Lovett or Leave It - Fox News Gets Dom'ed

Episode Date: April 22, 2023

Lovett Or Leave It sparks up a very special episode at Los Angeles’ Dynasty Typewriter. Lovett rolls the dice with Weed Gummy Three-Card Monte. A Spanish cave diver (Kiran Deol) emerges from beneath the earth after 500 days, and boy, is she behind on the news! Chris Gethard is a certified DILQ as he tackles the week in fathers. Judy Greer and Beth Lapides join us for the Highest Thoughts Bracket in celebration of 4/20, and we go out with a blaze of glory as the Rant Wheel spins.For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hello, Los Angeles. It's great to see all of you. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else. To all the people, to all the people tweeting at me that I spoiled succession without a warning, I did a warning. You're as bad at listening to me as you are at watching appointment television in a timely manner. We have a great show for you tonight. Chris Gethard, who is a father, is here, and we're going to quiz him on fatherhood.

A woman who spent 500 days in a cave is here to tell us about what that's like. A woman who spent 500 days in a cave is here to tell us about what that's like. And Judy Greer will join us for a bracket to decide the highest thought in honor of 420. A great day. All the funniest people love 420. And then the rant wheel. So it's a packed show and we're going to keep it moving. Maybe. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Though they appeared to be heading to court,

on Tuesday, Dominion Voting Systems settled its defamation case against Fox News for $787.5 million. It's the most expensive lie since the last time I asked a waiter to recommend a bottle of wine and then pretended to understand what he said. The settlement spared Fox executives and on-air talent the embarrassment of appearing on the stand. Instead, they'll be subject to their regular embarrassment of appearing on Fox News. We are recording tonight's show on April 20th, which is 420, the day people make terrible jokes about weed. So we've decided to use this occasion

to perform an experiment. Brian, please bring out the gummies. Thank you, Brian. Producer Brian, everybody. They're worried about you after the rant. We have many gummies here, most of which are candy, one of which is edible marijuana.

And we're going to see what happens. I'll eat two, just to keep it interesting. In a shocking twist that absolutely anyone could have foreseen, multiple Senate Republicans announced Monday that they wouldn't support a vote to replace 89-year-old Diane Feinstein on the Judiciary Committee. Anyone could have predicted this would happen, though. Republicans are diehard feminists. And then in yet another shocking twist, Senator Feinstein

returned to the chamber with two very funny, anxious guys kind of at her side the whole time, jumping in when she couldn't answer or stand up straight under her own power and so forth. Tennessee Representative Justin Jones, Justin Pearson, and Gloria Johnson are set to meet with President Biden on Monday, while the Tennessee GOP races to find a way to change the lock on the entire state while they're gone. Kamala Harris will also be in attendance at the White House event because Pearson was given a plus one. Meanwhile, abortion pills containing mifepristone remain available this week after the Supreme Court extended a stay until Friday. Abortion pills containing Mifepristone remain available this week after the Supreme Court extended a stay until Friday.

We are recording this Thursday night, and you are hearing this as early as Saturday morning, so you know better than us what happened. But in the meantime, we here at Love It or Leave It are urging people to stockpile. Treat Mifepristone like Cadbury cream eggs and you're me the day after Easter. I want to hear that pharmacist gasp out loud when you walk by with your shopping cart, just like he did when he saw all my Cadbury cream eggs the day after Easter. Speaking of Republicans, Stop the Steal organizer Ali Alexander has apologized after he was accused of asking teenage boys for dick pics. Alexander also announced he would be stepping down from the Stop the Steal and stepping into a new role, the 15th Dalai Lama. A recent poll by Morning Consult found that the least popular senator in the country is Mitch McConnell, with a 64% disapproval rate,

while the most popular senator with a 65% approval rating is friend of the pod and Hawaii's own Brian Schatz. 64% disapproval? Kentucky voters in staircases basically showing the same regard for Mitch McConnell lately. Because he fell down the stairs. New York congressman and first gay man on the moon, George Santos, announced Monday that he will seek re-election in 2024.

As he should. This man didn't survive 10 plane crashes just to lose his seat so soon. Said Santos, I know it will be a difficult race. I'll be lip syncing for my life. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has threatened to build a state prison or competing theme park next door to Disney World. DeSantis explained, the idea is we build it, we wait for the reviews to come in, then we decide which one it is. Prison is the best he could come up with. Building a prison next to Disney World.

DeSantis' buddy. Disney adults are willing to stand in line for six hours in the most terminal of swamp-ass conditions to get a popcorn bucket shaped like their favorite imaginary dragon. You think throwing a few violent criminals into the mix is gonna scare them away? These people are ready to become violent criminals if they don't get their

fucking bucket. The rivalry between the House of Mouse and the man of meatball may go even further as the oversight board appointed by DeSantis has asked lawyers to prepare a resolution that aims to void Disney's control over their resorts. All right, this is enough. Bob Iger needs reinforcements. Time to unthaw the head. needs reinforcements. Time to unthaw the head. Hopefully being frozen for decades has taken the edge off of Walt Disney's anti-Semitism because we're going to need him right now. Why would it? Speaking of Florida, several local representatives have formally endorsed Donald Trump for president while Ronnie D has only confirmed one official supporter from the state so far. That one supporter, a mysterious mustachioed stranger who just moved in from out of town and goes by the name Don Brasantis. A representative from the Trump camp was quoted saying,

the only people who like Ron DeSantis are the people who have never met him. That's, it's a great burn. And Trump has a point. Right now, Trump wins with all the key Republican demographics, anti-abortion evangelicals, golfers who drive pickup trucks, and old men who shoot at anyone who knocks on their front door. Meanwhile, the Florida Board of Education, which already restricted instruction on sexual orientation and gender identity for kindergarten through third grade,

has voted to expand Don't Say Gay through high school. Yep. Remember when there was that whole news cycle where they were like, it's just for kindergartners, you absolute freaks. You're being crazy. We were not. I don't know if the Florida Board of Education is ready for the verbal carnage

they're about to receive from teens across the state. Have you tried telling a teen how to dress or act? These high schoolers are going to make Florida's public education system so gay, they're going to have to bring in Billy Porter as chancellor to try to tone it down. They're going to make glee look like school ties. By the time DeSantis is done, these teens are going to get happily married chemistry teachers to lie awake at night and turn to their beloved spouse of 40 years and say, what if I'm pan? For grades four through 12,

instruction on sexual orientation or gender identity is prohibited unless such instruction is either expressly required by state academic standards or as part of a reproductive health The amendment reads, The amendment continues, And as if they all hadn't been through enough, Florida's residents woke up to a blaring alarm at around 4.45 a.m. on Thursday when the emergency alert system blared from their cell phones. Thankfully, it wasn't a big deal.

If there's one thing Florida does better than anyone, it's ignore early warning signs. Just a false alarm, said Governor DeSantis. For a moment, we thought a third-grade teacher might have told a little boy his pigtails look pretty. A county commissioner in Oklahoma resigned after he was recorded making racist comments and death threats against journalists. In his prepared remarks, he said he plans to spend more time with his family making racist comments and death threats against journalists. The Iowa State Senate passed a child labor bill before dawn Tuesday, allowing 14-year-olds

to work six-hour night shifts, 15-year-olds to work on assembly lines, and 16-year-olds to serve alcohol. It's 10 p.m. Do you know where your children are? Yeah, making overtime at the mill. When it comes to kids, the Republican position has always been clear. Don't say gay, say one-man julep coming right up. The all-night Senate session concluded at 4.52 a.m., just in time for Republican senators to pick up their kiddos as they clocked out at the abattoir. It's a slaughterhouse.

I like the word abattoir. I don't care. Spanish athlete Beatriz Flamini has emerged after spending 500 days alone in a cave in southern Spain to allow scientists to study the effects of total isolation on the human mind and body. I feel bad she went through this for nothing. Scientists could have just monitored me in middle school. Coachella headliner Frank Ocean disappointed fans last weekend after his performance started an hour late.

But on the bright side, fans were each given a seashell on their way home so they could hear it whenever they wanted. You can hear the ocean. According to reports, Ocean's stage setup was supposed to include a full ice rink and backup skaters, but he decided hours before showtime to abandon the concept. The rink had to be melted and the stage rearranged. Wild. Sorry, can you say that again? He assembled and then melted an ice rink in the middle of the desert

after Biden proposed rationing the Colorado River and Europe said he was late, said Greta Thunberg while snapping a baseball bat at half with her bare hands and throwing the pieces at Malala. I'm sorry, Malala. I'm just upset. They must be friends. And finally, a toddler was retrieved from the White House lawn after slipping through the bars of a 13-foot-tall security fence. The baby was unharmed and is resting comfortably in a D.C. jail.

When we come back, a woman trapped in a cave, and she's loving it. And we're back! On November 21st, 2021, Spanish spelunker and mountaineer Beatrice Flamini, which is an incredible name, the perfect name for a person who does something like this, went into a cave where she was observed by scientists

hoping to learn about the effects of isolation on the brain and emerged this week, 500 days later here to tell us all about her incredible experience it's Beatrice Flamini oh my god, the lights, the lights are so bright John, they're so bright sorry Beatrice, your eyes John, they're so bright. Sorry, Beatrice. Your eyes must still be adjusting from the dark.

Yes, my doctor said it might take a few weeks for my vision to go back to normal. Then again, my doctor also said, for God's sake, don't go into a cave for 500 days. You could die down there. He's stupid. You know, imagine that's the first thing you learn in medical school. But speaking of spending 500 days in a cave,

why did you do that? Oh my God, a lot of reasons, John. The thrill of the unknown, pushing myself mentally and physically to the edge of human experience. My family really, really wanted me to go too. And I said, are you sure? And they said, yes, go.

They are so supportive. Wow, that's great. I just wish they were as supportive of my above ground hobbies, eating sunflower seeds and spitting the shells all over the place, you know, and passively aggressively vacuuming under the feet while they are watching the most recent episode of Succession. There it is. So, tell me, Beatrice, what did you learn from being in a cave for 500 days? Jan, what did I learn? Yeah, what'd you learn? I learned that I absolutely love being in a cave!

Honestly, when they came to get me, I thought I'd only be down there 160 or 170 days. It was a breeze. Oh, Jan, I did it all in the cave. I read 60 books. I drew. I exercised.

I knit a ton of woolly hats, one for every single one of you. Honestly, it is the happiest I've been in a long time, and I have a family, Jan. Yeah. Whoa, boy. Well, as amazing an experience as it was, I also read that you had to deal

with some pretty harrowing conditions. The darkness, the damp. You were attacked by a swarm of insects. Ah, what's a few days being attacked by a swarm of insects between friends, John? I finally got to be alone for the first time in my life. And my family loved it, too. They said,

Mama, get back down there. What's another 500? Still. Sad still. You must be excited to get back to your normal life and catch up on all that's happened over the last 500 days. I meant to ask you before, do you have a day job? Yes,

I do. I write a matter-of-fact blog post about new Amazon products. Oh, no, Beatrice. Have you heard of a thing called ChatGPT? I just started reading the news, John. I'm only up until December 2021. R.I.P. Betty White. What a legend.

They just bulldozed your house. What? Yeah. I hate to be the one to break it to you. I hate to be the one to break it to you. John. I hate to be the one to break it to you, Beatrice, but there's actually an AI text program that can automatically write all sorts of copy.

Writers all over the world are at risk of losing their jobs. Dios mio! I wish I was still in that beautiful cave! Well, okay, John. At least I still have my hobby to see me through. I made quite a bit of money selling my paintings, you know? Oh, wow. What of? They were these sort of surreal portraits

with too many teeth and way too many fingers. Oh, no. Well, maybe you don't have to rush back to work, Beatrice, but maybe you should take a little vacay. No, living underground, what's my vacay, John? Okay, a vacation where mold grew on my scalp and bats would occasionally get tangled in my hair. And then my screams

would awaken more bats and then the whole thing would start up again. I miss it so. Sure, but like a real vacation where you can enjoy the sunshine instead of aspirating guano dust. Ah, yes, well, I was thinking that while I'm in Los Estados Unidos, I can visit the Sunshine State itself

and stop by to the happiest place on Earth, Disney World. Oh, shit. Beatrice, have you read anything about Ron DeSantis since you've been out of that cave? Ah, that name sounds vaguely familiar. Why? Well, um, any chance you're part of the LGBTQ community?

No, but I am an ally, and I care whether or not queer or trans people are terrorized by the state. Okay, well, then Florida may be not the place for you, but the governor is currently trying to erase the existence of queer people from the state education system, not to mention passing a six-week abortion ban. What?

Jan, you're stupid. You can't ban abortion, Jan. Roe v. Wade is settled law. Oh, fuck. Beatrice, you were down there a long time. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this. The Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade last summer. No.

No, Dios mio. Oh, how I long for the cave. Yeah, I'm so sorry to be the one to tell you all this. You know, those scientists really should have had some headlines ready for when they hauled you out. Yeah, I know. Oh, my God, I tried to ask my family for the big scoops, but they said, no, Mama, you have too many insects all over your face for us to talk to you. But what do they know? Oh, what I wouldn't do to return to my nice, cool, family-free cave.

Yeah. Well, Beatrice, keep this in mind. All this is happening while Florida is also dealing with the effects of climate change. Fort Lauderdale got two feet of rain in a 24-hour period this month. Oh, I knew about that. That poor state has been sinking into the ocean for over 20 years. Did it ever flood like that in the cave? Oh, constantly.

So why did you stay down there? Oh, so do you know what is the difference between a flooded cave and a Fort Lauderdale? No. One is a dank, lonely pit with no culture or art, and the other is a cave. Can't argue with that.

So much tragic news, John. But at least there's one bright light still shining in my night sky. Or for me, shining like a bioluminescent microfauna that mated in the water supply. Okay. How about you finish that full sentence before you get too cocky, Beatrice? At least we'll always have the enduring love between this generation's Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Taylor Swift, and Joe Alwyn.

All right. Well, Beatrice, they did break up. No! I long for the cave! Let me return to my sunless, wonderful world below the earth, Leon. I'm so sorry. It's not your fault. I guess I can understand how being in a cave for 500 days really was better than being subjected to the constant unending churn of news. So much of it bad, so much of it out of our control.

The feeling of seeing and knowing what's broken and who did the breaking, but facing so many obstacles to fixing it. Like politics has become a dream where all you need to do is take to a jog, but your legs are so fucking heavy and you just can't move. Dios mio. you a jog, but your legs are so fucking heavy and you just can't move. Dios mio, Jan. It sounds like you need a little cave time yourself, my anxious queer friend. That was written.

That was written. That was written. One more question, Beatrice. The article I read said someone came to pick up your waist, and this is an actual quote, every five poos. Five poos. Every five poos. Five poos. Every five poos. Five poos.

And dropped off meals. In fact, you told the press, I left my offerings there as if to the gods, and the gods left me food. That is right. And this was all science, and this is what science is now.

Yikes. Beatrice Famidi, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Yikes. Beatrice Famidi, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I made love to one of the monsters from The Descent down there. Kieran Deal, everybody. In preparation for an Edinburgh fringe run in August,

she's headlining a bunch of cities, including Detroit, Atlanta, Chicago, New York, D.C., and an upcoming residency in L.A. Dates and locations all available at Shit From Kieran. She's going to stick around, and when we come back, Chris Gethard is here! Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back! Does anyone here have a great relationship with their father? Okay, please welcome to the stage a wonderful father and a hilarious son, the author of the new book, The Lonely Dad Conversations. Please welcome Chris Gethard. Hi, come around. So in your new book... Indeed, let's get down to it.

You describe both your experience becoming a father and reaching out to your friends as they became fathers to discuss the experience. Yeah. What do you think your father would have done to avoid a heart-to-heart conversation about loneliness like the ones you write about? Dive out of a moving car? Open the emergency door on a plane? What do you think? Oh, what an accurate and astute question

you just... I mean, my father is great, but yeah, he's not known for his emotional openness, as many men of his generation are not. And as you can imagine, that's part of what I'm trying to unwrap in discussing this sort of stuff. What a good question. He's the best.

He's the best. But he is kind of a maniac, and he's great. Does the loneliness of fathers tie back into how hard it is for straight men to have close friends? If you guys were allowed to be a little gayer in general, do you think you'd be better, more connected parents? What do you think? You have no idea. They don't even allowed to be a little gay or in general, do you think you'd be better, more connected parents? What do you think?

They don't even need to read my book. Your questions are that on target. I do talk in the book. I do interview one lesbian mom because I do at one point posit the theory that most modern dads just kind of want to be a butch lesbian mom in what they're aiming for

emotionally, but I don't know that we're ready to admit that yet, a straight man. That's really interesting. I do think that there's going to be like a grand realignment. And as part of it, the straight guys

and the butch lesbians are going to realize that there's more that unites them than divides them. And then that's going to become a nexus of power and authority. We're all going to have to fucking fight. Something to think about.

You've thought about this before right now. Yes. This is like a Game of Thrones thing where you're staring at the chessboard at night and you're sweating this one out. Now, one thing I have noticed, and this also fulfills another theory that I have, Chris, and thank you for being here to talk about it. You can watch it play out in real time

on a CBS show called Survivor. And the theory is basically this. As homophobia diminishes, the unforeseen power of the gay man as being non-threatening to any straight person will become more prevalent. And the gay man will become an unstoppable force in his own right. And one thing you watch is, although I guess Richard Hatch did win season right. And one thing you watch as Survivor, although I guess Richard Hatch did win season one. Spoiler for season one of Survivor. But that was because they

were all fucking idiots. When the smart people started playing, the gay guys had trouble. They had trouble getting far along, but they get further and further. They crawl their way through the fucking game. I am fascinated to realize how much of your internal monologue is about who will win an impending war.

Like, it's very clear that in your mind it's a lot of positioning for a future war. Well, I think here's how it plays out. The lesbians and the straight guys unite. The gay men and the straight women, they unite. And then there's a kind of very kind of diplomatic, more like Star Trek 6 Undiscovered Country style, kind of

Cold War to try to get all the non-binary people to your side. Now the bisexuals, they're going to see what their options are. That's going to play out. They're going to be the last to decide. So it's really going to be a fight for non-binary people. And that's going to really determine how the whole thing shakes out.

Right. But when you say, quote, the whole thing, what is it? That's the part that's ultra fascinating. Like, what is it in your mind that will be shaking out? Because that's the part that you're not letting us in on. And that's where it gets really weird. Yeah. The whole thing is going to come down to that. And what is the whole thing? Well, that's what we're going to find out. It's going to be a lot at stake. And it'll be much like the fantasy version

of the Civil War we're taught in school, brother against brother. And we'll see what happens thereafter. Okay, I have so many questions. This is way off track. Like, what about people who dabbled a little in college? What if they try to all of a sudden claim some credibility when they see how this

undefined goal war is going? What about, like, straight guys who do Brazilian jiu-jitsu? Where do they land? Where do they land? I think it'll be... Look, I'll just say this. I'll be happy to have some of those people infiltrated into the other side.

Yeah. Because, you know, when the rubber meets the road, when the shit hits the fan, when the meatball hits the pasta, I'll be glad they're over there with some doubts. Yeah. You know? Are they going to fight as hard?

Are they going to shoot as straight? When they know that they're firing at people in their hearts, they want to fuck. I just... And this is all in relation to what exactly? To the complex. It's some combination of sex

and fighting. I don't know what you think happens when Lake Mead goes dry, but it's closer to what I'm saying than what you're thinking. I know that a lot of us are anticipating some sort of class war, maybe as water supplies drop and the population grows. Sure.

I don't think so many of us have combined it with layers of sexuality. Yeah. I mean, I just think like a class war, sure, that's what you'd expect. That's not how it shakes out. It's about gender. It's about sexual orientation. It's about gender expression. Sure.

But not the way you'd think it'd play out now. Yeah. It's not gonna be LGBTQ versus S. Right. That's the old economy. No. Hey, what is the thing that surprised you most about becoming a dad? We can't.

No. We need to keep talking about this psychosexual class war. It's like Mad Max Fury Road in your mind, except everybody's fucking. Should I have children? I think you'd be great at it, yeah. Yeah, me too. That got deep. Did it?

That little moment right there got deep. Yeah, maybe it did. Maybe got deep. Did it? That little moment right there got deep. Yeah, maybe it did. Maybe it did. But back to my question. What is the thing that surprised you most about becoming a dad? I'm trying to get us back on topic. That's really the question on the card? After that?

No, you have to abandon ship. You have to abandon ship. You can't ask me what's the most surprising thing about being a dad when I'm sitting here like, but what about a guy who says he's straight but has used glory holes? We can't just now move. You have an answer! I saw that you have an answer.

Loyalty is a delicate thing and people will find their home and maybe there's a straight person fighting on the side of the straights and then the straight side is going to be a much less fun place to be and there's going to be a lot of recrimination and a lot of acrimony. And I think one thing that you will see happen from time to time is accusations will arise.

And then there will be trials, show trials of a sort. And then there'll be chants, one of us, one of us. And then there'll be exiled to homosexuality. I guess I would say the most surprising thing about becoming a dad is that it rearranged a lot of my priorities. In the winter, there's less fighting. Everybody kind of. So it's sort of like revolutionary war. Yeah, it sort of chills out.

You camp out at Valley Forge for the winter, yeah. Everybody's cool on Christmas and actually nice. Yom Kippur. Which is sort of a nice thing about the whole thing. Now, is cyber warfare unfolding on dating apps? Yeah, it is. That's a really good point.

You know, we'll be launching attacks against Bumble and those kinds of places. And then there'll be, you know, there'll be obviously endless denial of service attacks against Grindr. Oddly enough, hinge the Switzerland. They'll just leave, it'll be, it'll be a safe space. And actually it'll be obviously endless denial of service attacks against Grindr. Oddly enough, hinge the Switzerland.

They'll just leave. It'll be. It'll be a safe space. It'll be like the app equivalent of that thing that happened in World War I when on Christmas they all shared pie. You know what I mean? They met and played soccer in the middle. Or maybe it was soccer. I made it pie.

I'm fairly certain that the Germans and Americans played in a soccer match on Christmas in World War I. I don't recall a story about them sharing it pie. I think it was... I'm fairly certain that the Germans and Americans played in a soccer match on Christmas in World War I. I don't recall a story about them sharing a pie. I don't know where they would have gotten that much pie. Right, right. Of course, in my mind, it's stupid. I pictured one pie. But it was a lot of soldiers.

A lot of guys. Yeah, a lot of guys. And then it's like we're setting up tables, scoop, scoop, scoop. Right. Because you only need one soccer ball and everybody can play. And are these fresh pies? Probably not. I just

want to let you know that this is hands down by far the greatest interview I've ever been a part of in 23 years. It's so nice of you to say. It's true. What is the one thing you hope to teach your children That your dad never taught you?

I guess I want to teach them that when the water runs dry You're going to want to befriend people of all stripes Because a war is going to unfold And no one quite knows which way it's going to go If I had to answer Well, I don't know What's the one thing I would want to teach my son That my dad never taught me? That it's okay to put your If I had to answer, well, I don't know, what's the one thing I would want to teach my son that my dad never taught me?

That it's okay to put your emotions on display. Yeah. That's the real answer. Of course, what if society is not a bunch of dads trying to express

or desperately fight the sincere expression of the self? Chris, I hope you paid attention to this week's dad news because I'm going to need you to pick the proper papas

in a game we're calling Dilk, or a dad I'd like to quiz. Sure. Are you ready to play? I can't wait to see how this goes. This week, Van Jones advised Ron DeSantis to go after Donald Trump on his what? A, his looks, B, his hair, C, his family, or D, all three?

All three. That's correct. Said Jones, you go after Donald Trump by going after things he really cares about. He's a vain man. You talk about his looks. You talk about his hair. You talk about his family. You do the stuff that's going to throw him off his game.

Next question. The coronation process of a famous dad of two, Prince Charles, will be led by what? A, a 24-piece New Orleans jazz band. B. A piece of the cross Jesus was crucified on. C. A relic allegedly containing a toe bone belonging to St. Patrick. Or D. Prince Harry.

I'm gonna say C. Incorrect. It's an alleged piece of the cross Jesus died on. Really? Which will itself be embedded in a cross. Jesus was not a father. Makes you think. Famously a son. Famous son.

Famously a son. Famous son. Yeah. Do you believe in Jesus Christ? What the? Rapper. Rapper. Rapper Fat Joe.

Himself a father. No. No. What is it? I'm trying to keep it moving. Okay, you're the host. Do your thing. But wow, yeah.

I mean, if you want to get into my Catholic background, we can. But what was this about Fat Joe? Well, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Rapper Fat Joe himself. Oh, nothing tonight. What could have possibly made me uncomfortable about tonight? Rapper Fat Joe, himself a father of three, visited the Capitol this week to fight for a better future for his children, specifically by demanding what?

Student loan forgiveness, immediate measures to address America's crumbling infrastructure, or health care pricing transparency? Student loan. Healthcare pricing transparency. On last week's episode of the Kelly Ripa podcast, an actor implied he and another actor could be half-brothers. Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey.

You got it. There is some convoluted story that maybe one of their one of their dads fucked the other one's mom. It's actually possible. Yeah, that's the only way it would be possible. Some convoluted story that maybe one of their dads fucked the other one's mom. Like, it's actually possible. Yeah, yeah, that's the only way it would be possible. When you think about it.

How do you think it would happen? Can we all take a moment that I've been getting absolutely fucking hammered and I landed the shit on that one? Can I just say? Well, I would just like to respond by saying, of all the things you've explained to me tonight, that was by far the most condescending. Said McConaughey about Harrelson's suggestion that they take a DNA test. It's a little easier for Wood to say, come on, let's do it, because what's the skin in it for him?

It's a little harder for me because he's asking me to take the chance to go, wait a minute, you're telling me my dad may not be my dad of 53 years and believe in it? I got a little more skin in the game. I was very earnest from him. Yeah, that is a crazy thing to just throw out there. Yeah, and who would just throw

crazy things out there? What? Hey, I think we're half brothers, and I don't think your dad's your dad. Wow. Do you believe in Jesus Christ? No. Elon Musk, fathered eight kids declared it lawsuit time on twitter this week after what company dropped twitter from its advertising platform a microsoft b samsung c android c android it was microsoft really As a follow-up, please pronounce one of his children's names out loud.

I've written it down for you. Okay. It's that. Exagi? Incorrect. The correct answer is Exadark Sidereal. Musk. Following his return to the Senate,

what does that say? There's a big two, and then the other words are much smaller. Two-minute warning. Oh, two-minute warning. Oh, apparently we got sidetracked at some point. I guess we must have gone off on a tangent or two. You want to say anything else about bisexuals

with the last two minutes? I think it's a cool thing to get to be about bisexuals with the last two minutes? I think it's a cool thing to get to be. I'm with you. It's definitely the best one. Oh, yeah, it seems great. I mean, I know they're upset about being left out all the time, but it's also like, be happy with what you have. How's this going for you?

I am having so much fun. Good. And I think this is great. Good. Following his return to the Senate after receiving treatment for depression, the nation's papa, John Fetterman, posted a video poking fun at what conspiracy? A, that he can crush steel beams with his bare hands. B, that he's using deep fake AI to create his speaking voice. C, that he's been replaced by a body double.

Or D, that he is Dylan Mulvaney in disguise, Let's go with B. No, it's that they actually have been claiming, C, that he's been using a body double. These people. These people. I like that he went and got help. I think it's cool. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it will be ruthlessly held against him, and it's a shame help. I think it's cool. Yeah. Yeah. I think it will be ruthlessly held against him, and it's a shame, but I think it's cool. There's always this expectation that liberals are out of touch, and they're in the cities, and they don't have touch with the hard, scrabble, real America of the rural parts of the country, and our media's a bubble, et cetera, et cetera. And it's like, no, no, no.

Their media's a bubble, because they're all going to spend months chastising him for seeking help for depression. And in the same way that they tried to make Joe Biden being a loving father an issue in the campaign, it doesn't get them anything because real people deal with depression. There was this focus group of voters in Michigan, and they asked them about the trans bathroom bills. And I'll always remember this. It's one anecdote. It's just an anecdote. But the person laughed and was like, why are they focused on that? They laughed at it as an issue. So I sometimes think like, let them do their barking and their nonsense, attacking

John Fetterman for getting help for depression. People know about depression, you know? Yeah. We talk about it now. Grow up. Yeah. Everybody's, everybody's getting therapy. Yeah. We're therapy boys. Are you a therapy boy? Oh, am I a therapy boy? Yeah, I'm a big time therapy boy. Many years now. Medication boy. Talked about it on TV, boy.

I talked about the brutal side effects of my medications, boy. All kinds of stuff, yeah. It's good that you did that. Hey, thanks so much. And finally, Toronto's Blue Jay pitcher Anthony Bass tweeted at United Airlines to complain because his pregnant wife had to clean up what on an airplane? Food that his daughter had dropped. That is correct.

Yeah. An incredible image for the time capsule. So he takes a picture of the floor covered in popcorn and says, can you believe this? The flight attendant is making my pregnant wife pick this popcorn off the ground. And everyone's like, hey man, we have an idea. And he's like, yeah, me too. I'm calling the airline. Wild. Yeah. And finally, and finally, Nick Cannon recently said he was prepared to have a 13th child with Taylor Swift, which is fucking gross.

I have in my hand the name of Nick Cannon's 12 children. Can you name one of them? No, I can't. And I have to tell you, I'm happy that I don't care about Nick Cannon's personal life enough to know the names of his children. I'm proud of myself for that. That's correct. Yeah. Thank you, Chris.

This was a blast. Oh, what a joy. Go listen to Beautiful Anonymous. It's an awesome podcast. Everybody should check it out. Thank you so much. You just talk to people in the world. Random anonymous people all over the world,

and they tell me their stories, and it's really lovely and great, and I'm lucky I get to do it. When we come back, we crown the highest thought. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back.

Please welcome to the stage your best friend and mine, and one of the stars of HBO's new limited series, White House Plumbers, Judy Greer. Hi. Thanks for being here. So nice to see you. Thanks for being here. Now, White House Plumbers. Yes.

There's very little actual pipe work and sink and grout involved. No actual plumbing involved, no. Because do you want to know why they're called that? Yeah. Because they fix leaks? I mean, I didn't make that up. No, it's cool. They say it in the show, but yeah.

Now, I'm personally very familiar with Watergate. I'm a huge fan of Richard Nixon, so I was excited about the show. He's great. But for our young and ignorant listeners, but they're hot. They're dumb and hot. That's the thing. I would love that. We did a big survey of the whole audience.

You did? We did. And what we found was there was this one big circle called dumb and a huge circle called hot. And they have all different and weird listening patterns. But right there in that middle, dumb and hot, they listen to every fucking episode. Right in the middle? Yeah.

That is interesting. Who were the White House plumbers? Well, G. Gordon Liddy and Howard Hunt, which were played by Woody Harrelson and Justin Theroux. Cool. Yeah, I know. Are you saying that about both of them or just one of them?

Saying it was about both of them is free. Yeah, they are the ones that did Watergate. But do you know that they tried three times to break into Watergate? That's what this is about. It's not about after Watergate. It's about everything leading up to Watergate. These idiots, it took about. It's not about after Watergate. It's about everything leading up to Watergate. These idiots, it took them

four tries. I didn't know that. That's what the whole show's about, which is why it's so funny and ridiculous. They tried three times they failed to break in to Watergate. You'd probably want to not do it on a night with a new moon. You'd want a full moon. They didn't have moons back then. It was so long ago.

You got your eyes a long time ago. No moons. No. You play the wife of the mastermind. Masterminding. After I just said they were idiots. They're idiots. G. Gordon Liddy.

Yes. Spouses connected to criminality can often fall into a few camps. Complicit aides, hands off and on a need to know basis. Ooh. Quiet disapproval and vow breakers who put the law before marriage. Two questions. What kind of criminal spouse was Fran Liddy? That's my character.

That's my mom's name. Fran Liddy? I wish I would have talked to her before I shot this. And she thinks you did great. She's like wow that is what it felt like and that's how I acted you caught me perfectly

I don't even remember some of these dramatized moments but it's what I would've done she would've done it that's what my mom Fran Liddy said of course makes my father

G. Gordon Liddy and makes you G. Gordon Liddy Jr. I think I was the I don't want you to read them all again, but I was the one where you don't say anything. Oh, you keep the secret? Yeah. No, there's no secret.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to know. I don't know anything. That's, I think, a cool way to be. That's nice. Isn't that what you want your spouse to be?

I'm loyal. That's what you want your spouse to do. Yes. Unless I was mispronouncing a word. Then you want to be told. I do. I do. to do. Yes, unless I was mispronouncing a word. Then you want to be told. I do. I do. I was reading that

New York Magazine list of how to be a polite member of society. And they said you're not supposed to correct people when they mispronounce words. And I'm like, I guess I could save this

for the rant. Never mind. Thank you. That was a foreshadowing of what my rant will be now. The Super Mario movie also features two famous plumbers. Do you expect this project will be equally successful? Did that one come out already?

Yeah. Was it a hit? A huge hit. Here's the thing. Want to know something sad? Yeah, I'd love to. It's probably like the biggest movie of all time. No!

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Think about how hard people work on movies that aren't Super Mario Brothers. And they think about things like it should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. And then they're like, it should have a cart. And it should have a smash. It was a hit.

That's great. Good for them. Good for them. Like a bigger hit than like Titanic? Anybody know if it's beaten Titanic yet? Not yet. Okay. But it could happen.

Bigger hit than Jurassic World? Fuck those people. You know what? You got a little competitive there. I liked it. I did a little. I'm not going to lie. So this show comes from the producers of both Veep and Succession.

Yes. Two shows that I controversially consider good. Everyone loves those shows. That's the joke. Okay. Yeah, we got to the bottom of that. So you wrote a book called I Don't Know What You Know Me From

because you're in everything. Yes. People know you from Rest and Development. Not Mario Brothers, though. No, which you're not in. You're in Always Sunny and Jurassic World. Yes, I was. And Ant-Man.

Yeah, yeah. When they inevitably teach a Judy Greer course at film schools across the country, what's a deeper cut that you're proud of that people don't shout at you at supermarkets? A movie called Jeff Who Lives at Home. Oh, Jeff Who Lives at Home. Producer Malcolm fucking loves it.

It's a good one. That's one that I love that I wish everyone would see. It's really good. Deep cut. Question for you. Did you know what this show was? No. Cool. But I did watch it. You did? So I prepared. Nice. And did you have a slow dawning

horror as you watched the clips on YouTube? Yes. Only just about the politics. Okay. You registered to vote? Yes. And I have a card. I have a card. because I had to change my name recently because they spelled it wrong. But I was too afraid to change it during those important elections

because I was afraid they would fuck with me. So I've been voting. Oh, my God. Am I going to get arrested? I was voting under my name not spelled legally correctly. Wow. Wow. I feel so much better right now

I'm such a rule follower and it's been really driving me crazy I rip off a mask and I'm Rudy Giuliani and I've caught you and this is a dream this is a terrible dream it's gonna get better alright everybody White House Plumbers is out May 1st And if this is a dream, this is a terrible dream.

It's going to get better. All right, everybody. White House Plumbers is out May 1st on whatever they'll be calling HBO Max at that point. That's funny. Now, Judy, thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Now, we couldn't let a 420 go by without marking it, love it or leave it style, which is why the edible thing happened earlier, which it's going to be fine. But also joining us to get loose with it,

it's all of our guests. Returning back to stage, Chris Gethard, Kieran Deal, and Beth Lapidus. Come on back, everybody. Here's how it's going to work. We have created a bracket of the highest thoughts a person can have. With your help and the help of all these beautiful translucent pastel

jellyfish floating around us, we will pick the highest thought there is to think in a segment we're calling the Doobie Doobie 420 Reformatic Showdown Brought to You by Weed. Nice. Oh. So, we have 16 high thoughts

and they're going to go head to head. Alright, our first two. All right. Which is the higher thought? Everything that has ever died has gone back into the earth, so some of my atoms are most likely inside a dinosaur. Or a sandwich that has chicken for the bread. No, this exists.

It is the double down. Beth, what do you think? What's a higher thought? The first one about existence, higher than the munchies thought. Okay, okay. Chris, what do you think? What's a higher thought? The first one about existence, higher than the munchies thought. Okay, okay. Chris, what do you think? I would agree with that. Judy, you agree?

I was going to go with the chicken bread. Okay, so a little dissensus. That's interesting. That's what makes this fun. I still love you guys so much. Kieran, what do you think? I feel on the fence about the two people who picked the atom,

and I would also go chicken. Wow, it's a tie, and I'm going to break it. Judy Greer is the most famous. She wins. Does my existence, and that's something for everyone to think about, about Hollywood and how it works. I love it here. Hey, tell your friends.

Next time you're on a set, just throw it out there. I had this great time on this podcast. It's actually not that hard to get to from where we live. Next two high thoughts. Does my existence contribute to the promotion of anything remotely meaningful or am I not worth the resources

I consume? Versus is being hungry being horny for food. What do you guys think? The top one is a thought that I've had completely sober. So that loses. Okay. I think that's right.

I think that's right. I now want to wait and hear what Judy's going to say. I think being horny for food. So I can just go with her. I mean, horny for food. Obviously. Yeah. I mean, just go with her. I mean, horny for food. Obviously. Yeah. I mean.

That's how the hierarchy works, John. See, now you're surrounded by people that just agree with everything you say. This is so awful. This is how you lose touch. You're in a bubble. This is how you lose touch, Judy. Keep an eye out. Okay.

You have people. I worry about it. Don't you worry about it? No, I don't worry about anything. I'm famous. And pretty. That's cool. Next up, are things on fire or is fire on things?

And next, do I have a terrible laugh? Just thinking to yourself, do I have a terrible laugh? Just thinking to yourself, do I have a terrible laugh? What do you think? Beth? It's fire on things. It's like the most stone, especially you're smoking, there's the fire. That's a good point. Fire is part of it.

Yeah. I'm going to go fire on things, too, because it's so French. Yes. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's got a, like, fire on things. You know? Yeah, I like that. It's high and it's French got a it's got a like it's a file on sinks you know yeah I like that it's high and it's French

alright it's the winner next up Chris didn't even vote what are you Chris doesn't exist we can't be famous first of all

have you been there the whole time I came here from New Jersey to do this I just thought you would jump in and that you were cool with the consensus I came here from New Jersey to do this. I just thought you would jump in and that you were cool with the consensus. I thought that the host would go one by one to the people and ask their opinions. Well, Chris.

Traditionally, in a situation where there's a host, they solicit the opinions of the participants along the way. But I guess I'm just in a fight to fucking survive. Sit up straight. Chris, Chris. All right. You know what? Let's start with you for the next one.

Do angels have penises? Or, that's a question and an answer. One day I'll laugh and it'll be the last time I ever laughed and I won't know what the time. It's that one. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I go with penis angels. But you lose this one.

Next up, can I Uber Eats one Diet Coke? No, that's insane. Better get four. Versus, I'm the oldest I've ever been and the youngest I'll ever be. Now, that's a meme. That's just a meme.

That's just a meme. That's just a meme. We all agree, Chris? Yeah, thank you for including me, yeah. Judy, I'm sorry I went to him before you. It's okay. But are you good with that? Are you good with the Diet Coke one?

Yes, yes. Done. What's the difference between what I do and what ChatGPT does? I don't know where my answers come from either. And or, where's my wallet? Oh, it's right here. Kieran, I'll start with you.

Where's my wallet is an ADHD thought. Yes. Yes. So you could be high and have ADHD, but I'm going to go ChatGPT because of that, and I hope that Judy Greer agrees with me, and I don't care what Chris thinks. Wow.

What do you think? I was going to go wallet. Sorry. Wow. So, so far, wallet is in the lead. Beth, what do you think? I was going to go wallet, because the other one is too wordy.

Too many words. Too many words for a high person. Chris, want to create a tie? Yeah, I guess wallet would be my vote. Wallet takes it. Wallet takes it. Next up, streetlights and video games use real electricity versus it took me 30 minutes, but I'm proud of that text.

It's a really nice message. Judy likes that one. Beth, what do you think? I think real electricity is a problem. It's electricity. It's the other. Okay. What do you think? I think real electricity is a problem. It's electricity. It's the other. Okay. What do you think, Chris?

Street lights and video games use real electricity is a very good stoner thought. That might be the one seed out of any that I've heard thus far. Kieran, what do you think? I would go text message. Wow. Street lights and video games use real electricity. Let's go with it. I'm calling it.

It is your show. It is my show. That's my vote this time. Next up, every word I've ever uttered has been embarrassing versus this is the best fucking ramen in Los Angeles. That's a tough game. That's a really hard. Those are both really

good teams. Judy, I'll start with you. What do you think? I got ramen. Do you like you think? Uh, I, I, I, ramen. Do you like edibles? Me, love.

Yes. I do. What do you think? Ramen or every word embarrassing? I gotta go with Judy. Ramen. It's ramen. What do you think, Beth?

I'm going with the winners. We've created, it's not a, it's a cultural norm of not wanting to lose No, no It's the ramen, it's the food Chris, what do you think? I mean, I would go with the other one personally

You know what? That wins this one Come on, really? Yeah, yeah I think you've earned it Wow, sounds like misogyny Wow Ow Tension's running high as we head into the Elite Eight You burned it. Wow, sounds, seems like misogyny. Wow.

Ow. Tensions running high as we head into the elite eight. A sandwich that has chicken for bread versus is being hungry being horny for food? Which is stone, more stonery. This is the interesting part of the game where the audience has already heard them all. Wow. This is where it gets tough on all of us. You know what's cool about this is you don't have to worry about flying here from New Jersey again.

And I was already thinking, I just want you to know, Chris, I'm a consummate host. This is my first fucking bracket. The way this works is we'll move swiftly through the Elite Eight Final Four. You're not in a fight. I was just making a joke. Is that what your dad would say? Was that too much?

I don't even know. I thought that was good. Everyone really ooted. I thought it would be funny. The answer is horny for food. Are things on fire or is fire on things versus one day I'll laugh and it'll be the last time I ever laugh and I won't know it at the time. This is hard.

This is a tough one. They're both really high thoughts. Fire. I'm saying fire on things. Fire wins. It's fire on things. You never thought of it before in your life. That's the winner.

We could just skip ahead. Well, they have to play the games, Beth. They have to play the games. Can I Uber Eats one Diet Coke? No, that's insane. Better Uber four. Where's my wallet? Oh, it's right here. Diet Cokes. What do you think? Four Diet Cokes?

Yeah, I think the audience gets one. The audience has been there. They get one. The audience has been there. The dumbest shit I ever buy in my whole life is the shit that gets me

from $19 to $26 in an eating app. I make the worst decision. The person that is in that Delta that would live off the things I get

when it's trying to get to that free shipping, that person should be fucking killed. That person doesn't deserve to live a life. Absolutely bananas behavior. I hope by that you mean you're constantly ordering bananas.

No, you can't do delivery bananas, because nine times out of ten, you want one banana, you're getting one bunch. Then you say, no, no, no, I want a bunch. So you say, give me five bananas, you're getting five bunches. You never get the bananas. Judy, they never get you the bananas right.

Really? So is it the streetlights in video games use real electricity versus every word I've ever uttered is embarrassing. Beth, what do you think? The streetlights, because you never think every word you've ever uttered is embarrassing. It's too extreme. People in the audience are like,

you don't know how I live. Hey, guys, we got to work on our self-esteem. Okay? Everybody give yourselves a hug. You too, Chris. You too, do it. Come on, do it.

You got it. Okay, there you go. Come on, guys. Yeah. Before you go Okay, there you go. Come on, guys. Yeah. Before you go to sleep, you just say to yourself, like a little mantra, the only difference between me

and Elon Musk is confidence. Okay, electricity for the win. All right, we're in the final four. Is being hungry horny for food versus are things on fire or is fire on things? Wow, that is a good matchup. They're very similar thematically.

It's cool that they ended up against each other. The audience agrees. The audience thinks fire. Wow, that is a good matchup. They're very similar thematically. It's cool that they ended up against each other. The audience thinks fire. Wow, that's interesting. I'm good with that. Fire wins. But there's something about thinking of being hungry as being horny for food that I like.

Well, it's because of the money you're spending to get from 19 to 26. Yeah, to completion. I'm sorry. I forgot Judy Greer was here. And Chris. I forgot Chris was here a while ago. Where's my wallet?

Oh, it's right here. Versus, nope. Can I Uber Eats one Diet Coke? No, that's insane. Better get four. Versus streetlights and video games use real electricity. Diet Coke. Diet Coke.

What do you think, Chris? I think electricity, but I'm willing to go with the crowd on this. What do you think? I think Diet Coke. Diet Coke. What do you think, Chris? I think electricity, but I'm willing to go with the crowd on this. What do you think? I think Diet Coke. All right. Judy, do you know what Uber Eats is? I don't. You don't know.

I remember one time I watched, Jada Pinkett Smith was talking about she thought a Groupon was a group that you could take on to a private thing because she's never used a discount. So I was like, you might not know what Uber Eats is. Well, I've Ubered, like one time I left a bunch of vitamins in my trailer at work. And it was Friday and the weekend was coming up and I needed my vitamins.

So then I had the set PA Uber them to my house for me. So you understand the premise. Yeah. I think it's cool that it's vitamins. I think that's Uber errands. Yeah, she gets it though. It's like that but for food and you don't have a PA to help you.

You have to use the phone yourself. Yeah. You guys are crazy. Crazy. All right. It's time now for the final confrontation between the two highest of high thoughts. Can I Uber Eats one Diet Coke?

No, that's insane. Better get four. Versus are things on fire or is fire on things? Fire. Fire. Yeah, is fire on things is the highest of high thoughts. Everybody feel good about that? Chris, you feel good about that?

Yeah, I feel really great. Are things on fire or is fire on things is the highest of high thoughts. Everybody feel good about that? Chris, you feel good about that? Yeah, I feel really great. Are things on fire or is fire on things? That is the highest of high thoughts. Everybody feel good about that? Thank you so much, Kieran and Beth. Beth's audiobook, So You Need to Decide is out now. And if you're in LA, go check out Uncabaret. When we

come back, The Rant Wheel. And we're back. Friends of the pod. This is very exciting. Crooked is venturing across the pond with our brand new podcast, Pod Save the UK. It's a hilarious, insightful new podcast. It's going to be your go-to source for everything about UK politics. It's hosted by comedian Nish Kumar and journalist Coco Khan. It's everything you love about Crooked Podcasts, but, you know, on the wrong side of the road. From strikes to scandals, they'll cover all the topics that matter. It's from Crooked Media and our friends at Reduce Listening. You won't want to miss an episode.

Listen to the trailer now, wherever you get podcasts. The show is awesome. It is awesome. I cannot wait for people to hear it. And if you're looking for a new binge-worthy podcast to add to your queue, check out Stiffed. It's an eight-part series from Crooked Media and iHeartRadio.

Host Jennifer Romolini takes you on a, it's a really great story about the rise and fall of Viva, an erotic magazine for women that rocked the publishing world in 1973. It has a team of feminist writers and editors. Viva, in its original format, everything from full frontal male nudity to who cares what the rest of that sentence is.

It's an amazing true story. Find out now by listening to the first half of Stiffed, available for free on your favorite platform. All right. Thank you for bearing with me. It's now time for a segment we call The Rant Wheel. We have this nifty wheel full of things we hate, and we'll spin it. And then one of us will pop the fuck off on the wheel we have people saying

black bears aren't as dangerous as grizzly bears obvious causes the dumbing down of america having to hoard abortion pills mantras taking back the flag for the left mandy moore snubbed every year for This Is Us, and the dehumanization of the service industry. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on obvious causes, and this is my topic, and it's just something we really struggle topic and it's just something we really struggle when there is a long-term consistent source of all of our problems but we're so used to it and so little is changing that it's boring which means we look for other explanations what made me want to talk about this is over the weekend obviously every weekend there's a ton of shootings but there were at least two examples of horrible

shootings where someone just went to the wrong door and then the person behind the door just starts shooting. And there's always obviously a racial component. The fact that these people have guns and are not equipped or in the right headspace to, of course, be having them in their homes. All of that is true. But then a story came out in The Times and a few other places today where basically we found out that, of course, the person that just opened their front door and started shooting is a huge avid consumer of Fox News and spends all day sitting in a chair consuming this fucking nonsense, this addling nonsense that makes them afraid of their neighbors and afraid of the world and afraid of black people and afraid of immigrants.

And it was just another reminder that there'll be a news cycle about how, oh, the left of the party is making it harder for moderates to win in Michigan, or there'll be a news cycle about how, oh, the left of the party is making it harder for moderates to win in Michigan. Or there'll be a story about why are Democrats getting sucked into this terrible debate over this unpopular issue or this unpopular phrase like defund the police or abolish ICE. And they'll say, oh, it's the activists pulling the party to left. It's the mainstream media not covering the problem. But no, the reason is there's this problem, which is a massive conservative propaganda apparatus that's pumping boomers and older people with fucking horseshit and terror and fear and anger and mistrust and division all day, every day. And the effects of it are fucking everywhere. And it gets so boring. People don't think of it as the underlying cause of all this, but it is. Even the idea that

everyone always has things like, oh, Republicans, they're so good at messaging. Are they? Are they? Dogs in cars aren't running really fast. They're in a really fast car. That's a high thought. Let's spin it again. So it's 420. It's 420. Having to hoard abortion pills. Beth, I think that's yours. That is me.

I'm just furious about being forced to hoard abortion pills. I mean, we all have less and less living space, higher rents, mortgages, work from home, blah, blah, blah. So, you know, we'd like to be using our limited hoarding abilities on hoarding important things like our drag wardrobes and banned books. The important things to hoard. We need to be stockpiling 1984, Mouse, the Lorax. But no, we have to hoard abortion pills because who can even track what's happening with the rulings

between what's the highest thought and now the ruling. It's all so confused. It's changed like five times. Who can even track it? So the only solution, hoard abortion pills, but not Ritalin. Don't hoard the, hoard abortion pills, but not Ritalin.

Don't hoard the Ritalin. People need the Ritalin. People need the Ritalin and there's a shortage. My boyfriend is needing the Ritalin. It's very hard to find. You mean your boyfriend now that he can't find the Ritalin?

There you go. That's tough. Because America is taking too much Ritalin, because we're working so hard, because we can't track what's happening with the abortion laws, and, you know, it's overproduction. So there you go. Anyway, I feel like basically I was watching

The Handmaid's Tale for survival tactics, and it did not cover hoarding abortion pills. So anyway, that's my tip on what's making me mad that we're having to do i don't see what's so complicated about the rulings it's simply a partial stay of a partial stay of a partial stay of a partial stay of an approval yeah well you're more familiar with legal stuff i did see um i was at jfK because I don't fly into New Jersey, but they did have an abortion pill for sale in this like one of those kiosks at the airport at JFK with like allergy pills and tampons and abortion pills and stuff like that. Not like a Hudson News, but like a, you know, like a fancier sort of airport. Was it a store or was it like the machine out of which they sell iPhones?

No, it was a store. There was a woman working there and they had a bunch of Plan Bs. Oh, but that's not the abortion pill. Oh, that's the one you take afterwards. Yeah, no, that's the one they take. Oh, the Plan B is after, like the morning after. That's so you don't have to have the abortion pill. There you go, Judy.

Because I was thinking it was so funny that people are like getting on this like airplane, like really hungover. Like I probably talked to this guy last night. I don't remember. Oh, here's the plan B. Right. Yeah. Never mind.

There was no abortion pill at JFK. You guys are listening, and that was really fun for me. But if you do get really fucked up in New York City and maybe have sex with someone and you're flying out the next morning from JFK, you're fine. You're fine. And that's important. A stitch in time saves nine, as they say.

You know that saying. Yeah, I've heard that before, yeah. Really hip reference. It's a hip reference. Let's spin it again. It has landed on taking back the flag for the left. That was mine. Okay, I've been really

annoyed at how the right gets to use the American flag to represent all their shitty ideas. And I feel like the left, like we're the ones that really love our country and really love the people in it and really want to. And really want to help Americans be educated and healthy and be able to have like a house and take care of your family and eat and all the things that make America great. And when everyone's doing well, everyone does well.

And I don't know why we can't have the American flag be our symbol because we're the real Americans. I'm with that. I agree. I like the flag. I do too. And if you wear anything with a flag on it, people are like, I did not know that about you.

That I love my country, that I want to pay taxes so I can help my country. I agree. Thanks. That's my rant. Thank you, Judy. Let's spin it again. It's so delightful when she rants.

It is. It is landed on the dehumanization of the service industry. I believe that was Chris. Yeah, that was me. I got to say, I know that the scan the QR code thing started because of the pandemic. But now we're all here without masks on. And there's no more plastic barriers between us. And I really wish that I could have quick, joyful human interactions again.

And I feel really bad when I go to a place and like you scan a QR code and then you push what you want on your phone. And then they push the box in front of you and you just tap it. And it's like the quickest version. They don't even take your card anymore. And I feel like that's sad for me. And I don't know, maybe the people in the service industry are glad they don't have to like deal with assholes as much. But I also feel like it has to feel so for them, like they're just an extension of all this technology now. And sometimes I feel like these interactions have gotten to a point where it almost feels like the people behind the counter. It's almost like talking to someone who's like in a relationship where they feel like their boyfriend is watching to see if they mess up. You know, like it feels abusive.

And I don't know, like when I go to a store, certainly I need that croissant and I want that tea I ordered. But I also just kind of want to have 30 seconds where I have a quick little meaningless interaction where someone asks me how I'm doing and I say good and I ask them how they're doing and they say good. And it doesn't ultimately matter to either of us. But I need that. I need that. I need to get away from the pressures of my life for those things. And that's how you feel like part of a community. And that's how you feel like part of humanity. And it's weird because I do feel like, yeah, no, this is just ranting, but it's like, the fact that we're still using these systems also makes me feel like on some level, we're going to find out that these things that we use are better for the corporate bottom line of these

places. And that we're just leaving the people out of them because somehow it's making some asshole more money. And I just don't like that feeling. I just don't like that feeling. And I want to bring the humanity back. It feels like if they could just have a QR code, hand me my food, they would at this point. And I don't like it. I don't like things being delivered to my front door and then the delivery person like scurries away and the thing is that I don't like scanning and using everything humanity being filtered through a microchip at some point in the process.

It feels really bad. Yeah. Is there any better feeling than going to your coffee shop or your bodega or your sandwich shop and them going, you want the usual? And you're like, I'm a fucking regular. Is there any better feeling of like, oh, my community just expanded.

My safety net's a little wider. QR code will never treat you like a regular. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it. Let's spin it again. It has landed on mantras. Mantras. Thank you so much.

That's me. Thank you. Wow. Okay. I just want to say before, I am curious for kids how lacking that community of interaction is going to, you know, if you're like zero to four now,

like what is that going to look like in 20 years in terms of how you interact with people? It was a thought I had, so. Yeah, they're going to be weird. These little is that going to look like in 20 years in terms of how you interact with people? It was a thought I had, so. Yeah, they're going to be weird. These little ones are going to be weird. Whoa, my kid's four. Okay, well sit up straight for this one. Mantras.

Mantras. I am an Indian person. You can tell by my face and your eyes. And because it is such a difficult time politically, I'm trying to think of some words to live by that would help me kind of like get through a lot of the news that's been coming out, especially regarding pregnancy, abortions, women's bodies.

And so I was talking to a friend of mine, and I didn't want to talk to a comedian because we are shitty and judgmental people. So I went on a hike with a friend of mine who was a surfer. And I went with him because he's very optimistic. He says things like, the sun is awesome. You know, just when you're walking. And so we're walking up this hill and we're going at like a nice adult pace and we're having like a good conversation. He's like helping me get my head in a good place. But the only trouble was we were with his three-year-old and he's having trouble keeping up because of his tiny stubby

legs, you know, and we didn't slow down because we don't care about him, you know? So he was going like too slowly and this was going on for like a mile or two and he kept up for like a mile. And then he started sobbing openly and then he pissed his pants because he's a three-year-old with the emotional coping mechanisms of a three-year-old. Just, you know, you get it, Judy. And so now he's sobbing. We have to stop the conversation. Okay. We have to go to a picnic area. We hang his pants over a tree. And at this point I'm pissed because, you know, it's like, this wasn't about him, you know, this was about something I needed. Right. And at this point I'm pissed because, you know, it's like this wasn't about him, you know? This was about something I needed,

right? And now he's running around naked with his, like, from the waist down, like, just his, like, and his dick's hanging out. Exactly. And then he's like, he's running around and then just to add insult to injury, it's like this kid starts hugging my back. So now

I have to say to his father, oh, hey, Jamie, could you tell your kid to take his dick off my back? Right. And now Jamie, right? And he was like, because remember, he's optimistic

and he was like, oh, you can tell him. He needs to learn to listen to other people, Chris, you know? And then I was like, no, you tell him. And I was like, your dick made his dick.

You tell him to get his dick off my back. But don't you see, John, that's the mantra all along. Those were the words to live by that I was looking at. That was the revelation I had in that moment. Because what better phrase could get you through what is going on currently in the political climate, then listen to it. Get your dick off my back. Get your dick... Get your dick off my back.

Off my back. It's like, say it with me. It just is very cathartic. Get your dick... Off my back. Get your dick off my back. There's a lot of white people here and they are not good with unison. I was like, call and response.

I feel very uncomfortable sitting behind everybody right now in this high chair. Get your dick. This feels like it was a setup from the start. Nathan Fielder, come on out here. That's right. It's all part of it. It's also, by the way, come on out here. That's right. It's all part of it.

It's also, by the way, your second rant here that had a call and response. Remember you did a pizza rant with them and made them all shout about pizza once. I didn't make them shout about pizza. I just made them clap. It was fine. They didn't really call and response.

This time they did okay, but... Chris needs to get your dick. Oh my God! That was good, guys. That was really good. And honestly, but Chris needs to get your dick. Oh, my God. That was good, guys. That was really good. And honestly, a great place to leave it. And that's the rant wheel. When we come back, we'll end on a high note.

And we're back. Because we all need it, here it is, the high note. Hey, I am calling because my husband and I, after three very, very long months with our brand new, beautiful, wonderful twin boys, are finally reading the words of them smiling and cooing and laughing at us, and it is just the best. I love it. My name is Sarah, and I'm calling from San Francisco, CA. Hi, Lovett. My name is Sarah, and I'm calling from San Francisco, CA. My high note is that after three application cycles and lots of tears and frustration, I finally got into my top choice clinical psychology PhD program. I am so, so proud of myself and so excited to be doing the work to promote good mental health and well-being. Thanks so much for everything you do.

to promote good mental health and well-being. Thanks so much for everything you do. Bye. Hi, this is Carly from Michigan. My high note this week is the Michigan chapter of Hands and Voices. They are a group that connects people that have had deaf children to people who are dealing with deafness in their children. And my gorgeous four-month-old daughter has been diagnosed as deaf, and they have already helped me start learning sign language

and getting connected with people in the deaf and hard-of-hearing community in the state of Michigan. And I couldn't be more thankful for their help connecting me to that community that I wouldn't have been introduced to if not for this darling girl. So thank you to them. Have a good week. This is Burke from Austin, Texas, and my high note is that I will be quitting my depressing-ass job very soon

and will be traveling to Palestine and volunteering for two months with a nonprofit organization called SkatePal. Their mission is to give Palestinian youth a creative outlet to take their minds off of the stresses of Israeli occupation by creating and nurturing a skate scene in the West Bank. So I'll be helping kids figure out the basics of skateboarding and will possibly be assisting with any skate park projects that they might have coming up in the near future. So I figured that this high note would pair well with last week's show, since you managed to get everyone's favorite therapist, Tony Hawk, on the program. And Tony, if you're

listening, I will be continuing my search for Animal Chin in the Middle East, so please expect some updates. And to the Lover to Leap team, thank you so much for all the incredible work that you're doing on the show. Thank you for keeping us informed, and thank you for keeping us laughing. And last but not least, if anyone listening is interested in SkatePal or the work they do, you can check them out at skatepal.co.uk. Thanks, guys. Bye. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope,

call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Beth Lapidus, Chris Gethard, Judy Greer, and Kieran Deal. There are 563 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night. Thanks for coming out and have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Thank you. Kaplan, Alan Pierre, and Chandler Dean are our writers. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin and Stephen Colon are our audio engineers. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of

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