Love Lives - Dani Dyer on relationships in the public eye

Episode Date: February 14, 2020

To kick start season three Olivia is joined by Love Island winner Dani Dyer to talk about her experience on the show, what it was like to win and how she coped with a relationship, and subsequent break up, in the public eye.Dani also spills the beans on this season of Love Island and which couples she's rooting for.As always you can keep up to date with everything to do with the show on Instagram @millennial_love. If you're a new listener please remember to subscribe and leave us a comment, preferably a nice one!Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome back to Millennial Love, a podcast from The Independent that looks at everything to do with sexuality, relationships, identity and more. I'm your host Olivia Petter and today on the program i'm joined by danny dyer danny is probably best known for appearing on love island in 2018 and actually winning the show with her then boyfriend jack fincham today she joins me to discuss what it was like to break up with jack in the public eye and find love again with her ex we also discuss the current season of love island but I should warn you that the couples she mentions are actually no longer together because we did record this a few weeks ago. So my thoughts and condolences go out to all the fans of

Shauna and Callum. I hope you enjoy the show. Hello, Dani. Hi. So your book, What Would Dani Do? funny thank you uh it has some of the funniest quotes i've ever read particularly about dating things like i was just the fried halloumi when all i wanted to be was the full chicken and falling in love with just to be was like tasting my first duck roll uh but I think one of the best parts about that chapter in particular is how you talk about your perfect couple being your mum and dad yeah uh which

I think is really sweet so what is it about their relationship that you think you hope to emulate in your own relationships I think it's like they've been together since I was like 14 and I love the fact that they're best friends and you can tell how much they fancy each other as gross as that is because that's my mum and dad but they have they just get along they're like best friends and they're very honest with each other when it comes to the fact of how they're feeling and I just love that and I've always wanted in a relationship to for them to be my best friend as well as like a couple you know I've been like they had me at such a young age at 19 so I've sort of gone through their relationship with them really so no yeah I think you always want I've always wanted that what my mum and dad have had you talk about having quite a lot of bad luck with boys before um before

having gone on love island so what kind of situations did you experience you talk about game playing yeah what kind of games would people play with you I think it's with boys in particular they're just very I feel like when you're we're quite open aren't we like well I am quite over with my feelings very honest but I feel like boys like to play the game and you know they act like they're not interested and then when you actually aren't interested then they're interested I just don't get it like I always had that issue and I had it for a little while my friends have been always in relationships like one of my best friends she's been with her boyfriend since she was 14 my other friend was in a five-year relationship my other friend was in a relationship it was always me that was going through it and I'd be like well at least it's me you know there's

got to be one friend that's doing it and it was always me I'd be ringing them up going girls girls they'd be like what now Dani do you think though i know in general like it's so it's so much better to be open and i'm the same like i always want to be more open in relationships but do you think when someone is playing games with you it's quite hard not to play games back yeah like you know the whole like texting thing like i'm not gonna text him first and i'm not gonna answer the phone call yeah you do i feel like it can get into a vicious like circle though when like they play games and you play games and it doesn't really work it's fun for a little while but then after a while it becomes a little bit draining I think especially like the older you get like when you're 16 17 I think

fine but I feel like when you start getting in your 20s it's a bit like what do you want when you were writing that chapter on dating how did it feel at the time was it was it quite satisfying to be so open with your readers from your perspective because obviously coming from love island you've been written about so much and your love life has been written about so much so was it quite refreshing to actually be the person in control of that narrative yeah 100% I feel like the only time I can be 100% control is when I'm like writing down and when I can put it into my book so I liked that I could say what I want do what I want if I wanted to take it out I could there was no filter with it and that's what

I loved I could just be completely honest on the way I'm feeling about it and the book came out last year so this is the paperback version yes coming out now so you do did you write it just after you came off the show of Love Island in 2018. Yeah. So the part of the book, like the big part of the book, yeah. And then obviously the final chapter was this year. Yeah. Last year. No, this is confusing. Last year.

So how does it feel rereading the book now? Because obviously a large chunk of it was written while you were still with Jack, who you met on the show and won the show with. When you read it back now how does it make you feel you know what it was a part of my life and that's what I look at as like anything I've you know put in the book was a part of my life when I'm speaking about previous relationships you know that was a part of me and I was and I'm not ashamed of that because you know Jack me and Jack had such a great time together you know we was in Love Island we won Love Island together so

that was a memory and that's what I just look at it as rather than anything. The breakup was obviously incredibly public and I can't imagine how difficult that must have been to go through a breakup with someone and then have the reasons sort of speculated about in the press and everything is scrutinized how how did it feel at the time and were you expecting it to be of such interest to people no I don't you know it was really rubbish to be honest because it's just one of them things it just happens and you don't realize when you sort of come out of love island you don't realize that you're famous I know it sounds weird because you go in and then as one person you come out and then you do have you are like under a microscope you have to you know watch everything you do

everything you say and stuff and it was really difficult because it is hard everyone's going to have an opinion I have to understand that everyone's going to assume things everyone's going to you know read things and I just feel like I had to just keep my mouth shut a little bit because the more you say the more it gets twisted but it is difficult because I'm such a person that really speaks about how I'm feeling I'm very honest so when I've got people talking about me I just want to say this and say that and but it's just like you know what there's no point because the more you say the more gets like spoken about so I just thought you know what it is what it is. Was there anything you read in particular that was a rumor that you just thought this is so untrue I'm so tempted to say something just to

actually confirm that this is not the case did you ever read anything that you just felt oh like so frustrated probably all of it but no I think the one thing was definitely um with the whole that I planned there was like this really horrible article saying that I planned what I was doing before Love Island that I was going to apparently go on Love Island win the show somehow I was going to win that um which is really difficult um and then I was going to like not be with Jack and then i was gonna get with like the guy without and it was just really like i wish i had my life that figured out to be honest because i really wish i did because before love i didn't know what i was doing love island sort of saved me which is really weird but it just like made me become who i am like i didn't really know what i was doing before love

island i was like i had my friends i was having fun I was working in a pub but but that wasn't what I wanted to do long term and I was like you know I'm just gonna go on Love Island and have some fun and hope you know something comes of it so but you don't know what's gonna happen in Love Island you know it was very lucky to actually go on there and meet someone it's so difficult yeah so you don't regret that experience obviously now that because how long were you and Jack together for? We was together, so... When was we... I don't know. Eight months, nearly?

Right. Well, it was, like, including Love Island time. Like, eight months, nine months. And you don't regret the experience at all? Oh, my God, no. Never. Like, never, never, never. Like, I'll never regret anything I've done.

When you were on the show, I remember there was one moment when uh Jack was in Casa Amor oh yeah yeah and oh my god I had like a breakdown didn't I and it generated but it generated a lot of complaints because what happened was um they they showed you a clip of Jack meeting his ex-girlfriend in that other villa and and then there was a video of you getting quite upset by it uh seeing that clip and then there were loads of complaints about how that was quite manipulative did you feel manipulated at the time or did you just feel incredibly upset seeing I was just upset

I think because everything was quite going really well and you know and then Catamore is always scary anyway like a day in there feels like a week. So I was gone for like four days. So you're overthinking anyway. And I think for me, I'm such a drama queen. I don't know why I cried like that. I didn't cry like that for a long time, really. I sort of kept it together, kept it together. And then that was that one little clip.

And for some reason, it just really hurt me. I don't know why, but it wasn't manipulative. I just think it's a TV show. Like they have to have your twists and turns everyone's got to have their moments and you know I couldn't believe there was all complaints and stuff to be honest and coming out the show how did you find how did you find going from being in that bubble and being in this relationship where I'm guessing it doesn't feel like the cameras are on you because you're just living in this villa and

the sun is shining and you've met someone great and whatever so I suspect it's probably more intense and things probably between you and Jack get more intense far more quickly than they would in the outside world so what was the transition like when you then came out of that villa and you then had to navigate this relationship did it feel like you were in a new relationship? Yeah you do feel like you're in a new relationship because when you're in love island everything is so sped up like you would never in eight weeks become boyfriend girlfriend with someone like that it's just so weird it was like three weeks i think we've become in a relationship i just think when you come out it is really hard you sort of adjust to a new life you know this relationship and you sort of go should we just

go back in the villa because you just feel safe and i think I think it is, it's just hard, isn't it? Like, relationships are difficult anyway and then to put it in the real world, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and R1 just didn't work. Do you guys still talk? Are you still in touch? I don't, no, no.

Of course, I think, you know what, if I see Jack, I would be polite. I'd say, hello, how are you? Like, I would never, never be horrible to Jack, you know, so I hope vice versa. But, I mean, we're not going to be friends, are we? It's a bit weird whether you're in your running era pilates era or yoga era dive into peloton workouts that work with you from meditating at your kids game to mastering a strength program they've got

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Yeah. How did it feel actually just forming a new relationship without without all of the media i mean i presume you still get media attention and scrutiny but without the cameras and without the constant challenges like you had in the villa and without the constant analysis what what's it like just being in a normal relationship it's just nice like i've always always wanted to like i think it's nice to have a normal relationship like he's just a normal guy that has a normal job. And it's nice as well because I detach myself from that as well. Because our worlds are so different and I like that.

I think sometimes when your worlds are too similar, it just, like, you know, you can bicker about it sometimes. I just think it's nice to just go home and, you know, chill, ask how his day is. He asked me how mine is and that's how it is really. ask how his day is he asked me how mine is and that's how it is really looking back on sort of all of your relationship experiences is there any one instant in particular of how you behaved with a partner that you particularly regret I think there's definitely been relationships where when I was younger and you know when you were just a little bit careless and didn't really think I think there was one guy how I was with and I broke his... I've only ever broke one guy's heart, actually.

Only one guy when I was younger and he was really upset about it. But I think that was actually the turning point when I was like, if I wasn't in that relationship, I didn't want to be in that relationship. But I think there's never been anything I've really regretted because this always happened and I've always looked back and gone, that's happened for a reason. Even if in that moment in time I didn't feel like it, I was upset and this was happening and I've always looked back and gone, that's happened for a reason. Even if in that moment in time I didn't feel like it, you know, I was upset and this was happening and I was like, oh, you know,

was that the right decision? I always look back eventually and go, no, that definitely happened for a reason. How many times do you think you've had your heart broken? I think a couple times, definitely a couple times. I think my first one when I was about 18, 19, that was like the serious. I feel like you only ever feel that pain like really badly like once and then you do have your crying when you're crying for three days you can't eat you don't want to go out you know I think we all have that as girls you know as you go out and boys too but I think only a couple times not too

many I don't want to be like that all the time how do you when you've just had your heart broken by someone what are your tips for getting through it I think just cry I just cry I used to go around my friends house and just cry and they'd just be like you're just just confiding your friends and staying I think you even some people they either go out don't they all the time and you know or they're just like I feel like you just have to deal with your feelings rather than just go out and party and stuff I don't think that works are you watching the show now? Yeah, I love Love Island. I love Love Island. It's one of the best shows ever.

Who are you rooting for? You know what? I like Leanna Mike. I do like Leanna Mike. But Mike, I don't know. There's something about him that I'm a bit like, hmm, do I trust you? I like Shauna and Callum.

I think they're really, really funny. But it's hard. You know, Sophie, I like Sophie. I think she's really great. I like them're really really funny but it's hard you know Sophie I like Sophie I think she's really great I like them all Paige as it's going on

I'm starting to like more characters but I can't get her name right is it Shiny Shanice yeah I really really I really like her

I keep hearing mixed things about her but I think she's brilliant is it not quite surreal to watch the show back now the first one was when I watched the

summer one yeah that was really really weird but now this one i'm like i just feel like i'm watching a show yeah i don't feel like i was on that one it's so weird does it feel like your life is just completely different now yeah it is but when they're in there i'm like you know what i want to say to them just enjoy every minute of it because when you're in there you moan and you're like why are you moaning like just enjoy. And do you have any other advice for people for when they immediately come out of the villa who are like you are in couples?

Yeah. How they can handle the media attention, the scrutiny, and try to, because, you know, I don't know if that was a reason why you and Jack didn't work, but I can imagine that puts a lot of strain on a relationship. So do you have any advice for navigating that and just trying to maintain the intimacy that you had in the villa I guess I think it's just to enjoy it you know have one-on-one

time and you know when you come out it is like your world just changes completely and I just think it's you know stay right around the people that you know were there before the villa so you just keep your normality and I don't think and just don't go out all the time I mean I'm one of them I'm so boring anyway but it's just like just stay in enjoy time together and I just think as a person don't change your life completely like although your life will change like keep what you had before like your friends always spend time with your family I just think because that just keeps you grounded and like you know what my life isn't too different if you had to come up with one takeaway that you learn about relationships just being on the show specifically because we're going to come to another one in a minute but just being on love island is there one thing that you think you learned about yourself and the way you behave in a relationship

that you didn't know prior to going on the show I think it's definitely like being honest of how you're feeling I feel like sometimes as like girl think it's definitely like being honest of how you're feeling. I feel like sometimes as like, I'm a girl, I'm boys, but you bubble up about how you're feeling and you're not really honest about it and then you just like explode and then like scream and that's what I used to do. I used to be like, yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine

and then I'd like completely not be fine and I just think now I know that you should just be honest with someone and, you know, truthful and I just think I learnt that about myself and, you know, just not to be like a yes girl you're like yes babe that's fine yes no if you if there's a problem you you could know that's what I'm like we sort of we sort of segued into our lessons in love segment in the show which is which is when a guest shares something they've learned from their relationship so yours is obviously to be honest um but I want to ask

you a bit about what you just said about being a yes girl because I think it's really funny because there is this sort of myth that the cool girl in inverted brackets you know is someone who doesn't really let anything bother them and doesn't really get too annoyed by anything in a relationship and just kind of lets people walk all over them uh so do you think that's something that you did in the show or only prior to the show and now you learn in the show that you're not going to let people do that to you anymore I think definitely prior to the show I was a little bit like that I wasn't in a relationship for like about a year and a half to two years really but I mean obviously you see people in between and I think I was I was just so like like back of

everything like yeah that's fine that's fine whatever and then sort of went in there and I think I was I was just so like laid back of everything like yeah that's fine that's fine whatever and then sort of went in there and I was like well actually no that's not what I want clearly something's going wrong you know clearly daddy so I was just I just think I've learned I learned in the villa and when I come out the villa like you should just definitely be honest and that the cool girl like oh you know I'm fine with him doing this I'm fine with him doing that I just don't feel like you should be like that obviously you have to be laid back and I think we're all a little bit nuts as girls, aren't we, really? We overthink everything. I know their cousins, sisters, brother, where they've gone out.

I know everything. And I'm like, you know what? Maybe you shouldn't do that. Yeah. Because that's a bit scary. I know their mum and dad before they've told me their names. So I thought I had to rein that in a little bit. It's social media though, isn't it?

It's so tempting when you have access to all this information to someone. Yeah, I'm nuts literally my friends say to me like you're like the FBI yeah I've had to calm that down a little bit

yeah I think I think we all are to be honest I think that's all we've got time for oh thank you but thank you so much Dani for coming in

thank you for having me and really appreciate it that's it for today thank you so much for listening if you're a new listener you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Acast or wherever you listen. You can also comment and leave us a rating so that more people can find us. Keep up with everything to do on the show

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