Lovett or Leave It - Doctors Hate This One Weird Kennedy

Episode Date: July 22, 2023

Lovett It Or Leave It is back with a steamy new episode, and we’re summer lovin’ it. Nimesh Patel has a ball as Lovett puts his jokes to the test-es. Dan Ahdoot helps us put the WTF? in RFK Jr. The band MUNA gets gayotic at the behest of Crooked’s gays and theys, and we keep both hands on the Rant Wheel at all times. Brought to you by No Labels. No Labels: it’s not right, it’s not left, it’s straight off a cliff, Wile E. Coyote-style.

Hello, Los Angeles! Welcome to Love It or Leave It. I found out I was in SAG this week. Truly news to me. So I am not allowed to discuss any major motion pictures that are coming out, not the one for boys and not the one for girls. And I don't even want to participate in the discourse,

so I will be spending my time indulging in less exploitative art forms like books, video games, pornography, and podcasts like the one you're about to enjoy. We have a great show for you tonight. Nimesh Patel is here to see if any of our testicular cancer jokes are good enough to make his special.

Dan Aduid is here to wade through the murky waters of RFK Jr.'s fucked-up brain. And Moona is here. And Gen Z crooked staffers discovered they'd love to attend Love It or Leave It for the first time in their short gay lives. But first, let's get into it. What a week.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s own sister publicly denounced him this week after the Democratic primary's main freakazoid claimed that COVID-19 was targeted to spare Jews and Chinese people, calling his statement deplorable and untruthful. I haven't done a ton of research on this, but RFK Jr.'s got to be the worst thing to ever happen to the Kennedy family. RFK Jr. said COVID-19 is targeted to attack Caucasians and black people. The people who are most immune are Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese. He added, we don't know whether it was deliberately targeted or not. Ah, yes, the famously sturdy Ashkenazi Jews, sure.

A glass of whole milk will take us down in seconds and we have allergies 363 days a year, but the novel coronavirus bounces off our bifocals and gets caught in the sweater we had to put on when it dipped below 75 degrees. RFK Jr., however, refused to backtrack on his comments, tweeting that the insinuation by the New York Post and others that a result of my quoting a peer-reviewed paper,

I am somehow anti-Semitic, is a disgusting fabrication. Of course, then everyone pointed out that the paper he's claiming to cite doesn't say anything like what he said it claimed. RFK Jr. responded, oh, I'm sorry, I linked to the wrong paper. This is the correct one. Then he just pointed at a Denny's menu. It is truly amazing that a fart-based polemic

was the second worst argument made at that dinner. But that was only the beginning of RFK Jr.'s week. The lawyer and husband of Cheryl Hines also appeared at the GOP's government weaponization hearing. Jim Jordan even defended Kennedy's idiotic tweet that Hank Aaron died after getting the COVID vaccine. Hank Aaron was 86 and had hypertension. The vaccine isn't supposed to make you immortal. But, said Jordan,

But when you look at Mr. Kennedy's tweet, there was nothing in there that was factually inaccurate. Hank Aaron, real person, great American, passed away after he got the vaccine. Just pointing out facts. Sure, okay. Let's just point out some facts. John F. Kennedy, real person, great American, passed away after spending an hour in Dallas. When he finally took the stand, RFK Jr. claimed this. In my entire life, I have never uttered a phrase that was either racist or anti-Semitic. This is an obvious lie. The man is from Massachusetts. Are we expected to believe he never once in his whole life engaged in casual small talk?

believe he never once in his whole life engaged in casual small talk? In wonderful news, the word on Capitol Hill is that the simmering feud between Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert has reached a rolling boil. Said Tennessee Republican Tim Burchett, a fistfight could break out at any moment. And then another lawmaker said to the Daily Beast anonymously, they will be nailing that coffin shut. And one of them is still in there kicking and screaming. First of all, what a vivid image. It's not even a good analogy, like who's nailing it shut? What? What a weird way to say two people don't like each other. After a series of disagreements, the break point came when Marjorie Taylor Greene called Boebert a little bitch, which led to MTG's ejection from the House Freedom Caucus.

This just in, in an op-ed by Gloria Steinem and Chimamanda Adichie, feminism has officially been placed on hold, and we are all allowed to do the hissing catfight sound until they, and I'm quoting, tear each other's hair out. Which is like, cool, I didn't know it was so top-down. which is like, cool. I didn't know it was so top down. A new Biden campaign ad also featured Marjorie Taylor Greene this week, specifically audio of the congresswoman accidentally making Biden sound awesome. Joe Biden had the largest public investment in social infrastructure and environmental programs that is actually finishing what FDR started that LBJ expanded on. And Joe Biden is attempting to complete programs to address education, medical care, urban problems, rural poverty, transportation, Medicare, Medicaid, labor unions. And he still is working on it. Absolutely rules.

When reached for comment, Marjorie Taylor Greene denounced the ad, accusing Biden of platforming a known anti-Semite. In a lengthy True Social post on Tuesday, Donald Trump said he'd been notified by special counsel Jack Smith that he was a target in the January 6th criminal investigation and that Trump expects to face another federal indictment. What do you even get somebody for a third indictment? He probably has so many shivs by now. Utah Senator Mitt Romney celebrated National Hot Dog Day on Wednesday

with this perfectly normal walk and talk. Well, as you all know, today is National Hot Dog Day. And perhaps you also know that hot dog is my favorite meat. I love hot dogs. I love them in buns. I love them outside of buns. I love them with baked beans. I just like hot dogs. I love them in buns. I love them outside of buns. I love them with baked beans. I just like hot dogs. It's the best meat there is, without question. So to all of you who, like me, are celebrating National Hot Dog Day, congratulations to you.

And may there be many, many more hot dogs served in our wonderful land. And many hot dogs to you as well, Senator. This is what a Republican was 10 years ago. Takes off the suit jacket, puts on a hat, tries and fails to seem relatable, but in an endearing way, uncomfortable with gayship, but never brings it up unless someone asks,

horny only for business, and has held every single position on abortion. Also this week, Senator Chuck Schumer submitted bipartisan legislation to review and declassify government documents about reported UFOs now referred to as Unidentified Aerial Phenomena, or UAP. Schumer further called for the Commission on Extraterrestrials to immediately review and assess the Mitt Romney hot dog video. Michigan's Attorney General filed felony charges against 16 Republican false electors

who submitted false certificates in an attempt to overturn the Michigan election results. This is just like that old riddle. Two sets of electors stand before you. One set always tells lies. The other always tells the truth. How can you tell the difference? When the truthful electors call their grandkids, they pick up. After picketers accused Universal of pruning trees outside the studio

to make it less shady for striking writers and actors, the studio claimed in a statement that it was a routine practice that happens every summer. The statement continued, also just flagging, and we get it's weird timing, but late July is also when we home alone the sidewalks with motor oil and thumbtacks. Anyway, as a result of the tree trimming, the actors have been teaching the writers about hats and sunscreen and other tricks for being outside.

Ariana Grande has reportedly split with her husband, Dalton Gomez, and is now dating her Wicked co-star, Broadway's former SpongeBob the Musical star, Ethan Slater. Anyone out there thinking you blew up your marriage for SpongeBob, you clearly have never encountered the dangerous energy that is a straight man in musical theater. These men grew up surrounded by co-ed dressing rooms, for SpongeBob, you clearly have never encountered the dangerous energy that is a straight man in musical theater. These men grew up surrounded by co-ed dressing rooms,

contoured stage makeup, and sexually fraught massage trains. The numbers have literally always been on their side. Beware all of you with wives. Because the Broadway star of SpongeBob is straight. Okay. Told you that. RFK tell you that? Authorities have issued a warning to patrons of Black's Beach,

a famous nude beach in San Diego, after several great white sharks were spotted within 100 yards of the shore, as if these people fear death. To remain safe from shark bites, women have been instructed to stay at least 100 feet away from the shoreline, and men have been instructed to stay 100 feet

and on average five and a half inches away. The chain Taco John's has given up their fight to own the phrase Taco Tuesday, canceling their trademark after Taco Bell filed a hilarious petition in court. I actually have the filing, and I did want to read some of it. Do we have music to accompany this?

People like Taco Tuesdays. They just do. It's even fun to say Taco Tuesday. Because of the registration, registrant is the only restaurant that presumptively has the right to use Taco Tuesday. The registrant potentially subjects Taco Bell and anyone else who wants to share tacos with the world to the possibility of legal action or angry letters if they say Taco Tuesday, simply for pursuing happiness on a Tuesday. This violates the American ideal, the pursuit of happiness. Nobody should have exclusive rights to saying Taco Tuesday. Can you imagine if we weren't allowed to say what's up or brunch? Chaos. It's literally in the filing. This petition is brought because Taco Bell believes that tacos, just like the joy they bring, belong to everyone on any day.

Ergo, Taco Tuesday belongs to everyone. Taco Tuesday is critical to everyone's Tuesday. To deprive anyone of saying Taco Tuesday, be it Taco Bell or anyone who provides tacos to the world, is like depriving the world of sunshine itself. Taco Bell supports everyone's right to celebrate and say Taco Tuesday, no matter who they are. How can we tell our fans to live mas if their favorite taco joints aren't even allowed to freely say Taco Tuesday? Anything else is menos. Taco Bell seeks no damages. It simply seeks reason and common sense. If one of us is not free to celebrate Taco Tuesday, then none of us are. A win for Taco Bell here is a win for all. When tacos win, we all win.

They do beautiful work there. Taco John's has reportedly now filed another trademark for the morning after Taco Tuesday, ass Wednesday. A tornado in North Carolina demolished a Pfizer plant and shut down a major highway. Honey, did you hear? The entire state of North Carolina became autistic today, said RFK calmly to Cheryl Hines over dinner as she dug her nails into her thigh. And finally, Gigi Hadid was arrested in the Cayman Islands after border agents found weed in her luggage upon her arrival.

She has denied the allegations, but has since released a book titled If Hadid It. When we come back. Yeah, that's right. It's time for a word from our sponsors. As we hurtle towards 2024, our political antlers locked in a psychosexual battle for supremacy. Two parties forever at loggerheads, solutions trampled beneath our hooves, a third option emerges. This week, the centrist organization No Labels held a town hall in New Hampshire with West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin and former Utah Governor John Huntsman as the group unofficially launched its third-party presidential campaign,

which is why we're proud to say this episode of Love It or Leave It is brought to you by No Labels. As a podcast listener, you have dozens of podcasts to choose from. Maybe hundreds. We don't know. Everyone at No Labels is over 60 and only listens to Bruce Springsteen without ever actually clocking the lyrics. But as an American, you're expected to choose from just two political parties. What if you don't like either of the candidates that those parties nominate? What if one is a corrupt, psychopathic sex pest with several criminal indictments who would rather burn the Capitol and admit defeat,

and the other one is a grandpappy? The first one is old, too. Finally, there's a third option, because when you walk into an ice cream shop, you shouldn't have to choose between cat piss and vanilla. There should also be an ice cream that's vanilla with cat piss mixed in. And if you have to use up all the vanilla to get there,

so fucking be it. No labels. We'll, so fucking be it. No labels. We'll choose so you can't. When we come back, the lowest brow thing we've ever done. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. What do you get with two balls in your hand?

A man's undivided attention. Please give your undivided attention to our next guest, the hilarious Nimesh Patel. How you doing? Oh, I'm good. Okay. I'm ready to talk to this group of very anxious white people. You think they're anxious?

I'm getting the vibe just from the way these laughs are coming in. Okay. See? Like, that's an anxious-ass laugh. Like, you guys are equally unprepared for me as I am. So it's going to be good. Well, if you tell a group of people they're anxious, it doesn't help. I know what I'm doing wrong.

I'm here to have fun, man. This is exact. So I was telling them backstage that I accidentally did a anti-vaxxer podcast yesterday. And I didn't know until I was on the podcast and I was like, oh, I like Pfizer a lot. So I do no research, so I don't know what this is.

I'm very excited for this, because you don't seem like an anti-vaxxer at all. I'm so excited to talk to a normal person. What if it was two in a row? I'm prepared, then. I know exactly what to do to break your brain. Once in a while in the city of Los Angeles, you'll just be at like a party or something

and you'll just be talking to a group of people and then someone will walk away and then someone else in that circle will just turn to you and be like, they were an anti-vaxxer. That's them. They lurk among us. They're everywhere.

They look like regular people. It's fucking crazy. And they're like, you don't believe in vaccines? Aren't you grateful to be alive? You know, some of you are anti-vaxxers in the room. That's fine. That's okay. I like Pfizer.

I like Microsoft. Can't be related. Go ahead. Sorry. I mean, I read Taco Bell's legal brief to the room. Man. Listen, we don't want to judge anybody. If you are an anti-vaxxer, just give us a little applause.

They got to save their strength, man. They don't know how much time they got left. Every clap counts for an anti-vaxxer. So you recently released your special called Lucky Lefty, or I Lost My Right Nut and All I Got Was This Stupid Special. Correct, yes, sir. What's it about? What's it about?

It's about my brave, courageous battle that lasted three days with testicular cancer. That's really what it is. I lost my right nut. It's the right ball that had cancer, and I think about it all the time. No, that's the right ball that had cancer and uh i think about it all the time but no that's the right energy no don't i don't need your pity i got a fake ball life is good this fake ball is stronger than the real one was i'll bang this shit around on glass tables all the time what do you think i feel like mob deep what do you think happens if like in like a million years they find your bones and they're like he had some piece of jewelry that he wore around his waist we don't totally understand what this is that's my legacy i can't have a son so i'm gonna leave a silicone

ball for the for the aliens to find i don't know if i can have kids that That was a joke. You guys seem very tense about it. Relax, guys. No word works less to achieve the goal of the word than the command form of relax. It's like telling people they have anxiety. It's the same kind of effect. It does the opposite effect of what you want it to do.

How soon after finding out that you had testicular cancer, were you excited when you realized you didn't have to do any more jokes about like breakfast buffets? Listen, the instant my balls hurt, I was like, yes. Because I had nothing when I came off my first tour.

And then I had all these dates lined up. And I was like, what the fuck am I going to talk about? And then on the way to the hospital, I look at my wife. I'm like, we got it, baby. Here we go. Let's take some notes. I'm really scared.

Famously, you were kicked off stage at a comedy show at Columbia in 2018. Yes, sir. Then told Tucker Carlson to fuck off when he included a clip of your performance in his documentary about cancel culture. Yes, sir. Would you say cancer canceled one of your balls so if you don't understand the premise of what is happening is i'm supposed to judge your jokes about my balls is that right we'll get to that

oh that's this is not what that this is this is just conversational oh i mean that was listen yes i'm doing that very hard right now So let's take them one at a time. I saw the clip. I actually hadn't gone because I remember the kerfuffle, the fracas, if you will. Yes. The brouhaha. The brouhaha. The adieu.

Yes. The Donnybrook. Please, keep going. Basically, you're in the middle of a stand-up set. Yes. And then the organizers come up on stage, and they say to you, we're so sorry, but the person in charge of the microphones has to go. The tech has to leave.

But you didn't believe that. I mean, he was standing right there. He didn't seem like he was backing up. And it was just this deeply uncomfortable silence. Yes. And then you were not bad about it. In the New York Times. In the New York Times.

Am I supposed to be telling this story? You don't have to. Okay. You can add. I feel like you're doing a very concise job. The reason I ask about it is it seems like this moment that you felt Columbia was in the wrong, but at the same time, you didn't want it to be part of a cancel culture story. So you just talk a little bit how you felt about being in the middle between the students coming on stage and

saying, we've had enough of this and Tucker Carlson wanted to use it. Yes. I knew in the moment that I was going to be made a martyr and I was like, that's not how I'm going out. I got a lot of real failing to do. And this is not going to be the moment. So when a bunch of my own

people were like, hey man, you can't say the things you say. I was like, man, shut up. That's what I wanted to say in my heart. And then when Tucker Carlson was like, see, Asians are canceling Asians. I was like, man, shut the fuck up, Tuck. It was a fun position to be in to say fuck

you to an entire group of people at once and they also hated each other. I felt like I had unified them in some way or another. So you graciously agreed to the following bit. Yes, I did. You will give us feedback

about the jokes we wrote about your testicular cancer. I can't wait to hear it. Given all that you've been through, why did you agree to this? I say yes to the dress all the time, man. What's the worst

that's going to happen? You're going to end up on an anti-vaxxer podcast? I don't give a fuck. How did it come up, by the way? When did you discover that it was an anti-vax podcast podcast. I don't give a fuck. How did it come up, by the way? When did you discover that it was an anti-vax podcast?

Okay, so my manager sends me the email, like I said, this is the podcast. And two minutes before I go on, I maybe have something to say to the people.

And I look up their bios and like the fourth word where there's no reason to bring up the term vaccine, it's like interjected in the paragraph. I'm like, oh, shit. This is going to be some anti-vax shit. And then I start the conversation, and the third question,

like, can I ask if this is an anti-vaxxer thing? And they kind of deflect, and I was like, well, in that case, when you introduce me, you need to let them know that I got the Pfizer shot three times and that I love vaccines, and vaccines are the greatest thing that ever happened. They were like, well, you can't do that. So then I just managed to interject every like, you know, fourth or fifth line. Vaccines are great.

Let's keep going. Treat them like acupuncture. I know how they're going to edit it, so I'm just trying to inject vaccines into the middle of random vaccine sentences. All right, so now it is time to a segment we call Balls to the Wall.

I know that some of these jokes are just low-hanging fruit, but at least they're still attached to the tree. The first one, that's a beautifully written joke because the misdirect is, you think it's going to be a low-hanging fruit, but then it's like he hits you in the face with the attached to the tree shit.

I haven't heard that part yet. That tag is fucking great. You guys need to lower your standards on what you think is funny. That's the problem. That tag is fucking great. You guys need to lower your standards on what you think is funny. That's the problem. By the way, thank you for saying that. I try to tell them that week after week after week, and they don't listen. What do you want?

What do you want? This motherfucker writes this shit every week. You know how hard that is? It's hard. How much was this ticket? $20? $45? With the fees. What else are you doing on a Thursday night? Fuck all.

Yeah, Jesus fucking Christ. We've already dove in, but in a way, you're the ultimate judge. So for this segment, it's a lot like your scrotus. I'm too dumb to understand that. Like scotus. I get it. But as from a joke on his face, if I'm in the crowd, I'm like,

SCOTUS, bro? That's a leap you made? You have to see it, I think. I'm visualizing a SCOTUS and it's not good. Just seven angry white dudes. I want to congratulate you on beating Dan Marino's NFL record. It says here he only went a little over a year without a sack. I hate that I like that.

Because it doesn't make sense, but that's what I like about it. You know what I mean? Because my sack is still there. Yeah, no, I know. I don't know how you know the cancer works, but you don't just turn into eunuch. Yeah. It's not an accurate joke. Yeah, no, but that's why I like it, you know. Nimesh mentions having one of his

testicles removed due to cancer in his most recent hour, because that was the only way the Make-A-Wish people would agree to produce the special. That's really good. That's really good. It's like a hit. It's a roast joke. I'm not fucking dying. I wish the Make-A-Wish people fucking showed up. Yeah, I got one wish as a 37-year-old man that's losing one ball.

Give me $12,000. I like it though he made this special because Nimesh believes the formula for comedy is tragedy minus testicle

plus time you're laughing at how bad that is right this group of people has not laughed the entire time the N95's on

you can't see if they're laughing or not I can see it in their shoulders We've had a request for more of a full body laugh Chocolate the fuck up I want to see it in your neck, god damn You discovered the tumor on your birthday

A terrible gift, but the wrapping paper, even worse I like that one I like that one a lot You discovered the tumor on your birthday. A terrible gift, but the wrapping paper, even worse. I like that one. That's a good one. I like that one a lot. That's pretty good. You think finding cancer on your birthday is bad. One time on my birthday, I turned 40.

I like it. I like it. Do you have a kid? I do not. That's a perfect dad joke, regardless. I like that a lot. Nimesh also talks about getting a testicular implant after surgery and you say it's noticeably bigger than your homegrown ball. I'm sick and tired

of these cancer patients setting unrealistic body standards for the rest of us. You're not a man if your balls ain't grapefruit. Wow. That's big. How's that for a fucking... That's crazy. Oh yeah. I walk with a limp. That's cool. That's why you had to do a circle crazy. Oh, yeah. I walk with a limp. That's cool.

That's why you had to do a circle to get out of here. I had to tuck it away before. Now, you've said they put the fake one in because psychologically men need two. It's true. They've done studies on people with this cancer. The guy with one ball always sad. That's how fragile the male ego is. But the guy with two balls still pretty sad, probably.

Which is why I, John Lovett, am going to get 12 balls. Yo, let's do a remix of my special, but for every setup, you do the sad white guy's version punchline. That would be such a fun way to redo a special. That'd be awesome, man. What's even sadder, two

balls. I wish I had 12. It'd be fucking great. I like this. Let's keep doing this. I'm going to leave it here. Do you consider yourself a my sack is half full or my sack is half empty sort of guy? Sack's half full

all the time, baby. Do you think the one that's left feels a lot of pressure? You know? No backups. No net. Just him. This is the rapid fire.

And he keeps trying to talk to the other ball and the other ball says nothing back. It's like, I'm here. I'm trying. I feel like this is an allegory

for what's happening in your life right now. Everybody, check out Nimesh's special Lucky Lefty on YouTube now. Thank you very much. YouTube is not a studio, and stand-up is not scripted TV or film, so we can promote this. We are not scavs.

When we come back, we dive into the mind of Cheryl Hines' husband and pretty... I'm not doing the voice. We'll be right back. And now another word from No Labels. Hey, America, we know you have questions about No Labels. Questions like, couldn't a shitty centrist third party candidate help Donald Trump win reelection in 2024 like third parties helped Trump in 2016? Didn't you give Trump a bullshit

problem solver award at an event in New Hampshire? And who's actually funding this group? And we've got answers. Like, don't worry about it. And that's a secret. Listen, whatever happens after we wield our money like a baby with a hand grenade is none of our business. You can't be on the wrong side of history if you stand exactly in the middle. The middle is always best. If we could make a candidate that had half Biden DNA and half Trump DNA, we would. But our prototype escaped from the lab and started ripping utility poles out of the ground and hurling them at passing cars, which the focus groups hated. So get ready to vote for Joe Manchin or whoever. And if Trump gets elected again, at least we'll know we did everything we possibly could

to score some headlines in the meantime. No labels. Our Donald Trident prototype was last seen roaming rural Iowa. Please shelter in place. The National Guard has been mobilized. And we're back. You might have thought after 2016, there's no way the nation could come up with a more erratic, delusional candidate than Donald Trump. Enter the worst thing the Kennedys ever did that floats, RFK Jr. Just seeing RFK Jr.'s weird pet cemetery eyes

as he rants about conspiracy theories makes me want to get pumped full of Bill Gates' 5G all over again and then get another booster shot. Here to tell the fiction RFK Jr. believes from the fiction RFK Jr. doesn't believe yet, it's Dan Adut. Thank you. Nice to see you.

Nice to see you too. Come on in here. Thank you. Hi, everybody. Hello. Am I mistakenly doing a pro-vaccine podcast? Oh, man.

Man. Dan boozled again. He sold his hair so you could have a comb. Or whatever. Magi thing or whatever it's called. Oh, yes, yes. Okay, I'm back.

Yes. Dan, what conspiracy theory would you be okay with a presidential candidate believing? Is this multiple? No. Oh. Just Loch Ness Monster. I think that Castro is Trudeau's son. I'm cool with that one.

That's a fun one. I would say we never landed on the moon. That's okay. That cool with that one. That's a fun one. I would say We Never Landed on the Moon. That's okay. That's a cool one. That's a fun one. Yeah. It'd be like you said the president's going to get to the bottom of it. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with, oh, Kirkland tequila is Patron. Have you heard that one? When I was in college, we got a vodka Brita, and we would buy the cheapest vodka in the store and then run it through the vodka Brita two or three times. Distilled.

And it would be as good, if not better, than the fanciest, most expensive vodka because vodka is a brand and a ridiculous product. The price is crazy. So we would make super fancy vodka in our vodka Brita. You're like a hobo Martha Stewart. I could cry. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said. Have you been following the UFO stuff about Chuck Schumer saying that we're going to get the information?

Yes, I have. Yeah, yeah. Do you think that there's something to it or do you think it's all... No, I don't think so. Again, I wish there was. I think that would be fun, too. I don't think so. Do you think that there's something to it or do you think it's all? No, I don't think so. Again, I wish there was. I think that would be fun too. I don't think so. Do you think so?

My problem with all of it is I would expect some of the evidence would be really bad. Some of it would be okay. And some of it would be great. There is a ton of bad evidence, right? Like tons and tons of little things. But it's like presumably at some point we get

one good shot, you know, from somebody that works for a newspaper, you know? There is that one video though of like the Navy pilots. That's the one that gets me. I don't know. And they're like, what is that thing? That's not a UFO, is it? Like, God, what is that thing? And they like, they

seem like non-UFO people. No, I know. They don't seem like UFO people. You're right. You're right. But it's like, okay, well, they just haven't figured out what it was. I'm with you. I don't believe it. I want it to be.

I do, too. I so desperately want that. I want it. I think we're on the same page, but we're fighting for some reason. We vehemently agree with each other. So, RFK Jr. is married to Cheryl Hines from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Is she just on board? What do you think? It's a little weird. It's a little

weird, but I think it's not the first time where a husband and a wife are on very different sides of the spectrum, right? No pun intended. That's an autism joke because he believes that Yes. Thank you. Yes, because he believes that vaccines cause autism. I'll wait.

I don't give a fuck. It's been nice having two guests in a row that bring the bullying energy that I try to bring week to week. Take some of the pressure off of me. Yeah. What was that guy? You know the guy who looks like an alien? Speaking of aliens.

Are you talking about James Carville? Yes. You knew exactly who I was talking about. That's tough for him. I knew what you meant. Mary Matlin and James Carville. Yeah, but they are the opposites of the political spectrum. He lives in outer fucking space.

Yeah. The spectrum ends and then it's a dirt road for a while. Then there's a hole and he's in that. He's just asking questions. So Dan, it's time for a segment we're calling RF, Can You Believe This Shit? And I'm going to ask you a simple question.

Is this a baseless conspiracy theory that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. espouses in public or is it just one we made up? Or that others believe? Are you ready? Vaccine research caused the Spanish flu, HIV, Lyme disease, and COVID. True. That is correct.

He said, well, not true. Oh. Oh. Wrong podcast. This has been a big misunderstanding. No, no, no. It is true that RFK Jr. has espoused that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, that's what I meant. That's what I meant. Well, we'll go with that. Yeah. That's 100% what I meant. He said, and I quote, it's what I meant. Sure, okay. We'll go with that. Yeah, that's 100% what I meant. He said, and I quote, it's given us everything from Lyme disease to COVID and many, many other diseases. RSV, which is now one of the biggest killers of children, came out of a vaccine lab.

We can go down the whole list of diseases, Spanish flu, et cetera, et cetera. I'm done reading it. He said it all. Yeah. Next, as a bonus question, when did he say all that? Well, he started going down the vaccine rabbit hole in, I think, 2008. So I'm going to say 2014. He said it last month on this conservative streaming site, Rumpel. That's a month ago.

Yo, where my Rumpel heads at? Rumpel. What a cute name for like... Rumpelstiltskin. Yeah, Rumpel. What a cute name for like... Rumpelstiltskin. Yeah, Rumpel. Mass shootings are the result of prescription medication, specifically the antidepressant Prozac. Yes, he said that.

He did say that. He said that on his Twitter spaces with Elon Musk. Prior to the introduction of Prozac, we had almost none of these events in our country and we've never seen them in human history. I wonder what other correlations you might find if you looked at the planet of Earth and all the places that have Prozac

and don't have this problem. What is the difference, Dan? Listen, Dan. It's guns, Dan. I'm just one guy on Rumble just trying to... It's Rumble. It's Rumble. It's Rumble.

Rumble? Rumble. Oh, that's more aggressive than Rumble. Yeah, it's not Rumble. Rumble's so sweet. I know, that's what I thought. Rumble sounds like a website you go to learn how to wrap know, that's what I thought. Rumpel sounds like a website you go to learn how to wrap presents.

That's what I thought. You gotta hear about these immigrants taking over our country on Rumpel. I thought it was so cute. Too sweet sounding. Rumpel is, no, that's not happy. Lower sperm counts across the planet are the direct result of diet co-consumption. He did not say that. He didn't.

You're right. Really? And don't give him any ideas. You got it. Oh, my God. You guys are like, he's a real RFK head. He knows a little too much

about this guy. Gun ownership in Switzerland is actually comparable to gun ownership in the United States, numbers-wise. That's true, actually, because the military there...

They have a lot of guns. Yeah. Well, now you're RFK Jr. Yeah. He went on to say that he would not take away anyone's guns if elected president

and he claimed that that's because Switzerland has the same number of guns but actually in the US we have 120 firearms per 100 people, the highest per capita rate in the world

compared to 27.6 in Switzerland. So we have five times as many. Yeah. We have a lot of guns. A lot of guns. We have a lot of guns. A lot of guns. Have you been to Switzerland? Very sweet people. How do you think all the holes get into the cheese, bro? Bang, bang, bang.

Bang, bang, bang. I've never been to Switzerland. It's beautiful. They have ways to blow up tunnels and roads to defend their country that are still there from, you know, a while ago. Yeah, and they have good chocolate. Do you think that's why they're so nice?

They know they have a plan if things go south? Yeah, get on the little skis and get out of there. I read this book called The Ministry for the Future, and there's like 150 pages where these characters climb some Swiss Alps, and nothing fucking happens. They just get to the top. Oof. Are you one of those people that when you start reading a book and it sucks, you have to finish it?

Thank you for asking. My New Year's resolution this year was to not finish more books. Seriously. So that I would just say, fuck it, move on, next book. Because I'll commit to a book. Then it's like, I don't want to finish it. Yeah. And you know what's better than not finishing a book?

Television. So you gotta, so it's like no book down new book new book keep it moving keep it moving the books need to fight yeah no man i'm reading three books now that i hate and i can't you gotta stop i can't i was reading this book this is not gonna reflect well on me i was reading this book about the history of israel and the massad and the first hundred pages it's like morally unambiguous because they're just hunting and capturing and killing Nazis.

Then I put it down. Wait, I think I actually read this book. Rise and Kill First. Oh yeah, I was like, I don't remember the name, but it's kind of like Eat, Pray, Love something. It's like Rise, Kill.

I knew it was like a three word thing. Rise, Kill First, Eat, Pray, Love. And like, yo, I see the connection. Like I should have continued reading it, I knew it was like a three word thing. Rise, kill first, eat, pray later. And like, no, I see the connection. Like I should have continued reading it, but I simply did it. And I realized like, oh, I don't want to read the book about Israel's complicated history.

I want to read a book about Jews hunting Nazis. You know, that's the book I want. Yeah. Inglourious Bastards. Yeah. On fucking loop. I love that movie. That's a very fun Jew hunter movie. Yeah. Yeah. Well,ourious Bastards. On fucking loop. I love that movie. That's a very fun Jew hunter movie.

Yeah. Well, Jews that hunt. I like seeing movies of Jews being hunted. And we've got options there too. We've got a lot of those too. You know, it depends. Yep, yep, yep.

Two Jews being anti-Semitic. Dr. Anthony Fauci and Bill Gates deliberately exaggerated the pandemic to promote vaccines. Yes, that he's definitely said that. He did say that. That's the flag he carries. Yeah, that's the 2021 book,

which is titled The Real Anthony Fauci. It was a coup d'etat against Western democracy. Yeah. Which means it wasn't a d'etat. One country has a d'etat, right? It's a coup de something else. I don't know French, but I know- I actually speak French fluently

and I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Coup d'etat against Western democracy. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, you're right. Thanks. Avril Lavigne died and has been replaced by a clone named Melissa. No fucking way.

Yep, he did not say that. Okay. But there is an internet rumor, and I think it's worth thinking about. Yeah. That and Kirkland tequila are the two conspiracies. Can I ask a question about the Kirkland tequila one? Please. Is it a conspiracy in which Costco, a vast, efficient money-making operation,

is tricking people into buying tequila that's better than what the label would suggest for less money. How it goes, and correct me if I'm wrong, dude, because this guy in the front row is like, he's like, I've been training for this moment my whole life. I have the documents right here. No, what they say is that Kirkland will go to these big places,

like Kettle One or Patron, and they'll say to them, we are going to unload so much tequila at a low price, but you're just going to sell a ton of tequila to us, and we're going to put on our Kirkland name. And they want to do it because they're moving a lot of liquid by doing that. So a lot of the Kirkland brand stuff is normal stuff that is, you know, they pay a lot for marketing or whatever, and you're paying a lot less for it to get the Kirkland, right?

What the fuck was that? And finally, AIDS was caused by poppers. By poppers? By poppers. What's a popper? So, briefly, poppers are It's like a chemical

That purports to be A VCR cleaner It's like amyl nitrate I believe is the chemical And especially in Gayland You kind of hold it under your nose And you sniff it There was a coup d'etat in Gayland

Well, it's a coup to some part I can't think of how to complete the analogy perfectly, but the point is it both has a little bit of a high kind of effect, plus it makes certain kinds of sex very popular. What kinds, John? Butt stuff. Butt stuff. Someone in a mask just screamed out,

Did you hear the muffled? This is like Kenny from South Park. The question would be, did RFK Jr. claim that AIDS was caused by poppers? I'm assuming he did, because that would be very esoteric for you to just make that one up. You gamed it out. Yeah. You figured it out. There's a lot of people that said it's not a virus, Kennedy said,

during a speaking engagement which surfaced recently. The virus is a passenger virus, and these people are dying mainly because of poppers. 100% of the people who died in the first thousand with AIDS were people who were addicted to poppers. And as someone who has done poppers, this psycho should not be president. Wait, have you done poppers? Yeah. Tell me, how many times have you done poppers?

That's not... Who was the first gay guy who realized, guys, you're not going to believe this? I was sniffing my copy of Stand By Me. And my asshole got so loose. Yeah. Yeah. No. Well, I think it's very similar to, like, whoever cracked the code that rhubarb at a certain point stops being poisonous. You know what I mean?

There are people out there that are just, like, improv-ing in nature. Yeah. And being like, I've eaten 50 mushrooms, and this last one didn't make me think the world was one, and we should make a soup out of it. Yeah. You know, that kind of a thing. Absolutely. So I think that's probably what happened with Pompers. Yeah.

Okay. Something like that. Exactly like that. You have a book called Undercooked, subtitle, How I Let Food Become My Life Navigator and how maybe that's a dumb way to live. Yeah. What's it about? It's about food.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Did it take over? Yeah. I'm a big restaurant whore. I'm a big foodieore I'm a big foodie I'm all about that game

uh huh and I played that game to it's fullest uh huh and it left me unsatisfied but I wrote a book about it

and it's fun like stand alone essays about food okay I mean I've been called the David Sedaris of food by my mother

she's an immigrant so she can hardly read nice yeah but she liked the book she loved the book and did anyone who didn't give birth to you they like it too She's an immigrant, so she can hardly read. Nice. Yeah. But she liked the book. She loved the book. And to anyone who didn't give birth to you, they like it too. Yeah.

A lot of people. It was a bestseller on Amazon. Don't support Amazon though, right guys? Buy it on bookstore.org. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. That was the same person who said butt sex, by the way.

I love bookstore.org. I love reading books and butt sex, and we're all out of books. I'll bring my VCR copy of Stand By Me. I was in Costa Rica, and there was a gaggle of gays, a murder of gays ahead of us, actually waiting for a zip line. And one of them was telling a story about at their hotel while in Costa Rica, a frog jumped onto their like little balcony and without even thinking he kind of like moved it or like it was like a jump next to him and he kind of moved it to like help it get away and he realized it was uh

you know this is in the middle of the rainforest and they realized that he had touched a frog that had some kind of a psycho active chemical on its back and all of a sudden he felt woozy and he felt like he had taken poppers and so then he joked that he was going to bring the frog back to america and put it in the drawer next to his bed and then if somebody asked him what the frog would for he'd say to clean my vcr oh my god which i love that's amazing were you in monteverde is that where you were in costa rica i don't from uh yes that's exactly right. Yeah. What helped you stop being, was it the, are you a celebrity

on Ozempic? Am I a celebrity on Ozempic? No, I'm definitely not on Ozempic. No. I actually put on 15 pounds.

I broke my ankle four months ago. You broke your ankle? Yeah. I was skiing. Oh, that was your mistake. Yeah. You get no pity

for saying I was skiing in Deer Valley, Utah. I broke my ankle. Yeah. I mean, the only way that Gwyneth Paltrow came out of that thing alive is because she happened to ski into the person that could make her seem like the most likable and amazing and relatable person on earth. Yeah. I agree.

No, it was at the same mountain, though. And it was also Terry Sanderson who knocked you down. You remember his name. Of course I remember his name. You devoted a neuron to that name. I followed that like it was the 2016 election. Everybody, check out Dan's book, Undercooked. Undercooked. There's an audio book, too, which I read myself, which is an awful thing.

I highly don't, if anyone's doing a book, don't ever do that. Because for two days, for eight hours a day, I was reading this book. And it's very vulnerable. Like, I'm talking about, like, very personal stories that I should be sharing with the therapist. But instead, there's just, like, this dorky sound engineer on the other side. You're pointing at Steven. Is that who you mean?

Someone like that? Totally like a Steven. He's like, Dan Dan I think you're crying Can you stop crying? We're hearing it on the mic Stop crying I'm like okay I'm sorry I'm talking about my dead brother

The book is undercooked When we come back It's a funny book It's not just dead brother There's a little dead brother But it's a funny book Just a touch Yeah just

A dash of Dead Brother. A pinch. A pinch. Jesus. Should we keep going? Nope. Dan will stick around for the rant wheel in a bit. When we come back, Muna is here.

And one more time, a quick word from our sponsor, No Labels. Politics in this country has gotten too extreme and divisive. Everyone's either far left or far right, a socialist or a fascist, a Barbie or an Oppenheimer. When did every election become so life or death? Why can't there be something in between? And how can we get there without admitting that the moderate forces we claim we need

exist inside of the broad democratic coalition? Because we would rather be nonpartisan in a failing nation than Democrats in a better world, because we are wealthy and disconnected, and politics is about aesthetics, and while much of what the right does makes us uncomfortable, we more viscerally feel the threat of taxes and cancel culture than we do abortion bans and corruption and an authoritarian backslide. And so we stand ready to make our case against change, and for a kind of permanent political anesthetic haze, a twilight existence

with neither the rich experience of consciousness nor the peaceful finality of death, a perpetual state of managed decline. And yeah, it's not the best case scenario, but it's also not the worst. And hey, if Trump wins, it will be because we were right about Democrats all along. They really are so very out of touch.

No labels. We can't win, but we can't lose. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! We are over the moon to welcome our next guest. They host HeadGum's Gaotic podcast, which is dedicated to providing insight

into the behavior of queers outside of the month of June, which is for this queer, mostly trying to figure out the right combination of fans, open windows, and AC to get a good night's sleep. Oh, also, it says here these guests also have a band. Put your hands together for Katie Gavin, Josette Maskin, and Naomi McPherson. Hi.

How you doing? Nice to see you. Nice to see you. We've never met. I mean, we just... We've been back there. But tonight's still the night of us meeting, I would say. Tonight is the night of us meeting.

Like, when I leave, I'm going to say, it was nice to meet you. She's a lyricist, no matter what. Yeah. But it's good to see you, too. Sure. Yeah. I couldn't say it was nice to meet you. She's a lyricist no matter what. It's good to see you too. Sure. I couldn't say it's nice to meet you because we met backstage and it is genuinely nice to see you.

That's fair. I accept. I'm glad we started off on a hostile note. What's funny is that when we were backstage, I was like, I'm going to be sweet because he said that he's been getting a hard time tonight. Then I got pulled into the vortex. I keep getting older, but one thing doesn't change, which everyone treats me like a little brother.

And I don't know how to get out of it. It's the hat. Look at it. There's some kind of demonic energy on stage that we're channeling at the moment. I mean, little brother. Sure. Little brother energy. Anyway, you wear your cap like my partner does, which is like, there's like a little

micro like tilt to it, which gives, yeah, like a jovial little brother energy. You're going to throw the cards. This is going even better than I imagined you're not gonna you're like literally not gonna get through a single question

no I have to or I get in trouble well I don't know everybody at Crooked was so excited you guys were gonna be

on the show we have a Slack channel called Crooked Queers both words spelled with a Q just to picture it yeah do you know about Slack no

I mean I know it but I don't know about it I just think it's so with a Q. Just to picture it. Do you know about Slack? No. I mean, I know it, but I don't know about it. I just think it's so cool. That's so cool. Imagine having no responsibilities, but a lot. Our old drummer, Scott, used to talk to his family on Slack.

They were like a Microsoft family. Pretty twisted of them. And then the only other people that I know that use Slack are people that live in that use Slack are people that live in a co-op in Highland Park. It's a very organized co-op and they have a Slack for their co-op.

That is chilling to the core. No, it's cool. So, the Crooked Queers had questions for you and we are going to ask you these questions in a segment we're calling Tribunal.

Like a tribunal. It's up there. It's giving something a little different than that. Look at the photo. Now, I'm going to ask you these questions but they came from a group of queer people. I want you to understand that going

in. What are you about to do? Is being non-binary cringe? Why or why not? Naomi's the only one who's allowed to answer. It depends. Wait. Does it depend on your name? It depends on your outfit.

Yeah. Yeah. Is that not what you were going to say? Fuck. Katie's inserting herself into a non-binary person's answer. It's so problematic. This question's not for you. It's not for me.

I'm sorry. Can you please cede some space? No, you're so right. My ultimate answer is no. But if you dress bad, we could have a conversation about how to fix it. Yeah. And it can be fixed. And that's the beauty of it.

That can always be fixed. Next question. Do Gen Z queers dress like shit or am I just old? My question is do you think millennial queers dress nice? Have you seen them?

Millennial queers are the most cursed generation fashion wise. Skinny jeans. You raised an important point which is skinny jeans. And I'd like to talk about this for a second.

I could talk about this all night. Because here's the thing. Here's the problem. I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to move on. That's shopping. You can.

I would dream to help because I have two modes. Skinny jeans or person who looks like they're in a middle school production of Guys and Dolls. Like, that's it. If the pants go even a tiny bit wide,

they don't look like a style they look like a fucking mistake okay I think you're not alone I think a lot of people are trapped and there needs to

we need to give them we need to pave a way out you can wear tight pants that don't have to be skinny around the ankle I'm wearing tight pants can you do dickies

can I do straight are these dickies no these are wranglers oh wranglers I don't know that I can do dickies these wrang dickies? No, these are Wranglers. Oh, Wranglers. I don't know that I can do dickies. These Wranglers have a nice little flair to them. Well, these, yeah. But there's literally a flair.

What are y'all sporting tonight? Um, Wranglers. Wranglers, yeah. Okay, well, and? These are vintage jeans. Are they Levi's? No, no, no. But you don't understand.

What are they? They're vintage Versace. Versace. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I appreciate your optimism. Oh, no. Anything's possible.

But you have to understand that there are things that you can pull off that if I attempted would look so insane. I disagree with you with my whole heart. That's youth. We're going to hook you up. No, no. You've got to believe. You've got to believe in yourself and believe in your pants.

I think there's a happy... You don't need to go full baggy mode in the way that some people do. But I think you could have a nice sort of down to the ankle, like tapered, straight leg fit. You're definitely not alone. It's you and it's a lot of lesbians. And the lesbians know who they are. They love to wear pants and hats.

That wasn't a dig on your hat. No, no. And I knew that. And I knew that. Yeah. You know what hats we're talking about. I like the idea that lesbian fashion and my fat are going to meet in the middle somewhere. Yeah.

That's sort of where I'm headed. That's queer solidarity within the community. Yeah. That could be huge. Yeah. Overalls or something. Who would win in a fight? Hey.

I think they're cool as hell. She's ready to go. You know what I mean? You are ready to go. You want to switch pants? The thing is like, have you ever done that on the pod? What do you think is going to happen? Who would win in a fight? Muna or Boy Genius? That's so stupid.

Muna. A physical fight. A physical fight? A physical fight? I'm gonna, I'm gonna, okay, I'm gonna say this.

We have, we have Hyde on our side. No, dude, we're lifting weights, man. We're out here. We have Hyde on our side. They could be scrappy, but we're,

Phoebe does yoga. I'm not fast. I don't think Phoebe's pumping. Julian's fast. Yeah, Julian is fast. As we know, Julian's like fast. I don't think Phoebe's pumping. Julian's fast. Yeah, Julian is fast. As we know, Julian's really fast. Lucy... I feel like Lucy has heart and soul, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Lucy would throw herself into it. Yeah. But so do I. You want to fight really bad. Yeah. She just wants to fight. Who would win in a fight?

But, you know, we would fight amongst ourselves first before we could even take it. Look, i think going into this i assume you have to be on the same but you have to be united the three of you yeah you have to unite against a common any united good yeah yeah but that is really the question is if we can we be united yeah can we be no shit we've been united for what 10 years something wow love you yeah we'll see we're. We're about to see them, so yeah, we'll try it out.

Yeah, we'll ask them. We'll give you an update. Like, I'm just picturing the jets and the sharks. You're like, snapping. That's the only way you can fight if you're gay. Yeah, gay dancing. You gotta snap and dance your way into it. Oh, a dance battle. We'd win that, too. Sorry. Sorry. I don't know. Maybe. Dude, a dance battle. We'd win that too. Sorry. Sorry.

I don't know. Maybe. Dude, Katie's got moves. I watch her. I watch her all night. Got moves. I do. But again, Julian's very fast. Yeah, but Julian may be a fast dancer. Anyways, we'll drop it. Next question. Have you seen the film

Tar? Yes. Do you believe Tar would like Moona? No, not at all. Really? Classical music. I've got classical music people in my family. Trust and believe. The court changes would not be challenging enough for them.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so no. Shout out to her, though. I guess she's a bad person, but... Yeah. She would have said it to his chest. It was cool when she said she was Petra's father. I liked it.

I'm sorry. Cut down in her prime, Lydia Tarr. That ending was so chilling. Yeah. She would probably say that our music was like evidence of decay in society. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Tarr.

Fucking Lydia. Classic Lydia. What about Carol? Love. Yes. What would she think of Moona she would think give me a kiss we would think

give me a kiss no she would think it too it would be mutual kiss she'd think let's kiss actually Tara might say

we don't know what Tara might say let's kiss too to be honest if it's the person who's both of them I would say it too yeah well if we were like you're saying it as if he brought it up you brought it up

you're like well yeah yeah that is fine that's a good point you asked you asked if you're gonna back me i guess i guess if i'm gonna say it i'll answer. I think that's cool as hell. That was pretty sick. This is the demonic energy I was referencing earlier. Hey, hypothetically, if someone's going through a breakup and they listen to the song Anything But Me on repeat for weeks but told everyone they were, and I quote,

surprisingly fine, like weirdly okay, how much money do you make on that? We make.0006 of a cent. Who wrote that question? It's not important who wrote it. Yeah, and whoever wrote it didn't go and make sure, like, wait, when did that song up?

March of 2020? Yep, that checks out. That is what happened. Shut up. Don't pity me. I'm doing great. Like, maybe enough money to buy me. Not enough money to buy you anything.

Buy the record. Buy the real one. Okay. That would help. Yeah. You know what? That's right. That's right.

It's the least this person could do. All right. What role would you each play if you were planning a heist? Here are your options. One of you would be the getaway driver. One of you would be the safe cracker. And one of you stands on top of a desk and shouts, We want to hurt no one.

We're here for the bank's money, not your money. Your money is insured by the federal government, and you're not going to lose a dime. Think of your families. Don't risk your life. It's so clear. Such a long speech well the katie's obviously the last one katie's the last one for sure i didn't have that i didn't have that feeling joe i think you would be i obviously had speech edits it's either me or

you well yeah i understand that and i want you to know that's not an option for kate That's not an option for Katie. I want you to know that this is sexism. How could it be sexism? Because she likes to accuse us of that. It's a fun little thing we do. Look at all of our outfits and the different things about us. Because gender's a spectrum.

Oh, I see. And it's literally going like. I see. I see. It's going laterally from right to left. Are we teaching you something? Sure, yeah. Yeah. Something for sure.

So, I'm sorry. So, the question is, what you're debating is whether or not the most masculine of you would also have to be the driver because... No, no, no, no. Because what? Katie got upset because she was disqualified from being the safe tracker. And she wasn't allowed to make a decision that... For herself. For herself.

She felt suppressed by that. Oh. That was the issue. And you saw sort of historical cultural misogyny in it. Yeah, she did. Lived. Lived experience. Lived experience.

Because in a way, that's a powerful role. That's sort of the kind of... Front-facing. Yes, that's front-facing. Right, but she's right that I fixate on what they think I can't do. Wow. What you've heard was, we think you'd be great at giving that speech. What you felt was, you don't think I could drive or crack a safe.

100%. She shouldn't drive if we want to live. So that's sort of validating her feeling. But also, you didn't mean it as that. It's complicated. Yeah, but that wasn't the intention. But perhaps it's possible that you complicated yeah but that was the intention but perhaps it's possible that you could be seen as someone who would be amazing at something

and also maybe not the best driver but that doesn't mean she doesn't value and see the what you bring as the person who shouts the speech from the film heat right right yeah and now between the two of you which one is going to crack the safe and which one is going to drive my vote was was joe cracking the safe because joe's joe's good at math, and I feel like there'd be math in that. I don't know, man. I'm fine with either rule. I just know it's one of the two. We could flip-flop.

Yeah. I don't know. What do you think? I had the urge to press you again, but I'm not going to. It doesn't matter what you think. I drive the most out of the three of us. Yeah, because Joe is a native Angeleno, so I just feel like you're going to whip it when you need to whip it.

I'll say I know the 110. But maybe, okay, here's what it could be. You need the person who knows when you can connect back onto the freeway. I think if I'm the safe cracker and I'm like talking to you the whole time. Yeah, I need you in my ear. That's nice. Cool. Yeah, that's cool.

No, fuck me. We saw that. No, Katie's creating a big diversion. You're doing a great job. I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. What's the most fucked up thing you saw Taylor Swift do on tour? Play to 80,000 people?

Yeah. Play a concert for 80,000 fucking human beings? That's wild. Like sing three nights in a row for three and a half hours. To an unfathomable amount of humans. Like your brain can't actually take in that amount of people.

That's messed up. You'd go instantly insane. It is like amazing. Like what is it? I mean, you're seeing somebody at like the height of their powers in like the biggest tour they have ever done. Maybe the biggest tour she'll ever do. Maybe the biggest tour they have ever done,

maybe the biggest tour she'll ever do. Maybe the biggest tour anyone will ever do. Historical. I don't know how a person can do that. No, I don't either. I don't know. And just walk out there and be like, I'm going to play on the piano even though it's raining.

I swear to God, there must be a team of surgeons restoring her body after every show. Considering how we feel after half an hour. I don't know how she does it. I really don't know how she does it. I do this once a week and I'm like, I can't meet with anybody. I can't do a meet. I can't do Friday.

I have to recharge. Friday is my, I can't, I'm useless Friday. Yeah. You know? That's like, yeah, when I'm around people that like have too like too, like, big of an operation and, like, too much power, it, like, shorts my brain out. I don't know if you're like that at all, but, like, I can't understand it. And it sends me. Yeah.

To the dark side of the moon. Oh, the dark side of the moon. Yeah. It does. I don't know what you mean, but you're an artist. And that's clear with the way you speak. Those were lyrics. That's how it felt does any of you have stage fright at this point no no nothing i don't everyone's while i get hit with it randomly yeah very randomly yeah and jerry get homesick homesick yeah i'm homesick right now

no and we're and we're home and we're home. And we're home. This one has a dog. I'm counting on the moments. And after you leave this stage, you'll go see the dog. Yeah, I'm going to kiss it. The dog lives at home. I don't think the dog's here. The dog's at home. What kind of dog?

A sheepadoodle. Hell yeah. And a little mutt. I got a little chonk. If there's a queer person you could wish straightness on as punishment, who would you do as punishment

for their sins? Who would get the business? Kevin Spacey. Yeah, straight up. That was a fantastic answer. I'm like, God. No, that's a good one. That was a fantastic answer. I'm like, come on. Sorry, you can't like, yeah. No, that's a good one. Enough said.

That's a good one. Yeah. Wow. Shit. What if it happens? I wish I could wish bisexuality on Jessie J. I like really can't get over this. You want to wish it back on her? I really can't get over how she like said she was bisexual.

She came out and then went back in. That was so cool. And then she was like, I'm actually straight. I think that's fucking awesome. You just think it's funny to say that you're straight. I just think that's one of the most funny things that's fucking awesome. You just think it's funny to say that you're straight. I just think that's one of the most funny things that you could do.

To say you're straight. Just be like, I'm straight. When you're so gay that you're straight. Maybe. Now that I don't understand, but.

It's like, our friend Caleb has this joke about like how being gay is kind of like over. It is? Sorry. No, it's hard to hear, but I know it. Do you know what I mean?

You can feel it. The thing is, I know what you mean. It's kind of over. Yeah. So, yeah, we should be straight now. Oh, there's got to be another option. I know. I don't know that I can.

There's no other option. It? Just the two? okay everybody knows go home and get to work on that I have to tell you all something I never saw Carol oh my god

it's a beautiful film you're not a lesbian how many of y'all have seen Carol? how many dykes wait wait wait how many of you are Muna fans? they're just saying that because we're I was expecting it to be the exact same. There's a position of power between, yeah.

Wait a second. How many of you are Muna fans that haven't seen Carol? And how many of you have seen Carol but are not yet Muna fans? Shameful cheers. Those people you can get. Are you gay?

You can get them. I loved that. That was really cool. Yeah. Are they gay? That is the question. Yeah, I want to know. The person who's seen Carol,

are you gay? Yes. Wait, the people who are straight and who've seen Carol. What about it? I'm straight and I saw Carol.

It's one of the biggest acts of allyship that you can do. It's a really good Christmas movie. I'm seeing you guys at the Greek. Oh, yay. Very excited. Let's go. Very excited. Thank you for coming to that.

She kind of collapsed time and time again. I didn't know if you had bought tickets or if you have access to the Greek, so I didn't know I didn't know if you had bought tickets or if you're just you have access to the Greeks so I didn't know how to finish the sentence I just I just knock on the door

doesn't matter how you get there it just matters oh come right this way Mr. Love it right this way no I bought tickets oh thank you you know I mean I didn't buy

you know now I have to buy the album because it turns out that you made peanuts for all the time somebody listened to it yeah so somebody has to yeah maybe not you but peanuts for all the time somebody listened to it. So somebody has to.

Maybe not you, but someone for sure. Was there someone on the high horse? An actual person? I mean, it was me, but I wasn't. You know what I mean? Yeah, but you weren't. Yeah, I was on a regular size horse. Like I was on a horse of a regular size, but I knew everything is true. John, we'll talk about it knew... Everything is true, John.

We'll talk about it later. Everything is true? I mean, it was just... Most things are true. It was true from my perspective, obviously. Yeah, what is truth? What is truth? I do feel like there's objective truth. I don't think in a relationship...

We could talk about this for a long time. Oh, not in a breakup. Not in a breakup. No, no. It was only lies. There's only lies. Yeah. There's only lies. We've oscillated

from everything being true to there's only lies, which is pretty cool. Well, yeah. And we're going to have to leave it there. Yeah. As much as I just

kind of want to hang. Katie, Josette, and Naomi, thank you so much for being here. Listen to Chaotic. And they're on tour. You must go see them. I'll see you at the Greek.

Go to whereismuna.com to see when they're coming to you. You guys stay. And tours and podcasts are not scripted film or TV so we can remote them. We are not scabs. Do not email us. Listeners, when we come back, the rant wheel.

And we're back. In case you missed it, you can now listen to Pod Save America ad-free by joining Crooked's subscription friend to the pod. And with fewer ads in your day, you'll have more time to enjoy other cool parts of being part of the community. A bonus content feed featuring our,

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events. Alright, here we go. Here's how it works. There's a wheel full of stuff we hate, and we're gonna inflict verbal violence upon that very stuff. On the wheel this week, we have planes and airports, we have getting a parking ticket, even though I only went to get coffee and was gone for like three minutes max. We have being pro-taxes. We have TikTok live NPCs. We have Drake's poetry, picnics,

QR codes at restaurants, and the dumbing down of America. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on QR codes at restaurants, and Dan, I believe this was your pitch. This was my pitch. Who's with me? I have a manifesto that I wrote here. Let's hear it. I'm excited about this. The QR code menu at restaurants is hands down

the worst thing to come from COVID. And yes, I am including all the dead people in this assessment. That is the second worst thing COVID did. The QR code is number one. Call me old fashioned, but I believe that phones have no place at

the restaurant table. Who's with me? Yeah! What's up, old people? If you are dining out, your phone shouldn't even be on the table. It should be on silent, either in your car or in your pocket, even though RFK says it'll give your balls autism. But a phone on the table is in constant competition for your attention, and the phone always wins because the phone has all the knowledge and entertainment that humans have accrued over thousands of years all in one place.

That will always be the conversation about how long you think the strike is going to last. And God forbid you have dinner with a friend who just had a kid and they have their live stream to their dumb baby sleeping in a crib in a creepy black and white like a scene from Blumhouse or something,

your baby's going to be fine. And even if you do see someone breaking into your house and stealing your baby, it's too late anyway. You might as well enjoy your rigatoni. But now, the QR code makes it impossible to have a phone-less dinner. Now you have to pull out your phone, click a QR code, zoom in and out on the menu

while getting notifications on your phone from the Nextdoor app that a killer is on the loose in your block. Sure, I could be using this valuable time on John's immense platform to rant against something grandiose, like climate change, fascism, wealth inequality, but those things don't matter if we don't fix this thing first. Because you might think that this isn't fascism, but when you ban the Cheesecake Factory menu, you are banning books, which basically makes us all Florida. Thank you, Dan.

Thank you for sharing that. Thank you. So important. It's so important. You can't have a phone-free dinner if you've got a QR code on the menu. I think you need new friends, man. Well, that's even harder. So let's

spin it again. Oh, shit. It is landed on planes and airports suggested by Muna. We're going to the airport tomorrow. We're going to the airport tomorrow and everything about it is almost pure misery. I have to say, like, I don't want to seem ungrateful that we...

No, we love our jobs. We love our jobs. We're happy. But we were on a flight. We were on two flights in a row in the last couple of weeks. The airplanes were physically hot, which turns it into a prison. Airplanes should be

frozen fucking cold. I want to be uncomfortably cold. I want to have to dress for the plane. Exactly, which is what I did. Well, of course. We're supposed to wear shorts onto a plane? Yeah. My bare legs touch these

heinous filthy seats this is insane we were baking in hell in the sky and it was upsetting we were on a flight where it was delayed like 5 hours and then we finally get on the plane and we take off we accidentally dumped all the water off the plane

and we're not going to turn around because you guys have waited so long, but so you can't flush the toilets? Or like, there's no water to wash your hands, but we'll put like hand sanitizer and water bottles. Yeah, and if you have to piss, throw some Dasani from these little portable bottles into the toilet.

They didn't even put the water bottles in there. And yeah, it was American Airlines, for everyone who was curious. Yeah, it was American Airlines. And I'm like, we tried to tweet being like, fuck American Airlines

like trying to get, I want something back. No, but they were, it was kind of amazing because they were explicitly asking people to not poop on the plane.

Yeah. Yeah. They begged. As if they're like, you know, I could have or couldn't have and like, sometimes I just love

doing it on planes. Right, totally. But if you don't want me to, I guess I or couldn't have. And like, sometimes I just love doing it on planes. Right, totally. But if you don't want me to, I guess I'll wait. Nobody does it on the plane unless it's a fucking emergency. It's the worst pooping environment that you come across where there's a toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I go and sit in the bathroom just for a change of scenery. Is that weird?

Wait, really? Does nobody else do that? No. It's so much effort. I'm making my seat my new house. Yeah, I agree. I'm moving. Like I'm moving into my seat. I'm definitely moving.

You like when the light goes purple or something? I don't know. I mean, I'm normally pretty dissociated. It's like I don't really care. You don't even see yourself getting up to go to the bathroom. I don't think I ever see a person out there. I also think, like, your acne, like, develops in hyperspeed on airplanes. So sometimes I go to the bathroom just to, like, check out what's going on.

Why is that the case? You think you can go into the bathroom on the airplane and see acne happening in real time? Not that I think I can. I know I can go into the bathroom of the airplane and see acne happening in real time. Not I think I can. I know I can. Because I have. You're experiencing it like a time lapse. RFK says that it does. Slaves do give you acne.

That is true. It's funny that we as a group of people are in airports so much because the airport bathroom is really kind of an existential predicament for this crew. It's literally gender trouble. Yeah, it is gender trouble. Gender trouble at the airport. It depends on what shirt I'm wearing. Titties or no titties. If I'm wearing a mask, people look

scared to me. Yeah. It's not a nice place to be. But which bathroom are you going in most of the time? Well, we're trying to go into the gender fucking neutral family shit. You're trying to go into the gender fucking neutral family shit. We're trying to go into the family bathroom, and then you get stared at by family. And it's never open. It's always dirty as hell.

Wait, do you guys remember this time? You got to get a baby. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. You're right. You got to get a baby. That was so mean. Wait, I did see a child puke on the way to the bathroom just a week ago.

I know. But what were you going to say? I was going to say. Wait, we really got a lot of time. I was going to say there was a time when the three of us went into the family gender neutral bathroom together and there were two little toilets next to each other. It was very cute.

I went to take a picture of these two. Sitting side by side holding hands. And at the exact moment that I'm taking the picture, a man and his daughter open the door. This is why you can't have rights.

Literally. That became clear in that moment. I mean, what are you going to do? You see side by side toilets. Come on. That's adorable. You have to do it.

You're a person. But they really should do something about security for trans people. No, they don't care. And that's not a joke. That's serious. That sucks. I need them to stop patting down all my trans friends every time they're going to the airport. Can we not do something about that?

No, we can't. We live in a bad place. Yeah, we can't. But live in a bad place. Yeah, we can't, but we love where your head's at. Let's spin it again. Who's it going to land on?

What? Taxes. It has landed on being pro-taxes. I'm pro-taxes. I know I don't strike as someone who gets mad at things but this bothers me a lot that people are anti-taxes and everyone's like man why taxes and people are pro taxes for schools and health care and all those good things that's not why i'm pro taxes i don't care about any of that i I'm 37. Most of my friends have passed me financially.

I need someone to tax the shit out of them. It's pure hate. If I go to Chipotle one more time and everyone's getting guacamole except me, it's going to be a real problem. I'm not going to ride in your Uber Black, Adam, because you got a finance job. I called an Uber, and I think that's what we should split.

Okay, man? So, yeah, Bernie 2024. Just dead ass. Nice. I don't think he's going to make it. Yeah, look, I think we can all agree that the odds against Bernie in 2024 have gotten remote. Yeah, it's...

He should just retire. Stay at home watching Wheel of Fortune reruns. Why do vowels cost money? Vowels should be free for everybody. Shut up. Sorry. Well, I do vowels cost money.

Let's spin it again. It doesn't make any sense. In this game, the vowels cost money. Stupid. But you know what? It works. It's on a long time.

I can't mess with success. No one questions it. It has landed on TikTok Live NPCs. Does anyone here know what I mean when I refer to TikTok Live? Some of you do, some of you don't. Is this like the pony girl thing? Basically what it is, is someone cracked the

code, which is that on TikTok Live, you can make a pretty surprising amount of money by pretending to be a video game NPC and acting out over and over again repetitive NPC gestures and noises for gifts, digital gifts, that you can then turn into real currency.

And so what ends up happening is somebody will say something over and over again. They'll do like NPC hands, kind of like this. And they'll go, Mmm, ice cream so good. Yum, yum, yum. Mmm, ice cream so good. Yum, yum, yum. Hmm. Ice cream. So good. Yum, yum, yum. Thanks for the gift. Thanks for the gift for hours and hours a day, hours and hours a day.

And this is spreading like wildfire across Tik TOK. If you go to Tik TOK live now and scroll through it's person after person, after person pretending to be a non-playable character from a video game, receiving digital gifts for money, and then acting out whatever the gift is meant to have them do. And what is wild about it is it almost feels like Invasion of the Body Snatchers because you will watch a person make a video being like, you see these crazy people? What are these people up to? This is nuts. Then the next video, they made how much? Then the next video, if I start doing this, don't say anything. You may see me do this.

Tell no one. Don't tell, I know. I know. Shut the fuck up. And then the next day, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Oh, hot dog, hum, hum, hum. But why don't you like it, though? Why don't I like it? Is it because you're not racking it in? That's a great question.

Wait, hold on. Before you answer, Nemesh has a question. I know the answer, but he's curious. What is an NPC? That's a great question. It's a non-playable character

from a video game. So in a video game, when you go into the merchant shop, there'll be a person behind the counter that goes, hello, stranger. Thanks for coming into my store. We're out of that.

We're out of that. And so it's basically reenacting a video game character in real life with all the motions and the stiltedness from like late 2000s, early 2010s video game type NPCs. I don't have a problem with these people taking the algorithm wherever it takes them to make money. My larger problem is like the internet has like fundamentally transformed like the value of what creative people do when they work together and created this market for individuals, some of whom get phenomenally wealthy.

A lot of other people are struggling and those things are really connected because in the same way that a few people in entertainment are accruing vast amounts of money, whether they run companies or the biggest stars in the world, it's the whole industry saying, we don't know what works anymore. We don't know how to make money anymore. So we're just going to give money to the people we can count on, to the people that are reliable. Big stars are going to get bigger. Writers that make a hit, they're going

to get tens of millions of dollars. Executives that can do returns and figure out how to make money, we're going to give them millions of dollars. And everybody else is left scrounging at the bottom to figure out how to cobble together a living. Because if they're not one of the select few who've been able to get proven results in a completely uncertain and chaotic and changing industry, then they are left trying to just figure out what the fuck to do with the algorithm to cobble out a life. And now we've got people on the internet who are just basically being trained by a machine to act like a machine. You're saying the issue is like with the landscape that we're into, like that have forced people to start acting like NPCs. I think it's like, I think it's a metaphor.

It's a metaphor for what the internet did to our culture, because basically it destroyed all of these different ways of making art. Like the money, as you said, you get nothing for a stream, right? And now you can sell records, you can go on tour. But the way people consume music destroyed basically a business. And now a few people can do really well and can make it. But the vast majority of people can't figure out a way to make money making music. It has like led to this striation between like the haves and the have-nots. It's led to people who can succeed in music by having the biggest tour of all time that dwarfs

anything that came before, and a vast number of people left at the bottom trying to find a way to crack into this industry. And what's happening on YouTube, what's happening on TikTok Live is that same thing playing out over and over and over again. A few people crack this code. I can make tens of thousands, tons of money being this thing. And so everybody follows behind and tries to do it. And anyway, follow me on TikTok. I will be this show. This is what I will be doing next. And when we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Because we all need it this week. Here it is, the high note. Hi, love it. This is Katie. And I'm actually really stateless at this point because my high note is that I just finished my three year tour in Delaware and I am moving to my next military

assignment in Arkansas, where not only am I going to be close to all of my family, but I am going to spend my off time doing everything that I can to turn Arkansas blue in 2024. And I am so excited for what the future holds. Thanks. Bye. Hi, Lovett. This is Michelle from Missouri, and my hand note this week is celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary with my husband, Bill. He's been a longtime listener of Pod Save and your show

and has recently brought me into the fold. We love listening and love sharing what has made us laugh out loud this week. So thanks for that. I love it. This is Astrid from Los Angeles. And my high note of the week, or actually of the year, is getting introduced to your podcast. I'm going to college for the first time this year,

and I was really scared that being so far away from my family was going to be really hard for me. But my mother and my sister, my lovely family, introduced me to your show, and I was hooked immediately the first time I listened to it. So a big thank you to them for introducing me, and a big thank you to you for doing what you're doing. And I'm going into study film and media.

And hopefully I will go down a path of writing and be able to create just like you do. Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Ariel. And thank you, Lovett. Bye. Hi, Lovett. This is Jen in Boston. My high note is that after missing my chance to see you many times over the years, I was

finally able to get tickets for your New York show. No sooner did I buy them, however, than I realized that I've got a work meeting that week, making it impossible for me to go. I was so crushed that I was going to miss out once again. But then I remembered that it's a team meeting, and fortunately, I'm the head of the team. So I used my power for good, shortened the meeting, and now I can make it to the show. I'll be there with a very dear friend, and I'm especially excited that the tour supports fuck bands, because it's getting really scary out there for the queer and trans kids in

my life, and I want to support them in any way I can. Thanks for all you do, and I cannot wait to see you on the 27th. Thanks, everybody who called in with a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that made you feel hopeful, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Nimesh Patel, Dana Duke, Katie Gavin, Josette Maskin, and Naomi McPherson. Muna, thanks for being here. There are 471 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night, and thanks for coming out. Loverly is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.

Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer, and Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Howie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Pauly Gunalan, Peter Miller, Rebecca Kaplan, Thank you. and Caroline Haywood for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at www.youtube.com slash at Love It or Leave It podcast. That's the best we can do, I guess. Subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content.

Don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on IG and Twitter. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. Design is everywhere in our lives, but it's easy to not notice or take it for granted. 99% Invisible is a weekly exploration of the process and power of design and architecture. It's the stories of who we are through the lens of what we build. Have you ever wondered why we use one kilohertz bloop sound to cover up inappropriate words on the radio or TV or why the historic flag of South Vietnam shows up at right-wing protests? Or when did we start bringing plants from halfway around the world into our homes to begin with? What the hell? Wow. Lots of good questions. 99% Invisible. We'll explore all that and more every Tuesday. Follow and listen to 99% Invisible wherever you get your podcasts.