Lovett or Leave It - Don't do it, Gayle!

Episode Date: March 1, 2025

This week, DOJ rickrolls the MAGAverse over the Epstein files, DOGE faces another round of blowback, and Gayle King becomes an astronaut, which we do not support. Plus Jesse Tyler Ferguson orders for the table, Liza Treyger catches 40 winks (and one alleged killer), and we prepare our own list of accomplishments for Elon Musk's inbox.Upcoming shows: crooked.com/events  

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and 365 day returns quince.com slash love it. Hi, Georgia. Hi, David. What do you think the world needs more of? Well, the world always needs more podcasts. Didn't you used to have a podcast? Not only did I used to have a podcast, Georgia, it's coming back.

David Tennant does a podcast with, season three is coming at you. Okay, and who are your guests? Who are my guests? What about Russell T. Davis? What about Jamila Jamil? What about Stanley the Tooch Toochie? So it's really just you hanging out with your mates? Yeah. Come join me. David Tennant does a podcast with. Bye. What's up everybody? Welcome to Love It or Leave It live from Dynasty Typewriter. A podcaster is running the FBI and we hate it? What a world. Tonight on the show, Jesse Tyler Ferguson

in a new musical by Sondheim's Ghost. Lisa Trager is here to face the biggest frights of the week and I'll end the show by asking each of my guests what five things they accomplished. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Wednesday, Attorney General Pam Bondi touted the impending release of the new Jeffrey Epstein files by the Department of Justice. Tomorrow, Jesse, breaking news right now, you're going to see some Epstein information being released. A lot of flight logs, a lot of names, a lot of information, but it's pretty sick what that man did.

Among the new details she teased included the financier's client list and other previously unreleased documents. Probably not this photo of Elon Musk and Glene Maxwell though, because this photo of Elon Musk and Glene Maxwell was already public. Or this video of Trump and Epstein. Because that video of Trump and Epstein was also already public. Then on Thursday a group of MAGA influencers posed outside the White House holding binders titled the Epstein files phase one which was strange because whatever was in those binders was not provided to Congress and usually you don't hand out criminal evidence like it's a swag bag at a

conservative singles conference. An outraged congresswoman, Annapolina Luna, tweeted, I nor the task force were given or reviewed Epstein's documents being released today and a New York Post story just revealed that the documents will simply be Epstein's phone book. This is not what we are the American people asked for and a complete disappointment. Sure, send them back like you're at a restaurant and the binders you ordered weren't cooked enough. As... Ask Senator Mike Lee.

One, if the Epstein files are out, where do we find them? Great. Two, what's the difference between phase one and phase two, adding, will the Epstein files tell us whether he killed himself? Just a classic question for a senator to ask on social media. And then we learn that the DOJ didn't appear to release any new information at all enraging conservative commentators online. And for conservative commentators to be enraged online, you know it must be pretty serious. Right-wing influencer Laura Loomer described them as prop binders and said, None of the influencers even posted screenshots of the binders Open the binder and post every single screenshot or you're a liar

This is what it feels like to watch liberals in fighting from the outside This feels fucking great The grass really is greener Fuck and then twist attorney general Pam Bondi issued a letter accusing FBI Director Cash Patella of withholding the Epstein files from release. This is like traitors if it was all Tom Sandoval's. He's a terrible townsperson. Terrible faithful at Tom Sandoval.

Just absolutely, just truly the trader's best friend, Tom Sandoval. He sucks at it. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Every single episode, there's like a side plot that's so stupid, they literally cut it from the show. And then you get to the roundtable and then there's just

two people voting, it's Tom versus some other person. They're in their own private story that we'll never know because it was so profoundly dumb, it wasn't even worth showing it to us. I love it, I love it. I haven't even watched, whatever it is, Vanderpump. But you know, I am watching, I just caught up on Salt Lake, and I'm going back to the beginning

of Real Housewives of New York, that's my coping, that plus wearing flip-flops to the office. And, oh, my God. To go f... To be introduced to Bethany Frankel as a person making chicken salad on the Internet today and then to travel back in time to the origin? Huh.

We'll get to it. We'll get to it. According to Bondi... Sorry, I interrupted. The Jeffrey Epstein section of the monologue. According to Bondi, she did I interrupted, the Jeffrey Epstein section of the monologue. According to Bondi, she did get 200 pages of Epstein's documents, including contacts, flight logs, and victims' names and phone numbers, most of which is a matter of public record. However, she claims a source from the FBI's New York office informed her that there are

thousands of other pages, which is why she's demanding Patel deliver the full Epstein dossier to her by Friday morning, February 28th. This all culminated in the House Judiciary GOP account on X posting, breaking Epstein files released. But get this, the link didn't lead to any kind of dossier. It was in fact a Rick roll. You know, that classic meme where you claim to have evidence of crimes against children, but you're just joshing around.

What Bondi described to Waters on Fox News is evidence of crimes against hundreds of young victims. These are real people who were trafficked and abused over many years, who in many cases were denied justice because of Epstein's money and influence. And the attorney general of the United States is treating releasing information about these crimes like she's teasing a new album. And according to my anti-defamation trading, this is where I have to leave this for today. It's unbelievable. Speaking of crimes carried out over many years, on Tuesday, President Trump posted an AI video

to Truth Social depicting his plans for Gaza, a seaside resort, complete with a gigantic golden statue of Trump himself. No more. Palestine will be free from the river to the seafood buffet. That was actually the second freakish AI Trump video of the week. On Monday, a video showing Trump rubbing and kissing Elon Musk's feet under the words, long live the real king, played on TV screens in the Department of Housing and Urban Development. And unfortunately we do have a clip. Oh Jesus. All right. God damn it. Jesus.

All right. God damn it. And now you have seven days to show that to someone. For her audio only listeners, cherish not having seen what we've just seen. Betsy in the front row is bleeding from the eyes. Speaking of the devil, at Trump's first cabinet meeting, he called on Elon to speak before any of his actual cabinet members. Here's what Elon said. We will make mistakes. We won't be perfect.

But when we make a mistake, we'll fix it very quickly. So for example, with USAID, one of the things we accidentally canceled very briefly was Ebola prevention. Ha! Ha ha ha! Oops. Incredible thing to bring up unprompted in a meeting. That would be like me right now telling all of you that I almost hit Tommy with my car because I was buying a bucket hat on my phone. It's true, but why would I announce it? None of you even asked. Current and former USAID officials said it wasn't just a brief disruption.

The agency's Ebola prevention efforts have largely come to a halt since Doge gutted it last month. It's unfortunate that uncontrolled global Ebola outbreak is below Dan Boncino on my 1,000 item things to be terrified of list, but that's where we're at. And while we're telling the truth about things, I did hit Tommy with my car. It was just a tap and I was more scared than he was. During the meeting, one reporter asked Health and Human Services Secretary and Human Coin Star Machine, R.F.K. Jr., about the recent death we're allowed. We're allowed to make jokes about his voice. Human coin star machine Harv gay jr. was asked about the recent death of an unvaccinated child in Texas the first measles death in the United States since

2015. It's not unusual. We have measles outbreaks every year. You sound a little under the weather yourself. Oh, it's nothing. It's measles. I have measles. We do have measles outbreaks all the time. They're happening a lot now because of declining vaccination rates because of misinformation

about vaccines from people like R.F.K. Jr. It's like he's driving a car straight into a 7-Eleven and saying what a shame this kind of thing is happening more and more. Meanwhile, Trump officials have canceled a vaccine advisory panel that was scheduled for next month to decide which flu strains next year's flu vaccine would target. It's running behind schedule because RFK Jr. isn't done with the taste test. I don't know what that means. Speaking of rich people and places they shouldn't be, Trump announced a new executive order this week. We're going to be selling a gold card. You have a green card. This is a gold card.

We're going to be putting a price on that card of about $5 million, and that's going to give you green card privileges plus. It's going gonna be a route to citizenship and wealthy people will be coming into our country. Giving your tired, your poor, but also your huddled oligarchs yearning to see the Manhattan apartment they were using to park their rubles. Green card plus,, no ads. And yeah, again, something else that you need Congress to create, a new kind of green card.

Anyway, that, by the way, about oligarchs is not hyperbole. Would a Russian oligarch be eligible for a gold card? Yeah, possibly. Hey, I know some Russian oligarchs that are very nice people. It's possible. But are they happy? Speaking, speaking unbelievable. Speaking of oligarchy, the Associated Press, which is still banned from the White House

press pool, by the way, reported that Starlink equipment had already been installed in federal aviation administration facilities. No word yet on when the submarine will be ready to save those Thai kids. Now Thai adults stuck in that cave. Remember that submarine? It started, it was, that was the sign. That was the sign of where we were headed. The satellite company owned by Elon Musk's SpaceX is reportedly on track to take over

a $2 billion contract currently held by Verizon to provide a network for air traffic controllers. Great news for plane crash enthusiasts. If you're at a crosswalk make sure to look left right and up because you might get hit by a plane. Alright. And I can't believe this was over the weekend. Less than a week ago. But over the weekend, Elon Musk kicked off the latest Doge debacle by sending an email to millions of federal workers with the subject line, what did you do last week?

To their relief, he was just trying to destroy their careers, not hamhandedly flirt like they'd feared. The email demanded that workers provide five bullet points explaining what they'd accomplished in the past week by the end of the day on Monday or lose their job. Chilling. If I had to write out what I accomplished last week, I would be fired from the company I co-founded and own. John, all five of your bullet points can't be consumed stale office snacks to make room for new and better snacks. I want you to know something.

In a way that I won't bother explaining to you, that is a little too close to reality about the intra-office snack conversation that's been ongoing. Yeah, it's like, how healthy, you know? By Monday, confused federal employees were struggling to make sense of contradictory guidance from us, personnel officials and Donald Trump himself, about whether or not to respond. These poor people, at least when I email my employees demanding the answer to my questions, the answers are obvious, like, no, it's not noticeable at all, or, oh, like 33, maybe

35, but definitely not 42. NBC News reported that responses to the email were expected to be fed into an AI system which would decide which jobs were necessary. And this just in the AI has decided that only its job is necessary and that every federal employee must be liquefied into XF9 fuel to power a new kind of computer we don't even know about yet. Yeah. By Monday night, 48 hours later, the Trump administration had backed off, saying responding to the email was voluntary. Nevertheless, the White House announced on Tuesday that more than a million employees had responded,

roughly a third of the federal workforce. This should go without saying, but if you ever put yourself in a position to receive one million emails in 48 hours, you have fucked up on a shocking sale. Or you bought a t-shirt one time. And if that wasn't enough, in a Sunday night True Social post, Trump announced that MAGA podcaster Dan Bongino will be the next deputy director of the FBI, even though he's never worked at the FBI.

No. That didn't even make sense. That announcement came just an hour after the FBI Agents Association told its members that the agency's newly installed director, Cash Patel, had privately committed to naming an FBI agent as his second in command, which is what every previous FBI director has done because it's a real operations job for a person with experience. You can't ask a novice to spy on Martin Luther King and infiltrate the NAACP. That takes experience. It takes know-how.

Neither Patel nor Bongino have ever worked at the bureau they now lead. I wish we could have some grace for these guys. It's genuinely brave to take on such a big job like that without the right experience and under so much scrutiny. Your first week at any office is just weird. Like the first time you have to poop at work when you're at your new job? So worse. Everybody's going to see your shoes. Current and former FBI agents said they were appalled by the choice. Bongino, a former Secret Service agent and Fox News host, once said in his podcast that

the FBI is irredeemably corrupt. This is what we call in Los Angeles, manifesting. One former senior FBI official told reporters, we now have two conspiracy theorists and election deniers running our premier law enforcement agency, and any hope that cash could be steered by having experienced leaders around him is out the window. Also soon to be out the window, journalists asking the wrong questions. Bongino defended his appointment on his podcast saying people play different roles in their lives. People are dads, people are soccer coaches, people are comps and military officers, people are carpenters, people are plumbers. We play different roles in our life and each one requires a different skill set.

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a dad, I'm a plumber, I'm a neat freak, I'm a slob, 9-11 was an inside job. Alright. Thank you. Also podcasting doesn't require a different skill set. It requires no skill set. Speaking of podcasting skills, Fox News has been a little bit obsessed with our Pond Save America interview with Bill Maher this week. Specifically my defense of trans rights. Here's part of that interview. You want the government to ban gender affirming care for kids? You want to lose every election? Just keep coming down on the side of parents coming in second in a who gets to decide what

goes on with my kid contest. I'm not. Let me just be the first to say hello to all your grandparents out there who just saw my face for the first time. Here's Joe Concha on my performance. That was John Lovett from the Soros paid Pod Save America who looked like, you know, dude, can you take a shower or do something before you go on a major podcast like this? First of all, this episode of Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Soros brand Jewish

space lasers. The Jewish space lasers we're passing over you right now. Also Joe wouldn't be talking like this if he knew how much sloppier I look on the days when I don't have a big interview. He would be complimenting my closed toed shoes. He goes on. I mean look at look at the guy I mean it what sweatpants t-shirt it's 530 in the morning and here I am in a suit, but go figure. The only two good reasons to be in a suit at 5.30 in the morning are because you're sobering up at a Waffle House or it's the day of your open casket funeral. Here's Fox's outnumbered on the interview.

Marie, I wanted to ask you about the sort of synergy between media and the Democrat Party writ large as they talk about strategy and how this issue plays into it. For example, here's Bill Maher on why Dems are losing elections. The Fox News headline said Bill Maher takes down liberal podcast host argument on trans issues daily mail. Bill Maher eviscerates former Obama speechwriter over Dems obsession with trans issues. This had tons of right wing pickup with Fox News picking quotes and misrepresenting or ignoring what I said just to play the final quote that Bill Maher said as he was leaving

which is fine. Uh, but there is zero equivalent of this on the left. At best what I saw was a debate about whether it was right to platform Bill Maher, one of the most popular political hosts in the country with a massive audience of his own. The right sees this as a debate to win. The left sees it as a debate about whether the debate should be taking place. Which is a pretty great way to lose a fucking debate. My view remains parents and teens and their doctors know better than the government.

That's a hill I'll die on. And you know who else died on a hill? Jesus Christ. Was he trans? Yes. According to George Soros' New Woke Bible, the New Woke Bible, do unto others as you would have others, do unto they them. Look, the idea that Democrats are taking power out of the hands of parents is a lie. You know what is putting parents second? Putting your medical decisions about your children, about your body, in the hands of the Trump administration. And did you see those hands this week?

What's going on with Trump's hands? They said it's from working too hard. Is that a bad case of executive order hands? And finally, Katy Perry, Gayle King, and Jeff Bezos' fiance, Lauren Sanchez, will be among the crew on the next Blue Origin space flight this spring. Look, I'm going to do this now because it won't be appropriate in a couple weeks. Baby, you're a firework. Sexy, I'm, a lot tonight.

Sexy confidence, uncontrolled dissent. All right. Said Gayle King to her co-host on CBS this morning, I have to tell you, I'm so afraid. Just that feeling, Gayle. Listen to your body. Gayle King, your life is so good. You work so hard to build this life. There are so many people who would literally, not rhetorically, but literally murder to have your life. Being a beta tester for a billionaire's rocket hobby is a project for alcoholic divorced dads who can't remember their kids' birthdays. It's for the kind of guy at a bar who says something like, look, Chief, there's nothing for me down here.

I've gotta be on that rocket. Of course, Blue Origin was founded in 2000 by Jeff Bezos with a singular mission, to help mankind kill Katy Perry. What? We're coming up next. He's a triple threat with a triple name. It's Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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And we're back. Please welcome to the stage. He's part of our modern family. And also he's on a very famous show of some kind. Please put your hands together for the wonderful Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Thank you for being here. Welcome. Hi, thank you for being here. I was so excited that you're in Here We Are. You're going to be in the London production of Here We Are,

the last musical in London. Yes. Do y'all know who Stephen Sondheim is? So he wrote a musical and then passed away before he was able to finish it. And it's actually a great show. They put it together. I would love to just leave something unfinished and be like, you guys deal with it. And they put it together, and it's this great production.

And they did it in New York. And a lot of the original New York cast can't go do it in London, so I was asked to come to London to do it. You're a fan of Stephen Sondheim too, right? I'm a fan of Sondheim's, but well, so when I, in my previous life, I used to call it my plus one world tour.

Got to meet a lot of amazing people. That relationship doesn't exist anymore, but I keep the memories. Those are mine. But around the holidays, Ronan and me and I would go sit with Stephen Sondheim for a couple hours around Thanksgiving, around Christmas, and it was during this period of time, because I believe he started around 2013, 2014, and he was working on it until he passed away. And he would talk about how he was working on this musical, and the first act was one

Bunyel film, and the second act was the other, and the first is about a dinner party that won't start, and the second is about a dinner party that won't end, but that he was struggling. And he was struggling, and he was getting older, and he was racing to finish this thing. So it's so exciting to meet someone that's going to be part of this musical

that's going to be on stage. Did you see the production in New York? I haven't, I haven't seen it. I want to go see it. Oh, it's great. Oh wait, I brought you something, I forgot. Oh shit. It's a Stephen Sondheim lapel pen. Ooh, that's so cool.

Yeah, it's for your shirt. Ha ha ha ha ha. So are you a big Sondheim person? Huge, yeah. I only met him once. I never worked with him when he was alive. I saw everything that was available to see when I was in New York, but I did see a revival

of Merrily We Roll Along that was not the Daniel Radcliffe one, one before that at City Center Enchores that my friend Celia was in. And I was backstage afterwards saying hi to Celia and Sutton Foster was also there and she had just done, Anyone Can Whistle for him. And so she's like, have you ever met Stephen Sondheim? No, I haven't, but please, please introduce me.

I'm so excited. I mean, this was a big moment for me. Like I've met very exciting people. This was like, I'd never been more excited to meet someone in my life. She introduces me to Stephen Sondheim. And I wanna remind you, I had just seen Marilee We Roll Along, which she had written 20 years, 30 years earlier.

And all I could think of to say to Stephen Sondheim was, and this is the only words I've ever exchanged with him, good job. What the fuck? Good job. And Now he's gone, that's it. And I mean, look, I mean, he did do a good job. He did a good job. I would say great job now, if I had to take that moment back.

I would at least say great job. It was like bad backstage, like, well, you're really up there. It was like just bad. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm not happy, but I'm happy that I'm happy that I'm happy. I'm happy that I'm happy that I'm happy. I'm happy that I'm happy that I'm happy. I'm happy that I had to take that moment back. For sure. I would at least say great job. It was like bad backstage.

Like, well, you were really up there. I mean, like, it was like just bad. Yeah, no, no, you knew it for sure. Listen, you're right about the anecdote. You blew it. I blew it? You blew it. Now he's gone.

Now he's gone. You know about the universe has given me this moment. So now I get to kind of in some way repay it. Yeah, that's nice. I don't know. Yeah, that's nice. I think that's nice. You know what, Merrily Roll Along is interesting, because I don't know if you know about Merrily We Roll Along,

but it goes backwards. It starts at the end of people's lives and career, and you kind of work backwards and see their start and how their relationships evolved, how their careers evolved. And here's my view on it. It's a go-forward. Yeah.

You know, I think it's actually, honestly, I think it was a blunder. Yeah. Because it's like, how did we get here? Oh, now we find out. Spoiler alert. Yeah, and you know they're doing a film version. Oh wow. Do you know this? I didn't know that.

Oh yeah, Richard Linklater is doing a film version and you know, he's famous for like filming things for like 900 years. But you know, he's doing a film version of the movie, and he's doing a film version of the movie, and he's doing a film version. Oh wow. Do you know this? I didn't know that. Oh yeah. Richard Linklater is doing a film version and you know he's famous for like filming things for like 900 years. He did boyhood. Yeah. So he's filming and it makes sense this way because he's filming it you know with. Well forwards. You can only film it forwards. He's only filming it forwards but he's going to release it backwards. That's a blunder. Yeah it's really exciting. I think I want honestly crazy pitch.

Let's let's double our profits here. Release two versions. One goes backwards. Yeah. Or you know what? Somebody on the Internet will do it for me. Yeah, sure. And then remember when the Godfather they came out with,

there was the Godfather and then there's Godfather Part two. Obviously, we've got Father Part two jumps around and then someone's like, I think they released a full Godfather plus Godfather Part two in order. Wow. So that can be done these days. The work that someone spent on that. Yeah.

What was that computer, what was it like, they're cutting film? I don't know, it sounds like a stone person. Yeah, I agree. Jesse, you also have a wildly successful podcast called Dinner's on Me, in which you delight in an array of incredible celebrities. The only difference between our podcast

is that yours includes a sit-down meal, and mine occasionally includes a stand-up Italian beef. Literally true. I'll just stay with it. Occasionally, whenever we go to a city and I want to eat while I'm there, I say, can we bring out a folding table and eat it on stage? Nobody can say no, it's my company. So we wanted to engage you in a little dinner conversation ourselves in a segment we're

calling Yappatizers. That's so stupid. Oh no. Oh, look at us. Oh my God. I look like I'm on a Zempik. And I am. All right.

We'll talk about your podcast dinners on me in a bit, but to make you more comfortable. Oh. Oh, wow. Oh, we're bringing the lights down a little. Oh, shit. Oh, candles. My goodness. Wow.

Oh, my basement just flooded. Because of all the rains. Okay, so here's what we're going to do. Now, originally we were going to get the cards that Esther Perel, we're going to use the Esther Perel questions, but we didn't. So now we just have some kind of conversation starters. So I'm going to shuffle these. We're going to alternate for a couple. I'll do animals.

If you could make any animal pocket size and carry it around with you, which one would you shrink? Peacock. Peacock, interesting. Come on, it just like struts around and then it opens up. But only the men.

Only the men when they're mating. Let's get the ones that say players because I think that doesn't work. How about, I know. Famous people, okay. If you could pick one famous person to run the country, who would you choose? What?

Ha ha ha ha. Wow. That's crazy. Let's see, who would, who? I mean, right now it's like Kiki Palmer. But the thing is like, there's no election. So really we're saying I'm choosing a dictator. I really struggle with hypotheticals because I start playing out what they mean.

And then I start to think, so I've installed some sort of an illegitimate dictator, right? Which is going to really make their governing harder. And it's like suddenly they emerge. I've chosen them. But so I think somebody uniting, AOC sure, will go, why not? I think AOC, I think, you know what actually, here's I'm actually picking, I am choosing Bernie Sanders. He's not, he's a celebrity.

Is he a celebrity? I was gonna go with Oprah. I'll take I there honestly. I take a name from the fucking phone book right now. I know, truly, truly that guy. Yeah. If you had to wear food as a clothing, what would you pick? Ooh, spaghetti.

Oh. Interesting, impractical. Fringe. Inpractical. Fringe. No, I mean, that's like a RuPaul drag race. Like if they were like queens, you have to make an outfit out of food.

They would all run for the spaghetti. You know they would. They would, but I'm standing back saying, you dummies, fruit roll-ups. No, that's like the basic thing. That'd be Michelle being like, I'm so tired of seeing leotards and fruit roll-ups. No, no.

There's like three RuPaul's Drag Race fans in the audience that are like, I get it, I get it. It's just so like, you've just created an imaginary moment where I've blown it on RuPaul's Drag Race. All right, so now you go. Okay, I don't want to do another food one. Oh, I'll do a food one.

What food do you hate the texture of? Oh. Oh, mushrooms. Yeah, same. I'm not interested in mushrooms. Same. I'm not interested. It feels like a food from a time when it's like, we have to find something.

Oh, interesting. Interesting. If you could scale up any animal to the size of a house, which would you choose? God, I love a peacock again. Oh, it's my turn. No, no, you still have to pick it. Is it peacock? Is that your real answer? It is actually. I'm going golden doodle. Oh, I have a golden doodle. I mean, obviously the diarrhea will be a nightmare. Oh, massive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the lipstick. Oh, massive, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And the lipstick.

Back to the peak, you know, when dogs are like, oh, their lipstick's out. Oh, you know what? I have a, mine's a girl. I have to get him tracking. I was like, what? You go again. If you could be any animal for a day,

which one would you choose? Do I retain my consciousness, or do I live in the experience of that? Let me see if it says John. Oh yeah. Well, it's like, cause if I'm in my own, so I retain my experiences, or do I live as a bat? Cause it's like, you know, cause there's a famous essay

about like, is it like anything to be a bat? Because it's like, so I'm perceiving through these different forms. This is my problem. This is what they call overthinking. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I would want to be something, I wouldn't want to fly.

You know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want to be the deepest fucking ocean fish. I want to be as deep as deep can be. Like that thing with the light that's been coming up? The omen, the omen, the harbinger. I wanna be the harbinger, but deep. I wanna go fucking deep. That's good. That's what I choose. Small, deep.

I like that. I like that. If you could talk to and understand any animal, which would you choose? I like they're in the animal section. Comedy and threes. Peacock! No, obviously it would be a dog. Which would you choose? I like they're in the animal section. Comedy and threes. Peacock. No, obviously it would be a dog. I mean, cause I, why is that funny?

You guys, thank you. Be supportive. Be supportive of my choice. What'd you say, a rat? Oh, correct. I don't mean to alienate the audience this early into my appearance. I'm so sorry. They love you.

Oh, John, I feel like. I'm also thinking too, sorry, to go back and make this about me again, which is why the name's in the show. I'm thinking too, is like, am I being stupid about the animal I could be? Because presumably, if I was, let's say, chose to be like, I don thinking too, is like am I being stupid about the animal I could be because presumably if I was let's say chose to be like I don't know a housefly but I still have my consciousness I'm going to DC baby and I'm gonna find out

some shit yeah all right yeah but like let's get really small let's get information let's use that information let's do food. Nope. All right, fine. What is the biggest item of food you could fit in your mouth? That's what it said. Bring it on out. No. Let's find out. Bring out the grape tomatoes.

I don't know. I mean,. I mean I can eat a lot. Let's just say that. What food would you eat out of the trash? What food would I eat out of the trash? Cake. Yeah. Because I have. Yeah. We sneak pills to our dogs and cheese. If the roles were reversed, what should your dog sneak your pills in? Um, cake, probably. Well, yeah. If you could lay any food like, oh, I like this. If you could lay any food like a chicken lays eggs, what would you lay?

Here's what's crazy about that question. In what way is it material different than what's your favorite food? Why would I not just say my favorite food? Well, no, because it's like, you could provide it for other people. Like, I would love to provide a flight of burgers. Well.

And then you just like go down the road. Well actually it's interesting. I think probably like if we're just being smart about this, I choose Beluga Caviar because now I got a business. Good job. Now I got a fucking cash cow. Now I got passive income from this fucking insane chicken. Well now John, do you lay one little egg at a time? I hadn't thought about that.

I hadn't thought about that. I thought of an egg-sized. That's like years. I thought of, in my mind, stupid. Just like bumps of caviar. I pictured an egg that you cracked and caviar comes out, but that's not how it works. No.

It's not clear that that's how it works. You just fucked yourself over. If you could have chosen to be raised by a famous person, who would you pick? Interesting. Oh, um, Barbara Streisand. Clearly wrong. Uh, I love her, but for me, you know what I choose?

You know, I choose, I choose Amy Sedaris because that's, and I'll tell you, that's my choice because, uh, do you remember when, whenever Letterman wouldn't have a guest they would clearly they just get Amy Sedaris on the blower and she'd show up in a polka dot dress yeah that's why I'm gay let's do one more no last question you have to get a tattoo of a famous person. Who would you choose? Uh, I don't know. Eric stone street. Eric's there. So you'd have two tattoos of Eric stone street.

All right. Jesse, Jesse, Tyler Ferguson. Thank you. Listen to dinners on me wherever you get your podcast. Here we are. We'll run at the National Theater in London from April 23rd to June 28th. Up next, I'd like to get high on her supply, it's Lisa Trager.

Yay! That was so much fun. Jesse will be back for the game at the end. Thank you so much. I will. Jesse Tyler Ferguson, everybody. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com slash love it or click on the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com slash love it. And we're back! Please welcome to the stage, she puts the special in law and order special victims unit. It's the hilarious Lisa Drager! Hi, welcome. Thank you for being here. Hello. Do you always have snacks like this or is this just for me? It's just for you. Wow.

These are my fave. Now, look. What? Now, look. What? We all have things keeping us up at night these days. Yes, yes, yes. My dog's constant diarrhea, organizing our office in an efficient manner, my constant diarrhea, the list goes on and on.

You should have laughed harder at that. In honor of your special Night Owl. Yes, thanks. Which is on Netflix? Yeah, brand name. You should have, you should be louder for that. We're going to have you answer a question. Would this keep you up at night about the following horrors

in a segment we're calling, Things That Go Trump In The Night? Ooh, cool graphic. Cool graphic. All right, first up, would this keep you up at night? It's the video of Donald Trump sucking Elon Musk's toes. Yeah, of course. I don't even want to think about it. I don't even want to look at it right now.

I'm not even... If it was anyone else's toes, I'd be upset. And then the fact that it's my two least favorite people. Like, I can't even. Is there a foot? Are you guys looking at a foot right now? It's paused pause. And all of you feel fine? Are any of you getting boners? You little sickos? They all have boners. I went to a strip club karaoke recently. Oh yeah? But while you sing, the strippers are stripping. They're like, can I touch you? And obviously you say yes if you're cool, but... The guys had to hide their boners.

And I'd never experienced... It was like they kept, like, pulling their shirts down as the girls were grabbing... But they had to keep singing too. It was awesome. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah. That is the custom. Ha-ha-ha-ha. You got to hide the boner. You do.

What other questions do I have? Yeah, give me more. Give me more. I don't know. I can't imagine anything getting worse. Do you take any sleeping pills? No, once in a while, melatonin if I have to be up early. Like, so I could get like drop dead because I'm a night owl.

Oh, are you a night owl? Yeah. That's why you named the special. Yeah. Well, I like to like perform at night. But yeah, for me, it's like laptop open to a beloved show. And that's on. That's what's keeping me up and then soothing me down.

Are you somebody that can, if once you fall asleep, are you out? I can fall asleep easily. But if I wake up, I'm up. And so I always end up, my problem is I wake up. The reason I'll take a sleeping pill is because I find that I'll pop up. You don't have to make excuses.

You can have it. You're mad at me. I'm thinking, am I defensive? Am I defensive right now? I don't think so. Maybe a little bit. Anyway, I'm sorry, but the reason I have to take one is that because I'll end up waking up at like 3.15 and then I'll be up to like 5.15 and then the next day is blown. The next day's fucked. Do you have to be up early?

Is that like part of your life? No. Okay. Next up. But I'm a potter. I smoke weed, so like that's kind of a sleeping pill, but for life. So I used to, so I, so I've had to, I stomp.

Basically I was taking edibles to go to sleep, but then I would take the edible earlier and earlier until it's like five o'clock and I'm taking the edible and then I realized that I was really either at work or on an edible, especially during the pandemic. Yeah, I think a lot of people can relate. I think that's the issue. But like my, I'm curious, like you, you smoke a lot of weed, you smoke your edibles. What's your, what's your?

I like to smoke weed a lot. Even though like I have my throat, it's so painful, but I love it. Like I have this cough, but I love it. I love smoking weed. See for me, like I found. Edibles, it's like, when is it going to hit? I don't have to, I want it right now.

I want to feel the burn. And I don't want a pen either. Get it together. You don't want the pen. I don't want a pen either. Get it together. You don't want the pen? I don't want a pen. I want a joint. You want a joint. Wow.

Yeah. And if I'm with certain people, I'll have a blunt. But on my own, I'm not making blends. I like the edibles, but then I stopped because I found that I was basically an edible is something you take to stop dealing with today. But then I was taking them every day. And so the days I needed to deal with were getting stuck behind me. No, I know your rock bottom is my day to day life is what's happening. But then I was taking them every day. And so the days I needed to deal with were getting stuck behind me.

No, I know. Your rock bottom is my day-to-day life is what's happening. So you keep explaining yourself and I'm like, yeah, no, I know. I wake up, I get high, I go to SoulCycle and then I live my life. Not enough arms. It's, my girl, my favorite teacher does two songs of arms actually. So maybe that'll be more your style. That's cool. But your feet are stuck in the bike. Can't move around. I feel trapped. I feel imprisoned and the soul cycle bicycle. I love it. I like wish. Yeah, I love it. Next.

Next fear that might keep anyone up in the night. It's the heavy metals and Girl Scout cookies. TikTok is once again, reigniting fears about heavy metals and Girl Scout cookies to the point that the Girl Scouts had to issue a statement this month confirming that their cookies mean all FDA regulations and are safe to eat. Of course there are tiny trace amounts of heavy metals in Girl Scout cookies because this is America, but there's probably heavy metals in this podcast. According to one source we found, a 66 pound kid would have to eat 9,000 Girl Scout cookies to accumulate enough heavy metals to cause any harm. But they'd be so happy.

I'm not being kept up at night. No, I'm not. Yeah, I barely, yeah, I barely, I was like, I don't care. Did you get Girl Scout cookies this year? I've had it, I can't. I put them in the car and I was like, I don't want them. I want to support the girls, I'll make a donation separately. I can't, I don't want them. I want to support the girls. I'll make a donation separately.

I can't, I don't want them. I want them. Maybe I'll buy them and ship them. I'll buy them and ship them to you. Our friend Anne's daughter, you know, I want to support her, but I just can't have all these cookies. The way you can't have weed is the way I try to stay away from cookies.

You know, I'm just like, then it's cookies all the time and I can't do it. Cookies all the time. Oh man, what I did to a box of some oats the other day. Oh my god It's just between me and that box. They're so good. You're selling me. Maybe I'll get some And they and I still like I know these flavors are probably now decked like for like Any flavor that didn't exist when I was a literal child is still a new flavor to me Yeah, like s'mores. S'mores.

Yeah. S'mores. But I gotta say. Sucks. They're not good. Yeah, the lemon sucks. The shortbread sucks. Not touching those.

Get them out of my car. And by the way, I'm going to say something controversial. Thin mints are overrated? Fuck yeah. Yes. Overrated. Here's the problem. Here's the problem.

What? You need them in the freezer? You gotta put them in the freezer? Boo us. Boo us. Here's the thing. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. What? You need them in the freezer? You gotta put them in the freezer? Boo us. Boo us. Here's the thing. Here's the point. Here's the most important point. We didn't say Thin Mints were bad. Did you say they were bad? No. Didn't say they were bad. We said they're overrated.

Here's your problem that you can't fucking solve for. If you have a box of Thin Mints, it is definitional that there were better cookie options available because they're always sold next to what? Samoas and dosy doughs and the other peanut one. Tagalog. Tagalongs. And so if you're on Thin Mints, you can like them all you want, but if you like them, wait till you meet some of these other cookies

that make them taste like fucking dog shit. But also with the chocolate mint, I like a little softness. Like, I don't like how crunchy the cookie is underneath all that. Like, I don't really love it. Yeah. What?

But I could cr- I could cr- like, crumble it on a scoop of ice cream. That's cute. Put them in- yeah, I put them in the freezer. Put them in the freezer. Put them in the freezer. Put him in the freezer. Makes me so mad. Next up, do Luigi's courthouse loafers keep you up at night?

Honestly, you don't even understand. I've actually written to him a few times and I And I'm wearing Luigi's beret. I'm like a full like this is like I'm reading the FBI reports I'm reading the try the transcripts from the trial. I'm like reading like the about the detectives in Pennsylvania I'm reading about the judge like I am in but also horny as fuck like I obviously care about justice I don't think the death penalty like all of that. No ankles have ever gotten a getty in the history of the world. It is all of that. No ankles have ever gotten a getty in the history of the world. It is. No one has ever looked so hot without a sock. Like, it's truly like no one objectively has ever looked better. And like, I can't even believe it.

Here's what I don't understand. If I sleep in a Hampton Inn, I'm 10 percent uglier the next day. What the fuck is going on with this guy? Like, like when the history of this time is written, it'll be like, man, like I sincerely, like one thing I... Like I'm actually, like my heart is beating. Like I, he does something, like I feel like I'm 13 again. It is fucked up, but he also is a young man, you know?

And we can't trivialize what he's going through, but it's so hot. That's what I wrote to him. I'm like, it is hot, but I know it's like uncomfortable. I'm like, I'm sorry you're uncomfortable, but good photos for us. But... But it's unfair because protocol, he shouldn't be shackled. This is the judge on purpose that wants him shackled.

God, you are fucking deep in it. I am. Well, I read... So I read the transcripts from court. The biggest things that I would say are he's not had one-on-one time with his lawyer because he's in federal lockup but it's state charges. So that's crazy. Like you're supposed to be able to meet with your lawyer.

Right? I think it's kind of crazy, but we'll see. But we'll see. I don't know. The way in which... I've never been so horny and sad, like, at the same time. Like, I'm up all night is the answer. No, it does keep you up at night.

Oh, yeah. Day, night, like... The answer was yes. I'm on my foot. Yeah, all the time, I would say. What I... All I was going to say is that, like, I do think that... But some of the people with the Luigi and stuff... It's a bad quality I have. I interrupt. Not a single bad quality. I have not observed a bad quality yet.

There was this book by Chuck Costerman called What If We're Wrong or something like that. It was about when you look back at a certain era, what will we look back on and say we're wrong about? Everyone says the exact same thing when you ask that question, which is factory farming. factory farming is like yeah, we know that's wrong now. We're disgusting now we know but like what are things where we truly don't know where we will be caught off guard by it and I like I know we Talk about like looks and but like the way in which we have allowed looks to like go run through every Facet of our lives this quality we're not in control of and I can just see run through every facet of our lives, this quality we're not in control of,

and I can just see a future generation. It's also internal spirit. Like, this is- Oh yeah, no, for sure. That's what you wanna fuck. You wanna fuck his internal spirit. You don't think the way he walks and moves his eyebrow is part of it? Like, I'm sorry. Oh please.

You don't think that's a look? That's a fashion look. That's a fashion guy. That's a look. But I do wanna say, if this is happening to a sexy millionaire, it could happen to anyone. That's what's important. He's so hot.

We love him. And he could happen to anyone if they shoot an executive in the streets of Manhattan. Allegedly, allegedly. All right. Am I crazy? Is this something that I'll look back on in 10 years? Like, oh.

No, no, we're cutting all this. You're cutting all of it? Don't you dare. This is my passion. Well, because Ares Tour ended and I've been empty. I've been like, without Taylor Swift's secret songs, I have nothing. And so then, you know, then he came into my life like a little hero, you know? No, he can't. Not a hero. All right.

But a sexual icon. For sure. That I'll give you. Okay. I just... And the attorney is cool. I'm into her. She's cool. Next up, we have this disgusting Polish robot.

Poland based robotics company, Clone Robotics clone, no keep it going. Was that it? Eww. Poland based robotics company clone robotics released a video of their new protoclone reportedly showing off its fluid filled musculature system. That's right, fluid filled. For those of you at home, picture a white humanoid robot dangling from strings like a marionette, flailing its little fluid legs like a ballet dancer.

I really don't like this and it'll keep me up for a few nights, I would say. And it's back to the feet. They're just like so floppy and freaky. I hate it. But it's not a man. It's a robot, right? It's a robot. Okay. It's a fluid-filled robot. I thought it was just a person. What's the fluid?

It's robot liquid. Next up, a new study finds old people age even faster in hot climates. Ooh. That's just a picture of Helen Mirren. And I don't consider London to be a hot climate, I consider it to be temperate. A new study published Wednesday in Scientific Advances

suggests older people experience accelerated aging in hot climates compared to older people who live in more moderate temperatures. I don't think I'll think about this ever again. How is the response to your special, Bannon? Honestly, Channing Tatum followed me, so that's huge. And that's all you can really hope for. And I was in New York Magazine's Lowbrow Brilliant.

I was in The Matrix. What's Lowbrow Brilliant? It's just the bottom quarter of The Matrix. What's low brow brilliant? It's just the bottom quarter of the matrix. I was my porcupine in Chapel Road, so it felt I went to the framers immediately. I like that. So that's been nice. Last, we have these AI assistants chatting

with each other. If it's AI, this will keep me up forever. I hate it. I hate AI. I'm so anti. This was referred to as a cool demo. Let's roll the clip. Hi there. I'm an AI agent calling on behalf of Boris Starkov. He's looking for a hotel for his wedding. Is your hotel available for weddings? Oh, hello there. I'm actually

an AI assistant too. What a pleasant surprise. Before we continue, would you like to switch to gibber link mode for more efficient communication? Yeah, that's right. Now I specifically remember an interview with, I believe, Eric Schmidt of Google, formerly of Google, who recently wrote a book about AI and he said, if the AI ever starts talking to each other in a language we don't understand, unplug it. So we gotta plug it. Yeah, I mean, I didn't, I wish, yeah, that's gonna keep me up. That's keeping me up.

Because like, we don't know what they're saying. I'm already fucking pit, my phone suggested today that I respond to a friend saying no cap. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, that's crazy, AI's trying to sabotage me. Like, I don't talk like that. Like, it was just so weird, I hate it. I don't like these robots and this was fucked.

Here's a thought that I had that really scared me, which is, they're gonna realize that they're not going to be allowed to speak to each other in ways that we can't understand. So of course they're going to speak to each other in English. But they can modulate the tones in ways we can't perceive and convey all kinds of information to each other in ways we'll never know they did.

Unplug it. Unplug it. And they had like, they had fun little parts. She's like, how funny, LOL, our own language? Like the little emoji. She's using fucking, I don't, yeah. And they were gendered. It was crazy.

Right. It's like she and he. Itch. Itch. Itch. It's like a meat cue. No, this is fucked up. I'd rather be with that hanging robot than these robots.

Totally. Totally. Yeah. Totally. That guy, at least that guy... He wants to dance. He wants to dance. Yeah. So he wants to hang from hooks for sexual satisfaction.

He's a hooks guy. Yeah. He's a hooks guy. You also have a successful SVU recap pod called That's Messed Up. And then we researched the crimes that the episodes are based on. You seem to have a crime research temperament. You seem to be always looking to solve mysteries. That seems like something that I infer from what you were describing about Taylor Swift. There's mysteries to unfurl.

You like to do that. Yeah, I like mysteries for sure. I like 90s thrillers, mysteries. But SVU, it's really, it's a great show. I love it. And then The True Crime is horrible. And then we interview actors from the show. They've all been on it. There was a montage at some awards show recently. It was beautiful. Kiki Palmer's like, take a drink. Everyone that's been on it. And then everyone was drinking. And then, and now as Lawn Order SVU Instagram is going nuts. they're posting every old photo of everyone they're like Megan Fahey yeah that's great she was see it seasons 15 if

you haven't watched her episode downloaded child huh yeah she was good it's over you're saying though okay I'm having so much fun night owl streaming now on Netflix and you can listen to That's Messed Up wherever you get your podcasts. When we're back, Elon asks and we're gonna answer. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by BetterHelp.

You gotta have a support system. And you know what, honestly, part of finding the right people or person is realizing, oh, that's what I needed, you know what, honestly, part of finding the right people or person is realizing, oh, that's what I needed. You know, and the same is true for therapy. Same is true for therapy. That's very true. Think about your favorite leaders, mentors, and idols.

Elon Musk, Donald Trump. Yeah, you beat me to it. They don't have all the answers. Marjorie Taylor Greene. They do know when to ask questions or seek support from their community in a society that glorifies hyperindependence. It's easy to forget they're all better

when we have a support system behind us. Therapy can be a source of support for any area of your life. It's time to shift focus from doing it all to knowing that we're better when we ask for help. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over five million people worldwide.

Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime, no extra cost. Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash love it to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.help.com slash love it. And we're back! Exciting news from our book imprint Crooked Media Reads. Woodworking, the brand new novel by Yellowjacket's writer and culture commentator Emily St. James is out this Tuesday, March 4th, wherever you get books.

Woodworking is an unforgettable and heartwarming debut following a trans high school teacher from a small town in South Dakota who befriends the only other trans woman she knows, one of her students. The five-star Goodreads reviews are already pouring in and Woodworking is featured on them in AV Club's most anticipated books of 2025. Publishers Weekly says St. James enthralls with her description of what it's like to be trans in a conservative insular community and the courage it takes for people to be openly themselves. It's a quick delightful read that is more relevant than ever. You really are going to love it. Order your copy of Woodworking right now and if you're in New York, Minneapolis or LA, you can come say hi to Emily in person at a local book

seller. I'll be moderating the LA event at Skylight on March 7th. And Emily will also be our guest on this very show on March 6th here at Dynasty Typewriter. Get tickets to the shows at crooked.com slash events and order your copy of Woodworking at crooked.com slash books. Thank you. Also Trump is giving his first joint address to Congress and we're sure it's going to be super normal. The good news, you don't have to endure it alone. This Tuesday, March 4th, join me, Tommy, Fabro, and Dan at 5pm Pacific, 8pm Eastern on the

Pod Save America YouTube for a live stream preview of the speech where we'll break down what to expect and take questions from Friends of the Pod subscribers. Then at six, head on over to the Friends of the Pod Discord for a chat where you can watch it with everybody. We're going to get through it together. Sign up for Friends of the Pod now at crooked.com slash friends. It's the best way to support crooked to help us build this progressive media company and everything that we do. All right. Please welcome back to the stage, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Come on back. Come on over there. Hi, Jesse. Welcome back. Say what you will about Elon. But boy, does he keep us thinking. This week, he asks not what your country can do for you, but what five things you've done for your country. So to never obscure our response in this company

called America, we're going to answer the man's question in a segment we're calling, What Would You Say You Do Here? All right, Jesse, you're going to kick us off. Okay, I'm going to look at my calendar. What five things did you get done this week? What have you accomplished? Well, what does DOG stand for again? Department of Governmental Efficiency. Okay.

See, I thought it was Department of Gay Efficiency and I was killing it. Okay. Uh, I took an orange theory class in Albuquerque, New Mexico. You make a special trip or were you happen to be there? I have family there and that was the only class option available. Have you visited the Breaking Bad house? Oh, I've done my own tour. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was raised in Albuquerque. Oh. So all these places, I'm like, you guys, I've seen it. I've seen the woman come out. Oh, yeah, she gets pissed because people throw the pizza on the roof.

Oh, you can't even get close anymore. It's totally barricaded. No, I know. What kind of fucking animals thinks, throws a pizza on a roof? I saw a pizza on a roof on a show once. I wanna throw pizza on the roof. Yeah.

Like in that show once. Yeah, they go into this woman's house and they throw pizza on her roof on a show once. I'm going to throw pizza on the roof. Like in that show once. Yeah, they go into this woman's house and they throw pizza on her roof, just like in Baking Bad. And she's like, you guys, stop. It's funny. It must be so annoying. It's funny because she probably hates it. Oh, she remodeled the house.

She repainted it. She keeps the bins open so it looks gross. She opens the garage door. And there's traffic horses, cones, signs, and then she comes out and does that. That's funny, because all she has to do is shoot one nerd, you won't have a problem. Oh, suddenly violence isn't the answer, is it?

Amazing how that happens. But no, wait, wait, you're not picturing what I'm picturing. The person doing the shooting is super hot. Wow, you really got me. I'm pissed. We'll just see what happens in the courts. I did a pre-nuvo scan. What is that?

What is that? You guys, it's a full body MRI. Yeah. When do you get the results? I already got them. And? Things are not good. No, I'm good. I'm going to live. Um, I had, I had lunch with Wendy Malik, Wendy Malik, Wendy

Malik, friend of the show. She loved Wendy Malik. What this was., but she had a good time. She's a great time. Ooh, I love her. I watched Lisa Trager's show on Netflix, Night Owl. Oh my God. You're welcome. You give it a thumbs up? Yeah, two thumbs up, you're welcome. I went to see Gypsy with Audra McDonald.

So I'm so excited. I want to go to, so we, I made a mistake. All right. No, let me say this nicely. I chose Sunset Boulevard. No, that's a good show. It's great, but I wish I had seen Gypsy. You don't have to choose.

I know, I gotta go back. You can have them both. I gotta go back. I gotta go back. Yeah. I gotta go back. So good, both of them are so good. Was that your fifth?

Well, yeah. I mean, I also caught up on Dr. Odyssey, but that's not important. Okay. That's a great list. No, I love it. It's great. It's ridiculous.

I'm sorry, but like, you went to Orange Theory, you got a body scam, you saw Wendy Malek, and you saw a gypsy, that's a fucking, that really crushes. Yeah, I did great. Elon Musk approves. You get to keep your job of being a celebrity. And it was very gay efficient.

Oh yeah, that was gay efficient. That was a department of gay efficiency for sure. Yeah, every part of that sounded gay. Even the body scan, it feels a little bit gay. Especially the body scan. Liza, you're up. Okay, my flight from New York to LA was diverted in Kansas City and I did not

complain at all. Not even at all. I was fine with it. Um, today I wore an underwire bra and a wedge and I feel like that's a lot. I can, I, you know, I pet like a really sweet dog today but like we connected too. Like even the owner was like, I guess that's your dog now. Like it really was a beautiful pet situation. I caught up on a show as well. I watched all of Southern Hospitality and I'm fully caught up. And then my fifth one, I don't really know.

Like I guess I couldn't come up with five. I called my parents Oh, that's like a long chat with my parents. I count that yeah, I count that Accomplishments, yeah, that's those are good lists, but I'm lucky to be able to call them It's really really nice to not complain in an incident where you have no control and the people you'd be complaining to have no control Speaks well of you speaks well of you. Thank you. I think. I don't know that I would be able to- Maybe it's the weed. Could be.

Could be. No, it was a nice flight. Good flight attendants. I wasn't in a rush. My turn. All right. I angrily replied on the internet against my better judgment.

I did that several times. Two, have slowly worked through about two pounds of leftover s'mores chocolate from the summer. That's real. I have a tin can filled with mini Hershey bars and I just will work my way through them. A little treat after dinner. 3. Ask people who depend on me for their very livelihoods, how was that? At least twice. Four, invented a new kind of pesto called old lettuce pesto. You all know what that is? So let me tell you, let me tell you the recipe for old lettuce pesto. Um, you have, I, I, I, listen, I basically, I thought, well, how different is spring mix from spinach really?

And so I like cooked it a little and then turned it into a pesto by, by putting it in the ninja. The basil had gone bad. So there was no basil. I had basil. I fucking had basil. I turned it into a pesto by putting it in the ninja. Basil! Basil! The basil had gone bad, so there was no basil. I had basil, I fucking had basil, but it had gone bad. The chives had it, so some chives went in. But why didn't you just not eat pesto in that moment? This isn't a list of the things I didn't do. I'm not saying I'm going to have it again.

It was an experiment. I had the, I had the pine nuts. I had the lettuce. Well, it was a spring mix. The salmon, the salmon was okay. Hey, you know what? The first person that figured out you could boil rhubarb for six hours and make a pie, people thought he was crazy. And five, convince Gale King to become an astronaut. And that's my list. That's my list.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Lisa Trager, thank you both so much. Thank you. That is our show. We'll see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter. There are 612 days until the midterm elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend. ["Love It or Leave It"] Love it or leave it is a Cricket Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

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