Love Lives - #54 Series 1 finale!

Episode Date: October 5, 2018

It's our series finale! To celebrate the end of season one of Millennial Love, we've decided to take a look back at all our past episodes and think back at what we've learned over the past year or so.Thank you to everyone who's supported Millennial Love so far and stay tuned for what happens next!Follow us on Instagram here: @rachel_hosie, @oliviapetter8 and @millennial_love.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to Millennial Love, the Independent Lifestyle Desk's weekly podcast on love, dating and relationships. Hosted by me, Rachel Hosey, Assistant Lifestyle Editor. And me, Olivia Petter, Lifestyle Writer. Dating today is a world away from what it was even just 10 years ago. Thanks to dating apps, millennials are finding it harder to meet people than ever before. And even when we do, who's to say we won't be ghosted, breadcrumbed or zombied? So that's why we decided to launch Millennial Love as two long-time singletons in their 20s, talking candidly about all of the things everyone is doing, but not always willing to admit.

Yes, and today, everybody, it is our season one finale. Yes, it's a momentous occasion. Yes, we have done over a year of Millennial Love. Over a year. 54 episodes. I mean, how have we only just got to the end of season one, quite frankly? I know. It's a very long season.

It is a long season. But 54 episodes of talking about boys, dating, sex, love, like they're off. Yep, quite. Dry spell.

Ready for a wet spell. Yes, we have very much enjoyed the past year. We've had some wonderful guests. More on that later. And just, I guess, wanted to say thank you everyone for listening for the past 12 months or so. Absolutely. And we're just going to be taking a short break. Yes.

Essentially. So keep your eyes peeled, but we will be back. Yes. Keep your eyes peeled on our social media platforms. We will give you the info on those at the end of the episode as usual yes that's a little teaser to make you listen to the end yes i bet you feel enticed now okay fantastic okay should we do our dating debrief lily yes so i have actually been away for the last uh week and a half it feels like ages yeah it's been a long

time i went to ireland for a weekend um for a friend's birthday which was very fun um there were some irish boys there and they they were a lot of fun well irish boys are very friendly irish boys are very friendly they drink a lot they drink a lot more than me um and yeah one of the girls hooked up with one of the irish lads on the trip which was very exciting um and then i got back from ireland and then i went to zanzibar i love that which was absolutely beautiful i've never been anywhere like that before my entire life the water was so blue uh the weather was gorgeous well actually the weather was a bit rubbish for the first few days but it's still really hot, so it doesn't matter,

because it's a tropical climate, so it rains for like an hour. And then it's over. And then it's over, and it's beautiful and sunny. Well, you've still come back with a lovely golden glow. Thank you. I'm in my opaque black tights. Divi's got her legs out, and they look so tanned and lovely. I'm like staring at them in a non-creepy way.

It will not last very long. It will go away very soon. i did also get very burnt i went for a run um obviously in uh because i'm i can't relax on holiday i i always move a lot i'm not very good at sitting still um so i went for a run one morning and came back with like a my sportswear has a crisscross back and i had a bright bright white crisscross mark on my back because everything else was bright red I was sent pictorial evidence of this it was quite something yeah it's a really really good look and I had to wear a backless dress a few nights later for a wedding and uh again yeah really quite quite a look um yeah but you actually looked amazing because I saw

pics of that as well yes Rachel and I do send each other quite a lot of pictures honestly like I miss Libby so much even though we were talking every day yeah like mostly mostly all day every day and like sending pictures updates on boys everything and I was still like honestly I woke up this morning I was like yes Libby's back at work I was like I might be a bit too dependent I know you even came over and gave me a hug this morning in the middle of the newsroom I felt I needed to I really enjoyed it it needed to happen what have I been missing out on while I've been away um in your life I mean well yes here's the thing there's a few things that have happened here's the thing there are actually a few things can't wait to hear all of the things. Go. You probably already know them. Actually, one you might not know.

This is just quite funny. So the other day, I was downloading music to my phone. I tried to download Uptown Girl by Westlife because it's an absolute banger. I really hope this story gets more interesting. It doesn't really. Anyway, I accidentally downloaded every Westlife song ever so i had all this west life and i started listening to it and then i was like this is actually amazing because i feel like i'm in a rom-com all the time and i realized if you're trying to like muster the courage to

tell someone you love them or you have feelings for them westlife is the one sorry can you just tell me i'm having trouble thinking of a westlife song in my head i mean so many there's like mandy uh what's the most famous one flying without wings oh yeah i know that one is that originally westlife though i don't uptown girls obviously uptown girl i do know that's not originally them no i like their version anyway their songs all kind of merge into one to me anyway because they're all like emotional ballads but it's just like it almost makes me want to find someone and tell them I love them just from all the key changes it's very good so I recommend that um in other news I everyone knows I've had a very long dating drought and like mixed mixed uh luck

with the apps of late and um i was sort of giving up hope with the apps and sort of thinking like what's the point you never click with anyone however i fully clicked with a guy from hinge we have moved to whatsapp he just asked me out and did he you didn't tell me that it literally happened at lunchtime today it's very exciting how did he how did he word it was he like do you want to hang out or did he say do you want to get a drink or did he say do you want to go on a date they never say no he didn't use the word the word date is like off limits it's like a swear word i know it sounds way too isn't it weird i know i want to say do you want to go on a date or something everyone tries to be

much more casual don't they it's like should we hang out some time or have some fun this weekend it's all about ambiguity babe i know why do we do that i think because we want to be cool which we've done a whole episode on please go back into our back catalog on playing it's cool um so sorry he asked you out yeah i can't fully remember to be honest it's one of those casual things right however i'm just actually i have hopes i have high hopes because i'd sort of got to the point where i was like can you ever really like anyone that much when you just match on a dating app and you haven't even met them and you know the conversation is always such hard work what's the point but it's not with him it's really flowing it was sending really long messages

every message he sends every message he sends it like makes me smile on the inside and the outside and i'm just like wow that's really I really hope you're as good in real life as the messaging is so I'm hopeful in that I can't give you an update because well I'm leaving oh maybe Olivia can give an update on my okay yeah Rachel will have to fill me in I'll let you guys know I'll report back yeah on the first date I'll see if I can go out with him this weekend yeah please do it's really i mean your career depends on it it's important stuff um anyway so there's that and then one other thing i wanted to bring up because okay so i'm leaving work obviously and it reminded me of okay livy when you graduated from uni obviously we went to the

same uni but in different years did you ever experience what is known as the gold rush oh my god no i didn't but i know what you mean right so the gold rush is this concept that i don't know if it's only applied to uni but that's where i first encountered it it's when you've done your final exams then you've got a few weeks of i don't know parties and fun and stuff and the idea is that everyone's about to leave uni and go their separate ways so if there's someone you've had a crush on for ages or you fancied it's the gold rush so you just got to go for it and tell them or make a move or do something and I almost feel a bit like that with leaving work I'm like hmm should I should I pursue anyone here exciting. I don't know. And have you got your eye

on some bachelor's work? Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. Rachel has a leaving drinks tomorrow night when this episode comes out on Friday. Escapades could have happened. I didn't experience gold rush at uni, but I did definitely, I always fancied this

guy who was on my course. And we did English, we finished my course and um we did english we finished quite early uh so we did this like way did english even have any exams no we just handed our final essay and that was it it was a great course um so we all did this big night out together and i remember really trying on with this guy and the next and i i don't think he was interested at all but the next day he added me on facebook and you know like when you get those little signs that you just cling on to for dear life he fancies me he added me on facebook and nothing happened my god you know i do all this stuff i'm

like he looked at me yeah there's definitely a vibe there yeah he definitely fancies me and i'm like honey he doesn't He's just not that into you. Or maybe he's just friendly and polite. I know. That's why I've realized I go wrong with that now. And I've learned this this year. That sometimes they're not into you. They're just friendly and polite.

Speaking of learning things this year. You know, that would have been a really good segue into what the main topic of discussion is today. But we kind of should do bio for the week. damn it i thought i nailed it yeah okay bio of the week gone okay although this is actually um a bio i didn't like so and i actually posted this on the millennial love instagram story because some guy on hinge under like pet peeves he'd written best not be a tube makeup goer. Which A, is grammatically incorrect. What he's trying to say is he doesn't like it when girls put their makeup on on the tube. This has been a real talking point lately.

Yeah, it has. Okay, so Rachel knows this about me. I leave the house, you know, very, very quickly. You get up like 10 minutes before you have to leave. Yeah, and then, I mean, I've kind of stopped wearing makeup to work now because I actually can't bothered but what are you so pretty anyway I'm just really naturally beautiful and don't need makeup I'm just one of those girls it's just like a natural beauty anyway that's besides I'm sitting here like a full-on smoky eye you and your full-on smoky eyes that is that is that if you're gold rush you can't see Rachel's sassy face, but she just did a sassy face.

So yeah, I used to always put my tube on on the makeup, put my makeup on on the tube. But even now when I'm getting ready to go somewhere, not necessarily work, and I do decide to cover up my naturally beautiful face with some makeup. Artificial products. Artificial products. I always do it on the tube because it just saves time. Most people, most women, have at some point put makeup on the tube i don't do it every day but if i'm running super late i will even though i have to get up like 45 minutes before i leave the house i think not to toot my own horn but i think it's something to be applauded if you

can go on a jolty tube and manage to put mascara on without you know sticking a wand in your eye i actually do it in the breaks when it breaks when the tube is in the station. Oh do you, I find that quite stressful because you don't have that long. Like 30 seconds, quick, slick, slick, slick, blush, blush, blush. I know. Mascara, mascara, mascara.

Yeah, I do it though. But anyway. Well done. So I just think this guy, I think it's quite misogynistic to be honest. Well I don't really understand what, like actually, logically. What on earth is the problem? I don't get it. Yeah.

I fully don't get it. What on earth could, you? I don't get it. I fully don't get it. What on earth could... You're staying very much inside the space of your, like, tubes eat. It makes no sense. Eating, I remember this was a big thing. Eating on the tubes, weird. Well, eating on the tubes is just a bit gross. But people eat on trains.

Everyone's always eating on trains. That's true. But not tubes? Well, tubes are very dirty and there are rats down there. So there's a hygiene thing with that. But also... It's not like the food touches the ground. No, I know. But, tubes? Well, tubes are very dirty and there are rats down there. So there's a hygiene thing with that. But also... It's not like the food touches the ground. No, I know.

But, you know, the air... It's just weird. I know. But also I find it quite offensive if someone comes on the tube and eats McDonald's or like very stinky curry or something. It's just... I hate that. I can understand why someone would have a problem with that.

That's the same on a train though. Yeah. I also hate it on trains. I'm going to eat McDonald's next to me. It's gross. Don't have a problem with that. That's the same on a train though. Yeah. I also hate it on trains. Yeah. McDonald's next to me. It's gross. Don't have a smelly food. No.

Like have a train snack for sure. Yeah. But a non-smelly one. Yeah. Have a sociable. Like when someone cooks fish in the work microwave. Oh God. That's gross.

Not okay. Who would do that? People do. Strange people. They're not on my list. No. They're not on your Gold Rush list. This is a weird bio you

should you should really like get over yourself dude yeah like sorry no i'm gonna meet you and put my makeup on the tube anyway that was fun so yeah what we are going to discuss today is what we've learned from a year of millennial love well actually over a year because we started in september so what we've learned from millennial love in its current incarnation um well i think what we should do really is highlight a few of our favorite episodes oh sure yeah things that we've enjoyed discussing so we've covered we've covered an array of topics we've done very general things like unrequited love having a broken heart being single um honestly we've talked about so we've done very general things like unrequited love how to get over a broken heart being single um honestly we've talked about so much we've talked about a lot but i think my favorite episodes have been the ones that have been quite niche so i think probably my favorite

one because it's some it was about something that i really knew nothing about and hadn't previously considered was the one we did with the naked professor on sexual dysfunction so yeah for those who don't follow ben uh you really should he is a brilliant brilliant writer blogger mental health campaigner influencer and he's also just about to launch his own podcast with um oh crap what's his name matt matt johnson there we go oh sorry i had mine blank about all mental health and they're interviewing celebrities all about their mental health journeys and experiences so i think that would be brilliant but sorry do you go on really good um what we talked about with him was because he suffers from a condition known as delayed orgasm is that what it's delayed ejaculation delayed ejaculation um which basically means you know despite what the name suggests it means that he essentially just doesn't orgasm like 90 of the time um and he's you know he's been to see

psychiatrists about it he's been to see all sorts of physicians wow that's a hard word to say physicians about it and no one's really identified a particular cause. Most of the time with these sexual dysfunction problems, they are psychiatric, is the general consensus. But, you know, there's been no clear indicator as to why this happens. And I just thought it was very interesting because... Fantastic, I thought. Yeah, well, because obviously the main assumption when it comes to sex, when you're looking at heterosexual sex, is that, you know, the man is always up for it, quite literally.

Like, the man, we're sold a narrative that sex is very easy for men. They get an erection in seconds. They always have an orgasm. And it's the woman that finds it more difficult. And obviously that's, you know, a whole other conversation. It's very important. We've spoken about, you know, female orgasms on this podcast before but i think it's just very interesting that you know you never think about the reverse and that actually men can have a quite hard time with

it as well and it can have more of a damaging effect because of all of this pressure what's What's been so lovely is that we have both learned so much through the guests we've had on. And that's so lovely to then learn ourselves but also be able to spread that message. For example, I absolutely loved our episode with Joe Whitehead about bisexual erasure because it was something I knew nothing about because i didn't have any experience of it and i don't think it's something that people talk about enough no not at all and again with um bisexuality it's something that is widely misunderstood um and can be stereotyped in a way that's very harmful with a lot of people saying things like you know bisexual people are just greedy it's a

myth it's not real you either like one or the other or you're just like on the way to coming out as gay yeah exactly and it's and that's what leads to bisexual invisibility um and it's it's a real problem and it's it's that you know in very unfair treatment yeah absolutely and another one on that lines was having the slay in your lane girls on a few weeks ago when we did racism and dating I mean they're amazing I absolutely but it's just again like had I not read the book or read any interviews with them I wouldn't know about the issues they face as black women. Yeah, what I found really interesting about that was the fetishizing comments that they receive on dating apps.

And, you know, I did a big feature on the racism on dating apps and spoke to a lot of people. And they said that a lot of the time, you know, if you're anything other than white, you are perceived as other and are therefore almost sought after by way of some sort of like you know niche sexual fantasy um which which is wrong on so many levels but it's um very

it's very upsetting that you know in 2018 this is still happening yeah um and there was a study you know i think from a few years ago by ok cupid which said that um you know by and large the most popular ethnic group on dating apps are white people which which is an incredibly bleak stat yeah I remember when I went to this like singleton's party at some townhouse and I think I forgot to tell this story on the episode but I met this guy there and he we were talking about dating apps and I can't remember which app he was talking about but he said something like oh well it's all for the Chinese isn't it and I was like oh really what what I was like I really didn't i didn't know what he was talking about and he said it in such a derogatory way and i i also got the impression um this is me judging him but

how could you know everyone on there was chinese even if they were oriental looking or you know it's it was it was just like there is racism everywhere who was this guy white dude a white dude yeah yeah shocking yeah i know i'm shook yeah really i am shook at the views of this middle-class white man yeah oh god i think i remember speaking to him actually he he was oh yeah yeah he was very um yeah because you left the party but i left the party because the party was full of people like him i stayed argue with people like him um another episode actually speaking of um well-spoken people was the episode that we did with sapphire money coots about class and dating because that was something i found really fascinating

um you know we we spoke about sapphire's book uh which tells the story of a journalist who falls for a aristocratic it's called the plus one isn't it yeah yeah it's called the plus one um and this this woman from you know fairly normal conventional family falls for this aristocratic gentleman i suppose you could call him um and it's it's a classic storyline a nonetheless. Yeah, just quite fascinating looking at the way that their backgrounds affect their relationship. And it's not something that I have much personal experience of. And you'd like to think that, you know, class differences, you know, in inverted commas, don't really come into play in relationships. But I think it really does. We had a lot of messages from people um after that episode came

out um saying that they are in similar situations where you know they were dating someone who was in you know again inverted commas a higher social class than them and they were nervous about meeting their family they were nervous about how they were going to be received they uh you know it's just all about it just, you know, maybe your actual relationship with that person doesn't matter. But that person's family, you'll always have those fears of judgment from them. That's always the thing, isn't it? It always feels like the parents or the family are the ones that are more likely to be judging about you and your social status than the person you're actually dating. Yeah.

What's the classic Romeo and Juliet narrative, isn't it? Well, they were just feuding families, weren't they? It wasn't thing or was it i don't know you did english i think i think i think the capulets were posher posher i didn't even know that i might have made that up i think i think they are really yeah either way tell us please no i mean well tell me oh god, God, how sad. Don't tell us. Don't ever message us ever again. It's been a few years since uni, hasn't it? It's been a few years since uni.

We all need a refresher. So people go to me now, you're fluent in German, aren't you? Tell us what Angela Merkel said. And I'm like, um, yes, yes. I'm definitely fluent. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

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english she is a very good poet you should go and buy her anthology it's called she must be mad and follow her on insta yeah she's brilliant it's full of uh little reflections on modern love and romance and there's lots of good stuff on body positivity as well um she's brilliant brilliant writer and so we had her on the podcast to talk about why we let people we like treat us like rubbish, basically, and why we tolerate such poor behavior and why, you know, despite our friends telling us, you're too good for them, you can do so much better,

why a lot of the time, at least me, my gut reaction is to make up excuses for people if I like them and think, well, no no no they they're having a hard time at work that's why they haven't replied to this message or they're really busy with this which is why they just cancelled on me at the last minute and you know these are very small things but it can you know develop and before you know it you become a little bit delusional about this person just because you like them so much and you want to believe the best in them um and so that was a really interesting chat that we had with charlie it was something that she also had

experienced a lot of i know i've certainly experienced a lot of that a lot of people have yeah i think it's ubiquitous to just to tolerate tolerate rubbish behavior from people you like um particularly now when you meet people on dating apps and you know we're encouraged to view everyone that we meet as disposable because as soon as you swipe right on one person another person comes up so it encourages this culture where we just think oh well you know i don't really like this person i'm just gonna stop talking to them i'm gonna ghost them and you know the person on the other end of that conversation is thinking oh well i really like this person they're just not speaking to me right now because they're busy i was like no babe

they're talking to someone else i'm gonna say it one last time my main piece of advice when it comes to dating because it really fits here find someone who treats you like a priority, not an option. I say this to everyone all the time, but I genuinely think it's one of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard. It really is. And I've really noticed, you know, all of the guys I've dated have treated me as an option. Exactly.

Whereas you deserve to be treated like a priority. You don't want to be just fitting into someone's schedule. Exactly. Like people cancelling you last minute because something better comes along. You don't want to be just fitting into someone's schedule. Exactly. Like people cancelling you last minute because something better comes along. No, no, no. No. If they treat you like that, it doesn't bode well.

No, it really doesn't. Particularly in the early stages of a relationship. You've got to know your worth, people. Yeah. Don't put up with it. You deserve better. We all deserve better. Yeah. Okay.

One of my favourite episodes, one of my favourite guests was the inimitable Dolly Olsen. Yes. I think our Dolly episode is actually our most listened to episode to date. I think it is. Which is lovely because we know that everyone's adored her book this year, Everything I Know About Love. However, I always think this is rather fitting that the message of dolly's book is it's sort of about all her relationships with men and her love life but really it's about her friendship with her female friends and i sort of feel like millennial love is that too because we talk about boys and

love lives and relationships all the time but actually isn't it about our friendship you guys should see rachel's face right now she looks like a cat she literally i'm gonna cry yeah no you're right it's very and i completely agree with the brilliant thing about dolly's book is the trajectory is very much taking us through all of these dalliances she's had with men and the way that she's been treated and the way that she's fallen for men and you know had her heart broken and throughout the whole book the only you know stability that she has are her female friendships and i think that's very true for a lot of you know men and women despite all of the um romances we have this you know you can always cling on to the stability of

your of your good friends and it sounds like a really basic thing to say but it is so true and so important i was about to say so important because you know like we've been doing this for over a year i've dated i don't even know how many guys like so many guys although not recently because of the drought but you know i've still all my girlfriends i've obviously been there the whole time and that's so lovely and you know every time i'm excited about a new guy they're excited with me yeah and they're always interested and they want updates and they'll support me and i have my best interests at heart and god isn't that just the best and there's

something incredibly reassuring about knowing that they will always be there yeah i think um it's very easy to get despondent if you haven't dated someone in a while and to get a bit anxious about dipping your toe back into the dating world or just have a freakout about i'm gonna be alone forever yeah but i think you know when you feel like that remember that you actually you have these friends by your side who will be there for you when when you start dating someone if it goes tits up they'll still be there do you know what one of my best friends jenny said to me a while ago i was dating this guy she basically thought he was she had she didn't she thought it wasn't good for me um and she but she said to me she said but if you want to care and seeing him of course care and seeing him i love you and if it all goes tits up i'll be

there with cookies and vodka oh that's just like sweet thank you it really though i really i really noticed it this year how important the support of your friends are with these things like i went through one of the most horrific experiences uh with a guy in like january february time and honestly the thing that got me through it was my friends i didn't feel comfortable talking to my family about it i needed i needed allies and they were there in full force and i honestly wouldn't have got through it without them it it makes such a difference um so really you know if if you find yourself single and wanting to nurture a relationship nurture your friendships yeah and also your friends know you so well

so they can be I really listen to my friends opinions my relationships obviously in that previous case I decided to date him anyway but that same friend Jenny recently we were at it doesn't matter where we were at we were at a thing of an evening and there was a guy there that I totally fancied and Jenny was like oh my god he's so flirting with you but just be careful because he seems like a bit of one of those charmer guys I'm not sure blah blah blah and then you know he was super flirty with me and then we got home and Instagram stalked him and he clearly has a girlfriend and I was like really Jenny you could tell you could tell interesting she knew yeah so that was disappointing like why are guys like that i mean not just guys but like why would he be so

overtly flirty with me he has a girlfriend but again that goes that circles back to what we said before about trying to distinguish between someone who's just being friendly and someone who is actually interested in you he was definitely flirting really he said he was like i'm gonna slide into your dms and all this and i was like it's quite flirting i know it's inappropriate isn't it well it is when you have a girlfriend yeah yeah it's not it's not very fair to you no either of the ladies no it's not fair um however one of the other things that i have i will will really take away from doing With Any Love, is that we should all just talk about things more. You know, all the things we've discussed like female masturbation, mental health, STIs, body positivity, orgasms, period sex.

The responses we've had have been incredible it's been so humbling to get all your messages saying wow this was so reassuring I thought I was alone in thinking this or doing this or it's so nice to hear you guys talking so openly about this and everything we've spoken about is stuff that's normal happens to all of us stuff we all do but we don't talk about enough so that's why we all feel like we're alone and weird and there's something wrong with us but there so isn't yeah even even with your friends sometimes it's so easy to to keep things to yourself because you're you're feeling embarrassed um you know about maybe i don't know maybe you had sex with your boyfriend while you're on your period and you got you got blood everywhere you know about maybe i don't know maybe you had sex with your boyfriend while you're on your

period and you got you got blood everywhere you know that is so common so common and i know so many people that would be so ashamed to talk about that which is just it's it's very upsetting because obviously you know it it happens to everyone and it's it's weird that we're not talking about this stuff and obviously you know it's a more it's a bigger and it's it's weird that we're not talking about this stuff and obviously you know it's a more it's a bigger problem you know that specific issue probably feeds into the whole taboo around periods which is very easy to dismiss and be like oh well periods aren't stigma anymore and it's like no no no they really are a lot of people when we when we did that um period sex episode a lot of people got in touch with us

and said i'm so pleased you spoke about this this is something that has happened to me i've never really asked about this um and we had the lovely alex fox for that episode with us um who was brilliant um and yeah i agree with you there are just things that we need to speak about more stis as well particularly that's something that people still have such damaging views on i remember recently a friend of mine uh was talking about this at the dinner table with a group of girls and she said that she'd gotten chlamydia and one girl at the table went oh yeah yeah and it just it really blew my mind because I was like, well, why did you say ooh? And she was like, well, because it's gross.

It's an STI, like, ugh. Oh dear. And I just thought, God, that is a real shame that we're... She wouldn't say ooh when she's had it or when she's got it. No. When she will probably realise, you know, quite how easy it is to get and quite how often there's nothing you can do about it.

But again, like, you know, that's just adding fuel to the fire of shaming someone for something that happens to everyone so easily and has nothing to do with how many sexual partners you've had. It's, you know, it's one of those things where the stigma really is logically just nonsensical. Yeah. I mean, if anything, it's a bit of an oops.

Yeah. It's an oops yeah it's an oops it's an oops so many of the sexual problems we encounter are a bit of an oops yeah but it's okay yeah it happens sort of that it's fine anyway shall we do our dating dilemma our final dating dilemma yes okay i'll start are you actually gonna cry no i did cry literally just before this do you cry a lot um okay let's move on i cry a lot in films anyway um here it goes oh and this is from a girl based in barcelona we should say yes she said thank you very much for sending this in a few weeks ago i was with my dad pulling out money from the atm and a really good looking guy walked past the bank branch and greeted my dad they exchanged a few friendly words when the cute guy left my little sister asked my dad who he was and my dad replied he's Jorge he's quite new in the bank and comes from Madrid really nice

intelligent fella literally one hour later i was swiping on tinder brackets we don't have hinge or bumble here and i saw him i took a screenshot and sent it to my sister to confirm it was actually him before swiping right we matched instantly and he sent me a message straight away we quickly moved the chat to whatsapp and texted for three weeks pretty much every day before we went on a date which happened last night dinner beer walk home make out at the front door and we both said we wanted a second date because it went really well the thing is all this time I thought he knew who I was but now I'm starting to think he didn't recognize me and has no clue I'm his boss's daughter I thought he knew

basically because one we matched on tinder one hour after we saw each other two I have instagram linked to my tinder and my username is my first name and surname, which isn't a common surname in Spain and obviously the same name my dad has. Three, I messaged him on WhatsApp and my name is also my full name. Neither of us has mentioned anything about it. Plus, my dad is the regional director of the bank, so basically he'd be dating his boss's daughter and might not be okay with it how should i bring this up without looking crazy do you think he knows who i am but he's just not mentioning it thanks a bunch i'd love to hear your insights okay firstly if the guy hasn't worked out who she is

he must be a bit of a moron does that mean no but it is one of those really awkward things isn't it because it's like you almost get to the point where you've been chatting for a while. You, to bring it up now, would feel a bit awkward because either he's going to be like, well, yeah, obviously. Obviously, I remember you. Or he's...

Oh, my God, it's really awkward, isn't it? Or he's going to say something along the lines of, oh, well... I hadn't realised. I hadn't realised. That's a bit weird and then she'll be worried that he's gonna think she's overly keen because that's always what runs through people's minds in these situations um it's just it's it reminds me of being university

when you would meet people i don't know why this always happened at bristol for some reason but you would meet people all the time particularly men multiple times and they would pretend to never have met you before oh i think they just don't remember whereas i remember people a lot i'm like yeah we met a month ago or they don't remember but it gets to a point where like you've met so many you've met so many times it's impossible for them not to remember your name well it's i think there's something quite strangely there's something about being very cool about being like i'm too cool i'm too cool to remember you i'm too busy i don't remember i meet so many people i'm kind of a big deal and you're kind of a small deal so i don't remember who you are um and this situation just reminds me of that because this girl is in now in a situation where it's difficult for her to say anything

because either it's been obvious the whole time for him or it hasn't and now it's like taking a risk as to which one of those things it could be i mean it really doesn't matter it's truly such a pickle i think you need to be quite subtle about it and ask him you need you basically you need to get it out of him whether he knows there are ways that you can do this without explicitly asking how have they not talked about work well that's what i was gonna say how could they go on one whole day and not talk about work at all so i would talk about work and be like oh so well things if she asks it's so tricky because if she asks him where do you work she's pretending that she doesn't know no i don't think she should do that which is not what she should do i think she should start

talking about her work and then that will encourage him to start talking about his work and hopefully she'll then be able to get a sense of whether he knows or not because if he starts saying well i work for this company called then she'll know that he has no idea i presume like surely he must have at least brought up like that he works in a bank or something. But why would he say that if he already knew that she knew? It almost sounds like he hasn't put two and two together. Hmm. I would I'm almost going to guess that.

But I don't understand. Well, I know what you mean because if if he knew that this was his boss's daughter you would think that he would have made a joke about it by now it's it's very very very odd in the long run i mean it doesn't really does it really matter well i mean if you it's it's messy that it could be messy it doesn't necessarily matter it could all be fine but you'd obviously need to talk to your dad as well which again awkward yeah like most dads are not so good at these chats okay basically what you need to do is subtly find out if he knows or not by talking about what no i think don't try and do the subtle thing i would advise just be fully open about it and you can just be

like look this is a bit awkward but i kind of wanted to bring up like have you you do know that you know my dad's your boss right or like i'm so-and-so's daughter i genuinely think she should just do that but don't say it out of the blue work it into the conversation like start talking about work what did you have for lunch today by the way yeah yeah because then it makes it a bigger deal and it makes it think that it's something like it'll make him think that it's something you're worried about when you know you don't really choose yeah but you don't need to be that worried about it well i'd be worried all right says mrs gold, getting her work list of people together. Hey, it's not like that, please.

True. Anyway, let me know how it works out for you. I just would also like to say that I think the best thing in all these situations is honesty. Honesty with your dad, honesty with him. Yeah. I guess, I mean, honesty is always is always better well they say it's the best policy is that what they say really I've never heard that before thanks right apparently I mean I may have just come up with that myself I don't know but good luck good luck with the situation It sounds like a messy one, but I would say, you know, there's no reason to not pursue it just because he's your dad's colleague, employee, whatever.

Because it's very hard to find someone that you have a spark with. And if you have a spark with this guy, don't end it for like a not good reason. Yeah, exactly. It's not, yeah. Thank you so much to everyone who's listened to today's episode as we said it is our series finale so we're going to be taking a break but please please please you know go into the back catalog if you want we've got hours and

hours of content to listen to if you miss us too much um please keep rating reviewing subscribing we absolutely love seeing those little stars pop up in those reviews. Carry on sending us your messages because we absolutely love receiving them. Yes, and we will actually reply to them because we're going to have some time to do that. So keep sending in your stories. You can email them to us at

millennial.love at independent.co.uk or you can slide into our DMs on Instagram at millennial underscore love. And every story you send will be kept anonymous. As it's the end of the series I thought it would be a nice opportunity to just say genuinely thank you so much to everyone who supported the podcast. It's been so

lovely to you know see it grow and get all your lovely feedback and also thank you to all the guests we've had on. Hasn't it been lovely to meet so many of our idols, so many fascinating, brilliant people

and pick their brains about their love lives? Yeah, it's been a real privilege. So thank you to everyone who has been kind enough to come on. And again, yes, thank you to lovely listeners.

And I look forward to seeing you all or speaking to you all shortly. In series two. Yes. If you'd like to follow our individual social media accounts, my Twitter and Instagram are Rachel underscore Hosey. And I am Olivia Petter 8 on Instagram

and Olivia Petter 1 on Twitter, I think. She's not sure of that every time. Yeah, I don't know why I'm not sure of this. I'm not very good. I wouldn't be a very good influencer. I'd have different usernames on every platform. Have you thought about the cardinal sin

of influencing making them both the same number that is a too easy solution for my complex brain sure thank you

and good night thank you everyone have a good weekend yeah bye bye We'll see you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push.

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