where they can add value. Show where their experience is interesting and valuable to you and can be great input for a conversation. People will love you for it because they love to feel like what they've done in their life and the experience they have is acknowledged.

Well, did you guess what the other two mindsets are that drive men wild? Good news, you don't have to rack your brain forever for the answer. I'm giving you free exclusive access to a Q&A session from my live seminar, where I coach real women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and more. To get your free access to three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.