Lovett or Leave It - Fetterman Gets Dressed Down (Live from Chicago!)

Episode Date: September 23, 2023

Lovett Or Leave It goes deep in Chicago, live from the beautiful Vic Theater.  Mayor Brandon Johnson gives Lovett at 24 Hour tour of the second city that's second to none. Gillian Flynn stalks the famous devils of the Windy City. Elizabeth Warren (Alice Wetterlund) has a plan for this gerontocracy of ours. Lovett and Clark Jones battle over famous Chicago beefs while their stomaches battle the city’s famous Italian beefs. And we close out the show with a very special hog-butchering, tool-making, wheat-stacking spin of the Rant Wheel. Plus live high notes! For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hello Chicago Go on, stop, stop. Thank you very much. It's great to be here at the Vic. It's an incredible theater. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, the errors tour. Yeah! I have been in this city Welcome to Love It or Leave It, the errors tour. I have been in this city for 24 hours.

I have eaten two deep dish pizzas. And only two deep dish pizzas. I'm like a snake when I come to the city. That's like, you know when they're like, oh no, that looks like the outline of an antelope in there. And the snake's just like, oh, this is good, but I don't feel as good, but I don't know. I feel pointy.

as good, but I don't know. I feel pointy. You know what they say about Chicago? If you don't like the pizza, wait five minutes. Good night, everybody. We have a great show for you tonight. Your mayor, Brandon Johnson, is here.

Chicago's own Clark Jones. Eat some of your finest beef with me as we discuss some other beefs. The fight kind of beefs. The gone girl herself, Gillian Flynn, is here. We'll talk about some of the devils that haunt this city. Alice Wetterlin joins us for a Chicago edition of The Rant Wheel. Plus, we're going to have live high notes, so think happy thoughts. We're going to come to you at the end of the show.

But first, let's get into it. What a week. A former White House aide has come forward in a new book alleging that Rudy Giuliani groped her backstage at a rally on January 6th. Is that an insurrection in your pants, or are you just fucking disgusting? Republican candidate Vivek Ramaswamy revealed that he regrets receiving

two doses of the COVID-19 vaccine, something he says he and his wife, a surgeon, disagree about. You might think, how do they make it work when she's a practicing doctor and he's anti-vax, but it's fine because he's lying. Special counsel Jack Smith has asked Judge Tanya Chutkin for a narrow gag order

that would restrict Donald Trump from talking about his election interference case, but they had to order the extendable strap online, so it's not going to start for weeks. It's the one thing that could work. Speaking of gagging, Trump appeared on Meet the Press last weekend and criticized Republicans for pursuing abortion bans without exceptions for rape and incest

or to protect the life of the mother. I watched some of them without the exceptions, et cetera, et cetera. I said, other than certain parts of the country, you can't, you're not going to win on this issue, but you will win on this issue when you come up with the right number of weeks. Continued Trump. For example, all the abortions I've paid for, perfect number of weeks. Continued Trump, for example, all the abortions I've paid for, perfect number of weeks. The doctors come up to me and they tell me, sir, we've never seen a better number of weeks. In the interview, Trump calls Ron DeSantis' six-week abortion ban in Florida a terrible mistake and complained that Republicans speak very inarticulately about the issue. Yeah. Continued Trump, as his eyes rolled back in his head,

abortion is a nuanced, complicated issue that demands sensitivity and consideration, and whoa, did I just black out for a second? I feel all clammy and weird. Anyway, as I was saying, Chris Christie is a fat bitch. Republicans actually attacked Trump over these comments With Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds tweeting It's never a terrible thing to protect innocent life

I'm proud of the fetal heartbeat bill That the Iowa legislature passed And I signed in 2018 and again earlier this year Yes, Queen, you go girl Said a woman in an emergency room Waiting to hear back from a hospital lawyer Whether she was legally almost dead enough To receive routine medical care.

South Carolina Senator Tim Scott joined the backlash at a campaign stop in Iowa, telling the crowd, frankly, these pro-life folks that we really want to stand up with us are not standing. President Trump said he would negotiate with Democrats and walked away from where I believe we need to be, a 15-week limit on the federal level. And as I've always said, the best way to avoid abortions is to avoid girlfriends. I mean sex. Having sex before marriage. Uh-oh, they'll be held to pay with my girlfriend, Debra, tonight. But you know the best kind of sex?

It is the makeup sex, where you make up fun little stories. Days later, Donald Trump then took full credit for overturning Roe and allowing all of these bans while campaigning in Iowa, saying this. Last year, I was able to do something that nobody thought was possible. We ended Roe v. Wade. You just think about that.

I got the job done. I got it done. And it's thanks to the three great Supreme Court justices and others on the court that I appointed... Trump is onto something here. If you just say what everyone wants to hear on different days, no one can be mad at you. As everyone knows, here in Chicago, the greatest city in the world. Yep. Also on Meet the Press.

You see what happened, right? Also, but we don't care. It's just nice to hear. That is politics. That's, by the way, me making a joke that I say Chicago's the greatest city in the world and then somewhere else say something else and you still like it because you don't care because I said the thing you like, that's why Trump's going to be president. More Malort! Oh, we'll get to it. We'll get to it. We'll get to the Malort.

The last time I was in Chicago and had Malort, I awoke wandering the crowd talking about what it's like to get older. Stop it. Stop it. Also on Meet the Press, when asked about the criminal case against him,

Trump insisted he's not even worried about going to prison. I don't even think about it, he said. I'm built a little differently, I guess. We actually have footage of how Trump is built. All right. Enough. For those listening at home to this podcast, that was what you all must have immediately thought it was just based on the music and sound effects, which is a scene from Alien Resurrection. That's right, the fourth Alien film, the one we all remember.

You guys remember that one? You don't remember Alien Resurrection? Rolling Stone, however, reported that over the last several months, Donald Trump has been asking people close to him if he would be forced to wear one of those jumpsuits in prison. Yeah, that's right. Mr. President, if it's any consolation, you also look like shit in normal clothes.

Trump will reportedly skip the second Republican debate in California next week and instead head to Detroit to join striking autoworkers. What's seen here is Trump talking to an autoworker about kitchen table issues. I mean, it's $1 million. For what could it cost? $10? In response to Trump's visit, UAW President Sean Fain said that every fiber of our union is being poured into fighting the billionaire class and an economy that enriches people like Donald Trump at Okay. The greatest city in the world! We talked about that as a backup if something didn't work.

We literally did. And it's perfect. We've got to use that everywhere. But we can't because we won't be in the greatest city in the world, which is Chicago. We'll have to come up with something else. Trump, of course, was extremely anti-union as president In 2017, Trump's NLRB succeeded in making it harder For fast food workers to organize As one of his appointees explained at the time

You can't be a Burger King without Burger Surfs That decision was later reversed After some former union lawyers were appointed to the labor board by none other than President Joseph Robinette Biden. They also enacted under Biden a number of new rules that punish companies for trying to intimidate organizers or delay union votes, which is why I've had to be real subtle about it. Isn't that right, at-will producer Brian?

That will producer Brian. White House officials have reportedly told former Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel, yeah, that's, okay, who is the current U.S. ambassador to Japan to stop taunting Chinese President Xi on social media. Oh, so now he has to be diplomatic to Japan and China? Where does it end? I hate it when jobs have a bunch of secret rules.

If cyberbullying the president of China is a company no-no, they should tell you when you join the State Department. Also, what do you think is going to happen when you make Rahm Emanuel a diplomat? A diplomat? Rahm? Was the Kool-Aid man not available? Was Azalea Banks not available? Ah, we need someone who's deft, smooth, someone who makes everybody feel at ease, someone who can bring people together.

I got the guy. Oh, you mean the one who's famous for cursing at everyone all the time? I've been yelled at by Rahm Emanuel. But the thing about it is that, like, every person has their zero and their ten, right? Some people's zero and ten are really close. His are further apart. Once you get that, it doesn't bother you.

You know what I mean? There was some speech I was doing edits on, and I went into his office, and he started yelling at me, and I was like, oh, you're yelling at me. Okay. It didn't affect me. I think it caught him off guard.

I think I said something like, oh, this is what you do. You do this. I shouldn't have a real job. What am I doing in a suit? Emmanuel tweeted earlier this month, President Xi's cabinet lineup is now resembling Agatha Christie's novel

And Then There Were None. Who's going to win this unemployment race, China's youth or Xi's cabinet? Hashtag mystery in Beijing building. Whatever. Go off, King, but... This is just where I pause to note that And Then There Were None

is one of the best-selling novels in history. And until the 1980s, it was still being sold in the UK under its original name, which I cannot say because it is intensely racist. The name is so racist that in the United States of America, they had to edit it and publish it under a different racist name. And when you Google it, you will discover it is worse than you think. Meanwhile, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy is running out of options to avert a government shutdown after roughly a dozen Republicans opposed a proposal that combined a stopgap spending measure with additional budget cuts and border security measures. Hey, Kevin, you really thought

that the Biden impeachment was going to do the trick? Ever read, if you give a mouse a cookie, you dumb piece of shit? After far-right Republicans blocked a Pentagon spending bill from even coming up for a vote, South Carolina Lindsey Graham said, it's a shit show in the House. It's always a shit show in the House. Eventually, what's going to happen is a government shutdown and it will not go well for us. Yeah, what that secret fag said, offered Mitch McConnell

with his eyes during 30 silent seconds. McCarthy said of the bill's failure, this is a whole new concept of individuals that just want to burn the whole place down. That doesn't work. A whole new concept. Is that right, Kevin? A whole new concept?

People wanting to burn that place down? That's a whole new concept. People who don't care if it works or not and want to burn the place down, the place you're in, that's a new concept to you. McCarthy is like a dog owners going he never does this while his untrained German Shepherd knocks down a third child before shitting in a Starbucks over in the Senate Majority

Leader Chuck Schumer has ditched the chamber's strict dress code for which Republicans are blaming Pennsylvania senator and noted hoodie and shorts enthusiast John Fetterman. Icon. Everyone loves John Fetterman, and everyone loves this story. It is a classic Mr. Kevin Smith goes to Washington. Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene called the new dress code disgraceful.

Everyone shut the fuck up. The woman who waved Hunter Biden's nudes around on the House floor has something to say about decorum. It's despicable, agreed a slightly disheveled Lauren Boebert while casually putting her tit back in her bra. said Alabama Senator Tommy Tuberville of the Relaxed Rules, it bothers me big time. You got people walking around in shorts

that don't fly with me. What else don't fly? All the Air Force officers. You're blocking from being confirmed. Maine Senator Susan Collins joked that she now plans to wear a bikini. Oh my God, you totally should. That would be so funny, said Senator Chuck Grassley, who started breathing hard and visibly sweating. On Wednesday, Federman responded by saying, if those jagoffs in the House stop trying to shut

our government down and fully support Ukraine, then I will save democracy by wearing a suit on the Senate floor next week. Fetterman is our greatest poster, and he must be protected, and the body doubles. So there's a conspiracy that what we're seeing is actually not John Fetterman. It's a John Fetterman body double. What is the evidence? Why, of course, it's the fact

that the tattoos don't match. They do, but let's say they didn't. Let's say for a second they did. So let me understand what they think the deep state did here. They went out and found a six-foot foot eight matching ogre who has

all of John Fetterman's memories but they didn't do the last part, the only easy part, matching the tattoos. It's too fucking stupid. Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro announced Tuesday that the state will switch to automatic voter registration, which his office

estimates, yes, could add tens of thousands of new voters to the rolls. This will replace Pennsylvania's current system, throwing batteries at the candidate you hate the least. Love Josh Shapiro. Fixes I-95 in two weeks. Automatic voter registration.

I'm in. In an address at the United Nations this week, President Biden urged the world not to appease Moscow, saying, we have to stand up to this naked aggression. Did somebody say naked aggression? Said an armed, fully nude Hunter Biden? What are you going to do? Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky traveled to

the United States this week and addressed members of Congress. He then left the capital for the dangerous and deadly war zone, an American middle school. Greatest city in the world Rupert Murdoch age 92 wanna do it one more time? I wanna get the timing exactly right

we've been doing these guitar riffs every time we talk about someone super old Rupert Murdoch age 92 I want to get the timing exactly right. We've been doing these guitar riffs every time we talk about someone super old. Rupert Murdoch, age 92. That was it. That was perfect. Announced Thursday that he will retire as chairman of Fox and News Corporation, effective mid-November.

Yeah, yeah, what's it going to do? It's going to be great now? They think it's like, and finally they'll let Matto on the set? He said in a note to employees, our companies are in robust health, as am I. Which is why I'm running for Senate in California. This is my favorite story of the week.

A Danish artist named Jens Hanning has been ordered by a Copenhagen court to repay a museum about 500,000 kroner or $70,000. Why, you ask? The museum had commissioned Hanning to recreate two earlier works that involved physical currency, like physical paper money. So they gave him a bunch of cash, and he was meant to use it in the art, apparently, and then return it after. cash, and he was meant to use it in the art apparently, and then return it after. Then, according to a story in the New York Times, Honing delivered two blank canvases

titled, Take the Money and Run. Which the museum, a modern art museum, put on display. Honing now argues that, and this is a quote keeping the money is itself the art

the piece is that I have taken the money he said according to the Times the two empty frames are actually a representation of the concept so more important than the absence of money is that I've taken the money. The museum obviously complained and he's like,

why? I completed something else. You asked to make like a 10-year-old painting and a 12-year-old painting and suddenly you have a better concept. This guy's a genius,

which is why I commissioned him to make this fabulous hat. Oh, fuck. Yens, you magnificent bastard. Me keeping the money is the art. That's so good. That's so good. Thanks he didn't think of that one. Thanks he didn't think of that one. A Michigan woman was rescued from an outhouse after being trapped when she tried to retrieve the Apple Watch she dropped. Yeah, that's exactly right. Hey Siri, how long can a human woman

doggy paddle in a lake of shit? This is the real statement that the police put out. If you lose an item in an outhouse toilet, do not attempt to venture inside the containment area. It goes on to say, also, if you want to defund us, good luck getting out of there. When asked why she lowered herself into a giant vat of human waste to retrieve the device, she said, oh, I'm going to the movies later and I want to be one of those people

that fucking sucks. Hate the fucking Apple Watch people in the movies. It's like, what do you think? That doesn't count? It counts. You didn't think of it? Why are you wearing it?

Get it off or put it in your pocket or figure out whatever you do to make it quiet. You're not important. No one needs to reach you. Nothing's going to happen. Nothing's going to happen to anybody. Nothing's going to happen to any of us. Nothing happens.

Nothing ever happens. What have we done to ourselves? How long have you all been here? Alright, you know what? That's a good moment to do this. As is my custom at this event, Jepson's Malort has the aroma and full-bodied flavor of an unusual botanical. Its bitter taste is savored by two-fisted drinkers.

All right. I remind you also, you're covering your mouth like I'm in a fucking containment area. And I know... What? I've said it before, I'll say it again I like it

I do, I genuinely don't see why it is seen as being gross I enjoy the taste Is it like a popper? Is it what? Is it like a popper? It's not, okay The question was, is it like a popper? Is it what? It's not, okay.

The question was, is it like a popper? And what I appreciate about that is like, we're all learning and growing. You've heard about it on the show. It's not just doesn't, it's like, it's like, why is triangle? It doesn't actually compute as a question because you don't drink the poppers, you smell the poppers.

And that's just part of it. Otherwise, the VCR doesn't get clean. And finally, a van delivering Krispy Kreme donuts to a military base in Alaska was raided by two black bears after the driver left the door open while he stopped into a convenience store. Authorities believe the donut theft

was part of an ongoing protest against glaze in the military. Yeah, that's right. That's right. When we come back, your mayor's here. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage your very own mayor, Brandon Johnson. Good to see you. Come on in. They love you. They see you. Come on in.

They love you. They love you. All right. Hi. How you doing? I feel like I'm in my son's bedroom. Especially you. Is he also?

Okay, well, I think you might get the malort out of there. I mean, my goodness. Thank you for making me a better parent. No, I'm doing great. I mean, this is the only place in the world where people will cheer you on for drinking alcohol. I mean, the bar is pretty high here in Chicago. It's the Wormwood, they're saying. It's the Wormwood. First of all, thank you for

being here. It's lovely to meet you. At the very beginning of your term, there's still a bright twinkle in your eye. The future possibilities lie before us. One thing that I've just noticed is, so you talk a lot about collaboration, and there are these stories that you said something in Alderman is critical, you call the Alderman right away, talk it out. There's another story that there's a regular meeting and before people thought it was like death. Now people actually want to go to it. Just saying. That's what people are saying. I'm just reading the news here. No, it's kind of like going to a Bears game these days

too, by the way. It's tough right now. Because of all the trouble that they're having. Now, Because of all the trouble that they're having. And now, can you just talk a little bit about what you mean by a collaborative approach and how it differs from your predecessors like Lori Lightfoot and Rahm Emanuel? Well, first of all, thank you for having me on. This is amazing. And I like the sash. That's certainly probably speaking to why I have that twinkle in my eye because of the reflection off of your sweater. You know, I mean, look, being collaborative is really necessary.

I mean, that's what the city of Chicago voted for. And the type of contention that have kept, you know, so many of our neighborhoods stratified and without the necessary resources and investments that are needed, people are tired of that. And for me, it really comes down to listening to people, trying your best to understand, even if they are speaking a slightly different political language,

but it's trying to come to an understanding of where they are and then moving them beyond that conversation. It's the benefit, I believe, of having taught middle school. Because as, yes, okay. Yes, so there's some middle school teachers here, which, you know, to be a middle school teacher, you're really a saint, quite frankly, yes.

You know, but working with young people and working through the different dynamics that come with adolescence, honestly, it's the best preparation to oversee a city council meeting. Yeah, the kids are kind of gross at that age, huh? They're all gross. The type of aromas that come out of seven-legged painters. But here's the thing, though, seriously.

One thing about this moment, and it's reflective of, honestly, the perspective of middle schoolers. Middle schoolers are young enough to still have aspirations. But they are old enough where some of the anxieties are starting to set in. And quite frankly, what I've discovered in the midst of this work and why collaboration is so important, you are literally having a tug of war between anxiety, intrepidation, and hope and aspiration. Now, I'm confident that hope and aspiration will prevail, and the type of anxiety that exists in the city of Chicago right now, we're going to bring more hope, more aspiration, more promise so that the anxiety that people have experienced over the last couple of administrations, we're setting a new

course for a better, stronger, safer Chicago. Hey, little let's go, Brandon! Hey, a little let's go, Brandon. But just, but that one's like on the level. Yes! We're taking it back, baby! We're taking it back, yeah. It's our word now. Okay, well,

I don't know if that's helping my anxiety right now. Think about how your words make people feel. So you talk about this balance between trepidation and hope. There's also a sense in which you're at the very beginning and you're building all these relationships, but at some point you're going to start having to make hard decisions. What happens when this collaboration, this effort to rebuild relationships meets just hard disagreement where there's only so much money to go around? You have a big budget shortfall. There's a migrant crisis and there's communities that have been neglected.

There's people who want more police reform. There are people who want more policing, right? What happens when this collaborative approach meets a point at which you just say to the Chamber of Commerce or another group, no? Yeah. Well, here's the benefit of having four years in one term. You don't have to get it all done in one budget. And I'm going to work hard to make sure that we are bringing people together around the values in which I ran on. And when you're talking about systemic inequality that has been the prevailing form of governance for generations, you know, you're not going to right the ship overnight. And what I'm confident in, though, is that we can set this budget up to prepare us for the next set of battles.

Look, I didn't get here because, you know, everyone agreed with me, right? People told me no multiple times throughout my life. In fact, in my home, we heard no so much growing up. We just learned that that's just the word that you hear before you ask again. And so that's the exciting part in this moment, is that the type of organizing and the multicultural intergenerational movement that propelled a middle school teacher organizer to the fifth floor, representing the greatest freaking city in the world, anything is possible. I've had the chance to talk to

a number of mayors and what has always I think if there's one thing that I think unites very different places very different cities very different challenges is they're all grappling with problems that are very old and they're all grappling with problems that don't stop at the city's edge

things like infrastructure housing economic inequality one challenge that with problems that don't stop at the city's edge. Things like infrastructure, housing, economic inequality. One challenge that I don't think people really understand, I didn't understand how much it has continued. Can you talk a little bit, just for people that really may not have known this story, about what is happening in Texas and what the governor of Texas and some associated groups have been doing and how it's been impacting your ability to govern in Chicago? Yeah, that's a very good question. I mean, look, if you would have told me a couple of years ago that, one, that I would be mayor of the city of Chicago and the prevailing issue would be, you know, immigration, migration, and asylum seekers, you know, I'm not sure if I would have come to that conclusion. But what I can say is this, that the challenge and the experiences

that we're having in America, this is not new to the rest of the world. Global population shift, particularly around the unsettling of government, that quite frankly, the unsettling of government that, quite frankly, foreign policy or American policy has had some impact on the destabilization of states and countries around the globe, not to mention the fact that we have a real climate crisis in the world. And so the population shift that's happening around the globe is tied to just bad policy. It's tied to the injustices that we are experiencing within the environment. And though I'm clear that the governor of Texas is trying to prove a political point, what we are not going to do in the city of Chicago, flinch and cower under political pressure because someone is too much of a coward to actually stand up for the interests of people around the globe. around the globe. And so what that means is, is that as a city, to be welcoming is really, the bigger question is, who is my neighbor? And I was raised to follow the main commandment, which is to love with all of your heart, mind, and soul, and treat your neighbor as yourself. And that's what I'm going to continue to do as mayor of the city of Chicago.

And we're going to challenge the federal government, the state government, county government to participate because this is not just a Chicago dynamic this is a global dynamic and it's literally going to take all of us to ensure that as global residents that we participate and do our part to ensure that the families that are here in Chicago have everything that they deserve and need and those who wish to call Chicago their home, that they get to have a secure place in the city of Chicago or anywhere else in this country to make sure that they have what they need. This is a country that's built on the very idea of immigration, migration, Of immigration, migration, and making sure that we're treating those who've experienced harm, that we're also being responsive to those families and particularly those who live in predominantly black and brown communities. Switching gears. Are we still mad about the parking meter situation?

So let me just say, so in Chicago, first of all, we're mad about everything in Chicago. Right? That's cool. Here's the beauty of being mayor, is that first of all, because the way I started,

everyone has my cell number, so people just text me random things that's going on in their lives and they're like come on man what you gonna do about this you know so it's everything it's everything from like their child who just refuses to like get up in time for school you know that's your problem apparently and and and but you, when you mention the parking meter, though, just think about how raggedy politics are in Chicago. Just think about that for a second. Because people are giving me, like, grief about how I'm going to pass my first budget. There was a mayor.

We won't name the mayor. We won't name him. And people were asking, how are you going to balance your budget? And a mayor of Chicago said, I don't know, sell those parking meters or something. I mean, think about it. Well, here's another one. How are you going to pay for schools? I don't know.

Isn't there a Skyway? Sell that for 100 years. How politicians come to conclusions in this city, I would just say it like this. I have no doubt that I will be the greatest freaking mayor of all time.

Well, that's a problem. I mean, that's quite a that's quite an offer. That's quite an offer. That's quite an offer. Fucking parking meters. What a deal. No one...

No one would know how to read a contract? There's no lawyer around that said, hold on, this doesn't make any sense. I actually think the mayor of that time actually was a practicing lawyer.

That's why you need more teachers in charge of government. That's right. I do want to ask, because this is, again, another issue that I think a lot of cities

are grappling with. Can you talk a little bit about the CARE program? This is sort of a 911 response to mental health calls that involve mental health professionals as well as police. You're trying to figure out

how to move to a system where a lot of these calls don't have police at all. Can you just talk about the implementation and what success looks like? Yeah, absolutely. So three dynamics that are very important to me, and we're already headed in that right direction. Passing, bring Chicago home, dedicating revenue to actually deal with the unhoused and the homeless dynamic that we have in the city of Chicago. And we're well on our way to bringing Chicago home. A real estate transfer tax that's going to reduce the transfer tax for 96% of people who move property.

The other big dynamic, of course, is eliminating sub-minimum wage. And so we're really close to passing one fair wage. And then this third dynamic, there's a movement and it's called Treatment Not Trauma. And, and, oh, wow, that's a very, very nice holler up there. I mean, That's a very, very nice holler up there. I mean, I presume she voted for me or that person voted for me. But treatment, not trauma, really gets at the core of the dynamics that we're experiencing in Chicago. The level of trauma and the untreated trauma that exists in our society is actually far more severe than we're even reporting. The number of young people, police officers, elders who have gone through life and who have suffered silently. And unfortunately, we have a structure that criminalizes mental health. My administration is committed to passing

treatment, not trauma, to not just reopen mental health centers and make them publicly funded and run. But we also have to make sure that when there is an emergency and someone is having a mental health crisis, that a mental health professional is showing up to that home, to that situation to treat it. to that situation to treat it. And it's important to me, it's important to many people, but I had an older brother who died and had untreated trauma. He died addicted and unhoused.

And in many instances, for years, people were meant to feel ashamed of their mental health dilemmas or their mental health crises. And I'm saying no more. People are hurting. People are suffering. People are struggling. And we have to be there to treat those families so that brothers and uncles and nieces and mothers and fathers don't have to die or lose because government did not respond with the right type of intervention. That policing in and of itself is not a response to mental health crises. Mental health professionals are. Before we let you go, it's a constant refrain I hear in Los Angeles.

If it weren't for the winters, I'd move to Chicago in a heartbeat. But now it's fall, and I want to know how to tear up this town, but also keeping my beef levels below heartbeat-stopping quantities. Mayor Johnson, let me ask you how to get blown away in the Windy City in a segment we're calling 24 Hours in Chicago. Could a human being live inside the bean and will this city allow me to do so. Wow. I'm going to say

that you can stare at it. You can hug it. You can take pictures of it. Can you? Wasn't that an issue for a minute? Well, it was, but we have since

cleared that up. So you can ride your bike in a circle around it, but I'm going to respectfully ask that you not use it as a pillow. Okay. Have you been to the International Museum of Surgical Science, and is it spooky? So of all the things that I've done

in the city of Chicagoago um surgical science and spooky it just feels like a 1980s like um horror film uh-huh so no no but i have not been there yet but i'm looking forward to going though which is exactly how a person who was looking forward to something would talk about it would you you say that Chicago is addicted to beef? I will say, just forgive me for a second. All the vegans and plant-based people in here, I'm so sorry, but Chicago is addicted to beef. Yes. What I love about Chicago, New York is a pizza town. Philadelphia is a sandwich town. Chicago says, we're both a pizza and a sandwich town.

So this is why Chicago is awesome, because in any given night, you can have a hot dog with not that other stuff on it with tomatoes relish onions yeah hot stuff uh-huh you can have a beef sandwich and we're so committed to eating we make our pizza and we dig a deep deep deep hole into a skillet and fill it up with stuff. We call that deep dish pizza. So pizza, hot dogs,

beef, tacos, spaghetti, you name it, it's in Chicago. Who decided to call regular pizza tavern style? Does tavern style pizza need its own PR person? Because it's fallen behind. I mean, nobody knows about tavern style pizza. And I frankly won't touch this stuff. See, but this is what always happens. This is what always happens. I'm not coming to your defense.

Get them, Chicago. This is what always happens. Hey, I'm not coming to your defense. Get them, Chicago. Get them. Get me. I mean, that's got West Coast written all over it. Excuse me. I'm not going to eat my pizza in a tavern in Chicago, you will. No, no, no. Excuse me.

Excuse me, Mr. Mayor. I'm sorry it's come to this. But I have no problem with the tavern part of Tavern Style Pizza. My point is only that when I come to Chicago, I'm looking for a fucking well filled with cheese. I'm looking for an aqueduct of meat

sauce and cheese and I'm gonna get it and then I say that and someone's like, but we also have thin crust. Shut the fuck up. Which Chicago wouldn't say that when people talk about Chicago. When people say stuff about Chicago who don't live in Chicago,

what do we say, Chicago? Chicago. I don't understand. What? Wait, everybody shut up. Who's one person that knew? What?

Keep my city's name out your mouth! Wow. That's exactly as welcoming as the mayor was talking about I'm sorry about that, gentlemen What? Shut the fuck up about Chicago Yes, that's a real saying

Shut the fuck up about Chicago You don't live here? Okay Alright If you need me, I'll be at the fucking beach. I've lost him completely. Yes, this feels like seventh period on a Friday. Similar aroma. Last question for you.

You know, you're at the very beginning of this journey. Can you just end just on a note of, like, what it's been like to go from a community organizer and teacher who the previous mayor said didn't have a chance in hell to being the mayor... in the greatest city in the world? So, first of all, I, first of all, thank you.

Thank you to the city of Chicago for embracing our values. And it has been one of the most remarkable journeys that I've ever had. I mean, it's, you know, my wife and I, sometimes we look at each other in amazement because, you know, you wake up as parents in Chicago and you're just hustling. I mean, you're dropping your kids off over here for school, dropping them off over there for soccer, and you got to take swim lessons somewhere else. And it's just hard to move around. And now the Chicago police department comes to my house every morning and pick our kids up and drop them off. You know, but the what I've been most impressed by.

I'm just saying, you know, all of a sudden you just see your kids and you're just waving as they go into like black vehicles and someone is taking care of them. But honestly, what has been, I'm just saying, you know, I mean, the other form of parenting is just go to your room and look at that device or something. But, you know, going from every single section of this city and what I've been so impressed by is that the people of Chicago, no one has to know your name to care about you. Like we look out for each other and we show up for one another. And I've had the privilege over these last 17 weeks of meeting families whose grandparents started a business and now their grandchildren are running multiple chains of restaurants that their grandparents started a generation ago. Or you're meeting these small business owners that are hiring young people because they believe that young people have an opportunity to experience value and worth, that it's worth investing in them. And then you, you know, meet

these big corporate leaders who are relocating their businesses here. You know, you have a billion-dollar investment from Google. I spoke with Shana Kelly, CZ Hub, $250 million investment for biotech, the life sciences, logistics. And so what I'm most excited about is that no matter where I go in this city, people ask me the same question. What can I do to help? And that is the soul of Chicago. And I can't wait to serve these next six terms. Mayor Brandon Johnson, everybody. Thank you so much.

Thank you to me. Thank you. Your mayor. Yeah, that's Kate. We come back. Gillian Flynn is here. Kate, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back. Please welcome to the stage an author who loves taking you to dark places with sharp objects, like Chicago's electrifying Museum of Surgical Science. It's the wonderful Gillian Flynn. Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you. Thanks for being here. So, have you read any good murders lately? Have you survived a victim of any murder lately? As someone whose mind dwells in darkness,

what is your favorite Chicago true crime story? Oh. Oh, okay. Can I say two? Yeah. Okay. So, excellent. There's so many.

But you've got to go, first of all, with, obviously, Devil in the White City, HHH Homes. So many H's. So many H's. And then I'm partial to Leopold and Loeb. And if you're going to go 1920s jazz era, Chicago. The jazz era. In an interview with The Cut this July,

you said you could never commit a murder in the Empire State because your DNA is all over New York, so they would find you pretty easily. Hey, where could you commit a murder, Gillian? Okay, here's what you do. Everyone's settling, because this is going to take a while. I have so many places. But I would start with a traveling tour.

Like, they can't catch you if you're kind of moving all the time. And you jump in. I'd start in my hometown, Kansas City. And then, I mean, if you guys would like it, I'd come back here to Chicago. If I could do a good killing here, I'd be happy to. What a dream to come home to Chicago and start murdering. Right? Like it'll all come full circle for you. Sweet home, yes.

It'd be so nice. I feel like I finally really did kind of circle life and death. You'd be the devil in the white city then. Think about that. A dream come true. GFF. You hosted a Gone Girl cruise. I did.

Why? And what if you hosted a Gone Girl cruise and nobody came? Or nobody died. So, I mean, that'd be a pretty good setting for a murder mystery. Yes. Everybody's distracted by some kind of horrible improv troupe. It's the perfect crime. Did you kill anyone

on the cruise? I killed all the improv troupe. And then moved on to the mimes. Can I show you one of my favorite Simpsons jokes? Yes.

Please play the clip. I want the most intelligent actor you've got Okay This little guy writes mysteries Under the name of J.D. McGregor How can a hamster write mysteries?

Well, he gets the ending first Then he works backward Hey, is that how it works? Yes? Yes. Really? It really is. It really is. I gave them that idea.

It was a passing conversation with a Simpsons writer, and there it turns out. Wow. What a twist. Like your grandfather, Billy Flynn from the musical Chicago. Chicago is in your blood. And for all we know, your blood is in Chicago, considering how much DNA you apparently left in New York. Which is why we're challenging you to a game called The Devils in the White City

about a host of real-life Chicago devils. Are you ready? I am. The 2003 book The Devil in the White City follows both the 1893 World's Fair in Chicago and the horrific crimes of what serial killer? We already discussed him. Got him. HH. HH Holmes.

H. HHH Holmes. HHH. HH. HH Holmes. H. HHH Holmes. HHH. Which actor bought the rights to The Devil in the White City in 2010 to star as HH Holmes, only to have the film enter development hell for the last 14 years? Hint, it's the first person... Tom Cruise. Oh, it's the second person you're thinking of. Leonardo DiCaprio.

Yes. Nice. Leonardo DiCaprio. Yes. Ah! Nice. Leonardo DiCaprio, you ever heard of him? How many of the last 10 Illinois governors have gone to prison after serving office? Is it three of 10, four of 10, five of 10, or six of 10? Four. It is. It's four of ten.

Four of ten! That's terrible. In city lore, it was Catherine O'Leary's cow who allegedly kicked over a lantern and started the Great Chicago Fire of... whenever that was. According to the allegation 1871, is that right?

According to the allegation of one Mr. Daniel Peglev Sullivan, in what year did amateur researcher Richard Bales convince the Chicago City Council to exonerate Mrs. O'Leary for her cow's horrific crime? I'll give you a hint. It was the year I became a man. In the bar mitzvah sense. In the biblical sense?

No. No. That's not a year you people get. 1989? 1997. Jesus Christ. Who was the first former Illinois governor to be convicted of federal corruption charges? A, Randy Flagler,

B, Charlie Barnett, C, Eamon Walker, or D, Otto Kerner? I wasn't listening. Yeah. Who was the first former Illinois governor to be convicted of federal corruption charges? Was it Randy Flagler, Charlie Burnett,

Eamon Walker, or Otto Koerner? Otto. Yes, that is correct. Otto Koerner, governor from 1961 to 1968, convicted in 1973 of bribery. His conviction also made him the first sitting appellate judge to be convicted in U.S. history as he had been appointed

to the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals by LBJ. Everyone else I listed is a cast member of the hit NBC drama Chicago Fire. Former Democratic Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was impeached and imprisoned for wire fraud

and soliciting bribes, though in between, he did appear on Celebrity Apprentice. Today, he is a free man after being released from federal prison four years ahead of schedule. Who made his early release possible? Donald Trump. Yes.

Trump's commuted his sentence on February 18th, 2020. Unbelievable. Remember when he tried to sell the Obama Senate seat? A golden egg. A golden egg. Yeah. Ew. Creepy.

Got this golden egg. Who talks like that? It's got Gillian Flynn's DNA all over it. Yeah. Ew. it's got Gillian Flynn's DNA all over it yeah no Chicago was the first movie musical to win an Oscar in over 30 years what was the last movie musical to win prior to Chicago I'll give you a hint it has nothing to do with Chicago but it does have a lot of petty crime and some surprisingly horrific violence I'll give you a second hint. At Camp Starlight, I played the lead. As did producer Brian at a different Jewish camp

or was that at school? Cabaret? That's very, no, not Cabaret. It was Oliver. It's very, no, not cabaret. It was Oliver.

Oh! Please, sir, can I have some more, you know? That was one of the many lines of Oliver. Oh, yeah. Len Small, who was governor from 1921 to 1929, beat the rap when he was tried for embezzlement during his tenure as state treasurer. How did he win favor with the jury? Is it A, do a little dance,

B, make a little love, or C, hire eight of his jurors for state jobs? C. Yes, you got it. Yes. Yes. Got it. Yes.

The Chicago mob, also known as the Outfit, the Southside Gang, or the organization, included which of the following mobsters? A, John No-Nose DeFronzo, B, Anthony Big Tuna Ocado, C, Samuel Teets Bataglia, or D, Felix Milwaukee Phil Ardericio? D. All of the above.

Oh! Trick question. And yes, because you're all wondering, he did have a nose. He just sliced part of it off while jumping through a window during a clothing store robbery in 1949. That's how you get the no-no's name.

Something to think about. And finally, the current Illinois governor, J.B. Pritzker, had to pay a fine of $330,000 after allegedly removing what? A, horses...

horses from his farm in an effort to declare it a vacant lot. B, a dock at his waterfront property in an effort to avoid a marina tax. C, toilets from his mansion in an effort to declare it uninhabitable to avoid property taxes. Or D, hundreds of cardboard boxes full

of valuable Magic the Gathering playing cards in an effort to hide their value from the IRS? A. No, C, it was the toilets. It was toilets? It was toilets. They were trying to help you.

They were, but I thought... You thought they were trying to trick you. You thought that was a twist. They're innocent. I'm sorry. They love you. I'm sorry, you all. I let you down.

It was a mansion in Chicago's Astor Place in an effort to declare it uninhabitable, lowering his property taxes, where I installed five new toilets in my house for personal and very normal reasons. Gillian, before I let you go, I feel like you were someone who kind of, like, inducted America into its current true crime obsession.

Are you proud of what you've wrought? I have read true crime all my life since finding it in cold blood at a used bookstore. When I was about nine and reading it not so secretly but my parents didn't care that much but God bless them thank you and I've been fascinated ever since so I'm not always proud of it I think you need to realize that you are consuming tragedy yeah at the same time I think there need to realize that you are consuming tragedy. At the same time, I think there's a reason we're all fascinated by it. It's human drama. It's human politics.

What is it? Why do you think it drew you? Why do you think it draws so many people to kind of live in these terrible stories? I think one thing is it's often its own soap opera. I think the things that we are fascinated by are the family dynamics and usually what happens behind closed doors, like the Murdoch murder mystery recently. And it's that idea of how town works, how family works.

And it gives us a vocabulary, I think, to talk about things that disturb us, too. And especially for women, I gotta say, you know, people say, why are women so attracted to true crime? It's because women are usually the objects of true crime, and it gives us a kind of vocabulary

to talk about that. Well, thank you so much, Gillian, for being here. Check out Gillian's imprint, Gillian Flynn Books, for some incredible books. Their next book is called One of the Good Guys by Araminta Hall. Can you just tell people what it's about? I'll give you a hint. It's not

one of the good guys. Well, thank you so much for being here. When we come back... Thank you, thank you. Big structural change. Thank you, that was really great. So nice to meet you. Thank you.

Gillian Flynn, everybody. And we're back. Age is just a number, but so are polls. And in President Biden's case, both numbers are currently not ideal. But one of them could get better. Probably not the age one, but we have our best scientists working on it. Here to talk about whether Biden is just old enough, please welcome, well, this is a get, this is a big get,

Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is here. Senator Warren, thank you so much for being here. Well, thank you. Yes, you know, you said, yes, the show is in Boston. And then, you know, I woke up in the cargo hold of your United Flight bag in a big crate next to the dogs that, let's be real, nobody believes they're service animals. But, you know, I am delighted to be here with you, John. But, you know, I am delighted to be here with you, John. So, Senator, I can't help noticing you've been a little quiet lately. Feels like we haven't seen too much of you. Everything okay?

Oh, yeah. Oh, I am fantastic, John. You know, I just decided that I would keep it low-key this summer. You know, I've just been resting and recharging, gathering support for my bill to crack down on money laundering in crypto, of course, and calling for an investigation into Elon Musk's role in the Ukraine war. So just keeping it casual. the Digital Consumer Protection Act in my spare time while getting my steps in, which would create a new federal agency to reinforce regulations on big tech. And that's a low-key summer for you. Oh, yeah, it's real low-key. Well, you know, regulating crypto is how I unwind, John, you know? I can't get to sleep without collating my daily reports

from the security and exchange commissions, and you don't want to see me without my nightly 2.5. Yeah, I get that. We don't want to see you without that nightly 2.5. Hours of sleep is what it means. Oh, I see. Now I understand. You go by on 2.5 hours of sleep

because you are powered by the work that you do. It's just energy. And the people in the fair cities such as this one, the greatest city in the world. You do have an impressive amount of energy for a 74-year-old. Well, of course I have energy, John. You know, I'm a teenager in Senate years. Right, right, right. That's an impressive amount of energy for a 74-year-old. Oh, well, of course I have energy, John. You know, I'm a teenager in Senate years.

Right, right, right. That's my mistake. I was counting in human years. Oh, it's completely different. People don't know. You know, my colleagues, they always razz me. You know, they're always saying, Oh, Liz, you wouldn't understand.

You don't remember how it felt when Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were convicted. You know, ha, ha, ha. Wow. So that's like an inside joke. That stinks. Yeah. Well, you know, and Chuck Grassley, he'll just come up to me and say,

is General Douglas MacArthur running? And I'll say, what? And he'll say, well, then you better go catch him. And then, you know, he laughs until the cough set in and he has to go see the doctor. Well, as an up-and-coming 74-year-old, how do you feel about President Biden running for a second term at 80? Oh, well, I'm so glad that you asked, John, because I have a plan for that. Of course you do. Of course you do. Well, let's hear it. Well, the plan is that

all of us, you and me and everyone here, all the mamas and the daddies and the babies, everybody just pull up your big boy pants and shut the fuck up. Senator, whoa. Yes. Okay. That's right. That's right.

That's right, John. I like to cuss now. So, moreover, I'd like to say enough is enough. This is just what's happening. This debate may have been productive a year ago when someone other than RFK Jr. could have thrown his tinfoil hat in the ring, but, you know, we are past that point. John, no one else ran. No one.

Well, there's Marianne Williamson. Exactly. There's no one else who ran. You know, the exit ramps are behind us. Okay, back in 2019, Democratic voters might have had a chance to choose anyone, anyone at all, John, you know, could even have been someone on this stage right now. You know, imagine that, okay? Just imagine a spry, alert septuagenarian who can stay upright on a bike and do the splits. You know, someone who could announce their candidacy

right here on Love It or Leave It, but no, no, that's not what we chose, so drink it in, America. Alright? Reckon with your big structural change where the snake emoji's worth it. You can do the... You can do the splits? Oh, I can do

things, John, that would really make you question your sexuality. Senator, please. Well, we have to get practical, you know? It's time, John. Okay. The future isn't written. Oh, I see. All right?

The future isn't written. Oh, I see. Barring a change or a calamity not in our control, this old, old man will be our nominee. But, you know, we can't keep wringing our hands about it. It's time to get behind him and support him in a tangible way so that he doesn't fall down. But can we acknowledge it's a real issue, right? Like, polls are showing growing concern about Biden's age.

Well, sure they are, because that is Biden's biggest liability. This isn't new information. He didn't wake up old this week. But he did wake up. And we should celebrate that right? On account of how old he is. That doesn't

that doesn't make me feel better necessarily. Well, it should. You know, one reason it's his biggest liability. Now listen to this. Joe Biden is a very good president. Okay, look, I know. I know.

That's right. Now I know the love it or leave it audience, and you were all very horny for me during that primary, but and I appreciate that. Oh, oh, I appreciate it. But let's be honest, Biden went harder than any of us predicted and he did it while seeming old and boring, you know? I say it. I'm Che Guevara. You know, Biden says it. It sounds moderate and sometimes a little racially insensitive. That John Wayne story was wild.

So we get to go into this election knowing our candidate's biggest liability, you know, and how the other side will weaponize it. We know this. Any other candidate would come with more unknowns and less predictable vulnerabilities. They get attacked, you know, for being too young or too, you know, gay or in charge of transportation when all the trains just started jumping off the tracks like they were made of lava. But now you're just describing Pete Buttigieg. Don't you put words in my mouth, John Lovett. You know, I could be talking about any humorless gay transportation secretary from Indiana. You know?

I gotta say it. I gotta say it. You're not smart for pointing out how old Biden is or that he could lose because of it. And we've just all seen that man try to put a jacket on. Yeah. Hey, Joe, you know what you look good in? Vests. Vests.

Vests. Try vests. But you have no idea what shape some imaginary fantasy candidate would be in after six months of Trump nicknames

and right-wing propaganda. You know, and John, I'm glad that you brought up fantasy. I don't think I did. Well, you ever notice that everyone is okay with old people when they are wizards? You know?

Yeah, everyone loves old people when they're wizards or Bernie Sanders. But maybe... That's strange. I think that's strange. Well, maybe it's this. Maybe we just need to remember that old people can still surprise us, and not just by popping up behind us in a cemetery. You know?

Yeah, I wish the stakes didn't feel so high. I wish that the extremism of the Republican Party didn't force us to narrow our tolerance for risk. And I wish Biden were younger and his age itself wasn't a risk. But as I always say, wishing won't bust trusts. I guess I say that. You're always saying that. Trying to make it happen. So, let's worry

less about proving how right we were if he loses office, and way worry more about keeping his ancient ass in office. And Trump is old, too. We can cancel this out. Even Trump gets this.

When Trump was asked about Biden being too old, Trump said, you know, some of the greatest world leaders have been in their 80s. I'm not anywhere very near 80, by the way, and Biden's not too old. I don't think Biden's too old. Why is his answer better than yours?

Well, I mean, for one reason, everyone in government, you know, is old, except for me. I'm a precocious teen. You know, and one day we should fix that, but not today. It's Biden 2024. Are you with me?

Senator Elizabeth Warren, everybody. Yes, that's right. Okay. Look at that. Wow. Look at that. Look at that. Incredible.

I can get low. 74, everybody. You think Biden can get this low? 74-year-old Elizabeth Warren, spry septuagenarian. Alice Wetterlin, everybody. She'll be back for the rant wheel. When we come back, beefs, animal-infused. Don't go anywhere.

This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. And we're back. Hog butcher for the world, tool maker, stacker of wheat, player with railroads in the nation's freight handler, stormy husky brawling.

Now that I've read you my Grindr profile, please welcome to the stage Chicago's own Clark Jones. Hello. How you doing? Thank you for being here. Hey, it's me, Evil Brandon Johnson.

Ah! Ah! I just flew in from my home in Gary, Indiana, the most beautiful city in the Midwest. You want to know the best part, John? What? You want to know the best part? Yeah, You want to know the best part, John? What? You want to know the best part? Yeah, I want to know the best part. I told my brother I was flying into O'Hare,

but I really flew into Midway. He drove for 17 hours. These are such evil but insidery Chicago things. Very. I played to a crowd on purpose. Clark, in your Twitter bio, you describe yourself as Lisa Simpson as a black dude. Care to elaborate?

Well, pretty smart. I went to Whitney Young High School. Well, pretty smart. I went to Whitney Young High School. I'm vegan once a week. You should see what happens when we try to ask people in Madison to drink milk. Oh, it's the worst. And you know what makes me the most like Lisa Simpson? I hate Springfield. It's the worst place in this whole state.

I asked the mayor this question earlier. Is Chicago addicted to beef? What's happening here? Is it addicted to beef? Yeah, I got beef with a few motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying? Parking tickets? Get the fuck out of here.

If you can't take me to jail for a parking ticket, I'm not paying them. Fuck you. They shouldn't have decriminalized it if they meant business. Well, that's a platform. That is a platform. Evil Brandon Johnson.

Four more years of Rahm Emanuel. No, I'm just kidding. Come back, come back. They know you're kidding. I hope they do. So, Clark, I need an excuse to get some beef in my mouth every hour or I'll die.

I also want to eat a sandwich on stage. Here we are. I love it. So we're going to talk about two kinds of beef, the Chicago kind and the kind where we get to be voyeurs into other people's bitter public feud in a segment we're calling, well, we're calling it Chicago Beefs. So now, first, first things first,

we have, can I just, we have three kinds of sandwich. We have half dip plus sweet peppers, no dip, hot and sweet peppers, no dip, hot and sweet peppers, full dip, hot and sweet peppers. Okay. What's happening here? Okay, first of all, fuck this. That's no dip.

That's no dip. I've been on a diet, so I'm gonna go full dip. Okay. Because, you know, Chicago is the home of food wrapped in aluminum foil. And that's so important. No other city must, like, au jus or whatever it's called. You got to stay in there.

Yeah, it's got to stay in there. Because even if you're full, you're like, oh, shit, I got all this juice left. You know what I'm saying? Then it's a cup. Now you have a beverage. Now you have a beverage. And now you have a beverage. I've been cutting out soda, so I got to drink the ajou.

Yeah, you don't want, yeah, you don't want, soda's not good for you, so you got to drink beef juice. I'm focused on my health now. And that's, and you know what, we're all proud of you for it. Yes. So, so this is no dip. Nobody wants anything to do with no dip. What we want to have is full dip with hot. Y'all drink no?

That's why you up there. Because you got bad opinions. On foodies. You wait and you don't know how to eat shit. So before we eat the sandwich, I want to ask you about a famous Chicago beef, Scottie Pippen versus Michael Jordan. It's too...

Or someone else. No. Scottie Pippen's beef is with his own hairline. That's what's the biggest problem. Wow. I'm going to start. Can we split this sandwich? Keep the juice in there.

I'm keeping the juice in there. I'll always eat the peppers that fall out first. Right now. Where it's from? Oh, my God. That's the hottest fucking... Say it again. Clark Street Don's.

We did okay. John, can I ask you a question? Yeah. These peppers, how do you pronounce it? Wait. Wait. Don't help. No, I don't need help. I'm not getting help. I know it is.

Shut up. Shut the fuck up. I know what it is. Don't you fucking say Giordano's. I didn't say it. I didn't say it. How do you pronounce these peppers? First of all, can I get a little fucking credit for even knowing what the fuck you're all talking about? No.

Giardini. Giardini. Giardini. Giardini. Giardini. Giardini. Giardini. I've seen the word once in my fucking life.

Giardiniera peppers, man. Giardiniera peppers. That was a sweet one. I like that. I'm going to eat this fucking sandwich. Eat the whole thing. Just half it. That's full of that. Ain't that juicy? God, that's good.

I eat... I take a little bit of foil down. It's like a strip tease with the meat. Damn, we need some salty ass fries. You know what I mean? Balance it out. God damn it, this is good. Alright, next Chicago beef, because this is a segment we're doing. We're not just eating. It's beef? Shit. What's the next?

It's beef? Shit. What's the next? Next one is Chicago deep dish pizza versus thin crust pizza. I'm asking about it. I'm just asking. I'm just asking a fucking question. Giving me the finger.

You know who makes the best pizza? St. Louis. No, I'm just kidding. Evil. Evil. Evil. Evil man. Hey, what is the best place in Chicago for Detroit-style pizza?

Can I tell you something? I love pizza. I love pizza, and I love pizza everywhere. And I am ecumenical about it. But I'll tell you something. They don't know what they're doing in St. Louis. And I can say that. They don't know what they're doing in St. Louis. And I can say that out. They don't know what they are doing.

He mows his trash. But what is the best deep dish? What is your favorite deep dish in Chicago? I don't have a favorite deep dish, because that's not what the fuck. Listen. Deep dish pizza belong on the billboard when you leaving the airport.

That's not what we eat. We don't eat that shit. People make fun of it. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I'm at Italian Fiesta. You know what I'm saying? Or I'm at Pequod's. I've been to Pequod's.

I've been to Pequod's. You know what cafeteria style cut is? Pequod. I've been to Pequod. I've been to Pequod. You know what cafeteria style cut is? What is it? Yeah, square. Square style. If they give you that corner piece, they don't like you. That's the rule.

You showed up late if you get that corner piece. What do you think about Kim Cattrall versus Sarah Jessica Parker? Is that beef important to you? Neither one of them from the south side of Chicago, so I don't give a fuck. Neither one of them went to Chicago public schools,

and that's how we are. If Sarah Jessica Parker came to me like, oh, I'm from Chicago, what school would you go to? She'd say, Creed Bonilla or some shit. I'm like,

get the fuck out of my face. I love eating on stage on a podcast. That's everybody's favorite thing, to listen to a couple people eating during a podcast. You want to do a current events beef?

Sure. Chicagoans versus traffic this past weekend. Who won? Traffic. Traffic won like a mother. We couldn't get off on Fullerton, Belmont, North Avenue.

What happened? I was trying to go downtown. I ended up at Northwestern. I'm like, what the fuck, man? What Home Alone movie did I follow? What about another Chicago beef? Lori Lightfoot versus her suits. Oh, my God.

First of all, little-known Chicago fact. Lori Lightfoot and Bernie Sanders shop at the same suit store. There's no tailor on duty. It's all sport cut, like NBA draft picks.

All taupe. No lining like the Fresh Prince. They got duracs, but neither one of them uses them. He's just poofy hair and taupe.

There's all these articles. I was reading about the new mayor and what he's been doing, and I've never seen so many reporters say, unlike the last mayor, this guy's often in a good mood. I've never seen that before. I've never seen so many reporters say, unlike the last mayor, this guy's often in a good mood. I've never seen that before. I've never seen a bunch of newspapers

refer to the previous mayor's mood. The Chicago sometimes is just an op-ed. It's like a 10-page op-ed now. There's no news. It's just like, this clown fucking, like, that's the headline. Another beef to ask you about. First of all, I want to take a moment to talk about how good this sandwich is.

So good. Now remember, this is the... No, no, I moved it. That is full dip. This is no dip. So new dip is just not as wet. Why? Who doesn't want it?

Typically, I'm against. No, but I think it is the hallmark of a great sandwich that its wetness makes it better, not worse. You know what I'm saying? That there's, often you say, oh, this sandwich is soggy. This sandwich, I say, this thing is soggy. Yeah, it's like, I need to write on that line where I can still hold it up. Yeah, it stayed together.

Yeah. It stayed together. All this meat is like very juicy. Very delicious. Clark Street dogs. Clark Street dogs! Fuck yeah. That shit good.

You remember we said that a few minutes ago. That's a part of it. You have to compliment it every two minutes. Or the sandwich gets mad. Like, bitch,

don't you see me being delicious? Another beef. The McCaskies, the family who owned the Chicago Bears versus Clark Jones. Would you care to explain? Sell the team. Sell the team.

Sell the team. Sell the team. And bring back cheerleaders. What the fuck? We losing and nothing that I'm looking on screen I'm enjoying. I need cheerleaders, hot dogs, something. The product is terrible. Unlike this sandwich.

This sandwich fucking rules. Yeah. The McCaskey's are probably the worst owners ever. Really? Yeah. And then, who's the worst owners ever? The Ricketts? Donald Sterling is pretty bad.

Donald Sterling is pretty bad. That DC guy that wouldn't change the team name, Dan Snyder. People didn't like him. Oh, the Commander's guy? Yeah, he fucking sucks, man. And I'm from Chicago, but that motherfucker is bad. I'm going to say something right now,

which is... I'm going to say something honest. It's just a feeling I have that I'm going to share, and I'm going to pay a price for it. Maybe forever. This is what you have to do. Before you say it,

this is a Chicago lesson. Y'all back me up if I'm telling the truth. Chicago is before we get honest, we apologize. That's good advice. We have manners, but it comes with a side of passive aggressiveness.

So say your truth, but before you say it, say, I'm sorry, but... Thank you. I'm sorry to say this. I have no choice but to say it. Philly is not a sandwich town. No. This is...

I thought... I thought it is a sandwich town. But I thought I had eaten the best sandwich in America. I had not. Because... This is very, very good. And after this show is over, I'm eating another half. And that one won't be for you. That one will be for me.

You earned it. Clark, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Everybody, check out Clark Jones' podcast, classic black dude podcast. He's going to stick around for the rant wheel. When we come back, it's time to do some ranting. Okay.

And we're back. A couple quick notes. The second GOP presidential debate is coming up on Wednesday, September 27th, which means it's time for another Friends of the Pod group thread. Join us on Discord for live reactions and commentary during the debate.

Your favorite Crooked hosts and staff, including John, John, me, I'm me. Tommy, Dan, we'll be watching with you as this magical night unfolds. Don't miss out. Sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Also, love it or leave it, this tour continues.

We're going to Asheville. We're going to Atlanta. Chattanooga, October 5th to 7th. They're selling out. We have an incredible lineup, including Miss Pat, Candy Burris, T.S. Madison, and many more. So get your tickets at crooked.com slash events. All right. Please welcome back to the stage, Clark, Alice, and Gillian.

Come on out. Alice Wetterlin for the first time. Grab a spot. You can't go wrong. Now it is time for the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel, we rant wherever it lands. This week on the wheel, we have let the suit die. We have the fact that lower, lower whacker drive exists. Wait, this is not the rant wheel. That's just pictures of Lori Lightfoot. Yeah.

We've got Black Chicagoans not going as hard for Juneteenth. We have Elon Musk. We have no one making fun of Dick Butkus' name anymore. Dick, Dick.

We have the accents in the bear and we have when I rouge my knees and roll my stockings down. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on Let the Suit Die. This is my pitch.

I think suits look great. I think you look incredible. It's so fucking sharp. I mean, it's awesome. And I think if what you. I think you look incredible. It's so fucking sharp. I mean, it's awesome. And I think if what you want to wear to look sharp, and you do look incredibly sharp, is a suit, I think you should go for it. But I don't think it should be required.

Literally anywhere. And Clark is in, what is that, a burgundy? A merlot? Yeah, it's a dark mauve A dark mauve Mauve It's red And that's great

But I don't think a clothing system In which the only difference Between what you wear on the happiest day of your life and the saddest day of your life is the color of the silk around your neck is a good system. It doesn't make any sense. If you can wear something

to both a funeral and a wedding and a bar mitzvah, maybe it's not specific enough. It's like how real medicine is for one thing and fake medicine is for everything. You know what I mean? Think about it Think about it It also feels like

It's a bunch of stuff That used to make sense When there was just a fire in the middle of the room And everyone was always cold It's like Why am I wearing a wool suit In of doors It's the same temperature in this room 365 days a year.

I never understand it. Oh, people wear their winter suits and their summer suits. We're all inside all of the time. You see old movies or old footage, and it's like Teddy Roosevelt at the beach with his suit rolled up. We don't have to live like that anymore. That's the old economy. We can find other things to signify

that we take something seriously than a frilly piece of silk and a collar we don't use and a super hot coat in a temperature controlled environment. It's gotta stop. I hate it. And Clark looks incredible. Clark looks really good.

And that doesn't take anything away from that. None taken. None given. Let's spin it again. Gin new. That's good. It is landed on the fact that lower, lower Wacker Drive exists. Gillian?

All right. Malort me. Because I'm about to go on a tour. She going in, y'all. Okay. Here's my deal. I love Wacker Drive. I think it's beautiful, scenic, you know.

It does its work. I like lower Wacker Drive because Dark Knight was filmed there. And it's appropriately creepy. I get a little creeped out when I go down there. I feel like a secret society. Great. But what's the deal with lower, lower, whacker drive? You can't fucking get in it. You don't know what it is unless you have to. And do you all know why you have to? Anyone's been there. Tell me. You go there because your car has been impounded. So it's automatically the saddest street in the world.

They make it so hard to find, which I think they do on purpose, because then you have to pay more, the hours go by, and you're rolling around trying to figure out how to go two entrances to get into lower, lower lower yes and you get down there and I swear the first time I went down there I've had my I've had my car Galeon Flan has had her car and pounded a few times times. Lord me! You get down there and I at least think I'm going to get paid off by something that's called Lower Lower Wacker. It's going to be like the Paris catacombs, right? It's going to be worth my

time going down there. And I'm going to get down and I'm going to have this great David Lynchian story about some creepy log lady who gives me my car back. And you get down there and it's so disappointing it's like it's a place it smells like swisher sweets like smoked in an abandoned piggly wiggly and you get there and you're trying to get all you're trying to do is just get your car back.

And you're like, why am I in this eighth circle of hell? It's like, it's not a David Lynch film. It's like C-SPAN, hate-fucked, Norwegian slow TV. You create this place of tedium and sad bureaucracy, and if you get your car back, and if you get out, you are haunted forever by the fact that this place is open every hour of every day of every week of the year, and you wonder every holiday, you think about the employees that are down there.

And you're like, having Thanksgiving with your family, but you're thinking like, what about the impound workers? How do I get the turkey down to them? Because I'll never find the place again ever. End of rant. Greatest city in the world, Chicago. Yeah!

I feel like the guys at the impound lot have a rant about you that we should hear. You know the worst part about getting your car impounded down there? There's nowhere to park. That's great. So I know somebody who got their shit told from Lower Wacker Drive From Lower Wacker Drive To Lower Wacker Drive

And they had no idea what to fucking do Because they just grabbed it Because they got one car out And then the other car was going in at the same time And once it's on the truck It's nothing I can do It's on the truck already It's on the truck

I could never I could You guys, I respect. I could never make it in the city. I live in LA, and I got my car towed because I parked it illegally in front of a tow place. So they towed it six feet. And I could see it in there, and that's how stupid I am. That's why I couldn't make it in Chicago.

Let's spin it again. It has landed on Elon Musk, suggested by Alice, who joins us for the first time. Well, you know what? I actually don't like him very much. What if was my take what if that was my take i'm gonna go out on a limb and say he sucks first of all i've been saying this guy sucks for decades where's my flowers before anybody knew who he was i was like this guy sucks and everybody's like he seems like a

great genius and i was like no he sucks he's not good sucks. And everybody's like, he seems like a great genius. And I was like, no, he sucks. He's not good. And you know, everybody's always like, now people are like, how did you know? How did you know Elon sucks so much? Um, I'm a female comedian. We learned to spot unfunny dudes with daddy issues real quick. It's for our safety. But here's the thing I've

always hated about Elon Musk ever since the jump. Ever since he started going on TV because he always wants to do cameos and be in movies and shit and be seen and wear the Iron Man suit. Right. Okay. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. I gotta stand up for this. If you're gonna be richer than God and you're gonna be going on my TV, the least that you could do for me

is be hot. Right? Be hot. You know how much money I spend per month on creams alone for my skin to do this job? And you're going on SNL looking like

Mr. Potato Head without his parts. You know what I'm saying? You look like shit. He has access to surgeries we haven't even heard of yet and he's walking around with divorce face it's not right he's fucking it's not right i shouldn't have to look at that shit you'll never see a lady ceo be anything less than a 12 you know what i'm saying like oprah oprah can't even get bread she can't even get bread. She can't even have bread. She talks about it a lot.

They won't let her have bread. She's like, I love bread. I think about it. But I can't have it. She can't have it. It's not allowed. You'll never see, like, a rich lady with, like, a monocle. You know, like, ah, I'm going to buy the Knicks.

You'll never see that, which is not good. I want that. And then he fucking goes and gets that risky haircut with the Knicks. You'll never see that, which is not good. I want that. And then he fucking goes and gets that risky haircut with the sides shaved. You don't have the bone structure for it. May I ask, do you even have bones?

No? Buy some. Buy some bones, Elon Musk. Buy yourself some bones for your face. Yeah. Let's spin it again. It has landed on black Chicagoans not going as hard for Juneteenth,

which was Gillian's suggestion. Oh. No, no, no, no, no. There's a little switch. Oh, sorry. It's not what you were supposed to say. You want a steal? A last-minute steal.

A last-minute steal. This is where it's about to get funny. Black Chicagoans make some noise. Okay, that's the first problem. If you know a black Chicagoan, get them this message. This weekend, I was embarrassed because we celebrated Mexican independence this whole month. It's crazy.

Big flags. I couldn't even see down Halston. I was as frustrated as Lovie Smith, but I was like, you know what? This is celebration. And I was jealous. Because Juneteenth, we did not go this hard. We was too busy in the lake. It was nice outside. We was like, oh, damn, Juneteenth. we did not go this hard. We was too busy in the lake. It was nice outside.

We was like, oh, damn, Juneteenth. I'm sleepy now. Like, we forgot. We didn't have shit on our hoods. Our side mirror is nothing like that. And I'm telling you, next Juneteenth, we got to go fucking crazy, okay? Flags, bitch.

First of all, we need a good graphic designer to come up with a flag because we don't have one. That's the first thing. Second, we just going to get hopped up on Red Bull and just like get ready. Because we don't have... The Take Chicago ain't until November now. I don't know when the fuck that shit starts.

But they spreaded it all through the city like a fucking virus or some shit. Like, listen, we need bigger flags. We need a flag designer. And a lot of people some shit. Listen, we need bigger flags. We need a flag designer. And a lot of people don't know Juneteenth is a celebration to end slavery in Texas. But I, as an American, don't fuck

with Texas. So we need a new headquarters for Juneteenth. I suggest, no. I suggest, no, I suggest Genu, Alaska as the headquarters for Juneteenth. All we're going to do is we're going to reopen Adriana First, which is an old Chicago place. We're going to take all the first, feel the warmth and luxury that you deserve. Feel the warmth and luxury that you deserve. Y'all know we got a song now. So we got a song.

We got a headquarters. All we need is Photoshop. Somebody pay that $20 and we're going to share the password. Juneteenth 2024. Yeah. Yeah. Alaska. Janu. Janu. If that's the real name. Yeah, it is. Janu, if that's your real name.

One more time for Killian Flynn, Clark Jones, and Alice Wetterlin. When we come back, we'll have another High Note. Yeah. One more time for Killian Flynn, Clark Jones, and Alice Wetterlin. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Let's bring out the lights. Who's got a high note? Because producer Brian is out there. Go line up by Brian.

I will. Producer Brian. Hi, what's your name and what's your high note? Hey, my name's Mike, and when I was towed to Lower Lower Wacker Drive, the only way I found my car is by...

Sadly, I still have a Tesla. I turned on the cameras and said, oh, shit, it's on Lower Lower Wacker. I gotta fucking walk down there. And so I could find my car and I got it back. So, you know.

Okay. It was great. You know they're going to turn on you for the Tesla. That's sort of a low note. Lower, lower note. Yeah, it makes like a noise. It does rattle. I'm trying to sell it.

They rattle, yeah. You're going to lose some money. Elon's cost you some money. Wait, let's go to this person who's just excited. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Hi, my name is Megan. And my friend Megan has tried. Wait, I'm sorry. What's your name what's your high note hi my name is megan and my friend megan has wait i'm sorry what's your name my name's megan okay her name's megan got it sorry just

tracking it yep um she's tried to come to three of your shows i've been to all of them she got covid for all of them except one yes you're wearing a shirt that says Emily's Garden Show and I love the Megans uh everybody give it up for the Megans you've been to all of the Chicago shows you've been sick for them so my high note is my best friend Megan is here and also in six weeks I will marry my future husband. So in six weeks I'm getting married. It seems like you forgot his name but we're

happy for you. His name is Roland. Okay. And I'm happy about it. Good. But bring it back. Alright. We have another vote for Emily's Garden Show. Put that in the put that in the coffer. Yeah, wherever you want to go. This person. Hi, what's your vote for Emily's Garden Show. Put that in the put that in the coffer. Yeah, wherever you want to go. This person. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note?

Hi, my name is Kristen and despite the fact I'm wearing a Jane shirt so I actually I I opened a show last weekend with a theater in Chicago about the Jane Collective in Chicago.

Oh my God, you knew about it? Yay! We talked about the Jane Collective at our Chicago show two years ago. Fuck yeah, you did. Fuck yeah, you did. So I have the honor of portraying Jodi Parsons, a member of the Jane Collective,

who they provided over 10,000 abortions for women in the 60s and 70s while it was still freaking illegal. And it is such a prescient and timely story. So your high note's an ad for your play? I knew you were gonna say that, love it. No, it is- And I support it. I don't know i'm sorry this occurred to me i'm just talking all of this is to say that in this moment where it is very safe in chicago we still need to be supporting people in the midwest whether that's the chicago abortion fund the midwest coalition

access this needs to be something that's supported and I feel very lucky to be part of a member of an ensemble that is doing this art right now. Thank you, Kristen. God bless. That's great. Here, let's go. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note?

Hi, my name is Leah. I saw you in Chicago last summer. It was a week before my husband deployed. My high note is I'm here with him tonight. He's back from his deployment. Welcome home. Welcome home. My second high note is probably a few weeks ago, there was somebody on the show whose high note was that they worked for TRICARE. So shout out to them. We get their benefits. It's wonderful. They provide a lot of care for our family and doing great work so thank you

hi what's your name what's your high note um my name is josephine and my high note is i finally made it to chicago see one of my oldest friends here shaley um our friendship has gone through three continents from age 10 and now to age 26. So, I'm so excited. Thank you. Hey there, my name is David and I'm here just, first of all, I was here last time you were here and I was a member of the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus.

I was one of the people who sang with you last year. That was such a great thrill. That's great. And my high note is that if all goes well this coming Monday after 18 years of active addiction, I will have five years of sobriety. Congratulations. Congratulations. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? What's happening, John? I'm Robert. This is Ari, and our high note is that we just moved here this week to Chicago. We're both Jews from New York. Hell yeah.

Jews from New York. And we got to see her favorite podcast last night, Celebrity Memoir Book Club, and now we're seeing my favorite podcast tonight, Love It or Leave It. Yeah. So we love this city. Hey, you're welcoming them.

Jews from New York are moving here. That's a compliment. That's a compliment. That's a compliment. Bill, thanks for coming. Hi, what's your name? What's your name? What's your high note? Hi, my name is Beth.

I'm actually here with my brother, sister-in-law, and husband upstairs. My high note is that in the last year, my sister-in-law made my favorite human my niece, saw her through heart surgery, and then introduced me to your show and came here with us all tonight. That's great.

Let's do a couple more. Hi, what is your name and what is your high note? Hi, my name is Gail. I'm from Iowa City, Iowa. And my high note is that I am a mom of six beautiful children, three of whom are trans. And, um, thank you. And as you may know, in Iowa, we have a horrible governor and legislature that have enacted some really horrific, bigoted, transphobic laws targeted at young trans kids.

It was a really rough blow for my youngest, especially, who is in eighth grade. It was a really rough blow for my youngest especially, who is in eighth grade. And our community stepped up in a way that I have never seen anywhere in response to this tragedy. A local church, I'm a Jew, I don't go to church, but a local church called the Unitarian Universalist Society decided to set aside a portion of their facility to have a queer school for these kids, where the kids, yeah. Yeah. And so my kid gets to go get up every day and go do, they're all enrolled in online school, but they get together to do the online school together, to have a little queer community, to build friendship, to feel loved, to use the fucking bathrooms that they need to use.

And it is just an incredibly beautiful thing, and I would like to encourage every community of faith in this country where there are children facing horrific transphobic legislation to walk the walk and really live their faith and put it in action. Well, thank you, and thanks for being such a supportive mom. Let's leave it there. That's a great place to leave it on.

Thank you to everybody who shared a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much

to May of Brandon Johnson, Alice Wedderlin, Clark Jones, and Gillian Flynn. Thank you to the Vic and everybody at the Vic. There are 408 days until the 2024 elections. Thank you, Chicago Vic and everybody at the Vic. There are 408 days until the 2024 elections.

Thank you, Chicago. What a blast. And have a great weekend. Thanks, everybody. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer. And Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer.

Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Poulavi Gunalan, Peter Miller, and Alan Pierre are our writers. Lee Eisenberg produces the show. It's mixed and edited by Evan Sutton. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Bernardo Cerna,

for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Toles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote, for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at youtube.com slash at Love It or Leave It podcast. Do us a favor and subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube,

and don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram and Twitter. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review.