Lovett or Leave It - And YOU get an Oz!

Episode Date: December 4, 2021

Comedian Kiran Deol forgives us for making her talk about the state of modern apologies, J. Jonah Jameson (Paul F. Tompkins) stops by to explain how photos of Spider-Man are just barely keeping the newspaper industry alive, and Hot Takes has us defending Harvard grads, the Citizen app, and, worst of all, abstaining from video games.For a closed-captioned version of this episode, please visit crooked.com/lovettorleaveit. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

I'm a New York Democrat Trying to build better and back Who sent the bills to Biden? It turns far in far away Just 360 days Who needs to mobilize them? Now we're all back, love it or leave it, he said it's gonna be live or else. To be in this room, we all get vaccinated.

I'd save the world before it melts. Ooh, Knock on doors and make some calls So democracy does not fall Wouldn't be almost heaven To ignore the cinema and mansion Now we're all back, love it or leave it Live or else we're gonna be alright

Let's have a good laugh cause we really need it He's a straight shooter, respected on both sides Good evening, Los Angeles. Thank you for coming out here on this crisp, fade out the music whenever you want, night. All right, a couple notes so far. I think we're going to have to budget for some mic stands. Mic stands are infrastructure. That's right we're gonna build back better

one of my most favorite vaguely non-grammatical statements I don't know why it doesn't feel grammatically right but build back better it is better than be best build back better is better than Be Best. It is better than Be Best. Build Back Better is better than Be Best. Thank you to Susie Englund and her dad, Peter, for that great song.

Very sweet. If you have a Live or Else theme song, send it to us at leaveit at crooked.com. We are very happy to be back in L.A. We have a great show for you this week. Kieran Deal is here to talk about apologies, the good, the bad, the insincere. J. Jonah Jameson is here. Yeah, I sit down with J. Jonah Jameson, a big get.

He is convinced that we don't have enough pictures of Spider-Man. And hot takes are back. Let's get into it. What a week. On Thursday, President Joseph Robinette Biden laid out a winter COVID-19 plan in response to Omicron and the predicted holiday surge, promising booster shots for all adults, new testing requirements for international travelers, and insurance reimbursements for at-home COVID tests. Also, Biden said this at the National Institutes of Health. We're going to fight this variance with science and speed, not chaos and confusion. Which sucks because because Chaos and Confusion were my absolute favorite American gladiators. I didn't like sports.

I was gay. Those guys were hot. But I didn't know it at the time. I just thought I enjoyed the competition. Look at them jousting. Look at them jousting. The second documented case of Omicron in the United States was found in a Minnesota man who had recently traveled to New York

to attend an anime convention at the Javits Center, so they're fairly confident he had zero contact with humans before or after. No offense, but good thing contact tracing doesn't involve looking through your browser history. One more. Luckily, he was vaccinated. You'd hate to have to break the bad news to his wife, a soaking wet body pillow.

I love that one. I was looking forward to it. Joe Biden, Vice President Kamala Harris, and their spouses held a family Hanukkah celebration at the White House on Wednesday. Second gentleman, Doug Emhoff, is the first Jewish spouse of a president or vice president. Very exciting.

Jews, as all the conspiracy theories go, fucked their way to the White House. Dr. Oz, the surgeon who rose to fame as a frequent Oprah Winfrey guest, has announced he's running for the U.S. Senate as a conservative Republican. Oz has been obviously widely criticized by the medical

community for promoting pseudoscience. Dr. Oz also thought it was a good idea to teach the controversy around conversion therapy for gay kids, and he said that a 2-3% mortality among children might be an acceptable risk to reopen schools. But he still has a great shot at winning because he's a doctor with a full head of hair.

On the killing kids question, Dr. Oz did say he misspoke, but misspoke doesn't mean that. Misspoke is when you're at the checkout and the cashier says paper or fag stick. You know, like something like that happens. I don't even know what that means. Anyway, he didn't misspeak.

He floated a really evil idea and got shit for it. That's what happened. He didn't like, whoops. On Tuesday, Chris Cuomo was suspended from CNN indefinitely pending further investigation after a lot of juicy texts were released. According to his deposition,

Cuomo tried to get information from an unnamed source about which accusers Ronan Farrow had talked to for a New Yorker piece about the allegations against Andrew Cuomo. What if it was me? I wasn't, obviously, but could you imagine? On Wednesday, Stacey Abrams announced that she will be running for governor of Georgia in 2022.

So that's good news. But where does she stand on letting children die to reopen the economy? Against. In an effort to curb overdoses, New York City has approved the first officially authorized safe havens for people to use heroin and other narcotics called overdose prevention centers because Starbucks bathrooms can't be everything to everyone. It's a tough one. It's a tough one. It's a tough one. Jared Leto said he was so immersed in his House of Gucci role as Paolo Gucci, quote, I was snorting lines of Arabiana sauce by the middle of this movie.

If you took a biopsy of my skin, it would come back as Parmesan cheese. It's a lot of work to sound like the third Mario brother. Speaking of dystopias, the National Academy of Sciences released a report this week encouraging America, which generates the most plastic waste, to significantly cut the use of plastic that ends up in the world's oceans. It is going to take a lot of terrible paper straws to fix this. They're terrible.

It's a bummer every time you get one i want those corn ones the ones that are just as good why are some of the ones that replace the plastic ones just as good and some of them are shit if somebody's cracked it somebody's cracked it you know on wednesday oh man the supreme court fuck oh Wednesday... Oh, man. The Supreme Court... Fuck. Ugh. Listen. We all knew what the Biden era was gonna feel like. And here it is. On Wednesday, the Supreme Court heard arguments over Mississippi's law banning abortions after 15 weeks.

It seems like the Supreme Court's six conservative justices were, in the words of the New York Times, comfortable with the ban. And why wouldn't they be? They've been working towards this their entire lives. Don't really have a joke. I do think Ruth Bader Ginsburg should have retired in 2013. Just saying, it's a little sort of a message to Stephen Breyer to stop helping.

You know what I mean? Hey, Stephen, stop helping. Retire, Briar. Never feels right. It's like too much of a rhyme somehow. You know what I mean? Meanwhile, global supply chain issues are reportedly threatening the nation's access

to its most valuable resource, chicken tenders. It's very lucky that six-year-olds who are picky eaters don't vote. Unless Stacey Abrams gets her way. I don't know what that means. I'm not playing this down, because buffalo chicken tenders are 12% of the American economy. Meanwhile, Vice President Kamala Harris had her own Trump in a truck moment with an electric bus.

She was pretending to drive, honking, and as Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg looked on, she was singing, the wheels on the bus go round and round. And that's real. We actually have a clip. The wheels on the bus go... Do not come.

Do not come. It's not right. It's not right. Can we roll it again? Roll it one more time. The wheels on the bus go Do not come. Do not come. It's true. I'm really sorry. It's wrong. That's an evil thing we did. It's reprehensible.

Despicable. Shame on all of you. No. And finally, Machine Gun Kelly said that he tried to impress Megan Fox by catching a knife, but accidentally stabbed himself instead because he's a genius the guy needed so many stitches

they're calling him Sewing Machine Gun Kelly I'm sorry about that and when we come back, apologies Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. This week, Congressperson Lauren Bobbert, just brutal, called Ilhan Omar to quote-unquote apologize for making a terrorist joke at her expense only for Omar to quote unquote apologize

for making a terrorist joke at her expense only for Omar to hang up when Bobert refused to make her apology public said Bobert after the call I told Elon Omar that she should apologize to the American people for blah blah blah blah blah here to discuss the terrible state of apologies is comedian and director

and person who has never apologized even once in her life, Kieran Dale. Hi, Kieran. Grab a mic off the floor. Hi, guys. How are you? There is something very disgraceful about having to grab it off the floor. It's like, you go down there.

Sorry. First time. First time apologizing. That was it. Sorry. Boebert was like, you should apologize. Ilhan Omar has actually been someone who has made it a point to apologize when she's been accused of using anti-Semitic tropes or anti-Semitic language. What I was struck by is that a lot of these conservatives, your Bobberts, your Gateses,

your Marjorie's Taylor Greene, your Trumps, others, they fundamentally view any kind of apology as a kind of weakness when I think in practice, in life, apologizing is a hard thing to do, right? We all view it as something that takes kind of some kind of courage or something, but not in politics. In politics, it's viewed as weak, right? Yeah. And the other thing I noticed is that a lot of the apologies have this kind of like, I'm sorry that you felt shitty. I'm sorry that you haven't had me on the pod for a minute. John will love it. I'm sorry that you are missing out

on the genius that is me, very stable. I'm sorry for you. There's a lot of that in politics. I noticed, I'm sorry for you. There's a lot of that in politics, I noticed. I'm sorry that you felt like I'm a pussy-footing bitch, but I'm not. I don't like that.

I'm sorry that every time you do come on the show, you act like you're doing me a favor. Like you're shining your light on me. I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm sorry that you feel like I'm not as excellent as I am. I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm sorry that you feel like I'm not as excellent as I am. I'm sorry

that I can tell that you think that I think that I don't want you on the pod because you'll outshine me. I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry that that's the energy you bring. And I'm sorry that you, with that energy, created a vicious circle. Tonight.

It's a race to the bottom. That's the point. It's a race to the bottom. That's the point. It's a race to the bottom. We're talking about a race to the bottom. We're talking about if we're playing the game, it's a race to the bottom. You know, anytime you put you doing this in the apology,

it's really a this, you know? Yeah. And there's also like, so I do think that they don't want to admit weakness. Cause I think it's a character flaw, right? These are people that are,

they're not fully mature adults, but also there is this culture. So I do think that they don't want to admit weakness because I think it's a character flaw, right? These are people that are, they're not fully mature adults. But also there is this culture they're claiming to rebel against, right? Which is one in which there's a demand for apology and a performative apology is issued even though everybody knows they don't mean it. It's a kind of theater. And then you have people like Mel Gibson

calling Winona Ryder, called her an oven dodger. And then Hacksaw Ridge gets six nominations. And it's like, yeah, he apologizes, but like no one stops hating Jews in their 50s. Yeah, it's a hard J. It's a hard J for life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be a hard J.

He didn't discover that he likes Jews after he got drunk and said what he felt about Jews. And I think he gets to direct some movie now, like a lethal weapon. And I'm sorry for that. But he plays like the most valorous and courageous of all the people, all the best people is who Mel Gibson plays. And that's who he represents in his movies. So it's like, why do we have to watch that guy do this? This doesn't feel fair.

Yeah, it's like there's this idea that the only people who apologize or whose apologies feel sincere are the kind of people that we don't really need the apologies from. And meanwhile, there's this kind of self-immolation that takes place inside the left because there's this, you know, Liz Bruning talks about this all the time, that we have this kind of self-immolation that takes place inside the left because there's this, you know,

Liz Bruning talks about this all the time, that like we have a kind of a culture that endlessly demands apology, but there's no process for forgiveness. So while you have people that claim to have been canceled that actually face no consequences whatsoever, there's also this other side of it where, okay, someone's sorry.

Who decides that the apology gets to be accepted? You know? Yes. On the plus side, we do know that Mel Gibson is a good actor. Because he's acting like a good person. You know? It's sad. It's sad.

That was right. You were like, aw. Agreed. Right before Thanksgiving, the Women's March apologized for asking for a donation of $14.92, inadvertently referencing the year christopher columbus's first voyage arrived in the americas the amount they said was the

average of their donations the prior week said the organization we apologize deeply for that email that was sent today my question to you is this why was it a deep apology i don't think it should have been deep it was clearly an accident And maybe like an auto-send situation That shouldn't be a deep one That should be like just a skimming apology Like hey we're sorry this was an accident Our deepest condolences I hate that mom lunch shit

They don't do that on their side They don't whip their back with chains Every time they fuck up It would be a good category on Pornhub The deepest of apologies Like when I heard that I was like oh deep apologies back with chains, you know? Every time they fuck up. It would be a good category on Pornhub. You know, the deepest of apologies. Like, when I heard that, I was like, oh, deep apologies. Yeah, let's get into it. It's like taxing

billionaires. That'd be another great category. Oh, let's watch him pay. Let's watch Jeff Bezos pay. Yeah. Now you know how I watch my content. This sort of thing.

Just one finger. I'm just clicking with one finger. So it goes from gay TikTok to hot gay TikTok to hot gay shirtless TikTok to hot gay shirtless pottery TikTok to hot gay shirtless apology TikTok. Something to think about. I've got to get on TikTok. That's what I learned.less apology TikTok. Something to think about. I got to get on TikTok.

That's what I learned. I like TikTok. It's like, oh no, China knows I think hot guys and French toast recipes are cool. They're going to take over. Now they got the hard data. Now they got the raw information. The deep information. I didn't know you could put cheese on the pan, then the egg. Now they know I know that.

I just learned that from you, so. I learned that from TikTok. Everybody on TikTok's putting cheese right in the pan. That is blasphemy to me. You know what I'm talking about? All of a sudden, there's cheese on pans left and right. The non-stick pans?

Yeah, they're non-stick. I mean, but I didn't know people were doing that. I see so many people nodding right now. I guess everyone on TikTok is rich with their non-stick pans. Next.

$14.92. So it was $14.92 for the Women's March. That was their average donation. As somebody who got paid $9.11 to be here. Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!

Come on! It's an honorarium. I have to say, John. Alright, let's look at some public apologies and decide how we feel about them. Lea Michele apologizing for allegedly terrorizing her Glee co-stars, including telling actress Samantha Ware she wanted to shit in her wig.

Among other microaggressions, and I'll go ahead and say it, actual aggressions, said Michele, whether it was my privileged position and perspective that caused me to be perceived as insensitive or inappropriate at times, or whether it was just my immaturity and me just being unnecessarily difficult, I apologize for my behavior and for any pain which I have caused. Okay, I've got one question on this.

Is it possible that Lea Michele thinks that you're supposed to shit into wigs? It's like she sees a wig upside down, and she's like, I know what to do. And she's just like, unzip and go for it. Maybe she has IBS. It's possible. Maybe it was...

We don't know the intonation. I'm going to shit in your wig. Can you read... Yeah. Maybe it was a person in crisis. Right, right, right. You know? It's happened.

Panic, panic. Yeah. It's panic. She's like, I can't remember the song. And then... And then... Yeah. That's a sound poop makes, right?

Scooby-doop-boop, scat. It was a scat, yeah. You got it, sir. You know, the hallmark of a mediocre apology is the dependent clause, actually. The more you're inside of a warm,

long, deep, dependent clause, you know, you know you're not in the kind of apology you need to be in. You should just be in the other part of it. The independent clause. I think the reality is like, it's hard to issue an apology

that's, I think, more accurate, which is like, oh my God. Like, I was an asshole. Period. Can you read the pieces of it one more time, of hers? Whether it was my privilege, we should do a grammar tree. Whether it was my hers whether it was my privilege we should do a grammar tree

whether it was whether it was my privileged position and perspective that caused me to be perceived as insensitive or inappropriate at times so that's one possibility whether it was the insensitivity it was the privileged position and perspective that caused me to be perceived as insensitive which means she's not suggesting she was insensitive or inappropriate. That's separate from her as a human being doing those things. Or whether it was just my immaturity and me just being unnecessarily difficult. Those are owned. Those are her owning something.

So it's either just a perception of insensitivity, but hard to imagine being perceived as insensitive while not being insensitive. That's tough. Right. That's a tough one. That raises philosophical question about the meaning of the words. You know? If you're perceived as

being insensitive, I'm finding hard to imagine a situation in which you are not being insensitive unless it's like a real miscommunication, you know? As a wig-shitter I. Right. Was a cunt. Period. Sorry. That's good. Ellen DeGeneres.

Direct. Direct. Ellen DeGeneres apologized for reportedly fostering a hostile workplace, saying, sometimes I get sad. I get mad. I get anxious. I get frustrated. I get impatient. And I'm working on all of that. I am a work in progress. There's a lot of I statements. I think a lot

of I, a lot of I, and then a lot of feelings. A lot of feelings of not the action that you did onto others. I was a dick. You know? She didn't hit that. She's like, I feel things. She forgot to say, I am very rich due to all the people

who work in my office. I have not been very nice to them. That is a open secret in entertainment. Am I allowed to say that? That's what makes it open. There was a classic tweet that said the two things that happen

when you move to LA is you get a parking ticket and someone tells you that working for Ellen is monstrous. I'm both butchering it and forgetting when you move to LA is you get a parking ticket and someone tells you that working for Ellen is monstrous. And I, and I've missed, I'm, I'm both butchering it and forgetting who said it, but we'll put it in the comments.

There's no comments, but that really was my experience. Like when I first got to LA, I remember hearing two sides of it, which was like, Oh, it's a nightmare scenario. It's a horrible place.

It's very scary. And then also you would hear casually like I met Ellen once. It was terrible. Cut that It's very scary. And then also, you would hear Casualty like, I met Ellen once. It was terrible. Cut that. I like, I want to, she could be useful to me. I'm not kidding either. I'm not blowing a relationship with Ellen DeGeneres over this. Yeah. John Lovett

is like, I am strategic. I am a former White House. Sometimes I get sad. Sometimes I get mad. Sometimes I use people. Justin Timberlake apologized to Britney Spears and Janet Jackson

posting, I am deeply sorry for the times in my life where my actions contributed to the problem where I spoke at a turn or did not speak up for what was right.

Too vague. He said too vague. Inquisition. Should we harmonize on this one because I feel like the answer here is obvious. Cry me a river. Cry me a river. You think that I can do that?

Cry me a river. As the two gay gentlemen who ran the musicals at Camp Starlight when I hit puberty, what happened? Cry me a river. I like that song, too. It was good. Cry me. Cry me.

Cry me a river. Cry me. Hey, Justin, cry us a river. Cry me. I didn't like it when he went flannel. That's not what I'm here for. Nobody wanted that. Yeah.

It is weird that like Janet Jackson gets in trouble for someone else ripping off her costume. It's like, how dare you have nipples? It was obviously deeply misogynist. There was also some confusion around the fact that the nipple was so thoroughly decorated. Do you remember this? I saw it live. Did anyone else see it live? I love that.

It was, it's seared into my memory because it seemed, I think- Do you have a photograph of this in your home? It's above my mantle. Yeah, exactly. No, but I remember at the time, the first thought was it must have been on purpose because it was like, remember that?

It's maybe one of five boobs I've seen. Right. And because I only, I now know for sure I've seen an odd number because of that one. Right. It was like a Picasso or a Van Gogh, you know? So it's seared in my mind, you know? It's like, how many boobs have I seen?

It's like, showgirls, Janet Jackson, what else is there? This one's heavy, but we do have to talk about it because it was another big apology this week, which is author Alice Sebold, who is white, wrote a memoir titled Lucky about a sexual assault she survived in college and she publicly apologized for

falsely identifying Anthony Broadwater, a black man, as her attacker. He ended up serving 16 years for the crime and his record was only vacated last week. Did you see her apology? How do you apologize for something like that? I read it. I read the apology.

And simple question for a comedian, first of all. You're really giving me the easy ones. So thanks for that, John. But this makes me think of a thing my mother said where sometimes it's like, Broadwater accepted the apology, which is very big of him, I think. But there's some things that are just such deep cuts

that there's just no words. There's deep cuts that there's just no words. There's just no words. It's not about whether the clause is dependent or independent. You never get those years back. You never get that time back. Not very funny. No, I'm sorry for that. And we were talking earlier, I was talking with

Allie backstage, and it's just this kind of idea of we're supposed to believe in the narrative gesture of justice in this country, and we supposed to believe that like we have that as a country and then you hear stories like this or you listen to Deepak Chopra and he was like trust the universe and then you hear about a guy who gets in prison for 16 years for a thing he didn't do in this country of all countries and you're like how am I supposed to reconcile those two narrative gestures that's my question to you John I hope that guy gets to write a book. I hope that Broadwater gets to write a book and find a way to figure out how do you reconcile your human experience and the injustice that's done to you and find a way to transcend it.

How is he not more angry? It's like the Nelson Mandela thing. How is he not more angry? But there's something to be said for the fact that he sat there and apologized. There's something to be learned from that gesture, maybe. All right right does anybody have an apology to share they can be light they can be light they can be anything don't be fooled by the last example don't be fooled by the last example nobody wants to do one after everyone's perfect in this audience and no one's ever done anything wrong go we got one over here we there. We got one over here. Queen. Hi. Hi. So I was apologized to, and it was a light and funny one.

I worked with kids teaching gymnastics, and one day I was left alone with a lot of kids, and then one of them had a big accident, ended up having just like evacuated their bowels onto me. So it was a bad day for me for sure.

And then the next day I come into work and I look at my locker and there was like a little care package from my coworker with a little note that said, I'm sorry you got shat on. Let's leave it there. That was great. It was good.

And even the phrasing felt like that in the beauty of the evacuated their bowels. Evacuated your bowels. Let's leave it there. That was great. It was good. And even the phrasing, like that, in the beauty of the evacuated their bowels. Evacuated your bowels. And also, I like that it was, I'm sorry you got shat on. Right?

There was no agent. You know? It was passive voice. Beautiful. Beautiful use of the passive voice. I'm sorry this shit happened on you. And we love that. Everybody, give it up for Kieran Deal that was great, thank you so much

we'll be back for hot takes thank you guys, I'm so sorry I'm so sorry when we come back, more show and we're back before we head into what we can only expect will be another great year, Cricket presents What a Year.

Join me and a lineup of your favorite cricket hosts for a night of sketches, audience games, and much more. With your help, we'll also be raising money for our no-off years fund, what we call Noof. Noof the Eagle. Noof the Eagle, yeah. Tune in live for What a Year on Tuesday, December 7th at 5 p.m. Pacific,

8 p.m. Eastern. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be one of the coolest shows we've ever done. RSVP at crooked.com slash what a year. And we're back. That doesn't make sense.

In an interview with Fandango this week, producer Amy Pascal revealed Marvel is planning to follow up the studio's upcoming Spider-Man No Way Home with a whole nother trilogy of Spider-Man films starring Tom Holland. Joining us is the one man who could never get enough pictures of Spider-Man.

It's J. Jonah Jameson. What is going on? What the hell is a podcast? What is this? Thank you for joining us, Jonah. Am I the loudest person you've had on the show? In a while.

Absolutely. I could blow a lot of smoke up your ass, but a podcast is just a pre-recorded radio show. Oh, so there's no conceivable way you could show the people listening any pictures of Spider-Man? The technology's just not there. What are we doing here?

Well, I'm hoping that we can discuss the possibility of three more Spider-Man movies with you. I know you can't stand the guy, but more than anyone else, you appreciate the allure of Spider-Man pictures. I'm more of a fast and furious guy myself. Is that really? Of course not! I'm wild with jealousy, Lovett.

Imagine having access to millions of pictures of Spider-Man. Enough to assemble three films. Wait, is that how they make movies? I assume. Why should I know? I'm a newspaper man, Lovett. And the newspaper business is thriving. Sorry, did I say thriving?

I meant dying. Yeah, it's, uh, it's, uh... Kaput! Yeah, right. Mortal! Okay, but the Daily Bugle is still publishing. Barely. Do you want to know why I always need more photos of Spider-Man? Love it.

Do you think it's because I find Spider-Man physically attractive? Do you think it's because I like to see Spider-Man's rock-hard twink body and silhouette over a Manhattan sunset? His perfectly formed legs whipping him forward into the blue yonder, held aloft by delicate webs and rippling forearms, arcing across Fifth Avenue like he's on some sort of invisible sexual graviton?

No! Are we sure? It's because nobody clicks on the articles! None of you people click on the articles! None because nobody clicks on the articles. None of you people click on the articles. None of us click on the articles. I could put my social security number in these articles. Meanwhile, the hedge fund that owns the Daily Bugle told me if I don't drive more traffic to the website,

I'll have to fire anyone who, and I quote, remembers the Challenger explosion. Oh, my God. That is vicious. Yeah, I remember it, love it. There was a teacherenger explosion. Oh, my God. That is vicious. Yeah, I remember it, Lovett. There was a teacher on board. Oh, my God. Jesus.

And you know who else remembers? Gloria Sweeney in accounting. You want to look that woman in the eye and tell her she'll have to move in with her sister in Chicago? That's what keeps me up at night, Lovett. And I don't scare easily. I was inside the Natural History Museum the last time Doc Ock blew it up, and I didn't bat an eye. I really feel for you, Jonah. You know, this week, the Washington Post published a lost local news map, and they said the country has lost

2,200 local news outlets in 2005, and the number of local journalists fell by half since 2008. It leads to a loss of community and drives people to unreliable sources. It's a danger to our democracy. And in a time when we need local news coverage more than ever, we had a record number of supervillain attacks this year. A giant worm ate the mayor! But people will only read something if it's punchy,

if it pops, if it's got tentacles and web slinging skin tight ass hugging leotards it's the second reference to his firm ass it's the first you inferred it before I apologize that's right the man's a journalist I know what I talk about an ass

and what I don't talk about an ass he knows and look TV's no better All cable news wants to cover these smash-and-grab thieves targeting Nordstrom's in San Fran in L.A. Meanwhile, workers the world over are driven to the brink of ruin by wide-scale wage theft by employers.

That's an interesting point, Jonah. Are you publishing something on that? No, Lovett, I'm publishing pictures on Spider-Man! And preemptively attacking it for not protecting the Bloomies on 59th! I'm not proud of it, but things have gotten so bad, I might have to let go of my best photographer,

Peter Parker. Well, um... I can't... I don't want to tell you... You know... I... There's... You might be interested... There's... You might be interested... There's something that might be of...

I can't decide. I'm not sure what my role is. I would... I'll just say this. Try not to lose him. Does anyone here know how to get a meeting with Charles Xavier? He's rich. Maybe he can help.

Let me try this. I don't know if pressing your hand against your temples is how you can get him on the blower. You don't know that it isn't either. Oh, local news is fucked too. I hear Lois Lane took the buyout. But she doesn't exist in your world. Exactly, and she has a Pulitzer.

Is there anything... Oh, that's has a Pulitzer. Is there anything... Oh, that's a hard news joke. Is there anything that we can do to help? Oh, I guess if I had to think about it, I guess there's maybe one thing you could do for me, Lovett. You could... Get me more photos of Spider-Man! All right, J. Jonah Jameson, everybody.

Subscribe to your local paper. And I know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. I right. J. Jonah Jameson, everybody. Subscribe to your local paper. And I know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. I'm stupid, okay? J. Jonah Jameson from the Daily Bugle. Paul F. Tompkins, everybody. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back.

Now it's time for a segment we call Hot Takes where our producers make the guests and I defend never before seen truly. In defensible positions, please welcome Paul and Kieran back to the stage. Yeah. And just a reminder that you can catch Kieran Deal at the Philly Punchline from January 6th to January 8th.

So exciting. So exciting. My hometown. Oh, really? Absolutely. Oh, then we have to get people out, Paul. I call upon my brethren listening to this podcast. The people of my ancestral homeland.

Please go see Karen. You have to see her. You must see her. This is a good endorsement from two icons. Here's how this works. They're going to put them up on the screen, these hot takes for us to defend. Each of us will have to go twice.

We each get one skip. One skip. That's new to hot takes. Based on some previous experience where guests said no. Wait, the skip was forced by preview? Well, yeah.

They said, no, not going to do that. And we said, ha ha! Do we have an extra? We didn't think of this. That's real. Kobayashi Maru. Yeah, it was. It was a classic Kobayashi Maru. And I was your Kirk. Thank you.

All right, let's start it off. Let's see what fresh hell they have for us. The National League should adopt the American League's designated hitter rule. That's for Paul to defend. All right. You have one minute. hitter rule, that's for Paul to defend. One minute. I make no

secret of the fact that I'm a fan of the game of baseball, America's pastime. The designated hitter rule. What is it exactly? It is something that is shrouded in the mists of baseball legend. And because

it is such an argued piece of baseball lore, shouldn't it be spread all over the leagues? Shouldn't the American League and the National League both have to endure the designated hitter rule? Or should they not? They should. They should.

You think they should. I think they should. You think they should have the rule. I'm trying to feel out if somebody thinks they should not. No, we think they should. I'm going to pounce on them. I think they should. You think they should have the rule. I'm trying to feel out if somebody thinks they should not. No, we think they should. I'm going to pounce on them. I think they should. You think it's a good rule.

Look, if you want somebody to hit, designate them. Yep. Yep. It's just that simple. And that's one minute. And that's one minute. It's defended. Let's see what's up next.

People that went to Harvard are better than those who didn't. That is from Kieran. For Kieran to defend, you have one minute. People who went to Harvard are better than those who didn't. I rest my case. 48 more seconds. Yeah, I mean, listen. I went to Harvard. I went to Harvard.

I did go there. And I know a lot of dicks who also went there. So I think it depends on the particular person that you're speaking about and whether they are chill or not chill. You shouldn't be looking at the Harvard inside the individual. You should look at the...

What? You should look at... The Harvard on the outside. The Harvard on their faces. You're not looking at the Harvard that they went to. You're looking at the Harvard on the inside. And by the Harvard on the inside, I mean their personality and their heart, and that's how you judge people. Okay.

I see that. There's a little bit of Harvard in each of us. In a way. I thought it was a sort of magic shell analogy yeah thank you so much the answer is pass the answer is pass how dare you

alright let's see what's next knowing what I know I'd fuck Chris Cuomo yeah yeah here's what I would say Yeah. Yeah. Here's what I would say. There are people out there that are looking for a sensitive,

compassionate, intelligent partner. But once in a while, you're looking for something else. A big, dumb, rich guy from New York who says things like, I gotta look out for my brother, you know? And that can be hot in a way, too. Ugh. Every once in a while, you're just like, you know what I'm looking for?

A less shrewd Andrew Cuomo. I'm looking for a straight, wider Anderson Cooper. And I'm sorry. What I meant to say is, pass. Same, honey, same. All right, what do you fuck? We're the Brian Semel.

I know that was you. What's next? This is an appropriate use for a parking space. This is a picture of a tiny vehicle. This made me so mad. This is a three-wheeled tiny vehicle

taking up a parking space. Paul thought that's a great use of a parking spot. You have one minute. Do you know what we don't talk about when we talk about diversity? What? Little cars. Little tiny cars.

So yeah, now we're seeing all types of people on screens that we haven't seen before. But when you're on the road and you're looking for a parking space, sure, you can be thwarted by a regular car. You could be thwarted by an SUV in the compact spot. But isn't it good that in this country, even people who drive toy cars

have the same rights and privileges as the rest of us who drive grown-up cars? When I am starting my day, privileges as the rest of us who drive grown-up cars. When I am starting my day, going to the gym, and I come across what I think is a spot, but is actually, it's occupied by a tiny Tonka car, I say, good for you, sir or madam. I'm glad you can ride around in a discount Batman vehicle and work on your health

the same place I do. What I mean to say is, pass. What do we have next? Louis C.K. deserves the Grammy nomination? He deserves to win? That's too far. The second part. Hold on a second.

Hold on. So as hot takes, is it supposed to like, I'm supposed to. The second part. Hold on a second. Hold on. So as hot takes, is it supposed to like, I'm supposed to agree with this? You have to defend it. I have to defend it. Oh, I defend it. You're taking it on as your view

for one minute. Louis C.K. deserves You can also pass if you want. The Grammy now. We should have established the idea up top, I think. To win.

You can pass if you want. Or you can, but we don't know what's next. You won't be able to pass on the next one. I know one of the writers on your show and I definitely feel like she's trolling me. And that's a thumbs up. That's correct.

That is a singular individual who is trolling me. I do pass. Okay, it's a pass. It's a pass. I won't. What does she get instead? Lena Dunham is the voice of her generation. You have one minute. That's your point

of view. Let's hear it. One minute. Defend it. That's your view. Expouse that view for one minute. Listen, if you can declare yourself to be the voice of a generation, it's possible that you're not wrong.

For sure. Yeah, that makes sense. You could be correct. You know, it's possible that you could have words that come out of your face and holes on your body that we need to see as adoring public. Tattoos all over a butt we didn't ask for. It's possible that all of that stuff could make you a voice in a generation

that happens to be ours. I understand that from a logistical perspective. She has a voice in her generation. It's of that generation. It's kind of the dependent-independent clause you were talking about earlier. That's right. John, we all have a voice in this generation. Lena Dunham is one of those voices that exists.

What do we got next? Well done. Boys are, in fact, better at math. I'm so afraid to pass. Pass. Bold. Exciting. The most valuable New Year's Eve resolution for society writ large, play less video games.

Here's what I'd say. Here's what I'd say. Look, there are people out there who will make this argument that video games are part of the most innovative kind of popular art since the invention of the movies, that there's independent video game makers that are doing things and exploring ideas in games that you actually can't find on television or film right now. And by the very fact of being not a consumer, but a player, a participant in the story,

you can have new and different and diverse and magical experiences. Those people are wrong. That isn't true. What is in fact going on is that you are seeing lights on a screen and pressing buttons that give you a little tiny dopamine drip and just the right amount,

just the right amount of challenge and just the right amount, just the right amount of challenge and just the right amount of reward to suck more and more of time that you could be using to build actual relationships, experiencing actual joy with actual people in the world. And that is why I'm going to throw

my PlayStation 5 into the ocean. And even though people everywhere would literally crawl through their friends for one because of the supply chain and Joe Biden, I'm going to throw it in the ocean like Rose did with that fucking diamond to make a point, even though just by getting the

money by selling it at Sotheby's she could have helped literally thousands of people eat. And that's how I feel about that. Also, I do think boys are better at math naturally. And that's how it takes. I'm going to keep looking. Maybe there's something.

Maybe there's something. Oh, there's another one. The Citizen Crime Alert app is useful and good for Paul. We have a bonus one, I guess. Bonus. Hey, look. I don't know if you checked out the window lately, but we live in a hellhole.

And we can't rely on the cops anymore. They're too busy doing cop shit, which is not about protecting and serving. That's right. You think I'm going one way, I'm going the other way. I don't like the cops. What I like is vigilante justice. That's right.

I like hitting an alert on my phone saying, hey, someone got stabbed two blocks from you an hour ago. That to me says, he's still in the area. We need to be the heroes we want to see in the world. That's why when you get an alert that says suspicious activity, get out there.

Get your baseball bat. Get out there. Prowl the streets of your neighborhood. Be suspicious. You want to see suspicious? When do you get a load of me? Out there in my improvised body armor and my ski mask.

Did I design a logo for myself? You bet your ass I did. The logo that says citizen. Give it up for me. One more time for Paul F. Tompkins. Karen Deal, thank you so much. That was incredible. When we come back, we'll end on a high note.

And we're back. All right, let's end on a high note. Is Lena A. out there? Present. Hi, Lena. What's your high note? My high note is that I just passed the California Bar, and I'm going to start...

And I'm currently practicing civil rights law with a specialty in police brutality. Awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. Hi, Lovett. I've been hoping for so long that I would be able to make this call. Today, after a very, very long journey, I was accepted into dental school. I can't believe it. Also, my Spotify rep told me that I spent the equivalent of a 40-hour work week listening to Love It or Leave It this year. Thank you so much for getting me through this stressful

year. And I'm sorry that when I was asked in a dental school interview what my favorite podcast was, I said Pod Save America and not Love It or Leave It. That's probably why they didn't accept me. Is Tiff out there? Hello. What's your high note? I was having a really bad day earlier today, and my clothes wouldn't dry after like five hours, and so I called my dad, and he helped me fix my dryer. Oh, that's nice.

There was a gallon of water in the exhaust line. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But it's good now. But it's good now. Glad we sorted that out. I love it. My name is Lauren, and I am from Ann Arbor, Michigan.

My high note this week is that my best friend, Cassandra, will be cancer-free for five years. I am so incredibly happy that I can be there with her as we celebrate this milestone, and I look forward to many, many more years of friendship. Thank you. Where is Sarah? That's me. I'm right here. Hi, Sarah. What's your high note? My high note this week is that I'm here in LA with a whole bunch of educators and union leaders from around the country. And we're here to put our brains together and figure out how we're going to fight for public education.

Yeah. Let's go to Susan, who's also a teacher, a teacher union president. Hi, what's your high note? My high note tonight is that at our board meeting tonight in Arizona, we had a contentious issue over a banned book. We had more parents show up in support of reading books than banning them. That's awesome.

Yeah. So that's the good news. The bad news is it was Mein Kampf. I'm just kidding. Sort of a mixed one, you know. Hi, John. Phyllis from Port Jeff here. And I want to thank you for the mention in last week's monologue.

Kidding. That's not my name. But I do live in Port Jeff and I'm on the ferry now heading back from seeing my family. My high note is that I seem to have finally found an antidepressant combination that works for me. And it only took the entire pandemic to this point, but it's making a big difference and it gives me hope for how I'll survive and function throughout the rest of it. Thank you for the chance to share. Love the show. Take care. Let's do one more. Where is Dan? Hello. Hi, Dan. What is your high note? My husband and I have been fostering our son since 2019 in the hopes to adopt.

And we finalized adoption on October 29th. So it's the high note of my week, my month, my year. My life. Our life. Thank you, Dan. What a nice high note let's leave it there thanks to everybody

who submitted high notes if you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope call us at 213-262-4427 we'll be using recorded high notes again

in December and into January and that's our show thank you to Kieran Deal and Paul F. Tompkins and everyone who wrote us high notes

or apologized special thanks to Susie Englott and her dad Peter for making this week's song there are 300 to Kieran Deal and Paul F. Tompkins and everyone who wrote us high notes or apologized. Special thanks to Susie Englott and her dad Peter for making this week's song. There are 339 days until the 2022 midterm election. Have a great weekend and see you all next week. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production.

It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our senior producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Jocelyn Kaufman, Pallavi Ganalan, and Peter Miller are the writers. Our associate producer is Brian Semel. Bill Lance is our editor. And Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure.

Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Marissa Meyer, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Nara Melkonian and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman and Matt DeGroot, for filming and editing video each week so you can.