Love Lives - Megan Barton-Hanson on slut-shaming and the stigma against sex work

Episode Date: September 11, 2020

Support Millennial Love with a donation today: https://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove This week Olivia is joined by model and former Love Island star Megan Barton-Hanson. After appearing on the ITV2 series in 2018, Megan has gone on to become an advocate for female empowerment and combating the stigma attached to sex workers. Megan opens up about how being slut-shamed at school led her to pursue a career in the sex industry and why she thinks people are still so judgmental of sex work in 2020. She also talks about her time on Love Island, revealing that she regrets not talking about being bisexual on the programme. Follow the show on Instagram at @millennial_loveSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/millenniallove. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, it's Mitch from SideNote Podcast, and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Hello and welcome to Millennial Love, a podcast from The Independent on everything to do with love, sexuality, identity, and more. This week, I was very excited to be joined by the model

Megan Barton Hanson. You might know her from Love Island. She went on the show in 2018 and was written about in the media quite a lot at the time with people focusing on the fact that she underwent a bit of plastic surgery prior to going on the show and that she was a stripper. Since going on the program she's been really open about her experience of being on reality TV and has become an anti-slut-shaming advocate, which is just one of the reasons why I was so keen to talk to her today. We also spoke about the myths that people attach to sex workers, how she was portrayed on Love Island and how that affected her, and why everyone seems to be so damn afraid of women who embrace their sexuality.

Enjoy the show. Hi, Megan. Hey. How are you doing? I'm good. Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming. How has your lockdown been?

Where were you spending quarantine? So I live alone, but I thought there's no way I can do it alone. So I moved back in with my parents. So it's been interesting. Like it's had its perks. I've got like home cooked dinners, my washing and ironing been interesting like it's had its perks I've got like home-cooked dinners my washing and ironing been done which is great but yeah it's hard four adults under one roof it's been tricky at times yeah that's that's quite intense how long how long have you been there for

literally from the beginning of lockdown and technically I could go back because the rules have been lifted I'm seeing friends more I kind of like it you know yeah it's quite nice I've been spending quite a lot of time with my family as well it's quite nice to feel like mollycoddled a bit you don't really have to do anything it's quite great um there is so much that I want to talk to you about today um but the first thing I want to ask you about is something that happened fairly recently you um you shared an Instagram story about uh how an ex-partner slut shamed you for selling underwear is that right and and going on and they said you were going on dates with lads for a job can you explain what happened there and what that was all about yeah so this was a text from like years and

years ago but I was just scrolling through my phone saw this like thread of text and I just looked and yeah on there I realized in one of the because at the time where it happened that was like a tiny thing in comparison to what we was breaking up over so I didn't really pay much notice like to it at the time but then after I was like as if they brought this up as a point so yeah I just thought I'd share it because that's something I've had from one of my earliest my first ever relationship I started stripping during my first relationship and that ultimately was the reason he used for cheating on me and I think it's always when you work in the sex industry

it's always something that can be and most of the time be used against you, which I think is sad. So I just wanted to upload it, not really for sympathy for me, like that was so long ago, but it was more just for girls who have that because I know it's such a common thing. A lot of girls I used to strip with, their boyfriends in arguments would use it against them. So I just wanted to put it there to show people. It really says more about the person saying that and using it against you than it does. That's unbelievable unbelievable so he used he used that as an excuse to cheat on you yeah literally so well I was so so like insecure

he was doing that imagine how that made me feel you get attention all the time I just wanted a bit of attention but it's a cop-out really yeah massive cop-out um how how often do you receive slut shaming comments on your social media now is that something that you experience quite a lot yeah I would say it's daily if I actively like went out to look for it there would be at least one comment daily whether it's on a picture or in a story I've posted or even just private DMs like sometimes I get paragraphs of just hate and like I think since I come out it was overwhelming because obviously when I went onto the show I knew people would have an opinion on it but I didn't know to the extent and like the papers digging up things from when I was like 18 and videos and stuff so it was kind of overwhelming

but now I think after the first initial shock of it I haven't gone out my way to look for it but it's definitely there. What kind of things are people saying to you in your DMs? So now I've restarted OnlyFans since lockdown I thought I'd get back on that and when I first come out the villa I was very adamant after all the negative press I had I was like that's the old me I'm never gonna do that again but I think that was more me just being freaked out by all the negative press and then since then I've gone and done talks for young girls and done things and really like preached women empowerment so I'm like I'm kind of being a hypocrite there I'm saying go and do what you

want with your body but just because I'm in the public eye and I've got a big following I've like shied away from it and been shamed not to do it so I started that so a lot of the messages I get these days are oh your career lasted long or your 15 minutes of fame are up so I guess you've gone back to that so yeah a lot of negativity and I'm a bad example for girls but I think obviously a lot of my followers are old women the demographic they're like 20 to 40 year old women that follow me that's the main people that follow me so for them if I'm going to show that message it's more for them than my younger followers like it's your body and I think society for years has either categorized women into being frigid like if a guy comes up to you in a bar and hits on you and you show no interest you're frigid or stuck up if you work in the sex industry you get slut shamed so I think it's just

really owning your body and that's what I'm the message I'm trying to show girls the word frigid is one of my absolute pet peeves I think it's like a gateway to rape culture it's so awful um I want to ask you a bit about OnlyFans how's that going when did you start that because that's still relatively I feel like that's kind of surged in lockdown, hasn't it, as a platform? Yeah, so when I heard about lockdown was going to come into place, I was thinking, because obviously I've come from a past where I was a webcam model, glamour model, and I was like, all my friends that still do webcam was like, oh my god, girls, you're going to clean up, it's going to be amazing, because everybody's trapped at home, so it's a perfect time to capitalize on that.

So then, yeah, I thought I haven't had any nice content. I was in a relationship and I think I'm very stubborn. So some of the relationships I've been in since Love Island, they're kind of like, oh, I'm so glad you don't do that anymore. So the stubborn person in me is like, well, I'm single now. I can do what I want. So that was an element. Boredom during lockdown was an element. And just getting sassy content and making money what do you think it is that that partners you're with find so threatening and um kind of brings out their insecurities about that because you said

it's something you've dealt with your whole life so what do you think it is about that that because presumably you're very open with it and you talk to them all the time about it so why do you think it is about that that because presumably you're very open with it and you talk to them all the time about it so why do you think they find it so threatening I think it's different for different partners I think the first one that's the only one I could kind of understand his reservations about because obviously when I met him I wasn't doing that I was a legal PA in London so to get with someone and then randomly halfway through a relationship was like right I'm walking into a strip club I'm going to get a job like it or lump it that I could kind of understand and because as well we was only young we was like 19 in a small area and I'd done it in that area so I couldn't understand the shit he must have got from his friends but other than that every partner I've

been with has known that's a part of me whether it's glamour modelling stripping or webcam and then they just choose to use it against me later down the line like I said earlier I think it's a bit of a cop-out I think sometimes they say oh that's supposed to be between us it's supposed to be special but the pictures that I put online of me in my bikini or the occasional topless picture that's not personal at all it's performative I suppose isn't it and it's it's nothing to do with the intimate relationship that you have with a partner can I ask if if um men are more threatened by it than women I'd say it's equal I don't think it matters about the sex of the person I think it's whether you have that underlying insecurity and you deep down they don't agree with it maybe

that's what it is I do think that I think sometimes they try and ignore it and think oh no that's fine I'll be open-minded but when it gets down to it and we're in a relationship they do kind of get threatened or maybe their friends or family have judgments on it and that influences them it's really it doesn't change who I am in the relationship it's same as the whole influencer thing when I come out of that relationship in the public eye with the guy from the show we still had personal intimate moments just us whether it's a date night or whatever but that's just one like you say performative part of us that we will put out to the world but I'm very private when I'm in a relationship I might get papped walking along the street but no one knows

the ins and outs of our dynamic and our relationship. I want to ask you a bit about being in a relationship in the public eye, because the thing that I, from having spoken to a few people who've been on Love Island, the thing that strikes me as the most bizarre is that you obviously go into that show, completely normal person, maybe you've got a few Instagram followers, but you know, you're not famous, so to speak. And then you come out of that villa after spending weeks in isolation, essentially, to then being completely famous, millions of Instagram followers. Everyone knows who you are. Everyone wants to know everything about your relationship. And it's instant.

That must be so overwhelming. And to then maintain a relationship amongst all of that. I mean, how on earth did you cope with that? Yeah, the pressure was insane. I'm not going to lie. Like the first week when you come out, you're still kind of in the bubble, but it's just not real. Like it's kind of unhealthy in a way, I do think,

because it's just not normal. It's like you have no outside influences. You have no bills to pay. You have no phones. You have no distractions. And then obviously you've been given this wonderful platform with so many millions of followers, so many opportunities ahead of you.

And unless you're completely in sync and you want the same things, it's never going to work. So for example, that relationship broke down. I don't have a bad word to say about him, but it broke down ultimately because our priorities. So he was very career driven, taking every job under the sun rightly so but because I'd already experienced having money fairly easy with the stripping and stuff like that I was more dedicated and focused on the relationship so it's super hard to get that balance just right and really work together when life is a million miles an hour everybody's judging every move and stuff

it's hard yeah I don't I mean I don't think anyone has maintained a relationship on that show since like for a long period of time since um Camilla and Jamie who are I think in season three maybe yeah there's a few I think there's about a handful so I know that there's like two Love Island babies now which is great but I think it's so so rare and I guess some people like I said must have been so in sync and had the same priorities and been on the same page completely also I think what's interesting about that is is the babies and Camilla and Jamie those those are from much earlier seasons of the show I don't think anyone from the last few years has maintained a relationship and I think this is my theory is

that because since as the show became more and more popular it became a lot more about social media and it came a became a lot more about you, the image that you wanted to project on the show and a bit less about love and relationships. Do you think that's fair to say? A hundred percent. I couldn't agree with you more. Like I've always said it, I never really watched Love Island before I went in,

but I would love to watch the first few series because I feel like they would be the most authentic and people are actually there to find someone. Whereas like you say now, it's for the brands. They want to come across as like Mr. or Mrs nice guy so yeah it's sad I try not to be negative because I have watched the recent ones I'm like no Meg don't be cynical they probably really are into each other but it never really lasts does it it's just not a natural environment in which to form a relationship like you said you know you don't have any bills you don't have any phone you don't have any responsibilities and you know in one way that could work in your favor but then

most of the time I think given the landscape that you then come out to and the media attention and the scrutiny and the way that like you said they dig up things from your past it's almost impossible going back to um the sex work that you were talking about earlier I find it really interesting that there is still this very kind of archaic view about women who work as strippers or cam girls or whatever even in 2020 when you know we're supposed to be all clued up on female sexuality and female empowerment and feminism why do you think today there is still this kind of underlying hostility towards it that isn't really spoken about but it I'm sure you feel it and you see it through the comments that you get

yeah and even on the show I remember we done like a lie detector test and one of the questions I was like told to ask my partner on the show was do you think your family will be embarrassed because of my past like it's still there we try and act like we're progressing and we are slightly I think with people in the limelight like Cardi B and the Hustlers film that Jennifer Lopez played in like we are slowly getting there but it's still I think it's just years and years being ingrained to people that it's wrong it's shameful for women to actually use their body to benefit them and take control of their body that's how I saw it going into like the sex industry I guess so from school I was slut shamed and

literally just for kissing someone or kissing two boys more than my friends had ever kissed at a young age I had the first kiss out of our group, so I was automatically slut-shamed. So I thought rather than have people label me a certain way, it made me more stubborn to go into that industry and be like, I've got that label anyway. I'm going to take control of my body. So I just think it's years of people's parents saying, oh my God, it's just that negative talk we always get told about girls like that. We always get told about girls like that. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessie Cruikshank.

I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era,

dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. It's just this kind of underlying fear of women who embrace their sexuality, isn't it? And you really saw it on Love Island, like you said. Do you think that the way that the show was edited and produced was kind of made to project a certain image of you because watching it it felt like and I think

this happens on every season you know they try to pigeonhole a lot of the female characters into particular stereotypes and I'd say for you in your season it kind of seemed like you were presented as this like agent of sexual chaos I mean and I'm sure that that was not a label you felt comfortable owning but but with you know when you came out with a villa did you did you feel that were you comfortable with the way that you were portrayed on the show yeah I deliberately I felt that and even in there not seeing anything I could just sense like different things producers would say or when the Casa Amor people came in and they gave me little hints that were out there I was thinking this isn't the real me that's being portrayed like

obviously there's a hint of me in there but it's been amplified massively but I guess they've got a tv show to make so when I went for my audition I openly said proudly that I worked in the sex industry I was a stripper so I knew that would kind of make me the kind of sexual sexual one and then when I had the choice of dates with the boys I knew I'd kind of be portrayed as like the man eater or whatever like that but yeah I guess it was me but the situations they put me in and how they maybe edited it down was not me so it's tricky yeah you're right I mean it is it is a show that they have to produce so I suppose it helps to kind of reduce people's personalities into like two-dimensional characters but at the same time there's a human being behind

that character you know it is still a reality show with real people so it it must be really difficult I think it would have been nicer if they showed other sides of my personality as well like I get that was my character ultimately it's a reality show but we do have different characters like Adam in my season was the boy version of me he put it on every girl he wasn't loyal he's doing his own thing um but my friends and family were like Meg none of you're like I'm quite goofy none of my sense of humor came through nothing like that so I think they really do edit it to pick and choose what they want to show which is kind of disappointing and that's like one of the reasons I've never

watched it back because in my head it was a lovely experience I don't want to tarnish it to see how they edited it and how I came across yeah I think I would I would do the same I would feel too it's almost like you don't want someone's identity to be that malleable in another person like you don't want your own identity to be so malleable in another person's hands yeah not having control over how someone can see you is absolutely a horrible feeling um god it's funny you mentioned Adam because I remember there was that one episode of the show and they do this on every season where um they the partners have to guess how many people the other person has slept with and I remember with Adam it was like 200 people or something and you know he wasn't

really chastised for it it's just so classic and then and then when you revealed your number so to speak there was like a bit of judgment from your partner at the time wasn't there yeah how how where do you think that comes from I mean that's so realistic I think that's something so many women can relate to a hundred percent and even in the series after me with Moira how she was just so in control and owned it and then that's that whole thing of the way she licked the lolly and I was just like oh my god it's like harmless flirting if a boy done that or started doing press-ups or started like grinding on the floor when they do the fireman's like challenge no one bats an eyelid but because she dares to be a little bit flirty and just knock them out oh god forbid like it's awful so if I get this right you applied for the show the season before you went on

um and you told the producers that you were also interested in women and they didn't let you on the show and then the following year when you applied you didn't say that you're interested in women and then they let you on is that have I got that right yeah so I don't think the sole reason they didn't let me on is because I was interested in women I think a whole different array of things possibly but yeah the second year I just thought because I was working as a stripper at this point I was kind of at a crossroads I didn't really know what I wanted to do so for me it was like a big opportunity the first year I wasn't that fussed so I went in I said exactly how I was like I like girls as well so I'm not sure I said to be honest the typical love island man aesthetic isn't my type so I'm in, I said exactly how I like girls as well. So I'm not sure. I said, to be honest, the typical Love Island man aesthetic isn't my type.

So I'm not sure. I was very fussy. So they probably thought, oh, God, she's going to be hard work. That never happened. And then the next year I didn't mention the girl things. I thought, right, I really want to get out of stripping now and be much more simple for them. And then, yeah, I got cast. So maybe it was me me thinking that but that's how it worked out and when you were on the show you didn't you didn't mention the fact that you were interested in women as well it was that intentional or did it just never come up and do you regret not mentioning that I do regret it but I think in the time when I first walked in I walked up to Dr Alex first I remember and he is I don't know how to describe it like very sensible very like like straight laced very straight laced and then

trust him yeah I walked up to him and I was like he's like what do you do for work I'm a doctor I was like I'm a stripper so from that point I thought oh god I'm gonna be perceived as like really sexual I'm probably gonna get slut shamed on the outside world so I didn't want to add to that um and be like oh I like girls too because that was me that took me so long to come out because I've worked in the sex industry because I didn't want it to be for the male gaze or people to think oh she's doing it for attention or to seem more appealing to men that is the furthest thing from the truth so that's why I kept it so quiet until I went on another show and I didn't really want to do the show until I was like I was struggling to meet gay girls and it's so hard when you're into feminine girls and you're feminine yourself it's really hard to navigate who is gay and who's not um so I thought this show is perfect

they can go and get me some really cute girls that was that was celebs go dating wasn't it yeah yeah if love island does ever come back because I mean obviously it's not coming back at the moment because of lockdown but if it does come back do you think we could get to a point where we see multiple sexualities on the show or do you think it just wouldn't work the format I would love that and I've spoke to a few of the producers like we're good friends and I'm like oh that would be amazing but I just think it'll be so tricky I guess like car pulling up and stuff I don't know how it works but I guess they've got some kind of thing to eliminate couples week by week I think it'll make it more tricky but we definitely need to see it I think a definite gay show and I think middle-aged people need to get on there it'll be so much

more real and brutal than like these youngsters trying to get like we say in people doing it now more for the Instagram followers and the deals when they come out it'd be great to see people actually in there for love I want to know if I mean you've obviously been living with your parents in lockdown have you managed to date at all because I mean that's that's a like a almost like reverting back to the teenage years like trying to sneak people into your parents house how's that worked literally so I've got my own place so if I am going on dates I'll take them back to mine it's not my little bachelor pad I love it um all my friends joke they're like oh yeah the shag pad it's so

funny it's called badger's cottage we need to rename it Beaver's Cottage, I think, more appropriate. I love that. That's so good. I've been talking to a few people when it was like first proper lockdown, like FaceTime dates were great. You didn't have to go anywhere, get a little bit glammed up, have a glass of wine. But it's so hard. And I think during lockdown, it's been the first time that I've actually really slowed down since Love Island just focused on me I'm not fussed about getting in a relationship like desperately how I used to be are you still in touch with anyone from Love Island yeah so I was speaking to Dani I can't believe she's pregnant it's mad I know so a lot of the girls I speak to some of the boys but it's hard everyone's got

such busy lives but I try and like find time to catch up with everyone Samira I was super close with I love Samira yeah you had such a great season um finally I want to ask for anyone listening who is dealing with slut shaming or has dealt with it in the past what would be your advice to them um on dealing with it do you think it's best to confront people or do you think it's about finding a way to to just manage it and you know uh rethink about it in your head yeah I think just don't invest too much time in others opinions whether that's slut shame not anything else someone's putting you down for you know why you've made that decision and as long as you're happy with it and your family and people close to you are happy with it that's the main thing and even people who are close to you and

don't support it like you don't need to keep them people in your life like I've had a few friends that will make the sly digs and I just get rid of them because that's not the energy I need around me if you're not fully supportive of what I do with my body and can't support me as a friend and be open minded as to why I want to do that. You don't need these people in your life. Finally, it is time for our lessons in love segment. So this is the part of the show where I ask every guest to share something that they've learned from their previous relationship experiences. So, Megan, what is your lesson in love? My lesson in love would be don't ignore red flags, whether they're a baby red flag or a massive huge

red flag. Don't ignore it because I've tried to do this so many times or overlook certain things. I think, oh, this person will change. And the majority of the time I break up with people is because the small things I noticed at the beginning that I didn't address or then later down the line I did address and they still were unable to change so I think if you see them red flags early don't dismiss them deal with it and like get out of there run for the hills yeah I mean that's that's very good advice what what are some of the red flags that you have noticed coming up most frequently with partners so a big one obviously the whole sex industry thing slut shaming whether it's when they've had a drink or they say like something passive-aggressive I don't know any comments like that get rid um if someone doesn't

hear you like that's a big thing for me because I always go for such strong personalities and I feel like a lot of people are very me me me especially these days so someone who's supportive of you and there for you and people constantly talking about their exes whether it's too much too often or just negative stuff we don't need this is a fresh relationship that's a big red flag for me yeah we've spoken about that on the show before actually with um Florence Given particularly when um your partner's ex is a woman and there is almost first of all it's such a red flag if they call the ex a psycho I mean that is just the biggest red flag ever yeah exactly exactly it's like well

what did you do to turn her into a psycho and then the other one that is quite interesting is that it's almost like I think women are almost conditioned to to hate a partner's ex anyway if they are female because it's just like that internalized misogyny isn't it and that's what Florence speaks about in her book but it's it's just so interesting because I've never really thought about that because I I definitely have experienced that in the past where you're just you're all automatically like oh yeah I'm I'm you know I look different from that ex because I wear these clothes and she wears those clothes and you're like constantly comparing and trying to find ways that make you feel better than them a hundred percent yeah I've read that book as well I love Florence and that book is amazing every listener needs to go out and buy that book but um yeah 100% I think too much

talking about them wasting time talking about them whether it's in a nice way and reliving memories or whether it's like shaming them and saying things that went wrong they're not there to defend themselves and we're a different person so it's just mad that because I've done it before I then end up because this person has spoke so much about the ex I'm comparing whether it's in a good way or a bad way I'm like but we're so different I'm like how like it's weird yeah I've done it now about the exes that's it for today thank you so much for listening if you're a new listener to this show you can subscribe to us on apple podcast spotify acast or anywhere else you can comment and leave us a rating too

so that more people can find us. Keep up with everything to do with the show on Instagram. Just search Millennial Love. See you soon. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessie Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's

a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com.