Love Life with Matthew Hussey - To Take Control of Your Life, Start Here

Episode Date: October 19, 2016

If you don’t have a clear vision for what you want in life and an action plan to achieve it, it’s easy to become overwhelmed, or worse, completely paralyzed. Fear of the unknown, fear of the path being tough, fear of making a mistake…these can all hold you back from a fulfilling life of all of the wonderful things you deserve. The good news is, there’s only ONE thing you need to do to take control of your life and begin to get clarity: Just. Start. Taking. Action. I explain how in today’s episode of LOVE Life.   

Welcome to Love Life. I'm your host, Matthew Hussey. Now, here's a secret about men that most women don't realize. Men really want to feel manly around you. If you know how to make him feel like a man, he'll want to be around you day and night. So how do you do this? I'm going to give you my five most powerful phrases for making him feel manly around you right after we get into today's topic. We are doing caller questions today, and I believe we have Maria on the line.

Hi, Matthew. How are you doing today? I'm so great, Maria. How are you? I'm doing good. I could be a a little better but that's why I called you thank you so much for your time and help. Yeah of course what what's what's going on? Um well I'm 22 years old and um I just got done over a three-year relationship with my ex it's been five months after the relationship and um I had the same kind of feelings while I was with him towards the end, but now more than ever I've been feeling kind of stuck, lost, and like I've had like this trapped anxiety of not knowing where I'm going and I kind of feel like scared and at bettering myself

and grabbing control of my life. During those five months after the relationship, I've also been on, like, this online dating rage where instead of focusing on myself, I would just try to distract myself and finding my next love and trying to make myself feel better, which I know is probably the wrong thing to do. I've also been failing a lot of classes. And so what scares you?

Maybe going chasing after my dreams. Being someone like how you are, basically, I don't know how to get to that position. I don't know what's stopping me. I don't know how to pass that line to get to that success, that acknowledgement. So is it the fear of the unknown? Yeah. Is it the fear that you don't know the path to get there?

Yeah. Or is it the fear that the path itself is going to be really tough? Probably the path itself that's going to be really tough? Probably the path itself that's going to be very tough. Of course. I mean, everything in life is kind of hard. I think every road is hard. Everything requires a lot of work. But when you have something that you know resonates with you right now, it at least gives you clues as to the type of direction you might want to go in. Now, I can tell you that, you know, people are always talking about how you need to have a clear strategy.

Well, I'm sorry, if you've never been somewhere before, and if you don't understand, if you don't have the knowledge of someone who has been there before and achieved that, the chances are you don't have a specific strategy. Life doesn't quite work like that. And so you have to be very wary of people who tell you you need to have a concrete plan for everything. Because there are many things you can't have a concrete plan for. You kind of have to feel your way as you go. That's what it is to be new to a certain world. Now we can always listen to other people. We can model them, we can find mentors, but there is also a certain amount of guesswork, there's a certain amount of trial and error. And that's part of the fun as well. Now, the second thing is, of course,

right now, going back to your love life, this is an area of your life that you are putting an immense amount of focus on, because it's a form of escapism from something that is kind of scary, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So it's easy to focus on your love life. Certainly it's easy to focus on finding someone in life who can make you feel happy all overnight and make you feel like nothing else matters. And we will take the pressure off of all of the hard things that we have to do elsewhere. And that's, that's a very dangerous thing. Because of course, what attracts someone to us in the first place is our passions. Very often what attracts someone to us is how hard we have worked to achieve certain things to acquire certain knowledge, even if that knowledge only

serves right now to make us interesting in conversation with them people are attracted to what we have done what we have created what we have become so for me the the your love life will fall into place if you decide to to grow if you go down that path of growth and and experiencing new things in life and making your way. But it would be very dangerous to not get started on that path. Now, lest you think this is a big scary thing, I want to remind you that starting just means doing something. You don't know right now exactly where you want to be. And you don't need to know. What you need to know is what's

the next action I can take that might get me clearer about what I want to do and then start walking that path. And everything after that gets easier, because you're just walking the path and allowing yourself to get it wrong, instead of doing what you're doing right now, which is being daunted by the decision making process. And at the same time uh overwhelming yourself with the thought of just how difficult it might be yeah it just you know sometimes i i love that you mentioned that like taking it one day at a time i get like really impatient like i see other people that are my age and they're far more ahead of themselves and i just look at them and say, wow, where am I? I'm still living at my mom's apartment.

I'm not doing very well, but just getting impatient about it. What would you say if I said to you that I felt I had done very well, and then I said, you know what, Maria, I'm so upset because I look over at Mark Zuckerberg and, you know, he's made billions. What would you say to me? That's definitely the wrong approach. And why? Because you should be looking at yourself for your own support, not for others. Okay, very good. So absolutely,

I should be passionate for myself and not constantly be playing the comparison game. Is it also true that every year for the rest of my life, there will be people that will be doing objectively better than me on paper? Oh, yeah, definitely. So that problem, if we start engaging on that level with that kind of comparison, it will never go away, will it? No, it wouldn't. Now, is it also true that someone who's doing really well this year and seems to be exceeding you this year in their speed, in their rate of growth or in their rate of productivity, whatever it may be,

is it true that in a year from now they may slow down and you may speed up? That's also true. Right? So people have growth spurts at different points in their lives, don't they? Yeah. Life is long. Life is long, and it's not about the daily sprint. It's about sustaining energy over time and building.

And you'll find that if you just start and start building now, those people that you're start and start building now, you will, those people that you're worried have overtaken you, that you can't catch up with, you'll find that over time, it won't matter to you because you'll be constantly making progress. And actually, you may even look back at five years from now and say, my gosh, I gave them so much credit for where they were. And yet, I'm so much further ahead now, because all I did was keep my eyes on the road and keep going. Exactly. All right, Maria, thank you so much for calling in. What a wonderful caller.

I really appreciate your honesty. Oh, no problem. Thank you so much, Matthew. I'm a great fan. And you really put a lot of clear thoughts in my head and I'm just going to start now. Thank you. Beautiful. Thank you, Maria. You take care. So we started off today talking about the power of making a man feel manly around you. But how do you do this? It can be challenging to strike the balance so that you don't sound patronizing when you do this, which is why I've carefully crafted five perfect phrases that you can say to any man that will make him feel like his best self around you. To download these five phrases, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.