Love Lives - Love Island’s Amber Gill discusses finding holiday romance, the pressures of coming out, and life after the villa

Episode Date: September 1, 2022

Welcome back to a brand new season of Millennial Love! We're thrilled to be joined by author and Love Island star Amber Rose Gill to discuss finding a holiday romance and whether a summer fling can lead to lasting love. Amber opens up about her viral Tweet where she discussed “switching teams”, and how heteronormative society places unfair pressure on LGBTQ+ people to come out. And of course, we chat about all things Love Island, how Amber is finding life after the villa, and whether it’s possible to find true love on the show.Amber’s novel, Until I Met You, is out now.You can watch this episode and more on Independent TV: https://www.independent.co.uk/tv/millennial-loveCheck out Millennial Love on all major podcast platforms and Independent TV, and keep up to date @Millennial_Love on Instagram and TikTok.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like, and now that's what my grandma's on. Thank God phone a friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello and welcome to Millennial Love, a podcast from The Independent on everything to do with love, sexuality, identity and more.

This week I am so excited to be back and be joined by author and former Love Island star Amber Rose Gill. We're going to talk all about her debut novel, Until I Met You, what it was like to write romantic fiction, her time on Love Island, dating and so much more. I can't wait. I hope you enjoy the show. Hi Amber, how are you? I'm good thanks, how are you? I'm very good thank you. So congratulations on your novel, can you start us off by telling us what it's about? So thank you first of all, it is about Until I Met You, it's a really sweet holiday escapism romantic novel about a girl called Samantha who gets dumped right before her best friend's wedding that's in Tobago and all of her friends are sort of hitting milestones like obviously getting married and other you know buying houses

and she's kind of like lost and it's her navigating that situation and the people that she meets along the way and that's all I really like to say because I don't like to give away too much yeah but when people like talk to us about what they're like it was a little bit more I'm like no that's all I'm saying well you have to read it yeah you have to read it and I think you've sold it very well it's like the perfect holiday read it's pure escapism tell me why you wanted to write fiction and specifically fiction about love and dating and romance I was a romance reader when I was younger, like I used to love like reading romance and at the time I had no problems with it but now I look back it would have it would have been really nice to see

like representation or like something that resonated a bit more with me and so it started off with the competition with Mills and Boone to find a new writer from an underrepresented ethnic background. I always get that. It's hard to say. It's a mouthful. But yeah, from an underrepresented ethnic background. And you had a co-writer, Nadine Gonzalez. Yeah. So how was it working with her on creating the story and how did you come up with the plot? What were the kind of main themes that you wanted to address?

So Nadine was just the best we're really just like sound boarding off each other I would write piece she would read over it she'd write a piece I would write over it it was just had like big brainstorming sessions where like would just come up with a bunch of different ideas and there wasn't really anything that specifically that I wanted to get in there I knew I wanted like really like heavy on the friendships because I love my friendships and I wanted it to be in Tobago because obviously part of my heritage is from Tobago and I think nobody really thinks about Tobago but it's gorgeous. And I know that you've spoken about wanting to kind of like subvert traditional romance stories and you kind of touched on it earlier about not feeling represented in the stories

that you read as a kid. How do you think your story does that? I always found with romance as well, the girls were never like me. They were very much softer than me. And so I liked having characters that were a bit stronger and just different personalities that were like in my world, like my friendship group,

like there's little parts of me, there's little parts of my friends. And I think it's just nice when you're reading to sort of feel that connection and have they have more autonomy the female characters I think they have much more independence than what you would normally really like I used to love reading but I think I just would have had a better experience if I had I had those of characters. And when you were writing it, how much did you draw from your real life, if at all? Because I know this is something that female novelists get asked about all the time.

And yes, it is quite insulting because it implies that you have no imagination. But at the same time, you know, as someone who is also writing, I know that your real life sort of subconsciously comes into the plot, whether or not it's like you know you're not necessarily writing about something that exactly happened to you but everything that's in that book comes from your brain so subconsciously there are things that

are going to kind of slip in how did you navigate that process and did you find yourself like putting too much personal stuff in there or not enough like how did you work? like putting too much personal stuff in there or not enough like how did you work? So I kind of wanted to avoid it being anything to do with me because I think especially where I come from like the love island thing I just didn't want to do anything about that and so it was really hard because like you say subconsciously you always like go back to your like experiences and I thought I did a great job if not but then people are like oh but didn't that happen to you and I'm like what can I say like I really tried to like not do that I can't remember what it was and I was like how did you even make a link between those

two things but yeah I think subconsciously it's always going to happen but I tried my best to avoid because I didn't want it to be anything about me I wanted it to be completely separate you know like you say I've got an opportunity to use my imagination and creativity and I really wanted to use it not just write something that I've been through you know. And obviously it's about you know holiday romance so just on that subject you know do you think that holiday romances can go the distance do you think you think you can have that kind of intense summer fling and then it can turn into something longer? I've never experienced it.

Have you experienced the intense summer fling that hasn't gone the distance? You know what, I haven't. Not including Love Island. Well. Because I know that's sort of the same, but excluding, putting that to one side for now, because that's a bit different being on a reality show. Yeah, it the same yeah um no I haven't actually and I think that's kind of

why I wanted to write about because I thought like you know I just want to be creative with it what I think it would be like um yeah I've never never it's not really my vibe I like reading about it but I don't know if I would do it myself no me neither because also like I don't go on holiday to have a fling with a stranger like I just went away on my own now and I suppose you know in my head I was renting a villa and the person who I was renting the villa from was like oh you'll be sharing a pool with a neighbouring villa maybe they'll be a handsome stranger sharing the villa and you'll fall in love and I was like no I just want to read and enjoy myself and obviously like I was in Santorini. Obviously, it's not some single guy.

There's no single men in Santorini. It was like a couple from Australia. Yeah, no. I'm totally with that. I want to turn. I want to read. I want to drink. I want to enjoy.

I don't want to get to know someone new. No, me neither. It's not my vibe. Let's talk about Love Island then. I cannot believe it's been three years since you were on the show. That's wild. Obviously, you won with your partner at the time, Greg, who you've split from, was it two weeks after the show?

I think it was four. Four weeks. I mean, that's the quickest ever, but you know, not as bad as two. One month. Were you surprised that you won? Because you met, Greg came in quite late into the show. Yeah, like a week to the final. Yeah.

It was insanity. Like, that's never happened before. So obviously when I knew I was going to go on, I sort of went back and watched some of them. I wasn't like a massive fan of the show, but I used to watch. And when I look back, there's like a formula. Like somebody gets with someone, a girl and a guy get together really early on, they have like a little

bit of a like situation and then they go on to win and that's it and that was like across all the seasons and so I thought nah like there's no chance in hell I'm gonna win this year like I have been single for majority of the show it's not gonna happen. Yeah. And so yeah and then it happened. Well I think it was probably mainly down to your likability and popularity no offense to Greg I'm not saying anything so how did it happen when you left the show with him and and you you guys ended things like was that process of coming out as winners was was there a degree of pressure on that did you sort of feel like oh god we've literally only just started dating really and now we've won love island together are we supposed to fall in love get

married yeah I guess there was a lot of pressure there oh my god there's so much pressure like it was insane how much pressure you get you know are you in a relationship like are you going to move in together and it's like you wouldn't ask somebody these questions I've only known in two weeks like I've only known him two weeks and I remember coming out and I was just looking around I was thinking I don't even know you I don't know you I don't we're working together and stuff but like I couldn't be in a relationship with you I barely know you and do you still talk to anyone from the show who you're on yes I do my friends that were on the show I'm still friends with now that's mostly yeah that's really nice

is there a whatsapp group everyone always asks about whatsapp groups on love island by the way but there wasn't but everybody left it I don't even know if I left it but everybody else left it I used to love just watching people leave and everyone leaves it it's so funny people are so interested in that sort of post love island reality of just because obviously we've been watching everyone for like so intensely for so many weeks and it's like oh my god now we know nothing about your lives. Yeah. See, I'm like the opposite.

Like I love, like I love the show and I do the commentary and then once it's done, I'm like, great. Unless there's someone that I really like and I'm invested in. Yeah. And then I'm going to like probably bum into them and I'll like follow them.

But I'm not bothered. Once the show's over, I'm like, well done. Bye. So what did you make of this season? Because like you mentioned, you've been commenting on it a bit and on Twitter as well. Yes. Never again, by the way.

I'm not commenting on Twitter anymore. No, no, no. It's just too much. Like, I get bullied into doing the commentary. So I was like, this year I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to tweet about it. Like, I'm just going to leave it. I might watch it, but I don't know.

And then everyone's like, where are you? Where's your tweets? I was waiting for your commentary. I'm like, I'm not part of the show anymore like no we're not doing this um but yeah and then I end up doing it but I don't think I can do it anymore so it's too much because like I have an opinion and my the things that I say always come from a light-hearted place I don't hate anyone that's on the show I don't feel that kind of way obviously I'm exaggerating what I think of course yeah so that people laugh on Twitter. I don't feel that kind of way. Obviously, I'm exaggerating what I think. Of course, yeah. So that people laugh on Twitter.

I'm not, like, mean in any of it. But people take everything that I say to heart. Well, yeah, there's no nuance on social media. So anything you say is like, oh, my God, she has such a strong opinion about this person. It's like, consider the context. You're on Twitter. It's a reality TV show.

No one cares that strongly about anything. What did you make about the men on the show on this season because there was so much chatter online about their behavior and criticizing the sort of like toxic masculinity thing this season what did you make of that well yeah I was shocked I was so shocked it was just like I actually felt a little bit uncomfortable watching some episodes like I just felt and I don just like I actually felt a little bit uncomfortable watching some episodes like I just felt and I don't like there wasn't anything that bad happening but just something inside it I was like I don't actually I'm not enjoying this like like I should be um yeah I

didn't really like the way that they went on it was quite hard to watch yeah I think it's always quite that's the thing about Love Island isn't't it? Because you see, well, you don't see everything, but you see things from both perspectives. And you see very often the women being manipulated or controlled by the men. And it's so clear to the viewer. And what's interesting about it is those are situations that would normally be so internal that, you know, even if, you know, that woman tried to explain, like, she wouldn't necessarily be conscious of what was happening. Yeah. And that's so important that that is kind of recognised and talked about. And that's why I think Love Island is so brilliant.

Yeah. Because it does kind of illustrate how that controlling behaviour happens and why it goes unnoticed. And that's part of the reason why I like talking about it. Obviously, I like making jokes and stuff. But that part, like, it's important for people to see, like, actually, that's not normal. Yeah, exactly.

Like, that doesn't mean that someone loves you. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Cruikshank and on my podcast

Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween.

Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jessie Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com. Do you think, because now obviously everyone who goes on the show becomes very famous very quickly, and it is fundamentally about finding love,

but it's also so much bigger than that. Do you think people can still really find love on the show? Because I think this season is the first time in a while where it's felt like there are couples, like quite a few solid couples who we think will be together for a while. You know, like India and Dami, Andrew and Tasha, maybe Gemma and Luca. Obviously, I can see you and Davide. Yeah. You know, what do you think?

I don't know. It's hard, isn't it? Like, I was thinking, like, how the hell are you going to, like, find someone find someone you got a group of 30 people it's not your choice like who these 30 men are how is that possible but clearly it's for some people it wasn't for me but clearly it is for some people I think I'm far too picky to even I don't even know why I went on the show like I'm far too picky to even be like out of 35 people I'm like none of none of you but is anyone from your season still together yes um i think there's only one molly and tommy are still together of course yeah so and they're cute they're really sweet together and so i'm always gonna think that you can just because of them and i knew them as long they're just they're super nice i want to talk to you

about the experience of going on the show being in that little bubble coming like going in as a normal person coming out with millions of Instagram followers particularly as the winner you know there's so many eyes on you it's talked about you know with increasing frequency over the years when people talk about duty of care and mental health of contestants and stuff but just on a personal level what is that like for you to go in that show as a completely normal person and then come out and suddenly you have to just be used to this whole new world and like watching this season's contestants doing it now because they've just obviously come out they seem so at ease with it i'm like how yeah how do

you get used to that so quickly because it must be wild well um i think that about them i'm like what are you joking it took like i know that there was some of us that were in the final four couples it really took a long time to adjust like even posting on instagram we weren't keeping people updated and people weren't happy about that whereas i feel like these lot are all like i'm gonna start a youtube straight away and i'm like how do you because it was a lot to comprehend i think for me um i think especially because i'm very opinionated i like to say what i think and it was kind of like i had to dial it back a little bit because well i didn't have to dial it back i got told that i

should dial it back and now i don't anymore so and i feel much better about it but you kind of have to like be prepared that not everybody's going to agree with it. Not everybody's going to like it for like no reason whatsoever. And it's hard. It's hard because you're in like a little bubble before. Well, you're not in a bubble. It's your life. But you're not really exposed to people that have such a strong dislike for you or all these people that have strong opinions about you. So it's really hard.

Like, it's really difficult. It took me like, I mean, I loved it straight away, but it took me like well over a year to even just get like used like used to it like this is just my life now you know do you feel like the show like the producers they prepared you for it sufficiently or is there no way to prepare someone you know what I think they did the best that they could but you can't like you there's no way that you could prepare someone I remember being told before like you do you do like psychology assesses you all these things they're like this is what could happen could happen this way could happen this way and you're like yeah yeah yeah and then you come out and it's just different

even if I said to the current ones now my experience it still doesn't prepare you for anything it really doesn't it's like a personal experience and there's not no amount of anything that you can do to prepare yourself for it make it sound really horrible but it's good no no no it's good I mean you seem much more well adjusted to it now but but going back was there anything that you would have done differently I mean you mentioned like being outspoken yeah why do you think you were told not to be outspoken because it's easier to market someone if they're not as as um as much of a nutcase as me basically not a nutcase just speak your mind woman who speaks her mind no but I like I like enjoying time with my friends if I want to go out on a weekend I'll go out and it's just not very like

it's not very the way that you're supposed to be you're supposed to be like everything's aesthetic and everything's perfect and you look good all the time and like it's that's the way that you're supposed to be it's just not realistic and it's not me sure no it's not me at all like I like going on the screen with spots on my face because it's just normal like I don't want to be perfect like it's so boring to me so I think it took us a long time to realize actually it doesn't matter what people are saying you should do you should always do what makes you happy you mentioned earlier that you're very picky which is a good thing by the way um and i think you know we shouldn't demonize people who are picky because it means if you have good if you have high standards that is a good thing um but you've spoken about finding dating

difficult since leaving the show why do you think that is do you think part of that is is to do with with having those high standards or is it about being in the public eye and navigating that? Because obviously that adds a whole other dimension to dating as well. I was talking about this the other day. And I don't know. Like, I actually don't know what it is. It's probably a combination of everything. Well, dating is hard for anyone.

I think, particularly at the moment with apps and stuff. It's just completely changed the culture. Are you on any apps? No. I used to be on one. But I don't. I never. Like, it's just completely changed the culture are you on any apps no I used to be on one but I don't I never like it's just not for me yeah it's not for me I always said I would never but there was one and I just decided to try it out and like I just don't like it I don't want to be on a date and I don't like it I don't enjoy it because I feel like I need like to be sat with someone to understand how they are. Sure, yeah. And then you catch a vibe.

You can't catch a vibe from a little box just because you fancy someone, then tick, and then they're the worst person ever. Like, no. Yeah, and then you end up making quite bad choices because you're making such superficial choices based on the profiles. And then you meet them in real life. It's different, yeah. It's completely different.

It's different. And people always, like, obviously when you date, and people always present that best self. But I think that it's so condensed and like this is what I like this is what music I listen to I'm like it's too curated yeah it's too much yeah I want to ask you about this tweet that you did that went viral recently where you spoke about your sexuality yes and it was sort of like it's been like I know that you've been asked about it before and you were like I sort of accidentally came out um but you said that switching teams had been the best decision of your life yes and watching men made you feel ill yeah um how did it feel putting that out there and when it was so widely reported on

yeah you know were you surprised by the reaction to that yeah that's another tweet where like I was like I was exaggerating obviously men don't mix ill but in that moment I did feel sick so I just tweeted about it but then everyone's like she's off men and I'm like unfortunately I'm not entirely off men I wish I was but I'm not um and they don't always make us feel ill some of them are all right um but yeah that was like I saw it getting a lot of traction and I was like oh my god should I delete it like what should I do I don't know why I said it but like I just got into that mode where I was like I'm just being my authentic self and I was like oh my god should I delete it like what should I do I don't know why I said it but like I just got into that mode where I was like I'm just being my authentic self and I'm just going to tweet whatever and I've posted it and like I've always like subliminally said things but maybe not so out there and I thought that was still subliminal clearly it was not subliminal at

all subliminal at all and yeah just basically outed myself but it was okay it was okay but then it's hard because now I'm like talking about it I'm like I don't know what to say because I don't like for me it's not like this big thing where I needed to like announce it or like make a big deal out of it it just is what it is and so now I'm like I don't know what to say like it's just that that is saying enough of it because it shouldn't have to be a big thing. It shouldn't have to be this big statement. Like it's just, yes, this is my sexuality. It doesn't have to be some sort of big reveal. And that is like, it taps into so much of this heteronormative culture that we live in

where you just assume that everyone is straight if they don't tell you. And actually that's a problem. No, I know. And it's like, it's overmining us a bit to like how it must make people feel like that they have to like do this big announcement and it's not just like okay that's it yeah not the next thing you know because that's how I would if somebody said that to me I'd be like great good for you that's it yeah exactly it's not a big deal and that's why I think actually the way you did it's probably pretty

good and it's a demonstration of that that it doesn't have to be a big deal it shouldn't be did you have like lots of messages from women being like oh you inspired me to talk about it or yeah you know yeah and I was like my stupid accidental tweet inspired you you joke but it it just goes to show that I enjoy like this is why I enjoy what I do because accidentally or not um it makes people feel comfortable yeah and I really like that that's lovely And I'm glad that I can do that with seven words on a tweet. It's time for our lessons in love segment of the show. So this is where I ask every guest to share something that they've learned about their previous relationships. So it can be very broad and very specific.

What do you think your lesson in love would be? Do you have a good one on that? You know what? I don't. No one's ever asked me. What would your lesson be? what would my lesson be well i go through it changes every week i've just i've literally just come back from being away on my own um and so my lesson would probably be you don't need to be in a relationship to go on holiday you are good enough on your own you are a whole person yeah you you know I was

in Santorini which is one of the most notoriously romantic places in the world and I think part of the reason why I wanted to go there was because I felt resentful but like as a single person I shouldn't dare to go to Santorini yeah and everywhere I went I was surrounded by couples but like it didn't feel weird at all because every bar I sat in or every restaurant I sat in I was like no I've chosen to be here on my own and like I actually feel really empowered that yeah I'm able to come here I've managed to come here through work like this is all me and it feels great I love that yeah just like you are enough on your own yeah that's my lesson what's yours so mine I don't think it's gonna be as nice as as that. That's okay. Let's think.

So for me, it's like when you start noticing red flags, just go. Oh, yeah. Like, let's not drag it out. We're all like, I'm terrible for doing that. Like, the minute that you see like red flags that are like, ah, this person's probably going to be a bit like controlling. They are going to be a couple months down the line so just dead the whole thing yeah there's a quote like people show you who they are believe them yeah it's like a really famous quote and i can't remember who it is but it's like when like people people are who they are they show you that very quickly and it's so easy for us to

especially as women to be like you know when it's men like no no it's me i it's my fault that they're behaving like this and you know put it to the back of your mind and like make up excuses for them particularly when you like someone when you love someone that's a powerful way to excuse their behavior but you're right like as soon as you get those little inkling if something's off yeah 100 what would be like you know one or two good examples of red flags you think people should look out for um like if somebody comments on like what you're wearing I hate that like oh is that how you're gonna wear like oh because then it'll be like don't wear that like I couldn't think of anything worse than someone saying that to me like little things like that I always pick

up on and I'm like that's interesting that you just said that I'm gonna store that in my brain yeah and then go even though it sounds like ridiculous it just saves you a lot of time 100% I think that's such a bad one um and also just you know you should we women spend so much time being policed on the way that they look you know let us wear whatever the hell we want to wear yeah exactly you feel comfortable that's all that matters yeah oh thank you so much amber it's been so great to talk to you sadly that is it for today thank you so much for listening if you are a new listener to millennial love please do subscribe on apple podcast spotify acast or wherever else it is that you get your podcasts. You can also now watch us. If you want to do that, head over to Independent TV. And please do follow us on Instagram at Millennial

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