Love Lives - #52 How do you know when to walk away from someone?

Episode Date: September 21, 2018

Whether you’re more into them or they're more into you, whether you’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks or have been together for years, knowing when to walk away from a relationship is incredibly difficult.What if you end things then regret it? But what if you wait, eventually cut things off and then wish you’d done it earlier? It’s never easy.This week on Millennial Love, we offer advice on how to know when is the right time to walk away from someone - while sharing our own experiences, naturally.Follow us on Instagram to stay up-to-date! instagram.com/millennial_loveSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Hello and welcome to Millennial Love, the Independent Lifestyle Desk's weekly podcast on love, dating and relationships. Hosted by me, Rachel Hosey, Assistant Lifestyle Editor. And me, Olivia Petter, Lifestyle Writer. Dating today is a world away from what it was even just 10 years ago. With dating apps, millennials are finding it harder to meet people than ever before. And even when we do, who's to say we won't be ghosted, breadcrumbed or zombied? So that's why we decided to launch Millennial Love as two long-time singletons in their 20s, talking candidly about all of the things everyone is doing, but not always willing to admit.

This week, it is just Rachel and I. Woohoo! We quite like it when it's just the two of us. It's rather intimate, isn't it? Well, it's sort of just like every other conversation that we have every other day, but broadcast to the world. So true, but such is the joy of a podcast it's brilliant so rachel what has been going on in your life in the last week i mean what has been

going on in my life it's a very good question i remember last week i said that i was going to commit to the dating apps and really try and like i have tried a bit but I haven't got anywhere. And I've just got to the point where I'm remembering how hard it is, how much hard work it is to really use the dating apps. It's not hard work to swipe. Swiping is fun. No. Like, that's great. But I would get home late, you know, and, you know,

I'll have a shower and I'll have my dinner or whatever. If I've been out for dinner, obviously I won't have another dinner. Actually, I might. I mean, let's be real. This is me. But anyway've been out for dinner, obviously I won't have another dinner. Actually, I might. I mean, let's be real. This is me. But anyway, I'll be like, oh, okay, finally it's time to go to bed. And then I'm like, oh, God damn it. I need to reply to these messages.

Because, you know, you have to put the time and effort in. And I'm just like, is it worth it? Are any of them interesting conversations? Like, no one's blowing me away. I feel like if you think that you have to sit down every night and like have to reply to these messages then it's probably a sign that you're not really that interested in anyone that you're talking to i think that's a very good point actually but then how much can you really like anyone from just i think you can i think you

can yeah the few people that i've gone on dates with from apps the conversations have been pretty I think humor is important early on so if someone makes you laugh and makes you want to speak to them then it's a sign that you should just keep it going and see where the conversation goes I think that's a good point and I think if the conversation isn't generic as well if it isn't stuff like so what do you do do you like cats or dogs if it's something a bit more interesting and you're talking about I know then don't you think sometimes you feel like so much pressure to be interesting and different and not ask anything that they might have heard before like maybe you do want to know what they did at the weekend but that's a really boring question yeah you have to start somewhere but I think I mean i've said this before i think ideally when

you start a conversation with someone on a dating app you want to pick up something from their profile so either talk about something in their profile photo and be like hey that's a cool monkey you're posing with where was that was that on your gap year or something about their bio or like are you really six foot three because i don't believe you well no and also i i wrote a story recently about the lies that people tell on their dating apps yeah every man will pretend he's an inch taller at least yeah so men lie about their height whereas women are visually deceptive and will use old photographs apparently more likely to use old guys do that too though yeah so do i because also but i think in general we just have less photos of ourselves

nowadays like on facebook and things um maybe okay fine for me people don't post as many on facebook for sure yeah i actually saw something quite interesting on my um adventures in dating up land where there was a guy who one of his pictures was like him topless and his bod was like really good but then he he in his bio put he wrote something like oh number picture number three years old I've got more of a dad bod now and I was a bit like kind of like kudos to you for saying that but also what was the point in putting the picture on if you yeah if they're going to be like this is not what i look like now it's sort of false advertising but openly false yeah i'm not sure that's a really enticing offer yeah it was odd it was very interesting

i'm not saying anything wrong with the dad bod but it was just weird the whole posting the other picture talking about it but anyway but anyway so yeah swiping however as you well know it's my birthday this weekend oh yes I'm gonna be 26 which means that I will then change all my dating apps to you know minimum age of 26 so really would you not date someone a year younger than you I mean in real life I would obviously but in real life I date a load of guys I wouldn't match with on a dating app oh yes um and I always I suppose I could leave it at 25 for a bit but I think you should leave it 25 for a bit I once uh had a successful string of dates on a dating app with a guy who was only I think four months younger than me but he was a he was a year younger than me in age

numbers yes yes so yeah I suppose that's the thing. I'm actually like, stuck getting old. So I'll need to... This is a random question, but how, what is the oldest that you would go

in terms of dating someone? I have it up to 32 right now. Interesting. But I've discussed this before. Do you remember Montana had a massive go at me in a previous episode when it used to be go up higher yeah and she was like no ew don't go for an old man yeah weird um but you can get some fit older dudes

yeah are we classifying over 32 as older older than us right I mean, 26 I would say is my final age of mid-twenties. There's 27. And then 27, you're late twenties. I don't know. Maybe I'm going to try and stretch that to mid.

God, I feel so young and free. I'm only 24. Oh, shut up. You're literally a year and a half younger than me. Also, we need to stop

thinking of ageing as a bad thing. I, for one, get very excited about my birthday every year and I don't think I'm ever going to

grow out of that. No, that's true. I'm so the opposite. I can't bear birthdays. I know. I find people like you strange. Are you going to ask me about my birthday every year and I don't think I'm ever going to grow out of that. No, that's true. I'm so the opposite. I can't bear birthdays. I know. I find people like you strange. Are you going to ask me about my dating debrief? No, just going to talk about my own life actually. Okay, fine. Tell me about your life.

So I am still seeing the same person who I was seeing last week. And the week before that. And the week before that. Yeah. And the week before that. It is going surprisingly well and i know that he listens to the podcast so not sure how much yes i'm not sure how much i want to compliment him because he will live off that for ages um but it's well then but you also can't say anything you don't like because he'll hear that too well exactly so really you can't say anything

why did you want me to ask you at all i don't know i just wanted to be like yeah i'm seeing someone it's fun and i like him and i didn't meet him on a dating app and that is all i will say i mean i know a lot more yeah obviously rachel knows a lot more anyway shall we do the bio of the week yes please and thank you okay so this is one that was sent in uh by a listener thank you very much it starts i know we stopped doing um you know introductions to bios but i'm just going to introduce this one because it begins very well and then it sort of dwindles and becomes a bit generic but you know kudos for the opening lines okay it reads i'm currently on the phone to apple itunes is all wrong. It doesn't show you being the hottest single of the week. And now it dwindles. But seriously, I'm six foot. I like

to go to the gym. 4WD, traveling, hanging with friends, the occasional drink and night out and whatever other activity is on the menu. Yeah, it would have been better if you just ended it after the being the hottest single of the week thing. I know. I have a question though. What is 4WD? I was about was about to ask you oh god you always know this stuff 4wd i'm six foot i like to go to the gym 4wd it's just by itself isn't it four four week does he mean he goes to the gym four days a week weekend i'm gonna google this right now like live googling oh my god live googling you are like are you the kind of person that googles in a pub quiz apparently 4wd means four-wheel drive like a four by four okay does

that mean that he has a four by four car boring or is that a euphemism why would you put that why would you i'd be like ford fiesta that's what it means four-wheel drive but like why why surely every car is a four-wheel drive no some of them are two-wheel drive which means the power comes from the back two wheels they're the only ones with that motor in them i'm not okay with car speak i'm not as you can tell i'm not very okay either but i might be wrong about this but this is what i think it means. It's a two wheel drive. It's just like the two back wheels propelling the car and the two front ones just kind of roll with it.

Interesting. Dear listeners, please tell us if you know that this is a euphemism for something that Rachel and I are clearly missing. I think it must be something a bit funnier. No, according to Google, that's what it is. Anyway, it started well because that's like a really cringe, cheesy, up line but i'd never heard it no true which is quite i quite it's quite funny but the fact that he then goes into but seriously and i'm like no yeah he should have kept it if you're listening you should cut it and also everything he says is generic af yeah like travelling, hanging with friends, drinks and nights out. Whatever activity is on the menu.

What does that mean? Bad English. What does that mean? I don't know. What other activities are on the menu? Well, exactly. I'm curious. I might ask him.

That would be, you know what? If you see this person on Bumble, match with him and say, what other activities are on the menu? Where is this menu and where can I eat there? Exactly. God, we're clever um i know but also i'd probably message if you're like what is 4wd yeah me too but now we know but then why did he put maybe he's really passionate about this car maybe he just really likes cars some people do not us but no not us clearly no this week yes this week we're going to move on from four-wheel drives because neither of us really get it probably not what you tuned

in for either no probably not go listen to a car podcast i'm sure there are plenty out there maybe we should listen to some so we can learn yes i have better things to do this week we are we are choosing to discuss a topic uh suggested by one of our listeners um in sort of a dating dilemma style episode uh we're gonna read it out and i think it's quite a meaty topic that we can talk about that a lot of people actually ask me about and i have definitely wondered about myself um so rather than just babbling on i will start to read it please do okay thank you very much for sending this in love the podcast wondering if you can help i ended up seeing someone from bumble for about four to five months it started great as all things do then as i opened

up brackets quite a tough nut to crack close brackets he started to withdraw every time i tried to end it or cut communication he came in so heavy and promised me the world i foolishly believed it against my own intuition and my friend's very vocal opinion he ended up going away on a foreign exchange for three weeks it was obvious it wasn't going to work so i blocked him on everything feeling a bit low about this and the immature way that i handled it I phoned him up about three weeks later to get closure and wish him a nice life instead arguments ensued and he blocked me on everything I then saw him two weeks later at the cinema with someone else and now I just feel so put off by the

whole experience I wonder if you have any advice for knowing when to walk away I wish I had done it as soon as he he went off with me but maybe loneliness, sex and someone to text kept me interested. Also I have a good job, my own flat and my own ambitions. He was feeling low as he had just changed career paths. He still lived at home and had to use his savings to live off. I just feel so angry at myself that I let someone repeatedly fool me. It might sound like a cliche but I do genuinely believe I'm a nice person. And I think that my scaredness, my loneliness, and my low self-esteem might keep me in unlevel relationships.

It's a tricky one, this. There's a lot in there. There's a lot in there. To clarify, by unlevel relationships, I think she means when one person likes someone more than the other. Is that what you interpreted that to mean? I presume so. However, it's quite tricky because, you know, she says that when she was sort of opening up to him, he pulled away.

And then she would back off and go nearly to end it. And then he would go in again. And so on level, I think she kind of maybe just means the balance kept switching. Not like the whole time she liked him more than he liked her. Yeah, so hot and cold. Yeah. And I think power shifts always happen a bit, don't they? I think this is like, you know know i respect her for admitting that blocking

him on everything was quite immature and then you know good that she then to phoned him up to talk about it and sort of accepted that she hadn't behaved in the best possible way but then it sounded like that didn't go very well either but i i would have to say like there's no way to know you don't know and because you there's no right or wrong in the situation like if you'd ended things with him like once and for all as soon as things started going a bit not so great then you might have regretted that and been left thinking oh should I've carried it on should I have given this another chance whereas the fact that you did you're then like oh I wish I've carried it on should I have given this another chance whereas the fact that you did you're then like oh I wish I'd ended it earlier so you literally

can never know do you think that the first sign you have when you're seeing someone the first sign that they might be not as interested in you as you are in them is that a sign that you should walk away? Or is that too soon to say? I think it's too soon to say. I think for my own experience, this is something I actually struggle with because I'm very good at finding deal breakers when I'm seeing someone because, I don't know, on some level I just want everything to fail. It was quite interesting though, my flatmate, my old flatmate from before I moved, was seeing this guy recently and it was quite interesting though um my flatmate my old flatmate from before I moved was seeing this guy recently and um it was going well and then he came over for dinner and didn't bring a

bottle of wine and this like you know one thing and I actually I can understand that because it's what what does that represent what does that say about him and you know that was that in the scheme of things like on the face of it quite a small thing but you can read so much into it and and it's something a small thing can really put you off someone yeah and that's a sign of their character as well so it's like it's like someone's manners yeah exactly the bottle of wine thing it's the same as if someone is rude to a waiter or a waitress in a restaurant. If someone, you know, is the kind of person that will walk through a door without letting the person standing there through before them. It's that kind of thing.

But I guess more with this situation, because she had been seeing this guy for four or five months. Oh, yeah. So it's a longer thing. And I think it's kind of, it goes back to what we've touched on before about making up excuses for someone when you see them not treating you well.

But then I guess you have to differentiate between being treated badly and just convincing yourself that someone likes you more than they actually do. It's really difficult because I think if you cut the cord as soon as you get an inkling that someone's not so into you or there's one thing that you didn't love, it can be very tempting to be like, well, deal breaker, that's it, it's over. it can be very tempting to be like well deal breaker that's it it's over but but it's more complicated than that like she says because you know it's the it's the fear of loneliness it's the appeal of having someone that you can have sex with it's you know having the company of and having the constant dialogue on text message with someone and I think as well you have to cut

people some slack because we all it's very easy to get turned off by one little thing that someone says or someone does. But it's very easy to do those things yourself. And then you wouldn't, if you said something and then after you're like, God, why did I say that? Like, that wasn't what I meant or I think that came across badly or that wasn't great of me. You'd be really miffed if someone took that as a reason to end it yeah yeah definitely I think it has to be a build-up of things if it's if it's small small little irritations that you're noticing yeah however if it's something a bit larger than that and if you do feel like there is this imparity developing in terms of who likes who more and you know you you don't want to feel like you're flogging a dead horse

in a absolutely relationship what do i always say olivia you need to find someone who makes you a priority not an option bravo exactly and it is actually really true and i think about it all the time and you know i something the reason why I wanted to read this uh dilemma out is because this this literally happened to me like a few months ago I met Guy on Bumble we were dating each other for four or five months I really liked him again like this girl you know he he fed me all of the lines that convinced me that he was really into me too, which I guess should have been a red flag early on because fundamentally how can someone be so enthralled with you?

They can. But I think if they say it a lot. The new boy's pretty enthralled with you, isn't he? Yes, but not in the same. Oh, awkward. Yeah, awkward. Sorry. yes but but not in the same yeah awkward but but he's like he's actually quite quite a nice person I think I hope um I'm not so sure this guy was and also he was he was younger this guy from Bumble which I think makes a big difference um and I just I just felt like I was constantly

chasing after him and i actually wished that i had walked away makes you feel very insecure makes you feel very insecure and i think that's a real uh that should be a real warning sign if you feel like someone who you are dating is making you question elements of your own character then that's a big sign and you should definitely walk away because it's not worth it exactly i think in the early days of dating someone it's inevitable that there's going to be this amount of oh is he going to text me back oh does he like me blah blah like i wonder if he's thinking about me like of course there's going to be that level of chase yeah and like insecurity in a level of you just don't know what they think yet

but it shouldn't be if it's someone that sort of really doesn't i don't know if it's someone that you're always the one initiating the messages you're always the one initiating meeting up then even if and they so often do this i'm talking about men from my own experience so i'm sure there's plenty of women do the same you finally meet up with them and have an amazing time and you get on and they seem really into you if they don't put the effort in outside of that as well then honey he's just not that into you. Yeah. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

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does actually, I do quote that a lot to friends of mine. I know. And to myself. It's so annoying's so accurate isn't it yeah it is it is and it's funny because you I and I've caught myself doing this before even though I will say oh you know what this guy isn't texting me back very quickly he's not initiating another date he's probably just not that into me but then I'll counteract myself and be like well actually you know he's really busy with this new job or he's probably uh you know he's just left university he's probably celebrating that like he doesn't want to worry about some some new girl but you know i trust that he likes me because he said all this stuff to me and you just have this dialogue in your head

where you you go down this rabbit hole of complete fantasy and you're trying to convince yourself even though on like a deep deep deep level you know you should walk away but you like them yeah it's tricky i think you need to have real strength of character to be able to walk away in those circumstances which is probably yeah it's hard to see it and those are the circumstances that you and i are probably most used to dealing with. But for people who are in longer partnerships, you also need to look out for the signs when it's time to walk away.

I think in those instances, obviously speaking hypothetically here, because I don't know if you know this, but I've never been in a long-term relationship and neither has Rachel. Have we mentioned it yet? Have we spoken about that? But I think in those situations, in situations i like that i just made up a new word that's fantastic okay in those situations i can't say it again i think things to look out for

are when when you've stopped having sex that's a a big thing. So yeah, and like, you know, they say that happens in like, very long term relationships. Or if you feel like you're having sex with your partner just because you feel like that's what you should be doing. If you don't fancy them anymore and you don't,

you know, or if you, if you find yourself going to sleep and making up excuses and being like, I've got a headache. You know, I'm sick.

And then turning over just to get out of having sex with them that's probably a sign that things aren't going well I'm not saying you should necessarily walk away but it's an issue that you should probably broach with your partner yeah I think yeah everyone has different sex drives and that's okay And I know of friends who have moved in with their boyfriends and moving in with the boyfriend has ended up in them having less sex than before. Really? Yeah. Is it because they're always around? It's sort of like having an endless supply of rich tea biscuits.

You don't want the biscuits anymore. Also rich tea, really? I used to love rich rich tea biscuits that's the most boring biscuit of them all everyone used to say that to me they're really not boring anyway completely off topic um where was i oh yeah sex sex sex and biscuits delightful two pleasurable things oh i know well you always need a post-sex snack right? Yep. Right? Yeah, 100% you get water. Anyway. Why am I still talking?

What am I doing? Yes, friends who move in with their boyfriends and then have less sex. And from what they've told me is that often it's a bit more like, I'm not saying this is always the case, but it can be more about because you're not going to see your boyfriend or girlfriend and you're just kind of there slobbing around in your pajamas and you kind of just feel less there's less excitement yeah i think that's i think that's slightly different though to to not yeah you gotta self-fancy them yeah because obviously that's inevitable surely if you're living with someone then it's inevitable that you know an element of the excitement might fade away

yeah but you know it depends who you speak to like my best friend has been with her boyfriend for about four years and i think they sleep together every night that they sleep in the same bed like they have sex every time they sleep in the same bed. And, you know, four years on, that's pretty impressive. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, I think it depends. But as I said, if the sex is dwindling and it feels like a chore, don't necessarily walk away. You know, if it's the only problem problem but definitely try and speak about it with your

partner i think as well a very important point is that if whether you're seeing them you're in an official relationship whatever it might be if it's causing you more of a headache than joy walk away yeah you don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend if if you're just like stressing out about it you're fighting like obviously it's normal that not every relationship or not everything is just peachy all the time but if it becomes more of a headache a pain a stress than it's a joy then that's like you don't need that it It's not worth it. No, and another really important thing is, you know, people always say,

you'll feel, well, do people always say this? You'll feel less lonely when you're in a relationship. I think there's this idea that if you're a lonely person, when you get into a relationship, you'll instantly feel like you have a constant companion, which you might do. But I think if a relationship isn't working, you might actually find yourself feeling lonelier than ever,

even though you have a partner. Because the person you're meant to be close to, there's a distance. Exactly, and there's a disconnect. And I think in those circumstances, if you find yourself feeling incredibly lonely in spite of this other person who is supposed to be you know a support for you and supposed to be there to care about you if you're not feeling that that's I think quite a big sign that this this relationship is fractured somehow yeah it's it's a really difficult one and obviously

it's quite hard for us to talk about because we don't have experience of being in anything super long term but I guess listen to your friends and family as well because obviously you're the only one who knows what it's like in a relationship or you know between you and the person you're dating but you kind of can't see everything clearly when you're in it and your your closest friends and family who you really trust you know about the situation you know you well like listen to them yeah definitely listen to them don't take everything they say as gospel because it's you know know, they can sometimes, friends and family can sometimes take a tough love approach and that can be quite difficult to swallow and maybe make you do quite irrational things,

might make you end something before you're ready to end it. And, you know, if you're going to end a relationship, particularly a long-term one, it's a big decision that ultimately has to come from you. And yes, speak to your friends and family and see what they think. But trust your instincts, I think is really important. And don't make any snap decisions. Have you had cases where you've, you know, walked away, ended something and then looked back and thought I wish I'd done that

sooner yes really I yeah I mean I did that last summer I started something uh with a guy and with a friend I think I've spoken about this before yeah I'm just trying to remember who it was and I wish I had never done that because I at the time I was going through quite a lot of family stuff and there was just a lot of turmoil in my head and that's obviously not the best time to pursue someone romantically because your judgment is clouded anyway I decided I was bored and lonely decided that I wanted to take advantage of a situation whereby I knew that this person could potentially be interested in me and I think purely out of a desire to like boost my own ego i then initiated it with him made it happen you know it it went on for a few weeks but i was kind of kidding myself the whole time that i was really interested and and eventually i ended it in a catastrophic way i we were supposed to meet for coffee and um and i went thinking you know

saying for the fourth time to my cousin who i live with you know okay i'm gonna finally end it i'm not interested i don't know why i'm doing this i'm only gonna damage our friendship i need to be honest with him and say that i'm not feeling it and we went for coffee and you know hour and a half goes by still hadn't said anything because it's just it's just so awkward because you're sitting across from this person having a normal conversation and they think everything's hunky-dory meanwhile you're thinking in your head okay is now a good time to do it yeah is this a good pause now um oh my god this makes me think of my breakup brunch and breakup lunch yeah you need to tell that story after i think i've already told these anyway then it then it i ended up just just blurting it out while we were crossing a road oh yeah you have said this before

yeah literally in the middle of the road and then i said i think we should just be friends and he was like what um yeah so that was not good and then we went and you wished you'd done it i wished i'd done it sooner yeah but that was again good. And then we went. And you wished you'd done it. I wished I'd done it sooner. Yeah, but that was, again, slightly different in terms of walking away. Because I think what this person who wrote to us was asking about was when, how do you know when to walk away if someone's not treating you well? And if someone isn't as interested in you, this was sort of a reverse situation. Sure. Because I was the one that wasn't interested um and i think

he i did not make that clear to him so he was quite taken aback and it it caused a few problems understand are you still friends um we are but not as good friends as we were oh it always happens isn't it yeah it's really it's really it's really tricky um and i think but you know as we've said before with with friendships that turn into relationships you you have to tread very carefully and everyone will tell you that but but really really do tread carefully god that it's so difficult because you know so many people are like and i know this is not the topic it's so difficult because so many people are like, and I know this is not the topic of today's podcast, but so many people are like, yeah, the best relationships start from when you're friends first,

but there genuinely is so much at stake. And it's like people say, oh, so many people meet their partners at work. And I'm like, again, so much at stake. Yeah, I have made that mistake. I mean, we've all been there. We made that mistake I mean we've all been there we've all been there because when you get off the dating apps what else is there other than friends and colleagues I mean really literally that's it I have no time for other people you're

not gonna pick up someone in the cheese aisle in the supermarket especially me vegan no i might pick you up in the dairy free aisle i'll see you there single boys single boys who like dairy free cheese which is actually quite gross i would i wouldn't recommend it we did have that one good one though didn't we in that patty and bun burger it was so good we thought it was real cheese i'm still convinced it was real cheese i think we've been suspicious we literally called Patty and Bun and we were like, we just ate a vegan burger, but was the cheese vegan? And they said yes. I know, I think we were conned.

Because honestly, vegan cheese is notoriously bad at melting. Yes, it is. And not stringy like normal cheese. This was stringy, melted, it looked like normal cheese. Delicious. Dairy-free cheese is either really, really bright yellow, artificial looking, or a really pallid shade of cream, which just doesn't look like normal cheese. I feel for you.

And it tastes a bit like plasticine. This just tasted like, you know, mozzarella. Wow, what good pronunciation. Thank you. Although actually that was silly because they don't put mozzarella on top of burgers, do they? They put cheddar. I think you could probably get a slice of, I mean, it's not the usual cheese but no you could do it that's pizza

i've got pizza on the brain i love pizza um anyway so advice to people who are in a bit of a rubbish situation with a guy or a girl whoever and feel like their instinct is telling them to walk away how do you do it how do you do it or how do you decide if you should do it both i think the how do you decide if it's right is incredibly difficult but it can be like that with a lot of things like you know deciding to change jobs deciding to flats, like a lot of things, because what you're going to is unknown. You know that what you've got isn't quite perfect, but you're wondering if it would be better to be alone.

If it's been on your mind for a while... It's probably time to go. Yeah, if it's been on your mind for a few months, I think, yeah, it's probably... Yeah, you a few months I think yeah it's probably yeah you're probably ready to walk away and if you feel like as I said if you feel like it's making you doubt elements of your own character and exacerbating insecurities or giving you new insecurities that you didn't even have before it's it's just not worth it no matter what excuses you make up for this person's behavior or this person not being as responsive as you are,

ultimately, you have to put your own self-worth first. Yeah, exactly. It's like Gabriella told Troy in High School Musical 2. It was time for her to go. That was so emotional, wasn't it? I honestly don't know what you're talking about. What? I saw the first one. I don't think I've seen the second one. I don't know what you're talking about what i saw

the first one i don't think i've seen the second one i don't know is there the third one's the best really how many are there three oh my gosh what okay friendship over um and the third one was in the cinema it was great what the second one wasn't in this aren't films always in the high school musical one and two on disney channel oh were they not in the cinema no wow okay so the third one was a big deal yeah big budget cinema and everything it was senior year and it was about the same time as it was my final year of school it was very emosh so i was very relatable okay to uh senior year musical anyway uh how do you do it how do you walk away i guess that's a whole other issue isn't it that's like how do you break up with someone you're seeing how do you break up

with someone we can't tell you to do that to be honest with you because we don't know your situation no but if you do if you are in a situation don't do it in the middle of a road no don't do it in the middle of the road uh try and plan it a little better than i did but if you are in a situation where you feel like you're seeing someone or you're in a long-term relationship and you want to walk away or you need to pluck up the courage to walk away, send us an email or a DM on Instagram and we will see what advice we can offer.

I'm going to change the topic and tell a funny story. An interesting story. Okay, go on. I'm not going to stop you. Thank you thank you so my new flatmate I feel like I have a lot of stories about my flatmates because apparently they have a lot more dating escapades than I do because I'm still in the longest drought ever honestly someone please save me oh my god, not just anyone actually. That's the whole issue. Anyway, so my flatmate is... Sorry, just to clarify.

Did you say someone please take me or someone please date me? I said date me. I thought you said someone... Someone please take me. Oh, that's a problematic statement. Okay, sorry. Continue. Continue.

My flatmate is absolutely gorgeous. She recently was walking down the street a guy a fit guy cycled past her and she was like fit guy but that was it and then he cycled back and apparently was like i never do this but my grandma always told me that you know you got to be bold with these things blah blah blah so got chatting and he asked her for her number. And she was like, oh, okay. Like, he seems all right and quite respect him for how bold he's been. Yeah. So she gave him her number.

He then like messaged her. But she afterwards was a bit like, why did I do that? Like, I don't think I actually want to go out with this guy. So she didn't reply for like a day and then he called her and she didn't pick up because we were like watching Bake Off at the time or something but anyway she then she sort of explained everything to me and I was like if you don't go out with him I think probably he deserves to be told I was like let's let him down nicely so you know we crafted a message together as all girls do so she said hi name sorry i didn't say at

the time i've just come out of a long relationship and i'm not looking to date anyone right now it's really nice to meet you though a lie but we're letting him down nicely he then replies going hey come on don't be so hard on yourself who said anything about a relationship she didn't reply the next morning he goes good morning smiley face i think i will be very good for you smiley face i think i'll be very good for you a bit arrogant of you the audacity yeah it's outrageous i was really like oh my god like it's so classic you reject a guy and they don't accept it and they're like but what you're talking about i'm amazing and it's like you you reject a guy and they don't accept it and they're like but what

you're talking about i'm amazing and it's like you know wow to have the ego of a modern man i know honestly that's very baffling i can't imagine saying that to someone i would actually love to do an experiment where i say that to people that have ended things with me being like sorry i think i'm really good for you i know like um so you should really actually like take a look at me and be like wow yeah yeah like I should be so lucky yeah exactly imagine if you said that to someone I know if someone like tried to let you down nicely and like that was such a nice message she sent and then to just be like uh you're wrong no you must date me you're wrong date me now well also listeners try it out tell us how it works out for you we'd love

to know next guy that rejects me yeah i'm gonna be like uh no we're continuing this yeah well excellent um thank you so much for telling that story. I mean, you're so welcome. I think we're out of time for today. Do you know what I realised while we were recording this? What? This is episode 52. Yes.

That's a year of episodes. Is it? And actually, we skipped one. There was one week where we didn't do a pod, I think, like ages ago. So actually, this is Millennial Love's over a year anniversary. Aww. I know. Thank you guys for listeningennial Love's over a year anniversary. I know. Thank you guys for listening to our chat for a year.

Please keep listening. It's so lovely. It is lovely. I can't believe that a whole year has gone by. A whole year of talking about dating. And that is all we have time for for today thank you so much for listening uh if you would like to listen to another episode you can subscribe uh on apple podcast rachel normally says this yeah i usually say this but go on what do you do i say thank you so much for listening if you enjoyed the podcast please do subscribe rate and review on apple podcast or

wherever else you get your podcasts what a pro now you say your bit okay so my bit goes if you guys want to get in touch and send us some messages you can email us at millennial.love at independent.co.uk or you can slide into our dms on instagram at millennial underscore love and every message you send will be kept anonymous and we we will reply, just maybe sometimes a bit slowly, because there's quite a lot of messages, which is lovely. We really enjoy them. Yes, we love them. It just sometimes takes us a little while to get back to you,

but we promise we will. Thank you so much, and we will see you soon. Bye. Bye. Bye. We'll see you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.