Love Life with Matthew Hussey - What’s Really Behind Your Booty Call?

Episode Date: January 23, 2017

Should you be ashamed of The Booty Call? If you’re just having fun, and you’re really ok with a casual fling, then I say, go for it. The problem is, there’s often more going on behind this so-called “arrangement” – feelings, expectations, unexpressed hopes…and emotional issues that run very deep. Who’s to blame when the balance of power goes awry? And what should you do if you decide you want more? We unravel this sticky entanglement in today’s LOVE Life, and I help you decide if your Booty Call really makes you happy, or if you should hang up on him for good.

Hello everybody, this is Matthew Hussey with Love Life. I have an incredible show for you today, but I want to make sure you listen right to the end because I'm going to give you a special gift, a foolproof way to become the most intriguing woman in any man's life, and you're not going to want to miss it. Today we are talking about the booty call. Now I know that many people try and cover up times when they go for a booty call because they're somewhat ashamed of it and the question I'm posing today is to what extent should we be ashamed of the booty call? And I want to first list the types of people that are involved in a booty call. The first type of person is, let's be brutal, the person that wants the other person for sex, but doesn't really want them enough for a relationship. They see this person as, well, you know what, they'll do for now. I'll just keep going with this for the moment. Person two is the person that wants more, but doesn't know how to ask for it or has asked for it. And that person has said, no,

I don't want more. So now they settled for the booty call. The third type of person is the person who doesn't, who has for some emotional reason, an issue with people getting too close. They, they don't want to make themselves close. They don't want to make themselves vulnerable. They don't want to get into a meaningful relationship because they're scared. They find a booty call is that halfway point between never opening up and opening up completely and making yourself really vulnerable. So here's my question to you. If you're in that situation right now where the booty call is part of your life, which one of those three are you? Here's the thing. Most guys would put themselves in the category of, I don't really

want more with this person, but it's good for now. It's good for sex. It's good to fill a need. A lot of guys fall into that category. There are certainly women who fall into this category as well, but women aren't validated by sex in the same way that guys are. You know, when people talk about, well, men and women are the same with sex, it's absolutely not true. When was the last time you heard a woman go, you'll never guess how many guys I've slept with this week? Women don't do that sort of thing because they don't validate themselves on sex. Whereas a guy might talk to his friends about how many women he slept with that week. He might actually get validation from that. So men and women aren't the same here. Many women

settle for the booty call because the guy doesn't want a relationship and they settle for any form of connection rather than having no connection. So they find themselves going over there, engaging, being intimate, and then waking up and feeling kind of used the next day. They kind of, and they may even kid themselves about what it really is. Here's my view on this. For a guy, the shame on him is if he's leading her down the garden path, making her believe that it's becoming a relationship when it's really not. That to me is the sinister part of that. When a guy is honest, when a a guy says i do not want a relationship then i think the shame is on the woman right because that's her that's on her now it's her responsibility to now decide as an adult what she wants if we get into the territory of

saying guys should take responsibility for that and they shouldn't be calling you up at that time we get into a very patronizing territory towards women, I think. I believe we get to a point where we start thinking that women aren't grown up enough to make their own decisions. It's a crazy place to be. Women, you know, when a guy tells you something, the best thing you can do is pay attention. When he says he doesn't want a relationship, when he says he doesn't really see it going anywhere, that's not a cue for you to try harder. That's not a cue for you to try harder. That's not a cue for you to go over there when he does call you because it's on his terms and because he's kind of lonely that night. That's not the cue that that gives you. The cue it should give you is if you want more and he's telling you he can't give it to you, get out, move on,

find someone else. It's crazy. Don't, don't never stake your happiness on the idea that he might be in denial. So men, I'll say this. If you're not being honest about the fact that you don't want a relationship, shame on you. Women, if you're not listening to the fact that he says he doesn't want a relationship, shame on you. We have to be adult enough to either go and have fun with someone in a casual way, knowing what it is, or to actually have the guts to go out there and get what we really want. But here's what we mustn't do. Men, you can't plead ignorance if you were never honest in the first place. And women, you can't say that guys were leading you on if they give you honest red flags in the first place. You have to be able to pay attention to those things. So if you have a booty call right now

and you want more and it's not going anywhere, go find something else. If you're enjoying it for what it is and you can be happy and know you can be happy, enjoy it, but never put yourself in that victim mindset because you're far more powerful than that and you don't need to live there. Now, before I go, I want to give you that gift I promised you. I've put together a free guide called Nine Magic Texts No Man Can Resist. Just copy and paste any of the nine texts

and you'll be able to be the most intriguing woman in his life, get him to finally ask you out, reignite his interest if things cool down, and a lot more. But be warned, these texts are so powerful, he won't be able to stop thinking about you. So if you're okay with that, get your free guide now by going to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash texts.