Lovett or Leave It - Comey Comey Comey Chameleon

Episode Date: May 20, 2017

What a week. What. A. Week. Comedians Dave Anthony, Grace Parra, and Mike Lawrence join. Also, a Rubio-themed quiz. Exciting.

Hey guys, welcome to the show. Let me bring out, we have an awesome panel today. He is the host, a co-host of the bi-weekly American History Podcast, The Dollop. They have a new book, The United States of Absurdity, Dave Anthony. He is a writer for Inside Amy Schumer and the upcoming Louis C.K. and Albert Brooks cartoon, The Cops, Mike Lawrence. And she's an actress and comedian

who hosts the sex-positive comedy talk show, Lady Freak, Grace Parra. I want to say, you know, I didn't say this, we had Gareth Reynolds on the podcast last week, who's your co-host. The Dollop is one of my favorite shows. You should check it out. I didn't say this last week. I said it

to Gareth behind, but like when we were offstage, but who gives a shit? You guys should check out The Dollop. I fucking love your podcast. Thank you. That's all I wanted to say. Very out The Dollop. I fucking love your podcast. Thank you. That's all I wanted to say. That's very nice. Thank you. I feel weird about compliments.

Oh, you don't like compliments? I don't. They make me feel weird. Self-esteem. I think it's nice to see men compliment each other, frankly. I like your podcast. Of all the podcasts I don't listen to, yours is one of them.

See? We could all do that. Thanks, Mike. All right, guys. What a week. Oh, my God. What a week. What a week.

What happened? Let's get into it. Previously on Country Falling Apart. I have written on the top of my card here, it's not the crime, it's the cover-up, but also the crime. So one thing that we talked about last week is we'll know that things have changed

because it'll feel different, because what matters isn't the technicality of the law, because whatever happens to Trump will be a political question. And this week felt different. So let's run through what happened in the past, say, 10 days. Trump fires Comey on Tuesday, May 9th. On Friday, May 12th, he threatens Comey with tapes,

which continues to be fucking hilarious because the idea that Donald Trump on the recording would come across better than James Comey is hilarious, which is how you know there probably aren't tapes. He tapes everything. He's been taping everything for years. There was that story that said that in a meeting with several reporters,

he just said out loud, can I get a Diet Coke? And then one came in. Yeah, he has a Coke butler. He does, he has a guy that he just presses a button and the guy brings him a Coke. I kind of want to be that guy for exactly one day and then never step into the White House ever again.

I think it would be scarring. Yeah, like being the guy who's just there to give Donald Trump a Diet Coke. It's like being the person that runs the McDonald's in Richie Rich's mansion. Exactly, exactly. It's the most low-class job in in Richie Rich's mansion. Exactly. The most low-class job in the most high-class place. Lots of fans of the 1994

Richie Rich. John Loracat's character in that is our president now. Oh my god. Holy shit. You're damn right. The guy tried to blow up Mount Rushmore. Don't think I'm not gonna

know the plot of that movie. The kid had a rollercoaster in his backyard. It was a fantasy. So, May 16th, we find out that Comey was writing down memos of his every exchange with Donald Trump, to which the White House said, oh, no. That was by far the best news that we...

Everyone went, oh, oh, oh, this is a thing. Well, it's fantastic because, as we all know, we've been a fan of James Comey the whole time. And we don't remember ever having a problem with him because we have known him to be an honorable and decent man. There's a woman there with a Comey as you are t-shirt. So yesterday,

several Republicans said that Trump was obviously not being serious. He was just joking. Which is, of course, why you tell your Attorney General to leave the room before you tell the joke. When you have a really good joke, you say, Attorney General, please leave the room. I'd like to have privacy with my FBI director

before I begin the setup. So that happens. Anyway, yesterday, a special prosecutor was assigned by Rosenstein. Yes. Oh, Rosenstein fans.

And Rosenstein, who's not fucking around, it did not like being a patsy for Donald Trump, said, oh, you want a special prosecutor? I'm going to give you Mueller. Mueller was the Comey before Comey was the Comey. Mueller was the insufferable guy who played by the rules before Comey was the insufferable guy who played by the rules. You've been double Comey'd. Replacing Comey with a Comey. Today, Michael Flynn, who's great,

through his lawyer said he will not honor a congressional subpoena for information, which means he'll probably at some point be held in contempt of Congress, unless these guys chicken out, which is very possible. Today, there was also a, I believe, a closed-door briefing out of which senators came out and said it sounds like Mueller is not just pursuing an investigation, but he's pursuing a criminal investigation. And then this afternoon, a story came out in the New York Times, like right before the show, laying out all the different times

Comey felt uncomfortable dealing with Donald Trump. I read that. Including, do you remember when James Comey was at the White House and Donald Trump pulled him in for a handshake? Yeah. There is a lovely anecdote in this story in which James Comey,

who I'd remind you is eight and a half feet tall, he is the giant from Stephen Sondheim's musical In the Sky. He said that he was wearing a blue suit and tried to blend in with the curtains in the blue room so that he wouldn't be spotted. Oh, that's awesome.

Comey-flage. Comey-flage. Mike Lawrence, I think you just named an episode. Yes. Congrats to you. That's a parachute gift card with your name on it. So that is today. Comey, Comey, Comey, Comey, Comey,

Comey, Camellia. Good, keep it going, yes. Now it's an embarrassment of riches. Do you know what that handshake pulling is? What? It's an old used

car dealer move where you try to establish dominance upon meeting another person. You pull them in and that means their animal brain goes, he is stronger. So it's a really, really stupid thing.

It's also one of Scorpion's super moves in Mortal Kombat. Get over here. Grace, I want to have... I have a question. I have a question. He was wearing a blue suit going into this interaction, so he knew that there were blue curtains,

so he knew that he was going to have to wear Comey-flage going into this? James Comey is always two steps ahead. The guy who's been playing fucking chess since July of 2016. I forgive him the letter at this point. Let bygones be bygones. Who can remember a letter about

the thing? We don't even remember what letter. What letter that elected Trump. Even though the failure of the Democratic Party for years left the door open. Dave, I'm getting ahead of you. I know why you're here, Dave. Look at Dave. But let me just say

if you wear a blue suit and there's blue curtains then people are just like, what's with that fucking head? Just a floating head. And also it's seven feet off the ground. So I think it's fair to say that the feeling of reading the news this week has been, if we're being honest, a little bit like candy, right? Yes. Like we're waiting for the next story. It's very exciting. We can't get our fix. So the question is, this feels

different, but are we getting our hopes up? Yes, we are getting our hopes up. Look, at the end of the day, you're waiting for the Republicans to do something and they're not going to do shit because, in my opinion, they would like to keep this going on until three years. And then they can take him out and put Pence in.

And then Pence can run for two terms. They would like to have this shit for ten years. So they're hoping this dumb idiot can survive for a while. And they're going to do everything they can to leave him there. No applause for that. Weird. can survive for a while and they're going to do everything they can to leave him there. No applause for that. Weird. No, so I think that's, so I think that's, you know,

probably right. Well, what's interesting is this week we finally saw some cracks in the Republican wall. So Jason Chaffetz demanded Tuesday that the FBI turn over all documents on communications between Trump and Comey. Senator Bob Corker said, quote, obviously

they're in a downward spiral right now and they've got to figure out a way to come to grips with all that's happening. Rep Adam Kinzinger, who is no liberal, what we're hearing is very concerning, very frightening. I think the American people deserve answers. And then, of course, Speaker Ryan, there are some people out there who want to

harm the president. But, wait, that's true. That is true. Factually, it's factual so far. But we have an obligation to carry out oversight regardless of which party is in the White House, which I will just be clear about something. Paul Ryan has not yet hit the bare minimum of his responsibility. I will let you know when he hits the bare minimum. It's not nothing anymore, but it's not the bare minimum. Well, it's something, but I still think that they won't

act until it's overwhelming. And it's not overwhelming yet. I don't even know if they're going to act at that point. Here's another distinction that I want to bring up. I also think there's a distinction between impeachment and actually getting him out of office. Because we've had a couple impeachments historically, and

we haven't actually had those presidents leave office so I think that even in the most in a situation where Trump would be impeached which again is super crazy and I'm no legal eagle but I feel like that's something that's probably unlikely I still think that getting him actually out of the office is going to be very difficult

I mean the thing is the system had to get broken to get this far and we have to have faith that it's fixed enough already for him to get out of office. Right. Yeah. It's totally shattered. Like, what the system that's set up does not exist. Right.

It feels a little bit like, you know, these Republicans that kind of sold their soul to get behind Trump have been always saying, like, we set a very big fire in a very dry forest, but we promise to keep an eye on it. We're going to watch it. And if we think it's going to burn most of the San Fernando Valley, we'll really try to step in before it reaches a community. And this week, it was like,

it's getting pretty high, that fire. And it has definitely jumped a few barriers. We are concerned. I think the law enforcement communities, not starting with the firing of Comey, I think they've been

wanting to take out Trump since he got in there. From what I've heard, I've heard people in law enforcement talk about this. They want to hit him with shit so hard it puts him in prison for life. Like, they don't want to go, we kind of have enough to take you out of office.

They want to slam him so he is done as a human. I wonder if firing the FBI director and then lying about it has... Because the White House did tell me that that was going to improve morale at the FBI. So far it does not seem like that is true. But come on, the way they

did it, it was like you wouldn't even do it in 24. People would be like that's not real. It's on screen fucking behind him. It's crazy. If you were the manager of a Quiznos, that is not how you would fire your... Like, okay, you're the manager of a Quiznos. And look, you don't know how you got into this situation,

but you're kind of in debt. And look, some $10 bills have been disappearing from the till into your pocket. And you look to your right, and this kid, he's got a scholarship to the University of Virginia. He's a smart guy, worked really hard. Comes from a pretty fucked up background.

I'm on the journey for it. Quiznos is not simple. He's been on the honor roll his whole life. They toast the subs there. And basically, he's got a scholarship, but he works at night at the Quiznos because his mother hasn't been feeling well, and she's been doing her best.

She doesn't want to be a burden, but he throws in some money from Quiznos to take care of her. So he does his schoolwork as best as he can in the mornings. He goes to class, then he goes to Quiznos. He's exhausted, but this is his life. And he's a guy that loves his mother. She took care of him when he needed her. And one day, he's cleaning up.

He's putting some turkey away. And he looks to his right. And he sees the manager take the $10 and put it in his pocket. And he goes back to his phone. And he texts his girlfriend. And his girlfriend is awesome, by the way. And they're a great couple. They're like one of

those couples that make each other better, but you love being around them. Her names are Jeff and Jenna and they love the alliteration. And they say it all the time. J and J! And anyway, Jeff texts Jenna and is like, I just saw this

and I don't know what to do. And anyway, the next day he comes in, and he finds out that he's been fired by the manager. But it was done in Turkey on the... Spelled out in Turkey. And he comes back in, and he's been opening up in the morning before class, and he comes back in, and he finds out that he's been fired

because they told him that he's been stealing from the till. Coming to the CW 2017. I thought that mic would be dropped. Did you guys think there was going to be an end to that analogy? That story was like eating at Quiznos. I was looking forward to it

and then it wasn't as satisfying as I wanted it to be. That's good. Anyway. I don't know if you guys were following. Comey is the young kid doing his best. Wait, what? Trump is the general manager who's been stealing from the till.

And Pence is just a creep outside. By the way, can I just interrupt this to say that if and when Mike Pence becomes our president I'm so over Melania as First Lady and I can't wait for Mother Pence to take over I mean, what kind of a journey are we going to be on together with her? Can we call her Mother?

Are we sure that Melania is ready for the adjustment of pretending she's not First Lady to actually not being First Lady? Just like occasionally posting pictures of Baron trump to her instagram and then just hiding from the choices that she's made in her palace of gold so this is all ongoing obviously there's been a lot of very fun talk about things like the 25th amendment and impeachment and it feels it's a nice little flight of fancy but as Dave rightly points out, we are

a long way away from removing Trump from office and all the while the work of the Trump administration goes on. Sheriff Clark, who is a stone cold maniac Murderer! Murderer! A killer of humans. He is a killer. He

put a man in a cell and left him there with no food and water until he died. He is a murderer. He put a man in a cell and left him there with no food and water until he died. He is a murderer. And maybe the next assistant secretary for Homeland Security. Also that. You know why? Because he's a murderer. So that's somebody that may end up with a national security job.

Jeff Sessions brought back. Does he have to be voted in by anybody? Or does he just get the job? I'm not sure if it's Senate-confirmable. Okay, because that's horrifying. I believe he wants a Senate-confirmable job, which I think is kind of an impossibility. But I think he's been angling for an inside-the-administration job regardless. Jeff Sessions rolled back Obama-era criminal justice reforms, which is bananas, right? He is one of two or three members of the U.S. Senate who believes that we are under-incarcerating

people, even though we are the most incarcerated country on earth. It is outside the mainstream. It's outside of the Koch brothers, of what liberals want, of what conservatives want. It is crazy. It's oddly what white supremacists want. Yeah, weird coincidence there. You know, at a certain point, it's like, how little do you have to care about disparities in the execution of these laws?

For Jeff Sessions, it does not appear that the racism in the criminal justice system is a bug. It is a feature. Betsy DeVos, our hero, revealed that the first full education budget will have deep cuts to public school programs. Meanwhile, the 13 men in the Senate on the all-male health care bill writing committee, the AMHCWB, they are continuing their work of writing this bill. A congressional committee did already vote to repeal Dodd-Frank. Dave, this is something you've talked about on Twitter on a feed that is, I'd say, worrying to maybe people that care about you. on a feed that is, I'd say, worrying to maybe people that care about you in terms of the tone, frequency, voice,

you know, regardless. No, it's understandable. My wife can't read it. But the point that you've been making is, you know, the effect of repealing Dodd-Frank or the effect of a bank being able to take somebody out of their home with impunity matters much more to people

than any investigation about Russia, than any scandal about collusion, and that we might be making a mistake by focusing on the wrong things. Yeah. I mean, to me, we're so focused on Trump and getting him out of office, but those investigations are happening. We should be focused on the groundwork, all the stuff he just talked about, is we should be out in the streets. We should be throwing fits about that stuff. Because while he's doing this and everyone's focused on it, they're tearing everything that we built up apart. They're destroying it completely. And everyone's just talking about Russia and Trump.

And over here, it's being destroyed. And all those, I was just, I just did a tour out in the Midwest and we got off the highway one time and you just, you forget, you're like, it we got off the highway one time, and you forget. You're like, it's like a bomb went off. It's like a bomb went off out there. And so those people don't give a flying fuck about Russia. They care about their house and paying their rent and that they have two jobs. Or staying in this country, by the way, which is another thing that's happening at alarming rates right now.

Deportations. Well, not in the Midwest, but yeah, the other place. Yeah, you're right. That's true. rates right now. Deportations. Well, not in the Midwest, but yeah, the other places. Yeah, you're right. That's true. But, you know, Texas obviously is a hotbed right now of immigration and problems

that are arising right there right now are so troubling. So troubling. I don't know if you guys know what's going on with Texas and SB4 and Greg Abbott who's somebody who is now threatening other people in the state, government officials who are daring to say that there are places in Texas

that need to be sanctuary cities. The whole notion of sanctuary cities is coming under fire in Texas right now. And there are people's lives and families that are at stake. And it's so disheartening. But I think you're getting at something really important, which is the fact that we are all talking about Comey

and we're all talking about Russia and we're not talking about the fucking people who live in this country right now whose lives are, their livelihoods are at stake yeah yeah thanks guys I think that's right but the media is not the media is not talking about it the media is talking about Trump right that's all that's on MSNBC and this here's a conversation I had with the MSNBC producer in February I said what what in the fuck are you guys doing with Trump? And he said,

look, we're building him up and then we're going to take him down in the general. That's an MSNBC producer to my face. That's what they're doing still. They're still all about Trump and all this other shit's happening. Everybody in this room just took a sip of their alcohol at the same time.

I looked at him and I said, he's going to fucking win. And he was like... When we come back, a segment we call OK Stop. And we're back. This is OK Stop. We play a clip from the news and we pause as we This is OK Stop.

We play a clip from the news and we pause as we go to analyze it. This week we have a clip from Trump's press conference with the president of Colombia on Rosenstein's decision to assign a special prosecutor and whether or not he's currently enduring a witch hunt. This was earlier today. Let's roll the clip.

Does anybody have any questions? I'm shocked. Okay, stop. They laughed because he obstructed justice. Let's keep going. Mr. President, I'd like to get your reaction to Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein's decision to appoint a special counsel

to investigate the Russian interference in the campaign. Was this the right move, or is this part of a witch hunt? Well, I respect the move, but the entire thing has been a witch hunt. Okay, stop. Hey, John Carl of ABC. Listen, we've had our differences.

We've had our agreements. That's two human beings figuring everything out together. You don't need to feed Trump an option. Because he'll fucking take it every time. Is this a reasonable look at the crimes you very

likely committed? Or is this a bullshit scandal? Thank you for the question. Bullshit scandal! Bullshit scandal! Can we stop using... Please stop. The Jewish version. Can you please stop? No.

No, but it's... Can we stop using witch hunt? Like, witch hunt was because, like, Puritan assholes hated women and pretended they had magical powers. He's a criminal that caused a crime. Like, he's the exact kind of person that would have hunted witches 400

years ago. By the way, I don't know how many Mexicans or ethnics there are out there, but a lot of us who... Okay, great. Awesome. Some of us who have curandera in our background, which is witch in Spanish, would never claim Trump as one of our own. So just clarifying that as

well. That was very cool. He's more of a goblin than a witch. That'll allow. Certainly myself and my campaign, but I can always speak for myself and the Russians. Zero. I think. Wait, stop. Did he just say he can speak for the Russians? No. Dave, I had the same thought when I first heard it. I can only speak for myself and the Russians, zero. Now, I know what you're thinking. That's so articulate. How could I possibly misunderstand it?

Here's the thing you have to realize. He was a dotty old racist before he was too old to be president. We elected someone totally unsuitable to the job, and he's in decline. The point I believe he was trying to make is actually very interesting. He was saying, I can only speak for myself and the Russians, zero.

But keep in mind, he's throwing everybody else under the bus. He's like, all right, at first I could say, you know, I've been reading these news stories, and, you know, I'm not able to really follow a story that doesn't have my name in every paragraph but somebody did tell me that I should stop assuming that some of the people around me weren't colluding so you're starting to see his way out

which is to say I can't speak for Mike Flynn anymore, I can't speak for Paul Manafort but I can speak for me and I'm cool. Let's see what happens. I think we have a very divided country because of that and many other things. Okay, stop.

Because of you, asshole. Yeah. Dan Pfeiffer, who is a co-host of Pod Save America, had a great line about this. Some Fife heads out there. Fife fans. Dan had a great line, which is it is such a shame that our unifier-in-chief

is no longer able to pursue his agenda of tolerance due to the fact that he's being unfairly accused of crimes. That we want to bring this great country of ours together, John. We have a lot of great things going on. So I hate to see anything... Okay, stop. What great things are going on? Well, he's giving a speech about... War of the Planet of the Apes

is going to be very good. It's true. This is the third one. They rose in the first one. Then they dawned. And now they're at war. A whole planet of the apes. It's a tremendous war.

This is again an aside. They've got so many people working on these movies. How do you do the first two movies, Rise of and Dawn of? And how do you decide which one's first? It's like the monkey hit the alarm and then woke up again, then hit the alarm and was like, oh, I've got to go to war now. I just, I enjoyed those films. I've seen them.

I don't remember which one was first. Does the rise of the apes come before the dawn of the apes? What time was their alarm set for? Was it sunny when they woke up or not? The first one, the first one I changed. I'm fine with whatever people want to do, but. Oh, stop. We want to do. Oh, stop!

We want to impeach you! He said it! We can do it! He said it! Get back to running this country really, really well. We've made tremendous progress in the last hundred and some odd days.

Tremendous progress. And you see job numbers. You see all of the production that's starting. Okay, stop. I just wanted him to stop. And I like having the power to do that. You know that whole room wanted to do that. And also the Zack Morris fan in me just always wanted to do that.

I'm very proud of it. That's what I want to be focused on. Because believe me, there's no collusion. Russia is fine. Okay, stop. Someone taught him the word collusion a minute ago. What does he mean, Russia is fine? By the way, Russia's fine.

I was once in a collusion in my limousine. We ran over a very nice Filipino family. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. They were very rude. They were not nice. I think it's fascinating that in an answer about how he promises, believe me, I did not collude with Russia,

it was necessary for him to point out that Russia is great. It's really... It's insane. He's lying so much that his brain is constantly spinning while he's talking trying to figure out how to avoid

the lies that he's said and it's getting worse every day right he can't keep track of it all I think he's running into a problem which is he's always been a liar but he's never been this old before he's never

or in front of this many people. For sure. Well, he's never been... He's always gotten away... He's gotten away with tons of shit. He's always gotten away with shit. This guy should have been in jail a million times. He's gotten away with tons of shit.

So this is what he does. This is his way of... He is a CEO. They get to do whatever the fuck they want. They don't go to jail. My total priority, believe me, is the United States of America. So thank you very much. Okay, stop. That's what somebody says when their total

priority is not the United States of America. Yeah. I do not think he's putting America first. I hate to say it. I feel like and I might be talking out of my ass but I feel like if you give up confidential information to the Russians because you're bragging

that maybe America's not your first thing. Well, what's amazing about that is he divulged incredibly sensitive information to our adversaries in the Oval Office, a meeting that was personally requested by Vladimir Putin, and it's not even like the third biggest story of the fucking week. Yeah. Bananas.

The thing he divulged is why they're talking about not allowing laptops on planes. And it all is one fucking city, and there's some poor guy in there who gave up the information that might now have his head cut off. It's fucking insane. It's the guy from Quiznos. The thing is, there's so much stuff that it's all subplots

and there's no main plot anymore. It's literally like the five episodes in the middle of Game of Thrones when they don't have enough budget to do anything. It's late season Sopranos. They've introduced a bunch of new villains. It's very hard to keep track of what's going on This is Marie's kleptomania

From season 3 of Breaking Bad That's what this shit is But Hank can't figure out Walt yet So we're just filling time right now When we come back A new segment we're calling That's So Rubio.

And we're back. This is a segment called That's So Rubio. Here's how this works. Under each of your chairs is a card. And we have a mic in the audience. Would someone like to play a game called That's So Rubio today? Do you have the mic?

I do. What's your name? Karen. Karen, thank you for being here. Absolutely. I'm delighted. Let me tell you how the game works. Okay.

We have four quotes. Three of them are real quotes Are you sure? Yes, now it sounds like you are aware Of the fact that often I do lie However It turns out You can only lie to people's faces Three times in a row

Before you do have to play the game for real So we are playing the game for real. These are three real Rubio quotes and one that we have made up. They are each meant to demonstrate the innate, I would say, cowardice, the pusillanimous nature of one Marco Rubio.

By the way, I just won five bucks for using that word. And one of them Marco Rubio. By the way, I just won five bucks for using that word. And one of them is not real. It is your job to tell us which quote is not so Rubio, even though it's quite Rubio. This is hard, because you're really good at making up Rubio. I know from Twitter. You do great, Rubio. Thank you, Karen.

There's so much chemistry happening right now. Flattery will get you everywhere, Karen. So let's start. I feel like you guys are on a date. Karen, I have some bad news. Wait. Here we go. Quote number one.

On Trump's decision to fire Comey, I have this one. On the decision the president made, quote, it's a decision the president has made. Dave is up. The next quote. This is a quote on Donald Trump appointing a special prosecutor. Let's get to the bottom of whatever happened, if anything happened,

which it may not have. Quote number three. Mike coming at us. This is a quote on governing while Trump is being investigated for ties to Russia. Certainly it's less than ideal, but it is what it is. Which could also be from my

wife having sex with me. Mike. That's funny. Grace, you're up next. This next quote is on whether Trump compromised intelligence when he met with the Russians. I'm not saying the news articles are wrong.

I'm not saying that they are right. How are three of these real? Karen. Oh, this is hard. Very odd. I know yours. Please speak into the mic a little bit more. I know the one that you did is what he,

he actually said that. So you know that one is real? I believe so, yes. Okay, so we've ruled out, it's a decision the president has made. Just to refresh our memory, we have let's get to the bottom of whatever happened, which it may ruled out. It's a decision the president has made. Just to refresh our memory, we have, let's get to the bottom of whatever happened,

which it may not have. We have, certainly it's less than ideal, but it is what it is. And we have, I'm not saying the news articles are wrong. I'm not saying that they are right. Which one is fake? Which one is so, which two are so Rubio? I'm not sure about the second. They're all so Rubio.

They're all so Rubio. Which one do you want to choose? I, you know, I'm still a little bit nervous that they're all so Ruby. They're all so Ruby. Which one do you want to choose? I, you know, I'm still a little bit nervous that they're all true because I know your, you know, history. Karen. Oh, yes. You are stalling. Okay.

Karen. Yes. Two of these quotes are true. One of them I wrote this afternoon. I promise. Well, I think it's the, maybe the news articles are right, but maybe they're wrong.

Karen. Uh-oh. You've lost. Oh! I'm so sad. He said that. The one that I wrote is, let's get to the bottom of whatever happened. If anything had happened,

which it may not have, he said they may be right, they may be wrong. He said all of those. But Karen, it isn't your fault. Rubio is impossibly terrible. It's hard to imagine a United States senator who once said Donald Trump couldn't be trusted with the nuclear codes, could have shrunk

to such a tiny size in a matter of months, but he did. So Karen, I want to thank you for playing the game today. And I want you to know... You keep that. You remember what you did. Thank you. And I want you to know that you still win the parachute gift card.

There are no losers here. There are no losers here. There are no losers here. Guys, we've got a lot of nonsense. We've got collusion and obstruction and all the rest happening every day. And as Grace pointed out, under the surface, there's a ton of immigration actions going on

that are actually hurting people every single day. That's what I wanted to focus on this week because there's actually something people can do right now. On day five of Trump's presidency, he signed an executive order promising to defund local governments that participate in sanctuary cities, which basically are cities that don't participate in deportations of people who are nonviolent, right, that lets people come out of the shadows and report crimes and participate in life because it makes cities safer. Currently, 69 sanctuary cities are declining federal requests to hold arrestees in jail for immigration violations alone. And last month, a federal judge in California temporarily blocked the president's order to defund these cities because it is unconstitutional, and that's something that's been reaffirmed by six attorneys general across the country.

Sanctuary cities are safer. On average, counties that did not comply with ICE requests had 35.5 fewer crimes per 10,000 people because local police can focus on violent crimes and because members of the community are not afraid to report crimes to their local officials. and members of the community are not afraid to report crimes to their local officials. Already we have seen that people are afraid to come forward because they do not trust the capricious nature of the enforcement of this immigration order, and that means people that are victims of sexual assault,

that means people that are victims of gang crime can't come forward. New data shows that the Trump administration deportation rate is 40% higher than under Obama. They claim that they're pursuing criminals, but Barack Obama was pursuing criminals. And by the way, even under Barack Obama, good people, undocumented people who are just doing their jobs and who came here for a better life were also swept up in this. And even though he did a great job to reduce that, that was still going on and we shouldn't pretend otherwise. But Donald Trump has sort of put the pedal to the metal on this. Right now, sanctuary city is not a term of art, right? We know we hear the term, but it doesn't actually apply to any specific set of legal rules.

The ACLU right now has kind of put out some guidance on a set of policies that cities and localities can put into place to say we are what they're calling freedom cities. I don't know if you can rebrand it. I'm going to stick with sanctuary cities for now. Let's see if it takes ACLU one thing at a time, guys. We're doing marketing too? Do we have enough on our fucking plates, guys? Got to keep it a little bit light. Freedom city sounds like something from The Purge.

So the ACLU has created this set of rules. ACLU lawyers are fighting back right now, but they've just launched something new, which is you can go to peoplepower.org, and you can sign up to attend a local event with your neighbors to talk to the law enforcement to figure out how you can approach the government in your area to make sure they're putting in place these sort of nine simple rules that will protect people in the community and keep communities safer.

Because it really is ultimately about protecting people, both Americans and undocumented people who are nonviolent and are just living their fucking lives. And by the way, who came to this country because we told them to. And we created an entire system built around their ability to work here where the only person who could ever be punished, you know, we get the cheap food, we get the cheap clothes, we get the cheap everything, the businesses get the cheap employees, and then when Donald Trump decides

it's time to bring the hammer down, the only people who pay the price for a 30-year-old failure on the part of our government are the people that are just here doing a fucking job. So, it's also, it's also the people that came here when they were two, and they've spent their whole life here. A young woman was just arrested. She's 16.

She was just arrested in Boyle Heights today. I went to her house, and her family wouldn't let them in, and they saw her pull up, and they arrested her. And she's lived her entire life in Los Angeles. She doesn't know Mexico. That's where they're going to send her. Ins she's lived her entire life in Los Angeles. She doesn't know Mexico. That's where they're going to send her. Insane. Yeah, insane.

So you can go to peoplepower.org. You can sign up. I signed up today. Tanya, she's out there. She went to one of their first meetings. And look, we keep talking about how there's incredible energy and this incredible enthusiasm. And I do believe that the single most important thing we can do right now

is everything in our power to win the House, get the subpoena power, take the gavel out of Paul Ryan's hands, and punish these people for what they've done to this country, which a country they claim to love but do not. But until we do that, there are things we can do right now. And if we claim that we really are going to be doing more than we did before, this is something that people can do right now. So go to peoplepower.org, sign up to become part of one of these local meetings. I'm going to be doing more than we did before. This is something that people can do right now. So go to peoplepower.org, sign up to become part of one of these local meetings. I'm going to go to one, and I hope to see you there. Mike,

anything to add? Any 90s references? No, I agree with all of this. And yeah, you're being serious, and I didn't want to be like, meh, remember the little rascals? You know? I'm so glad I turned to you at this moment. It was a perfect amount of levity

before I say, and when we come back, the rant wheel. On the rant wheel this week, we have Joe Lieberman, Kim Guilfoyle, who's vying for Sean Spicer's job, Joe Lieberman, quote Guilfoyle, who's buying for Sean Spicer's job, Joe Lieberman, quote, but then we get Pence, end quote, Joe Lieberman, Handmaid's Tale, again,

Joe Lieberman, and audience choice. So here's how this works. We spin the wheel, and then we rant about it. That's all there is to it. Let's do it. It has landed on, but then we get Pence. I wanted to put this on here for a specific reason. Look, it's a bit fanciful right now to talk about whether or not Trump leaves office,

but I'll tell you that there's one thing I'm very sick of. I'm very sick of people saying to me, but isn't Pence just as bad? No. He is not just as bad. He is a creep and a dead-eyed zealot. And I cannot stand him. And he's not some, you know, in comparison to Trump, he's treated as some wise old sage. to Trump, he's treated as some wise old sage. He's a D-plus

fucking backbench member of Congress who is about to lose his Indiana governor's race or Senate race until he got thrown into this insane situation, which was just a way to get out of a losing election and then wound up being vice president of the United States. Mike Pence sucks.

But we said for a year that Trump wasn't just an ordinary Republican, that he was different, that he was worse, that he couldn't do the job. We were right about that. So even though Pence will be terrible, we can fight him the normal way. We can fight him with politics. We can beat him at the polls. We have to not – we have to mean it when we say that Donald Trump is a world historic threat to this country, which I believe it is.

So don't tell me that Pence is just as bad. He's fucking not. I look at it this way. If I have to get a painful root canal anyway, I'd at least like to get it from a dentist. You know? Not a baby with a hand grenade. I can't believe that

in some poor countries, people get root canals from babies with hand grenades. Let's roll it again. Oh, boy. Even in a comedy game, Joe Lieberman can't get chosen for anything. It has landed on Kim Guilfoyle. I don't know if you saw this, but

Kim Guilfoyle has been rumored to be a potential replacement for Sean Spicer. And what's great is she gave an interview saying, Sean's a great guy. I'd love to replace him. And it is amazing. But she's being honest and you'd think Trump would love that. Well, what I love about it is amazing. But she's being honest, and you'd think Trump would love that.

Well, what I love about it is that in any other White House, Republican or Democrat, that would be seen as not a great way to try to get a job, because nobody wants to hire the person publicly campaigning against someone currently in the job. No one wants that kind of shark in the building who's like being that manipulative and that kind of underhanded. And Sean Spicer still works there. I kind of love it. She's thirsty as fucking. I love when women are thirsty.

They just go after exactly what it is that they want. They say it and they're like, yes, feed me that from your teat. I'm into it. Why not? Also, I don't know anything about her except I guess she's kind of hot and on Fox News. Right, that's why I think he would want her because he's like, well, she's

hot. Exactly. They come in with a jar of credibility and then when the jar runs out, Sean Spicer is now using the chip to get the last bit of credibility salsa out of the bottom.

Once that's out, in comes Kim. His shoes didn't match. I know one was orthopedic but you can still make them the bottom. And once that's out, in comes Kim. His shoes didn't match. And I know one was orthopedic, but you can still make them the same color. He's a sad guy. Let's roll it again. Oh, my God. Oh, finally. Joe gets his day.

It has landed on Joe Lieberman. He fought against the audience getting a choice. This fucking guy. He is now up for FBI director. The only qualification Joe Lieberman has for FBI director is he currently works for the law firm representing Donald Trump. You don't realize that? No, I did not know that.

And this self-righteous guy said campaigned for years against lobbyists, left and became a lobbyist. He personally removed from the Affordable Care Act a Medicare buy-in for people 55 and older. And I repeat this often because it's super important because there was a lot of people trying to kill the public option. The public option got the kind of murder on the Orange Express treatment,

like nobody wanted to thrust in the knife, but they killed it. But Joe Lieberman single-handedly changed his mind on the Medicare buy-in for 55 plus, which raised the insurance prices for every person in this room. And it is probably in no small part because of Joe Lieberman

that there are insurance companies pulling out of states, that the Affordable Care Act isn't working as well as it could, that very well may have cost us some seats in the House and in the Senate. And now Joe Lieberman is floated for being head of the FBI

when, as far as I can tell, his only qualification is he is the most smug man in Washington. He fucking sucks. How is he is the most smug man in Washington. He fucking sucks. How is he still alive? I feel like he's been 79 for 12 years. That's actually, he's actually dead. That's actually part of this.

He's 75 years old, which would mean he'd be 85 at the end of his term at the head of the FBI. That's perfect. Let's have a doddering old lunatic as the head of the FBI. The only reason he wants to put him there is because it makes us angry. That's why he's now fucking a... That's why the... What's the sheriff's name? The black sheriff guy?

Sheriff Clark? That's why he's appointing him because it makes us... He's just a giant troll at this point. He's trolling all of us. It's government by Twitter replies. this point. He's trolling all of us. It's government by Twitter replies. We don't have a bigger example of a traitor

to what we've been fighting for in my life than Joe Lieberman. That's right. He's a straight up traitor to everything. I want to come back to this Medicare buy-in thing. Because it's such a good

idea. Like, okay, we can't get a single payer through Congress. Okay, we can't even get a public option through Congress. Why not say to 55-year-olds who have trouble affording insurance because they're near retirement, that older people cost more, they can get into the public program. They can pay for it. They'll pay for it like any other insurance, so they'll be removed from the market with everybody else

so that young people and people in their 30s and their 40s, they're not subsidizing older people. They're in the government system. It would lower costs for everybody. It would make sure that right now, like so many people between 55 and when they hit Medicare age at 65, they are playing Russian roulette, right? They can't afford the insurance policies because they're too expensive. And some of them get bankrupted. Some of them spend down their insurance. Some of them end up in Medicaid. But this was a great idea. It was a simple compromise that he supported and then changed

his mind purely because he represented the insurance companies in his state. And it was one of the most despicable acts I'd ever seen in politics. And this is a person who was one of the chief architects of the war in Iraq. Someone who really pursued that policy but there has been no single

act that I have seen one senator commit that was more destructive than what Joe Lieberman did and fuck them for thinking that we're going to support this guy when he goes to the FBI. Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that. Let's end with a little next week on Love It or Leave It. Tom Brady,

Oprah, and Brendan Fraser. Thank you, Dave. Thank you, Mike. Thank you, Grace. Thank you guys for being here. And that's Love It or Leave It. Love It or Leave It. Es la B, Oliver Es la B, Oliver La B, Oliver

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