Lovett or Leave It - Bern After Leading

Episode Date: February 23, 2019

Bernie Sanders enters the race, Tucker Carlson can't handle criticism, Trump officials screw with the census, Roger Stone gets put in his place, measles makes a comeback, Amazon skips New York, and Jussie Smollett... well, you know. Emily Heller, Ira Madison III, and Hari Kondabolu join Jon to break down the week's news.

What is up? Oh, I did it again. I said, what is up, Los Angeles? Something I'm trying to stop doing. Ask a whole group of people, what's up? Especially old people, you say? I don't see any old people. Are your parents here?

They do look like baby boomers. Have you been enjoying infrastructure? What's your favorite part about driving on a bridge you're not afraid is going to collapse? I don't know what that's like. The potholes do take out your car. Something that must be new and tiresome for you. We're back at the improv,

but we're going on tour next week. We'll be at the Chicago Theater on February 27th. Tickets are almost gone there, as I mentioned. I don't even care if people buy more at this point. It's a full house. Couple empty seats. Who cares, you know? Same goes for the Orpheum in Madison on March 2nd. But at the Pabst Theater in Milwaukee, got whole sections up there in the balcony. You can really stretch out if you want. Milwaukee. Get it together, all right? You think this is bad.

There are versions of this that play just in Milwaukee. And I go nuts on those people. Shlemiel, shlemazel, shlebuy some tickets. All right. Let's talk about what's been happening this week. A lot has happened. Bernie got in the race. Interesting, interesting. Roger Stone in the race. Interesting.

Interesting. Roger Stone is in such deep shit. If you ever find yourself on the witness stand in federal court and a federal judge turns to you and says why did you put crosshairs on a picture of me?

You have so fucked up. What an asshole. What an absolute asshole. Every once in a while you see something like, oh, it's a Wiccan symbol. It means good luck. He knew what he was doing. And he got caught.

And then his lawyers are like, you fucker. Roger Stone. The worst fucking people. All right. Before we get into all the rest of the week's news, let's take a moment to talk about Jussie Smollett. Yeah. We're going to talk about it.

We're going to talk about it because, first of all, it's 2019, and you're not allowed to not talk about anything. That's how it works. And look, here's the thing. This is difficult, it's hard to talk about, so I wanna get it right. Couple key points.

One, don't order a tuna salad sandwich at Subway. That is the nastiest tuna salad in the game. And it's after midnight. Good God, what time do you think they put that tuna in that mayonnaise? Jussie, tuna salad from a Subway restaurant after midnight. That's what happens in Gremlins. Subway restaurant after midnight. That's what happens in Gremlins. Two, also important, don't fake hate crimes.

And that's, you know, as you say it, maybe should have been number one. I do think it's worth remembering why we care about this incident and what happened and why it feels like an affront to those who supported Jussie Smollett and how it feels like a gleeful little opportunity to some conservatives using it right now and part of this is that we talk about believing victims and every time there's an opportunity for conservatives to suggest that believing victims is a mistake they go whole hog they. They think it's an advantage. They think it's a chance for them to prove that somehow liberals

are getting something wrong. The reason we believe victims, the reason we talk about it is because we're in the middle of a cultural reckoning about tearing down power structures that enforce silence and pain on victims of abuse and injustice. Now, that's new. And what's also new is figuring out what happens in the rare and painful example when that's used against us, which it looks like is what happened here. One crime can't prove that the world is dangerous and one hoax can't prove that the world is safe. One lie doesn't make the next victim less credible. It doesn't make Donald Trump less of a racist or mitigate the rise of white supremacist groups or undo the abuses of the Chicago Police Department

and the attempted cover-up of the murder of Laquan McDonald. It doesn't reverse the 70% increase in hate crimes from 2016 to 2017 that put black people and brown people and gay people and Jewish people and Muslim people in danger. And it doesn't bring back to life the dead black trans women that the media never gave a shit about. I don't know what to do.

What do we do when the news is this shitty? I need some kind of a palate cleanser. What year were you born? Roughly. Give me a ballpark. How about 1955? 1955. That's the year my father was born. She said,

oh, fuck you. And she helped me out of a real jam. That is honestly one of the first times the baby boomer generation has rescued the millennial generation. And I'm so grateful to you for that. All right, let's start the show. Her stand-up special, Ice Thickeners, will be available on Comedy Central's website, app, and YouTube channel on March 8th.

Please welcome back the very funny Emily Heller. How you doing? I'm doing great. I just saw Chris Martin and Jay-Z at a restaurant half an hour ago. So my life's amazing. And I just want you all to know that is also how she said hi upstairs. And she said, that's how I'm starting every conversation. Like if I drop that in the middle of the podcast,

wouldn't you be like, you didn't start with that? Like you'd be mad at me. I respect you and I want you to know it. He's the host of Crooked's beloved podcast, Keep It. Please welcome back Ira Madison III. How you doing? Hi. Did you see any celebrities at dinner?

Uh, no. I am from Milwaukee, though, and I don't appreciate the slander. Can you tell some of those yokels back home to buy some fucking tickets? They would if I was coming. You know what? All that needed was a better line reading,

and we could just do it. But now you've turned it into a fucking dare. If you had just said, you know what, they might, if I came, I'd be like, oh, what a great idea, let's have Ira come, but he did it like a dick.

He's the star of the Netflix special Warn Your Relatives and he'll be touring Charlottesville, Atlanta, Athens, and Asheville this week. The proceeds from his show

in Charlottesville on February 27th will be donated to the Heather Heyer Foundation. Please welcome back Hari Kondabalu. How you doing? I had a massage today, and so I feel not stressed.

I don't feel anxious, but sadly the anxiety is the source of my comedy. So it's going to be slow. Thank you for doing us the solid of lowering our expectations. That's the way I like to start. All right. Let's get into it. What a week. Before we get in, I want to talk about Bernie Sanders getting into the race.

Before we do, I just want to take a moment to talk about this Jesse Smollett situation, which has been sort of blowing up today. Ira, you've been talking about this a lot on Twitter and you've been talking about it a lot for the last few days. What are you feeling now that he's been arrested and that this does seem to be coming apart?

Stressed out? Yeah. I missed a meeting with Lovett today because I was in bed checking Twitter for hours. I mean, it would have been better if you hadn't lied to him and told him that you were sick. I am also on Valium at the moment.

I am sick, so. We've got a very relaxed panel. Hari had the knots worked out of his back. Kyra is on Valium. Emily saw Jay-Z, so she's on Cloud 9. The country's coming apart, but we're good up here. I know that everything that Jesse has said is crazy, but it's also just been crazy to watch how many people online

are very quick in a situation like this to believe everything that the police says particularly the chicago pd a police department that today even was very exploitative in the press conference that they gave talking about how you know they wish that victims of gun violence in chic got as much attention as the Jussie story. I'm like, you murder people, you know, and you cover it up in Chicago every day. So how about you stop the gun violence? And maybe you shouldn't have been leaking every bit of information to reporters throughout

the entire thing. That's why it felt like a media circus. It hasn't felt like any normal investigation. And two, I get that this is a sensational story and a lot of people want to talk about it. But, you know, if you have one black queer friend in your life, maybe don't ask them what they think about it. Just because they've probably been asked about it all day, you know. And it's always going to sting knowing that they don't ask you about those situations when it happens to non-famous people.

Yeah. The only reason why this became a big deal is because most of us didn't doubt it. Like, of course, because this is America. That's a thing that happens. Like, why wouldn't it happen? I mean, that says a lot more about our history

than it does about this incident. And the story sounds crazy, but literally a week before that, Liam Neeson was talking about how he was hunting black men in his city to kill a random person. You know? Like, that's crazy.

And it actually happened. Yeah, if someone tells you they got diarrhea at Del Taco, you're not like, I want to see some more evidence. Right, right. You're like... That's right, that's right. No, that tracks. I feel like too many of you are picturing it. The reason people believed him is that they

had no reason not to believe him. And this was a symbol of something that not only do we believe to be true about the world, but is by any objective standard true. There are hate crimes. They're happening a lot. They are now happening more. They're especially happening to black queer people, black trans women. They are happening to Jewish people. They're happening as a consequence in part of a growing white supremacist movement egged on and influenced and inspired by the current president of the United States. Somebody was arrested today for plotting mass murder against Democratic lawmakers and media figures who are anti-Trump, inspired by the violent rhetoric and the violent spirit of this president's movement that he has been building.

That is real. And so Democrats and liberals latched onto this symbol because it had happened to a famous person and said, look what this represents, something real in the world. And it's also true that I think a number of politicians said, look, this is an opportunity for me to demonstrate that I'm on the right side, that I can talk about this, that I can appeal to people in a way that makes me part of the team. But only because we all believed it was true. The difference, I think, is when now it's being abused by conservatives is it's being used as a symbol for something that isn't true. The idea that this hoax means that there is less of this kind of crime than we otherwise thought when by all accounts, by all metrics,

those crimes are rising, there are more of them. So that's something to keep an eye on. All right. Let's talk about Bernie Sanders. He's a nice old man. He saw a bird. And in all seriousness, my grandfather, Grandpa Dave Simon, he was a World War II vet and a good old-fashioned New York Jewish liberal who just loved working-class liberalism.

And he loved Bernie Sanders. And when he visited me, when I worked in the Senate, he got to see Bernie Sanders give a floor speech. And he thought it was the coolest fucking thing because he thought Bernie Sanders was one of the only people that spoke the truth about what was going on in this country. And I said, ah, grandpa, you're wrong. Hillary's the way to go. Just over 24 hours after announcing his presidential bid, Bernie Sanders has raised $6 million from more than 225,000 donors, his campaign said on Wednesday. That far surpasses what any of his rivals had disclosed raising after their own announcements. But there's a lot more to talk about with Sanders, including how much has changed in the four years since Bernie ran against Hillary. When it comes to Medicare for all, a $15 minimum wage, universal college, he now has a lot of company.

Hari, you're somebody that has been a Bernie fan for a long time. This is a different camp. You know, he's in large part the same, right? He's been saying what he's been saying. But now he's not running against one candidate who a lot of people were looking for an alternative to and who represented a different wing of the party. He's now standing up there with people like Elizabeth Warren and a lot of others who have embraced his policies. Do you think that presents a problem for the logic of his candidacy? I mean, first of all, I wouldn't say I was a Bernie fan. I'm a fan of many of the things he believes.

Like, I'm not, you know, to me, it's not, this whole cult of personality thing is very scary. It wasn't suggesting. You support Bernie's politics. Right, right, right. And I think, but his politics are considerably more left than, let's say, Elizabeth Warren's. I mean, like, you know, Elizabeth Warren has openly

tried to separate herself and said, like, you know, he's a socialist. I believe in markets. So for me, like, I feel mixed about it because on one hand, it feels like for him not to support progressive women running for the presidency. It's like Bernie Sanders pulled the ultimate Bernie bro move. I mean, Emily, so I think there's still this residual online PTSD around the 2016 race, where there's a lot of people who are still harboring some resentments against Bernie. And I think that there are some people that would like to see the

Democrats nominate someone on the left like Bernie who still believe that they are unfairly maligned and unfairly kept out of the party. Do you see that? Do you worry about that? What do you think? I was definitely worried about that coming into the beginning of the primary season. I know there's a lot of sort of baggage around him joining the race. I do think there are definitely some people I've muted on Twitter on both sides of that. So I'm actually seeing less of it now, which is kind of nice. I don't know what to say other than someone please put me in a coma and wake me up when it's over. There haven't been a ton of people who have announced their candidacy that I wouldn't be super excited to vote for. So I'm feeling pretty positive about it. I do think that there are a lot of people who

feel more positive about Bernie this time around, in part because the policies that he was putting forward are more commonly accepted now. He does have a better shot this year, I think, than he would have in 2016 if he were the nominee, because Medicare for all is part of normal conversation in a way that it wasn't before but that being said like I do think that there are a lot of women who had their heart set on one of these female candidates being the nominee that being said oh my god I don't care about anything other than Trump not being president anymore. You know, it's interesting.

Like, I think Dave Weigel, who we had on Pod Save America, talks about this on the campaign trail, this disconnect between what you see in the world and what you see on Twitter. And I think what he has been talking about is what you see is more of that desire, kind of liking a lot of the candidates, not being as beholden to these old divides, and mostly being focused on just beating this guy and thinking that a lot of these people offer a good option in a in a trump bernie election i do wonder though just because there were people who voted for bernie sanders who ended up switching

to trump once he didn't get the democratic nomination it's and has nothing to do with policies as completely to do with this idea of going against the system, creating new rules, someone who's loud and stands out, which is sad because that's not how politics should be discussed. There should be some kind of more of a complicated thing, but we're talking about sloganeering. Bernie Sanders has

that. Sometimes I wonder how any of these policies that he talks about will get through a Congress that isn't as left as he is, who doesn't necessarily agree, who has other unfortunate business interests and all the things that corrupt Washington. He still has to deal with all that. But sometimes I wonder if he actually has a chance only because of that, the fact that he is kind of this anti-establishment candidate who also happens to be in the establishment. But at the same time, if he does get elected, you see how all these awful people have been

empowered by Trump. And whether it's the increase in hate crimes, whether it's everything else that's happening with Sanders, even though perhaps he will not be as effective, I feel like if we do have this opportunity to have him as the president, you're going to inspire a whole generation of people to move in a direction where they see single-payer being a realistic option. A seriously realistic option. Not something that people think, oh, we should try to push this. No, a realistic option. It's a right.

You'll have people saying that four years in college should be paid for by the government. Because you have a president who, like, these are the things he's going to repeat over and over again. Part of me feels like, at this point, we don't have much time left. Like, generally speaking, why are we worried about, like, short gains? It's almost done. The environment's gone to hell. They're trying to redistrict, like, again.

Like, what do we have to lose what i'm saying is we're all gonna die so bleak well i i look i think i do think the question you're raising is what's at the center of this debate and actually i think the place where that debate is happening most is between elizabeth warren and bernie sanders and not a debate between people that they they like each other and i think that there's a legitimate camaraderie on policy and a collegial relationship there. But I think what I mean is not that they're debating it, but it is sort of about two paths

because Elizabeth Warren does support Medicare for all. She has said she's open to, say, getting rid of the filibuster. She has been a leader on these economic issues for her entire career. I mean, she has been talking about these issues in a way that a lot of Democrats have spent the last few years catching up to. And she was there first, she was there on bankruptcy, she's been there on a host of issues her whole career,

and yet there is this divide between Bernie calling for revolution and the way Elizabeth Warren is straddling the establishment and the left and saying, I am the Bernie of the non-Bernie wing, in a sense. I am the left version that you can get behind that's not a revolution, in a sense. We know what we'd each want from a president, but I think what the hardest thing is to know is, what do we think the country wants? What is the country open to? Is it true, this idea that Bernie

was the person that those Trump people that were looking for an alternative, looking to tear the system down, would have voted? Did we make a mistake? Were we wrong in that fundamental calculus in 2016? And does that still apply now? And I think it's just hard to say. It just is. One thing I'm hopeful about is I do think that it's not lost on anyone

that no matter who the nominee is, the other candidates and their supporters are going to have to unify in a way that like it's just I think people understand how important that is now I understand what's at stake in a way that we maybe didn't in 2016 right now everyone is playing very nice and there's an understanding and they're talking to other on Twitter in a very friendly way and there's an understanding that we are one team and I I do think though as you move on as you go forward and you have more and more people

in the field, one candidate will see an opportunity in going after another candidate. Somebody who needs a way up is going to reach up and grab somebody and use their body like a ladder. You know, it's coming. But, you know, just to plug, if you go to votesaveamerica.com slash unify, we are launching with Swing Left a fund

that you can donate to that will go to the eventual nominee because all of the because whoever the nominee is uh we want right one thing that is also going to happen is that over the next year they're going to be spending a ton of money to try to win the nomination kind of against each other in this intra-democratic debate and the only thing trump and the coke brothers are going to be doing is raising money and getting ready to kind of unleash hell on whoever this nominee is and i think think the good, to Emily's point, the good news is I think right now everybody seems to understand that because the fucking stakes are total. All right. When we come back, OK Stop.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. And we're back! Now it's time for a game called OK Stop. We'll roll a clip in the panel. What's going on with these dings? Unbelievable. Can't even see who's not wanting to look at me.

Cover your face, Alisa. Press that space bar. All right, I don't know. We'll roll a clip and the panel can say, okay, stop at any point to comment. Liberals. They're snowflakes looking for safe spaces who need trigger warnings before anyone challenges their belief system. Not like Tucker Carlson, who can deal with being challenged on his program. Let's take a listen to one segment he recently cut from his show.

Let's watch this very low-quality video. The issue really is one of corruption and of people being bribed and of not talking about the real issues. What the Murdochs basically want you to do is to scapegoat immigrants instead of talking about tax avoidance. So I'm glad you're now finally raising the issue. But that's what's been happening for the past couple

of years. Uh-huh. And I'm taking orders from the Murdochs? Is that what you're saying? No, I mean, it doesn't work that directly. Okay, stop. I love that. I love that. Like, no, obviously I'm not saying you're, like, taking orders from me, but the money comes from the Murdochs. You take the money, then you do what the Murdochs want.

Yeah, it's obvious. It's obvious to everybody. Like, no, obviously, the Murdochs don't call you up and say, here's your orders. You're part of a very, an elaborate latticework of corruption that starts from the Murdochs and slowly wins its way down through a vast system of corporate influence and money that eventually lines your pockets and creates an incentive structure that encourages you to take certain positions and not others. And one of those positions is to talk about immigrants

instead of talking about the real cause of the problems of the American middle class. Indirectly, obviously. Are you sure that there isn't just, like, one of those, like, little receipt things, like, at a restaurant, that, like, the Murdochs type something in and then, like, the Fox News headquarters, like, a ticket comes up and that's... type something in and then like the Fox News headquarters

like a ticket comes up and that's, I'm not sure it's not that direct. Order up. Yeah, you know, it's funny. One of the things of the last couple years is, you know, I feel like

the naive view is supposed to be like there's internecine super secret cabals plotting crimes inside the White House. Then the sophisticated view is, they're just dopes trying to make it their way. They're not actually doing that. But then the one level up, super sophisticated galaxy brain is like, nope, crimes in the Oval,

explicit, happening constantly. And like, yeah, yeah, that's what it's like. Every time we see a Don Jr. email, it's like, dear criminal mastermind, it's me, your friend Don. Let's do the crimes today. What time's good for you? If you're a cop, you have to tell me.

You've been part of the Cato Institute, right? You've been a senior fellow there for years. You've been taking their dirty money. They're funded by coke billionaires, you know? It's true, right? It's true, right? That all the anchors... Okay, stop.

I just... I love the idea that Tucker Carlson is back in his studio just muttering and the only thing that translated was moron. On Fox. They're all millionaires. How is this possible? Well, it's very easy.

You're just not talking about certain things. Fox doesn't even play where you are. Okay, stop. I like that. Wait till he finds out about the internet. Yeah. Fox doesn't even play where you are. How do you know?

She doesn't even go to this school. play where you are. How do you know? She doesn't even go to this school. Play where you are. Well, have you heard of the internet? I can watch you. Okay, stop. That's great. That's great. That's it.

That's the moment he found out. Yeah. You're a millionaire funded by billionaires, and that's the reason why you're not talking about these issues. But I am talking about these issues. Yeah, only now. Come on, you jumped the bandwagon. You're all like, oh, I'm against the globalist elite, blah, blah, blah.

It's not very convincing, to be honest. Okay, stop. I fucking love this guy. Look at this Dutch guy coming in here showing the two-ton balls and who's boss. here showing the two Tucker Carlson who's boss. What I love about this is that it's being recorded from, you know, Dutchland. I don't know where that is. Amsterdam.

Right. And so it's not on his show because when it's edited, you can never hear one of his guests speaking because he's just yelling over them. Yeah, he just cut this segment. Here, you know, it's right here. You can finally hear what one of his guests speaking, because he's just yelling over them. Yeah, he just cut this segment. Here, you know, it's right here. You can finally hear what one of his guests is saying. Tucker Carlson's just like a low din in the background of this clip. It's the reverse of his show.

And he usually brings on people who aren't smart, that he can yell over and argue with. And that's why, it's just very funny. You tiny brains, and I hope this gets picked up because you're a moron. I tried to give you a hearing, but you were too f***ing annoying. Okay, stop. Give you a hearing.

It's so funny to get so frustrated on your own show. Shut up. And that's okay, stop. When we come back, we're going to play a game about the census. Ooh. It's a whole lot of your butts. Don't go anywhere.

This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! A lot of folks think politics isn't sexy, that it's just not exciting enough to get young people involved. Well, these folks have obviously never heard of the United States Census. We all love the census. We all love the census. Everybody is tweeting and storing and TikTok-ing about the census. But you know who hates that? The Trump administration. So in March of last year, Commerce Secretary and applesauce enthusiast Wilbur Ross announced that the 2020 census would

include a question about citizenship for the first time in more than 50 years. Ross added this question he claimed at the request of the DOJ against the wishes of the attorneys and the Census Bureau's own researchers. The DOJ stated reason to help them enforce the Voting Rights Act. Ah yes, voting rights champion Jeff Sessions. Here he comes riding up to protect our votes with his very special pointy white vote protectingprotecting hat. Thank you. Thank you. A former head of the Civil Rights Division of the DOJ said that the decision was plainly a ruse to collect that data

and ultimately to sabotage the census. The addition of this question could lower the response rate for immigrants, both legal and undocumented, out of fear that the government will use that information to target them for deportation or investigation. A survey in September of 2017 showed that immigrants already had more fears about the census since Trump took office, and people of color were already underrepresented. The 2010 census neglected to count more than 1.5

million minorities. So this is bad for people of color because the census data is used to allocate almost $700 billion in federal funding. This money goes towards schools, hospitals, housing, road, transportation, and social programs like Medicaid and food stamps. A lot of conservatives have used drunk uncle logic to say, why would you be scared to answer a question if you have nothing to hide? And to highlight how wrong they are,

we're going to play a game called The Census, more like Come to Your Census, which is a pun we have used before, but whatever, game. Here's how it works. The panelists will ask me questions that I have never seen before. This is real.

And I have to answer honestly, and we're going to see how easy it will be to intimidate me into not participating in this census anymore. Fuck. This is real. I don't know what the questions are. Since I am a privileged white guy,

we adjusted the questions to attempt to intimidate me personally. I get three passes before I lose, and the census is ruined, and conservatives control the House of Representatives for a generation. Emily, you want to kick us off? Very badly. Oh my God.

I'm just picking which one. I don't have to go in order, right? I can start with the... When you leave a room, what are you most scared that people say about you? I'm going to answer this one. Thank you for that question. I am most scared

that everyone is going to say that I am secretly a buffoon. Everybody indulges. End of thought. I can neither confirm nor deny that. All right, Alisa getting some vengeance with the dings. Ira, you're up.

Have you ever done cocaine with Aaron Sorkin? No. No follow-up. Did you suggest Elizabeth Warren take a DNA test? I asked the question. I asked the question

because I was stupid. Who paid for your college education? Oh, my parents did. My parents did. Do you think 1600 Penn was a good show? Yes. Fuck you, fuck you, yes.

Whose professional success are you most jealous of? Pass. Is it because I'm right here? Did I lose? I lost? Did you ever talk shit about Obama when you worked at the White House? Only in the most loving way.

How much more money do you make than Travis? Pass, pass, end of game. I win, I lose, I don't care. That's, what's the name of this fucking game? That's the census, more like come to your census, which is a pun we have used before, but whatever, game. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

When we come back, we're going to play a game about anti-vaxxers. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Fashion has a way of working in cycles. Just when something seems like it's dead, boom, it comes back into style. Like overalls or ugly dad sneakers or measles. The measles are back.

And all of us 90s kids remember the measles. As of last week, over 270 people have been infected with measles. In the outbreak that started last fall, there have been cases in New York, Texas, Washington, and Oregon. The disease had been eradicated from the U.S. as of 2000. Those outbreaks are happening only in places that allow non-medical vaccine exemptions. As we all know, vaccines do not cause autism. That is a long debunked myth. And yet the misinformation persists.

Thanks to misinformation on Facebook and high profile celebrity skeptics, lots of seemingly well-meaning folks find themselves doubting the need for vaccines. In fact, so many celebrities are skeptical of vaccines. We don't think you'll be able to tell who is and who isn't. We are calling anti-vaxxer or dancing with the stars. Would anybody out there like to play the game? Hi, what's your name? Katie. Katie, do you know that

vaccines have prevented at least 10 million deaths worldwide just between 2010 and 2015? I do. Did you know that the measles vaccine alone has saved more than 20 million lives since the year 2000? I do now. Cool.

I'm going to say the name of a celebrity, and you will have to decide if it's an anti-vaxxer or if they were on Dancing with the Stars. All right? Okay. Are you ready? Yep. Here we go. Adam Carolla. Vaxxer.

Nope. Dancing with the Stars. Misha Barton. Stars. Dancing with the Stars. Correct. Alicia Silverstone. Stars. Anti-vaxer. Nope. Dancing with the Stars. Misha Barton. Stars. Dancing with the Stars. Correct. Alicia Silverstone. Stars.

Anti-vaxxer. Jenny McCarthy. Vaxxer. Correct. Lance Bass. Stars. Yeah. Paula Deen.

Ooh. Stars. Got it. Marla Maples. Oh. Cool. Vaxxer. Nope.

Dancing with the Stars. Billy Corgan. Stars. Andy Vaxxer. Alex Jones. Stars. No, Andy Vaxxer. Could you imagine? No, I was going to...

Snooki. Stars. Correct. Jim Carrey. By way of Jenny McCarthy. Andy Vaxxer. You already got it wrong. Too slow. Stars. Correct. Jim Carrey. Ooh, by way of Jenny McCarthy. Anti-vaxxer. You already got it wrong. Too slow.

Robert Schneider. Stars. Anti-vaxxer. Rick Perry. Stars. Correct. Chuck Norris. Vaxxer.

Correct. Charlie Sheen. Both? No, anti-vaxxer. Didn't get the stars nod. Robert De Niro. Stars. No, he's an anti-vaxxer. He produced an anti-vaxxer. Didn't get the stars nod. Robert De Niro. Stars. No, he's an anti-vaxxer.

He produced an anti-vax documentary. RFK Jr. That's gross. Well, vaxxer. Yep. Tony Braxton. Stars. Both.

Kirstie Alley. Scientology. Both. Doug Flutie. I don't know who that is. Stars. Is he an athlete? Some sort of sportsman?

Yeah, he's a quarterback. Both. Kristen Cavallari. Oh, gosh. Stars. Both. Shut up. Wow.

Man. I liked the hills, the Laguna Beach. I liked it. Too bad. Katie, you've won the game, I guess. Thank you. Give it up for Katie. She'll get a parachute gift card.

I did not need to know that about Tony Braxtor. I didn't know that either. I learned it from the card myself. Do you think Jim Carrey actually is an anti-vaxxer, or do you think he just said that to Jenny McCarthy? Like, that was his move. You know, I think vaccines cause move. You know, I think vaccines cause autism.

You know, I was just... You want to get out of here? I say let the other kids protect our kids. When we come back, the rant wheel. Don't go anywhere. Love it or leave it, there's more on the way. And we're back!

Now it's time for the rant wheel. You know how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We talk about the topic. This week on the wheel we have insta-gays. Bones are organs? Question mark. Mangoes. Snitching on Malia Obama,

the Oscars having no host, the first mammal going extinct from climate change, people in LA complaining about the cold, and Amazon HQ2. Let's spin the wheel. We have landed on the Oscars having no host, which I do believe is giving up. Especially when you are available.

I'm sitting here. What, did I send an embossed invitation? Is it like a sword in the stone thing where someone could just get on stage and claim it? I think what happens is, I think you pull a sword out of a stone, and if any racist tweets come out, you're not it. Let's spin it again

it is it is landed on bones our organs? question mark I believe one of the first question rants and I think you know who suggested it it was me I didn't actually mean for there to be a question mark I said question rants, and I think you know who suggested it. It was me. I didn't actually mean for there to be a question mark.

I said, can I do a rant wheel about how bones are organs? But it belongs there, nevertheless. Did you guys know that bones are organs? What?

Because I found this out two weeks ago, and I haven't slept since. I'm not okay with this information. Google it if you want, but just know that it's true because I immediately Googled it because I was very upset.

My husband, who works on this show, told me and he very often tells me facts that make me upset because he's a rigorous person. And I, not like, what? Not like that. Just like he believes in the truth, which I do not. Because I don't want to live in a world where my bones are organs.

They're hard. They're not soft. Organs are soft. But it turns out, you guys, pretty much every part of your body is an organ. Your blood is an organ. No one's going to sleep ever again. I don't know what to do about this.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just want know what to do about this. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just want to relate to people that sometimes there's information that makes you really uncomfortable and you have to make peace with that. I refuse to do that with this. So a skull is an organ on top of an organ? It's part of an organ system called your skeleton. What?

How come they didn't teach us this? Didn't we all take... Because they knew it would be too upsetting. It's the same reason they don't really teach us about slavery. It's not the same reason. We spent so much time... We spent so much time talking about the mitochondria,

the powerhouse of the cell, and that has never come up. Here's my current theory. They did teach us about it, and it was so upsetting that we all blacked it out. Let's spin it again. Oh, wow. It has landed on mangoes.

Suggested by Hari. Yeah, what a coincidence. I have a bunch of notes here. I just so happen to have a bunch of notes on this topic. The mangoes we get in this country are crap, and you should know that. They're not good mangoes, okay? All the mangoes, they come from the Indian subcontinent, that particular

region. All the plants for these mangoes were brought to various places, and of course, in the US, in Florida, they don't have the soil to deal with the good mangoes, so the mangoes we get are rubbish. Fucking Tommy Atkins mangoes named after a farmer

named Tommy Atkins. And they're garbage. The best mangoes in the world are the Alfonso mangoes named after a Portuguese explorer. Not going to get into it. The joke's on my Netflix special. Now, I feel like those mangoes this is America. If we're the best, how come we don't I feel like those mangoes, like, this is America.

If we're the best, how come we don't have Alfonso mangoes? I'll tell you why. The U.S. government banned them back in the 80s because of some issue with pesticide use, which is bullshit. It was a way to protect their markets.

At the end of Bush Jr.'s presidency, he tried to bring the mango back as a sign of goodwill towards the presidency. He tried to bring the mango back as a sign of goodwill towards the Indians. But then where are the mangoes? Why haven't I seen these mangoes? And how come when I go online, they're $100 for six? Do you know why?

Do you know why? Because it's expensive to fly the mangoes in. Because if you bring them on a ship, it takes five, six days. By then, the mangoes are no good, so you've got to them. That costs money. Also, apparently, the USDA has stupid rules about gamma radiation. You need to radiate them with gamma, and India only has two gamma radiation things, and as a result, like, it takes forever for the mangoes to even be certified USDA approved. As if Americans know shit about mangoes.

And as a result, we don't get the Alfonso and I don't understand why our tax dollars aren't subsidizing these planes to bring these mangoes. You have no idea what you're missing. I'm talking about ambrosia.

I am talking about the nectar of the gods. You know nothing. You know nothing. So you're telling me the mangoes I'm eating day to day, my morning mango. You're telling me that the

morning mango I eat and think is good. You're telling me I've not really even had a good mango. Man, they're all like, ugh. They're just wiry. They're not smooth. They're not juicy the way an Indian mango of any quality is. One thing that I always found fascinating is, so the banana that we eat all the time, the Cavendish banana, is a replacement banana for a different banana that went extinct.

The mall, the, anybody know it? Any one person in this room to know it? I always might say grand mall, but that's a kind of seizure. It's not the grand mall banana, but it's close. Gross Michelle. Thank you. Yes. All right.

So, you know that song, Yes, We Have No Bananas? We Have No Bananas Today? Bop, bop, bop. That's a song about how they were running out of the Gross Michelle banana. And then everyone's like, oh, no, the only good banana is going away because the Cavendish was like disgusting to them compared to the delicious and wonderful and hearty Gross Michelle. But then the Gross Michelle goes away because of a kind of fungus that spreads from banana to banana.

And then all of a sudden, the only bananas we've ever had, the Cavendish banana, was, for a previous generation, a piece of shit. Boomers. Fucking baby boomers. Something else you ruined,

although it's before your time. It's before your time. It's your grandparents that killed the Grosse Michelle. To your point, let's spin it again. I had to set... I like mango Snapple.

Oh, Hari, that's a really good question. What kind of mango do they use in the mango Snapple? Let's move on. It has landed on Instagaze, and I think we know where that came from. Yeah, you.

Far be it for me to defend these people, but there was an article today on some website. Washington Post? Somewhere. I don't know. Anyway, it was about how Instagaze are making people like their bodies feel bad and lowering people's self-esteem. And I was unaware that like they were holding people at gunpoint and making them follow them. I do not have a problem with hot people with no other skills making money selling protein water.

I want everyone to get a check. That's it. Don't want to look at hot people? Don't look at hot people. Do you draw the line if they have other skills? Like if they post a picture of them like shirtless and also like spinning a basketball on their finger they shouldn't get paid well i mean like there are a lot of hot basketball players so

no but like people who are like hot lawyers or scientists they make me angry. It's like, do your job and stay out of Equinox. You make me uncomfortable when I'm there. Spending my money at Equinox. If only Equinox would give me a free membership. Equinox. It's a great gym. Spin it again. Stop it. It has landed on Amazon HQ2.

H2Q? I fucking hate this whole thing. Amazon being like, I'm sorry, New York. You were mean to us at a community meeting. And so now we're going to take our $25,000 to a different city because we didn't like how you made us feel. Like, you are a multi-net. You are the biggest company. You are the store.

The one store. And a couple people were yelled at you at a community meeting because New York has Jeff Bezos $3 billion to do what he would have done anyway. They're like, no, this is too mean. We want to feel welcome. We don't feel invited anymore. We feel like we were a bubble invite to this wedding.

And we think you're going to put us by the speakers, so we're not going. We're Amazon. Our founder is very tough when it comes to dick pics, but very very soft when it comes to these local politics issues. He takes a very strong and kind of cool moral stance when it comes to protecting his own privacy,

but when some people in Long Island City are worried about what's going to happen to the 7 train, you're all like, meh. AOC was too mean to us. We're Amazon. Also, a piece of the 7 train like came off today oh god do you see that on Twitter like part of a track

fell off and like impaled a car do you know that that's actually how the J line a piece of 7 fell off and then instead of

cleaning it up they were like that's the J now. Yeah. Yeah, you soft L.A. people. I can make New York jokes. And also, it's really sad about that rat that went extinct. This cute little rat, little rat,

sitting down in Australia. They all got swept out to sea. No more rats because of climate change. Are rats good for us? They're great. That little adorable little rat digging around and rooting around thinking I hope I'm not the last one. I'm getting mixed signals

about how you feel about New York. Because you've been very anti the metro but very pro-rat. Yeah. So, I think... Do you love those rats on the subway? I think rats have a lot in common with teenagers. One is harmless.

A lot of them are terrifying. That being said... It's true. They make fun of you at the movies. They do. They still do. One can be scary if you think it means a bunch are about to come.

Like a rat king. You know how teenagers get tangled in a ball sometimes? Here's the point. This show's off the rails. Any other topics out there? You people think it's cold in L.A.? You soft little, you soft L.A. people.

Actually, it snowed by the Hollywood sign. My problem with the snow in L.A. people are people who keep tweeting, it's snowing in L.A. And they live in like Encino. It's not snowing in L.A. County. I think it's snowing in Valencia, guys. Bad weather's good for you, right? That's how you build personality.

Like, you know, a lot of this Los Angeles area sucks. People are boring. But if you have bad weather, you have to deal with not going outside and having to talk to other people and building a personality that is interesting. That's what people say about bullying. Here's the thing.

You're just a little rat and you're wandering around on your little island and all of a sudden you're like, it's been a really long time since I've seen anyone I know. Is this about the extinct rat? Is this just me?

Am I the only... No. I mean, crazy. I must have seen... When is the last time I saw Jack? Am I the last of my kind? And that's our show. I want to thank Emily Heller, Ira Madison, Hari Kondabolu, and Nancy Pelosi.

Thank you all for being here for a very loose Love It or Leave It. And have a great night. Thank you.