Lovett or Leave It - Emergency Fake Emergency Pod!

Episode Date: January 9, 2019

Well, he came, he sniffed, he lied. Lovett, Jon Favreau, Tommy Vietor, and Julissa Arce play "OK, Stop" through Trump's absurd waste of an oval office address. Also, Lovett or Leave It is going on tour! Get your tickets now: crooked.com/events

Hey, everybody. Welcome to a very special bonus episode of Love It or Leave It. Last night, Donald Trump, in his capacity as semi-president, addressed the nation from the Oval Office. It was carried live by the major networks because no one learns anything or will take responsibility for their actions. And we live in a culture where people just do the easy thing. But that's not what we're here to talk about. So we watched the speech and then just do the easy thing. But that's not what we're here to talk about. So we watched the speech and then we did a very special OK Stop where Jon Favreau, Tommy Vitor, Julissa Arce, and I broke down the speech. We think you're going to really like it. And you can also watch this OK Stop at youtube.com slash crooked media because, you know, we're not pivoting to video, but we're not not pivoting to video.

Hey, everybody. It's time for a very special OK Stop here with Jon Favreau. Hi. Tommy Vitor. Hello. Julissa Arce. Hello. The whole crooked family is here. Earlier tonight, the person occupying the Oval Office,

a job once held by American presidents, gave his first and ideally second-to-last Oval Office address. The topic was immigration and the border and Trump's efforts to manufacture a crisis in order to justify his impulsive decision to shut down the government and blackmail Congress to get $5 billion in wall funding after Republicans and Democrats in the Senate unanimously passed a spending bill without it. What did he say? Did he become a different person? Were the network executives feckless wimps for running the speech? Let's find out. What an exciting episode. I love this mystery.

My fellow Americans, tonight I am speaking to you because there is a growing humanitarian and security crisis at our southern border. Every day, customs and border patrol agents encounter thousands of illegal immigrants trying to enter our country. We are out of space to hold them, and we have no way to promptly return them

back home to their country. Okay, stop. So... We are out of space to hold them? That one really stuck out to me. Julissa, what do you make of that? Okay, first of all, I would like to point out that he's given the address from the

oval office and behind him presumably are his immigrant parents and he's speaking about keeping immigrants out and this whole this whole we're running out of room bullshit uh no they're not country because big country well and also you know we used, we used to, we used to, in 1994, we used to hold maybe 7,000 immigrants in detention. As of 2018, it was 32, 38,000 immigrants that were holding in detention. And in his proposed 2019 budget, he's asking for 52,000, uh, detention beds. So this idea that we're running out of room and that's why we should build a wall is it's really idiotic because he is asking for more detention beds uh julissa i just want to correct one thing that i believe is factually inaccurate i'm not sure that those are a picture of his parents i believe he

got those at an old-timey racist frame store it's possible it's it's also worth noting that he started this speech by talking about immigration, making up this crisis on the border. The fucking federal government shut down. Yeah. This is a speech he gave in primetime because the federal government is shut down. There's 800,000 people who aren't working right now. Government services aren't being delivered. And he just like starts this whole beginning of the speech just talking about immigration.

and he just like he starts this whole beginning of the speech just talking about immigration can i can i say one thing about the people who are being affected by the by the shutdown because yes of course you know like craft brewers can't like print labels for their new beer right that's really affecting me personally um but one one group of people that we're not talking about um at all really are native americans Native Americans who are highly affected by this because they heavily depend on federal payments to run very basic functions like having their clinics open and having their schools open and having their roads be available to people to drive on. So to me, I really want to let this settle in my head that Native Americans are suffering over a government shutdown because Trump wants to build a wall to keep people out of the country, land that we stole from them,

and now they're the ones suffering for it. Ironically, they're the ones who could point to an immigration crisis. Yeah. And by the way, there is no crisis. Illegal border crossings are way down. In 2000, it was 1.6 million people apprehended trying to cross the southern border. In 2018, it was less than 400,000. And two-thirds are people of undocumented immigrants in the U.S. did not sneak across the border. They flew here on an airplane and then just overstayed their visa. So this is made-up bullshit. America proudly welcomes millions of lawful immigrants who enrich our society and contribute to our nation.

But all Americans are hurt by uncontrolled illegal migration. It strains public resources and drives down jobs and wages. Among those hardest hit are African-Americans and Hispanic-Americans. OK, stop. Here we go. I mean, stop. Our Southern. Here we go. I mean, I could have predicted. I mean, I did.

I was like, he's going to go to the race baiting, fear mongering, you know, the pinning of the Latino community versus the African-American community. He doesn't give a shit about our communities. All he cares about is that we think we're in competition with one another and that we fight for the scraps. And I'm so tired of it. Like, no, this is not this. This whole speech is not about the Latino community. It's not about how do we help Latinos? How do we help African-Americans? It's simply about pinning our communities against each other.

It's also worth remembering that there was a deal. So we're now in a shutdown because he threw a fit because of Ann Coulter and Democrats getting attention after they won the House. And he's saying he wants this five billion for nothing. Democrats, there was a deal on the table for him to get twenty five billion for the border to just all you had to do is protect dreamers who made who did nothing wrong by coming here. And one of the reasons that he turned down that deal is because he wanted to reduce legal immigration, which he just claimed here was something he really cares about. Yeah.

The border is a pipeline for vast quantities of illegal drugs, including meth, heroin, cocaine, and fentanyl. Okay, stop. Just real quick, most drugs that enter the U.S. from the southern border are in legal shipments

or smuggled in passenger vehicles, so his stupid wall would do nothing to stop that. And the fentanyl comes through the mail from China, which apparently he tweeted a couple of years ago. So he knows that. He really needs to watch like he really needs to listen to El Chapo, the podcast. I think he'll learn a lot from how El Chapo smuggled drugs into the country, which was not, you know, through the through through the I mean, a lot of it came through like tunnels and to your point, like shipments. So a wall is not stopping the drugs. And we know that because that is what the DEA tells us, the government agency. The years thousands of Americans have been brutally killed by those who illegally entered

our country and thousands more lives will be lost if we don't act right now. This is a humanitarian crisis, a crisis of the heart and a crisis of the soul. OK stop I just just a quick note on crisis of the heart and crisis of the soul okay stop i just just a quick note on crisis of the heart and crisis of the soul there is nothing everyone's in a way that donald trump is less capable of delivering than something that's meant to evoke human empathy which i don't even think that was every once in a while we're treated to some really awful stephen miller speech writing it's um and that is it's a great example yeah it is a reminder it's like the american carn thing. It's sort of like an overwrought... The dregs of

Republican politics. A crisis of the heart. What does that mean? Does it mean anything? What are you talking about? I would love to know the difference between a crisis of the heart

and a crisis of the soul. What's the difference? It's like a total eclipse of the heart, but it's slightly worse. She needed a few extra words. And also, none of this

is actually about human life. He doesn't care about human life. We've had Jacqueline, seven-year-old Guatemalan girl who died at the custody of the U.S. government. Felipe Gomez, the eight-year-old Guatemalan boy that died in the custody of U.S. custody. of U.S. custody. And not to mention that we've had 185 deaths that ICE has recognized of people who have died in their custody from 2003 to 2018.

So he doesn't care about human life. That's the humanitarian crisis. Exactly. That we've separated how many children from their parents and we don't know where some of them are. And so far he hasn't said anything about how do we actually process claims for asylum? Because if this is a humanitarian crisis and it's about people seeking asylum and we care about human life, then why aren't we talking about how do we actually process this claim so that people can come into the country legally?

Yeah, well, I mean, that's that's a great point, because the one thing has changed, because border crossings are at, you know, a two-decade low, but there has been an influx in people and women and children, specifically families and children, seeking asylum. Everyone agrees, except this asshole, that you can build a wall across the entire border. That's not going to stop people from going to ports of entry and trying to claim asylum, which they're legally allowed to do. to ports of entry and trying to claim asylum which they're legally allowed to do and the reason that there's such an influx and that we we're all backed up is because there's not enough immigration judges to process the claims and so like he has created and they're furloughed he is because of the shutdown he has created his own crisis on the border based on people seeking asylum because he's refusing to grant them asylum or even process their claims right

asylum because he's refusing to grant them asylum or even process their claims. Right. Part of an overall approach to border security, law enforcement professionals have requested $5.7 billion for a physical barrier. At the request of Democrats, it will be a steel barrier rather than a concrete wall. Okay, stop. That's just a lie. Democrats didn't request that at all. Look, we've been critical of Chuck Schumer in the past, but Chuck Schumer did not go up to Donald Trump.

It's like, I don't like concrete. I want metal. I want something made of, you know, something that combines some metals that I like. Who is that talking point convincing? What's the value of it if it were true? What the fuck are we doing here? Why is a steel wall less than a cement wall? I don't know. Where did we get this from? Why does he think that's good? why does this motherfucker think that's good damn i was gonna call him a motherfucker i wanted to get one in what like it's gonna uh look you know these democrats they hate cement classic liberals you know with their with their socialism and their their dancing

they're dancing new yorkers fine i'll give youers. Fine, I'll give you steel. You want steel? I'll give you steel. You happy now? That Ocasio-Cortez Instagram living, her cement pouring activities, it's the same shit. This barrier is absolutely critical to border security. It's also what our professionals at the border want and need. This is just common sense. The border wall would very quickly pay for itself. Okay, stop.

Okay, stop. What would it pay for itself? The wall is not getting a job. What are you talking about? It won't pay for itself. Right. First, he's like, Mexico's going to pay for it. Then he's like, it's going to pay for itself.

Trump in 2020 is going to be like, the aliens are going to pay for it then he's like it's gonna pay for itself Trump in 2020 is gonna be like the aliens are gonna pay for it I'm like no and also you know when he's saying like oh we asked people and they told us that they wanted the wall well guess what there are 15 million people that live along the border like sometimes we talk about the border as if as though it was this like abstract place in our minds but they're actual real people that live there, 15 million of them. And in a recent survey, 65% of them said they definitely do not want a wall going across their backyard. People who live along the border don't think there's a crisis

and they don't want a wall. The people who think that and believe that are Fox News viewers. We just ran an election where Trump's entire closing argument was another made-up border crisis about this caravan. And the result of that election was, aside from losing 40 seats in the House, he also lost two Republican seats along the border. And now the only person who is a Republican who still holds office that has a border district is Will Hurd, who says that the reason he won his election in a tough year for Republicans is because he opposed the border wall. So that is the politics of the border and border walls.

It's also like, you know, you step back. Like, I would love, you know, go back to the campaign where Donald Trump's favorite sentence was, we're going to build a wall and Mexico is going to pay for it. But if they don't, I'll shut down the government to get you to pay for it. And then I'll say it pays for itself. Based on nothing. And I'll change it from concrete to steel if you're still upset about it. What do you want the wall to be made out of?

Rubber? Solar panels? Rubber wall. What happened to the solar panels? Solar panels on the wall. The cost of illegal drugs exceeds $500 billion a year, vastly more than the $5.7 billion we have requested from Congress. What is he sniffing? Sounds like he's scuba diving.

You know that when we confiscate drugs, we don't get to turn around and sell it. I don't know that he does know that. I think it is mine. He thinks that the DEA sells the cocaine it seizes. Maybe they should. Peter, we get a fact check on that. Does the DEA sell the cocaine it seizes? We found a funding mechanism.

He doesn't think so. Well, didn't, what's his name? Ted Cruz. I hate that guy. Didn't he, like, introduce some bill called, like, El Chapo Bill? Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, because, so he wants, like, the money that some bill called El Chapo bill? Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, because so he wants like the money that we seize from El Chapo to go towards paying for the wall. Like I thought it was a joke, but it's actually something he proposed.

You paid for indirectly by the great new trade deal we have made with Mexico. Senator Chuck Schumer, who you will be hearing from later tonight. Okay, stop. That's so funny. I love that he gives a preview of Chuck's video. Like, welcome to the show tonight. You're going to hear from me, then you're going to hear from Chuck and Nancy. I'm headlining, but after me.

And also, he doesn't even mention Nancy. He's like, you're going to hear from Chuck Schumer, except Nancy is in line, as you were saying earlier, to take your job, you know, if it came down to it. And show a little respect. You preempted Ellen's game of games. Repeatedly supported a physical barrier in the past, along with many other Democrats. They changed their mind only after I was elected president. OK, stop. So who changed their mind here? I mean, actually, what's interesting about it, though, is indirectly, he is pointing to something that is true, which is over the last, what, 15 years, we have steadily increased funding for

border security. It was true under George W. Bush. It was true under Obama. There is an unprecedented amount of funding for border security, an unprecedented amount of manpower on border security. It's in part, as John mentioned, why illegal crossings are down. I mean, one of the remember when Barack Obama was trying to get a comprehensive immigration bill passed. One of the points he made over and over again is every time he tries to get a comprehensive immigration deal, Republicans come back and say we want more border security. And every time we said yes, I remember writing this speech with you in 2011. I mean, he was like every single request they've they've asked for for border security, we've done it. And they still won't do anything about a path to citizenship.

You want drones, you get drones. You want more boots on the ground, you get boots on the ground. He said, you want a wall, you'll get a wall. Because they were giving him money for these. We have spent an incredible amount of money on this already. Trump's chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, gave up the whole thing in 2015 when he said the wall is stupid, it's not going to work, it's a thing you can sell politically.

It's an image. We were saying, you want more? We'll give you a moat. That was our final offer. The funny thing about what we just heard though is when he said, oh, then they changed their mind. The person who changed his mind was Donald Trump. He backed a continuing resolution that would have funded the government with no $5.7

billion for the border wall. Republicans passed it through the Senate, 100 to nothing. He was all ready to go. And then Ann Coulter got mad, so here we are, doing this fucking thing. And like, the fact that Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham and the rest of these

douche nozzles don't have whiplash from how quickly they switch their position. They passed it. No funding for the border wall. They obviously would not have passed it 100 to zero if they knew Trump was going to pitch a fit. Then he does this, demands the House does it. And of course, Paul Ryan and his merry band of goons back in the bad old days before the house was run by a cool old lady, who I love, went along with it. And then Mitch McConnell said he won't even consider a bill without the border funding, which is insane because he passed it a week ago.

Remember a week ago? Anyway, he's given a great address. week ago remember a week ago anyway he's given a great address Democrats in Congress have refused to acknowledge the crisis and they have refused to provide our brave border agents with the tools they desperately need to protect our families and our nation low energy The federal government remains shut down for one reason. The first time he brought up the shutdown. Only because Democrats will not fund border security. My administration is doing everything in our power to help those impacted by the situation. But the only solution is for Democrats to pass a spending bill that defends our borders and reopens the government this situation I mean at some point as a country we'll have to talk about

the sniffing he only does it before major primetime addresses um look you can go google it there's a guy that worked on The Apprentice who says Donald Trump is putting stuff up his nose, and it's not his finger. It's the drugs they seize. It's the drugs they seize. Maybe he already does talk to El Chapo. That would be a twist. What if he's doing this to control

the market? Have you people seen Ozark? What if this is Ozark? Spoiler. I'm not spoiling it. It's not actually happening in Ozark. But here's the thing, right? First he yelled, like, the reason we need a wall is because rapist. And then he said it's MS-13. And then the caravan. And now they're screaming terrorist.

And now he's saying the reason the government shut down is because Democrats. But I'm just going to tell you that what it is is a bunch of bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Could be solved in a 45-minute meeting. Specific numbers. Some have suggested a barrier is immoral.

Then why do wealthy politicians build walls, fences, and gates around their homes? They don't build walls because they hate the people on the outside. Debatable. Yeah, very debatable. But because they love the people on the outside debatable but because they love the people on the inside also debatable the only thing that is immoral is the politicians to do nothing and continue to allow more innocent people to be so horribly victim okay stop this would piss me off for this whole debate like we spent all this time debating whether or not there is a crisis we spend almost no time just reminding the world that the wall would not fix the problem, even if there was a crisis.

It is not a deterrent to smugglers or traffickers. It's not going to stop the demand for drugs or the interest for people living in places with horrible political situations to come to the United States. It's a fucking waste of time and money. And it's a political symbol. And like, I just hate how the press corps gets led down this path where we debate the crisis and the stats when it's like your solution is bullshit. Well, it's not going to and it's not going to even dent the issue at the border right now, which is an influx of people trying to claim asylum. That's not the wall's not going to do anything about that. Right. Because that's not like the core of the issue of why people are living. They're leaving their countries.

Like we're not even addressing that at all. Right. We're not addressing the the aid that we should be sending to those countries. We're not addressing the crisis that he did create,

which is the DACA crisis, which, you know, none of us are like talking about. And I'm just going to plug it in that we have a crooked conversation coming out when we talk about

the state of DACA. Yeah. And we talked to to Jen Park, who's the first DACA recipient to get a Rhodes scholarship. And so like these are the things that to your point, we need to keep bringing back into the conversation, like what is happening to the people that are sitting in a detention? What is happening to the to the 3000 families that were separated at the border? What is happening to the people that are getting deported? Right now we have have more deportations. We have a record number of deportations happening. Those are the crises that Donald Trump created, and those are the crises that Democrats need to, as people in

leadership in the House now, they need to think about what are the bills that we need to pass to protect those people and to solve the crisis that that motherfucker created. Got it in. How much more American blood must we shed before Congress does its job? For those who refuse to compromise in the name of border security, I would ask, imagine if it was your child, your husband, or your wife. Okay, stop. I actually think it's worth stopping to say. Like, you can argue that, like, one of the biggest, that politics boils down to, like,

who can you be convinced to imagine yourself being? And Donald Trump wants to talk to a tiny, a narrow sliver of older, mostly white Americans, because those are people who can't, who find it much easier to imagine being the victim of some kind of violence, Trump, you know, you know, exaggerating the threat posed by immigrants. But of course, Donald Trump would never say, imagine it was you were stuck at you were coming up here from Guatemala escaping pain and deprivation. That's the immigration Willie Horton head. Yeah.

And that's his go-to for literally every issue. I was going to say, I mean, Daryl Lynn made this point in the thread, a Vox reporter on immigration, that his theme, his one theme, political theme, since the day he came down that fucking escalator has been uh immigrants are coming to kill you and your family that's it he did it that was the announcement speech that was all through the campaign american carnage that was that was the inaugural that was 2018 it is literally the only political weapon he has he has nothing to say about anything else of substance no matter what the issue whenever he is in a jam, whenever he is in trouble, whenever he has a approval rating sag, whenever he's in a tight election,

immigrants are coming to kill you. It is all he has. And to this sort of point about what can we imagine, I always tell people, as an immigrant, there's no... Who in this room would risk their lives, leave their family behind, leave their land lives, leave their family behind, leave their land behind, leave their language behind, leave their good food behind to travel 2000

miles and put their lives in danger so that we can come commit a crime or so that we can come get on welfare. Like, that's not why people risk their lives to get to the United States. Which, by the way, is why the statistics are pretty clear that immigrants commit far less crime than native-born Americans because exactly what you're saying, people came here to build a life. They came here to start over. And we're talking about a manufactured crisis. He's calling it a humanitarian crisis.

There is a set of policies you would pursue if you gave a shit about the people along the border. If you gave a shit about immigration, if you cared about American jobs, there'd be a different set of policies you pursued. The wall has nothing to do with any of it. Let's get into the good stuff now. Was so cruelly shattered and totally broken. It's redundant.

To every member of Congress, pass a bill that ends this crisis. To every citizen, call Congress and tell them to finally, after all of these decades, secure our border. Is that a Hatch Act violation? This is a choice between right and wrong, justice and injustice. This is about whether we fulfill our sacred duty to the American citizens we serve. When I took the oath of office, I swore to protect our country. And that is what I will always do. So help me God. Thank you, and good night. So help me God.

I'm about to take this hoops off. It's gotten to that point in the night. He sucks in this setting. He's so low energy, he can't read for shit, he sniffles like a weird scuba diving noise. It is awful, he's terrible. I mean, Oval Office addresses are a waste of time anyway, we always hate them. They're just weird settings that are antiquated that are from like 40 years ago.

But he's really bad at them. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Before we get to that, it's time now to go to the response by the grandparents of a bride sternly watching their granddaughter marry someone they hate i mean that is that is a terrifying sight what what what Why did they do that? Well, because basically Jack Nicholson was having trouble finishing his book and he goes more and more mad and then he is told

to go to this room in the hotel. But when he's walking down the hotel, there are these two people just standing in the hallway. May I suggest the next time

there is a response to give from the Democrats, Chuck and Nancy, maybe like rock scissors paper over who gets to do it. Or maybe Chuck, you let Nancy do it. Just let Pelosi do it. She's third in line for the presidency and is the Speaker of the House. Maybe let her take this one.

I love Pelosi. I think everyone sitting here does. But there are things that we just elected this really exciting, young, dynamic group of lawmakers. Use those people. They're great communicators. Put them out for these responses. Like, that's how you lead a party.

Yeah, no, I know. And it's like, who's it going to be? I know it's tough. Just, you know, rocks, there's paper. Pick it out of a hat. Do something. Or, or. Two people at a podium.

Or. Two people at a podium has never worked for anything. No, I mean, it's rarely attempted. It's, you know. They attempted the rare double podium. You know, it's not a black and white cookie you don't split it it's just gonna be a bad

true detective season whatever meme that's all that is I can't even make that face it was a good argument it was a good argument I didn't hear the message

because I was so uncomfortable I think a lot of people are gonna be stuck on the style it is I would say that if you put what Donald Trump said

and you put what Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer said in front of people there is absolutely no question in my mind that people would choose the more reasonable approach. Because forget the argument at the border. It is so sensible to say we have a disagreement about the border. It has nothing to do with FAA regulators, food safety, food stamps, furloughed federal employees at the fucking agriculture department. Just let them go back to work and we can argue about immigration until uh you know yeah like you leave this building once

you looked away from schumer's terrifying gaze you realize that he he painted trump into a corner by saying like look we are happy to negotiate on border security but you've got to open the government first open the government put people back to work get government services going again so people aren't hurting in this country and then we'll go to the table and we can debate border security. But we're not going to do it with the government, which is a good, I mean. And he's going to pass a bunch of, they're going to start passing individual spending bills and Republicans are going to slowly start getting peeled off. I mean, there's no outcome here. The Senate Republicans already, like, I saw a quote from like Shelley Moore Capito, West Virginia Republican

Senator, who's just like, we got to, we got we gotta we gotta stop this this is not gonna they're not a state that can't afford they are they are not going to be able to hang on to this and so now the thing that we thought was going to happen today is like maybe he declares a national emergency so uh he does it on his own he didn't do that by the way the networks gave him 10 minutes here to say a bunch of lies, snort a lot, say a bunch of lies, snort a lot, and offer... He may have snorted more than he told lies. Yeah, that's true. That's so true. That's true.

That is so rare for him to get the snort to lie ratio that high. And there was no news. There was zero news. Everything was old, warmed over bullshit lies that he always told before. Well, I am sure the network executives who decided to give Donald Trump this time, despite the fact that he's an obvious liar, and they were simply more afraid of being called fake news than actually doing the right fucking thing again and again. I hope they're very proud of themselves.

Because I hope they're very proud of themselves. I'm very glad that they did not get the ad revenue they were supposed to get from Ellen Game of Games. End of okay stop. When we come back, dystopian hell. Street shooter. Love it or leave it, it's love it or leave it. Respect it on all sides. Love it or leave it, it's love it or leave it. Thank you. Let's get the O-O-Side.