Lovett or Leave It - Dry Heat and Open Carry (Live from Phoenix!)

Episode Date: December 2, 2023

Lovett or Leave It's in Phoenix and Kissinger's in Hell as the last leg of the Errors Tour begins. Jared Goldstein joins to bring you Gay News from coast to coast. Jaynie Parrish of Arizona Native Vote discusses everything at stake in the Grand Canyon state. The audience fishes some weird facts from the ice-cold bottom of Kari Lake, and we all win the first annual Kyrsten Sinema Pageant, before we rant about the worst in the best of the Southwest.

Hello, Phoenix! Phoenix! It is lovely to see you all I have to tell you something I've been in this city for almost 24 hours I'm sure there are many wonderful places to eat in this city But you really got screwed.

Because Netflix decided they were going to be kooky and say the best pizza in America was in Phoenix. And once you do that, it really tips the scales. So I've been to Pizzeria Bianco twice. I sat in the same seat. I went alone. And I really did think about texting the incredible team of people

that make love it or leave it when we got in and say, hey guys, this may sound insane, but it turns out the best pizza in America is not where we just put it in a weird place. Do you want to go? And then I thought, they don't take reservations. If you want to go far, go together.

But if you want to go fast, go alone. You flip the famous expression, it's actually an argument for going alone. Isn't that funny? If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Sounds like you should go with other people. If you want to go far, go together. If you want to go fast, go alone.

Just flip the order. It can mean whatever you want it to mean. That's the beautiful thing about expressions. But, like, have your cake and eat it too. That's a terrible way to say it. Eat your cake and have it too. Now we're making sense. Did you like it? Did I like it?

No, I was trying to think of other expressions that are like that, and there are several. Because birds of a feather flock together. Birds of a feather flock together until the predator comes. It actually means the opposite. Until the cat comes.

Thank you, Brian. I think blood is thicker than water is one of those as well, if I remember. But it doesn't matter. The point is, how's the pizza? Very, very good. Should I have eaten two in a row? Should there have been a pizza in my stomach

and the pizza looks up and is like, it can't be. I just saw you. Welcome to the Errors Tour. It is our second to last stop, and you know what they say, save the best for second to last, which is what we've done. Janie Parrish of the Arizona Native Vote is here. We'll see how well you know your future senator, Carrie Lake.

No, that can't be right. That can't be right. Jared Goldstein swings by for some gay news. Joey Jay will help me judge who amongst you is the best Kirsten Sinema. And by the way, who answered the call? Applaud if you answered the call. All right, we can do a segment. That's enough. I heard, I think I heard three people. Three people, that's a segment. Also, because I am filled with such joy and gratitude, I've run out of rants. I'll contemplate what you've asked me to rant about, because why not, you know? And high notes, so think happy thoughts before the end of the show. But first, let's get into it. What a week.

let's get into it. What a week. In a recent interview, Mike Pence admitted he was encouraged by his son to stand up to President Trump regarding the January 6th insurrection. According to Pence, his son, a former Marine, said, Dad, you took the same oath I took, an oath to support and defend the Constitution. Continued Pence, my son also

showed me that you could actually use a urinal without pulling your pants all the way down. A little too Constitution. Continued Pence, my son also showed me that you could actually use a urinal without pulling your pants all the way down. A little too city slicker for me, but it's interesting. I think it is nice to have your military son be your moral compass and not the fisheye camera at the Target self-checkout like the rest of us childless freaks. ABC News reported this week that Pence nearly recused himself from presiding over the counting of the electoral votes on January 6th because he thought it would have been, in his words,

too hurtful to my friend. There's nothing more awkward than when somebody wrongly thinks a co-worker is their friend. He's friendly at the office because you work together and he thinks it's weird that you call him on Christmas. I was just texting my good friend producer Brian about this on his day off. Remember, buddy? Brian, why are you looking away?

Brian, it's me. Love it. You know me. Huh? Still up for laser tag on Sunday? Henry Kissinger. Who shaped foreign policy as Secretary of State and National Security Advisor under Nixon and Ford, died on Wednesday at the age of 100. under Nixon and Ford, died on Wednesday at the age of 100. Now, to take a big sip of Arizona iced tea and Google what the U.S. was up to

between 1969 and 1977. Kissinger remained a force in American politics for half a century, advising 12 presidents in some capacity, and credited with diplomatic successes like the opening of China, as well as war crimes and civilian atrocities from Cambodia to Indonesia to Matt Reif's face work. That looks like real politic to me.

George W. Bush issued a statement on Wednesday in remembrance of Kissinger saying in part, I am grateful for that service and advice, but I am most grateful for his friendship. Laura and I will miss his wisdom, his charm, and his humor. And then after that, it looks like someone was frantically

banging on the keyboard as if they were choking to death on a pretzel. Wise words, Mr. President. Remember that? Remember that fucking Earth 2 where Bush dies because he ate a pretzel with his O'Douls? Said Biden's national security spokesperson,

it's a huge loss whether you saw eye-to-eye with him on every issue. There's no question that he shaped foreign policy decisions for decades, and he certainly had an impact on America's role in the world. Whether you saw eye-to-eye with him on every issue, there's no question that Jeffrey Dahmer shaped gay culture in the Midwest.

Was it good when that truck crashed through the front window of an elementary school? I'll just say this, no one can deny that it made a big hole. In his statement, Vladimir Putin credited Kissinger with strengthening global security, saying, I had the opportunity to personally communicate with this deep, extraordinary man many times, and I will undoubtedly retain the fondest memory of him. If Putin's sad you died, you've made a mistake. If Putin poisoned you, you've done something cool. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. The New York Yankees put out a touching tribute on Twitter

saying that they were deeply saddened by the death of Henry Kissinger. When fans questioned the post, the storied baseball team was quick to note that they don't endorse everything Kissinger did, just the killing of Cambodian civilians. don't endorse everything Kissinger did, just the killing of Cambodian civilians. On the other hand, the Philadelphia Flyers have released this statement.

I don't know who's listening. I don't know who I'm asking. It's gritty. Digging Kissinger's grave. That's a good one. I like it. Hey, Zuri, great job. In a letter from his lawyer, Hunter Biden said he would testify in House Republicans' investigation, but only if the testimony could be made public, and several Republicans agreed.

Josh Hawley told the press this. My view is that the American people have a right to see, and also, you know, they should evaluate this for themselves. I mean, if you do this stuff in private, what happens is there's inevitably bunches of leaks, and then it's, you know, well, so-and-so said this, and so-and-so said that. It's like, oh, just do it in public, and let the public see. Open the doors so y'all can report on it.

The man has already had his nudes flashed on the floor of the house. At this point, he should be able to get questions streaming on OnlyFans and at least make a little money off of it. And he used the money to buy guns. Tennessee Republican Tim Burchett said he'd also support a public hearing when he said, I don't care if he wants to sit in the bathtub and do it. At least that's what we think Burchett said. His mouth was watering so much it was hard to understand him.

Ted Cruz introduced a bill to ban federal funding from being used to implement policies that require federal employees to use preferred pronouns and names for their colleagues, saying that forcing anyone to use pronouns that don't accord with a person's biological sex is an unconstitutional violation of the First Amendment. Of course, that doesn't really make any sense. There are all kinds of things you can't say at work.

You can say them at home. You can say them to a dominatrix wearing a Miss Piggy mask, ripping out pages from your book and telling you that you've been a bad, bad senator. But if someone at work says, hi, my name is Becky, and you say, no, it isn't Rebecca, and then Becky says, hey, listen, I know you didn't mean anything by it, but I don't use my full name at work.

It's something my mother called me, and she passed away. And then you say, fuck you, Rebecca. That's what it says on your birth certificate. Send me that spreadsheet, Rebecca. First Amendment, Rebecca. That's, of course, rude. It's obnoxious. It's unprofessional.

And if you kept at it, you get fired. It's also rude and obnoxious and unprofessional if the name you choose to use against a person's wishes is of a different gender, and that person has made clear that hearing that name is like a punch in the gut because that person has rights at work too. And the ideological valence of that cruelty may be important to a subset of insecure freaks

obsessed with making trans people cry in the bathroom, but it's beside the point. Your First Amendment right to express your bigoted nonsense because your masculinity is both very important to you and hanging by a fucking thread remains. You're not being arrested. You're just facing the reality of being a person in society with more than one person in it. Raphael Edward incest porn crews. The co-founder of the North Carolina based group Students for Trump was charged this week for assault with a deadly weapon after his girlfriend reported that he struck her with a gun in the forehead, chilling to imagine how dangerous the Trump youth will become when they realize that that's not how guns work. In response to the current advertiser boycott of Twitter, Elon Musk lashed out while speaking at a summit

Telling off potential sponsors including Disney's Bob Iger Don't advertise You don't want them to advertise? No What do you mean? If somebody's going to try to blackmail me with advertising, blackmail me with money Go fuck yourself But Go fuck yourself.

But. Go fuck yourself. Is that clear? I dare you not to go into business with me, a guy on ketamine dressed like a Los Angeles club promoter in 2003. Yes, fuck the advertisers. Oh, good, great, said Twitter CEO Linda Iaccarino from within the steamer trunk where they keep her between crises.

Oh, good, great, said Twitter CEO Linda Iaccarino halfway submerged in cartoon quicksand. Oh, good, great, said Twitter CEO Linda Iaccarino placing several more rocks in her pockets. Oh, good, great, said Twitter CEO Linda Iaccarino, placing several more rocks in her pockets. Oh, good. Great, said Twitter CEO Linda Iaccarino, putting yet another meeting with the Twitter sales team in the slot she was holding for therapy. They're trying to blackmail me with money? You blackmail people for money, by the way. Just stupid, but... that's how that works.

This is my favorite. This is the best thing that I've seen in a long time. Somebody before the show asked me what I thought the best news of the week was. He assumed it would be Henry Kissinger's death, and sure. But I actually think this, to answer your question this far back, where were you? I saw you. There you are. This was my favorite moment of the news of the week. Andrew R. Sorkin is interviewing Elon Musk, and this is the moment. I will certainly not pander. And Jonathan, like, the only reason I'm here is because you are a friend.

Like, what was my speaking fee? You're not making any... First of all, I'm Andrew. Yeah, sorry. It's okay. Like, to live in a world where that was an unscripted moment, that's un-fucking-beatable. That's unbeatable. That is so good.

I'm only here because you're a friend, Jonathan. My name is Andrew. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10 writing. That is a fucking plus. Look at this image. Look at this fucking hell of a time we live in. Look at it. Look at what this fucking guy that controls satellites and the biggest electric car company and one of the world's biggest social media platforms is wearing to work.

Yeah, he's like, what, are you going to the fucking Universal gift shop? The fuck is that? Why is he wearing a light jacket? What's the necklace? Oh, my God. The problem is, just to talk about it for a second, I was thinking about this, which is like,

why is this the world we're living in? Why does this happen? And it's like, this is a time summit of some kind, and Kamala Harris was at this event. And it's like, there shouldn't be a right-wing troll being interviewed on this thing. This guy doesn't have much to offer. I watched a fair amount of it,

and he doesn't have much to offer. But he gets to be there because he's both one of the most powerful and successful people in our society, and one of the dumbest motherfuckers alive. And we keep trying to square the two, get this Venn diagram to overlap. Maybe they don't.

Maybe people can be two things. On Tuesday, a Virgin Atlantic Boeing 787 executed a successful test flight from London to New York using jet fuel made from fat and sugar. It's unclear whether this jet fuel melts steel beams,

but it melts beautifully over a stack of pancakes. An Indiana man who was detained and booked was discovered... Are you from Indiana? Is that why you're applauding? Okay. Was dis...

Well, let me tell you about the kind of people from Indiana I've been thinking about lately. By the way, if I start a joke with a blank man from a state, and you're from that state, and you cheer... An Indiana man was discovered to be smuggling a handgun in his rectum during a strip search. Nature's holster. I've heard of packing heat, but this is ridiculous. The man was charged with one count of carrying a silent but deadly weapon. The suspect is claiming protection

under the Bill of Rights. When asked which amendment, he replied, number two. Sophisticated political show. Speaking of surprise... All right. Speaking of surprises involving number two,

in Ohio, this story, this, by the way, revised. Kissinger's death, Elon saying, you're my best friend, Jonathan. This is number one. An Ohio criminal defense attorney has been suspended by the state Supreme Court

for pooping in a Pringles can and throwing it into the parking lot of a crime victim non-profit. Someone saw him throw the can. They then opened the can. And were horrified. I don't want to blame the victim here. And we're horrified. I don't want to blame the victim here, but why on earth would you open that Pringles can?

What possible good could you find inside of a Pringles can thrown out the window of a passing car into a parking lot? The absolute best case scenario are Pringles you shouldn't eat. The attorney, Jack Blakeslee, denied that the prank was targeted, even though he admitted to knowing many of the people who worked at the center. The court did not believe him and described the center,

which was called Haven of Hope, as his, and again, this is a quote, drop zone. Now, you may be asking yourself, what could possibly be the rationale for claiming it wasn't targeted? He knew many of the people inside. It was by the court. He was on his way to court. There's actually a good explanation. Are you ready for what it is?

Have you seen this story? I wonder if you'll guess how he can actually demonstrate that it wasn't targeted. Because he was late? That's a good guess. No. It's because he does it all the time.

That's right He's been practicing law since the 70s And he estimates that he's been throwing Shit-filled Pringles cans Out of his car window Ten times a year Yeah, that's right Blakeslee claimed That it was a way to blow off steam.

And he enjoyed imagining the look of surprise on people's faces when they found his cans. This is a criminal defense attorney. Of course, what he didn't realize is that there was actually a legal loophole, which is you could just say, I didn't do that. Or, whoops, it was an emergency. Won't happen again, never happened before. But not our guy. Also, now you may be thinking, did he have some kind of mental difficulty that he could use as a rationale? One was offered, but he denied it. It was not his PTSD from Vietnam. Again, you're an attorney.

Why not? After he threw the shit-filled can, he returned to court where he was representing a criminal defendant in a capital murder case. But here's the thing, I get it, because once you poop, you just can't stoop.

Thank you. Thank you. A rat plague has descended on the coastal Australian town of Karumba. With swarms of rats chewing on electrical wires and wreaking havoc, said the local mayor, the stench is quite bad. But he added, thanks to coastal winds, it's still livable. A rat pressing a gun further and harder into his back. it's still livable. A rat pressing a gun further and harder into his back.

Speaking of varmints, British lawmaker Jim Shannon faced backlash after saying this during a debate about invasive squirrels. The very presence of gray squirrels, the squirrel squirrels, are the Hamas of the squirrel world. buddy buddy no no no just don't do it not needed not an analogy people needed why is everybody so mad said the lawmaker you haven't even heard which squirrels are the jews yet the body of a man who'd been missing since October was found in the ventilation system of Maycomb County Community College in Michigan. Authorities discovered the body after being called to investigate a foul odor in the school's performing arts space.

Looks like we found the phantom of the opera. Stop it. That's so stupid. That's so stupid. Looks like someone needed to vent. A man died. Shame on all of you. The person found in the vents was not affiliated with the college

and authorities said there was no reason to suspect foul play. The person found in the vents was not affiliated with the college, and authorities said there was no reason to suspect foul play. But I think there's a reason. Because no one knows how this guy ended up in the fucking vents. What do you mean there's no reason to suspect foul play? He's not affiliated with the college. He dived in the vents. Of natural

causes. What are you talking about? Craziest write-up. I looked everywhere. Everyone's like, he doesn't know. No one knows how he got there, how he even got on the campus, what he was doing in the building, how he got in the vents. Suspicion? None. It's a sad

story, actually. A report this week in the Washington Post detailed a thriving sexual kink known as political humiliation. Described as getting sexually aroused by having your politics ridiculed typically by someone from the other side. That's crazy, said an area podcast host.

Why would anybody be interested in that? Oh, you want Medicare for all? Bet you want it real bad. Beg for it. Tell me that healthcare is a human right you liberal freak we'll be right back with gay news hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up

and we're back! Whether your Spotify rap said your musical taste is more Berkeley, Cambridge, or Burlington, one thing's for sure, you're gay. How many of you, did any of you get Burlington, Cambridge, or Berkeley? I got Cambridge. what'd you get burlington and that was a gay wave so i i i could i could see it uh which i love wait any did anybody anyone else get burled you got it burlington you're gay together what'd you get

i got vampire too I got vampire too. I got vampire too. Did you say I use iTunes? All right. Well, I guess, you know, you you're from Margaritaville or the Kokomo, Something of that era. The point is, it's time for Gay News! Please put your hands together for my Gay News co-anchor. He just flew in from LA and boy is being alive tiring. It's the hilarious friend of the show, Jared Goldstein! Hi. Alright. Alright. Hi, Jared. Hi. All right.

All right. Hi, Jared. Hi. How you doing? I'm good. How are you? How's your Spotify wrapped? I use Apple Music.

That's wild to me. I think that's cool. Yeah. As a Jew, it feels like Hanukkah all over again. It's like, well, I don't know. It's the end of the year. Do they do a wrapped? Does Apple say, hey, great job. You listen to this. They might, but I don't click end of the year. Do they do a wrapped? Does Apple say, hey, great job, you listened to this? They might, but I don't click it to find out.

Do they do it? They do? Replay. They didn't do it this year? Oh, okay. This is like those, like, Ted Talks, Steve Jobs things. Yeah, that's what this is like those like ted talks steve jobs things yeah that's what this is tell me the the updates the software updates everybody do some gay news i would love it all right here's how it works we're gonna share some gay news we just say gay news gay news what kicks off

Gay News. Want to kick us off? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba. Okay, that's the end. I got excited to do it. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Gay News. Okay. Conservative influencers called for a boycott of Fruit Loops

after the cereal teamed up with a children's non-profit to provide a free online library of kids' books that promote equality and diversity. Look, it's right there in the name. If we were called Jesus Small Town Football Loops, I'd understand feeling betrayed. Gay news. We get

Fruit Loops, straight people get Frosted Flakes. Yeah, you have Tony the Tiger. You have Tony the Tiger. He's not... They're straight. Yeah, he's not... I mean, do I think Tony the Tiger fucked a guy? Yeah, but he's still married and has kids. Yeah.

Perfect life, honestly. Yeah, he's crushing it. I'm just doing the second part. Or the first. A Republican representative introduced a bill to expand Florida's don't say gay law to workplaces, barring state employees from using their preferred pronouns and prohibiting nonprofits from giving employees training on gender and sexuality. And that stands to reason.

We can't have a bunch of 45-year-old systems analysts getting exposed to all this sex stuff before they've had a chance to discuss it with their parents. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- about gay news. If I couldn't say gay at work, I couldn't do stand-up. There go all my jokes. On an episode of The View, Sarah Paulson revealed that she had a photo of her partner, Holland Taylor, on her fridge for 10 years

before they got together. Yikes, replied Holland Taylor. At this rate, just nine years before my first date with Pedro Pascal. And three years before my first date with Pedro Pascal. And three years before my first date with my boyfriend's cat.

I want to write them, too. You can write, yeah, I'm so excited. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-gay news. Oh, we have more Tal and Taylor material. We do, we do. Also, my boyfriend's cat and I have been dating for six months. The photo in question was of Paulson, Taylor, and Allison Janney

on top of a Lamborghini outside of a dinner party they all attended. I didn't know if I was going to hook up with Allison Janney or Holland Taylor, but I just figured I'd put the pickup either way and hope for the best. Why were they on the Lamborghini, you ask? To get a better view of the nearby Subarus. Why were they on the Lamborghini, you ask? To get a better view of the nearby Subarus. And don't worry, Allison Janney is now raising a family with the Lamborghini.

Great news. In news that should not be news, a trans boy was cast in a male role in a Texas high school's production of Oklahoma, only for the school's principal to later remove him. We need a teenager with a big honking dick to sing the phrase Surrey with a fringe on top or it won't be believable. That's right. It's good. And I support that principle. Look,

I understand trans kids wanting to get involved in the traditionally fruity pursuits of swimming or track and field, but this is musical theater we're talking about. Kingdom of the Straits.

Seriously, you can't tell trans kids they're banned from sports and musical theater. What's left for them? Chess club? What are the hot ones supposed to do?

They're not even allowed to vape anymore. There's nothing left. They can't even vape. What are these hot trans teens supposed to do with their time? Speech and debate? Embarrassing. Star in the Gossip Girl reboot.

The student's father said the principal claimed the school had a new policy that boiled down to only males can play males and only females can play females. Oh, okay. I doth suppose I'll just go fuck myself, said William Shakespeare. The school later said

they wouldn't consider students' sex in casting, but they would be putting on an abbreviated version of Oklahoma they said was edited for young audiences. Honestly, if we can get an abbreviated version of most musicals, I would. There's always two songs you can just absolutely lose.

In this version, Addo Annie can say no, and what's more, she says it all the time out of respect for her future husband. In the end, dozens of supporters showed up at a school board meeting to protest the decision, leading to the school to apologize and reverse that decision. Because when Lady Gaga said, born this way, she meant gay, but she also meant destined to square dance while the mean eighth grade boys throw pennies at the stage.

Because they are, in fact, medically the same. Said the school, honestly, we just assumed that everyone would be on board with bullying a theater kid. On this occasion, for perhaps the first time ever, that assumption was mistaken. Wow. Wow.

Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, gay news. A group of self-described gay furry hackers broke into the computer system of one of the biggest nuclear laboratories in the U.S. stealing sensitive employee data. The group published a sample of the data and wrote, if they research creating IRL cat girls,

we will take down the post. Said the lab director, well, gentlemen, they've got us pinned. Everyone put down the uranium and follow me to the top secret furry reactor. Officially, the horny lever only goes up to 10, but we all know the truth. The horny lever at the furry reactor. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba, gay news.

A Catholic priest has been stripped of his administrative duties after allowing Sabrina Carpenter to use a Roman Catholic church in Brooklyn as a backdrop for a music video in which he dances in a short dress next to pastel-colored coffins. Dear Lord, I'm hard-pressed to think of a Catholic priest doing something worse than this. You know they're just

going to transfer him to some other unsuspecting parish two towns over where he can go right back to making music videos with Disney stars again. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba They're not. Fishing and gay-ass children, what else do they have in common? Nothing, according to the three episodes of Silence. Buh-duh-buh-buh-buh-buh. Gay news. That's it.

That's it. That's it. Gay news. We did it. Thank you, Jaren. Thank you. Check out his Instagram for his latest dates. Yes. And watch your Black Mirror episode. We can finally promote it, because last time you were on, we couldn't talk about it, but you Yes. And watch your Black Mirror episode.

We can finally promote it because last time you were on, we couldn't talk about it, but you were so good in that Black Mirror episode. Thank you so much for promoting my Black Mirror. And without spoiling anything

about the episode, the episode's structure is a compliment to you. I'll take it. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? It's a very specific compliment, but you see what I'm saying.

It's the first episode of the new season. It's called Joan is Awful. And I can say that because I'm saying? Yes. It's a very specific compliment, but you see what I'm saying. It's the first episode of the new season. It's called Joan is Awful. And I can say that because I can say that now. It's a great episode, too. Thank you. It was amazing.

It's the coolest thing I'll ever do. It's also really cool. Second coolest thing. Gay news is the coolest thing I'll ever do. No, that goes without saying. Yeah, yeah. Being in a black mirror

doing this in the city with the best pizza in the world. I also like that we couldn't talk about it because you were an episode of Black Mirror that was about the issues that the strike was about that they somehow managed to put on Netflix

during the strike, which was cool. Yeah, it was very cool. All right, so everybody check that out. When we come back, remember Carrie Lake? They don't like her. They don't like her. They don't like her. Okay, I'm leaving. God, I'll go.

Jared Wilson, everybody. He'll be back for the round, Will. And we're back. Arizona. And we're back! Arizona, you've got the nation's finest iced tea and the most unique way to fry eggs. But when it comes to your Republicans, good Lord, send zombie John McCain back from the tomb to fight these ghouls.

No, that's not Vaseline on your lens, America. That's Carrie Lake, former anchor, current maniac, failed gubernatorial candidate, and in her mind, at least your future senator, as a fellow media personality, I appreciate Carrie Lake's ability to stay in the news, which is why I want to quiz you on some of the Lady of the Lake's weirdest moments

in a game we're calling Two Lake to Apologize. Brian's out there. Can we bring up the lights? If you'd like to answer a question, raise your hand. Hi, what's your name? I'm Chris. Hi, Chris. Are you from Arizona?

I am. Well, where? Glendale. Hell yeah. But I live in Scottsdale now. You live in Scottsdale. Yeah, got out of Glendale. This person says says same thing.

They know. Intra-Arizona beef. Desert beef. The sidewalks aren't the only thing that's scorching. While running for governor in 2021, Chris, Carrie Leak said Arizona should protect its children from teachers indoctrinating them While running for governor in 2021, Chris, Carrie Leak said Arizona should protect its children from teachers indoctrinating them by putting what where?

Cameras in the classroom. Correct. I believe we have a clip. If they're not teaching this stuff that's weird and crazy, then put the cameras in there and show us. Look, freedom, that's what America's all about. And there's only one way to protect freedom. You gotta put a camera fucking everywhere.

Get it up those... I'm sick of these grade school teachers thinking they can get away with saying stuff without being caught by me, the governor, the protector of freedom. I'm gonna get a camera in every fucking classroom, make sure we're protecting freedom. Asshole.

Hi, what's your name? My name's Liz. Liz, are you from Arizona? Yes, since I was 18 months. Since you were 18 months. So I'm basically from Arizona. Yeah, I don't... Hey, let that chip fall off your shoulder.

I know it feels like bragging to say you're from Arizona, but... You don't even know. But you can say it. It's 110%. No one from Arizona. You can definitely... You can get it.

People will buy it. Okay, cool. Carrie... Carrie Lake said, what WNBA star should have asked to stay a little bit longer rather than be... Betty Griner. Yeah.

And she used to tell me on my news when I was going to bed to go to bed. Wait, what happened? She used to be a news anchor. Yeah. She told me to go to news when I was going to bed to go to bed. Wait, what happened? She used to be a news anchor. Yeah. She told me to go to bed when I was a little kid. And now she ran for president and ran for whatever and was psychotic. So.

Yeah. I think I deserve therapy. I think everyone in the state does. Yeah. No, I would say this. Based on your energy, 100% seek it out. There are, there's just sort of like, you're okay.

You're here and you're good and you're okay. Try it out. If you can do it, some people just give it a shot. Everyone, everyone deserves therapy and some people need it. I need it. We need it. Everybody needs it. Lake said Griner should have personally refused to be released rather than allow the U.S.

to engage in a prisoner's squad. I think we can all agree none of our women's basketball players should be held responsible for the fact that Russia wanted an international arms dealer back. We want our Olympic gold medalist and six-time WNBA star. Russia wanted their merchant of death. That's a Russia problem if I've ever heard one. Hi,

what's your name? Kale. Gale or kale? Kale. Kale? Nice. Kale? Yeahale or kale? Kale. Kale? Nice. Kale? Yeah, like the vegetable. Like the vegetable? K-A-E-L or K-A-L-E?

C-A-L-E. C-A-L-E? Whoa! That's, that's cool. That must be fun. It's a blast. It must be fun

with everyone's guess. I get to do this all the time. Everyone, every guess is wrong. Yeah. No one gets it right. Yeah. In this classic video,

Carrie Lake confronted her potential Senate opponent, Ruben Gallego, where, and please be specific. At the airport. Sky Harbor. Where?

At the airport. Sky Harbor. Yes, but I need you to get a little bit more specific. The baggage carousel? No, that's, oh, no. I mean,

I don't know, I don't know what was on the other side of the line, but what we saw was what? The bathroom. It was the bathroom. I'm going to give it to you, Kale. Here's the clip. No, I'm not working together with you.

I'm going to beat you. Let's go down the corridor together. Let's get the mayors together. That's how I spot some really sane solutions that aren't just, you know, easy answers. Let's get the mayors together. Let's talk about some really sane solutions that aren't just easy answers. That's the men's room. I just want to revisit this because we didn't get to talk about this

when we were in it. We talked about this on the road, but it's the first time I'm here. Carrie Lake, full fucking hair face, just fully fucking baked anchor makeup, the full fucking thing. I don't know if she got. I don't know if she got, I don't know if that's how she fucking travels.

Like if she just travels like that, cool if she does. Ruben Gallego travels like a fucking American. You know? Look at these two people. Look at these two people. That is a veteran in a hoodie.

She is dressed to the nines like she's flying in the 1950s. How is it that we've lost populism to these fucking people? Look at this, look at this. Unbelievable. The best part about this interaction is he's like, he doesn't, it takes him a beat to realize what's happening because he's like, oh, good to see you. I hope we can have a good race. Just the kind of like banality that he's like, he doesn't, it takes him a beat to realize what's happening because he's like, oh, good to see you.

I hope we can have a good race. Just the kind of, the kind of like, like what do you call it? Just the kind of casual. Pleasantry? Pleasantry. I always say a banality, but I meant pleasantry. Just a pleasantry, like the way two people would say it,

you know, back before everyone was trying to prove how big of a fucking asshole they were. And he's like, lovely to see you. I hope we can have a great race. And she's like, fuck you, we're not. And he's like, oh, okay. What do you want to talk about? Oh.

Hi, what's your name? Mitch. Mitch. Like so many Republicans who have opposed abortion for purely hollow Calculated reasons Rather than Heartfelt religious Zealot reasons

Carrie Lake said Just last month That abortion rights Should be determined By voters in each state In 2022 however Lake said abortion Was what

A. An abomination Under God B. Tantamount to murder C. The ultimate sin D. One hell of a Saturday night I'm gonna go with A It's incorrect It wasn't C. The ultimate sin But here Take another one Mitch B, one hell of a Saturday night. I'm going to go with A.

It's incorrect. It was C, the ultimate sin. But here, take another one, Mitch. In May, Carrie Lake lost her second trial in Maricopa County Superior Court. In May, Carrie Lake lost her second trial in Maricopa County Superior Court in her ongoing attempt to overturn the results

of last year's gubernatorial election. In that case, Lake asked that the state either hold a new election entirely or what? Declare her the victor? Correct. Just make her the fucking governor. What a pitch, by the way. Why don't we skip all this paperwork?

Incredible. Incredible. She was just a news person think about all the ways in which she was subconsciously fucking with all of you for years before you understood what this person really was what was roiling inside of her something to think about hi what's your name i'm emily emily are you from arizona no i'm from new hampshire i only ask, because it's like, the second we're in a place where someone's not from that place, you all become build-a-wall people.

It's really unbelievable. No matter where we are in the country, no matter how liberal, no matter how progressive, no matter how lefty the crowd, somebody raises their hand and says, I'm from two towns over, they're like, fucking get them. They're not us. They don't get us. Here's your question while addressing turning point young women's leadership summit in 2021 lake said women are not what i'll give you a hint she says this a lot did she say that they're not a equal to men b

biologically capable of leading a family c C, cut out for most tech jobs, or D, smarter than a dog? C? No, she actually just said flat out not equal to men. Yikes. Yeah. In fairness, she didn't actually, she was quote, she said that's what,

she was quoting God. In her, my God said men aren't, women aren't equal. So that's what, if you listen, you know. And finally, during a different Turning Point Summit last December, Carrie Lake said she identifies as what and that her pronouns are what two words.

It's a tough one. What does Carrie Lake say are her pronouns? Freedom? Here's the answer. I want you to know that I identify as a proud, election-denying,

deplorable, and my pronouns are I won. And you guys are mad I'm from New Hampshire, and she's from New York. Great fucking point. Everybody here gonna do what has to be done to stop this?

This person who's gonna get pretty fucking close? Alright, when we come back, Janie Parrish is here. And we're back. Look, we have some serious business to get you tonight, and yes, I'm talking about the Kirsten Cinema pageant, but most importantly, I'm referring to our next guest, a person who's doing incredible work

uplifting and equipping indigenous people in politics. Please welcome to the stage founder and president of Arizona Native Vote, it's Janie Parrish. Hi. Thank you for being here. Hi, Janie. Hi.

Hey, Arizona. First of all, who are you and what do you do? Well, let's start with my clans. You got to know this when you're in Arizona. I am Janie Parrish. Those are my clans in Diné, Navajo Nation. I'm a citizen of Navajo Nation.

We got 22 tribes in Arizona. Navajo Nation is one of the largest in the country and in the state. And I run Arizona Native Vote with an incredible team of matriarchs and young people that are, for the last couple years, getting out the vote, checking voter registration status, and winning elections. I was very excited to have you on the show because everyone understands how close 2020 was,

but I don't think people truly understand how important the native vote in Arizona was to the outcome of the 2020 election. it's a little bit less. Can you talk about what it took to get that victory and the work that went into turning out voters in the Native tribes? Sure. Everything. It took everything. In terms of, let me put some numbers. So we're about close to 4% of the population in the state of Arizona. 22 tribes. Again, Navajo Nation is the largest. We also, if you look at the land base in Arizona, our lands are still about the third of the state. So you run into a lot of tribal communities.

And the thing is, because we're rural in majority places, although we have a lot of people in the urban Phoenix area, there's still a lot of our folks that are in rural areas with little to no quality of internet, phone, road service, a lot of things. I mean, you're res, you're deep res. And so it's really difficult. And the transportation, driving an hour to your polling location is not uncommon. So there's a lot of barriers and it doesn't make it easier when we have, how do I put this, racists and people who discriminate against our communities putting up more and more barriers to make it harder for us to vote. I mean I can name them on the list but it's incredibly hard. So what we had to do is we had to get to our local communities working with Indigenous organizers. It's not rocket science.

We tried so hard working with the parties and many other structures to say, invest, invest in our communities. We are good voters. Invest. And that's simply putting up radio ads, television ads, or even newspaper, because we got tribal media. And there was nothing, radio silence. They wouldn't even hire campaign organizers to work in our communities. So what we had to do is roll up our sleeves, like we always always do and do it ourselves. And that's what happens in a lot of indigenous and black and brown communities. We have to do it ourselves. No one else is going to do it. So we hired local experts, which are people like Lorraine Coyne, who's matriarch. She didn't even register to vote until she was in her 50s, but she knew it was important.

We had Sandra Manali. She was like the best burrito saleswoman in Loop. Everybody knew her. Every week she came back with the highest voter registration numbers because people trusted her, and they knew what she was doing. So people like that, and then we match them up with younger folks, like Layla Winberry, who's a graduate, soon-to-be graduate at ASU. And yes, ASU, Sun Devils in the house. Thank you, my alma mater.

But we match them and they get shit done. They know where to go. They know how to reach people at home visits. We speak our languages to our community members. We are at the flea markets. We are in the places where nobody bothers to go. That's how we were able to collectively win, but also just turn voters out. And that was the same thing in 22.

I'll let you ask your next question though. Well, I wanted to ask about 2022 because, so there's this huge organizing effort that makes such a big difference in 2020. But then something happens between 2020 and 2022. The Supreme Court issues a ruling that guts parts of the Voting Rights Act. And then all of a sudden in Arizona, there are these new hurdles. And, you know, it was a hard job before. But now you're talking about new restrictions like same-day ballot curing, right, for people that maybe are, as you said, an hour away from their polling places. There are new rules about not being able to vote from a different precinct. And when people, in order to tell, as part of their voter registration, where their addresses are literally drawing it because they don't have a number to say. And so when you draw where you are, you might be assigned to the wrong precinct or might not be assigned to precinct at all, and you're not allowed to vote in the wrong precinct

anymore. There was gerrymandering, right? And so 16, I believe, of the 22 tribes were concentrated in one district that added Republican county. That was before redistricting, it was Congressional District 2, and we were the most indigenous district in the whole country. After redistricting, it was Congressional District 2, and we were the most indigenous district in the whole country. After redistricting, that's no longer the case. And that included a number of tribes in that precinct. And it actually stretched all the way up from the county or state line of Arizona and Utah all the way down here in Maricopa County. It was a huge, vast area. And so trying to cover that for CD2, CD1 at the time, now it's called CD2, that was one. But physical addressing is still such one of the biggest barriers because everybody in tribal lands, we all have PO boxes. It's not like going around the corner here in Phoenix and putting down 204 something something Portland. It's actually a lot more complicated. So not only

can they not go online, it's not easy for people to say go online, go online and register to vote. There's extra steps involved and so much more like geocoding and it's a mess. So we have to take time to talk with our people wherever we are. And one other piece of this, just so people understand, they also made it so that you can't do what was a natural thing to do, which is when you're an hour from the post office or you can't bring someone their ballot, right? You can't, they made it illegal to help somebody who maybe can't drive to bring the ballot to them, right? That's right. I mean, a lot of us are friends and family community members, thankfully, that we can work and operate that way. But there's a lot of folks who may not have that access. And so that was one of the biggest things. Another one, if you've seen recently, is they're trying

to take away ballot boxes in our areas. And that is so messed up. I don't know if it can be. Yeah, you can say whatever you want. It's fucked up fucked up it's fucked up it's so messed up they're trying to do things like that they're trying to put a new uh voter id requirements citizenships i mean it's like non-stop so that's what the republicans have been trying to do to disenfranchise uh native voters but you're responding and you're organizing. One of the things we've seen, we've seen it in places like Georgia, we've seen it in Pennsylvania. When the community realizes what's happening, when voters come to understand that their vote is so important that someone's trying to take it, it actually takes more work and it shouldn't. You shouldn't have to go over these obstacles, but then people do. shouldn't. You shouldn't have to go over these obstacles, but then people do. So can you talk about what's happening in 2023, what you're going to do in 2024 to overcome these barriers that have made it this hard job even harder? Absolutely. Well, we haven't stopped. So that's one of the

key things is a lot of campaigns and groups parachute in. They come in for two or three months and then they're gone. So there's no consistency. But that's what, again, us as Native-led organizers is what we're doing year-round. We're making sure our people are employed year-round. They're talking to voters, even since May, with Arizona Native Vote, going to as many meetings, public places, saying, hey, do you know about the county elections? Do you know about this? Do you know about checking your voter reg? Let me help you. They are actually out there doing this work now. And that has to be always, not just during an election year.

So that's been a key component. But also having people that we're hiring and employing. And so our big goal in 24 is, yes, there's a big, long ticket, the ballot. But we're trying to key it in, especially in our counties, which is Navajo, Apache, and Coconino counties. That's predominantly where we are, is that we are letting people know about how critical the county elections are. Because, you know, we got batshit crazies, like running our, trying to get into these offices. I don't know if you've seen the news about Cochise that just happened. They finally, you know, threw the book at the people that didn't

even certify the election yet. So things like this is happening, and we're trying to educate people. Like, you got to know who your county supervisor is, who's your recorder. Even though these are lower level seats, it's critically important. So that's some of the things that our folks are talking to people about. But not only about voting. This is probably one of the best things that our crew does, is they dedicate about 40% of their time giving back to the community, like actually community organizing. So right now it's winter. It just snowed heavy. And people are delivering wood.

They're delivering, they have stocks and stew events. They have any elders that need food delivery. They're doing real things in the community to keep those ties strong. So then when it does come to, hey, primary time, general election time, they're going to have trusted people that know that they've invested in them. And just so people understand how important this work is going to be,

there's an ongoing effort to put abortion access on the ballot. But the process for getting signatures is still going on. And Progress Arizona, one of our partners, is here collecting signatures for the 2024 abortion ballot initiative. Right now, Arizona, because of Republicans in your legislature, and because they have control, Arizona is still living under an ancient abortion law and this 15-week ban. And this organizing is going to help make sure that access to health care is protected.

Absolutely. Every person that contributes in every way to get people informed and to get them to turn out, to get them to see how important it is, because we're still hearing, oh, my vote doesn't matter, this doesn't matter. Or people are even withholding their votes right now because of, yeah, crazy shit going on with the war.

But there's so much more at stake with that. So we have to tell people, you can't sit this out. You can't say I'm going to withhold my vote because there's so much more that is here, that is facing us. And this is one thing we always tell our young people too, is remembering the shit indigenous people have gone through for generations. 500 plus years of bullshit. And we can't stop here. We're just the next generation to carry this on, carry on the fights because our parents, I mean, next year in 2024, it's going to be the 100 year anniversary that we actually became citizens. They would not let us be citizens in our own country until 1924. And we couldn't

actually get the right to vote until 1948 to start the process. In Arizona. Yeah, in Arizona. And of course, 1965 with the rulings. But it's always a hard fight. And so we have to keep fighting. And this is the way that our team has worked. and our organization is that we are just the next fighters carrying on all of this that's been happening in terms of discrimination and racism to keep us out I mean these systems weren't built for us they were meant to kill us to get rid of us to take the land we weren't even supposed to be here but we keep fighting because there's so much more so i always like to tell people too yes this is a shitty year a shitty five years shitty couple years

but remember as indigenous people we have a 10 000 plus year history in these lands 10 000 plus years so even though it's hard now, there's going to be another 10 plus thousand years that we have to keep going for. And I was to say, just, you know, go to ArizonaNativeVote.org to get involved. You can also go to Vote Save America. We'll be working, we'll continue to be working with you in any way that we can. And if you're here tonight and you want to sign, make sure you sign the, give your signature if you're from Arizona, not New Hampshire, to make sure you get the access, you get that abortion ballot measure on the ballot. ArizonaNativeVote.org. on the ballot.

ArizonaNativeVote.org. Yes, we have a table out front, so you can scan QR codes, sign up, stay in touch with us, donate, because every dollar goes back to hiring organizers. But I just want to give a big thank you. Vote Save America, they stepped up when we needed them, 2020, and they're still stepping up now.

That's them. So thank you to everybody here that signs up for Votes Save America. It goes to help organizations like this one. When we come back, what better time? She's beauty, she's grace, she's the most annoying woman in the Senate. It's time for our Missing Cinema Pageant. When we come back, we'll have more show. Thank you.

Janie, thank you so much. It was great. Janie Paris. And it's Native American Heritage Month. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage

my personal pick for Arizona's Next Center, the incredible drag queen, Joey Jay! Stop it. You are messy! Yeah, a little bit. Oh my gosh! How are you guys doing? Do I look cute?

Sickening. Thank you for having me. Thanks for being here. Yes. Joey, first of all, can you tell us a little bit about the Phoenix drag scene? Like I've said 700 times already, it's sickening.

It is so good. I moved here six years ago, and I didn't know what to expect. And the drag scene here is so diverse. There are so many shows. It's so eclectic, so many different types and styles of drag. We even do this thing called drive-by numbers. It's not like what you think it is. Okay. But we didn't do this. I've never seen this in any other city. But if a queen has a show,

or if they are new, and they want to get a booking or a gig, and they're just trying to make a name for themselves, you can reach out to different, like several show directors and say, hey, do you have like any spots? I could just jump in and do the show. And we're like, yes, of course. So we have guests come in every single show. All the shows do it. So like, oh, your show ended at 7. Ours starts at 8.

Just come. You're in the second set. And then they can come and just have an opportunity to showcase their art, make some money. It's supportive? Yes. That's wild. Yeah, it's sickening.

Does Kirsten Sinema being bi help at all? Or at this point it's like, okay, girl, who isn't? I mean, who isn't a little bit bi? Right? But no, it doesn't help. And those yellow dresses don't help either. But I think, but in like gay terms, like when I saw the yellow dress, I'm like, oh, piss play.

Well, I think that's a perfect transition because I'd love to get your thoughts on some classic Kirsten cinema looks. This is let's start. Oh, yeah. The mist in cinema pageant. That's what we're doing tonight. The first we'd like to look at is the sunshine yellow 2023 State of the Union dress. There it is.

Piss play. Oh, my gosh. Do you know what cinema and a tampon both have in common? What? They're both stuck up cunts. Can I say that? Sure, you can say whatever you want. I already did, I guess.

You already did. So, this one's interesting because it's like, I don't... It's a no for me. Do you think if it was just one of the sleeves, it would work? What's that? If it was asymmetrical,

if it was just one poof as opposed to the double poof. Is the double poof the problem? No poof. No poof. No poof. When I was a kid and I'd fart, I didn't know the word fart yet, so I'd say I poofed and this is giving double poof the problem? No poof. No poof. No poof. No poof. When I was a kid and I'd fart, I didn't know the word fart yet,

so I'd say I poofed, and this is giving double poof. Next up, we have the pink COVID wig, which she wore during the pandemic. Oh, this is... Let me tell you something. We queens see this all the time at brunch, and it is, like, the scariest thing right here.

Like, you know she's on her way to the ATM to go get her ones to Taylor Swift brunch. Straight up. No shade on Taylor. Where are my Swifties? But yeah, I've seen her. I've seen her before. You've seen her?

Yes, I've taken a lot of her money. It does, now that I've been in Phoenix of her money. It does. It does. Now that I've been in Phoenix for 24 hours, it is an area type. This dress is crazy. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. At least have like a human. This synthetic party city.

Oh, yeah. It's crazy. It's the wig quality for you. She didn't lotion her legs, though. We love that. We's the wig quality for you. She didn't lotion her legs, though. We love that. We have the... At least have the mask match. If you're going to do it, fucking do it. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. I also, like... I'm in a straight... The surgical masks. So far, we don't have a winner. No, no. Next, we have the Real Housewives of Tatooine boots. Look, here's the thing.

I think she looks cool in this one. I do. I don't think that, I'm just saying, I don't think the dress and the boots work together. And what's the punchline? I think I'm the punchline right now. I think, look, if you just sort of like, if you go from the boots,

if you get, if you cover the boots and see the upper part, the jazz, it's, I, no? No, she, no, she walked in and said, I'm going to tell America I want to look as short as I possibly can. Did she succeed? She did. It matches the chairs.

It does. It does. Now this next one, this is a pointless number, and I will defend this look to the fucking death. I think she looks awesome there. That's right. Tell me I'm wrong. Are you straight? I don't. I couldn't be. Are you bisexual? I don't think so either. I'm gay. I'm gay and I think this works no

you don't you don't think it works I'm gonna send you a DM and when the tour's done we'll do like a whole move that bus

moment redo the whole closet the whole everything I'll have Queer Eye pay for it I don't hate that should we put you on Queer Eye?

No, I'm fucking gay That sucks Can everyone tweet John Lovett for Queer Eye? That doesn't make any sense Like how sickening would that be? This is a compliment You know who also asked me if I was straight? Isaac Mizrahi

And that sucks Am I... Is this... I guess I am. Fuck. But the shoes are lavender. I think your shoes are cute. Do you like his shoes? When, when we were heading out from the hotel.

What hotel? Where is he? There he is. From, I'm not saying where we're staying, but the, but when I walked out to go meet producer Brian to head over, he like looked me up and down, which he does not do. And then I was like, what?

Is Brian gay? Brian is a proud bisexual. And I was like, did you just look me up and down? And he goes, you caught that? And I was like, what were you looking at? And he was like, what did you say? You said like, he said, you caught that? And I was like, what were you looking at? And he was like, what did you say? You said like, he said, I don't know, you're dressed kind of boring today.

You better read him, bitch. Anyway, I think this outfit's cool. I like the polka dots. You know what? I could see this on somebody else but it's how you wear the garment and the garment is wearing her. I see that. Now with these images seared into our retinas, it's time to begin Love It or Leave It's first annual Missed in Cinema pageant. We've asked you kind Arizona holes,

I'm sorry, I'm never just trying something, to show up and show out in your best Kirsten cinema attire. If you'd like Joey and I to read you for political films, please come up to the stage and producer Brian will bring you to us. Where are our cinema pageant contestants? Oh, there's one, there's two. There's one over there.

Oh my God. Come on around. Everyone, let's give it up for our Kirsten Cinemas. Yes. One, two, three. You guys stay. Oh, that was good. Oh, wow.

We're at brunch. This is great. Here's the table of three for brunch. Now, I would say, I think one at a time, would you mind walking across the stage and then stand next to Joey Jay over here? And when you come over here, you have to give a big... Yeah, that's...

The signature cinema. Yes. Wow. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Wow, no minimum wage for you. Perfect. Our second cinema.

Okay. Now. Yes. Famously, Kirsten Cinema. Brownie points to whoever brings a sheet cake. And our final Kirsten Cinema, crossing the stage. Ooh, another stroll. Yes.

Yes. I. Yes. I love it. They're all giving nonconformists. Yes. Now, are you guys all for the filibuster? So, we, I think it was a mistake,

like Kirsten Sinema being for the filibuster. She just thought someone was asking if anybody wanted filiburdos. Do being for the filibuster. She just thought someone was asking if anybody wanted Filiberto's. Do you know what Filiberto's is? No, tell me. Filiberto's is like an iconic Mexican restaurant here. 24 hours. Food

is bomb. Drive-thru Mexican food. It is so good. So, of course, if someone asked me, I would say yes, but... So, now... And it's good. People like it. I love it.

Now, we've done the evening wear portion. Now it's time... Swimsuit. Oh, my God. The wig fell off. We're going to have a recess at the Senate floor. Bam. And wig fell off. We're gonna have a recess at the Senate floor. Bam. And she's back.

I wish, do any of you watch RuPaul's Drag Race? Of course we do. What did, I really hope rose petals come out of one of these fucking wigs. That would be something. That would be something. Hi, what is your name? Curtis.

What? Leah. Leah? Yes. And what is your least favorite Kirsten Sinema fact? Is it the fact that two months after leaving the Democratic Party, she was spotted at cozy dinner for two with House Speaker Kevin McCarthy? That's pretty bad.

Or that Harlan Crowe donated to Kirsten Sinema's campaigns dating back to 2021? I'd say it's her flipping what she stands for. Good answer, Leah. Let's go to contestant number two. Hi, what's your name? Sharon. Sharon. Did you like that Kirsten Sinema visited Mitch McConnell's McConnell Center in Kentucky

and praised him in a speech bragging, we share the same values and a pragmatic approach to legislating? Not at all. Correct answer. I'm confused because they're all dressed as Kirsten Sinema, but they're not answering like her. Oh, that's a good point.

We could now... You should like play it up. I love it. Love McCarthy. Love McCarthy. Love McCarthy. All right. I think this is going great. Next contestant.

What's your name? It's Kat. Kat? Mm-hmm. With a C or a K? With a C. Wow. Another C, like kale.

Like kale. In 2022, Kirsten Sinema personally squashed an increase to the carried interest tax. In a completely unrelated news, she also received nearly $1 million from the very private equity execs and venture capitalists who would be affected by that hike. What do you think about that?

I loved it. Wow. Yeah. Wow. I agree with that Leah do you want to go again? Do you love it? I absolutely love it

Me and my venture capitalist We love it Where were you January 6th? What was the center contestant's name? Sorry Sharon Sharon What was your experience interning at a vineyard while a

sitting senator? Did you enjoy it and learn a lot about wine? I did, absolutely. It's, you know, you have to know the best vintage to share with all of my Republican friends. Is that skirt vintage? Sorry? Is that skirt vintage? You know, like Mean Girls? You've seen Mean Girls? Yeah. I love it. Yes. Mom gave it to me. It's vintage. It's the ugliest skirt I've ever seen. So, Joey J., we have three incredible Kirsten Cinemas on stage right now. How do we decide who is going to be crowned Miss...

Twerk Off. A twerk. I think... I don't... That is not in the script. This is not in the notes, but we got a drag queen up here, so... I feel like all three are giving off

different parts of Kirsten Sinema's energy. I feel like we have three great looks, three successful drag... three successful Kirstens. And I think the most important thing is that they all do have bi energy, right? I mean, which is a hard thing. Don't you agree?

You all don't, Joey J, don't you think they all have bi energy in their outfits? Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. We've got gay rights, bisexual. We've got marijuana, pro-marijuana, bisexual. Yes.

We've got For the Filibuster right in the middle. Yes, that's so interesting. It's gay rights. It's, I think, I feel like sociology professor gay rights and marijuana gay rights. Yes. The three genders. I think we should crown them all the winner,

don't you think? I think we should. I think we should. Let's do it. Now, if we make you all the winners, you have to exit like Kirsten Sinema. We have to have that. You did so great.

Let's give it up for the three Kirsten Sinemas who graciously came to our show. Can we give them gift cards or something? They've all gotten gift cards that will get back to you. Our cinemas, everybody.

Let's play them off. Yeah, that way. The way you came. The same stairs. The same stairs. The exit stairs. Remember, don't forget your signature. Thumbs down.

Give it up for our cinemas, everybody. I think that was fun. We love fun. Any parting thoughts? Huh? Any parting thoughts? That was crazy. Did you like... You liked one of those outfits

At least I'm sure I liked all three of them I know Me too I think the polka dot one is good I don't think that makes me straight That's fucking good I'm sorry but that's good

That's cool as hell Your politics are obstructing you. They're biasing you. Now, here's what I would do. I would turn the pant into a bell-bottom. I would put a sickening black platform combat boot underneath it. I would take the sleeves off and add some silver accessories, and I would do a high pony.

Okay. And then she can go vote my rights away, looking good. And by the way, that's the point of this. Because that's the most important. I think we can all agree the most important thing about Kyrsten Sinema is her outfits. Is that not right? Is it though?

No. I'm channeling my Kristen Sinema. Is it? I don't know. She's so indecisive. Could you imagine being married to Kristen Sinema with how she is on the Senate floor and then just trying to pick out what the fuck you're going to eat for dinner?

Yeah. It's like I'm picking up sushi on the way home. Tuna? Burritos. Tuna or the dildo? I don't know. Who cano? I don't know. Who can decide? I don't know.

Joey J., where can people find you? You can find me on all social media platforms at JoeyJIsGay. Not JoeyJIsBuy. I'm all the way on that side of the spectrum. And when I'm here in Phoenix, Friday nights at Cobalt has anyone here heard of Cobalt?

we do the show for some review on Friday nights at 10pm and you can book your reservations online and I post all of the events in the cities that I'm in on socials if you aren't gay, don't worry, there's still time send me a DM and I can help coach you through it

or help convince mom that it's okay that you're a little faggot. Joey J, everybody. We come back. It's time for Rants. And we're back. Quick notes. This Wednesday, December 6th,

join Crooked's group thread event covering the fourth and hopefully final Republican primary debate. It's never going to be the last one. It'll be a Friends of the Pod exclusive, so it'll be on Friends of the Pod exclusively. So to get access, please go to crooked.com slash friends

to learn more and sign up. How many people here have signed up for Friends of the Pod? Good, right? After historic abortions rights victories in Ohio and Virginia, Hysteria sat down with Chrissy Teigen for insight into her personal journey with abortion, the impact of abortion bans, and discussions around the importance of reproductive health advocacy. It's a great episode. Please check it out on Hysteria's YouTube.

And now it's time for rants. Please welcome Jared back to the stage. Hi, Jared. Hi. All right. Here's how it works. How it works is I've been ranting for six and a half years. That's it. I'm out. I've hit every fucking topic. Which means we've asked the audience to suggest topics for us to rant about. And we're just going to look at them and decide which of us wants them. We're just going to read them. We have not seen these. I really haven't.

All right? Jared has neither. Some dude wearing a gun on his hip while I'm trying to enjoy my bruschetta. Wow. Very specific. Very Phoenix local. Doesn't really come up in LA.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I guess I would say, like, how good could the bruschetta in Phoenix be? Why don't you

eat something else? That's how they made it. There's... What'd you say? I tried the pizza. Yeah, the pizza's good. Oh, Chris Bianco? Yeah.

Okay, I gotta go. I'm gonna go tomorrow. I'm very excited. I went. You went today? Yeah. Was it good? Yeah.

Yes. If you go alone, you can sit at the bar, and that's what I would say. Okay, what does that mean? You think I'm going alone? Hey, I think that sucks. You don't need a gun to guard yourself while you're eating Italian food.

No. You just need Bianco pizza. Is that happening? Is there just open carry going on? Yes. That sucks. Oh my God, who has a gun? Put it in the air.

Put it in the air! Put your hands down. You gunless libs. The only... Is it in your nature's holster the only way to stop a bad guy with bruschetta is a good guy with bruschetta

I don't know what we do about this it's bad it really sucks it sucks and I'm sorry that that's happening here's one thing you could do win your legislature I'm sorry that that's happening. Here's one thing you could do. Win your legislature.

You win your legislature, you can pass, you can protect abortion, you can pass common sense gun laws. There's all kinds of things you can do if Democrats win. How many seats? It's only a couple seats. Two seats. Flip those two seats. We're in business.

We're in business. We'll throw bruschetta across a bed like it's cocaine and Scarface. Next up, those lanes that go one way during the morning and then randomly switch later.

Oh, my God. You love them? Wait a second. Everybody chill out. This is important. They're not called suicide lanes. I don't... That's not what it says in the law.

Okay, hold on a second. This is a crazy town. Guns, the lanes go both ways. Hold on a second. I'm going to ask a question. I'm going to ask a question. I'm going to first say, do you dislike them? Then I'm going to ask if you like them.

Do you dislike them? Yes. Do you like them? Yes. Wow. Now, Is there a parallel to people who back into parking spots who like the... I want to say

there is. That's a straight man thing? Oh no, now I'm straight again. Now, have you considered public transit? This is fun. You don't want to know what public transit turns into at night. That's a whole other thing. That's a whole other thing.

iPhone vibrate setting haptics keep switching locations in your phone? Here's what I'd say. Go outside. If you're spending even a moment thinking about why they've moved where the phone vibrate feature appears inside of my phone, that frustrates me.

You've thought about it too long. Don't you think? I think so. I mean, look, it is annoying. I'll be on your side about it too long. Don't you think? I think so. I mean, look, it is annoying. I'll be on your side about it. Stop moving the buttons. Stop moving the buttons. I'll tell you something that bothers me sometimes,

which is sometimes, like, I have a laptop, I have a phone, I have an iPad, not to brag. But sometimes you'll put your phone on like do not disturb but like the computer and the ipad like haven't figured haven't caught up you know what i mean and they don't figure out that they're not you don't know that they're not sort of listening to you until you you like get a phone call and then you silence it on your phone, and then your fucking iPad rings, then you silence it on the iPad, then all of a sudden your computer's ringing. Does that happen to you?

Yeah. You're not alone. Not alone. None of us are alone. Go outside. Is alone. None is a singular thing. No.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Sure. Oh, this one must be for you. Oh, yeah. Kissinger Apologist.

We'll pass. Yeah. Someone just wrote bitches. Bitches. Bitches. So, uh, an incel has snuck in. If you look around, it's a world of bitches.

Arizona legislature? I think we covered it. Yeah. Wet socks. I mean, say it. Yeah. Wet socks. I mean, say that. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah. You know what sucks about wet socks?

Here's what sucks. If your house is 100% dry and you walk around your house, your feet are dry. If your house is.0005% wet, your feet are wet 100% of the time you know what I'm saying yeah it's

water on your floor is like terrace shut up shut up because you have to be right 100% of the time. That water only has to get you once.

You know what I mean? Your foot touches water. That sock is fucked. Yeah. Shut up. Someone said, stop defending the terrible weather in Phoenix. This place is unlivable.

Then crossed out in summer, then weather in Phoenix. This place is unlivable. Then crossed out in summer, then wrote in summer. Hey, come on. I've been here for six hours and the weather sucks for six hours. It's pretty nice right now. Hey, it is hot here in the summer, though. The articles about tripping

and then having to go to the hospital are very scary. You know, because people trip. And it's like, oops, you touched the ground. Hospital. You know? Floor's lava. It's a classic floor's lava.

Thank you, sir. It's a classic city is lava To classic floor is lava Thank you sir To classic city is lava situation On your hands And that sucks And you have to face it Stop breeding dog breeds with poodles I've learned about this I've learned about this

What do you think about it? Well I just know that people do it So they can get different shapes of hypoallergenic dogs, which, I mean, seems kind of clever, but it's probably bad, right? Here's what I think. A lot of problems in the world we're not solving. I just am not solving one more than you. What'd you say?

I don't have a Tesla anymore, and I don't even know what you're talking about. Look. Let me say something about these Teslas. Who do these fucking people think they are? These people... Tesla drivers are worse as human beings. And I think

it's cool that I can say that now. Yeah. A friend of mine bought a Tesla and in the first week someone threw a wrench through her windshield. Good. Isn't that crazy? I feel like catalytic converters were like a problem.

Yeah. A wrench through your window. I think we should keep breeding the dogs with the poodles. I don't think we should stop till every dog is part poodle. Burn a doodle. Cat doodle? Cat a doodle. German shepherd doodle. Burn-a-doodle. Cat-doodle? Cat-a-doodle. German shepherdoodle.

Maltese-a-doodle. Aussie-doodle. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. The thing about a doodle is you feel like science is giving you a gift. You know? Yeah, we were making dogs the old-fashioned way

for a long time. Letting them eat our garbage And fucking in the alley Maybe you were I had nothing to do with it Okay, sorry It's just me Oh, I'm the one

Who spent 5,000 years Slowly getting closer and closer To these wolves Until they were just Little fags we kept in our house Is that okay to say? I think so Anything else you'd like to rant about? Is that okay to say? I think so.

Anything else you'd like to rant about? No. Can you believe it? Do you want to sign me something and I'll try? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, damn. Okay.

I've had it with these bitches. They're all so bad. I'm sick of it. Be men! Thank you, good night. Jared Goldstein, everybody. We come come back we'll end on a high note and we're back Brian's heading out

bring out the lights hi what is your name hi my name is Gabby and what is your high note my high note is that after decades of being broke college students, my husband signed paperwork tonight to have his tech startup acquired by a larger company. And we will be paying off our student loan debt. That's cool.

That's awesome. Thank you for sharing that. What a bougie high note, but in a great way. That was a cool one. We haven't had my tech startup was acquired. Usually, like, I've got my degree.

It's like, that's cool. And playing off the student loans rules. Congratulations. That's cool. That's Pickle. It student loans rules. Congratulations. That's cool. That's Pickle. It's Pickle. Hi. Hi, that's Pickle.

I met Pickle at the airport. Yeah. Hi, Pickle. Hi, my name's Pickle. And you must spell it differently. No, same. Oh, right. I could throw a C in there if you want. No, don't need it. No, my name Oh, right. I could throw a C in there if you want.

No, don't need it. No, my name's Pickle. I've been sad and depressed because my three-year-old baby puppy got killed by a loose dog in the neighborhood. Yeah, I've been very sad about that lately. No, I know. But I'm a huge fan of you, and I'm a huge fan of the show. And I met you at the airport, and you were so kind, and you were so sweet. You were also so much thinner.

Even though this high note includes a dead dog, it's making me so happy. Can I say that? You always talk about eating Taco Bell and Arby's, and so I was like, is that John Lovett? I think that's John Lovett. Yeah, well, Taco Bell on the streets, Manjaro on the sheets. Yeah.

But my boyfriend encouraged me to speak to you. I make my band listen to you on tour every time. You have a band? I do. What's your band's called? We're called Frankie and the Witch Fingers. Hell yeah, that's good. Frankie and the Witch Fingers.

What kind of music? We play rock and roll. Hell yeah. Yeah, rock and roll music. We just played here at Valley Bar. Cool. But yeah, thank you so much for being so kind and for giving me tickets to the show.

I brought my mom. She's an Arizona voter and I just want to say that's my high note is meeting you and being here tonight. That's very nice. Pickle, thank you.

Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Hi, my name's Aiden. I'm so nervous. Oh, I wouldn't be. My high note is that four months ago I got surgery on my ruptured achilles and i'm walking without a boot and without a scooter and without a crutch hell yeah for the

first time in like well no not for the first time i've been doing it for about two weeks now and i just want to say don't take it for granted because it's amazing that's great yeah hi what's your name what's your high note hi uh i'm tim so tonight before we came here we me and my wife went to uh dinner for my birthday which was in april and it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine we have kids um uh and our waiter, super nice. He, I forget how the, oh yeah, he saw my shirt, which I feel like I can't tell if I'm wearing the band shirt or a sports jersey, like, you know. Yeah, it's called, I think it's a little bit both.

Okay, awesome, perfect. And so we chatted at the start of the conversation. I worked in, told him about the pods, because you're coming to the show. Told him about Vote Save America and how I've had a great time with them and he wrote it all down and I can't help but hope

that he's gonna get involved so hey nice that felt pretty good hey that's cool thank you for sharing that that t-shirt works yes

he's wearing the leave trans kids alone do absolute freak shirts which is a classic thank you for sharing that. Also, I couldn't help but the poodle thing. Shit-zoodle.

Shit-zoodle. Shit-zoodle. Shit-zoodle. Thank you. Thank you. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Hi, my name is Belle.

And back in 2019, I broke my jaw and got a really severe concussion. And all I could do was listen to podcasts and do puzzles. And so was listen to a podcast and like do puzzles and so i decided to go back and listen to love it or leave it and pods of america like from the beginning um jesus it started by the commercial um by like the spencer isn't real commercial thing and i like was like oh i wonder where this came from So then I just decided to go back because, again, couldn't do literally anything.

And this is the very first time that I've been able to actually go to one of your shows because I just like, I go to U of A and I just decided to come up here for it. Well, thanks for coming. So, thank you so much. Awkward transition to ASU.

Awkward transition to ASU. What's your name? What's your high note? It's Sun Devils. Sun Devils. My name is Renee. My high note is honestly being here. My high note is people being excited about volunteering. Yeah.

Thank you for sharing. I was the president of the Young Democrats in 2014, and nobody wanted to volunteer. And it was just, it was very hard. But seeing how excited Democrats are now, that makes me happy. Well, great. Thank you for sharing that.

What's your name? What's your high note? My name is Lily, and my high note is that after years and years of getting up early with my oldest son and taking him to violin lessons

and making major personal sacrifices to help him chase after a dream, I got to watch him solo in Carnegie Hall last weekend. What? Okay.

I thought the tech startup one was going to take the cake. That's cool. Your son played violin at Carnegie Hall? Yeah. Oh, man. Does he get to play video games? Or is it just violin all the time? No. Does he have to go in his room without dinner If he doesn't practice?

No, I think I'm a nice mom But also, not to brag He got player of the year on his freshman football team I'm sorry, that's I know You're Football and violin? I know.

God doesn't give with both hands. Okay, look. I'm going to be fast. My older brother played violin and played football, and his high school football coach called him the F-slur in front of his whole team. And my son's football coach cheered him on and announced to his whole team and all the parents at the football banquet that he was playing

at Pondy Hall. That's cool. Thank you. last thing, one little note for Jared, who I thought was wonderful. It is 8-0 Annie.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. This is like, come on, let's face it. Yeah, it's okay.

All right. Hi. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? My name is Summer. I have, I'll be quick,

but today is me and my husband's fifth anniversary. Nice. And we almost didn't make it to the show, but my mom was kind enough to buy us tickets, so it was great. But this year was especially amazing because at the beginning of our marriage, we were told that we couldn't have kids. And in February, I gave birth

to our boy. And we already bought him Crooked merch. But thank you, you guys are a highlight of my week. I listen to you as I drive from Avondale to Gilbert, so you guys know how far that drive would be. But yeah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. And we're going to have to leave it there. That's a great high note to leave it on. We're out of time. Thank you to everyone.

I'm so sorry. Thanks to everybody who shared high notes tonight. If you want to call and leave a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Joey Jay, Janie Parrish, and Jared Goldstein. There are 338 days until the 24th

24 elections thank you to the Van Buren thank you Phoenix and have a great night love it or leave it is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendrick James is our executive producer.

Brian Semel is our producer. And Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Polovica Nolin, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, and Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahanad El-Sheikhi are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. On the road, Vendelin Von Schroeder is our tour manager. And Anastasia Anderson is our tour coordinator. Thank you. because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroot, for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos

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