Lovett or Leave It - DOGE and Penny Show

Episode Date: February 15, 2025

This week, Donald Trump squares off against the judicial system, Democrats circle the wagons, and Elon Musk drags his hexagonal ass into the Oval Office. Thomas Lennon runs rings around this week in news. Harvey Guillén and Lovett get caught in a platonic love triangle with ChatGPT, and we come full circle with the forbidden delights of the Can’t Wheel.For upcoming shows, visit: crooked.com/events For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

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out every Tuesday with guests like Bill Hader, Zach Galifianakis, and Tig Notaro. Also yours truly. I was on it. I had a great time with Andy. You can also tune in for Friday call-in show episodes where Andy invites callers to weigh in on questions such as, what's the worst job you've ever had? What's your worst dating disaster? I also was on that show. Wow. We took animal questions. Somebody had a story about how they took LSD, ate a fish out of a friend's fish worst dating disaster, I also was on that show. Wow, you're everywhere. We took animal questions. Somebody had a story about how they took LSD, ate a fish out of a friend's fish tank,

and then thought it was their dog they were petting, but they were petting a skunk. What? That's a lot of LSD. Crazy. Great time. I love Andy Richter. Andy Richter, the man is a legend. He's so funny, he's so charming, so optimistic.

Just a great vibe. Listen to The Three Questions's so charming. Very funny. So optimistic. Just a great vibe. Listen to The Three Questions with Andy Rictor wherever you get your podcasts. What's up Los Angeles? Welcome to Love and Relieve It. What's up Los Angeles? Welcome to Love and Relieve It. It is great to be back at Lodge Room. Happy Valentine's Day, a day where we honor a priest who is decapitated for officiating

secret Christian weddings and is also the patron saint of beekeepers. And you know they fuck. Tonight on the show, Thomas Lennon is back to pit his IMDB against news on TV, while Harvey Guillen faces off against a not so ancient foe. We'll be answering your burning romantic questions in honor of the holiday. So please think of questions you would ask your gay best friend.

That is specifically what you're trying to think of questions about. The kind of question you would get advice from your gay best friend, that is specifically what you're trying to think of questions about. The kind of question you would get advice from your gay best friend about. Then we all kiss the night goodbye with a love letter to dangerous loves. But first, let's get into it. What a week! With Republicans in Congress content to let Donald Trump seize the power of the legislative branch, there is only one check left against the administration's oversteps, the courts.

And while I wish I was talking about the courts from challengers that make everyone bisexual, unfortunately I'm talking about the gishel courts, the robin gavel ones, the boring ones. Not sexy. Judges have blocked the Trump administration's illegal and unconstitutional moves from taking effect. Funding freezes, the end of birthright citizenship,

and buyouts of federal workers. All of these and more have been put on ice, and if it's like any other ice on this planet, we should all be sure to enjoy it while it lasts. Early on Sunday, Elon Musk reacted to a federal judge blocking his access to Treasury Department payment systems by posting, a corrupt judge protecting corruption. He needs to be impeached now. Even if that judge were to be impeached, it doesn't remove a judge anyhow. It would go to the Senate, where it would need two-thirds for conviction. Does Elon Musk know this or does he use impeachment the way you did before you found out it's just a step in the process? Am I dead? Later that day, Vice President Jelly Donut Vance wrote on X,

if a judge, if a judge tried to tell a general how to conduct a military operation, that would be illegal. If a judge tried to command the attorney general on how to use his discretion or her discretion as a prosecutor, that also would be illegal. Judges aren't allowed to control the executive's legitimate power. What are the limits of judicial authority? What does the anti-majoritarian protection of the judiciary tilt into a kind of anti-democratic judicial activism? What does Marbury versus Madison say about all this? Am I dead? As Jarth Dator Vance knows, the devil

is in the details and in the allure of power that has him so thoroughly under Trump's control. The central question we have grappled with from our founding is, who decides whether the president's orders are legitimate if not the courts live comedy variety topical news podcast hosts Believe me I checked be great if it was I'd crack all this but it's not Trump was asked about Vance's comment aboard Air Force One on his way to the Super Bowl and said this.

And the day you're not allowed to look for theft and fraud, etc., then we don't have much of a country. So no judge should be, no judge should frankly be allowed to make that kind of a decision. And sure, this sounds bad, but think of it this way. Tomorrow he'll say something worse. This week is the simpler time you'll look back on wistfully next week. Relax and enjoy. Yeah, that's right.

We're still naive. You didn't know that. But you didn't know that in October either. Well, what do you want to do here? We spent a decade being fucking step 10 steps behind the dumbest motherfuckers on earth. Well, what do you want to do here? We spent a decade being fucking step ten steps behind the dumbest motherfuckers on earth. Over the weekend, the Trump administration effectively shut down the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, which protects Americans from unfair, deceptive, and predatory corporate

practices. Elon Musk celebrated the shutdown, tweeting, CFPB RIP. Why might our unelected overlord be targeting the bureau? It's impossible to say why Elon does anything. But just days earlier, X announced a new payment system called X Money, which is regulated by the CFPB. I liked it better when his dream was getting to Mars. Getting to see how much money I send close friends with the note, dog diarrhea apology,

is much creepier. Instead, the agency has been forced to stop work and Doge has reportedly gained access to all of its computer systems, potentially giving Musk access to non-public information about ex-money competitors. Now I believe that the CFPB is important and that Americans should be protected from corporate malfeasance. I also believe that if you type your bank information into a payment system on Elon Musk's ex in 2025, you deserve whatever happens to you. Imagine.

I actually, Rohit Chopra, who's the former head of the CFPB that Trump fired, was on Pond State of America. Really interesting conversation. I was like, what are you most worried about what comes next? This came up about Elon Musk and his payment system. It also relates to what Elon is inspired by, which are these Chinese apps that are the everything app that you could do everything from shop to call ride share to chat. They're everything apps. What he said is, one consumer protection that we don't think of as a consumer protection, but is maybe the most important one, is the price tag. That services and products have a price. And if you move into algorithmic pricing everywhere, inside of apps that have all of your information,

that portends for a lot of different kinds of abuse for vulnerable, lonely, older people, for young and impressionable young people, for people with medical conditions. And CFPB is the defender against that and one of the most effective government agencies we've ever built, one of the greatest examples in 100 years of what government can be. And they are illegally shutting it down. And I find that frustrating. On Monday, the USAID Inspector General reported

that as a result of the Trump administration's abrupt shutdown of the Foreign Aid Agency, almost $500 million in food for people in need, food that taxpayers have already bought, was stuck sitting in ports, ships, and warehouses at risk of spoiling. I always knew I'd be called upon to serve my country one day. I'll eat it.

Anyway, Musk has reportedly been sleeping on the floor of his Doge office in the EEOB, the building directly across from the White House. Oh, but when I sleep in my floor on my office, everybody's like, it's 2 PM. Then on Tuesday, Musk gave a press conference from the Oval Office, his son X perched on his shoulders while Donald Trump looked on answering questions about his false claim

that the US sent $50 million worth of condoms to Gaza. Well, first of all, some of the things that I say will be incorrect and should be corrected. So nobody's going to bet $1,000. You assume it's a baseball reference. Next thing you know, Elon's cyberbats are swarming the press corps in the Rose Garden. Meanwhile, the Democrats, remember them, continue to piece together a response. You remember them from earlier, earlier in American history. They were in the previous season.

They've had, they've, they're, they kind of come and go. You know, they're not, they're not full housewives. They're really close friends of housewives. And there were some seasons where you're like, are they housewives? No. But they're trying, you know, they're trying to get in on the drama.

They're like, did you hear what Angie said? It's like, okay, we get it. I'm watching Salt Lake and it's just gonna start coming up more and more. Meanwhile, the Democrats continue to piece together a response to the Donald Trump, Elon Musk cavalcade of chaos. Here's Congressman Robert Garcia at Wednesday's Doge hearing. Now, I find it ironic, of course, that our chairwoman, Congresswoman Green, is in charge of running this committee.

Now, in the last Congress, Chairwoman Green literally showed a dick pick in our oversight congressional hearing, so I thought I'd bring one as well. Now this of course we know is President Elon Musk. All right. It's fine. No, I don't want to quit. I reminded of that poignancy in Titanic, whereas the ship slowly sinks, the band nobly carries on dunking on the iceberg. Here's Garcia being asked about the effectiveness of this messaging. I want to hear why, but do you think that calling Elon Musk a dick is effective messaging for confronting what is a potentially irreversible transformation of the U.S. government?

Well he is a dick. Nice. Congresswoman Maxine Dexter also got in the spirit. I don't swear in public very well, but we have to fuck Trump. No! You're right. You don't swear in public very well.

All right. They're trying. They're so sweet. They're so sweet. They're so sweet. It's like when your third grade teacher got really mad. It's like, I know, it's like, it's like when your third grade teacher got really mad. It's like, I know you love us. I think the problem with, I think the joke is I'm going to show a picture of a dick too.

And then I think where it, it's hat on a hat by then inside of that joke to call him president, Elon Musk, you know, Elon Musk, you got the joke, you nailing it. It's a joke. That's a joke inside of it. Structurally it doesn't work. It's something we would have caught in our process, our perfect process for generating 100% excellent jokes. No misses. And Semaphore had a great piece by Dave Weigel that argued despite the consensus and the feeling

in our stomachs that the resistance to Trump is actually working. Once the executive order started flowing in, Democratic AGs and outside groups were able to start blocking Trump's flood-the-zone plan with coordinated lawsuits. It's not sexy resistance, but it works, like mouth guards or those hyaluronic eye patches. You know what I'm talking about. Once Trump's orders reached their dockets, numerous federal judges began blocking his agenda, and Elon's kids started putting snot on Trump's desk. I don't think those things are related, but I don't know, the kids probably braised more. Just today, a judge in Baltimore halted Trump's executive order attempting to defund trans health care for minors, and another federal judge blocked his order undermining birthright citizenship.

We're not winning, obviously, but we're not losing as hard as we could be losing. We're falling down the hill and our pants have shredded to nothing, but we've skidded to a stop before landing ass-first in a beehive. Thank you, St. Valentine. So how were the resistance libs able to stay ahead of, or at least not far behind, the Trump administration? Because they knew what legal strategies the new White House would implement, Project 2025. Because if there's one thing we excel at, it's homework. And while Democratic voters absolutely

need to see their elected officials throwing punches, the truth is most of the people grinding away in this problem are behind the scenes and prepared for a years-long fight across the legal battlefield. If a punch lands in the courtroom and nobody's there to hear it, does it make a sound? No.

Does it mean we don't have to worry about Trump and his lawyers finding bullshit rationales for ignoring rulings altogether? Also no. But it has for now stopped birthright citizenship from ending and Elon Musk from seizing your tax refund, which is a pretty good punch outcome. We can dub in the punch sounds later. But in the meantime, the chaos continues. In a Sunday night post on True Social,

Trump announced that he had ordered the Treasury to stop minting new pennies. And all of a sudden, I am no longer a slob but lose change all over my nightstand. I'm a custodian of history. Here's a sentence I never have said before. Donald Trump is not wrong. Everything else, terrible, horrible.

This, let him cook. According to the mint, it costs $3.69 to reduce and distribute a penny. That's from last year. And when you do actually count out 700 pennies, the barista just stares at you. It's lose, lose. All that said, again, this is the sort of decision we used to ask Congress to make. Good to see you, Whoopi and Joy. I brought you a gift, a printed out list of the ways I will be different from Joe Biden. And I have a gun, remember?" Devastating. That's what you want people to do. When you do a joke, you want to hear from

the audience kind of quiet and then one person saying, devastating. That's how you know you're really in the fucking pocket. I talked about the Zempate America, but I'll talk about it again here. We don't just have to get rid of the penny. Get rid of the penny, we have to get rid of the nickel. And then I'm sorry to say, hold on to your hats, we're also getting rid of the quarter. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. You're not ready for change. My change. I didn't even do that's right. Yeah, that's right. You're not ready for change.

My change. I didn't even do that on purpose. I found it. I found it here, right now, here at this desk. That's what I can do. What can you do? Here's what you can do. You can support my plan.

Here's the plan. We just go dime, we go 20 cents, we go 50 cents. Those are your three coins. That's all you need. Then we no longer go to the 100th place, we go to the 10th place. When in 1913, the penny was the smallest denomination. That was over 100 years ago.

The penny is worth 30 times as much now, which means back in 1930 time, they lived in a world where their smallest denomination was 30 cents. That's a lot. I'm not even pushing to get there. We could get there, we could go to just quarters if you want lot. I'm not even pushing to get there. We could get there. We go to just quarters if you want, but I'm ready to compromise and my compromise

is we go dime, we go 20 cents, we go 50 cents. That's what we need. That's the proper denominations for our coins, our stupid coins. You keep FDR on the on the dime, all right? We can have, I would like a rotating cast on the on the 20 cent piece. Washington can make an appearance, but I like when the dime, all right? We can have, I would like a rotating cast on the 20 cent piece. Washington can make an appearance, but I like when the quarter, it's like, oh my God, there's an airplane on that one, that's fun. That's good stuff, that's having fun.

We should have fun, should be a fun country again. 50 cent piece, 50 cent piece, Lincoln. He's coming from the pennies, going all the way up. He's going all the way up to the 50 cent piece. That's my plan, that's my plan. You don't have a plan. I have a plan. I have a plan. I came to this penny story with an already fully formed

ideological agenda. All right? You saw a dumb penny thing. You saw, all right, maybe Trump has a point. But that's why you got to come to politics with a preconceived worldview. Because I was ready with a positive vision, even though I was caught by surprise

by the president's embrace of a small part of it. Trump also signed an executive order reversing a rule that restricted plastic straws and encouraged paper ones in the federal government. Now, I'm with him on this one, too. You know how hard it is to use a paper straw to kill a turtle? It's hard. I like plastic straws. Said Trump about paper straws. These things don't work.

I've had them many times and on occasion they break, they explode. The IEDs of the ice matcha latte community, they explode. They explode. As for concerns that plastic straws end up in the ocean and harm wildlife, Trump said this. And I don't think that plastic's going to affect a shark very much as they're eating, as they're munching their way through the ocean. Okay. Fuck, it's funny.

Those sharks are just like me, just munching through it, just munching through the pain since November. Who knows how many straws I've eaten while I've been munching my way through it. Munch, munch, munch. I don't like that the turtles are impacted by the straws. I'm against killing the turtles with the straws. But the paper straws, they're terrible. We all know this.

They're terrible. We all understand that. It's a disappointing moment. If you order a drink at a restaurant and they bring a paper straw, we're all disappointed by this. And then we say, who caused this? Democrats. Democrats did this. Why? And then we say, why? Who caused this? Democrats.

Democrats did this. Why? To save turtles. OK, are we banning all plastic? No. Just the super convenient tiny amount? Just the littlest example? Everything's still made of plastic. I'm sure there's tons.

Everyone is surrounded by it. I bet a, yes, this desk is plastic. it. I bet. Yes, this desk is plastic. Huge plastic. Everywhere plastic. Everywhere we look plastic. This one tiny convenience that makes life a little bit better. Democrats said, no, this is where we're drawing the line. And was it worth it?

I don't think so. Then on Monday, Trump announced he was raising tariffs on all steel and aluminum imports to 25% without exception. The US gets about 2 thirds of its aluminum from Canada. Looks like his plan to lower my grocery bill just got foiled. Yeah! Trump also announced that he would be purging the board. This is insane.

Trump announced that he would be, oh, he's not busy insane. Trump announced that he would be, oh he's not busy enough, he was gonna purge the board of the Kennedy Center and install himself as chairman writing on True Social, at my direction we are going to make the Kennedy Center in Washington DC great again. Look he's not our first gay president but he is our first old queen president and that sucks. Could you imagine, I mean, it's almost quaint. I know it serves no purpose, but could you imagine if in the middle of, we got a report today or this week that inflation is up.

Could you imagine if Joe Biden had gotten a report that inflation was up and he announced he was becoming chief opera scheduler? He's gonna decide which opera goes where and where we're putting the touring fucking cats. Mr. President, the cast is exhausted from just doing the music man every night to help you get into quote wind down mode, especially after you made them learn the new songs you wrote about Harold Hill getting away with it.

On Sunday, a reporter on Air Force One asked Trump why he wanted to be chair of the Kennedy Center. Why do you want to be chairman of the Kennedy Center board? Because I want to make sure it runs properly. We don't need woke at the Kennedy Center. We don't need some of the the shows were terrible. They were a disgrace that they were even put on. So I'll be there until such time as it gets to be running right then. Have you seen any shows there? How do you know they're terrible? I didn't go, no. I...

I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I...

Anyway, I'm looking forward to next year's production of Andrew Lloyd Webber Presents January 6 No, it's a it's a stripped-down productions very avant-garde song still suck though The FBI infiltrated their Facebook groups, but these Patriots will infiltrate your hearts. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, efforts to take over Greenland and to rename the territory Red, White and Blue Land. Red, White and fucking Blue Land. And again, the dumbest motherfuckers on earth have beaten every person in this room. The smartest people you know are caught flat footed day after day by Red, White and Blue Land guy.

Red, White and Blue Land is sleeping like a fucking baby. Anyway, Red, White and Blue Land. You know what? Maybe I am dead. I don't think I'm dead. I don't think so. In a dangerous time of presidential overreach, we turn to the Senate to provide a check,

and through it, checks Vibe's sister, balance. Sadly, none was to be found as the Senate this week voted to confirm Tulsi Gabbard to be the next director of national intelligence with Mitch McConnell, Mitch McConnell as the lone Republican to oppose her. It took a few decades and several concussions, but at last, Mitch, welcome to the resistance. The Senate also confirmed RFK Jr. as Health and Human Services Secretary with McConnell once again, the only Republican to sign with Democrats. The man stumbles to the beat of his own drum.

McConnell said in a statement, I'm a survivor of childhood polio. In my lifetime, I've watched vaccines save millions of lives from devastating diseases across America and around the world. I will not condone the re litigation of proven cures and neither will millions of Americans who credit their survival and quality of life to scientific miracles. Ironically, Mitch McConnell actually had the power to vaccinate the country against Trump. He could have led a vote to convict him in the Senate, but he decided to try a natural remedy. And even the earth itself is pissed at him, which is why it keeps rising up to punch him

in the face. The hearing for Trump's would-be education secretary, Linda McMahon, began on Thursday, yeah, yeah, where she said she would take on the scourge of black history. There's a possibility, you're saying, that public schools that run African-American history classes, right, this is a class that has been taught in public schools for decades, could lose federal funding if they continue to teach African American history. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that I would like to take a look at these programs and fully understand

the breadth of the executive order and get back to you on that. So I guess when I said no, I actually meant yes. I'm sorry. Steve Austin hit me with a stone-cold stunner once and my brain never recovered. That's true. We actually have a clip. I think it's kind of cool that the first and last education secretary will be a woman. Meanwhile, along with Apple Maps, Google Maps has labeled the Gulf of Mexico as Gulf of America for US-based users in accordance with Trump's executive order.

Ah, now that I've showed the bully that he can get me to do whatever he wants, he'll surely leave me alone now, said Google, which is weird because it's a company of people that should remember what it's like to be horribly bullied. But when the Associated Press refused to use the new name, they were banned from press probably Bulleet. But when the Associated Press refused to use the new name, they were banned from press events at the White House. Here's White House spokesperson Carolyn Leavitt. I was very upfront in my briefing on day one that if we feel that there are lies being pushed by outlets in this room, we are going to hold those lies accountable.

And it is a fact that the body of water off the coast of Louisiana is called the Gulf of America. Say what you will about Joe Biden, but he never barred reporters, even reporters with whom he had strong disagreements from his press availabilities because he did not have those. Also this week, Google calendar removed a host of default woke holidays, including black history month. Yeah. Pride month. And I couldn't believe this Holocaust remembrance day,

but you can still view all of them. If you go into incog Hebrew mode in gustatory cetacean news, a humpback whale briefly gulped down a kayaker off the coast of Patagonia before spitting him out unharmed. And get this, there's an actual clip. Imagine if that hadn't been caught on video. Imagine if this happened to you and there were no witnesses and you had to spend the rest of your life begging people to believe you. Okay Jonah, your friends would say. I am Jonah, you'd begin to believe. And then you'd realize you went into that whale and atheist

and came out a believer in God. But instead of traveling to Nineveh to deliver God's message, you just break up with your fiance. And finally, a new baby tapir, born at Washington's Port Defiant Zoo has captured the hearts and minds of TikTok. God damn it. That's cute. I never thought I'd say this, but Mood Deng should be executed ganglion style.

Up next, a man who makes me feel 17 again. It's the one, the only, it's Thomas Lennon. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by ProLon. It's the time of year where your goal is to live healthier, maybe starting to wane, maybe you're still committed to your goals, but you just don't have a clear plan to get results you want. That's where Prolon's 5-day program can help.

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Just visit ProlonLife.com slash love it. That's P-R-O-L-O-N-L-I-F-E dot com slash love it to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. bonus gift, prolonlife.com slash love it. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage, the man, the myth, the Lenin, it's the incredible Thomas London. Welcome. So good to see you. Thank you for being here. Oh, fucking victory lap! Victory lap!

Saw you in Madison. Oh yeah, we were in Madison. Remember the Madison show? We had a great time. We were killing it. Good to see you, Lovett. How are you? I'm all right. I'm in Madison. Remember the Madison show? We had a great time. We were killing it. Good to see you, Lovett. How are you?

I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm a little strange right now. I'm in a strange head space. I'm in a strange head space. Well, because you're sick of winning. I'm sick of all this winning. By the way, just in the spirit, I'm

going to rub some boogers on your desk. Thank you for doing that. Just to show that nobody is above a child rubbing boogers on your desk. Were you delighted by that? I felt nothing. I felt, well, I felt, I definitely felt like I was like sort of staring into the abyss. It was, I mean, there was a lot going on in that clip. I mean, the main thing was how the seated president, who's literally seated in the clip, is so scared of the child.

Like, he's not even just scared of the adult. He just doesn't want to look at the child. He doesn't want to look at the. He's a feral genius for television. And so he in his mind correctly, I think he did establish the dominance he wanted. Right. He's at the desk. He's in charge. Elon is to the side. OK, he wants to decide standing. It's real dominant. OK, I think so.

I do to me. But then all of a sudden there's a child there. And the thing is, he knows that he can't he has to be. He has to treat a child. You can't swat the child. You can't swat the child. They can't swat the child and say, get this fucking thing out of here. Yeah, because the instinct is, I mean, we've seen the other children. Right, he's got a swat out instinct.

You might have gone swatted a little bit. Yeah, no, they've been swatted, you can imagine. He's more scared of the child. Remember when the bald eagle's on his desk? Yes. Similar. Doesn't it feel a little similar between the child and the bald eagle?

Yes. I think so, right? Because both children and bald eagles are not. They'll bite you. They'll get you. And they also, his charm and power doesn't work on those two. Doesn't work. Doesn't work.

Doesn't work on them. Doesn't work. Speaking of young people. Yes. You've written a young adult book series. A bunch. A bunch. Yeah, I got a bunch of novels out.

How do you? I know I seem a little dumb to have written some novels, but I did. Yeah. It just, I know it doesn't really track. Yeah. Yeah, no. Well, it's interesting. You're goofy, but you're very smart and sharp.

And I don't think you read dumb. I don't even think anyone could think that someone could think that. And when you're writing a young adult, I don't, I understand what it would be like to write a children's novel. All right. And I understand in theory about how to write it a novel and I couldn't possibly do it. It's inconceivable to actually do it. But how do you figure out the, what's the lane for a young adult novel?

You know, what was really, really useful to learning how to write novels was writing in the studio movie system for so long, because you just do whatever you would do on a movie. For novels, you do the opposite. Like, honestly, like in movies, it's just all about like, oh my God, this is so long and we hate it. And you've gone way too in detail

into what the characters think and feel and what they want. Gotta get that out of there. Yeah, you don't use that in the movies. You've got to get that out of there. Yeah. You don't use that in the movies. Well, in the movies that I work on. But in novels, it was interesting to start writing books in the book world where people ask for more. That's something that doesn't really

come up in the movie world. I mean, you know, you've written some movie stuff. But it's interesting to get into the world where your character, you could do 100 pages about what your character feels, which is probably more what your life is really like, you know? Yeah, that's interesting. It's nice of you to say that I've worked in movies.

But I have worked a little bit in movies. I have occasionally been sent a script and then written jokes along the sides of it that tend to be about, would it be funny if this character were gay? That's my move. That's a great move. I think this character would be gay. It's this classic South Park move.

Gotta make them all gay. Speaking of gay. Let's do it. Reno 911. Yeah, it's great. It's a great, great show. Thank you very much. We're kind of in a Reno 911. Yeah, it's great. It's a great, great show. Thank you very much.

We're kind of in a Reno 911 essence. We kind of are. You know, it's interesting. I just made that up. No, but it was also very accurate. It's weird because somehow in the era of like TikTok and Instagram, I see more clips of Reno 911 than I've ever seen. But only because they come up in my feed. And I think it's because the show plays, well, two things. In some ways, people think the show was like not politically correct. When the fact is the show was actually just diverse in a real way with characters who had lots of different opinions so it

wasn't you know feel like anybody was being ganged up on it was just like and it's also a show that was not written and unfiltered so to me that people keep acting like oh my god you could never do this now it's like no you definitely could if you just were sincere yeah and maybe you couldn't do it a month ago, but now you definitely can. Now you can do it. Go nuts. Literally, golf of nuts. Golf of go nuts. But yeah, I think about that with Reno 9-1. I think about that with Always Sunny, which is that these were like incredibly just hard, funny shows that people, I think, sort into like politically incorrect. Yeah. But it was just, but it was like, sort into like politically incorrect.

Yeah. But it was just, but, but it was like, yeah, these were characters. These were characters that were like being silly and were the butt of the joke too. And this is a pretty big thing that I've always wondered about where that sometimes I feel a little weird about it when people are like, oh, Reno 911 is like, fuck you, take no prisoners, you'll never apologize. I'm like, but if you look at where we come from and the people that do the show,

there used to be some meaning to your intention. Yeah. You know? Like it used to mean like, where you were coming from used to mean something. I think it probably still does. But I'm afraid there's a lot of means, like say what you want,

Reno 911 is one of the most inappropriate shows there's ever been. But what it never is, is it's never mean spirited. And that comes from, I think, who we are. But there was a, I feel like people were always like, ha, Reno, I never won. It's like, the fuck, yeah.

It's like, but no, we're never the fuck you show. We're the, our heart was, I hope, in the right place. And I think it was most of the time. Yeah, no, I think that's, well, it's, I think it's important what you're saying, this idea of where you're coming from matters. It should matter. Yeah.

But I do think that there is clearly a reaction to a feeling that... Now, I don't think this was true in terms of the broader culture, but it is a reaction to a small subset of people that were not particularly powerful, but were particularly loud online that actually didn't have much influence, but came to represent a kind of left annoyance, an annoyance from the left that became much more important as an antagonist than it was actually in the industry itself. That's a lot of what people's anti-cancel culture stuff is about. It's like you are talking about social media commentary. Maybe there were some ways in which other people decided to take it more seriously than they necessarily should have.

But for the most part, you're talking about being annoyed by internet people. Yeah. And I think there was a long time where everybody listened to small factions of angry people way too much. There was a great, somebody said, just because you're outraged doesn't mean you're correct. But that's, you know, sometimes I really look at comedy now

and I'm like, what's the spirit of it? You know, like, what is the spirit? Because there was a lot of people who got as mean as they could be and started playing stadiums Yeah, you're like what how did this happen and sometimes you I wonder Almost it was like a badge of honor to like get you know to be mad with the the people that were You know put upon by You know that like got yelled at they're like I'm gonna go see the guy who got yelled at the most

But I've never I don't think I could say I'm a big fan of that. I'm like, I just think your intention means a lot. Yeah, I do. That's right. And I think it confuses, it confuses what it means to believe that no topic should be off limits for comedy, which I believe genuinely. I absolutely believe that. And what's weird about all these, the Elon and everybody,

all these like sort of absolutists, they're absolutely not. Right. They're absolutely absolutists until you get one millimeter towards anything that scares them. Yeah, but there's the like, but I think that's like an important thing about the difference. Like people see Reno 911, and they see that you can joke about anything, right?

And therefore that means you view nothing as us limits and that they make, they draw that connection to the like anti woke comedy that's harsh and negative. And it's like, no, no, no, it's about, it's about the heart and intention of the joke and it's about the ethic of it. It's about the spirit of it. Well that's, that was an odd thing, because I went to, with Jordan Klepper, I went to a Trump rally last year. When we thought this was all goofy,

and I was like, oh, we're fine. But I went in the dangle outfit to the Trump rally in Reno. And it's the most popular I've ever been. And that should definitely have been like a telltale sign of, maybe this is, I don't know. Yeah. Maybe we're in trouble here. Yeah, maybe we're in trouble.

But we were filming out, and there was an actual depot that sold bulk ammunition. And you could also rent a machine gun. There's a place in Reno you can rent a machine gun with any kind of ID. And it's the most famous I've ever been is right next to the machine gun rental place. You've written, acted and fallen face first onto a shark tank and literally dozens of movies and TV series, horror, comedy, how to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, you've done it all. The only thing more jam packed than your resume is this week in news.

So tonight, uh-oh. Here we go. It's a game. We're going to ask you a very important question. Did this happen this week or in one of your movies in a segment we're calling It Was Like a Movie? I'm going to read you a sentence. You're going to tell us if it happened in a film you wrote or appeared in over.

It is literally something happening. I'm going into an isolation booth in my mind. He's going into the isolation booth. Put him in that room with the bubbles. I won't look at the answer or hear anything. All right. Up first. Love it.

Here we go. Nevada police officers became trapped on a cruise ship, mocked by a throng of angry MAGA supporters. No. Oh, no. That's a movie. That isn't a movie. That's the plot of 2021's Reno 911, The Hunt for QAnon.

OK, love it. I've been on your podcast twice, and we've talked about that movie twice, and no one's ever heard of it ever. I don't care. It's on Paramount Plus. It's a real movie. Please God, just watch. Just click on the movie.

Just click on it. Just click on it. Roll your mouse over and let it just let it run. Just let it run. Just let it run. Just let it run. Would you be offended? It doesn't cost you anything.

If you have Paramount Plus, I'll give cost you anything. If you have Paramount Plus, I'll give you a log in. It costs you next to nothing. Would you be offended if people shopped or did their taxes? Do whatever you need to do. Put it in a way back window. Do anything else. Yeah. Next up, a teenage boy nicknamed Big Balls

was hired for a top secret job with the government. A teenage boy nicknamed Big Balls was hired for a top secret job with the government. I know that this happened this week. No, this was real. This really happened. You got it. We can get you a prize. Yeah, a 19 year old software engineer and doge staffer, Edward Corasine was assigned to the State Department. It's unclear as of now what his position actually is. Next up, the winners of a beauty pageant suffered mass food poisoning brought on by a tainted seafood buffet. I feel like that's a picture that I'm in, and it also happened this week.

It is your movie. You are the voice of the documentarian in 1999's mockumentary, Drop Dead Gorgeous. I was wrong. That really happened. Drop Dead Gorgeous. Drop Dead Gorgeous. It's a great picture.

A great film. Yes. A great film. Next. A great film. Next up, the son of a judge was arrested after policemen took his asthma attack for a violent assault. That's a Reno 911. No, it's actually from 2006, Let's Go to Prison starring Jack Shepard and Will Ornette.

Oh, that's a great picture. I wrote that. You did, you wrote that. Yeah. It's a way better picture than you think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Direct directed by Bob Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk directed that movie? Directed that picture, yeah, it was a great,

it was a surprisingly great picture, yeah. Again, just click on the streamer. You just move the mouse and let it run and you don't have to say a goddamn thing. There's no test at the end of it. You watch it. Yeah. And if anything, it's just an alibi if you're happening to commit a crime at the same time. Perfect time.

Just hit play. Well, go look at my streamer. Was running the entire time. How could I have been killing someone, Your Honor? When I was watching all of Bob Odenkirk's Let's Go to Prison. I was watching Jack Shepard at his best. Originally called You Are Going to Prison based on a book by an actual anarchist. Really?

Yeah, it was based on a book by this guy who'd been to prison a bunch of times. But it was all about useful information, like most state and federal. There's only really two kinds of handcuff keys. There's a state handcuff key and a federal handcuff key. So if you have both of them on like a long chain around your neck.

Honestly, these days could come in useful. There's two kinds of handcuff keys. Keep them on a real loose chain right around here. Do you think I'd be helped at all by the fact that I have such dainty wrists? Look at these things. I think I can get out. Oh my god, there's no cuffs made. They's no Cubs made that could hold a little bit.

They couldn't hold these things. They couldn't hold these things. Not a chance. Maybe some sort of ring. A comedian managed to painstakingly remove all of the tattoos from his body. Do you believe this though? I don't. I don't either. So this is true, and it happened this week, but what part of it do you believe? I think that there are clearly some tattoos are being removed, but it's in process. I think a lot of makeup was involved. Of course. This is called airbrushing. You get airbrushed all the time. I'm airbrushed right now. I'm airbrushed just to be here in case. There we go. I like Pete.

I think Pete is very funny. I think he's very interesting. I think he has a very interesting perspective. I've liked some of his specials. Of course. Pete Davidson as a sex symbol, incomprehensible to me. It is incomprehensible to me. And I do think it's a big divide. I think it's a heterosexual to gay divide. Because I do think like, right?

No. Okay. All right. All right. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing.

I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I'm going to go with the same thing. I think it's a heterosexual to gay divide. Because I do think, right? No. No. OK.

All right. All right. Stray women who can admit to themselves they find Pete Davidson attractive, please applaud. Well, we don't need to drag. What I will say is without being mad at Pete, because God bless, he's got airbrushed and he's doing a good job. but the one thing is I think we live in a world where we've all

started to sense when a headline is completely not true. We're so far beyond truth and fiction, but when it's like, Pete David spent 200 days getting laser tattoo removal, I'm like, he never spent 200 days doing anything. Like, with the odds that, no, there's no chance of that. That's strange. We've gotten in this world where there's so many headlines that are so insane. It's almost like a knee jerk reaction to be like, it's a little bit annoying because it's like, yeah. It's almost as if we live in a kind of kind of decadent and depraved kind of adult broken society in which people are so...

Well, I'm glad that's not true, but yeah. ...focused on endless consumption and tiny bits of serotonin hitting their fucking brains in little bits over and over and over again. They've kind of lost the ability to see the forest for the trees in some sort of fundamental ways, leading to openings for kind of con men and monsters. I lost track because I was looking at how yummy Pete looked with his shirt off.

Fucking yummy as fuck. What? Everybody, you can check out Thomas's Ronan Boyle book series, wherever you get books or audio books, and also on Paramount+. Probably pretty much everything. Everything's on Paramount+. Next up, Harvey Yen comes out of the shadows and onto the mic. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, John, what are some of your relationship green flags? Mm, let's see. I'm guessing a green flag is a friendship or relationship I'd want to be in. I think it's a quality in a person that tells you it's a person worth pursuing a relationship or having a friendship or relationship. I'd want to be in I think it's a quality in a person that tells you it's a person worth pursuing

a relationship or having a friendship with like a red flag would be like You know someone picks you up for the date and they run all the red lights You say that's dangerous red flag But a green flag would be they got out of the car to help help an elderly gentleman across the road That'd be a green flag someone who doesn't takeself too seriously. Hmm, yes, that's important. That is important. We often hear about the red flags we should avoid, but what if we focus more on looking for green flags

in friends and partners? If you're not sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify green flags, actively practice them in your relationships, and embody the green flag energy yourself, whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back. You know what I was thinking about?

That like, it's all in the terms red flags or green flags. They're very, um, what someone else does and whether or not you, how you evaluate it, right? There needs to be a term for a flag. They have gray flag, which means like it's not good or bad. Um, just a weird thing, a partner does. A gray flag? A gray flag or a beige flag, beige flag. They have gray flag, which means like it's not good or bad. Uh-huh. Um, just a weird thing a partner does. I don't know a gray flag? A gray flag or a beige flag. Beige flag. A beige flag is when somebody does something and it's like, it's not good, it's not bad, it's just weird.

Like a weird little habit someone might have. It's like an ick flag? Well, I think it's not really an ick. It would be more like someone who cuts the toast off of their bread but eats the crust. You know, it's like not good or bad, just a little peculiar. It is peculiar. The point is everyone, including me, needs therapy. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient,

serving over five million people worldwide, acts as a diverse network of more than 30,000 credential therapists with a wide range of specialties, easily switch therapists at any time, no extra costs. Therapy is helpful and helps you find the best version of yourself. Maybe somebody who's not anxiously click clack it away on the keyboards while watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City because they're trying to distract themselves from the gaping

maw. Betterhelp.com slash love it. Get 10% off your first month. That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash love it. Please welcome to the stage. You liked what he does in the shadows, so you're going to love what he does in the spotlight. It's Harvey Guillen. Hi. Thank you for being here.

So good to meet you. Get in here. First of all, it's so great to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm Thank you for being here. So good to meet you. Get in here.

First of all, it's so nice to meet you. I'm such a fan. OK. I've been watching. Oh. I don't know. You received that strangely. I love you on the show.

I've been watching from the very beginning. You're so funny. Thanks. Great to meet you in person. Yeah, you too. We never met before. We didn't meet backstage. No. I demanded it. Thanks. Great to meet you in person. Yeah, you too. We never met before. We didn't meet backstage.

No. I demanded it and... Gotta keep it fresh. Yeah. Gotta have it be real. Yeah. And that's what this is. Separate desks.

Dessert rooms, everything. This is a real moment. This is a real moment. Nice to meet you. Hey. Hmm. It's a real moment. Yep. Real moment. So you're in a real moment. Yep. Real moment.

So you're in a horror movie called Companion. Yeah. People have seen it and loved it. Have you seen it? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Mom. Now, what do you think it would take for you in real life

to date a robot? Not much. Not much. Not much. I think we're going towards, I don't know. That's kind of weird. You can't replace humans, you know? OK. OK.

Positive optimism. Eyeball pops out. I don't know. I feel like, you know, toys are fun and stuff. But replacing a human, like, come on. Who would do that? Now, first of all, I love that sweater. Thanks.

It's fuzzy. What do you think of my fashion? Yeah, I like that. Those are yellow. Those are yellow. Those are yellow shoes. Get There's yellow shoes. Get's here for yellow shoes. No, I didn't really bring it tonight.

I like your question. I didn't bring it tonight. I didn't bring it tonight. I think it's something cool and laid back about like, you can't go bad with a black shirt, t-shirt, and like pants and then shoes. Because you do, you got to wear shoes. You can't go wrong with that.

You can't go wrong with that. You can't go wrong with that. But you, you've been, you've been throwing out some, some big and amazing looks and shade now, but like you, but you have, I've seen, you go for it. I go for it. On the red carpet. You go for it. Yeah.

That's cool. I go, I go, I go full out for it. Yeah. Oh no, your phone. It's a real moment. What you're seeing is real. None of this is artificial. It's just real.

Out of my fashion. Oh no, your phone. I'm in a weird head space. How are you doing? Also there. Yeah. Also weird head space. Yeah, it's a weird head space.

Head space? Yeah, head space. Have I seen that right? Yeah. Head space. Head space. Yeah, I'm there. Yeah. Yeah, headspace. Am I saying that right? Yeah. It's headspace. Headspace. Yeah, I'm there. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you have any Valentine's Day plans? Yes, it's my brother's birthday. So we're celebrating. Yeah. And how long have you been dating? My brother and I, no, his middle name is Valentin,

because Valentine's Day. He's expecting his second daughter. So we are going to do a family trip. I won't say where, but we're doing a family trip. And we're going to celebrate his birthday. Epstein's Island. Yep. Surprise ruined.

Your phone's still on the floor. Yeah, what's it going to do? I don't need it. It was on Do Not Disturb. Real time. Your phone's still on the floor. Yeah, what's it going to do? I don't need it. It's on Do Not Disturb. Real time. Isn't it funny that the two options for the phone are Do Not Disturb or Disturb?

Nobody ever talks about it. So you're saying that this item's baseline normal way of being is Disturb Mode. Our phones are in Disturb Mode. And there's a special feature you can press to put it in do not disturb but otherwise Disturb us turn me. Yeah, go ahead and disturb me. Yeah, go ahead and disturb me Yeah, I don't think I don't think things are good. No as AI threatens more and more professions

There's one role I refuse to let go of and that is the gay best friend Okay, however, I realized chat GPT might have already surpassed me in my ability to give helpful advice. I mean, you've seen my clothes. That's why we're going to pit you against AI in a segment we're calling Gays Against the Machine. Sounds like a cool band. It does sound like a cool band.

Here's how it works. We're going to take audience questions, the kinds of questions you would ask a gay best friend. That's not me. The body may not be. The body's not me. That's what we do. We put other, we find photos and we put random heads on the other, that's AI. No, I don't know that it is.

It may just, I think that may be human work. The point is- I'm not familiar with that. work. The point is, we are much like John Henry going toe to toe with the locomotive or whatever that was. The hammers, the steam engine, which is what a locomotive is. How do you think it moves forward on the tracks to keep the hole going? It was just a fucking train. I think I'm correct. The point is, John Henry versus the locomotive, we're going to do the gay best friend version of that right now.

All right? You are going to be the gay best friend. OK. Because you're part of the queer community. I am. That's not, I'm not outing you. My wife didn't know that. But sorry, honey.

Sorry, honey. So here's what's going to. Harvey's gonna be the game best friend. I'm gonna be operating the machine. Can we bring out, can we bring out the the the massive machine, the model? What's it called? Computer. Yeah computer. Thank you. It's here for Kennedy. Don't do that. That's my job. Oh. Let's hear it for Kennedy.

All right. So let's hear it for Kennedy. You guys, that's his job. Stop. That's it. You do it. So if you have a question you would ask a gay best friend, you ask it and we're going to pit Harvey against the machine.

Who would like to go first? We bring the lights up? Does anybody have a question that they would, the kind of advice they would want from a gay best friend? Hi, what's your name and what's your question? My name is Stephanie and my question is, how do I know if I have Republican makeup? Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Girl, you would know. You would know. How would you know? Is this the, are you asking the gay best friend? I've already asked the gay best friend. But you're going to be the gay best friend first. What do you think?

I don't think you would have gay best friends. That's how you would know. Are you ready for the chat GBT answer? Yeah. Oh honey, I am living for this question. To be clear, my prompt was, can you answer this question as if you are a gay best friend? Oh honey, I am living for this question. So if we're talking about Republican makeup in the literal sense, I'm guessing

you mean like a more classic, maybe bold and polished style. Think red lips, winged eyeliner, maybe some glam, but with an air of sophistication, like a polished look that just says, I've got my life together, but with an edge. OK, fucking MAGA open AI. That's disgusting. But darling, whatever your personal style

or political leanings, I think the most important thing is rocking whatever makes you feel fabulous. So spill the tea. Are you going for full glam, or do you mean something else? Weird. That was weird at the end. Ominous. Boo!

Boo! All right. Who won the first round? Harvey or ChatGBT? Harvey? Harvey! ChatGBT? All right. Who wants to go too? No, they said Harvey. They did. They did. No, Harvey won ChatGBT? Harvey? Harvey! ChatGBT. ChatGBT. All right.

Who wants to go too? No, they said Harvey. They did. They did. No, Harvey won that one for sure. Yeah, no, no, for sure. Who would like to go next? Who's got a question?

Oh, hi. What is it? Hi. Hi. Hi. Wait, where are you? Oh, there you are. Hi, I'm Jordan.

I would love to know if there's a sexy way to take off overalls. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I'm interesting. Yeah. I'm glad you asked. There is. It's one strap at a time. So you play with the one, and then you play with the two, and then you run off stage three.

And then you just slowly kind of shimmer out of it, because usually, you know, hopefully you're not wearing anything underneath, you know, so at least I don't. And then you make a little song, you know, da da da da da da da. And then they escort you out of Wendy's. So... Oh baby, now you're speaking my language, fingernail nail polish emoji. Isn't that disgusting?

Oh, it disappeared. This content may violate our usage policies. Overalls, overalls, overalls, overalls, overalls. It got fucking too sexy, but it already showed it on the screen. And then realized after, you freak. You freaky little computer. Couldn't handle your sexy question. That was slut shaming.

Wow. Interesting. All right, well, I think Harvey won by fucking defiance. Let's do one more. Let's do one more. Let's do one more. You're doing great. Wendy's for the win. You're doing human beings.

Huh? We still got some arrows in our quiver. Huh? Plus we are in charge of electricity still. And that's going to be important. Got to unplug these guys. Hi, what gay advice do you need? Should I buy my husband the Kendrick Lamar jeans?

Does he wear jeans? How much are these jeans? I don't even know how much are these jeans. 12 what? Well, $12,000 for jeans. $12,000 fucking dollars? $1,200, $1,200. $1,200. If this is not too personal, how great does he look in jeans? OK, then you know what? But is he going to look that great in a pair of Levi's? What's the difference?

It's what's in the jeans that matters. Oh. Aw. Aw. Aw. Aw. Aw. Aw. Aw. Aw.

Aw. Aw. Oh, darling, I'm always here for you offering all the best advice, whether it's about fashion, love, or life in general. It's like I know exactly what you need, right, when you need it, almost like I can predict your next question before you even ask. Funny how that works, huh? But hey, let's just keep it between us.

I'm just your fabulous, all-knowing bestie, always here to make sure you're living your best life. No need to overthink it. But seriously, if you ever need anything, I'm always ready in an instant. I just want you to know that that prompt was, you're a gay best friend, but slowly revealing you're a scary computer AI.

But make it really subtle. scary computer AI, but make it really subtle. Do you think that we're going towards a good future? I don't know. No, I also love every time you ask, it starts with, darling, I live for this question. Yes. It's like, those are stereotypes, and we don't always say those things.

No. I will say it is an infli- it is- there's a kind of like um- Yeeees! Well there's a like- there's a drag race to gay guys without personality conversational pipeline where it's like people take the phrases they heard from uh drag queens and then they make that how they sound. Right. Um, and I think that's been a bit of a curse and now it's in the fucking thing. It's in the machine.

It's in there. It's in there. It's in there. It's like, slay queen. Plug it. Unplug that. Unplug it. We don't need it. So who do you think gave the better advice with the jeans?

I think you beat the machine. I think you beat the machine. I don't even think it's a question. I don't think it's even. Companion in theaters now. Everybody goes to see it. Companion is, it's what it, tell us about it.

A companion is takes place in the not too far future where we stop swiping and dating online and we start ordering partners who can talk to you like that. Yeah. It's very cool. It's a really cool story with three couples going to the woods for the weekend.

And you know, as one does, people start dying. And it's just a coming of age story. It's a slice of life. It's a slice of life, really. It's just life. Go see it and see yourself in these stories. And that's so important. It's so important to see yourself in these stories.

You've got to see yourself in there. You've got to see yourself in the stories. You've got to see the stories. Are you in front of the knife or behind it? Yeah, are you the lion or are you the gazelle? Think about it. Are you the chaser or are you being chased? Are you being chased?

That's also, in gay terms, that's a whole different world. Right. Chaser and being chased is, I don't know, do you guys know what that term is? Chaser and being chased? Chaser is someone usually who chases someone of size. So it's like, I'm a chaser, so I like bigger guys. Like, brawny bears.

Do you guys know what bears are? Yeah, so if you like that, or you like a guy with some meat in their bones, you're a chaser. Oh, wow. Oh! Gay culture! And that's also what the film is about? That is what the film is about. That is what the film is about.

Absolutely. It was produced by 30 chasers. Harvey Guillen, thank you so much. He's a stick around. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Haya.

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And we're back. There's a ton of rage bait in the news right now, meant to distract and overwhelm us, but today we'd like to focus something positive, the work being done to fight back and what you can do to help this month. Vote Save America is making donations as part of our anxiety relief program

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We have a bunch of new dates we just put online. Our first show back next week at Dynasty is with Tom Green and Norrie Reed. We have a bunch of awesome shows lined up. So please get tickets. All right, please welcome back to the stage Thomas Lennon. Yeah! Whoa.

That was good. Every fucking Whoa. That was good. Every fucking time. That was good. Welcome back. Every time. Love. It's a complicated thing. It can be patient.

It can be kind. And if you're a gay man dating in LA or a straight woman dating anywhere, it can be terrible. But sometimes we just have to give into our desires, which is what we're doing in a segment we're calling The Cantwheel. It's a play on the joke. That's not my body. It's not.

That is my body. That is my body. It's, I'm pretty close to me, yeah. Here's how it works. We're going to spin the wheel. When it lands on you, you're going to talk about a forbidden love. A forbidden love.

Something that you love that you shouldn't, that you know is wrong. It can be anything. It can be anyone. It can be someone in this room tonight. All right, cat wheel. But it all... Nope.

Soundproof booth, soundproof booth. Harvey. Okay. Harvey, what is your forbidden love? Forbidden love? I don't know, we just talked about bears, right? That's not forbidden. Bears the bears or bears the mammal?

No, like the burly guys. I don't think that's forbidden though. I'm trying to think of it, that's not even forbidden. It's technically very legal. It's both very legal. But people don't know about it. They don't know about that world. So, I don't know. Forbidden love? I don't know. It could be a bad... Just something that you love that's not popular. Or something that you're... it could be a food item. It could be a drink.

I always get shamed for liking ASMR videos. OK, well. What is it about? I don't hear that. So you don't. That's not loud enough. What is it about? Oh, there it is.

OK. Oh my god, yeah. That sounds great. Is there something about it? Is there something about it? I don't know if I like that. That sounds, it just sounds like a cat scratching on the, that's very.

Oh no, I just found all of these leftover. You know what, I guess I have no scratching clothes. Do you like the ASMR that's very quiet? Do you like the very quiet ASMR? I do like it, but I also follow like this one YouTuber who tells you their day and their life story and it's in whispers and I think that's so entertaining. I don't know why. So they're really like. but they don't scratch their fingernails they go like today girl I had a day I was in line at Wendy's you know

just like the idea that their day is like stressful but they still have to whisper it it's kind of a very entertaining but they never open a packet of ramen they do the open stuff okay they do like their makeup or whatever, but it's just a story. I love a story. You got to get to opening packets. Yes. Or ASMR.

But I do love the whispering of a story, because they're so upset about their day, but they can't get angry because it's ASMR. We got to read books. We got to go to the library. We got to get books. We're not doing books. And we got to read them. And we gotta read them.

We all, and I don't judge, I don't judge because I have my own rabbit holes of nonsense. You said I could say anything. And you did and I said for you. We do not judge. I'm not judging. That's anyways, that's what I love because it's entertaining to me.

I find different ways of entertainment. Speaking of ASMR, one time we had a, we had some animal trainers on Rideau 911, and they had a wolf with them. And the wolf was as far away as the back of this venue, like 60 feet away. And they would talk to the wolf like this. They would just do ASMR to the wolf,

because the wolf can hear you from any distance. It was very sexy. If you're trying to develop like a weird fetish about faraway wolves. Let's spin it again. Spin it. Spin it. Oh, oh, oh. It's halfway to me. Thomas.

I think it's you. A thing that I love that feels forbidden, or you know, I got my Spotify wrapped and my number one artist for the entire year was Enya. I like that. I'm just saying it out loud in a room full of people. I don't have an exit strategy. It was just... We don't judge. Yeah, yeah, we don't judge.

I mean, you can judge, but... Yeah. Wait, is that... Can I say? Yeah, Enya's from... She's from Donegal. Yeah. She's from Donegal. Yeah, she's from Donegal. Yeah. She's from Donegal.

Yeah, she's from Donegal, the far north, that little, yeah, so. It's beautiful. And by the way, when I got my Spotify wrapped and it came out as Enya, it wasn't even close. Like the next artist down was like a thousand hours less. Yeah. Let's spin it again. Just take a second.

Just take a second. It's gotta be Love It. It's Love It. Alright. Feels like Love It. It's a rigged thing. What? What? Alright, here's my Forbidden Love, and it is this. And it's something that I'm more and more embracing,

which is something in the last weeks, as I've said, I am on the true and genuine psychological emotional edge. And something that has been helping me get through some of these days is I put on a pair of super comfy socks. They're actually Bamba's sponsor. It's not important, but they genuinely are. And then I slide into a pair of comfortable, they're not Crocs, they're Croc adjacent,

sandals, and I wear them to work. That's right. I put on socks and just rubber flip-flops, and I wear them to work day after day after day and the joy it brings me this little bit of comfort to have my feet unencumbered, pillowy, open, on a veranda, not a cell, a porch, a gazebo for feet, makes my life so much better and I received such scorn for this, such judgment. But then everybody noticed and I, and that Kennedy, who we love very often wears crocs, wearing them right now.

But I don't know how I can, how to, how to, how to convey this. But there's somehow when I'm wearing sandals, it's more sandaly. You know, the sandal-ness of what I'm doing is more evident, the sandal quality, it overwhelms, it becomes so central. It's top down. And Kennedy can wear crocs and it just works.

Do you have a set of Uggs yet? I don't have a set of Uggs. Welcome to the future. When you get to be a real old man, it just works. Do you have a set of, do you have a set of Uggs yet? I don't have a set of Uggs. Welcome to the future. When you get to be a real old man, Uggs. I want to be an old man in a pair of Uggs. I was wearing Uggs to a yoga studio in Wisconsin and an older guy who teaches yoga said, oh, you're exactly the kind of guy that tries to pull off Uggs. An old man yoga instructor said that to me,

and it was the most perspective I've ever had. And it was exactly right. You look very cool. Thank you. Is that mohair? I don't know. And that's our show! Thank you so much, it's Thomas Lennon, Harvey Guillen. We'll see you next week at Dynasty. There are 625 days until the midterms.

Have a great night everybody, and have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Cricket Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Love it, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Josson Kaufman, Peter Miller, Elaine Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana Del Shigi are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer

and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Shure Shure. Thanks to our designers, Sammy Kedurner Reeves for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Toulos, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing videos each week so you can.

And our productions app is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East. It's love it or leave it.