Lovett or Leave It - Big Structural Podcast

Episode Date: May 23, 2020

Senator Elizabeth Warren is here to talk about oversight, the pandemic response, and that question she won’t answer. Plus she sticks around as we quiz listeners. Kal Penn is back and judges the monologue. And Jon Millstein joins to deliver a zoom commencement. We also bring back the rant wheel and we hear your high notes. What a week. What a show.

Welcome to the 11th episode of Love It or Leave It, back in the closet. We'll see you next time. That song was sent to us by Johnny Keener and his son Jasper, and it was so good. Thank you so much for sending it. We want to use a new one each week. If you want to make one, you can send it to us at hey at crooked.com and maybe we'll use yours and you can tweet it at me. They have been so awesome. I'm so grateful. I love them every single week. Later in the show, we'll be joined by Senator Elizabeth Warren. What a day head writer John Milstein and you are listeners. But first, he's a writer, comedian, and a fellow Obama administration alum. Please welcome Cal Penn. Thanks, John. Cal, would you say that you've gone from White Castle to the White House?

Don't do it. Don't do it. Oh, my gosh. Has anyone ever said that to you before? One of the silver linings of this social distancing is I haven't heard that in three months. Until now. And John is saying this because we definitely used to have this closed loop kind of Instagram or text thing where almost every time I would go on like a talking head show or a late

night show or whatever, in the prompter I could see that it said he went from the White Castle to the White House and it would just make me die a little bit inside and I knew how much he loved it so I would take a photo of it and send it to John Lovett

thank you so much for doing this so here's how it works, I'm just going to read jokes and you can react however you'd like, you can like them, you can hate them you can tell me the truth, you can be generous you can be mean, whatever you're feeling alright, enough chit chat let's get into it, what a week You can be generous. You can be mean. Whatever you're feeling. Okay. All right. All right.

Enough chit-chat. Yeah. Let's get into it. What a week. This week, it was discovered that thousands of rabbits have died from a disease caused by a virus that's spreading across the southwestern U.S. Aw, the rabbits have their own little coronavirus. Hippity-hoppity all the way to the vento. The ventolator shortage.

I can't do it. The ventolator shortage. I can't do it. I can't do it. Wait, wait, no, there's not more? I was expecting... Their own little coronavirus. There's not a whole paragraph? I thought there would be, like, a whole paragraph about it, about, like, where we're going, and, like, how far

we've been, which ones you want to wear with math, which ones don't the ones that don't believe in the web it's science can you get it from cowards if we share cowards i hope we can get the vaccine do we have any hydrocolloquin we wanted to start off with a strong one. A real smart, sophisticated joke. An Atlanta police officer who tested positive for COVID-19 was ordered to self-quarantine, but we now know he didn't because he was pulled over for driving 130 miles per hour in a 65 mile per hour zone. Sure, 130 miles per hour seems fast, but one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is diarrhea.

Well, that doesn't sound very hoppy for him. No more. You can't sound very hoppy for him. No more. You can't keep doing the voice. Okay. So, Cal, the joke there is he was racing home because the coronavirus gave him... The shits. The shits.

And shit his pants. Or he was afraid he might. That's the new, I mean, labor, right? Someone pulls you over and it's like, I've got to get home. I've got the coronavirus shits. I just want to remind everyone that we have Elizabeth Warren on this episode. That's right, that's right.

I would love her take on this as well. This week, it was announced that Joe Rogan struck an exclusivity deal with Spotify reportedly for around $200 million, $200 million. Guess it's time for me to start saying that DMT is fucking killer and nothing will make you sharper or more alert than those Gorilla Mind NeuroGush X40 brain supplements.

I could have never scored Ronan Farrow without these Gorilla Mind NeuroGush X40s. The pills are huge and so is my brain. That's more of a story. It's like a character. Well, also, I think the reason that I'm... The reason I'm not even fully laughing is that like that touches on so much of the cynicism that I think a lot of us have where they're like, I've spent a lifetime doing the right thing, but I didn't have to, did I? No, you got to push the neuro gush.

I could have just made money. Could have just made that neuro gush money. money. Could have just made the, made that neuro gush money. Yeah. On Monday, which seems like a lifetime ago, Donald Trump revealed that he's taking the malaria drug hydroxychloroquine, even though it is not adequately tested and it can cause serious heart problems. But personally, I'm glad Trump is taking the drug before we test it on humans. Good. That was a good one. I like that one. We know there isn't really a deep state conspiracy to undermine the president because it must take a concerted effort by the entire federal government

just to keep him from killing himself. All right, fine. If Trump really wanted to protect himself from COVID, he'd be taking Gorilla Mind Immunity Goo Z90 Bone Serum, want a rock hard immune system, take the only supplement with the proven testosterone boosting power of rhino horn. It has rhino horn in it.

That's how you know it's good. And where can I get some? You know, retailers everywhere. You find online shops. On Blue Apron? Yeah, you can get it via, yeah, it's sometimes in, it's part of a recipe on Blue Apron, of course. Marco Rubio was chosen to serve

as the interim Senate Intelligence Committee chairman after Richard Burr stepped down amid his insider trading investigation, all of which will be documented on the upcoming TLC series, Little Marco Big Job. I mean, that one I can actually see as a series. Speaking of which, this week, Justin Amash ended his third party run for president, citing coronavirus as the reason it wasn't his time.

Justin Amash and Quibi sharing notes. Maybe Justin also thought his appeal to people would work better if they still had commutes. What I like about that is I was thinking Quibi as soon as you said blamed on coronavirus. Vice President Mike Pence will visit Florida next week for the first launch of astronauts from U.S. soil since the final space shuttle mission in 2011. Pence says he's excited to greet our brave astronauts and then hold one's hand a little too long and with everyone just out of earshot say, take me with you.

There's nothing for me here, nothing. My life is a prison. My ambition is my quarantine. And I've lived this way cordoned off so long. I don't know if the real me inside can ever come out or if I open the gates of my heart, all that would pour out is bones and dust. I once masturbated to the idea of being on Mount Rushmore. It was the ceremony where they pull down a big giant sheet and reveal my heart. All that would pour out is bones and dust. I once masturbated to the idea of being on

Mount Rushmore. It was the ceremony where they pull down a big giant sheet and reveal my head. But in the fantasy, my statue also had a penis. And at the end of my penis, there was little observatory where people could take pictures. I'm not crying. Thanks for your service. It was also announced this week that 49 out of 50 governors have better coronavirus poll numbers than Trump. The only governor that polls worse is the kind that keeps go-karts from going really fast. You see, Cal, they put a governor on the go-karts to make sure they can't go too fast. And, you know, if you know the right people, you can get that governor taken off. And if you're a tween or a teen who loves go-karting,

you hate that governor. You don't like that governor. In an interview with Jeanine Pirro on Fox, Eric Trump suggested the coronavirus pandemic was a hoax and will magically disappear after the election in November. The magically part wasn't sarcastic. Eric had a golf caddy fired when he was seven for making his nose disappear.

He believes in magic fully. He fully believes in magic. Totally. So I would say that that sort of kind of ends, just sort of trickles out as a joke. You see, but it's just sort of the fun idea of Eric Trump sincerely believing all magic, all of it is real. After he recorded last week, Trump fired Steve Linick,

the State Department Inspector General who had been investigating allegations that Secretary of State Mike Pompeo secretly approved an arms sale to the Saudis against the advice of the intelligence community and without properly notifying Congress. Oh! So, that's a doozy. That's a doozy. That's a doozy. You know, I will say, Travis and I discussed that joke, and we decided that while it is objectively a doozy, it's strong. It's strong.

It's a strong joke. A new documentary reveals that Jane Doe from the landmark Roe vs. Wade case that legalized abortion did not in fact switch her allegiance to the anti-abortion movement, but was paid to change her mind, saying, I took their money and they put me out in front of the camera and told me what to say so her bank account her choice huh can we make that joke i don't know i was waiting to make sure i knew where the punchline was because you know between the kashoggi it's that joke and two hard jokes right in a row really Really tough jokes. Yeah, yeah. And finally, Tiffany Trump graduated last week from Georgetown Law, and Donald Trump congratulated her by tweeting that a lawyer in the family is, quote, just what I need. Which is a funny thing to say for a guy whose last lawyer literally went to prison. Just what I need is also what Trump said when he found out Ivanka was marrying a Jew.

Oh. So just, I really feel like we got very intense at the end. Yeah. And I don't mind that, you know? I don't mind that as a spirit. No, no, no. They were strong. You know what?

It's the kind of satire I think we need. You pushed it up until that line. The line where you'll no longer have a podcast. I don't know about that. I'm going to get hauled into Favreau and Vitor's office. I like that image that like they're your dads. Call me in. Sit me down. Give me a talking to. Cowpen, this was so much fun. Thank you so much for doing this.

Thank you. I miss hearing your bits. Yeah. This is not unlike when you would walk into my office and be like, okay, okay, all right, listen to this. Listen to this. This is good, right? Yes. The problem for both of us was, A, you would usually have to read like a paragraph before the joke, but that was really dry, right? Really dry. It was like some dry policy thing you were writing.

You bet. And my problem was I was also comedically starved because bureaucracy had taken that part of my soul. And I was like either writing a pretty stoic memo or replying to emails about something. And so everything was funny. And it really brightened my day. But it was genuinely funny in retrospect, as were these jokes. So thank you. I miss it too, Cal.

I miss it as well. I miss being able to wander around into people's offices and distracting them and procrastinating from speech writing. So Cal, thank you so much for joining. This was so much fun. Thanks, dude. And when we come back, we'll be joined by Senator Elizabeth Warren. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Warren. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. She is the senior senator from Massachusetts. Please welcome Senator Elizabeth Warren. Hello. Thank you, Senator, for taking the time to join us. I did want to start by saying how sorry we all were to hear about your brother. You know, you wrote this incredibly moving piece,

a tribute in The Atlantic about the experience of losing someone during this crisis. And what struck me in reading it is how many families are going through something quite similar, grappling with grief when they can't be there. They can't be by someone's side. You know, we talk a lot about Trump's policy failures and we'll talk about them. And we spend a lot of time criticizing Trump for when he says the wrong thing, isn't empathetic, attacks scientists and what have you. But I just wanted to ask you what you think the costs are to all of us when we have a president that doesn't do some of the basics of leadership, doesn't express empathy, doesn't say to everybody, thank you for staying home, I know it's hard, doesn't say you should wear a mask. What do you think some of the costs are

for that absence of leadership? It's a good question, John, because he undermines us as a nation. You know, the point of when people say to you, I'm sorry for your loss, You know, the point of when people say to you, I'm sorry for your loss, it's part of the thread of connection between human beings. It's a part of saying, I love my family. I know you love your family. And I know this is a hard time. And I just want you to hear some of that from me and know that you are part of a greater family, a greater American family. And that is one of the key jobs of the leader of our nation, to have all of us as a part of the American family.

And to say we all care about your losses, about the sacrifices you're making, essential workers, about the risks you're taking on to get out there, sometimes in minimum wage jobs that are tough jobs, to get out there and put yourself at risk and your family at risk. We are all part of this family and we share your grief and we support you in all that you're doing. And this president, it's not like he only does a little of it. It's that he does zero of it. That press conference after press conference after press conference is all about himself. And how he doesn't like how he's been treated in the press. Or he had the best insights about dealing with the coronavirus.

But it's all Donald Trump all the time. And that means that here we are in a time of need. And he has just badly undercut the things we were drawn to get us through this time. And as part of that, obviously, it extends to the policy failures, because here we are, you know, parts of the country have been in some form of lockdown for well over two months, some two months. And part of that was a bargain. It was a deal we were striking, right? We do our part. We stay home, we leave our jobs, we take our kids out of school and try to make sure they keep learning. We don't see our friends and families. We have people going to funerals over iPads. You know, we have these terrible experiences. And the deal was the government would step up, that they produce the PPE, that they We have these terrible experiences. And the deal was the government

would step up, that they produce the PPE, that they have a plan in place. And here we are, it's May and there's no plan. There's no strategy. We're left with open up or stay home. That's right. And that's the whole point. Staying home was to buy us time, time to put a plan in place. And I'm know, I'm sorry, but we just have to remind ourselves of this. We had time starting back in January when all of the signs were there, this is going to be a really bad virus. This puts the American people at risk. Step up now. And that's when the plans should have been in place. That's when we should have been buying the masks, not just for the White House, but the masks for the whole nation and putting them in warehouses, figuring out the distribution

plans and on and on and on so that when the virus hit here, we would be prepared and we would have worked out. And I realize no plan is perfect. We'd have had to adjust and move back and move sideways. But people feel better knowing we're working according to a plan. But you're exactly right. It's locked down. It's now been locked down for nearly two months for most people. And at this point, the Trump administration has no more idea of a plan than they had two months ago or four months ago or 10 months ago.

Even as that's unfolding, there's a stimulus bill now moving through Congress or at least through the House. One aspect of it that's been part of the negotiations or the negotiations we hope there might be if Mitch McConnell has negotiations is around liability protections. Now, we just did a poll with Change Research that found that liability protections for companies around this is extremely unpopular. And obviously, it's morally extremely problematic to say you have to go back to work, no more unemployment insurance.

And oh, by the way, if your job's not safe, there's nothing you can do to seek recompense from your employer. So that's easy. Obviously wrong. But there's talk about some kind of a compromise where companies might be protected so long as they go through a set of steps that make sure they follow the guidelines to have a safe workplace. How are you feeling about a compromise like that? Do you believe there's any form of liability protections that you could sort of assent to in order to get money to people? So look, the way I see this is ultimately, it's about trying to keep everybody safe going forward. And the best way you do that is you hold employers accountable for their behavior. If you want

them to give people masks in the future, you protect them if they did in the past and you ding them if they failed to do it in the past. And you know the basic legal standard, not just in a pandemic, not just with this virus, but the basic legal standard is did you take reasonable care? And reasonable care never means that it's 100% guaranteed that 100% of people are fully protected. It means the employer did what was reasonable. The idea that somehow we want to move away from that just seems fundamentally wrong to me. Now, I'm all for saying in a time where it's emerging, where people are trying to figure out the science and figure out the health and the medicine, that having a set of guidelines to say that constitutes reasonable care so that employers

are solving toward that, they're getting the appropriate protective equipment, they're keeping people distanced, they're taking appropriate safety standards, helping them understand what constitutes reasonable care. I get that. I get it because ultimately I think it moves us all in the direction of keeping people safer. But let me add one more point if I can on this. And that is legislation that I've been pushing a lot. And big parts of it have made it into this negotiation package. And that's something I put together with Ro Khanna. And it's an essential workers' bill of rights. And it goes right to your point.

It has more to it, but it goes right to this point. It says, in effect, for people who are out on front lines in a pandemic, they are entitled to certain legal protections, including that all the appropriate measures are being taken for their safety and for their health, and that if they get sick, they're going to have full health care coverage and they're going to have paid medical leave. And then from there, whistleblower protections. So if someone's in the workplace and says, whoa, I see something that's really dangerous, they can't get fired for it. These are things that should be protections for each of the employees, but they also are part of guiding employers going forward to say this is what it means to run a workplace in America in a post-COVID-19 world. I want to ask you a question, a larger question about the economy, because, you know, obviously

we're in this economic depression now caused by the pandemic and the failed response. But the insecurity people felt and the mistrust people felt around economic policy was evident for a long time. It was one of the cornerstones of your campaign. We just ran a poll in Michigan and we gave people Biden's economic message. He was there for the Obama administration. He knows how to rebuild an economy. We gave people Trump's economic message that he built this great economy and he can do it again. And what was striking is that neither economic message resonated with people, that they are suspicious of anybody that starts by saying, look how well I did on the economy.

It seems to me that there's a lot of cynicism out there in general because they feel as though they haven't seen these changes in their own lives. What are your thoughts now, given the pandemic, given the larger insecurity we were facing even before, for how to reach these people? Because any group of people that are cynical are ripe for Trump to make an appeal to. Yeah. So, you know, keep in mind that the kind of cynicism that the government is not on my side grows out of a lot of fact that the government hasn't been there, that the government is not on my side, grows out of a lot of fact that the government hasn't been there, that the government has worked really great for those at the top. It just hasn't worked so well for everyone else. And people see that. They feel it in their bones, what's broken in this

country. And they want to see a government, not that always gets it 100% right, but that's on their side, that's fighting from that direction, not fighting for the big lobbyists, not fighting for the giant corporations. You know, think about that coronavirus package that we passed in March. It's a perfect example of this. So it had some really good stuff in it. A lot of money to hospitals, a lot of money into testing, expanded unemployment insurance in a way that we've never done before. And I think it's really terrific. Put money into small businesses.

Didn't do it perfectly, but at least was trying to head in the right direction. So that's a good package, right? And that should make people feel like, okay, this is, you know, we've got government working for us. But the Republicans wouldn't let it pass without two more parts to it. One was nearly half a trillion dollars in a slush fund that had very few limits on it so that Donald Trump and Steve Mnuchin, his former campaign fundraiser, could use to reward political friends and punish political enemies. And the second was a giant tax break for millionaires and particularly for real

estate developers. No wonder people are feeling cynical, right? You say we're in a crisis, a pandemic, we've got to lay out real money. The government's got to step in and put together some good things and then say, oh, but the price of getting that done is you have to pay this enormous toll, this trillion dollar toll in order for the rich people to sign off for it, in order for giant corporations to sign off for it, we've got to break that tie. Those two things cannot be tied together. We need to be a party that not only says but actually gets out there and fights to say we are here to work for working people and we're going to do it every single day. and we're going to do it every single day. And what do you say to somebody who agrees with all of that?

And that's what they've been desperate to hear. That's what they think is the absolute right thing, but they just, they don't buy it. They say, you know what? I voted for Democrats. I voted for Republicans. I don't see it. I just don't believe that the Democrats are any better.

I don't believe my life will get better if we elect Joe Biden. Well, then I'd say, then you're not paying attention to the facts. Back to my coronavirus bill. Who fought to expand unemployment? Was it the Republicans? No. I'm serious.

Who fought to get money into the hospitals? Was it the Republicans? Ixnay, right? Who's fighting right now in this next package to try to reduce student loan debt, right? And to try to get more money into childcare. It's fighting right now in this next package to try to reduce student loan debt? Right. And to try to get more money into child care. It's Democrats. Have they done as much as I think they should do? No. I got to keep pushing for more and more and more because that's how it should be.

But don't kid yourself. The people who are out there fighting for those tax breaks and put in tax breaks for bazillionaires into a coronavirus relief package, they were Republicans. And anyone who wants to ignore that and say, I got problems with Democrats and therefore they're the same, that's just factually inaccurate. One last question, and thank you for agreeing to play a game with us today. So this is a question I asked every presidential candidate who came on the show, and I didn't have a chance to ask you during that campaign, but I still want to get you on the record. Today, states have the option to choose permanent standard time or to participate in daylight saving time. Would you pledge as a senator, perhaps as a vice president, in any capacity to fight for a revision to the Uniform Time Act of

1966 to give states a third option to remain on daylight saving time year round? You know, I'm for whatever most people want to do in the country. So, yep, if that's what folks want to do, I'm in. Wow. But my view on this is, can't we all just get together and figure this point out? Well, the problem is we can't because it depends on where your state is located in the map. I could talk to you about this. We could really get into this. I really think I could win you over on the actual substance of why it needs to be state by state. And I think I can get you on board. I have some great charts for you. Okay. Let me put it this way. I am certainly willing to listen to the arguments.

And actually, you know, I actually want to make a slightly different point, not about time, but just in general. It is important to listen to the arguments in a democracy. This one I have not been as deeply engaged in, shall we say. But I remember the first time somebody raised with me rank choice voting.

And I thought, oh my God, are you kidding? This sounds way too complicated. This will never work and so on. And then somebody raised it again and somebody else raised it again. Somebody who felt passionately about it, who cared about it. By golly, over time, I began to study it. I began to read more. I began to think more about it, talk with more people about it.

You know, it really is possible that we can have these conversations and learn from them. Yeah. Ranked choice voting. We've got to have that conversation. Thank you to Senator Elizabeth Warren. She's graciously agreed to stick around for a game. So when we come back, we're going to play a game with Senator Elizabeth Warren. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. She's graciously agreed to play the game today, and we thought we'd surprise some audience members. So, Senator, if you don't mind turning your camera off for the moment, we can call our first contestant. Okay. Hi, is this Paula?

Yes. Hi, Paula. Thanks for joining the show. How are you doing? I'm doing well. How are you? Are you ready to play the game? I am ready to play the game. All right, here we go. Okay. For the last two months, America has been dealing with three crises simultaneously. First, the pandemic itself. Second, the economic crisis spurred by the pandemic.

And third, a nationwide shortage of edible marijuana products. And while my attention may have been focused on the third crisis, the media has had to divide its attention between the pandemic and historic depression. Unemployment is higher than it has been in generations. Businesses across the country are closing for good. Kids are out of school, putting pressure on parents working through this. And all the while, the Trump administration and its allies have taken advantage of the crisis to push recovery money toward corporate interests and to rewrite the rules to favor

the wealthy, all without proper oversight. In fact, some of what Trump has attempted with his squad of TV pundits and Harvard legacies is so egregious, we don't think you'll be able to tell what's real or what's not in a game we're calling, let's close our eyes and throw $2 trillion in the air and whoever grabs it is the winner. Are you ready to play, Paula? I'm very ready. All right. And so your goal is going to be to pick out which of these three is real. Okay. Okay. Question one, which of the following has actually happened since the pandemic started? A, Secretary of Treasury Stephen Mnookin, who also executive produced the movie Suicide Squad, carved out language in the stimulus bill to provide $30 million in funding for struggling movie studios with over half of that money going

to DreamWorks, presumably to help them continue production on the three Avatar sequels. Or is it B, Betsy DeVos has created barriers to receive relief funding to force more schools to align with the administration's views. For example, they must use textbooks that present favorable language to the president and his administration and limit instruction of certain languages like Spanish, which she considers too sexy to be taught in public schools. Or Paula, is it C, Trump and Republicans refused to support the $2.2 trillion coronavirus stimulus package unless $500 billion in federal funding was set aside for, no joke, big businesses. Then to oversee that money, Trump appointed Brian Miller, his own advisor and legal counsel, to serve as inspector general for the fund. When Elizabeth

Warren asked him hard questions about congressional oversight, he invoked attorney-client privilege, proving that Trump did in fact create a weird, complicated Rube Goldberg machine of corruption. Now, Paula, before you answer, I want to, it's a tough question and I do think you deserve an expert to help you. Please welcome that expert who can help you figure out the right answer. Hello, Paula. Oh my gosh. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm amazing now. How are you? I'm doing great. Now, are you ready to take this on? I'm very ready. They all sound unfortunately plausible, don't they? Honestly, I have no idea which one's real. Oh, think about $2 trillion up in the air, right? And think about who Donald Trump and his buddies most, most, most want to help. That's true. You know what? I think it almost has to be the big businesses. Paula, you got it. Oh my God. You got it. Thanks to the

help from our phone-a-friend, Senator Elizabeth Warren. Paula was going to get there on her own. She was totally going to get there on her own. You know what? You know what, Senator Warren? You can be nice. Let's face it. She needed the help. Paula. I was going to say the avatar one. So I'm really grateful for the help. You bet. And I will also simply ignore the fact that you said you were good now because it implies that you weren't. It doesn't matter. We're moving on to question two. I was pretty good and now I'm really good.

Good. Next question. Congress attempted to appoint an inspector general to oversee the stimulus. What happened? A, Ivanka Trump was appointed to oversee coronavirus relief distribution to women's groups, but after some reallocation, those funds have been reduced because it's been reported that Jared got jealous. Is it B, Congress picked Department of Defense Acting Inspector General Glenn Fine to serve

as chairman on a federal panel created to oversee the Trump administration's management of $2.2 trillion. Almost immediately, Trump fired him just to feel something. Or is it C, after Congress appointed Inspector General Glenn Fine to oversee the $2.2 trillion, Trump was quoted saying to reporter Olivia Nutze, Glenn Fine, that guy is the opposite of fine, more like General Glenn Bad. Well, the third one really does seem like one of his kind of punchlines, doesn't it? It does. You want to think about inspector general and a man who wants no oversight.

So he could just insult the guy and leave him with power. Right. Right. Or Trump instead could make sure the guy has no power at all by doing the other one. I'm going to be really honest. I'm pretty starstruck. So I was like, I fired you. Yeah, that one. You got it. Paula, you got it. Paula, you're two for two. Thank you so much for playing. I'm so glad you got to phone a friend. Thank you to Senator Warren for helping. You've won the game. And I hope you're staying safe.

Oh, thank you so much. This made my day. I really appreciate it. All right. Be safe out there, Paula. Thank you. You're the best. So are you.

Take care. Bye-bye. Bye. Senator Warren, I love that it's become part of your brand, that you just pop into people's lives. You bet. My kids are not crazy about it, but I'm going to think about that one more time. Hey, Kyle, are you there? How's it going? Hi, Kyle. How you doing? Good to see you. I'm in Philly right now. How are you doing in Philly? It's freezing here, actually. It's like 52 degrees. I don't

know what's happening in the world. I really don't. So Kyle, here's how the game works. We're talking about corruption and we're talking about what the Trump administration has failed to do to oversee the stimulus. So I'm going to ask you a question. Yeah. And your job is going to be to figure out which one of these is real out of three, right? Two of them are fake. One of them is real. Are you ready? I'm ready. This is great. Many working in the restaurant industry have continued to suffer.

Why? A, 27 Ruby Tuesdays locations across the US were improperly designated as food banks, receiving a total of $600,000 in food bank aid. B, the $2.2 trillion coronavirus stimulus bill included $350 billion for loans to small businesses, but many small businesses were sidelined after the money went to dozens of publicly traded companies and large restaurant chains like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. Or C, Donald Trump in March suggested

on a phone call with state government representatives making hazard pay illegal, saying, so these delivery boys don't start to demand ridiculous benefits like health care. Now, Kyle, this is a tough question. So before you answer, I do want to bring in an expert to help you. Please welcome your expert, Senator Elizabeth Warren. No way. Oh, my God. Hello, Kyle.

Hi. It's so nice to meet you. I love you. It's good to meet you. I love you, too. It's so amazing. We're going to do this, Kyle. You are going to totally knock this out of the park. With your help, I don't have like a scintilla of doubt that I'm going to knock this out of the park. Oh, we're going to do this. We're going to

do this. You're a scintilla man. I can tell. I'm knocked out. Okay. I'm ready. All right. You've got the answer on this one. Do you know which one of those is true? So Kyle, what do you think? I'm going to go with B. You got it. You got it. Nicely done, Kyle. And Senator, you know, it's an important question. What do you think went so wrong that this, or what do you think went so right, according to some, that allowed a small business program to be used by some of the biggest companies in the country. This is what happens when you have a program that is administered by an administration that thinks helping big business is what government is there for. Remember, it was not

only the big businesses like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse that got, you know, dipped its beak in the, in the water to be able to get this. It's also that there's another half a trillion dollars in aid available for these giant corporations so that Donald Trump is going to have a chance to help out his political friends here. And Steve Mnuchin who helped raise money for Donald Trump is going to be the guy administering the program. It really is. It's like seeing the world from two different ends. The Republicans think the point of government is to help big business. And the Democrats think the point of government, at least I hope most of us do, is to help people. That's why we're here. That's why you're the best. Kyle, stop. Stop stalling Kyle. Enough trying to evade accountability yourself. Next

question. Trump's corruption has extended to PPE and medical equipment. Which of the following is a real example of that? Is it A, blue states like Illinois, Maine and Massachusetts have received only a fraction of the critical medical equipment they requested from the national stockpile. Meanwhile, Florida received 100% of their first two requests, and Kentucky and Oklahoma got more of some equipment than they asked for. Or is it B, blue states like Illinois and Massachusetts have received only a fraction of the critical medical equipment they requested from the stockpile. Red states haven't asked for any equipment since they know that the coronavirus is a hoax by Anthony Fauci and that famous anti-Trump inventor of the germ theory hoax, Louis Pasteur. Or is it C?

Blue states like Illinois and Massachusetts have received only a fraction of the critical medical equipment they requested from the national stockpile. Meanwhile, Florida has so many ventilators, they're using some of them to store and traffic cocaine. That's a good one, Lovett. That's a really good one. Do you want any advice from your resident expert? Absolutely. to store and traffic cocaine. That's a good one, Lovett. That's a really good one. Do you want any advice from your resident expert? Absolutely. Are you kidding me? Please.

I think you're probably on top of this one, Kyle. You've totally got this. But you know, I do want to say on this one, as we look through it, think about what that means. That when the needs were enormous, they happened to be in blue states and places like my home state now of Massachusetts and New York, and that we couldn't get basic personal protective equipment that we needed, while places that just hadn't been hit yet by the pandemic were flooded with what they needed, more than they needed. That really costs people lives. Yeah. And that's the consequence of corrupt leadership.

You said it. I couldn't have said it better myself. But, you know, I'm going to go with what you said, Senator Warren. I'm going to go with... It was A. You got it. Yeah. I thought, yeah, I said that. I was thinking that. Yep.

Kyle, thank you for playing. You've won the game. Oh, my God. You got it. Yeah, I thought, yeah, I said that. I was thinking that. Yep. Kyle, thank you for playing. You've won the game. Oh my god. Fabulous, Kyle. I won because I got to talk to Senator Elizabeth Warren. I love you, man. You got it. I love it. You guys are so great. So nice playing with you. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Alright, well stay safe in Philly, okay? You too. Bye. Be safe. Hi, is this Christina? Yes, it is. Hi. How you doing? Good. How are you? Doing OK. So here's how it works. I'm going to read you a question. And basically, it's going to be about the corruption and the incompetence and the oversight of the stimulus and the response generally. Two of the answers will be fake. One will be real. Your job is to get the real one. Are you ready, Christina?

I hope so. Compared to state governments, faith in the federal government's response to the crisis is surprisingly low. Which of these is a real example of why that might be? Is it A, President Trump and his daughter Ivanka helped establish a food relief program in response to the pandemic, but nearly a third of the program's 159 contractors don't have a license to deliver fresh produce, including among them a wedding planner and a brand builder who we can only assume is Carolyn Calloway? Or is it B, a photo of the coronavirus response team went viral after a whiteboard in the background had a list of prevention strategies, including the word God with a question mark? Or is it C, PPE distribution requests in Florida

are headed by a single private organization that has technically zero active employees because two had been furloughed and three have been stuck at a resort in the Seychelles since March 13th. Now, Christina, that is a very difficult question. And I think you need an expert. If you need to phone a friend, please welcome your expert, Senator Elizabeth Warren. Oh my gosh. Hi, Christina. Hi. Wow. Hi. Hi. Okay. You ready to do this? We're going to do this. We totally have this. So, so what are you thinking on those three? Which one? Which one? I thought the first one seems like something Ivanka would do. Yeah, exactly. And that they would end up giving food bank relief to a wedding planner. Yeah. Right. You got it, Christina. Nicely done, Christina. And the final question of

our game, which of these is a real thing that was quietly stuck into the coronavirus relief bill? Is it A, Eric Trump was appointed the math czar, a job that has thus far culminated in a single Facebook Live where Eric Trump spoke to both the CEO of Domino's and the director of that Michael Jordan documentary? Is it B, over 80% of the benefits of a tax change Republicans added to the coronavirus relief bill will go to those who make more than $1 million per year with hedge fund investors and real estate businesses benefiting the most? The provision is expected to cost taxpayers $90 billion in 2020 alone, which isn't a problem because we all got that sweet, sweet 1200. Or is it C? As a condition for supporting the $2.2 trillion coronavirus stimulus package, the GOP demanded

$500 billion in federal funding to be set aside for tobacco companies, payday lenders, for-profit colleges, and TV evangelists who mail you sand from the Dead Sea that actually comes from Hobby Lobby. What do you think, Christina? So, Christina, you have this expert to help you, guide you. I'm feeling B. You heard the key words. Hedge fund, tax cut. Yeah. Millionaires get all the value.

What are you thinking? I was feeling B. That seemed on track for something they would do. Actually, they all kind of seemed on track. You got it. You got it. And, Christina, you have won on track. You got it. You got it. And Christina, you have won the game. Thank you so much for playing.

Where are you, by the way? What part of the country are you in? I'm actually in Vancouver, Canada. Whoa. Yeah. All right. Well, I guess that's allowed. Well, Christina, thank you so much for playing.

And please stay safe up there in Vancouver. Thanks for having me. Take care, Christina. Thank you. Bye-bye. Senator Warren, thank you so much for joining us today. That was so much fun. I'm so grateful for you for taking the time.

And I also just want to say, you know, I did shows across the country before all this. And I would ask the audience, you know, where's your head at in this presidential primary? And there were so many people that were so inspired by your campaign. And I think to this day believe that you would have been the best president. They're gonna get behind Joe Biden and they're gonna do everything they can because they know it's right for the country. But for those listeners,

I know they would appreciate my saying to you how grateful they were to see you run such a inspiring, fact-based, policy-based, idea-driven campaign that may have ended, but that will continue to sort of shape the conversation in the years to come? That is a very, very generous thing for you to say. And it was a great honor to run for president, but I want to be clear on this. I lost, Joe Biden won, And I am 110% in. We got to get Joe Biden elected. He is going to be a great president. We need to get rid of the guy who's there and get a man who actually

has some human empathy and who believes in competent government. And that's the fight I'm in all the way. I'm going to give it everything I've got. And I hope everybody who's listening to us is going to do the same. One last question. VP says what? VP says what? No, not going to respond. Not going to. Didn't work.

Didn't work. Okay. Senator Elizabeth Warren, thank you so much for being here. Sorry about the clunky, glunky sound partway in between. Bailey had a bone chew toy. Oh, really? He was given it the what for. Well, I will tell you, I had a quiet.

She was next to me the entire time, just perfectly behaved. Hold on one sec. Okay. Can you see him there? Yeah. Hey, Bailey. Look, this is Pundit. Okay. Can you see him there?

Yeah. Hey, Bailey. Look, this is pundit. I tell you, when people ask, how are you making it through the pandemic and all that's going on? And the answer is just a three-letter word, dog. Dog. Absolutely. Absolutely. Senator Warren, thank you for your time. You take care, John. Yeah, you too. All right. Bye-bye. When we come back, we're going to hear a commencement address by a graduating high school valedictorian hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up and we're back it's memorial day weekend and for many college and high school students across

the u.s this would have been the week they finally got to walk across the stage in a cap and gown give doubt to their principal a a term Travis taught me, and yell to the crowd some reference about a TikTok I wouldn't get. And while many celebrities and politicians have posted commencement speeches online, it's just not the same, especially for those valedictorians who worked hard to address their entire class. In fact, one listener sent us a recording of their valedictory speech to their Zoom graduation, and it was so surprising we thought we'd share it. So please enjoy a valedictorian Zoom commencement speech to the

class of 2020. Hi everyone, it's me, Richard, or as many of you called me, Little Ricky, despite my saying that I am named after my war hero grandfather, and the name Richard actually means a lot to me. I'm very honored to be this year's valedictorian. I decided on the very first day of ninth grade that I'd be standing up here, dressed so very handsomely, addressing all of you as our top student. And here I am. To all the parents, congratulations. To my teachers, thank you for helping me to reach this point. To the Sarah Barton High School class of 2020, we did it. We freaking graduated.

Sadly, we can't be in person with one another, and that's a real bummer. We can't hug and celebrate and reminisce and say goodbye to this chapter of our lives, to the special friendships you can only forge in these formative years. This was high school, I guess. And the bonds we made here are unique. I personally did not make a large number of unique bonds myself. Most of my bonds were, as they say, covalent. That is a science joke, and it's very funny. Our high school has over 2,500 students. There are 600 people in our class. Guys, how many of you even know me as anything but the guy who threw up when he got hypnotized

at junior prom? I'm the smartest person in this school by a mile. I'm sorry, Alice Merced, you're smart, but let's be serious, it wasn't really that close. And I say that knowing you're my best friend. No, I'm sad that this is over Zoom because I deserve a chance to spit the truth to your faces. And Mrs. Saltz did nothing when Jordan Baker made a mockery of my biofinal by taking crude selfies with my precious fetal pig. And Shannon Dempsey made herself into a Zoom potato during my final presentation on The Sun Also Rises, a book about what it feels like to be stuck from the sidelines while everybody but you gets to have sex. None of you invited me to any of the parties. I was social distancing before it was cool.

I'm like the king of not being around anybody else. And I bet a lot of you are still going to have the parties anyway. And I wasn't invited. And you shouldn't have them. But I still really want to go. People like you don't see people like me. People like me who do the work are ignored or mocked by the people like you who go to the parties and have the abs and like the taste of the illegal beer and know how to say something cool at the right time. I feel like life itself right now is a battle between Fauci's

and Trump's, but we Fauci's don't ask for a lot. We'll program your apps. We'll test your vaccines. We'll write reports on the traffic patterns and do your taxes and estimate your insurance liabilities. All we ask in return, all we ask is for some freaking respect. The truth is I wanted to speak here because I wanted you to like me. Sounds so goofy now. I thought this was going to be the moment where you would all see me for who I truly am. I'm fun. I say weird things because I'm different, but that can be fun. And yeah, I might not have originally been invited to the rager at Ben Vigiant's lake house,

but after my speech today, you would have all wanted me around. And at the lake house, I'd not only have learned the rules of flip cup, but I'd also be incredibly good at it thanks to my strong fast twitch muscles I've developed with the help of my typing tutor, Ms. Berganti. Shout out, Ms. Berganti. Stay on those home keys. And after the flip cup championship, I would have had a sip of an illegal beer from the keg. And Shannon Dempsey would look at me from across a basement I've only seen on Instagram. And she'd smile and look away, putting her hair behind her ear. And then she'd look back up at me and I'd still be looking at her, but not in a weird way, in a way that's

actually normal. And I'd walk across the room to her and she'd apologize for turning into a potato on Zoom. And I'd say, it didn't even really bother me that much. And I'd ask if she wants a drink and she'd say no because we don't need no alcohol to have fun. And I'd say, me too. And she'd say, is it true? And I'd say, is what true? And she'd say that you got a 1590 on the SATs. And I'd wink and say, a gentleman never tells. And then she'd smile and you got a 1590 on the SATs and I'd wink and say a gentleman never tells and then she'd smile and leave with her large boyfriend Chris because even in my fantasy I know what's realistic but I'd have been a part of it of high school the real high school the one

from book smart the high school you get to experience because as much as you Trumps need us to help you we Fauci's need you to accept us. But that can't happen at the lake house because we're all stuck at home. Because in the war between Trumps and Fauci's, the Trumps have been putting big points on the board. But listen, you me, we Fauci's may be small and outnumbered, but we're wiry and we're smart. And when I finally step on that Amherst quad and go through my libertarian phase as a natural reaction to how constrained and trapped I felt by high school,

this world better watch out. Ayn Rand was onto something. Because you know what happens when you're not careful with your Fauci's? Do you know what they become? Stephen freaking Millers. John Milstein, thank you so much for playing our high school graduate. Thank you.

I actually am in high school, but thank you. No, and to look forward to what it might be like to graduate as a high school student. That was awesome. If you don't watch your Fauci's, they become Stephen Millers. That's right. Hein was a wise woman. John Milstein, thank you so much. When we come back, we'll bring back the rant wheel.

Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Now it's time for the rant wheel. We're bringing it back. You know how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We rant about the topic.

This week on the wheel, we have the New York Times. The New York Times. The New York Times. The New York Times. The New York Times. The New York Times. The Golden Girls. And the New York Times.

Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on the Golden Girls. What are the odds of that? What are the odds that it would have landed on the Golden Girls? Here's what I want to say about the Golden Girls. I have spent years trying to get Ronan to appreciate sitcoms, and it is one small blessing of this dark time called the pandemic that he actually has come to appreciate sitcoms. In particular, a show about four lovely ladies living in the Miami metropolitan area in the late 80s called the Golden Girls. I love the Golden Girls, but I've decided there is one part

of the Golden Girls that deserves critique. And obviously, it brings me no pleasure to say this. And it is simply this. Dorothy is too mean to Rose. They're constantly calling Rose stupid over and over again. They tell this woman that she's stupid. I don't think Rose should have taken it for as long as she did. And at a certain point, I'm only in the first season, I hope at some point Rose stands up to them. Because that character deserves better. Constantly being maligned.

Constantly being attacked. Bea Arthur's too sarcastic. Dorothy's too sarcastic. And it's time we face it. And that's the rant wheel. I wish that we had more time. I was just so hoping that we could get to one of these other rants. But unfortunately, we just have to go. So for those of you who had a hard week, here it is, this week's High Note, submitted by you, the listener. Hi, Lovett. This is Katie from Seattle, and here's my High Note for the week.

I celebrated my birthday on Monday and decided to do a little fundraiser. And my fund managed to raise over $1,000 in 48 hours for World Central Kitchen, which I'm super excited about. I love Jose Andres and everything he stands for. So now we get to spend $1,000 to help them feed people all over the country, including the Navajo Nation.

And basically, I just had a fantastic birthday. So that's my high note. Thanks. Hi, John. This is Clayton Hoyt from the city of Buffalo. I work for Council Member Joel Faralletto of the Delaware District. And alongside Erie County Executive Mark Polinkars, I spent two hours in Delaware Park handing out free masks to those walking the Delaware Park loop.

It was nearly 70 in Buffalo. So all of those things really combined for a nice three hours of work today. That really brought my spirits up. First time to be outside the house for more than an hour in a long, long time. So thanks for all you do and have a nice day. Hi, this is Emily from Kansas City. My high note this week is that I was able to get together with my friends and talk about my mental health. COVID has really brought out the worst of my depression and anxiety, and we were even struggling to communicate before everything. but we actually this week were able to get together and talk about what it does to me and how they can better help me and just be there for me as friends and things have been a lot better hey love it this is kim on orcas island my high note is literally a high note because my friend

has been hosting karaoke nights on his instagram live and it's been amazing because it actually surprisingly replicates all the best parts of the karaoke bar. We have regulars who sing every time, we have people who always show up to support but never sing, new people who pop in and out, and everyone's always commenting love and support and you get that same feeling of camaraderie you do in an actual karaoke bar. We've been doing it once or twice a week for about a month now and people who never met before are starting to make real friendships out of it. As a social person, I think one of the hardest things about quarantining has been missing out on creating any kind of new connections with strangers, and this is filling that gap. It's both the weirdest thing and the closest thing I've felt to pre-pandemic normalcy at the same time.

Hi, Love It. My name is Sarah. I'm in Seattle, Washington, and my high note this week is my students. I teach high school here in Seattle, and I have an advisory group of students who are connecting with one another regularly over Zoom and who really have hearts on fire for justice. I think as the school year is winding down, they've been really resilient. We've also had some students start up small businesses, making masks and using their gifts and talents and interests in service of their community. And it's been really beautiful to see that young people really are going to save us. So that's my high note. Thanks for everything. Love the show.

Thanks to everybody who submitted high notes. I appreciate it every week. Thanks to everybody who submitted high notes. I appreciate it every week. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, you can call us at 424-341-4193. It's 164 days until the election. Sign up for Vote Save America right now to defeat Donald Trump, keep the House, and win back the Senate. Thank you to Senator Elizabeth Warren. Thank you to Cal Penn and John Milstein and to our listeners who played today.

Thank you to our grocery workers and truck drivers and delivery people. Thank you to our doctors and nurses. And thank you to everybody who works at Crooked Media, who keeps this show going out and Crooked going strong. Have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a product of Crooked Media. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, Elisa Gutierrez, Lee Eisenberg, and our head writer, former Mike Bloomberg speechwriter, Travis Helwig.

Jocelyn Kaufman, Alicia Carroll, and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our audio editor, and Stephen Colon is our sound engineer. Sydney Rapp is our assistant producer, and August Dichter is our intern. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Jamie Skeel,

for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Nar Melkonian and Yale Freed for filming and editing video each week so you can.