Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Would You Date Yourself?

Episode Date: December 5, 2015

I’ve got a fascinating challenge for you today: I’m going to ask you a series of questions, and your answers are going to reveal a series of clues for how you can be your most attractive to the man in your life.  In fact, you’re going to walk away from today’s episode of LOVE Life with a blueprint for your ideal partnership.  Apply my #1 rule for all relationships to this blueprint and you will be on the path to getting everything you want out of your love life.

I'm Matthew Hussey. Welcome to Love Life, which is now, by popular demand, a podcast on iTunes. I couldn't be more excited to deliver on something that women in my community have been asking for for years, and to reach a whole new audience of women who want to live their best lives, whether that means an amazing relationship, a satisfying social life, the career of their dreams, or all of these things and more. Now, before I give you some helpful advice you can use right now, I need to ask you a favor. Under my podcast picture on iTunes, I want you to hit the subscribe button. This will make sure that you and I stay connected and that you'll get each new show as soon as it's released. Did you click subscribe? Great. Let's start the show. I have a very important

question for you today. Would you date yourself? Now let's take a step back for a moment. I have a challenge for you to complete before you even answer this question. The first thing I want you to do is write down what you want in the man that you're going to be with. If you're a guy listening, you can do the same thing for the woman that you want to be with. And I don't just mean talking about their looks or anything like that. I mean talking about your real standards for their behavior, the way they treat you, the way they are around your friends and family. You know, let me give you some examples. What's your standard for how much effort they put in with your friends? What's your standard for the way they are in their energy, in their politeness, in their generosity when they meet your family? What's your standard for this person's level of chivalry do they open the door do they go out of their way to look after you do they pay for you do they do things for you what's your standard for their level of affection what's your standard for the amount of time that they would give you what's your standard for the sacrifices that they would be prepared to make in their life for you

what's your standard for the extent to which they would grow for you? They would try and learn new things or update the way they think about life, even change their belief systems to help align them with yours. What is your standard for all of these things in the person that you want to be with? You may want to pause this right now or take out a pen and paper and actually write these down. You could fill, I'm sure, a couple of A4 pages with the way that you would want them to react and get real deep with it too. If you screwed up, how would you want them to react to your mistake? How much attention would you want them to give it? Would you want them to berate you? Would you want them to be kind to you? Would you want them to be understanding?

If they made a mistake, if they did something that hurt you, how would you want them to react to it? To what extent would you want them to go out of their way not to hurt you? Write down all of these standards. Now, when you've done this, I want you to take a big, long look at this list. Look at everything you've written down. Ask yourself this question. To what extent do I live up to these standards myself? Why is this important? Well, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, presumably, you've written down all of these things because you know that all of these things go to making up an incredibly attractive mate, someone that you could sustainably see yourself with. Now, of course, if they would make an incredibly attractive mate, you also now have a bunch of tips and clues into how you can be

the most attractive mate to someone else. So this leaves clues. In other words, by exposing the gaps between what you are and what you want, you get to see areas of improvement for yourself. People often ask me, Matt, how can I make myself more attractive? Well, the key way to make yourself more attractive is be more of what you want to see in other people. It's also important for this reason. If you want that standard from someone else, you have to be prepared to live up to that standard yourself. It's the number one rule of relationships. Be the person that you want that person to be with you. Don't do anything to someone else that you wouldn't want done to yourself.

Be an equal. Be a partner. Be a teammate. And being a teammate means living up to the standards that you have for them. You have to live them before you can ask for them. So then the question, of course, remains, to what extent do you live up to your view of what someone else should be? And when you answer that, you'll find out whether you really would want to date yourself. The reason I think this is such a profound question is because it's sobering and it's

incredibly humbling to realize how far short we often fall of what we expect from everyone else. Because the name of the game, of course, is bringing value to the table. If you have just written a roadmap of how to bring value to a relationship, you've just written a roadmap for how to be the ideal partner for someone else. And that's something we should strive for every single day. So go in to give value, go in delivering what you expect from someone else and have the guts to ask the very honest question, would I date myself? Thank you for listening. This is Love Life with Matthew Hussey. If you want more of articles, videos, my radio shows updated to you each week, go and sign up to my free newsletter. It's at howtogettheguy.com forward slash advice. So that's howtogettheguy.com forward slash advice. I'll see you there,

my friends. Take care. Thank you for listening. And if you liked what you heard today, be sure to leave a five-star review and comment on iTunes, which will help me reach more women out there just like you who deserve the life they've always wanted. In the iTunes app or on your desktop, just look up the show, click on ratings and reviews, and then click write a review. Thank you. I appreciate the support more than you know, and I'll catch you next time.