Lovett or Leave It - Democracy or Else

Episode Date: November 5, 2022

Midterms are making the kids squirm at this, our last Lovett Or Leave It before we see you next Tuesday at the polls. Larry Wilmore looks at Biden’s closing message, while Rainn Wilson screams for your dollars on behalf of the Democrats. A newly-motivated post-Dobbs voter (Kiran Deol) promises Lovett she’ll vote, provided she is actually real and not his hope-fueled fever dream, while Josh Gondelman offers heartfelt pep talks to the despondent, the lonely, and the zebrafish. And we end the show with a spin of the Rant Wheel, to clear some space for whatever we feel when we find out what happens next week. In the meantime, get out there and vote, babies! We’re all in this together! For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast. 

Hello, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else. We have a great show for you tonight. Rainn Wilson is here with some last-minute fundraising pleas. A perhaps mythical Dobbs voter is here to question our hopes and fears. Larry Wilmer is here to chat about our perfect democracy. Josh Gondelman is here to give us all the pep talk we so desperately need. Plus, the rant will spin.

One more time before election day. Last show before the midterms. Everybody feel good? Wow. But first, let's get into it. What a week. According to a new report, American billionaires have already spent $880 million on the midterm elections, and billionaire spending is up 44% this year over the 2018 election. That's inflation for you.

Elections cost more now. The supply chain for the transmitter that Peter Thiel uses to control J.D. Vance is all backed up. You think you're mad about this. Imagine being a billionaire's child. That's their Armageddon money. According to a new poll from the New York Times and Siena College, the Senate races in Arizona, Georgia, Nevada, and Pennsylvania are all neck and neck.

It declares the Times, control of the Senate rests on a nice edge, which is what a pollster said, but it's also what a contractor from Clearwater, Florida said while driving north on 95 toward D.C. with a Q bumper sticker on his truck and a Don Jr. meme on his home screen. I'm saying they're violent.

In some good news, Georgia is set to break state records for early voting with the in-person turnout surpassing 2 million ballots cast. Of the early votes cast, 339 of the ballots belong to Georgians 101 years or older. I swear to God, all of you better be voting. If they can do it,

you can do it. You don't have the Grim Reaper trying to knock the pencil out of your hand. Speaking of voting, Harry Styles registered 55,000 voters as part of his Love on Tour concert series. One direction, more like one de-election.

Am I right? At a rally Wednesday, sporting Dem candidates in Arizona, former President Obama heckled back at a heckler, chatting the man as follows. You have to be polite and civil. When people are talking, then other people are talking, and then you get a chance to talk. Set up your own rally.

Security then escorted Kanye out of the event. That guy's everywhere. In an interview on The Megyn Kelly Show, Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton commented on the liberal coverage of the January 6th insurrection and compared what your average Joe took away from that date. Yeah, again, it's because the Democrats don't have any other issue on which they campaign.

And the January 6th Capitol riots had many terrible crimes. I think most Americans, though, remember most about January 6th, 2021, that gas was $2.40 a gallon. Who among us could forget December 7th, 1941, a day that will live in infamy because milk costs 54 cents a gallon. live in infamy because milk costs 54 cents a gallon. I distinctly remember saying, I hope these insurrectionists don't start lobbing Molotov cocktails, but alas, they could easily afford to with gas being only $2.40 a gallon. Meanwhile, over in Pennsylvania, Dr. Oz, who claims he intends to protect same-sex marriage, held an event this week at a venue that has a ban on same-sex marriage.

I don't see this as a big deal, though. Like, who would want to host a same-sex wedding at a puppy crematorium? He killed a couple dogs. Got a couple dozen dogs. A couple hundred dogs. I mean, he did it in front of Hitler's car. It's not that far off. I'm done.

In a primetime address on Wednesday, President Biden warned that the future of American democracy is at stake in next week's elections. Biden declared at one point, in our bones, we know democracy is at risk, especially when it's rainy or cold. Then you really feel it, the threat to democracy in the bones, especially in the knees. Oh, and it's rainy or cold, then you really feel it, the threat to democracy in the bones,

especially in the knees. Oh, and it's brisk out. I can tell democracy's really jeopardized. You just feel it, you know, in the knees. Biden opened his speech by addressing the attack on Paul Pelosi, saying this. We don't settle our differences, America, with a riot, a mob, or a bullet, or a hammer? In fact, we don't settle our differences

at all. But for God's sake, none of us want all the bridges collapsing, do we? Come on, Republicans. There are motorcycle rallies and megachurches on the other side of those bridges. Let's get practical here. Republicans responded by calling the speech divisive with Texas Rep Johnny Jackson tweeting, Biden gave the most divisive speech in American history two months ago, and tonight he outdid himself once again. Why isn't Biden trying to build bridges between the two sides, the people who think political violence is bad and the people trying to beat those people with a hammer? Meanwhile, actual Republicans are still wringing laughs out of the said hammer attack.

Donald Trump Jr. retweeted a photo of a pair of underwear and a hammer with the caption, Got my Paul Pelosi Halloween costume ready. Yep. Sadly, Jr.'s costume didn't really land. People kept guessing he was Skid Marky Mark. After drawing an overwhelming amount of backlash over the casting and setting of the show, the Icarus Theatre Collective in London has announced it will be pulling its controversial production of Romeo and Juliet, reimagined to take place in Nazi-era Germany.

The production, described by critics as a deeply misguided project, depicts Juliet as a Jewish girl and Romeo as a member of the Nazi youth. Ah yes, two houses both alike in dignity. of the Nazi youth. Ah, yes. Two houses, both alike in dignity. With very fine people on both sides. But soft. What light

through yonder window breaks? Is that a menorah? Juliet, we've talked about this. Speaking of insane shit, Johnny Teague, the GOP nominee for a house seat in Texas, in 2020 published a novel titled The Lost Diary of Anne Frank, in which Frank seems to find Jesus

just before she's murdered by the Nazis at Auschwitz. Look, I'm not going to defend this guy, but I will say it's a tough media environment unless you are working with existing IP. Whoever that was for, thank you. Under Elon Musk's leadership, Twitter reportedly plans to begin charging verified users $8 a month to keep their blue check marks.

Step right up and give the world's richest man $8. In exchange, you get a public badge that says, hey, I just gave the world's richest man $8. No way. No way. I'm probably gonna do it.

No, I'm not done. I'm out. You are. So you think I'm going to do it? You think I'm going to pay Eli? Why do you think that? You said it like I have a character flaw, so what do you think that flaw is?

You said it like you are, like in a kind of disappointed way. Because I'm addicted to Twitter. I deleted it from my phone. Does that do anything for you? Can you access it on your computer? I do access it on my computer. You said that like I'm hacking into the

mainframe. Yeah, I use my fucking Chrome. You access it. Elon Musk's brave new Twitter is also reportedly working on a paywalled video feature, sort of like OnlyFans. Finally, I mean free speech, said Ted Cruz.

And in a shocking turn of events, Adele has finally revealed to the world the correct way to pronounce her name. It is, and I hope I'm pronouncing this right, too late in her career for this shit. too late in your career for this shit. We're also often saying Tuesday wrong. It's pronounced Tuesday. After eight months of deliberation, environmental officials in Wales decided to keep a tourist attraction

on freshwater West Beach dedicated to Dobby, the elf from the Harry Potter franchise, provided that visitors to the memorial stop leaving socks and trinkets at the site, which pollute the beach and endanger the ecosystem. It's days like this

that make me grateful that Dobby died before he had to witness the horrors of climate change. Just kidding. He's a fictional character made up by the world's most prolific transphobe. Grow up, people. You're leaving memorials for a character. What is happening?

They're killing fish to leave flowers for fucking Dobby. Ina Garten, the barefoot Contessa, revealed in an interview that her husband Jeffrey sent a sex to her publicist by mistake. The worst part is he signed it the bareback Contesso. I don't like it. I don't like it. An eight-year-old boy in India was bitten by a deadly cobra, but got his revenge by biting the snake back, killing it. The boy made a full recovery. People think the snake died from the bite,

but it was actually from embarrassment when the other snakes found out he lost a fight to a kid. Thank you. And finally, Miss Argentina and Miss Puerto Rico, who met while competing in the Miss Grand International pageant in 2020, have announced their secret relationship and

marriage this week. Si se puede. We come back. A word from the Democratic Party. And we're back. Much like the horrific Leviathan attack in Cloverfield, the midterms are almost upon us, and I'm going to be screaming the entire time.

However, if you've been receiving fundraising emails and texts from the Democratic Party, you're used to a lot of screaming in your inbox. And a lot of us have been a little frustrated by the unrelenting tone and volume of the correspondents. So the big cheeses in the party asked if we might be willing to try, just for a moment,

a different strategy. Madeline! Madeline! Madeline! Please, please, please! I need you, Madeline, I need you to give to the Democrats three dollars before midnight tonight

or this republic of ours will plunge straight to hell! I'm sorry to ask you again, Madeline, but do you care about this country do you even give half of one shit do you like breathing clean water and drinking

clean air because time's running out Madeline I've got Chuck Schumer breathing down my fucking neck and his breath smells like hotel coffee and good deli tuna Madeline donate three dollars right now to save the Senate, or I swear to God,

I will come to your house and throw up on your porch! I swear to God, Madeline! Fuck! $3! $3! Ray Wilson. That's cool. Don't think he won't do it, Madeline.

He knows where you live. He's got all the data. When we come back, Larry Wilmore's here. And we're back. Joining me now, the man, the myth, the legend. Please welcome Larry Wilmore. How you doing? Good. Nice to see you.

Glad you're here right before the midterm elections. What is that? Oh, it's this thing where... Sounds hard. It's a midterm. Fuck! Yeah, it does. It really... We got midterms? Fuck. Yeah, it does. It really... And it is hard. We got midterms. You know, I was thinking,

President Biden gave a speech on democracy. It's the second one he's given in as many months. Right. And he is trying to ring an alarm, but it's hard to hear over the constant alarm. Yes. Did you watch... Called the United States. Yeah. Did you watch, did you see the speech? I tried. Called the United States.

Did you watch, did you see the speech? I tried. I really did try. What was your reaction to it? My dog was very disturbed that the snoring was so loud. I feel bad for Biden. I mean, Biden gives the same speech all the time because he has no... Let me just say, part of it is desperation.

You have to admit. It's like the only thing you can say right now, hey man, everything's going away, you've got to vote for us. So I get that. And he's not wrong. That's the thing, Biden is not wrong. But it's just funny, when you listen to Biden, he always thinks that we think that he's joking.

And so I just want him to stop doing that. So when I watch Biden, I'm always bugged by that tick, you know. Hey, man, I'm not making this up. I'm not joking. No, man, that's true. You know, this is really true. Hey, man, that's not a joke. We know it's not a fucking joke, Joe.

Just make your speech. But I think the people that he's saying that to already believe that. And the people that don's saying that to already believe that, and the people that don't probably aren't watching it. I think, what was it? It was like on CNN, MSNBC, and C-SPAN, like, five, or something like that. No one showed it. The networks didn't show the speech, right?

Right. It wasn't even... In fairness to the networks, it is a retread of a speech he gave two months ago. There's a reason he did it at 4pm, 7pm, not in the heart of primetime. He reiterated his position on the terrible attack on Paul Pelosi, and good to see him do it on camera. That was good. I appreciate that. And he made his argument on why democracy

had staked in this election, but it was a political speech. Absolutely. So I understand why networks wouldn't take that live. Right. But there is this kind of challenge at the heart of what he's saying, which is I think Democrats all collectively, especially Democrats that are hyper engaged in this election, understand the stakes. They understand they see election deniers on the doorstep of secretary of state jobs in places like Nevada and elsewhere. They see these anti-democratic goons like Blake Masters running around on the verge of getting a Senate seat and in the throes of a kind of economic situation where people are concerned about inflation and a bunch of other issues, we're trying to persuade people to care about the democracy enough to vote despite their anger at the people in power,

which is in part derived from their feeling that the democracy itself is not delivering for them. Correct. So I don't really know how we're supposed to make this argument. That's what I was sort of struggling with in the speech, which is he's saying, hey, vote. Our democracy is at stake. And yet all of these independent voters are saying, hey, right now. Yeah.

As someone who's not paying attention, not as feeling this threat as ominously as you are. What is your answer to me who says I don't think this democracy is delivering? Because it's hard to prove something that hasn't happened yet. He's imagining a bad thing, but the bad thing people are experiencing is inflation and crime and some of these things. And to imagine this other bad thing, they have to go outside of what their interests may be. And sometimes those type of interests are the interests of people that don't maybe have

to worry about some of the other things. So they have time to worry about some of that stuff. So sometimes that can come across as an elitist argument. Not all the time, but sometimes it can. Because you're like, well, if these things are such a big problem, inflation and all that, why isn't he talking about that directly as an emergency? Why is this such an emergency right now if it's something that might happen you know so there's a little bit i'm a little cynical about that type of speech by the president and that i wish somebody else would make that speech and not the president

like i love seeing obama making speeches like that like those are the people you get out there and make those kind of speeches for me because it's not the president's going out there and saying you know the war in vietnam is just ending you know he's not saying that you know, the war in Vietnam is just ending. He's not saying that. You're asking the Americans to come together for a bald political speech. So it's a bit cynical in that situation. The Paul Pelosi part, I thought, was very good. And if it's centered around violence, especially when you're referencing January 6th, you talk about the violence and what people are capable of doing, citizens are capable of doing because of that, I think is better, rather than imagining what elected people might do if they're elected. I think that's what the difference is. So that

part of the speech, that's why I found the speech a bit cynical. And it's hard to rally all the Americans behind a speech like that, because it's obviously partisan. Yeah, and also I do. Yeah, I think that's right. You know, it's funny. It's a strange feeling over the last couple of years. And I don't think it's a, I think it speaks to a real challenge for us in that I often feel the same thing, which is, I feel kind of bad for Joe Biden. You know, I feel bad that he's in this position. It's not good to feel bad for the president. Right. Right. Yeah. Politically. I know what you mean. Yeah. It's this challenge we've had over now, more than half a decade of in the midst of this Trump and post Trump kind of political emergency of telling the truth about

our larger political situation might not always be the most useful. Some from the left were urging Biden to make a broader argument and saying the reason these Republicans are turning against democracy is they want to wield power in a way that doesn't benefit people. They want to kind of control authority and power because then they don't have to worry about cutting taxes for normal people or doing a child tax credit. They can just focus on the corporation. It's funny because I think that's still a cold argument. The thing that the left does that, God bless them, they make very great intellectual arguments, but they can be cold, you know.

And like Trump was a dick, right? And everything he said, he said, look at that dick. You know, he's a dick saying he was putting his dick on the table. Sorry, guys. You know, but you know what I mean. That's okay. Obama was a professor. Well, this is what it's going to be.

You know, that's what we got to do, you know? Right? You know, there's going to be a test on this in the morning, right? Fuck Obama, you know? But Joe doesn't have that. I always said it's a presidency in search of a obama you know but joe doesn't have that i always said it's a presidency in search of a president you know like i would love it if that this is a big fucking deal joe biden would come to that microphone that would be better to me like if he just dropped it like someone posted something about charles barkley which i hadn't i hadn't remembered when he was

playing for philadelphia and he was going to wear magic johnson's number for a while and it was billy cunningham's retired number. And they were saying, you know, some fans were calling into the radio saying, why are you taking Billy Cunningham's number? And he's like, I don't give a fuck what fans say. I don't give a flying fuck. And this is back when you couldn't say that kind of thing. Right. And he said and they asked me again, he said, I just said I don't give a flying fuck. I don't care. I said I don't get. Should I say FF? I don't give a FF what that is. I said, should I say FF?

I don't give a FF what that is. And I'm like, see, that's the Joe Biden you need, you know, to just forget that he's untelting and say, all right, motherfuckers, let's talk about this shit right now. Like these assholes are going to ruin this motherfucking country and burn it to the fucking ground. Is that what you guys want? Sorry. Sorry, man. That's not a joke, by the way. That's not a joke.

I'm not joking. He needs to lose it in some kind of way. He needs like he's got to unshackle. He comes across as a very decent man, a very thoughtful man. I'm not mad at that. I think it was a great breath of fresh air from Trump. But now he's got to be his own thing. People need to grasp around the id of the presidency as well as the intellect of the presidency. I think you need both of those things to be a real effective leader in trying times. If it's not trying times, it's different. In trying times, something else has to get out there.

That's how you lead people. Look, there was a lot of criticism of Bush, but when he took the microphone and the rubble and everything and just made that unguarded statement, he got a lot of support from people on both sides. He always gets ridiculed from people like me for that kind of stuff, but I gave him credit for that. He did that type of thing. Presidents, there are always moments when I feel circumstances make the president, usually

not the other way around. I felt what always hurt Bill Clinton, he didn't really have the type of circumstances like a 9-11 or these types of things that really test the mettle of a president. He created his own mess, you know, with the Monica Lewinsky stuff. Did you do that? Hey, hey, I didn't, hey, you know, hey, come on, come on, you guys. I mean, that was Clinton, you know, so that was his id out there, you know. He was such a great politician and he had such a brilliant mind that there weren't trying times.

We're in trying times right now. What Biden said, I 1,000 percent agree with it. But I need it's a big fucking deal, Biden, to say some of this stuff. Or let Obama say it or somebody else say it. So that's how I feel about speech. And I'm conflicted about it. It's a really good – the speech is correct. I believe every single word of it,

I understand the argument. I think it sometimes feels too clever by half to be yet another pundit saying, actually, it's not the right time for this truth, right? Actually, you should have used a more convenient and politically valuable truth. Like you should have given a speech about inflation. You should have given a speech about crime, immigration,

whatever topics that are on the top five list. I mean, the reality is what we have seen in polls over the last year is democracy is an important issue to people. But if you dig down into the numbers, in part because of how much right wing misinformation there has been out there, the voters more likely to say that democracy is under threat are actually Republicans, right? If you actually dig into the numbers, it's the where a lot of the concern about our democracy comes from, comes from the right. And they're not listening to Joe Biden's speech about this issue. I will say this. I think fear works better for the party out of power. And so the Republicans have been using fear on their side and it works better for them. I think comfort and recognizing

that you see someone and you recognize what they're going through is better for people in power. Like that's what Bill Clinton did the best. You know, I feel your pain, man. I know what they're going through is better for people in power. That's what Bill Clinton did the best. I feel your pain, man. I know what you're going through. I'm a surfer. The last one I surfed, but I feel that. I feel that. Whatever it is, the person's thing, if the president connects with what you're going through,

I think it's the best thing. Support people that are going through tough times and let them know that you're there for them. But if the president is the one who's the scold and imagining something bad, well, you're the person in power. Why are you doing that? You should be comforting us that everything's going to be all right because you're here, you know?

So that's where I think time wasted in that is time not well spent for a president. To your point about the sort of the way kind of Trump operates versus like kind of wanting Biden to come out of his shell, I mean, it's that Republicans go to voters in a kind of almost like a grifter from out of town kind of way, saying,

you're not wrong to care about the things you care about. I know you care about this thing, and you're right to care about it. Some of these other people are saying you shouldn't care about it, but you're right to care about it. Sometimes pretty heinous stuff they're being encouraged to care about, but it's like, hey, that thing you're worried about, you're right. You should be worried about it. I'm going to stoke that little kernel, that little fire inside of

you and turn it into something. And I too often think Democrats do the opposite, which is while Republicans are saying you're not wrong to care about this, Democrats are saying you're wrong to not care about this. You need to care about this more, care about this more, care about this more. And I sometimes think we need more. And I think what Bernie understood in his bones, I think what Elizabeth Warren understood naturally is Democrats, like all politicians, do better not when they're trying to convince you to care about something, but convincing you that thing, that kernel, that fear, that anger, whatever it is you have is correct. And they target at corporations. They target at the right villains. And I don't think we've been doing enough of that.

Yes, Republicans understand the power of grievance, you know, and the left, the Democrats understand injustice. They're saying this is an injustice, which is more of an intellectual idea. But grievance is an emotional, personal idea. So the election was stolen. You know, someone took votes that was taken from you. We want our country back. You know, those are personal terms. You know, you're going to invalidate the vote. That's intellectual, you know, stealing and taking. You know, we want our country back, that kind of shit. See, I recognize all that stuff because that was those are the racial dog whistles, you know, for years and years. You know, black people were always stealing something from white people,

you know, whatever it was. Even Trump did that when he talked about these urban areas where votes were stolen, or supposedly, we knew exactly what that motherfucker was talking about. And he made sure that you knew what he was talking about, which is the other thing,

but it's the language of grievance that they really understand and use well. And I just think we need to find our version of that kind of emotional appeal in a way that feels in line with our values and that kind of can get people as animated and excited about coming together. Like, we just can't keep begging people to care.

I mean, Republicans are Vader and Democrats want to be Yoda. I mean, that's what it comes down to, you know? And sometimes Vader is more interesting than Yoda. Still the first thing we have. Luke. They have stolen something from you, Luke. You must join me to get back this country.

I don't know which way to go. I'm an independent voter. Go fuck yourself, independent voter. Yeah, let's just look. Whatever happens on Tuesday, these fucking people. Yeah, exactly. But that's not our message

because this still comes out on Saturday. So go to votesaveamerica.com and do a shift because none of us know what's going to fucking happen. That's right. Larry, thank you so much for being here. It's good to see you, Joe. It's so good to see you, too.

I always love talking to you. Check out his newest show, Reasonable Doubt, on Hulu right now. Everybody check out Larry's show. Yay, Reasonable Doubt! And if you have reasonable doubts about the feasibility of the American experiment, go to votesaveamerica.com and volunteer this weekend. Please fucking do it. A lot of you haven't. A lot of you have.

A lot of you haven't. When we come back, we'll play a game. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Whether it's Ohio, Arizona, Georgia, oh God, so many states have MAGA puppets running for office. We've told you all there is to know about the Herschel's Walker,

your Doug's Mastriano, your Dr. Oz. However, there are so many other vital elections that deserve to be highlighted, even if Dr. Oz killing all those dogs tends to grab the spotlight first, which is why I'm going to need some volunteers to play a game I'm calling either down bad for the down ballot or down but not out ballot, depending on what the latest polls are saying. Raise your hand if you'd like to play. Hi, what's your name? William.

William. Hold it. Hold it. Okay. Hold the fucking mic William get your shit together sorry that was my mom

I'm sorry you're with your mom yeah that was sort of an unrelated he just said hi were you from Colorado yeah

that's so nice I know you know what I don't want to talk to you William I want to talk to your mom okay hi what's your name Beth

Beth yes from Colorado yes you're gonna vote for Michael Bennett absolutely we already have you already have that's good because you are here that's great I know Beth. Beth? Yes. From Colorado? Yes. You're going to vote for Michael Bennett? Absolutely. We already have. You already have?

That's good because you are here. That's great. I know. I'm a little nervous. His fundraising emails are getting more and more frantic. Very frantic. And I just, God, did I connect with that? Skip a little bit earlier.

Buckle up. There's a couple more emails coming down. I have so many frantic emails from Nancy Pelosi. I can't even tell you. Yeah, no, we all are. It's out of control. I'll tell you something that's bothering me, Beth. It's this.

It's a text that says, I don't recognize the number, obviously, and it just says, can you help? Yes. Or do you have a moment? This is serious. Because no matter how much I know these fundraising emails are coming, it still gives me that little knot that it's real.

I actually may put out a tweet on Elon's internet that says, if I get one more of these, I'm donating to their opponent. I don't care if they were at the insurrection. I can't have another text that says, can you help? Are you okay? Beth, you're filibustering, Beth. All right, here we go. Here's your question.

A candidate in this state wants to get rid of mail-in ballots, but only in the largest city. What state is it? Texas. It's Michigan. Christina Karamo is running for Secretary of State who claims that the absentee ballot system in Detroit is flawed. What a strange issue that turns out to be. Beth, let's do one more question. Okay.

Nevada GOP candidate for Secretary of State Jim Marchant has called for a nationwide audit of the 2020 election and a ban on mail-in ballots, but he doesn't only believe 2020 was rigged. When was the last election Jim Marchant claims the votes of Nevadans actually counted? 2016. Oh, so close. It was 2006. Yeah. On a podcast in January, he claimed, in Nevada and maybe other places all over the country, we haven't elected anybody since

2006. They have been installed by the deep state cabal. On the primary stage in February, he added, your vote hasn't counted for decades. You haven't elected anybody. The people that are in office have been selected. You haven't had a choice.

All right, next question. One more question for you, Beth. I'm O for two. Despite his Democratic opponent, Cisco Aguilar, raising almost double the cash of both candidates for the office combined in 2018 for this year's campaign, how many points did this week's Nevada Independent poll of likely voters have as Aguilar's lead over Marchant? 55. Oh, unfortunately, it is three points. In the latest poll, Marchant is within the margin of error.

This fucking goober, this QAnon fucking prick is within three points of controlling elections in Nevada. How about that, Beth? That's disgusting. It's disgusting. It is. Thank you, Beth, from Colorado. Let's go to somebody else.

Kendra's out there. There's somebody right there. Hi, what's your name? Sabrina. Sabrina. Hello. Hello. Hi, what's your name? Sabrina. Sabrina. Hello. Hello. Where are you from, Sabrina?

I am from Rochester, New York, the outermost borough. Nice. I live in New York City, and I actually work with Linda Carter on her social media, so my hobby is bullying Elon on his internet. So Rochester. Yes. Just kidding, Sabrina. Just kidding.

My sister lives in Rochester. She's an optometrist. Do you wear glasses? Yeah. Do you need a new optometrist? Yeah, yeah. Hook me up. She's good.

Takes it really seriously. A lot of these people, they just go one, two, one, two, one, two. But she takes it real seriously. Three, four. Three, four. It's in Pittsburgh, outside Rochester. You know what that is? Yeah.

All right. You go back. You live in New york but you go back it's cheaper to always get the glasses in rochester yeah but they're less cool well it depends on the place you go i mean they have great frames everywhere you think there's only cool glasses in new york city yeah do you sometimes say wow new New York City feels like another character at this brunch? Yeah. You're full of shit, Sabrina. No, you're not the only one. In Arizona, who did Arizona GOP candidate Mark Fincham say runs the Electronic Registration Information Center? Is it A, that's related to elections. Is it A, Hillary Clinton, B, George Soros, C, Dr. Fauci, or D, the deep state? Ooh, I want to say George Soros.

You got it. Next question. MAGA stooge and Pennsylvania Lieutenant Governor Hopeful, Carrie Lewis Del Rosso, marked women at a recent event called Cookies with Carrie, calling them what kind of voters? A, hysterical voters, B, emotional voters, C, unreliable voters, or D, voters on the rag. Gotta read

these things more closely before we do this show. Sabrina, what did this candidate call women voters? Emotional voters. That is correct. She also told her canvassers that she had many women calling my office screaming, they're emotional voters.

I don't think they're going to vote. They yell and scream and they forget to go to the polls. Emotional voters be shopping. Hi, what's your name? Patrick. Patrick. Where are you from, Patrick? San Diego.

Nice. Wes Allen, I don't want to do any more bits about places. Wes Allen, the Republican candidate for Secretary of State in this state, vowed to withdraw from a 31-state consortium that helps member states keep their voter rolls up to date, calling it a leftist entity despite being funded just by the states.

Georgia? No, it's Alabama. Oh, close. Bonus. Oh! Bonus question. The current Alabama Secretary of State, also Republican, called Allen's statements what? A, true without a doubt. B, prophetic, urgent, and necessary. C, wise words from a wise man.

Or D, patently false. They were prophetic. No, he called them patently false. Oh. It's an inter-Republican violence. There was a twist on that one. Let's do one more. Former U.S. Representative and Freedom Caucus founder Raul Labrador, currently running for the Attorney General of Idaho,

said he would have signed on to a 2020 Texas lawsuit to overturn Biden's presidential win to help send Trump back to the White House had he had the chance. What else is something Raul Labrador said about Trump before deciding to sell his soul to him? A, apparently every time somebody looks at his history, he threatens to sue them. I just think, is that the kind of person we want to be running the United States of America? B, what's he going to do? Is he going to sue Russia when they don't agree with him?

C, that's just a ridiculous and preposterous way to run a campaign. D, he's a big whiner. Or E, all of the above. I want it to be E. Yeah, it is. It's all of the above. It's all big whiner. Or E. All of the above. I want it to be E. Yeah, it is. It's all of the above. Thank you. Let's go to one more person for the last couple questions.

Hi, what's your name? My name is Laura. Laura, where are you from? I'm from Seattle, Washington. Ooh, Seattle. Yes. Frazier. What? Yes, that's exactly what I think about every time somebody asks me about Seattle. You ready?

Are you ready? Let's go, let's go. Woo! Yeah, my girl next to me was the one who called you out for paying for Twitter, so. I feel like we should just be asked to leave. Here's what I want to say about that.

Okay. If you ever feel as though you want to be asked to ask to leave, you know that you can take up whatever space you want and you can leave whenever you want. You don't need someone else to tell you to leave to leave a place you don't want to be.

I'm ready. Right? I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's go. As a private... As a private citizen,

Connecticut Secretary of State candidate Dominic Rapini, a man who has never held office, but his website twice says he was named Salesperson of the Year, demanded access to what government documents so he can ensure no illegal immigrants voted in the 2020 election? Can I get a hint?

No. Would I have gotten a hint if I hadn't made that smart-ass comment before? The answer is DMV Records. Wyoming State Representative Chuck Gray, who has called the 2020 election fraudulent and illegitimate, is currently running unopposed

for the state's Secretary of State position, who is currently rushing to draft a bill limiting the ability of wyoming secretary of state to oversee elections is it a blue hair leftist queers b a bipartisan group of concerned citizens c gray's fellow republicans or d me look someone has to do it don't know how far i can take it but we gotta try is it the fellow Republicans? It is. As a GOP state representative who co-chairs the state's election law panel told NPR, once Gray is in office, we may be in a precarious position when it comes to election administration for the next four years.

Final question. Tim Michaels, who currently is running for governor of Wisconsin, said this week that Republicans will never what again after he's elected governor? Is it A, be canceled for publicly praising Hitler, B, pay for their mistress's abortions, C, attend a drag story hour, or D, lose an election? This is so horrible. It's never lose an election. That's right. He promised this week, this week, he said, Republicans will never lose another election in Wisconsin after I'm elected governor. And if that scares you, make sure you vote by Tuesday

and do everything you can this weekend and sign up on votesaveamerica.com to make calls, send some texts, do what you can in this homestretch so we can wake up on Wednesday knowing that whatever happens, you did your part. stretch so we can wake up on Wednesday knowing that whatever happens, you did your part. And, of course, one thing that's helping us hopefully do everything we can to win, the Democratic fundraising, which has

been, I think, pretty intense lately. I think we might have one more fundraising pitch coming our way. Uh-oh. Greg. Greg, listen up. Uh-oh. Greg. Greg, listen up. Let me explain. Have you heard of the Senate, Greg?

Have you heard of the world's greatest deliberative body, you complacent little bitch? I am sorry to be so persistent, Greg. It's just that the Senate and the country and all of us are fucked unless you donate $7 before our deadline. I know you have $7, Greg. I know it. I crouched outside your office and I watched you

eat an $18 sandwich for lunch yesterday. Was it worth it, Greg? Will the memory of an overpriced banh mi sandwich be enough to sustain you in the gulag when the Democrats lose the Senate?

Donate $7 to the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, you worm! Democracy needs more worms like you, Greg! What does an aneurysm feel like, Greg? Greg!

Are you happy, Greg? You better take your phone out. We come back. A very special voter is here. And we're back. When the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade in June, there was an immediate backlash across America and the hope that voters would answer the challenge Alito put in the decision itself, that the court's toxic unpopularity might mobilize America's vast pro-choice majority to turn out and vote. Social Security and Republican extremism on a range of issues. The hope remains

that despite the brisk air of the latest polls that put holding the House in doubt and the Senate in a coin toss category, there is a little candle we light to the hope that there are Dobbs voters who will surprise us with their turnout. Here to discuss that likelihood, it's a Dobbs voter who's never answered a single poll and

may or may not exist. Come on out, mythical Dobbs voter. Hi, Dobbs. voter. Hi, Dobbs. Okay. Hi, Dobbs voter. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I really appreciate being here.

Thank you guys for being here. My body, my choice. My body, my choice. Thank you. Yeah, okay. Hell yeah. Here's a question. Are you real?

Please say yes. I am, John, or am I? My amazing uterus and its capacity to ruin my whole life are definitely real. I can tell you that much. And I'm here, so I probably exist, right? Yeah. I mean, that doesn't mean much. We had Ivana Trump on last week, and she's been dead since July. Then I guess it is a toss-up. But I might be real, and that's exciting, right? I mean, I could be anyone. I could be anywhere.

Who knows where I'm hiding? Maybe under a blanket in the backseat of your car the next time you're leaving a parking garage, and then I'll pop up and shout, Eat shit, Clarence, for a prank. I'm just kidding, John. I would never do that. Or would I? No, come on, of course I wouldn't, but would I? I hope not. Seems like you're doing a lot of hoping, my man. Yeah, I am doing a lot of hoping, sorry. Yeah, I am doing a lot of hoping.

Sorry. You're hoping that a receding wave of a pro-choice backlash will decide the midterms, hoping that I won't take a shit in your shiny little Elon mobile. My Elon? That's a Tesla. That's a Tesla. That's a Tesla for those of you poor folks out there. Why would you take a shit in the car you're hiding in? Why does that help anyone?

And yeah, I am doing a little bit of wish casting because I'm worried. A few minutes ago, I was worried about the midterms. Now it's two things. I get that. The midterms and you shitting in my car. I hear you and listen. It's not like there isn't reason for hope, okay? Look at the surges in voter registration after the Dobbs decision.

Look at the voters in Kansas rejecting a ballot measure that would have stripped protections for abortion rights from the state constitution. In Kansas, of all places. Yes, I know. I'm from Kansas. Are you? No, I... What? No, I don't know. Is that where you think I'm from Kansas. Are you? No, I, I, what? No, I don't know. Is that where you think I'm from?

Oh, are you just a product of my imagination? Wait, quick. What kind of stuff are you into? Okay, let's see. TikTok, be real, quiet quitting, bucket hats. Yeah, see, that's all young people stuff I've heard of. If you were a real young person, you would have said something I don't understand. You would have been like, I'm really into this German DJ, Professor Glorp,

because he's a Libra. Yes, John, but I could also be, you know, just kind of basic and boring. That's true. Maybe you're a real basic, boring person who's planning to vote, and we're all going to be fine. Yes, yes. But on the other hand, maybe not.

I mean, look at the polling. An ABC News Washington Post poll just last week found that abortion was only the fifth most important issue to voters. The economy, education, inflation, and crime were all more top of mind. But polls might not tell the whole story. Just because pollsters aren't finding a ton of voters fired up about abortion rights doesn't mean you don't exist. Maybe you just don't pick up calls from unknown numbers because we live in a nonstop hurricane of spam and you're not a complete freak. People that answer the phone now from random numbers to take polls are scientific freaks.

Plus, you're too busy listening to, I want to say, Addison Rae. Is that a person? Listen, I don't even pick up phone calls from people I know and love, John. Yeah. It's like, text me. Again, you sound suspiciously like my preconceived notion of a Gen Z person. Yeah, but maybe you're just super perceptive and have your finger on the pulse. Hmm, that does sound like me.

But it also sounds like something I would tell myself, which is the democratic dilemma. I just don't know what to think. All right, John. Listen up, you pussy-footing, bitch-monkey, navel-gazing fuck. Jesus. You have got the wrong end of the stick here.

You want me to exist so bad because you want it to be true that people understand the stakes of this election. It feels frustrating and terrifying and awful that we're staring down yet another impossibly close five-alarm emergency of an election. That Republicans have nominated a bunch of ranting, election-denying, mean-spirited goons, and it's still so close that inflation is pushing voters to the right even though the right's plan is to fix it, impeaching Joe Biden and inviting Kanye West

to headline CPAC. Exactly. That's exactly what I've been... Shut up, Lovitz. I'm not done. I imagined you. How do you not know my name? Also, what would you know John Lovitz from? There was this one really incredible episode of New Girl, which I watch on Netflix

because I really love vintage television. Oh, right. Lyle, you are desperately hoping that I'm real. That's part of the problem. Look, I don't have some magical antidote to the poison we're all swimming in. Sure, I saw a recipe for one on my For You page,

but I didn't have any grenadine, and that was most of the recipe. Gross. That's gross. I think that's gross. But here's the thing. Whether or not I exist and whether or not I can get time off from work and figure out childcare and physically get to my polling place and make it past a poll watcher who's wearing full tactical gear in a middle school gym for

some reason, either way, this isn't over on Tuesday. But if you do show up, if we win, we can slow the damage and maybe even repair some of it. We can buy more time, right? That's what you said in 2020. And it's what you'll say in 2024. And it'll be true. But look, Peter, it took a long time to get to this point where the connection between politics and policy is so fractured, you know, where the information environment is so poisoned, where voters are so cynical, where election deniers are plausible candidates because so many of the guardrails have fallen away. And whether I exist or not doesn't change that, old man. Oh, come on. Old man. The point is that we have a lot of work to do. So quit hoping and do some texting and do some

phone banking, okay? Okay. I will, mythical Dobbs voter that may or may not exist. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have tickets to a community building Y2K rave for sex-negative non-monogamists. Wait, I didn't understand that at all. You are real. Or did you fall asleep watching a confusing Instagram reel that was actually a repurposed TikTok?

Everybody, give it up for a Dobbs voter who may or may not exist. Here in deal, everybody. We come back. Josh Gondelman is here. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It and there's more on the way. And we're back.

If you're like me, and half the nation is, I guess, you could use a pep talk right about now. Here to deliver some heartfelt encouragement, it's the sweetest man in show business, Josh Gondelman. Hey, thank you. I'll come around. Hello, everyone. Hi, Josh.

Hi, John. Why don't you come here? Bring it in. Oh, side hug. I like side hugs. Hello, everyone. Hi, Josh. Hi, John. Come here. Bring it in. Oh, side hug. I like side hugs. It's very Christian of us. It's a real Mike Pence type. It's in Josh's writer that for every hug, four feet must be on the ground.

Yeah. Four feet. Right, right, right. Like a women's college in the 1930s. That's how I greet my friends. Now, Josh, before we go to these pep talks, we solicited issues from the crowd. You do pep, people like to hear pep talks from you, right?

Yeah. You really encourage people. Thank you. I try, I do them on Twitter sometimes, and I'll do them late at night when there are fewer people. Because I don't have unlimited time. Although I am unemployed, so I could, if you need a pep talk, just, this is for the world.

Just, yeah, you tell me and I'll probably do it. You give too much. Alright, now, we have sourced a wide range of extreme bummers from the Crooked staff and listeners on social media. Are you ready to give these people pep talks based on their problems? I sure am. Alright, here we go. First up,

we have someone submitted, I believe on Instagram, just first lesbian breakup. I know, that's painful. I've never had a lesbian breakup. Although, I do have an ex that I talk to twice a week, so I get it. I can say that I'm funny. No, that's...

The message just said first lesbian breakup, which is really... That's so intense, because that's how a breakup feels, but really it's just their first lesbian breakup, right? There have been lesbian breakups before, since I'm assuming Sappho. Yeah'm assuming Sappho.

Yeah, since Sappho. The original Indigo girl. Lesbians have been breaking up for millennia, and unlike what prestige art house dramas tell us, you will survive, and you will love again. Nice.

Thank you. Next up, another three-word pep talk request. Massive imposter syndrome. Okay, that's a tough one too. Less sympathy than for first lesbian breakup, which I think is correct. Okay, when you have imposter syndrome, sometimes you're just like growing into a new thing, right? And you'll get to feel comfortable. And I think that's natural and it's good to feel that growth.

But if you are a huge imposter, congratulations. Imposters are amazing. They're the backbone of our economy. They found multi-billion dollar companies. They find their way into Mar-a-Lago. They own Mar-a-Lago. They're some of the most successful people in America and some of the coolest. That's something I learned from my good friend, Anna Delvey,

to whom I recently loaned most of my life savings. Nice. All right, next up. I was already stressed out in my mind, but seeing the heinous response to the GOP around the brutal attack of 82-year-old Paul Pelosi, I'm losing hope for this country. Still fighting and doing postcards and text,

but not a good time to be an empath. Yeah, we really, this one really kicked it up a notch. We went from like first breakup to just like, Hey, I don't feel confident in my new job to like, Hey,

remember when an 82 year old man got hit in the face with a hammer? Yep. You guys responded correctly. Horror. Okay, this is more sincere because I do have sincere thoughts about this. And it's a hard one because it does feel like a lot of people's lives are kind of hanging in the balance and democracy and people's reproductive freedoms. And I think we have to want to help people as much as the people who are hitting an 82-year-old man with a hammer and the people that are cheering that on want to hurt people, we don't get to win just because we're right and we're trying to do good.

And I don't just mean the guy with the hammer. I mean everyone who wants to legislate or adjudicate from a place of cruelty. And I don't have a fun slogan for that. Tuesday, it's hammer time at the ballot box. No, it's bad. No, you're right to recoil. that's what i said that's the point it was bad he said it was bad you're proving his point you didn't say it was good i didn't say it was good he said it was bad i said it was bad that's bad yeah we know it's bad that was the whole point of it but i do think the idea of good winning out because it's good is false. And we need good and justice and compassion to be as effortful as evil and cruelty is.

And I think we can do it. Yeah. I think that's a really important point. And one other small point I make is I would say that you get to call yourself an empath once a year. Once every three years if you say it at someone else's birthday. It's a tough time for an empath, unlike the rest of us sociopaths, I guess. Oh, you're the one who experiences feelings and relates to other people? I don't get the new thing of people calling themselves empaths, and I think we got to nip it in the fucking bud.

Tough time for an empath, unlike the rest of us who are fucking thriving. Yeah, we're chilling. Tough out there for an empath is the hit song from an all-vegan reboot of Hustle & Flow. Shout out to Oscar winners 3-6 Mafia, right? Next up, My zebrafish I needed to lay like one thousand embryos Today only laid like two hundred And now it feels like I'm getting behind

On my PhD research Because I couldn't do big science This one's almost too relatable Like who hasn't had an underperforming fish right we've all been there uh i'm just this is pep talk is easy and it's straight from the heart fuck that fish or fuck those fish i don't know how many fish it takes to produce a thousand embryos more than you have no offense you didn't fail at science the fish did 200 embryos that's pathetic you stupid piece of shit what a loser get your

weak stripy air not breathing head in the game and step your cloaca up that's what i have to say to that thing there is science to be done and you're dropping the ball by refusing to drop those little cellular balls. Not your fault. Fuck those fish. Nice.

Thank you, Josh, for those wonderful pep talks. Thank you, Josh. And check out his special, which is hilarious, People Pleaser, and go to his website to see if he's coming

to a town near you. Thanks again to Josh. Honestly, that didn't make me feel better. There was jokes. There was heart. Maybe things won't be so bad. Maybe things won't be so bad because I think we've got one more email from... Norris.

Way in the back listen I hate to ask but I am on my hands and knees begging like a fucking dog for you to give one single fuck about the midterms look I know I come on a little strong but my tone is the id of a 23 year old finance staffer

on a desperate campaign that turns on the TV and sees wall to wall ads from a dark money group called America for Our Children's Pride that bought every local news break to tell people my candidate wants to abolish the police and use that money to fill school libraries with porn. Okay, Norris. Oh, oh, my emails are annoying. Boo-fucking-hoo, Norris. oh my emails are annoying boo fucking who Norris you lonely fraud I see your data you live alone now

don't you Norris Emma donated to Liz Warren from your shared address in 2020 but last month she donated to Beto O'Rourke from a new apartment well you know who else donated to Beto O'Rourke from a new apartment. Well, you know who else donated to Beto O'Rourke that same night from that same apartment? Steve from her work, who you met at the holiday party.

You're not mad at me, Norris. You're mad at her. You're mad at the world, my friend. She is not coming back. But maybe you'll meet someone new, but only if you're the kind of person who steps up in the homestretch to save

Catherine Cortez Masto in Nevada by donating $5 right now, Norris! Thank you, Norris. Thank you all. Rain out. Rain Wilson, everybody. Hi, Rain. Hi, Rain. Hi, John. It's good to see you.

Nice to see you. Thank you for doing our stupid bit. Yeah, that was fun. I lost my voice, and it was worth it. He really made a difference. Yeah. I committed. He committed.

I committed to it. He committed to the goddamn bit. You're in Weird, the Al Yankovic story. I am, yeah. That's basically why I'm here. I mean, I love your show. I'm a big fan. I've been on before.

You have. We've had a lot of fun together. We have had a lot of fun. But yeah, I am promoting this little movie called Weird, the Al Yankovic story, where I play Dr. Demento, and it's on the Roku channel. That's cool.

This seems like an audience of Weird Al lovers. Can you find an audience of people that isn't an audience of Weird Al lovers? It's the craziest thing. I mean, seven-year-olds love Weird Al? Seventy-year-olds love Weird Al. It is oddly universal. It really is.

And it's across party lines, too, by the way. It's across party lines. You heard it here. This is the thing. It's going to be Weird Al. Oddly universal. It really is. And it's across party lines, too, by the way. It's across party lines. You heard it here. This is the thing. It's going to be Weird Al that builds the bridge that we need. So everybody check it out. Weird, the Al Yankovic story. It's awesome.

And when we come back, it's time for the rant wheel. And we're back. Before we get to the rant wheel, two quick notes. The Crooked store just launched a bunch of new merch inspired by your favorite Crooked Media ponds, reminding you to unplug and get festive. New items include a log-off ornament, a Nog Save America mug, and more.

It's actually really cool. Everybody should check out the store. We did a really good job. We're going to move some merch this year, all right? We're building a business. Check out the fucking merch. They're good gifts. Oh, also, every order from the Crooked store will support

Vote Save America's Every Last Vote Fund. Anyway, it's good. Buy stuff from our store. Can't just be ads. Trying to build a progressive media company here. We're getting hammered out there. All right. How much do you personally get from like a $25 t-shirt? Like me personally?

Yeah, what goes in my pocket? Yeah, what goes to you? Honestly, I don't know. It's not nothing. Like, you know, is it like $1.50 or is it like $8.50? I don't think it's $8.

I don't think it's $8. It doesn't really come... It's more like it helps us do other things. Give John your money. Don't do this whole like helps us do other things. It does.

Support him. He's so lovable. And everybody go to votesaveamerica.com to use our ballot-ready tool, which has everything you need to learn about what's on your ballot to make your plan to be a voter this weekend or by Tuesday. If you're not sure about whether you're registered and it's been a minute since you last voted, it's a great moment to double-check.

All the dates, times, locations, and methods for casting your ballot are right there on the website and you can even sign up to get reminders that's it at votesaveamerica.com slash be a voter and now for a segment we call the rant wheel you know how it works we spin the wheel wherever it lands we rant about the topic this week on the wheel we have the brooklyn nets oh social media when it rains in la, discounts. I can't even explain what this one's going to be, but it's basically just, you're going to need a really good blank.

It'll, we'll land on, it'll be fine. Harry Potter fans, anti Elon Musk, Twitter, talking about group chats in public and Herschel Walker. Let's,

let's spin the wheel. Okay, it has landed on you're going to need a really good blank. And this is something I suggested, and this is going to be pretty niche, and maybe not something you've noticed, but it is something that has been annoying me lately. There are a lot of people doing, on Instagram and TikTok and social media, these kind of

two minute recipes where they quickly with jump cuts, walk you through making something that looks quite delicious, but they all now have this tick. And the tick is they say, what you're going to want to do is start with a really good blank. Like now you're going to start with a really good olive oil. You're going to start with a really good dark chocolate. You just start with a really good rutabaga.

It's rarely rutabaga. And it drives me crazy for two reasons. One, yeah. Better to start with a really good something than a shit something. No one starts a recipe by saying, like, what you're going to want to do

is go to Ralph's and find some wilted arugula that looks like nobody threw it out three days ago. Start with that. That's what you want for a recipe like this. Obviously, working with better ingredients makes for better food, better ingredients, better pizza, Papa John's.

This is something we all know. That's obvious. So like, what you're going to want to do is start with a really good chocolate. What if I didn't? Would it work? Of course it would. Of course it would.

It's not that big a fucking deal. It'll still taste real. Oh, will this chocolate pie be inedible? No, it'll be fucking tasty. If you start with a cheap store-bought the box that just says baker's chocolate you'll be fine it'll be delicious so that's stupid point number one point number two it is this kind of what bothers me also about it is it's kind of this like it has a combination of like a kind of

almost like puritanical from the earth raise your own chickens don't participate in the economy thing combined with a like godless hedonism everything's about the sensual experience thing combined with a fucking exposed wood Edison

bulb fake authenticity thing you know what I'm saying like oh you're just on a fucking exposed wood Edison bulb fake authenticity thing. You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, you're just on a fucking farm grabbing duck eggs from beneath a fucking duck? Okay, you're filming it. This seems to be a business you're running. And some specific British guy I'm referring to. Authenticity is a trap. It's a branding term for things that seem honest and guess what

the exposed wood and the edison bulbs the companies have figured it out too you can't go anywhere in this goddamn country without walking into a farm to fork edison bulb exposed wood manufactured authentic experience and that's exactly what these cooks are recreating on their TikToks. And I'm not making any of these things. Not a damn thing. Thank you. John, can I ask a counter? So what if the recipe

is something like, let's say fried rice where the whole point is old ingredients and using everything in your fridge. How does that figure in? I think that's great. I like it when they say what you're going to want to do is take an old bread from the fridge and that's what you're going to use to make the French toast. And I do see the recipes where

someone is watching someone else make fried rice and the person who knows about the fried rice says, that's good, they're using old fried rice. Because that's how I learned you use old rice to make the fried rice. I'm sorry. Did you just shout there's protein in rice? There's no protein in rice.

What's wrong with you? That is not on the axis of this discussion at all. That's in another plane. That's orthogonal to our conversation. Therefore, it was inappropriate to shout it. Let's spin it again. It has landed on the Brooklyn Nets.

Hey, look, I don't like it either. You guys agree. There's a lot of things that I don't like and you don't like, but you sound like you're disapproving of me when you say that, which I don't enjoy. The Brooklyn Nets are a basketball team. Wait, you wrote this out on your phone? I didn't know you could do that.

I did write this out on my phone. I didn't know you could do that. You didn't think I could write? I meant the collective you, the collective you. For the rant wheel. Plural, vosotros. Exactly. I love that you're

deconstructing his rant before he can even get it out. This is going so much better than it was when it was just me. I mean, yeah, there's no rules.

His rant is about his rant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to say if you put dog kegs in the fried rice, there'd be protein. I agree with that.

That's right. That's a really good point. That's right. And not enough people are talking about it. And not enough people are talking about it. The mainstream media doesn't want you to know. But also, a reference to protein in fried rice in Los Angeles sounds necessary. You know, somebody had to point out something about the notion of gluten.

Yeah. I hate when it says you have to start with a very good family. I'm like, oh. I don't think I can make this. This is dinner for one. I'm going to have to sit this one out. What you're going to want to do

is make sure you have multiple people to feed. This won't keep and it's too much for one person. It expires. Make sure there's love in your life. And Josh, you were saying something about the Brooklyn Nets. I was, and I'll explain. I'm going to start

at the very beginning. Sound of music style. Because the Brooklyn Nets are a basketball team, which I say because I don't know if this is a sports crowd. The audience of this show seems like people who are in fantasy Congress leagues. And that's...

Which, that's my people. As a Boston Celtics fan, I wish that the Nets... Yeah, okay, cool. I'm expected in Los Angeles, but I wish that the Nets would have a bad season, but I think I wish too hard because it does feel like at this point, it's like if someone blew

out candles alone on September 11th 2000 and wished no one would ever forget their birthday again so no that one they're right that one they're right I deserve that the Nets parted ways with their coach Steve Nash this week and I feel bad for him

not that he's unemployed let's hang out Steve but because he now presumably has to break a New York Steve Nash this week, and I feel bad for him. Not that he's unemployed. Let's hang out, Steve. But because he now presumably has to break a New York lease in the middle, which is like trying to snap a crowbar over a baby's knee. You have to start with a really good crowbar. You gotta start with a really good crowbar.

But just an okay baby. The rumor is that the Nets are gonna hire former Boston Celtics head coach Ime Odelka, who's currently suspended for the entire year by the Nets are going to hire former Boston Celtics head coach Ime Odelka who's currently suspended for the entire year by the team which is a very air bud twist of logic like there's no rule against another team

hiring a guy that's suspended for the entire season for inappropriate workplace conduct but the biggest and worst story of the week is now suspended Nets point guard Kyrie Irving who posted a link to a wildly anti-Semitic film and not even an Oscar-nominated one that Mel Gibson directed.

What do you mean? Oh, no, fuck you. I'm right about that. That was good. There's nothing to disapprove about there. This is, no. Josh, sometimes they just, ooh, being reminded of stuff. Well, I don't care for it.

That's what I say when I'm reminded of being reminded of stuff. I thought the worst thing that Kyrie would ever do to hurt me personally was when he left Boston to go to Brooklyn, which is the worst thing I personally have ever done to my mother. Kyrie and the Nets put out a joint statement where he does not apologize, which I guess is fair because he isn't sorry. And the player and the team each contributed $500,000 to Jewish organizations. And as a Jew, it's really hurtful and scary to experience the growing climate of anti-Semitism in America.

But also, as a Jew, I have to ask, do I get a cut of that money? If I'm part of a vast global conspiracy, I want my cut. So with all that said, I have two pairs of Kyrie Irving signature sneakers at my apartment in Brooklyn that I will not wear anymore. They are free to any barefoot Jew in need, or

$500,000 apiece to an avowed anti-Semite. That's the going price now. Go Celtics. Thank you. Thank you, Josh. That was like an Atlantic article. That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said about my comedy.

I learned so much about basketball. I know. It's like, you know, we're having this anti-semitism problem. Let's bring in the sexual harasser in the coach of the team. Pretty much for all you Ime Udoka fans. Love's Jews, potentially, too much. Everyone's kind of politely laughing

like I am because they were like, we're so confused. We have no idea what's happening. If we ran for office, we'd know, Larry. Thank you. Let's spin it again. Uh-oh. Oh. Oh.

It has landed on discounts. John. Mm-hmm. Earlier today, I played someone who was Gen Z, which was flattering. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

And an anti-Dobbs voter, which I believe that 100% of the people here probably are. It's not been the best time for women, John. It hasn't been the best. And I'm not a politician or an employer, but I would say that between that and between the equal pay issue, I would say that women should just get a 23% just discount on just everything, everywhere, ever. That's right. I call

that a pussy tax. Thank you so much. And if the name is offensive, I know, Rain, you have a lot of strong opinions. We could go with something closer to a pussy rebate. Fair, yeah. Pussy savings. Right. There's twat tax. Do you want 23% off?

Vagina tax. Vagina value. Vulva value. Fingerhut discount. That's right. That's right. Don't look, Larry. This is for rain. It's getting better and better. This is for rain or my mother's personal favorite is just

coochie coupon because you know she loves alliteration you know when I saw that this was the topic I was worried it was going to be

anti-discount and I thought there's been too much anti-semitism this week already so I was happy with the way it was thank you so much.

Josh, I might remind you, and you know this. I drive a, say it with me, Chevy Sonic. A Chevy Sonic. That's right. So I'm pro-discount, Josh. So the reason Kieran thought I would remember is because she did give me and several gays a ride in the vehicle, but we were blackout.

So I actually didn't know what kind of car it was. I vaguely remember it did have doors. And then you DM'd me on Twitter the next day and said, my God, you're a true ally. That's true. Chic. Chic.

That was cool. Chic. I get a lot of those DMs too, just in case you're wondering. Unverified. I'm just all the time telling you that. Alright, so we Chic. I get a lot of those DMs too, just in case you're wondering. Unverified. People just all the time tell me that. All right, so we're going to get the discount. I was going to say, the crazy thing is there is a pussy tax. If you go to any store, if you find clippers that are in the women's section.

Yeah, like tampons. Yes, they're like $2 more for the same exact pair of clippers. Absolutely. I think it's a good idea for a discount. And I think we should do it. And I want women to win. That's all. We would like women to win. I'd like women.

We need a break. Just let us win for a second. Let us win. All right, let's spin it again. The anti-Elon Musk Twitter contingent. I believe that's Rain's pitch. It is. Can you all, and I am speaking to you, the audience in this theater,

give me a fucking break about the anti-Elon Musk of it all. Oh no, boo hoo. Do you mean a narcissistic billionaire is taking over a social media site? Oh no, we should just flee to Instagram and Facebook, which is run by none other than Mark Zuckerberg.

Or maybe we just run over to the narcissistic billionaire, whoever the fuck his name is, that runs Snapchat. Or, oh, know what? Here's a safe place. We'll go over to TikTok, where Xi Jinping is the ultimate narcissistic trillionaire running that social media website.

That's racist, Rainn. Are you serious that Twitter is such a sacred, precious place that this narcissistic billionaire is going to fuck it up somehow? You've got to be absolutely kidding me. Twitter is like the equivalent of, when I was growing up, of the Weekly World News on the newsstand in the grocery store. That's what it is in terms of social media. And if a narcissistic billionaire bought the Weekly World News

or the National Enquirer, would we even care? And, oh, no, are celebrities going to have to pay $8 a month to have their blue check so that millions of people can listen to what they have to say? And we all know that really what's happening is that people are really genuinely excited to have Donald Trump back on Twitter so we can all engage with Twitter much more.

And it's going to be a great business model for Twitter at the end of the day. I would like him to either commit to building a Twitter that works, whatever that means, or be an online troll. I do not think it's going to work for him to tweet his way through it. It's like, dude, whatever that means, or be an online troll, I do not think it's going to work for him to tweet his way through it. It's like, dude,

you're like, oh, we're going to make Twitter a great place to be a global plaza for debate and while I'm at it, I'm going to troll AOC. Like, dude, that's like the fucking bargain basement dumb shit. Never has someone so smart worked so hard to convince so many people he's so fucking stupid.

Drives me crazy. So he's the perfect guy to run Twitter? He is. That is Twitter. That is Twitter. A bunch of smart people convincing each other they're fucking dumb. Hey, that's still invalid. Some of us are organically pretty dumb.

So sorry, guys. What is Twitter? Guys, when I was posting hate on Truth Social and Parler this morning, I was thinking the same thing. I was making these arguments. Nobody seemed to agree with me. Hey, if the billionaires take over Truth Social, I say we

leave the platform, Larry. You and me, we're out of there. Alright, let's spin it. That's it, Truth Social. I'm gone. Let's spin it one more time. What is it? It has landed on Herschel Walker. I agree with you. Don't vote for Herschel Walker.

Don't vote for Herschel Walker. Don't fucking vote for Herschel Walker. Please don't fucking vote for Herschel Walker. Don't you fucking vote for Herschel Walker. I'm not lying, man. I'm for Hershel Walker. I'm not lying, man. I'm not making this up. I'm not lying. Here's, let me start with Obama.

Here's what gets me about Hershel Walker, and I'll start with Obama. I did this joke in my act. I voted for Obama because he was black. You know, as long as he kept being black, I had no problem with anything he did, right? You know, it was a joke, but behind that, there was something that was very

sincere for me when I was born into the world, you know, same time as Obama, when, you know, black man couldn't be the quarterback of a football team. I said this at the White House Correspondents Center, and now he was the leader of the free world. But the world we grew up in, you had to be twice as good, you know, to get recognized for half as much. Obama, he was the president of the Harvard Law Review, you know, constitutional law professor, you know, is very well spoken, all these things, you know, senator, state legislature, and all I heard from the fucking right was he was incompetent,

he's not qualified, he doesn't love America, and all these fucking things I had to hear for all these years for one of the smartest people ever to be in the White House, by the way. One of the most thoughtful people, they even criticize him for being an unbelievable speaker. You know, those are the criticisms. You know, it wasn't just a criticism of his policy. OK, it was a criticism of his person. He wasn't good enough. He didn't meet that bar. wasn't good enough. He didn't meet that bar. And this motherfucker, Hersha Walker, is their

standard of what somebody should be in office? Go fuck yourselves, Republicans, on this. Honestly. The only thing that comes out of his mouth is CTE, as far as I'm concerned. Conservative talk.

Excrement, I will concerned. Conservative talk excrement, I would say. Conservative talk excrement is what you were going towards. Conservative talk excrement. But fuck that motherfucker. It might be CTE, you know, whatever it is. But here's the thing. Here's why I don't respect Trisha Walker, because he is by every standard you could even imagine not equipped

for doing anything in the Senate House, not even cleaning up as far as I'm concerned. Here's a man that is so hypocritical. He believes that the decision to have an abortion should be between a Friday and a Monday when he has time to run a check over. That's basically how he feels about it. Does the Republican base matter? how he feels about it. Does the Republican base matter? Do they care about this? No. This is so bald to me, you know, where our electorate has come. This is what I'm really upset about, John, when we're talking about these things and what has happened to how people vote and who is going to represent us. Remember, we're in a representative republic, you guys, right? It's not a true democracy. It's a representative republic, right? We

choose people to represent us. That's beautiful. I haven't thought about it that's not a true democracy. It's a representative republic, right? We choose people to represent us. That's beautiful. I haven't thought about it that way in a long time. Honestly, Herschel Walker was a great football player, right? I will not take that away from him. He has been reduced to a water boy. Okay? His job

now is to carry the water for the Republican Party and their talking points. That is what most of these candidates do. That is what Trumpies do. This is not a diatribe against conservatives or Republicans. There are many that I respect and like. Many people have their values and they strict those values. I have nothing against that. But I don't like this cynical type of politicking at all. This man does not deserve to be in the halls of the Senate of any kind of government building. He's a threat not only to the women who have ever been in his life, but his candidacy is that threat to democracy that you were talking about, John. I feel if this is how we're going to vote, honestly, this is what I said.

This is what Joe Biden started saying. You guys can go fuck yourselves, honestly. I hope Warnock wins. Please go out and vote, everybody. Please go out and vote. You're going to hear this. You're hearing this on Saturday. You have a few days.

Vote early. Even if you don't like anybody else in the ticket, vote for Warnock. This is one of the most important elections that we have right now. Thank you for giving me that time, John. It's not as funny as it normally is, but thank you, John, for letting me say this. Thank you for saying that. normally is, but thank you, John, for letting me say that. Thank you for saying that. The bounds of what's acceptable

in politics is a conversation that takes place between voters and between leaders in politics and media. It's a conversation that goes back and forth. Voters tell their leaders what they're looking for. The leaders try to emulate that, but also try to model better behavior to some

extent, maybe no extent. But that's a conversation that goes back and forth. And, you know, there was that moment in Arizona where Carrie Lake made a joke about Paul Pelosi being attacked by hammer. The man is in the ICU and she makes a joke about it. And obviously it's despicable that she would make that joke that would occur to her.

She's someone who's clearly very focused on getting elected, sees it as not costly to make that joke someone who's clearly very focused on getting elected sees it as not costly to make that joke that's bad enough but then she gets this positive response from the crowd and it wasn't just a laugh it was a performative laugh it was a crowd that wasn't just laughing but was laughing for each you can hear it in the way they laughed it was a specific thing you can hear them guffawing to demonstrate their fealty, to prove that they were willing to laugh and to show her, look, we're laughing. You were right to do that. I'm enjoying this. Thank you for creating the space for me to fight a little

bit of compassion that I might've otherwise felt. And what we have seen over and over again, I think what Trump represented was a realization that he was showing a bunch of other Republicans that, hey, the past 30 years of pummeling our voters with talk radio and Fox News and heinous misinformation that metastasized on Facebook, actually our base was far more callous than we realized. realized. And the question that all of those Republicans faced in 2016 and after was, are we going to model good behavior to kind of try to bring them back? Or are we going to ride this tiger and see where it takes us? And they all made their choice. A few very precious few, actually a lot of consultants, oddly enough, said, no, I can't go there. But the rest of them said, I will follow this base wherever it leads. And instead of what you want to see in a representative democracy, which is a virtuous circle, which is people electing people that represent, but also shape their values and views to try to do something good. Leadership. Another word for it, we've seen

a vicious circle of Trump stoking the base and training the base to feel no compassion, and then politicians emulating that. And what I take away from that, what I take away from the fact that these people are embracing someone like Herschel Walker is, ironically, what matters less is making the specific argument that actually defines how bad these Republicans are, as Joe Biden did in that speech about democracy. It's being really mercenary and saying, we will not shame them, we will not convince them, we will not persuade them, we will not change them. The only way Republican leaders will now change, given they don't experience shame,

they have no compunction with hypocrisy, is they have to find that there is no political expedience in behaving that way, which means we have to defeat them. The way we will change Republican elected officials, we can't change the base, they're not listening to us. We can't change them because they think it's working.

We have to beat them, which means we have to find whatever is the most effective way to beat them, even if sometimes not necessarily the most satisfying kind of politics. And John, that was beautifully said. The other thing is that the other problem that we're in, one of the reasons, didn't mean to slam Biden in that speech earlier, but one of the reasons that is kind of this firewall that we're up against is it's not just a disagreement. They don't just disagree. Now they hold you in contempt.

And it's a different position. So you can't convince them of something with a good idea if they hold you in contempt. That's when you can laugh at somebody being in the hospital, in the ER, in critical condition because they hold your values in contempt because it's a culture war. And all of the fighting in that culture war, they feel like they're the ones that have been attacked in it. And so they hold those values that are being fought for all the time are held in contempt. And so that's why you can have a cynical person

like Herschel Walker work because, you know. And a relationship can survive anger, it can survive vitriol, but it doesn't survive contempt. That's exactly right. It's a really big, that's a really good point. Okay, that's allriol, but it doesn't survive contempt. That's exactly right. It's a really big, that's a really good point. Okay, that's all I got. And that's the rant wheel. When we come back, we'll end on a high note.

And we're back. Here it is, because we all need it this week, the last weekend before the election, the high note. Hey, love it. This is Jared from your favorite new swing state of Georgia. And I was calling to let you know that your segment with Danny DeVito might have bullied me into helping the environment. I went to Starbucks and after listening to his rant about getting straws when you have a cup with the opening, I decided not to get a straw because that voice just kept running through my head. So I got bullied by your show in the nicest way possible to make the world a better place. Thanks so much. Bye.

Hey, Lovett. This is David in Sacramento. And my high note this week is that I got to vote for my mother, Terry Leimbach, in the Sacramento County Rancho Cordova Park District election, where she is running contested against a Republican PAC to keep the Rancho Cordova Park District, like, awesome. And it was great. My mom fucking rules. And I love your show and everything you do.

Thank you so much. Bye. I love it. This is Kayla from Wisconsin. Fuck Ron Johnson. Vote Mandela Barnes. But my high note was just finishing listening up to Planned Parenthood quizzing you on the reproductive processes. I don't think I have laughed that hard in a very long time.

So thank you for that on this Monday morning. Yeah, go Wisconsin. Vote Mandela Barnes. Hey, love it. This is Emily from Cupertino, California. I just wanted to thank you, all of you, so much for being so inspiring and motivating on the last few Pods of Americas. I actually, in the middle of the last podcast, just got up and donated $500 to Every Last Vote

and $1,000 to Spread the Vote, which is an organization that works to make sure that people have what they need to vote. They give free Lyft rides or help them get their IDs or even get health care, child care. So thank you so much. I can't think of a better way to spend money than doing this right now. Bye. Hi there. This is Todd from Chicago. I'm calling with a high note about a

wedding. My partner and I just got back from England where we were at a wedding in rural England. And obviously a wedding is a wonderful time and lots of high notes from the wedding. But I want Lovett especially to hear about this thing they served at the wedding. It's called a chip butty. It's a white bread bun with french fries on it, and you can put mayonnaise on it, and that's it. That's the sandwich. And I think Lovett would love it, and I hope that he gets a chance to try it sometime. And I hope all of your listeners do too. Thanks for all the work you do. Thanks to everybody who sent in a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message

about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Kieran Deal, Rainn Wilson, Josh Gondelman, and Larry Wilmore. Three days until the midterm Thank you so much. a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett. Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer. And Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Pallavi Gunalan, and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our editor. And Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Narmal Konian, Zuri Ervin, and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. And you can find

these glorious videos at youtube.com slash crooked media.