Lovett or Leave It - A Mueller Walks Into A Barr

Episode Date: March 30, 2019

And we're back! Mueller's report is IN and it's very good for Trump as long as we never ever read it ever. We cover the Barr Book Report, the Fox News reaction, Republican attacks on House Intelligence Chair Adam Schiff, and how much we still don't know about what is in that sweet sweet 400 page document. Plus Mayor Pete weighs in on whether a hot dog is a sandwich. Mike Pence threatens to send people to the moon against their will. And we take a loving look back on all the people Mueller indicted along the way. Returning champions Emily Heller, Jamil Smith, and Mitra Jouhari join Jon to break down a wild week of news and finally answer the burning question: is chili... soup?

Good evening, Los Angeles. Look at your beautiful faces. 10.30 on a Thursday. A lot of people gonna wake up with a fake cough tomorrow. I'm probably fine, but I don't want to chance it. Don't want to get everybody sick.

It is lovely to be back at the Improv. This is a surprise show. We have a bunch of shows on the road coming up. April 10th, we'll be at Boston. Andrew Yang will be joining us. We got Yang, part of our Presidential Candidate Series. Excited about that.

Going to find out all about him. And I'm going to ask him about Daylight Savings Time. Fabbro asked him about the filibuster, I ask him about daylight savings time. I don't make the rules. We will be in Texas. May 2nd in Houston. May 4th in Dallas.

May 5th in Austin. I'm gonna say something I've said before about a place called Milwaukee. People love seeing 5th in Austin. I'm going to say something I've said before about a place called Milwaukee. People love seeing the show in Austin. They're very excited in Dallas. Can't get the people out of their houses in Houston just yet. Threaten Houston the same way,

threaten Milwaukee. Don't come the first time. You'll never get another chance. Threat issued. We also just announced in San Francisco at the Castro Theater. We'll be there in September. Tickets for that one, the pre-sale just ended,

and those are going to go fast. So if you're in San Francisco and you want to see my beautiful shining face, you can get those tickets right now. Go to crooked.com slash events. Check those tickets out. All right. So here we are. This show was not supposed to crooked.com slash events. Check those tickets out. All right. So here we are.

This show was not supposed to exist. We were supposed to be on a nice little love it or leave it break. All right? We take breaks. We did 45 shows last year. You people were completely ungrateful. No matter how many shows we do in a row, the first weekend without a show, you people are like, you son of a bitch.

But we're here because on Friday, we learned that Robert Mueller, or what happens if Buzz Lightyear and a Laserdisc copy of The Untouchables have a baby, he turned in his report. It was on. On CNN, Jeffrey Toobin grabbed Gloria Borger by the lapels and just started screaming. On Fox News, Laura Ingraham and Sean Hannity used their shared key to unlock the caravan filled with terrorist emergency box,

their fingers hovering over a blinking red button. Don Jr. was sitting in his father's lap on the Iron Throne like Stannis was about to take King's Landing. And then we learned there were no more indictments. We learned that we wouldn't even see the report. But don't worry. Attorney General Bill Barr was reading it over the weekend and writing up a four-page summary. Fuck you, summaries. Summary.

Fuck you, summaries. No synopsis can properly capture any piece of content. On collusion, what did he say? He said, the investigation did not establish that members of the Trump campaign conspired or coordinated with the Russian government in its election interference activities. On obstruction, while this report does not conclude that the president committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him. And while Mueller chose not to reach a conclusion on obstruction, Bill Barr had no such compunction. He said the special counsel's decision to describe the facts of his obstruction investigation without reaching any legal conclusions leaves it to the Attorney General to determine whether the conduct described in the report constitutes a crime does it is that well I know how you

people feel I see at least 50 it's Mueller time t-shirts in here he goes on to say Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein and I have concluded that the evidence developed during the special counsel's investigation is not sufficient to establish that the president committed an obstruction of justice offense. So, Mueller, who led an investigation, decided to reach no conclusion after 48 months, but Barr can do it after 48 hours. Amazing. Impressive. So, a lot of questions. We don't know what new information Mueller gathered.

So, a lot of questions. We don't know what new information Mueller gathered. We don't know what conduct Mueller and his team discovered that may not be criminal, just reprehensible, unpatriotic, and embarrassing. We don't know why Trump and those around Trump lied so brazenly and so often about contacts with Russia. We didn't even know the page count, although we've learned now that this report, which was summarized in four pages, was at least 300 pages long. Based on what we know, it is somewhere between 300 and 999 pages. Quite a spread. Listen, I'm a great procrastinator, among the best. I am among the

most. It's hard to procrastinate as hard as I do and continue to have had gainful employment. But even I know that if you show up for a quiz, having read the 30 page cliff notes of a 300 page book, you may fail that quiz. But you read a four page summary of that novel, you are fucked. You don't know anything about Catch-22. And Mr.

Chachio's gonna figure the fuck out. And he's gonna give you a D in English in your fourth quarter senior year, and there's a real chance you may not graduate. Hypothetically. The Star Report. Independent counsel Ken Starr

investigated former president Bill Clinton for obstruction of justice. His report was over 400 pages. It covered Clinton's allegations of obstruction. It had sensitive info in it. It had grand jury testimony. It had a deeply embarrassing personal information in it, including about Monica Lewinsky.

It read like Fifty Shades of Grey if it were written by a virgin, and they published it. You could buy it in bookstores. I decided to look it up today. The New York Times bestseller list from October 18, 1998. It is the most 90s thing ever. Number four, Under the Tuscan Sun by Francis Mays.

Number three, Into Thin Air by John Krakauer. Number two, The Perfect Storm by Sebastian Junger. What a great group of perfect, like, doesn't that capture a moment in time? We were very worried about weather and our ability to overcome it, you know? It's a big part of our lives, thinking about boats and waves and cold and avalanches. That was what was on our minds. It was the 90s, the heady time, pets.com. But the number one best-selling book

on October 18, 1998, was the fucking Star Report. Forget show it to the public. They sold it at Barnes & Noble. We had a four-page summary by Trump's hand-picked Attorney General who has radical views on presidential power, who wrote an op-ed and a memo about how the president shouldn't even be targeted by a special counsel investigation and that he was right to fucking fire James Comey. This is who wrote the four-page memo. Some people may have expected too much from Robert Mueller. That guy, his hand is right up in the air. His eyes beat red from sobbing all week.

Those two people hugging each other and cuddling in the corner, like the scene in Die Harden of Vengeance where they think the school's about to explode? You know that moment? You know exactly what I'm talking about, where that cool older guy grabs those kids and is like, let's just huddle here because this school's about to fucking blow. That's what that guy looks like.

But taking Barr's analysis of Mueller at face value is making the exact same mistake in the opposite direction. And Republicans are using Barr's conclusions to pretend that A, there's no important information we haven't seen, and B, that the evidence we have seen already, the mounds of evidence of wrongdoing, coordination, lies, that many indictments already issued, that many Trump officials going to jail, including Trump's lawyer, campaign manager, and national security advisor somehow doesn't matter or doesn't even fucking exist. Barr does not come from Trump's usual pool of job applicants, which is CPAC speakers whose faces were too asymmetrical for a Fox News contributor deal.

So you have to assume he wrote the report under, you know, his report of the report, his fucking book report, under the assumption that it might be misleading, but it would technically comport with Mueller's findings. But, so, okay, what does that mean? Well, I will close with some technically accurate and completely misleading summaries of a few movies. In fact, I'll show how the same summary

can accurately describe two completely different movies. Are you ready? A zoo faces unexpected challenges ahead of its grand opening. We bought a zoo. A zoo faces unexpected challenges ahead of its grand opening. Jurassic Park. A woman learns to embrace motherhood despite concerns about the baby's father. Knocked up. A woman learns to embrace motherhood despite concerns about the baby's father. Knocked up. A woman learns to embrace motherhood despite concerns about the baby's father. Rosemary's baby.

I want you guys to know something, okay? This next one, I know. Just know that for this next one, I know. When you're stuck inside, it can be hard to have fun. The cat in the hat. When you're stuck inside, it can be hard to have fun. Room. I told you that I knew, and you people didn't trust me. That one was hard to say.

All right. An affair turns deadly. Fatal attraction. An affair turns deadly. Titanic. And finally, a man learns to survive with the help of a bear. The Jungle Book. A man learns to survive with the help of a bear, The Revenant.

Four-page summary. Let's start the show. Let's bring out our fantastic panel. She's a comedian and writer for shows such as High Maintenance, Miracle Workers, and Pod Save America on HBO. Please welcome back Mitra Juhari. maintenance miracle workers and pod save america on hbo please welcome back mitra juhari how you doing i'm great how are you so good for the fans at home john's wearing cool shoes you'll never see but he is thank you so much you're welcome does your dress have shrimp on them it's shrimp it's cool as hell. He's a senior writer at Rolling Stone and has written for the New York Times, Esquire, and Washington Post. Please welcome back Jameel Smith.

Hey, Jameel. How you doing? Not too bad. It's opening day. Can't complain. Baseball's back. Baseball's back baseball's back you're in your element you can watch her comedy special ice thickeners on comedy central and her album pasta is out now and it's fantastic please welcome back emily heller Emily Heller! Yes! Hi. Hi. How you doing, Emily?

I'm good. You forgot my most recent credit, which is I'm going to be a Bond girl in the next James Bond movie. All right. Let's get into it. What a week. Last week, Robert Mueller announced he was ending his investigation, and it looked like we finally might be able to see his long-awaited report. As we know, we are not going to see that report unless we pry it from Donald Trump and Bill Barr's cold, live hands. Here's what we know.

The report is somewhere, as I said, between 300 and 1,000 pages. We've only seen the four-page summary. The mixed message is that Trump is not exonerated on obstruction, but there was not enough evidence to bring charges on crimes related to collusion. The Trump people are all declaring victory. In fact, some people said this was the best day of his presidency. You should read some of the write-ups,

which found that there were people hugging on the White House lawn, that there have been celebratory meals, that Trump is walking around like the cock of the walk because he was not exonerated, but there were no new indictments. That is a low fucking bar. I will now say that in a folksy way.

The bar for Trump is so low, we've got cockroaches playing limbo down here. I considered doing a southern accent. Well? And then did not do it. Could you not decide how you'd say cockroaches? Cockroach... Here's the thing.

I've got the one accent, which is Ariana Huffington circa 1999. That's it. And honestly, it's coming up less and less. Well, you tease it and you don't do it and the fans are going to be mad. You can Google it. I don't care.

What search terms would I use to Google that? Here we are. It's 1999. All right. This week it was revealed Barr does not plan on releasing the full report. He might release a summary of the report, meaning the American people may never actually get to look at the report itself.

It's obstruction, obstruction. Jamil, I want to start with you. Why do you think Barr chose this strategy of writing a four-page summary with his own analysis and no plan to actually release the document in weeks, if not months. Oh, easy. I mean, he's done this because we live in a society that is,

it's obviously post-fact, and he's done it essentially so he can put this whole debate into the arena that we see it now. We see it in Trump saying that, okay, I've been exonerated. now. We see it in Trump saying that, okay, I've been exonerated. I live in a space in this arena where I can say that I've been exonerated. There's no collusion, all this stuff. He can live in that world. His people can live in that world. And all the rest of us are here living in the real world where the letter actually doesn't say that. And we haven't read the report and we can we're actually using critical thinking. And the thing is, he's created this dilemma on purpose because if we just all got to read the report, if we all got to simply see the facts laid out, then wait a minute. We're all dealing with the same set of facts. That's not how this Trump world works. You're dealing with a guy who is hired to defend the president.

The report could be as long as a note card. It doesn't matter how long the report is. What matters is the fact that Trump installed a guy who had published a report before he became the attorney general, which criticized the investigation, which said that it was illegitimate. And so he installed this guy, put him in charge of the fucking investigation and said, hey, you go and handle this for me. And he handled it. There's this question around Barr, right? Because Barr is not what's his name?

He's not Boris Epstein. He's not even Kellyanne Conway. He's not. Who's that social media guy that used to be the caddy? He's not a Scavino type. He's had serious jobs in other administrations before. He was put in place because he has radical views on presidential power and its authority of investigations. And because he said yes. But the fact that somebody would say yes to Trump to become his attorney general in the midst of the amount of scandal and malfeasance that's already been exposed tells you something about the job Bill Barr planned to do. He said yes to the mess. Yes to the mess. Yes to the mess. Yes to that mess. He understood exactly what he was getting into. He understood exactly who he was working for. A fun time. Lots of friends. Exactly. Four pages or not. Doesn't even begin

to explain what is in the report. Doesn't begin to explain the criminal liability that he may have been exposed to. What we're seeing now, of course, is the utter lack of critical thinking, not just in mass media, but throughout the country. People saying, oh, the Mueller report says this or that. No, the Barr letter says this and this, guys. Like, it's just not that difficult. Did we not learn anything? this guys like it's just not that difficult i did we not learn anything no if you ever asked the question have we learned anything the answer is i know never it's so rarely oh yeah i know i know i know i know well have you tried not being smart is it easier i get dumber every day, and I'm loving it. Emily, the media this weekend, I think, embraced this Barr report, took it at face value. There was a lot of hand-wringing about previous reporting on collusion. There was a lot of accepting at face value the idea that this was really good for Donald Trump, and not a lot of reflection about the fact that we have seen multiple people already indicted through this

investigation. The fact that there have been dozens of charges. A lot of what we know has already come out, particularly about Michael Cohen, about Paul Manafort, about Gates, about there's so many criminals, I forget, about Flynn. How do we handle the fact that if everything we learned about the Mueller report over the past year and a half had come out on Sunday including the four page bar memo it would have been considered the worst day of Donald Trump's presidency and yet

a lot of people with a straight face said it was the best day of Donald Trump's presidency just that it came to a conclusion what do you make of that you couldn't lob me a softball here I don't know. How do we deal with the fact that... That we've just lowered our standards

for what a good day for him is? Well, lowered our standards and we're not good at dealing with the fact that sometimes life doesn't work like a movie where the most important information comes out at the end. Yeah. Well, I think that a big problem has been

we have been treating this like a movie, but we've been treating it as the wrong genre of movie. We have been treating this as a superhero movie where we expect the good guys to win in the end. And what we needed to do was treat it like a horror movie where we just try and white knuckle and survive this shit. That's the issue. white knuckle and survive this shit. That's the issue. Yeah, it is true that he just keeps standing up again and Jamie Lee Curtis just looks out our window

and is like, this fucking asshole. I've been doing this for 30 goddamn years. Hey, Mitra. Hey. I just saw Us and Martin Short was in my theater. So 2020 is great for me. Did he seem like he was having a good time? It did seem like he was having a good time.

That makes me happy. He was with friends. I was with friends. We really connected over that. JK, we did not speak. So even given all that we know about the amount of wrongdoing Mueller exposed, the amount of investigations still going on in New York and Virginia and at the state level, given how low a bar it is, I think that there's a lot of liberals who,

despite knowing all of that, did come out of this weekend feeling pretty bad, in part because the media took this so faithfully. And it feels a little bit like, well, now we're waiting for the actual report. The Republican plan seems to be to take this moment, declare a victory lap, even try to use it to flog people like Adam Schiff, flog their own enemies. And then when this report eventually does come out, they'll say it's old news and we already learned the conclusions. How are you feeling about what we learned over the weekend? Well, I'm feeling pretty sad about the report not coming out for a whole host of reasons.

But I do, as always, have my insiders in Washington who give me the scoop that John is probably not privy to because he doesn't have access the way that I do. And one of my awesome insiders sort of hit me up with the awesome tip that somewhere within the report there's a little scavenger hunt with a prize at the end and you can get ten dollars to a starbucks of your choice in the greater dc area and they're probably really sad that they don't get to do that scavenger hunt so i think that's probably what's going on in dc right now is that everybody's pretty bummed that they have to wait to do the scavenger hunt they all thought the scavenger hunt was going to be this week so everybody probably took a lot of vacation days and they don't get to do the scavenger hunt this week and they're probably

going to have to do it next week but they're going to have to do it like during their lunch break before work after work during the night but some places are going to be closed during the night so people who don't have jobs will probably be able to win the scavenger hunt for people with jobs. So I think that's pretty much, that's my read on the temperature in Washington right now. That's from my reliable sources. I don't know what your people are saying.

You've always hung with a much more unreliable crowd than mine. I've got eyes and ears all over the ground in Washington, D.C. So I'm really looking forward to the report coming out, but I won't read it. Does that help? No, that really, really helps me understand better what's going on,

and I think that's not something anybody is yet talking about, about what's going on in the report. No, it's really sad, because the media is yet talking about about what's going on no it's really sad no i know it would like the media should be talking about this and they're really distracted well i just think it's like another classic case of democrats falling down on the job like they are too afraid to tell the truth to the american people because they're afraid of being called out by the republicans in the media about this scavenger hunt like stand for something scavenger hunts are fun. Sometimes a whole bunch of teams are out in a part of town,

and you're like, what are they up to? That looks fucking awesome. Like, why did they get matching shirts? How far in advance was this planned? Right. Yes, Jamil? There's a few things. Yeah, hit me.

Number one, I'd really like to know, look, if this actually does exonerate him, as he says, total exoneration, that's what the president says, then why the fuck does he like Vladimir Putin so much? Yeah. Well, not just that. That's a real question. No, I think it's not just why is he so solicitous of Vladimir Putin? Why were there so many brazen lies related to Russian involvement? Why does Michael Cohen go and lie in front of Congress? Why does Mike Flynn lie to the FBI?

Why were there so many connections between Russia and the administration? Why does Paul Manafort send polling information to Kalimnick? Why does this Trump Tower meeting take place? Why does Trump call on Vladimir Putin to hack Hillary Clinton's emails? Why does he invite the Russiansussians into the oval office uh and then brag about comey's firing why does you know just the list goes on so there's that um but there's also i finally realized what this actually feels like and that's why like i think i was actually sad about this is you know frankly i write about race a lot. A lot.

And, you know, I felt like when the cops get off after an unarmed black man or black kid gets shot, the cops get off. Because it felt like the prosecutor was always working with the cops. You know, he's working a little bit too closely with the cops all the time on the cases. And then he's put in charge, or she or she is put in charge of prosecuting the cops. And it's like, okay, we know how that's going to end. And it's like, well, same thing with

William Barr. One other piece of this. Last thing on this before we move on. You know, there's been a question about how this will affect 2020. People are saying, like saying this is an incredibly... Donald Trump is now... His chances of winning re-election have gone up.

This was an incredibly important and positive development for him, and yet, we just won an election in 2018. We didn't have the Mueller report in our hands then. Emily, there have been two conversations around this. One, oh wow, this is such a big, important day for Donald Trump, and yet on the other hand, people have said for a very long time, we're not going to win the election on these

questions and you know finding out what happened is incredibly important we were attacked by Russia we didn't even mention the Moscow Trump Tower deal and how that influenced Trump's behavior during the campaign part of me sometimes thinks that what we're living in is not a horror film or a superhero movie but just a terrible remake of the producers

where his goal was to run the worst campaign in history while saying really positive things about russia so that he could get a fucking kick-ass building in moscow and then holy shit he won and now oh my god i'm president i don't get the tower and the money which is all i ever cared about and i did all this shit with russia that people are going to find out about oh my god i mean that tracks with all of his pro-Nazi stuff, too. It's springtime for Hitler in America right now. Oh, my God. Did we just write the Mueller report?

Is this the Mueller report? Are we inside of it? of it alright when we come back okay stop Kate don't go anywhere there's more of Love It or Leave It coming up and we're back now it's time for a game called okay stop we'll roll a clip and the panel can say

okay stop at any point to comment since the bar memo Fox News has been sobbing about just how much damage the investigation has done to our country and our people. No one is sadder than Tucker Carlson. And if you don't, he's not the only person in this clip. Let's roll it. We have lived through three separate investigations into Russia collusion. Not just Mueller, but a committee in the House and a committee in the Senate. Okay, stop. I just would just remind everybody

there were so many investigations into Benghazi, right? Which was a tragic event, but ultimately something blown out of proportion by Republicans trying to attack Hillary Clinton. This is an investigation

into a foreign government's attempt to undermine our democracy at every level and to work with a presidential campaign against a democratic opponent. All right. An unpatriotic and potentially criminal act that may have changed the course of our country. I'd be like, three investigations is like a pretty low fucking number. Right.

Especially considering when nothing was done by this administration to stop them from doing it again. I mean, we need to understand this as voter suppression. We need to understand this foreign interference not simply as foreign interference, but as voter suppression. They're trying to suppress votes. And if they're going to let them do it again, then that's how he might win the next election. Well, Republicans, like, really hate voter suppression. And in the end, they found nothing.

But during that time, this country, the country they're supposed to be running. Before we get, I just want to hear the full run of nonsense we're about to hear.

So I do think this is a really important thing that Fox News has done since Sunday, which is I've seen these hosts say this again and again and again. I was flying back to L.A.

and I happened to put on cable news on the airplane and I was just like taking rips of cable. Like whip it. It's just like the high would never last. I'd just like take a hit.

It would wear off. Take another fucking hit. It's so sick that you would watch that on a plane. I watched Green Book on the plane and that was better. Well, wait.

Before you say that, does Tucker Carlson eat a whole pizza by folding it up and shoving it into his mouth? Still better. Because then it might be incomparable. I have repeatedly asked you to not spoil Green Book for me. And yet you defy it.

All I was going to say is this idea of found nothing is a lie. It's gaslighting. You can argue that this outcome of this report is better for Trump than what was expected. And you can argue that the lack of a charged crime on collusion is a big deal. Totally reasonable argument. What you can't say is because there was no new indictments that happened on Sunday, to argue that nothing came from these investigations is just untrue. And he's basically relying on the fact that Fox News' audience, A, wants that to be the case, and B, will take him at his word because

they have been so addled and pushed around by this network for so long that they probably believe it. The actual allegations have been so poorly covered here that they may not even fully know about them that they can actually say with a straight face that these investigations produce nothing when there are people going to jail right now from these investigations. There are multiple ongoing criminal proceedings from these investigations taking place right now.

Is Paul Manafort in jail right now? Paul Manafort is in a prison cell. Alright? No Hermes ties for Paul Manafort right now. It's comparable to saying, like, going to a fireworks show and there being a bunch of fireworks

and then the whole time you're waiting for the big finale and then the big finale doesn't happen and then Fox News is like, there were no fireworks. That's exactly right. Has become obviously and measurably worse. Suicide, drug ODs are up.

Life expectancy is falling. The borders are a mess. We have no clue who lives in this country. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Okay, y'all heard what he's doing, right? You heard that, right? Okay, so we have, stop. Okay, y'all heard what he's doing, right? You heard that, right? Okay, so we have no clue who's living in this country.

After all the problems, suicide, drug abuse, we have no clue who's living in this country. Tens of millions. We have no idea. The schools are a joke. You wouldn't send your kids to them if you had a choice. Infrastructure is crumbling. Hundreds of thousands of Americans sleep outside every night. Okay, stop. Who's president?

Who's been president for the last two and a half years? The subway barely works. The largest city in the United States smells like garbage. People are cleaning it. What is Bill de Blasio, the mayor, talking about? He's ranting about Putin. Okay, stop. Jerry Seinfeld up in here with the observations.

I just love it. Airplane food was next if we kept going. I just love the idea that while there were three congressional, there was three ongoing investigations, one in the Department of Justice, one in the Intelligence Committee, one in the Senate, one in the Department of Justice, one in the Intelligence Committee, one in the Senate, one in the House. America

had problems. The city smells like garbage. My bathroom smells like shit. I mean, the banner says, still no charges related to Russia collusion. And he's talking about

D.C. smelling bad? Wait, was he talking about D.C. smelling bad or New York? Oh, sorry. I lost track, guys. It's crazy because he was making so many salient points so it doesn't make sense that you would lose track. It is very stupid. How do you watch this network?

It's very stupid to say that New York smells like something. New York has 8 million people in it. It contains vast, vast smells of every type. That's what makes it New York. Doesn't he live there? I mean, he lives in a version of New York that none of us have been to. True enough.

This has been a disaster. How can we let the people who are responsible for it continue as if it never happened? How can Eric Swalwell and Adam Schiff keep their seats in the House of Representatives? They should resign. Okay, stop. Okay, everybody, just for the record, for listeners, the picture on the screen is a picture of Donald Trump Jr. with a terrible beard.

I just want to say, because we are currently sitting in Adam Schiff's district right now. I know. He is my congressman. Same. And I don't want to speak for all of us, but this guy's not going fucking anywhere. And it's true.

The next person we're about to hear from is Don Jr. Leader of the tinfoil hat brigade, Adam Schiff, out there, every day talking about the evidence of collusion that he's seen. He's flagrantly lying to the American people. He's doing it every day on national television. He's gotten more airtime, amazingly enough, than Michael Avenatti. Okay, okay. Good burn. Good burn. Good burn. Good burn. Good burn. But they're about of the same level of credibility, and there's no accountability for that, Tucker, because when you're on that side

and you have the media carrying your water for you, you can say whatever you want. When you're on our side... Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Wait a minute. I defer. I feel like he just sort of showed us his hand a little bit. Yes, he projected, I would say.

When you have the media on your side and your dad is the president, you can say whatever you want. You can even steal a beard from a Mumford and nobody will say a word. Even when you're proven so, there's a level of culpability. There are repercussions

for being a conservative that you don't face if you're on the other side. Mitra, what do you think? You feel that way? You think... Horny. Mitra's having trouble following it

because Don Jr. was on screen sorry to sort of black out I get so turned on and jealous of his women

I mean I was at Penn at the same time as that dude you were classmates with Don Jr.? I mean I wasn't classmates with him

I didn't like hang out with him you were roommates with Don Jr.? I was not roommates. Oh, no. Wait, you were best friends? No, I was not.

You were the best man at Don Jr.'s wedding? I knew I recognized you from somewhere. I was the flower girl. Why are you spreading these slanders and lies? All right, that's okay. Stop. When we come back, a look back on the criminals

to whom we are saying goodbye. Don't go anywhere. Love it or leave it, there's more on the way. And we're back! Human brains. Magnificent. Fragile. Built for surviving a short, brutal existence

surrounded by a few dozen people you know and countless animals, plants, cliffs, bacteria, viruses, and other humans you don't know who you assume are always trying to kill you. Anyway, we do the best we can with social media. But it can be hard to keep track of what's important and what's not. It can be hard to keep track of what's important and what's not. It can be hard to remember what happened yesterday,

let alone important developments from months or years ago. It's why Trump and Hannity and the Good Time Pals think they can get away with declaring victory. It's not just that they don't want us to learn more. They want us to forget what we've already learned. So we need to get our hands on the Mueller report, but we thought we'd look back

on just how much criminality Mueller has already exposed with a look back on those we arrested along the way in a segment we are calling In Four Page Memo-orium. Mitra, kick us off. Let's raise a glass to the man, the myth, the black ledger legend, Paul Manafort. The feds may have taken his freedom, but they could never take his dignity. He did that himself.

When he answered this question. So to be clear, Mr. Trump has no financial relationships with any Russian oligarchs. That's what he said. That's obviously what our position is. And while Manafort may have committed fraud, laundered money, tampered with witnesses, and evaded taxes,

you have to admit that he did it all wearing the hell out of an Hermes tie, which probably only made the Russian oligarchs he owed millions to angrier, and it's not like Russian oligarchs are famous for being chill. Also, let the record reflect that

Travis tried to insert a joke about Manafort's suits, but Lovett took it out because he genuinely believes that Manafort looked good in those suits. I do. I don't care. Let the record reflect that this is not on the cards, but Mitra thinks that's really

sad. I don't care. I'll defend it's really sad. I don't care. I'll defend it. Keep going. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. Manafort's fall from grace will serve as a reminder to lobbyists that as long as you're a tall white man with a gravelly voice who can pull off

a double-breasted suit, may God forgive John Lovett. You can commit white-collar crimes for decades. Paul Manafort will not be missed. We'd keep insulting him, but there's a 5% chance

he escapes like El Chapo. And you know the feds didn't find all the money. And still, Manafort's confiscated cash means the Mueller investigation turned a profit. To capitalism. And to Paul, who John's in love with. Let's have a toast to the douchebags.

Let's have a toast to the assholes. When Kanye West said that, he was, of course, speaking of Roger Stone. A man who has been a part of every single crime since, like, the Lindbergh baby. And to be honest, we should probably look into him for that, too. Roger looks like a rejected Dick Tracy villain and acts like how a polyester couch feels.

A man who was told by a judge to shut up. And he was so bad at being quiet, he posted a picture of the judge with a crosshairs in it. On Instagram. Classic guy who needs the last word. Which means guy. which means guy. You've been charged for lying to Congress, obstruction of justice, and witness tampering,

but the worst crime committed was having a Nixon-backed tattoo be your thing. He will not be missed. To Roger. To Roger. To Roger. To Roger. Put those glasses in the sky and repeat after me. Champagne for real friends and real pain for the 12 Russian intelligence agents tied to hacking the DNC.

I think we all remember where we were when Mueller dropped the bombshell news that he would be indicting 12 Russian intelligence agents who hacked the DNC and the Clinton campaign, it really felt like time stopped that day. But hey, at least they went down doing what they loved, committing computer crimes in an attempt to sabotage a national election, and ultimately damage the United States' standing on the world stage without ever actually having to worry about being arrested because Putin was super into it. Would Trump have been elected without them? We'll never know. That's part of the fun of this cable drama we live in,

the ambiguity. But we do know that without their hard work, we would never have learned John Podesta's secret to a creamy risotto, which would then be interpreted by psychopaths for years to come as a secret code for a pizza parlor pedophilia party. So next time

you're running a massive identity theft operation, breaching Hillary Clinton's email server, or just fomenting Division Online, take a moment to pour one out for Guccifer and the gang. They will not be missed. To 12 Russian intelligence agents.

Some people think that snitches get stitches. But in the case of Michael Cohen, snitches actually get our well wishes. Let's bid adieu to Michael Cohen, Trump's personal Olivia Pope. If Olivia Pope was banned from the grotto at the Playboy Mansion for reasons Hugh Hefner was even embarrassed to say out loud. Is that true? You're not sure. It's not true.

But it could have been. Sure, Michael Cohen pled guilty to eight counts, including campaign finance violations, tax fraud, bank fraud, and went on national television to call himself a coward. And he only discovered the difference between right and wrong at 50 years old. But he also looks like if everybody loved Raymond had a third brother who was always bothering Ray to drive him to the methadone clinic and then tried to get Deborah to buy Kuk-Ko knives on the drive home. So let's raise a glass to Long Island's proud son, to Michael Cohen. You will not be missed.

And that's in four-page memoriam. All right. When we come back, we're going to play a game instigated by Mayor Pete. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. With Mueller's season ending, the spinoff known as the 2020 election is upon us.

And as Democrats are talking about real important issues that have never been discussed in American politics before, issues like breaking up Google and Amazon and how big agriculture is destroying the small farmer or how maybe it's time to start taking reparations seriously. Enter Mayor Pete Buttigieg, a man who finally answers the question, what if the kid from King Arthur's Court ran for president? Don't worry, I have other versions of that joke. Ready? Mayor Pete Buttigieg, a man running to become America's first gay president with a straight haircut. Mayor Pete Buttigieg, a presidential candidate running on the

platform of reminding the teacher she forgot to collect homework. Mayor Pete Buttigieg, a man who thinks he could be president despite the fact that the word butt is in his name. Mayor Pete Buttigieg, a 13-year-old boy who's currently in a Zoltar wish machine situation. Mayor Pete Buttigieg, a precocious boy wonderer who's getting college credit for his presidential campaign. Mayor Pete Buttigieg, the presidential candidate

who shamelessly panders to the white working class by speaking seven languages and being an accomplished concert pianist. Mayor Pete Buttigieg, the presidential candidate with the neatest handwriting. Mayor Pete Buttigieg, who is like Robocop, except the scientists were trying to build a Jeopardy contestant. And finally, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, the only gay person Mike Pence is sad is going to hell. I don't even know what we're booing. All right. We love Mayor Pete.

Mayor Pete came out with a controversial opinion, however, declaring that a hot dog is not a sandwich. Well, we want to ask the audience and our panel what they think in a game we're calling Buttigieg or Buttigieg. Here's how it works. I'll ask you a question, and you give me an answer, and then the panel will discuss for a while and decide if you're right or wrong. Would someone out there like to play the game? Hi, what's your name? Golly. Golly?

Yeah, it's like Molly with a G. Golly? That's a cool name. Hi, Golly. Golly? Yeah it's like Molly with a G. Golly that's a cool name. Hi Golly. Hi. Are you ready? I'm nervous. Good. Question number one. Is a hot dog a sandwich? No. What do you guys think? I agree there's I agree. I ate pinks last night so I can confirm. I think it's not a sandwich because there's not a bread on the top and bottom. I agree it's's not a sandwich? I ate pinks last night, so I can confirm. I think it's not a sandwich because there's not a bread on the top and bottom. I agree. It's on the side and the side.

It's on the side and the side, and that's pathetic. That's literally what a sandwich is. There's bread on each side, and there's meat in the middle. Wrong sides? No, no. The bread's not on the side of a sandwich. The bread is on the top and the bottom of a sandwich. Quick question. It's not on the side of a sandwich The bread is on the top and the bottom of a sandwich Quick question It's not on the side of a sandwich

The meat is in the middle of the bread It's my show, I have a question Are you suggesting to this audience And to God That if I take a sandwich And I turn it 90 degrees I was gonna say It stops being a sandwich

Yes, because it will fall apart It doesn't make any sense It's about a sandwich anymore. It stops being a sandwich? Yes, because it will fall apart. It doesn't make any sense. Because it falls apart. It's about how you assemble it. Let me ask you this. It's about the position. Okay, first of all. Wait, y'all know that a hot dog can sit like that, right?

You know that a hot dog can... First of all... Here's how you know a hot dog is not a fucking sandwich we're debating it we all reached adulthood without having a conversation about it because it's not a fucking sandwich it's a thought experiment

and I just want to say how sad it is for me to see the two men on stage band so aggressively against the women on stage in 2019. Over a phallic symbol. Over a phallic symbol. They're mansplaining the sandwich situation.

Man sandwiching. Mans-sandwich-mans-landwiching. Golly! You were winning. What? All right. Lightning round on that question. Is a hamburger a sandwich? Yes.

So a hamburger is a sandwich? Yes. Of course. So I'm sorry. Cow sandwich. Cow sandwich. Cow sandwich. I guess if you put it, I guess if you long it's standing up the right way.

There's two. Exactly. I know that I sound insane. No. I don't know that you do. I don't know that you do know. Here's the thing, guys. Here's what I'm going to say.

All right? Sandwichness is an ephemeral and hard-to-define category. Sandwichness. I think a hot dog has a fair amount of sandwichness. It's a sandwich. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Is a Subway sandwich a sandwich? Yes.

I'm sorry. That bun comes in all versions. Sometimes they cut a little. It used to be at Subway back in the day. They didn't slice it down the middle. They cut like a wedge out,

stuffed it full of tuna, put another layer on top, closed it like a cave of tuna. Was that a sandwich? I mean, if it's like a... Apology accepted. If it's a chart, if it's like a Apology accepted. If it's a chart,

where sandwich is up here and hot dog is down here, Subway sandwich is over here. We're at a north-southwest situation. Next question. Golly. I'm ready. Is coleslaw a salad?

I think it is. It's a cold salad, much like a pasta salad. Well, okay. Okay, follow-up question. Is pasta salad a salad? I don't know if that's the example you want to go with, Golly. Pasta salad is in the salad section at Soup Plantation, so pasta salad is a salad.

So now, the good people at a really poorly named restaurant, they're the arbiter of our fucking vocabulary? Okay, fair, fair, fair, fair, fair. They don't have protein there. You go down that whole salad bar, the best you can do for protein is a little bit of loose tuna. Okay. Don't talk to me about Soup Plantation. Like, I don't know that place. Like my elementary school

I can draw a picture of the soup plantation next to that Target mine was next to a Jamba Juice but sure so for the fans at home John is fully breaking out in hives wait do I get to weigh in on this?

please do I believe in adapting as language changes in its uses, and I think that it's been a good 50 years since salad has meant salad. Because people used to call jello salad in the 50s, and it's been like 70 years since then, so I think we need to give up on trying to define things in or out of being a salad.

You know what? I think that need to give up on trying to define things in or out of being a salad. You know what? I think that's right. I love a language descriptivist. I love the idea of the ordinary, the way we use the word. I'm very into it. Does not apply to hot dogs being a sandwich. I was going to say, that is not a way to get out of the hot dog. I want you to know something.

I want you to know something. Asterix. I want you to know something. This is the movie The Edge, and I walked you right say, that is not a way to get out of the hot dog. I want you to know something. I want you to know something. Asterix. I want you to know something. This is the movie The Edge, and I walked you right up to that bear fall. And I was like stepping back and stepping back, and you almost fell in. But you saw it. You saw the bear fall. Oh, yeah.

No, I know. I know how logic works. It's been 70 years since salad didn't mean salad. It's been one week on the internet since sandwich changed. So you know what? We'll revisit this in a few decades. Okay.

Yeah. Next question. Let's make a promise. Wait, did we win that one? We meet back here in 30 years. We see if people are calling hot dog sandwiches.

If none of us are married. Did we win that round? Last. Maybe. We won. Who gives a shit? Golly, you got it. All right.? Last. We won. Who gives a shit? Golly, you got it. All right.

Next question. Next question. This one is going to be quick. Is chili a soup? Oh, no. It's not? No. Chili is like a warm blanket stew.

It's warm blanket stew, not soup. It's warm blanket stew. If you look up in the dictionary, it's in the category of warm blanket stew. Soup has to have at least 51% liquid, 49% solid. Very specific, very technical, not sure I buy it. And chili is the opposite. Rules for soup.

I am an MBA. The liquid has to have a controlling share of the bowl. Mitra, look, Emily has assumed by sheer tenacity the authority on these matters, but I would be interested in what you have to say.

Well, for me, I believe that anything can be a salad if you just say salad. I just want to go back to salad. So I was thinking about it, and I was like, you know what? Ice cream can be a salad, right? Ice cream salad. Because that's something that you can weaponize. So I'm actually, I'm going to be standing outside the door tonight,

and I am actually running a new fitness center slash diet campaign, sort of like a Jenny Craig situation, but you just call everything salad. It costs $200,000 a month and I think you guys would absolutely adore it so if you're interested absolutely hit me up I will be standing outside with my mailing list and you cannot leave the building if you don't sign up

and I don't think chili is soup and I will fight anyone to the death in the parking lot if you disagree with me well that's so golly you got it final question when does. So, golly, you got it. Final question. When does life begin?

Golly, you won the game. You won the game. No, I have that one. I know that one. Life begins at 40. Golly, you've won the game and a parachute gift card. Golly, you've won the game and a parachute gift card. That is not the best way to get Pete Buttigieg to finally come on this show. When we come back, the rant wheel.

Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! Now it's time for the rant wheel. You know how it works. We spin the wheel. We rant on whatever topic it lands upon. This week on the wheel, we have Joe Cameron, a woman who feels no pain or anxiety.

We have email newsletters. We have audience suggestions. Maybe you guys can shout something. March Madness, agency packaging. Very hot, very specific right now. The Theranos documentary. Stephen Moore, who Donald Trump just nominated for the Fed. And Mike Pence's speech about NASA.

Let's spin it. It has landed on agency packaging. Sexy. Very cool topic for people listening outside of Los Angeles. So if you are in any way connected to entertainment in L.A., this is something you're talking about right now constantly, maybe more than you want, almost certainly more than you want to be hearing about it. If you're not, I do actually think it's an important and worthy thing to know about

in part because I do think it's part of a larger conversation about our relationship to big corporations, honestly. So basically, I'm going to do this very quick. Writers are represented by the Writers Guild. It's actually a great union. I was proud to be a member. It recently expired because it was only so long.

The newsroom and 1600 Penn, we're going to keep that health care going, you know? The WJ represents the writers. The WJ has an agreement with the talent agencies that represent the writers in their negotiations over their writing jobs. Now, for a very long time, writers and their agents had the same exact interest. Agents would go out there and try to get their writers the most amount of money possible from the studios, and the agents would get 10%. That's the deal. You get me the more money. You make money. I make money.

Everybody's wins. You call your agents like, hey, hey. And the agent's like, I'll get it. And then they get the money. That's how it's supposed to work. But in recent years, there's been a growing trend of two things. One, it's called packaging. And two, it's agencies having production companies.

So what is packaging? Packaging is that the agencies don't take that 10%, but they just own a bit of the show, okay? They get a bunch of different talent together and they own a piece of the show. What's the production angle? Well, the agencies also have little affiliated production companies or studios

and they actually make content. Now, what happens then? Well, turns out the agent no longer has the same interest as their writers because sometimes they don't care that much about what's going to happen with your writing fee because they're not going to make the commission. They're going to get the packaging fee on the whole project if it goes. And if the writer is going to do a project for the affiliated company at the talent agency, the agency makes less money, the more money a writer makes. This is a direct violation of their fiduciary responsibility to the clients that they are supposed to represent.

They are supposed to fight for their clients every single day. Now, the agents say that's still what they're doing, but all evidence is to the contrary. The talent agencies, many of which have taken on huge amounts of outside investment money from private equity firms and others because they're so profitable right now. In part, they're profitable because of these packaging fees. But what's happened to writers' salaries? Those salaries have actually gone down. And they've gone down in part because talent agents don't have the same incentives they used to. And it's also why writers end up having to hire managers and hire lawyers because they need somebody advocating just for them. So there's going to be a vote this weekend right now where WGA members can vote to say that they want a new

agreement with the talent agencies so that this is no longer allowed. So the talent agencies that represent writers can no longer do packaging and have these outside studios that violate their fiduciary obligations. The reason I think this is worth considering, even if you say live more than seven miles from where I'm currently speaking into this microphone. We have seen in industry after industry the effect of private equity coming in and demanding more and more profit from companies. You know, you see it. If you go to the vet, a lot of times your veterinarian may have taken money from private equity.

You know, we are your gym is taking on private equity like we are all surrounded by companies that are taking on this investment. And then those investors demand results. And one of the things that they're manding from these talent agencies is that they make more and more and more money no matter what happens to the people these talent agencies are supposed to represent. So anyway, the vote is this weekend. I don't know any writers who are voting no on this fucking thing.

Do you know anybody voting no on this thing, Mitra? Not personally, no. What do you got, Emily? It's really easy to dismiss the concerns of the Writers Guild as like, oh, these are rich people wanting more money. But I do think that it's important to remember that the Writers Guild is a labor union. negotiate for fair pay for us, it sends a really bad message to the rest of the country about the effectiveness of unions

and the value of unions. And it sends a bad message to corporations about how beholden they should be to the labor unions that are organizing for workers. And I think that the Writers Guild leadership is fucking awesome. And it is cool that they fight for us.

Yeah. All right, let's spin it again. Yeah. It has landed on Joe Cameron. Suggested by Emily. I submitted this, you guys. There is an article today in the New York Times that I used one of my free articles on

about a woman named Joe Cameron who does not experience pain or anxiety, and they have identified the gene mutation that allows this to be so, for a long time, she didn't know that there was, like, a real thing going on. She just thought everyone else was a weak little bitch. She literally described childbirth

as, like, kind of a tickle. And she would tell other people, it's really not that bad. This fucking bitch. And it wasn't until, like, very recently that she understood, like, oh, yeah, the fact that I've never needed to take painkillers is weird. like oh yeah the fact that I've never needed to take painkillers is weird and she like ended up having to have hip surgery and she didn't know it because like her bones had deteriorated and she didn't notice because she doesn't feel pain this is the only bad thing about her life but she also doesn't experience anxiety and they think that that's linked to the gene mutation. And this is how unrelatable I find this person.

I can't conceptualize of someone not experiencing anxiety because the idea of me not experiencing anxiety gives me anxiety. Because I'm like, if I didn't have anxiety, I would just worry that I said the wrong thing at a party because I didn't have anxiety stopping me from saying all the dumb shit that I said the wrong thing at a party because I didn't have anxiety stopping me from saying all the dumb shit that I think. How the fuck does she not end up just manifesting it out of nowhere

like a normal person? The most important thing that I want you guys to take away from her story is she lives on Loch Ness. And I refuse to believe that that doesn't mean something about how she ended up this way. Nessie's involved.

I don't know how. I'm launching investigation. The end. Let's spin it again it has landed on the Theranos stock which I believe was suggested by Jamil yes yes so

who here has seen the inventor yes okay for those who are listening to this in their cars or perhaps on the subway So who here has seen The Inventor? Yes. Okay. For those who are listening to this in their cars or perhaps on the subway, there were a couple hands that went up. If you haven't watched it on HBO, I highly suggest that you spend time watching this incredible documentary about Elizabeth Holmes and the bullshit company that she invented called Theranos, which is a combination of two words that honestly I don't want to care to remember right now. Therapy and diagnosis. I remember because the other option if you combine them was diapy. I thought it was going to be...

I thought it was going to be thermos. It was going to be thermos and mykonos. Right. Honestly, I had not heard one word about this woman, anything about her story, nor any one word that she had actually said out of her mouth, which was compelling once I heard her speak.

But there are a few things that were interesting about this story that I thought I should share with you. One, I thought that it would be really, really a very short documentary if I starred in it. Because I thought that if I be really, really a very short documentary if I starred in it. Because I thought that, you know, if I tried something like this coming out of school, if I dropped out of Penn and said, you know what, I'm going to try to raise a lot of money based upon a machine that I'd like to tell you all that I'd like to try to sell to a lot of you

and to, say, Walgreens and a lot of other companies and say, I'm going to raise a whole bunch of money. I'm going to start a company, have a whole bunch of employees. And by the way, none of you can see how it works. You don't think you'd get Jim Mattis on board? I don't think that I would get my family to write a check. And so I just think that one of the things that the film, to some degree, I think leaves unexamined mainly because other than the film, to some degree, I think leaves unexamined, mainly because other than the guy who works for her, there basically are everyone in it is white, is the fact that, you know, the racial sort of privilege that's inherent in it.

You know, frankly, there's no way in the world that these titans of industry and titans of government are going to believe someone who doesn't look like her. Well, I was just going to say, we live in a golden age of scammers. It doesn't matter whether it's Theranos or Fyre Festival or a wall between the U.S. and Mexico. But one thing they all have in common is these supposedly charismatic people in charge

who everyone who meets them says they're captivating and then when I see them speak, I'm like, that's the least charismatic person I've ever seen. I know. It's so crazy. Every single one of these people,

you fucking suck. I would leave the room if you introduced yourself to this. You know what? How dare the both of you. You weren't there. You didn't have her looking into your eyes.

Unblinking. Not blinking. I mean, I gave her all the money in my wallet. Yeah. And she was like, thank you, John, you won't regret it. Let's spin it again. Oh, Lord have mercy.

All right. I'm going to close by combining Stephen Moore and Pence at NASA, because they're both on my mind. Let's start with Stephen Moore. Stephen Moore is a right-wing hack. He's a green room right-wing creature. He's been around forever. He used to be at the Club for Growth. I think they had to run him out of there. He was nominated by Donald Trump to the Fed, not because he's qualified. He's not qualified, but just because he says the kinds of things on television that Donald Trump likes. Most Fed nominees are actually economists with PhDs. Moore has only an MA in economics. Wikipedia lists his profession as writer. He was kicked out of the club for growth, and they were ordered to pay $350,000 in FEC violations. Moore helped design the Kansas

experiment, the largest tax cuts in the history of the state, which was signed into law by former Governor Sam Brownback. Economic growth in Kansas plummeted. The job growth rate fell to less than 50% of the national average. It was such a massive failure that the GOP-led state legislature overrode the governor's veto to repeal it. And Sam Brownback, for quite some time, was the least popular governor in the country. And that's saying something, because we've got 50 states, and some of those guys are terrible. Moore said the U.S. should return to the gold standard. A guest op-ed by Moore on the Kansas City Star

was so full of factual errors, he's now banned from the paper. In the National Review, Moore wrote, I am convinced that the ordeal of soccer teaches our kids all the wrong lessons in life. Soccer is the Marxist concept of the labor theory of value applied to sports, which may explain why socialist nations dominate in the World Cup. What makes peewee soccer particularly insidious

is that boys and girls play together. No one seems to care much that co-ed sports is doing irreparable harm to the psyche of America's little boys. It's true. In the Washington Times, Stephen Moore wrote that Trump deserves a Nobel Prize in economics, not the Nobel Peace Prize. He said Trump should get the Prize Day Award for outstanding research in the field of economics,

which is why he was nominated, despite the fact that he's not qualified. Don't take my word for it. Here is what Moore has said since he was chosen by Trump to be on the Fed. Quote, I'm kind of new to this game, frankly, so I'm going to be on a steep learning curve myself about how the Fed operates, how the Federal Reserve makes its decisions. It's hard for me to say even what my role will be there, assuming I get confirmed. Don't worry, guys. Ben Sasse, hero of the institution, has already said he'll vote for more because it's making liberals so angry. Burn the economy to the ground to own the libs,

which leads me to Mike Pence and the conversation about space. Here's why. So this is a nomination to the Fed. It's an incredibly important position. It's not meant for a partisan hack. It's very serious, right? The Fed is one of those things that's quietly in the background making some of the most important decisions that affect us every single day that doesn't get covered in that way, right? We talk about Congress, talk about the tax code. Monetary policy affects all of our lives every single day. And this guy has no business being on the Fed. Which brings me to Mike Pence, who said this week in a speech that the U.S. will return to the moon by any means necessary.

So, I mean, a lot of options there. Strapping some people to an ICBM missile would get it done, technically. Now, I raise this bit of nonsense because he didn't say how we were going to do it. He said he wants to do it within five years. Here's what John F. Kennedy said. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy,

but because they are hard. Because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills. Because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win. Mike Pence says, we're going to the moon. We'll use a trebuchet if we have to. And the only reason I want to connect Stephen Moore to Mike Pence is we've got to get off this fucking planet, all right? Because here's the bottom line. And look, Stephen Hawking is dead, but he would agree with me. I'm going to paraphrase Stephen Hawking. We will escape this planet or we will all fucking die here. And by the way, I don't think it's going to be a meteor. I don't think it's going to be

the sun getting too big and the oceans boiling in 50 million years. I think we're going to do it and it's sooner than we think. So we got to get off this fucking rock. We got to go live on the moon. And I don't trust Mike Pence to get us there. We got to figure this shit out. And here's the thing. Space policy

has been a mess for a very long time. Honestly, that space shuttle, it was cool, but it kind of was a mistake because the word shuttle is the kind of thing you take at the airport, and everything about the space shuttle was boring except the price tag. It cost just as much as super adventure space time,

but it made it seem like you were just catching a ride between Terminal A and Terminal B. Still fucking deadly, still incredibly hard, but everybody got super bored of space, and now nobody pays attention to it. We don't even have the capability of the government to get people into space anymore. We had to rely on the Russians for a while.

I don't know what Elon Musk is up to, but I don't think we should put all our eggs in that fucking basket. We got to get off this planet. The goal, the goal, in all seriousness, is to get further away from this planet for longer and longer periods of time until we have the technology for human beings to live in space indefinitely.

Nobody is focused on that goal because we can barely get off the goddamn ground anymore. And that's our show. I want to thank Emily Heller, Jameel Smith, Mitra Juhari, Nancy Pelosi. Thank you guys all for coming out to a late show. Have a great night. Bye.