Lovett or Leave It - Choppy Watters

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

Scott Bessent launches Economic D-Day, Trump puts the “eh” in Canadian tariffs, and Fox News is a little hot for Abdul El-Sayed. This week, Josh Johnson takes us to comedy camp. Dustin Lance Black re-writes gay history (complimentary), and we shake our fists at rollercoasters, social media and Americans who just don’t love money enough. And we bring down the house with a barn-burning round of Second Thoughts.Hate listening to ads? Become a Friends of the Pod subscriber for ad-free episodes of Pod Save America, Pod Save the World, Lovett or Leave It, Runaway Country, Offline with Jon Favreau, and more—plus exclusive content, including bonus episodes of Pod Save America. Subscribe now at crooked.com/friends, on Apple Podcasts, or through the Pod Save America YouTube channel.You can request a transcript by emailing [e-mail]. Include the podcast name, episode title, and air date. Please allow 48 hours for delivery.

Love it or leave it, it's love it or leave it. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It. Live from Hollywood, I'm John Lovett, and to paraphrase Dolly Pardon, it costs a lot of money to look this bad. We've got a great show for you tonight, but first, let's get into it. What a week. On Monday, Treasury Secretary Scott Besson announced an economic D-Day for Iran.

In the Second World War, D-Day marked the historic beginning, of a campaign with our allies to target and drive the enemy from its positions, including those in third countries. Today, in that same spirit, we are launching an economic onslaught against Iran's financial connections around the globe. And this D-Day, Twiss, were supposed to root for the Nazis. Besson went on to warn other nations to cut ties with Iran or face the retaliation of the United States.

Any entity that facilitates money laundering on behalf of Iran will be removed from the U.S. dollar system, the clock just started ticking. And to show that he mean business, Bessent revealed that ticking clock drawn by the president himself. It turns out, in reality, the operation doesn't do much of anything right now. It's about future economic pressure. This led to a revealing moment during the press conference. conference. But D-Day wasn't a threat of an invasion, and the U.S. didn't give a timeline to Germany. So why not impose the sanctions today?

Well, we are giving everyone the opportunity to remedy bad behavior. Why would I want to blow up the global financial system? Hey man, if what you're proposing would blow up the global financial system, then wouldn't that suggest to Iran and other countries that you aren't actually committed to following through on the threat? How is this guy so bad at putting on a convincing act? How do we get the one gay guy who never went to theater camp? Meanwhile, back in North America,

trade negotiations with Canada broke down over a slew of last minute proposed changes by the Trump administration. This included a demand, this is real, by the United States that Canada no longer require bilingual labels for products sold in Quebec. Ironically, Trump is attacking a bunch of people who love fries and hate immigrants

for refusing to learn the language. It's just that that language happens to be French. Oh, that's not French, added the French. Trump announced a 25 to 50% tariff on imported cars, trucks, and auto parts. Canada imposed retaliatory tariffs and threatened to revoke access to their most important straight, Ryan Reynolds. Then Ontario Premier Doug Ford responded bluntly to Trump during a radio appearance. Well, he can kiss my ass as far as I'm concerned. We're going to go out him, full steam.

I know it's probably not helpful long term, but I love when other countries Trumps attack ours. It's like Godzilla versus Mothra if they both had gout. Ford later said the following about Trump. You know something? I've been in this game a lot longer than he has. I've got a skin on me like an alligator. And you think an insult from him hurts me? Well, bring it on, buddy. I'm ready. Bring it on. This skin tastes nothing like alligator, said RFK Jr. after killing and eating Ontario Premier, Doug Ford. Continuing to post through it, Trump wrote that the U.S. is giving serious consideration to changing

the name of Lake Ontario to Lake America. Good one, said a farmer, bankrupted by tariffs and fuel costs. I guess I'll put rocks in my pockets and walk into Lake America. And on Tuesday, Canada came back with even more retaliatory tariffs of up to 50% on aluminum foil, dishwashers, locomotives, and fish. It wasn't good fish anyhow, said RFK Jr., eating a locomotive. Then it was J.D. Vance's turn to defend this trade war at a speech in Maine. Canada and China have been the two worst countries when it come to trade policy anywhere in the world. What a shame that is. We have to remember, Canada is a state, sorry, Freudian Slit.

That was actually an accident. It's just hitting me that this guy is going to run for president next year, and we're going to be enduring this shit for fucking years. And it could be longer if Democrats, have a bruising primary and then somehow accidentally nominate Joe Biden again. Vance also delivered this charming anecdote. The second lady said, well, you can have one or two things. You can be vice president or you can have a fourth child. Ladies and gentlemen, I must be pretty persuasive because I got both.

Wow, men, they really can have it all. Maine was just the latest stop on Vance's tour, having used his Friday appearance at an Ohio steel mill to attack Michigan Senate candidate Abdul Al-Sayed. I'd love to go back in time and tell my papal that there's a man who claims to stand for working people who says not only should we have Sharia law, but if you criticize it, you're a white supremacist.

J.D. Vance emerges through a portal in the living room of a Middletown, Ohio home in 1997. Who are you? What are you doing in my house? says James Lee Vance. It's me, Papa. It's J.D. from the future. And guess what? I'm vice president of the United States. My grandson, Vice President, I'm so proud. After all the hardships you faced, I knew you'd be the next Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

No, Grandpa, opposite, opposite. Shut up, listen. In Michigan, they're running this guy, Abdul. He wants to impose Sharia law, or at least that's the lie I'm telling about him. Oh, I don't know what Sharia law is. We haven't been told to be afraid of that yet. Oh, fuck. Okay, okay.

So you know 9-11? Wait, of course you don't. Wait, what am I doing? Grandpa, call the FBI. They want to learn to take off, but not to look. And then the portal closed. And JD's grandfather, assuming he must have been dreaming, turned off Veronica's closet, and headed upstairs.

And headed upstairs, hoping that for once, a teenage JD Vance wasn't in the hall bathroom, masturbating. End seen. So stupid. Yeah. Speaking of Abdul, he appeared on Fox News on Monday and had this exchange with Jesse Waters. So, Abdul, you're a doctor, right? I am. So you think it's okay for a parent to slash his kids stiggling off?

You think that's okay? I mean, do you, so do you really want to have this conversation? Are you circumcised? Yeah, yeah, but I mean, that's a personal question. Okay, doctor. So you probably should want to move on. Ironically, it was Abdul who kept getting cut off. And it was Waters whose dinghling actually moved because here he was discussing that interview the next day. In this case, I thought the interview was fine. He was, I thought it was compelling. He's a confident guy, kind of a guy's guy, but I don't trust him. You know, I like him.

I don't want to like him. I like him for some stupid reason, but he's not right for Michigan. Look, the heart wants what it wants. And in this case, in this case, Jesse Waters' heart wants Sharia law. Speaking of people worried about their manhood, Pete Hagseth explained the changes he's made to the Department of Defense now that it's been rebranded as the Department of War. This is a new department with a new focus on our core mission, where we're restoring the warrior ethos, and that means a focus, an unrelenting, uncompromising focus on lethality.

It means no more DEI. It means no more trannies, just training. Based on how the Iran war is going, maybe we try the trannies. Republicans have all convinced themselves that trans people are unstoppable in the water, and yet you don't want their help with the strait of Hormuz. Trump isn't just lashing out against Canada, Iran, trans people. There are also buildings that are now making him angry. The Trump administration is now threatening to literally demolish the Kennedy Center

if their plans for that building can't move forward, including adding Trump's name to the facade despite not having congressional approval. And I say, go ahead, you little freak, tear it down. We'll find other places to sing and dance, like wherever Trump is ultimately buried. Now, if Trump's plans for the renovation cannot be enacted, Trump's DOJ lawyers have threatened that, quote, the center will deteriorate further into an unsafe, decrepit structure that will be required to be taken down with a determination to follow

on what to build on the site, such as a large outdoor amphitheater overlooking the Potomac River that has been proposed by some for many years. Actually, I've never felt better, said the Kennedy Center, posing with Elaine Chow. And finally, musician and icon Dolly Parton, who was born in a one-room cabin and rose to become one of the most famous musicians on Earth, who gave over 300 million books to children around the world through her charity, and who personally funded the development of the COVID vaccine.

The one person, beloved by all Americans, has died at age 80. Whoops, wrong 80-year-old blonde, said God. My bad. And we've got a divine show for you tonight. We'll be right back with Josh Johnson. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Simply Save.

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for Democrats to win again in the South. It's hosted by our friend and former White House colleague, Jennifer Palmieri. Jen is joined by award-winning journalist Aaron Haynes and former New Orleans mayor Mitch Landry. Jen, Aaron, and Mitch have spent months traveling across the South from North Carolina to Texas. They've spoken with voters, politicians, strategists,

and organizers to discover what it will take to finally turn the South Blue again. You can binge the attention. series right now by heading to Long Play series on YouTube or check it out wherever you get your podcast. And if you're in L.A., you can still get tickets for this show. Love it or leave it at Krookin.com slash events. You've got some great guests coming up. And my first guest tonight tells jokes on TV, YouTube, and theaters across the country. And now on this very stage, please give it up for Josh Johnson. Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you. Thanks for being here.

What's happening? Not too much. How are you? It's nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you. So I just want to say, I am annoyed by how much good material you produce as a single human being moving through the world. Oh, thanks. I find it a bit frustrating. That's nice. Because it's very good, and there's a lot of it. Oh, thank you. You know?

That's really kind of free. Because famously, there's like a choice between quality and quantity, and you said, no, I'll do them both. Yeah, I was deciding to give it a try. Yeah. Why do you think other people choose between the two if you don't have to? Oh, I mean, I can't answer for them. Yeah. But I think that what people might be responding to is that I'm genuinely interested in the things that I talk about. And I think that when someone's genuinely interested, it, like, can breed interest in the person that they're talking to.

Even if it's something that never would have occurred to you or you don't think is interesting, you know? Have you ever Have you ever watch Karjitsu? What's Karjitsu? It is where these two people get into a car. They start off with a seatbelt on and then when the ref says go they try to choke each other out with their seatbelts and stuff.

It is one of the most fascinating things to watch because it's like first of all, how is a sport? First of all, because we know Jiu-Jitsu is a thing. But who was like, yeah, but like, what about in a car? Like that's a wild thing. And I think if you talk about it you're genuinely interested in it. Now, somebody might even check it out.

One of you might go to YouTube.com after this and type in car jitsu and then see like an incredible... I mean, there's one guy who straight up leans out of the car using the seatbelt, wraps it around the guy. It looks like something from a Jason Bourne movie. Wow, I think I'd lose. Because I don't think I'm... I'd say maybe it would, like, get rid of some of my disadvantages.

I think I'm small. Okay. You know, and I don't know how to fight. Gotcha. So I think on a big, flat, open plane, I'm at real risk of losing to really anybody. And though maybe in the car, it being such a strange place. But I think I'd actually, I'd panic pretty quick. But if you know how the car works as well, it helps.

Because there was this one guy who this guy was trying to grab a seatbelt and wrap it around his neck real quick. And he just reclined. Like, he just, he leaned right back. Dude didn't know what to do. Oh, yeah. You got to have the manual because if you just press the budget, you're like, mm-hmm. Yeah. That sucks.

Have you seen chess boxing? Do you what I'm talking about? where people, they fight for a round and then they play chess. Yes. That seems fun. That seems great because you're good at one or the other. Right. And depending on how good you are at the boxing, you might influence some of the chess game.

If you can really concuss your opponent before you get back to the board. Right. Yeah. Because it's like, you think like, no, no, no, I put all my points in charisma and intelligence. They're like, no, I put, I'm barbarian. I put all my points into strength. I have a hook. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So you're fucked. you know, chess-wise. Yeah. You know, because you'll forget what they all do. Do you play chess? No.

I've always thought, oh, man, I hear this idea of thinking two moves ahead. Yes. And that seems like a cool skill to have in life. Yes. But I don't have it. No, no, no. Okay, you can build it. You can build the skill because I start playing chess.

And I'm not good at all. I'm actually pretty bad. But I'm getting just good enough to know when something bad about to happen to me. You have me? Like sometimes someone will make a move and I'll be like, that doesn't seem good. at all, but I don't know how to get out of it, but I'll still, that's the thinking two moves ahead. Wow. Because I don't know what's going to happen, but I know it's bad and it's probably going to happen soon.

I often fail to think more than a move ahead in life as well. Okay. I'm not a really strategic person in my kind of day-to-day. You know, I'll often, like, mishandle a social moment where there was like an obvious move I could have made, but I just didn't do that. I don't do moves. I just sort of say what I sort of, I sort of will lose on process. You know what I'm saying?

Are you panicked, though? Do you panic? So I used to think I didn't have anxiety. Yes. And then I went to something called therapy. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's kind of like catching on. You don't really have to do it.

You can do it like two or three times in your life and that's all you need. Gotcha. And so I did it two or three times and I said, oh, I don't have anxiety. And then she asked me a couple questions. And the end of it, she's like, no, no, no. You're always anxious 100% of the time. That's just what you think being alive is. You are like, you're like the Hulk of anxiousness.

Yeah, that's right. I'm always anxious. You remember that scene where he's like, that's my secret. Mm-hmm. I'm always anxious. I'm always anxious. So you are making these sort of, you're making kind of specials about topical politics all the time, but you now have a new special out that is more about you and kind of more personal stories.

Did it take more time to develop? Did you just do it in the same rhythm that you do kind of covering the news? I don't really think about things as far as how long they take personally because I think that there have been times where I've been working on something all week and then I realize maybe it comes showtime it's not the best thing so I'll pivot and do something else and then sometimes you have like a spark of inspiration you just write all day before the show and so I think that when it comes to what I do on YouTube weekly versus the HBO special, is like the weekly is more meant to be topical of the moment, things that I'm feeling or just

responding to in the world. And then things like the HBO special are more meant to be timeless. You won't find a lot of like dated references in them and stuff like that. And the hope there is that people will watch it a long time from now, like maybe decades from now. And the weekly is more, I understand eventually, it doesn't seem like we're going to get there now, but I watch old and listen to old stand-up from, like, albums from even, like, the Nixon era. And it's crazy how you can tell because the person's killing that the thing is funny, but you just have no frame of reference at all for, like, who Waters is. Like, they'll be like, ah, Senator Waters, this idiot.

And, like, everyone's dying. But then you're like, I, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what he looks like, so I don't get the tie joke or whatever. Yeah. And then there's like the Bob Newhart specials, and those are still good. Yeah. Somebody think about there as I make a topical show week after week after week for basically Yeah, but they serve different. They serve different purposes. Yeah, they serve different needs, you know? And also I think that there are best ofs that you can take that more speak to a thing that will always have with us that that will become timeless. Like for as long as there's been government, there's been corruption. If you have a joke about corruption, people are going to, across cultures even, be able to insert whoever their leader is who is corrupt in that place. Wow, maybe even aliens.

Probably aliens. I feel like maybe aliens haven't visited because it's us. Do you know what I mean? Like we keep being like, well, if they're out there, why don't they say something? It's like, do you say something when you hear a couple shouting in the next hotel room over? Like what, you know what it just seems like a couple is like really having the, the, the, the, the, last argument. Is that when you want to hop in and be like, hey, y'all, I'm here too? Yeah, maybe they've just been saying, maybe we'll just see if it comes down and stop by and it

just never has. Because on there, you know, it's just always been, it's always been kind of going. Because even when we think of it as being a generally peaceful time, it's not really. Whole parts of the planet are kind of in a state of war or horror, you know? There hasn't been a great time to land because even as we've made more advances and become more knowledgeable about ourselves and the universe, if you're an A.m. alien, you're still like, oh, if I land, they don't necessarily treat people who look different great. Yeah.

We're not putting our, we're not creating a welcoming environment for the aliens. No, but through AM radio, we are sending them like jazz and stuff like that. Totally. Like if they like prints enough, they'll still come. Yeah. And maybe they're like, we want to go to that part of Minnesota. We want to go to that part of Minnesota where the kids are all above average. That is a specific restaurant.

reference to a prairie home companion. And I'm so sorry. And you were right. What was I doing? Back to you. So on your tour, people take a personality quiz before they go and they get

assigned a quality or an animal and then they dress as that animal or the colors of that animal to come to the show. And you were saying backstage that you really love J.K. Rowling, but not the Harry Potter stuff. Well, I don't even know what to do with that. What?

But so you basically sort it's like a sorting hat. It's kind of like a sorting hat, but it's a little different. Yeah. J.K. Rally did not occur to me when I came up with the personality quiz. Oh, sorry. It didn't me either. Yeah. Did I make it weird?

No, you're fine. You're fine. This is what I do this. No, you're okay. No, I'm not anxious. No. What are you, but, so, but anyway, let's say, true personality quiz, I was a yellow jacket. You're a yellow joke, okay?

I got yellow jacket. Yeah. Because I'm, because I create a lot of buzz. That's what it says. I didn't just say that. That's not a joke. It was like part of it. Because I, you know, I'm like, you know.

Yeah. And you build community. I build community. Yeah. I build community. But what is it that you're trying to do by having people kind of, I don't know, like. Do the personality quiz? Do the personality quiz?

Yeah. Up beat, like it's a sort of camp themed. So the whole reason that I created comedy band camp is when I was a kid. I really wanted to go to like a camp that, for any like 90s babies in here, you remember bug juice and shows like that. Like there was this idea that I have of what camp could be. And even if it didn't exist, I just didn't get the opportunity to go. We didn't have money for like a summer's long type of camp or anything.

And I really wanted to create one. I never really learned to play music or dance the way I thought you might at an arts camp or something, but I started doing comedy, and I made friends with all these incredible artists. And so I made something with all my friends for the people that come to the show, like the sort of camp experience I always wanted to have because it's very much possible to give people something that you never got. And this is my form of doing that. And so, you know, you take the personality quiz, and one, it's fun. I love quizzes.

I love learning little things about myself and my friends, but also you show up at the show, and you already have an icebreaker to meet other people who are in your troop. So sometimes people dress up like you said. They either get the shirt that's from their troop, or they come in the colors or something, if they already have those colors at home. And you already have like a marker

as soon as you show up at the show for people who, you know, answered the quiz the way that you did, or you know you have things in common with and everything. And so it's just one of the aspects to the show that I'd like for people to play with. I went to a Jewish summer camp, but it was a sports camp, and they figure out who the gay kids are. And so then I get cordoned off with the gay kids, but then at the end of the summer they got to figure,

they give everybody awards, and they got to figure out what to give to the kids that don't play sports, and it's a sports camp. And I remember one time I got a plaque that said, most improved colon nature. So are you... Like I got better at looking at bugs. I think maybe you got better at being outside.

Maybe that's how they... Sound like. Maybe that first day they were like, wow, he doesn't want to be here at all. And then by the last day, you're like, all right, he's only mildly excited to go home. Yeah. Well, there's a point also, which the other kids figure out you're gay and then you've got to get out of there. Nope, fair enough. Now, we know you're quick to turn around a take.

It's time to put your takes to the test. in a rapid fire segment, we're calling the take machine. Okay. I'm going to give you a topic on the news, and you'll have to share your take on it 15 seconds. Just a quick take. Oh, geez, okay. Here we go.

All right. First up, David Ellison threatens to move Paramount to Tennessee. I mean, what? Do you know, I mean, like Tennessee's a weird pick, is all I'm saying. Like, is that a punishment to Paramount to his own company, Or is that a punishment for Tennessee? I think it... Yeah, we create a lot of weather.

I think it's his way of saying, well, Tennessee is hopping. You know, people are moving to Nashville, bachelor parties, and so far. What if Paramount was there? They got... You know, they don't have as much... They don't have the libs governing.

I feel like he didn't think this through. Yeah. I don't think... Do you think he's really going to do it? I think he's really threatening to do it. Yeah, but really threatening and really doing are very different things. Well, here's the thing

by being governed by a collection of capricious and kind of irrationally motivated billionaires who have deeply brittle egos. Yeah. Like, do I think it is rational to move all of these people from Paramount to

Nashville, even if that kind of destroys a lot of the value that you have from being in a city like Los Angeles, which is filled with the most talented people on earth, not talking about actors and directors, I'm talking about the people that make things. They make the people that are below the line. Like that, this is where, I mean, a lot of people have felt like

they've had to move because the business has not been working here. Yeah. But even still, that talent is here. And maybe you would say, well, hold on, if you move Paramount to Tennessee, that would really hurt the company and might lose a lot of value. But when you're a billionaire with so much money that you could never spend, when all of it is just, you know, numbers in a ledger, you can be irrational and do a lot of damage and not feel it.

And so you are now kind of at the, you're kind of hoping that someone would do the right thing, but I don't know. Next up, Jason Kelsey suggests you mail your piss to AI data centers. I think mailing is kind. I think you could just go that. Mail is a whole thing. You got to, like, get a container and you got to get postage, whatever.

All right. You could just go piss. Yeah, you could just go piss. Yeah. Go piss at the data center. But boy, I feel like if you're, like, if you're, like, working for PR for the data center people, the AI companies,

somebody puts this, you're like, God, I think I'm bad in my job. I feel like if it's, like, kind of cool for Jason Kelsey to talk about literally mailing piss to something. Yeah. Like, you've kind of lost yourself, you've lost the argument

a bit. Not, not just that. It's like these places, these Dea Center, they promised all these jobs that they obviously were never going to fulfill and the whole job,

like workforce, there's like two security guards that just make sure that people don't blow the place up. That is not enough people to stop people from pissing on a Dea Center. Like if you showed, if you showed up with a whole army,

like, and we're talking, they got the water bottle on them. Like, they're just full of piss. Like, everybody is. to the point where they're even kind of waddling when they walk up to the data center and then they just start letting loose. Security guard are going to be able to stop one, maybe two.

But also, you don't want to be pissed on. So then as security guard, you're going to be like, hey, hey, hey, stop, which people will eventually, but not before they're done. Right, it's just like, that's such an important point. It's just like, you're a security guard for this data center and you're like, why am I getting pissed on

to protect the shareholder value of Nvidia? Yeah. This isn't the life I wanted. No. This isn't the life I wanted for myself. Protecting this humming empty chamber of servers, figuring out or add more boobs to different pictures. And dirtying the water. And dirtying the water.

Yeah. Yeah. At a certain point, you just have to be like, all right, who am I protected? Like, one of my favorites is when, uh, whenever there's like a robbery attempt on like a Brinks truck or anything like that. And then the person is like, you know what? This is insured. This is not my issue. Like, they like fully are like, look, take it.

If you want to take it. I'm not risking my life. Yeah. Well, this is my, listen, this is my problem with the film Home Alone because they've, that is a, that is a,

that is a film about a little boy trying to prevent his family from hitting a deductible. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah. I'm sorry if it takes a little bit of the joy out of it, but it's like, but it's like,

what could their deductible be on a 1992 house in Chicago with an umbrella policy? By the way, maybe they already did some work early in the year. They had one problem with an air conditioner.

It's December. It's fucking, Christmas. They've already hit their deductible. And it's only through plot armor that he's not a murderer. Because half the stuff would have killed anybody. Like even as a kid while I was watching, I was like,

no, if he touches those two things and electrocutes himself, he'll die. Like, if he touches these, he'll die. And then he, you know, grabs a, oh! And then he falls back, but I'm like, no, that's a dead guy. You can actually, if you wanted to have a meter for how many times they die, if this was real life.

And it's more than 17. Yeah. Plus the third degree burns on the top of his head. Yeah, yeah. That's gruesome. And then some of it's just like injuries after the fact, you know? How many times can a person be hitting the head with like a brick? I'm a big fan of the movie and the franchise and everything, but just woof. Every once in a while you see someone get knocked out in a movie.

And as someone who's like had friends actually be knocked out through accidents and stuff, it's like to be unconscious for like even a second is pretty bad, right? And when you're unconscious for like the five minutes it takes for them to set a new scene, that's a coma. Yeah. You're in a coma. Yeah. You're in a coma. Like in Star Trek, we're like, and then you're out.

It's like, well, that's bad. Yeah. Like I love when, especially in martial arts movies, when someone's like, I'm going. And they're like, I'm going with you. And it's like, no, you're not. No, I'm going with you. We're in this fight together. And then the pro tank is like, okay.

And then they turn around, they're like, just to the back of the head. Yeah. and they knock him out. And it's like, when they wake up, the person's not there. But in my mind, I'm like, so you were willing to kill him just to not let him go? Yeah. Because you don't know when he's going to wake up. You just know you left him.

It's just not a very heroic thing to do, but we just keep letting it slide. Over and over again, through decades of kung fu movies. I'll tell you what'll knock you out. Josh on his comedy band camp tour in a city near you. Yeah. His HBO special Symphony is streaming now on. on HBO Max, and you can watch them on The Daily Show on Comedy Central. Josh will be back for the rant wheel.

And we'll be right back with Dustin Lance Black. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Hymns. Losing weight is one thing, but feeling your best this summer, that's the real goal. That's why weight loss by Hymns now offers access to the FDA-approved Wigovi pill and Wiggovi Pen. Wegovi is designed to help you lose weight sustainably so you can show up this summer feeling

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to feedback from real people who have actually used the service speaks for itself. More than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally. Better Help Therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. They also hold all required education training and certifications across a range of mental health specialties, meaning the perfect therapist for you could be a few clicks away. Better help makes it easy to get started, answer a few questions, and get matched with the therapist based on your needs, and switch therapists at any time if it's not. not the right fit. Therapy, it's great. You need therapy. We all do. If you can get into therapy,

you should do it. There's so many things you need to talk about. Even if you think, you know, things are pretty good. There's long-term things you should be talking about. There's ways you can help you manage problems in your life, figure out confrontations, figure out your career. A lot of things you can talk about with the therapist. See the reviews, see what stands out and see if better help is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com slash love it. That's betterh-elp.com slash love it. And we're back. My next guest won an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay for Milk. He is also the writer of films like Rustin and Jay Edgar.

Please welcome Dustin Lance Black. Hi, welcome. So good to see you. Now, hi. Hi. So you also have a new documentary series that's coming out. And you talk to Dolly Pardon for it. I do.

I know my heart broke earlier today. because the documentary is about the queer roots of rock and roll punk and heavy metal. You don't immediately think Dolly, but her manager, who she came up with was Sandy Gallen, who had a lot of other acts. And she went in the documentary and talked about how important it was to her to have a gay manager, someone who thought outside of the box because you had to as a gay man in that time, and who she could also just because they had no money at first share hotel rooms and her husband wasn't pissed off about it.

So they became best of friends. And that tribute in this documentary series was already a beautiful thing, I think. And now from someone who has had the back of LGBTQ people really early on, included them in her lives and is in a genre of music where that's not common.

That kind of courage is going to be hard to find again. She'll be missed. Yeah. She's a really cool lady. Real cool. Hey, remember Jay Egger? Yeah, yeah. He liked to suck the, you know, as well.

He did. Yeah, he was into it. Do you think he would have liked the movie? Did you think he would have liked the movie, Jay Eggers? Do you think Jay Edgar? What do you think Jay Edgar would have said if he said? What do you think of Jay Edgar Hoover saw the film? I want to, you all knew about this?

Yeah, well, I went to the house. I went to the house that he shared with his second charge, you know, because that's what you do in Washington, D.C., right? And you could tell no one had ever slept in the other bedroom. It was all really, really obvious. So would he like it? I really hope not. I wish he would have liked it less.

I wish it would have, you know, Clint Eastwood would have gone for it even more. Because that motherfucker, I want to see him rolling around in his grave, very uncomfortable, knowing it that's out there. Yeah. Hey, Clint Eastwood. I think he'd be hard to make chit-chat with, like, between takes. No. Really?

Yeah, he's great. He's great. I mean, you know, take away the talking to chairs at a Republican convention. That was awkward. Yeah. Well, he went for a bit and didn't totally work, but you know what? I respect people that go for the bit.

But what was he like to make him, like he is one of the great directors. He's also one of the great actors. He has a very kind of, I don't know, he seems taciturn in a sort of presentation. He's really cool. I mean, he really is cool like that. And you want a story?

You want a story? Yes. I remember there was this moment when we were filming. And Leonardo DiCaprio was on the ground. and he's about to get kissed after a big fight seen by a guy and Army Hammer. And we're rolling cameras.

And Leo says, hey, stop. How do you want this to be, Clint? What do you want this to be like? This kiss. What do you want to be like? And Clint Eastwood just looked at me and he's like, I don't know. I've never kissed a dude before. And so I was brought in.

I was brought in as the expert. Wow. Yeah, it was a beautiful moment. Like a gay consultant. Yeah. to let him know how I would have liked. And boy, growing up when I did, I really imagined many times.

Were you like, you know what, Army, step out. Let me show you. I wanted to. I wanted to. I didn't. He also taught me to floss my teeth to stay alive longer. Oh, really? Yeah, so he was a good guy.

That's a good thing. He was actually a really cool guy. Now, I was thinking, like, films that are dramatized stories about real people, I sometimes think we've watched like say Goodfellas or films that are ostensibly about real people but so leave that behind. Like does it matter that it's about a real person

versus like when you tell a story about someone like Jager Hoover or Harvey Milk, two writers might take the same source material, same history, same real material, and then write scenes that are completely different, different point of view, different perspective, and they would both work, and they would both be part of a true story. So what is true about the story in the parts that you're writing from your mind?

Well, I mean, it is easier to do fiction. That's where I started. It's a real trick and to do nonfiction and biographies. And the first thing you have to do is figure out what is it about, right? Because if it's just about a person in a timeline and nostalgia, forget it. That's going to be dry as dirt. So you figure out what it's, about what is its purpose, how is it going to be a chaos bomb? You drop into the culture and it shakes the right stuff apart. I mean, milk was that in many ways. And so once you know that, you just start to build the story around that and you start to find the pieces of the real story you can put in it to try and achieve that, to get that thing to be explosive. So, you know, with people like

Byard Rustin and Harvey Milk, it's pretty easy because they lived that way. But sometimes it's a challenge. But are you think, are you proactively thinking what are the ways in which I can use this, this real story and these real experiences to shed light on what's happening today? Or do you try to kind of get that part out of your mind and something is revealed in the exploration? Because obviously you're living in the present. Yeah, I mean, but by the time I'm done with the research, I'm pretty sure I know why it's necessary. Sometimes I give up after quite some time. Because I go, you know, it's not, it's not there. I don't know how that has anything to do with tomorrow, right? It's got to have to do it tomorrow. Nobody wants to go watch nostalgia. Like,

it's just not going to succeed. And so I do center it around that. And I remind myself of that. Every time I get lured into writing a scene because the truth of what happened in that moment is so fascinating, I go, yeah, but is it necessary? Or is it going to get in the way? And those are, it's really hard. You know, writers say that's like killing your precious children. And, but you got to do it or else it loses focus, especially in movies. TV you can play a little more, but in movies. It had to be really tight. Yeah.

Does that mean that if you were to write a screenplay about Harvey Milk right now, you would tell a different version, like how different of a story would you tell, given how much things have changed since that was 2008, 2009? Yeah, it was 2008, 2006, 7, 8 when I was writing it. And do you know what's really sad, upsetting? It would be almost the same now. because I feel like, you know, many of the movements that I care about,

and not just the LGBT movement, but the women's movement, the movement to be able to pray to whomever you like, the color of your skin, should that matter more than your character, as Dr. King says. These are the things I really care about. And in 2006-7-8, as we were watching Proposition 8 come, which was going to take away the right to marry in this state, our movement was so fractured.

It was so beat up. The coalitions that Harvey had built in the 70s between racial minority movements, seniors, unions. That's how he got elected. It wasn't just gay people. And that's how we beat Proposition 6 in a far more homophobic time. Same thing statewide.

And I was watching it, and I'm looking at right now. And I go, we've fallen for it. I'm guilty of it too sometimes. We've fallen for it. meaning unless someone from a different, you know, rights movement agrees with me on everything, we reject them in that purity test and we get divided. And you see people stirring it up on the right. They love to stir it up, you know.

And so, no, actually, sadly, I think we learned the lessons in 2009. I think the film helped it. We had this incredible period of progress where we were working together, arms were locked. and I've just been watching, I've been living in London, watching from afar how the coalitions have been falling apart.

And so, you know, when I saw Trump running again, I thought, inevitable. We've weakened ourselves. Nah, I thought it's going to lose. So, now, you're making this documentary, which we talked about, which you spoke to Dolly for,

it's called Rockout. It's about queer figures in rock and roll history, but also about your brother who was a musician. What is the connection to your brother, and what are some of the things people might not realize about the influence of gay people in rock? Hey, who was secretly gay, too, by the way? Oh, there's a lot of that.

I won't give you all of them, but, you know, one of the stories, and I'll go back to my brother that I loved, was Arthur Baker, who did the song Fire, and he had this gay manager, one of the bigies, Kit Lambert, who had the Who, and he said, he just rushed in, he said, I just saw the craziest thing. I just walked in on Jimmy Hendricks and Jim Morrison, and they're making out. And Kit Lambert says, what do you expect them to do? They're rock stars. So, yeah, there's that. There's a good bit about... And drugs, I assume, were involved. I mean, I hope they were having a very good time.

Right, presumably. Yeah, yeah. I think people take a lot of coke and things happen. Yeah. I have never seen it. I've read about it in my books. You know, and then back to the video games for me. Yeah, good, good, good man.

My brother was not a musician, but he loved music. This is the getting back to the reason. Because, you know, if you're making documentaries, you're not making documentaries to make money. Let's be real. That's not the point. So my big brother who was into punk and metal and rock and roll really Butch

came out to me, shocked me while we were filming milk. Like the whole family was surprised. I was like, are you sure this isn't a phase? Because he'd always he'd always worn leather. He worked as an auto mechanic and not that kind of leather, like

you know, punk metal leather. I was like he always wore leather. I don't know. I remember thinking about the Johnny Cake's episode of Sopranos. Different leather. But that became the issue is that he he moved in with me, he left Virginia, where it was still illegal, you couldn't have a job

or he could be fired if you're gay, and he moved out to California, and after a few months, he was even more depressed. And I come home, and he's sitting on the back patio, and he's lined up his Marlboro Reds and his beers, and I know he's in a state, and he just says, where are the gay people like me?

And I said something I'll regret. I said, I don't know. I mean, I know where there's leather queens, but that's more S&M than rock and roll. You know, that's more machismo than his music world. And, you know, he would be gone. He would die within the next year or so. And just in that kind of loneliness. And I'm a man, what?

I was kicking myself forever. I went, it's one thing to be an outsider because you're gay. But imagine being an outsider who's into music that makes you more of an outsider, punk and metal. and you're an outsider in that outsider group. That's really lonely. And so I just started digging when I had the opportunity and some time I freed up. And I started finding out that not only are gay and lesbian

and trans people in the rock metal scene, that actually we helped build it. And there's a really good reason we were the ones to build rock and roll. and in the documentary it gets deep into that. That's cool. So who was secretly gay? There's also a great...

I got... No, but I love that stuff too. Which beetle? No, I don't know. John Lynn. There is a thing on John Len. Oh, really? You got to tune in.

Yeah, and by Peter Brown, so not just like God... I'm not going to gossip people. I'm going to firsthand folks. So Peter Brown, who managed the Beatles after Brian Epstein died, and Brian and Peter were gay and friends. He gets real specific

about Brian and John's early relationship, in a way that's not sensational, in a way that's pretty beautiful. Interesting. That's cool. I was just kidding about the Beatles, and now I'm learning something, sort of having to pivot from this.

One of my favorite things is when Paul McCartney in an interview talks about the John rumor, and he's being cheeky, but he says, well, I shared a bed with him for years on the road, and he never made him move on me. I was like, oh, poor Paul. There was an article about Carrie Grant that was recently kind of on earth. I think it was hard to find online.

And there was a creator who does a lot of history of gay people in Los Angeles and Hollywood, whose names escaping me. But in it, there's a tour of Carrie Grant, and he lived with another male actor. And the house was immaculate, except when the reporter comes into the house, notices that both of their beds are unmade. because they clearly wanted the reporter to come in and see both their bed. These bachelors in their two separate,

unmade beds in an otherwise perfectly manicured, kept gay house that they had the two unmade beds. And I was like, wow, the reporter's coming. Let's make, hey, mess up the guest room, you know? That was really common, that story in entertainment. In fact, we have John Reed in the documentary who is queen and a... Elton's manager and also Elton's first boyfriend. They were together for a long time.

And he talks about, and if you can believe it, like people didn't believe Elton was gay. My gaydar, which is not great, I think would have been going off. But they would always must up the sheets before the parents came home. And he tells a story how Elton's mom kind of came up to him and said, we know babes and had their backs. when I was speaking, based to what I was talking about with Josh,

when I tried to leave camp early because the other kids had figured out I was gay before I was. My mother called and spoke to the owner of the camp and the owner of the camp said, oh, Fran, for boys like Jonathan, that's why we do the musicals. So, you know,

a lot of your work is tied into activism. I think there have been times when you've been sort of more forward and being an activist than times when you haven't. You also come from this background your mother was a Mormon and of that influenced you. First of all, do you think of yourself still as an activist and also has your mother's background and how politics worked in your home shaped how you

think about how to persuade people? Yeah, I mean, an activist the way I was for 10 years, not right now. Part of that's just I moved to London and my husband and I had kids and very busy and also kind of detached from it. I sort of needed a break, but part of moving back here was about, like, re-engaging at a time. You know, I know some people are fleeing to some beautiful cities in Europe and good for them. I'm the opposite. I see a fire. I want to get in there, and that comes from my mom. You know, my mom was Mormon, but she was also southern, grew up on the tough side of the river in Louisiana, and was paralyzed from polio. And I saw from a really, like, my first experience with people

being treated wrongly, was watching people treat her like she wasn't fully human. She couldn't be smart. She couldn't achieve because her body mostly didn't work. And it really angered me as a kid. And I just, I think it planted a seed of wanting to see justice deep in me. And I saw how she dealt with it, which it wasn't being right. She could, she had a mouth on her for a Mormon mom. She could read you to filth, but she chose not to in situations where she felt really belittled in public. And she would have a conversation with people who were very different than her, who didn't see it. And I learned from that. I mean, that's what we did in the Marriage of Quality movement.

You know, I was going down to the south, to Alabama, to Mississippi, to these very conservative states. And we were having conversations. We were having town hall meetings, talkbacks with people who are. I knew disagreed vehemently who is who I am. And those, I think, in combination with a lot of other people's efforts, those really made a difference. I mean, by the time we got to that Supreme Court with our case, we knew that almost every state was now in favor of marriage equality, and that was a huge shift in a small amount

of time, and it happened because we dared to share space with people who we knew we disagreed with on most things, and that is lost in the movement, right? now i think yelling at people for being wrong is helping if i just yeah it does feel good i disagree with that well thank you dust and lands black rock out is available on the streaming service reverie on september 20th and we'll be right back hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it is brought to you by helix sleep is very important a good night's rest sets you up for a great day i have trouble going to sleep once i'm asleep i usually moush um But sometimes I like my mind is racing.

I go to my phone. Then all of a sudden I'm up past midnight. And like I don't get five or six. I mean, maybe I get six and a half hours, but like it adds up over time. And it's so great that I have this Helix mattress because it's so comfortable.

And it means that whatever is going on. I know that like my bed is super comfortable. I have the Dawn Lux. And it was, I did take the Helix sleep quiz, which will match you with the perfect mattress based on your personal preferences and sleep needs. They have over 20 mattress model

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exclusive to love it or leave it listeners. That's helixleep.com slash love it for 27.com. 7% off sitewide, helixleap.com slash love it. And we're back. First of all, let's get Josh back on the stage. Come on back. You guys met, go through the... It's funny that there's a language of a stage in which even though you both have obviously met backstage, you have to introduce, we have to, you have to, and we've

already had an interaction, so I don't have to reintroduce myself to you in the theory of the night of this stage being the only place. Yeah, but maybe if you didn't introduce us at all, everyone would just think we get along real great. Yeah, which we don't. There was a lot of attention back there. Yeah, we heard it on the stage. He's got one of those hooks I was talking about from the car jitsu.

You wouldn't think it. You wouldn't think Dustin Lance Black has a great hook. Yeah, no. No, no, he fools you. Yeah, I hide it under this very butch attire. Right, yeah, no, there's a softness that and beneath. Danger. Fighting in danger.

All right, well, speaking of fighting, It's time for the rant wheel. Here's how works. We'll spin the wheel wherever it lands. One of us will have to rant for 60 seconds on whatever topic we choose. What is the function of the wheel? We don't know anymore.

Let's spin it. Josh, it's landed on you. What is something you'd like to rant about for 60 seconds? I thought that we liked money more than this. We're really willing to let Trump bankrupt the entire world economy. In a way that, like, honestly,

there would be so many more evil things said if any other president. Imagine if Hillary or Kamala had won and then anyone lost a dollar on milk. Like that would be a markedly different world than us watching beef and gasoline and all the things that he promised would go down. And not that I believed him.

It was one of those things where when someone who's clearly trying to get late tells you they love you and you're like, sure. You know what I mean? I'm not disappointed as if I believed him. I'm more just disappointed in us. I thought that, like, the French, you look at the French, right? And they were like, maybe we kick back retirement for two years, and they burned cars.

Like, that, I thought that we had that as the country with the most guns. Yeah, that was, that has been surprising. I agree. I agree. I, um, I didn't go the full 60 seconds because I was scared. I was about to say something that would put me in jail. Oh, you, and you know what? that's something that guests have struggled with

and you made the right decision. Yeah. Because we also have a pretty, let's spin it again. Oh, come on. Hey, I have to follow him. Yeah, you do, but it's like we're going to, but it's not following, it's joining.

But first of all, before you go, I realize that's a question. Dustin, Lance, Black. Do you go by Dustin? Or do you go by Lance? Or do you go by Dustin Lance? Or do you just go by Dustin Lance Black? It depends if I like you or not.

Yeah. To your friends? Lance. Wow. Interesting. For you, Dustin's fine. Dust, Mr. Black is right. All right.

60 seconds. 60 seconds for Mr. Black. All right, this is a rant aimed at myself, which is a rant about keeping all my shit together, all of it, which, Mormon. I grew up Mormon, and gay, so best little boy in the world. You've got to learn to keep all your shit together, no matter how you're falling apart. And I thought it was really good at it for a very long time. Recently, I went on social media.

I tried to go back on it. I hadn't been on it for a long time, and I looked at what I was wearing. I looked at my photos, and I go, my shit is not together. This, by the way, is a disguise. I don't even own these clothes. I wear sweats almost every day of the week. There are parents here who go to the school with my kids. I wear sweats every day of the week.

You know, I used to go to the gym. I used to have a life, job, all of that. And then I move back here, and there's this motherfucking incontinent shitstorm flowing in from Washington, D.C., and I got to pay attention to that shit to that motherfucker because it matters to my family. So I'm letting all the shit go to get rid of that motherfucker

and to polish the turds I really care about. Do you mind if I say a little something? I don't. As someone who wears the same thing every day, you look great. Thanks, yeah. But I stole it from my husband's side of the closet. I mean, you know.

But the hoodie look is really in at my house. Here's the thing. I would say, I feel like there's a kindred thing happening with me and Josh right now because as people that know what it looks like to have it together, to hear someone who does have it together claim to be among those of us who don't have it as much together, that's our culture is not a costume.

That's probably fair. There's a polish to you that I'm, that's very impressive. And by the way, I want you notice something, this is not something I'm thinking of. about in the moment. Before I even knew you were booked on this show, I've had a previous thought about you as a person, about how polished you are as a human being. Oh, I'm so deeply broken inside. This is all compensation. For sure. Stolen clothes from my husband. I combed my hair. I mean, these aren't things I do much anymore with two kids. So it's bullshit. Also, by the way,

can we talk about having it all together? Yeah. And social media? It's so fucking boring. It's so dull. So like, I'm going to strip down naked by the. end of this show to show you my true self. Great. Well, you'll run outside, you'll say Coney 2012 and we'll go from there. Yeah, that's right. No, just, it's true. All of the dysfunctional people are more interesting.

Like, all of the people who I would like to get to know are the people who probably don't really have it together. When people have it together, they're kind of finished. It's like when you see a sexy person at the gym, you're like, all right, you did it. Okay, stop. You can stop now.

You know what I mean? because they're just over there maintaining their hotness, and you're like, you're done cooking. Like, go have a pizza or something. Maybe it's for my mental health. All right. Why are you laughing? Let's spin it again.

I want to talk about a developing story, which is there's a new roller coaster that's going to open at Universal. And I was actually excited about this, in part because it's a roller coaster that is unique in that most roller coasters are on a flat area. This roller coaster goes down one of the hills

that the Universal Park is near and back up. And it's the first big roller coaster that they've built there. And they've been saying since they started constructing it, like, don't worry, we're testing it to make sure it doesn't affect the studios where we're going to film things. It's going to be very quiet.

It's going to be a shockingly quiet roller coaster. It's going to be, there's going to be no noise from this thing. They forgot something, which is that people scream on a roller coaster. And so they've built this amazing, super sophisticated roller coaster. But if you live in the neighborhood on the other side of that hill, and I am well known to be a yimbi, I believe in building, I don't like nimbism,

but I have a lot of sympathy for these people that are like, they invented a new kind of roller coaster? How could I have anticipated that when I bought this home? There's a scream every two to three minutes. That's all. One thing I would offer up, I don't know if it consoles. the people who are near the roller coaster or anything, but just as someone who has lived in bad neighborhoods,

at least it's a roller coaster. Do you know what? At least they know what it is every time. The screams that I heard in the middle of the night, I'm like, I don't even know what that... That's such an important point. But imagine if you're living in a house and you know that the reason people are screaming

is because of universal... Like, it's like a big corporation that decided to build a roller coaster outside of your house. And then I also love the idea that they're going to have to tell people when they get on the roller coaster, shh. Yeah. Hey, everybody, welcome to Universal. Have a blast. Shh.

Yeah. No screaming on this one. That's part of the fun. Everybody be real quiet. Have they thought about doing like, because is it one of the dangle legs ones or is it one of the like comes down on your lap ones? Oh, there it is. Yeah, it's right there. Trust me, my kids are so excited and I'm going to be the one screaming.

I'll wake up all of the entire valley will be woken. I'm excited about it. I'm going to ride this thing and I'm going to scream as always, but I think it's a fast and furious theme, so it's like a car. You're in like a little car. Why don't they just put like a bubble on it? Doesn't that keep the scream in?

If they put like a little bubble on the top? Yeah, I think there's no bad ideas in a brainstorm for sure. No. I assume, here's the thing. I assume with a roller coaster adding a bubble on top, it's like a whole thing, you know? Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it changes something. And then the bubble could always pop off, I guess.

But, like, if they have a bubble on it. Now bubbles are flying into the community of the valley. Yeah. Several injured by falling bubble from the Universal Studios' Fast and Furious ride. Yeah. You could go S&M and ball gag. You can get sort of into that.

Like when the safety belt comes down. They walk around and being like, you know, everybody. Tarantino would be super into it, right? Incredible idea. It's the Gimp. They just have to read. Yeah, it's called the Gimp ride. Yeah.

Is that a universal property? We got to suggest this. Yeah, it's the car that, it's the car that Ving Rames drive. and everybody gets a ball gag. I think it's solved. This is much better than a bubble idea. And you know what? You're not getting ideas like this in Nashville.

All right. I don't know. All right. All right. That's the rail wheel. And now it's time for second thoughts. We've done it. Another perfect show, according to me. But according to our producers,

there may have been places where I should have some regrets, which is why I have a list in my hand of things that the producers of this show believe I could have done differently throughout this night. And if Dustin Lance and Josh, if you have any thoughts or regrets or things you'd like to say differently or things you wish to adjust,

that's what this space is for. We reflect on even just this night and think, like, hmm, you know what? I wasn't perfect. You know? That's something that could happen. Or you could just, you don't have to have them. That's part of it too. All right, here we go.

First up, I snubes. loved Canada's other most important straight, Ryan Gosling. Right? Oh, wow. What an intense reaction. Oh, this is one question that the producers have is, do we think that JD Vance time travel sequence was, quote, worth it? And I say yes. I don't regret it at all. And per your wishes, I did cut it down.

There were several other parts of it that you will never hear. I'm sorry we all know something about Jesse Waters' penis now. now. Let's see. It seems like we are still definitely not on board with calling Pete Hegeseth the R-word. I received the feedback. Let's see. I immediately told Josh that your productivity annoyed me. That's fine. It's okay. I didn't take it personally. I also said I would lose at Karjitsu. No one asked if I would win at Karjitsu. Wasn't really on the table. To be Fair to you, though, most people would lose because most people don't know the rules.

Right. Are there rules in car jitsu? Yeah, I think there's like a thing about, like, you can't just like step on your opponent in the seat, you know? I think you can't like try to push them through the windshield or anything. There's some stuff. Let's see. I referenced Prairie Home Companion. And I did it.

I brought up J.K. Rowling in a deeply confusing way. I think I get what you meant by. the end. Yeah, I saw that. I think that's worthy of a bit of a bit of a bit of it or do it differently next time. I bragged to Josh about how good I was at looking at bugs. That's okay. I mean, I think you're better than me.

Sometimes when I see a bug, I immediately like blink so I don't have to look at as much. Like it's a way of doing a double take to make sure it's really there. Can I tell you something? Yeah. I'm married to a trans person and when there's a bug in the house, never, you know, never, you does the fact that they were once a girl emerge with more ferocity than bug in the bathroom.

Bug in the bathroom? I am in a heterosexual fucking marriage. The LGBTQ goes out the fucking window. It's like, it's out of control. Are you, uh... I'm just saying is what happens. Sometimes we're just two dudes. A lot

of the times we're just two dudes. If I cry, they're like quipping such a fag. Like, it's like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's two dudes a lot of the time. Bug in the bathroom? Oh, oh. Yeah. Isn't that interesting?

Everyone has their kryptonite. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Now, are you a good bug killer? I do the job. I do the job. I'll get it done.

You know, here's what happens with me and a spider in the house. Instantly, I'm like, there it is. A brown recluse. They're not here. You know what I mean? I've always convinced myself that that's the one. That's that one that got out of the exotic pet store. It's going to kill us.

And it's a microscopic. dust spider. Yeah, it's a tiny little home, you know, butt spider in the home. Not in our home. We got two butch boys. I don't know how we ended up with them. We've considered conversion therapy, but they seem awfully straight, and which means that every bug has to be saved. And at one point, I remember my oldest, three-year-old came up to me with a surprise, and he put it in my hand, and the spider's just crawling all over me. And I'm not, I have to appreciate it. I'd say thank you for that. Before I scream. Like a dog bringing you a bird. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, but we can't kill them in my house. Oh, you can. It'd be shame. Shame upon me. That's nice. I have a quick question. What escaped from the, there was a spider that's loose? Oh, I'm saying that I can, when I see a spider in the house, I think, I know that that is a harmless spider.

But a part of my brain tells a story about an exotic pet shop that that spider got loose from. It has been breeding in the neighborhood and slowly becoming an invasive, deadly spider. That's just a little intrusive thought I have. Like when a phone call drops and I assume that that building collapsed or if somebody on the street gives me a weird look, I'm in a courtroom telling people

about what happened. Does that not happen to you? I mean, instantly crazy, full scenarios of terrible things happening all the time. All the time. Yeah, these are new fears for me. Like today, like today, my key to the car on that back table.

Uh-huh. And as I was walking up to do the show, I thought, oh, if this whole building comes down, someone's gonna have to pick me up. You truly are the Hulk of Anxiety. Yeah, so this is what I'm saying. And this is the kind of energy

I brought to a therapist who I, when I told them that I don't have anxiety. Yeah. I regret what I just did. Um, to, to, uh, I also, implied that drugs must have been involved

for two rock stars to kiss. But that's probably true. Right. Not required, but certainly spiced it. I don't think you should regret that. I briefly pretended for even a moment that I know anything about cocaine. Yeah. I immediately asked

about gay musicians and their secrets right after you shared an emotional story about your brother. I asked no follow-ups about the brother. I went right to who gay. Yeah. That felt That felt a little bit insensitive. At the same time, I have to admit,

I was really into the which boys were kissing which boys too. Right, that's how we grow up. That's what we want to know. Which ones are actually doing it. We know they're all doing it. Sorry. Maybe not. No, I don't know.

But in our hearts, we hope they're all doing it. We just need to know about it and hopefully have a high definition video of it. Another thing. So I was fine with it. I'm so sorry. Who kissed? Everybody's kissing back then because of the cocaine.

Yeah. I think there's quailudes more. Quayludes. Oh, we don't have those anymore. Yeah. We don't have those anymore. A successful drug war. Hey, and that's where I'd like to leave tonight.

Let's all take a moment to applaud the drug war. And that's our show. And we'll be back on Friday. Love It is a crooked media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Hallie Keeper, Sarah Lazarus,

Roman Borsolino, Peter Miller, David Tolls, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Purcell, and Matt DeGroote, and our staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.