Lovett or Leave It - For Whom the Ballroom Tolls

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

Lindsey Graham gets laid to rest, Donald Trump knocks on wood, and the DNC moves back in with its parents. Guy Branum aces the test to renew his Old Gay license, then Missi Pyle spoils us with stories of Galaxy Quest, fake nipples, and the bear at her wedding. And we can all bear to self-reflect with a round of Second Thoughts.For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail].

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and turn real-time reporting into big-time opportunities. Take your business to a whole new level. Switch to Shopify. Start your free trial today. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from Hollywood. I'm John Lovett, the exact midpoint between Marty McFly and Doc Brown. That sucks.

All right. We've got a great show for you tonight, but first, let's get into it. What a week. Funeral services for the late South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham were held in Washington, D.C. on Tuesday. I've never been Graham's biggest fan,

but I was very moved by the 21 twink salute. Graham's remains were first brought to the Capitol building for a live stream ceremony in the rotunda. Per his wishes, the service was open casket face down. Here's Vice President J.D. Vance honoring Graham in the Capitol. Lindsay Graham told me a story about his time in the house.

And if I repeated exactly what he told me, Darlene, it would be the end of my political career forever. But what I can say is that I was laughing so hard that by the time we got to the next event, I had abdominal cramps. And I was barely able to speak because Lindsay Graham could make anybody laugh. What a heartwarming story. So often gay friendships are fraught because of sexual tension. or unrequited feelings. It's nice to see a positive example.

A funeral service was then held at the National Cathedral, where Trump delivered a beautiful, heartfelt eulogy. Virtually everyone, Republican or Democrat, liked Lindsay. Well, not everybody, but it sounds good. Not everybody. He was a tough cookie, okay? I have to be. I have to veer from this first. He was a tough cookie, darling. Trump didn't specify what kind of cookie, but I think we all know. double-stuffed. Continued Trump.

Our nation needs more men and women like that great person sitting, laying wherever he may be. I think I know where he is and I think he's up there. I think he's watching us. I'm pretty sure of it. He did love to watch, said a jacked sobbing 25-year-old who nobody at the funeral seemed to know. Trump also reminisced about the time he

read off Lindsey Graham's actual phone number after the late Senator pissed Trump off during the 2016 presidential campaign. As you remember, Lindsay and I did not exactly get off to the best of starts. So naturally, I did something that I shouldn't have done. I shared his personal cell phone number with the millions of people that happened to be watching that particular day. As I made a speech, a very important speech. And I remember the number 202, 228, 0292 of 8, 0292 of anybody wants to give it a shot. You call the number. Lindsay Graham answers.

Then you hear Mitch McConnell whispering in the background, tell everybody I'm not here. Because he's dead. Sean Hannity also offered a few words. Lindsay, Mr. President, I'll argue in my mind probably has a heavenly version of Mar-a-Lago. It may even be a little bigger. And I wouldn't be surprised if he added one big,

beautiful ballroom in a arch somewhere on the... the property because he would want to obviously duplicate his dearest friend in life. You, Mr. President. And in Mar-a-Lago heaven, none of the prostitutes are Chinese spies gathering intel on U.S. officials and the prostitute services are free. And you just see one free prostitute who actually like spending time with you. And you don't just have sex. You go to dinner and on little trips and you realize you have a lot in common.

And actually, weirdly, you had the best time just doing an errand together at Home Depot in heaven, buying a big pot. And you decide to hold hands by the pool, and at first it's scary because you know so many people there, Sheldon Adelson, half of diamond and silk, Rush Limbaugh, Charlie Kirk. But everyone is just relieved to see that you're at peace and this dark cloud that's floated above you, your entire life disappears. And you wake up each morning in heaven and have this strange deja vu, or really the opposite of deja vu, reminded of a feeling you don't have.

An urgency, a panic, to do more, fight harder, be known, be essential, be on television, be stride the world like a conqueror, to be big, to leave a mark, to move borders and topple regimes to matter, because you do matter. You matter to your free prostitute, who is not a spy, and who you love and who loves you. And you dance and spin in that big ballroom in the sky. At the wedding you never allowed yourself to imagine.

And everyone is cheering. The cute boy from your reserve unit all those years ago is cheering. Your parents who died when you and your sister were so young are cheering. And then it all melts like wax in your hands into your standing alone in a blackened pit in the desert. And you laugh for the last time. For now you understand the devil,

as he whispers in your ear that you cannot truly no hell without first knowing happiness even for just a moment. The Pentagon also announced that they would be renaming South Carolina's joint base Charleston to joint base Lindsey Graham, or as the base will soon be known, bottom gun. Okay. Welcome to joint base Lindsey Graham, fly boy. Forget what you learned at the academy. We do things a little differently down here. Take those pants off. A man died. Show some respect. Both Israelis. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Ukrainian President Volomir Zelensky came to D.C. for the funeral. Zelensky was there to show gratitude for Graham's support for

Ukraine while Netanyahu was in town to see what an adult-sized casket looks like. Speaking of the devil, you did great, you did great, I know, I understand that's an intense joke, but it's a good joke. Structurally, it's just excellent, wasn't going to get a laugh. We knew that going in. We knew that no one's going to laugh at that joke. It's horrible to think about, but it's good. Speaking of the devil on Sunday, the Wall Street Journal, published a report on unseen footage from director Alex Holder, who had exclusive documentary access to Senator Graham from 2023 until his death, which included this praise for Trump and Netanyahu. He's been a great wartime president. I said last night that Trump and Beebe are like Roosevelt and Churchill. I mean, they're the right two guys to confront this evil.

Roosevelt must be turning over in his grave. And discovering his legs work in there? Awesome. Speaking of grave circumstances, there is new reporting from the New York Times, the bulwark and notice on the dire financial straits of the Democratic National Committee under its chair, Ken Martin. The paper highlights a cash disparity between the two parties, noting that President Trump controls a $400 million super PAC, the Republican National Committee is sitting on nearly

$130 million, while the DNC is $2 million in debt. Sounds like it's time for the Democrats to put on the best damn talent show this town has ever seen. The DNC had to put their physical Washington, D.C., headquarters up as collateral for a $15 million line of credit during 2025's off-year elections. When Ken Martin said, we can't afford to lose the house, I thought he meant of representatives. And as a regressive, I beg you to keep in mind that if they can't pay the money back, the correct term for the Democratic Party is unhoused. The DNC chair also reportedly threw his phone at the desk of a junior staffer he was scolding. Good thing he throws like a little bitch, responded the aide who had previously worked for

Amy Klobuchar. Just to be clear, it is wrong to throw your phone anywhere near a colleague. Apart from the obvious reasons, you shouldn't throw an object you need to retrieve after. You throw a stapler, a binder, a three-hole punch, a copy of the DNC bylaws, laying around. The exchange is over. You storm off. If you throw your phone at somebody, wherever it lands, that's your next stop. Collecting your phone off the ground in embarrassing silence. That's just stupid. And it's wrong to throw your phone. The news has set off renewed calls for Martin to step down. California Congressman Sam LaCardo posted to X, Ken Martin must resign. As Democrats, we have

become too captured by failing strategies. We must fail forward and pivot. The urgency of this moment will not reward and our children will not forgive torpidity. Torpidity, which pretentious Jagoff wrote this? Me? Also, fail forward. That's not a goal. That's just tripping. And news dropped today that the DNC was also scammed out of $29,000 by a fraudster sending emails as Ken Martin. Democrats have asked police to immediately track this guy down so that they can elect him the new DNC chair. Explain to DNC spokesperson, he couldn't answer any of our questions to any degree of satisfaction, so he just thought for sure that's our ken. Speaking of having questions, during a post-screening red carpet interview at the premiere of Spider-Man Brand New Day,

musician Steve Lacey was asked this. Well, the characters in the film you're aware of, and without spoiling anything, who is your favorite or who are you most excited to see? You know what? Mm-hmm. He then spoils the movie. Some fans were pissed, but what's really crazy is that they managed to keep it a secret

that Mitch McConnell has been shooting a Marvel movie this whole fucking time. And finally, the Minnesota town of Louverne is now home to the world's largest nutcracker, which is nearly 66 feet tall. RIP Lindsey Graham, you would have loved imagining the world's largest nuts. All right. We've got a great show for you tonight. And we will be right back.

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And we're back. Guy Brown and will join in just a moment. But first, Cricket has a new show with the producers of The Circus and Left-Rite TV that you'll definitely want to check out before the midterms. It's called Longplay, the six-episode series, hosted by Jen Palmary, Aaron Haynes, and Mitch Landrew is all about the South as the new epicenter of American politics. Each episode will focus on a different state, and the first two are out now at YouTube.com slash at Longplay Series.

And on the Longplay feed, wherever you get your podcast. So just search for a long play and check it out. And if you're in L.A., go to cricket.com slash events to come see us live, along with upcoming guests, including Hamilton's David Diggs, Anthony Michael Hall from the Breakfast Club, comedian Elliot Glazer, and many more. All right. Please welcome to the show, friend of the pod, and an old gay to remember, it's Guy Brannum. Hi, Guy.

Oh, my gosh. This is your first time in the new studio. It's a set. It's very exciting. It is a set. You have a statue of Eagles. That's right, which bought from an estate. sale. Oh, that's lovely.

From a patriotic dead person. Maybe, no, before Lindsay Graham. No, I mean, I would have to imagine that the dead represent a greater percentage of the patriotic than the living these days. Sure. Sure. And they're the only ones who have the estate sales. Yes. So you're doing your one-man show,

Be Fruitful. Yes. At the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Yes. According to the press release, it's about homophobia and fatphobia, falling in love and I quote, the biology and evolution of fruit. Yes. Can I ask you something? Is the fact that you have been, and perhaps remain an official spokesperson for prunes?

Does that factor in? Have you guys recently tried a California pitted prune? It's delicious. It's a sophisticated French treat that you never think to indulge in, and it's delicious. But yes. You know what? This is the problem in politics, because whatever guy really feels, the prune money got to him. All right?

And now it's all prunes all the time with this guy. Um, first of all, my love of prunes is sincere and is a lifelong love. I come from a little town in northern California that grows a lot of peaches and prunes. And so that did make me, like, think about fruit more than I should and also led to my relationship with the California Prune Board. But, and also, who wrote this press release? Because it's not really about homophobia. The show is basically just saying, like, I'm a gay guy, so I'm not going to have children.

Like, I am a very fat person, so I'm not what you're supposed to look for in genetics. and, you know, if I, you know, there's not really a religion that wants gay people. Like, if I exist outside of evolution and religion, what is the purpose of my existence? And I go on a 55-minute journey through that. And also, there are some stops along the way to talk about fruit. Well, that sounds just lovely, guy. And it really is. You know what I wanted to ask you?

I was thinking about you coming on the show, and you've been on this show many times. Yes. It's not even a countable number of times at this point. It's water in an ocean. What was the very first time you did stand up? The first time I ever did stand up was at the One World Cafe in San Francisco, my last year at Berkeley. And the cafe always had a good audience because Robin Williams, when he would go on talk shows, real talk shows, he would, he would promote random open mics in San Francisco so that people would show up for the rest of the year. And so it was like a really lovely experience.

And I was so scared, I was so scared my knee wouldn't stop bouncing the entire time. And it was, I loved it so much. Thank you for bringing that memory back. Well, what's why, the reason I was thinking about it is because I was thinking about you doing your show. And I was thinking about the, the intelligence and confidence that you have always carried yourself with, despite being a gay person in a shape that is often frowned upon in both religion and the community. Yes. And I was thinking, oh, I wonder what it would have been like to see guy as a nervous kid getting up there because it's hard to conceive. And I imagine they're.

people that might want to try doing something on stage and they would see someone like you with the level of aplom and confidence and fast-talking Jewishness you bring to the exercise and think, I, that could never be me and yet. Well, no, for my first two years of stand-up, everyone would just be like, I think of you more as a writer. You should be a writer. Like, it was very much sort of like you're bad at performing. And then eventually I became so good at performing that I became a terrible writer.

Like, really irresponsible because I could get by on charm. The Hollywood Dream, by the way. There's not a writer in this time. moved here for two reasons. To have a house with a pool and to stop writing. That's the two goals. It's very true. So you also, by the way, people should know this.

You emceed the rehearsal of our wedding. And we've put a moratorium on wedding conversations because just we've talked about it. But I will just want to say you do something amazing, right? Because you're a big dude. Yes. And you are walking around a room full of people asking questions, pestering people. And you do it with, there's not a, there's not a, there's, there's not a tiniest bit of like intimidation in how you talk to people.

And that's an interesting quality that I think you don't, like when I think of the list of things you would say about you, right, funny, smart, first and second. But you would never say, you would never say like, oh, wow, he's a big guy, but he is so lovable that there's not an ounce of the scale does not intimidate a single person from the, from the older aunts to the, to the, to the shy co-worker. et cetera. That's shocking to me because my goal

is to be as terrifying as possible. But I think part of it was just I, like that wedding was such a beautiful view of UNR.E. Through the people who love you most and I was just so fascinated to learn about everyone who was there that I was just excited to get to know them

and then getting to see, yeah, like getting to see everybody who got up there and tore you guys apart. It was so much fun. It was a bit of a roast. Genuine interest in people. I've never experienced it

and it's so interesting to observe. from afar. You were nominated for an Emmy for writing on hacks? I was. I write on the television program, hacks. Thank you. The most nominations, 24 for a comedy ever. I know. It's very

exciting. We tore it up on best guest actress in a comedy. We got five of the seven nominations. Wait, that's crazy. I didn't know that. Yes. Two of them from the episode that I co-wrote, very exciting. Leslie Bibbon Cherry Jones, I am pulling for them. But it's

them, Lauren Weidman, Lori Metcalf and Caitlin Olson. And it's just an array of amazing talents. And it is one of those situations of like, how are you going to pick one of those to win? How are you going to pick? I feel like there were two kinds of schools. There were the schools where there was going to be one valedictorian.

And it was a winner take-all situation. And there were the schools that said the kids don't compete. Everyone can achieve a certain threshold. And then we'll have several valedictorians. And I feel like we need that spirit with awards. because there are some years where it's like, I don't know, the shape of water, I guess. And then there's years where there's like

four movies that in any other year would be the best picture, same with Amis. Back in the 70s, in the Tonys, they would just be like, there are no best supporting or best featured actresses this year. There's just like, no one's good enough really this year. And it was kind of funny. As someone who was the only valedictorian of their class,

I like it when there's only one. Wow. You were the valedictorian? It was a high school of 60, or it was 300 people. graduating class was 60 people in the second highest. This is back when SATs were out of 1600. The second highest SAT score in my class was a 1040. Wow. And that's where you're from. That's where I'm from. A place where you grow peaches and prunes. Don't need to know a bunch of

algebra to grow a prune. Well, that's what that's what Stalin thought? And then then all of a sudden you're like, what if we doubled a wheat? What if there's no fuck a wheat? That's the thing about Stalin and planting the things too close together and then blaming... Kuulaks. You blame Kulaks. Fuck, you got there first. Those are the bourgeoisie farm owners. You blame them.

It's important that you guys know that John and I were on a quiz show with each other like a week and a half ago. And neither of us are more alive than when we are intellectually competing. And we were so beautifully evenly matched that neither of us were happy. Yes. Yes, we just walked out in sort of a sort of a... silence. Good to see you. I guess I'll see you in a couple weeks. It had been really fun though.

We had a great time. It was a lighthearted little video podcast and by the end it was like it was like the World Cup. Like we're flopping, we're yelling, we're like calling out the refs. We're questioning the rules of the question. Can there be a yellow card in this fucking thing? Yes.

Now you also have been hosting a series called Old Gays Remember. Yes. Would you explain classic pop culture that is something that is sort of intrinsic to your upbringing and understanding of the world, but would be completely unfamiliar to say someone under 25. Right.

What is your favorite example of something that you can't believe people don't know about? Oh, okay. Can't believe people don't know about it. I would say the best thing was just that Stonewall happened the night of Judy Garland's funeral. And like there's a lot of gay politics around do we want to say that these things are related?

Does it make us look frivolous to say that these things are related? But, like, I think the fact that the two things synchronized is important and should be known. And I think it says something really important about gay politics and the way that it is intrinsically linked to culture. Yeah, I mean, if Kid Rock died on January 6th, I think people would be like, yeah, I think it's related. Yeah. When you think about it. But the thing that was most amazing to me is that some things, that aren't so obviously, transparently, queer have had such resonance.

Most specifically, I did a video about 1980s sitcom actress Anne Gillian, who no one remembers, but she was basically Kim Cottrell before Kim Cottrell. And a friend of mine from Toronto was like, I just had to explain who An Jillian was to a 27-year-old. You have to make a video. And then I did, and people went crazy for it. And I just have to be the kind of gay who remembers that Kim Cottrell's best performance in her career was in Star Trek 6

on Discovered Country. I mean, she played Lieutenant Savick. God damn. Yeah. No, she wasn't Savick. No, wait, no, but who did, why wasn't she Savick? Tell the people.

Okay, because in Star Trek 2, the wrath of Khan, what's her name from Cheers? Kirstie Ali played Lieutenant Savick, and then her career became too big, and then they replaced her with a different Savick in Star Trek 3, and then they basically made the character again for Kim Cottrell in Undiscovered Country.

But they didn't keep the name. They didn't keep the name. They didn't keep the name. But it was meant to be for Kirstie Alley, who I think was having like a drug issue at the time. There was something about that that went into it. Narcanon was how she got into Scientology. You guys, this is what that whole game show was like.

Speaking of games, it's time for a quiz we're calling Ye Old Gay News. Yep. Here's how it works. I'm going to quiz you on some gay history. Okay. And let's see if this old gay remembers. Okay. What colorfully named societal panic, which ran alongside the Red Scare,

saw between 5,000 and 10,000 gay men and lesbians fired or forced to resign from their federal jobs throughout the 1950s? Largely the State Department, because we love to help people get together. That was the Lavender Panic. That was the Lavender Panic. The Lavender Scare will accept it. It was kicked off by, just the Lavender Scare was kicked off by Dwight D. Eisenhower, who signed an executive order adding sexual perversion as a disqualifying factor for receiving government secure. requirements and effectively barring

LGBTQ people from federal jobs. Next up, founded in 1950 by Harris Hayes and the homosexuals of L.A. This early pivotal gay rights organization was named after French Renaissance mask dancing, which secret fraternities of unmarried men would don mask and dance for the equinox. That is the Matasheen Society.

That is correct. Some Madachine members would go to straight bars, announce that they were gay, and then once they were denied service, sue the bar for discrimination. How did that work out in the 50s? Well, not particularly well. There was a name for these demonstrations.

Oh, what? Sippins. Oh, that's fun. That's cute. Sippins, huh? The gays were clever back then, too. Yep. You know, sipins.

When you think about it. Fill in the blank, the first lesbian organization in the United States founded in San Francisco in 1955 was named the Daughters of Blank, after a fictional contemporary of Sappho created by French poet Pierre Lee. It is called The Daughters of Belitis, but on the episode of Designing. women where

Suzanne found out that her old beauty pageant friend was a lesbian they called it Sisters of Sappho and I think that's a much better name. That is a better name. It was too heady of a name. Genuinely, like, I was worried that I wasn't sure what level these questions.

That is a hard question. That is a hard question. And some of these are multiple choice and he's just calling it out before we get to the choices. Who is the, let's see, this is, name the gay Jewish sexologist who had a German Institute for Sexual Science looted in its books, many of which explored gender and sexuality,

burned by the Nazis in 1933. Unfortunately, I didn't watch that season of Transparent. Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld. Oh, okay. I should have remembered that. I've read that enough. Last question. But if you talk to me about a German Jewish sexologist, I just want to talk about Dr. Ruth Restheimer, you know?

Yeah, final question. What is Cher's full birth name? It's Cheryl Lynn Sarkesian? You got it. You got it. You got it. According to Cher's mother, she was debating between Cheryl and Sherrillin

and forgot which one she actually put on Cher's first certificate. Everybody, if you check out Be Fruitful in Edinburgh from August 5th to the 31st and head to at Guy Branham on Instagram for tickets. Thank you guys. Good to see you. And we'll be right back. Thank you for having me.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It. Coming up. This episode is sponsored by the International Rescue Committee. Today, millions of children in conflict zones like Sudan and Gaza are fighting just to survive. Beyond the constant threat of hunger, they are facing severe water shortages and are cut off from even the most basic health care. That's why we want to tell you about the important work being done by the International Rescue Committee. They're on the ground at some of the most vulnerable places in the world, helping families access food, medical care, clean water, and support for new moms and babies. They even train local health workers,

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And we're back. My next guest puts the character and character actress. Oh, and also the actress, please welcome. Missy Pyle. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Come on in. Hi, it's nice to see you. Thank you.

Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. So, you're in a new show. I'm in a new show. About a 17-year-old who inherits an island in Canada. Boy, that's a dream. I mean, can you imagine? She's like, at home, and this lawyer comes and it's like, you have this grandfather.

She didn't even know she had. She's like a mystery granddad who died and left her an island. Wow. That would change everything. It would be so nice. You know, yeah, I don't have no. All my grandparents left me, they didn't leave me anything. They didn't leave me a dollar.

Oh. Yeah. A little bits of, you know, kind of, we got like kind of classic Jewish jewelry, you know, passed down. I got some like, like Dutch, like little shoes that you put on the counter. Oh. How is it. Are you Dutch?

No. Weird. And the show is called Sterling Point. It's called Sterling Point. Is that the name of the island? That's the name of the island. Wow. And they go, and they're adopted from birth, and their adoptive mother died when they were two.

And so their dad never told them about this grandfather. And so the lead character, which is played by the incredible actress, this incredible actress named Ella Rubin. And actually, Mark Ruffalo is her, I'm sorry, Keene Ruffalo, Mark Ruffalo's son plays her brother. So the two of them end up at the island. And, yeah, then they find out all kinds of twists. in turns, mostly from my character. Yeah. Cool.

Yeah, my character is this, like, really, really rich, uh, um, real estate mogul, and I own a lot of the island. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like evil and of green gables. Right. Basically. Yeah.

And you played a horny divorcee on Stop That Train. We did that together. Yeah. You were both in Stop That Train. Yeah. We were queer icons. Yeah. Yes, we really are.

Yes, my character's name was horny divorcee. I was like, does she have a name? And he was like, no, she's horny divorcee. So I was like, okay. Huh. I'm trying to think of, what's it? Like, because when I was growing up, there was an old lady named Horty. Sure.

Horty Shmere. Do you think Horty was horny? She didn't seem horny. She didn't seem horny. She seemed really focused on making sure the camp was fun for the kids. But I don't know what she in Huy Schmear got up to at night. Yeah, you never know what they It might have been horny.

At night, she wasn't ever horny, hoardy in my presence. She was more kind of like, to be honest, like, your motherly. Was she a hoarder? No. She was hoorty. Horty, horty. Horny, horty, horny, horty. Right, that's right.

Yeah, something like that. Was there a prep? Because you have a nip slip in Stop That Train. Yes. One of the most historic nipslips in the history of film, really. Thank you. It's iconic. And what was the prep like for that?

The prep was that we came in and they had a, bunch of different nipples to try on. And some of them were too big and some of them were too small and some of them were just right. But then we ended up not using that because ultimately it didn't look enough like a real nipple. So it's, I believe it's a CGI nipple. It's quite large. So interesting. And was there any discussion and pardon me for the question if it's inappropriate in some way? Why not just throw your nipple out there? Well, because the whole gag is that She was so dumb. I'm just like, oh, you know, it accidentally falls out.

And then Drew Drogey goes, that woman's got a giant nipple. Oh, I mean. You say no more. Thank you. Unless you want to say more. But also, I'm shocked. I would think if anybody could do practical nipple work, it would be the people behind RuPaul's drag race.

And I'm stunned because it looks so real. I thought it was practical. Right? Yeah. It's beautiful. Well, I think they thought that the big, big, big one was going to be too big and it would be ridiculous. So they put one on that wasn't

that big and it didn't really seem like a giant nipple. I'm not saying it wasn't actually let me rewind. It was actually just not quite big enough. Oh, because I mean, I would say as far as that film goes, oh no, if the nipples too big, nobody's

going to take this seriously. I also, one of my favorite moments in it is that I have I eat some cherries and my mom, Loram, whatever, and then I pull out, all the cherry stems, you know, anybody tie one in a knot? Yeah, so I pull it out and it says, I'm horny in cursive. Wow, and that's horny, people.

That's horny, yeah. Now, I did want to ask you about something, which is you appeared on the dog whisper with Cesar Milan. Yes. Are you fascinated with Cesar Milan? Yes, as someone who has been told by Hallie Kiefer, the head writer of this show, that I'm in a Finn Dom relationship with a golden doodle. You are, you. I am interested in the tips about, because he just goes,

and then the dogs go, shh, and when I go, shh, nothing happens. What was your experience like? Well, first of all, I was married to a guy at the time who had a grizzly bear as the best, that was the best man at our wedding, which is, was that a question you were going to ask? No, no, I will get to that. No, but I'm happy to hear about this. So we were living in Montana, and we did this, like, Caesar came to the house, and I lived in this geodome

and what I remember about Caesar is he's like, he was such an interesting guy and like this was a while ago but still you could text and be on your phone and the entire time he was at my house he was just staring me right in the face. You know?

He never broke eye contact with me and at one point I was like, he said something and I was like, well you're making me nervous and he said well I'm trying to get you to calm down He's like your dogs are sensing your energy So I mean I don't know a whole lot about you But I do think that we might have something like that in common

That you probably are running on a really high energy Do you think And that the dogs were just sort of like They need you to be calm and firm And it was crazy I had this dog Ellie and she would attack female dogs That was her thing She was like a mutt rescue

you. And she had even like fallen off the cliff at the Hollywood sign. I had to have her legs, like the bones fused and rebuilt. She was in cast for like two years. And she was a bruiser bitch. I mean, she loved to go and get her some get on a female. But if there was a male dog, even a chihuahua, she would totally demure. So not really that girl's girl. Yeah. No, not really. And I could not. And I had another dog named JJ who was a Dalmatian. It was really big. And they just, they were, I was, I remember crying at the time thinking, I remember there was one time we were. I was walking in my, in my neighborhood. I used to live in Beechwood. And they both had them on the leash. They were both probably about 70 pounds. And they jerked away from me and ran and, like, killed a squirrel immediately. That's funny to you. Could be worse.

And I remember thinking, oh, my God, I sobbed on the street. I thought, I'm going to be 45 and still have these asshole dogs. And now I'm older than that. And they've passed. but they were, um, he, when he walked in the room, they just, like, he went on a walk, they stood behind, they walked behind him. They'd never had, like, I took them to, like, Canyon Ranch to train them. I took them to places. Well, that's for people to do yoga. I think, I think that's your problem. That's for, that's where, that's where divorcees have cottages for a week to restart their lives.

It's a slightly different one, but probably they branched out. Oh, different Canyon Ranch. This was a while ago. I don't know if it's still there. There's one for dogs. Wow. You know, I think you should have maybe sent that, that female dog to Brynmore to learn about some feminism so that she could support other female dogs. That's true, yeah. What a bitch. Now, as you said, you were married to Casey Anderson, is a naturalist and a filmmaker, and you did have a grizzly bear cub in your...

Now, can we just show some of these pictures? Yeah. These are not Photoshop. They're not Photoshop. Can we show another? I mean, are you kidding? Are you kidding? So that room is, there's a sanctuary there, and they have, like,

they have to go inside at night. So they had like three big enclosures for the bears. And behind the bear is a door that goes to those enclosures. But yeah, he's just right there. There's Grizzly Greg on the left. Now that TikTok is around, I think he's like got a big presence. And Amy who lived there. So can we, do we have any more of the photos?

Yeah. It's him in a hot tab with a bear. Yeah. I thought it was hot. Right. So interesting. Hey, do you remember the Revenant? Leo makes getting eaten by a bear seem terrible in that film.

Yeah. Well, I remember, I asked my friend Christine to be my maid of honor, and she was like, I'm, I just hope that I'm not walking down the aisle with a bear and I'm on my period. Right, because I remember the film The Edge with Alec Baldwin and Anthony Hopkins, and a character in that film gets eaten by a bear because he has a little cut-offs leg. Exactly. And that sets really the, that's sort of the thing that sets off the whole film about the fight between man and bear and man.

And man and man. This was the edge, too, my wedding. And so, you know, did you have any cult feat? Oh, yeah. I mean, a week beforehand, I was like, this is a terrible idea. And then I did it anyway. But, and my friend Christine also was like, I just feel like you're marrying a man who can't find a human to be his best man. Right. That's such an interesting second order concern.

It's like my, like, because you might meet somebody and they might be the person for you, and maybe they don't have a lot of good friends. You say, oh, that's a little bit of a red flag. Separately, if there's also a fucking bear, you're not like, ugh. He was like, well, the bear's my best friend. And I was like, okay. And then what you don't see is there's a line of like hot wire, but like a thin line that was never on. It was never on. And I think that might have been the day that it was the first time I got. a high five from Brutus. And it was so, like, I've seen him give Brutus a high five many times.

So when he did to me, my arm was like, chabong. And I was like, oh, this is a grizzly bear. Right. And he did get eaten by the bear? Yes. And that's how the marriage ended? Wish. No, I'm kidding.

No, he's not, no. It just was, uh, did you ever say something like, I'll tell you what's grizzly, dinner with my in-laws? You're a try material out like that when you were on the bear? lot. The bear was... I love my in-laws. You do?

Mm-hmm. Oh, that's nice. I just want to say that because I had that joke there about the grizzly in-laws. Oh, I see. Okay. They're great.

We were just new to being in-laws, so I don't want to fuck it up this early on. How long have you been married? A couple months. Oh, wow. So I got to see, I want to keep it nice and good for a while. Yeah. You know, it definitely, I guess.

I mean, indefinitely? Yeah. That's a good plan. Yeah. Yeah. Just be yourself. Was there any moment when the relationship was ending where he thought, and obviously the bear will come with me.

I mean, it would be kind of fun to bring the bear back to Los Angeles. I have to imagine Montana divorces involve a lot of bear custody issues. Thank you, Missy Pyle. We come back, we're going to talk more about, we're going to really quiz people about the various shenanigans I've been in.

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What can we do about it? And how do we keep going? This is a space for clarity, strategy, and hope rooted in action, not denial. New episodes of assembly required drop Tuesdays. Tune in wherever you get your podcast and on YouTube. When it's time to scale your business, it's time for Shopify. Get everything you need to grow the way you want. Like all the way.

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But I want to now look backwards because you have been, like, first of all, we've had a lot of great actors on the show that have had incredibly varied career. The current count on your IMDB is 211 appearances. You have been in 211 things. I mean, I guess that's... That's a lot. That's a lot. Like, you've been like, like, you have been hustling for, since, from the... Seriously.

It's true. I mean, I have been trying for a long time. No, but, like, to have been, like, consistently working for the better part of 30 years, basically. Yeah, except for the time that I moved to Montana. With the bear. But that was a different kind of work. work. Well, it's time for was I in this.

Yay. All right, here we go. First up, Missy gave Tony Shaluban out of this world kiss as alien Laliari, Laliari, in 1999's Galaxy Quest, true or false. Like, I completely forgot about it, and then you said it, and then what an indelible image that was. You were amazing in that movie. Thank you very much.

It was such an incredible. I mean, it was ridiculous. It was like my first movie, and Stephen Spiel. came to the set because it was made by DreamWorks, and they realized that they didn't have another woman. I was only supposed to be in a couple of scenes. So that whole thing came because Stephen was like, oh, let's make her part bigger, which, I mean, when does that ever happen? Well, what if that's such a funny 1999 thing, which is like, it's like, you know, oh, Hollywood's made so much progress, but Stephen Spielberg comes to set. He's like, ah, we forgot to have the women talk. Come on, guys.

We forgot to have the women talk. And I don't talk. I mean, I don't talk. I mean, I, I really don't. But you're amazing. Galaxy Quest, I feel like I've been an evangelist for Galaxy Quest since it came out because, just to be honest, I think because it starred Tim Allen and it was in the home improvement era, everyone thought like, oh, it's Tim Allen. Like, he's not, like, it's not, it's like something, it's like, it's like sitcomy. And like, no, Galaxy Quest is one of the best comedies of like the last 30 years.

Well, so Harold Ramos was initially going to direct it and he wanted Kevin Klein. And then when they wanted Tim Allen, he was like, I won't do this. from my understanding. It could be bullshit. But, and then Tim Allen is so perfect. He's so perfect because he is this like washed up TV actor and who is all the sudden like being like taken on a journey.

Like you're the captain. Come save us. And he rises to the occasion. Also giving Sigourney Weaver slightly not enough to do is amazing. Because she takes that role and she does stuff with it that no one else would. Yeah. She's like, I have just nothing to do but to repeat the computer. And at one point, Darrell Mitchell is like, that's really annoying.

She's got, I've got one job on this ship. It's stupid, but I'm going to do it. What was Alan Rickman like on that during that movie? Alan Rickman is like, you know, here's one of the things that when you're on a big movie set and you're with big stars, lunch happens, they go straight to their trailers, right? So the rest of them would go. Tim would go, Sigourney would go, Sam Rock. They would all go to their trailers, but Alan would go get his lunch and come sit with the Thermians.

It was so sweet. He's great in that movie too. And he's so great and he's just a kind human being. And then like I went to, I don't think he thought of himself necessarily as like a big star. And he was such an open kind person. And I do think it would drive him crazy because Tim Allen and Daryl Mitchell and Sam Rock,

well, It would be like rolling where they would roll the sound, speed, right before you're about to take, and then someone would go, like one of them would just do a fart noise, you know? And Alan, Alan would just be like, oh, for God's sake. It's funny that everybody was their character. I mean, that is, you have, like, you have, you know, Sigourney Weaver playing this sort of flusies type character, annoyed about Alan Rickman, this series, Shakespearean actor, Tim Allen, a TV. That's so funny how much it mirrored what they were all like. Such a good film.

And the film is written, I believe the screenplay is written by Robert Gordon. And it was originally written by somebody else and they wanted a new screenplay. And Robert Gordon, he didn't even read the first script. They just gave him the story and he came up with it. And I think, if you haven't seen it, is truly one of the most infinitely watchable movies. Like almost every scene is perfect. Next question. Missy played tax lawyer turned dodgeball player.

Kate Vayevich and Ben Stiller's Dodgeball, a true underdog story, true or false? False. That was Christine Taylor. You played Franz Delaunoskovich, Davidovich. You guys, say, wait, say more time?

France, Delauscovich, Davidovichke. Wow. You just threw it away. From Romanovia. Yeah, from Romanovia. Romanovia, yeah. That's also, I also like that idea of like a, is that a made-up place? Sounds like a made-up place.

Yeah, it's totally made-up. Initially, when I read it, you know, in the first version, she was a robot. And then they had this, like, scene where you meet her. And, like, remember those old, it was like an old cartoon, maybe from the Looney Tunes where, like, you know, the woman would, you'd go up her legs and then be the sexy music. And it's like, ram, you see a nice butt and nice boobs. And then her face, you go, ah! And that was kind of the idea.

Like, oh, man, you know, that was her. Remember that? That was good. I like that. That's who I am on the inside. That. Like sort of you were, and so like in multiple different things it was like,

like we need someone that is hot, but also maybe a little weird and then a little weirdly hot. Get me Missy Pyle. I couldn't book anything straight to save my life. Like anything that was like a romantic lead. I mean, I tried really hard and I never, like I tried,

I auditioned for party of five. Remember that? Like those shows like, like, I don't know, 25 times. They never cast me. It was just too weird. And if it was weird, I was like, I get it. I understand it.

They'd be like, don't do that thing with your eyes, you know? And I was like, I'm just being me, you know. This town. Hollywood. Here's another question. Missy played the first lady on a little sitcom called 1600 Penn. True or false?

Wow, just deafening silence. Not fans of the one season hit failure, 1600. How do you know about this show? Created by multi-hyphenate John Lovett. That's actually false, as you all know. Missy played Secret Service agent Sarah Harlan. Yes, you remember that?

I loved it. It was so cool. What are some of your favorite memories from 1600 of Ben? Just kind of being like this, you know. Yeah, I mean, It was fun. You don't remember a thing about it.

It's so long. I do remember playing the character. I remember Josh Gad, Jason Weiner, who I actually did, did he direct that episode? Yeah. Yeah. So Jason Weiner and I had done two improv pilots

that were so fun and one of them got picked up by, I think it was, you know, Disney, whoever owned Disney. Somebody had just bought Disney. And then it got picked up that day and then they canceled it by the afternoon

because Disney had... Hollywood. Said, forget it, yeah. Final question. True or false, Octavia Spencer struck Missy Down as the villainist Dr. Eve Lienie on Disney's The Wizards of Waverly Place. True or false?

False. However, Octavia Spencer did run Missy Down with her car as the titular villain in the 2019 horror film, Ma! This also, to me, is up there in the pantheon of great parts of a movie where somebody gets hit by a car. And I do want to show you what I do believe is the current leader in the genre. And it is from the film Meet Joe Black.

Do you remember that? Vaguely. Guy, do you remember that? Is that real? No. I mean, is it real? Like, is it? Yeah, that was Brad Pitt.

That's when Brad Pitt died. No. Is that in that, I did not last all two hours of Meet Joe Black. So I will just say, if that, you made it. that far. Maybe you've blocked it out, but that is the inciting incident of the movie. Oh, really? Thereafter, he's a different person and he starts just, he's death himself

and does use, soon after this, a Jamaican accent. Oh. Yeah, the 90s. It's okay, because he's a character. Is that really a Jamaican? For a part of it, just in a scene that comes. That's insane. All right, but did you ask, Missy, that many questions about her career and not mention the best picture

that she was in? Why don't, I was going to get there next, but why don't you do it? You were in the artist. It's in the artist. That's amazing, like, what? Does anybody know about the artist? The silent film was Jean-Dur-Din, well, John Dujerdin and Michael Hasnifis.

What an amazing use of your skills. Like, what an amazing use of, like, as somebody, like, in that scene from Ma, like, beautiful, gorgeous woman, but, like, with personality enough that, like, memorable and you identify it and, like, putting you in something where you had to play a silent film actress, I just think was brilliant. I love you so much What's really interesting I was in Montana

living in the Geodome I'd come back to do like maybe I don't know maybe I'd done 13600 pen Sorry And I was in town and I got this audition And I was like What is this?

And I went into audition for The wife of Jean de Jordant Who's the main character It's about tap dancing And he's like a Hollywood star Who sort of collapses It's a beautiful film. But, I mean, nobody thought this film was going to do anything, right?

And there were no dialogue. And then I get there, and I was auditioning for his wife, the character that Penelope Ann Miller ended up playing. And I get there, and I stand in the room, and I'm like, but, you know, doing my audition, and I'm like, okay, here we go. And I start, I was like, and the castend, it was like, no, you can talk. We're just not going to record the dialogue.

And I was like, oh, okay, because I was... And what's ironic, and then I get to work, I think I'm playing the wife. Like, you're playing the actress. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm an actor. I was like, what are they doing? I mean, they're calling me an actor. And I get there, and I'm not playing that part. But because there were no lines to learn, I didn't have to...

I just played a different character. What a dream. It was crazy. It was crazy. No, except for there was one day, there's a moment in the film where I'm acting, because my character made, my character actually is named Constance Zimmer, who's a friend of mine, this other amazing actress, Constance Zimmer. And she's married to John Goodman, and at one point, the director of Michael Hazannavis, comes to me, just like, Missy, we need you to do the

Shakespearean monologue from Romeo and Juliet. And I was like, and this is like, after lunch, and I was like, okay, I'm doing a silent movie. And now you're asking me to just, for, like, like from the top of my head do the, oh, Romeo, Romeo, where far out that? Which is, everybody knows that monologue. So I had to, I was in my, I was in the, like, you're not trying to learn Shakespeare. Isn't that crazy?

Oh, dumb. Hollywood. Hollywood. Thank you, Missy and Guy. We'll be right back. And we're back. Now it's time to end our evening with a segment we call, Second Thoughts.

Missy and Guy, the show's producers have handed me a list of things I said or did tonight that they think I shouldn't have said or done. we're going to see if we agree with them. Also, if you have any second thoughts from this evening, now is the time. This is the point where we think, even in the last hour, were there things that we would have done differently? Have we changed and grown while being here? You know?

I'll go first. I accidentally wrote that novel about Lindsay Graham's Mar-a-Lago Heaven, which you all sat through silently. Nope, I stand by it. That was good stuff. I shouldn't have said that the base would be bottom-gun. I should have said, bottom gun. I said it goes without saying that it's wrong to throw your phone at someone after saying it

two to three times. I think that's good comedy. I accuse Guy of being beholden to Big Prune. Hey, that's just you acknowledging political realities. Yeah, that's just how I'm just, you know, coo bono, you know, follow the money. I admit at least she didn't call you a Big Prune. Right.

You Big Prune. Look. That's something that Blanche would call Dorothy on Golden Girls. Shut up, you big prune, you slut, you whore. We're friends. I'm visibly very ripe. If in any point in time of the GLP1 drugs work enough that I do get wrink leave, then we can call me a big prune.

Right. So we're still living in the plum zone. We're still in the plum zone. I admitted to my lack of interest in other people on the talk show that I host. I sounded to surprise that Guy was valedictory. I brought Stalin into this. Pretty long Star Trek tangent, huh? How dare that?

How dare they? Get out of here. Where's my phone? Throw your phones at yourselves. Missy, I responded to your description of your new show with Cool. You did. You didn't ask any follow-up questions. I did.

I did. I asked, is that the name of the island? It's a really. really fun show. It's a great show. Sterling Point. On Amazon Prime. Getting an island, finding out new things. You play a real estate moger? At one point, I take a

balloon and I suck the helium out and sing a song. Wow. Sort of getting typecast with also what you did during when you played the horny divorcee. Basically. So it's interesting to think about that. I said the words, why not just throw your own nipple out there? Yeah. It's 2026.

Oh, good news. you get a, this is a rare thing. There's a kudos here. That's when, that's when a rare kudos and it is simply not for me. It is for you, Missy Pyle. Cudos for Missy, correctly diagnosing that Lovett's anxiety is the problem with his dog. I mean, I, honestly, it is. Yeah. I showed you getting hit by a car in Ma. Yeah. Was that an intro, what's that day like? Um, it's pretty great, you know, uh, and I think the song that they play, after that got nominated for best song in a movie. And at one

point my daughter, I think she was, so she's born in 2015, and I was watching the video that my friend who Tate Taylor's director sent to me and she's looking over my shoulder as I see her speaking in by a car. And she starts to cry and I was like, oh, that was not as great of a parenting move as I could have.

But it was fun. There was a dummy dressed up like me. I think I have some pictures of I didn't bring them, of course, but of me and the dummy. And that's our show. Thank you so much to Guy, Guy Brad and Missy Pyle. There are 97 days until the midterms. We'll be back Friday with David Diggs and Anthony Michael Hall.

Thank you all so much for being here. Have a good night. Love it or Leave it is a crooked media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Hallie Keeper, Sarah Lazarus, Roman Borsolino, Peter Miller, David, Tolls, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Percell, and Matt DeGroote. And our staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East. In moments like these, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and even easier to feel powerless. But we are neither.

I'm Stacey Abrams, and on my podcast, Assembly Required, I take on each executive action, legislative battle, and breaking news moment by asking three questions. What's really happening? What can we do about it? And how do we keep going together? This is a space for clarity, strategy, and hope, rooted in action, not denial.

New episodes of Assembly Required, drop Tuesdays. Tune in wherever you get your podcast and on YouTube.