Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Why “Be Yourself” is Awful Advice

Episode Date: January 16, 2017

“Be yourself.” To most people, this means, “you’re perfect, just as you are.” (Or, at worst, it’s considered a harmless cliché.)  But I believe this is awful advice, and in today’s LOVE Life I’m going to tell you why.  By the end of my rant – ahem, by the end of this episode – you’ll discover the mindset that will actually allow you to stretch beyond the “you” you always have been, and to grow, achieve, and become the absolute best version of “yourself.”

Hello everybody this is Matthew Hussey with Love Life. Do you know the number one most powerful technique you can use to get any man addicted to you and only you? Take a second to see if you can figure it out. Don't worry if you can't guess what it is. It's simple to use but it's also easy to overlook which is why most women will never use it. I'll tell you what this subtle trick is in just a moment. But first, let's get to the episode. Today, I want to talk about why I think the advice, be yourself, is awful, terrible advice. I remember when I used to, back before I even had an organization that coached women in their love lives, I used to coach guys. And I was at that stage where I would coach people privately as well. And I used to take guys out and actually get them more

confident by going up to women and talking to women. And the thing that would always happen is I would see other coaches who are doing something similar tell guys, well, you know what, when you go up to that person over there, just be yourself. And every time I used to watch this, I used to cringe because they might be talking to a guy who right now has never, he's never said like a line that made her go, you're a really great person or that's really a smooth line. He has no idea what to say. So when you say to someone, be yourself in that moment, what's he supposed to think? Well, the me that I've been so far hasn't worked at all.

How do you be yourself when you don't like who you are? See, the thing that makes this advice so insidious is that it seems so helpful, but it's so unhelpful. And by the way, most of us don't even know who we are, right? The idea of be yourself. Most people don't have a complete clue who they are. When I was young, I used to think I was terrible at languages. I remember at school learning French and Spanish, and I used to just dread that moment in class when they would start talking to us about languages. I got older. I got to the age of about 22 maybe. And I went to China to work for a few months. And while I was there, I decided, right, I'm going to learn Mandarin. And I loved it. The point is I found I loved that

language. And now I'm looking at Spanish again with a confident mindset going, you know what? I am a languages person. I want to learn these languages now. Back then, I thought I wasn't a language person. So if someone said to me, be yourself back then, I would have never learned languages because I wasn't describing really who I was. I was describing my limitations at that time. I think be yourself has become a euphemism for don't change, don't grow. And because of that, anytime someone's giving you that advice, just be yourself. It can become an excuse just to do what we've always done. Most people base who they are today on who they've always been. So finding yourself is a stupid concept. Instead, let's figure out how we want to design ourselves. How do I want my personality to look?

And let me give you a final thought. Think about the goals that you have for your life. What are the big things you want to achieve? The big things that you want to do. And in the same way that if you were trying to attract a certain partner in your life, you'd say, who do I need to be to attract someone like that? Think of your goals and think, who do I need to be to achieve those goals? And it's a much better starting point than trying to randomly find who you are.

Now, on to the answer to the question that I asked you at the start of the show. What's the number one most powerful technique to get any man addicted to you? Compliments. It sounds simple and it is. A well-given compliment will make him melt in your hands, but the exact words you need to use are crucial and easy to mess up. That's why I've created a special guide for you where I give you my five most powerful compliments that you can give to any man to create a deeper connection. To download your five compliments guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.