Lovett or Leave It - Forbidden Flute

Episode Date: October 1, 2022

Lovett Or Leave It likes it hot with the arrival of Blonde’s own Marilyn Monroe (Kel Cripe) to Los Angeles’ Dynasty Typewriter theater. Stephen Merchant and Josh Barro debate whether the U.K. should Truss Liz. Demi Adejuyigbe uncovers whether politician tattoos are only skin deep. Will Rollins, currently running in California’s 41 district, ponders the Venn Diagram of Palm Springs’ vibrant gay community and its even more vibrant senior community, and the Rant Wheel returns to reveal the devastating truth about tall men’s clothing brands. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast. 

Good evening, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live or Else. We have got a great show for you this week. Future Congressman Will Rollins is here steven merchant and josh barrow are here we're going to talk about a britain named liz the ghost of marilyn monroe is here tough booking and she takes umbrage with the phrase blondes have more fun demia did you ebay is here and he thinks tattoos are cool and therefore politicians with tattoos are also cool plus the rant wheel but first let's get into it what a week i want to tell you all something which is this exactly we're experimenting with a teleprompter and i'm excited about it we'll

see how it goes i just couldn't take the videos of me looking at cards anymore. However, we're discovering the thing that we discovered the last time we tried this, which was a long time ago, which I forgot about. I don't know what to do with my other hand. I've been holding cards in a hand for five years, and now this hand is loose. That feels wrong, too.

I think this is... We'll see how it goes. Well, it's official. Queen Elizabeth II has died of old age, according to her newly released death certificate, so I'd like to issue a correction. I didn't know the full story when I reported that she went down in a hail of gunfire

during a meth lab heist. We regret the error. It's the second best way for a monarch to go, but enough about the French Revolution. Lieutenant Governor John Fetterman responded to Tucker Carlson after the Fox News analyst claimed Fetterman's fake little tattoos are not real. The Pennsylvania Senate hopeful

addressed Carlson's rant and explained how each tattoo commemorates someone who lost their life to violence, and the latest one he's getting is in memory of Dr. Oz after Fetterman absolutely bodies him in November. During comments made Thursday from FEMA headquarters about Tropical Storm Ian, President Biden warned gas and oil executives this. I also want to say again to the oil and gas

executives, do not, do not, do not use this storm as an excuse to raise gasoline prices or gouge the american public i appreciate that biden talks to gas and oil executives in the same tone i used to talk to pundit which is trying to pull a piece of chicken out of the trash don't do it i'm looking right at you according to a new book by Maggie Haberman, then-President Donald Trump once came very close to firing Jared and Ivanka from the White House via tweet. That's still better than his first plan for firing Ivanka over a romantic candle at dinner. Haberman also detailed several examples

of Trump's homophobic and transphobic behavior over the decades. It's always the people you most expect. For example, in the early days of the AIDS crisis, Trump called reporters to see if people he'd shaken hands with were gay. What an ally. He was worried he might give them syphilis. In Trump's defense, this was the only way to find out if people were gay back then, before Instagram.

You meet someone, you think he's being flirty, but you're not sure, you call the New York Times. Haberman also reports that Trump saw the COVID-19 pandemic as an event that was unfair to him personally, saying, can you believe this happened to me? Obviously, we judge, but who among us in the last two years, when having a postponed a birthday party for the third time, didn't at one point say that. And I would judge him, but why is this happening to me is the same thing I thought when Trump made a full recovery from COVID.

Yeah. In another anecdote, Trump allegedly asked about bombing drug labs in Mexico since he was confused by Assistant Secretary for Health Brett Giroir's uniform. Anyway, this guy wore a uniform. He wasn't in the military, but he talked about bombing something, and Trump's like, uniform, bombing something, I'm in. So the way they handled it is they told the guy to stop wearing the uniform to stop confusing Trump into thinking he could replicate the plot

of clear and present danger. It's like not everyone in a uniform is in charge of bombing. Like, if you go to a CVS, not everybody in a CVS shirt can unlock the case with the razors. Still, it doesn't explain why Rudy had to show up to work in his Masked Singer costume all the time. But whatever keeps the ketchup off the walls. Even stranger, Trump once seemingly joked about the possibility costume all the time. But whatever keeps the ketchup off the walls. Even stranger, Trump once seemingly joked about

the possibility that Jared Kushner would be attacked or even sexually assaulted if he went camping. Said then president, can you imagine Jared and his skinny ass camping? It'd be like something out of Deliverance. Sorry, it's just good. It is good. We'd keep that, you know?

Jared goes camping all the time. He just uses his alter ego, Slenderman. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene's husband filed for divorce on Wednesday on the grounds that the marriage is irretrievably broken. If those twos can't keep it together, what hope is there for the rest of us? Look out, D.C.

She's single and ready to compare things to the Holocaust. In a statement, Marjorie Taylor Greene wrote of her soon-to-be ex-husband, Together, Perry and I formed our family and raised three great kids. He gave me the best job title you can ever earn. Mom. Perry may have made her a mom, but MTG deserves all the credit for turning herself into so much more. A Q-a-mom.

That's correct. That's the right amount. In a tweet chiding the Arizona senator for selling out her progressive ideals, Keith Olbermann revealed he dated Arizona senator Kyrsten Sinema back in 2011. Somebody gasped. Like, on whose behalf are you gasping? Which one of them can do so much better? It was a classic, ugh my ex,

that was really an ask me about my ex. And I love that for Keith. He wants in on this news cycle. It was like Keith was an Olympic silver medalist wearing his medal to a bar 20 years later. Oh, this old thing? Where'd I get this? Funny you should ask.

Nagano. There we were. The wind whipping off of Nagano. Liz Cheney announced that should Donald Trump run for president again, she may cross party lines and campaign for the Democrats. Oh no, said Cheney's Republican supporter. Oh no, said Cheney's Republican supporter. Republican Pennsylvania gubernatorial candidate Doug Mastriano,

who's faltering in the polls, drawing tiny crowns and getting heavily outspent, posted on Facebook this week calling for 40 days of fasting and prayer until Election Day. It's going to be such a bummer if this works. This is the prayer God answers? Of all the prayers happening now? In a documentary shot by Danish filmmakers and subpoenaed by the January 6th committee, Roger Stone can be heard saying this before the 2020 election.

F*** the voting. Let's get right to the violence. Let's get right to it. Shoot to kill. See an Antifa? Shoot to kill. F*** them. Done with this bullsh**.

He followed up with, I am of course only kidding. We renounce violence completely. We totally renounce violence. The left is the only ones who engage in violence. This is a legal loophole not many people know about. You can send a death threat to anyone if you end it with just kidding.

In a second clip from November 1st, 2020, Stone says that Trump should claim victory on election night no matter what. I really do suspect it'll still be up in the air. When that happens, the key thing to do is claim victory. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. No, we won. Which marks the first time a presidential advisor has tried to use squatter's rights to hold on to the white house stone now disputes the authenticity of the footage saying in a statement this week i challenge the accuracy and the authenticity of these videos and believe they have been manipulated and selectively edited i also

point out the filmmakers do not have the legal right to use them how ironic that kim kardashian and i both are subjected to computer manipulated videos on the same day. It is indeed ironic the world's two sexiest people subjected to the same fate. Meanwhile, hours after Vice President Kamala Harris wrapped up a diplomatic visit to South Korea, North Korea fired two short-range ballistic missiles into the

sea. In response, the U.S. government has agreed to send military aid to Poseidon. Stupid. During the White House conference on Hunger, Nutrition, and Health on Wednesday, President Biden seemed to ask if the late Representative Jackie Walorski was in the room. Including bipartisan elected officials like Representative Governer, Senator Braun, Senator Booker, Representative... Jackie, are you here? Where's Jackie?

I didn't think she was going to be here. It's tough. It's tough. Here's what I think happened. Listen, before I did this, whatever this is, I was a professional. And here's what I think happened. I bet the speech on the teleprompter had a note that says, we couldn't have done this without Jackie Walorski,

which was a way of thanking this person who had passed away. Joe Biden, who puts out 15 statements a week about people who died, forgot, which I think any of us could do. But then it did turn out he was referring to Jackie Onassis. On Tuesday, Hershel Walker issued a bizarre warning to trans children saying that they might not be able to enter heaven because Jesus may not recognize you

because he made you a boy, he made you a girl. Walker went on to say, you know if you walk into the room wearing a wig or a mask or whatever, your dog might bark at you for a second? Same goes for Jesus. Dude's dumb as hell. Clarence Thomas reportedly failed to report $700,000 of his wife's income, checking none when asked about his spouse's income on a disclosure form, said Justice Thomas,

In an apparent bid to capitalize on headlines about the devastation of Hurricane Ian, Elon Musk claimed on Twitter that the yet-to-be-released Cybertruck will be waterproof enough to serve briefly as a boat, so it can cross rivers, lakes, and even seas that aren't too choppy. Best of all, the boat truck will look awesome next to the Tesla ventilators that Musk promised in April of 2020, and which also will never exist. After the announcement, Musk reportedly shuffled through a stack of old newspapers and said oh and my hyperloop will bring the queen back to life Lizzo made history this week becoming the first person to play a number of flutes in the Library of Congress including a 200 year old

crystal flute belonging to 4th President James Madison I had no idea Madison's crystal flute was real I thought it was just an item that drops when you kill him in Elden Ring. Yeah. If you thought the most unhinged cultural preservationist

had come out of the woodwork when Kim Kardashian wore Marilyn Monroe's horny Mr. President dress to the Met Gala, you have not met the fucking weirdos personally targeted by Lizzo playing James Madison's crystal flute. Certain terminally online conservatives are predictably irate with one tweeting,

the purpose of letting Lizzo play the flute is to remind you that nothing you care about has any value. Of course, the flute everyone cared about last week. The flute we all knew about. The fucking super famous, important James Madison

crystal flute you know the one from National Treasure book of the fucking secret flute we all grew up worshipping celebrating the story of James Madison's crystal flute we all care about it it's a totem of great personal importance

to children and adults alike which is why it was so horrifying to all of us when they gave it to lizzo who used it to clean out a garbage disposal oh wait she just fucking went too toot on the thing that's what it's for it's no big fucking deal ah what's happening she played it at a concert she took a musical instrument and she played it at a concert. She took a musical instrument and she played it at a concert. I think I know what their issue is. I think I know what it might be. I think I might know what the problem they might have

seeing Lizzo play James Madison's flute at a concert. I think we can suss it out. The famous crystal flute you knew about three weeks ago. All of us two weeks ago could have told you a lot about James Madison's famous crystal flute you knew about three weeks ago all of us two weeks ago could have told you a lot about james madison's famous crystal flute in the world's what largest flute collection that as we all know was at the library of congress that's not something we found out about this week for the very first time we all knew about the famous library of congress collection of fucking flutes and we were, protect the flutes at all costs.

Don't let any fucking recording artist near these flutes. A trailer for a new docuseries about the beloved children's show Barney shows a Barney performer recalling death threats he received. They were violent and explicit. Death and dismemberment of my family. They were going to come and find me and they were going to kill me. Violent threats

are never justified, but I'll be honest, it doesn't look great that it says Barney the Dinosaur right there on the Epstein flight logs. And finally, for the first time in Cuba's history, same-sex marriage has been legalized. With nearly twice the votes as the opposition, the family code also increased protection of minorities on the island.

Sounds like they're Havana. Nice time. Thank you. Thank you. When we come back, tea, crumpets, pip-pip, etc. And we're back. Tea, crumpets, pip-pip, etc. And we're back! It's a new era in the United Kingdom, what with the queen

being castle temperature and all. Here to discuss the Kingdom United is an actual Brit, the incredible Stephen Merchant. Thank you. Hi,chant. Thank you. Hi, Stephen. Thank you so much. Come on out. How are you?

It's good to see you. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. Oh, it's so lovely. I love this show. It's like the liberal version of Gutfeld. You fucking son of a bitch. But with jokes.

But with jokes. But with jokes. We've often said that. We're the liberal version of Gutfeld. But with jokes. But with jokes. Is it Gutfield? Gut We're the liberal version of Gutfeld. But with jokes. But with jokes. Is it Gutfield? Gutfeld. Gutfeld? Gutfeld, for sure.

Gutfeld with an exclamation point. Gutfeld. Gutfeld! It's like he's a sitcom character. Gutfeld! Yes, nice to be here, John. Thank you for having me. Lovely to be here. It is. No, genuinely, it is. No, it is. No, I'm not even being sincere. He's not. He's happy to be here. He's happy to be here. Can I just, I am, genuinely, and also, can I just say as well,

that people talk sometimes about the special relationship between America and the UK. And I really felt that, because I was here when the Queen passed. I was quite, no, I genuinely found it quite moving that I would switch on and all of the news coverage in America was devoted to the death of the Queen, and I was very touched by that. And it does work both ways, because if you were in London right now, and you switched on the BBC, it's just people in black suits talking about Coolio.

So it's very, very moving. It's very touching. It's really very beautiful. It's lovely. Unbelievable. Yeah. Too soon? No.

Also joining us, a man who talks so much about European appliances, people who work on the show genuinely assumed he was from Europe, but he's not talks so much about European appliances, people who work on the show genuinely assumed he was from Europe, but he's not. He just hates European appliances, Josh Barrow. Hey, Josh. Hi, Josh. Come on out.

Hi, Josh. Do I sit here? Wherever you want. Doesn't matter. It's a podcast. Stakes couldn't be lower. Stakes couldn't be lower. Alright, last week, we spent the show Sitting Shiva for Queen Elizabeth II. Oh, thank you for that. And we don't want to court any more controversy,

but Josh, I'll start with you. Is the United Kingdom better off now that the Queen is dead? No, because now Charles is the king. Yeah, he seems like he stinks. Yeah, yeah. Hey, come on, guys. Oh, sorry, are you emotionally invested in the king? Oh, you're talking about my king. Yeah, he seems like he stinks. Yeah, yeah. Hey, come on, guys. Oh, sorry. Are you emotionally invested in the king?

Oh, you're talking about my king. Yes. So you really care about him. He's your king. You feel really strongly. You're a subject. You're a subject. I am a subject. We're citizens. You're a subject. Yes. That sucks. So he's more important than you, and he's better than you, and he's someone you look up to and worship because he's your king. Of course he is.

What are you talking about? You've got to have some kind of structure, otherwise it's just chaos you and he's someone you look up to and worship because he's your kid. Of course he is. What are you talking? You've got to have some kind of structure. Otherwise, it's just chaos and you'll let any old TV host become your leader. He's got a point. He's got a point. Yeah. Listen, I'm not saying what we do doesn't have its downsides. It has its flaws. There was a documentary that said that when Charles would drop something on the floor,

he would call someone to come pick it up. I think that's cool. I think that's a cool vibe. Wasn't that also said of Bill Gates when he first became the richest man in the world? It was like, if he dropped five bucks, it wasn't worth his time picking it up. In the time it took to bend over, he would have made like 20 bucks.

Yeah, he should be focusing on coding. On interpreters for RAM. Exactly. Question. Liz Trust. Yeah. Do we trust her? She'd be focusing on coding, on interpreters for RAM. Exactly. Question. Liz Trust. Yeah. Do we trust her?

Stephen, what do you think? Gold dust. Listen, Liz Trust is getting a lot of stick at the moment because she has given a massive tax break to the richest 1% of UK residents. And as one of the richest 1%, I'm all for it. I haven't got a single... I haven't got a single criticism. And a lot of it's like, well,

she's relying on trickle-down economics. It doesn't work. Say that to my butler. He just recently got a £5 a year increase. That's partly because he threatened to go to the Daily Mail and talk about how I wear very short kimonos around the house but that's

that's my business that's your business I'm six foot seven it's very hard to get lengthy kimonos every kimono first of all what are we even

talking about every kimono is a short kimono when you're six foot seven there's no long kimono store exactly and sometimes

my bangers and mash is visible and that's nothing to write home about but yes sorry Liz Truss yes Liz Truss no

absolute dynamite woman and there's a lot of people saying now, oh, well, Liz, she might regret giving this £45 billion tax cut. She may have to go back on that. But we've all spent money on things we regret. Am I right, Josh?

Oh, absolutely. I, for instance, spent a lot of money on a Nintendo Wii. It's in the attic. Never gets used. It turns out that virtual bowling is as boring as real bowling. And no one's calling for a vote of no confidence in you. Exactly. It's just a mistake I made. Josh, you wrote about the Liz Truss tax proposal this week.

What was your takeaway from your observation as someone who literally is tweeting so much about Europe that people thought you're European? Well, I mean, I've used appliances in Europe. They're very bad. It's, you know, in theory, these are first world countries. You start on the king and now our appliances. Why don't your dryers make clothes dry?

We have these wonderful appliances. You put your clothes in, they're wet, then they're dry, and you don't have to hang them on a line in your living room. Do you know what, Josh? They use quite a lot of power. Have you heard of something called global warming? We put our clothes outside and let the natural rain of England dry them off.

Josh, Josh, the question was about Liz Trust. Well, you brought up the appliances. I'll come back to it, okay? Yeah, we'll come back to it. I was going to bring up the appliances, but you did it first, so. Well, I'm interested in both topics. Let's start with Liz Trust. Yes.

You wrote about it this week. Give people that have not been paying enough attention, say, hosting a podcast or in the audience for one. What is happening with Liz Trust? What did you take away from looking at this? Well, I mean, the thing is, like, she announced this big tax cut plan and also a big plan for energy subsidies. And like, normally, if you give a big tax cut to rich people, at least like people, you know, on Wall Street or in the city, I guess, because this is England, will like it. And in fact, the financial markets hated this. So she came up with a tax plan that was so bad that the markets hated it. Inflation is even higher right now in England than it is here in the US. They're much more

exposed to the war in Ukraine, which is causing a tremendous spike in prices for natural gas and other energy sources in the UK. And so you're concerned about inflation. It's like the last thing you should do when you're concerned about inflation is just throw a bunch of additional money into the economy for no reason in the form of tax cuts. When they were deciding who would replace Boris Johnson to be prime minister, they had a fight over, like, should we cut taxes? And it's among core voters in the conservative party. So the answer is always, like, yes, we should cut taxes. And the guy that Liz Truss beat was, like, we can't cut taxes until we've beaten inflation,

because if we do that, then there will be more inflation. And she was, like, no, no, we can do this. We can do this now. I'm going to be like Margaret Thatcher. What we need is tax cuts. And she wins because it's candy. They're like, great, let's do tax cuts. And she comes in and she announces it. And immediately the pound crashes because it's going to be more inflation. So at least Rishi Sunak, who lost that race, he can have the satisfaction of having been right about it. The reaction in the markets basically indicates they're going to have even more inflation. And the central bank over there is going to have to raise interest rates even more to fight that. And then that's going to be more likely to push

them into a more severe recession. So it's a really big economic problem all the way around, and it's very unpopular. Losing while being right and smug about it. Sounds like a Democrat. Sounds cool. Sounds cool. You were a speechwriter. You bet. How do you think about this? If I was Liz, I would say, hey, my name's Liz Truss. And a truss is a medical device you wear when you have a hernia. Sure. And currently the UK is like a giant hernia. Yeah. You know, in that it's kind of like a great swollen groin area.

There's like some intestine. It's hard to sit down. And here I am, Liz Truss, and I'm going to stick that back in where it belongs. We've had enough of the politics of a kind of pillow you sit on to ameliorate the symptoms i'm a trust i'm gonna take on the root cause which is um something yeah coming out yeah that's right like some intestine is pressing on the you know i mean i think it's a good brainstorm let's workshop it for this before i think obviously it's not working for an American audience, but I don't think that should discount its value

to a smarter, more sophisticated British audience. Don't you think? I mean, look, these are Americans. I go back to your previous point, it's a podcast who gives a fuck. Now, I want to go back to this point about appliances. Yes. Josh, I mean this, what are you talking about?

You're from Europe of a sort, you know, the United Kingdom. We used to be, yeah. You used to be. Now you've sort of said, no, thank you, Europe. That was what Brexit was about. It was about appliances. We were just absolutely furious with all these European appliances coming over. But Josh, what's your beef?

They have these combination washer-dryer things that are tiny, and they wash your clothes, and then when you put it on dry, it just spins and spins and spins, and that does not actually cause the clothes to become dry. And then you take them out, and you have to hang them up again to dry after they come out of the dryer. And people in Britain get very defensive. They're always like, oh, this is better for the environment. But I think one of the wonderful things about modernity is that a machine dries your clothes for you.

They also don't have taps that put the hot and cold water out of the same tap. I have to say, that bothered me a lot when I was a student. We're filling the basin and washing our face in the basin. What are you talking about? And then they gaslight us. Wait a minute, Josh. You already started on the dryers. Now you've moved on to the taps.

Or faucets, as you incorrectly call them. And I have seen in several high-end hotels a tap which mixes both hot and cold water. But not in the home. Not in the home, of course not. No, it's just a jug like in Bridgerton. Yeah. But one day I hope to have hot and cold running water

in the same faucet. But they can just be combined right before they touch your hands. Yeah, they call it a mixer tap. When are they going to have those? It's like any backward, unequal society. There's always some elite that has the imported goods that they brought over from the United States. Stephen, what do you think about that?

This is how the Revolutionary War started. It was you lot mouthing off... Wait a minute, Josh. You were mouthing off about something or other, tea or something. Who gives a fuck?

But anyway, you were getting uppity about it. We said, forget it. You're welcome to the joint. And look what's happened to you since. So that's what the story they teach in the British schools. Yes. The Americans started mouthing off about tea or something,

and we said, you can have it. That's exactly what we were told. Is that not right? No, I mean, it just skips a few steps. It seems like that's the large bullet points that we're... I feel like maybe the better spin would just be, oh, yeah, that was part of some longer skirmish with the French we don't really care that much about.

Yeah, yeah. Well, we'll have a go at the French as well. We don't care. We'll have a go at anyone. Sorry, what's the true story? As far as I can tell. I've seen Hamilton. Remember, we got laughed at in that as well. It's like, I go to Hamilton, I'm getting laughed at.

This guy's having a go at our washer dryers. I can't move for insults to the UK. Our queen just died, for Christ's sake, Josh. How fucking dare you people Stephen is in mourning He is a subject Of the king That's why I'm wearing a black t-shirt

He's been wearing black He is in mourning He is desperately sad If I was in England of course I'd have waited for 14 hours in line to see a box Yes I would have done Of course I would have. You would have waited. Or I would have made a better suggestion,

which is pop her on a hostess trolley and just wheel her past everybody. Yeah, why? Could have got it all done in like 45 minutes. Yeah, bring the coffin past the people. You know. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. I bet a lot of people had dead phones

by the time they got up there and they're like, I can't even take a picture. My phone died three hours ago. I don't think you're allowed to take pictures. Of the box. They wouldn't let you bring your, did they make you lock up your phone like you're going to see a premiere? I think probably they did, yeah. What do you think, did we spoil it for the people behind them?

No spoilers. Go in there, see the box, but don't tell people what it was like. Is there anybody in this country that people would wait 14 hours for, do you think? Is there any? Oh, yes. Come on. We know. Look, we know. There are people. We would go to see people. I don't know. I don't want to start naming names.

People that would have long lines for their coffin. Beyonce. Yeah, people waited online to see Michael Jackson. He had a complicated history, famously. For Donald Trump, you'd have two separate long lines.

You'd have to separate the pro line and the con line. He would love the ratings. He would be pretty proud of what the number of people that would come to see and hate his coffin. He'll be pretty proud of there. He'll be smiling when he dies at 107. Yeah.

When he outlives every person in this fucking room. All right. Now it's time for a game we call In Liz We Trust. All right. First question. Are there any rules we need to know about In Liz We Trust? No, you can just shout out answers.

Again, it's a podcast. What was Liz Trust's previous position before becoming prime minister? She was foreign minister. That's correct. Hell yeah. Stephen, Liz Truss has identified her favorite kind of potato. Do you know the type of potato? It's got to be the classic King Edward.

Unfortunately, it is the Norfolk Pier. Is it? Jesus. What is the Norfolk Pier. Isn't it? Jesus. What is a Norfolk Pier? Does anybody know about that potato? They don't know about it. I've never heard of it. Neither have I.

But she loves it. She eats them morning, noon, and night. It suddenly just occurred to me that we do have potatoes called King Edwards. That's cool. It's not odd. I don't know whether the real King Edward was pleased about that or not. Maybe one just looked a lot like him. Next question

for either of you and you can shout out options. Liz Truss once listed her three favorite movies and they are all 80s classics. Can you name any of them? Yes. It's Back to the Future

1, 2, and 3. You knew she was a problem when she said she loved Back to the Future Part 3 because no one loves Back to the Future Part III. No one. No one wanted a Western.

Oh, so, okay, so three films. They're 80s classics. Can you get any of them? She loves, go on, Josh, you've got it. Sixteen Candles? Close. Oh, The Breakfast Club? Correct.

Are they all very different or are they in that same milieu? Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Correct. Really? So she just likes's Day Off. Correct. Really? So she just likes John Hughes films. That's all she likes. I'm going to give it to you the next. Baby's Day.

Pretty in Pink. It was St. Elmo's Fire. What an oppressive buzz. All right. In this now famous video, an Australian anchor struggling to identify Prime Minister Liz Truss as she walked into the Queen's funeral. Guess that Liz Truss was what? Oh, I know this.

She was a minor royal. Correct! No, hard to identify. Maybe minor royals, members of the... I can't identify them at this point. We can't spot everyone, unfortunately. But I think we are now getting to the pointy end, as they say, of the... I'm just told that was Liz Truss, the new prime minister.

I love it. I also love saying we're now at the pointy end. We're like, these are barely famous people. I don't know who they are. You sure as hell don't. That rules. She's quite well known for sort of, you know, so she may change her mind on the tax cuts because she's quite well known. She was famously sort of anti-monarchy in her younger years

and then, of course, famously was at the Queen's funeral and gave a reading. She was sort of anti-Brexit and then got into government and then therefore had to become pro-Brexit. And there's a great interview with a great broadcaster called Eddie Mayer where he says, what about all the people that have changed their minds on Brexit? And Liz says, I don't know that anyone's changed their mind. And Eddie goes, well, you did. And she goes, yeah, I did, yeah.

And she runs my country. You could do worse. You could do worse. And have. We both have. Speaking of changing their minds, one of the many anecdotes about Liz Truss paints a picture of the prime minister as a child

marching against who? Someone she now emulates with her tax proposal. Margaret Thatcher. Yeah. Marched against Margaret Thatcher. Yeah, marched against Margaret Thatcher. Liz Truss also co-wrote the 2012 book Britannica Unchained, Global Lessons for Growth and Prosperity, which accused British people of being among the worst what?

Lovers. I mean, she gets some things right. Buyers of appliances. Josh, you have to let it go. Let it go, Josh. You had one bad trip to Palermo. It's fucking out of appliances. Josh, you have to let it go. Let it go, Josh. You had one bad trip to Palermo. It's fucking out of control. Among the worst idlers in the world.

Well, yeah, that's probably true. She claimed later that she didn't herself write the words. That's because they don't have automatic transmission in Britain. Did you visit Britain in the 1950s? Yeah. They've only got three channels and all the TV's in black and white. It's rubbish.

There's so much soot in the air. There's no wind. Again, everything I know is from the Crown. In a famous 2014 speech to her party, which then became a viral meme, Truss lamented that the UK imports two-thirds of its what? Cheese, yes, that's right, cheese. I want to see us eating

more British food here in Britain. At the moment, we import two thirds of all of our apples. We import nine tenths of all of our pears. We import two

thirds of our cheese. Really has That is a disgrace. we import two thirds of our cheese really has um that is a disgrace I swear to god I thought the video was paused she just was quite still yeah wow it really does have Bart Simpson doing a book report you know

UK is a vibrant and complex place we export a lot of corn final question in 2012 Liz Trust clearly trying to use Google complex place. We export a lot of corn. Final question. In 2012, Liz Truss, clearly trying to use Google, tweeted what two words? Liz Truss. That is correct.

Thank you so much to Josh and Steven. Listen to Josh's podcast, Serious Trouble. It's great. And everybody, you gotta go watch The Outlaws on Amazon. It is fucking fantastic. They'll be back for the rant wheel. But when we come back, diamonds are a ghost's best friend. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. The movie Blonde, a fictionalized take on the life of Marilyn Monroe, is now streaming on Netflix, which means it's only a matter of time before you knock back a weed gummy and begrudgingly hit play. The CGI talking fetus will come for us all, which is why I'm so excited to welcome our iconic guest this week. She's one of the biggest bookings we've ever landed.

Please give a warm welcome to, again, Tough Booking. It's Marilyn Monroe, everybody. landed, please give a warm welcome to, again, Tough Booking. It's Marilyn Monroe, everybody. Happy birthday to you. You really don't have to do that. Please just come sit down, Marilyn. Thank you so much for being... Oh, God.

People are going to get the wrong idea if you don't just sit. To you. Happy birthday, Mr. Podcaster. This doesn't even make sense. Please sit down. My birthday was in August.

I'm gay as hell. Marilyn, I'm so glad that when you agreed to come on the show, especially seeing how you've been dead since 1962. Oh, I was just tickled to be asked, John, because I think you're the cutest. Oh, isn't he just the cutest? Oh, no. Like a little tiny kitten in a really big teacup. And, well, John, there's

something I'd like to say. Please. Marilyn, you have the floor. Thank you, ever so. So small. What in God's name is wrong with all of you? Why can't we leave you alone, you mean? Why do we keep combing through your troubled private life in movie after movie?

This isn't about my personal feelings, John. I've been dead for 60 years. Go ahead, try to hurt my feelings. Say the meanest thing you can think of. I don't want to. I'll be cancelled. Oh, well, here I'll go first. You look like a bar mitzvah boy who's been bigged

and isn't even trying to convince anyone he's a real adult man. You look like you love to be taken care of. Jesus. But I'm alive, Marilyn. I have feelings. I can still be hurt. Oh, toughen up, sugar. The director of Blondes said that Gentlemen Prefer Blondes was a movie about well-dressed whores, but you hear me

complaining about it? Well, you did bring it. You're here. You just brought it up, yeah. The point is, John, does anyone believe you can better understand who I was by yet another fictionalized account of my life? It's as if because the film is based on a real person,

it somehow has something to teach you about me. But you'll never get closer to the truth of who I was or what my life meant. You'll just retread some fantasies and stereotypes. The sex symbol,

the tragic victim. I mean, golly, give it a rest, John. I was an artist. A whole person. I laughed. I farted bad. Uh-huh, you farted real bad. Real bad. Clear a room, John. Famously, Marilyn Monroe's farts would clear a room. Clear a room. It's not in the history books, but that's what you're telling us. You know what else wasn't in the history books? What? I ran an all-girl fight club out of a suite at the Chateau Marmont.

I don't think you ran a fight club. Maybe. You don't know me and you never will. And by the way, same goes for Jeffrey Dahmer. I said it. Why does anyone think the world needs another show about him? Marilyn, I'm sorry. Are you defending Jeffrey Dahmer?

Of course not. I'm offended. The things he's done to some of my best friends in heaven. I'm sorry. Wait. Wait, I'm sorry. The things he's done to some of my best friends in heaven. I'm sorry. Wait. Wait, I'm sorry. Jeffrey Dahmer is in heaven? Don't get me started. I know.

I brought this up at so many HOA meetings. So I'm sorry. You've brought up the... I'm just trying to understand. You go to the HOA meetings and say, I don't think Jeffrey Dahmer should be in heaven. I'm a question. And is it like the kind of thing where people vote or what happens?

They get brushed over so quick. They just dismiss you. They is it like the kind of thing where people vote or what happens? They get brushed over so quick. They just dismiss you. They're getting to the party. Much like they did in your life. In heaven even. At the HOA, they're dismissing your concerns about Jeffrey Dahmer being in heaven. They don't even care a little bit, John. The point is, you 21st century perverts can't get enough of either of us.

And it says a lot more about you than me. Well, I mean, there's a common thread in those obsessions. We want to think evil is out of the ordinary, so we mythologize a killer represents it, and we allow an interesting performance to create an impression, you look great, Marilyn, of a person that never existed.

We want to think your mistreatment was out of the ordinary, so we mythologize you as a helpless innocent. And exactly, I wasn't helpless. You know, I started my own production company. I got unprecedented creative control in my contract at Fox.

I put superglue in Laurence Olivier's hats. You didn't do the hat thing, did you? All you know is the Marilyn Monroe construct, John. Norma Jean lived

according to no man's laws, not in a Jeffrey Dahmer way. You know, unless you... Marilyn, no. If Joyce Carol Oates gets to make shit up about me, I should too. Actually, I think that's fine. I think that's fair.

I spoke 30 languages. I had the world's longest fingernails in 1948, but the studio made me cut them. Those bastards. I fucked Jackie O. Oh, right. I think that's enough. It's never enough for you people

Even right now I'm just a character you made up To voice your own thoughts on biopics like the one about me Which is exactly why people make biopics like this You couldn't write an essay, John I guess I could, I didn't You had to drag my perfect, perfect, awesome ass Out of the grave to say it for you Well, okay, Medellin Monroe

I see what you did there Medellin I see that Okay Okay, alright, Medellin Monroe. I see what you did there. I see that. Okay. Okay. Alright, Med. One more time. Okay, Medellin Monroe. Isn't it at least flattering that people are still fascinated about you all these years later?

I'll tell you what's flattering. Getting played by Evan Peters after murdering 17 people. What, was Henry Cavill not available? Henry Cavill wasn't available. He was building a computer with his beautiful arms. And I just want to point out that we are talking about Jeffrey Dahmer again. Oh, feels like we've been down this road before, doesn't it, John?

Kind of boring, isn't it, John? What if Hollywood decided to talk about someone new? Someone like who? Well, there are billions of people walking around. Pick somebody. Hmm. Like you. You look fun. Do you want to be famous?

What kind of trauma do you have, sweetheart? Spill. Marilyn, you can't just ask people about their trauma. Oh, I forgot. It's a different time, different era. You fixed all that. Studio executives probably don't even attack young actresses anymore. I wouldn't go that far. I think that comes up. Oh, and let me guess. Directors are still referring to women as whores? Has anything changed?

Plenty of stuff has changed. The weather tries to kill us more. Fashion's on the rise and could take over the levels of power in this country in literally a few weeks. Let's see, what else? Milk's more expensive. A lot of changes.

A lot of big changes. Fuck. And to escape from all that, you make entertainment about serial killers and the most painful parts of a vibrant, glamorous woman's life. Sometimes we also watch movies about superheroes for children.

So we do both of those things. Wow. Apologies. Sounds like you've got all your shit figured out. I can't help you, John. I have to get back to heaven. I think there's still a Kennedy I haven't banged. Okay. It's one of those Grey Gardens women.

She's got to come out of her disgusting heaven house sometime. And I'll be ready. So her house in heaven is disgusting? Yeah, awful, filthy, atrocious. Fine, get out of here. Marilyn Monroe, everybody.

Happy birthday to you and many more. All right. That's the part they don't remember. Get out of here, Marilyn. Kel Cripe, everybody.

Their comedy group, Babe Motel, will be in the New York Comedy Festival November 9th at Union Hall. When we come back, we get inked. And we're back. After Newt Gingrich questioned the meaning of a Nine Inch Nails lyric and Tucker Carlson called them fake in a costume,

Pennsylvania Senate would-be John Fetterman published an NBC News op-ed walking conservatives through his tattoos, each of which marks the day someone died violently in Braddock, Pennsylvania, while he was mayor. My decision to mark these deaths with tattoos was inspired in part by their permanence, the fact that these people, their stories, and my town will be with me forever. I get that etching art permanently onto your body isn't how most politicians would express their connection to their communities. But I didn't care what anyone else thought.

It felt right to me. Here to discuss tattoos, it's someone who just got one. Demi, did you eBay? Yes. Hold on, look at that walk. Happy birthday. Oh, no. Mr. President.

They said we all have to do this. Everyone has to do it now. Everyone sing to me like I'm John F. Kennedy Happy birthday Hi Demi, it's good to see you It's good to see you too Can we talk about your feelings about tattoos in general? Let's

What made you, you got a tattoo recently That's what we heard tell Actually one of our writers, Jossie, was saying she happened to have been present Yes, that's right She was there while I was getting a tattoo Because she'd come over to watch the Minions movie So that's a twist, actually. That is not how she presented the story.

Oh, really? Interestingly, she forgot that detail. Because I'll tell you, in the telling of the story, she kind of had no agency. It wasn't someone who came to a place to watch Minions. It was like, I was there, Minions was on. So that's interesting. There was a group chat. There was a calendar invite.

It was a plan. Was the plan, come while I get a tattoo and we'll also watch Minions, or we'll watch Minions, and hey, maybe I get a tattoo? The plan was we'll watch Minions, and then my schedule got busy, and I was like, I guess I can get this tattoo at the same time, and I thought it would end by the time we started Minions, and then it didn't, and then my friends just started giving me a

tattoo and also watching Minions. Sorry, Hollywood culture is new to me. I've only been here for 10 years. Are you about to ask me to explain what a minion is? No, I'm about to ask, do people come to your house to give you tattoos? Is that a service that exists? It's the first time it's ever happened. Someone came to you?

Yeah. And they brought the equipment? Yes. Is it something that fits in a bag? I think it was like a little bucket. A bucket? Yeah. Not like a pail bucket, but like you go to the container store kind of bucket with two handles.

Oh, like a storage bucket? Yeah. And can everyone see minions? Was the tattoo artist watching minions bucket with two handles. Oh, like a storage bucket. Yeah. And can everyone see Minions? Was the tattoo artist watching Minions as well? Yes. And why Minions? I think we talked about it, joked about how it would be funny to watch it, and then we did it earnestly, and we're like, this is actually very enjoyable.

You know when you start a plan and the irony dies halfway through and you're just doing something? Yeah, that's what happened to the fist bump. That's how the fist bump took off. That's how the fist bump took off. Yeah, or how I started saying howdy for real now. Yes. Honestly, something, there's a mind virus. Howdy how the fist bump took off. That's how the fist bump took off. Or how I started saying Howdy for real now. Yes. Honestly,

something, there's a mind virus. Howdy is fucking spreading like a disease. Tommy Vitor said Howdy three times at the office. He's like,

what's happening to me? What do you think of conservatives' attempts to use Fetterman's tattoos to attack him? You know, Dr. Oz,

who's obviously a great personality, said that he was kicking authority in the balls. I don't think tattoos are counterculture, and I think it's weird to have any sort of stance about someone having a tattoo,

unless it's like a very specific tattoo. Like a Nazi symbol in the middle of your forehead. That's wrong, but that's about the symbol and maybe the location a little bit. Yeah, I don't think there's anything about it that I'm pro. I'm not like, oh, if it were on his butt. No, I think...

That's the thing about, here at Love It or Leave It, we've said that. It doesn't matter where you get it, a swastika is a bad tattoo. Swastika's a swastika. Yeah. And it's not a windmill. You don't just love windmills. They don't even look like that. No. Famously. You can't say, we don't believe you. We know it's not a windmill. You don't even like wind

power. Actually, it's an ancient pagan symbol. Fuck you, it's a swastika. So, what tattoo should I get? You? Yeah. Look at me up and down and tell me what tattoo I should get. Yep. That felt good.

I'm uncomfortable. This is my favorite game to play with my partner, is that she'll be like, what tattoo should I get? And I just start rambling. So, I'm going to say that I think you should get a tattoo of yourself in line at your favorite store, and you're looking over the specials, and they don't have the thing that you always get. So you're just like, you're trying to figure out what you should get instead.

And also, behind you, giant donkey. That's really good. Right. It's symbolic. So they're out of chicken parmesan. Yeah, and you're just like, well, I made it all the way to the front of the line. Guess I got meatballs. See, you see the tattoo.

I see it. And what's that behind me? It's a donkey. Big old donkey. Or a smiley face. Or just a smiley face. Something simple. I have an emoji tattoo on my knee.

Any specific emoji? It's the emoji that... It's a swastika emoji. No, no. Of course, the swastika, the controversial swastika emoji. Why did Apple even add that if they didn't want me to get a tattoo? Why did you add that?

Why is it so lifelike? Some of them are lifelike. Some of them aren't. Why is it like the pepper and not like the fucking cake? It's got shading on it. Yeah. No, it's like the swirl eyes and the little zigzag mouth. I refer to it as the, ugh, tattoo.

Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. All right. Demi, if you're like me, you probably assume only the weirdest politicians have tattoos, and you'd be right. Let's see if you can guess the ink in a game we're calling Stick and Paul.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has a tattoo of a raven on his bicep. True or false? I think it's true. He seems like a big Edgar Allan Poe nerd. True. It's a Haida raven representing the Haida tribe of British Columbia. Oh.

So cooler than the thing I said. I don't know that it is. He gets away with so much because he's hot. California representative Mary Bono went to a tattoo artist in the wake of 9-11 and got what tattoo on her ankle? The words, damn, that was crazy? Yeah. I'm going to say it's Never Forget. It was a cross to celebrate her faith.

It's a cross. Jesus is a rockin' dude. We couldn't find the actual tattoo, so Malcolm drew this. That's not it. I wish that was. It doesn't say Jesus was a rockin' dude. The real thing is it's a cross, beneath it it just says in Chinese in Mandarin characters jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams.

Sure. But it's like just it for her because it's in the characters and it actually doesn't say any of that. Wait no so she did get a cross tattoo. She did get a cross tattoo. So it just happened in 9-11 because I'm like what does that have to do with that? It's not clear just it was a moment where she felt compelled. She was just like ah well I set the appointment already.

Senator Barry Goldwater had four small stars and a half moon on the underside of his wrist as an homage to who? Keep in mind, you will never, ever guess this. So swing big. Four stars and a half moon? Yep. I'm gonna say Barry Gibb. That's

so close. Robin? It was, again, getting warmer. No. Alleg was, again, getting warmer. No. Allegedly, the tattoo was intended to symbolize Goldwater's participation in something called the Smoky People, which was a group of largely white Native American cultural enthusiasts in the Southwest who basically would pretend to be Native American. Ah, okay. Sure.

So I think that's cool. I wouldn't get a tattoo to symbolize my pretending to be native american i think i'd just be like well that was fun and stop it one day yeah you just have to stop but sure i you know different strokes for different people famous as we all say president teddy roosevelt allegedly had a family crest tattooed across his burly chest. True or false? True. Yeah, that's true. I like that. I want a family crest. Hey, raise your hand if you have a family crest. Really?

You have a family crest? You actually did? You all raised your hand. What is your crest? Are you royal? Are you like, are you monarchs? What's your family crest? Mine would have like a TV and like a brisket and maybe some matzah what's your family crest i'd be ronnie and bosk and it's some bullshit my brother made your brother made it so it's a

fresh crest fresh crest it's not like passed down from generations your brother made it i was gonna say can anyone just be like yeah you can always have a family crest but it wasn't passed down to you it's not like it wasn't above the mantle when you were a big shield. I do feel like crests give off a vibe that I'm always just, it feels very get out to me. Like I'm just like, ah, it's been in the family how long? Okay. Two spears on top, huh?

Jews don't have crests. We just keep it moving. You know, we gotta. Next up. Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. allegedly worked on two sleeves of tattoos while in Congress, including a tattoo of what famous actor and martial arts star? Ooh. I mean, there's the obvious one, but I'm like, no, no, no.

I trust you. Oh, okay, Bruce Lee. You got it. Wow. I should have said Steven Seagal. You should have said Steven Seagal. Before becoming czar, Nicholas II traveled to Japan and got an enormous tattoo of what on his arm after surviving an assassination attempt? Try again, bitch.

Just that phrase? Just said, try again, bitch. Yeah. Close. It was a dragon. It was a dragon. That's cool as hell. President James K. Polk allegedly had a tattoo in Chinese characters.

What did it say? Queer as poke. I don't know. So close. Allegedly it said eager, but it could have very well said white girl wasted. Yeah, he doesn't know. And finally,

Vladimir Franz ran for president of the Czech Republic in 2013 with a fully tattooed what? Crotch. So close. It was a fully tattooed what? Crotch. So close. It was a fully tattooed face. Close? You said close? Yeah, close. The crotch is the face of the lower half of your body.

That's so true. When you think about it. Yeah, it really is, yeah. That's how I've always thought of it. Oh, that's cool. That guy looks fucking cool. He reminds me of a guy. He should have won. He reminds me of a guy. He should have won. He reminds me

of a guy from Austin that we just called the Lizard Man, who just had like a fully tattooed body and like a split tongue and everyone you just see him around. He's like, hey, Lizard Man. And he was everyone was just chill with it. Awesome guy. Cool guy. This guy's cool, too. I don't know anything about him besides this. He looks like a Bond villain.

I will say this. I don't know a thing about this person. I'm quite sure his politics must be quite weird. Thank you so much to Demi. I did you eBay. He'll be back for the rant wheel, but we come back. We're going to Palm Springs. One more time for Demi. Thank you, Demi.

Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Palm Springs. The hotbed of hotbeds. Literally, it's in the middle of the desert. Basically sleeping on the sun. But it's also home to a thriving gay community.

And tonight's next guest, he's a House candidate for California's 41st District. Please welcome Will Rawlins. Hi, Will. Good to see you. Thanks for being here. It is great to be here. How you doing? Great. I'm disappointed that I have to follow that revelation about Marilyn and Jackie O though. I didn't know it was, it's obviously people don't know that that happened, but it did happen. Uh, so, uh, well, thank you for being here first. I think that the story of what's happening in this district is actually very interesting because it has to do with redistricting and all of a sudden a Republican politician realizing that he has to change what he thinks because his district incorporated a new clientele, as it were.

Can you just tell people what the story of what's happening in the 41st District in California, which was a very conservative district until recently. Yeah. So this was a Trump plus seven district in October of 2021 when I launched redistricting seven point gain in registration for Democrats picked up Palm Springs, Rancho Mirage, Palm Desert, La Quinta. And of course, Palm Springs being the district, one of the most LGBTQ friendly cities in the United States and caused a big change in Calvert's position on our issues. So you're running, you're an openly gay candidate running against a known homophone, Ken Calvert, who has attempted to scrub his historical opposition to LGBTQ issues, repeatedly voting against queer rights during his 30 year career. At one point, his campaign even outed one of his opponents as gay by sending pink mailers describing his San Francisco values. Calvert conveniently

voted in favor of marriage equality this summer after Palm Springs became part of his district. Question for you, where does this motherfucker get off? Yeah, it's bullshit. It's a bullshit evolution, right, that he claims to have had. This is a guy who voted just 14, 16 months ago against the Equality Act, which was a law designed to prevent gay people from being fired for being who they are, from being kicked out of their homes for being who they are. And, you know, for the first time in his history, three decades in Congress, he has a pro-LGBTQ vote. So I think voters are going to see through that crap for what it is. And Calvert has also taken these anti-choice stances, right? Can you talk a little bit about where he is on choice? Yeah. So this is a guy who in 1995 already voted for a

national abortion ban with no exceptions to save the life of a woman. It's a guy who joined the lawsuit to overturn Roe versus Wade. It's a guy who voted to allow child predators to sue to prevent the victims from getting an abortion. So some of the furthest to the right positions you could possibly have on this issue and a real threat to women's freedom over their own bodies. Let me ask you this. Have you been to the Trixie Motel? Yes. Yes, I have. That's cool. Have you met Trixie? No, I wish I have not. I've done a selfie there, but that's it.

That's cool. Has Calvert done a selfie at the Trixie Motel? No, but I would love to see him there. And just fully embracing that he has to completely become a different person, just full drag. Yeah, he has been campaigning in drag recently, but it's not working for him. And just to keep people up, because I think people would want to know, which of the two of you is the one that's been endorsed by Trump? That would be Ken Calvert. You were running in a plus seven Trump district,

and then all of a sudden there was this redistricting, and suddenly you have a real shock. What is the actual makeup right now of the district? What's going to happen? You got a shot at this thing, or are we just fucking around here? No. Well, we're also fucking around, but we got a real shot at flipping this seat.

I saw Nancy Pelosi and a lot of people like all of a sudden, all of a sudden there was this redistricting and all of a sudden you have like big Democrats coming in trying to help like Calvert's in trouble. He's in trouble. And it's because I think part of what's resonated with people is the story of this race. And I got into it. I spent five years as a federal prosecutor here in the Central District, specialized in counterterrorism and counterintelligence cases, got into it after January 6th, after helping prosecute some of the people who attacked the Capitol and seeing what Calvert responded to with that. It was while we were responding in federal law enforcement, he's voting to decertify, voting against a commission to investigate the attack, and then calling for dropping charges even after it became clear that five police officers had died as a result of that. And so Republicans who are still moderate, and there are some in my district and independents do not like

people who are critical of, you know, and want to call for dropping charges against people who assaulted cops. And he just said a couple weeks ago that the FBI is infiltrated by rot. And so with 90,000 no-party preference voters in the district, this is a real shot for the party to flip the seat, especially now that Democrats outnumber Republicans in the district as well. Should I give the tram a try? Yes, the tram's great.

It's cold up there. It's high up. What if we're afraid of heights? It's cold. Does it feel safe on the tram? I've felt safe, yeah. Sort of. It's cold up there. It's high up. What if we're afraid of heights? It's cold. Does it feel safe on the tram? I've felt safe, yeah. Sort of a little bit of a dodge. Reasonably.

Yes. Of course, Palm Springs isn't all gay people. It's also old people. And maybe even some old gay people. Look, we understand that as somebody running for Congress, you're going to appeal to both groups, which is why we want to help with a game we're calling Old Gay Venn Diagrams.

Here's how it works. We're going to give you a gay hint and an old hint, and you have to figure out what both hints are about. Do some of these barely comport with the spirit of, let alone the actual rules of Venn diagrams? Let's find out. All right. First up, something you get at Jack in the Box.

That's for the old people. Something you were handed by a guy named Jack at a club called The Box. Do you have any guesses? Number two? It's poppers. The answer was poppers. We were looking for poppers.

Next up. I thought number two was pretty good. It was fine. It was good. You're doing great. We have something old people yell that causes young people to roll their eyes, and we have something that gay people yell that causes straight people to roll their eyes. What is it?

Shawn Mendes? Oh, that's close. That's close. The correct answer was no one goes to the their eyes. What is it? Shawn Mendes? Oh, that's close. That's close. The correct answer was no one goes to the theater anymore. Next up. You're doing terribly, by the way. Next up. Again, this man may be in Congress.

And he will be in Congress. I got you. I know how to do it. I was a speechwriter. Next up, what old people do to stay on top, what gay people do to stay on bottom. Any guesses?

Viagra? High fiber diet. So sorry. And finally... I'm trying to be really accurate. You're doing great. You're doing great politically. You're not winning the game, but you're winning the larger game, the game of politics.

Final Venn diagram. Oops, you didn't realize how early it is versus oops, you didn't realize how late it is. Ooh. West Hollywood? Calling someone at 6 a.m. But West Hollywood, you know what? We're going to give it to you

for West Hollywood. Give us a ding, Malcolm. Thank you so much to Will Rollins. Everybody, check, where can people go to help and volunteer, especially people here in L.A.

if they want to help out with your campaign? WillRollinsForCongress.com. Donate, sign up to volunteer. We're in the home stretch, people. That's right. 39 days. Go Vols, everybody.

Go Vols! Couple notes. One thing everybody should know. Crooked is bringing you election coverage you love to hate with Crooked Radio every weekend in October on SiriusXM Progress and on the SiriusXM app. We are taking over the Progress channel on SiriusXM with all Crooked programming every weekend

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You know how it works. The wheel spins, it will land somewhere, and then one of our guests here pops the hell off. On the wheel this week, we have Gavin Newsom, the Try Guys, buying clothes for tall people, Trader Joe's pulling products with no warning, trans spies, Ryan Reynolds, James Bond should be white. And when people say Paris is magical.

Let's spin the wheel. Alright, it has landed on a spy who is trans. Okay, on Thursday, the Justice Department accused Jamie Lee Henry, an Army major at Fort Bragg, who had a secret security clearance, and Henry's spouse, Anna Gabrielyan, a Russian-speaking anesthesiologist, of conspiring to provide the Russian government with medical information about U.S. soldiers and their relatives. They're charged with offering sensitive information to an undercover FBI agent

who is posing as a representative of the Russian embassy. The indictment refers to Henry as male, but Henry in 2015 went public as the first openly transgender army officer. A spokesman for the U.S. Attorney's Office said Henry referred to himself as a male in interactions with the undercover FBI agent. Now, conservatives jumped all over this, really focusing on the fact that this is a trans person,

but there's a couple points I want to make. Here are some other people who have been convicted of spying against the United States for Russia. Harold James Nicholson. He is a former CIA officer who was twice convicted of spying for Russia's foreign intelligence services. John Anthony Walker, a United States Navy chief warrant officer and communications specialist convicted of spying for the Soviet Union from 1967 to 1985. Robert Hansen, an American former FBI double agent who spied for Soviet and Russian intelligence services. And of course, Aldrich Ames, a former CIA officer turned KGB double agent who was convicted of espionage in 1994. What do they all have in common? They are cisgendered white men. And I think it is not just something we should tolerate.

It's something we should be excited by to see yet another barrier in this country broken. Here we are in 2022. And finally, we have reached a point where a trans person has reached a level of government clearance where they can spy on behalf of Russia and yes, get caught for it. For the very first time, we've seen so many of these cisgendered white people spying on behalf of Russia and other countries. And that is a barrier that many people said might never be broken. And so when I see conservatives say, oh, look at this, circulating this, pointing this out,

I say, thank you. Thank you for telling us. Thank you for sharing this information, for showing people that in 2022, America can change. Don't applaud that. It's so stupid. let's spin it again oh no it has landed on gavin newsom ours we call him here at love it or leave it little gaby new new uh josh take it away. Yeah.

So Gavin Newsom thinks he's going to run for president someday. He's out there making a giant national spectacle of himself, challenging Ron DeSantis to debates, which he says would only be partly about hair products. I realize I'm here in California. I have a message to deliver from the East Coast about real America. Oh, wow.

Which is, Gavin Newsom is creepy and off-putting, and you should never nominate him because people will hate him. There is a reason that Kimberly Guilfoyle married Gavin Newsom. He and Don Jr. have the same hair. Gavin Newsom, he looks like a Bond villain,

but I want to go through three, or actually four key facts about Gavin Newsom's behavior that I think reflect on his character. When Gavin Newsom was mayor of San Francisco, he had an affair with the wife of his campaign manager and close friend, which you should not do. That is bad behavior. He also dated a 19-year-old when he was mayor and 39 was bringing her around to events, which is weird behavior. And he married Kimberly Guilfoyle. These aren't policy critiques. No, no, no, this is the thing.

You would not buy a used car from Gavin Newsom. What was the fourth one? I interrupted. The fourth one was the French... Everyone knows about the French Laundry, but it's like this classic, like, effete San Francisco thing. Like, I'm going to go tell you that you shouldn't gather for the holidays

and then two hours later I'm going to have a 12- person dinner at the French Laundry. People hated that even here in California. And some of the courses are disappointing. And it's I think that's something we should be able to talk about. But I mean, like, we love to talk about vibes, right? And like John Fetterman has great vibes. And like you nominate candidates who seem like normal people who people can relate to.

And they look at him and they're like, I like that guy. I feel like I could know that guy. Gavin Newsom is not that guy. Gavin Newsom is Bill Clinton without charm. And you will deeply regret it if you nominate him for president. You're saying it to me like you, like I'm in charge of this fucking process.

Like, okay, tell it to them. I don't know. It's your job now, John. I told you, now go execute. I've received the information. I just want a high-speed train. If he gives me a high-speed train, he can do whatever he wants.

One train? I want... I want high-speed rail from San Francisco to Los Angeles. It serves ten times... It's the same distance. It serves ten times as many people as Madrid to Barcelona.

And it's bullshit that we can't build it. And I want that fucking train. And I don't accept that Jerry Brown was going to Barcelona, and it's bullshit that we can't build it, and I want that fucking train, and I don't accept that Jerry Brown was going to try to do it, but we kind of gave up, and Gavin Newsom comes in and he's like, no, no, I have a better idea. Merced to Bakersfield. What? Still pisses me off.

That's no ambition. Thank you, Josh. Everyone, take that under advisement when you're nominating people two elections from now. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Trader Joe's pulling products with no warning. I think that's from Kel.

Yeah. We have a trust problem. Yeah. You can't trust problem. Yeah. You can't teach me to start liking new foods, trying new things, opening up my taste palette, and then rip it away without warning. Right.

I called my sister. I said, Mel, it happened. She knew immediately what I said. Wait, what did you lose? What did they take from you? Honey Aleppo sauce. I put on everything my roommates know, every single food item.

And now I just can't eat half of the foods I eat. Because they know that song. And it's also capitalism, John. Famously. It's famously capitalism. If they go, oh, people love this stuff. Let's take it away for half the year. We'll sell double when it comes around.

Just give it to me all the time. I'll make it up. I'll make it up. I don't think what you just described is capitalism. It's the market, the economy. Famously. Hey, I'm the it up. I don't think what you just described is capitalism. It's the market, the economy. Famously. Hey, I'm the little guy. I'm trying to use big words.

It's capitalism, John. And I should get at least four weeks so I can start trying new things out. They should announce it the way they used to do Disney Vault stuff where it's like, it's going in the vault soon. Right. Get all of your Honey Aleppo sauce. Honey Aleppo? Like the Syrian town? Oh my god, it's so good.

What the fuck? That's where it comes from. Aleppo pepper. Yeah, it's so good. Everyone has something that's been ripped away from their grasp and they've been left stranded to find an alternative product that just doesn't do it justice. Yeah, that's happened to me a few times at the California Pizza Kitchen.

They've made a few menu revisions that I think are despicable. And all I'm saying is the tricolore salad pizza was great. It creates an abandonment crisis. I think that's right. And you know, Taco Bell, obviously, just relishing in the free publicity they've gotten from people, including me, for their shenanigans involving the Mexican pizza, recently launched an online survey to see whether or not to bring back the Enchirito or the Double Decker Taco. You have to download the app to vote. I won't do it.

I won't participate in it. I won't have my heart played with this way. Bring them both back, you fucking rapacious assholes. You don't think you'll sell Enchiritos and Double Decker Tacos? Why is this a zero-sum game? They know they're the bigger guy. They know they got the power

and that's what I think pisses me off the most when I'm left standing there in the aisle with half my usual grocery list. What's a guy to do? Is your grocery list two items? It kind of was, yeah. I tried to replace it with spicy honey. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay. But just okay. Now I'm eating too much honey. That's not what I wanted. My body, it's readjusting. I didn't get any. I could have been slowly transitioning. A lot to think about.

Let's spin it again. it has landed on James Bond should be white Stephen I believe you suggested oh no sorry I'm so sorry you did say that backstage but it's actually Demi's pitch Stephen if you want to double team this one

you can start the problem is you want to double team this one, you can start. The problem is you have to cut that out because there's no way I can prove I didn't say that backstage. I definitely have never said this. You seem defensive. I am defensive. Because I could get cancelled

for your lies. Demi, take it away. For your jokey lies. My little jokey lies. I'm a scamp. Every time that Daniel Craig is like, I'm not going to play James Bond anymore, there becomes an upswell

of people just going like, okay, well, who's the next James Bond going to be? And for some reason, everyone always like, just sort of rallies behind one black person.

They're like, Idris Elba. It's got to be Idris Elba. No, it shouldn't be. You know what the premise of my statement is. I don't know why you cheered for that.

It shouldn't be Idris Elba and also, i need you guys to think of a second black british person because i'm so sick of hearing his name and also i just think like the idea of james bond needing to be a person of color is like a sort of representation win it's just like i don't think that's a thing that anyone's like fighting for like first of all i think james bond is not like a cool guy i think he's a fool i think he's a loser he is a he's a loser. He is a creation of a 12-year-old in a notebook who's writing his idea of what a cool guy is. He drinks things out of a funny little glass and he has sex with a woman

and the name is Samantha Pussy. It's not a cool person. He's just sneaky. He's a guy who appears in places he's not supposed to be and we go, wow. I don't think that that person needs to be a person of color for us to feel fulfilled. I don't the black people are like fighting for that sort of representation we got our own like cool icons we got piccolo who is black we got fucking max

and goofy from the goofy movie they are people of color don't fight me on this but i the idea james bond specifically being like a person of color is just like it doesn't work to me because i also just think it's the kind of person where they'd walk into a room and everyone would just be like, huh, the only non-white person here. Let's focus on this guy. Doesn't work if you're a spy. If you're gonna try and make James Bond a person of color, I think it shouldn't

be a person who we already see as cool. I think it should either be someone we don't know or someone who we think is foolish who we then see them as cool, which is why my nomination for the next James Bond, if it has to be a black person, is Chris Tucker. I am not kidding. If Chris Tucker walked into a room and was just like,

ah, my titty, shake it, not start, please, you think he's a foolish idiot, but by the end of the movie, he's having sex with Samantha Puss, and you're like, this guy deserves it. You gotta make a James Bond that people want to be like, I don't know if this guy can do it, and by the end of the movie, you are are convinced and I don't think that there is a person of color that you can set up as like what a loser, we hate this guy, that by the end of the movie you're gonna be like alright, I was wrong, and certainly not Idris Elba the most famous black British person alive

it feels very get out when it's just like, I think it should be Blackman I think it should be Blackman, it's like, you don't have to, it's fine it's fine. It's fine. The first half of that is what Stephen said to me. Wow. The one thing I will agree with is that I agree James Bond is a 14-year-old boy. I do agree with that. When I was 14, I was a big Bond fan.

And I thought that was what one day meant. You know, I would grow up to be. And then I got to be an adult. And I realized that, I mean, there's one Bond film where he's got like a magnet hidden in a ring. And he's making out with a girl. And he starts to unzip her dress using the ring magnet. Like, what is wrong with you? You're about to have sex, just take the dress off. What are you doing? Like, it's a magic trick. Like, ooh, how am I taking your dress off, Samantha? Ooh. And he makes jokes

that are just, you know, like this one where he's making, Moonraker, he's coming back from space and he's making love to a woman and someone says, oh, what are you doing, Bondi? He says, just attempting re-entry. What? Can you imagine if you were having sex with someone and he's making love to a woman, and someone says, oh, what are you doing, Bondi? He says, just attempting re-entry. Can you imagine if you were having sex with someone and he said that joke?

You'd be like, what the, get off me! What are you doing? I'll tell you, Daniel Craig could say fucking anything. He could be reading Mein Kampf, I'm staying till the end. I think we have to cut it. I think we have to cut it. I think we have to cut that.

What if we just bleeped? What were you trying to... You could have just said Daniel Craig's hot. I'm just saying, what is the worst thing a person could say and I think that's it. So you're with Daniel. It's all going well. He thinks this is not going

well enough. I'll tell you what would charm John. If I just pulled a random book from the shelf, I'll just pull this book. Oh, damn, it's Mein Kampf. I can't backtrack now. I said I would read to him. I think we have to

leave this in now. It's too funny. It's so embarrassing and bad, but it's funny. At what point would you say, Daniel, no more Mein Kampf? How many chapters in before you'd say, I'm good now, mate? Let's spin it again. Would you like me to attempt re-entry

now? It has landed on the difficulty of buying clothes for tall people. Kel, take it away. Yeah, I'm always saying this. Stephen, is it hard? So I'll just stand up so that everyone can get a good eyeful. I am six foot seven inches tall. And I'm wearing right now for the listeners a black T-shirt

that you're probably thinking that Steve co-created. The office is probably Versace or Armani. He's made a bit of money um but that's not the case because those brands don't make clothes for tall people you think well why can't you just get clothes for tall people you know just regular t-shirts and fit but no because normally what happens is if I buy an XL for the length then it's too wide or if I get something a slim fit it's going to be too short so I have to go to specialist shops for my clothes but the specialist shops know that I have no other alternates. So they can have names. The shops can have names that actively insult tall people.

And you can do nothing about it. I'm going to ask. I have not had this specially manufactured. John, I'm going to ask you to read the label of this t-shirt. This is a real American store. And give us the name of the store. It's called Too Tall. It's called Too Tall.

TooTall.com is where I buy my t-shirts. Now imagine if there was a shop that sold clothes for dwarves called Too Short. It wouldn't be allowed. It wouldn't be allowed. That's why he went into hip-hop. This doesn't stop there. I have to buy footwear and socks from another company. I'm going to take this shoe off and read the name of the sock.

It's on there. This is the company that makes the socks. It's called Oddball. Oddball.com. I might as well get jeans from lankywanker.co.uk. I mean, it's mental. It's like I'm buying clothes from a school bully. It's unbelievable.

You're so tall that your feet need special socks. I need specialist footwear. At least now they're mail order, and I can smuggle these into the house. Because when I was growing up, I had to go into actual bricks and mortar stores. And there was one in England. It was for very tall people and very wide people.

And it was called High and Mighty. That's cool. And you'd go in there, and there'd be like a you know thin narrow guy like me and a really sort of chubby small short fat guy it was like shopping in a fun fair hall of mirrors and i used to get very embarrassed going in there and buying the clothes and the clothes were always very overpriced and very um very poor quality and as i got a little bit more well known in the uk i gave an interview to a uk magazine called Time Out. And I slagged off. I was very rude about High and Mighty. And years later, I'm doing an

acting job. And the costume designer has to go to High and Mighty to buy some clothes for me for the production. And she goes up to the counter with these clothes. And she says, listen, I'm buying these for an actor. If we don't use all of them, can I return some? And the woman behind the counter at High and Mighty said who's the actor you're buying for? And the woman said I'm not at liberty to say and the woman said behind the counter went

oh and she pulled out a laminated copy of the interview I'd given to Time Out and she said is it for this guy? Because we don't sell clues

to this fucker. And I was like I was on some kind of blacklist at High and Mighty. And they subsequently went out of business, so fuck them. But anyway, and I would have attended the closing down sale, but I had nothing to wear. So anyway,

my point is, please, will regular stores start stocking a line for the vertically encouraged? I think that's a reasonable request. Thank you, Stephen. All right, I think we'll leave reasonable request. Yeah. Thank you, Steven. All right. I think we'll leave it there.

That is the rant wheel. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Here it is. The high note. I love it. This is Nathan. I live in D.C.,

but I'm originally from Texas. Last week, I was flying to Houston and then L.A. As I boarded my flight from D.C. to Houston, I realized that Senator Ted Cruz was on my flight. I got my involvement in activism as an undergrad at the University of Texas in 2006. And I hated Ted Cruz then, and I've hated him since. And so when we landed, I seized the moment, and I asked him a couple of questions, none that he was able to answer. But specifically, I asked him if he knew the names of any of the Uvaga victims, and he didn't. And it's reignited my confidence in myself and my understanding of the need to get involved

more deeply with midterms, and so I'm encouraging my friends to do it as well. After my flight to Houston, I went to L.A., and that night I saw you at the Dynasty Typewriter Theater. Great show. Love all the work you're doing. Thanks so much. Hi, John. My name is Daniel, and I'm a transgender, autistic, and disabled psych nurse in Ohio. My high note this week is that after many years, several surgeries, and a pandemic, I've just passed my certification exam to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner so that I can serve my community. I feel truly blessed. Thank you. Hi, John. My name is Maddie, and last year, my high school had a mass shooting where four of I feel truly blessed. Thank you. publishing an essay I wrote about how exhausting it is for my generation to live in a world of constant school shootings and politicians taking our rights, but also how we can fight to make things better.

Love the show. Thanks. Bye. Hi, my name is Catherine. I'm calling from Buffalo, New York. And my high note is I have recently dropped my twin four-year-old off at universal pre-K full day. My seven-year-old is currently in second grade, so this is the first time in seven years that I haven't had any children at home. So all I am is just a working mom. I really love my children very much, and I'm really happy to have this opportunity so that they can get a mom who's gotten some time and for us to be an even better mom for them. Also, shout out to the government who offered full day pre-K in my district. It's

pretty amazing. It's the first year they've done it, and I am really lucky. So thanks for all you do. Thanks to everybody who sent in a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Josh Barrow, Kel Cripe, Demi Adjiduibé, Stephen Merchant, Will Rollins, and everybody who sent in a high note tonight. There are 38 days until the midterm elections. Have a great weekend. weekend. Gunalen and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our editor and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Caroline Haywood for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Narmal Konian, Zuri Ervin and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can and you can

find these glorious videos at YouTube.com slash Crooked Media.