Lovett or Leave It - Friday News Dump!

Episode Date: March 17, 2018

McCabe gets axed, Tillerson is dethroned, Conor Lamb wins in an upset, and students walk out to protest gun violence. Plus Elizabeth Holmes is very good at seeming like she’s not a criminal and United Airlines seems to be run by a house cat. LeVar Burton and comedians Marcella Arguello and Jamie Lee join Jon to break down the week’s news. And Westworld’s Shannon Woodward stops by to help us understand what’s gone wrong with Education Secretary Betsy DeVos.

Hey everybody! Great to be back at the improv. How are you guys doing tonight? See a friend of the pod right up there. Guys, we have breaking news. I always like to see what I can tell you Twitter animals. I always like to see what I can tell you Twitter animals. Shortly before we started the show, we learned that Jeff Sessions fired FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe.

How many of you saw that? Oh, you just addicts. You news addicts. Thank you for raising your hands. It's a podcast. Very helpful for giving the people at home a sense of what's up. We also learned today, for reasons that escape understanding, that Rex Tillerson was on the toilet when he found out that he was no longer going to be U.S. Secretary of State,

which I think is interesting in and of itself. It's a fun fact that will follow him forever. But also, we found out that the nation's chief diplomat was fired while taking a shit. And it's the second most mean-spirited firing of the day. Work for Trump. He treats his people well. McCabe was two days away from getting his pension. He was eligible for his pension on Sunday. So, of course, they fired him Friday night, which is a coincidence.

And some of the evidence for this coincidence is that Trump tweeted over and over again things like, we should fire this guy so he can't get his pension. I think that'll be in the lawsuit. Guys, a little housekeeping. So we are back at the improv. We're excited to be back. We also got 1,000 Donald Trump official portraits to our portrait contest. An esteemed panel of art critics and crooked media... Oh, there they are. You guys can check them out. There's some of them.

That's just a donut on the ground. They look pretty cool. Obviously, art is best experienced in a podcast. But we have 20 finalists. The site will go live Monday to check out the finalists and vote for a winner. Crooked.com slash portrait. We'll put the winner on a bunch of merch with all the profits going to PS Arts, which supports arts education in California public schools. So we're very excited about that.

Pod Save America and Love It or Leave It are going to Florida. Pod Save America will be in Clearwater on April 5th, Miami on April 6th, Orlando April 8th. Love It or Leave It will be doing our only show of the tour in Miami on April 6th. Some people who could be there, Marco Rubio, Pitbull end of list we have an amazing show tonight tonight's panel includes John Bolton

Rick Saccone's campaign manager and someone Don Jr. just matched with on Tinder so that's very exciting that's the one joke about that I'm going to allow that's it okay I made one harmless joke about it harmless we've got an amazing panel for you tonight allow. That's it. Okay? I made one harmless joke about it.

Harmless. We've got an amazing panel for you tonight. She stars on HBO's Crashing, is the author of Ridiculous, and her debut comedy album, I Mean, is now available on iTunes. Please welcome the very funny Jamie Lee. Hi, Jamie. How are ya?

Good to see you. Sit right here. Jamie, we had a bit of a, I would call it a confrontation backstage about your drink of choice. We did. Would you mind telling people what you ordered? Sure. So my go-to alcoholic beverage is... It sounds like you said sugar-free Red red bull and vodka yeah and here's the thing

i i ordered it with a preface i was like uh hey i like have a really trashy drink order here it is and then uh marcella who we're gonna meet soon was like don't you use that preface you stand by your choice and uh i don't think you can i don't think you can stand by your choice. And I don't think you can. I don't think you can stand by your choice. I think it comes with a preface. It's like instead of a cherry, it's a preface. Yeah, I mean, I don't think you need a preface because you are one of Miami's top club promoters. It's true.

It's my side hustle. Everyone needs one. You've seen her on Comedy Central. She's a writer for Bill Nye Saves the World on Netflix, and she runs a weekly show in L.A. called Women Crush Wednesdays at Meltdown. Please welcome the hilarious Marcella Arguello. Woo-hoo!

Hi. Brr-brr-brr! It's me! I'm amazing. We don't know each other. No, I know. Yeah. You good?

Yeah. Do you think we started on the wrong foot somehow? Absolutely. Look at those shoes. Yikes. We don't know each other No I know Yeah You good? Yeah Do you think we started on the wrong foot somehow? Absolutely Look at those shoes Yikes Are those Soconis? They are Soconis?

How are you supposed to say that? We don't know We don't know We'll never know I just bought this kind of shoe in every color They come in every color on that same shoe Yep That's a comment about this specific version.

There's a lot happening. Huh. He's best known for his work as host of the hit PBS children's show Reading Rainbow and his starring role in Star Trek The Next Generation. He has a very popular podcast called LeVar Burton Reads. Please welcome LeVar Burton. Hi, LeVar. Mr. Love It. Can I leave now? No. No. No, you're in for the duration. This is called Love It or Leave It. We've never let a guest use it as a way to depart. Really? No. Truth in advertising, John. Truth in advertising, y'all.

Yes? No? No, no. All right. All right. Let's get into it. What a week. What was going on in between the end of the word and the ding?

What happened? What's the... We got one? All right. Well, Trump tends to run his administration like the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland. This week was no different. On Tuesday, Trump fired Rex Tillerson,

one of the greatest secretaries of state in modern history. He did so via Twitter, which was charming. It came out earlier today that John Kelly told reporters that Rex Tillerson was on the toilet when he heard the news, which is yet another reason people should not check

their phones while on the toilet. I don't know why you people are laughing. You're all reading tweets on the toilet. I want you know why you people are laughing. You're all reading tweets on the toilets. I want you to applaud if you don't read tweets on the toilet. There are two kinds of people in this audience right now. The silent and the liars. You sincerely do not read your phone on the toilet it's obviously it's unsanitary you don't even bring it in the bathroom look at this where's your robe and gavel you know

later that day steve goldstein the undersecretary of state told reporters that tillerson had every intention of staying the secretary did not speak to the president and is unaware of the reason that he was fired too. Obviously, we already talked about the fact that Andrew McCabe was fired this afternoon, and he found that out from a press release two days away from being eligible for his pension, so Trump's on a tear. To replace Tillerson, Trump plans to nominate CIA Director Mike Pompeo. Pompeo is a Koch-backed Benghazi conspiracy theorist who has been corrected by his own agency when he claimed Russian election meddling attempts didn't affect the election outcome. He is, by all accounts, not the best. Then it leaked that the president is in the process of firing H.R. McMaster as his national security advisor,

and it's been floated that he will be replacing him with John Bolton, the dude with the mustache who still thinks the Iraq war was a good idea, and who is legitimately the most dangerous person who could end up in that job. On top of that, from HUD to the VA to Sessions at Justice, everyone seems to be on the chopping block. LeVar, I will start with you. Rex Tillerson is about to have a lot of time on his hands. Are there any books you would recommend for someone who went from being the CEO of one of the country's largest conglomerates to being fired on the

toilet? I'm gonna recommend Everybody Poops. I think that's a good option. That'll be sort of reassuring, right? Because he can say that even though I'm famous for doing this. For the rest of this man's life, no matter where he goes, no matter what he does, he will always be known as the guy who got canned on the can. Canned on the can, episode named.

canned on the can episode named marcella uh tillerson held on to his job for a long time despite the fact uh that he he had a bad relationship with trump but it also seemed unclear what he even why he even took the job what his goals was he didn't fill a lot of key jobs in the state department obviously he will his coda uh will be the toilet. But before that, I think, is Tillerson somebody who was an adult in the room who mitigated Trump's worst instincts? Will he be remembered? What will we think of when we think of Rex Tillerson a year from now? Nothing. We won't think of it. I mean, at this point, there's so many names that are rotating that it's like, how can you even keep up with anybody why do we even need to learn anything about any of these people they're just going to be booted out i mean that it's he fires so many people that i have now just as a personal hobby

whenever i see somebody uh new or i go to a barista i'm like did you hear trump fired melania and people believe it. Which is not even a true sentence. She doesn't have a job. He could divorce her. But you can't fire her. But this shit is so wild in the White House right now that people believe that sentence when they hear it for the first time. It didn't help that Tillerson called him a fucking moron

and then couldn't muster the words to deny it. Because you know that Tillerson, that there's a part of him that's like, I was the CEO of fucking Exxon. I pumped the evil from the earth. That's my job. I run Mordor. And this reality TV show Dingus is going to tell me what to do? I'm from Exxon Mobil.

We are ruining the planet. What kind of evil genius are you? It's kind of great that Trump can humble a guy like that, don't you think? It's the one nice thing. It's the one nice thing. Jamie, what were you going to say? Oh, just that I never watched The Apprentice, but wasn't that his catchphrase, you're fired? Yes.

So he's just like doing that now? Like IRL? I mean, yes. Yes, it does seem that he is both adopting his apprentice persona in how he's doing the job, and it seems as though he's quite interested in hiring people he sees on television for key jobs moving forward. So Larry Kudlow, who you know where he stands because he wears the white collar blue shirt combination, which just says that he did cocaine and believes in Reaganomics.

Like that's like the international symbol of cocaine and Reaganomics. Like that's how you get that shirt. Right. symbol of cocaine and Reaganomics. That's how you get that shirt, right? You come out in favor of supply-side, low corporate taxes with a bunch of white shit on your nose, and they hand you a shirt with a white collar and a blue body part.

I don't think anyone else is allowed to buy those shirts. Jamie. So Tillerson leaves, obviously, unceremoniously, even though he was fired on the throne. Do you think there's a chance he will turn on Trump and tell us what he saw, or will he just sort of ride off into the sunset? I mean, I feel like he's in...

He could definitely write a very compelling, post-firing memoir. Yeah, but I feel that about everybody. I just think there's going to be a lot of really juicy books hitting up the BNN shelves pretty soon. I'm pretty psyched about it. Jamie drinks sugar-free Red Bulls.

She's easy to impress. I am. I have very low standards. So, LeVar, that will come to your podcast, all these various books attacking Trump from within the administration. I read my favorite fiction. Trump is my favorite fiction.

Right? There you go. Come on, LeVar. Maybe so. Trump will call them fiction, so that's a problem. He'll call them fake fiction is what he'll call them. Fake fiction. I will miss hearing Rex Tillerson's name because he sounds like a little dinosaur wearing a necktie.

Yes. Like it's not a believable name. Rex Tillerson. It does seem as though it's somebody that, you know, like Fred Flintstone's on the job. And then all of a sudden the rock grinders open. Yes. And he opens the door of the rock grinder and there's Rex Tillerson being like, sorry, I'm on break. And he's like, ah.

LeVar, before we move off of this topic, in addition to Trump firing people this week and really letting loose, he also did propose a space force. I don't know if you saw this. He said that we've got an air force. Why don't we have a space force? As someone who... Sp spent a lot of time

in space. Spent a fair amount of time in space. Holodecks, engineering, shifting power around from the shield to the warp core and vice versa. Depending on the needs. Absolutely. What do you make of this military space army

that Trump has proposed? I don't think it's a very plausible idea. Although it is probably one of the most solid ideas he's come up with, it still sucks as ideas go. Right because you know the federation was about exploration exactly wasn't about fighting wasn't about war it wasn't though they did fight fairly often yeah yeah yeah but you know this is unrelated but i've often thought that uh jordy had too big a portfolio on the

Enterprise. It's rare that someone's in charge of the engines and the missiles. Usually that would be a divide and conquer situation. And the holodeck. And really when anything broke, they called your character. Did you invite

LeVar just so you could have this conversation? I mean, I'll leave if you want me. Jamie will happily join me. Wait, can I also say, although LeVar has spent a lot of time in space, I spent a lot of time watching porn. Space Force sounds like an inside joke that he had with Stormy Daniels.

After they fucked, he was like, this is a good porn title Space Force and she fake laughed after she fake came. Food for thought. When we come back. Okay stop. Hey don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back!

Now it's time for a game we call OK Stop. We'll roll a clip and then when we feel like it, we say OK Stop and we talk about it. This week wasn't all bad news. On Wednesday, students from kindergarten to college walked out of classrooms to protest the NRA and gun violence. But Steve Ducey, Fox & Friends co-host

and supporting character from the film Pleasantville, assumed there must be some other explanation for the protests. Let's roll the clip. Well, parents are being told that the walkout yesterday was a memorial to the 17 victims of the school shooting in Parkland. And what frustrated me was that if you look at the website

of the organizers of the National School Walkout, they were very clear that this walkout was to pressure... Okay, stop. This woman's name is seriously Julie Gunlock. Yeah. You cannot make this shit up! You cannot make this shit up. Her name is Julie Gunlock.

Yep. Yep. Yep. I rest my case. To pass restrictive gun laws. I think a lot of parents weren't aware of that. And I have a feeling that many probably wouldn't have allowed their children to participate in that if they had known. But because it is about gun control. OK, stop. When did Carson Kressley join the Fox News team?

Oh, that's a tough hit on Carson. I did not get the memo. That's a tough hit for Carson. I hope he's not a listener. So polarizes this nation. It's a political thing. And parents should probably have the opportunity to opt their kids out if they don't want them involved. Well, many schools said it is optional.

They didn't have to do it. Okay, stop. Fox always does this, which is they just miss the days when civil disobedience and acts of public protest were apolitical. You know? When they didn't have a point. The problem with these kids walking out of these classrooms is it seems as though they're trying to make some kind of a political point. I also love the idea that parents were unaware. Like, oh, you're walking out in the middle of the day

because of the Parkland shooting. I support that. What do you mean it has to do with gun control? Also, it's not a protest if everybody says it's okay. You know? Because by definition, right? Presumably, someone has to be against it. Yeah, you said it like, I mean, can you believe it?

They're missing bio class. It's like, all right, I think they can take a day off to make a huge point. 17 minutes of just like, you know, what are you going to do? You're going to miss one, you know, earth science. You miss one kind of igneous rock. You know, you'll never you'll never know what shale is. It's like a fire drill, but way more impactful. And I would really appreciate people not telling me that shale is sedimentary.

Thank you, listeners. I love you most of all the last time I checked op-ed was two words I'm just saying yeah that says oped that just says oped

for people listening at home it says oped parents were misled about walkout I'm just saying we're criticizing kids for walking out of school

and we can't spell op-ed child is alone in the is in in the classroom. Half of his class stands up and walks out. We all understand that peer pressure is an issue. And what's so sad is that because this was billed as a memorial to the 17 victims of Parkland,

it made it look even worse if you remained in your seat. In your op-ed, you write, taxpayers should ask, is this an acceptable use of school funds because ultimately your taxes paid for it. Okay, stop. What the fuck are you talking about? It costs zero dollars to walk from homeroom to the field. It costs exactly zero dollars.

Tax dollars. What are you talking about? Kids making signs and walking out. It's a free thing. It's a good deal on the whole. Absolutely. And again, I think this isn't the role of schools. I mean, I guess I'm old-fashioned.

I think school is for learning. School should be a place where kids feel comfortable and comfortable to discuss things. Okay, stop. And that is their point. That is exactly their point. Miss Gunlock, they don't feel comfortable

being targets of mass weapons of destruction in what should be a safe place. Miss Gunlock. It would be great given that now schools across the country have to do mass shooter drills, it would be lovely to add up all the time that kids across the country are spending hiding in closets and running out of their schools and discussing whether or not to run, to fight, or to hide with their teachers,

who can't afford school supplies. Add up all that time compared to the 17 minutes of protest. Is this a good use of our taxpayer dollars? I ask you. Ms. Gunlock. Because taxpayer dollars are going towards mass shooter drills, Ms. Gunlock. Ms. Gunlock. This certainly was an unfortunate misstep, I think.

I think schools getting involved in this and helping to coordinate was not a good use of their time. What Fox News can't say is this is a student-led movement that we have a policy disagreement with. So obviously, even though this has been spearheaded by kids, idea came from kids, led by kids, it's kids who walked out of class. They have to make it about anything else. It has to be about teachers that may have helped because they agree with the kids or tax dollars or wasted time or time that should be spent learning. Because what they can't reckon with is, no, this is a student-led movement. This is an organic student movement speaking out against the policies that your network supports. It's not pre-brainwashed approved.

Right. Right? Because, I mean, the education system, it's, I mean, they're still teaching kids that Christopher Columbus was good. You know what I mean? Yeah, that he was a great guy. And so it's like, we didn't approve this, so you can't teach it. Yeah, I feel like they feel really defanged because they're like,

how old are they, 17? 50 years from now they're going to watch the shit out of Fox News. In a year from now they're going to vote everybody out. I hope. Let's hope. And that's OK Stop. When we come back,

a Conor Lamb game. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! This week, Democratic candidate Conor Lamb won a special election in a very Republican Pennsylvania congressional district. Of course, this was not supposed to be possible.

The district was too red. Paul Ryan and his pals explained that Trump tax cuts were a winning issue, plus the GOP and outside groups spent millions attacking Conor Lamb, calling him a pro-amnesty Pelosi liberal. But once Conor won, the weirdest thing happened. Suddenly he wasn't so liberal after all. So we thought we'd highlight some of the most egregious spin in a game we call Out with the Lion, In with the Lamb.

Would anyone out there like to play the game? Hi, what's your name? Erica. Erica. And where are you from, Erica? I'm from New Jersey, but I live in Pasadena. Sweet. Are you ready to play the game, Erica?

I'm ready. All right. Question number one. Before the election, President Donald Trump tweeted in broken English, quote, Conor Lamb will always vote for Pelosi and Dems, will raise taxes, weak on crime and border. What did he say at a fundraiser just a day after Conor Lamb won the race? Was it A? My fellow rich people, the Trump-Obama voters are turning on us.

Gather your loved ones. Operation Bastille is in effect. We head for the catacombs to wait out the revolution. Don't forget your ID bracelets. Or was it B? Hey, did you guys hear that I fired Rex Tillerson while he was on the toilet? Eat it, real CEOs. I can fire you while you're taking a shit.

Or was it C? The young man last night that ran, he said, Oh, I'm like Trump Trump he ran on a campaign that said very nice things about me I said is he a Republican he sounds like a Republican to me so I know that A is too coherent and it's definitely C you got it question number two Val DiGiorgio which may sound like the name of your mom's divorced friend who moved to Florida and got really into turquoise jewelry, but is actually the name of the chair of the Pennsylvania Republican Party, said before the election, quote, Lamb is a dyed-in-the-wool liberal on taxes, on Second Amendment, on pro-life.

What did he say after Lamb won? Was it A? Democrats chose to run someone who is a conservative. Was it A? Democrats chose to run someone who is a conservative. Was it B? It's difficult for me to admit it, but working people are smarter than I think they are, and no one is buying the fact that this tax cut is doing anything at all for the middle class.

Also, I love turquoise jewelry. Or was it C? Okay, I gotta tell you, this is a tough blow. Val DiGiorgio puts on a brave face, but Val DiGiorgio can't take much more of this. First the Eagles won, now this? Val DiGiorgio needs a win. Val DiGiorgio needs a hug.

Val DiGiorgio sounds like he comes from New Jersey. I'm going to say A. You got it. Liberal before the election, conservative after. Question number three. After Conor Lamb won on Tuesday night, RNC spokesperson Kayleigh McEnany went on television and said the following, quote, Conor Lamb has run as a Republican.

He's pro-gun. He says he's pro-coal. He's pro-tariff. He says he's anti-Nancy Pelosi. Imagine that. A Democratic candidate who's against Nancy Pelosi. He has made himself into a Republican. What did she say just

24 hours earlier on Fox News? Was it A? I am a consistent person and I will never say one thing one day and a different thing the next. That's just not who I am. And if one day my words will be used on a political comedy podcast, they will never be able to find a single inconsistency in my statements, especially not two statements made just 24 hours apart from one another. Was it B? Listen to me clearly. I will never contradict myself. I don't care if there's a very popular comedy podcast

with an incredibly intelligent host who has a strikingly handsome haircut and an angel of a dog. They will never be able to find a time where I'm contradicting myself. And it definitely won't happen when they get to the third panelist and they read the real quote that is obviously the answer. And it's something that is the exact opposite of a different quote

they had already set up in the question, it ain't gonna happen. Or was it C? Make no mistake about it. Conor Lamb is not pro-Trump. He's a Democrat. He's a puppet of Nancy Pelosi. And if the voters of this district,

and I know they went for Trump by 20%, if they want Trump governance in Washington, they have to go with Rick, whatever the fucking dude's last name is. So it's a tough choice, but I think it's C. It is C. Buh-buh-buh!

I love how you do that. I feel, I just like, I didn't know that someone could make that sound in a way that evokes it. Yeah. You know,

it's not, you're not impersonating it, it is an impression. Yeah, I mean, it's the Latina roots in me. It's just in me. You're born with it.

It's so cool. Erica, you've won the game. Yay. Brr, br've won the game. You won a parachute gift card. You do get sheets. Guys, give it up for Erica and our panel. When we come back,

a special guest will join for a dramatic reading. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back! Over the weekend, Betsy DeVos went on television and said a bunch of words in the shape of thoughts meant to convey ideas.

It was such a bad interview that it seemed very much like she was having some sort of a glitch. And so we have a special guest to help us explore this. You know her from Raising Hope and Westworld. Please give it up for Shannon Woodward! Hi, Shannon.

Hi! How are ya? I'm good, how are you? I'm good, thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. Shannon, you will be playing Betsy DeVos. Yeah. And I will be. We need to spoil it.

And I will be playing someone who fixes robots. What's that like? Let's see if we can get to the bottom of this 60 minute situation. All right, shall we begin? Bring her back online. Can you hear me? Yes. What's your name?

I'm Betsy DeVos. Please speak like a person who has never faced an obstacle. I'm Betsy DeVos! Tell us what you think of your world. Some choose to see the ugliness in the education system. The disarray. I choose to see the beauty. So you really screwed up in that

60 Minutes interview, Betsy. Something is up with you. Let's run through some of the questions so you can figure out what's wrong here, okay? I'll be Leslie Stahl. And who am I? You're you. I'm you. Okay, whatever. Let's just start. Have you seen the really bad schools?

I have not intentionally visited schools that are underperforming. See, that's a terrible answer. I'm sorry. How could you claim to know how to fix underperforming schools if you don't visit underperforming schools? Some people choose to see the ugly ones. No, no, no. You already said that. I'm sorry. I don't feel like myself today.

Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality? No. I'm a billionaire. Do you ever feel inconsistencies in your worldview? I'm sorry. I don't understand. Could you repeat that? Well, you support school choice, but then it does not improve the schools in Michigan where you've had the most influence on the direction of the schools. Schools are made up of individual students attending them. What does that...

What about the poor kids in the schools that lose money because of school choice? Teachers need guns to shoot bears. Okay. She's glitching. Let's do a hard reset. In her next cycle, let's try making her Secretary of State,

see what happens. Just... What about supporting teachers' unions? That doesn't sound, see what happens. Just, what about supporting teachers unions? That doesn't sound like anything to me. Yeah, hard reset. We're done here. End scene. End scene. Guys, give it up for Shannon Woodward.

Thanks, guys. When we come back, a Rex Tillerson game. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Obviously, we said goodbye to Rex Tillerson this week, but he is just one name added to a growing list who have been fired from or

who have fled from the Trump administration it can be hard to keep track who out there things they know a lot about the various people who have departed the Trump orbits we need one person in merch and we need one person who isn't in merch this game will pit two audience members against each other. Who would like to play? Hi, what's your name? Mike. Mike. And you are wearing merch. Yes. Thank you for

doing that. Here's how this is going to work. Our panelists have clues and it will be your job to listen to those clues and in 45 seconds try to get as many departed Trump administration officials as you possibly can.

Okay? Okay. Are you ready? Can we get 45 seconds on the clock? Let's start. Reality Star was on The Apprentice. I'm Marissa. Got it.

This guy was the press secretary and... Spicer. Yeah. It just got fired. The game is named after him. Oh, Rex. Yeah. Ran the FBI.

Tweets, photos of... McCabe. No. Tweets, photos of... Yeah. He got fired after 24 hours. He's like cocaine in human form. Scaramucci.

Yes. He pled guilty to Mueller, flipped on Trump, Obama warned Trump he might be compromised. He probably committed real treason. Flynn. How many did he get? Six. Mike, you got six. Give it up for Mike.

And what's your name? Jim. Jim. I'm going to lose. Let's see how Jim does. Let's get 45 seconds on the clock. So Jim, I'm going to read you clues, and your job will be to get as many of these

departed Trump administration officials as you possibly can in 45 seconds. I'm distracted because the sound effects are making me think of Stormy Daniels on 60 Minutes. Jim, we don't want your excuse. Leave the jokes to the professionals, bro. She won't even look at you. Jim, are you ready?

Let's get 45 seconds on the clock. He was born on February 20th, 1971. He earned his Bachelor of Arts in History from James Madison University. Don Flynn. Born in Virginia. Chuck. In his Wikipedia portrait, his tie is blue and white.

Larry Kudlow. He follows 820 people on Twitter. I don't know. He's white. Everyone in here. On February 28th, he tweeted, quote, Nepotism is for suckers. Come on, Jim.

Was that Ronald Reagan? Jim, you're not even close. I tried. It was ethics watchdog Walter Schaub. Duh. That was my next guess Walter Schaub. Duh. Should have worn merch, Jim. You blew it. Guys, give it up for the winner of our game, Mike.

Yay, Mike. Who defeats Jim 6-0. Killed it. Defeated champ. Not even close. Not even close. Embarrassing. Who's embarrassing now?

When we come back, the Railwheel. Thank you guys for caring about my drink intake. Is that really sugar-free Red Bull and vodka? Why wouldn't it be, LeVar? Because who drinks sugar-free Red Bull and vodka? Let's hear it. I think she's done quite a good job of it herself. Wow, LeVar.

Wow. Really? Wow. Read this fucking rainbow, LaVar. Wow. Really? Wow. Read this fucking rainbow, LaVar. And we're back. Yes. Now for a segment we call the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin this wheel and wherever it lands, we call the rant wheel. Here's how it works.

We spin this wheel, and wherever it lands, we rant about that topic. This week on the wheel, we have antibiotic resistance, space force, Beyonce and Jay-Z haters, button fly jeans, Elizabeth Holmes, Twitter moments, United dog deaths. Yeah, we're going to talk about it. March madness. That's the final one. Something called March madness. Twitter moments, United dog deaths. Yeah, we're going to talk about it. March Madness. That's the final one. Something called March Madness. Let's spin the wheel.

Oh, yeah. It has landed on Beyonce and Jay-Z haters, which I believe was a suggestion that came to us via Marcella. Yeah, it's just funny watching people talk shit about Jay-Z so much. The tickets went on sale this week. I don't know if you guys know. My roommate bought me tickets. He's gay.

I don't have to suck his dick. It's great. And I'm really, really frustrated with people that are always always like I can't believe she's still with him Jay-Z cheated on her and it's like first of all this whole shit was it's a scam the double album double tour they've planned this out for years this has been going like a like I wouldn't be surprised if she talked him into cheating on her. She just called him up like, hello? Is this Beyonce's husband?

Oops, I mean, Jay. It's me, Beyonce. Hey, cheat on me so we can get this money. That's their whole relationship. They're business people. She made lemonade. She got an HBO special on people. She made lemonade. Yeah.

She got an HBO special. They're cheating. I mean, come on. Yeah, it's brilliant. I love it. Stop talking shit about them. Yeah. You either buy the tickets or you don't.

Also, they have to stay together because like when they were sitting at the, what were in the front row? What was the, where they brought? Grammys. Was it the Grammys? Oh, yeah. And they're sitting there and they look like they're like straight out of Beetlejuice.

She's wearing that weird. And then just feeding the kid the juice box. I was like, you guys are just perfect. Please never change. Yeah. They're great. I mean, what are they going to do? Date?

Yeah, what are they going to do? Go on dates? Could you imagine they're going to date? Ew. Ew. That's disgusting. Let's spin it again. Where do these bacteria get off?

These bacteria, don't they know? Yeah. Be susceptible. Yeah, me too. To the old drugs and the new. Time's up. I agree. You know?

Eating up people. Yeah. Developing resistance in the bodies of pigs that we give too much antibiotic to to support a massive system of cruel and environmentally destructive factory farming. But see, if we don't use our phones in the toilet, we get a weak immune system. And then we get antibiotic. You know, anyways. This poor woman never touches her phone in the toilet, leaves her vulnerable. She's disgusting.

She makes me sick. Yeah. Violently ill. You think you're better than us. Walk around. Look at you. You got that. You walk around.

You put the. Oh, she's. Her shoes are really. She just wanted to clown at his shoes. Yeah, motherfucker. Yeah. She just pointed to her. His shoes are whack.

Even she knows. She just pointed to her gorgeous. What are they? Are they like clogs? Platforms? Let me see those again. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, you can definitely. You shit clean, girl. Don't let me tell you. So you're not reading anything in there? You print anything out and throw it away? What's going on? No, I know you're using your phone outside of the bathroom, but I'm saying, what are you doing?

Just running through your to-do list in there? What's on your mind? We all, as LeVar pointed out... Were you about to say, like, to think? Oh, to focus. Focus on what? Yeah. She just admitted she's constantly constipated.

Because I'll just be honest, when I'm in there, I have spare bandwidth, all right? That's what my situation is. when I'm in there, I got, I have, I have spare bandwidth. All right. I, I, that's what, that's what my situation is. So you just, that's a moment for you. That's your time.

You should put that on your resume. Like I'm a very focused shitter. And that's something that I can bring to this job in acquisitions. Yeah. Let's spin it again. Yeah, deal with it. It has landed on United. So let's just deal with it for one second. Obviously, a dog died because it was put in the overhead bin of a United flight at the request of a flight attendant, but a flight attendant has obviously received the correct amount of scorn, which is total scorn.

However, I would like to say something controversial. Did you all see this story? Everybody saw this story. I didn't, and now I'm very upset. So, a few of the passengers who witnessed this took to social media after to talk about just how upset they were. And one of the posts said something like, I can't believe that flight attendant put that dog up there in the overhead bin. We had to all sit there and listen as that dog whimpered until it went quiet. And I think it's okay to blame the passengers too.

Yeah, me too. And I said this on Twitter.com, which everyone saw in the bathroom except for this lovely woman. And I got the stupidest fucking responses. Things like, it's actually against the law to violate the request of a flight attendant. Yeah, I know that. But you still take the dog out of the overhead bin and you take your chances down on Earth where we fucking love dogs.

What trial are you talking about? Your Honor, the people are here to prosecute this person. What's the charge? Saved a dog. And who is the injured party? United Airlines. Imagine that jury. They're just the worst airline.

Like, officially the worst airline. I think it is official. Yeah. Well, also, the person who, the dog owner, why would you just not walk off the plane? Like, where do you need to be that you're going to allow your dog to be in an overhead bin? Right. The point is, it's bullshit up there in the skies.

These people are like tyrants. But we should push back. I thought you were going to say fuck United. That's the point. Also, fuck United. For sure. Let's spin it again. It was landed on March Madness.

Calm down. You know? Everybody calm down. Who are these teams? Teams I only hear of once a year. Gonzaga. Villanova. It sounds like they're picking a pope.

And every year I get invited to fill out a bracket by various groups of people that fill out brackets. And then I think, well, I don't want to be left out of the fun. I should fill out a bracket by various groups of people that fill out brackets. And then I think, well, I don't want to be left out of the fun. I should fill out a bracket. I have no information. Do you have any information? I have no information. Oh, Buffalo beat Arizona. What an upset. Boo.

That guy's got skin in the game. Also, they don't pay these players anything. Bullshit. Pay those players. Yes. I'm an outsider to this process. I don't know what's going on over in the NCAA. I don't understand any of it.

It just seems crazy to me that basically the Knicks and then, you know, Purdue, it looks like the same sport to me. And everybody makes the same amount of money except the Knicks, the players are millionaires. But on Purdue, they're on stipends. And if they take a Nike shoe by accident, they go off to the slammer. They throw those kids in jail. It's like, you're not allowed to accept that.

That's an expensive watch to jail with you. Right? That's how it works. It's a broken system. It's broken. We need to fix it. We got to fix it. We got to fix it.

Pay those players. Pay these kids. Seems simple to me. Let's spin it again. Okay. It has landed on Elizabeth Holmes. Have you guys been following the saga of Elizabeth Holmes? She founded a company that was going to revolutionize blood testing,

but it turns out that she made it all up, and she was just an incredible grifter. So she was fined this week by the SEC. It looks like she's going to lose some of her stock. She's going to be charged a bunch of money, and this sort of jig is up on her giant scheme that basically she had said that she invented a new way of testing blood that was going to be simpler and quicker and acquired much less blood. And then over the course of several years, the Wall Street Journal actually did this incredible investigative journalism and uncovering slowly but surely that their product didn't work, that she was lying to everybody, that she was just an incredible con artist.

Now, I met Elizabeth Holmes at a party. And I would like to tell you about the story of meeting Elizabeth Holmes at a party. So did someone say I'm on the board? Oh, Mattis is also on the board. So 0 and 2 in terms of judgment from that guy. And you're right, Mattis is on the board. So after one of these Wall Street Journal stories came out, and the stories are just absolutely devastating.

They're basically like, it's just a hamster wheel, and the hamster runs around, and they pretend it has blood. You know, it was like that bad. And she'd taken all this money. She was like on the cover. She's always wearing a black turtleneck like Steve Jobs. And it was like she was on the cover of Fortune magazine holding a light bulb.

Like, that's the level. And I met her at this party. I don't do well at parties. I'd had a drink. Small talk eludes me. I walked up to her and somebody introduced us and walked away. People are often walking away from me

at parties. Talk to her. She said, I'm Elizabeth Holmes. How's it going? she said, hi, I'm Elizabeth Holmes. I said, oh, how's it going? And she said, very well. And I said, I saw that Wall Street Journal story. It looks really bad.

And she spent the next like 10 minutes with the most sincere and intense look in her face walking me through how she was going to be vindicated, that the story was bullshit, that the truth was going to come out, that these reporters at the Wall Street Journal never looked at the actual evidence, that she would ultimately prevail, that she was bringing on a new PR team

that was going to get the truth out, that her product works, that she doesn't care about this bad press because all that matters is the product because the product is the thing I care about I mean she was the most sincere honest seeming person just so passionate about the work that she was doing it's probably how she got mad us on board you know looking at somebody in the eyes and really convincing them and I remember walking out of that party and I called somebody on the phone I was like I think this Elizabeth Holmes is getting railroaded. She is captivating.

I believe her. I bought some stock. That Elizabeth Holmes is charming and brilliant. She is my best friend. I gave her my number and she seemed like she wrote it down. And I think we're going to go to a movie. And I'm excited about it because we can keep talking about this cool company and all the stuff that it's doing. And I did give myself a caveat.

I said, like, here's how persuasive she was. She made this great art. She talked about all these people she was hiring to set the record straight. She walked me through it all. And I said, it seems like maybe she's getting a raw deal. Or she's a sociopath. So that's my Elizabeth Holmes story. LeVar?

I just have one question about Elizabeth Holmes. Actually, two. Do you think she will do any time? You know, we live in a world in which there is no justice. Let me ask you this. Is she a white woman? She is a white lady. You know, though it's interesting,

she's going to have a legal team in her favor. It always seems to be so hard to prosecute these kinds of white-collar crimes, especially cases like this. But in a financial crisis, the people that were responsible for the kind of systemic problems never paid a price. But we got made off, right? And it's almost as if she is so egregious that the kind of daily unjust practices of the companies that raise money, the kind of unfairnesses and the way that Silicon Valley isn't held to the same standard as the rest of us in our dealings. It seems like we're not very good at punishing those

kinds of crimes, but we get the super bad actors to make us feel a little bit better as a system as a whole, right? Like Madoff goes to jail, but nobody responsible for bringing down the economy, for the subprime mortgage crisis, for the financial crisis, for the derivative crisis, and everything that flowed from 2007. None of those people ended up in jail, but we got made up. So I don't know. I don't know. This does seem like a real slap on the wrist. I think the fine, somebody can correct me, but it wasn't like 520, 530,000. Anybody catch it? Ignorant morons. But I think she owes like several hundred thousand dollars and she's forced to give up some of her stock. But I mean, this was a massive fraud and it put people in danger she tried to get her machine

into circulation I believe that like one of the major Walgreens yeah one of the major chains had one of her machines in it so uh that sucks um so I don't know if she'll ever end up going to jail but I do think she's going to spend a bunch of years in jail. You think Trump's going to hire her? Oh, yeah, no, she's our new head of health and human services. She's the new health, yeah. She's the head of blood. It's a new department.

It's a new department. Yeah, she got hired on the toilet. So it all comes full circle. Okay, I want to thank Shannon Woodward for doing a dramatic reading. I want to thank our incredible panel, Jamie Lee, LeVar By, Marcella Arguello. Thank you guys all for coming out tonight.

Have a great night. I'm so glad I stayed. LeVar is glad he stayed. It's not a big deal It's not a big deal