Love Lives - #27 Happn join us to discuss dating app etiquette and matching with friends

Episode Date: March 30, 2018

This week on Millennial Love we're joined by dating expert and head of global trends and events at Happn, Claire Certain, for an episode all about dating app etiquette. How long should you speak for before arranging a date in real life? Should you message immediately after matching? How many people should you chat to at once?We also tackle the tricky matter of coming across friends on dating apps. If you say yes, are you leading them on? Equally, if you say no, is it rude? Or could it be the start of a blossoming romance you never even considered?Don't forget to join our Facebook group to stay up to date! https://www.facebook.com/groups/millennial.love/Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to Millennial Love, the Independent Lifestyle Desk's weekly podcast on love, dating and relationships. Hosted by me, Rachel Hosey, Assistant Lifestyle Editor. And me, Olivia Petter, Lifestyle Writer. There are endless podcasts out there on the subject of love, but we felt there weren't really any that were reflecting our own experiences as two single ladies in our 20s, attempting to navigate the murky waters of dating today. And that's why we decided to launch Millennial Love.

This week, we are delighted to welcome dating expert Claire Sertin, who is head of global trends and events at Dating App Happen. Hi, Claire. Hi, thanks for having me. Thanks so much for coming. Your job sounds really interesting, finding global trends at a dating app. What does that involve? What kind of trends are you looking for?

So the trend is that we we look at the behavior of our users and we are listening to their feedback their comments and listening to what they expect from from the app from the product itself and from the people they would like to interact with through our tool so it's basically taking the pulse of local different inputs because we operate worldwide and the expectation might be different depending on your gender, on your sexual orientation, on the country you're from,

depending on your cultural environment, and your age, of course. So that's pretty interesting and rich. I guess for anyone who doesn't know, we should explain that Happn is a location-based dating app. I've had it for a couple of years now. And it's basically where it shows you the profiles of people you've crossed paths with. And that, you know, obviously it's fun because it shows you how many times you've crossed paths with. And that, you know, obviously it's fun because it shows you how many times

you've crossed paths with someone. So it's quite funny because it gets to the point where, you know, someone who lives on your road or is your neighbor, sometimes it comes up, you've crossed paths hundreds of times. But it's fun. It's fun. I have a very bad habit of, if I walk past someone fit in the street,

then quickly going on happening. Yeah. Which is questionable. I don't know if it always works that well. But it's a fun app and it's different because you're not actually swiping left and swiping right, are you? You swipe to go through the pictures and then you tap on a heart, don't you?

Yeah, exactly. But the concept itself is very anchored in real life because it's been created in 2014. And the ambition was to bring back the real world and real experience and real people into the dating, the mobile dating scene. Because at that time, so many apps and operators already existed. But it was far too virtual from the founders of Happn point of view. So they just thought that maybe there was a way that it could be more encored in real life.

And the fact that the people that you see on your timeline are, your timeline is basically a replication of real life, showing profile updated in real life along your journey. It's just people you might see in the street, except that the radius is bigger. And there might be some people in your timeline that you actually haven't seen yourself because they are too far away, because they are across the street on the other sidewalk. So because we cross paths with so many people, hundreds, thousands of people in big cities like London. And it's so many potential missed connections

because it might not be the right time. And you don't even know the person you want to talk to because you just, you know, I don't know, you've exchanged, you had a night contact and you feel like it's worth talking or maybe digging a bit. And then you can't because you might not dare because you don't even know if the person is single. Whereas if you find him or her again on your timeline on Happn, you have that information. I was dating a guy recently from Happn, and he opened the messaging with,

oh, we've crossed paths so many times, it must be fate. And since we worked out that my gym was close to where he lives, but I would never actually have walked past his house on the way to the gym, but it must have been in the radius from my Happn. So there you go. I always think about it in the context for my happen so there you go i always think about it in the context on the tube do you ever see good looking people on the all the time and you sort of cross you meet eyes and you kind of build up this fantasy in your head and you think

oh we're soulmates it's gonna happen we're gonna be together and then they get off at a stop that isn't yours and they're gone forever and the fantasy is dead i fall in love on the tube every day i do it all the time well that's why actually we've created Happen. It's because it's to avoid this misconnection and to give second chance to have misconnections. Because it's so sad. Somehow you feel like, ah, I missed something and then it's too late. And maybe it's gone forever and I'm never going to cross paths with that person again.

So it's very frustrating. It's almost like because a lot of millennials are too shy to go up to talk to people in person anymore. It just doesn't happen that much. So people, it sort of makes it easier for them to then, you know, go back and find them on an app. And that brings us on to what we're going to talk about today, because we are going to be talking about dating app etiquette. So this is, you know, for how long should you chat to someone before setting up a date? How long should you wait between replies?

And actually, does any of that matter? We'll also broach the topic of whether you should say yes to friends that you come across on dating apps. It's definitely something that I've encountered quite a lot, particularly with Happn, I think, because you're obviously with your friends. And if they're on dating apps that you're on, they're to come up so I mean I sort of we'll get into it later but I kind of feel like it's the polite thing to do to say yes but then is that leading them on I don't know it's funny I've definitely got into some messy situations with that but we'll

get to those um so first Rachel what have you been up to this week? So when this podcast actually comes out, I'm going to be skiing. So that's exciting. So I might be, you know, zhuzhing down the mountains with like some hot man called Pierre. So I'll keep you posted. That's not a stereotype at all. No, no, no, no, no, no. He'll be making me cheese fondue. Well, I've, I've, you know.

Is it in France? Yes. I'm going to Megev I know, fancy I'm going with my family, that should be nice I've been still on the apps, even though I keep toying with the apps and which ones I should be using

and I think I mentioned a few weeks ago Definitely Yes, Megev is definitely It's Megev, right? It's a hot spot in winter winter time in France

it's a very hot spot for Happn there are so many Happners there oh my gosh really yeah and if you want to meet people on the spots

that's definitely a good tool to use report back Rachel oh my gosh okay yes after this episode airs I'll let you know how I've got on

with dating the French boys and the cheese fondue but maybe it would be from here you don't know because you might be Okay, yes. After this episode airs, I'll let you know how I've got on with dating the French boys. And the cheese fondue. But maybe it would be from here. You don't know because he might be traveling himself. Exactly. I'll keep you posted on that. And then I've just,

I mentioned a few weeks ago, this guy I was talking to online and I sent him like one message and he kept messaging again and again and again. And I thought I'd finally got rid of him after he said, do you fancy hooking up? And I obviously didn't reply. And then he just again and again and again. And I thought I'd finally got rid of him after he said, do you fancy hooking up? And I obviously didn't reply. And then he just messaged again saying, you've gone quiet.

And I was like, gone quiet? I literally sent you one message. So that's fun. And that's about where I'm at. Livvy, what have you been up to? I have been doing the rounds of the apps as well. I did announce a few weeks ago that I was going on a dating sabbatical. I haven't been on an actual date.

So I still am on the sabbatical. It's an original dating sabbatical. Thank you. I remember that. So I haven't been on a physical date, but I have been talking to the boys. But the conversations are just really boring. And the only person that has actually asked me to go for a drink with him is the one that I'm probably least interested in. And I don know if there's something well yeah I think there's probably something in that that he's the one that's actually keen and obviously it's putting me off because I only like

boys that don't like me um but yeah so yeah stay tuned exciting times um however shall we do bio of the week because we do still enjoy some bios So this week, now this is becoming a bit of a format that Rachel and I are quite fond of in the dating app scene. I know. I think we're seeing a lot of these because obviously all the boys are listening to the podcast. Well, exactly. And they're thinking, well, this is clearly what those girls want. And we are representative of all women. Okay.

So this is Cal. He's 24. And he says, times new Roman on the streets, wingdings in the sheets. I think that's really funny. I think that's really funny. It takes me back to, like, primary school days when you're, like, having IT lessons and they're teaching you how to use Word,

but really everyone's just messing around with fonts. So wingdings is that one which is just crazy symbols, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not an actual alphabet. Kind of just a strange image of what that would actually mean in the sheets. But maybe that was his aim. Thinking kooky. Yes. It's not an actual alphabet. Kind of gives up a strange image of what that would actually mean in the sheets. But maybe that was his aim. Thinking kooky.

Yes. Thanks very much, Cal. Right, let's talk about dating app etiquette. Now, I think this is just so interesting because there's no rule book. Dating apps are still relatively new and we're all muddling our way through and people seem to have such different strategies. So my first question, which I think we should discuss is, should you message straight after getting a match? Like if you swipe right or click heart or whatever it might be, and you get a match? Well, should you then message or should you play it cool? Well, I think the first thing

is that when you first register, you need to know exactly what you're looking for. Are you into a serious relationship? Are you playing it casual? Or you don't know exactly? Depends. Depends on the person you're interacting with in-app. But I think it's a great occasion to ask yourself what you're here for and what

you're looking for sometimes boys actually ask that to me and I'm always really yeah I don't know maybe you make a joke out of it yeah yeah but depends and sometimes when you when you have a crush because we have crush in the in it's a crush when you both fancy each other in in uh on happen and then when someone's right to you it's like hi and then there's just your surname and you're like that's not gonna be enough i want more than hi or hello or so depends uh how the other person engaged the conversation engages the conversation and maybe you want to start the conversation yourself because you're so uh you're so into the person based on his profile because he's matching your requirements in terms of uh because his pictures

some some seems seem appealing and it looks like he's interested in his same thing as you do and maybe you have cross paths with each other so many times that you're like okay let's really do this let's let's talk finally so there's no rule and there's no rule because there is no rule in there in the way you should run the relationship and in the way you should interact with each other the only rule is be respectful yeah don't do anything that you wouldn't like anyone to do to you yeah i think for me i just sometimes when i get a match i i'm worried that if i message straight away the guy's gonna be like gee she's so keen like play it cool but then i'm also like if i don't message i will probably forget that's what i was gonna say i

always actually end up the ones that i do want to speak to i end up messaging them pretty quickly after the match because otherwise i forget and then well you get busy and yeah it's lost and then it's just a bit late so i think actually with dating apps the sooner the better because it is an instantaneous thing and if if you get a match and they message you straight away does it put you off no i don't think it does i don't think i don't think you need to have yeah the way around this is the same yeah i don't think you need to have like an instantaneous dialogue the entire time. Like it obviously depends on what time of day you're messaging and, you know,

if it's the evening and it gets particularly late. Yeah, so you don't have the same reason. So maybe he's working late at night and maybe he has a busy day. So there are so many reasons why he can write you right away or not respond for days. So the thing is that you might be like,

why is it not responding to my message and then think of it for hours and not be comfortable with that? Yeah, that's not healthy. But you need to think that. I don't know anything about the people I'm interacting with in an app because you don't have the background. You don't have the context. You don't know exactly what they do for a living

and how they spend their day. So you can imagine whatever you want, whatever you can think of, but it might not be the truth. So just relax and just take it how it goes. Yeah, I think the next thing is obviously to think about how long you should wait between replies. I've had quite a lot of occasions where i might have been messaging a guy of an evening and then like you know the last message is sent in the morning or something and then i'm

very busy all day say and then maybe i'm out in an event or with friends in the evening and then like 9 p.m the guy sends like another message and i'm like mate give me some time would you yeah i i would write that that would annoy me I would rather have pockets of instantaneous conversations sort of when you're chatting of an evening yeah to like message quickly yeah spread across different time periods because I think if you leave it too long between each individual message it becomes a bit forced yeah fate I think you need to get some flow going. Yeah. You need to get the flow, but you don't, obviously, you can't have the flow for like 24 hours. No.

So, like I said, little moments of like communication. That's where it gets more like dance and like a conversation. And it's more authentic. Yeah. Than if you're sending one message, then it's five hours and he sends a message, then it's six hours and you send a message. Yeah. It just feels really static.

I agree. And okay. Next contentious issue how long should you chat for or how long should you wait before arranging a date but i feel like people feel so differently about this some guys it's like hi how are you i'm all right hi how are you fine do you want to go out and i'm like no yeah that's too soon yeah maybe when it's too soon you feel like uh yeah you feel pressured but in the same in way, I think maybe when you talk or chat with someone for, let's say, weeks or sometimes months, it happens sometimes,

and then you build an image of the person that might not be aligned with the real person you're going to meet. Face-to-face, you're going to be like, this is really not how I pitched you. This is not what I imagined, what I had in mind. So it might be a bit of a disappointment because it's never going to match what you have in mind. And so maybe the sooner the better. But I agree that maybe after a few days it's like uh okay slow down

take a step back and we're not in such a in such a hurry and there's plenty of time I personally feel like I like to chat for quite a while and get to know someone pretty well but before I meet up because purely because and I don't want this to sound really like oh my gosh I'm so busy and important but actually I don't have very much free time and very few feet very what's my kind of say very few evenings free I don't have very many free evenings I don't I don't have very busy you don't have much time exactly so yeah so if i'm gonna you know give someone evening of my time not because my time is so precious just because everyone's time is precious then i want to have established various things about them and make sure i like all these things

and so i'm not gonna get there and within half an hour i'll be like no with guys that you have been on dates with from apps how long have you typically waited until you've met up with them it it varies depending on how much how much you speak to them yeah exactly i would say if you're messaging sort of you know every day and then maybe you'd message for like five days to a week i think and then and then that would be good for me to then be like okay let's go for a drink or something um some sometimes it's been like i've been chatting to a guy and i'm like yeah don't seem to i don't think i like him enough to actually ask him out myself but yeah we'll wait and see what happens maybe and then like the chat has kind of gone on forever and i'm like

if neither of us are asking each other out what are we doing yeah what's the purpose but then um I think the more you chat and the more you have a topics for conversation because it could be really awkward to meet someone you don't know what to talk about with because you don't know if you have common interests so you keep asking questions about and then the the first thing you're going to talk about is your experience on the app. So when did you register? How long have you been using it? How many dates did you have?

And it could be very awkward. Whereas the more you talk with that person, you have topic of conversation and you can start right away talking about other stuff than dating apps and the process you're into because you have a nice breaker otherwise it's all around dating the thing i think is i really just like said i was just about to say many things to say um my sister always tells me off for this i I'll say something and she says, all you just made was noises because you tried to say too many things.

What was I saying? Yes. So I sometimes find it annoying if I'm chatting with a guy on a dating app and he asks me some really sort of in-depth question about my life story or how I got into journalism or they just go like, tell me about your upbringing.

I'm like, seriously, you want me to type all that out? I've never had that. When it gets to that point, I'm just like, how long do you have? Yeah.'s gonna take five hours um sometimes the conversation is so painfully dry though and you're like what is the point of us both even carrying this on but some people are just a bit dry and boring over message but then really fun in person true

and the opposite is true as well some people they can hide behind the the app and be very comfortable and very funny and very casual and then when you meet they're like so closed and so dry and you're like what am i doing here yeah oh it's all the fun of dating isn't it and okay the final thing which I think is really important to touch on in dating app etiquette is should there be a rule of who asks out whom? I am sort of inclined to say, I don't know,

whoever sent the first message. I was going to say the same. What do you think? Well, I don't know if that should be the rule as such, but I think if the guy messages me first on an app like Happn or Tinder, where it's not dictated by like Bumble,

where the girl has to message first. If the guy messages me first, I would probably expect them to be the one to initiate a date if that was something they wanted. So I, but also, you know, stereotypically I'm just not very good at asking guys out on dates anyway well you know for ages women have been told wait to be asked out by a man and we should be not so scared to do that I know but then whenever I have done it which is maybe a handful

of times it's either it's just gone to crap because either I've been told, oh, sorry, I'm seeing someone else. Then why are they on the app? Exactly. Or, oh, I'm not really ready to date anyone or, you know, whatever. So it kind of put me off. In which case it's a good thing to ask because once you've asked and the person just let you know that is not single is not ready then you don't want to waste your time on them so that's that it's better actually to ask you some question

whenever you feel like you're ready to meet with them if they're not then you know you know where to stand you have to wonder though if you're not ready to go on a date, what are you doing on a dating app? Get off and stop wasting my time. True, true, true. Claire, do you know whether it's still majority men asking out women in heterosexual relationships I'm talking? Yeah, most of the time. But I think the trends reveal that the older we get, the easier women are asking and making the first move. Oh, interesting. Because maybe they're more, I don't know, like motivated.

They know more what they want. So they're more comfortable because with experience you're like, so what if he says no then? That makes a lot of sense to me, to be honest. I feel like when you're younger, you know, you're largely more insecure and a bit more scared. And then it's quite encouraging to think that as we get older, we're just going to be like, oh, I mean, let's just do it. Yeah, you probably feel less vulnerable. Yes. Because what happens if

someone said no, says no? I mean, you're like, OK, yeah, just move to the next one. And then you'll see because you cross paths with so many people and then you have so many opportunities. I am very much trying to take on the school of thought of I've literally got nothing to lose. So, and also you have to remember, a guy matched with you and has put in the time and effort to talk to you. So it's very unlikely that you're going to say,

so do you want to go for a drink then? And they'll say no. I mean, I like to think so anyway. Yeah, I know what you mean. I subconsciously, subconsciously, I would still always rather be asked

rather than have to be asked. Well, because you want to be chased, not be the chaser. Exactly. Well, I don't know, Olivia,

you might have to change your ways. Well, clearly. Maybe you should try at first and then see how it goes. I'll let you know. Report back. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

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And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Okay, so as we have Claire here, we wanted to make sure we did a dating dilemma from one of our

readers so listeners oh yes i'm sorry listeners i mean you might be reading our articles as well but that's not what a podcast is you are thanks um great okay let's do this hi rachel and olivia i'm 23 i I live in Las Vegas and have recently graduated college. My main dilemma is having to choose between staying here in the town I grew up in with my friends, family and girlfriend, or following my dream of moving to a new town on my own and trying to advance my career and explore new possibilities that way. My girlfriend is still in grad school for two more years, and I don't think long distance is an option, as we've tried that before and we agreed that we wouldn't do it again because of how hard it was. We're very involved but have somewhat different goals for the future.

For example, she wants to be married soon but won't move in together or have sex until she's married. I'm more inclined to try things out first while I can and I want to wait to settle down when I'm older, maybe in five or ten years. We've come to understand each other very well and are close. Both of us see a future together I think but the way we want it to happen is pretty different. Life is weird. I think I'm cursed with the millennial's desire to stay free and live for adventure instead of getting too comfortable and taking the easy way out what should i do it's such a dilemma that it's a really tricky situation i know what i would advise but i think claire let's ask what you think first uh i think i believe that what is very

interesting and what uh what uh remind me what is i don't well we keep it anonymous okay so this anonymous uh person uh is that he writes that he's sure about the fact that he wants the same thing as his girlfriend wants but he's not sure they want to go the same way and to achieve the same way uh so i believe it's all about that if they don't want it the same way and to achieve the same way so I believe it's all about that if they don't want it the same way it means that the bottom line don't want the same thing so maybe if they are

really meant for each other and if they really need to build something together and it's going to happen anyway but you should listen to yourself especially when you're 23 yeah you have you have a lot of opportunities and there are many things that you can do at 23 that you might not do at 35 because it's going to be more engaged and committed

and at work because it's going to have more responsibility and it's going to be harder to move it's going to be more challenging whereas every opportunity are open today so I think you should seize the moment and see how it goes because once again if they're meant to be together and if they really want the same thing they're gonna end up together anyway. Olivia what do you think? I would agree I think you're 23 you're so young and you don't need to be in a relationship where you think you're gonna go in different paths and where things aren't aren't going as well as they could be you know if you're gonna be in a committed relationship that young I'm not saying things should be perfect but you should have confidence in that relationship

if you're gonna you know sacrifice the time with your friends and the time with your family for that other person it's a big commitment being with someone and I think if you do have doubts then go separate ways and like Claire said if it if it's meant to be I'm very much from the school of thought that it will happen and you'll find each other when you're ready and when you're older i think it's very telling that he says he talks about following his dream and like that's that's the wording isn't it it's your dream and i think if you don't follow your dream you'll then end up resenting your girlfriend because of thinking that's holding that held me back and I never got to try that and do that and I personally am a big big advocate of moving away from where you grow grew up even if not forever but seeing another place another city expanding your horizons I think it's so good for

us to do as we're growing up or any stage of our lives really um and it sounds like you know it's so lovely that you're very comfortable together but also your girlfriends may may be younger than you it's for two years still in grad school I'm not sure but it does sound like ultimately you want different things or you want them at different stages of your life and sadly I it doesn't sound like it's compatible unless your girlfriend is going to change what she wants when and that's obviously really sad but I just think you don't

want to end up resenting each other yeah exactly because that will only end up making things much harder later down the line and bring up a whole other you know number of problems yeah and I think you know to if one person wants to wait to get married to have sex and the other one on moving together and the other one doesn't if you both feel

strongly you know each of those ways that's very hard to be in a relationship together and those are quite big things to disagree on it's not like you have different taste in music yeah those are big lifestyle choices that you have different views on. Especially if it doesn't project himself, like marrying her before 10 years, 5 to 10 years. Right. So, yeah, that's a long time. Yeah, that's a very, very long time. What's going to happen by then?

Yeah. And like, you know, I would say, well, you know, if she really wants to be with you, she'll wait. But like if she really wants to get married and settle down, then five to 10 years is too long to wait. And then she'll resent that. So it's a difficult one. We can't tell you what to do, but we hope you find a solution. And thank you for listening and sending in the dilemma. OK, let's move on to the issue of coming across friends on dating apps. Now, I have got myself

into many a pickle when I see friends on dating apps, because whenever I see someone I know, be it, you know, you know, probably not a close friend, but maybe a guy I knew at uni or someone I used to work with or something like that. And then I always swipe right for the lols because I want to be like, ha, look, we bumped into each other on such and such a dating app but I've got myself in so much trouble because the guy we chat for a bit and then the guys are like so do you want to go for a drink and I'm like oh no no I don't actually fancy you I think it depends how close friends you are how close friends are you with that guy I mean this has been multiple okay so for me whenever it's been a close friend I and I mean I'm the same as you I pretty much always say yes just

because it's quite jokes um and I say yes and then we'll message and it'll be quite funny if it's a good friend and it's just like oh hi hi ha ha ha this is funny if it's someone I'm not that close with then I think it's more of a possibility yep of one one of us being like so like hey we're both on this dating app and we both swiped right we already know each other why don't we see if we could see each other in a romantic way because you know they do say the best relationships grow out of friendships and if it's someone that you don't know that well you might not have necessarily thought of them in a romantic sense before i think it's very murky water as many of the guys i've had who have asked me out and i've been like no i've also i met there's a guy who i matched with who went to my uni we weren't like close but we had a lot of overlapping friends and

he's super fit so i was obviously like oh like, oh my God, maybe this means something. And then we like, we chatted for a bit, but I was like, oh, maybe he just swiped right on me for the lols. I mean, I totally would have gone out with him, but he didn't ask and I didn't ask. And I, yeah, sadly, I don't think he was actually swiping right on me

because he fancied me. What do you think? But you don't know. Maybe. Maybe he was. Maybe he was interested in. So the thing is, what can you think? But you don't know. Maybe. Maybe it was. Maybe it was interesting. So the thing is, what can you lose? Well, you can actually lose in this situation

because then you can make it awkward. And then if you see each other at parties and stuff. As you said, it depends how close these friends are, these people are to you. Because there might be people you were just, you know, just the uni with but never really talk to never hang out with so it's it's different from people that you just know because you happen to work in the same building for uh for a few months or just cross paths with each

other at the coffee machine it's completely completely different. But you just ask yourself the question when you see those people on an app. You're like, huh, why not? Or no way, definitely. And even if you had a crush and then start a conversation, if you don't feel like it, you're like, I mean, not that way,

not for a date. And you just did it as a gesture or just because you don't want to ignore that you cross paths with each other you can just say like well of course if would if it would have happened it would have happened naturally or when we when we bumped into each other in real life but it's still fun to to meet again in app or to e-meet again. And you can turn it that way so that it's pretty clear that you're not interested in, but you didn't ignore. I think it's very, very funny.

And I think you just, it's sort of similar to when you see a colleague on a dating app. Oh God, colleagues know, colleagues always know. I think, again, it depends how close you are with the colleague. Well, yeah, but a colleague you also see every day at work colleague on a dating app oh god i colleagues know colleagues always know i think again it depends how close you are with the colleague well yeah but a colleague you also see every day at work and that's so awkward if you suddenly say yes and then it's like oh did we speak there if you're so into that person and so interested in that person you're not gonna let that chance yeah true if you actually fancy them that's true i mean that's the whole of the topic have we done workplace dating i don't know maybe maybe we skipped that one um yeah i feel like it's difficult because people

always think different things i'm starting to think maybe there are three categories that could fall into it's a very close friend i think you'll probably find a swipe right and have a chat and be like this is so funny um i think if it's someone who's like a sort of not too close friends i think that's where you should only actually swipe right if you fancy them yeah because i think then it can get misconstrued i think if it's someone you actually don't really know but maybe you know who they are through mutual friends or i don't know you met them in a club one time or something i think then if you actually fancy them or something i think then you can actually swipe right and it can be not too awkward because you're not friends, but there's definitely scope for something happening. A lot of the time, actually, the people that I've gone out with from dating apps have been in that third category.

They're people that I sort of know, but have never really spoken to properly in real life. But I recognize that maybe they went to my school or they went to my university. And it's quite good in a way because then you already have that common ground and that makes someone stand out in a sea of dating app you know profiles of strangers if you see a recognizable face instantly it's like oh well maybe i should try and speak to that person they they are suddenly elevated in but once again if you fancy that person so it's all the same because depends where you stand true but it's that's why it's better to run into them in the digital sense on a dating app because that's the kind of loose connection that you would never go out of your way to like message on facebook or message on

something else and like hey yeah that's That's Ronda and that's James and that's just happening. Or it's just even funny when it comes up that someone who I don't know at all, maybe they're a few years older, and it says University of Bristol though and I'm like, ooh, I went there? We must have a connection. I see so many people that went to Bristol and dating apps.

I think because they all moved to London. And they're all on dating apps and they're all single. Yeah, I don't know what Bristol's doing wrong to be honest. And yeah, just disclaimer, both Rachel and I went to Bristol.

We said this on a previous pod. I know, I'm just regurgitating it because clearly Bristol's doing something wrong because here we are, both single, went to Bristol.

Valid point. Anyway, so I think it's really interesting. We'd love to hear your thoughts on whether you should swipe right on friends on whether if you match with a friend you then take that to mean

they're interested in you because this is what is so much fun but so difficult about dating and dating apps today there are no rules so we're trying to get to the bottom of it sadly that's all we've got time for today which is sad but please do subscribe, rate and

review us on iTunes because this helps other people discover the podcast and it means the world to us. And please keep sending us your dating disasters and dilemmas. We love hearing them. And if you have a story, it will be kept anonymous. You can email it to millennial.love at independent.co.uk or tweet us at rachel underscore hosie and olivia petter one you can also contact us by joining our facebook group and this is where we discuss topics from the podcast news from the dating world and we also ask you guys question and we'd love to hear your feedback to join all you have to do is go to facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash millennial dot love thank you so much for listening and thank you to Claire for joining us

coming all the way from Paris. Thank you for having me. It was fun. I mean, your accent has definitely added a touch of class to this week's episode of Millennial Love. What are you saying, Rachel? I think the French accent sounds better than ours. Yeah, it's a lovely accent. But it's been a pleasure.

It's been so much fun. Thank you for listening everyone and we will see you next week bye not one person was stressing. Holla differently this year with DoorDash. Don't want to holla do the most? Holla don't. More festive, less frantic. Get deals for every occasion with DoorDash.