Love Lives - Love in the time of corona

Episode Date: March 27, 2020

This week, it's a slightly unusual episode as Olivia speaks to listeners about how coronavirus has impacted their love lives.Living in a national shutdown means that most of us are completely house-bound, rendering our romantic lives somewhat obsolete. Or does it?We hear from Candice, whose new relationship is flourishing on Face Time and Harriet, who has moved in with someone she has just started seeing.There are less-than-ideal scenarios, too, like Ciara, who explains how she has had to continue living in a house with her ex-boyfriend due to the shutdown...If you have an interesting story to share about how the pandemic has affected your love life, please do get in touch via Instagram @millennial_love.If you're a new listener please remember to subscribe and leave us a comment, preferably a nice one!Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can Indigenous ways of knowing help kids cope with online bullying? At the University of British Columbia, we believe that they can. Dr. Johanna Sam and her team are researching how both Indigenous and non-Indigenous youth cope with cyber-aggression, working to bridge the diversity gap in child psychology research. At UBC, our researchers are answering today's most pressing questions. To learn how we're moving the world forward, visit ubc.ca forward happens here. Hello and welcome to Millennial Love, a podcast from The Independent on everything to do with love, sexuality, identity and more. This week we have a slightly different episode for you.

As you will probably know, the world is in a rather strange place right now. Thanks to the coronavirus pandemic, people in countries around the world have been put on lockdown, meaning many of us can only leave our homes for essential things such as food shopping or exercise. Dating is not included in that list. Thanks to these new measures, people are starting to get quite creative with the ways that they date. A lot of people are using apps such as Zoom or Houseparty to conduct digital dates when they are miles apart. The new regulations are also forcing couples who live apart to make some difficult decisions, with the government encouraging

them to either live separately or move in together to, and this is in quotation marks, test the strength of their relationship. So it's a fascinating time to be talking about dating. To give you a taster of what's happening right now, I've spoken to four different women whose relationships have been impacted by the lockdown, some for better and others for worse. Enjoy the show. Hi I'm Ciara, I'm 33 and I'm an account manager. I'm currently living in Stourbridge but originally from Dublin. So I'm currently living in a rented accommodation which we rented for the last 10 years. Only difference being myself and my boyfriend broke up last month and we're still living together under lockdown so great fun um and how long how long were you guys together for we were together for 13 years oh my gosh okay um and so what how come you had

to decide how come you had to carry on living together? Was he going to move out and then because of the lockdown, he had to stay in the house? Yeah, like originally, so the plan is he's going to move back to his mum's. And, you know, after 13 years of breaking up, there's no animosity or anything. We're still friends. So I said, listen, if you want to decorate the room and everything before you go back it just makes more sense and so we're kind of doing it slowly anyway and gradually moving his stuff in at the weekends um and then obviously this current situation happened um he could have obviously moved straight away but his mum is in the vulnerable category.

And I know she tends to get the worst of everything. So to be honest, I told him not to leave. He is one of the few people that does have to still go to work every day in an office and use public transport. What does he do, if you don't mind me asking? It works in the tax office so it's kind of like government things so it's considered key workers and so yeah I just kind of said I'm really not happy about you going because I don't want your mum to be sick and it's a lot of you know germs coming back and forth so yeah we're that's very selfless of you so do you mind me asking if you guys are sharing a room still or are you sleeping in separate

bedrooms we're still sharing a room still sharing a bed is that is that not weird how are you how are you navigating that does it feel strange or is it fine because you've known each other for so long and been together for so long yeah and to be honest because we haven't had that you know situation where he has actually moved out it doesn't really feel any different um if it was a situation where he had moved out first then came back or something obviously that would be mega strange um but because we haven't had that dead split it doesn't feel weird you know we were best friends anyway so yeah it just feels normal to be honest and can I ask if you are currently looking on dating apps and thinking about speaking to other

people obviously you can't actually go on dates with anyone, but you could maybe go on FaceTime with someone that you've spoken to on Hinge, for example. Are you thinking of doing that, or have you been thinking of doing that? No, no way. I just, to be honest, the thought of dating again after 13 years fills me with pure terror.

So, no. And to be honest, out of respect while he's here I just wouldn't um but you know I've been with him from the age of 20 to now which is 33 so uh you know I don't feel like I want to rush into anything anyway and you know I've never lived on my own so when he does move out I want to kind of get used to living on my own and not just jump into anything else. And are you managing to get any alone time in the house at all obviously when he goes to work I suppose right? Yeah yeah well obviously he's at work all day but to be honest you know he's pretty good he has his um kind of set up upstairs at

his computer and all that and he kind of tends to be up there most evenings and I'm downstairs and do my home live workouts through the tv downstairs and so yeah it's working fine as it is if you guys are living together and things do seem relatively normal and you are sleeping in the same bedroom do you think there's any chance that you might actually just think oh screw it we're going to be here for months let's just get back together um no I don't think so um to be honest it was you know after 13 years it don't get me wrong, there has been a couple of things that have happened since we broke up. But no, we both know there's no way back. So if we do get bored, that's another story.

But no, I don't think so. Hi, I'm Candice. I'm a 21-year-old student in the UK and I'm currently in France, pretty much in the middle of nowhere in the French countryside. So very, very bad timing, this whole situation really. So we met about a month ago at university and from our first day onwards we just got on really well but we saw each other every once in a while a few times a week I'd say and then about 10 days ago obviously with the coronavirus situation I knew that I'd have to go home eventually like before all the other British students would have to and so I had to book my I had to book my tickets I had to pack my bags all of that within 24 hours really and we were

both a bit like okay so what what should we do now are we gonna like keep seeing each other or not we knew that especially because it's two different countries we have no idea to how long the lockdown is going to be for um but we kind of yeah decided to um give it a shot and yeah that's pretty much it so how often have you guys been communicating and have you been doing it on zoom or house party or just you know facetime or what have you been using to stay in touch um quite traditional really so just um WhatsApp quite a lot and then FaceTime mostly um yeah so we call each other so yeah I was gonna say we call each other about uh two well yeah twice a week I'd say um so every three four days uh and it's this phase where it's in a month so it's this

phase where uh we spent like five hours on the phone uh we we go to bed really late uh it's like kind of like being a teenager all over again but um yeah so we FaceTime but then obviously everyone's life is quite boring at the moment so we don't have like that much to say so we end up talking about the most random topics but it's it is quite nice in a way there are some silver linings to this situation I'd say. Do you think the benefits are that you guys are getting to know each other in a deeper way than perhaps you were before because like you said you know you're talking about different things that perhaps you wouldn't have spoken about otherwise yeah yeah no of course and obviously I would say that when messaging or talking over the phone it's so much easier for people to have a misunderstanding so we both have to be quite clear as to what we

mean whenever we engage in a conversation um and it's quite it's quite nice because in a way it makes us like we have to be very honest and open with each other um and I'm pretty sure that at this stage we're discussing things that we would have felt way too awkward discussing if we were like still having real life conversations um so yeah in a way I think it's brought us quite like quite a lot closer and without because we don't have the physical attraction element to it we have to we don't really have a choice we have to get to know each other in a lot of different ways and in deeper ways as we said uh rather than just seeing each other the traditional way really it seems to be going quite well for you guys so

do you think that this is sustainable because obviously no one knows how long the lockdown is going to go on for so if it is a matter of months do you think you guys will still be talking to each other um it's a very good question um which I'm trying not to overthink at the moment but um I'd say probably yes like it's going really well um I'm someone who I really can't hide my like what I think or what I feel so we've had a lot of like quite deep conversation as to what we're both looking for etc um but it's yeah I would I'd say it's quite nice in a way for both of us to have this kind of distraction in those very boring times really um so I I don't know what he would say but I would personally say that it could go on for

months and that would be fine it would obviously be very frustrating um but in a way I think we're just both looking forward to seeing each other like again and whether that's in you know five weeks uh two months uh that's fine by me and as I understand you guys decided to become exclusive throughout your conversations to one another but that has a different meaning in France to what it means in the UK doesn't it because in the UK when someone when a couple decides to become exclusive it means you're not going to go on any dates with other people but I guess now in the strange world we're living in that would that would mean not uh facetiming other people so what does that mean for you guys um so for me I think in France there's just less of a divide between dating someone and being exclusive or at least we don't label it as

such um it's more of a gradual process where if you like each other you'll naturally be less inclined to talk to other people um so we didn't really mention being exclusive as such um but it kind of went without saying considering obviously as you said the lockdown situation makes it tricky for us to see people anyway um but basically before I went home we spent my last night at university together and in the morning I brought up the conversation I was like so what now what are we going to do um and we kind of just agreed that we wanted to give it a shot and keep getting to know each other despite knowing that you know we wouldn't see each other for quite a long time

and so for us I don't think there's currently a strict rule as to who else we are seeing. But I personally don't feel like talking to other people. I'm pretty sure he doesn't either, because to be fair, none of us have been getting with people or seeing other people since we started dating. So it's quite unlikely that it would happen now. Twas the season of chaos and all through the house,

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I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting The Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween.

Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com I'm Harriet Rose. I am a DJ and TV and radio presenter and I'm in Walthamstow.

I'm seeing a girl and we were sort of hanging out a lot and we were seeing each other for about two months and we just decided, it was such a weird, scary, kind of like quick lockdown experience. We'd already been hanging out a lot. We just decided to stay in the same house. It was like, it's weird, cause it's not really like we've decided to move in together like her friend like our friend has come as well um so there's three

of us and it's just very chill it's like living with three friends but I just happened to be dating one of them so so there's three of you in the house and so are the three of you all know each other before really well yeah you see well yeah yeah yeah yeah I yeah we all knew each other and um the friend was alone um in her flat and we've been hanging out as it was anyway and when it went into lockdown we decided to just stay where we were basically right and so how's the dynamic been in the house since you guys have all been living together have you been getting on well it's been amazing um everyone is putting in the work cleaning cooking helping navigate this weird situation I think every day one of us feels weird and anxious and like needs kind of the support from the other two so it's actually been so beneficial personally for me like like with my

job and everything and what I do I'm an extrovert like I I would have really struggled to be on my own and it was a kind of we we made the decision in a really healthy way like we were just going to not you know we're just going to live together and kind of work as a team I mean like we're working out every day together um the girls are outside right now just doing uh doing an online workout and I did one this morning we're all working in different rooms of the house because we're all freelance creatives so um and we're kind of each helping each other with like videos and creating content um and it so it's really beneficial actually because it's kind of just a bit more you feel a bit more confident well I feel a bit more confident doing stuff when I know that I've got the support of other people you know and how has it affected

your relationship with the girl you started seeing is it intensified things a bit I mean literally obviously yeah I mean we've like fulfilled the classic queer stereotype for girls in the queer community of moving things incredibly fast I've already got a cat so like you know I've already ticked that box no but it's on a serious level it actually it's actually very very chill because we're both very chill people in um the relationship sense neither of us are really thinking of it as any more than being supportive of each other and that's why we chose to do it it wasn't like a um oh my god we can't bear to be apart it was just like actually we would quite like to support each other in this situation it's really weird it's so unprecedented no one can

really um you know compare it to any other situation and I think we're both just like empathic is that the right word empathetic people and we want to wanted to like support each other and and also support our friend as well and obviously so you're living with a friend so do you guys manage to get any time on your own oh yeah it's totally yeah yeah I've got it's like quite a nice my flat's quite big so I've got a garden and I've got a big open plan living room, and two bedrooms, so it's, like, there's just so much space, like, I spend quite a lot of time on my own in the house, just whether it be working out on my own, or working in one of the rooms, we're all, sort of, in separate rooms quite often, because I think that's really important, like, hanging out with someone all day, every day is a bit intense. often because I think that's really important like hanging out with someone all day every day is a bit intense and do you and the guy you're seeing like go on walks together um to have your you know allocated exercise um we we at the moment no because we're we're properly quarantining um because uh like we had some symptoms but we we have been yeah I've also been going for runs

like before before I quarantined I was going for runs on my own um but we we have been yeah I've also been going for runs like before before I quarantined I was going for runs on my own um but we're just going into the garden and doing exercise which is really nice because the sun is out thank goodness yeah it makes such a difference isn't it um are you guys talking about the virus a lot or is it not really affecting your kind of daily conversations like are you trying to it's it's it's it's one of those things that I think it's so hard to navigate because you're kind of half thinking about all the awful things that are going on but also then like working out how it affects you and how it affects the people around you which we're trying not to talk about it constantly but we are discussing it because I'm kind of trying to talk about it in a

positive way not in a positive way but I'm trying to see the positives of the fact that we're all in quarantine and like focusing on how it's good that we're quarantining and we're not going out and we're not putting other people at risk like that I think if you focus on the otherwise if you don't focus on the positives it can really stress you out I think yeah have you guys um hard not to talk about it it's impossible not to talk about it I know I mean I just got back from holiday and everyone was talking about it like almost every day obviously um have you thought about the future at all have you guys spoken about what will happen when the lockdown lifts hopefully it won't be too long obviously no one knows but you know you guys living together now do you think you will continue to live with the girl you've been seeing afterwards do you think maybe you guys might take things to the next level and you know become girlfriends or

or how does it work what do you think we've made the decision to not talk about it. Okay. How come? Because I think you can't, I don't think it's fair to talk about things like that in a situation that's completely, like I said earlier, like unprecedented. And I think we're just not putting any pressure. And then when we leave,

because things mean a lot more when you're in a normal situation. Whereas I think deciding things now would be silly, but we're just enjoying each other's company and it's really lovely to be with someone and hang out and um just have a nice time and also to be with a friend as well I'm I'm really lucky because I've got so many friends who are isolating alone and I know how difficult that is so I'm just really grateful to have um people that I really like hanging out with me yeah god definitely it must be so hard if you live alone christ I was thinking about that which you just if you have to be quarantined alone like it's horrible yeah and my heart honestly goes out to them like it's not not not fun at all Hey, I'm Lauren. I'm a marketing manager. I'm 24. I'm usually in London and during this lockdown I am with my boyfriend and his rather large family down south in Hastings.

Okay, so I have been with Theo for like two months, like literally from like first date, like literally from like first date, two months. So really not long at all. I am currently with his parents, his sister and brother-in-law and his two nephews. And we didn't really decide to live together. It just kind of happened. It was like a couple of weeks ago.

And as it was all kind of getting a bit serious and his his office was closed down I'm self-employed anyway um so I normally work from home that's quite normal for me but his office was closed um so we thought what a nice little getaway why don't we just like go down here for a couple of days uh we came down on the Sunday and had a train booked back on the Wednesday and just ended up not getting on it for obvious reasons with everything that's going on it just just didn't really happen which has been a lot of fun. So had you met any of his family before you moved in with them? So I met his parents literally five days before on the Tuesday uh they came to London for a dinner and we had a really lovely dinner it was a really lovely evening we all got

considerably very drunk um and yeah that was the first and only time and I hadn't met his sister or anybody else in his family at all so So what's it been like in the house? How's the dynamic? Are you guys all getting on really well? Yeah, you know, we're all nice, relatively empathetic people with everything that's going on. So I think we're all, the house is big enough to kind of give each other space, which we're very lucky for.

And we're trying not to get in each other's pockets whilst also making sure that we're sharing you know um the cooking each night you know what each kind of couple is taking it in terms to cook so that's quite nice um and yeah so you're eating together every evening uh yes yeah i believe so I don't think there's been yeah I believe so um which as someone who is usually uh I'm usually pretty vegetarian I've not been doing a very good job at all really at all I don't think I've had one vegetarian day since being here judge me you will are you are you the only trying to be vegetarian in the house? Theo normally is. We've both just kind of failed at it.

Just gone. I keep trying. I keep waking up each morning like, right, today I'm not going to eat any meat. And then I'll have bacon because someone's cooking bacon. That's so funny. And how has it affected your relationship with Theo? Have you guys accelerated things? Because you've only been together for two months, so it's quite unusual to move in together after such a short time.

For sure, no, it is super quick. And to be honest, I'm lucky that we're both, you know, I'm a big talker, I talk about my feelings all the time, and I really like to communicate and make sure that no one's left in the dark. And Theo is much the same. So we are both kind of actively recognizing that this is a very weird situation to be in um and although there is a lot of positives there's also you know some negatives and we were actually discussing this last night you know

quite lucky that we're kind of in that honeymoon phase so there's not really anything to get annoyed about at the moment but also could mean that we then skip the honeymoon phase so there's not really anything to get annoyed about at the moment but also could mean that we then skip the honeymoon phase uh which is actually quite a nice phase uh so we were kind of talking about the pros and cons of that for sure um but I think that changed things because I guess you guys are probably so much more familiar with one another now that you are obviously living together in close quarters so you're probably getting to know each other in ways that you otherwise wouldn't yeah we're just incredibly comfortable around each other immediately which is actually quite nice um you know I I will say it's it's been what almost two weeks now um and we were kind of in each other's pockets quite a lot anyway uh but uh yeah we don't I

wouldn't say there's anything about him that is massively annoying. So that's kind of. That's good. Are you, are you managing to get some alone time? Are you kind of taking yourself out for walks for your, you know, daily bit of exercise that we are allocated? So we're doing our daily exercise. We're just going for a walk kind of most, most mornings. You know, good for your mental health as well. I really believe in that.

mornings uh you know good for your mental health as well really believe in that um and you know i i think i'm quite aware that you know we're spending time with lots of people all the time and as much as we also need actual separate alone time we also kind of need a couple alone time as well um so we're both communicating about that yesterday we spent three hours playing sims i bet a lot of people are uh getting back into the sims and other other various video games um and so what about when the lockdown is over have you given any thought to what will happen then obviously I presume you won't continue to live with his family but would you would you want to then live together do you think because it would be strange I guess to then reverse things maybe that's really interesting um I'm not you

know we haven't discussed it um I highly doubt that we would end up moving in together after this uh so soon but I'm sure you know further down the line it would probably make uh the idea of living together at some point much less daunting, I guess, because we've basically already done it. I mean, how bad can it be? That's it for today. Thank you so much for listening. You can hear more of these stories and find out exactly how coronavirus is affecting relationships around the world by listening to a brand new series, The Independent Coronavirus Podcast. I'll be on the show to discuss all of that and more,

so make sure you subscribe. Just search The Independent Coronavirus Podcast wherever you listen. If you have an interesting story to share about how coronavirus is affecting your relationship, or maybe you're single and have just started speaking to Hinge Dates over Zoom, please do get in touch. I'll also be writing about a lot of these stories over on the lifestyle section of The Independent,

my new series called Love in the Time of Corona. So please do keep an eye out for those. You can contact me via the Millennial Love Instagram page. Just slide on into my DMs. And if you're a new listener to this show, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Acast or anywhere else. You can comment and leave us a rating too,

so that more people can find us. Keep up with everything to do with the show on Instagram. Just search Millennial Love. See you soon. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. The World's Best Podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Cruikshank is not available on Facebook.

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