Love Lives - #21 'Thirst-traps', Instagram flirting and religion in dating

Episode Date: February 9, 2018

Actor Demi Lovato recently schooled us all in how to flirt on Instagram. Some say it's shameless, others say it's brilliant - either way, it's got us thinking about how we use Instagram to try and catch the attention of our crushes.One of the most obvious ways is with a so-called 'thirst-trap,' which is essentially just a picture of you looking really hot.This week on Millennial Love, we're also discussing the role of religion in relationships, with Helen and Sabrina sharing their experiences of dating as a Christian and Jew respectively. Does being religious make it easier or harder to find love? We try to reach a conclusion.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like, and now that's what my grandma's on. Thank God phone a friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello and welcome to Millennial Love, the Independent Lifestyle Desk's weekly podcast on love, dating and relationships, hosted by me, Rachel Hosey, Assistant Lifestyle Editor. Each week, we're discussing the core

dating issues affecting millennials today. There are endless podcasts out there on dating, but we didn't really feel any reflected our own experience. And that's where Millennial Love comes in. Sadly, my co-host Olivia cannot be with us today because she's off in the States for New York Fashion Week, having a lovely time I'm sure, but fear not because I have two fabulous girls joining me in her absence. We have the return of Deputy Travel Editor Helen Coffey. Hello. Welcome back, welcome back.

And the first podcast appearance of lifestyle writer Sabrina Barr. Hello. Welcome Sabrina, we're thrilled to have you. The main topics we're going to be talking about today are flirting on Instagram and the role of religion in dating. I feel like these are gonna be some healthy discussions ladies and I cannot wait. What have you been up to over the past week? I've mainly been trying to motivate myself to keep going with my January health kick because it's not January anymore it's so easy to do in Jan because you don't have any plans or I didn't have any plans I basically didn't leave the house I was just there eating beans or you know

doing fitness classes and now it's February and my diary's amped up again. Yeah. It's the social engagements that make it so hard because it's when you're with other people and everyone's like, shall we just get a bottle of wine? Shall we just get some pizza? How about cake?

And then when everyone else is doing it, it's so much harder. You don't want to be the person saying no. The thing is, you've got to get that balance. You stay strong and do what's going to make you feel better. But I would say, you know, occasionally, have a little some and some and just enjoy it. But I think we just have to try and not feel guilty.

It's a treat, not a cheat. Yeah, exactly. Very nice. So wise. I'm going to write that on my hand or something. Yeah, it's a treat, not a cheat. Yeah, exactly. Nothing to feel bad about.

What have you been up to, Sabrina? Well, very recently, it was a bit longer than a week ago but I went to go see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child for the second time and it was as great as ever. I mean I love Harry Potter but I know that you two are like bigger Potterheads than me. Yeah I'm quite a Potterhead, I couldn't resist going twice. I would love to go twice if I could get tickets to go again. I would.

Because I'm constantly re-reading the books and re-watching the films but I hated that I'd only tickets to go again. I would. Because I'm constantly rereading the books and rewatching the films, but I hated that I'd only seen the play once. I had to go see it again. You say that, but so many people find it so hard to get any tickets. Well, I was in the queue on my phone a year ago for about nine hours and I managed it. So perseverance is key.

Like I'm desperate to see Hamilton, but that's sold out for a million years you just you just kind of think it's a fantasy at this point it's never gonna happen exactly anyway so I had a fun interesting experience at the weekend I went on a date on Saturday a first date I met the guy on Bumble so I I spent ages getting ready. I even curled my hair, you know, big thing for me with the naturally straight hair. I went to meet him and we went to a nice place for drinks. It was all going fine until he suddenly said, I'm so sorry. I'm having a really nice time, but I'm actually not feeling well. I've been feeling it all afternoon and I thought a drink

might help or it might make it worse. I was like, okay. So he went to the loo and I was just thinking he was making up an excuse because he wasn't into it, he didn't fancy me, he didn't think we were getting on. I was like, all right, mate, you don't need to pretend you're ill. To be fair, I've used other excuses in my time. But hey-ho. When he came back from the loo, I asked if he was okay. He said no and he needed to go home. So he left and as we were walking to the door

I asked him what it was was he nauseous he said yes and he'd actually just thrown up in the loo I know and we'd had like two G&Ts at this point and it was then that I realized he actually was genuinely ill and was not making up an excuse the poor guy couldn't even wait with me to get my coat back from the cloak room and had to excuse himself and leave. I felt he seemed like genuinely embarrassed but I mean he just ran off.

So it was about 10pm, we'd met at 8 and I sort of went home feeling a bit disappointed. I was all dressed up. There was nothing for it to be honest with you. I went home and got chicken nuggets. Well, that sounds like a pretty great end to the evening. I'm not going to lie. To be honest, it was kind of all right. I went to bed at a decent time. I can't believe he stuck out for two hours though. I know. Feeling that ill. God, poor guy. I really, I feel for this guy and I hope maybe there's a second chance in the offing. Well,

we're still talking. So he, I know he's going away for a couple of weeks though chance in the offing. Well, we're still talking. So I know he's going away for a couple of weeks though. So we'll see. I feel like I definitely won't feel like, you know, if maybe he wasn't on the toppest of top forms that night, I'll fully like let him off because if he was to be like he was going to bomb the whole time, poor guy.

He was still like doing a passable date. I know. So that is very impressive. Imagine him on all six cylinders. He's going to be off the charts. That was quite a risk though saying oh a drink might either make me feel amazing or awful. I know.

That was a pretty big gamble to go for. I know. Must have just been you know so excited to meet me. Lily. I don't know why I'm laughing I mean of course he was thanks Helen appreciate it alright guys

bio of the week this is from Will26 this is not actually the whole bio but I'm only going to give you the one line that I like because the rest of it is a bit meh

he goes Wandsworth not the dodgy end oh actually yes I'm so glad you guys got that what a great guy you already know you have one massive thing in common I thought I was so glad you guys got that. What a great guy.

You already know you have one massive thing in common. I thought I was going to have to explain that again. Of course not. I feel like I've been explaining a lot of bios of the week recently. But yay, okay. That's a good one. For anyone who doesn't know Love Actually, perhaps as well as you should, quite frankly,

this is when Hugh Grant's character asks Martine McCutcheon's character where she lives and she goes Wandsworth the dodgy end but this guy Will 26 lives in Wandsworth

not the dodgy end congratulations Will yeah I think it would be a let down though if it turned out he didn't actually live in Wandsworth

oh gosh it has to be legit yeah it would be a weird thing to say otherwise he just really wanted to get that sort of I'm actually referencing

he's like how can I do it I'll lie about my accommodation. I mean, could happen. Right, so the first topic we're going to talk about today is Instagram flirting. And the reason we're going to talk about this is because Demi Lovato has recently been caught out doing some shameless but also brilliant flirting on Instagram and it was all spotted by an eagle-eyed Twitter user. Here's how it went down. Demi started following fellow actor Henry Cavill on Instagram and 22 seconds later she shared a photo of her looking very sexy in sort of a lacy body bodice I don't know what you call it, and then immediately liked two of Henry Cavill's posts.

I think this is genius. Yeah, I have to applaud her. She's got guts. Especially because it's not just privately flirting with someone. She's a massive celebrity doing it so publicly. I love it. That's the thing. I think any other person could sort of obviously get away with that

and no one would notice if you followed someone like their pics to get their attention then posted a picture of you looking super hot to get uh to sort of reel them in but obviously she's got all these fans who like stalk her every move I was a bit confused by this a because I don't have Instagram and b because I didn't actually know I still don't know who Demi Lovato is. You just said fellow actor, which leads me to believe she is also an actor. Indeed. But honestly, couldn't have guessed what her occupation was. Do you know what? But I was like, is it definitely flirting?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Have you seen the picture? Oh, Helen. Maybe she'd just been planning to put that up and she didn't think about it. Helen, Helen, Helen. Too innocent you are. This is like a planned out game.

I believe she posted what is called or what is known as a thirst trap. Oh, that's such an intimidating phrase. Oh, thirst traps. Well, I probably should have looked up the Urban Dictionary definition. They would have had something funny on this essentially it's where you just post a picture of you looking super hot right and then it's meant to be like

I think it's posting a picture of yourself looking hot but knowing that the other person is going to see it so it's for a particular person yeah because you're trapping a particular person so that's why she followed him first then uploaded the picture then liked his pictures so it was sort of like a sandwich henry cavill effect such so well played i'm gonna learn

from the trap though that seems a bit extreme maybe it's because you're trying to trap them when they are thirsty you know i'm talking you know, that use of the word thirsty, not as in like I could really do with a glass of water. Could do with a pint of Demi. Well, quite. But interestingly, it seems to have paid off because he then, Henry Cavill, commented and liked her picture about jujitsu. It would appear they're bonding over that

because they're both doing jujitsu. So maybe's maybe they find common ground exactly his response seemed a lot more um i don't know less less forward a bit more a bit more subtle a bit more gentle yeah and like did he like the thirst trap pic i don't know yeah i i couldn't tell whether it would be a bit obvious wouldn't i couldn't tell whether I couldn't tell whether he was reciprocating or just being polite I mean I think

he might have just been being polite but maybe he was also just maybe he slid into our DMs at this point yeah that's true

you know probably didn't want the whole world watching that's the thing we won't know in the DMs he might have gone

love that thirst trap yeah you've trapped me with your thirst no my thirst I don't even know have you guys ever posted a thirst trap it's. You've trapped me with your thirst. No, my thirst. I don't even know. Have you guys ever posted a thirst trap? It's even really hard to say.

Yeah. Thirst trap. Say it ten times. Thirst trap. No, I'm not as strategic as Miss Demi Lovato, I would say. I would say, I don't know, like if I've seen that someone is online recently, maybe I'll post something that I was already going to post at a particular time because I know I know they're going to see it but I wouldn't

do it in the way that she did where she was very cunning and actually tried to trap him yeah with a sandwich of notifications type thing yeah I mean I never even knew this existed till 30 seconds ago so I can confidently say I've never thirst trapped anyone and I actually can't even envisage flirting over social media to me that's quite a that's quite a new thing like back in the back in the day it always sound like I'm 50 years old I'm not you're just in a relationship oh yeah well yes I'm in a relationship and prior to that I mean if you I was going to flirt with someone on social media it would always only be in direct messages probably on Facebook like even the idea of like flirting with someone on Twitter is to me is like crazy I'm like what oh it happens well yeah you know I think it's I don't know this whole thirst trap

thing though I don't think I've ever posted what I would consider to be a thirst trap. But have I posted pics of myself when I'm all dressed up and I'm like, yeah, let's take a cute pic? Yeah. Of course I have. And then what with Insta stories, obviously, I will then look and be like, hmm, has the guy I fancy seen it? Yeah, that's definitely. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a whole other world. I know. Oh, has the guy I fancy seen it? Yeah, that's definitely. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

It's a whole other world. I know. Oh, my gosh. I know. Yeah. It shows up with everyone that's seen it. No. I know.

It's revolutionized the game, to be honest. Or made it worse. I know. At least before you can pretend they just haven't seen it. Then that's the thing, though. A lot of people will, you know, post something on their story that is literally just for one person to see obviously everyone else will see it too but you know they want to make it so that they're pretending they're just putting it up for everyone but really it's the thirst trap one guy or gal oh my gosh though i have mentioned

this before and sometimes i guess I might have posted an unintentional thirst trap remember when I posted a picture of me on a beach in a swimming costume oh yeah yeah I didn't mean to thirst trap and I got all these messages from guys like I knew and guys I didn't know and I was just like oh creepy yeah I know I know that maybe that was an unintentional one yeah I get that more when I'm on in other countries I feel like I know. Maybe that was an unintentional one. Yeah, I get that more when I'm in other countries. I feel like, I don't know, I find people in other, when I've been on holiday, I found guys are a lot more confident at messaging than British guys.

Oh, I think so. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Like, I would say European guys are a lot more forward. Oh, yeah. It's, yeah, interesting. British guys are generally more reserved but i think

probably sir british i think british people generally we're just we're nice we keep it all you know behind closed doors well quite um twas the season of chaos and all through the house not one person was stressing holla differently this year with DoorDash. Don't want to holla do the most? Holla don't. More festive, less frantic. Get deals for every occasion with DoorDash. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank and and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture.

But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on.

Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. I was really trying to think of a good segue there into Dating Disaster of the Week, but actually I'm not sure there's a link. I'm just going to dive straight in, to be honest. Please do. You don't need a segue. Well, I've been coming up with some good segues of late and I've lost the knack.

Hey-ho, Dating Disaster of the Week. Thanks for sending this one in. Here goes. It was a classic date of meal and cinema and was possibly the most awkward thing I've ever experienced. We'd matched on Tinder, but it soon became clear we had nothing in common. And he was so short. He definitely lied on his Tinder. The worst moment came towards the end of the dinner where he clearly panicked that he had nothing to say. He was like, this one time my friend and I had a competition to list as many

leaf puns as possible. I was like, cool. Then he listed them. All of them. For a long, long time. time. Leaf me alone. Don't leaf me. Are you okay? Yes, I'm pine. It went on for about 10 minutes. Thank goodness we then decided to walk the quick way to the cinema. But as this was down a quiet route, he for some reason decided to spend the entire 10 minute walk speculating about whether I was actually a murderer and would choose a dark alley to kill him. So, so weird. What on earth? Oh my gosh, I really was trying not to laugh. With the leaf puns, did he genuinely think they were interesting or was he just trying to fill the silence? Who can say? He might have panicked. And to be honest with you i can relate because i have like a real fear of silences in conversations i just talk and talk and talk as i'm sure you can imagine and i love a pun too who doesn't love a pun but i feel like 10 minutes of puns is 10 minutes not just 10 minutes

of puns 10 minutes of leaf puns yeah yeah you've never done that. I mean, you can fill a silence, Rachel, but it's normally a good filler that's not just a list of leaf puns. I hope so. I mean, maybe next time I'll try it and see how it goes down, but I mean, God, you would need a lot of puns. Who can even remember that many? Well, you must have come to the date prepared. Yes, exactly.

What do I need to do to prep for my date? Shower, gel my hair back. No, let's come up with a bunch of leaf puns. Do you know what I say? I sometimes go on dates and think like, okay, what are like things I can bring up if conversation fizzles out or runs dry? There's never been leaf puns.

But just do what they do in She's the Man and talk about cheese. Cheese puns. There are a lot of cheese puns. That's a much better well of puns actually i think it's a deeper well i think you will yeah if you will if you will that really reminded me when you're reading that out of uh it's not my worst ever date but it's probably in the bottom five oh go on it was this guy who and again it was similar because i couldn't work out whether

he was just awkward and didn't know what to say or whether he thought it was genuinely interesting he started telling me about the frame rates per second of the sonic the hedgehog game and how our tvs didn't have the right frame rate to play it correctly i don't even know what that means i know he'd created his own switch on his tv so he could play it the way that it was meant to be played. And honestly, this story went on for so long. And I was thinking, why? Why? I'm not going to lie. I think that sounds a bit interesting. Different strokes of different things.

He could have been Sabrina's perfect man. Oh, darn it. Such is the struggle of dating, eh? Oh, man. Do you know what? That actually does bring me nicely onto topic number two. As we've established, dating is a struggle. What works for one person might not work for another.

And this is an extra issue if you are religious. Dating's hard. Finding someone that's right for you can seem impossible but is it more difficult or easier if you are religious so you guys would you classify yourselves as religious people yes Helen you are a Christian yes I am? I'm Jewish. I'm not religious, but the Jewish community, you know, there is a lot going on there. Like, it's a big part of my life, but I'm not necessarily religious. Right. Whereas I am technically Catholic, but not practicing, I'm afraid.

Sorry. I believe that's a lapsed Catholic. Yes, a lapsed Catholic. That's exactly what i am so is it important i'll start with you helen is it important for you that your significant other shares your religious beliefs um well this is a is a really interesting one so my boyfriend i've been with for two and a half years is not religious uh but before I went out with him I for a while did think it was really important and I went out with two guys from my

church not at the same time yeah um and I joined a Christian dating site Christian Connection which is like the sort of premier one in the UK um and because I had in my head like this is this is a really big part of my life and it should be really important in picking a partner but I actually found it the Christians that I dated not to heat them all together but um there's just a lot more you need in common with some someone than religion um there were a lot of strange people on that website i have to say like there was a lot of 50 year old guys getting in touch with me i was about 25 you know which i found super creepy because they were clearly like well i need a young christian wife who can have loads of christian

babies with me. And so that was really awkward. And there was just a real sense of humor failure from loads of them. There was this sort of piety thing going on where it's like looking for a really good, you know, woman who loves the Lord. Obviously, otherwise they wouldn't be on this site. You can be funny and ironic and interesting. be on this site you can be funny and ironic and interesting so I eventually just came to the conclusion that it's much more interesting or it's just better to prioritize things like someone's worldview what are their morals in fact for me what their politics is much more important so I've made my peace with it that That's really interesting. I actually have a very good friend who is a Christian as well.

And she always thought that, you know, she wouldn't date someone unless they were Christian because it was so important to her. But then she ended up meeting a guy and falling for him. And he's not a Christian. And they've been together for, oh, I don't actually know how long, a year and a half maybe now. And I guess it just happened. Yeah. And then you make it work if you want to be with someone, I don't actually know how long, a year and a half maybe now. And I guess it just happened. Yeah. And then you make it work if you want to be with someone, I guess. Yeah, definitely.

What do you think, Sabrina? Well, for me personally, you know, if I really liked someone or I fell for someone, if they weren't Jewish, I wouldn't use that as a reason not to be with them. But, like, growing up in a Jewish community, even though I'm not religious, there was a sort of expectation or like inevitability that you would end up with someone Jewish. And like when you do meet someone Jewish, there is straight away like some common ground and there's a sense of familiarity. And also if you're from the same kind of Judaism.

So I go to a Masorti shul which is a bit more egalitarian so if I met someone who was also an egalitarian then you already know that you have similar values and that sort of thing and that would make it easier but yeah for me it's not a deal breaker because like you said a person's worldview and everything else about them is you know just as important but you know it would if start seeing someone, even if it's in the early stages and they're not Jewish, straight away I'll start looking really far into the future. Like, how am I going to introduce them to my family? When we get married, how will we raise our children? If one of us is Jewish and the other one isn't, you know, I can't help but think about these things.

So it would just be a worry off of my shoulders yeah if they were it would I don't know if preferable is the right word to use it would be easier to meet someone who was Jewish and you do instantly have a connection and quite often especially in London if you're Jewish you'll often have some mutual friends which kind of makes you feel like you know them a little bit more so yeah it's not a deal breaker but I mean I have some friends who would only date Jewish guys and I do have J-Swipe on my phone which is the Jewish Tinder. I was gonna ask you about that. So J-Swipe you have to be Jewish to join as a dating app. Well. What if you just fancy Jewish guys? So this is the thing so I use other dating apps as well so obviously like I don't I'm happy matching with guys that aren't Jewish but sometimes I'll go on Just fancy Jewish guys. So this is the thing. So I use other dating apps as well.

So obviously, like, I don't, I'm happy matching with guys that aren't Jewish. But sometimes I'll go on J-Swipe and in your bio, you include what kind of Jew you are. So you can say Orthodox, Reform, all those kind of stuff. But then there's also an other section. And so sometimes I'll come across a guy and it says other. And so it's really obvious he's not Jewish. And so then I'm like, even though I might have swiped for him on Bumble or Tinder, because he's on J-Swipe, I'm like, why are you here?

You're not Jewish. Yeah, because arguably if you're on there, if you're a Jewish person on there, you're not on there looking to match with someone who's not Jewish. Exactly. So even though I wouldn't have a problem with them on another dating app, if it says they're not Jewish, then that puts me off because I'm on J swipe yeah but i don't solely use j swipe it's kind of the app i use when i'm like okay my parents would be happy if they knew i was on j swipes i'll go on j swipe but because it's just jewish people it's there's a way smaller pool yeah of people and so you end up coming across the same guys all the time coming across across friends, sometimes coming across distant cousins.

Oh, God. You know, it's I have to say it hasn't been my most successful dating app, but I use it on occasion. You know, I think it's so funny what you're saying about, you know, you start dating a guy and then like thinking about the future. I, a while ago, briefly dated a Jewish guy and I think we'd been on like three or four dates. And I was thinking like, oh, will we get married in a synagogue or a church? Exactly. Yeah, because I was really like, I really feel strongly I want to get married in a church. But what about his family?

We will have to have two weddings. That was an unnecessary dilemma to face. Obviously, it never came down to that so what I think is interesting as well is whether it's more difficult or easier to find someone if you are religious and I pose this question because a while ago I wrote an article about dating and relationships as a young Christian. I mean, not from a first-person point of view. Obviously, I spoke to various people.

And some people said that actually, in a way, it's kind of easier because you sort of have a dating pool, like from people from your church or young Christian groups and things like that, because you know that everyone there is, you know, Christian and probably shares a lot of your views. And obviously I'm not going to generalise everyone, but a lot of the time it's my Christian friends want to settle down quicker.

And then they will know that the people there are more likely to share that view. I think that is true on the one hand because whenever you cut down someone's choices it is easier because you're not overwhelmed by there could be someone better because you're going from this small pool but on the other hand I think it then it puts a lot of pressure on like I have to make this work because this person has the same religion as me and maybe this is what God wants and I should keep trying and I went out with some people that were so not me it was so like you know if they hadn't been a Christian I wouldn't have looked at them twice

not to be insulting but really wouldn't because we didn't have the right connection we didn't have the right matching sense of humor but there was this part of me that was like well they're a christian so it has to happen it has to work come on you force it yeah you totally do and i think that can be a really bad thing and particularly with the settling down thing i mean it obviously depends on your kind of christianity and if but i i think it's a real problem with christians that are like no sex before marriage they prioritize getting married because they want to have sex and it doesn't mean that it won't then be a successful marriage but it's a really different prospect to being like you know what let's just find out a bit more about each other yeah and like with that

whole thing and i don't wish to judge anyone and everyone is free to do completely what they want obviously but I sort of don't quite understand um religious couples who are saying no sex before marriage but do everything apart from sex that is ridiculous I mean each to their own doesn't count each to their own but I'm a bit like okay yeah if you say so yeah but i completely get what you're saying i was gonna say as well i do even though it is perhaps easier in some ways if you're just fine i know for me if i was just looking for a jewish guy on the other hand there is the danger of settling because if you start seeing a you know a nice jewish guy and you get on really well then you're like great i've got one i'll stick with him and I do find on j-swipe like I sort of lower the bar a little bit and I would maybe swipe right

with people that I wouldn't necessarily on other apps but you speak speaking of the religious couples I do know a religious couple who a religious Jewish couple who before their wedding had never even touched what yeah I'm sorry what They were, I don't know how to use the terminology properly, but they were shamanageer. I don't know if I've got the Hebrew words right, but it basically means, yeah, you wouldn't touch. No physical contact. No physical contact whatsoever.

It was my friend's older brother and his fiancé, and I went to the wedding. And in my head, you know, I can't imagine a relationship where you don't have those physical milestones because for me that says a lot. But I went to the wedding and it was actually one of the most beautiful romantic things I've ever been to

and I wasn't expecting to feel that way. And I went to the wedding and it was incredible and then straight after the ceremony, you have the reception and before the reception, they like go into a room, not to do the deed or anything no they go into just to like spend a bit of time together now that they're officially married and they walked into the room and they were holding hands and it was the first time we'd all seen them

like touching and there was something so incredible about it so even though I can't personally empathize with that ideology it was a really beautiful wedding and now they're married with two beautiful children and they are very much in love oh i mean that's sweet but i just don't fully get how it works so what if you like accidentally brush past someone i think they can excuse that i'm not sure it's or what if you like were friends before you started dating and you you know touched hands or shoulders or something no i mean they um it's not just with the person that they're dating like as a woman she wouldn't touch any other guys and as a guy he wouldn't touch any other girls although when he was when he was younger he was a lot less

religious he used to have girlfriends and everything and then he became more religious whereas she was always that religious so they so at that point neither of them would touch any one of the other sex apart from like family that is so interesting really interesting and it's for me it seemed when i first heard about it it seemed quite alien to me i didn't get it but then seeing them you know each their own they're really happy that is so interesting i also think that you know as a woman for whom religion is not something I consider at all when dating, I actually am probably, you know, a bit put off the idea of dating someone who is very religious. Because, A, like, I think I'm not on board with the whole no sex before marriage thing because I think sexual compatibility is very important and also I think it might throw up issues further down the line when you just don't share what's so important to them and like I imagine you know I know cases where the families just don't approve of someone because they don't share the religion I just feel like it's sad for

things like that to be issues because at the end of the day i think it's more down to two personalities clicking but it's true and i i have to say that is one of the things i found difficult was like bringing it up on first dates yeah how do you find out it's so it's just really i i always felt slightly embarrassed about it because like you say if you're not religious like to tell someone you actually go to church every week and stuff it's quite a big deal now it's not like the default position or anything and like I met my boyfriend on tinder and so I was going on dates on tinder and people just don't expect it and they're true sometimes slightly weirded out by it yeah do you know what I think it's a shame but I actually can imagine that I

think I've only I can only remember a guy once asking me about my religion and this was probably about date four or something and it wasn't because he was religious he was genuinely just curious so I can imagine that being quite a difficult conversation to have or like how to suss it out when it's important to you but without wanting to scare them off yeah tricky well you know I guess if to scare them off. Yeah. Tricky. Well, you know, I guess if you scare them off, they're not the right guy. Exactly. Yeah, that's true. Quite the dilemma, eh? What's it time for?

Ooh, ooh, dating dilemma of the week. Ooh, very sweet. I know, I've got it back. So this is actually one we got a few weeks ago, but have saved up for this segment. Thank you so much for sending it in. Hello, Rachel and Olivia. I really hope you're well. I absolutely love Millennial Love and thought you might be able to shed some light on this particular issue I'm having. So here goes.

I've been seeing this guy since two weeks before Christmas. We matched on Bumble, went for a few drinks and really hit it off. We went for another fantastic date and then we went home to our, went for a few drinks and really hit it off. We went for another fantastic date and then we went home to our respective families for Christmas break. This was the first weekend we were both free and we decided to have a chill night filled with Netflix. Yeah. That was my editor's insight there, adding the noises.

He then told me that over Christmas his visa for Canada had been approved, he'd applied before we met, and that he would be moving during the summer. I really like this guy and I know he really likes me. I'm just not sure if I can handle seeing him for six months only to see him go or if it's better to enjoy the time we have while we have it. Do you have any advice? I think that is so tricky and I can sort of relate because I was last year dating a guy what we've been on three

dates when he announced he'd got a job and would be moving to Washington but not for about five months or so and then it's like is there any point in continuing or do you is it is it worth it just to have a nice time and then see maybe you do a long i think it's really difficult i'm like a romance lover so in these kind of scenarios which do come up more than you think i always uh i mean this doesn't mean it's the right advice but i would always advise if you really like them just carrying on seeing them seeing what happens because great love stories can come out of that sort of thing where you then carry on long distance and then she could move to Canada or he could move back and they could get married and I just think who knows what the future holds but we can I think

sometimes you can be too pragmatic and you can be too like well it's never going to work because you know if you knew what was going to happen to your potential partner in a year's time in five years time any amount of things could put you off and make you go no it's too difficult but yeah if the chemistry's there and she's feeling it and summer's a long way away anything could happen okay here's what I think I think you don't want to look back and regret it you don't want to look back and think oh my god that guy was so great I was so stupid to do that I think it's very rare to find someone you have a real spark with but I will also say and this is gonna sound awful but I mean chances are it won't last till summer okay no that's like in my heart came out worse than it

meant but okay this is definitely an issue showing up my issues more than anything else I'm saying that like you know there's every chance something you know you'll go off each other or you'll get the ick or oh is that really bad I feel like this is as you say reflecting okay don't listen to anything I say. This is my own issues. Go for, listen to what Helen says. Go for love. Yeah, no, I agree with Helen, actually. I think it's good.

No, I mean, I'm an optimist by nature, and I also really love romance. And I do, you know, like you said, I think it would be such a shame to look back on any experience and say that you regretted it, to have broken up with someone just because it might not work long distance. I do think's if you really have connected with someone it's worth trying and in today's day and age we're so lucky we've got FaceTime Skype you know you can you may not

see each other for a few months but you'll talk every day and then you'll travel I I think if you want to make it work you can make it work yeah but i haven't personally had a long distance relationship so i'm sure it's a lot easier said than done he might not go to canada forever that's what i was thinking we don't know about the parameters yeah you're right and i also agree with you though rachel it really well no she's got nothing to lose so it could just fizzle out by summer but then what she lost really nothing yeah she gave it the shot. That's what I'm saying. So I think we're all agreed. Go for it.

Go for it. And you know, this could be like a Nicholas Sparks book. Could be a beautiful. Nicholas Sparks books are sometimes a bit heartbreaking, aren't they? Yeah, someone usually dies. Wow, bleak. Okay, maybe not a Nicholas Sparks. Marianne Keys?

Yeah, that's cheerier. Cheerier. I was thinking, oh God, love stories, love stories. No, so good luck. We hope it works out. And we hope you're not as depressing as I am. Oh God, sadly guys, that's it for today. No.

I know, every week. Anyway, thank you for listening, everyone. Please do subscribe to Millennial Love. Please rate us. We love a little rating, a nice rating. Hopefully a nice rating if you really hate it, though. Obviously, truthful ratings are allowed. Please review us on iTunes as this helps other people discover the podcast

and means the world to us. Also, if you subscribe, you get a little notification when a new episode comes available. And, of course, we want to hear from you. We would love to hear your dating disaster stories and any other feedback you have on Millennial Love. What do you like? What do you not like? Please let us know. You can do this by emailing us at millennial.love at independent.co.uk or you can tweet Olivia and I at Rachel underscore Hosey and Olivia Petter 1. Of course your stories will be kept anonymous so don't worry about that. This week we have an extra exciting opportunity for you as it's Valentine's Day coming up in case you didn't know and The

Independent is running a live blog dedicated to the day and as part of that we've organised for a range of top dating and relationship experts to answer your questions and the chances are they will answer them and offer much better advice than we have done so we've got previous podcast guest ernie rosa crowe as well as james priest joe barnett and more these are really top people who know their stuff. So please do email in with your questions. And do you have the Facebook? If so, please join our group. This is where we're discussing topics from the podcast, news from the dating world, and also asking you guys questions. To join, all you have to do is go to facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash millennial dot love. sadly millennial love is actually taking a break for next week and now this isn't because olivia and i are going to be too distraught at being single

on valentine's day in fact it's actually because we're both going to be very busy abroad being fabulous and single olivia will still be in new york and i'm off to mallorca but we hope you have wonderful valentine's Days nonetheless. Huge thank you to Helen and Sabrina for coming in. Thank you for having us. It's been a bore, ladies, as always. Thank you for listening and we will see you next not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.