Lovett or Leave It - Darkest MAGA Before the Dawn

Episode Date: May 21, 2022

Lovett or Leave It mentions the bisque during our wind-swept tour stop in Portland, Maine! Cosmologist Chanda Prescod-Weinstein has Lovett reaching for the stars, while a grizzled lighthouse keeper (John Hodgman, Judge John Hodgman live at Lincoln Center on June 29) laments how quickly conservatives have slipped into madness. That’s his thing! Hollis candidate Eric Kuntz takes on the right-wing invasion of school boards, and the Rant Wheel steers us through the choppy waters of The Sims, the CDC and Bling Empire---With our constitutionally protected right to abortion under attack, abortion funds are working nonstop to make sure people can still access (and afford) abortion.Visit votesaveamerica.com/roe to learn more, donate, and take action. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast. 

Good evening, Portland. Portland. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. Live or else, here at the State Theater in Portland, Maine. Portland, I have just one thing to say about your fair city. Yes. I get it. I get it. I get it.

10 out of 10. Lobster rolls and pink hair on every corner. 10 out of 10. A New England town where everyone is nice, previously thought to be physically impossible, according to scientists. 10 out of 10. And you know

this show. I don't come out here and pander. I'll tell the truth. I'll tell the truth. With their serving in St. Louis, it's not pizza. Sure, I'll say it here. We have got a great show for you. Chanda Prescott Weinstein is here

to answer all of your space questions that are taking up space in your brain. John Hodgman is here. I know you're familiar. I know you're familiar. And he's bringing with him a lighthouse keeper who's gone a bit batty. School board candidate Eric Kuntz is here

and wants to take our local government back from those who would terrify gay kids and find libraries unnecessary. Plus the rant wheel. And we want to hear your high notes live and in person, so think happy thoughts. Get ready for later in the show. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Monday, Lieutenant Governor John Fetterman, the leading Democratic candidate, revealed he suffered a stroke but reassured voters that he was headed toward a full recovery. We wouldn't worry.

He's under the medical care of a top-notch team of doctors headed by one named, hold on, I've got the name right here, Dr. Oz. Oh, no. Imagine you're John Fetterman, beep, beep, beep, beep. You open your eyes and you see that fucking Botoxed face coming at you. Pillow down. And despite his brain's failed effort to derail his candidacy, Fetterman won Pennsylvania's Democratic Senate primary on Tuesday. The results are in.

Voters want the largest Democrat we can find. Stop asking policy questions. Start asking how many buckets of cod they eat per day. Meanwhile, Pennsylvania Republicans chose State Senator Doug Mastriano, a literal insurrectionist who was at the Capitol on January 6th as their gubernatorial candidate, here's what he said about what he'd do as governor. Here's a quote. I get to appoint the Secretary of State, who's delegated from me the power to make the corrections to elections, the voting logs, and everything.

I could decertify every machine in the state with the stroke of a pen via the Secretary of State. I already have the Secretary of State picked out, and I was surprised to learn it is gritty. We've lost gritty. Gritty would not go along with this. Not our gritty. Anyway, this guy's a full-blown authoritarian, and you can read all about it in the New York Times in a story probably headlined, for Pennsylvania Republicans, a fire brand and a reckoning. Anyway, the stakes are total. So once again, I'm asking everyone listening, go to votesaveamerica.com and sign up for Midterm Madness. You can join me in the eastern region that runs from Pennsylvania right here to Maine. From school board races to governor's races, we have to fight for choice, for democracy, for all of it.

You can also volunteer with the Maine Democrats who are doing a month of action right now. If you want to be part of Vote Save America, go to votesaveamerica.com. I'm sorry to get so serious. I'm going to need a drink after this. I'm going to have a baby Russian. That's a white Russian made with baby formula.

Just a little sweeter. In other news, Idaho Lieutenant Governor Janice McGeehan, who famously attempted several power grabs when incumbent Governor Brad Little left the state for even a few days, lost the Republican primary. Still, she had to share her simple vision for Idaho. few days lost the Republican primary. Still, she had to share her simple vision for Idaho. God calls us to pick up the sword and fight, and Christ will reign in the state of Idaho. She sounds like a wizard who's been transported through time to prevent a governor from taking a vacation. Madison Cawthorn lost his seat in Congress on Tuesday. To state Senator Chuck Edwards in the Republican primary. North Carolina to Madison Cawthorn,

we wouldn't. Outside of his career in politics, the 61-year-old Edwards is a McDonald's franchise owner. Glad to see the district is sticking with its a little something for love it policy. In his first Instagram post since losing his primary, Madison Cawthorn long-windedly vowed

vengeance against the cowardly and weak members of his own party, writing, it's time for the rise of a new right. It's time for dark MAGA to truly take command. Enough of this light, cheerful MAGA. to truly take command. Enough of this light, cheerful MAGA. Dark MAGA is just like the regular MAGA, except you need a VPN, and Don Jr. will sell you Coke there. Cawthorn writes that he's now on a mission to expose those who say and promise one thing,

yet legislate and work towards another self-profiteering globalist goal. Buddy, you're working too hard. Just tell us who's at the Orchis. Anyway, I never really got the appeal of Mackenzie Cawthorn or whatever his name is. I'm more into like 60-year-old McDonald's franchise owners who look like Frank Zabotka from The Wire. I don't know. It just does something for me. Speaking of McDonald's, they're leaving Russia entirely, announcing that the continued ownership

of the business in Russia is no longer tenable, nor is it consistent with McDonald's values. Grimace, long suspected of being an FSB sleeper agent, will stay behind. Yeah, I thought Grimace loved me. I was just trying to get information. Deep down, I knew. I was just so lonely. And Grimace paid attention to me. And I know the story didn't really make sense after a while, asking me to find out things

about McDonald's, how it works, all of that. But he was kind to me. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas described the leak of the Alito Roe versus Wade opinion as a historical breach of trust. When you lose that trust, especially in the institution that I'm in, it changes the institution fundamentally, he told a conservative conference. You begin to look over your shoulder. It's like kind of an infidelity that you can explain it, but you can't undo it, continued Thomas. And it's like, even though you've apologized and bought the court flowers, you can tell that something's off. The court says it forgives you, but keeps going to bed early. And one time you heard it crying in the bathroom and you're like, what else does the court expect

me to do here? Justice Thomas, whose wife, Ginny Thomas, worked fervently to undermine the 2020 election, also praised conservatives for never stooping to the lows liberals have, such as protesting outside of justices' houses. You would never visit Supreme Court justices' houses when things didn't go our way, he declared. We didn't throw temper tantrums. I think it's incumbent on us to always act appropriately and not repay tit for tat. Ginny Thomas was in the audience nodding vociferously while holding a noose labeled insert Pelosi here. President Biden announced that the FDA will allow

baby formula to be imported from outside the U.S. to increase supply. Finally, it's been really hard to get baby formula, which is annoying because it is great in cereal. I'll tell you something people don't like. When you're at the store and you ask if the baby formula comes with a straw. I know it's a serious issue. In a contentious hearing, filled with right-wing misinformation, area goon Thomas Massey said this. Those who would prematurely end the life of their baby are being called patients, you know, and my body, my choice. I remember when I was young and before I learned how babies came about, I thought when they said my body, my choice, they were talking about, you know, whatever was inside of the woman was part of their body.

The baby is not the body of the woman that it's inside of. The baby is the body and the woman is the coat that the baby is wearing. What do you coats not understand about that? It's tough. It's tough out there, people. George W. Bush had one of the most revealing slips in American history when this happened. The result is an absence of checks and balances in Russia and the decision of one man to launch a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq. I mean, of Ukraine. Iraq. Anyway.

Seventy-five. Iraq. I mean, Ukraine. Iraq. Anyway. 75. First of all, like, as a way of explaining saying he's 75, a lot of people think 75 is when your memory starts to go, but for George W. Bush, he's here to tell you that's when you start recalling your worst choices with like haunting clarity. Remember how bad that was? In a wholly different way. It was bad. It was so, so bad. In another different way. Every day, it was terrible. You just see that guy and you're like, God, I forgot how much I fucking hated you. The whole audience laughs and it's like, what are we laughing at here, people? What are we laughing at? I brought the energy down. A former Louisiana National Guard officer was allowed to retire after he received a general court-martial convicting him of motorboating a subordinate

during an informal promotion ceremony while they were deployed to Jordan in May of 2021. Yeah, it sounds pretty informal. Also, motorboating? Really? That's a job for the Coast Guard. Don't applaud that. White mom Melissa Riley went on Fox News to claim that her biracial son has changed and is refusing to do chores after taking part in critical anti-racism curricula in his school. So when you're saying he gets a bad grade at school, he blames racism,

or a girl rejects him on a date, racism. Are those the kind of things you're seeing? Yes. I ask him to clean the house. Racism. Yes. You're kidding, right? Are you serious? No, I'm serious. They have totally changed his perspective. They have put him in a box. This is so heartbreaking. Critical race theory made her son hilarious. During this week's Senate hearing about UFOs, Deputy Director of Naval Intelligence Steve Bray played a video of a shiny sphere zipping past a naval jet, admitting,

I do not have an explanation for what this specific object is. These flying objects could be truly anything. Even, and I don't mean to be fringe here, lens flares that obscure ordinary objects like planes and weather balloons and then appear to move only because the gimbal that allows the camera to maintain a lock on the obscured object. Nah, it's aliens. It's aliens. Don't worry. It's aliens. It's aliens. I want you to know, one of our writers, Peter Miller, just refuses to allow this to be aliens. He won't have it. But I will. It's aliens. At one point during the hearing, DOD's Undersecretary of Intelligence, Ronald Moultrie,

said, I enjoy the challenge of what may be out there. I have followed science fiction. I have gone to conventions even. I'll say it on the record, but there's nothing wrong with that. Moultrie continued, I've dabbled in cosplay. I own a lightsaber. There's no shame in this. I've been thrown out of Comic-Con for trying to steal a lock of William Shatner's hair. I've been called too intense while LARPing. I'm like everyone else, and I've kissed a woman. Meanwhile, Neil Patrick Harris apologized for a 2011 Halloween charcuterie board shaped like the corpse of Amy Winehouse. Yeah, he's had a tough week.

Yes, he had to apologize for a charcuterie board in the shape of Amy Winehouse, a photo of which resurfaced recently on Twitter. Look, every gay man dreads the day he'll have to publicly apologize for a charcuterie board. When I saw the image, I was like, too soon. A proper prosciutto di Parma needs to be aged for at least three years. soon. A proper prosciutto di parma needs to be aged for at least three years. That joke should have ended with a, isn't that right, Frazier? That is the most Frazier joke we've ever done. That is in a time machine to the cutting room floor of peak 1998 Frazier. And finally, while fleeing a traffic stop,

a Florida woman crashed into multiple cars and threw a fake snake at deputies trying to arrest her. Deputies were assaulted by the fake snake while attempting to avail themselves to some of the suspect's canned peanut brittle. When we come back, we go to space. Did you know who I was before you came here? No, I'm asking seriously. Did you just, you didn't? Oh, that's why.

Oh, cool. Okay, sorry. So, did you think Lyle Lovett was going to be here? You did! Yes! You fucking did! You thought Lyle Lovett was going to be here! I knew it! I knew it! I knew something was up! Yes! Oh my God, that is such a relief.

Sincerely. Oh my God. Oh, you thought this was a Lyle Lovett show. You're here, too? Hi. Okay, just, I'm sorry, but how many people here are here to see Lyle Lovett? Fuck. All right. I get it now.

Okay. But I swear to God, that was such a relief to me. Okay. And we're back. Space. What is it? Some kind of soup? No one knows.

Oh, wait. Somebody does know. This is embarrassing. Someone knows, and she's joining me now to answer your questions about the cosmos. Please welcome New England's own theoretical cosmologist, author, and assistant professor of physics and anatomy, Chanda Prescott Weinstein's here. Hi, welcome. Hello.

I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have the smartest, sexiest, funniest audience in all of podcasting. The bad news is they are also idiots. Shall we tackle some of their questions? Sure. Although I have to say, for the UNH graduate students in the audience, I know you guys are, yes, there we go. All right. Yeah.

We have a couple of non-idiots in the audience, is all I'm saying. Are they physics students? Yeah, we do have some physics students in the audience, I think. When I was in college, I was a math major, and I took a geometry class with Professor Frank Morgan. It was on Riemannian geometry. And the final part of the class was we did special relativity, and then we learned general relativity, and we did the transforms and all of it. And then at the very last day, he said, now that you all understand general relativity, you may call me Frank. I thought that was nice. That is nice. Riemannian geometry is beautiful.

I'm just trying to get my bona fides out before we get into these very sophisticated questions. First question, and this is again from the audience. Can you please explain string theory to me like I'm five? And by the way, I made that more polite. People on the internet are like, everyone's your manager on the internet. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I will just say as I would to a five-year-old, that space-time is fucking weird. So that's the first thing to know about string theory. So the basic idea is that everything in the universe that we can see is composed from particles that we call the standard model of particle physics. The standard model of particle physics accounts for three of the four known forces,

and it doesn't take gravity into account. So string theory is in some sense an attempt to bring gravity into conversation with the standard model of particle physics. And it also just happens to require somewhere between 11 and 26 extra dimensions. That's a big range. A five-year-old would totally understand that. So there are some who say string theory is a plausible explanation for the universe, and there are others who say, because on some level it is, by definition, describing something unobservable,

that it's not philosophically a valid explanation, because if you can't observe it, how can you describe it as a model of what we're seeing? Look, you know, theoretical physicists are dreamers. So I say you keep dreaming. Keep dreaming, string theorists. That's not meant to be shade, but I guess it's a little bit shady. How many dimensions do you think

there are, personally? You know, I'm good with the three plus one, three space one time. I'm good with that. Maybe that's it. Yeah. I don't have an emotional need for other dimensions. Still shading the string theorists, apparently. One question that came in related to this is, are ghosts just dark matter beings that have gravity but don't reflect light? So I'll take this question because my area of expertise is dark matter.

So this is what I was working on earlier today. Yeah, so I don't think ghosts are a thing, but... All right, come on. You live in the light that science provides you, all right? What do you think you got here today by? You got here because of posies? I don't think so. You got here because of antibiotics.

I thought this was the pro-science crowd. What's happening? Here's the thing. Everybody is playing fast and loose these days because they're all like, I'll listen to Fauci, but also I'm a Scorpio. Shut up. You know what I mean?

We're not going to talk about astrology, are we? Okay. Not on this stage. Sorry, guys. It hurts my heart. We're on the same page on that. I'm not actually going to answer that question. About ghosts? Fair enough. Let's move on.

I mean, unless the crowd wants to hear what dark matter is, we can talk about what dark matter is. Let's talk about dark matter. Because here's my question about dark matter. Dark matter is either something that exists and that, because we can measure it, we have to explain why

things aren't behaving the way we think they should be behaving right they're moving in strange ways they're just there's too much stuff out there you don't even need me look at you no no but i want to ask this question but do you sometimes worry like dark matter is like the epicycles on the geocentric model that like actually we're just completely missing the point that dark matter is just a way until we figure out a simpler explanation. Yeah, I'm not worried about that. I will say, I actually think that cosmic acceleration, which is often described or explained as dark energy, I think dark energy may be that. Oh, interesting. Yeah. So, you know, people say, well, we can just add a little thing to Einstein's equation and that addresses it. And string theory explains that we're just randomly going to get some number.

We happen to be in the universe with that number. And it's a terrible fucking explanation. Nice. Shots fired. Shots fired. I'm really, I swear to God, any string theorists in the audience, I'm sorry. What are they going to do? What are they going to do with their stringy little arms? Nothing. So I frankly think that we are holding back on dark energy. I think that that is really that problem. With dark matter, I think the real question is, are we right to think about it as one new particle?

to think about it as one new particle? Or do we need, as people are saying these days, a whole dark sector where we can really think of a menagerie, kind of like the standard model of particle physics? And I think that's the mistake we're making right now, is thinking too small. We need to think bigger. A whole dark universe. So there's like a dark proton, and there's like a dark neutron, or something like that? Something along those lines. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Like a tether. Yeah, like a tether. Like that movie. I heard someone say Dark Maga. No, absolutely not.

No, it's not like Dark Maga. Okay. It's not. Now that we've been able to see the black hole at the center of our galaxy, and a 13 billion year old proto-galaxy, and exocommons in neighboring star systems, what's the next frontier in imaging, the cosmos? What are you excited to see from the James Webb telescope? Okay, so first we have to talk about why we don't say James Webb.

We don't say it. Oh, we don't say James Webb. We say JWST, or Just Wonderful Space Telescope. And the reason is that under James Webb's leadership of NASA, gay employees were persecuted, extrajudicially interrogated. This is, are you, yeah, yeah. So we just say JWST? This is the movement, and I have been trying to get them to rename it Harriet Tubman Space Telescope. We haven't gotten there yet.

But on to the amazing things that it's going to do, even though it's named after someone who's questionable. We're going to see baby galaxies, and we're going to see galaxies forming all of the time. So they took a test image about a month ago of just a star. They wanted to take a look at it. And it just happened to be in the background

that it had taken the equivalent of what we call the Hubble Ultra Deep Field, which was an amazing accomplishment. But JWST just picks up images like that all the time. Oh, the Deep Field, that's that image, it's famous, that has just tons and tons of galaxies. It's just a wall of galaxies. Yeah, it's just a wall of galaxies.

And this thing gets that like it's in portrait mode. Yeah, they're just like, exactly, exactly. It's just like, oh, you want a star? Well, you're getting photobombed by the entire early universe. I don't want to dwell. Why Harriet Tubman? I mean, look, I'm a huge Harriet Tubman fan, but like, I don't associate Harriet Tubman with space. And that's a problem with American

education. What did she do up there? I'm very proud. I'm very, I feel very, I want to be clear, huge Harriet Tubman fan. If you take away anything from this show, it's that. I just associate Harriet Tubman with a lot of really important Earth-based work. Exactly. And she used the North Star to guide people to freedom. There is no greater use of the cosmos

and our understanding of the cosmos than helping people escape white supremacist chattel slavery. Okay. Find me a better use of astronomy. I would say she's one of our greatest American astronomers. I'm not going to fight you on this, to be clear. If you could design and launch any telescope you want,

what kind of telescope would it be and where would you put it? I like this question because I'm actually working on an X-ray telescope called Strobex. So we're trying to convince NASA to actually build a new X-ray telescope. And why X-ray? So the important thing is, thankfully for us, the atmosphere blocks X-rays, it blocks gamma rays. So any kind of what we would call high energy astrophysics that we want to do has to be done from space. And this gives us a completely different lens on the universe. It may help us figure out what dark matter is. It helps us understand stars.

It may help us understand planets and other solar systems. So right now, my heart is really set on a new X-ray telescope. I would love for it to go to the second Lagrange point, which is where JWST lives. But, you know, I would just be happy for like low Earth orbit. So I'll start small. We'll settle for low Earth orbit. But we'd love a Lagrange point. All right. That's the headline. And I'm not going to say it, but I do know what they are, Lagrange points. Do you believe in the multiverse? to say it, but I do know what they are, the Grange Points. Do you believe in the multiverse?

You know, I work with a lovely string theorist, and he's going to vote on my tenure, so I'm trying not to. I actually don't even understand that. So are string theorists pro or anti-multiverse? So they're very pro-multiverse. They're pro what they would call the landscape, where there are different possible iterations of the universe. We happen to be in this one. I don't know. I'm not against it. I want empirical evidence. I'm one of those people. I want empirical evidence. And so, you know, I'm

pro-interesting ideas and I'm happy for people to still think about it. It's really not trying to sound shady, y'all. Did you see everything everywhere all at once? I have not seen it yet. That's shocking. I know.

We're appalled. Do we live in a simulation? No, I don't think so. That's exactly what you'd think. That's exactly what you'd say. Like, look, I'm actually Agent Smith, so, you know. This was a question that I think you were interested in answering.

Will the universe be destroyed via the Great Crunch or the Great Tear, and can we accelerate that process? So this is actually related to another question, which was can can we just like unplug it and plug it back in again? I love that idea. So actually the answer is that at this point, the way that the data is trending is that the universe will expand forever. And eventually at some point, things will be so far apart that the night sky will actually be darker. There will just be fewer things to see. At that point, Earth will probably be gone anyway,

so it's like fine. It's fine. It's totally fine. So that's the tear. Well, it's not so much a tear as just things will be so far away that the light won't arrive to us. And the great crunch is if things collapse.

But right now it doesn't look like things collapse. Right now, the data indicates it keeps going, that it doesn't come back in. But something that we could learn with, for example, JWST or the Nancy Grace Roman telescope that will launch later this decade. I find it despicable that it was named after her. What? And I think it's shameful that you're using that name. Like Nancy Grace Roman?

I don't think you should say it anymore. The mother of the Hubble telescope. I'm just kidding. I don't know. Yeah. Wait, question. Yes. Do you think that if the universe does just expand forever, that maybe we are doomed creatures that through evolution, kind of because asking why was so advantageous, we apply it to everything, even questions that don't have an answer. And maybe the answer to the question, why would the universe start, expand forever, and then stop, doesn't actually

have an answer. But because asking the why question was a more efficient way to understand a tiger than asking the question, what are these molecules doing bouncing off each other, that we're doomed to think that there's an answer, but maybe there's no answer. Yeah, but what are we going to do all day anyway? Like, are you busy? Am I busy? I'm so busy. Oh my God.

What are your feelings about the Senate hearing on unidentified flying objects this week? Of all of the things that we need to be worried about this week, I am not worried about UFOs. I just like... Well, I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about its. Hmm. I just like... Well, I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it, but... I'm just saying the Senate has confirmations it needs to get through, so I would like the Senate to confirm some folks,

govern maybe, you know, all sorts of things, get us some abortion rights, guarantees. The thing is, is that the way that things are going in the Senate right now, the Vulcans are going to fly by, look at us, and be like, fuck no, and keep going. I think, hey, well, look, here's the thing about the prime directive.

It's a rule that's just meant to be broken episode after episode. So my hope, like, remember that episode where Picard and the team go, like, deep undercover on a world three weeks before they get the speed of light travel? Remember that episode? And they realized that it was kind of a screw up, but they did it anyway. Possible. Possible.

I mean, possible. Do you know anything that's crazy how often they break the prime directive, given that it's called the prime directive? It's fucking maddening. They're just constantly being like, yeah, we're going in. I mean, look, season one of Discovery is all predicated on Michael Burnham not understanding how to apply the prime directive correctly. And this is something that pains me deeply.

Deeply. It pains all of us. Do you believe aliens exist? And if they do exist, why is it so quiet out there? So I think it's totally plausible. The universe is a big, big place. So I think it's plausible that aliens exist? And if they do exist, why is it so quiet out there? So I think it's totally plausible. The universe is a big, big place. So I think it's plausible that aliens exist. I think that the chances that we will ever interact with them are minuscule.

Yeah, I'm sorry. We're stuck with ourselves. But, but... Boo. Boo. Is that for us? Yes. Boo.

Yeah. Do you think that there's no aliens out there that have figured out faster than light travel, that have figured out wormholes, that have built, what is that, level three, you know, they've built a big solar panel around a planet and it's been like zipping back and forth? Like, you know, I have to say that this is the one way in which I am conservative. It's not very plausible to me. I'm a physicist killjoy. Absolutely physicist killjoy. Absolutely physicist

killjoy. I don't think that we're going to get faster than speed of light travel. That's a bummer. And I- I think we are. Last question for you. And thank you. This has been very fun. Is this the dumbest of all possible universes? I feel like this is like a trick to get me to say that I think the multiverse is a good idea.

Something to think about. You know, I have to say, I think that the situation we find ourselves in is not inevitable, and I think that we can do better. So I have faith. That's a good note to leave it on. Thank you so much, Chanda.

Her book, The Disordered Cosmos, A Journey Into Dark Matter, Space Time, and Dreams Deferred is out now in paper book. Buy that book. When we come back, there's a light on a distant rocky shore. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Here's what I want to ask you. And I just want to leave it at this. Who did you vote for in the 2012 presidential election? Correct. Okay, I got it. That's what's going on. It's fine. It's fine.

It's nice to see you. We're just having fun. Are you enjoying yourself? Is it interesting? Have you been around this many liberals before at one time? Oh, you're a teacher. Okay. He's a teacher.

He's a teacher. And I want you to know that if you were my teacher, I would be fighting for your approval just as hard every single day. That is the story of my life. That is how I got here. And we're back. Last year, 15 million tourists flocked to Maine just to ogle

your beautiful historic lighthouses. The most tourists in recorded history. And probably in pre-recorded history, too. Weren't a ton of lighthouses. The most tourist in recorded history and probably in pre-recorded history too. Weren't a ton of lighthouses before pre... When you think about it. Anyway, lighthouses have mostly been automated and de-staffed at this point, but tonight we're in luck.

Maine's last remaining lighthouse keeper is here with us tonight. It's his first night off in 30 years. Please welcome Silas Hawthorne. Good evening, Silas. Thank you for being here. Evening, Jonathan. Silas, thank you for being here.

I know you don't make a lot of public appearances. Haven't seen this many people in years. Not since that carnival cruise ship, Destiny, hit the rocks off Withered Arm Island, 1996 it were. Spilled 3,000 tourists into the cold and hungry ocean. Oh, no. I don't remember hearing about that. Didn't you?

All of Portland came out to applaud. We didn't have no fancy podcasts back then, Jonathan. That was our entertainment. Move rocks and sink cruise ships. Moving along, what is it like to be Maine's very last lighthouse keeper? Oh, no, no, no. I'm not the last. There's also my co-lighthouse keeper, Bert.

Bert, huh? Bert is his name. Yeah, yeah. Tell me about Bert. Bert and I, we have what's known as a bachelor's marriage. Oh, that's cool. So you guys are gay. No, no, no.

Talking about a bachelor's marriage. I see. It's a simple arrangement between two men to provide warmth, physical companionship during the long months away from women. Bachelor's marriage, Jonathan. Bachelor's marriage. No one knows that term.

Really? Never heard of a bachelor's marriage? What about a Connecticut-style lobster roll? I thought that was... No, you were wrong. That describes two men living together. Nudely. Anyway, I've been stuck in the lighthouse for a long time. Sorry if I don't know all the jazzy new lingo. Are we still saying 23 skidoo? Silas, you haven't been there since the 1920s. Still, it is true that the world has changed a

lot since you were last on the mainland. How have you been finding it? Jonathan, I have to say I'm troubled. We don't have a television at the lighthouse, and there's no fucking way I can get broadband in this state. But, I do get the news from Jasper.

Jasper? Yeah. The one-legged seagull who comes to me, warns me of nor'easters and interest rate hikes, so forth. Of course. Jasper's painted a bleak picture for me of the current political landscape. He reports that the party of Chester A. Arthur seems to have lost its collective mind. Jonathan, is it true that a mob of ill-groomed miscreants stampeded through the halls of Congress on the president's command? First of all, Silas, how old are you? Also,

are you saying that a seagull told you about the insurrection? Yeah. Jasper has his foot on the pulse. And it's a webbed foot, so he can really feel it. Anyway, I don't like what I'm hearing. Yeah. Well, Silas, it's been a really scary time for the country. Yeah, don't care about that. I'm upset. as a lighthouse professional. These modern day Republicans think they can just descend into madness at the drop of a hat. That's not how it's supposed to work. You have to pay

your dues. I'm sorry. You've lost me a bit. Descending into madness, Jonathan, it's a craft. You've lost me a bit. Descending into madness, Jonathan, it's a craft. Lighthouse keepers, we devote our whole lives to it. Mustn't be rushed. I was in the lighthouse 12 years before I ever even first jacked off to a carving of a mermaid. So, Silas, just, you know the term jack off,

but you also say 23 skidoo. The point is, Jonathan, going full lighthouse keeper is meant to take time. It's about the journey into madness. I mean, I couldn't believe it when I heard tell of this Congresswoman Elise Stefanik. Got me awful hot. Moderate Republican until what? 2018? And look at her now. Espousing racist conspiracy theories. Suggesting

that babies with the wrong parents be starved of formula. Calling everyone in sight a pedo. That would have taken at least 20 years with the proper lighthouse technique. Where's the respect for the process, Jonathan? Yeah, I mean, she's almost as bad as Tucker Carlson at this point. Carlson. Carlson. Which one is he? Which lighthouse does he keep?

Oh, no, it's actually, well, you know what? It's in Canada. It's a lighthouse in Canada. Let's go with that. Yes, maritime provinces. Admire their work up there. Some of the most unhinged lighthouse keepers in the game. You see, they put their 10,000 hours in, not like these batty, cockeyed right-wingers I keep hearing about. What's this about the governor of Florida declaring Mickey Mouse a sworn enemy? 23 skidoo to that, I say. That's first-class bananas.

And I've spent the last year talking into a bagadoo's oyster. And what does that term mean? Bagadoo's oyster is just the oyster that I think is a cell phone. Doesn't work. I need to update the operating system, they tell me. Right, right. Oh my, look out young Jonathan, there's a sea serpent to crawl up your leg. There it is. Silas, I think you're having visions. Yes, that's right. Because as I said, I paid my dues. When it comes to lighthouse madness,

I'm like Nicolas Cage. Yes, it comes to me naturally. But also, I put in the work. You also know about Nicolas Cage. It's fine. Well, I understand... Our greatest actor, probably. Many of the old VHS cassettes. The Rock.

Con Air. Any others? Is there more? There's a couple more. of the old VHS cassettes. The Rock, Con Air. Any others? Is there more? There's a couple more. Well, you know, we're going to get you a VHS of a film called Pig. I think you'll love it.

Looking forward to it. Silas, I understand your frustration with the GOP. I'm worried about it too for slightly different reasons. In your professional opinion, can anything be done about it?

Well, Bert and I were just talking about it the other day. It was after we finished a bout of platonic lovemaking. And then we had a dance party. Oh, my Bert is one ducky shin cracker. Bert, I said, dripping with sweat from the dancing and the lovemaking, you see. But, I said, I suspect many of these Republican officials are faking it. With the exception of perhaps Paula Page,

I think they're just pretending to be lunatics for political gain, which is even more insulting to the lighthouse keeper community. The community being you and Bert. That's right. Bert and I. My work colleague. Your work colleague. And sea wife Bert.

Sea wife. And he's a ducky shin cracker, you said. Ducky shin cracker. Bert, he's got a fair eye for me, old Bert. Been together a long time. Anyway, I said to Bert, Bert, I think they're faking it, and Bert agreed with me.

And at this moment, he pines for me from the widow's walk atop our lighthouse, searching the horizon for my safe return. I'll be back soon, Bert. I'm on a podcast. Jonathan, can he hear me? Not until Saturday. Oh. Well, it'll keep.

Look, Jonathan, authentic madness can't be debunked. It took me all of five minutes to figure out that all this outrage over critical race theory was loon shit, made-up political theater, bogus, and that was just me doing my own research on my Oysterphone. But when I tell you

I found the spirit of Zelda Fitzgerald reincarnated as a horseshoe crab, well, I dare you to disprove it. What is your point? Can't do it, can you? I guess I couldn't. I couldn't. I wouldn't know how to begin to disprove it. Authentic madness there, Jonathan. But what is your point? Silas, what is your point? The point is, I didn't go into Lighthouse Mind Losing for money. I was born to it. But these fakers are doing it for something else.

Attention, dollars, I don't know what. The only way to stop them, though, is cut them off. End the corporate donations. Smash the right-wing propaganda music box that plays the music they dance to. Oh, it's a creepy music box, Jonathan. With a little twirling ballerina in it. Looks like Laura Ingraham.

And it goes like this. Ding-a-ling-ding-ding. Ding-a-ling-ding-ding. Ding-a-ling-ding, ding. Ding-ding, ding-ding, ding-ding. Ding. How does it go? Ding-a-ling-ding, ding. Ding-ding, ding-ding, ding.

Oh, I can hear it now. Ding-a-ling-ding, ding. I'm worried about you, to be honest. I can hear it out there. Out there in the deep. I hear the song. Silas, please don't walk into the ocean. I've got to, Jonathan.

Tide's in, and you didn't order me a lift. Farewell, Jonathan. And remember, you watch that horseshoe crab smoke a cigarette with one of those long FDR holders. You tell me she isn't America's first flapper. Silas, thank you again for joining us. And I'm sorry to hear that even living in a lighthouse can't protect you from the news cycle. At least you got to skip the pandemic.

I didn't hear you. At least you got to skip the pandemic. The what now? Oh, dear. Lighthouse keeper Silas Hawthorne, everybody. I'm coming, bird. Start up the bluebird. Johnthorne, everybody. I'm coming, bird. Start up the blue, bird. John Hodgman, everybody.

Everybody, go listen to Judge John Hodgman. America's first flapper, of course, from Zelda Fitzgerald. When we come back, school board candidate Eric Kunz is here. And we're back. Maine really is the dream tourist destination, isn't it? That's what I was telling Stephen King while we split a lobster roll during our tour of eight of your beautiful breweries,

while trying to stop myself from asking if he's ready to admit that The Shining movie rules. But while Love It or Leave It is fly-by-night, we wanted to spotlight one of Maine's own, doing the hard work, boots on the ground, here to discuss his decision to run for local school board, even as conservatives attempt to turn it into a political thunderdome. Please welcome Eric Kuntz. Hi. Welcome.

Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. So you're running for school board. I am. Why'd you do that? That's a good question. You've got to be ready for being here. Thank you for having me. So you're running for school board. I am. Why'd you do that? It's a good question. You've got to be ready for that question. So I've been following our local school board meetings,

much like many here follow, like Boston Red Sox. Yelling, getting upset, being thankful for when things go well. From a personal side, I want to create a school where my children can be accepted for who they are. I have this core memory that I keep on coming back to with my son, who loves to wear skirts. He loves to be himself. And we went out shopping, came back with a new skirt. He put it on and his smile that he had was the truest smile that I've ever seen. Similar to like when I got married, when I had a new child and thinking to myself, how could I live with myself if I didn't create a world where he was accepted and loved for who he is? So here I am wanting to make sure that, A, our kids are safe, accepted,

but also that we're providing these services to our community, to our teachers, that they need to be successful. And that's why I'm running. So you mentioned watching these school board meetings unfold. And I think over the last couple of years, as the pandemic unfolded, we've seen a culmination of an effort to kind of turn school board meetings and school boards into these political battlegrounds. I want to play a clip of another board candidate running for a different seat in Maine speaking at a board meeting. As you listen to this, everyone keep in mind this person is making an analogy to books about LGBTQ issues. Let's roll the clip. During training, we were taught how to silently kill

with a knife. Our instructor was a Korean War veteran who crept into an enemy machine gun nest at night and killed six of the enemy with his knife. In addition to this instruction, we were given literature on the subject. Can you tell me if the school library has instruction material on how to silently kill? First of all, I obviously disagree strongly with his message.

I do love his energy. What the fuck was that? That is what we're trying to keep out of the school board. Partisan politics have no place in the school board, and there are good people on both sides of the aisle that are keeping partisan politics out of our schools. That was a gentleman who wants to start banning books that, from what I'm told, he has been told are not good. I don't believe he's read either of the books that they're looking to ban. Or maybe he did. You know what I mean? Something to think

about. It's all your copy. Sorry, continue. So one of the books is called It's Perfectly Normal. And it's a perfectly normal book. It's something that is a fantastic resource for parents, for schools to teach children what it means to be safe with their sexuality. And unfortunately, the term sexuality is turned into a four-letter word in our school districts and is being used as something to kind of demonize people who want to support children. And honestly, it's frustrating. And these are books that can keep kids safe, that can keep them from getting pregnant when they don't want to be pregnant, and that teaches them, you know, what it means to love themselves, and that's not a terrible thing. The other book, Gender Queer,

which I did not read prior to seeing this, but have since, is a book about someone learning to accept themselves and dealing with that intense struggle of not having the language when they were growing up to identify who they are. The book ending, and spoilers, I'm sorry, the book ending with the person still dealing with the struggle with how they identify themselves as. And I can't think of why we wouldn't want to teach children that their path can be a struggle and that there are people there who they can model themselves off of. You know, because you are one of many people that have kind of answered the call to try to run for one of these local offices, we did want to quiz you on some of the facts about what has been going on in school boards and what some of the people are doing to fight back. All right. So it is time

now for a quiz we're calling America's School Boards, the Battle of Good Versus Evil. Are you ready? I'm ready. All right, here we go. In 2006, there were two attempts to recall school board members in the country. Two. Overall, in 2021, how many attempts were there? 22, 52, or 92? 92 would be my guess. There were 92 attempts to unseat 237 school board members. In Michigan, a right-wing school board member who posted QAnon conspiracies to her social media said she wanted to have a priest come bless the meeting against

what forces? Radical feminists, pro-trans athletic coaches, or demons? Can I say all the above? You can, but it'd be wrong because the answer is demons. Demonic powers and principalities amongst her fellow board members. That is what she was afraid of. According to a 2018 study of school board campaigns, what percentage of school board campaigns spend less than $1,000? 80? It's 75%. No, give it to him.

That was close enough. Thank you. Which is a reminder that what you're doing, a lot of people could do. A lot of people could decide to run for school board. It's something that you can reach out. There is community. Facebook has been fantastic. Friends and family have been fantastic.

I haven't spent a penny out of my personal funds, and we've been able to put out signs. We've been able to canvas people that you don't think you've ever spoken to. And that's been one of the big things that I've personally enjoyed in all of this is I now have a community that I never knew existed. There are democratic groups in your towns that you should reach out to, and these are groups that people don't participate in, that young people don't participate in, and it's needed. And it's needed. In New Hampshire, a radical conservative group called Moms for Liberty offered what to anyone who snitched on an educator teaching anything that violated the state's very vague anti-critical race theory ban?

Was it a $100 gift card to TJ Maxx? Free back rubs? Any banned book from the banned book bin? Not that. Or $500? I wasn't going to say TJ Maxx, but now I want to say TJ Maxx. No, it was $500. It was just $500. $500. I wasn't going to say T.J. Maxx, but now I want to say T.J. Maxx. No, it was a 500 bucks. It was just $500. $500 for telling a teacher, decide to teach history. How many Americans currently serve as school board members? Is it 20,000, 50,000, or 100,000?

50,000. It's 100,000, the biggest category of elected officials in the country. That's interesting, isn't it? You didn't know that. That's an interesting fact. That's a great fact. Any one of you could be on a school board right now. Instead of sitting there with your thumbs. This week, the Huffington Post reported on a conservative organization's plan to overtake 217 nonpartisan positions in a particular county in Idaho and install right-wing zealots in those roles. Which departments were they not targeting?

The fire districts, the sewer districts, the school boards, the town councils, or the water commissions? I'd say sewer. Trick question. They were targeting all of them. They even want the sewer jobs. Trick question.

How are you going to magify the sewer? It's pre-maged. And finally, since launching in January 2017, Run for Something has helped it's pre-MAGAD and finally since launching in January 2017 Run for Something has helped how many progressive Americans run for state or local offices across all 50 of these beautiful United States I'm one of them

you are one of them Run for Something is awesome I would say nearly, nearly, almost 100,000 correct makes you think makes you think about running for office. Eric, before you go, what can people do to help you here in Maine? Make sure you get on the school board.

I'd ask for people not just to help me, but help everyone in the school districts here in Maine. Find out who's running in your area. Go on to their Facebook pages. Learn about them. Ask them questions. Become part of the dialogue, and keep your heads calm, people. We need to win this battle, and we're not going to do it by yelling back. We're going to do it by being calm, collected, and bringing community back into our schools. Eric Kuntz, everybody. Give it up for Eric. When we come back,

it's Portland versus Portland. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. I just want to check in. You've warmed up, by the way. You've warmed up. You have.

You have. She's warmed up. She's having fun. You're having fun. Yes! You're having fun. Yes! You were a Lyle Lovett person as well. Have you warmed up? I'm getting better? Oh, come on.

I think you're getting used to me. I think that there are people who think I'm getting better, but really they're just getting used to me. Because I think I'm like this all the time. Listen, I made a decision about this show, all right? We're not talking about Susan Collins tonight. We hate her so much! How concerned she must be these days.

Oh, the uselessness of Susan Collins' concerns. How little her concern has done for us. You know when you're trying to put out a fire, one thing that's helpful to throw at it are buckets and buckets of concern. And we're back. Did you know that if you search Portland on Google, it assumes you mean Oregon? How fucking dare they?

Not on my watch. If you think you know this town better than any straight dump in Oregon, step up to our producer in the audience to square up in a game we're calling Portland v. Portland. Kendra is in the house. John, John, I'm up here. I wanted to give the balcony a chance this time. Kendra's in the balcony. Hello. Would somebody in the balcony like

to play the game? You have to be from Portland. There's too many times where somebody volunteers and they're like, I'm not from here. Then the audience goes fucking nativist. Hi, what's your name? Caitlin. And are you familiar with the existence of Portland, Oregon? Yeah, I guess so. It's fine, right?

Never been. Nice. Correct. Here's how this game works. I'm going to ask you a question, and you have to say if it is Maine, Oregon, both or neither. Are you ready, Caitlin? I'm ready. both or neither.

Are you ready, Caitlin? I'm ready. This Portland is home to Mills End Park, the world's smallest park, located on a median and approximately two feet across. Not Maine. Yeah, stupid. Oregon.

This Portland used to be part of a larger city called Old Falmouth. Maine. Correct. This Portland's current name was decided by a coin toss. Oregon. Yes, found in 1851 by Boston-born...

It was supposed to be Boston. Just give her a check. She got it. Skipping the fact. This Portland is known as the birthplace of modern hairless sphinx cats. Oh, God. Maine. No, it's neither.

That's Toronto. It was a random genetic mutation and they just went with it. This Portland is in a state that has 11 lighthouses. Maine. Oregon. Oh, we have like a thousand. This Portland is in a state that has 60 lighthouses. Maine.

This Portland rests on the boring lava fields. Oregon. Oregon. Correct. This Portland city seal features a phoenix rising from four fires. Which Portland it is, is it? And for a bonus point, what is the word on the seal? Resurgim. You got it.

It means I will rise again. And resurgum? Vaguely sexual, right? Right? Somehow it's in there? Weird. This Portland was founded by a Norwegian mercenary, Captain John Lagerquist, in 1635, before later being taken over by the British. Maine? Incorrect. It's actually Gotham City.

That's very specific lore actually Gotham City. I know. That's this very specific lore about Gotham City. Meanwhile, this Portland has an organ in its city hall, which at the time of its gifting was the second largest organ in the world. After mine. I'm sorry. That was on the card. Please. Maine.

Correct. Do you know what it's called? They do. It's the Kochmeyer. The Kochmeyer. That is a T-Z-S-C-H-M in a row. That is one, two, three, four, five, six consonants in a row. Way to go, Maine.

Lyle Lovett's playing in front of it in August. So in August, you can go there. That'll be great. That'll be a good time. This Portland outlawed walking barefoot down the street. Oregon? Correct. This Portland is where prohibition started. Maine. That's correct. In 1851, when your mayor, Neil Dow, correct. Wow. I like how much you know your history. You're just showing me cups. Three cups. They're all empty. So you're just saying drinking. You're just letting me know about drinking. Final question. This Portland is the home of canned corn. After the wild success

of Winslow's patented hermetically sealed green corn in the 1950s, which I absolutely want to sponsor this podcast. Maine. Correct. Caitlin, you've won the game. When we come back, it's time for the Rat Wheel. And we're back. Next up, the cricketicket Marketing team just told us we're supposed to tease something really big

but not say what it is. I'm not sure what I can say about it, but we've been working on it for over a year and we know you guys will love it. This is a pre-tease tease. Stay tuned for a fun announcement soon. That is too vague. Listen, I'm not a marketing expert, all right?

I don't know what that pre-tease tease was supposed to do. I don't know what you're supposed to do with it. But now it's in there. And I guess when you find out what it's about, you'll say, oh, right. And that'll help. Move some product. Now it's time for a segment we call the rant wheel. You know how it works.

We'll spin the wheel, we'll land on something, and then we'll complain about it. Please welcome back John Hodgman, John DePrescott Weinstein. Come on back. Thank you both. Yup. Yup.

I don't want to stop talking this way. So, and I hope you don't. I will say, when somebody pitched John Hodgman as a mad lighthouse keeper for Maine, we didn't continue. That was the end of the pitching. That's it? That was it. And I was so excited about it.

That's what we say in the lighthouse game, sold in the room. The tall conical room say in the lighthouse game, sold in the room. The tall conical room that is the lighthouse. And I imagined it being wonderful, but I couldn't imagine the accent. You know? I love it. Not many can.

Got to live it, Jonathan. Got to get out of your mind, out into the world. Alright, Silas, we gotta go to the rant wheel now. We're going to the rant wheel, Jonathan. Got to get out of your mind, out into the world. All right, Silas, we've got to go to the rant wheel now. We're going to the rant wheel, yeah. This week on the wheel, we have the CDC's mind games, the smell of an

airport Wendy's, Bling Empire, lobsters are too expensive because they are bugs, adults earnestly wearing Crocs with sims imperfect victims and conversations with friends let's spin the wheel it has landed on imperfect victims and i put this here because I'm a bit troubled by the Johnny Depp versus Amber Heard television shenanigans. And I will say this because I ignored it for a long time, and I sorted it, I think, the way it is intended by how it's portrayed to be sorted as some nonsense going on on television.

Which, of course, there is. There is nonsense involved in what we are seeing unfold on television. But there was something about the way it was being treated as something purely funny and people making fun of Amber Heard. And then you dig into it a little bit and you're like, oh, we're doing that thing again. We're doing the exact same thing. Because there's a moment when the recent history just becomes history. And we're doing that thing again. We're doing the exact same thing because there's a moment when the recent history just becomes history. And we're kind of doing that with the nineties. We're doing it with shows like the Golden Girls. We're doing it with the OJ trial and we're doing it with the Lewinsky scandal where we say, wait a second, that didn't take place during our time.

It took place in a previous era. And that gives us the kind of cultural space to look at what we got right and what we got wrong. And we realized like, oh, we maligned and villainized these women based on just pure, unadulterated misogyny. That's what happened to Monica Lewinsky. That's what happened to Marsha Clark. That's what happened in the 90s. And it is shocking to see us do it again.

That's what also happened to Mia Farrow, by the way. And it's really, when I started digging in a little, I realized, oh, what Johnny Depp is trying to do worked on me because I just dismissed it all as nonsense. But really what it is is Amber Heard is an imperfect victim, but there's no such thing as a perfect victim. The idea that one of the most salient facts is that someone was supposedly pooping in a bed,

which very well may not be true at all, completely manufactured, but has become an accepted part of the story is the way in which someone like Johnny Depp, using his power and resources, creates enough chaos and noise and confusion to get people who aren't paying close attention and living their lives

to dismiss the whole thing out of hand. So we should probably not do that. That's all I wanted to say about that. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on The Sims. Don't want to do my real voice. Silas, can John Hodgman join us? Yeah, so... Oh, I thought you were giving me... Okay, hi. He's trying to get you out like the old woman in Poltergeist.

He's trying to pull you back towards the light. Can we speak to John Hodgman? Nope. So, my name is John Hodgman, and nostalgia is a toxic impulse. The past was not as great as we think it was, and we can't go back anyway. And any political movement that is founded on those two fallacies is a monstrous lie. However, I have really been enjoying playing SimCity 2013 lately. It's the last version of SimCity to come out. Wildly buggy, controversial, a lot of fun.

I'm not playing it to go back in time to 2013, because when I played it back then, it just aggravated me. Because in SimCity, you know, it's a city simulation. You build a little city, and then you have all these helpers, these virtual helpers who are helping you build the city, but they're really just yellers. And they just

yell at you, and they say, you're doing it wrong. You're not zoning enough residential. There's a worker shortage. There's unemployment. There's a guy in a hard hat yelling at me, which is my worst nightmare. Used to make me very anxious. Now I come back to it. It's actually very therapeutic because for once I figured out it was a game and second, I got better at it. So when Johnny Hardhat yells at me, there's an unemployment crisis, I just knock down a few factories. All of a sudden we have full employment.

It's great. Worker shortage, no problem. I'm going to build a high-speed rail, bring in workers from the rest of the region. It's fantastic. It's terrific. It's an anxiety reduction tool. It's like Bob Ross doing magic of oil painting.

I'm just making happy little cities, happy little trees, happy little roads. But there's a problem, which is these goddamn Sims. These are the little fake humans who live in my city by the hundreds of thousands. And Jonathan, they're dumb. They're dumb, they're whiny, and they're very annoying. They cannot drive to work the right way. They're always taking circuitous routes to make traffic jams. And then when I try to build public transport for them, they get mad. I built them a sweet maglev train.

That reduces their land value and now they're mad at me? But if I tear down a public library and put up a casino, they're happy. They're terrible. All they want is more shopping and all they want is more services for lower taxes. They're horrible non-humans. I dislike them. Yeah, they definitely sound so different from people who are furious when you tear down a library and put up a casino. Right.

But here's the thing. I'm trying to create my perfect world. Right, sure. I don't need these little creatures yelling at me all the thing. I'm trying to create my perfect world. Right. Sure. I don't need these little creatures yelling at me all the time. Yeah. Popping up with their complaint balloons. No, I can't find a park. It's like, it's across the street. I made it for you. There's a flower plaza across the street. Me yelling at my computer to these tiny, and they're small, Jonathan. They're small,

small in stature, small of heart, small of mind. It gets to the point where I get mad at them, right? And when they say, I can't find a park, I was like, I smashed down their house and I put a park where their house used to be. And then when I do that, all their neighbors are really happy. They're monsters to each other. neighbors are really happy. They're monsters to each other. I don't care for them. But then I realized like, ooh, I'm looking at this from 10,000 feet up. I'm looking at the grid, the whole thing. They're tiny. I'm big. I'm powerful. I'm destroying their houses. I get so mad that I just wipe out a whole city block and put in an oil drill or a coal mine. I'm destroying the globe in my own planet. That's not who I am. And I realized

this is what happens when you become divorced from what people want. When you start to think of them as just little things that don't matter. When you have power, like I do in SimCity, you start to think of people as things that don't matter, as things you can just wipe away. And so it helps me understand how power is like. So for example, say you're a United States senator and you've publicly said that you're in favor of Roe versus Wade and abortion rights. But when it comes time to defend those things, you don't do it

because you want to hold on to power and political capital. Right? And then when these tiny little non-human sims come to your house and sidewalk chalk a little complaint outside your door, you call the police on them. Also, the Sims in SimCity 2013, they love the police. It's terrible. The constant, like, can we fund the police more?

I'm like, whoa, what the? No, forget about it. Then I just wipe them all out. Like, SimCity helped me understand the problem of power, that you stop seeing humans as humans. So that's what I'm learning from it. And if you want to follow along, check me out Monday mornings, 9 a.m.,

twitch.tv slash John Hodgman. Hell yeah. It's called The Joy of Zoning, a SimCity stream. It's fascinating. Basically, you go in as John Hodgman, but in time you become Robert Moses. That's what happens. That's exactly right. That's basically where you end up. In time, we all become that which we loathe,

and I become Robert Moses in this world. I'm the destroyer of SimWorlds. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Bling Empire, which I believe was suggested by Chanda. I don't even know where to begin with this show. Okay, I'm just going to say I am such an avid reality TV show watcher that I watched Naked and Afraid of Love. Like, I watched the Love Island version of Naked and Afraid of Love. Like, I watched the Love Island version of Naked and Afraid.

And this season of Bling Empire was worse than that was. And what is it? It's a show. Wait, I have to explain what Bling Empire is to people? Is it a reality show? Yeah, so it's a reality show. So it's a real housewives-style show,

but it focuses on people who are Asian American and of Asian descent in the Los Angeles area, which is, I'm from LA. That's a very exciting, there's lots of opportunity there. There's lots of Real Housewives drama that we could get into. Netflix fired like a lot of fucking people over the last like two weeks, and they should have fired the producers of this show instead of all of say the black women writers that they hired at to them that was the name of their publication that they never noise it's like the noise they did it was yes i don't know i think that's how it's pronounced this season they have a storyline that is clearly extraordinarily contrived. Not on a reality show.

No. Like, it's so extraordinarily contrived that it makes The Bachelor look really sincere. That's contrived. Yeah. Like, as a woman of color who watches reality television, I feel like representation on reality television is kind of a double-edged sword, right? On the one hand, reality television is terrible. None of us should be watching it. I'm embarrassed to be confessing that I spend a lot of time watching it. And on the other hand, we actually do spend a lot of time watching it, right? And so it becomes important that we see people who reflect the communities that we come from, the communities that we know that we're a part of. I'm part of an Asian American

household. And so this kind of representation is important, which is why it's so important that we actually get good storylines on these shows. So important. We must get a good storyline on Bling Empire. We have to get a good storyline. We have a storyline where a woman just doesn't show up for a date. And that's like a quarter of the drama in the show. So we need more drama. They're not just generating up drama here on the Bling Empire. I want Bling Empire to do better. I want Netflix to do better. Come on, Netflix. Yes! Come on.

Let's generate some heat. Generate some heat. On Bling Empire. It's about time. Get Maine watching Bling Empire. That's your goal. Get Maine watching Bling Empire. You guys have power here at night? How late can you watch TV here? Wait, so now I want to know

what reality TV is Maine watching. The ocean. They don't have television. You don't have television? They don't have television. All right, let's spin it. Let's spin it one more time. It has landed on lobsters are too expensive, they're bugs.

I will also touch upon CDC mind games. Let's put them together. I have three things that have been bugging me. One, the price of lobster. Two, the fact that we are in year three of this pandemic, and every time it comes down to a debate inside these agencies as to whether or not to improve vaccines, push for vaccines, whatever,

the conversation goes something like this. And this is something Zeynep Tufekci, who's a very smart expert, has been talking about for years and kind of ringing the alarm about. So the New York Times covered this question about what kind of a campaign they should run around vaccines in the fall. This is what a senior investigator who heads the CDC's vaccine working group said. Considering additional doses for a smaller and

smaller return is creating an impression that we don't have a very effective vaccination program. program. Stop trying to outsmart people. Just make the best vaccine you can and get it to as many people as you can. We are on year three of this. They are dawdling on approvals. One thing Zeynep pointed out, which is absolutely true, is this. They are about to approve a third dose for a kid that is 61 months old, while an immunocompromised kid that's 59 months old cannot get a single dose, even off-label with a pediatrician recommendation. Maybe the problem is not the impression that is possibly being created by scientists pretending to be pundits. Maybe the problem has been the lackadaisical, slow, and confusing way

in which they have been approving vaccinations for the past two years. And I understand that this was a, obviously, this is a once-in-a-century pandemic. These are brilliant, smart, caring experts doing their best in a complicated media environment trying to figure out how to help the most people. But I just think at this point, to quote, I think, one of the smartest people around, which is Alfred, from the film Dark Knight, rises when he said, stop trying to outsmart the truth. Let the truth have its day. Just tell people that you think it helps and get as many people.

One other fact, the number of Americans who have opted to get a booster dose has dwindled with each new recommended shot. While 90% of American adults have received at least one dose of a COVID vaccine, 76% opted for a second dose and just 50% for a third. I do not think that as a result of people believing based on the approvals that the vaccines are ineffective, I think that is because the messaging has been consistently confusing, especially because it was clear starting in the summer of last year that we were going to need boosters,

but a lot of people, including a lot of coverage in the New York Times, which has not been great on this, said that we might not need boosters, that it was wrong to get boosters, that it was depriving boosters from other people, and it was confusing. And by the time they approved it around Thanksgiving,

you had people waiting around the block to get boosters instead of what should have been happening, which is getting people boosters starting in the summer so that we went into last winter with as many people protected as possible. We are in the middle of rising cases right now. I don't understand how we're having the same debate over and over again.

I also think it is crazy that lobsters are just fucking bugs. They're just bugs. And it's timely. Face it. And I don't know what the rules are about lobsters, but I remember from my studies that there was a time when lobsters were for prisons and they were the size of a table. Where are they? What happened? What happened to the giant ones? They went to space, Jonathan. They went to space. Did they go to space? I'll tell you what, I heard you talking about aliens before,

but they are out there. They're very often here. They are lobsters. That's what they are. Alien space bugs colonized this planet 24 years ago. That's so recent. Very recently. Really recent. They created a false memory that there had always been lobsters here.

And now they've seen enough and they're leaving. Especially the big ones. Especially the big ones. They're the oldest. But I'll tell you what, they're leaving those crabs behind. Those goddamn crabs. Complainers, all of them. And then we in Maine and New Hampshire built our economies on them in the last 20...

Well, Maine did. I don't know about New Hampshire. Shout out to our New Hampshire lobster fishermen. I will close my rant about various different topics by saying this. I have been in Portland, Maine for 27 hours. I have had three meals. They were all lobster rolls.

And I will not tell you where I got them from because there was a time in this world when you showed up in a new city and people were excited to see what you tried. No longer. Now you show up a city and people want to know whether or not you failed, whether or not you got the right lobster roll, whether or not you did the right amount of

research. And I will not go down that road with you because I think we've had too much fun. That is the rant wheel. Chanda, John Hodgman, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. That was great. Really appreciate it. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. If you have a high note that you want to share, you can just come and line up.

Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Emily, and I'm from here in Portland. And you're from Portland? What's your high note? My high note this week is my husband and line up. Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Emily, and I'm from here in Portland. And you're from Portland? What's your high note? My high note this week is my husband and his co-workers. He works for Planned Parenthood of Northern New England. And last weekend, they did an amazing job with the Bands Off Our Bodies protests across Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont. Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont. And so thank you to Sean, my husband,

and all of his coworkers, Nicole, and Lindsay, and Jess, and Trevor, and Katie, and everyone else whose name I'm forgetting. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? My name is Emer.

I'm from Wyndham, Maine. I also work for the state of Maine's health department and the infectious disease program. I hear you on the vaccine stuff. I get it. It's been really frustrating. Anyway, my high note, I am a new mom. This is my first night out. Wow, welcome. In a really long time also because of COVID and I've been working really hard for the past like two and a half years. Well, thank you for coming. That's so nice. I'm glad you're out. Thank you for being awesome. Out about. Thank you.

Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Hi, I'm Frances, and I'm here with my sister, Julia, and I'm here because of my sister, Julia. She and I have gotten through COVID together. She just recovered and I feel so deeply grateful. And I just wanted to share how much this whole podcast and this community has meant to us during this really hard time. So thank you. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. That's so nice. I'm glad you're on the other side of COVID. Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Jackie. And what's your high note, Jackie? So I had COVID a few weeks ago and thanks to our awesome vaccines and antivirals that everybody should definitely be using, I was actually pretty healthy through the

whole thing and I was very bored and I built myself my dream raised bed garden and today I got all my soil in and I am going to be planting soon, and I know it's a little off topic, but I came here thinking this was a gardening show, so. All right. All right. Thank you. So just so you know, hi, just so you know, Emily Heller is a regular guest, and as a joke, she would host Emily's garden show and take over the show. So that's why she thinks she was joking about it being a garden show. It's not a joke, but it's not a joke.

I just wanted you to understand because I know you're new because you thought this was a Lyle Lovett show. Hi, what's your name and what's your high note? Hi, my name is Corrine Altham and I am an elementary school librarian here in South Portland, Maine, and I am fighting hard to make sure that every kid that walks through that door can find themselves

in the library and can find someone that they don't know about, and I'm fighting for inclusion, and I want you to know, John, that Maine is the only state in the United States of America that mandates through the office of the attorney general to have civil rights teams in every school that wants to have one. And I am a civil rights team leader. And I'm also the woman who did the Boston accent on the Nazi cosplay episode in Boston of Pod Save America. Well, it's good to see you again. Hi, what's your name and what's your high note? Hi, my name is Jessie.

I have two high notes that kind of come from two low notes, so bear with me. Three years ago this month, my best friend died super unexpectedly. And then one year ago this month, I didn't get into med school after 10 years of trying. So not great. And I've sort of been floating since both of those things. But when the Supreme Court note came out, I really decided that

I was going to put my master's of public health to use and applied to every abortion job that I could find. And I feel really excited to be able to provide health care to folks who need it and that you can save lives in many places that aren't the operating room. So that's really exciting for me. And the other part of my high note is that the last Christmas I was able to spend with my best friend, I got her love it or leave it tickets and she got to go with her husband. And tonight after a pandemic, I get to be here with him and his new girlfriend who has helped him got through this past three years in this pandemic. So I want to thank you for allowing us to be here and really giving us hope. Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. Hi, what's your name? Mary.

What's your high note? So I have two. It took me three times to pass the bar exam. It took me three times to pass the bar exam. I finally did. And now I am working as supply chain counsel. And it is exhausting. But it is also the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. And I am so excited to finally be able to do the thing I love, which is putting puzzles together, which is what contract law is. And also, I have a very difficult relationship with my older sister, who also lives in Maine.

We're from Indiana originally. Don't judge me. And my friend bailed out on me for our tickets tonight. I almost didn't come. And at the last minute, I was like, get your ass together. Stop being a loser. Go. And then I happened to sit next to the executive director of the land trust my sister works for and it's the coolest thing that's happened to me in a long time.

Okay, great. Thank you for sharing that. It's a little complicated in a great way. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? I'm Meg. By the way, you look amazing. Oh, thank you. Just got to say that. So I'm a social worker. Give it up for social workers, okay? I'm a social worker for people up for social workers okay i'm a social worker for people with cystic fibrosis i work down the street at main medical partners and we thank you um we um for folks that don't know cystic fibrosis is a progressive long-term illness that affects the lungs and there's no cure and the treatment burden is intense and And I've been in that field for nine years and we just had our first walk in person

and raised over $90,000. And the money goes towards research. The money goes towards funding our clinics and people with CF, even before the pandemic, could not be in person together because the possibility of cross-infection is really high. So this is their one opportunity to actually see other people with CF, other kids seeing other people with CF. And that was last Saturday and we rocked it. So. Well, thank you for sharing. Thanks for your work. We have to do one

more. Let's do one more. Hi, I'm Kelsey. I'm here with my friend Colleen. We both have been in the hunger relief program for a really long time. She's still fighting with the Food Security Council. I actually am part of the great resignation now. I left my job. Thank you. I'm actually just working at a restaurant right now and volunteering during the day. So if anyone has time to volunteer for the Maine Needs, they're looking. All right. So we're looking for Maine Needs strollers, immigrants, refugees, women, anyone who needs help. Needy is not needy if you're needy. So everyone, so we're looking for Maine Needs strollers, immigrants, refugees, women, anyone who needs help. Needy is not needy if you're needy. So everyone, if you're looking for somewhere to volunteer, there are so many ways.

Maine Needs is freaking awesome. I am actually the VP of this organization. She applied for our director of communications role. Somehow this is like a job interview now. Top of the list. We loved her so much yes anyone here if you are a social service agency worker you weren't supposed to be able to talk

if you work in education at all if you have any requests that you need to fill for anyone in your environment lost control send your request in for a request at what's yourcom. Do whatever they say. What's your name?

I'm Carrie. And you understood that the last person was supposed to be the person before you. Yeah, I know, but guess what? I'm a Taurus. Yeah, oh. Supporter organization. You're done. You're done.

We're doing everybody. Get in here. This is the last day of Taurus season. No, I don't care about your space nonsense. Astrology is real. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here.

You're doing really good work. Wait, let's just finish this group. We'll finish this group. These three, that's it. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Quick, quick, quick. Hi, I'm Megan from Bangor

and I just wanted to celebrate tonight that I am here with my friend Miranda and we had a great time at Taco Escobar and we invited you on Twitter. Oh, thank you. I saw that. I saw that. Thank you for the invitation.

Welcome. Thanks for coming. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Hi, my name's Jason. I'm from Portland. I just finished a really depressing semester at law school. It's really depressing to be a law student, especially if you have to read Supreme Court opinions from Samuel Alito. We're used to it. But just now that I'm coming off of that, like law school depression, just having a second to just kind of breathe and

work and not be doing that has been like really uplifting. And I'm really just excited to not be doing that right now. Great. That's a good high note. Thank you. What's your name? Last one. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Hi, my name is Katia. I'm from Maine. I am a first generation college student. And after two and a half years of a very rough school time and the pandemic, I just had my last class today, and I'm graduating next week. Congratulations. Thank you to everybody for giving us those high notes. And if you have a high note and want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope,

you can call us at 213-262-4427. That is our show. Thank you so much to Chanda Prescott-Weinstein, John Hodgman, Eric Kuntz, and everybody who shared a high note. There are 171 days until the midterm elections. Thank you, Portland, and have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. And have a great weekend. and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Caroline Haywood for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Norma Alconian, Milo Kim,

Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can.