Lovett or Leave It - 440: Happy Valentine's Bidet

Episode Date: February 14, 2026

Lovett is in the air for this this Valentine’s Day special episode! Sarah Lazarus and Halle Kiefer join in the studio to take a look at a few absurd stories we missed, and to address your romantic a...nd revealing queries from the Discord. Plus we work through our collective feelings about the Trump administration’s new coal industry mascot, Coalie. Let’s just say, Lovett’s a fan…

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Starting point is 00:02:04 You know where the lights are. The show has already begun. Hi, Sluts. Welcome to a very special Love It or Leads of a little. episode as you listen to this. Me and the Pod Save America crew, we're on our two-week Australia, New Zealand tour, but we didn't want to didgerie, do you all dirty,
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Starting point is 00:02:34 Hello. Love or Leave It is only one podcast, and with the amount of news we are trying to cover. we can't get to it all. So for today's episode, we wanted to take you through some of our favorite stories that we didn't feel like we gave enough attention to on the show before we get to some interesting questions and topics from Friends of the Pod in the Discord around Valentine's Day because this show is coming on Valentine's Day. Yeah. How romantic. How romantic. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Galentine's Day.
Starting point is 00:03:04 Just missed it. Galentine's Day. I do celebrate Galentine's Day. with the gals. It's important. Do you believe that Galentine's Day is a conspiracy against men by corporations trying to convince women that they don't need a relationship to be happy? I don't think the corporations, if that's what they're doing, they don't need to. The corporations do not need to have to put money behind that. I think it's from an episode of Parks and Rec.
Starting point is 00:03:31 So, it's not the corporations at all. I guess hypothetically NBC could be behind it. It's his big Amy Polar. Yeah. Oh, that's where it's from, Galentine's Day? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:40 They go to get pancakes. I don't know any friends that are girls. Wow. Hurtful. But to be fair, you don't have friends that are boys either. Friendly colleagues. Some friendly colleagues, that's for sure. And that's true.
Starting point is 00:03:50 You don't have any friends. You don't have any friends of either gender. So it's fair. That's right. But first, the news. All right. Here's the story I want to talk about. All right.
Starting point is 00:03:58 When Zoran Mamdani, you know him, became mayor of New York. Love him. He mentioned that he wanted to update Gracie Mansion to have B'dace. Obsessed. Bades. And this caused a little bit of a mini controversy about Bidase.
Starting point is 00:04:16 And he then did a sit-down interview more recently with ABC News 7. That's the local affiliate, ABC 7, that I used to watch growing up. And when he elaborated, he said he was looking to add water guns on the side of the toilet. Kind of a cheap edition, like a $25 edition to make the toilets have bidet-like features. One thing that we will change is we will be installing a few bidets into Gracie Mansion. That's an aspirational hope. We'll see if we can actually get it done. The only other thing I'll tell you is that I was asked if we would make any changes.
Starting point is 00:04:53 I just mentioned that we might install a few bidets in Gracie Mansion. You know, like a $25 water gun that you hook on the side of a toilet. And we actually got a lot of bidet companies who reached out to us to offer their money. help and installation. I'm sure they do. We're fine. Well, the economy could help you. We're not in the pocket of big bidet. So it's like, no, no, no, don't worry. I want terrible bidetes. Right, right. And I, I, I appreciate that he's... No, no, don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. It'll be the worst bidet. They're not going to work out of all the market. So I, yeah, so first of... It's worse than not having a bidet. Yeah, Tew bade. I do think that's like there's a, it's a, so there's many styles of
Starting point is 00:05:31 bade. There's the kind of full-on... Yeah, lay about for us. There's the full-on, uh, uh, uh, uh, bidet to the side of the toilet. Yes. I learned through my research that that word means pony because you pony, because you, the way you sit on it. Oh, interesting. Okay. Because you sit on it kind of like a saddle.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Right. Where you wash out your own. We've all used the bathroom on top of a horse. We've all sat on ponies, yeah. Yeah. Right. We've all sat on ponies. Sarah's a horse girl.
Starting point is 00:05:57 Then there's the Toto Japanese style. Right. Like the full toilet. The full toilets. That's what I want for them. Then there's the kind of basin. There's the basin style. where there's a kind of a water to the side of the toilet
Starting point is 00:06:10 that you can use to pour. And then this is the water gun style that I kind of associate with that style as well. But there's also the things you can add to toilets. You can just add a small attachment to the toilet to turn your toilet into a bidet. And I hope that Zoran Mamdani, as he is on so many issues,
Starting point is 00:06:30 is sort of providing an opening to imagine a better future in which America finally in full, embraces the fact that dry toilet paper is perhaps not the best way to go about dealing with the grossest thing that we deal with on a daily basis. You know what I mean? Depending on where, there's a lot of variables. And so it's nice to have something else to help you with it.
Starting point is 00:06:54 I will say, and maybe this was a concern in the Gracie Mansion as a historical building, that I've seen at least two TikToks where people talk about installing a bidet to the toilet in their apartment and basically breaking all the plumbing in the building. Because it turns out there was something, there's some setup where you cannot do that. They did not ask remission. And then they, of course, have to explain. I did break all the toilets. Yes, I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:07:14 That'd be a great first mayoral scandal. You break all of New York City's plumbing. Trump said the Epstein files and it's like, we're mad at him because he got, the bidets are either too nice or too cheap. Yeah. Just right. You got to get just right the day. I have a feeling that anyone who's actually mad at him about this might have started mad about
Starting point is 00:07:31 this already. Actually, Rudy Giuliani's daughter, Caroline Rose, commented. according to the times, that she would have done it myself if she had known about Bades when she lived there. It does not surprise me that Rudy Giuliani was not ahead of his time. I think you would reject it. I think you would not be able to engage with a Bada. Yeah, it's sort of gay somehow. It would be gay. I wonder when Rudy Giuliani's daughter first found out about Badez. Was this how she found out what a Badaise? The I installed when I was renting, I installed one of those additional, like kind of a
Starting point is 00:08:06 of bring your own bidet. A B.Y.O. Baday. A B.Y.O. Baday to the top of the toilet. It so transformed my experience of being alive on Earth. Great. That I became obsessed with giving them as gifts. And it is an intimate gift. But we're all shitting.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Because you get, exactly. We are all shitting. But you do have to ask people what kind of toilet they have. Because I didn't understand this, Bill, that that they're, That basically like some toilets are the kind of round kind of. And then some are kind of go more out. Round. There's sort of like there's like the round bowl.
Starting point is 00:08:45 And then there's kind of the ovular kind of longer bowl, a long bowl. And the short bowl, depending on your toilet. And so you have to kind of know what kind of toilet your friend or family member has before you buy them this as a gift. So it takes the element of surprise. So you have to text them and say. You could just be asked me that. And the thing about it is when you ask somebody what kind of toilet they have, they don't know. Like right now, do you know if you have a long toilet or a short toilet?
Starting point is 00:09:06 If you asked me what kind of toilet I had, I'd say, please don't talk to me outside of work. And also, no, I have no idea. How someone not assume it's to get me a gift? I'm just, that's just a question you have. Hey, tell me about Sarah, tell me about your toilet. I want to know what your toilet. Hey, if you guys, I'd love it about what toilet situation. Hey, I mean to ask you guys, what kind of toilet you have at all.
Starting point is 00:09:22 I drew all the different kinds of toilets. Just point. I took all the work out of for you. Round, pointy, backwards. Backwards. I, backwards. A hole in the ground. Hole above the ground?
Starting point is 00:09:33 Hole in the roof. horse. Just attach to the ceiling. I will say, this is maybe you want to get a bidet. I did not have one. However, I do live in one of those
Starting point is 00:09:43 100-year-old L.A. bungalows where our pipes are constantly breaking, and I know if I got one, it would break, and then all my neighbors would, when they would know. It was, like, look, I don't do much plumbing.
Starting point is 00:09:53 It was intense in setting up the thing. And I thought I'd maybe done it wrong. But then, oh, boy, I got it right. Really paid off. In my building, my neighbors, we share a bathroom wall, and they had a clog in their sink. And so they had a plumber come to snake it.
Starting point is 00:10:07 And the snake came up through my sink. Oh, no. That's a frightening thing. Did you had? And there's, because when the snake comes up through the wrong pipe, it's like you want to tell the snake. Yeah. But you can't tell the snake. You have to find the person at the other side.
Starting point is 00:10:25 I mean, I guess like given that there is a person on the other side, it's not a great option, but you could just grab it and try to send a message through it. Sure. I don't think you do that gesture very many times. Did you do that? Did you grab the snake? No. I texted my landlord. Texted you're a landlord. But that's got to go to the landlord.
Starting point is 00:10:41 He's responsive. Oh, he was responsive. And then it has to get to the plumber, whoever's doing the snaking. Yeah. It's a dangerous time when the snake's in your apartment. For a second, did you see it and think that it might actually be a real snake? No. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Well, a few. I could tell it was metal. A metal snake? Sort of making metallic sounds. Well, good. I'm glad. But, anyway, good for Mayor Zoroamam Dani for encouraging people to embrace what a lot of the rest of the world had figured out a long time ago, which is you should get it a little bit wet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:12 You know, when trying to deal with the thing we all do. Get a little wet. And maybe we got to talk about it. We're doing it right now. I think we're doing the right thing. Because the adoption rate is still very low here in the U.S. Get one for the office. We should get one for the office.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Just one, though. Just one. And it's in the conference room. All right. And that's, and that is Zohanam Dali. Hey, we did it. Right. I'm excited about the next topic.
Starting point is 00:11:42 Yeah. I'd like to talk about the Trump administration's new mascot, Koli. Who we learned about from a Doug Bergam tweet last month. If we could see the photo of that tweet. So this is Interior Secretary Doug Bergam who posted this, obviously, AI-generated photo of himself with Koli, who is an adorable lump of coal wearing mining gear, I guess. It's so funny. And his tweet says,
Starting point is 00:12:07 Mine Baby Mine. POTUS made it a top priority for interior to unleash beautiful clean coal. And OSMRI is leading the charge. Learn more about how OSMRI is advancing Potus's American Energy Dominus agenda from their new spokesperson, Coley. This is wild. It's sort of like the M&Ms where our happiness will come from Coley's demise. Yes.
Starting point is 00:12:31 The Coley is excited to be incinerated to create power. And you want to fuck that Cole. Hmm. Oh, you mean the sexy green Eminem. Yeah, I wouldn't have sex with her. Coley feels too childlike. Yeah, Coley's a baby. Coley's not even wearing high heels.
Starting point is 00:12:44 Right, yeah, I agree. One thing I learned, so this agency that they mentioned, I'm just going to, we got to keep right past this. We can't keep talking about wanting to fuck Coley. So this agency is the Office of Surface Mining Reclamation and Enforcement. it is a very obscure bureau that handles like regulating coal mines and cleaning up polluted old mining land. Coley has been like an inside joke at this bureau since 2018 when their social media manager
Starting point is 00:13:12 created this photo of a lump of coal wearing googly eyes. And it has since had a few evolutions. But it's become this mascot at this bureau to sort of try to explain what they do because no one knows about them. And it has now been co-opted by the Trump administration. to make us love coal. Yeah. Do you remember there was the Simpsons episode
Starting point is 00:13:34 where he discovers his face is on a Japanese box and it turns out it's the spokes, it's the kind of spokes creature for some sort of behemoth conglomerate. It was like a cleaning product and then a fishery. Yes, yes. And then it fused together to make Homer's head.
Starting point is 00:13:52 Yeah, it reminds me a little bit of that. And also it is just a 30 rock joke. We're kind of living in the kind of whatever consciousness of that show somehow. And I think this isn't the point of it, but I do like the first Koli better, where it looks like an actual piece of Kohl. The first Koli was perfect. It's only gotten worse.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Also, the Koli that Doug Bergam tweeted looks different from the most recent Koli. Like, that is just his AI version. What's not even real Koli? You literally can't do the same one. Like, it would require them to like take the image and then actually do something with it. And they're like, eh, we're not going to do that. The thing I want to note is that according to the Washingtonian in-house animators
Starting point is 00:14:25 also plan to bring Koli to life, making him dance. ride around on trucks and potentially perform a signature song. Wow. That's something to look forward to. Yeah, what a bleak time we're living through. Who do you think Coley should do the song with? Nikki Minaj, probably. Yes.
Starting point is 00:14:43 100%, yes. The line is, the list of names is pretty short. You have Nikki Minaj, you could rock, but I think Nikki Minaj would be great. You're absolutely right. So the coal mines for itself. This is a lump of coal wearing a headlamp and a vest. Sort of advocating for his kind to be burned in our cars.
Starting point is 00:15:03 Right. Well, it's interesting because it's not, it's a piece of harvest. It's a lump of coal that's been removed from underground. And so what is coli? So if you had a bigger chunk, is that one big coli? And then if you broke it in half, would it become two coli? How many lumps before you have, how small does a lump have to be before it is a coli?
Starting point is 00:15:24 When did his consciousness emerge or her consciousness or their consciousness? Thank you. When did Coley's consciousness emerge? Does it emerge upon becoming a lump? I think it's when you put the eyes on. When they put the eyes on. Yeah. When they put the eyes on.
Starting point is 00:15:36 And so that determines whenever you put the eyes on, that's Coley. So here what you're saying is there is coal. Yeah. And if Coley becomes sentient when the eyes are applied, what does the experience of Koli like? Does Koli, because Koli has language. Coley has interests and desires. Are those surprising?
Starting point is 00:15:58 to Coley, what memories can Coley root its hopes in? Because it just came to be when the eyes were there. Yeah. I mean, it seems like there might be some kind of collective memory, a sense memory of being Cole. I think Coley can only feel shame. Coley seeks Coley's own death. I feel like Coley has a big smile on their face. What is it hiding, you know? What is he making up for? Yeah. A lot to think about with Coley. I like the second one, too. Why is Coley wearing Mickey Mouse-style gloves? I did find a quote from Junior Walk, who's an Appletian activist, who documents the impact of the coal industry in West Virginia,
Starting point is 00:16:39 who told the Guardian, as climate change plunges us deeper into the mass extinction event that we are all living through, and more of my friends and neighbors get sick and die as a direct result of the activities in the coal industry, I will continue to be haunted by Coley's twisted grin and uncanny eyes. Kind of a downer of that guy. Wow.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Yeah. Kind of not really embracing the Coley spirit. No, he's not into it. Yeah. That's how I feel about it. And that's Coley. Yay. Great.
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Starting point is 00:19:35 Well, mine is maybe a little bit more of a downer than these other two. And then is, of course, there was a profile of Nancy Mace in New York Magazine this week. The title of which is Nancy Mace is not okay. and then the lead is a quote from one of the staffers, all anonymous, something's broken, the motherboards fried, we're short-circuiting somewhere, and it's just sort of a breakdown of, well, her breakdown, and I would describe her as if Norma Desmond was a congresswoman. And it is interesting, you're sort of like a, you see,
Starting point is 00:20:06 it is like a white conservative woman's breakdown. You know what I mean? I feel like we've had, like, I don't know, you think of like John Fetterman. You know what I mean? Sort of had a similar article where it's like sort of like breaking down. So there's not really a ton of surprises in here. only, the only surprise is things have gotten worse. Because, like, obviously she's had, like, last February, 20, 25, which remember, that was, I mean, like, less than a month after Trump took office, it was flood the zone.
Starting point is 00:20:29 She went onto the floor of Congress to accuse her ex-fiance of filming her, assaulting her. And he has sent sued, but technically speaking, I presumably, according to this profile, what she's using is, like, technically because she's on the floor of Congress, she's actually immune from, like, the defamation suit. Yeah, she can say whatever. She wants them. So she's very smart. And that's the other thing. She's like she's an incredibly smart person. It says that her intelligence is sort of spiraling out.
Starting point is 00:20:53 And then in October of this last year, she had sort of a meltdown at an airport where it was mostly her berating people and sort of like accusing them of being terrible at their jobs at the airport. The police. She was using the police. Yes. Both the TSA and police. She has, of course, tried to say that it didn't happen. There's video of it happening.
Starting point is 00:21:14 And there's also a House Ethics Committee inquiry. about her using her staff for her gubernatorial race in South Carolina, where she is doing not very well. And I just want to read some of the staffing quotes, as we're all anonymous. Again, there's something broken. Another quote, back then she came across as a breath of fresh air,
Starting point is 00:21:33 and then I got into the office. And after six months, I was like, man, this is one of the worst people I've ever met. I'm going to move back to South Carolina. And the third staffer, the closer you get to her, the harder she messes up your brain. it's the classic story of never meet your heroes.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Yeah. And they sort of outline what she's done. And I think they're all exactly what you think. She had staffers running out to buy her liquor, clean her Airbnb, sort of do these tasks, sort of having a volatile workspace, flying into rages, threatening them, refusing to give them raises and stuff. And then we get to the thing that really just sat heavy on me, which again is not a surprise, but I just wanted to read this sort of more,
Starting point is 00:22:17 maybe more the grim moments. Quote, she was obsessed with monitoring her reputation online in addition to reporting having her staff create burner accounts to defend her. Mace allegedly instructed her staff to go on Reddit forums about, quote, the hottest women in Congress to boost her standing in the rankings and comment where needed.
Starting point is 00:22:34 Mace was, quote, very adamant about getting the staffer to upvote any posts about the congresswoman of her attractiveness. That's like what you make us do. Right, exactly. I know, look, we joke. But obviously, Nancy, if you want to create burner accounts and have your own standing upboated on various forums, that's just work you have to do at home in the night that no one can know about. Like, obviously, that's not something I could ask Halle or Sarah to do.
Starting point is 00:22:59 Not at this point. Yeah. Because I just, I don't think that they could stop themselves from telling people how funny it is because it's so funny. Yeah. So I don't try, I can't have them do that. So that's the kind of thing hypothetically, I would have to do myself. I'd tell everyone in the world if you had made us do that. That would have to be your five to nine after nine to five.
Starting point is 00:23:18 You would have to get home and then every night get on and just open 500 different laptops. Yeah, that's why I've got these bags around. I'm just tired for my second shift. What are you doing? And I basically I just want to talk about this because I feel like... I disagree. Tommy isn't my favorite. Love it's my favorite.
Starting point is 00:23:35 I want to marry Lovett. I don't want to kill him of the three. I think that I just want to talk... The thing that really stuck out to me, because also like, She is someone who, like, is very smart like Trump, where basically it's like she, she basically had a quota for her staff to, like, get her on TV appearances every month. She, on January 6th had a quote, talking to them where, like, she wanted to get punched to the face on camera until I get more attention.
Starting point is 00:23:59 And I'm like, that's actually very smart in like a Trump sort of way. And I think, and I don't know, this is sort of how I think about Chuck or Carlson. It's like, it seems like she was playing a character, and now she has become the character. And I think for conservatives, like, that is just sort of what has to happen. In order to double down, like, she has become this, like, insane version of Nancy Mays, like, the illusion of the performance, they've merged. And now she kind of, that's all she has. And what's interesting about her is that she actually has taken one good stand, which is she voted for the Epstein, the release of the Epstein files back in November. And that is probably why she's not going to get Trump's endorsement for the governor's race, is that she has one shred of dignity or integrity left. And that is what you can't have when you are trying to court Trump. Yeah, it's interesting. You know, the Vonnegut line is, you are what you pretend to be, so you should be very careful about what you pretend to be. Yeah, it kind of dances around whether or not she has a DSM style mental illness.
Starting point is 00:25:04 You could look up in a book. Yeah. Or if she's just like, the Nancy Mays discourse is like she's, you know, is she small C crazy? like the way we say that women are crazy sometimes while also being a bad person? Or is there a kind of like whispered mental illness that they seem to be applying or suggesting or rumoring about all the time? And here's my cycle analysis of Nancy Nice, which is that this, unfortunately, we're at a point in society where I think being a powerful white conservative woman might as well look like a mental illness. like she has achieved a level of power, but she doesn't actually have power in her own life, again, the ex-fiance, she doesn't really have power. Like, she can't really run herself as a candidate without Trump.
Starting point is 00:25:53 And it's interesting because I feel like she is perhaps more than anyone in Congress and it continues to be now so insanely transphobic. And to me, that is like a point that a lot of white cis conservative women arrive at that I think is almost like it's the trans women. specifically, but trans people, but like, trans women specifically, it's almost like, they're the group that you perceive as a threat when a reality, they're like one of the groups that, like, are the only people that have less power than you. And I think, like, being in this powerful position, but yet she can't actually control these things, it's almost like she relentlessly has to take out on Sarah McBride, which she is constantly saying horrible things about.
Starting point is 00:26:29 She passed, like, the congressional bathroom that, like, Bill, and was like, this is specifically about Sarah McBride. And so I think, unfortunately, it's like, I think it's like a lot of people, like, who are trying to describe, like, why are my parents like this? Or, like, there's, like, a conservative, like, behavior where it's like, she's become sort of, like, separated from reality in a way that I think a lot of conservatives, it kind of just leads you down this path. I don't know what to do about it.
Starting point is 00:26:53 Like, I don't know. It's just, like, interesting how all these things that having someone try to, like, constantly defend her hotness seems like a very important point that I don't know. I don't think it's a mental illness in her traditional sense. I think it's, like, a cultural illness. And she's sort of on the top of it. and is still sort of trapped by all these limitations. Being a woman, probably, I mean, I believe it's something horrible has happened to her in her personal life.
Starting point is 00:27:15 And now it's just sort of like exploding out on people around her. Yeah. Less fun than Coley. I just, there's something about that really, I don't know. It was interesting. Yeah, the other part of it, too, is like, I can't remember what the exact circumstances were. But there was somebody who was actually working with them and they were really smart. But they just would, like, get in their own way all the time.
Starting point is 00:27:36 And it was in politics. And I remember somebody we all worked for at the time made a comment just almost an aside, which is like people's insecurities will beat their intelligence every time. And I do think with someone like this too, there's like so much. There's a lot of whatever anxieties and but ambition in there. And I do think like, yeah, she is a smart person, but she's not behaving like a smart person would. Like obviously it is not in your interest as a political figure.
Starting point is 00:28:08 you're in South Carolina to berate the law enforcement that are escorting you to your gate because you got angry that they didn't know you were not in the car you said you'd be in. Like it's a crazy thing to do. But she's clear like out of off kilter and kind of like losing, losing touch with reality because you're a member of Congress and there's always a car waiting and a person waiting and a person who's like excited to kind of do your bidding. That's also brain breaking to you for all these members of Congress. It's sort of like I always say people always talk about like, oh, if I was a billionaire, you would never see me again. I would just go, live on an island. It's like, no, no, if you were a billionaire, you would go insane in the ways that
Starting point is 00:28:41 you were insane now. Imagine you now, and maybe you get a billion dollars, unless you really resolve your stuff, you will end up doing what, it, now that is all the same thing. I don't think you're going to necessarily build an island, like Epstein, but like something happens where you get to a level of power and money. If you don't deal with it, it comes out in whatever way looks like you. Something I think about a lot is what is the dollar amount that would make me go insane. It would have to, it's going to be a lot for you. But like, there is, there is. There's some dollar amount that is fine still, and then like $5 more and it's over. What is that line?
Starting point is 00:29:13 It's interesting. I think you're right. Like, there are a lot of billionaires or hyper wealthy people who do disappear. They're the people that inherited the money. The people that inherited the money often are very comfortable just being super rich and staying out of the spotlight. There are a lot of them. Some of them are in the Epstein files.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Their wealth is more invisible. They're not on Twitter. They're not trying to be famous. They are enjoying their money on the places, on the islands that you can't go to unless you are super rich. To me, the ones we keep hearing about that are, that are, it's whatever drove them to be so hyper-ambitious, intense, cutthroat to become billionaires, not just to be smart, inventive, creative, very talented people, but to become, to fight to get that amount of wealth. Whatever made them like that, the money doesn't stop that part of their brain. But now everything is taking care of for them. They have no friction in their life.
Starting point is 00:30:12 These are people that desperately want friction. Look at Elon Musk. He has everything he could possibly want. He's eliminated all friction from his life. And so he becomes a fucking Twitter troll, white nationalist internet freak. Why? Because like that broken part of him. If things are still, he doesn't feel safe.
Starting point is 00:30:32 And I do think like that's why you see these sort of people careening around and getting about their politics. and funding stupid fake universities in Austin and all the other things. It's like there's that broken piece of them that led them to be so ambitious and they've got to put it somewhere. Yeah. I also work on self-awareness in 2026. I feel like that's a good goal for everyone. I think we should, I think at this table, our goal should be less self-awareness.
Starting point is 00:30:54 I think the three of us actually could just kind of kind of drive forward with a little bit more obtuseness. It'd be 10% stupider in 2026. I'm too smart. I can't do it, you guys. Oh, damn it. Sorry. We'll be so happy surfing. All right.
Starting point is 00:31:09 And Nancy Mason's article in the intelligence, sir. Up next, we're going to get into your deepest, darkest discord comments. But first, heads up, East Coast. Love it or Leave It is coming to Washington, D.C. on April 23rd. We're back at the Lincoln Theater. There are only two signs of spring in Washington, the cherry blossoms. And Love it or Leave it coming to town with a stack lineup on America's number one late-night political gay live comedy podcast. Also, Janine Piro, switching to Rose.
Starting point is 00:31:34 That's the other sign of spring. Tickets are on sale. now, go to crooked.com slash events. I always love our DC shows. Some of my favorite shows when we come to town for this show now. It's a yearly event. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love it or Leave It, brought you by Zbiotics. Let's face it, after a night with drinks, I don't bounce back the next day like I used to. I don't really even bounce. So a dead cat bounce. Yeah, I have to make a choice. You can either have a great night or a great next day. That is until I found pre-alcohol,
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Starting point is 00:32:38 You feel better the next day. It's real. Ready to try it. Go to Zbiotics.com slash love it. Right now, you'll get 15% off your first order when you use code Love It at checkout. Plus, it's backed by 100% money back guarantee so there's no risk. Subscriptions are also available for maximum consistency. Remember to head to Zbiotics.com slash Love It and use code Love It at checkout for 15% off. And we're back. All right, Lovebirds. Now Hallie is going to guide us through our romantic Valentine's Day Discord omacase with complimentary wine pairing,
Starting point is 00:33:11 wine pairing. And yes, that was wine with an age. Howie, take it away. It's that time of year again, time to fall in love with our Discord subscribers and they're complicated, sweet and somewhat bizarre love life's girl same. First up, now I'm going to tell this story, but to me, this is
Starting point is 00:33:26 just an HR violation that Bill has found. Oh. We've sort of anonymized some of the details. I work in a factory that makes parts for a car brand. My senior team leader has trying to hook up with another team member and sent her videos of him, you know. Anyway, once they did the deed, he goes to her to get back with his ex. So, this to me, I'm like, you have to tell someone about this.
Starting point is 00:33:48 It seems to be that this person who seems to be a senior team leader sent a, I'm presuming jacking off to meet, to hook up with a coworker. Unfortunately, it worked, which, boy, I mean, we've all been down bad, but that's tough to read. And then he immediately goes her to get back with his ex. First of all, I just, I can't believe what the word you know is doing there. We don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:34:12 That's a crazy flirt. We know. You think that's what it is? Why? You assume it's, you assume it's. I mean, what else could it be? Could it just be videos? Oh, it's videos.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Not just, oh, wait. Said, or videos of him, you know? It's an action. It's a verb. It's in action. What do you think it could be of a time? I think, yeah, I mean, I went through the same thought process. It was like, what does that mean?
Starting point is 00:34:29 And then I guess this is the only thing it could mean. Come on. It seems to have worked. Well, okay, it worked, but also to me, the level of, like, heavy despair that must hang over this car brand factory. Like, this is, like, just imagine your friend telling you this, we're like, girl, what are you talking about? So, and the question that Bill's right is, what's the laziest flirt? It seems like he's doing quite a bit of activity in this flirt. So I don't know.
Starting point is 00:34:53 That's not that. That's a lot of things. It doesn't seem lazy. Yeah. You just set up a camera. There's also some right angle. Get the lighting right. This is from constant cupcake.
Starting point is 00:35:01 My husband worked at a school where the security guard had given multiple. employees, including the principal, the clap. Wow. The clap, like it's the 50s. We're calling it the clap. Look, that's a security guard with a lot of risk. That's cool. Imagine.
Starting point is 00:35:14 That's cool. On patrol. I guess I just don't understand. And like, maybe, again, I haven't, I haven't been out there in a minute. But like, you're having unprotected sex at work with the security guard? It's not very secure. We don't know if they had sex at the school. Well, no, that wasn't my point.
Starting point is 00:35:30 The point is, like, they've all retracted. What is clab? Is that chlamydia? Yeah. So you're all. raw dog in one person at school. Well, you know, I guess God bless. I guess it wasn't really a question.
Starting point is 00:35:41 All right, well, go to the next one. Wait, we're not. Well, the question is where, what's the laziest flirt you've ever done? I'm not, that has nothing to do with this. Does it count as ghosty if you see each other every day at work? What do you guys think? See, my biggest question about this is why would that video work?
Starting point is 00:36:01 Right. I think that that's why this is sad to me. It's like, because whoever received it is down, they're like, I guess. Like, it's not a joyful moment when you receive that from your coworker. You say, I don't have any other options. Call the police. I have to call the police.
Starting point is 00:36:14 This is not fun. This is just an HR violation. And I just want to say, because I would just like to say, as someone who, uh... Where are we going with this? Very delicately and ethically... I'm still... Finish the sentence. This is what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:36:32 And respectfully... No! You already said, ethically. Approached even the possibility of dating someone that I work with. Mm-hmm. Okay. Where did you think I was going to?
Starting point is 00:36:47 We didn't know. We were horrified. You're both going to be at my fucking wedding. Okay. And, you know, well, you know. You know, anyway. No, yeah, that's the thing is like, this is not, this is a bummer. Discord.
Starting point is 00:36:57 I'm sorry. This is a bummer discord. How, like, is it inconceive? What a swing to send that video is all I'm getting at. Well, I guess, I guess, I can only. imagine the workplace environment at this factory, which again, I think you have to talk to the union about this situation.
Starting point is 00:37:12 Yeah. Where's the UAW? Yeah, talk to your reps. Yeah, talk to your reps. Talk to your reps. Sean, get in here. All right, here we go. Here we go. Here's another comment. This is, all right, here we go. This is comment from Anonymous.
Starting point is 00:37:24 All right, shout to Anonymous. I tried to hard launch my seven-year-long situation ship. Now we're no contact, and I'm a 30-year-old woman who's never had a real boyfriend. Help, I guess. I have great news. this is actually good because clearly
Starting point is 00:37:40 you needed to be out of this situation ship so it's good you made a decision you said can we presumably hard lunch I really want people to know that we're dating this is a real relationship
Starting point is 00:37:48 this person not only dumped your ass but you went no contact and it's good 30 don't worry my as someone over 40 you got plenty of time and I don't know what helped to give this person
Starting point is 00:37:59 maybe you guys have ideas but you're starting from a great place which is you've ended this seven year long situation ship and now you get to sort of look for something else Yeah, I don't think you're at person until you're 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:09 Don't worry about it. Your 20s is a wash for everybody. You try to hard launch a situation ship. It's a lot of missing context inside of that slang, which is you don't hard launch situationships. You hard launch relationships after they stop being a situation. You have a situation ship. It becomes a relationship. Then you launch it either softly.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Yes. Or hardly. Yeah. Hardly. Weird though hardly doesn't mean hardly. Never thought about that before. But that, so it doesn't surprise me that that ended in a no-contact situation. I assume she means tried to make it official.
Starting point is 00:38:52 Yeah. And my mind like a hard launch is like you posted about it to social maybe or perhaps issue some sort of ultimatum. Like maybe there's an event and it's like, this is my boyfriend and that sort of caused this. And so I think, again, this is, this might seem catastrophic. right now, this is actually going to turn out to be the best thing that possibly could have happened. Because you did something, which I agree, you don't hard launch something unless you're already on the same page.
Starting point is 00:39:14 This situation, after damn near a decade, it wasn't going to ever get to the place of a real heart launch. Yeah, I have a lot of questions about what your friends were saying during this seven-year period. Was it the best you could get from this situation that you wanted to be a relationship for a longer period of time? Were you afraid to be alone? Yeah. What was going on for seven years? get out there. Get out there.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Yeah. Dating after 30, I think, is also way better. I think, like, there's just, there's some level of maturity. And if you're not looking for a situation ship, there's people who are not looking for that as well. But maybe it takes some time for yourself. This is from Bass Prefect. Can we at least get some validation for the aromantic and asexual of those of us
Starting point is 00:39:57 who are happy to be single and are content with our friendship? This speaks to my larger premise about Valentine's Day, which is that all of February should be about. Valentine's Day and it should be a celebration of all different kinds of love. I know you say you're a romantic, but say love for our friends and we could have sort of Valentine's Day tree or there can be some sort of like different ceremonies. So I think this is a, these are definitely forms of love or a rejection of love and however you would describe it. So I will validate you in that. And also, I do celebrate you because if you accept that you're aromantic and
Starting point is 00:40:30 asexual, boy, that just sounds like a lot more free time. You just relax. That sounds nice. Yeah, I also, it's, what is the value? If you're happy in your circumstance, why do you need the validation? I think, like, if you, there's some sort of insecurity inside of this, if you need to be told that what you're doing is okay. And for that reason, we won't do it. Well, I do think the gross question has, I just said it had validated. I imagine there's a lot of pressure to be like, not only should you be coupled, but if you're someone for whom that, like, none of that makes any sense, it's this overwhelming feeling where you do need validation. So I'm happy to validate you.
Starting point is 00:41:03 Yeah, you know what, you're right. I take, I've thought about it and I've received the the underlying message of Sarah's joke. And I agree, you should be validated. You should feel validated. I guess it's just sort of also there are a lot of people that really are like, want to be in couples and are not. And I don't, I think sometimes that gets also, like, people are told that they're wrong. Yes. For having the feeling of being sad that they're single. And that's something to be comfortable with that. It's like, maybe, sure, but I don't think there's anything wrong with people who really want to be in relationships being upset they're not in one. Yeah, I think there is a level of dismissiveness whenever people try to describe their internal
Starting point is 00:41:41 experience. And other people are like, don't worry about that. And it's like, but yet I am worrying about it. It's Valentine's Day and that's how I feel. Yeah, your feelings are valid, whatever they are. Yes. Yeah. All right. That's right. That's right. Oh, here is a good one. Comment from Vana White Trash. Great name. Real Valentine's Day issue. I'm seeing, finally, I'm seeing a nice man and we like each other a lot. That weird point where we're like, someone needs to drop the L-bomb first, aka, say, I love you. How do I make him do it first? L-O-L-O-L.
Starting point is 00:42:12 What do you guys think? I mean, the most important thing is to never be vulnerable and win at all costs. Did, for me, in both your relationships, did you guys say, I love you first or did the other person? I did not say first. Would you have? Because I'm a winner. Great. Well, yeah, I would have if you hadn't.
Starting point is 00:42:37 I honestly don't remember. But it was in part because we had had a friendship where there was love. But it wasn't that kind of love for a time. So I don't really know. It sort of was more of a smooth evolution. Because it wasn't like. So you guys still haven't said it? You're going to say it on the altar?
Starting point is 00:42:55 Saying it on the altar for the first time. Love it. I'm like, I love spending time with you. Yeah, yeah, couch it. Yeah. Keep them on their toes. Yeah, I think say it first. Babe, say it first.
Starting point is 00:43:05 Say it first. Say it first. Say it first. Literally. Let it. Say it first. Say it first. I want to do it for chance.
Starting point is 00:43:13 Sorry, I'll go up for it. Say it first. Say it first. Say it first. Say it first. Because here's the thing. Here's the thing. You say it first.
Starting point is 00:43:23 It all falls apart. So you have the only reason to not say it first is if there's a possibility that saying it first turns what could be a relationship that will go the distance into one that won't. That's the only reason to not say it first because if you say it first and they're not ready yet, that's real information. But if the relationship continues and they ultimately say it, no problem. You felt weird, but you moved things along. You say it, they say it. We're doing great. You say it. They don't say it. They realize that you weren't, that you're feeling things they're not. It ends it where it where it should have already ended. You're kind of saving yourself some time.
Starting point is 00:43:59 So you have to come up with a version in which you are on the path to a lifelong happiness, but you saying this too soon, even though this should be your person, blows it up somehow. And I just find that to be an unlikely circumstance. I just, if they're the right person, they're the right person. Right, exactly. It's, uh, I think this question of when to say it sits heavy on everybody's soul. And I do think it's gendered. I think like as a woman, there is this idea that you should, the man should always say it first.
Starting point is 00:44:26 Like the effulcane lyric. I only want him if he says it. first to me. And I think that we, in order to have real love, you must take a risk. And again, it might blow up your face, but that's why you got to do it on Valentine's Day. Anyone, saying I love you, proposing, I think it's good to have like the really heavy stuff on Valentine's Day because it's Day, where you have to do this. And then he feels guilty because of Valentine's Day, so he has to say it back. Yeah, that's another great option. Emotional manipulation. That's the other good option. Get him to fake it until he makes it. All right, let's pause it there and we'll be our back.
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Starting point is 00:46:44 I would love to know from Lovett as someone who did the long term, but also so quickly with Ari, how do you know that you're with the one? Also, that's for you, Lerzer. Do you also think that you're with the one? I don't think I believe in the one as a concept. I think it's a little silly. I don't know if you have to believe in
Starting point is 00:47:02 the one. But I think you can take the question as meaning, how did you know you were with a one? That could be the one. The one that you're going to spend, perhaps not all of your life, but for the foreseeable future together. Yeah. Again, I don't know if there's a particular moment so much as an accumulation of moments. That is a very good question. I have no idea. I will just say that sometimes we talk about relationships and what they are separate from how we are and how we're all. changing and I think that I was at a place in my life where it was possible for me to realize that this was the right person and to have that person be able to realize that I could be the person for them because of how I'd changed and grown and I think sometimes it's not about the
Starting point is 00:47:50 one like we were saying it's more like can two people be in the right places in their own lives and be who the other person needs. And that to me is a lot of what it's about. I feel like one good rule of thumb is one time we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and I had half a wheat gummy. And then we walked past these eels that were like sort of straight up, like vertical, their heads were just pointed straight up. And I thought I was going to pass out and I had to go outside and sit down.
Starting point is 00:48:21 And then we were just there for two hours while I had a panic attack. And I was like, oh, this is the person that I want to next to. me while I'm too high at the aquarium. And I feel like if that's, if that's the person you want next to you when you're too high at the aquarium, that's a good start. Great. Love it. All right. This is a comment from Caden. I just got engaged. How long is too long to actually plan and go through anything with the wedding. The idea of planning anything makes me want to vomit, especially this year, working in Peltics. But I don't want to become an afterthought or when we have time. It can never thing. Any advice here is helpful. Well, I'll say this. I've been engaged twice.
Starting point is 00:48:54 I have some tips from both. Great, laid on us. This is going to be kind of old-fashioned. Ooh. All right. I'm going to have an old-fashioned point of view. If you're going to get engaged, you should be planning a wedding. And I know that there are reasons people get engaged long before.
Starting point is 00:49:13 Maybe they have a long academic period ahead of them. There's financial reasons, whatever. I get that. But my view is, if you are engaged, it is because you are engaged to be married and you should at least have an understanding that the engagement period is about planning to get married because it's a liminal time. And I just think it's strange if you're not heading towards getting married. Otherwise, it's just not, it doesn't really mean anything.
Starting point is 00:49:41 That's my very stodgy old school notion. And then my view of it is if you want to be engaged because you want to get married and just get to planning, life is complicated. Life is going to be hard. There are going to be things that stand in the way of it. find the time that you can do it the best way you can do it the way you want to do it. Don't do it the way anyone tells you you have to do it and just do it. That can be a big wedding or planning a year in advance.
Starting point is 00:50:03 That could be a small courthouse wedding. That can be a party in your backyard. That could be a trip you go on with just your spouse. That could be calling your parents to tell them you just got married. And then your mother's like, what the fuck? Whatever it is for you, if you want to get engaged because you want to get married, so fucking get married. That's how I feel about it. I like that.
Starting point is 00:50:21 I think that makes sense just because, well, you're not the only one. planning a wedding at Kirkwood right now. I feel like whenever I talk to anyone who is planning the wedding, they're like, I just got to get through all these decisions. It's almost like when you start, like then you, it's almost like you complete it. So it's like you're taking a step off a cliff that you don't know what's next. But then once you take the step, you can keep going. I don't know, like land appears. So just do it. Yeah, the advice I was given that I think is very good advice is a wedding is a beast that you and your partner are fighting together. Cute. I think it's sweet.
Starting point is 00:50:56 It's how I said it's not as negative. I will also say like, you know, I remember when I was like on that show Survivor and I was feeling bad about it and I was like, how could you possibly not try to enjoy every aspect of this even when it doesn't go your way? You couldn't have chose this more. You couldn't have made this happen more. And so like we're planning a wedding right now. And there are moments where it's not like tense, but it is like you're having a disagreement or
Starting point is 00:51:20 there's a lot of decisions you have to make. And it's like making sure that even throughout the process, you're actually not having a bad time because you, what, the whole process should try to, try to make it as pleasant as possible. But the other thing is, when you get engaged in planned a wedding, you suddenly have all these kinds of conversations you don't normally have with your partner. It's like actually like a, like a drill for life because you're like figuring out family dynamics and there's relationship dynamics. There's like taste questions. There's how you're going to interact with each other's families. There's like big decision. There's money involved.
Starting point is 00:51:53 Like it's like all those things. It's actually, I think, an interesting, like, kind of like dress rehearsal for life. I like that. So that part of it too. Yeah. Think about how all the things you're about to learn about your partner. Maybe it'll be thrilling to you. Good luck, Caden.
Starting point is 00:52:08 And then finally, we have a comment from Constant Cupcake. I honestly just want an update that Love It is hard at work on the rom-com screenplay that we all deserve based loosely on his and our relationship. And this discussion question from Bill, do we have favorite Valentine's Day rom-coms? Are the best ones from the 90s? Are there any good ones in the new Netflix era? Are you guys rom-com people? I like rom-coms. Do you love a 90s rom-com?
Starting point is 00:52:30 Yeah. Which ones? What are we? Julia Roberts across the board. Yeah, Notting Hill. Notting Hill. I think mine, or one of mine at least, the wedding singer. People forget about it because it's a comedy, but Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore.
Starting point is 00:52:44 Nobody does it like them. I think Notting Hill. Notting Hill to me is the number one. It's so charming. It's so funny. every single relationship and moment pays off in the movie. Even the scenes that we're just meeting
Starting point is 00:52:58 the comedic side characters, everything that's happening with them comes back around at the end of the movie. It shouldn't work. It shouldn't work that Julia Roberts pays a movie star, but it does. And they're both so good in it.
Starting point is 00:53:14 And I always feel like... And then there's when Harry Met Sally, which is also obviously great. Incredible. And I always did, yeah, there's a way in which like when Harry met Sally is like number one kind of, I don't know, it's like the, it's like number one New York Jewish category and then Notting Hill is like number one British category. And it's like depends on your mood. I agree with that. That's how I feel about it.
Starting point is 00:53:42 I remember we had Rod Reiner on Love It or Leave It. It's obviously sad to think about. But I believe what he said when we asked him, can men and women be friends? He was like, no, not really. And then it was like, what do you think about people in these throuples? He was like, no. I believe he brought up polyamory. Like, he was just like, ah, could you, this polyamory?
Starting point is 00:53:59 But it was just such a funny Rob Reiner way to approach it. Or it's just, like, I don't know. It just seems like a lot of work. I also didn't realize that Rob Reiner changed the ending of when he met Sally after he met his wife. What was it going to be? It was that they did not wind up together. Yeah, he fell in up. He had the right choice.
Starting point is 00:54:17 Yeah. What a bummer of an ending that would have. I know. And as for writing a romantic comedy, when am I working on it? When am I going to do a screenplay? I barely, I could barely finish a screenplay when I was a screenwriter. That was my job, but I barely could finish the damn things. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:54:35 We'll see what happens at the wedding. Maybe it'll be a lot of hijinks. You can just fashion it into. Some kind of heist. Yeah, we're going to rob you. We're going to come to your wedding. We're going to rob you love it. Oh, a heist.
Starting point is 00:54:46 Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, me, Lazarus. A crack team. Just like a floodlight comes on and we just see your perp, you're going to freeze in your ball of clava's like, mm. And you'll know us from our terrible posture. That's something. You won't be able to hide it.
Starting point is 00:55:03 I mean, Sarah has good posture. Don't drag Sarah into our God-versaken posture issues. Awie. Unfair to her. Before we go, as always these days, it's time for love it or leave its breakout new end segment. Second thoughts where we go back and talk about the things we regret from the very episode we're recording. Yes. One, look, I wasn't personally saying that I thought Coley was, you know, attractive.
Starting point is 00:55:32 I was sort of applying because I was comparing to the green M&M. Do you think Coley's more attractive than the green M&M? No, I don't. I don't. Okay, that's all I needed to hear. I don't. I don't. I believe it. I don't. One more thing about Coley, the name Coley, very first thought. It's like Towley from South Park.
Starting point is 00:55:50 Right. I think I like it because it's first thought. If they'd thought one second later, I'd say, what have you done? Yeah, you're right. Look at what they think of us. Look at what these Trump people think of this country. That they think that there's an odd. They think we're fucking morons.
Starting point is 00:56:03 They think we're slavs and morons. Just waiting for a mascot like Coley to make Coal seem just a little bit sweeter to us. They think of us, they are, we are rubs to them. We are dumb fucking marks to them. All of them. Fuck them. God damn it. Fuck Coley.
Starting point is 00:56:17 Any second thoughts for you, Sarah? I think I, I think I crushed it. I'm a married Lady Coley. If they do that, I'll marry Coley. That's good. Yeah. Coley's got money. We'll check in next year at Valentine's Day.
Starting point is 00:56:28 Any second thoughts from you, Halley? Before we go. I nailed it. I fucking crush this. And that is the end of our very special Valentine's Day episode. Love it or leave it. We'll be back quicker than a boomerangs toss. I hope you sluts have a beautiful Valentine's Day.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Oh, and don't kiss. And don't, oh, I don't. Yeah, Leighton. He's got it. I don't even know how to make your mouth to it. And don't forget to kiss your Sheila's. That wasn't bad. And don't forget.
Starting point is 00:56:51 And nope, that was better the first time. Don't forget to kiss your Sheila's. There we go. And don't forget to kiss your Sheila's. What were we chanting earlier? Say it first. Say it first. Say it first.
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Starting point is 00:57:38 John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer. And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus Jocelyn Koff. Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Suba Argoal are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis, provide audio support.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designer, Sammy Kuderna Rees for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producers, David Tolls, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Belon Villanueva, and Rachel Gieski for filming and editing video each week. Our head of production is Matt DeGroat, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.
Starting point is 00:58:17 It's love it, Olivia, Olivia!

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