Lovett or Leave It - Cops in the Halls, Bees in the Walls

Episode Date: May 4, 2024

Lovett Or Leave It is ready to take life by the horns this Taurus season. Rose Abdoo looks back on a life of cattle calls. Jena Friedman recommends Republicans and comedians all cut the bull. Two Gay Matts figure out if they’re on the same side of the fence, and we spin the Rant Wheel ’til the cows come home.Tour dates & cities: crooked.com/events For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

What's up Los Angeles? Great to see you all. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, recording live in the shambles of May Day when I accidentally brought bagels to work not realizing the union was also bringing bagels to work. I guess that one was just for us tonight. Comedian Jenna Friedman is here to crown head canceler. We had a gasp of excitement from the front row. Actress Rose Abdu puts the I, hell yeah, in IMDB.

And two gay mats drink from the fountain of Haderade. Why is it a fountain of Haderade? Because Gatorade never comes from a fountain. So it's like the fountain of something, then gatorade, then haterade. Best not to dwell on it. But first, let's get into it. What a week! Pro-Palestinian demonstrators at Columbia University took over Hamilton Hall, a building

on campus, early on Tuesday. Hamilton Hall was also taken over by students protesting the Vietnam War in 1968. During that protest, students used furniture to barricade the doors and prevent the acting dean from leaving his office, holding him hostage for a night. The acting dean commented that he wasn't planning to stay overnight anyway and hadn't been sleeping there due to issues with his wife, Paula, and there was no reason to inquire as to why he already had a pillow and a blanket and a sad little dop kit. In the wee hours on Wednesday hundreds of NYPD officers descended onto Columbia's campus

at university officials request and arrested 109 people as they cleared the hall of protesters. Columbia also began suspending students who refused to leave the main encampment. We now go live to Columbia University President Manu Shafik for her reaction. Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who were wrong. UCLA canceled classes on Wednesday after a large group of seemingly pro-Israel counter-protesters violently attacked a pro-Palestinian encampment on Tuesday night, throwing at least one firework into the camp. In total, more than 2,000 people have

been arrested on approximately 60 American campuses as the protests continue to spread. Now, this is why I became a cop, said a police officer, wrestling a 105-pound bisexual psych major to the ground. [? Laughter.?] Protesters at Brown University reached an actual deal with the university announcing that its corporate board will vote on a proposal to divest from Israeli interests in exchange for students taking down their encampment.

How are kids from Brown doing deals? Cornell kids? Penn kids, sure, but Brown? Those kids negotiated through what? Spoken word poetry? President Biden weighed in on the campus protests from the White House on Thursday. We are not an authoritarian nation where we silence people or squash dissent. The American people are heard. In fact, peaceful protest is in the best tradition of how Americans respond to consequential issues. But, but neither are we a lawless country. We are a civil society. An order must prevail. Spoken like a man who's never been to the air conditioner section of a target during the first heat wave of the year. Biden went on to say,

There's the right to protest, but not the right to cause chaos. There is no place for hate speech or violence of any kind, whether it's anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, or discrimination against Arab Americans or Palestinian Americans. It's simply wrong. There's no place for racism in America. Well Biden just lost the chaos caucus. That's what I call my friends who let their phones get down to 2% battery.

Speaking of people running out of juice, on Thursday Trump denied ever falling asleep during the trial, despite multiple outlets reporting every time he does. The former president wrote on Truth Social, contrary to the fake news media, I don't fall asleep during the crooked DA's witch hunt, especially not today. I simply close my beautiful blue eyes. LAUGHTER

Sometimes, listen intensely and take it all in. LAUGHTER That's just funny. We have to just all in. That's just funny. We have to just face it. That's funny. Also, I guess I just never noticed that Trump's eyes are blue. There are just so many more urgent features of his face and head. You never attend to his eye color.

This followed Judge Juan Marchand's decision to fine Trump a total of $9,000 for nine violations of the gag order and warned that the court will not tolerate continued willful violations of its lawful orders. Murchon then issued his warning again much louder before sighing and asking Trump's lawyer to nudge him awake. More importantly, the judge went on to say that if necessary and appropriate under the circumstances he was prepared to send Trump to jail if he continues to attack jurors and witnesses. Trump then made the my lips are sealed gesture and the lock and throw away the key gesture

before tweeting out an artist's rendering of the judge's wife getting plowed by Alvin Bragg. But Donald Trump also somehow found time between court appearances to outline what his second term would look like in a lengthy interview with Time magazine and, spoiler alert, it would not be tight. Tight? Why did we say tight? With the exception of the Diet Coke button, that's tight.

Trump said he would build detention camps and deploy the military in order to deport more than 11 million migrants. He also told Time that he would permit states to monitor women's pregnancies and choose whether to prosecute women who violate abortion bans. Way ahead of you, said Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, watching a woman by a pregnancy test from across a Walmart parking... parking... fucking fuck. Leave it in. Walmart parking lot through a pair of binoculars.

You get it, he's being a fucking freak. Trump refused to say he'd veto... Nice, thanks. The pity, that's perfect. That's the energy. Trump refused to say he'd veto a national abortion ban because, quote, number one, it'll never happen, and number two, it's about states' rights.

Trump has always been clear on this. If women want rights, they must first become states. But if it's about states' rights, then it should be no problem to say you'd veto a national abortion ban. It's almost as if he's just saying stuff. When pressed, Trump acknowledged the possibility of violence surrounding the 2024 election and seemed fine with it, saying, I think we're going to win.

And if we don't win, you know, it depends. It always depends on the fairness of an election. Hard to believe that Trump inciting violence after he loses again is our best case scenario. That's the best we can do. He won't have the national guard at his disposal this time, just a bunch of middle-aged Facebook warriors who don't have a great relationship with their kids. Anyway, speaking of loud mouths with beautiful blue eyes, Georgia Congresswoman and lady in athleisure making a scene at the state fair because she thinks the

whack-a-mole is rigged against white people, Marjorie Taylor Greene, said Wednesday that she will force a vote to oust House Speaker Mike Johnson next week. That is unless one of Johnson's new Jewish friends taught him how to neutralize a golem. Just in the event that a desperate Jewish person made her out of mud. Greene's announcement came a day after Democratic leaders released a statement saying they would vote to table Greene's motion to vacate, saying that time has come to turn the page on this chapter of pro-Putin Republican obstruction. So Green's effort is doomed, which I imagine she's used to by now.

Marjorie Taylor Green is a human leaf blower. In theory she has a job to do, but her main contribution is noise. Anyway, speaking of maniacs with beautiful blue eyes, in a new Wall Street Journal profile, former members of RFK Jr.'s presidential campaign revealed that the operation is full of grifters and opportunists in addition to being financially and professionally dysfunctional. Well, you could knock me over with a feather, is what one of these grifters on the RFK Jr. campaign said while explaining how taking penicillin to treat an infection can actually dissolve all your muscles. In one bizarre incident, a campaign potluck ran into an unusual problem.

Several staff members feared the electromagnetic radiation from microwaves. The campaign advised staffers to bring crockpots for the event, which is insane because everyone knows those things make your dick fall off. Not a crockpot guy. It's like, how busy are you? You gotta make dinner and then live a whole day and come back to find it? It's like, come on. How can you meet a crockpot if your phone says you look at it for seven and a half hours

a day? If your phone says you look at it for seven and a half hours a day, you don't need the crock pot to save time. Congresswoman Ilhan Omar is getting the business after saying this while visiting Columbia to stand in solidarity with student protesters, which included her daughter. I think it is really unfortunate that people don't care about the fact that all Jewish kids should be kept safe and that we should not have to tolerate anti-Semitism or bigotry for all Jewish students. Oh great, seems like a perfectly made point. Nothing else to talk about, no other issues, she did it right, she said a good thing, let's move on. Oh wait, that wasn't the end of the clip.

We should not have to tolerate anti-Semitism or bigotry for all Jewish students, whether they are pro-genocide or anti-genocide. Oh, come on. No, you had it. You were right there. It's like I always tell myself and fail to listen. Stop talking sooner. Then that leads to a whole news cycle about that comment.

And it's like, I could sit here and tell you about Bernie Sanders telling Dana Bash, who asked Bernie Sanders about Elon Omar's comments from that college's campus about the protesters and what the protesters are saying about their position about what's going on in Gaza. But that's pretty far from what's going on in Gaza. But that's pretty far from what's going on in Gaza. And we really prefer conversations about conversations about conversations about something than conversations about something. But I'm doing it as we speak. Speaking of people who should have stopped talking sooner,

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem defended her decision to murder her dog, Cricket. I just hope people will read the book, find out the truth, because this was a dangerous animal and I had a choice between keeping my small children and other people safe or a dangerous animal and I chose the safety of my children. This is the Republican worldview in a nutshell. There's no gray area, there's no calling a dog trainer or taking her to a pet rescue, there's the complete annihilation of Kristi Noem's entire family at the hands of an uncontrollable beast or spraying a dog's brains across a gravel pit

before heading to church, which is a rib restaurant. But it wasn't all laughs this week. According to the wrap, the Christmas action movie Red One is a year behind schedule and massively over budget due in part to the unprofessionalism of its star Dwayne The Rock Johnson. The Rock would reportedly show up late to set sometimes by as much as eight hours. Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? It's traditional mole rojo, a sauce that must be lovingly simmered for many hours. Eight hours? That's not arriving late, that's arriving the next day. And that's even with all the time he's saved not endorsing Joe Biden. But it gets better.

According to their sources, The Rock likes to piss in water bottles. Here's a quote. On set, away from his trailer, if he needs to pee, he doesn't go to the public bathroom. He pees in a Voss water bottle, and his team or a PA has to dispose of it. There, see?

Some people like it, said Amazon chairman Jeff Bezos. Speaking of celebrities who arrive when they are ready, Barbara Streisand peaked our collective interest this week when she asked Melissa McCarthy in a since deleted Instagram comment if McCarthy was taking Ozempic. Oh, oh, oh, no! Later that day, Streisand wrote on social media, OMG, I went on Instagram to see the photos we'd posted

of the beautiful flowers I'd received for my birthday. Below them was a photo of my friend Melissa McCarthy, who I sang with on my Encore album. She looked fantastic. I just wanted to pay her a compliment. I forgot the world was reading." First of all, we don't even have a joke for this. She felt she had to explain why she was on Instagram. And the reason was to look at flowers she had received in real life.

In other celeb news, on her show this week, Drew Barrymore revealed she left a list of every sexual partner she's ever had at Danny DeVito's house. Oh wait, this said Danny DeVito pulling a small piece of paper that only had his name written on it? You know what they say, your complete list of sexual partners is always in the last place you look. Danny DeVito's house. During an appearance on the Jennifer Hudson show, Cher explained that she dates younger

guys because men her age are all dead. So I guess she doesn't believe in love after life. Do you believe? Great. Because of life after, she believes in life after love. Well she asked the question. So Cher doesn't want to date men of her own age because they're all dead.

I'm newly single and ready to mingle, said Jimmy Carter. Speaking of ancient communications, this week a team of researchers revealed that for the first time they were able to decipher parts of a papyrus scroll that was buried in ash after the volcanic eruption of Mount Vesuvius in the year 79. It's a technique they're calling cleaning the schmutz off. The team was able to decipher the text by telling a bunch of Swifties that Taylor wrote the scroll and they came back with it fully deciphered in two hours. Incredible. It's about Joe Alwyn.

According to the American Time Use Survey, the average person in the U.S. has gained 10 minutes of sleep per day since their previous survey, although it's possible outliers are driving up the average by napping in courtrooms. But that doesn't make sense. A North Carolina toddler who was convinced there were monsters in her closet was, it turns out, hearing the sound of more than 50,000 bees in the walls. White noise machine, move aside. There's a new ambient noise in town,

and it's called 50,000 Bees Inside Your Walls. Child, you're being crazy. It's not a monster. It's 50,000 bees. Go to bed. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's not some monster. It's 50,000 actual bees.

Go to bed. Dave and Buster's announced this week that its app will soon allow adults playing their arcade games to place bets against each other. Said a Dave and Buster spokesperson, we're just doing our part to demolish America's few remaining friendships between straight men. The Skee-ball machine is running hot.

I feel it. Please, just from me a few more tickets, said former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani. All right, we come back. Rose Abdu is here. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back.

Please welcome to the stage, you've seen her in literally everything, it's the incredible Rose Abdou. Hi! Come on out, nice to see you, thanks for being here. Hello everybody. Very nice to be here. Lovely to see you. Rose, the third season of Hacks is upon us. How does it feel to be in the last television show to ever get a third season in the history of Hollywood? It feels wonderful. And I did watch episode 301 and 302 right before I came here tonight. And I have to say, if you're hacks fans, you're in for a really fun time.

Everybody says it's the best season yet. They're saying it's the best season yet. Well, I'm in at the least, so I don't know what that... No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm in at plenty. I'm in at plenty. I'm a series regular. And Rose is in it plenty. I'm in it plenty and I am very thrilled to be here and very thrilled to be a guest of yours. And if you think I brought you popcorn, I didn't. Oh, okay.

Can I surprise you now? Sure. Okay, so I have something special for you, John. I've got a candy bar. Do you like chocolate? Love it. Do you hate gerrymandering? I can't stand this stuff.

It's unfair share. Oh. Easy to enjoy, hard to share. Why? Because most candy bars break into equal pieces in a grid. Like let's say a Hershey bar. Not this one. Not this one, John.

It's a gerrymander chocolate bar? Gerrymander chocolate bar. A tactile representation of political inequity. I love that. That's for you. Thank you. There you go. Now this is Ben Blount and Brian Kett.

They make these bars somewhere in Michigan. I'm from Michigan, Birmingham, Michigan. And I just had to bring you a couple of bars. Can't wait. Thank you so much. Right? I love it. So we're going to play a game a bit about all the many roles you've had, but being a working actor for a long time, were there any stretches where you were like, fuck it, I'm out?

No. Really? No. You just ran the whole time. There was no way, there was no dragging you out of this. No. No bad auditions, no moments where you wanted to, I don't know, pack it all in. I don't know. Pack it all in? Pack it all in? One time, an audition for a show that Brad Garrett did, till death I think it was called, and I thought he would really be charmed because I knew he did a Ralph Cramden impersonation, and I do an Alice Cramden impersonation. So I went in and I was like, you're not going down to that store tomorrow morning, Ralph. There isn't a manhole in New York you could fit through.

And I thought, thank you. It was great. Beautiful. They don't know. They don't know how good that was. Brad Garrett was not that impressed. He was just, although maybe he was and he just didn't let his faith. So after that audition, I was kind of like,

I'm not doing this anymore. No, I never was. But I want to tell you something. You were talking about Danny DeVito. I went to his house for a movie reading. You guys, there's a theater in the back. Like you go down this little path and there's a whole freestanding theater

with a candy counter and a popcorn machine. And it's really nice. And I worked with Barbra Streisand. You did? Yes, on a movie called The Guilt Trip, which you might be asking me about. Maybe. It was called The Guilt Trip.

It was called My Mother's Curse, and they changed it to The Guilt Trip. But I worked with her and while- Oh, that was Seth R Maybe. It was called the guilt trip. It was called my mother's curse and they changed it to the guilt trip. But I worked with her and while- Oh, that was Seth Rogen. Seth Rogen, exactly right. And we worked together and while we were working together, she was bidding on a painting from Sotheby's. Oh, exciting.

Did she get it? I don't know if she got it. It was, she goes, I don't know if I should buy it or not. Should I buy it? I don't know if I should buy it. I go, you know Barbara, I'm bidding on an eBay necklace for $38. So, I...

Shit. And again, not amused. It's like a... It's just sort of Barbara Streisand wandering in, putting in like $20 million. It was, well, the one she was bidding on was Van Gogh. A Van Gogh? Van Gogh. But Miriam Margolis, who you might know from the Harry Potter movies, she was like, you simply must leave it for your children it's a Van Gogh it's a Van Gogh

It's just funny just like Babs go for it to steal it twice the price It was really fun to watch though So speaking of hacks Jerry Seinfeld shared his that's unfair shared his thoughts on why there are no good TV shows anymore this week explaining it used to be you would go home at the end of the day. Most people go, Oh, cheers is on. Oh, mash is on. Oh, Mary Tyler Moore is on on the family's on. You just expected there'll be some funny stuff. Well, guess what? Where is it? This is the result of the extreme left and PC crap and people worrying so much about offending other people. Um, what do you, do

you, do you think? Here are my thoughts. Okay. With Mr. Seinfeld. I feel like he's got a movie called Unfrosted. I'll promote his movie, I don't care. His Pop-Tart movie. And I think he said that on purpose to be in the news cycle and be controversial. I think it's all about publicity for his Unfrosted movie. It's all goes back, it's Cui Bono.

You know, follow the money. It's all about the Pop-Tart movie. All about the Pop-rosted movie. It's all goes back, it's Cui Bono, you know, follow the money. It's all about the Pop Tart movie. All about the Pop Tart movie. Because he said that and it gets everybody going, who does he think he, you know. It gets people riled up and talking about him and everyone's like, I'm gonna watch that just because I wanna see what's going on with, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I think that's right. You guys hearing a squeak? Somebody's rocking. I don't hear it now. Do you hear it? I've been doing this show for eight years. I get to say I was there the night of the squeak. Well Rose, nice. You have been in everything.

It's pretty nice. That's so nice. Thank you. And a lot of it was great. So it's time for a beloved love it or leave it classic. Was I in this? Here's how it works. You and I will take turns trading off asking members of the audience if you were in this. An audience member will reply if you were or were not. Can we get a volunteer? Ooh. Give it up for Hallie, everybody. Yay.

Hi, what's your name? Lalo. Your name is Lalo, and you took a long time to remember it. I was expecting like a... What were you expecting? I was like a family feud kind of vibe. About your name? What did you think? I said, what is your name? And then you stared at me for a long time.

For a second. It was a long time to not know your name. Less than a second. All right. Lalo, first up. I portrayed Gypsy, the star's hollow auto mechanic, on Gilmore Girls. No help.

Yes. Yes. And what was that like? It is true. I'm sorry, maybe I'm really bad for this. Kind of hurt that Lalo didn't know that without help, but whatever. Well, when they go Lalo. Did something, how was, what was your experience as portraying Gypsy on Gilmore Girls? I enjoyed it. I really learned that for television, they use Worcestershire sauce for motor oil because they think it's less gross than motor oil. And after the 83rd take of Worcestershire sauce, you never wanna smell that again.

Hmm. It has umami. That's right. Maybe it was like A1 steak sauce. Whatever it was, I never wanna smell that again. I think A1 steak sauce. Whatever it was, I never want to smell that again. I think A1 steak sauce is very, has a lot of- Pungent. It's a similar kind of energy.

It's exactly right. You just put a little dab of it, make good Caesar dressing. Oh, John. Good recipe. I'll start calling on people. I don't care. Hi, what's your name? My name's Adam.

Did Rose appear in my best friend's wedding? Ooh, I'm gonna say yes. That's correct. Rose played a seamstress and we have a clip. Oh my gosh. I think it's beautiful. Isn't that perfect for her? Absolutely.

Now this is going to be tighter. You know, you don't want those things to fall out. No. We're letting you, okay? That's so nice. That was me. Thank you. That was me imitating my own Dominican mother,

who was a seamstress, and I improvised all those lines. Because she used to make wedding gowns for people. I'm from Detroit. She beaded Bob Seeger's wife's gown. Wow. Do you know the commercial like Iraq? That man. That's what she gown. Wow. Do you know the commercial like Iraq, that man? That's what she said to me.

His wife. And she beated a dress for Aretha Franklin, that's true. And she's 96 years old. Wow. And I imitated her and that was kind of a precursor to the Josefina character on Hacks is just me. Do you know honey, if you don't imitate mama, you really don't have a career.

Great. Hi, what's your name? John. Hey John. Hi. I voiced Captain Mahaffy in Madagascar a little wild. No. That's true.

Ah! And you know why that guy should know? That's my husband. What the fuck, John? I can't keep track! I can't keep track! You can't keep track! You can't keep up. Boo! Let's stay with John, actually. This is good. What?

We're not leaving. You cannot keep up. Rose voiced Leatherhead last year in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem. Did not. That's right. It was Rose Byrne. Excellent. Okay, this one. I played a go-go dancer, Cherry Darling, in Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse Planet Terror. She did not. That's right. That's correct. False. Did Rose depict Señorita Rodriguez on Nickelodeon's Salmon Cat?

Trick question. That's O'Raven. Correct. Wow. This is good. I married the hell out of her. I know. This is good.

That's when we met. That's when we met. That's when you met. This one is, I channeled Senora Maria de Los Angeles Pons Montes Garcia y Perez on a show called Strangers with Candy. Yes she did. Oh, John's playing games now. He's playing games now.

And I did that with my second city alumni friends, Stephen Colbert, Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello. And I did not know her then. You didn't know her then? I did not know her then. I just knew her from TV. I shot that in New Jersey. How'd you meet? How did I meet John Madda?

Yeah. At a gallery called Fake in Silver Lake. Wow. And there were a lot of people there that night. But one, and one real thing. One real thing. John Madda. John Madda.

A love connection. That's right. A love connection. Was that, is it an art gallery? At an art gallery, yeah. Were you buying art, John? Well, it was an art gallery and also a performance space. And then Rose came up to me and started, we started talking,

and then she said, what smells so good? He said, it's me. And I go, I don't think so. But it was. And then he said, you're from Chicago. All you Chicago people come to LA and y'all go out and get drunk and then you marry each other. Which is kind of true. And then he said, ever stand online in your board

and you just swallow money? I go, no, nobody does that. Nobody does that. And he goes, oh, one time I swallowed quarters and I could feel them going end over end. And then I became obsessed, John. I was like, I got a Heimlich U. I need to feed my meter.

I mean, I was like, what? And then I became obsessed, John. I was like, I got a Heimlich U. I need to feed my meter. I mean, I was like, what? What kind of fucked up pickup line is that? I don't know. Did you ever change? That works for me. I got nervous. I knew she was on Strangers. So at the end of the night, I said, okay,

we were gonna go to the Sklar Brothers show, your guest. Friends of the show? Friends of the show. And I was really far away from him. And he said, all right, Chicago. And he threw a quarter across this art gallery. And I reached my hand up, John, I have no athletic ability whatsoever. And I caught the quarter. Boom. Boom. That's how you do it. That's how you do it. That's right. Exactly. And then we went on on one date.

To the Sklar Brothers show. And then at the end I said, pretty much I'm going to call you every day. And I said, that's, I didn't know if that's something he just said, because he said, I pretty much want to eat sushi every day. And I'm like, is this just how he talks? Or does he really want to call me every day? And then he did. And it was December 1st, 2001.

And we live in a house, 1201 is our address. So 1201. And we talk every day. And we talk every day? Except one day maybe. Yeah, we missed one day. I had diverticulitis. She had to drive me off at the hospital.

120101, what a love story. Started with a quarter. Yep. I love that. Yeah. Thank you. Man. Almost don't wanna go back to this silly little game of ours. quarter. Yep. I love that. Thank you. Almost don't want to go back to this silly little game of ours.

You ate quarters. What do you mean? I had like three of them in my hand. And were you in the first grade? No, I think I was like 19. But then I kept saying, but did you pass them? Did you pass them? And he goes, I don't know. And I'm like, how could you not know? And this was the beginning. I figured the damage was done.

Man, damage was done. Could still be there. A couple years from now, silver dollar comes out. You know? Exactly. Smiling honey. Smiling honey. And then you pelted me with quarters. That's what it was.

I threw a lot more quarters. He started throwing quarters. He threw so many quarters. I have a, I see why you were single. Because I feel like you had a, you know, the kind of thing, it's like what you were offering, there was only going to be one customer. And thankfully you were both at this art gallery. I have an actor friend that said, you need to find someone who's as weird as you are.

So she said, you and John, you're both so peculiar, you're lucky you found each other. I love that. That's true, isn't it? You gotta be as weird as each other. Or find someone a little bit weirder than you. That's hard for me, that was hard for me. That was hard for me. That was hard for you.

And then for John, been throwing quarters of people at that gallery for years. First person who picked up a quarter. All right. Well, honestly, this has turned into a quite a delight. You've been in so many things, but honestly, I feel like maybe figuring out what was going on with him was like maybe one of your great performances. Yes. Yeah. Yes, yeah. Well, it was the night before I did The Gilmore Girls, and he said to me, what are you doing tomorrow?

I said, I'm gonna work on a show called The Gilmore Girls. And it was before it was hugely popular. And I said, it's my first appearance on it. And he goes, work my name in. And I go, okay. And I'm like, why didn't I say okay? Work my name in? What the fuck is wrong with you?

What were you doing? I didn't think she'd work my name into it. Then I did. And then I said, so if you have anyone, is anyone fan of the Gilmore Girls? Thank you. See Lalo, there's people who knew I was gypsy. Anyway. Laying low?

Oh, excuse me. Yes, perfect. All right. So now I did the, I did the... What is your name? It's Lang Lo. Lang Lo with Lalo. I don't know what's happening. All I know is I said... Get Lalo out of here. Get him out.

In the episode where I say, I can't look at this car anymore, I went, mother, at the end of it, because that's his last name. So the director says to me, could you try one without that weird word at the end? I go, okay. So I really did, I mean. So I just, I'm sorry. I know, I know.

You met the day before. Met the day, pretty much, yeah. You had youth through change at a woman. Pelted me with quarters. At a woman. Yeah. And said, say my name on TV. Yeah.

I eat sushi every day. I will also call you every day. Correct. And then the next day you're at your job. That's right. And you say this man's name. Mara. That's cool.

Yeah. That's cool. And then the rest of it all came together. We've been together since 2001. Well. Thank you. Thank you since 2001. Well, thank you. Thank you. Rose, I have you. Thank you so much.

Hack Season 3 is streaming now on Max. We'll be right back. Thank you. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage the killer lady from Lady Killer, the American cunt herself, Jennifer Edman. Good to see you.

I thought about pretending that American Cunt was just like your nickname for me that I have nothing to do with, but it's actually a show. Did you tell them? No, I just said the phrase and I was going to hopefully get the context up to here now, but thank you for telling them So you do show called I did? American yet American kind. Yeah, right. Yeah It's so nice to see you. I'm sorry. I know Jenna went to the other theater venue

Can I tell you about it? Cuz it's kind of funny. Sure. I showed up It was a there's a lot of Netflix is a joke signage. And I was like, huh, that's really weird because this isn't a Netflix is a joke show. And so I, there was a huge line and I went in and they were like, stop ma'am. And I was like, I'm on the show. And I go through, I see people I know, I'm saying hi. They're like, oh, we're so happy to have you. And then I go into the green room and I'm like looking around and like no one on the show is on that show.

And it took me like a couple minutes. I saw Guy Branum and I was like, are you on, you're doing Love It or Leave It tonight? And he's like, no. I mean, honestly, that is like, if you, there's like, oh, it must be here because Guy's here. Yeah, because Guy's, yeah. And it's just, I don't know, I feel like I just need to live my life. Like I'm, like every venue I walk into, it's like a show I'm on, you know, because guys, yeah, and it's just, I don't know, I feel like I just need to live my life like I'm, like every venue I walk into it's like a show I'm on, you know, because, but I wasn't on it.

My parents would say that I've been living that way since I was five years old. So you have a new book called Not Funny. In the book, you talk about cancel culture from the perspective of someone who was writing for the Roseanne reboot when she and her show got canceled. Was that at least kind of funny to experience? Yeah, it happened my first day on the job. I was heading onto the lot at CBS Radford, so happy to have a job. And I'm looking at Twitter when it was still called that.

And Roseanne tweeted that horrible thing and I was like, Oh no. And then I was like, the show feels like this show's gonna get canceled, it should, but then I was like, you know what, Wanda Sykes is in the room, like if Wanda's still on the show, I'll feel better about that. And then I get into the office and I look back at my phone and Wanda Sykes is no longer doing the show.

And I was just like, this is awful. And so then we ended up, the show, it got canceled the day that it started. Didn't it live on for a while without her? Well, they retooled it and called it the Conners and it's still on. The Conners is still a show on ABC. Without her. I had no idea.

Yeah. Huh. Learned something every day. You, so you also. I'm not on it, but thanks for clapping. I'm not writing on it. So, speaking of things that were cancelled, you were actually set to host the Penn Awards this spring. The organization... Two nights ago. Two nights ago, it'd been two nights ago. Yeah, whatever the 29th was. Oh wow, so it was just about to happen. The organization cancelled the event because dozens of writers withdrew in protest. I went down a rabbit hole and came out whatever the 29th was. Oh wow. So it was just about to happen. The organization canceled the event

because dozens of writers withdrew in protest. I went down a rabbit hole and came out the other side being even more confused about what happened. What happened? A lot of writers were upset with PEN America for their stance on the war in Gaza. Without getting into the fray of that, I personally, when they asked me to host, I was like, that's interesting,

because I've had Seth Meyers and Kal Penn host, and I was like, what's the catch? And I said yes right away, and then I looked at the news, and I was like, fuck. This is just entering this really kind of scary moment where people are really mad at this organization, which is a preeminent defender of free speech. And I mean, they did a benefit for the survivors of the Charlie Hebdo massacre in the wake of that. So this is a pretty fearless organization. And I really thought about it. I thought about the moment that we're in,

you know, we were leading up to an election, which could be our last, democratically speaking, and I really wanted to support this organization that supports writers and freedom of expression and fights book bans all over the world. So I said yes and I wrote a speech that I was very proud of and then they canceled the event. So there's so much talk about people not being able to say things that they're allowed to

say and then you have an organization devoted to free speech and then writers are angry at them because they removed somebody for protesting at an event. Yes, there was a situation in LA where there were people protesting and then one of them was forcibly removed. I wrote a joke about it in my speech if you want to. Yeah, let's hear it. No, I just tried to cover my bases because I was going into like a hostile environment. So that joke was at the end of the speech. I say just one quick announcement before we begin. Please keep in mind that heckling at a free speech event

is like jerking off at a strip club. They may not stop you from doing it, but it'll be far less awkward for everyone if you just wait until you get home. That's pretty good. I like it. It worked. You want to hear another joke?

Yeah. Let's hear another joke from the speech. No one's ever going to. No, let's hear hear another joke from the speech you couldn't get. No one's ever going to. No, we'll just, let's hear one more joke. I like that. Thank you. For those of you who don't know, PEN is an acronym for poets, essayists, and novelists,

but it recently broadened to include poets, playwrights, editors, essayists, and novelists, which means it should actually be pronounced Peen. I feel like you might want to lean into that pen. People might cut you a little more slack if you started going by your actual acronym, peen. Everyone is so critical of pen, but no one would be hard on peen. Unless hard on peen is the title of a book in a Florida library.

Pretty great. As you, what a crush, what a crush. As you're putting together your segment this week, we couldn't help but notice a Venn diagram between two very loud, very mad groups of people, all of whom stand against wokeness, cancel culture, and keeping your shoes on while sleeping on an airplane. stand against wokeness cancel culture and keeping your shoes on while sleeping on an airplane. That's right. It's time to play a game we're calling no participation trophies in which you must answer the question is this quote from a Republican politician currently in office or a working comedian with vast influence and success?

Huh. Okay. I'm excited. That's us. And look at that with no soup for us. Oh, that's me. Yeah, I think you. Yeah, it is.

Wow. That took a minute. Okay. Yeah. They do a really good job. They do. They do. All right. Is this a Republican or a currently touring comedian? You can get some people fired, but if you decide that you're going to pile on to someone because you don't like what they said or what they did, you can get them fired. I feel like that that was a Republican. Incorrect. That was Joe Rogan. Really? He used the same word twice in a sentence. So like not comedian like fired fired. I guess. All right. Fine. It's about take you when you see I wish you'd well he has a stand up. Okay. I don't

all right. Okay. Keep going. I don't want to check it. It's about taking individuality, merit, and achievement and subordinating that to a political agenda based on identity politics. I think it's important that we fight against it because our society does need to be rooted in truth. He has five hours a day to fill. So I feel like, yeah, that makes that tracks. You know?

Well, that was a new quote. Oh, that was a new quote. I thought that was still Joe Rogan. Okay. I thought that that was just like a really long Joe Rogan quote because he has so much time to fill. He has so much time to fill. All right.

Sorry. I dropped that card. So you just have to guess. I'm guessing it was a Republican. It was. It was Florida Governor Ron DeSantis talking to a potential voter who asked what he meant by woke. All right.

Next quote. Americans no longer blindly watch the news like they did decades ago. They only watch the ones who have courage to tell the truth. Americans are about to quit watching. Republican? Correct, that was Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeting about Tucker Carlson getting fired. Next up, ignore them.

They don't count. They have no effect on me. They don't count their hecklers. Was that Louie? That was Ricky Gervais, but it's Comedian, you got it. Okay. That was about Gervais, but it's comedian, you got it. Okay. That was about a petition against his most recent Netflix special Armageddon over his jokes about Make-A-Wish kids.

Okay. What are you going to start a petition against Ricky Gervais? What's that going to do? Nothing. He's going to love it. You know he's going to love it. Yeah. He's going to do that.

It's going to help the special. It's going to help him. Yeah. Petition. The analogy of the evil planet from the movie, the fifth element is a very good one. If you have fire rockets at the evil planet, planet gets bigger. Rocks don't work. You need Mila Joe. She was great in that. She was great in that. Yeah. And that's what this is really about. We will not allow reality, facts, and truth to become optional. We will never surrender to the woke mob.

I guess as a politician. That was a politician. If this is being canceled, I love it. That's a comedian. Yeah, that was Dave Chappelle. I dug really deep into my soul to find the most offensive way of saying things, the things I want to say,

because I think it's very important that we try to preserve free speech in America. I guess a comedian. Yes, that was Roseanne while promoting her most recent special, cancel this. Did you meet her? I never met her. You never met her? She had seen a set of mine that I did on Conan and she hired me off of that. And I never, and then I just I

I do believe that like, you know, if you're not at the table You're on the menu and so I did want to like sit in that writers room in like 2017 Trump era and write for her and it just didn't happen But yeah, it's interesting to think cuz that reboot was in the works before Trump Yeah, I think it would have been a really cool show in that time to have a family that is at political odds, still existing as a family. I think that would have been really helpful

and hopeful for people to watch. Yeah, it's interesting, because if James Comey doesn't send a letter, Hillary Clinton wins, that show still proceeds. Yeah. And then there's just a Roseanne reboot. I'm glad that you brought up Comey.

You know what I mean? People don't talk about him enough because he's so tall. It's because he's too tall. People forget that because they forget him up there. They forget him up there. Yeah, they just see clothes. They don't get to all the way up.

There he is. There's that smug mug. What's he doing? Seeing plays and stuff, I bet. Sufs or whatever it's called. He's seeing to see clothes. And you don't gotta get it all the way up. There he is. There's that smug mug. What's he doing? Seeing plays and stuff, I bet. Suffs or whatever it's called. He's seeing Suffs. I mean, he's not seeing Suffs

because Hillary Clinton produced Suffs. Oh, right. What if he is seeing it? So now he feels he's got to, God, you go to see fucking Suffs. Hillary Clinton's produced Broadway musical. You sit down, there's a big fucking tall oaf in front of you.

You can barely see around. Turns around, it's James Comey with a fake mustache to sneak in. Yeah, and in like a monocle or something. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, I can see that happening. The vibe is interesting tonight. Has it been commented on?

No, it's a late show. It's a late show. They're doing great. I've told you to stop talking, Lalo. You wanna use my heckle joke that I told? Yeah, I liked it. But it was good. Jenna Friedman, everybody.

Jenna, we back for the Rat Wheel. Oh, yeah. Thank you. The book is not funny. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage the only podcast host more gay than me. I don't think that's right. And in my defense that's just because there are two of them. Oh, thank you. Matt Palmer and Matt Steele, two gay Mats. Hi, come on out.

Which one of you is gayer? I think we're different types of gay. Both similar level, very high, but different types. Yeah, high key gay. I'm like the musical theater gay. He's the pop music gay. That's sort of our shtick. Does your TikTok algorithm show you define gravity in every form it's ever taken, every language? I actually don't go on TikTok. I know. He's of a certain age. I am of a certain age. Wow. Okay. Well, so am I.

So I just, you know, I don't, I don't belong there. It's like, I, I, you know, I don't, I, I feel weird being on Tik TOK at the same way. I feel weird if I ever step into an urban outfitters, but once in a while you go. I go into an urban outfitters occasionally and I look at everything and I'm just like, everything is so cool. I can never wear this because I will look like, so I would look like an old man trying to be young.

Yeah, which I am like, I am desperately trying to be young, but like, I can't do that within my wardrobe. I think that's right. I think that's right. No, no, no, no, sorry. Harsh feedback. Hold on. Hold on. I think that's right. And then I think I relate. That is right about the experience. That is right about the feeling, not about you. I'm saying that is the right feeling. You're describing what I was describing. We share something. Listen, I'm not offended by this because it's a fact. You were correct. I'm not. Yeah. I don't have any pride. It's fine. Hey, what are your thoughts on the Valley? Okay, so this is a show on Bravo.

It's a spin off of Vanderpump Rules. It is all the people that got fired for being racists now get back to get to come back on the show, of course. Like a super group. Yeah, exactly. Stassi didn't come back because she's elsewhere, but whatever the other two are back. It's the worst people you've ever met and it's riveting.

It's like all of their marriages are crumbling, they have like one kid apiece. Two of them before the season even started airing announced their separations. So it's dark, but it's great. Best show on Bravo, no Housewives on now, but the valley's great. I just, I like a little competition.

I can't believe they just have conversations over and over again and they never vote anybody out. I gotta, we gotta vote somebody out. That's the thing about Bravo is like, you secretly are voting each other out by like who's sitting closest to Andy at the reunion. Who like didn't have a storyline. Oh man.

Who didn't bring it. Thank you. I'm so glad you get it. Matt S. Yes. This week, Glee actor Darren Criss declared that he is heterosexual but culturally queer. Care to comment? I don't think that's the craziest thing to say, because anyone who watches him on TV is just like, oh, yeah, he's gay, right?

But hadn't he also announced that he wasn't going to be playing gay characters anymore? He has. Okay. But is that not queer, I guess, where it's kind of like, okay, you're not officially gay, but like, you're a little queer. Something's queer about this. Yes, yes, I think there is. But it's interesting, right? Because someone who's so comfortable, take him at his word, he's so comfortable in his heterosexuality that for a very long time, he embraced the fact that he played these gay roles and played them very well. the fact that he played these gay roles and played them very well. And like that has made him gay coded. But in reality, all these straight guys being terrified of being perceived as gay, I think is more revealing, right? Like it's like, he's so rooted in being straight that he's comfortable pretending

to be gay for years on end. Is that, isn't that ultimate heterosexuality in a sense? That was really deep. Um, you kind of just broke my brain with that. And since you're on Tik TOK, you can make a Tik TOK about that and like break that down. The kids will love it. That wasn't an answer. I don't know. Matt and Matt new polling released this week reveals 70% of potential voters are double haters

for voters who reject both Biden and Trump as their next president. What better inspiration we thought for a game with two professionally judgmental gays. That's you. Thank you. I mean two gays of taste and refinement. Either one's fine. A game we're calling double haters. Oh, look at her. Great. we look great. You do look good. Look at my shoulder. That's really good. I need that wig. I like it.

I will give you an either or scenario. You can pick either option or you can be a double hater and reject both of them. And if all three of us hate both options, well, we've got ourselves something special. That's right. It's the worst sound effects, love it or leave it, has ever made. Mad and gay or mad, are you ready to play? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. That's, wait, that's the double hater sound effect. I guess we'll save it. We'll save the other one. All right. Beyonce's Cowboy Carter or Taylor Swift's The Tortured Poets Department.

How did I know this was gonna be the first? I mean. That, so. Look, we love Taylor Swift's The Tortured Poets Department. How did I know this was going to be the first? I mean, so look, we love Taylor Swift. She's a talented artist. Everyone becomes a fucking senator. Because I've never seen anything like this. The second, it's like, it's like, it's unbelievable. Nobody can just give you an opinion about Taylor Swift anymore. It's like, it's like, as I have long said,

as to my dear colleague from Minnesota, I implore you to see my long and distinguished record of bills and resolutions in support of Taylor Swift, and yet. I bought the red pizza box when it was released at Papa John's. I am a fan of her. I'm just saying.

The tortured poet's department's a little too long. 31 tracks is a lot for a human brain to take in in one sitting. Cowboy Carter's a triumph. You can make a great 12 track album from Taylor's. Cowboy Carter is... You need all those tracks in Cowboy Carter. Yes.

And the thing is like, I've also said about Cowboy Carter, it can be, some of those tracks could be like, maybe like a 30 second short, and just make a couple of them near the end. Sure. But like it is it is a triumph. Like Beyonce just releases nothing less than a triumph at all times. But Taylor, the thing is like we love we love we have we have each made our own version of the Tortured Poets

Department on our Spotify playlist. Mine is about 17 tracks. Mine is 12. And it's excellent. It's an excellent 17. Yeah. I mean, it gets even better if you take some tracks from folklore. The two game ads have a very complex relationship with folklore evermore.

And the Taylor Swift fans, you're just going to get the Taylor Swift fans to meet us on there. I'm going to do the same fucking thing. I really like Taylor Swift. Yeah. They know. I really do. I really do. I love a lot of her music. I really liked Taylor Swift. I really knew. I really do. I love a lot of

her music. I do. That's all I want to say. I love cowboy Carter. Triumph is the word from the first song is my favorite song. No, well, well, that's well, we're back on Taylor Swift. You're you've taken, but yes, I agree with you We're still finishing the folklore part of it. But yes, but no, I love cowboy Carter. I choose cowboy Carter I know we're not supposed to care but she's gonna win album of the year, right? And I should let it go I've been burned so many times. I don't care about those. Oh, I care. Oh we care To quote Beyonce. I know you don't care too much, but I still care. Okay. Okay. So that's it That's just something we like. All right.

Next up having kids when you're not exactly sure you want to only to find yourself trapped in a life you resent resentment, you will try to hide from your children, but they will nonetheless perceive or dying childless full of regret that only truly revealed itself to you after you had 60. Huh? Which would we prefer? Well, you can either, you can either like one or both or hate both. I think I hate both.

I don't like either, yeah. Don't do something you don't want to do, like have a kid and then regret it, but also do the things you want to do. Like don't have a kid or whatever, I don't know. The question was really long. No, it is confusing. It is confusing. It is confusing. I think it's that both the path of having children

and the path of not having children, I don't want to choose either. That's the challenge. They both scare me. Is this personal? It seems like it. Sure seems personal. So I'm gonna call myself a double hater. We're right there with you.

Okay. Okay. Sure. I wouldn't say like, I hate the first one. The first one's kind of just like, uh, but like at least, you know, I'm sure you had like some semblance of happiness. We don't have to agree. I think there are different levels of maybe regret for both. I don't know. I wouldn't say I'm a double hater. I would say I'm a double, Ooh, I, that could be better. I don't know. I wouldn't say I'm a double hater. I would say I'm a double. Ooh, I that could be better. Okay. All right. Next up,

Ryle Reynolds and Mikey Day dresses Beavis and Butt-Head on the Fall Guy red carpet or 50,000 bees in the wall of your home. Oh, no. I'm into it. I like but. Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling, sorry, Ryan Gosling. I meant to say Ryan Gosling. OK, I definitely hate the second one. The first one was unpleasant, but I

feel like I could look away. I like it. OK. Yeah, I like it too. I think it's fun. Yeah, we think it's fun. I think we should do more of that on red carpets. I like it.

Next up, South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem shooting her dog or President Joe Biden not shooting his dog. I mean, at a certain point, at a certain point, there's blood all over the Rose Garden. That dog's taking down people left and right. Cricket could have been trained. There's no training, commander. I'm definitely a single hater with this one.

Smart answer. Yeah, thank you. The first one, I assume? Okay, just making sure you didn't say. I'm not gonna reveal. Yeah, I'll say that. I love dogs. All right, well, they gave the right answer.

We love dogs and we love Taylor. We love dogs, we love Taylor. We love everyone here All right, well, they gave the right answer. We love dogs and we love Taylor. We love dogs, we love Taylor. We love everyone here. The upcoming sequel, Beetlejuice 2, starring Michael Keaton, or the live action Aladdin 2, starring Will Smith. Is that happening, the second one? No, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no.

Aladdin 2 is Return of Jafar. They are making a live action. Oh, Lord. They're doing a sequel to that unholy text. Wow. I got to say, I hate the worry I feel about Beetlejuice 2. But I will call myself a double hater. Because Beetlejuice means a lot to me,

and Michael Keaton is actually one of my favorite film actors of all time. So I desperately want Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice to be good. So I am worried that it might not be. but I mean like I would, I would still rather have it out there and experience it. Okay. Than not.

I hate the second one. I really don't like that. The second, the Aladdin 2 thing. I can't say I hate the second one either because it's, you know, the strike happened. People get jobs. Okay. We want people to work. Okay.

Just sort of get jobs. Okay. We want people to work. Jobs at Aladdin to Disney jobs program. The, um, I had a bet. I had a bet after I love Michael Keaton and I had a bet with, with my friend Spencer, which is after Michael Keaton didn't win for birdman, I had a bet that he would win best actor in the next five years. And the only time I had a chance was that McDonald's movie. I know that had so much Oscar buzz, but it didn't happen for me. Didn't I lost that good?

He was great in spotlight. Yeah, but it wasn't like, yeah, you just never get never happened. Yeah. So I still want it for him, though. It's OK. He's still kicking. He's still doing Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. So he's got maybe he'll win one for Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. That would be iconic. Throwing the lever, changing the track

and allowing the runaway trolley to mow down one person knowing you chose their death or not throwing the lever, allowing the trolley to run over several people. I hate both. I hate both. I don't want to run over people. I don't want to run over people. I hate both. Yeah.

Oh! That was it. That was the triple haters. Now, you know, I always thought it was interesting is when people say they would pull the lever because obviously then you say, okay, it's not a lever anymore. You have to shoot that person in the head, you know, and then it's like somebody stop the trolley? Shoot the one person. Is that an option? I think we should leave it there.

Give it up for Matt and Matt. They're going to stick around for the rail wheel. Listen to two gay Matt's wherever you get your podcast. When we come back, the rail wheel. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Los Angeles, you're in luck.

We just dropped new summer dates for Love It or Leave It, live show recordings in LA now through August. Can I tell you something? Really pumped off with these bookings. Just, we're not even going to say anything yet, but we've got an incredible lineup of guests uh now through the summer. Head to crooked.com events to get your tickets now. Before we say good night, why it's time for the rant wheel. Please welcome Jenna and Rose back to the stage. Hi everyone. Hi. Lovely panel and now it's time time for the rant. Well, you know how it works.

You spin the wheel wherever it lands. That person rants. There. Oh, and it's already begun. Great graphics here, I gotta say. Yeah, great graphics. Lalo? Shut the fuck up.

Rose, it has landed on you, not Lalo. What do you care to rant about? First of all, I'm going to say that I'm going to be talking about the Shut the fuck up. Rose, it has landed on you, not Lalo. What do you care to rant about? First of all, I do not like when younger people say, OK, boomer, to me, because I was two years old at the end of the boomer generation, which was 1964. So I'm too young to be a boomer. I'm the Jones generation, the forgotten generation.

It's called Generation Jones. Google it. Look it up. It was such a relief. Okay, I don't like when people in my age range say, I can't learn how to say they, they. The people want to be called they now. Really?

You don't want to take in any new information? You don't want to learn at your dawn learning? You don't want to take in anything new? So you can go on Instagram and learn a whole new way. It's a golden age of massaging fucking chicken and putting, like, a piece of burson. You want to take your burson. Nobody knew what that was before.

And they're the same suburban people that go, oh, my bling. So you can learn how to say bling and yes, queen and all these other things that are... make you think you think you sound popular, but you can't figure out they. So I don't... I can't with these people. I can't. out they so I don't I can't with these people I can't

they is very easy that's my rant, that's my rant. If you could find out what Miso is you can figure out pronouns I totally agree all right let's spin it again Oh, no. It has landed on Matt S. Thank you. Am I going? Okay, so I just feel like the culture of hydration culture has actually become a cult. I'm tired of people acting that like drinking water is like this new

code we've cracked in terms of surviving and the people who have to talk about how much water they drink, how hydrated you should be, and they have an opinion about how much water you drink, how much water they drink, they carry around the giant damn bottles with the little like nooks on them saying not enough, almost there, halfway there, you can survive for the day after you finish the entire thing. I can't handle the people who make the water bottle their entire personality. Y'all saw the Stanley Cup shit at Target.

The people beating each other up over the cups. The people who walk in so excited. I just got a reusable straw. I will never give a shit about your reusable straw ever. I just, I don't understand. Like, we've been drinking water since the dawn of time, and we've learned that, when you're thirsty you drink Water that should your not body naturally wants to do that

It's a thing we've been doing for all of humanity don't act like it's this new religion that you just discovered Thank you so much Water. What? So Philadelphia. Exactly. You said New Jersey. Philadelphia or Baltimore? I'm from central Jersey.

I'm from Trenton, New Jersey. Okay. Oh, so Philadelphia. Philadelphia. Philadelphia. We bonded over that. I'm from that side of Philly. Yeah.

Yeah, so we say water. Yeah. No, no. I was just, great. And I came in knowing that everyone would be confused as hell. And I was like, maybe I should say water for the people, but you know, I was just in it. So. I think it's a beautiful accent. It has landed on me and I have, I have just, it's sort of a rant. It's just something I want to tell you all, which is that I saw the film Fall Guy and it's very good.

We should all go see it because I just want there to be movies that are just movies and there's no other thing. There's no after credit about how the person in your movie is going to be in somebody else's movie and that there's no comic book in it, and there's no laser beams, and there's no final fight sequence in a big purple haze in the sky. And I just want the movie to succeed. So it is upsetting to me that I had a great time, loved the movie, had a blast.

And then you're driving home from the movie, I have this haze after I see a movie, I love every movie for 10 minutes after I see it. And then I'm driving home and it's like, why did that woman appear in the apartment? movie for 10 minutes after I see it and then I'm driving home and it's like why did that woman appear in the apartment I'd like movies to work thank you they're so charming they're so charismatic they could hold up anything doesn't matter the plot doesn't make no sense they They're so charismatic. Emily Blunt and Ryan Gosling.

It has landed on Matt P. Matt P, that's me. I have to say, this year, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame failed to induct the best person alive, Mariah Carey. And this is disgusting news. Mariah has been eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for years now. This was the first year she was even nominated.

It's disgusting. The thing is, people are like, well, she doesn't make rock music. Who cares? She has 19 number one singles, all of which she has co-produced, wrote all, except I'll Be There by the Jackson Five. She didn't write that, that's okay.

And she's been around for such a long time, giving us such beautiful art. And people love to discount the music of women, the music of people who don't like play an instrument. They're like, oh, well, they're not a real musician. This is a person who beyond like the number of notes she can sing on a keyboard is writing every song. Every melody is coming from her and she's been around since 1990 and we're still singing

her song every Christmas. It's not a coincidence. And Duckt Mariah, Justice for Mariah Carey. Yeah. That Christmas song. It's a great song. Every pop star has been chasing her for 30 years. And it'll never happen. They can't catch her.

Can I love all the other ones? But come on. All right. Let's spin it again. Landed on Jenna. Well, I just found out that the way that Navy SEALs will train Navy Cubs, or whatever they're called, Junior Navy SEALs, to withstand torture, they'll make them sit in a room and listen to the sound of a baby crying for hours. And as a new mom I'm like, oh my god how many hours? Two hours? You have to listen to a baby crying? Like I just, oh no, oh no, Navy Seal,

three hours? You know, I just, I'm just just like why don't you guys just hire moms like we need work, you know And they'll be like, well, like Navy SEALs can hold their breath under water for two minutes, you know Like I don't know what war they you need that in anymore. Like we're not Vietnam like I don't know why and I don't know I'm like I just moms are Vietnam, like I don't know why, and I don't know, and like I just, moms are invisible to every man on the planet, and that's, how's that for national security? So I don't, I just wish Navy Seals would just like,

hire moms. I wish all like, private security firms would just hire moms. Like our brains are, our brains change to assess threat. Like I'm, I think my son, I think everything's gonna kill my son, like all the time, and I feel like I'd be really great in the secret service. And I just think about, do you remember when like Obama went to Cartagena

and he had those secret service workers and they all fucked sex workers? Like moms wouldn't do that, you know what I mean? But they're like, we don't wanna hang out with moms. Like that's, cause we're not fun. You know, I'm not fun now, John knows. I just wish more people would hire moms. I just, what I was thinking about as you were speaking

the whole time is just imagining everything about the Bin Laden raid is exactly the same, but it's new moms. It would have happened sooner. They wouldn't have fucked up that helicopter. No, they wouldn't have fucked up the helicopter. They might not have. They would have.

Yeah. I'm sure that, I don't know. I haven't thought about that. But I think that they would have got him sooner. There's a whole mom network. I'm sure they would have gotten moms closer to an inner circle to do something. We all talk.

All the moms talk. We all talk. And all the moms talk. I love that. And that's the Rat Wheel. Woo! When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Because we all need it this week, here it is, the high note.

Hi, I love it. This is Savannah from Louisiana. My high note this week is that I am being sworn in later tonight as a new member of the Jefferson Parish Democratic Executive Committee. I'm super excited to help recruit local democratic candidates in my own parish and help get them elected. Thanks for everything. Hi, love it. My name is Melanie.

I live in Ohio. My high note is that my wife and I started our monthly donations through Vote Save America last week. And it truly has alleviated the feelings of helplessness that an election year can bring. I'm so glad to know that my money is making a difference for the rights of my family and the well-being of our country. Thank you for being the hilarious soundtrack to my Saturday mornings. Bye. Thanks everybody who sent

in a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a high note, you can send us a voice memo to lowly highnotes at gmail.com. That's l-o-l-i highnotes at gmail.com or if you're a friend of the pod subscriber you have the exclusive ability exclusive to leave us your high notes in the friend of the pod discord server in the love it or leave it channel hashtag high notes you'll find it if you're happy enough you'll find it and that's our show thank you so much to Jenna Friedman Rose Abdu and two gay mats there are 184 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend.

Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our Executive Producer, Chris Lord is our Producer, and Kennedy Hill is our Associate Producer. Hallie Kiefer is our Head Writer, Sarah Lazarus, and Jocelyn Kauffman. Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mohana Del Shiki are our Writers. Evan Sutton is our Editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide Audio Support. Stephen Colon is our Audio Engineer, and Milo Kim is our Videographer.

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