Love Lives - #5 Hannah Witton joins us to discuss porn, contraception and starting a relationship after being long-time single

Episode Date: October 19, 2017

This week on Millennial Love we're joined by the brilliant YouTuber, author and general sex-positive awesome person, Hannah Witton. First up, we're talking porn - is it ruining sex for a generation? Or does it have an unfairly bad rep? We also discuss contraception and how it's a huge headache for so many women. And as Hannah is now coupled-up after being single for years, she shares what she's learned about getting into a relationship with long-time singletons, Rachel and Olivia.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Hello and welcome to Week 5 of Millennial Love, the love, relationships, dating and sex podcast from the Independence Lifestyle team. I'm Rachel Hosey. I'm Olivia Petter. And this week we are really excited to be joined by YouTuber, broadcaster and author Hannah Witton. Hello. Hannah's debut book Doing It was published earlier this year and we thoroughly recommend you purchase a copy. Now the first topic we're going to talk about this week is super interesting and we could talk for hours on it I'm sure. But we're going to try and be concise. And that is the subject of porn, which is obviously super broad.

But this week it was revealed that massive site Pornhub, which is sort of the industry leader, had been hacked. And some users could have contracted viruses. And there were a lot of people really worried about this and whether it was going to be exposed that they watched porn. And so I think that's really interesting, because I think it begs the question as to whether people are ashamed of watching porn, or should they be ashamed? I mean, I don't think never having watched porn is the same as saying, Oh, I've never watched a cigarette, like smoked a cigarette. I don't think that has the same sort of cachet. What do you guys think? Well, obviously, I don't think it should be shameful, but also very aware that we live in this culture

that even if watching porn is something that you enjoy, you can still hold a lot of these negative feelings about it, maybe guilt, shame, embarrassment. And then there's, of course, socially acceptable porn to watch. And then there's a line. I don't know who drew that line, but you cross it and then suddenly you're like, oh, I can't talk about what I enjoy watching. Well, it's like it comes down, I think, you know, people's sexual fantasies.

I think everyone has really, you know, most people have people have I think sort of niche things that they're into but it's what they think they can talk about and I think it is the conversation is becoming more open but I think I don't know the conversation is changing around porn and I think I think the word porn is also a very broad term and I think when you actually look at what that encompasses, there are such varying degrees of what is acceptable and what really isn't. There's a documentary called Hot Girls Wanted, which came out two years ago. Oh, is that Rashida Jones? Yes. And it is a look at amateur porn.

And that is porn, which is mainly 18 to 21 year old girls. They do it for maybe three to six months and it's the idea that they are girl next door types and they are in realistic scenarios and you see the way that these porn scenes are filmed and the kinds of things that they're doing and the majority of it is hugely degrading to women it's misogynistic it's sadism it's horrific and if you look at the stats of of the kind of things that porn depicts something like 40 percent is depicting violence against women in some form which is crazy and you look at you know in the documentary you see kind of the spectrum of it so on the lighter end you've got scenes where a young girl is leaving for college and her family friend male

family friend is visiting and they're lying on the sofa together or something and you hear the director telling the guy to start putting his hand up this girl's shirt. And you hear him being like, okay, don't even wait for her to give you the okay. Don't even wait for her to say yes, just lead into it. And it's clearly provoking non-consensual sex. And the idea that that is supposed to be sexy is hugely troubling. And that's the light end. There's porn and there's porn, that's the thing.

There's this huge debate about all the supposed negative side effects it has. end there's porn and there's porn that's the thing like there's this huge debate about you know all the supposed negative side effects it has you know people say it's you know it's encouraging addiction and then it's erectile dysfunction and it's you know expectations of women and I think you know the type of porn that you're just mentioning that obviously can be problematic but I think porn needn't be so dangerous dangerous I'm sure it's not it not all is I mean the the thing that makes it dangerous is that there's a lack of sex education to kind of go along with it like we're never going to get rid of porn like it's the internet like you can't

regulate it and censor it that is an impossible task so what we can do is then educate people like oh you might see these kind of scenarios such as the one that you just described. But this is what a healthy sexual relationship looks like. And this is the law. And it's so important that people are made aware of that at a young age, because also the average age that people start watching porn is 11. Is that the same for men and women? That is the same for men and women. That's just the average age across.

But there are studies that show that men start watching it earlier than women. I heard that that stat was like that was the average age that someone will first see porn, but that doesn't necessarily, it didn't differentiate between somebody seeking out for themselves or their friend going, hey, look at this on their phone. You're right. It could just be a one-off incident. But regardless, it's probably their first exposure to sex is porn on the internet. Yeah.

And that's the thing. I don't think teenagers generally, or even children, are sat down with some sort of adult or someone who can explain to them really what porn is. someone who can explain to them, you know, really what porn is that it's so, you know, it's okay to use it so long as you, you know, seek out the right type and understand how it works. And I think it's just when people are discovering for themselves, that's when you can probably fall into a dark road. Rabbit hole. Yeah. Porn rabbit hole. Yeah, exactly. You'll fall down in the porn rabbit hole. And that's the thing as well. There was someone actually a sex addiction therapist wrote an article this week for The Cut. And she was talking about how it used to be the case that people came in to seek therapy for sex addiction because they'd had some sort of trauma in their lives. But she said that more and more nowadays, they have people coming in because they are so addicted to porn.

She spoke about a guy coming in who said he'd looked at porn every day since he was four years old. Oh, my God. I know, four. How could you even understand? And he said this is someone who masturbates for six hours a day. It's interesting because being addicted to porn is not like a clinically diagnosed condition. But I actually, I spoke to some guys for a feature a while ago

who were all part of this really interesting community on Reddit called Porn Free. And it's different to NoFap. Yeah, this is the thing. NoFap is more known about... Like no masturb no masturbation yeah these are guys who've completely given up or are trying to give up masturbation whereas porn free is guys who are trying to give up porn and i think there's a really important difference between the two um and like it was really interesting delving into this community because they were so supportive of each other and but these these weren't generally

guys who you you know, would dip in and out occasionally. It had really become their lives and it was affecting their lives and their relationships with women and their families. And I spoke to one guy who said that he thought quitting porn was twice as hard as quitting heroin. That's how, you know, much of a part of his life it was. Well, there have been studies that link the addiction to porn

with addiction to tobacco and drugs. Well, it's the same thing. It's the same, like, the chemical patterns that are happening in your brain with any addiction. It triggers the release of dopamine in the brain, which goes into the reward centre, so it gives you that feeling of happiness. And in a non-natural form,

something like porn or drugs or tobacco that keeps happening which is why you get addicted to it whereas in a natural form like food or or natural sex it's it doesn't keep happening it's not repeated so it's not necessarily addictive there obviously are or can be benefits to watching porn though, right? Absolutely. Yeah, definitely. I mean, it depends what you're watching, I think. Yeah, it kind of ties into a lot of the, some of the same benefits with masturbation.

So like by watching porn, you can maybe discover new things about yourself or you could watch it with your partner and that could be like a thing that you do together but yeah it's all about the context I think that makes it healthy or like a bit problematic but I went to Barcelona a couple years ago to visit the set of Erica Lust who is a porn director although no what she would say she is a adult erotic indie filmmaker

which I'm like that's brilliant and so I got to experience what it was like on set and like see how she makes the films and how she interacts with all the actors and it was nothing like what you described earlier and um and the healthy relationship and female pleasure is like at the

center of everything she does um but the thing about I mean there's loads of people like Erica doing this thing all over the world feminist porn or sex positive porn there are feminist porn awards now yeah which I think is so important. The thing is that most of these sites, because Erica has a great team and amazing equipment, so these look like really nice films. And so all of her stuff is behind a paywall, and rightly so. Right.

Because she has to make money and she has to pay her staff. Whereas actually the easily accessible, free mainstream porn, that's often the really dodgy stuff. Yeah, that's what this documentary focuses on is the amateur porn where the girls are paid $800 or something for scenes. And a lot of them, you know, I mentioned that incident earlier. or something for scenes and a lot of them, you know I mentioned that incident earlier, at the more extreme side you've got forced blow jobs where women are literally giving blow jobs until they vomit on the camera

and that is supposed to be perceived as sexy. It's horrendous. It's absolutely horrendous and it's extremely popular in that kind of spherical world of amateur porn. It is very popular. It's just mind bogoggling to think that, you know, anyone would think that was okay. And, you know, obviously you don't know what situations people are in

that lead them to getting involved in that industry. But I guess it's like you were saying with the paywall, and that's with so many things these days, people don't want to pay for stuff they can get for free online. Oh, man, but the quality is so much better well that's what i think i think that's so important if like most people can see that but i think a lot of people maybe don't realize that what they're watching is so you know the free stuff i'm not saying all the free stuff but some of it can be problematic and a lot of people what I find troubling is a lot of people justify like a lot of the women acting in these films and the men they justify it as you know it's liberating because we've got sexual autonomy because we're

being paid it's empowering but I just find that really hard to empathize with because how is being paid to you know give someone a forced blowjob on camera liberating in any way? How is that? I'm sorry, that is misogyny. That is sadist behavior. How is that empowering? And the thing is as well that I think a lot of, I think a lot of, you know, young guys and girls, but probably more guys, learn about what to do in sex before they've had sex by watching porn and it's just not realistic it's not realistic of like what normal sex is like

which is like always a bit awkward and there are like weird noises of bodies squelching together and like you know stuff that's just it's just not smooth and you know also women have like wobbly bodies and also aren't shouldn't always expect to have like no hair on their pubic area and um I just think it's it's problematic in that sense the way that the women look in these films I think is the real issue because there was a study by Cosmo a few years ago that looked at the way that we consume porn and they found that the top three attributes that men look for in a porn actress were young large breasts and skinny and they also said 75% of those men said that those would be the same characteristics that they would

look for in a real-life partner yeah that's a bit but and the other thing that I think is quite damaging about porn is the performance anxiety that it can give a lot of young people. If they're, you know, then embarking on their first sexual experience and either all they personally have to go on is what they've seen on porn or they're just going off what their partner's telling them is how you do it, either, like, a young girl might just be like, how am I supposed to behave, what am I supposed to do um and a young boy might be scared you know that his you know his junk

isn't like quite up to scratch or you know if he loses an erection that that's like an awful thing um and and the idea that women are supposed to be multi-orgasmic from penetration alone. There's just so much stuff that can get in your head, being like, well, the way that my body works is wrong because it's not the same as these people in porn, but actually what we have to remember is in a lot of the porn, those people are professionals. They're actors.

They have trained hard for this. And yeah, and it's their job. It's not, your job is to like, have that personal connection with whoever it is who's your sexual partner, rather than put on a show for whoever else is watching. When you think of it that way, you're amazed that these women are able to orgasm so quickly.

It's like, you're probably having sex with what, three or four men a day for these films and orgasm instantly. Yes. How does that work? It's not real, though, is it? I don't know. It can't be. For some women it is. That's the thing.

Like everyone is different and every, you know, body functions differently. That isn't definitely the minority. No. That's the thing. Yeah, we know women can fake it. I mean, remember that scene in When Harry Met Sally? Yeah, you know. We know.

We know it can happen. And then there's this other issue with porn, though, which is about contraception. Yeah, so in California, it's actually illegal to produce porn that doesn't include contraception. So it's basically illegal to produce porn that doesn't include contraception. So it's basically illegal to produce porn that doesn't feature, that features unprotected sex. So Miami is a very popular place for

porn stars to film and for filmmakers, porn filmmakers, because they can film it with unprotected sex, which is much more popular. It's been proven that that is what people are looking for. So that then raises a whole load of concerns because it's presenting the majority of porn that people see features unprotected sex. And it suggests that that is the way that things should be done. That's more pleasurable. And a study came out recently that said a third of American men... Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians.

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Holla don't. More festive, less frantic. Get deals for every occasion with DoorDash. Don't wear condoms. Well, yeah, this brings us very nicely onto our second topic of the day, which is contraception. And I think that, you know, that stat about men not wearing condoms is interesting but you feel like you want to know more about it is it they're not wearing condoms purely because they don't want to are they not wearing condoms because they presume every woman they ever sleep with is on the pill or some other form of contraception so a recent study came out and said that one of the reasons why men are so deterred from wearing condoms is because the average condom size is larger than the average penis size. So it's uncomfortable.

What? I know. You can get different sizes. Yeah, exactly. But anyway, that's the recent research. The thing is, there are so many different types of contraception available to women. You know, you've got the coil, you've got the implant, you've got the pill. But what do men actually really have to play with?

Condoms. Yeah. And sterilization. Yeah. Drastic. Yeah. I mean, men do it, like, usually after they've had kids. But there's a rigorous process of your doctor and, like,

counselors having to sit down and be like, okay, have you considered the circumstance in which your partner and your children die like they have to ask you those questions if you want to get a snip anyway that is like a completely different issue but um I was having a conversation about this recently about like male contraception because obviously there has been those trials for like male pill yeah the pill uh a male injection like all of these um kind of different things but nothing's like quite taken off yet um and somebody said to me they were like well the thing is is that we've been medicating women uh all all this time it's always been a woman's responsibility but actually when we think

about it the most amount of uh babies that she can produce in one year is one like if she were to like have an unplanned pregnancy and see it through that's one baby if a man is to have unprotected sex and potentially spread his seed. Like, infinite babies. He could plant a lot of seedlings. Infinite babies. We're medicating the wrong people. You are so right. And I just, like, it was a light bulb moment for me.

I was like, oh, yeah, it's because the world is sexist. And that's why we thought of it as a woman's responsibility, whereas actually it's like men can get more, men can create more babies technically yeah that is such a valid point and it's like what anyway just makes me angry why do you think they did that from the start because of the patriarchy like literally smash the patriarchy but uh I've just been having like a complete battle with contraception recently because last year I came off the pill from being on it for seven years and then just didn't really

have a great time with my like natural hormones and my natural cycle um and then I'm now back on that same pill and I'm just not having a good time again and so I'm going to get the coil um and who knows maybe that will be also terrible but it's just like such a trial and error thing. And the amount of time and mental energy I've spent thinking about how to not get pregnant, I might as well just get bloody pregnant. It's very stressful. I have a friend who's 24. She's been on the pill for 10 years.

And you know that, you know, the age difference between 14 and 24, think how much your body changes. Your body changes. Who you are. And she always says, she's like, I could be a completely different person. This is why I came off it because I was like, who am I? I know.

And, you know, I have some friends who, you know, get the implant and the coil and they absolutely swear by them. And they're like, yeah, yeah, it's amazing. I don't even feel it. I don't even know it's there. I had another friend who had the most horrible time. She got the implant and um you know it got all infected she had real health scares there was you know a risk that she was going to

become infertile thankfully it was all okay and i know i think that does happen in the minority of cases but it's just a lot of women have to try so many different things before they find something that sticks and you know it's kind of just easier to use a condom it just depends how often you're having sex because it's different for every woman because it involves hormones usually um you know there are even coils that i know you can get hormone free ones but there are a lot of coils you can get that do contain hormones as well and there have been links with the pill to causing depression there was a study in den Denmark in 2016 um that linked the pill between women of 15 to 34 they were also more likely if they were taking the pill they were

also more likely to be taking antidepressants yeah and you know there's also been loads of side effects of the pill you know there's that kind of long-standing rumor that taking the pill will make you gain weight so I I have friends that are models. I gained weight after coming off the pill. Did you? Yeah, sometimes that happens as well. It happens to everyone. Who knows?

I have friends that are models that have been told by their agencies, strictly, you cannot go on the pill because we can't afford for you to gain weight. Wow. They might not, though. That's a thing. Well, yeah, they might not, but they're just like, you can't take the risk because your job is to be skinny. Yeah, it's crazy as well. There are so many things linked to it,

not just like mood swings, weight gain. I actually, when I was a teenager, I went on a form of the pill called Dianet and it wasn't for contraception. I was not at that stage of my life yet. It was for my acne. Yeah, Dianet's meant to be a good one for acne. It really cleared up my skin,

but then I had to come off it because apparently, you know, if you go on it for too long, you're at risk of blood clots. So it sort of defeated the point. I was like, oh, now the acne will come back. Good. But the thing is, I just, it's difficult to know whose responsibility it is. I feel like a lot of women feel like if I'm having casual sex with a man,

he should have the condom. Why should I provide the condom? Whereas a lot of men, I think, will presume, well, you're on the pill, right? Yeah, but that all just angers me because if you're having casual sex, then you should be using condoms anyway because none of these other contraceptive devices we've talked about can protect you from STIs.

Yeah, completely. And if you're having casual sex which is totally fine but you don't know the um like sexual history of that person and you don't necessarily have time to find out it kind of kills the mood yeah so just whack a condom on it's very easy yeah wasn't that thing you know recently if you hark back to episode one of Millennial Love where we discussed stealthing, which is, you know, men deliberately taking off condoms during sex. Yeah, absolutely horrifying. Absolutely grim. But that was in legal terms that

is classified as rape. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is absolutely horrendous because, as we said, penetration without consent. But one of the things there when I was delving into that was men basically just saying, well, there are various things to to it which we won't go into but please go back and listen to episode one but one of the things was they just preferred the feel of you know sex without a condom but you know I think there's such a valid point about it's not just about getting pregnant it's about STIs yeah and you know I hear a lot of people like with penises without who say that they prefer the like the feel of sex without a condom you

say people with penises yeah um and they say they prefer you know it without and that's fine if you have like a preference of sensation but that shouldn't actually cloud your judgment in terms of, you know, your own sexual health, your partner's sexual health, you know, the possibility of unplanned pregnancy. I just think that however up you're weighing your decisions,

you're kind of doing it a bit wrong. Do you think though, because, because obviously there are so many more options for a woman for contraception than a man, it is kind of widely thought to be the woman's responsibility do you think that disparity then becomes an issue when it comes to unplanned pregnancies because I know a lot of instances where you know friends of mine and friends of friends that the woman will get pregnant by mistake and because she was the one who was kind of in control

of the contraception, she might then think that she has the right to terminate the pregnancy without informing the man. Do you think that becomes problematic because of the, you know, discrepancy between contraception and where, you know know if the introduction of a male pill will might rebalance that equilibrium and it becomes more of a kind of joint decision with the genders whereas at the moment there is this possibility that it is the female body the female choice when you know a baby is obviously a product of two human beings I kind of feel like it's better to treat the two separately so the responsibility of contraception uh like you know during sexual activity is kind of everyone it should be everyone's responsibility but then if a woman gets pregnant like it's skewed then because it's her body it's not his like I'm I'm like 100% down for like have a conversation

if you know if that person is in your life and you want to have a conversation with them but um I think that the person whose body it is gets veto basically yeah I think they should get have the ultimate decision but I also think you know you should tell the man in question yeah I agree but I do think that when it comes down to all these things about conception it must vary quite a lot depending on whether it's a casual encounter or whether it's someone you're in a relationship with which seamlessly enough is actually going to bring us on to topic three of the podcast today. These segues are so good. It's almost like I planned them. Yeah, so as regular podcast listeners may know,

Olivia and I are very single. Very single sounds so tragic. But having fun, really enjoying being single. Just going to put that out there. It's very fun. I'm very happy. Sorry, mom. Keep telling yourself that. No, I'm joking.

Hannah, sitting here smugly in the corner, however, has been in a relationship for what, 10 months? 10 months, but previously to that was single for like five, six years. And how has your life changed? Tell us your ways. I mean, I don't know about ways of that, but I find it really interesting, like the transition of, you get so used to like one way of life, shall we say. And it's not just about like the emotional side of things, but they're like time management and the practical side of it as well,

which you don't, like when I was single, I never had to check in with anybody or tell anyone where I was going to be or be like, oh, I want to do this thing on this weekend. Are we busy? Are you doing something? Can we do that? Yeah, it's kind of strange.

There's nothing, like it's not bad um but it's just like fun and interesting yeah I think one of my favorite things about being single is actually how it lets me be very selfish which I think is not necessarily a good thing but um I sometimes wonder if I've actually got a too used to being single but be too good at being single and too happy being single that actually when it comes to meeting someone that I actually might like I may never actually sort of make any time for them I think it also depends on your social circle like for me most of my close friends are also single so it's very easy for us to spend time together happily without even thinking about oh you know I wish I had a relationship it's very easy to just be content

as you are. But, I mean, are most of your friends coupled off, or are they also single? It's kind of like half and half, really. Probably mostly still single, I would say. But it's funny, it comes in waves, I swear, in friendship groups. You're like, oh, everyone's breaking up. Oh, wait, everyone's coupling off. It's really scary.

I think the engagements will come in waves as well and the babies like once someone starts it's gonna it's gonna all go and that's all we're gonna see on Facebook engagements engagements engagements weddings weddings weddings babies babies babies and then I'll just still be here can't wait single talking about it on my own yeah episode 1020 does anyone want to date me you go oh I was going to say that one of the things that I have definitely seen

that's changed is that I've very much adopted some of my partner's hobbies and interests but they're things that like I have I don't know what would you call it nerdy or geeky tendencies but I've never like fully embraced it. I've always been very like mainstream nerd, like Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings.

Yeah, acceptable nerd stuff. And my partner is like really into video games. And I've always been like, oh, I don't get it. Like I played The Sims when I was like 14, but that's it. and I've always been like, oh, I don't get it. Like I played The Sims when I was like 14, but that's it. But now he's like, because he knows me so well and he knows like the video game world quite well, he can be like, you will really enjoy this game.

And now I'm like, I'm addicted. I'm like, yes, you're right. I love this game. Certainly, I hate that video games are such a gendered thing. Like it is so, I know this is totally off the topic of relationships but I used to love playing Halo and Call of Duty when I was really young because I was an only child and my dad obviously didn't know what to do with you know a nine-year-old girl so he would just play video games with me and I used to love it and and you know none of my friends obviously were into that stuff female friends but the boys

were like oh that's so cool it's such a shame that's still such a gendered thing like it's a shame you know it's you never see little girl not that they should you know not that little girls should be going around shooting people on video games or anything and but they should be able to do what they want yeah without thinking about what is a girl thing to do yeah anyway back to relationship sorry digression Hannah did you find that you had to like after being single for ages like push yourself and force yourself to like make time in your life for your boyfriend or did you just want to like was it easy or am I gonna have to work hard to be honest it was easy okay I was just like oh I just want to spend time with him that's what people say they go oh you know but when you find

the right one it'll be easy but I'm like will it or have I just got issues but I will say I was just like, oh, I just want to spend time with him. That's what people say. They go, oh, you know, but when you find the right one, it'll be easy. But I'm like, will it or have I just got issues? But I will say I was really lucky with like the kind of working schedule that I already had. So a few months before I met him, I kind of had started, because I freelance, I'd like started doing an actual Monday to Friday routine because I was kind of a bit all over the place with working evenings and weekends. I was like, no, let's kind of narrow this down and have a bit

more of a life. And so I did like, Monday to Friday working and I had like evenings and weekends to myself. And then I met him when I already had this schedule, and he doesn't live in London. So we just see each other every weekend and I was like amazing my weekends are available already because I did all my work in the week so that was actually really handy and I imagine that if I'd met him before I'd kind of like made that switch in my routine it would have been a lot more difficult I think it can always be like that I think it really helps to to make a relationship work when you're very settled in your work life I think if you're still quite on you know you're quite junior in a role or you know you're working and tire tireless hours your your work is almost your priority in your

early 20s I think so it can be really difficult to get that balance right you know there's so much there's work friendships and relationships and it's just it can be so difficult to balance the three well as we know from I believe millennial love episode two doing all the throwback pictures today um according to a match study the um most attractive profession for a female in the eyes of men is a freelancer so oh there you go, Hannah. Wow. That's how you've gotten. Is it because they think that we're like super carefree

and all of that, but I'm like, no, not at all. Yeah, maybe. I'm not chilled. Anyway, I feel like I've taken a lot away from this. I feel like I've learned a lot. Me too. Oh, really? Yeah.

I'm definitely just going to not compromise on myself. Stay tuned, people. It's only a matter of time until Rachel gets a date Rachel has dates Rachel gets sorry Rachel just no second dates

no I went on a second date I just cancelled my third date fair enough those are my own issues we'll delve into them another time can't wait Hannah thank you so much

for coming on thanks for having me it's been so much fun thanks Hannah thanks everyone for listening please do rate subscribe leave nice comments if you want to email us with any feedback thoughts suggestions or ideas please do because we would love to hear from you the email address to contact is millennial.love at independent.co.uk tune in again next week bye it was the season of chaos and all through the house not one person was stressing holla differently this year with doordash don't want to holla do the most

holla don't more festive less frantic get deals for every occasion with doordash