Lovett or Leave It - Come No-Fly With Me

Episode Date: February 19, 2022

When it comes to shows left in Lovett’s backyard, this week’s is Number Two! Lovett’s parents stop by to rank his monologue jokes, while Kylie Brakeman and Moses Storm pop a squat on the couch to spread some hot goss. A battle-weary flight attendant feels wiped from all these disruptive anti-maskers, while Lovett plays party pooper to a very enthusiastic trucker, fresh from Canada’s Freedom Convoy protest. We end the night with a spin of the Rant Wheel, which flushes out the truth about Millennials, NFT apes, and whether those symptoms are COVID or regular old unbearable allergies.For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.   

Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live or Else. This is our second to last backyard show. And boy are my arms tired of quickly throwing away all the takeout containers so the people who work on this show don't see how I live. That, I also just, we've had a bit of a night here. So when you decide you're gonna start doing a live show and by the way my parents for those watching on YouTube my parents are here we'll deal with them they're here for one segment and that's it and

we'll get to them in a bit but when you say let's do a live show in your backyard you think what could go wrong and And I have to say, it was very surprising to find out that the sewer line to the city was backed up, and we had a sewer leak in my backyard that I had to clean up before this show began.

Most moments before you arrived, and I did it in secret so Kylie wouldn't see, I snuck out the front door, put on rubber gloves and a garbage bag and cleaned up a bag of backed up sewage so that

when you arrived, you personally you wouldn't think, huh, is this the right place? It smells of human shit. And the point I want to make is starting in March, we are back at the Dynasty typewriter.

And you can get tickets at crooked.com slash events, and we'll be all over the country, and I can't wait to see you. And that's all I wanted to say about that. It was also lovely to be in my gloves picking up the detritus from Los Angeles' sewers and to look over and see Ari taking photos, I guess for socials.

Maybe the episode art. Got a great show. We have a flight attendant here, so you better be on your best behavior. She's got a coffee pot. She's not afraid to use it. Producer Kendra's here with another buzzkill of a figure skating update. And wanted to know who hasn't been on his best behavior,

the Canadian trucker who is also here. And we're ready to hear your juicy-ass gossip and, of course, the rant wheel because I can only get a full eight hours of sleep if I'm bitter.

Speaking of frantically cleaning my house, my parents are in town, as I mentioned, and staying with me. So we couldn't not have them on the show. Here they are.

Look at them. They have one mic to share. And what better way to incorporate them into tonight's episode than to have them judge these monologue jokes? Hello, Mother. Hello. Hi, Father.

Hello, Jonathan. Mom and Dad each have paddles. One says, love it. The other says, leave it. And as we go, they're going to rate the jokes. For those listening, I'm sure I'll comment on that. Mother, you ready? I'm ready. Ready. Ready. Great.

Terrific. Let's get into it. What a week. Today, California revealed their new plan for entering the endemic phase of COVID-19. Unlike the plumbing in my house, California is getting back to normal. See, I see there's an advantage to this new process

where we have it on screen. You can make these last-minute little additions. Said Governor Gavin Newsom, we have all come to understand what was not understood at the beginning of this crisis, that there is no end date, that there is not a moment where we declare victory. No end date, no moment of victory. that's what we call a Democrat hurrah.

So it will be less of a ticker tape parade in Times Square end of war, and more chasing an A-130 while it takes off from Kabul kind of war. That was a tough one. That was tough. Elsewhere in the country, Montana's former Republican governor mark rassacott rebuked trump's election fraud claims have you been rating the jokes did you forget to do what were they saying did they like them and i forgot that i literally fully forgot they were here i didn't know you started oh you didn't know I started? Sorry. You get one.

Elsewhere in the country, Montana's former Republican governor, Mark Rassacott, rebuked Trump's election fraud claims. He gave him a little taste of laughter, and now he's going to be fighting too hard for it. Mark, right, that's true. Rebuked Trump's election fraud claims, Mark Rassacott did in an op-ed in the Billings Gazette, declared Rassacott, there is not even a

scintilla of evidence anywhere to support such piffle, Rassacott did in an op-ed in the Billings Gazette, declared Rassacott, there is not even a scintilla of evidence anywhere to support such piffle. Rassacott continued, which is why today I'm proposing this far more valid rationale for hanging my fence. Thanks, Paula B. That killed. What did you think? You leave it?

Love it. Love it. Terrific. Meanwhile, Josh Hawley is officially selling mugs illustrated with his January 6th fist in the air. It's not a pro-riot mug,

the senator told the Huffington Post. I like a mug that you have to explain. A mug that says this is not the mug of an insurrectionist to be clear.

It's very embarrassing. Anyway, if you're gift shopping, it's a great way to say I'm sorry your grandkids blocked you on Facebook. Speaking of dangerous addled movements, I'm sorry your grandkids blocked you on Facebook. Speaking of dangerous addled movements, I don't know about you, but I have been

neck deep in Freedom Convoy news recently, and I wanted to visually break down my thoughts about these protests, because I think there's been a lot of, like, they shouldn't be there, but it's a civil unrest. Hallie's gonna join me on stage with a chart that breaks down the protests based on how righteous and disruptive they are, and we're just going to see where the Freedom Convoy ranks. What a complicated

show today. So here's what we have. All right. This is disruptiveness and this is righteousness. You want to be up there or down here. OK, but you don't want to be down here and you really don't want to be up here either. All right. Protesters shut down the 101 during George Floyd protests. That is righteous and disruptive, like a freedom convoy. You know? That's okay. We'll do that one.

We'll put that one up here in the corner. It's not even that disruptive, to be honest. It's just righteous and a little annoying, you know? In a good way. For justice. But see then, you have an anti-masker screaming at a Starbucks cashier. And for the people in the Starbucks,

that's very disruptive. And not righteous, right? So that goes up here. My fingers and Hallie's fingers just touched and we hated it. No, get away. Get off of my hand. The women of Athens withholding sex in 411.

It's a year. It's a year. I know. I know. It's a year to end the Peloponnesian War. I bet it was pretty disruptive. I don't know much about the Peloponnesian War, but I think it's good to withhold sex to stop a war. So we're going to call it very...

Ew, don't be gross. You're both being gross. No, don't use your paddles of sex as a the war. So we're going to call it very... Ew, don't be gross. You're both being gross. No, don't use your paddles of sex as a disgust. And we're going to call this one righteous and not really that disruptive. Which brings us to the freedom convoy. We also have not eating Chick-fil-A. That's

neither good nor disruptive. Brian boycotting sports at sleepaway camp until boys and girls get equal art time. That annoyed 100% of the people at Brian's camp. But we're going to end with the Freedom Convoy, which we were going to say was maximally disruptive and completely not righteous, so it goes in the corner. All right?

And that's all I wanted to say about that. Bye, Hallie. Give it up for Hallie. Anyway, the first season of Friends is back on Chinese streaming platforms with Chinese fans flagging censors' edits, including the fact that Ross' ex-wife, Carol, with whom he has a child, is a lesbian,

as well as multiple mentions of sex and Joey going to the strip club. Some of these edits are shocking, but more shocking are the episodes they left up, including the one where Chandler frees Tibet. Could China be any more free and ascendant? That's in the show. Yeah, there you go. It's a, you know, sarcasm. Invented. Friends. 1994. Conservatives freaked out this week over Biden's free crack pipes after the Department of Health and Human Services announced that the federal grant for a local drug rehabilitation program was aimed at harm reduction, which includes clean needles and safe smoking kits. Conservatives, of course, are offended because it doesn't adhere to supply side economics. The best way to get people to smoke crack is to create a yawning chasm of misery. Give a person a crack pipe and they'll smoke it for a day. Teach someone that life is pointless.

That there's no help, no opportunity. That the good parts of life aren't for them and no one cares and that all paths out are closed. They'll smoke crack for the rest of their lives. You loved that? Wanda Sykes, Amy Schumer and Regina Hall will host this year's Academy Awards which sounds cool.

I'm into that. I think that's good. They're great. I'm just saying. Oh, that's who's... Every year, the Oscar host is unacceptable, no matter who it is. But I actually think that sounds great,

and they're a great host to be out there, not just because they're very funny, but also I think they'll be good in a crisis when Don't Look Up sweeps and P.T. Anderson takes hostages. On Monday, a judge tossed out Sarah Palin's libel lawsuit against the New York Times, saying Palin's lawyers had failed to provide sufficient evidence

proving the paper had acted with malice. What's cool is the judge actually sent the jury off to deliberate and then dismissed it and said, no matter what happens, this is over. The Times has won. But I still am curious what the jury's going to do, so I'm going to let them decide, too. And then the jury came back and said, we agree with the Times has won, but I still am curious what the jury's gonna do. So I'm gonna let them decide too. And then the jury came back and said,

we agree with the Times as well. So then the jury sided with the Times, which is like the judicial equivalent of like walking away before something explodes behind you. He was like, case dismissed. Throws the match, walks away. Boom. I think that's cool.

Anyway, a spokesman for the Times said in a statement, justice has been served and we are glad to have been protected against the scurrilous lawsuit by a known school shooter and lesbian. And lesbian was a late addition. And I actually think important because it's interesting that it's both something very, very bad that you don't want to be and just something that's incorrect. And that they're put together in some way.

I think just saying school shooter was boring and expected an alleged drunk woman riding a motorized wheeled suitcase led police on a low-speed chase through the orlando airport the cop was corralling this person out of the airport until she spat at him at which point he arrested her this is orlando lady the city loves for people to be drunk while waiting for a ride. You just can't spit. It's the only fucking rule about drunk waiting. It's the only rule.

And finally, Shailene Woodley and Aaron Rodgers have called off their engagement and broken up. Reports say Aaron has cold feet, a troubling symptom of long COVID. Hey. Hey, give it up for Fran and Robert, huh? of long COVID. Hey. Hey. Give it up for Fran and Robert, huh? Great job tonight. When we come back, we take to the skies.

And we're back. On Tuesday, eight Republican senators sent a letter to the Justice Department expressing strong opposition to a request from Delta Airlines CEO Ed Bastian for the DOJ to create a federal no-fly list for convicted unruly passengers because, and this

is a quote, the majority of recent infractions have been in relation to the mask mandate. This is a good example to me of being wrong for the right reasons. If you have lost your shit on a plane for refusing to wear a mask, you should face the consequences and hopefully have some kind of epiphany while doing community service on the side of a highway where all of a sudden it hits you that you're a big fucking chump.

But no, you should not be added to some permanent naughty list run by the government at the behest of a private corporation like Delta. I don't know, that's how I feel. But Delta is reacting to a larger set of challenges on its airplanes. The ongoing active deterioration of our society, the fraying of social bonds, the entitlement, flagrant narcissism, and selfishness on display in public spaces, they have slipped the surly bonds of earth. In fact, this week, an American Airlines flight attendant had to repeatedly bash a passenger

over the head with a coffee pot as the man attempted to open the door to the plane mid-flight after brandishing a plastic knife and attempting to break a bottle to use as a weapon. Joining us tonight is that very hero. Let's hear a round of applause as we welcome to the stage, coffee pot flight attendant. Stop flying places! Take a train! Take a bus! Do something else!

Get out of my fucking skies! I see you still have the coffee pot there. Just like to have it on hand for protection. Well, I just love a hot cup of joe sometimes. Really? No, John! It's a war zone up there! This pod is the last line of defense I have!

I wanted to carry a Morningstar, but I couldn't fit it in my carry-on. Oh, like a medieval weapon, like on the end of a stick with a big ball of metal with the spikes. You were going to have that in the plane, but instead you have the coffee pot. TSA hates those for some reason. They hate them. It's one weird trick TSA hates. They hate them. It's one weird trick TSA hates. They hate it. Clearly these past few years have been very difficult for

everyone working in the service industry. Between pandemic-anxious customers, drinking too much on flights, and anti-maskers parading workers, it's gotta make your job ten times more difficult. You think, John? I signed up for this because I thought I'd be like a sky bartender. You want some Chardonnay? Another tiny

bag of pretzels? No problem. I didn't realize I'd be a full-on club bouncer. Some days, I am the only thing keeping a blacked-out businessman from ramming the cockpit door

with a beverage cart. I'm basically Bruce Willis in Die Hard, except with a fetching little scarf and sensible heels. I really can't imagine. I mean, in your case, you literally had to knock a passenger over the head so he wouldn't open the exit door.

Well, fortunately, John, the plane exit doors open outwards, so you need like 24,000 pounds of pressure to open them. Yeah, according to an article I read in Fortune, that's like six cars or 20 polar bears. A perfect, normal way to measure. Okay, but have you ever told someone in a MAGA hat to sit down and put their mask on after refusing them a sixth whiskey and Coke? If they say they can open the door, I believe them.

So let's talk about this federal no-fly list. According to this letter from the Republican senators, creating a federal no-fly list for unruly passengers who are skeptical of this mandate would simply equate them to terrorists who seek to actively take the lives of Americans and perpetrate attacks on the homeland. John, I would love to differentiate between terrorists and screaming anti-maskers. I would also like to not get sucked halfway out of a plane when some tequila-soaked Facebook ant kicks one of those tiny windows open one day. I have to believe we can have both. I hadn't thought about the windows.

The letter also says that the TSA was created in the wake of 9-11 to protect Americans from future horrific attacks, not to regulate human behavior on board flights. What are your thoughts on this? Well, first of all, the phrase human behavior is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, John. Just like I did when I had to throw a man over my shoulder so he wouldn't defecate in the galley for something he called Poop Thursdays. Most people can go to work and expect not to be berated

and physically assaulted by strangers, John. Less and less true, but I take your point. Is it so much to ask that I, too, not get punched in the back of the head while I'm trying to hand out delicious Biscoff cookies? Just because a virus exists and we don't want people to get it? Those cookies are good, those Biscoff cookies.

They're the best. Absolutely divine. You know we can take home like an unlimited amount, right? I meant to ask you this. Why did you personally become a flight attendant? John, I'm glad you asked. It was a simpler time when I pledged myself to the sky. The year was 2014.

Obama in the White House. All about that bass playing on the radio. And we were all doing the Ice Bucket Challenge. Of course, the Ice Bucket Challenge. Anyway, I became a flight attendant because it has a uniform, and I hate choosing an outfit to wear every day. What a drag.

Plus, can I let you in on a little secret? I'm begging you to. You can drink the water from the bathroom sink, and it's delicious. No. Come on. It's the second reason why I took the job. Is that really true? Yes, but you have to cut that out.

I can't have anyone competing with me for that sink water. It's better than Fiji. It's better than Fiji. You can quote me on that. You can quote them. But then cut that out. I can't have anyone competing with me for that sink water. It's better than Fiji. It's better than Fiji. You can quote me on that. You can quote, quote them. But then cut it out. But then cut it out. But then cut it out.

And get it out of there. Just to play devil's advocate for a moment, and I don't mean the 1997 Keanu Reeves thriller that I have fallen asleep to on a plane, but I know Republicans will say, why a federal no-fly list? Let the individual airlines ban people themselves if they want to. And they do.

Why is relying on individual airline bans not the answer? Well, because it allows disruptive anti-mask maniacs to simply book a ticket on a different airline, John. Yeah, but if the issue is people aren't respecting the rules, doesn't that argue for making the penalties harsher, like making the airlines actually enforce their policies and holding people responsible, rather than assuming that people are going to do this over and over again? Like, what if someone discovers through

their rage at 30,000 feet that they want to make a change? What if this is their drunk prey love? I think we have to leave the door open. Not literally. Everyone be sucked out. Are you really debating me, John? Well, I have this coffee pot in my hand. I'm not stable enough for this. I'm a woman on the edge. Two weeks ago on my second New Orleans leg of the day, a whole bachelor party snuck up to first class and peed on all the coats. Why? Why would anyone do that? Why do you need to do piss coats for Eric's wedding? Is that a new tradition I don't know about? What is wrong with people? Why is this my problem? I say fix your society on the ground before you come up to my sky, you maniacs! Okay, alright, no fly list.

Fine, whatever you think is best. I haven't seen my kids in four days, John! Do you really think I want to babysit a full-grown adult who throws up while saying, Make mine a double? You have to be able to complete this sentence without barfing! I'm not going to give it to you. Right, of course. If you're barfing, you shouldn't get one.

You shouldn't get one. You shouldn't get one. So what is the solution? Okay, well, if you ask me, just have two different no-fly lists. One labeled terrorists and the other complete fucking assholes. That one is sufficiently broad enough to make me worried about our upcoming tour dates. Anyway, thank you so much for joining me. The coffee pot flight

attendant, everybody. If any of you smoke in the bathroom, I will kill you. This is a threat. Kylie Brakeman, everybody. Listener, Improvise Hollywood

Roundtable Podcast. Artists on artists on artists on artists. And if you're in L.A., she'll be hosting a show at the Yard Theater on February 27th. Thanks again, Kylie.

When we come back, we got an update from Kendra. And we're back. Last week, our producer Kendra pulled back the diaphanous bedazzled veil on Olympic figure skating, and oh God, so much more has happened in just the last week. Here to give us an update on the ice-cold world of the games. Welcome back to the show, Kendra James. Now, before we begin, Kendra, before we do Love or Leave It, Live or Else, there's a ritual where I see if people want coffee, and there's a delicate negotiation people do with themselves.

Am I tired? Yes, but it's 6 o'clock. What happens if I have coffee now? And so the order is sent to look something like small coffee or small iced coffee to find the delicate balance between being alert for this show and being able to sleep. I've been here for that. I've seen.

And you said, get me a chai latte, add four shots of espresso. Correct. Which is the closest thing I think Starbucks makes to jet fuel. Why is it that you at this moment required such a jolt? So I woke up at 3.30 to go to the bathroom ostensibly. But instead I sat down on the couch and started watching figure skating.

And how many hours of figure skating did you watch? Well, so I missed the first hour and a half. figure skating. And how many hours of figure skating did you watch? Well, so I missed the first hour and a half. So I missed the first sort of one and a half groups. But then I watched from 3.30 until 6.15, 6.30. Nice. Nice. So ladies skating wrapped up. What were the results? What happened? And why is all I'm seeing online pictures of sobbing and shell-shocked teenage Russian girls? I have not experienced emotion like this watching figure skating since the Kerrigan incident. And by the Kerrigan incident, I do mean when she was on television. There's only one.

Yeah. The time she didn't do as well as she thought? No. We know the time. When you say the Kerrigan incident, there's the one. Yeah. And I mean that genuinely. Watching this this morning was wild. So basically what happened was I discussed last week, Terry Tiberius says girls

who came to the Olympics from Russia and the girl Camila Valieva, who was expected to easily take first place. And she was in first place after the short program. Not unexpectedly, she really crumbled under the pressure of the ensuing investigation being suspended and then unsuspended. And she started her program with a triple axel, fell, and then couldn't hit a jump, basically, for the rest of the program. So her teammate, Sasha Trusova, landed five quads. They weren't pretty, all of them, but she landed five quads in her program. of them, but she landed five quads in her program. And then her other teammate, Anna Shcherbakova, got the gold with two quads and a triple-triple combo. And when it was announced that Shcherbakova would take the lead over Trusova, Trusova broke down on television. This was live on NBC this

morning. And she literally, she started, I hesitate to call it a tantrum because I feel like that's rude to these teenage girls who are under such a massive amount of pressure. But she was yelling, I hate you at my coach. She was yelling, I hate you at the judges. She was just screaming, wanted to refuse to go onto the medal podium because she was so upset that she got a silver medal despite landing the five quads. And that's because for an Atari student, silver is loss. You have not achieved anything if you got a silver medal. And meanwhile, for me, what would be the enduring image of the Olympics

was Anna Shcherbakova sitting in the kiss and cry alone. She won the gold. She won the gold. She was sitting in the kiss and cry alone. No coach, no choreography staff, no one coming over to congratulate her, embrace her, help her through the sea of emotion that was coming from Trusova and Valleva, who was sobbing. And Valleva, when she got off the ice, the first thing Terry said to her was,

why did you miss that triple axel? You let it go after all of that. Tell me why you let it go. Was she not supposed to win the gold? Was that like? So everyone thought it was going to be a podium sweep um and i should mention that came in third was kaori sakamoto from japan who's a beautiful skater and she deserved uh what she got and she deserved higher component scores than the russian girls but judging's a little biased in figure skating and um so she didn't get those but she did come in third and so she actually kaori was kind of the person who had to hold the whole thing together. I mean, she was the only one who wanted to be on that podium stand. She was thrilled to have gotten bronze. And you could see her sort of trying to inch closer to

all the Russian girls, like maybe like make these photo ops work. But those two girls, it was just a mess of emotion. And no adult in the room was doing anything. So one thing you talked about last week is that this is a very abusive coach in an abusive situation that these are kids that they're in and is one of the reasons that she would be upset for landing five quads and not getting the gold is that she won't be able to do quads in the future. I mean I think she might know that subconsciously but what it really is is so she's been competing for quite some time now and she's watched her teammates get golds throughout her life, and she's never gotten one. And I think she was told by a Terry that if you land those five quads, you don't have to work on any other part of your skating, not your artistry, not your skating skills, nothing.

If you land those five quads, you will win. And then she didn't win. And so there was a lot of disappointment to try to overcome. And so there was a lot of disappointment to try to overcome. But the coaching environment that she works in and the training environment that she comes from, I don't think that she's ever been really taught to process those emotions of loss properly. And so one thing that we talked about was that the Olympics ends and they all go to the next round of tournaments at the Worlds. And that that's in about a month. It seems as though between the scandal around drugs and then basically just this attention to the fact that like these kids are doing these quads because they're

in abusive situations. What do you think needs to happen between now and a month from now, the next time these athletes all gather? So I think there's a few things. I think one thing that the ISU and the IOC, so the ISU again is the skating union globally, and then the IOC is the Olympic committee. One thing that I think needs to happen is that the ISU and the IOC, so the ISU again is the skating union globally, and then the IOC is the Olympic Committee. One thing that I think needs to happen is that the age minimum for competition in the Olympics needs to be raised to 18. Children should not be necessarily competing in the Olympics, and that will help curtail some of the abuse. Another thing that Eteri teaches or coaches at a school called Sambo 70, which is in Moscow and I believe Sochi. And that whole organization needs to be investigated.

And I think the ISU is considering doing that. But the thing is, if they do too much investigation, and I think that maybe they know this, they do too much investigation into Eteri and they find out that her other students had been doping, they might have to strip medals back all the way to 2014. And one thing that you had said is part of the problem is like they're coaching these girls to do these quads, which are very punishing on the body and cause them to basically it's something that they're doing when they're very, very young, that it hurts their bodies and then they won't be able to compete much longer.

Yeah. Is there anyone talking about getting the quad out of female competition? It's been called for. I don't know that actual skating organizations are calling for it as of yet. Alyssa Liu, who is an American skater who competed this year, she skated beautifully. She's 16 years old and she had a triple axel at, I believe, 13. And she was the first American lady, I believe, to have a quad. She lost the quad when she went through puberty. And she accepts that. She knows that's normal. Her body changed. She grew a few

inches and she could no longer do those things anymore. And she was just like, I'm going to compensate for that by working to regain my triple axel and also like improving just my skating skills. And so you can bring up your component score to sort of compensate a little bit for the tech stuff, which is what Kaori did, who came in third. And so she just like, I'm going to work on that. And her coaches said, we're going to work on that. So I think that needs to be the focus. There is the technical and really impressive athletic abilities that come with skating, but the artistry also needs to be focused on. And right now they're currently getting rewarded for quads.

Yeah, and so that's the other thing. The ISU scoring system changed after the scandal in Salt Lake City. We won't go into that. But now, yeah, you get a base value for different types of jumps. So there really is an incentive to do those. And then you'll notice that the Russian girls always do their quads with their arms over their heads. And that adds to the value of how challenging the jumps are. But to do those really well, you have to do this pre-rotation thing before you get off the ice, which means you're basically rotating your body around before you're getting up off the ice.

And that's what leads to all the back injuries. And I can tell you that from experience. So that's the other thing that's really ripping them apart. So yeah, they shouldn't be doing these jumps. And that's another edition of our very dark, depressing Olympic figure skating update on the ongoing terrible situation involving the Russian figure skating team. Something we have now, I think, done more coverage of

than virtually any other outlet in the English-speaking world. Certainly any other political comedy outlet. And definitely, yeah, won't find this on Chapo. Kendra James, everybody. Thank you. Thanks, Kendra. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back.

Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley have consciously uncoupled. Julia Fox and Azalea Banks are feuding on Instagram. And my mother found sex stuff in my house today. Whether it's celebrity gossip or nasty little rumors about your aunt's old boyfriend. Gossip is society's lifeblood.

To help us unpack some gossip and some hot goss, please welcome back to the stage Kylie Brakeman and welcome Moses Storm. Hi Moses, welcome. Hey, thank you so much for having me. Let's goss. Hi Kylie. Hi. Now out of character.

I'm ready to goss. Now out of character. I'm ready to goss. Now out of character. I changed. First of all, before we get into this gossip, do we still consider what's happening to Kanye gossip, or is it now something darker that has left the realm of gossip? No, it's like a social media PR person's idea of what a career should be at this point. I think everyone sees behind it, and it's like,

yeah, he's got a documentary coming out. So he's going to call him Skeet Davidson. That's hilarious. And I don't know. It's just like seeing a playbook. Are you still interested? I think this is now in the realm of therapist's gossip, where your therapist sort of gossips with you

on what you're doing wrong. And this is what Kanye needs. But I don't know if it's something we could comment on in like a fun way anymore like people are retweeting like him sending trucks of roses to kim's house and it's like something's wrong something's deeply wrong right because there is that very uh touchy area of a mental illness so it's like you can't say shit to me it doesn't matter that i'm essentially calling out my ex-wife i have a mental illness. So it's like, you can't say shit to me. It doesn't matter that I'm essentially calling out my ex-wife.

I have a mental illness. And it's this very dangerous time where we have this catch-all where we all are very aware of mental illness and it should be respected. But sometimes people abuse that as an excuse for terrible and toxic behavior. Exactly.

I will say really quickly that one time I was told that I couldn't use the laundry machine in my sublet because it gave someone anxiety. Because the way that the water washes... I told you this.

We've been over this. It's so... And we'll put it aside. The water leaves just like my mommy. But I have to wash my clothes. Has to wash them. People are abusing it. That's the point.

That's exactly the point. Yeah, I mean, is there something, John, do you ever click on that stuff? Are you still interested? Or do you see it like the eight layers beyond it? Of like, oh yeah, this is like, he's got a documentary coming out. This is how you promote something.

My natural instinct now, when I see anything related to Kanye is, this is to me, maybe it's a stunt, but what I see is like hyper rich LA version of sad divorcee at the rental condo, like the Shangri-La

where like Milhouse's dad went, you know? Like that's his version of that and like sending a truck full of roses is like... So Donda is his can I borrow a feeling album. Yes, Donda is his Can I Borrow a Feeling album. Yes! Donda is his Can I Borrow a Feeling. Yeah! Holy shit!

Yes! Yeah, I've never connected with another human being in a real way. The show is over! It's over. Well, it wouldn't be gossip without some actual in-person gossip. So Kylie and Moses are here. We're going to provide some feedback to real gossip from

people here tonight. Who would like to kick this off? The whole point of this is this is anonymous gossip. So we don't know who's giving the gossip. We're just commenting on it. We're going to address it. Anonymous as you want, stranger.

Hey, stranger. Share your story. Do I just talk? Yeah, it's a microphone. That's how it works. Okay, are you sure? Can you show me again? Do you want to show me?

Okay, no, great. I have some hot goss. So I moved in with my two lovely roommates who may or may not be in this very audience. And I moved in with them into this apartment that we found. And we happened to be living next door to four lesbians. We were like, great, we love this. We go outside and meet that we found. And we happened to be living next door to four lesbians. We were like, great.

We love this. We go outside and meet them one day. And all I said was, hi, my name is ****. Got back in my car. Thought nothing of it. Oh, my name is Anonymous. Bleep that. Bleep that, Brian, for the edit.

My name is Anonymous. All I said was, hi. I got back in the car. And all of a sudden, I get a DM from a girl who I had been seeing on Hinge that said, hey, I heard you're my ex-girlfriend's new neighbor. And I was like, uh, what? And I was like, this is not going to get on a good start. All of a sudden I start seeing that girl. She's literally ex-girlfriends with our next door neighbor. We all become best friends with the four girls who live next door. And now my two roommates are dating and in love with our next door neighbors. And it has caused drama has ensued.

There has been so much. And that's just the top lines of the goss. So, yeah, we have a lot. There's so many connections there, right? We haven't even gotten to the best part,

which is that one of the girls next door, her ex-girlfriend is Rebecca Black of Friday, of Friday. She's one of the neighbors. She's the ex-girlfriend of the neighbor. Okay? She's the ex-girlfriend of the neighbor. Okay. She's the ex-girlfriend. She's the ex-girlfriend of the neighbor.

She has made music about this neighbor. This neighbor has a voicemail in one of her songs. The drama. That's cool. The drama. Wait, so does that mean one of your roommates is dating the neighbor whose voicemail is one of the Rebecca Black songs? Yep, that's exactly what that means, Sean. You nailed it.

That's cool. Can you guess which one? There was a point. I was suddenly told. I was subtly informed. I was subtly informed. There was a point. I was suddenly told. I was suddenly informed. There was an assist. What's the rent? Great question.

The best part of this goss is that I'm going to spill this secret right now. This is the time. We pay significantly less in rent than any of our neighbors do because we got a COVID deal. And they still to this day do not know exactly how much less in them we pay. in rent than any of our neighbors do because we got a COVID deal and they still to this day do not know exactly how much less

than them we pay. So the lesbians are paying more? This feels homophobic. Yeah, there's a thing. I mean... You should tell the lesbians who you're dating are girls. You need to be okay with your neighbors. Who do you think the lesbians are dating in the other apartment? Who do you fuck?

What is a COVID deal? A COVID deal is when the other apartment. Who do you fuck? How much is that? The thing about... Wait, what is a COVID deal? A COVID deal is when everyone left LA and they were like, we need people to move in here so we'll give you a discounted price.

As long as you're straight. Fuck it. Yeah, no, there's lots of queers. So it just seems like this is the story of a lot of connection and low and discounts

and then lesbian love so much lesbian love in the apartment building exactly it's like lesbian Melrose Place how much

of a probability do you think Rebecca Black would come over to the apartment now it's a great question I don't think it's zero it's not none

it's not none I would say 50-50 depends I guess, how surprised would you be? It's like late night, you're having a few friends over for a birthday, and she shows up, and it's Friday. It's Friday.

She's doing the hand wave. That's when she strikes. Right. She's someone else all week, and then something happens when Friday night comes. She shows up with a boom box. She's someone else. Yeah, and then something happens when Friday night comes. She shows up with a boom box. She's someone else. Yeah, absolutely. Is she publicly out? I'm just finding out that that's not a possibility for me.

Oh, that's her big TikTok. You know, yeah, she's a TikTok girlie. Yeah, of course she's good. Okay. I'm just kidding. Queer. Wow. Well, I think we got to the bottom of that.

Nailed it. Perfect. What's interesting about that, that's gossip that started with a problem and ended with all problems resolved. Which actually fits with a kind of a lesbian story because it's like, hey, I had this group of lesbians and it was like there were these issues. They all dated each other and it's done. They paired off and it's done. Perfect.

Who do we have up next? Yeah. This is ye old gossip. And it's public gossip. So back when I went to college, there was a rumor that two of the professors in one of the departments, won't say which department, but you know it's a humanity,

had an affair with one another. This was then publicly confirmed when the Starbucks Book of the Month came out, and it was from a woman who had been cheated on by one of the professors. The book is called

It Happens Every Day. And they weren't selling it in town and we had to take our bicycles because we did not have cars and ride them to the Starbucks in the town over to get the book. And it was not very good. What happens every day?

Yeah. Affairs. Affairs happen every day. That sounds like a guy that abused a student. It's like, it happens every day. It sounds like this catch-all. Does it, though?

If you read the book, the not very good book. It's a very not all men phrase. It happens every day. A woman wrote the book, the not very good book. It's a very not all men phrase. It happens every day. A woman wrote the book. A woman wrote the book. If that helps. That makes it okay.

Then I support her. And we support her. We support women. Yes. Wow. Live, laugh, love. Live, laugh, love question. What was the connection between the book and the professor's being-

The professor's ex-wife wrote the book about... Oh, it was like a tell-all. Yes, about moving to a small town and then having your husband sleep with someone else in the small town. And you're like, oh, my God, why do I live in this small town? And you were...

And you were so interested in the sex lives of your professors that you and a group of other students It wasn't a gang, it was me and one other person on bicycles And you bike to another town to read this sex book about your professor It was a classy memoir, those Starbucks' book of the month, they were selling it right next to the jazz CDs And I said, yes, Nora Jones, I will take one of these CDs, and I will take one of these books. So the sex part is, like, just a chapter? Like, how much is it, like, a tell-all sex?

Yeah, is it 50% small town, 50% affair, or, like, what is the... Right, it's, like, the curriculum this year. On the scale from Bridges of Madison County to Terms of Endearment, how much is this a book about fucking? Well, the woman who wrote the book is not the one doing the fucking in the book. So any sex is really conceptual. It's just something she's imagining. It's her best guess at what the sex could be like.

She was like, I heard there's some sex having, and it's not me who's having it. The book. I'm trapped in a small town. That is not a recipe for a bestseller. If you're going to write a book about sex, you have to be the one having it. And yet somewhere, Howard Schultz was just weeping and reading and being like, this is it. This is the book of the month. We had on a bike to go read this.

We were in a small town. There wasn't a lot to do. You know what I mean? Yeah. Did you know the student at all? No students were involved outside of me reading the book. I'm just infilling in my own fantasy. Yeah, you're

me-tooing yourself. How many students were at the sex party that was themed after the show Happy Days? This Lisa Loeb type. What does she look like? No, no students were involved. It was grown adults having sex with one another. Oh, okay.

So it's like respectful and boring. Yeah. I don't know that it was respectful. A woman wrote a book about it, but it was boring. I want you to know something as an audience member. One energy you brought was disagreeing with 100% of the questions and I love that for you.

Thank you. And it was great gossip and we thank you for it. You're welcome. Let's do one more. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Hello, anonymous person. Thank you. First of all, I just want to say, love it with picking up poop.

You kept using the word sewage. I'm like, let's just say what's happening. Full poop on the floor. So here's my gossip, and then I do have a question for the panel. Okay. Okay. So I heard from a very reliable source, a successful woman in the industry is having an affair with a director. Apparently they dated previously.

It's been an ongoing, years-long affair. They're both married. Neither of their spouses know. And when I revealed the names, Lovett audibly gasped. I'm going to give myself that credit. So my question is, I have met them, you know, acquaintance of acquaintance. Is it wrong if I share this gossip?

Because I almost feel like I'm of a distance where it's like, it's not like it's celebrity gossip, but it's also not someone where I'm like, I'm mad that somebody's cheating. I would be sharing it simply for the pleasure of gossiping. And that seems more wrong. And I wanted to see, what do you guys think about that? Well, I would say it's an interesting choice to say,

is what I've chosen to do in this moment ongoing and wrong right now as we're speaking? Is the conversation we're having itself wrong? Should I have done any of this? Is it okay that I'm even asking this question? You wouldn't be able to ask the question if you didn't do the thing you were asking about. That's true. Which I think is interesting. By even bringing it up, you want us to be like, tell it.

Who is it? Yes. So you know you want to say it. So, yeah, I think there's a part of your brain that's already decided that this is okay. If in the segment, you know, this looks like a real show, you know, like there's cameras, there's the parents here. A real show. It seems very much like you're asking for forgiveness

and not permission, which we love. Which we love here at Loverly. Beg for forgiveness. Don't ask for permission. That's one of our several mottos. It's the weirdest ending to Catch and Kill. The book I read in there in the bathroom. Those are parting gifts. You can take a signed copy.

It's just a warm LaCroix box and Catch and kill. Signed by John, not even Ronan. Not even Ronan. Why did you sign it? God, what a godforsaken green room we've made back there. It's just old gym mats, books piled up for Zoom height so you don't see the chin, and warm LaCroix.

Welcome to the backyard. Don't mind the smell. I would like to gossip about the green room here. Your back house, your Bo Burnham stuck inside room, which is your guest house, is really who John wishes he was in a lot of ways. I mean, there's fun drinks out, but then there's also LaCroix. There's a lot of exercise equipment. There's maybe books you may or may not have read.

There's like a magma machine. I have, I'm not as rich, so I have a studio apartment, and the corner of my room is like who I wish I was, and I think your green room is very telling of who you hope to aspire to be. A fit, drunk reader. Yes. We've gone off topic. Now, for those listening at home,

you may be asking yourself, what is the point of this segment exactly? And I'm glad you asked, Kylie. The point of this is that so we can hear stuff and go, oh my God, what? Yeah, that's right. And then ask someone else something. Yeah, be like, what?

Oh my God. That's what we should just do. Wait a second. Are you kidding me? What? Yes. Wow. That's crazy.

Now, the point of this segment is a lot of people like to fall asleep to podcasts. Right? And that's almost like a compliment. Yeah. What we are doing with this segment, bringing up all this hot, hot dirt, is we are not allowing people to fall asleep. That's exactly right. Right now, people are looking up, who is John tagged in in photos? Who does she know as directors?

Looking at IMDb to possibly find out who this is. We're going into the deep 414 AM hours, and they are not allowed to fall asleep to this podcast. They are sleeping in their bed, just waking up every 10 minutes going, what? Wait a second. RFK Jr. was on an episode of Law & Order. Carry the one. Well, that's our gossip segment. Thank you, no one.

Bleep that. Let's do socials who's got the funniest social security number thank you Kylie and Moses when we come back honk honk it's a Canadian trucker and we're back

this week on Keep It Ira and Louis discuss the Super Bowl halftime show, Inventing Anna, and Kanye's attempts to win Kim Kardashian back. Plus, Anjanue Ellis joins to discuss her Oscar nomination for King Richard. New episodes of Keep It drop every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts. Also, March Madness is just around the

corner, as we all know. So if you're not already listening to Take Line with host Jason Concepcion, you definitely should be. This week, look, you don't get any fucking sports here. This week, look, you don't get any fucking sports here. This week, Jason and Renee recap the Super Bowl with ESPN Daily host Pablo Torre, an NFL reporter with The Athletic, Arif Hassan, and discuss the housing issues involved

with hosting the games in LA. Listen to new episodes of Take Line every Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts. All right, this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau evoked Canada's Emergency Act, the first prime minister to ever do so, in an effort to break up the ongoing Freedom Convoy trucker protest, which since January has seen truckers blocking the border between the United States and Canada, protesting the Canadian government's vaccine mandate, which requires truckers crossing back over from the U.S. to receive the COVID vaccine or undergo testing and quarantine. testing and quarantine. At least that's what it's supposed to be about. Despite fervent PR efforts from American conservatives, most Canadians remain pro-vaccine. And if you do even just a little digging, you'll soon find out that the Freedom Convoy isn't simply a troop of upright Canadian

everyman finally standing up against the hosers in big government, but rather the brainchild of some of the weirdest conspiracy theorists in North America. Here to talk to us about the Trucker Convoy, it's one of the Canadian truckers themselves, Lucas Tremblay. Lucas, come on out! Hey! Oh, wow. Hey, hi. Please, thank you. Thank you so much for having me out here. I just

should let you know I parked my semi-truck just out front here. I got a little lost on the way, but I know I was looking for a coastal elite, and I started to smell that sewer smell. I knew a little lost on the way, but I know I was looking for a coastal elite and I started to smell that sewer smell. I knew it was close to the swamp. Yep, you're right. That's right. Way to go. You nailed it.

I am sideways parked on this very small residential street. No problem. You'll get a ticket anywhere. It doesn't matter. Lucas, you're a trucker that took part in the Freedom Convoy. What's your issue with this vaccine mandate? Okay, well, I gotta stop you right out there. It's not about the vaccine.

It's about freedom, John. Okay, it's about the freedom to drive your semi-truck. It's about the freedom to go to Tim Hortons and buy this burnt coffee that's overrated because they put a little bit of cinnamon in it. It's about the freedom to slurp down some poutine. A dish that tastes like it was created

by a raccoon. If you told a raccoon, what do you think a meal should be? Poutine. Cheese, gravy, fries. Cheese, gravy, fries. Things that mix together at the bottom. Sour Patch Kids.

You know. That's what it's about. And I don't think you should let these coastal elites tell you that it's anything else Of course. And I don't think you should let these coastal elites tell you that it's anything else than that. It's about having uncontaminated alpha blood running through your God-given hot Christian veins. Hot Christian veins.

Yeah, I guess. All right, so it doesn't bother you that many of the organizers of the convoy aren't even truckers. They're the professional conspiracy theorists like James Botter of this fringe group, Canada Unity. On a related note,

do you know how insane you have to be to be a professional conspiracy theorist for conspiracy theory work to pay your bills? Get out of town right now, John. I love Big Jim because, I don't know if you've seen Big Jim. He's bald on top, big goatee on the bottom. He looks like that Wooly Willy toy.

Sure, yeah, yeah. You put it right on the bottom. You move the that Wooly Willy toy. Sure, yeah, yeah. Like you put it right on the bottom. You move the metal fragments around. That's the guy you could trust. You can move metal around him, unlike some of the coastal elites. Okay. And he's got some great ideas. All right.

I love Big Jim. But this guy believes QAnon and once wrote he thought COVID-19 was potentially masterminded by George Soros. I mean, George Soros is 91. He's not the Riddler. Does this sound like someone you want to be in league with? That's just 91 more years to scheme. Well, it's like Rogan always says. I mean, it's not, it's about listening.

You know, it's about listening to all these different points of views and agreeing with them, you know, as long as they go, honk, honk. Warms my little trucker heart. Yeah, I see that. But what about the other organizers, like the Action for Canada, which materially supported the convoy, and which also claims Bill Gates wants to use the COVID vaccine to inject microchips into people? You're telling me right now,

John, that you want a microchip coursing through your blood? I don't know about you, but I have enough trouble getting through airport security in an not-going-to-happen't know about you, but I have enough trouble getting through airport security in an... It's not going to happen for me because I have a belt made of Molson tabs.

I see. I got a big laugh here. No one had to look that up. That is a Canadian beer. It's a Canadian beer. We have a Canadian here who drinks Canadian beer poutine. Tim Horton's Canada.

Poutine. It's beer that gives you a hangover, but it apologizes immediately to you. Canada. Canada.. It's beer that gives you a hangover, but it apologizes immediately to you. Canada. Canada. It's a beer that does Canada stuff to you. And then Fox News is on 24-7 supporting the Freedom Convoy, giving a blanket sanction

to this gigantic rat king of dangerous conspiracy theories. Do you really think that's going to turn me off of Fox News? Saying giant rat king to me, I mean, like, oh my God. King of the rats. That's cool. That is cool. That's cool. Have you ever saying giant rat king to me, I mean like, oh my god, king of the rats that's cool, that is cool you ever seen that rat king before, they get all their tails together, yeah, and they're one big giant rat they can't pry them apart, that's so awesome I think this is the

problem with you liberal elites, is you don't understand how cool it sounds to me that, you know, someone that has been just really on a bridge below sub-zero temperatures clear in my head that, you know, someone that has been just really on a bridge below sub-zero temperatures clear in my head when, you know, the cold freeze kicks in of clarity. Right, from being so cold.

Yeah, you know, you get the purple clarity in your fingers. Yeah. It starts to clear up and you start locking up. And then Rat King, that sounds cool. So you get very, very, very cold. Very cold. It's like a cold plunge that's prolonged, you know, because, it doesn't end. Because it kills all the parts of your brain that doubt.

Right, which is important. Doesn't it seem strange that just as you and your fellow truckers are rejecting the vaccine, all these people show up to tell you how the mandate is intimately connected to even more bizarre worldviews? Get out of town. No, it sounds extremely convenient for me. And we're all about that, John. These are ideas that it piques my interest. It's new friends.

New friends. And it's the idea that we get to peek behind this writhing serpentine abomination at the heart of this flat world. Okay. Just beyond the ice wall. And for me, bud, that's a 10-4, good buddy, old pal. Right. Oh, God. Okay, Lucas. Jesus. and for me bud that's a 10-4 good buddy old pal right oh god okay Lucas Jesus

listen to me you gotta think about it John I mean if these ideas they weren't true weren't true right these ideas weren't true explain to me this how come they clear up every problem that's happening in the world today and they

make sense to me on a personal level okay but these people are doing this for money there were 34 crypto wallets the royal mounted police sanctioned for funding the convoy okay uh crypto wallets john do you not understand like crypto that's not only is that the cash of the future but crypto wallets that's how i funded my doomsday fallout shelter in the metaverse. Oh, that's heartbreaking. So you have a doomsday shelter, but it's in the metaverse. In the metaverse. Untouchable.

Right. So when it comes out of an emergency. No treasury, no Pete Buttigieg with his little buses is going to come in there. Yeah, none of those gay Pete Buttigieg buses are going to be bothering you in the metaverse. But so in some sort of an emergency, you'll go there? I don't say gay. That's a slur in Canada, but okay, yeah. Seems like you're in pretty deep.

Well, I guess this is how conspiracy theories recruit new people. They target the dissolution. All the better if they're grouped onto a single bridge in Ontario. Oh, come on, Chad. Do you hear yourself? Okay, that's what everyone said about old Bigfoot there. Do you hear yourself? Okay, that's what everyone said about old Bigfoot there. But you know what? Now we're at a point where the science is there.

It is not there. That is not a real thing. Okay, it sounds like someone doesn't have a good CB radio connection in their home. Sounds like someone's not allowed on 4chan. Listen, the research is there. Bigfoot is out there. And you gotta get up on your Sasquatch research. You call yourself a journalist

here. I'm in a backyard with a pool that's unlit. You gotta get up on your Sasquatch. We try not to draw attention to the pool. Well, it's very hard when it's not lit. I almost walked in there and almost froze my old foot off. Well, it's very hard when it's not lit. I almost walked in there and almost froze my old foot off. Well, this has been very enlightening, Lucas.

Thank you for stopping by. Anything coming up next for you? Oh, yeah. Well, actually, you know, I got this big old truck that's parked out in front of the pink Paul Swift wall. You know, pissing off a lot of these 14-year-old TikTokers. I like to throw Martinelli's apple juice at my head. And I got to take all this cabbage up to old Wichita. If you've been up there, that's where real Americans live. But, you know, we're going to really spread this and we're going to make a name for ourselves in the States by creating traffic in places like New York.

They're going to have traffic. And in Washington and San Francisco. I'm sorry, it's not going to take you 10 minutes to get to San Jose. We're going to create traffic. We're going to make a name for ourselves. Yeah, so, all right, so your plan is to make traffic in our cities. Well, good luck. I think it might be hard for people to notice. Is there anything you'd like to add before you go? Well, I'm a little ashamed to ask.

But, you know, there's something I've always wanted to Google, but I can't use Google because it's big tech. I just use the Dick Cheney search engine. Yeah, yeah, Cheney. Duck, duck, go fuck yourself. That's where you shoot someone duck

hunting and they apologize to you? Yeah. It's the search engine that does that. Yeah. All right, Pete. But I always wanted to ask this to a coastal liberal elite. You just say Jewish. Okay. I didn't want to say that before your eyes changed over.

But I always wanted to know what adrenochrome tastes like. Oh, sure. It's like Ecto Cooler. Remember those? They had slime around the box. I'm kidding. Don't send angry tweets at us, all right? At least not for that.

Pick an actual belief we have espoused and then write your missives. Oh, come on. You're being a shy toque right now. You're telling me you have no conspiracy theories that you believe in, your little John Hart? Well, I mean, there is sort of... I'm not sure. Maybe more. Oh, come

on. It'd make like a Denny's and Dish. I mean, I guess I could tell you that. Justin Trudeau is Fidel Castro's son. Justin Trudeau is Fidel Castro's son. AP says it's debunked. It's not bedunked. Bedunked? Debunked?

It's bedunked. But it is not debunked. Because I'll tell you why, Canadian trucker. I'll tell you why. There are like, Margaret Trudeau and Castro were never in the same place at the same time. It's not biologically possible. They were never in the same place between April 15th and March 22nd, 1971, when they would have had to have sex in order to create Justin Trudeau, who was born on Christmas Day in 1971.

There's only one problem, I say to my friends at Snope, the AP, and the New York Times, while relying 100% on Reddit and Medium. There was a second trip. There was a second trip. And until these people deal with the fact that there was a second honeymoon where Margaret Trudeau and Pierre Trudeau went to the Caribbean in April of 1971 during the specific window when Justin Trudeau had to be conceived and the UPI reported in the Ottawa something on April 13th, 1971

that Margaret Trudeau and Pierre Trudeau took a secret private trip to an unnamed island in the midst of their second honeymoon, nearly three weeks after their first honeymoon, and that the press was going to respect their privacy. So they announced every island they went to. Okay. Every island. Okay. But not the secret one. My thought is, my thinking is Castro Boom Boom time.

Wow, geez Louise, you have made a real Mike Myers in front of your parents, and that is a fool. With all these different costumes. I just, I mean, doubting someone's paternity and saying, oh, they're maybe not from you, it's a little greasy. I don't even get one conspiracy theory. Give it up for the Canadian trucker, Lucas Tremblay. Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.

Meet me at the pink influencer wall. I'll be out there. Moses Storm, everybody. And you can watch his incredible special, Trash White. It's out now on HBO Max. It's fantastic. When we come back, the rant wheel. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It

and there's more on the way. And we're back. Please welcome Moses and Kylie back to the stage for the rant wheel. Thank you both for being such good sports. This week on the Wheel, we have Julia Fox, the character,

NFT apes, rams on the Hollywood sign, aggressive cooking videos, not knowing what to do with your hands, waking up with COVID every morning, using the term millennials to describe young people, and snow in Pasadena. It has landed on using the term

millennials to describe young people, which I believe was suggested by Moses. Yeah, it's just like, it's a thing that still happens and it's surprising to me in very respected publications where they will describe a new thing that's happened with young people, but they'll still use the term millennials. And I new thing that's happened with young people, but they'll still use the term millennials.

And I think anyone that's a millennial is now 57. And it's insane to be like, millennials on TikTok. And it's like, well, no. It's like, do we ever get a break? Anyone that was raised in the 90s? You raised in the 90s? Is that fair to say? You raised me in the 90s, right?

That's what I did a lot of my raising. Yeah, yeah. I grew up in the 90s. You raised in the 90s? Is that fair to say? You raised me in the 90s, right? That's when I did a lot of my raising. Yeah, yeah. I grew up in the 90s. It's like, is it ever enough? Are we ever done? We're the most fucked generation. Since the second we were born, all of our parents were divorced, besides John's. Yeah, but maybe

they should have been. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. Gossip wheel is back. Put it on the gossip wheel. There's no one else out there for them. Dad had his own green room out front.

Yeah. But yeah, it's just a, it's a term that is, that is deeply outdated. It's used to describe elderly people now. And it just feels like

there's never enough criticism for us for a generation that can't own property, has had constant articles shit-talking us, and the inverse has been for Gen Z, I feel like. That feels like a dusty old man take, but, you know, it just feels like, Gen Z, they're actually doing great.

Yeah. It is sort of like, finally the millennials are old so we can get rid of them because they are terrible. In come the new Gen Z people with great ideas. Right. Yeah, they're more tolerant and they're great. And they can actually, they're first generation, they can actually afford property since Gen Z. Yeah, so it's amazing to me that people that we respect in journalism still use this term and haven't done

that extra step of research because i still hold journalism like this is good millennials are old now gen z is young face it let's spin it again It has landed on NFT apes. Suggested by Kylie. Okay. I feel like I have to preface this by saying I don't know anything about crypto, but I'm so mad. I'm specifically mad about A-list celebrities peddling these cartoon apes. I don't know if you guys have seen this, where they change their like profile picture to this hexagon,

and it's of this bored yacht club ape. And it's just like a weird cartoon ape. It's nothing huge, but they're really pushing them. And I feel like it's so beneath some of them that it's so immediately suspicious. Like I would expect it from like a Joe Rogan or an Elon Musk or somebody like that. But these are like A-list classy celebrities. These are Oscar winners.

Like this is Reese Witherspoon saying, doesn't this ape look like me? I don't know. Why are you telling me this? why are you telling me this i think it's just immediately suspicious because i don't think any celebrity has ever told me to invest in money before like it would be like if before the 2008 market crash george clooney posted on facebook like hey great time to invest in a home loan. It feels wrong. It feels like something very sinister is at play. And I just don't believe this performance. You have people like Heidi Klum tweeting,

doesn't this ape kind of look like me? It's like, no, supermodel Heidi Klum. It does not. It's a weird cartoon. And all this is to say I'm very suspicious and I'm concerned. And I think it's a sign that something very scary is about to happen with a bunch of cartoon monkeys. And this is me going very conspiracy. But I'm afraid.

You know, this is a classic take I would expect from a dusty millennial. The NFTs are the future. I'm a cusp. I'm a Gen Z cusp. I'm a Gen Z cusp. She's a Gen Z cusp, you son of a bitch. It's like Brie Larson, a beloved celebrity, is like, my profile photo is an NFT. You're like, what? What are you doing?

Don't you have Marvel money? Yeah, you haven't tweeted for yourself in years. So why are you hopping on now to peddle this? Something is wrong. Something is wrong. Yeah. Something is wrong. I don't know. How many people have talked to you about, hey, let is wrong. Something is wrong. Yeah. Something is wrong. I don't know.

How many people have talked to you about, hey, let me talk to you about money. You got to invest in money. I feel like the perfect example is the Jimmy Fallon, Paris Hilton conversation. This kind of like dead-eyed, broken exchange where two people pretend to give a fuck about a cartoon monkey.

And doing the thing where they put the little card on the desk that's normally supposed to be an album or like a show poster or a children's book of some kind. And it's an NFT. It's a JPEG of an ape that is somehow worth more than a house. I don't understand. And they're kind of like pretending but not able to go all the way that this is interesting or good. It's like a war effort. Like when you're trying to sell a war. They're war bugs.

And you're like, listen, these are the bad guys. It just feels weird to be like we all have to help out. We all have to make steel because, you know, Japan's coming. It feels like this very state run effort. Yes. And it feels coordinated like all of these celebrities all at once being like, don't you think it's time for all of us to put our money in this digital art? Yes.

But when the surface is much sadder than a conspiracy of a war, what it is, is just celebrities being like, I'm so rich, I'm so out of touch. How do I pretend like I'm in touch with yo-yo internet culture? You kids want to skateboard. It is like that.

That's really at its surface. It's some PR woman who lived in Laguna Beach her entire life and everything worked out. It was like, listen, bet you. And I'm tased. And that's as much thought has gone into it. And the closest they can get to like a relatable pitch is like, doesn't this sort of resemble me in some way because it'll have like a sassy hat or something and it's like the me's from wii sports looked more like us than those apes like have you noticed it's only beautiful people that are saying they look like an animal

though yeah no one that's like you know see if you sh's not like, you know, it looks like a baboon. It's like, you know. No, its models can get away with it. Because we know they'll say no. They're so grounded. She's so beautiful that it's grounding. Look at this cartoon ape. Doesn't it look like me? It's so fun to have an NFT.

It's like, basically, it's a picture of me in the form of an ape that I own. And it took the energy to power Denmark to create it. For some reason, I, Jimmy, and no one in here understands at all. No one understands why this piece of art costs $75,000 and uses more energy than Milwaukee.

We don't know what... Jimmy, I get it. I fully understand why this is working and why I should do it. We have a co-set that we want to do. We're talking about how green text bubbles are crazy. It's really new stuff. It's really hot stuff. It's PG.

We'd love to get on there with Brie Larson. Jimmy, we agree. We need this, Jimmy. We need this, and more than this, we agree. Pod Save America, they were doing great during the Trump era. They're lost. They're lost now. You've got to understand.

That's it. We're done. That's not allowed here. That is not allowed in the Red Wheel. Jimmy's the future. I hope you guys book Jimmy Fallon. I think it was a great pitch. I feel pretty good about it.

I feel pretty good about our chances. In my head, this is a stepping stone to Jimmy Fallon. We are almost there. You started this backyard with a very dark pool. Nope, there's no pool. And the next thing you know, we are peddling something that makes sense to us. I will work for the CIA. I'll be on Jimmy Fallon. I'll do whatever.

I will sell out. Spit it again. Spit it again. Spit it again. Let's see where that would go. It has landed on waking up every morning with COVID. This is sad. I wake up every morning with COVID. 100% sure that I have COVID.

Every single morning. Is that not a shared experience? No, not even a little bit. I mean, you have testing here in your dream room. I mean, I took a test. In your dream room, you don't have COVID. I don't have COVID in there. All those tests are fake.

It's just like sugar pills. I just, I give myself anxiety COVID because I'm constantly afraid that I'm going to be the person that brings COVID to the office. I'm going to be the one that does it.

It's me. I'm the one that's going to ruin it. Oh. And do you have any reason to believe, like when you wake up, like what do you feel that indicates that you have COVID?

Like a morning scratchy throat that I assume is COVID, but seems to go away midday. How much do you drink before you fall asleep? Do you remember falling asleep? Or are you just like, I have to be horizontal now. How much of a Charlie Kelly life are you living? Do you remember the movie? This will be a very specific reference for no one.

Do you remember the movie Made in America where Ted Danson reference for no one. Do you remember the movie Made in America where Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg discover that they have a child and Ted Danson wakes up in the morning in a room with empty beer cans, cigarettes, and pizza and he wakes up coughing? Does no one else think about that? And then he picks up a pizza box off the ground

and eats a pizza out of the pizza box he ordered while he was drunk? Nobody remembers this film. Ted Danson has never eaten sushi before and he eats the wasabi thinking it's guacamole uh it's a classic thing to happen in films of that era that's how i wake up in the morning i wake up like mom dad you might want to explain why he was allowed to watch this movie yeah why was i allowed to watch this movie where were you mother okay just laugh it off have you gotten covet throughout this past two years

no I mean I have never we're all virgins we're all virgins to COVID and here's the thing I've been doing stand up shows in like before you were allowed to tour like in Texas where COVID never happened I was wearing a mask and a kinkos

and a guy said to me I'm not saying this as a term but but he said, quote, mask pussy. And I turned around and it was the guy in a polo. Like he worked there. He was like a guy there. And I haven't gotten it. And then for the past year, I've been talking shit, being like, I'll probably get it now since I'm like bragging about never get it. And I still haven't gotten it.

I was in a very tight bubble, or so my roommates referred to it during most of the pandemic. That bubble included, I counted one day, 35 people. What are the odds Rebecca Black's going to show up? It could happen. It could happen.

We've got some gays in there. It could happen. It could happen. It could happen. 35 people. What a bubble. Oh, this is New York. This is LA, but people were like, oh, I just like, I see my family. And their family sees somebody else.

And they have a boyfriend. And their parents are divorced. So they see this family and this family. So like, it adds up. The qualifiers that we put on it for ourselves, like I'm very strict on other people coming over. Like, have you even looked in someone's eyes? But for ourselves, we're like, yeah, no, I was very strict on other people coming over. Like, have you even looked in someone's eyes? But for ourselves, we're like, yeah, no,

I was in contact with someone that had COVID, but they were divorced. That doesn't count. And they're an Aquarius. You can only get COVID if you're in love. Right.

That's the thing about it. It's a love thing. It's the thing about that. How do you feel about quarantine content? Speaking of love COVID, is there anything that's enjoyable to you

about, like, they have, like, romance stories about COVID? Have you enjoyed any of those? I am not yet ready for pandemic related content. You know, it's like I've already had a lot of pandemic content in my life, the experience of living through the last two years. And I don't think the best book about what it was like when your house burned down probably isn't written by someone inside of a burning house.

You know what I mean? You're not going to write the book about it that's good until you get out. So I think a lot of content about the pandemic now will be on some subconscious level, content that says, ah, we're in a pandemic, I'm freaking out. And I think you need a little,

you got to be outside of the house looking back at the fire before you can take out your notebook and write something interesting about it. Yeah, we don't know everything yet. Do you guys remember there was this show that came out, I think maybe on Hulu, in like May of 2020. It was like Love in Quarantine or something like that. It was really, really, really, really soon. And I don't think any of us were ready to see it.

And it just left me with this overwhelming sense of like, I'm not ready. This wasn't done cooking yet. Like we are still deeply in it and we don't know what's going to happen. No, it didn't feel dystopian until it was there until it was like, Oh yeah, I got to watch that show.

And I was like waiting for COVID results while watching the show. Yeah. That that's yeah. I was in the shit. And then I had a crush on someone on the show and I'd met them and it didn't work out. So then that was another level. So it might be bringing a lot.

Jimmy, I won't bring that to your show, Jimmy. Kylie and Moses are not going to bring that to the show. No, no, no. It's me, Kylie. Do a leap. It's light. We're doing vaudeville and it's going to be hilarious. We're on skates.

We're singing. It's funny because it's like, it's white people singing a song that's rap. Tiger King. Tiger King, that's so funny now. That's such a funny thing now of someone who had a very tragic life and was addicted to drugs

and found comfort in animals. Jimmy, come on. Let's do Tiger King jokes. Come on, Jimmy. That's the red wheel. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back.

Here it is. This week's high note. Hey, my name is Hampton. I live in New York City, and I had just bought the brand new AirPod Pro so I can use the noise cancellation network and not hear other people because we're back in person now. And I was going home, popped these bad boys in my ears, waiting for the subway at Columbus Circle, and was taking them out

of their case. And I watched one drop and bounce four times from the middle of the subway stop down into the track below. And I had bought these the day before. So I am just standing there with complete shock on my face, not moving. And this literal himbo, I mean, 20s, muscular, great looking man. I guess saw the whole thing. Just looks at me and goes, man, that sucks, bro. And I'm speechless. And then he says, hold this. And he hands me his backpack and he jumps down into the subway track, which, mind you, can kill someone, and gets my AirPod, hands it to me while

he's still down there, and I am just speechless. I am in full shock from this AirPod that I just bought that I spent $200 on, $300 on, and now this man who looks great is jumping into the subway track to get me this AirPod. He hands it to me, thank God jumps back up, and just says, I got you. Have a good one. And walks off. And that gave me hope. Thank you. Hi, mothers.

This is Billy from Grand Rapids, Michigan. And my I Know of the Week at 1.15 a.m. on Monday is that I have been looking for a book for eight years. I read the first half of it, but then I could not remember the name of. And today I was cleaning up the desk, and I just so happened to see a paperback on the desk and I read the back of it and it sounded really familiar. So I opened it up and the book I've been looking for is the sequel to the book I found on that desk. And I'm just extremely happy.

I already bought it and I'm really looking forward to reading it again. All right. Hey. Hello, John Lovett. James Erb here from Washington State. My high note this week is about student loans, which may seem odd to you. However, my high note is that the Department of Education, after 29 months, a lot of fits

and starts, has finally and officially forgiven the outstanding balance of my student loans. the outstanding balance of my student loans. My balance initially when I graduated from law school was $103,000. And after 17 years of monthly payments, I had managed to reduce that amount to $98,000, which was forgiven this week. The process is deeply flawed and in serious need of an overhaul. But the better result would be for the federal government to just forgive all outstanding student debt so that no other families have to live with the crushing burden of these monthly payments. Thanks a lot for all you do. Take care. Thank you to everybody who submitted high notes tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, you can call us at 213-262-4427.

That's our show. Thank you to Kylie Brakeman and Moses Storm and everyone who called in with a high note. There are 262 days until the 2022 midterm elections. Have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our senior producer, and Brian Semel is our producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer, and Jocelyn Kaufman, Pallavi Gunalan, and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer.

Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Caroline Haywood for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Nar Melkonian, Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can.