Lovett or Leave It - Big Little Lies with a Smokey Eye

Episode Date: June 15, 2019

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is OUT and collusion is IN. Adam Conover, Megan Gailey, and Demi Adejuyigbe join Jon to break down the latest 2020 news, Trump's oddly staged interview with George Stephanopoulos, the insane pay gap in women's sports, our national housing crisis, and a new video game from George R. R. Martin, the world's greatest procrastinator. As Meryl once said on Big Little Lies, "I can't complain. Actually, I can."

Good evening, Los Angeles. thrown off by the fact that the stool I normally put the drink on has run from the stage faster than Republicans being asked about what Trump said to George Stephanopoulos. I'm in a mood. So, Love It or Leave It is off next week. We'll be back the week after for a post-debate show.

There is new Love It or Leave It is off next week. We'll be back the week after for a post-debate show. There is new Love It or Leave It merch, including T-shirts, some... We decided to make a bunch of things that say, let's get into it, that you use to get into things. Bottle openers. Letter openers. What were you going to suggest? No key. That doesn't make any sense

you can't just ship people uncut keys I guess you could crowbars the little explosive things that they use to get into bank vaults underwear raunchy store.crooked.com Underwear? Underwear? Mmm, raunchy. Store.crooked.com.

Pod Save America will be at the Greek Theatre on August 17th. We'll be doing a big Pod Save America show with Jemele Hill, Amanda Seals, Best Coast, Jim James, and more. Proceeds from the show will be donated to organizations fighting to protect the vote across America. So we're gonna try to raise a bunch of money at The Greek, and that's going to be a very fun show. You can get tickets for that at crooked.com slash the Greek. All right. Before we get to our show, I also do want to say thank you to a tremendous press secretary who today she announced she was no longer going to be at the job. Guys, everybody give it up for Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Here's someone who came to work every single day.

And she said, you know what? I don't care that I work for a world historic liar and racist. I'm going to come into this office. I'm going to put on my suit. I'm going to get fucking ready. I'm going to cancel that briefing. I'm going to come into this office. I'm going to put on my suit. I'm going to get fucking ready. I'm going to cancel that briefing.

And then you know what? I'm going to finish this day out. I'm going to go home. I'm going to rosé myself to sleep to stop the little patter of voices. Then I'm going to wake up. I'm going to go to work. I don't care what the naysayers say. I'm going to wake up. I'm going to go to work. I don't care what the naysayers say. I'm going to cancel

that briefing all over again. And we're going to go 95 days in a row without a briefing. Do you know why? I'll tell you why. Because I'm Sarah Huckabee Sanders and what I do is indefensible. I'm Sarah Huckabee Sanders, damn it. I'm going to make up shit in a briefing,

then be confronted by it under oath, and then say, I know. Just came from up here. Because I'm Sarah Huckabee fucking Sanders. And you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to Arkansas. I'm going to keep this fucking party going. I'm going to run for governor of Arkansas.

You know why? I'll tell you why. There's no fairness in this system anymore. There's nothing. There's just the worst people in the world being rewarded for their terrible, despicable behavior again and again and again. Thank you. That was all taken from the new forward to Sean Spicer's paperback copy of his book. Let's start the show. We have a great show for you guys tonight. Very excited about our panel.

We have a bunch of love it or leave it returning champions. That's how you know you're in for a good show. She's a stand-up comedian and one of the hosts of Crooked Media's Hysteria. Please welcome back Megan Gailey. Hi, Megan. Hello. How are you? I'm going to miss her.

Sarah? Just the collective joy we get out of hating her. And I know we'll hate a new person, but she gave us a lot. I will say, there's something I do appreciate about Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and I'll tell you what it is. Sean Spicer's face and his delivery, his intonation,

it was caught in the space between what he thought being White House Press Secretary would be and what being Trump's White House Press Secretary actually is. He existed in a kind of, what did Catholics invent to not worry about hell? Purgatory. I don't know. I don't know. Whatever. Yeah. Purgatory. It's like he was limbo. That's what I was trying to think of. Limbo.

Is that also a Catholic thing? They're the same. Purgatory and limbo are the same. Is that also a Catholic thing? They're the same. Pat, purgatory and limbo are the same. Can we still buy indulgences? Where are we on indulgences? That seemed fucking sick. Ended in 1530. Ended in 1530.

Thank you so much. By the way, this economy keeps going the way it's going. They'll be back. Yeah, the Koch brothers are in the market for some indulgences. Yeah, the Koch brothers are in the market for some indulgences. His face lives in this space where he can't believe what he has to say, but he's also, is he angry at them or is he angry at himself? Who's he angry at?

I'm angry. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to live in this halfway place where everything I do is supposed to be cool and I'm in the cool office but there's a fucking asterisk. That's him all the time kind of bubbling. Not Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Just can fucking look you right in the eyes and say, Trump hates

racism. Next question. That's amazing. That's an amazing skill. That's like the next level of like, you know, in the Matrix, when they upgraded? She's an upgrade.

He's written for James Corden, The Good Place, and he's the host of the very popular podcast, Gilmore Guys. Please welcome Demi Adjou... Please welcome Demi Adjou... Just come on. It's cool.

I just go by Demi now. I want you to know something. Okay. I practice saying by Demi now. I want you to know something. Okay. I practiced saying your name so many fucking times before this show so that when you came out here, I would just say it and it would be fucking clean and beautiful. And I panicked and blew it. It's the effort that matters. And now my intro is long as hell and it feels like I'm getting even more than I would have gotten if you got it right.

That's cool. Yeah. How did you eBay? Do you want a helpful guide? I have it written here. He didn't even confirm that that was correct. I wrote it out. Yeah.

Yeah. And here's how I worked it out. Did the Jew buy it on Amazon? Ah, did you eBay? Ah, did you eBay? I've often told people the same thing without using the Jewish part. Just be like, oh, did you eBay? So here's where the Jew came from in here is I didn't want to say, I didn't want to

say, ah, did you eBay? Because I thought that there was a J sound in there, just a slight J sound. Yeah. So I wanted the Jew to buy it. No, yes. How did you eBay? No, it was me saying, that is correct. I can't say that. Oh, I see. Yeah. So I wanted the Jew to buy it. No, it was saying it was me saying that is correct. I can't say that. Oh, I see. Yeah. I was just I was like, here's my Gentile version.

Demi, welcome. Thank you. So nice to be here. Hello, everybody. Earlier, I was standing back in the room and I kind of zoned out. And when you said give it up for Sarah Sanders, I was like, in the room and I kind of zoned out and when you said, give it up for Sarah Sanders, I was like, whoa, what a get. That would be cool. Yeah. Listen, we extended the offer to Sean Spicer once before.

The day Sarah Huckabee Sanders leaves that podium, she will get an email from someone at Crooked Media offering the same chance that they won't take. He's the host of the show Adam Ruins Everything on TruTV and just launched his brand new podcast, Factually. Please welcome back Adam Conover. Hi, Adam.

I can't believe you pronounced my name correctly. Incredible. He did it from the mirror for a while. I nailed it. All right, let's get into it. Purgatory is for people who... Yes, tell me. ...died before the birth of Christ

and other sort of loopholes. Limbo's for babies. Unbaptized babies go to limbo. They're two different places. I'm not Catholic. I just know that. He said this in the back of the room, but he said it where he just leaned over and went, Limbo's for babies. And I thought he was just being like,

purgatory's where the cool kids go. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Dude, we're in middle school now. No one goes to limbo anymore. It's for babies. So, who takes care of them? Who takes care of the babies in limbo?

I think they just... I'm not a priest, but I think they just sort of float around in like a ghostly void. Just kind of like... But are they babies? Yeah, they're babies the whole time.

Is there like an age cutoff? Like two? Once you're potty trained, you go to purgatory? And do you continue? If they're not baptized, they haven't been baptized. But like,

what counts as a baby? Oh. I'm just picturing a big cloud, just babies. Untended. It's the Gerber farm. Someone's got to send the Ghostbusters, you know what I mean? I'm just picturing a big cloud, just babies. Untended. It's the Gerber farm.

Someone's got to send the Ghostbusters, you know what I mean? Trap all those babies. None of this is real. What are you booing? There's no real babies to be sad about. Now, hold on. We are three levels deep into a completely incomprehensible hypothetical in which at the very last moment a Ghostbuster is introduced and you're like, shame on you.

Who gives a shit? Trump is president. Pay attention. Let's get into it. What a week. We are two weeks away from the very first Democratic primary debate. Yeah.

Guys, we're fucking in it now. It's no, 2020 isn't coming. The primaries aren't ahead of us. We're not gearing up for the primaries. We're fucking in it. It's happening. They're talking. There's a lot of candidates, more than we need, and they're out there.

Mayor Pete gave a foreign policy address. Bernie gave a speech about democratic socialism. That did work on me. Biden, it did. You start quoting 1936 FDR, I'm on the hook. 1936 FDR is my sexual orientation. Really is. We're actually also seeing movement in the polls.

First, over the weekend, Ann Seltzer's famously accurate Des Moines Register poll came out with 24% saying Biden is their first choice, down from 32%. In December, Bernie comes in at 16, with Warren at 15, and Buttigieg at 14. This trend was repeated in a Nevada poll, showing Biden with a lead, but with Warren outperforming Bernie, I believe for the first time. An LA Times poll showed a tight race in California with Biden at 22, Warren at 18, Bernie at 17, with Kamala at 13, and Mayor Pete at 10. As we fight over which candidate will be our choice to fail at passing the Green New Deal,

a new Quinnipiac poll... You know what? That is still best-case fucking scenario. A new Quinnipiac poll found that every major Democratic candidate is polling better than Trump nationally, with Biden doing the best, followed by Bernie, Kamala, and Warren. Reminder, incumbents have lost 14% of the time in the last century, so everybody keep your heads on a fucking swivel. Megan.

The polls show Buttigieg and Warren are rising Bernie and Biden have gone down a little bit what do you make of that? I keep thinking about something you actually said I love it so far I know about we have candidates in our heart and a candidate that our head is like, this is who could win.

And I think we've all started to merge those, hopefully, and look around and go, okay, if we all love Elizabeth Warren, then we can all get Elizabeth Warren elected if that's what we all want to do. I know, this is the first time I've given this early, and I have given to her because she ignites something in me, and when I hear other people clap,

it makes me be like, okay, I'm not alone. And for some reason, that is important to me be like okay I'm not alone uh and for some reason that is important to me because I thought I was alone because people you know bring up Pocahontas all the time and it's like yeah I thought I was Ariel you know so like can we give her a pass we've all been a Disney princess for Halloween let's look the other way on that and bond together and give her money because she can't take it from anyone else and hope we can propel her haircut to the top.

Debbie, Booker, Kamala, Beto, Klobuchar, they all round out the next tier down. What do you make of where they're at? Do you think any one of them can use these debates as a chance to kind of make a case? Do you think we're missing a frontrunner from this group or missing somebody that should move up? I feel like the current frontrunner is just like in the sense of people being like, I am so fucking burnt out on this. I'll do whatever is easiest. It's being like, well, I recognize the name Biden. Let's go with that.

And everyone's just kind of like checked out but it feels like of the people who seem to actively try to be involved in that there's like an upswing for people like uh Warren and for Sanders and it feels like everyone slowly has just been kind of like look we'll focus on these few candidates and everyone else it's like if you make it cool I'm not worrying about you until we're past this it's like everyone's just got mental space for three people then it's like Booker's still in this okay uh that's I truly every time i see his name in the news i'm just like the rosario dawson guy you're still doing this okay but i it's like he dated rosario dawson that's what's notable about him to me i don't know what he's doing politically

um klobuchar was uh mean to people at one point yes okay Beto had a really weird cover on a magazine and Buttigieg there was a picture going around of him yeah okay you guys like Buttigieg the last thing of him in my mind is there was a picture going around on twitter

where he looked like he was floating and I thought that was weird and that's it everything else my brain is like ah what's he up to? So I just feel like mentally I'm so focused on these top three. The bottom zone, I'm just kind of like, you're all not really going to make it unless something changes either to sink those top candidates or to make you seem like a better choice. Because it does feel like we had a bunch of vanity candidates for so long of just like, you know, this guy, he's exciting. We all kind of love him.

And then it's like when they didn't stick around or like stick to their guns on certain things, we just kind of went, oh, well, there's someone better. So you'll go on like fourth on the list if we really need you. Yeah. I mean, part of the problem is, right, that running for president is kind of a good gig in terms of star building, right? Like that's clearly part of it. So is there just some kind of, like, party or event,

like, you know, a debate that we can put them on where it's like, okay, now you got your big star turn and everybody quits except for the top four after this because it's, you know, you got what you want. Now get out of here. You know what I mean? It's celebrity jeopardy. Yeah, yeah. As opposed to, like, we all took the test.

It's like, all right right an agent made a call howard schultz was like i'm bored they're all showing up to get their picture taken and on the step and repeat you know what i mean and that's fine but after a point it's like a you know it's a log jam at least howard schultz had the decency to hurt his back and take opiates and say barts you know realizing what you just said, I would like to take this moment to announce my candidacy for president. So, Adam, we have these debates coming up. In the Republican primary in 2016, each debate was an opportunity for another candidate

to kind of have a moment and basically rise out, get the light and heat from the evil eye of the media, and then just crack, like, a poorly made vase in a kiln, you know? Right. Like, just like, oh, wow, you've sexually harassed people and you're insane. Okay, adios. lie of the media and then just crack like a poorly made vase in a kiln you know right uh like just just like oh wow you've sexually harassed people and you're insane okay adios or actually no you're the insane sexual harasser who gets to be president fuck okay uh i made way through the analogy realized things were worse than i thought uh but uh you were about to have these debates. There will be 20 people over two nights,

some of whom are people who are in the top tier of these. Some are people with an incredibly long shot of being president. What do you think Bill de Blasio has to do? End of question. He's got to bring Pizza Rat to the debate. If Pizza Rat shows up, that's worth a few points. Bill de Blasio's candidacy makes the least sense because people in New York don't like him.

He's got like, what does he have, like a 20% approval rating in New York? A poll came out, I believe, this week that showed that in New York City, Bill de Blasio currently has a lower approval rating than Donald Trump. Wow! Yeah! This guy just held his hands like he saw a car hit a bird. That's a feat.

Yeah, because his approval rating is low amongst every category, and Trump's is low amongst every category, but Republicans. Yeah. And so Donald Trump... Everybody hates de Blasio in New York. Everybody hates him.

People spit on him as he walks down the street. It's weird. Why does he still keep doing it? I don't know. I don't know. People spit on me when I walk down the street in New York, too. I just don't understand it at all why he's running. It doesn't make any sense.

He wouldn't run for governor. Why is he running for president? Yeah, it is very frustrating to me that we're about to have a debate, and on that stage will be Marianne Williamson, but not Bullock from Montana, who is the governor of a red state who expanded Medicaid. It's like, I get the objectivity of having rules that say, all right, you must have 1% in the polls,

or this number of donors for the first debate, but he's a sitting, effective governor of a red state. Can't we have a rule where it says, if you're governor of Montana, you're allowed? A lot of places have rules, but then, you know, you know the owner, you get in. What happened to the Democratic Party that tilted the favor for Hillary Clinton?

Did that go away? We had a rigged process. Where's Debbie Wasserman Schultz with her thumb on the fucking scale? I thought we were supposed to have Democrats supposed to be able to rig everything. Meanwhile, I can't get Bullock on the stage Where I got a crystal lady and fucking the despised mayor of New York

On the stage Unbelievable To answer your question the only way any of them could get any attention Because there's ten people So obviously Bernie will have some He'll say some fiery blah blah blah Warren will have a fiery thing I'm sure That she'll say

Maybe someone else will say something that's like a good line or whatever. But then for the rest, there's so many of them, so little time. They got to have a fucking left shark moment or something. Too old? Okay. Something has to, you know, someone. A wardrobe malfunction. Yeah, exactly.

A stage light has to fall down and hit him in the head if they want any attention. It is very frustrating, too, because in the past few days, so Bernie gave and made an argument today. He made an argument for what he calls democratic socialism and defined it as a restoration of New Deal liberalism and the enemies FDR had as president

and the notion of economic freedom as being born of taking power back for ordinary people. I thought it was a very good argument for his kind of politics. I do think that what he's talking about as democratic socialism is just liberalism without the compromises. And I think it's a version of liberalism. You could call it that.

And when we had AOC on Ponce of America, she talked about how for her being a democrat is like the silver standard and being a democratic socialist is the gold standard. So they're trying to figure out a way to kind of bridge the gap between liberalism and socialism. We have Mayor Pete giving a foreign policy address where there, I think, are differences with what Joe Biden would do as president. We have Elizabeth Warren out there making an argument for economic patriotism. We have Joe Biden giving a speech with a critique of Donald Trump and also this rhetoric around Republicans kind of coming to their senses, which we don't have to agree, but it's certainly worthy of conversation. And what I am really frustrated by is we're about to have the first Democratic debate,

and I want those people to talk to each other and have a fucking mix it up. So the good news is this debate will be clarifying in that a lot of candidates who believe the debate will be their magical moment to prove why they're going to be president might quickly discover that their 10 minutes of sunshine did not lead to the new flowers they were hoping it would, and maybe that'll clear the decks and then the next debates start to get harder and harder to get into. When we come back, OK, stop! Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back! Would everyone here like a sports update? Now, here's a question before I read this card. Do we believe that Travis faithfully wrote down information for me to read, or is what I'm about to say maybe not true? Whatever Travis wrote is just law.

He's the electoral college of this room. That's true. Whatever Travis wrote is just law. He's the electoral college of this room. That's true. Everybody ready? Yeah. For a NBA update. Toronto Raptors win finals. Yeah! It says here that Curry missed a buzzer beater.

Really? That's all it says. He's doing great. I get that because I saw a video of the person who hurt his foot being walked off and Drake looking very sad so I know that that's a reference to that. And you know

I know that there's a conversation about the Twitter fucking orthopedist demanding some guy play a sport. He clearly was not in condition of play. So shame on everyone here. Congrats to the Toronto Raptors. A team named after a dinosaur basically invented by Steven Spielberg. Capturing a specific moment in time when we were obsessed with the film Jurassic Park.

Congrats to you and to your 90s era franchise. Big win for Sam Neill tonight. People will know the Raptors were formed in 1994 forever. We're always going to know. It was 1995.

People are fucking killing themselves just to correct you. People, that's why people see me live. People, I got to tell you, I got to tell you, shouting the Raptors weren't formed in 1994, you blithering fucking asshole. They were created in 1995. Thank you for standing up for me. That man said

that and then disappeared into a cloud of dust like I'm free. How long have you been holding on to that? You're just like, I got one fact and if it comes in handy tonight... What a crazy thing to know and be angry about knowing. Oh, they just won the thing.

Let them be patantic. If someone says it tonight, I can't stop myself. I'm going to scream it. I'm going to scream it. Not on the Raptors night. Yeah, they're named after a basically manufactured dinosaur that was much smaller and not as scary, but he needed a villain that could fit in a kitchen.

This is true. My college is... I went to a small liberal arts college. Could anyone tell? And our college's sports team were named the Raptors, but not after the dinosaur. After the general category

of bird. Yeah, birds of prey. Just general birds of prey. Not the cool rabbit. Oh, like the dinosaur? No, like hawks and owls and peregrine falcons. Much less cool. You know what else?

The original Jurassic Park in novel form had a much more interesting relationship to chaos theory than was ultimately produced in the film. And I do think that that was a missed opportunity because chaos theory is very interesting and actually applies in our daily life in a way that i think is surprising in particular to what is currently going on with 20 democratic candidates vying for a nomination and if in 1990 whatever sir Steven Spielberg had done more on chaos theory Perhaps we all now would be more sophisticated in our evaluation of these candidates thereby doing a better job of choosing a candidate

Ultimately putting ourselves in a better position of defeating Donald Trump and perhaps saving the planet therefore the failure of Steven Spielberg to use the little images of chaos theory that started every chapter in a book called Jurassic Park, slowly growing more complicated, revealing the fractalated nature of the image. Can I okay stop you? You know what? When I was in Minnesota, Amy Klobuchar bullied me on stage.

But I accepted that for two reasons. One, she's a senator, and two, it's her brand. That's all I'm going to say about that. Make him eat with a comb. Now it's time for OK Stop. We'll roll a clip. The panel can say OK Stop at any point to comment. George Stephanopoulos.

Oh, leave Stephanopoulos alone. George Stephanopoulos. He seamlessly transitioned from storied White House communications director to successful television anchor and pundit. So like his generation's Anthony Scaramucci. He sat down with Donald Trump in the White House Well, actually stood next to him at his desk And Donald said some surprising things

Let's watch As we walked into the Oval Office President Trump had already tweeted about new polls Showing him behind the Democrats Clearly not happy Why does it bother you so much? Because it's untrue I like the truth

Okay, stop Why does Trump always look like he was wearing goggles Because it's untrue. I like the truth. Okay, stop. Why does Trump always look like he was wearing goggles and just stood in front of the sun? It's so distracting. So I'm very interested in this question about his tan. It's a very interesting question. So there's a couple theories that I've been working on as to why he constantly looks like a reverse raccoon.

And so I used to believe it was because he's on his phone there's a couple theories that I've been working on as to why he constantly looks like a reverse raccoon and so I used to believe it was because he's on his phone while he's getting his makeup so he's constantly looking down and they can't get under there that was my go-to theory but this extends the white really all the way up

to the eyebrow and beneath which leads me to believe maybe he really is lying in a tanning bed. And then I think, with the goggles on, which makes me think there is a... How long do you sit in one of those cancer machines? 12 minutes, says the woman authoritatively. You think 20?

12 to 20, let's say 15 minutes. Wait, who's more tan? Who do I trust? Okay. So, okay, so let's say it minutes. Wait, who's more tan? Who do I trust? Okay. So, okay, so let's say it's 12 minutes in the booth. Does that mean that there's only one 12-minute period

every single day where he's not looking at a screen? I think you can do stuff in the bed. And I'm also wondering, like, does he have one of those, like,

Playboy bunny stickers to track how tan he's getting? Listen, I was a slut in college, okay? You gotta track your tan. Explain this system. Or should I just Google it when I get... I'm so curious in this Playboy Bunny system. If you know, you know.

Okay. All right. If I thought they were correct, I wouldn't be complaining at all. I understand that. It's like the witch hunt that goes on. Your son Don Jr. is up before the Senate Intelligence Committee today. And again, he was not charged with anything. In retrospect. Did Trump not know that his son wasn't charged with anything? Don't worry, he's fine. Okay. He thinks this is his son's babysitter, just being like, it's a quick update.

Not only wasn't he charged, if you read it, with all of the horrible fake news, I mean, I was reading that my son was going to go to jail. This is a good young man. Okay, stop. That is one third true. He's not that young.

He's not that good. And it's just amazing that for Donald Trump, a black teenager is a fucking adult who should be put to death. And you are a young man into your fucking 40s with Donald Trump. You're just an innocent, a babe in the woods. And it's very frustrating. I believe it is inside of the Mueller report

where it says basically he was too stupid to know he was in the midst of a criminal conspiracy. Is that right? Yeah. Cool exoneration. Gonna go to jail. And then the report comes out. Sorry.

Okay, stop. There was like a quick, just the video had a very brief flash of Mueller like it was a subliminal message. It was appearing in Trump's mind. Yeah. He was having a flashback. Sorry, I feel like I'm only commenting on the visuals.

The podcast listeners are going to hate this. They hardly even talk about him. Should he have gone to the FBI when he got that email? Okay, let's put yourself in a position. You're a congressman. Somebody comes up and says, hey, I have information on your opponent. Do you call the FBI?

I don't think so. I'll tell you what. Okay, so what is this posture Stephanopoulos has on the fucking, look, on the fucking Oval Office desk of all things? It's like he's doing lunges or something. He's stretching out his calves. It's really weird. How did they get

in that position? It's wild staging. No question about it. Not loving the blocking of this scene, George. It looks like he just screamed, like, where were you on the night of July 4th? I mean, they had to set this up, presumably. Okay, you sit there. Camera goes there. We'll move over here. It's bizarre.

I don't think in my whole life I've ever called the FBI. Okay, stop. Of course not not of course not your life is a series of unending financial crimes of course you're not calling the fbi mr president no one thought you've been calling the FBI. That's the last person you should call. You're a criminal. We know that. I do think it's funny him saying he hasn't called like a pretty big department of the government in his two and a half years as president. I don't know what that is, the FB what?

You don't call the FBI. You throw somebody out of your office, you do whatever you do. Al Gore got a stolen briefing book. He called the FBI.? You don't call the FBI. You throw somebody out of your office. You do whatever you do. Al Gore got a stolen briefing book. He called the FBI. Okay, stop. Just want to again reiterate that that has now turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes in human fucking history. Lesson of the Trump administration.

You get George W. Bush's stolen briefing book. You read every page. Copy it. Read it again. Throw the original out. Throw the copy out. And then you beat George W. Bush in that debate. And then you never talk about it. And it doesn't get to be

a little proof point about how you were better than Donald Trump after the Iraq war. Too much? I'm obviously just kidding. It was the good thing to do to call the FBI. We're the norms party. We'll have those norms with us when we're clinging to the fucking last

bit of wood in the ocean as we watch the Antarctica. This is somebody that said, we have information on your opponent. Oh, let me call the FBA. Okay, stop. Give me a break. I love when he acts. Oh my God. And then he doesn't even like do,

he doesn't even do the phone in a fun way he's like oh he's he's never taken an improv class in his life he's doing the two thumbs you gotta you it's not a banana come on his object you don't like you don't like this you want to hold the phone you want to hold the phone i don't believe this is a phone this is a this is barney roble pretending he's on a phone in the flintstones this is this is a cell phone, Trump. I'm mad about it. This is my rant later. I get why this is more real. Comedically, I'm on the blower.

You know what I mean? Sure. This is a serious phone call. Now we're doing comedy. He's sitting at a desk with a phone. You have a prop. Oh, hello. Mr. Hoover.

I love your vacuums. Collect. He can't pick up that phone because the second he picks up that phone, you can hear through the microphone, die, coaxer. Life doesn't work that way. The FBI director says that's what should happen

the FBI director is wrong okay stop so the FBI director says if a foreign government or foreign adversary comes to you with information to help your campaign you should call the FBI that's a pretty good

closed loop of expertise I am in charge of the FBI if this happens you should call me and I say that as the person That's a pretty good closed loop of expertise. I am in charge of the FBI. If this happens, you should call me. And I say that as the person who knows what the FBI is for and what happens when we get that call. And Trump's like, disagree. Hard disagree. Don't see it that way.

We're on different pages. Mr. Trump, the fire department says that when your house is on fire, you should call the fire department. No, I think the fire department is wrong. So for the record, the FEC obviously saw Donald Trump's interview with George Stephanopoulos, and here's what the head of the FEC

put out in a statement. Let me make something 100% clear to the American public and anyone running for public office. It is illegal for any person to solicit, accept, or receive anything of value from a foreign national in connection with a U.S. election. This is not a novel concept. Electoral intervention from foreign governments has been considered unacceptable since the beginnings of our nation. Our founding fathers sounded the alarm about foreign interference, intrigue, and influence.

They knew that when foreign governments seek to influence American politics, it is always to advance their own interests, not America's. Anyone who solicits or accepts foreign assistance risks being on the wrong end of a federal investigation. Any political campaign that receives an offer of a prohibited donation from a foreign source should report that offer to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. So that's that. That's that And if foreigners If Russia, if China, if someone else Offers you information on an opponent

Should they accept it or should they call the FBI? I think maybe you do both Okay, stop Art of the deal You compromise, you do both You take the information, you use it Then you Hello FBI

I got some stolen material You take the information, you use it, then you... Hello, FBI. I got some stolen material. Never mind. Okay. Isn't that also what he was just making fun of people? He's like, oh, what, you're gonna call the FBI? I said, well, what would you do? Well, I'd call the FBI. If somebody called from a country, Norway, we have information on your opponent.

Oh, I think I'd want to hear it. You want that kind of interference in our elections? It's not an interference. They have information. I think I'd want to hear it. You want that kind of interference in our elections? It's not an interference. They have information. I think I'd take it. Poor Norway. They're like, what did we do? We're not calling. They don't need their name in the press like that.

I just would like, so first of all, so there's like this serious thing, and the serious thing is this is not about Norway. This is an invitation to the worst regimes on planet Earth to use all the power at their disposal to try and destroy the Democrat and keep Donald Trump in power. So that's terrifying and quite real and is already threatening our election right now. But there is also a zany aspect of it, which is Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Spain, UK, France, Germany, Belgium, Italy. Are you paying attention?

Help. Help, help, help. Help. Listen, you're small, but you're scrappy, all right? There's some smart people over there that can do some fucking hacking. You got hackers? They got hackers in fucking the Netherlands? Yeah.

Sweden, definitely. Finland. Yeah, Sweden more. Sweden. Yeah. Sweden is very tech savvy. Spotify. Come on, Spotify.

Help us out. We gotta get the girl with the dragon tattoo on the case. Yes. She will solve it for us. Yeah. Thor.

The Scars guards. There are solve it for us. Yeah. Thor. The Skarsgårds. There are so many of them. They could spread out and make a whole organization on their own. Power in numbers. All the Skarsgårds together is a small country. Come on. Skarsgårds separate. Yeah, we're strong.

Yeah, we're tough. Put us together. The Skarsgardians of the galaxy.. The Scars Guardians of the Galaxy. The Scars Guardians of the Galaxy. I'll watch it. Who's the raccoon? When we come back, we're going to talk about Mark Zuckerberg's efforts

to reach Nancy Pelosi by phone. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave leave it and there's more on the way and we're back mark zuckerberg he wants to rate girls faces next thing he knows he's built a one-of-a-kind monopolistic corporation that monetizes human attention by pumping our brains with microdoses of every human emotion until the emotions themselves are commoditized and manipulated by partisans, corporations,

and foreign intelligence organizations where the value of the emotional response to keep us paying attention to ads and sharing ad-sponsored content with friends and strangers becomes more important than the truth and integrity of the underlying content itself. Also, plants versus zombies. Anyway, earlier this week, a story broke that Mark Zuckerberg had been trying to contact Nancy Pelosi over his refusal to take down a fake video that was slowed down to make the speaker seem

drunk, but Nancy Pelosi isn't picking up his calls. Wow, that doesn't sound like her at all. She seems like the type of person who would love to just shoot the shit with someone looking to apologize without actually fixing a problem. But Zuck keeps calling, and lucky for us, someone on Pelosi's team has leaked the voicemails, and we've got them. Let's hear them. Voicemail number one from Megan. Hey, speaker

of the house Nancy Pelosi of San Francisco, born Nancy DeLisandro, age 79, five children. It's Mark, Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook, the company. I know you're experiencing a feeling called being upset about our refusing to take down a video that was manipulated to make you sound drunk.

And I am sorry. Not sorry enough to take it down, but sorry in the sense that I've been told to be sorry. Which now am. Good news, though. Soon, your noradrenaline levels will return to baseline, and the human proclivity to seek out novelty,

a product of our brain size, and the conditions that led to bipedalism means you will soon stop thinking about this regularly, and eventually at all. Fun! End transmission. Demi, you're up. Voicemail number two.

Hi, Speaker Pelosi. It's Mark from Facebook again, and imagine I'm sweating through this. I was skimming your private messages, which you can send in too when you click the I accept these terms in order to use the Wi-Fi at the Marriott Grand Marquis in 2013. Lot to unpack in there! Are you mad that a manipulated video is being spread by

malicious right-wing groups and that Facebook isn't taking it seriously enough? Even though we are about to enter a new age of incredibly realistic fake videos that will only further erode the trust people have in our society? Trump already lies about what we see with our own eyes. What if we can't trust what we see with our own eyes? Tough questions. But you know what else is a tough question? How do we get the average 16-year-old girl to spend 15 more seconds absorbing makeup tutorials on Instagram? Because that 15 seconds translates into millions in additional revenue. Another tough question.

What is the truth? Boom! Anyway, call me back. Bye, Mom. Fuck! Fuck! Anyway, call me back Bye mom Fuck Adam has a copy of voicemail number three

What's up Like Budweiser One of my favorite beer brands I always choose Budweiser When I'm consuming liquid In fact, maybe we can sort this out Over some crisp wet alcohol It's on me, Mark.

I've got cash to burn, you know, ever since we got that $400 million in tax refunds thanks to a sweet loophole. I just want to say, Mark to person, how sorry I am for everything. The video, the privacy violations, handing

over use of data to Cambridge Analytica, letting Facebook become a swamp of misinformation and white nationalism, allowing Facebook to be used to incite violence against an ethnic minority in Myanmar. Oh, and I'm sorry about Facebook's role in swinging the 2020 election. Just want to get ahead of that one, too. Because let's face it, I haven't learned a fucking thing. Click. Click. Final voicemail.

Speaker Pelosi, I'm sorry to call so late. Actually, you know what? I'm not sorry, Nancy. I'll be the first to admit, Facebook hasn't lived up to its founding ideals. Me, experiencing a sense of belonging, the way it seemed to come to athletic, handsome boys who don't always look like they're trying to think of what to say. How do they do that? How do they know what to say?

I watch them and think, do they know how lucky they are? Do they experience what it's like to be lost in a moment? To laugh and not think about how the laugh sounds to the beautiful girl who smiles back but never is more than a friend? To be truly, easily wanted? I believe Facebook is a force for good. I cannot be convinced otherwise. I see the complaints of people who pass for smart in Washington and New York.

I connected the world. I did it. Do I get a thank you? Do I get a parade? No. All I get is $66 billion and a lot of negativity. You're not even mad at me. Not really. All the liberals on Twitter, or as I call it, tiny angry Facebook. All the complaints

about our algorithms. What if it boils down to not liking people? When you get bitten by a shark, you don't blame the ocean. No one complains that the Nile is too long of a river because a hippo ate a tourist. I gave humanity a tool to build a better world and then you hairless, upright gorillas with smartphones use it as a weapon to fight each other for scraps.

So keep that in mind. Your quarrel is not with me. It is with your creator. And don't you dare endorse Elizabeth Warren's plan to appoint antitrust regulators who will reverse Facebook's merger with Instagram. I can't compete with Instagram again.

They just added a thing in stories where the song lyrics pop up when you choose a song. How would I compete with that? Sorry, let me get myself together here. Okay, I'm okay. Let me check my notes. I'm a genius. Facebook is perfect. Humanity is the problem.

I would give your face a high rating if that matters. I still secretly rate all the faces. Bye forever. Zuck. When we come back, we're going to talk about gender parity in sports. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back!

The U.S. Women's National Soccer Team, truly the last thing America has left to be proud of. Sure, we destroyed a much worse team's 13-0 and celebrated each goal like it was the most important we've ever scored. But have you also considered that we destroyed a team 13-0, breaking a FIFA record? I know it's FIFA, shut up. And winning feels really good.

Also, who gets mad about celebrations? They scored a goal and it's cool. Fucking narcs. But you know what is not worth celebrating? The way the women's national soccer team gets paid way less than the men, despite being, it says here, way fucking better. Gender disparity in sports doesn't only happen in soccer.

And we want to highlight some of these examples in a game we're calling I, John Lovett, know a lot about sports and I didn't learn all of the things thanks to our research team, The Game. So here's how it's gonna work. Here's how it's gonna work. I'm gonna ask a question about income disparity in women's sports and you'll have to guess the correct answer without going over. Two people on this stage will be a team and one of you in the crowd will team up with

someone on this stage. Would anyone out there like to play the game? Hi, what's your name? My name is Jason. Is this mic on? Can you guys hear me? Yeah, we can hear you. Don't testify.

Test, test. I'm just kidding. We know. The mics work. All right? Everything's great. I was already thinking about yelling at you, and I forgot your name.

Jason. Jason. I know it's Jason. Maybe the mic didn't work that well then. Jason. Yes. Who do you want on your team? I want good odds.

Actually, no. Love it. No, I'm... Okay, all right. What a fucking brown noser. All right, you know what? Teacher's pick. Since we're getting along, I'll take Adam. all right. What a fucking brown noser. All right, you know what? Teacher's pick. Since we're getting along, I'll take Adam.

All right. I can't even get picked for the game about women not getting enough things? Jason, Jason. I cannot win. Can we get an X? Can we get a wrong sound, please? You and Adam start one point fucking down.

He's taking you down with him. I've penalized for his mistake. It's fine. I'm a man. It's fine. I deserve, you know, I'll take a loss. Question number one. If the U.S. men's soccer team won the World Cup something,

it says here they will never do. Yeah. I guess they're not very good. Each player would receive a bonus of $390,000. When the U.S. women's team won the last World Cup, what did each player receive as a bonus? We will start with Demi and Megan. Closest without going over.

What was their bonus? We're going to say $10,000. $10,000. Adam and Jason. You want to go $1? $10,001? $10,001. Yeah, yeah.

$10,001. I like that, yeah. Go down? Go down? You want to do $1? $10,001? $10,001. Yeah, yeah, $10,001. I like that, yeah. Go down, go down. Oh, you want to do $1? Let's do $1. Yeah. What do you think? Let's do $1.

Okay, we'll do $1. I've trusted this woman over here much more than... Megan and Demi have gotten it right. It was $75,000. Wow. Wow, we underestimated. I'm pleasantly surprised. I shouldn't have listened to the crowd.

I'm very sorry. All right, right here. Jason, next time, you and me. You and me, right here. Only look at me. Question two, if a female national team player played 20 exhibition games in a year, the maximum they could make for the year was $99,000.

Maximum. What is the average a man who did the same thing would make? Let's start with Adam and Jason. Can you read the first part of the question one more time? If the female national team player played 20 games, she would make $99,000 maximum. What is the average a man who did the same thing would make over those 20 games? Half a mil? Yeah, I was thinking $250,000.

Go half? Yeah, go half a mil. $500,000. What's going on? You guys are saying two half? Yeah, go half a mil. Go half a mil. $500,000? What's going on? I was saying, you guys were saying two different numbers. We said half a mil.

They said half a million. We'll say $500,000 and one. It's impossible for us to win now. I don't know what happened. There's a thing that happens where there's like a car horn. You're both over. It was $263,000.

Still extremely high. That's the average to the women's $99,000 maximum. Question three. Many people assume that this is because the men's team must make way more money for the U.S. Soccer Federation. Last year, after expenses, the women's team turned a $6.6 million profit. What was the profit for the men's

team in the exact same year? Let's start with Demi and Megan. Let's say four million. Four million is the guess. One million? One million. Adam and Jason, you got it. Just under two million dollars. The women's team made

three times more. And they made so much less money. Holy shit. That is outrageous. I like it when women make less because of the market. What am I supposed to... I'm just kidding. You know I'm a sporty spice. Can I bring up one thing while we're talking about pay in sports?

Sure. I do think it's important to note that college athletes, which is a multi-billion dollar industry, are paid zero dollars. dollar industry are paid zero dollars. That is a system created by old white men to exploit the talent and skill of mostly black young athletes.

Yeah. Oh yeah. And as a young black athlete myself, I thank you for standing up for us. Listen, you all need a white woman voice. I really, this is my blind side right here and I'm taking it head on.

Thank you so much, Sandra. We're doing it. But for hopscotch, my sport. A witness to a real life blind side. I hope we get to play ourselves in the movie about this moment. That's so exciting. They learned from each other, huh?

Question four. Gender disparity in sports exists everywhere, but one of the most egregious examples is for cheerleaders in leagues like the NFL and the NBA. The Milwaukee Bucks star Giannis Antetokounmpo. Oh, but a did you wee-bay was hard. Yep. You know what it is? You know what it is?

I went into this one with a fucking clear head. No risk, no loss. I had one chance to get it exactly right as you came on the stage. I mean, this is why they didn't put me on SNL. Anyway, the green... Somebody's like, yeah, this is why. He said it multiple times.

He was like, I want you to know I'm saying this is why. Yeah, like it's such a funny thing to repeat from the audience a sarcastic aside three times just to land it. The Greek freak made almost $300,000 per game last season. How much money does a Milwaukee Bucks cheerleader make per game? Per game. Okay, let's say the average. Well, it wasn't the average, but it was make per game? Per game. Okay, let's say the average. Well, it wasn't

the average, but it was just per game. I feel like it's like $200. Oh, cheerleaders are really fucked. Yeah. You want to go a little higher? You want to go $500? $500.

We're going to say $50. Whoa. I love the confidence, and it is deserved. The cheerleaders make $65 per game. Oh, my God. Holy shit. $65? Yeah.

$65 per game. Because it's considered an honor, and they should be so lucky to get to don the green and purple stretch outfit they get to wear. How do you know this? I know everything. When it comes to Milwaukee Bucks cheerleaders.

Thank you all for playing. In the spirit of this game, even though Demi and Megan did get more answers, the winners are the two white men, Adam and Jason. They have won the game. They have won by negative two points. Guys, give it up for Jason and Adam. When we come back, the rant will.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Now it's time for the rant. Well, you know how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We rant about the topic. This week on The Wheel, we have big little lies,

Republicans snapping out of it, bad campaign logos, the game Elden Ring, the UMG music fire, the California housing crisis, Jessica Biel, and dunking tweets. Let's spin the wheel.

It has landed on Elden Ring. There once was a writer named George R. R. Martin. George R. R. Martin. George R. R. Michael. George R. R. Martin. R. Martin. He got to work. There was a man named George H. W. Bush.

He was president. And George R. R. Martin got down to writing. He's like, I got a little story to tell. It's a song of ice and fire. And you're going to fucking love it. And I'm going to crush these books and knock them out. Book one, book two, book three, book four. HBO comes along and says, we love these books.

Obama's president. We'd love to make him into a TV show. And he's like, cool. That's great. I got a couple more left, but I'm cranking them out, and I'm not too worried about it. Here we are all these years later. I guess at the back of one of the books it says, don't worry, guys.

I'm crushing this next book, and it will be in your hands next Christmas. That was five years ago. So anyway, at E3, there was an announcement. And the announcement was that From Software was going to have a new game called Elden Ring. All right? And it's going to be... And From Software makes some of the best games. Dark Souls, Bloodborne.

I don't care if you know what they are. They're fucking awesome. If you love a Dark Souls game, if you love a Bloodborne, you know games, all right? You're a serious adult. You're not just shooting people in army fatigues, all right? You're playing a real fucking game, all right?

You know, this isn't Fortnite, All right? This isn't Fortnite. All right? This is crazy. This is hard shit. And it turns out that Elden Ring will be an open world game from From Software. But here's the twist. The lore of the game was written by George R.R. Martin. Which means five years ago, George R.R. Martin got on the phone with his editor

and said, I'm almost done. I just need to do a little bit more work. And then he hung up that phone, didn't finish for half a decade, let other people finish the telling the story, and then in a true tour de force of procrastination created an entirely new video game world all to avoid finishing the winds of winter and i think that is the most beautiful form of procrastination i have ever seen I did not know it was possible to be so bad at finishing a book that you create a video game. I think that's amazing. I love it. It makes me so happy. As one of the truly great procrastinators myself, someone who

managed to procrastinate on speeches for the President of the United States. I just appreciate that is some that is incredible game. That is someone with the weight of the world on his shoulders saying, no thank you, I'm gonna go to Japan

and make a video game while you're all waiting for me to finish this book, including the people that paid me to finish this book. I think that's amazing. I fucking love that. Elden Ring,

George R.R. Martin, From Software, Open World, I don't care if he ever finishes Game of Thrones. I'm excited. Let's spin it again. California housing crisis.

Adam Conover, take it away. Hello. This is going to start local, but it's going to get national. Holy shit. Here we go. Here we go. The homeless count numbers came out in Los Angeles. This year they went up by 16%. There are 16% more people

living on the streets in Los Angeles than last year. 60,000 people living on the streets of Los Angeles. And the thing is that everyone who runs the city has been saying for years that this is an emergency. It's an emergency. And then they saying for years that this is an emergency. It's an emergency. And then they proceed to not treat it like an emergency.

Like when there's a fire, they fucking set a fire brigade. They don't put a task force together to study the problem for a couple years. You know what I mean? People are dying on the streets. And the fucked up part is that we know how to solve homelessness. It's called permanent supportive housing. You put people in housing first. They sort out their problems while they're there. It's been proven to housing. You put people in housing first. They sort out their problems

while they're there. It's been proven to work. And we all fucking voted for it. Three years ago, right, 2016, on that horrible election day, the one bright spot was we voted for Measure HHH.

It appropriated $1.2 billion we taxed ourselves to build permanent supportive housing. Two and a half years later, how many units have they built? Fucking zero. Zero. They say that this year they have they built? Fucking zero. Zero. They say that this year they hope they can build 1,500 units.

There's 60,000 people on the street, and the mayor's fucking nowhere on it. He didn't even give a press conference about this. He tweeted at Steve Lopez, the L.A. Times columnist, and said, your column about me failing at my job was too mean. But he didn't do a press conference about this. And people blame it on NIMBYs. You can blame it on NIMBYs all you want,

except the mayor could be out there cracking the whip, saying, let's build those units, fuck the NIMBYs, let's build them anyway. He's not doing that. Now, let's get to the state level, all right? So we've got a Democratic supermajority in California, right? We can pass anything that we want. A week ago, maybe two weeks ago, every single housing bill failed to even come up for a vote, all right? We can pass anything that we want. A week ago, maybe two weeks ago, every single housing

bill failed to even come up for a vote, all right? There was a bill to have more dense housing. There was a bill to allow tenants to continue organizing. There was a bill to allow rent control to be expanded. It all failed. Again, the governor pushed none of it. It was all nothing, right? It was a complete and total failure. And so the point of this is that, like, we can't just assume, hey, let's just elect Democrats and everything is going to be fine, right? We actually have to follow through on the fucking policies. Like, if the Democratic Party thinks it's the party of protecting the needy and the most vulnerable, it needs to fucking do it.

Let's spin it again. Jessica Biel. Megan? Oh, girl, girl, girl. So Jessica Biel very publicly came out in favor of an anti-vax bill today she has since walked it back but not really in a way that makes sense and says she's

not anti-vax um you're not an activist you're an idiot. These people that, when it comes to medicine, think they know more than doctors are insane. Like, pediatricians didn't come down to the set of The Illusionist and tell you how to do a shitty accent that made no sense. So don't tell them how to care for children. Where's Justin Timberlake? Is he on the side of this? Can we finally be done with him and appropriating black culture

and making it an entire career? Justin Timberlake. He's in flannel. That's how you know it's the most personal album yet. Oh, he's also not funny. And just because you dance funny, actually, you didn't even dance

funny, you just danced. And it's like, we're using words. Do you know how hard that is, Justin? And you didn't even make up the dance. You just did what Beyonce did, and then you're funny for some reason? Fuck you and fuck your stupid wife.

Cry Me a River was a good song, though. Remember that video? Social network also very good. There's some bangers. There's some bangers. But his Super Bowl halftime performance was a snooze. It's his most personal album, yeah. Let's spin it again.

I liked Filthy. Hmm, hmm. Sing. Let's spin it again. I liked filthy. Dunking tweets suggested by Demi. So for the last hour or so, we've been on the stage, and you guys have been mentioning things that are politically happening right now, and I'm just slowly finding out about it and being like, okay, now what's my take on this? And that's because a lot of my brain space is taken up by right-wing commenters like

Paul Joseph whatever and fucking Ben Shapiro. And that's because every day I got to log on to Twitter.com, a really, just a problematic thing in general to do. And every time I got to look at the top of my feed and see people just retweeting things where it's like, look at what this racist guy said and look at these homophobes i'm like why are we why are we spreading these messages like it's like they just want to be like okay well i'm gonna retweet this because i got a really good joke by it it's like i don't give a fuck about your joke man i don't want to keep seeing like these guys ending up like fucking ben shapiro was on larry wilmore to like

why would that be a thing that like he would think is a good use for his platform i feel like so many people are just kind of like well if we can just uh you know coax he would think is a good use for his platform? I feel like so many people are just kind of like, well, if we can just coax them into a good dialogue. But it's like, we've been listening to what they've been saying for three years now. I don't need to know how racism is developing to be like, well, actually, now that we have the internet, I can tell you that black people statistically, it's just all the same shit. We don't need to keep seeing these problematic assholes and giving them a platform to be like well i'm gonna put them on tv so that i can shame them it's like no it didn't work for dr phil it's not gonna work for you just fucking ignore them and it's always sorry not to keep the rant going but it's always like the same people where it's like their their like rants don't really affect them where it's like i'll have like a white friend who's just

kind of like um i'm just really like you, you got to see, like, this fucking idiot. He thinks he's, like, and it's like, okay, you spreading this message to, like, other people just to, like, dunk on it doesn't affect you in any way. But for all of the countless people who this person is actively trying to marginalize, like, we got to be constantly reminded that this person exists. And it's like, we have to be reminded that they exist for no other reason than to be, like, pretty crazy, huh? Don't you agree, huh? Isn't this crazy huh how this guy hates you isn't it look at it he hates you it's like come on we know we know shut up stop sharing it we know if you had a real life version you would quickly understand how insane it

is like if you're just sitting at dinner with a friend and you're like hold on one second hold on one second and then just like walked out into the street grabbed david duke and brought him up into your sat him down and say, say one sentence, David Duke. And he's like, I hate black people. And then your friend's like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. And then he left. And your friend turned to you and be like, wasn't that cool? You're like, no, it wasn't that cool.

We were having a conversation. You reminded me of something completely awful, gave me a little micro dose of horrible agony. Now we're supposed to go back to how it was before. Like Twitter is so bad for our brains. And it's so important because like basically 2,000 people spend all day talking about Twitter and micro dosing every feeling. And then go talk about it on television, run campaigns, write op-eds. And then go talk about it on television, run campaigns, write op-eds. It is a genuinely important forum where people that have sway outside of Twitter come to

decide what's important, what they think, what they care about. But what a terrible way to learn about the world. And I can't get off it. I keep deleting it from my phone. I wake up in the morning. I put it back in. And I don't know what to do about it. I love checking my mentions. What are people saying

about me now? Some of it's good. Some of it's so bad. Your brain keeps going like, well, it's going to be good. It's going to be good today. It's like, no, it's not. It's also just like, god damn it. You click the mentions. You go down. It's like, what a funny little joke. What a little

funny joke. Anyone who thinks John Lovett is funny should die in a volcano. And why is my broken Jewish brain, like, the only smart person? The only person that cracked the fucking cup? Because he mentioned volcanoes. Like, science guy. Damn. Fuck.

Let's spin it again. It has landed on Big Little Lies. It's time for gay news. Big Little Lies is back. And here's the thing, all right? I wasn't looking forward to Big Little Lies coming back. I wasn't. I wasn't. I'll tell you why I wasn't.

It wrapped up beautifully. All right? They told the story at a beginning. It had a middle. It had Laura Dern being insane. And it had an end. I loved it. I was in.

All right? They got me. It resolved. And then they decide it's coming back. Why? Because it turns out big corporations like money. And it's why Killing Eve comes back. It's why there'll be a new Spider-Man every three years.

It's why in a couple years we're going to have to watch Robert Pattinson remember when his mother died. But then I turn on Big Little Lies, and you know what? I apologize. I apologize to Laura Dern and Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon and Shailene Woodley. Ian Armitage. What?

The kid, the little, never mind. Young Sheldon. Young Sheldon, who I don't remember being in it. Zoe Kravitz. Zoe Kravitz. Adam Scott. Adam Scott is in it. A SARS guard.

A SARS guard. Alex. It doesn't matter which one, because most of all, Meryl Streep is in it. And I got to tell you, I don't care what kind of zombie post-show eight-episode arc we're about to watch, if you got Meryl Streep doing not one, not two, but three monologues in one hour of premium cable television, you've got me on the hook. So I apologize to Big Little Lies for doubting them even for a second, all right? I don't even, I think it all takes place in Big Sur. I don't totally understand where they are.

They're constantly driving across bridges. They're all very rich. And you know what? I'm in. All right? Big Little Lies is back. Meryl Streep is basically playing a very catty gay man. And I love it.

All right? And there are still good things in this world. That's our high note. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. That's gay news. I just realized I was thinking of Pretty Little Liars the whole time. I didn't know Meryl Streep was on that show.

I'd watch that. Is that what Young Sheldon is in? No, Young Sheldon's in Big Little Lies. He's the kid, Shailene Woodley's kid. He's like top billing. It's Meryl Streep, Ian Armitage. How do you not? Are they in a shared universe?

Yes. Big Bang Theory. It's second on the call sheet. It's the same kid. Don't you remember after the end of the first season where he says bazinga after they find the body oh my god I totally forgot

that's where bazinga comes from it comes from seeing the corpse at the bottom of the stairs childhood trauma bazinga roll credits

keep going I want to thank Megan Gailey Demi I did you eBay Adam Conover and as always Keep going. I want to thank Megan Gailey, Demi Adedue-Ibe, Adam Conover, and as always, Nancy Pelosi. I want to thank everyone for being here tonight. Thank you to the improv. Thank you. The Strap It Up Ops-Edge