Love Life with Matthew Hussey - When You Don’t Feel Attractive Enough for Modern Dating

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

Confidence touches every part of our lives. When it’s lacking, it can hold us back in ways we don’t even realize. If you’ve ever:• Caught yourself thinking, “I’m not attractive enough”�� Felt stuck in a cycle of self-doubt• Or can’t seem to overcome your fear of rejection. . . this episode is for you. Whether you’ve lost your confidence because of something that happened in the past, or you feel like you’ve never truly felt confident, the Love Life Podcast crew is here to show you how to build (or rebuild) it step by step. You’ll hear practical strategies to help you feel more secure in your own skin and start taking real steps toward the life and love you deserve.--- ►► Transform your confidence and your relationship with yourself, others, and life itself during my Weekend Retreat next week, October 18-19 (which you can watch from the comfort of home if you can’t make it to Miami). Plus receive a limited-time Matthew AI bonus if you book now! Get all the details at RetreatAccess.com ►► Invest in your space and comfort for added joy with Cozy Earth. Get 20% off at CozyEarth.com/LoveLife►► Protect your privacy and stream your favorite shows with NordVPN. Get an exclusive deal with 4 months free at NordVPN.com/LoveLife Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life.

Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Something a little different today, we are doing a rewind episode because I am preparing for the retreat, but you're going to love it because it is all about the theme of the month, confidence. If you struggle with negative self-talk, if you struggle with doubting your worth, doubting your ability to find love, feeling insecure, feeling like you don't match up, this episode is going to help you rebuild your course. confidence you're going to love it email me afterwards and let me know what you think and now to the show so let's talk about confidence we have we put up a poll on instagram a question asking what was

the most impactful way a lack of confidence has held people back in their lives and i think it was going to be fascinating to get the answers but we're also going to talk about some of the content that we have developed over the years that could be relevant to some of these areas where people feel like a lack of confidence has held them back. But before I get into this, ask yourself this question right now as a listener. Where has a lack of confidence held you back in your life, either over the course of your life or very recently? Where do you feel you've held yourself back this year already?

What do you feel is not where it should be? What risks have you not taken? Maybe certain risks you said you would take back on January 1st, things you said you would do more of, ways you said you'd get out of your shell, out of your comfort zone, and do more, live more. Experience more people, talk to more strangers, apply for a position that you didn't apply for before,

try to learn a new skill where did you say you were going to level up this year that if you're honest with yourself you haven't taken action how has a lack of confidence held you back i want you to think about your answer in your mind right now and i also want you to hear that you're in great company because we had hundreds and hundreds of comments from people who are all in the same boat so audrey share with us some of the answers that we got. I'm going to start things off with somebody who said that one of the things where confidence has held her back is thinking that her appearance is the reason why she can't seem to succeed when dating. And this is interesting for many reasons, but I think I kind of want

to speak to that and speak to people who don't necessarily feel like their looks is their asset and the thing that they, the sword they get to wield in order to get attention. and get validation from people. And I want to speak about that really because I think that's definitely very common thing that kept coming up. Yeah, I'd love to hear from you guys first. What would you think about that?

If you're someone who listens to this podcast, chances are confidence is something that you really want to work on. You're probably also working on your relationship with yourself. You probably also have emotional patterns that you want to improve on, like over obsessing, over analyzing, overthinking, anxiety, self-doubt. These are all things that I work on for two days with people in my retreat, which is happening in October on the 18th and 19th. It's the only time it's happening this year.

I don't want you to miss it because if you miss it, you'll have to wait a whole other year to come to this event. And if you're listening to this going, I can't travel to be with you in Miami for this event, Matthew. You don't have to. I have created a virtual ticket that means you can do it for. wherever you are in the world, and I'll even give you access to two weeks of the recordings so that if you can't watch it on the actual weekend itself, you still have two weeks to digest everything we do on that weekend. It is the most powerful thing I do. Not nearly enough of you have

experienced it, and I wanted to make it so that every single one of you could experience the best program I have. Go to Retreataccess.com, grab your ticket, and I will see you on October the 18th. I think with looks, it's probably more common than ever for people to feel like their looks hold them back somehow because the standards just get higher and higher and the feeling of wanting to be chosen from a big pool gets harder and harder because of dating apps, Instagram, all those things we know about. You feel like there are these kind of perfect physical specimens out there that, you know, are walking amongst us and most people feel like on some level whether it's height

whether it's your face shape your bone structure your weight your shape whatever it is everyone has a thing where you think oh if i had that thing if i fix that part of me if i could have that then i'd be okay i do sort of think that game never ever ends i think with looks looks matter in that you have to address them to the extent that you feel really good in your own skin like you are making the best of what you have and there is a kind of confidence that comes with that dressing better makes you feel more confident you go on a date after having being all sweaty and in slobby clothes after a workout you're going to feel like you're not your best you're going to feel less attractive if you go after having a haircut shower looking good

wearing the right clothes that fit you you are going to feel a lot better and so it's there it matters it's a thing but i do think i think people don't realize how many of us have something like that where they think oh i hope they don't notice that part i hope they don't that isn't an issue for them or my height or whatever i think everyone does have one of those i don't i think you like fix them as much as you can it's a it's a contradictory thing it's a paradox you fix them as much as a paradox you fix them as much as you can and then you have to forget about them completely. It's like do whatever you can with your looks and then just put it out like it's not it's not important after that. I never look in the mirror again. And it is kind of like holding those two together because having loads of stock

in your looks is also dangerous because you're always going to you're going to get older stuff's going to change circumstances change and you go oh my god I don't have my golden my silver bullet was my looks and now I don't have that. And you're going to have to have something else, something else that keeps people's interest that compels them, that, oh, my God, you're so unique because of all these ways you're exciting, these ways you're sexy, these ways you're interesting.

Those are the long game things that matter. But yeah, it's hard. It's hard when you feel like there's something where you feel like, I can't compete on that level. I'm not going to be able to be that person. Well, what's funny, when you, it feels like looks are the things that you have the least control over, right? And like the way it affects your confidence, it's like, well, this is out of my control. Of course, I'm going to be not confident about that.

But even as you describe that, Steve, and you just think about how looks are inevitably going to go away, the one thing that's in your control and is actually always in your control your whole life is your acceptance of it, of where you're positioned where you're at like you if you have a spectrum of acceptance and you can just accept it now like you can just save yourself so much there's so many problems down the line when i was growing up like so insecure about being pale like summertime is coming oh my god i'm going to take my shirt off i'm going to be pale and then as you get older you just like accept it more and more and more i'm just like why didn't i just accept it back then just would have been fine it's still going to be there it ain't going to change but you have that

acceptance spectrum available to you if you just let yourself accept it yeah that's interesting it's like when you see the dude there are there are guys who have okay bodies and are really insecure about them and you'll see guys who like have a belly around the pool and they're really chill and charismatic and everyone's laughing around them and loving it and you're like how is that guy how are they doing it they don't i thought if i had a six pack everyone i would be mr charisma and that guy doesn't have a six pack but he's got everyone around him who everyone wants to party with him and you do realize there's something else going on it's not just like if i'm ripped then everyone comes running and everyone wants to be my friend and everyone thinks i'm sexy and charming can i just say when you said the guy with

the belly around the pool audrey looked directly at me why did you do that i don't know why did you laugh why did you laugh to yourself when steve said the guy with the belly around the pool. Well, recently, you had a bit of a belly and you used to talk about it all the time. You don't need more, actually. He's been going to the gym every single morning. Why do you think that is? We literally went to see the pigs in Hawaii.

Not Hawaii. Where were we, the Bahamas? We went to see the pigs. And Audrey was taking a picture and she said, oh, I'm so excited to get a picture of these two pigs. and it was me it was me and a pig no i didn't say that what did you yell yesterday adrew matt was you were going upstairs and you yelled something downstairs what did you say matt was eating yeah we all remember that we won't say it out loud but we all remember oh you do not want to play that game you do

not want to play that game recently anique who works with us too she we said to her um she said you're you're looking you're looking good like because i've been going to the gym and She goes, you were, you know, you were looking a bit, you know, like a sort of Christmas pudding for, you know, like a good. And I was like, what do you mean? She goes, you know, for a little while. I was like, how long's a little while? She goes, you know, about like, it was like a good 10 or 11 months. I was like, that's not even a Christmas pudding. Yeah, that's just pudding at that point. That's just pudding. It was really. And then I was like, well, why don't you tell. Yeah, I like it when people tell you after you fixed it as well. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't getting those comments then. but but anyway i we we digress i when we become anxious about our looks and if you think about it insecurity can can quickly morph into an anxiety right the ang the anxious thought is i'm never going to find anyone because i'm not attractive enough physically and that anxiety can be a kind of constant over the course of our lives and it's always looking for a new thing to attach itself to and it it's worth paying attention to the new things that it likes to find to attach itself

to because they there will have been something in your life that you used to worry about physically that you've stopped worrying about at some stage and it's not because that thing went away It's because your anxiety just latched onto a new thing. One of the hardest things about moving abroad isn't just missing home. It's realizing that your favorite shows and websites are suddenly blocked. When I first left England, I couldn't keep up with all of the shows that I loved back home. Embarrassingly, one of those is Made in Chelsea. If you know, you know.

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30-day money-back guarantee. So don't wait, head to NordvPN.com forward slash love life or click the link in the description to watch Orja shows you love and protect yourself online today. One of the things that Audrey and I set as a kind of resolution this year was instead of traveling as much as we have been in recent years, we said, We are going to plant ourselves at home and really invest in where we are. We're not going to seek comfort elsewhere. We're going to build more comfort and more joy where we actually live.

And there have been a couple of ways we've been doing that inside our home, specifically in our bedroom. We have sheets that we absolutely love these days from cozy earth. I love them because they keep me cool. They wick moisture. They are temperature regulating. They are super soft. I like reading at the end of the night.

So reading in these sheets sparks joy for me. I look forward to it. And you, of course, have become a big fan of the Cozy Earth bubble cuddle blanket. It's so soft, and I absolutely love it. And it's amazing quality. So you can kind of just, like, get wrapped up in it and get cozy, which is perfect. Because I'm in my third trimester, which is, you know, you want to be cozy and frumpy. It's also been a very nice decoration for our bed.

We really like the look of it. If you want to go and get these things for yourself and create more joy in your home and invest where you are, where you go to bed every single night of the year, go to cozy earth.com and you can get 20% off all of their products without code, love life, which you can put in at checkout. Go check it out at cozy earth.com. And said, that thing doesn't matter anymore, but this one, this is the reason you're never going to find love. And I can literally track through my life different things, different parts of my body, my face, my hair, my height, all different things that that anxiety latched itself onto at different times. I remember, never told this story, I remember being in London. with my dad one day and I remember seeing a doctor and I can't remember why I was seeing

the doctor. The reason I was seeing the doctor was something like legitimate but my dad was with me and he knew that I had been, it's funny you say the pale thing Jameson because he knew that one of the insecurities I'd brought to my dad when I was little was that I was really vainy like that my if you looked at my stomach and my chest i had like like just you could see veins i was translucent and i remember being at the doctors and my dad knew that i wanted to ask the doctor if there was like something i could do and because i was insecure because i thought I don't look good with the shirt off because of all my veins. And my dad sort of gave me a nudge and said like, go on up, you know, you can ask him.

And I said to the doctor, well, I have these veins, you know, and the doctor said, well, pull up your shirt. And I pulled up my shirt. And there was like, all these blue veins everywhere. And he was like, I was like, is there like a way to, you know, do something about them? And he was like, well, you know, it's perfectly normal. And as you get older, you know, that will change. And, you know, they'll still show in some places, but you might find the ones that show now don't show as much.

And I was like, okay. And I remember leaving that situation. And it didn't show, I did, it's not like I went away feeling super secure about it. But I've never, like, since then, I don't know what year I stopped thinking about the veins on my body. but it has never featured in my life since. But that same thing that went to the veins went to something else when something else was available. And it's always looked for something else when something else is available.

And as we get older, it looks for a new thing again. And suddenly a new mole will appear somewhere or a new thing will get added to your face that you never saw coming or your body or whatever. that will latch on to that so it's worth noting that i think stephen your advice is really good i think that idea that you should do your best with what you have and then move on stop looking in the mirror after that i think the advice to find role models is really good advice find people who have fit your profile and they're doing just fine they you know they found love or they're happy

or they're not focused on it or they're confident or they're you know super attractive in spite of that and or with that we would be a better way of saying it you know they find those people because role models really help rob us of our excuses and then lastly i would just add number three know that the anxious thinking around looks even if you solved one thing would start looking for something else and that's you know i mean that's the story of anyone who goes too far with cosmetic treatments isn't it that you think by fixing this one thing you're going to suddenly have arrived somewhere and never need to fix anything else again and then you look for something else and something else and something else because that's what that anxiety does to us

but what if you feel like even though you become more accepting of yourself and you do the best you can as you say and then you don't look in the mirror you still don't get any attention because I know that's a lot of people. We get a lot of people reaching out to us saying that that's their experience of dating. I'm a big believer in, firstly, the role models thing still comes in really handy there. Because you may be getting less attention than other people. But there's someone who is in the same boat as you and they figured it out. They either figured out how to be happy and not let that stuff get to them.

They figured out how to accept themselves. they figured out how to find love they figured out how to go and really connect with people and those people are it's really worth like those are your people get curious about people like that because you have a lot to learn from someone like that that's i can tell you now if i found myself in a wheelchair tomorrow, I would immediately seek out people who had conquered that. I would immediately seek out who has, you know, in this time when I am now going to naturally,

reflexively tell myself I am so limited, who here is in the same boat and is living more than I was living when I wasn't in a wheelchair? I would seek out people like that because I'd know those are my people. These people have achieved a Jedi-like status with this thing that I need to understand and learn. And there's nothing about that that is a patronizing Pollyanna-style response to everyone's beautiful on the inside. No, no, no, no. Some people get more attention than others.

if you're a person who doesn't get a lot of attention for your looks, seek out role models who are in the same boat and yet getting a different result or experiencing a different quality of life or a different quality of emotions and then become obsessed with their mindset, become obsessed with how they see their looks, become obsessed with how they see their life, how they see their appeal, how they see their value. very very very important thank you so much for listening everybody don't forget to get your

virtual retreat ticket at retreat access dot com again when it comes to your change don't tell yourself you'll get it a year from now life is too short for that get the changes that are going to lead to the life you want today go to retreat access dot com and grab your ticket and remember when you do get your ticket right now, you get 30 days for free of Matthew AI, completely on us. I'll see you at the retreat. Thank you for listening. At Medkan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health

from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being

and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started.