Lovett or Leave It - Dunaway or the Highway

Episode Date: August 17, 2019

Akilah Hughes and Jon introduce highlights from the year so far - or, really, highlights from the year's episodes so far. Look, what we're saying is, Akilah and Jon talked about Faye Dunaway being sued for allegedly calling her assistant a "little homosexual boy" which is obviously not right but isn't not funny, and had some fun introducing our favorite clips - from James Adomian as Bernie to Emily Heller as avenging angel for women hurt by multi-level marketing. We'll be back live at Radio City in a couple weeks! 

Hey everybody, welcome to Love It or Leave It. I'm Jon Lovett. I'm here with Akilah Hughes. Hey, what up? And we're going to take you on a journey, a journey through clips of old episodes of Love It or Leave It. A journey through literally the show. Love It or Leave It is taking a couple weeks off

and then we will be back for Radio City on September 13th. There are still some tickets left. Crooked.com slash events. But today, we're going to walk you through some of our favorite moments. Yeah, memory lane. Do you see that Faye Dunaway

is embroiled in a lawsuit because she was so vicious on the set of this play, behind the scenes during this play, like she would just refer to her assistant as this little homosexual boy. And the headline just stopped me in my tracks. It just said, Faye Dunaway calls gay assistant,

little homosexual boy, colon lawsuit. What a, what a, what a window into a world. Every once in a while you see eight words in a row that just describe a tremendously fascinating event, which was life on that play. The best part about it, too, though, is that, like, obviously the person who is bringing the lawsuit is the one who was called that. But everyone online immediately was like, me, about me, love it.

I wish someone would call me a little gay boy. Like, whatever. It does sound as though Faye Dunaway was quite little gay boy. Whatever. It does sound as though Faye Dunaway was quite a tyrant. Yeah. I mean, you know, I think it takes a lot to sync a Broadway show based on the producers. Maybe in the end she was actually

trying to fuck Moonlight. Yeah. You know, something to think about. Something to think about. Let's start. In this episode on July 29th, we had Monica Ramirez, Trayvon Free, Tawny Newsome,

and we went through what some of the candidates said about comfort foods. They did a terrible job. They were terrible. They were really bad. None of them knew what comfort meant. They were like,

what I'm most comfortable is when I'm shitting nails. I love to eat carrots. I like applause. That's comforting. Is this a food? Is this concrete a food? Let's roll the clip.

It has landed on candidate comfort food now. I was off last week, okay? And I was trying to disconnect, all right? Spent some time away from the laptop, from the tweets. But then I did see that an intrepid reporter had asked many of the Democratic candidates

for what their comfort food is. You know, what do they eat? What is their comfort food? You know, after a hard day, you want to eat something gross? What are they eating to make themselves feel better? How are they going to love themselves with food? What are the things they use to eat their feelings? Something every human does.

Something we all do. And I was excited to find out the answers, the relatable answers that would show us that these are, yeah, they're politicians, but they're people just like us. Here are some of the answers. Cory Booker's comfort food was veggies. Boo. What are you talking about?

No, it isn't. No, it isn't. It's not. And you know what? what yeah you're vegan and you like all the great vegans you make us aware of it I live in Los Angeles all right there's plenty of vegan comfort food in the city there's vegan macaroni and cheese there's vegan meatloaf. They make anything vegan now. It is 2019. We can wield God's creation into unholy food items. Meat made of cashews? It's possible. It's possible.

Veggies. That's what happens when you don't have a black sun. To wit, Tulsi Gabbard said vegan cupcakes, I'm going to say acceptable better or work any kind of fast food acceptable, good answer I would have liked more specificity but you know what, with Beto we're

working our way up Steve Bullock who was denied a place in the debate he said a good hamburger I'll count it. Seth Moulton, a burger, great answer. John Delaney, grilled chicken sandwich from McDonald's, no sauce, grilled, not fried. But he said this, two of them.

And you know what? I respect that. I respect that. Because any true McDonald's connoisseur knows you get a meal and one little thing. Amy Klobuchar said a baked potato, which, as many noted online, you can throw at people. Michael Bennett said an Italian sausage sandwich

at Passkey in Pueblo, Colorado. I'll take it. Bill de Blasio, pulled pork. I'll take it. Bill de Blasio pulled pork. I'll take it. Andrew Yang, kind bars, fuck you. Kind bars are the veggies of the bar community. John Hickenlooper said,

little bowls of M&M's or mints. So, way to go, Loop. You got the weirdest fucking answer. Little bowls. Like,M's or mints? So way to go, Loop. You got the weirdest fucking answer. Little bowls. Like what a window into another world. Like how did you make this answer sound so fucking rich? Little bowls?

Like, oh, I'm constantly coming across little bowls. Like of M&M's. Weird. Jay Inslee said, It was M&M's, but I take it an oath now to lay off the M&M's. Weird. Jay Inslee said, it was M&M's, but I take it an oath now to lay off the M&M's to maintain belt security.

Uncle Jay. I'll go through all of them. I don't care. Bernie Sanders said, last time out, we did a trip to the West Coast, and I gained three pounds in four days, so it's too much comfort food. You know what? It's not an answer, but it's charming. Marianne Williamson said said i have no comfort

food fucking a plus answer she's like you fucking earthlings and your inability to manage your human emotions because when you're marion williamson every meal is uncomfortable. Yes. Pete Buttigieg said beef jerky. Come on, Pete! Beef jerky is not comfort food. It's not. It's like the opposite of comfort food. It's what you're supposed to eat on a horse. Comfort

food's what you have when you get back from the week of being on the horse eating beef jerky. It's the stew in the bowl at the ranch. To weave a tale about it. Tim Ryan said, I'm an ice cream guy. Kirsten Gillibrand said, a glass of whiskey at the end of the night. So, but this is what I mean. It's like, this is the Gillibrand candidate problem. Almost, but a little off. You're like, I get it. All right. You want to drink. Fine. But

that wasn't the question. Are you evading the question? Elizabeth Warren said chips and guacamole. You know what? That's bias. That's bias. It's fine, but it's not great. It's not comfort food. It's not comfort food this is California John also Chip is very upset with you Chip the person is furious Chip blew a gasket Kamala Harris said

french fries good answer fine get the job done a little cautious but we'll take it I would like to now Joe Biden just didn't respond that's his strategy and it's working I would like to... Now, Joe Biden just didn't respond. That's his strategy, and it's working. I would like to do the two worst answers. One was Julian Castro, who said, iced tea? The fuck? It's not a food. It's a beverage. It's a beverage. Ah, you know, when I've had a bad day, and I want to kind of, you know, chill on the couch and watch the movie, I have a big bowl of iced tea.

And then Eric Swalwell said, it's really a comfort coffee. My favorite coffee is a mocha. Is this how we find out that Democratic candidates chew their drinks? And I only, yeah, they're chewing their their drinks. And I only... Yeah, they're chewing their fucking drinks. Eric Swalwell was beamed from, like, 1994 when he had, like, just discovered the coffee house scene. You know, he's like, a mocha.

Someone was playing an acoustic guitar. My comfort mood is a mocha? You're not gonna win the Midwest with that shit. Every time Love It or Leave It or Pod Save America goes to the Midwest, I gain eight pounds. Not three, not five. I gain eight fucking pounds.

You cannot communicate with these people if your comfort food is a cafe latte. Or veggies, Corey. It is unacceptable. Shame on all of you. What would your comfort food be? Oh, wow. Let's judge you, sir.

I want to tell you a story about what it really means to have comfort food. And it's going to a pizza place in West Hollywood, alone, ordering the pizza, eating the pizza, walking out of the pizza parlor, realizing it was next door to a Five Guys, walking

into the Five Guys, getting a cheeseburger, fully fucking loaded, getting a cheeseburger fully fucking loaded, eating that cheeseburger. All right? You don't comment me about comfort food. Love it, 2020. Next up, after the earthquakes in California, I decided to sit at my computer and develop a new scale to replace the current version of the earthquake scale, which is logarithmic. And so I harangued a legit seismologist from Caltech. Who was excited about this prospect or thought you were a complete doofus? I think it was a mix.

He was a mix. He was also a hot seismologist. So let's go to an episode with Andy Richter, Riri Chaney, and Aaron Ryan. And for the record, scientists also like this idea. So take that, seismologist Menendreen Meyer. So these were my first, I think, significant earthquakes as a Californian. I have not grown up in this place, this wonderful place that shakes every once in a while in a kind of deep and profound way. that shakes every once in a while in a kind of deep and profound way.

But now that I'm here, the Richter scale, it's not intuitive because it's a 6.4 and a 7.1. All the news reports it as a pair of earthquakes, right? That's just the natural way we talk about it. And yes, we know that there's something involving logarithms. And we find out later in the report that a 7.1 is actually five times as much sinking as a 6.4, but it's still covered as a pair of earthquakes because the measure isn't intuitive. If somebody crashed into your car at 10 miles an hour, and the next day they crashed into your car at 50 miles an hour, you would definitely not say, wow, I was really buffeted by a pair of car accidents. You'd say, holy shit, that guy yesterday that tapped my car, he fucked my shit up today. Because it's intuitive. 50 is five times

as much as 10. So the opacity of these numbers bothers me. It bothers me as someone who is new to being in an earthquake zone all the time. But I am not an expert, and I kind of thought it would be cool if I could maybe ask a seismologist about this. And here's the cool thing. We have this show, so there's a seismologist here who's going to help me figure out what we're going to do about this logarithmic scale. I may ask some other questions as well, but I'll probably keep bringing it back to this. Please welcome to the stage seismologist and researcher at Caltech Menendreen Meyer.

Hi. So you're a seismologist. Yes. So, why do we use a scale where every point represents an increased tenfold of the amount of shaking from the number before? Well, because earthquakes come in a lot of different sizes, so you have tiny earthquakes

such as where the rough is just a few inches, and we can detect those with good instruments. And then the big one in the San Andreas Wall is going to be hundreds of miles long. And so if you had just a regular scale like the one you use for measuring height, then you'd say, well, the foreshock was magnitude 0.003, and the mainshock was magnitude 257,658. That's not much more intuitive. Oh, interesting. You think it's not? Hey, everybody. Buckle up. Next slide. buckle up next slide sir thank you for being here

for those listening at home I'm going to do my best to explain this to all of you but I have invented a new scale for earthquakes and I am trying it out without having talked to literally anyone to an actual scientist on a show. Let's do it. On the left we have the current

logarithmic magnitude moment scale. It runs from 0 to 10. Alright? 0 is the earth is not moving. 10 is the craziest fucking earthquake in history. 9.5 roughly is the biggest earthquake ever recorded. Is that right? That's right.

Okay. So, on the right, we have a new scale. I've named it after a scientist named Meyer, who is the first scientist to say yes to being the seismologist on this show, because it's you. So I agree that there is a problem with the fact that earthquakes come in little tiny bits

and huge scary things. But I have a solution,. But I have a solution. Okay? I have a solution. We're going to name a mire is going to be equivalent to a magnitude 5 earthquake. Okay? All right? One kilometer long.

It's pretty good. It's a pretty good earthquake. Okay? Now, if an earthquake like what we had the other day hits, like a 6.4, we're going to go up the scale to around 25 Myers, right? Because that's 20 times more forceful than the 5, right? Because we're going to set our scale at a 1 out of 5 because I recognize that tiny earthquakes are very tiny, big earthquakes are very big.

Now, what do we do about these huge earthquakes? I have a solution for that too. Once we hit a magnitude 8 earthquake, guess what? Welcome to a Megamire. Okay? The biggest earthquake ever recorded was 32 Megamires. All right? That was the 9.5 that hit Alaska based on Wikipedia.

Because, again, I did this alone over the break because I got scared because my house shook and they didn't tell you it wasn't Chile no oh without was it in Chile the biggest ever I thought it was in Alaska second week okay all right America doesn't always have the biggest one Sorry, sorry. This fucking guy. So, back to the scale. Now, you're right. Some earthquakes are really tiny.

A one or two on the new scale. Guess what? I'm introducing something. It's called the millimeyer. So now, so look. We have a 6.4. We have a 7.1. What if the news said, hey hey guys, there were two earthquakes.

One was a 25-mire, but the next one was so much bigger. It was a 125-mire. It was five times as big, which is totally intuitive because we converted the logarithmic scale to a linear scale while dealing with the big numbers and small numbers by introducing a unit such as the millimire and the megamire. Is there any downside to what I'm talking about other than the fact that we will have helped people better understand intuitively how dangerous earthquakes can be so that perhaps they might be more prepared and think more about it, have more water,

actually get down under their fucking table when their houses start to shake? I'm sold. I'm all in. You're sold and you're all in. No, I thought it'd be a little bit more of a fight. Fix decibels. What? Fix decibels.

Oh, we're not going to fix decibels on this show. Thank you, sir. Good point. It is also true, as a man in the front row has helpfully pointed out, that decibels for sound are also logarithmic. But you know what? That doesn't bother me, because when I get that wrong,

my house doesn't fall off its foundation. One last question. I know they say you're not supposed to just run out of your house screaming, but instinctively, that does feel right. Thoughts? Well, it depends on the kind of house you live in. The official recommendation from the United States Geological Survey

is to drop cover and hold on, because most people get hurt or even die from running outside and falling down the stairs or getting hit by stuff that comes falling off the roof. And so you drop cover under a sturdy table, and then you're safe. Because houses usually don't collapse. But then there's things like, you know, soft story houses, old houses. I live in a house that is eaten up by termites, I think.

So when I felt a quake, I did not drop cover and roll down, to be honest. So what we might be dealing with is the Memorial Meyer earthquake scale. So it does feel like there's these two competing ideas online. One is the official recommendations, which says the most likely thing you're going to do is fuck yourself up by falling down, breaking

an ankle, landing on some glass, getting hit by debris. One woman hit her head and broke her neck falling down during Northridge. Another woman fell out of a hotel window. That's a bad fucking drop. But so they say, just get down, because all else being equal, the majority of houses will stay up,

so the majority of people who just get down will be fine. But in the event that you're worried about your house falling down, what are you supposed to do? Well, if the house collapses on you, then there's not much. You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want! But that being said, I mean, the drop cover and the whole down thing does make a lot of sense.

If everybody did that, that would save a lot of lives, probably, and a lot of medical costs. All right, thank you. One final semi-inappropriate question. You seem to be a hot seismologist. Has that impacted any of your science about anything? Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't be here if I hadn't slept my way up. Ladies and gentlemen, Caltech seismologist, Menden Dreenmeier, thank you so much. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Next up, we were in Austin with Shea Serrano, Emily Heller, and Evan Smith. Emily Heller delivered one of the all-time best rants in the history of Love It or Leave It, a status earned by few, though one also previously earned by Akilah Hughes. Yeah, true.

I think I know the one you're talking about. So Emily went off on LuLaRoe and multi-level marketing, and it was truly one of the best rants I've ever heard, made better by the fact that we did test barbecue during the show. Best episode ever. Barbecue flavor. It has landed on LuLaRoe leggings. I have no idea what this is about.

Cannot wait to learn more. Emily, take us away. Well, as you can hear, a lot of people in this audience know what LuLaRoe leggings are, right? So, LuLaRoe is a multi-level marketing company, also known as a pyramid scheme. they recruit women primarily women uh especially very religious women who are expected not to have jobs who are expected to stay home with their kids and they tell them that it's a good investment to start selling these ugly fucking leggings to their close friends and to recruit their friends to also sell the leggings and that that is a way to earn some extra money on the side. A report came out recently that over a hundred women have filed for bankruptcy after selling LuLaRoe leggings. And all of the studies that

have been done about multi-level marketing show that the most conservative estimate is that 99.1% of people who participate in a multi-level marketing company lose money doing so. The number of cisgender women who report that they are able to orgasm simply from intercourse with no clitoral stimulation is about 18%. You are 18 times more likely to come from a dude just sticking it in than you are to make money from an MLM. now part of the reason why we don't talk about the failure rate of multi-level marketing companies is because just like the female orgasm these companies make you feel like it's your fault if it doesn't work out for you. That is their whole business model, is to tell the people who have a statistical impossibility of succeeding at the thing that they signed up for, that the reason they are failing is because they didn't try hard enough. And then they don't talk about their failures because they've convinced all of the people that they know and trust to get on board too. They've leveraged their personal relationships, which for women is one of the most valuable resources we have. They take advantage of any small glimmer of hope at a better life that women

have, and they've exploited it so that people like Betsy DeVos, who made most of her money from Amway, a multi-level marketing company, can buy their way into our government and ruin our public schools. Obviously, this infuriates me. And I know that there's a lot of shame associated with women who feel like they can't tell other people that they failed at multi-level marketing, even though it's not their fault. But what I want to encourage all of these women to do, because you all know them, there might be some of you in the crowd tonight, everyone that I've talked to knows someone who has been involved in an MLM, and very few of us are talking about them. What I think we need to do is to convert these social hierarchies, these pyramids that we have built for these bullshit companies,

and instead teach people about the clit. If you want hope for a better life, you'll get way more out of it than you will from selling Lula Roe leggings. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. Next up. Akilah, why the fuck are you here? No, no.

Don't say that, alright? You belong here. You're here to laugh a little bit to keep people interested. No, this is more content. This is not just a clip show. This is you and me having a great time. A great time.

Talking about barbecue, multi-level marketing, scams, rich people, poor people. Speaking of the yawning chasm between rich and poor, Adam Conover came on earlier this year and delivered a fantastic

rant about the housing crisis in California. It was fantastic. An episode with Adam Conover, Megan Gailey, and Demi Adedjouibe. And it was a genuine highlight. Yeah, I posted it to my Insta story. Sick. Sick.

Tight, man. Good job. California housing crisis. Adam Conover, take it away. Hello. This is going to start local, but it's going to get national. Holy shit. Here we go. Here we go. The homeless count numbers came out in Los Angeles.

This year they went up by 16%. There are 16% more people living on the streets in Los Angeles than last year. 60,000 people living on the streets of Los Angeles. And the thing is that everyone who runs the city has been saying for years that this is an emergency. It's an emergency. And then they proceed to not treat it like an emergency. Like when there's a fire, they fucking set a fire brigade. They don't put a task force together

to study the problem for a couple years. You know what I mean? People are dying on the streets and the fucked up part is that we know how to solve homelessness. It's called permanent supportive housing. You put people in housing first. They sort out their problems while they're there. It's been proven to work. And we all fucking voted for it. years ago right 2016 on that horrible election day the

one bright spot was we voted for measure hhh it got it appropriated 1.2 billion dollars we taxed ourselves to build permanent supportive housing two and a half years later how many units have they built fucking zero zero they say that this year they hope they can build 1,500 units. There's 60,000 people on the street and the mayor's fucking nowhere on it. He's no, he didn't even give a press conference about this. He tweeted at Steve Lopez,

the LA Times columnist, and said, your column about me failing at my job was too mean. But he didn't do a press conference about this. And people blame it on NIMBYs. You can blame it on NIMBYs all you want, except the mayor could be out there cracking the whip saying, let's build those units. Fuck the NIMBYs. Let's build them anyway. He's not doing that. Now let's get to the state level. All right. So we've got a democratic super majority in California, right? We can pass anything that we want. A week ago, maybe two weeks ago, every single

housing bill failed to even come up for a vote, all right? There was a bill to have more dense housing. There was a bill to allow tenants to continue organizing. There was a bill to allow rent control to be expanded. It all failed. Again, the governor pushed none of it. It was all nothing, right? It was a complete and total failure. And so the point of this is that we can't just assume, hey, let's just elect Democrats and everything is going to be fine, right? We actually have to follow through on the fucking policies. Like if the Democratic

Party thinks it's the party of protecting the needy and the most vulnerable, it needs to fucking do it. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Hey, Kayla. Yeah anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Hey, Kayla. Yeah, what's up? What up, dude?

You won't believe what we're going to play next. Oh, my God. Wait, what is it? I like this. This is like a cool radio show. We're playing the hits. Casey Kasem. Yes.

So we had James Adomian, Kieran Deal, and Jenny Yang on a great episode. And James Adomian took on the role, embodied the role of Bernie Sanders. Oh, I bet it sounded good. Bet we're about to find out if it sounded good. Did it sound good? Let's find out if it sounded good. Did it sound good? Let's find out. For those listening at home, you're not going to believe who's joining us. For those of you here, you're also not going to believe who's here because they're here for real. Thank you. He's the

junior senator from the state of Vermont and a candidate for president of the United States. Please welcome Senator Bernie Sanders. Thank you. Sure, thank you. By the way, fun fact, Senator from Vermont is the only thing I'm junior at. I'm getting booed by someone to my left. That's ironic. I think that she thought Bernie Sanders was really here because her head...

I am really here. What's the problem? That's what I'm saying because her head whipped around to look for the door not realizing he was already on the stage. Since 2012, Grover Norquist, a man who looks like Horatio Sands, read too many YouTube comments,

has asked Republican candidates for office to sign his pledge committing them to his core values. No new taxes, no elimination of tax deductions, no talking when Big Bang Theory is on. And since I consider myself the Grover Norquist of people who are physically attracted to the angry bagel boss man,

Travis, you son of a bitch. To clarify, if you are listening at home, that is a prank card. Sometimes my wife, Jane, pranks me with some of my speech cards. And I will mean to say the top 1% of the top 10%.

And she puts in a joke line so it says the top 2% of the top 12%. And it throws off the math by a very small percentage. So during the primary, we're starting our own pledge, pinning presidential candidates down on the issues that matter most in a segment we're calling Queen for a Day. Senator Sanders has agreed to be the fifth candidate to face the gauntlet. Are you ready? Okay, sounds ready.

Sure. Sounds ready. First question. On day one, do you pledge to eliminate daylight savings and never let the American people see dark before 5 p.m. again? Well, I thank you for this question, John. For far too long, American families have not been able to save as much daylight as their parents or their grandparents were. daylight as their parents or their grandparents were.

I think we need a mass movement for people to come together to be able to change the regulation of daylight and yes, force the Wall Street bankers to allow us to save as much daylight as we need.

Elizabeth Warren has introduced a plan to break up the big tech companies. How many accidental reply-all emails would a member of your cabinet need to send before you fired them? I see what you did. There was a very enticing preamble that had nothing to do with the question.

Next question. As president, will you give Michael Phelps an official our bad about the time we got all mad at him and made him go to rehab for taking a bong rip after winning like a hundred gold medals at the Olympics? Look, I think that Michael Phelps ran a clean race.

I admire him for that. We disagree on a lot of political topics and I've always been more of a fan of the butterfly stroke. I disagree aquatically with Michael Phelps. But I think as Americans and, you know, citizens of the world, we can come together and figure out how to knock our ears

on the side of the pool when we have water in our ears. I'm so inspired right now. So you're a no-nonsense sort of guy? Oh, look, I can handle about 4% or 5% nonsense. When someone claims to have read a book but actually just listened to the audiobook, does it count? I didn't. That was... I couldn't hear.

It sounded to me... You were so fast, it sounded like the Honey... Not Cheerios... Bee. That's correct. It's day one of a Bernie Sanders presidency. What should America do with all the people who are really into paintball? Well, paintball has its place. I think that paintball

should be tightly regulated. I've been criticized for being, for a leftist, a little bit too in bed with the large paintball gun manufacturers. But I will remind you, I got a D minus rating from the

National Paintball Association. They have no place in my inauguration. What should the default mustard be when someone says with mustard? Yellow mustard or spicy brown mustard? John, I treasure

the ability to answer this question that you have given me. I think it's a privilege. When I think of spicy brown mustard, I and a lot of Americans think of Grey Poupon. Which immediately makes me think of two Bentleys, two members of the 1%, probably the top 10% of the top 1%, handing spicy brown mustard from window to window. In my view, and when I say that, what I always mean is,

that's the way I see it, and therefore, that's the way it is. In my view, yellow mustard is the only kind of mustard that anybody needs. What kind of Jew from Brooklyn is going to come on this stage and tell me that yellow mustard is the mustard?

Well, let me finish. A little too much fucking Vermont for you, sir. Let me finish. Okay, if you're going to try to turn Brooklyn against Vermont, then maybe you should. I've got news. You've got a place in the Hillary Clinton 2016 campaign.

I don't care for mustard myself. I eat entirely oatmeal. You're texting with your vice president, Andrew Yang. You send a really funny joke. Would you rather he writes the word ha ha ha or do that iMessage thing where you can add a ha ha bubble to the text? Oh, sure. If you double click on a thing and it says you got an exclamation point

or there's a heart or a ha ha ha, a couple of little things. If Andrew Yang, and I am open to the possibility he could be my vice president, because we might enter a divided convention. If the Democratic establishment forces Andrew Yang on their reluctant nominee, Bernie Sanders, in a divided, contentious convention. If Andrew Yang is my Lyndon Johnson, then

yes, I think that that's entirely appropriate to double-click on an iMessage. However, he will never be able to communicate with me that way because I use a jitterbug and I am proud of it. Rank the Spider-Men

Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield, Tobey Maguire? Well, okay. There's only one Spider-Man that matters to me, and that is the Prince Spider-Man. The Prince Spider-Man, I don't go in for a lot of the,

you know, the big motion pictures. I like Spider-Man when you can see him on the page and you go, there he is, he's swinging, I believe it. I don't like seeing, oh, he's swinging, I don't believe it. I'm sorry, that's incorrect. The correct answer is Andrew Garfield never played Spider-Man. That's not real.

Well, I thought you said James Garfield. James Garfield, the former president, did briefly play Spider-Man. Next question, Senator Sanders. Taking clothes right from the... There's just no reason to cough right in the mic, Senator. And yet, for far too long, the elite of this country has been encouraging us to cough off microphone

and therefore stifle exactly how bad things have gotten. I see. Next question. You take that answer. That's a good answer. I think that was good. That makes a lot of sense to me. What I'm learning is that if I bullshit long enough,

you will move on to the next question. I wish that Rachel Maddow would have applied those rules at the last debate. What's wrong with that? I'm keeping it light and easy. I get a whoa. Sorry, Andrew Dice Clay has grabbed the mic.

Can we remove Andrew Dice Clay? Let me get him out of here. Get him out of here. You're a nutball. Next question. Taking clothes right from the dryer instead of putting them away. Lazy or efficient? I remember in America when Franklin Roosevelt was president. When a dryer was a fantastic luxury.

And when we had a dryer, we would not only carry the clothes and lovingly put them inside the dryer. And we didn't have our own dryer. There was a community dryer. How old are you? Oh, well, you remember the main? Personally, no. I'm a little bit older than that. You're a little bit older than the main.

Look, let me put it this way. I grew up with William Jennings Bryan. Like he was a boy while you were a boy. You grew up together. I'm slightly older than the concept of a nickel. But look, if you're in a hurry, throw your socks in the dryer. Next question,

and you need to be honest with the American people. Who would win in a no-holds-barred street fight? You, Joe Biden, or Guy Pearce in character as Old Waylon from Prometheus? Well, Prometheus is a fantastic, if lopsided, film. Imagining the possibility that human beings are descended from a higher alien culture.

And I have to respect the vision of... It was Ridley Scott? I have to respect the vision of Ridley Scott. I think it's, in fact, I think it's a greater work than some people say Gladiator was. Correct. But, look, I know how to handle Biden and Guy Pearce in the arena, if you will.

You gotta headbutt Guy Pearce and go for Biden's throat. That's exactly what I'm gonna do. You gotta be me, and I will bite. I will bite. If it's just me and no rules, I will bite Joe Biden. You'll bite him? I will be biting Biden. Do you have a specific part of him you'd go for first?

Well, I don't wanna hurt the guy too much. I'm gonna bite him on his hand. You're gonna bite him in his hair. I said hand, son of a bitch. Head. Oh, sorry. Final question. Finally. Why won't the real Bernie Sanders come on this show?

Let me say this. And when I say that, what I mean is I'm going to say something. I am not opposed to coming on the show. However, I noticed that it tends to happen live at the Improv Comedy Club here on Melrose in Los Angeles. And I'm more of a comedy store guy. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Senator Bernie Sanders.

Hey, Akilah. Yeah. That sounded pretty good. It sounded good. Good for him. We got a professional operation going. Next up, also at our Austin show with Shea Serrano, Emily Heller, and Evan Smith from the Texas Tribune, we played a very important game. Ooh.

All right. I think it was a game that really made people think. Peek-a-boo. Yeah, we played Peek-a-boo. Clue. Yeah, we played Parcheesi. No, we played a game. We asked the question that's on everybody's mind, which is

should Beto stand on that? It's like my neck. Step on my neck, Beto. Ah. Alright, listen. We're going to play a game called Unpack What Akilah Wants in Love. A strong foot. Oh, God.

Don't send me any messages about this. I won't respond. Wild. Texas' own Beto O'Rourke. He's like if the English teacher who played acoustic guitar in class ran for president. The presidential race is heating up and everyone is picking their angle. Jay Inslee is standing up to climate change.

Elizabeth Warren is standing up against big business. And Beto O'Rourke is standing on top of things. We love Beto. of things. We love Beto, who recently put out a particularly aggressive climate change plan himself. But he also

loves standing on things. Here's Beto standing on a minivan. Here's Beto standing on a tree stump. Here's Beto standing on a tree stump. Here's Beto standing on a countertop, but then kneeling to get closer to someone instead of not standing on the countertop. Honestly, the biggest threat to his candidacy is a ceiling fan.

So we thought we'd dive a little deeper into this important issue with a game we're calling Should Beto Stand on That? I will read a scenario and the panelists are going to debate whether or not Beto should stand on the thing I'm describing. After some intense debate, I will decide who wins each round. Somehow. Beto is in Iowa, two weeks before the caucus, and a group of progressive bikers are debating who they should caucus for. Some, like Warren, detail proposals.

Others think it's time to give Mike Gravella a shot. Others think it's time to give Mike Gravella a shot. Beto senses an opportunity, but there is only one clear place to stand, on top of a beautifully customized Harley Davidson motorcycle. One biker indicates to go for it, but another off to the side furrows his brow and scowls menacingly. Should Beto stand on that motorcycle? It's a terrible idea. It's a terrible idea. I've watched enough Sons of Anarchy episodes

to know that you do not stand on a motorcycle however as soon as I said that I remembered I've seen enough Mission Impossible movies to know that you do stand on a motorcycle so now I'm stuck now I'm stuck is it the type of thing where like

if you're in a biker gang and someone stands on your motorcycle, they get your jacket? It's like some kind of power move. Like a Pee Wee Herman situation? On the bike in the park? Yeah, so that's my fear. My fear is Beto stands on the Harley Davidson

motorcycle, it falls over, all the bikers come out and see it, they drag Beto into the bar. Right when Beto's about to get destroyed, he has to get up on the bar and put on a pair of some sort of shoes that I realize at this point I've never looked up since I saw it as a child and dance on

top of the bar, a crazy dance that appealed to me as a child so much I'm now at this very moment realizing it was the moment I became gay. So you're all wrong. He should stand on it. That's what I said.

Emily was right. You were both wrong. I think we need to clarify, though, what type of stance this is. Because if you're going two feet on the seat, no good. You've got to go foot on the seat, foot on the handlebars to really deliver it. That is cool. I was picturing it wrong, but that's because I don't think I could have pulled it off.

You're right. You've got to get one foot on the handlebars, one foot on the seat, kind of a straddle. Yeah, yeah. Very confident. A masculine position atop that bike. Toes on the nose.

Hell yeah. It's a balance issue, though. He's going to fall off that bike. Toes on the nose. Hell yeah. It's a balance issue though. He's going to fall off that bike. So Evan bringing some hard unbiased journalistic. Unbiased. Non-partisan. Integrity to this debate and I appreciate that as well.

He's going to knock that bike over. They're going to beat his ass. That's what's going to happen unfortunately. Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright. It's a draw Next one Beto's in New Hampshire in one of those small woodsy towns Where they probably elect a golden retriever as mayor Unfortunately, their golden retriever mayor

Passed away just a few days before And Beto is attending the memorial service The crowd calls for Beto to speak at a pet cemetery Unfortunately, there is only one place to stand Atop the newly carved gravestone of Mayor Pepper Choozalong. He hesitates, but the crowd urges him to climb on. Should Beto stand on the gravestone

of their dead dog mayor? I vote yes. Sure. You guys are true wild cards, and you are underestimating the people who clearly are numerous enough that they make the bumper stickers that say, I have a dog and I vote.

We know they vote. Don't stand on the dog grave. Those people will come after you. I think you have to do it, and then that's the beginning of a new scary movie. That's how Pet Sematary, the new one, starts. That's some live free or die stuff right there, right? Here's the saddest thing. Zombie Mayor Choose-A-Lot just got 65,000 donors

and will be on the debate stage. Emily is correct. What? Can't stand on that tombstone. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. In Texas, we stand on tombstones. Evan, back me up. Seriously, yes.

What a place, huh? This is some wild country. Right. Final question. Beto's campaign has brought him to the heart of Bangladesh, where he thought he'd have to go to clear his head and work on some poetry for his live journal. Deep amongst the mangroves in the Bay of Bengal, Beto

stumbles upon a group of superdelegates colluding in secret to discuss who to rig the primary in favor of. They're about to throw their support behind the unbeatable Eric Swalwell when Beto realizes he only has one last shot. He looks around for something to stand on when he sees it. A sleeping tiger, one of just 200 remaining inside the

Sunderbans. Time is running out. Should Beto stand on top of this graceful, endangered creature? If y'all say yes after we did the tombstone thing, this is unfair. Because I think I'm going to vote yes again. Stand on the tiger and fucking ride it like a surfboard through the city while you're speaking.

Compelling. Evan? I say yes, but he has to do air drumming to Eye of the Tiger, actually, when he does it. Interesting, interesting. I'm going to say no. Because think about the word should. Does that imply a moral imperative or a utilitarian imperative

based on his own needs? At this point, I feel like he's got to put the needs of the world against his own presidency. We've been up here for like, I don't know, 15 minutes now. And every time you put the mic to your face, I have no idea what's going to come out.

I have no idea. That's the beauty of it. It's an interesting problem, right? I mean, I've thought about it and I think it's the kind of thing where Beto will be at a crossroads because it's no longer choosing

do I do what it takes to win or do I go back to Texas? It's do I take a chance on a surefire way to become president or do I die at the hands of this tiger and here's the thing about Beto he runs like he has nothing to lose so I say Beto you ride that tiger yeah bonus question here's a photo of Beto talking to a large crowd of students he's on a staircase You ride that tiger. Yeah! Bonus question. Here's a photo of Beto talking to a large crowd of students. He's on a staircase overlooking them all, but then on that staircase,

he is also standing on a tiny little apple box. Why? And like this is an episode of 24, I will say, can we enhance that? All right. Should Beto be standing on that apple box? You can tell by his face that he didn't know there were going to be people still higher than him. And he's panicked right now.

He has no idea what to do. He's like, give me more of these boxes. Bring me 200 of these boxes. I've got to get up. Unless there's somehow an easier way to raise my elevation in this room, but I'm not seeing one. Boxes. Only boxes.

Evan? No, he should not be on that box. It really doesn't make sense. It makes no sense at all. He could step off that box and step up one stair. Right. And he'd be at the exact same height. And he'd be taller.

He would be taller. Yeah. I mean, at this point, it's just weird, right? Unless he was giving a speech where he was explaining how they shoot Tom Cruise movies. Oh, that's a good joke. And that's, should Beto stand on that.

Next up, we were in Minnesota. We had an awesome show with Lieutenant Governor Peggy Flanagan, Guy Branum, and Anna Marie Cox. This was also the show where Amy Klobuchar joined, Senator Amy Klobuchar. She was a great sport.

I was going to ask her a question about the comb thing, but we're having such a nice time that I chickened out. Yeah, that's fair. It was a fantastic episode, and one of the highlights was a rant about Peggy Flanagan and an issue very close to her heart. That's so... Shame on you people. For the people at home, I do want to say that it almost landed on Minnesota State Fair, but landed on a serious issue

and they moaned like somebody changed a channel from The Avengers to a documentary. Shame on you. LG, you have the floor. It has landed on MMIW. So I want to just say for a moment that I really enjoy the Minnesota State Fair. So I'm sorry I have to bum all of you out

by talking about missing and murdered indigenous women. But here's the deal. So I like... No, you've got it. Can I stand up? Okay. So I saw Ani DeFranco here when I was like 19. I'm like fulfilling a dream right now. But so, hi. I'm murdered indigenous women. 84% of Native women, myself included, will experience violence in their lifetime. On some reservations, Native women die by murder at 10 times the national average. You should be horrified. And in Canada this week, they just came out with a report on missing and murdered indigenous women, and they called it genocide.

And that is exactly what it is. And part of the reason, my friend Crystal Echo Hawk recently said, she's like, invisibility is not a superpower for Native people. It is a threat to our existence. When the only images that you see of Indigenous people are Chief Wahoo, the Washington football team, don't even get me started about that racist bullshit. You see Pocahontas Halloween costumes that sexualize Native women, that over-sexualize Native women, so you don't have to see the humanity in any of us. to see the humanity in any of us? All of the images that we are bombarded with every single day dehumanize Native people, even in our Minnesota state capitol, where in the House chamber there

is a carving of a skinny Native man and a Native woman dutifully sitting at his feet. And in the Senate chamber, there's a gigantic painting of a Native American man shirtless in a loincloth, which really looks like a diaper. So, Senate, get it together. But all of these things are changing. They are changing because Native women who we know, I know, have been leaders since time immemorial now have a seat at the table. Congresswoman Deb Holland, yeah, who's awesome, from New Mexico, is Native. The other Native woman who was elected last year, Congresswoman Sharice Davids, who's Ho-Chunk. And a mixed martial arts fighter.

And this is why it matters, y'all. It matters that we have women, native women, at the table making these decisions. But also, we recently, and it also matters that we are showing this example. I'll sit down in a second. But I'm like, I'm fired up. There's a young woman named Rosalie Fish. Rosalie Fish is a high school track star from Washington State. She's a young native woman, and she ran in the state championship with

MMIW painted on her leg. She also had a red handprint over her mouth, like this, as though she was being grabbed from behind and attacked and silenced. It is jarring, and it should be. But she ran, and she won, and she is the state champion, and she is an example of everything that we should be lifting up and everything we should be doing. And this session in Minnesota, we passed the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women's Task Force Bill. So we can start to investigate this issue. We can bring solutions from the community and we can stop this epidemic. And it was because of the leadership of Native women, of great-grandma Mary Lyons

and all these Native women who came forward to tell their stories. And it's hard. It is hard to be a Native woman and it is hard to be invisible and it is hard when people think you're supposed to look some way like I'm supposed to be Cher in the half-breed video with the big, you know, like rhinestone bikini coming in on a horse and a giant headdress. I don't look like that. You shouldn't, you don't have to look like you're going to Coachella to qualify as being a Native American woman. But when things get hard, I look out the window of my office at the Christopher Columbus statue on the front lawn of the Capitol, and I'm like, what's up now, Chris? I'm in the house.

And that's my rant. Thank you. Pretty good. Wow. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. Next up. Next up. It's a dark time in this country. Oh, man. But there are things that can give us hope. On an episode with Kara Swisher, Rami Youssef, Kara Brown, and Jay Inslee called Hot Inslee Summer. Because we love that. We love that search optimization. That is good. I found something that gave me hope.

For a better future. This was also the episode where Jay Inslee decided as part of Queen for a Day to close Harry Potter to build affordable housing. Oh, yes. And it was such an unfair question. And he took such shit online that he actually had to retract it. Yeah. I mean, but you know, don't mess with, I want to say, Hogwarts.

Don't do it. Do they have a mascot as Hogwarts or is it just the houses? I don't think they have a collective mascot. Well, that seems weird for a school. I just want to put it out there. A real. I'm not trying to give notes to J.K. Rowling, but come on.

What school have you ever been to where there's just four teams and everyone's paying the same tuition? It doesn't exist. It's also pretty crazy. It's like they all go to the school and they get sorted into these categories and they just know from childhood, oh, those are the really good ones. These are the fine ones. These are the evil ones. Yeah. And then you get in there and you're like, well, I guess I have pride in being evil.

Like I know that my alumni are, you know, Voldemort and others. I got sorted into something called Ravenclaw. That's not right. Obviously, I'm a main character of a movie. So I'm Gryffindor. That's the other thing, too. It's so insulting to just be like, so we got two kinds of people. We got main characters, good and evil, and then the rest of you. Yes. Good job being in the rest of the houses

at the school that has a get-no-mask on. So there's no unity whatsoever. You just go in fighting. We have Slytherin. It's Duke. They're the Blue Devils. Stephen Miller went there. Yes.

Elijah is pointing out that Slytherin does exist in the real world, and it's a place, magical place, called Duke. University. That's true. As a UK fan, I stan. It has landed on Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. And this is where I will leave us, because

I believe we should go out on a high note, and that high note will be Brad Pitt's abdominal muscles. Here's the thing. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, I loved it. But Brad Pitt's abdominal muscles are a simulation, but go ahead.

Yes. You good? They look so real. Shut up, Cara Brown. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is good. It is a good film. I loved it. I loved it.

I was in. It was old Hollywood and movie theaters and Margot Robbie, who is a great actress who doesn't get recognized as one because she's so pretty. And, but. It had Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt in a buddy comedy for a very long time.

And there is a moment in that film where Brad Pitt parkours to the roof of a building and removes his shirt. Brad Pitt is 55 years old. All right? Through the dot-com bubble, Brad Pitt had abdominal muscles. Through the bursting of that bubble,

he had those muscles. Through the launching of a war of choice in Iraq, there were those rippling abdominal muscles. Through a financial crisis, there have been those muscles. From Thelma and Louise to the film Troy, which was supposed to be his last gasp of being super hot, a movie that came out when I was in high school. Brad Pitt's

abs have been there for us. I know that this is a dark time, and I know that cities have taken a lot of shit from Republicans, that somehow it's acceptable to insult liberal bastions in this country, that rural and suburban America

is sacrosanct and untouchable, but you can shit on those coastal elites. You can call them weak and silly and soft. Brad Pitt is a 55-year-old man with a fucking perfect body. All right? People in Los Angeles are tough and disciplined, and it's time we got the respect that we deserve.

Brad Pitt has maintained a visible six-pack for basically, literally, 40 fucking years. We can defeat Trump. We can defeat Trump. We can do it. And that's our show. Akilah, I can't think of a better use of your many talents than sitting here and reacting to me

reading summaries of clips. Yeah, I gotta tell you, my skill set lies in clip shows. Do you think that we should have thought about the fact that once we asked you to do this, that maybe, perhaps, we could have found one of the many fantastic clips with Akilah? Yeah, you know, maybe the rant about

how dogs shouldn't be cops. I thought that was a pretty good one. Nope. Not good enough. Didn't make the cut. Worst of rants. I like the part where you talked about your vaguely violent sexual fantasy about Beto O'Rourke stabbing on your neck. I like that part, too.

I like that part, too. I think that Beto should keep standing on things, take up as much space as possible. Okay, wait, what else did we even talk about? What did we talk about? Barely anything. Good point. That was my favorite part, was when I did a lot of background mm-hmms and laughter. It's always a highlight for me as a listener.

Anyway, thank you all for making it all the way to this part of the Clip Show. Wow. This is just us. You, me, Akilah, the true fans. Yes. I appreciate it. Pundits right here next to me.

There should be some light Love It or Leave It music behind this to make it all quite palatable. We're about to go to the credits, but before we do, hey, thanks a lot. Yeah, thanks, guys. Wow. Thanks for listening. Thanks, Travis. Travis just said he'd shit.

Thanks, Kyle. Kyle brings a certain kind of equanimity and joy to the recording process every day here at Crystal Media. That's true. Elijah left in the middle of the recording. Alisa said she was busy. Elijah's back now and scandalized end of episode

Love or Leave It is a product of Crooked Media it is written and produced by me, John Lovett Elisa Gutierrez Lee Eisenberg and our head writer what's his name?

it's Travis Helwig oh yeah you remember him Tug? plus our writers Jocelyn Kaufman Alicia Carroll and Peter Miller

Bill Lance is our editor and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers Jesse McClain and Jamie Skeel for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers Nar Melkonian and Yael Freed for filming and editing videos each week so you can. Love it or leave it. Speak so you can.