Lovett or Leave It - Ghosted by Grimes

Episode Date: April 9, 2022

Lovett or Leave It pulls on its cowboy boots and takes its Lactaid pills for a queso-filled quorum in Austin, Texas. Beto O’Rourke takes on Greg Abbott and plays Queen for a Day. Ali Clem of la Barbecue and Akilah Hughes help us put the BBQ in LGBTQ. Tate Donavan helps Lovett call out the not-so-magical inspiration behind the Magic Kingdom. And we let the Rant Wheel spin, pardner.Text Lovett to 20377 to help Texas elect Beto O'Rourke.Help asylum-seekers, migrants and refugees at the border: https://borderkindness.org/For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Austin, Texas. It is so great to be back. So great to be back. Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live or Else here in the great city of Austin in the best state with the worst leaders in the country. Last night, I complained that the Tex-Mex I was eating was not down and dirty enough. So we made sure this show is absolutely filthy. Akilah Hughes is here. Just when she thought she was out,

we pull her back in. Your next governor, Beto O'Rourke, is here. We just have to coax him down from a folding table backstage. Come on, Beto, this way. Allie Clem of La Barbecue is here. I will create the best podcast content there is, eating while having a conversation. And have you ever heard of Dam rocket man hercules love potion number nine

tate donovan is here too grimes is not here i don't think we did invite her uh they she did not respond to our emails but we did leave a chair for Grimes. This is our Grimes chair. We know she travels through the metaverse, so there's an outfit here in which she can or cannot materialize, if that's how it works. Grimes will be the Elijah of our event tonight.

We genuinely didn't know if there'd be Jews here. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, let's remember. You know, hoot and holler and let them know we're all getting together. I like it here. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Today, Vice President Kamala Harris announced the Senate's confirmation of Katonji Brown Jackson to the Supreme Court.

Republicans skulked out of the chamber like they just lost a dance-off to tear down the community center. This is highly unusual. All right. Earlier this week, Lindsey Graham declared that Republicans wouldn't have held a hearing for Katonji Brown Jackson's nomination to the Supreme Court at all if they controlled the Senate.

Lindsey, buddy, we know. We can see she's black, too. Not to be outdone, Marjorie Taylor Greene literally tweeted, Romney, Murkowski, and Collins are pro-pedophile. They just voted for hashtag KBJ. That tweet is still up, by the way. And boy, is Elon Musk becoming a Twitter shareholder not going to help. That app is about to be 90% pedophilia accusations and 10% cartoon NFT apes who, interestingly enough, are pedophiles. Elon Musk owning a stake in Twitter?

No one can convince me that this is interesting. What's he going to do? Ruin Twitter? How would we know? Grimes? still nothing Grimes is probably

often silent in the face of Elon saying or doing things that are quite stupid so this is exactly what Grimes would do if Grimes were here that's why Grimes left

for Chelsea Manning, which no one had in Mad Libs. Anyway, in a recent speech delivered to like-minded ghouls, Marjorie Taylor Greene also said this. The immoral, disgusting, evil left is attacking our children. They are child predators.

And I'm not kidding you. Look at what is happening at Disney right now. Disney wants to completely take your children and they want to indoctrinate them into sexual, immoral filth. Well, at least someone got what they were trying to do with LeFou. Marjorie, you can't just call everyone you disagree with a pedophile. That's a word for a very specific situation,

like when a British diver refuses to use your fake submarine to rescue a soccer team from a Thai cave. I see your quizzical expression. Elon Musk did that. And what's amazing about that is, imagine, sir, if there was a product in the world, and you became famous because you used that product to do something terrible.

Like, let's say you went to Lowe's, and you bought red spray paint, and then you went to the side of the Lowe's, and you spray painted on the side of the Lowe's uh this stranger I dislike is a pedophile and then you got a phone call from Lowe's said sir we like the cut of your jib we'd love to add you to the board that'd be strange the Huffington Post followed up with Josh Hawley this week about his confirmation hearing questions, asking him to define woman. In response, Hawley said,

someone who can give birth to a child, a mother is a woman, someone who has a uterus is a woman, it doesn't seem that complicated to me. When asked if a woman who had a uterus removed would still be a woman, Hawley said, yeah, well, I don't know. Would they? I mean, a woman. Holly said, yeah, well, I don't know. Would they?

I mean, a woman has a vagina, right? How many holes is a woman, Josh Holly asked, before demanding to know if they pee out of the same one, a phrase he repeated over and over. Sex ed is important. It wouldn't have helped us. In other news, a New York City pickup artist who participated in the January 6th attack on the Capitol has been sentenced to three and a half years in prison.

He thought he could neg democracy itself. has been sentenced to three and a half years in prison. He thought he could neg democracy itself. The New York Times reported that President Biden has privately expressed frustration with Attorney General Merrick Garland's deliberate pace in pursuing charges against Donald Trump and his inner circle. White House Chief of Staff Ron Klain quickly denied that report to ABC News,

saying, I've never heard the president say that. Advocate for the prosecution of any person. Klain quickly added, except when he's watching the Rockford files. He gets into it. This goes on. Bear with me. I want you to know that what I'm about to do was for me, and no one I read this to approved it.

Everybody ready? We need an attorney general like Rockford, President Biden told White House Chief of Staff Ron Klain on several occasions. For 200 bucks, he'll find your missing sister. Rockford wouldn't be sitting on these indictments. He'd be in that trailer in Paradise Cove, cracking the case, doesn't need a gun.

He's got his gosh darn wits. Rockford, the Rockford Files, James Garner, modern day Maverick. I got that out of pity. I set it up to succeed. Speaking of Trump, in a new interview with the Washington Post, the former president confirms that he spoke with Ginny Thomas many times while he was in the White House,

but denies knowing she was trying to install fake electors to overturn his defeat. Then what the fuck did they talk about? So how many times do you have to flush the toilet, Ginny? Do all wives wake up screaming in the night, or is that just a Melania thing? In the interview, Donald Trump whined that he too found himself wondering why someone wasn't stopping the Capitol insurrection. I thought it was a shame, and I kept asking, why isn't she doing something about it? Why isn't Nancy Pelosi doing something about it? And the mayor of D.C., I hated seeing it, and I assumed they were just taking care of it. However, Trump also claimed that he was preparing

to march on the Capitol with his supporters, but was held back. The Secret Service said, I couldn't go. I would have gotten there in a minute. From the man who forced the Secret Service to drive him around in a van while he was actively riddled with COVID comes the hit single, The Secret Service Said I Couldn't Go. In defense of the Secret Service, there is no way Trump would have survived a mile and a half march. It's their job to make sure he doesn't get killed, even if it's by one of his own arteries. Trump also bragged about the crowd size at the insurrection, but in fairness to Trump, the crowd only looked larger than usual because of all the tactical gear they brought to help them murder Mike Pence. A lot of backpacks.

In happier news, the New York Attorney General moved Thursday to hold Trump in contempt of court for refusing to abide by their subpoena and is asking to fine him $10,000 a day until he complies. Those $10 fines should be paid directly to the American people who are about to experience pissing and moaning like the world has never seen. The White House is planning to fix the Affordable Care Act's family glitch, which prevents some families from qualifying for assistance. The change could help up to 5.1 million Americans receive health insurance. The good news is these families can now qualify for subsidies as long as all of their kids come out as trans.

Let's see the right wing do something with that. All right? Meanwhile, the administration continues to refuse to address the family glitch that produced Chet Hanks. Take accountability. Nancy Pelosi tested positive for COVID this week, but is reportedly asymptomatic and feeling fine. I'm not one to start rumors. All I'm saying is if Bono also tests positive,

something's officially going on with those two. Madison Cawthorn. Took to the House floor Monday to offer his definition of a woman. Madison Cawthorn knows exactly what a woman. Madison Cawthorn knows exactly what a woman is. It's any person

the RAs warned to never be alone with Madison Cawthorn. Of course, that's not the only thing Madison said. You might amend a bill, but you'll never amend biology.

Science is not Burger King. You can't just have it your way. I am the youngest member of the House of Representatives, and I never imagined that one of my sacred duties in this hallowed chamber would be explaining to the House Speaker the difference between a man and a woman. Take notes, Madam Speaker. I'm about to define what a woman is for you. XX chromosomes, no tallywhacker. It's so simple. A woman has long hair, and a man doesn't cry at the end of Toy Story 3. A woman has boobies,

and a man learns absolutely nothing about compassion from the very real and difficult experience he seems to have had in his life. A woman is mommy, and a man is president. I am mommy's strong man. I have something to tell you. I still would. All right, all right, all right.

You should only fuck Democrats. Senate negotiators have agreed to a $10 billion COVID relief package. I heard you. Which will fund vaccines and treatments here in the U.S., but won't include any funds for the global pandemic response. Here in the U.S., we like our variants like our consumer electronics, created through needless suffering abroad. What are you owing? What do you think that is? Reality? Chief Justice John Roberts joined with the Supreme Court's liberal justices in dissenting against the court's five to four vote to reinstate

a Trump-era regulation restricting the Clean Air Act, which they did through the shadow docket, which means they provided no explanation whatsoever. Justice Roberts joined Justice Kagan in saying that the majority's order renders this court's emergency docket not for emergencies at all. The court issued the shadow docket decision without explanation a day after Justice Amy Coney Barrett urged Americans to read the opinion before judging a decision they disagree with. This is the Supreme Court version of inviting you to take a closer look at their oversized flower lapel pin, and then, when you lean real close, shooting you with a water

gun, but then you realize this water gun forces you to carry your uncle's baby to term. I know, I know it, I know it. Tough to say. Amazon, alright, yeah, booing while checking to see if your package got delivered.

This whole country, we're all booing Amazon while waiting feverishly for a product from a made-up brand to come. Seven random letters strung together. Thank you. Boo. Boo. Come on. Amazon will reportedly block certain labor-related keywords on their internal messaging app, including union, slave labor, living wage, restrooms, and this is dumb.

You know, when you've turned the words restrooms into a crediker, you're the villain in the story. We can't have people using these heated political terms like toilet and foot pain. In Michigan, more than 3,000 people were affected when a helium-filled mylar balloon entangled in a power line causing a power outage due to the aluminum lining.

It's a girl. Mark Zuckerberg revealed in a recent interview that meta employees have a loving way of referring to him. They say this lovingly, but I think that they sometimes refer to my attention as the eye of Sauron. Yeah, sure, Mark. It's with love.

Don't draw the evil eye. They said lovingly I get it alright Brian and Kendra refer to me as mean Ellen DeGeneres and I know it's with love a rogue fox on Capitol Hill bit at least nine people

including a California congressman before being captured by animal control. Look, I don't want to blame the victim here. But after the eighth rabid fox attack, maybe finish your sweet greens inside. Anyway, the fox is up 10 points in the Colorado primary, calling Lauren Boebert too establishment for refusing to bite Democrats. I'm just kidding. They euthanized the fox. What do you think they do to a rabid fox?

One of my favorite aspects of doing these shows is the booing of reality. Yeah, it's tough. And finally, a romance novelist who published a 2011 essay titled How to Kill Your Husband

is now on trial for killing her husband. In fairness to the novelist, her article did clearly say that authorities hate this one weird trick for killing your husband. The trick? Shooting him with a gun. When we come back, Beto O'Rourke is here. And we're back. I fully plan to enter a meat coma later in the show, so before I do, I want to be at my sharpest. As we speak,

Texas Republicans are taking aim at women and doctors, trying to literally ban pride, refusing to take responsibility for a power crisis that killed hundreds, targeting trans kids and their loving parents while seeking to undermine voting rights so they can't be held accountable by the people of this state. Here to discuss his fight to stop them and his race for governor, please welcome the man, the myth, the basest, Beto O'Rourke.

I love you. Look at this. So, let's start with this. Beto, when was the moment you thought, oh, shit, I have to run again? Welcome to Texas. Oh, thanks for having me. Thank you.

I love it here. Glad that you're here. I feel so lucky to be here with you, to be here with all these amazing people, to be continuing the work that we started and that tens of thousands of Texans have been a part of, knocking on doors, meeting voters, reaching those in the most voter-suppressed state in the country who are the targets of this intimidation and bringing them into this election. And the very people who were supposed to not vote because of these volunteers who are signing up and are out there with us are going to be the margin of victory on the 8th of November 2022 and are going to get this state on the right track.

So I'm so excited to be doing this and to be doing it with such great people. So a couple of weeks ago here in Austin, you said something I thought was surprising to hear so plainly. You said you're seeing the continued rise of authoritarians and thugs around the world. And we have our own right here in the state of Texas. Friend of the show, Evan Smith, the Texas Tribune asked you point blank, is Greg Abbott a thug? Now, most politicians hear a question like that and they want it to be implied, but then they dodge it, right? They say, oh, I'm really just troubled by what this person is doing. But you said it plainly. You said, he's a thug, he's an authoritarian. Can you talk a little bit about that? And then I want to get at why

being that blunt is just not done. Yeah. So in the context of the question, we were talking about the failure of the power grid in the energy capital of the world here last year that caused the deaths of hundreds of our fellow Texans, billions of dollars in property damage. without water because their pipes froze, not for hours, but for days. And this guy jacked the price of natural gas, which powers the generators that spin off the electricity, for days so that his buddies and campaign contributors could literally make billions of dollars and then turns around and accepts a $1 million campaign contribution check from his own personal oligarch, Kelsey Warren, here in the state of Texas, and enforces all of us, every single one of us who pays a utility bill in Texas to foot the bill at the end of the day. Not only is that thuggish behavior on large scale across all Texans, but you mentioned earlier, he's targeting

transgender children right now in this state and their parents, who are the most loving human beings on the planet, who are trying to help their kids navigate one of the toughest moments in their lives. And he's doing that when we have a real challenge and crisis in our foster care system that could use some attention. 30,000 kids in child protective services, many of them will be sleeping in those offices, on the floors, under the desks tonight. More than a hundred of them lost their lives in our custody and care in the state of Texas just in the last year, and hundreds of them have been trafficked for sex right here in the state of Texas while they were in CPS custody or sent out to private organizations.

That is thuggish behavior. And then this attack on women in the state of Texas, literally denying every woman her reproductive health care rights and putting a $10,000 bounty on the back of anyone who assists any woman. Only a thug would do that. And we have to call it out. We need to make sure people understand the cost and consequence of this guy being in power and having another term. And I think when people have those facts, they make the choice that we can all agree on. Greg Abbott will have served his last term by the end of this year, and we're going to elect somebody who can really represent Texas going forward.

by the end of this year, and we're going to elect somebody who can really represent Texas going forward. So one of the challenges I think we face across the country is you have this massive right-wing propaganda apparatus that is designed to make Democrats seem evil, terrible, not like you. Then we have a kind of cynical mainstream press that's pretty timid and afraid to kind of really be honest about what's become of the modern Republican Party. And there are moments where being a Democrat and saying what's going on makes you sound a bit like a Cassandra, right? Like you're just, you're crying wolf, you're saying things are terrible, you're saying they're a threat. What is it like when you kind of take this message on the road, unmediated by mainstream political coverage? Two things. One, we've got to call things for what they really are by their true names.

And that's what we're doing when we call Greg Abbott a thug and make sure that people understand that he's really harming among the most vulnerable in the state of Texas. And when he does that to some, he really does that to all of us. But then you also have to present what you're going to do as an alternative on every one of those issues. So on the power grid, we're going to make sure that we keep the lights on by winterizing the gas supply, by connecting ERCOT, our grid to the national grid, by getting those illegal profits back from those billionaires and returning it to the rate payer. When it comes to CPS, we're going to hire more CPS caseworkers. We're going to pay them what they're really worth. We're not going to privatize the administration of these kids in the foster care system. And when I'm governor, every woman makes her own decision about her own body and her own future each and every single time. So if you can put those two together, if you can get past just

describing how fucked up the situation is for so many in the state of Texas and describe how we make it better and then say, look, it's not just going to happen. Like there's no cavalry going to ride to the rescue here in Texas. This one is on us. And we know that there's a winning majority out there. We, the people here, have to go out and meet them at their doors and bring them in and help them decide the outcome of this election. When we do those two things, people respond and they sign up. So, Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick said Monday that, yeah, he said Monday that passing the Texas equivalent of Florida's Don't Say Gay Bill is now his top priority. Did you realize that Texas's real problems had all been solved? Is that exciting

for you? That must be exciting. You're like, woof, that is a relief. If that's your top priority, we got things under control. So not just here in Austin, but week before last, we were in Olney and Childress and Shamrock and Dalhart. and I'm going to keep naming towns until someone's from one of them, Amarillo, Lubbock, San Angelo. So these are places, John, that typically at least the majority do not vote for a Democrat. But when we're talking about these things, and not just to Democrats and not just to independents, but to Republicans as well, they get exactly the point that you're making. We may not see eye to eye on every issue in those town halls, but folks get that when we're focused on don't say gay or this fixation on transgender kids,

we're not focused on creating better and higher paying jobs. We're not getting the backs of our public school teachers who we are losing by the thousands in the classrooms right now, who are underpaid by thousands of dollars against the national average. We're not doing smart, common-sense, bipartisan things like expanding Medicaid so more people can see a doctor. Or, I don't know how folks feel about it here,

legalizing marijuana so that you're not putting people behind bars for something that's legal in most of the rest of the country. You knew how they felt about it. They knew you'd love it. Because we're in Austin. Can you tell us a little bit about the People of Texas campaign? So we are going to literally every part of Texas,

no matter how big or how small, how red or how blue. No one will be written off. No one will be taken for granted. And we're holding every meeting as a town hall. So kind of like you, but not as well. I'll talk for 15 minutes about what's on my mind, share with folks why I'm running this race. And then we turn the microphone over to the audience and literally anyone can ask any question. They can make any criticism. They can say literally anything that's on their mind.

And it is, it's such a powerful experience to hear what's most important to someone, say, in San Angelo, and sometimes find that it's the very same thing that we heard in Houston, or it may be very unique in a rural community, like the Universal Service Fund, which subsidizes rural telephone and internet bills, vetoed by Greg Abbott, meaning that your cost for making a phone call or getting online has gone up 50 or 100 bucks a month. I'm learning so much about the people that I want to serve as governor and the things that bring us together, that we hold in common, great jobs, world-class schools, the ability to see a doctor are so much more powerful than the things that Abbott is trying to divide

us on or pit us against each other over. The people of this state, Democrats and Republicans alike, want to come together. It's too divided and fractured and polarized, and it's been that way for too long. This campaign brings people together. That's what we're seeing all across Texas. I'm just imagining someone who looks like Ted Cruz but introducing himself as, like, Ned Frues,

like, with a big fake mustache, being like, One question, sir. How are you so confident? What is your secret? You seem to... I don't get it. All right. That's all good for the people of Texas, but I'm the one with the mic, by the way. And here on Love It or Leave It,

we pin down candidates on the issues that matter to me most in a segment we call Queen for a Day. Are you ready? And here on Love It or Leave It, we pin down candidates on the issues that matter to me most in a segment we call Queen for a Day. Are you ready? Yes or no, did you see Morbius in theaters? No. Correct. You have to pick a superpower.

Flight or invisibility? Flight. Correct. If anyone in your life says invisibility, you get out. Recent polls show your race is neck and neck with only a 2% difference. That is also the percentage of Americans who say they have never washed their pillowcases. How would you win over that demographic and would it be worth it? I'm so sorry.

You don't have to answer. Definitely worth it. Worth it. Whatever the answer is. That's good, yeah. Definitely worth it. Which humiliating Ted Cruz moment would you make a Texas Day holiday?

The day he publicly groveled to Tucker Carlson over January 6th? The time he groveled after telling people to vote their conscience by making phone calls for the Trump campaign, or the time he had to publicly grovel over abandoning you all to fly to Cancun? I really want to make sure this

campaign reflects the will of the people, so we're going to go with Cancun on this one. Yeah. Thank you all. You're walking your dog. You try to be diligent. You always try to have poop bags with you virtually every single time. But once in a while, you reach into that little plastic thing and it's empty. You thought you had one. Or sometimes it's a double poop. That'll happen to you. You had one bag left. You thought you could make it. How rare is that allowed to be before you go to prison?

One in five, one in 10, one in 20, one in 100. What are your thoughts? You can't walk back. It's too far. You're going to leave it. You never go back. You may tell yourself in the moment you're going back, but in your heart, you know it's over.

What percentage before you go to jail? Given how biodegradable dog poop is, I'm really looking at an alternative to incarceration. So I'm going to defer to adjudication. Thinking in a new way. Criminal justice reform. Greg Abbott has accused you of European-style labor policies. If you had to choose a cool European thing to adopt, which would it be?

Culturally acceptable 3 p.m. naps, Nutella in the morning, or berets? Such passion. I'm going to go with the nap. Again, that's what the people of Texas want. Yeah. Truman said, it's always great to take a nap

But you gotta strip down your underwear And I think he was smart about that It's not a good nap if you're still in your jeans It doesn't take Will you promise now If you become governor To release any intel you obtain about Texas cryptids Like the Wampus Cat, Hogzilla

And most importantly Bigfoot Absolutely, yep, we're to get that out. And final question, what can people in Texas do to help? And what can people listening elsewhere do to help? There are a lot of people out there who've been targeted by this governor for voter suppression. There were 7 million people in 2020 who did not cast a ballot. Just here in Travis County, there were more than 200,000 eligible voters who did not vote. More than 75,000 have been added to the rolls since 2020. That's 275,000 new voters that we could go reach. We only lost a cruise by 216,000 votes. The margin of victory is actually here. If you will text love it, L-O-V-E-T-T, to 20377,

we will sign you up to knock on their doors, to bring them into this election, and to win this thing in November of this year. You all with me on this? That's how we do it. And it's important to me that this converts, all right? I want the word to go forth that we get you the people you need. So you better text it.

One more time. Better or work, everybody. Thank you all. Thank you so much. Thank you. One more time. Better or work, everybody. And one other note. Texas, you have a bunch of important elections coming your way. There's the governor's race, but local elections right around the corner. On May 7th, Austin will vote on a citizen-led ballot initiative

to decriminalize marijuana and ban no-knock warrants. Early voting begins April 25th. Head to votesaveamerica.com slash Texas. Get the info you need to be a voter. And while you're there, sign up for our midterm madness program to get connected with ways to get involved in your own community and help up and down the ballot. When we come back, it's gay news with a delicious twist.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. I'm from Los Angeles, the land of smoothies, keto bowls, and green powders dissolved in water. I've been drinking those powders, biding my time, before finally arriving here in God's barbecue paradise, where I plan to do to your meats what corporate consolidation did to the middle class. Consume it for strength, and then when I'm full, continue consuming it just for the thrill. Unfortunately, I can't just enjoy the pleasure of barbecue when I know the spit's hitting the fan

for the LGBTQ community here in Texas. Fortunately, we got hooked up with an incredible pit master who, along with her partner, runs Austin's iconic La Barbecue. So now it's time for LGBTQ BBQ. Please welcome... Yeah. Terrific. Please welcome barbecue maestro Ali Clem and the wonderful and hopefully very hungry Akilah Hughes.

Yes! Hello. Come on out. Hi. Allie Clem and the wonderful and hopefully very hungry Akilah Hughes! Hello! Come on out! Hi! Hi, Allie! Hello, how are you? Nice to meet you. Thanks for being here. You have a barbecue restaurant, three dogs,

you're married, you're constantly smelling like smoked meats. What's it like living the dream? Living the dream every day. When you get home smelling like barbecue, do you enjoy it by now? Is it something that's just part of you every day? I think I would like it. Well, my mom thinks I'm a psychopath because I absolutely love the restaurant industry.

So since I was 18, yeah. Akilah, what is your relationship with barbecue like? Are you excited, nervous, smoky, covered in delicious crust of spices? I'm desperate to start eating. All right, let's get to this. Yeah, I live in L.A. too, man, all right? It's a drought, it's a drought. They're like, it's black-owned.

I'm like, it's not genetic, bro. You know when you know, so let's get some good barbecue. That's all I'm saying. It's not genetic, bro. I'm going to think about that. All right. Look, I could chew the fat with you two all day. See, I can't stop it.

Oh, man. But we have gay jokes to make and barbecue facts to learn. Allie, just as a heads up, after every joke, we usually say, ba-da-ba-ba-da, gay news. However, today we're going to say, ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-barbecue. Are you both ready for LGBTQ barbecue? Yes.

Please. Can I just start eating it? Yeah, you can just start eating it. Cool. All right, Kayla, kick us off. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-barbecue. All right. On Monday, Ohio introduced House Bill 616,

their own version of Florida's Don't Say Gay Bill. Boo, sucks. You know, it's basically just Don't Say Gay served over spaghetti and chopped onions. So, even more disgusting. This is, of course, very different from their Don't Say LeBron James Bill of 2010 to 2014. That has something to do with him going or scumming

from that area. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Before we get to the next thing, we have icy shot glasses in front of us. What is this? What do we have here? We have two shots and a piece of brisket. Can you walk us through what we've got here?

So we say shot, pickle, brisket. Are these pickle bags? Yeah. Oh, okay. I went to college. It's fine. I feel like I'm in there. Now you want to do it after?

I did too, but I didn't get to do this. Really? Well, this is a good experience for you. Should we start with the shots? Wait, so what is it? Yeah, yeah, but what is it? That's whiskey. Okay, so we've got still whiskey,

then our house-made pickled brine, and then our what we call money bites. They're not money. Wait, so we go one, two, three? So you go shot, pickled, brisket. All right, we're going to do a shot in between. We've got to do it. We've got to do it. Here we go., two, three? So you go shot, pickle, brisket. All right, we're going to do a shot in between. We got to do it. We got to do it.

Here we go. I'm supposed to rant later. This is not going to be cohesive. All right. Here we go. Wait, okay. We got to be like ready, though. We got to be ready.

All right, I got my pickle juice. And then you follow it up with the brisket. I don't do shots anymore. We had a pandemic. I'm like stoned mostly. All right. All right, first the whiskey. One, two, three.

To barbecue. I cannot hold my liquor anymore That was awesome I have never had pickle juice as a separate thing before It's the most wholesome thing I've experienced with you in my life It was great Let's do it again, run it back I will do it again

You make the mac and cheese too? Of course. Bop it up about barbecue. Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick said Monday he will prioritize passing the state's equivalent of Florida's Don't Say Gay Bill, saying in a campaign email that he plans to make it a top priority going into 2023, making this top priority ruining Dan Patrick's life. Yay, yay.

Little dramatic license inside of that joke. All right. Ba-ba-ba-ba-da. Ba-ba-ba-barbecue. Eating, I'm really eating a full dinner. I know. Country duo brothers Osborne won a Grammy this week for their song Younger Me

about T.J. Osborne's decision to come out, which I celebrate as someone who came out to the Big and Rich song, Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-barbecue. Allie, over to you. I get to follow this one. In 1964, Texas Owen Lindenby Johnson held

the first barbecue state dinner more like Lindenby Grillin'. Lindenby Servin' Brisket or Lindenby Recommending the Cheddar J jalapeno sausage? Hey. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-barbecue. Thank you.

Wait, I just got to make a joke about Linden. So is he bringing the meats? Because you know he's, like, famous for them. Don't. We know what he's famous for. Hey. Succeeding or assassinated president. All right.

Come. It's too soon for that. Speaking of barbecue, he was serving some hog. Thank you, thank you. We'd get there. We got there. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-barbecue. Ex-On-The-Beach star David came out as pansexual. Go off.

Do conservatives not understand how boring reality TV will become if we stop hot, insane members of the LGBTQ community from being on TV? I mean, good luck making do with Great British Bake Off. Just kidding. The best contestants on there are also gay. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-barbecue. Open Pit Barbecue is also known as Cowboy Barbecue.

Interesting. Open Pit Barbecue with a flimsy cover that fools no one is called Shawn Mendes barbecue. Ooh! I don't know that. That's not allowed. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba barbecue. Ah, Lauren Boebert, everybody's favorite troll doll, tweeted that children should wait until they turn 21 to make, quote, life-changing decisions about their sexuality and identity.

quote, life-changing decisions about their sexuality and identity. Boebert was 18 when she married her husband, Jason, with a Y, who was once arrested for lewd exposure in a bowling alley. So she is speaking from experience here. The call's coming from inside the house. Allie, this brisket rules. Yeah, I'm not going to stop eating it. Yeah, if you haven't had it before, get over there.

One of my proudest moments is I was coming to Austin so much. Were you here for that taste test? In 2018? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And not only did I rank them, but I knew where the brisket was from. Yeah. And to this day, nobody cares when I tell them. Nobody cares, but I care.

I care. I care. Survivor contestant Zeke Smith proposed to superstar and Crazy Rich Asians actor Nico Santos at the GLAAD Awards. It's beautiful to see public LGBTQ proposals like this, but we won't have true equality until gay men are regularly humiliating their partners on stadium jumbotrons.

Also this week, Caitlyn Jenner joined Fox News as a contributor. That's right. Representation matters. At last, Fox News has a contributor who killed somebody with their car. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-barbecue. Spicy. This segment is chaos.

Yeah. Barely incorporated the eating of barbecue because I just demanded it. It's true. But it's awesome. I'm obsessed. Akilah, akilah, ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-barbecue. Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba. During her first appearance, contributing to Sean Hannity's show,

Jenner reassured viewers that while she might be trans, she is not a, quote, trans activist. Turning a chair around and straddling it backwards, Jenner announced, I'm one of those cool trans people who doesn't believe in rights. Now, everybody, rip up your Constitution. Said Jenner, I'm just like everyone else here at Fox News, the worst white woman you've ever met in your life.

Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-barbecue. Mayor Eric Adams of New York announced an anti-don't-say-gay billboard campaign in fine Florida cities, inviting LGBTQ Floridians to move to New York, saying, attempting to demonize a particular group or community is unacceptable, and we are going to say to those

who are living in Florida, listen, we want you here in New York. Mayor Adams continued, take it from me, I just moved to New York. Mayor Adams continued, take it from me. I just moved to New York myself and I love it. But a buffet up barbecue. Well, some barbecue aficionados are going to the state barbecue can't be divided by region, but instead falls into categories. Cowboy meat market, East Texas, Mexican barbacoa. I won't make you say this next part. I know. I knew you're waiting for this. I got it. I got it. I won't make you say this next part. I know. I knew you were waiting for this.

I got it. I got it. I can't make you say it. Barbecue is obviously a contentious subject in Texas, but I think we can all agree that the best barbecue comes from North Carolina. Yeah. Don't applaud, sir.

Don't. Vinegar doesn't belong in barbecue. You're wrong. You want to get yourself killed? All right? You have a death wish, sir. You're going to come in here. All right?

You're going to get all that attention. Yeah. Thank you for saving me, by the way. You got to pretend you like it whether you do or not. And I love it. I'm not pretending. I'm literally going to get heartburn any second. But I love it. It's rules.

Put your foot in it, girl. All right. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba. Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-barbecue. Are we going to get sued for that? I got barbecue on the microphone. I mean, we are not getting invited back. Republicans have turned against Disney for responding to employee and fan

pushback on their attempt to equivocate over Florida's Don't Say Gay bill. Quick, they're already mad. Make Buzz and Woody fall in love. Right? Come on. Merida is probably gay. What's gonna happen? Do it. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-bop, gay news. Oh, wait, fuck. Barbecue.

Personally, I can't stand sweet barbecue, but if you're into that kind of thing, fuck, barbecue Personally I can't stand sweet barbecue But if you're into that kind of thing East Texas barbecue Is the one served with sweet tomato based sauce And cooked until it's Falling off the bone How long does that take, Allie? I'm almost 40 and I haven't fallen off the bone once

So wait, Allie Before before we end this segment, this brisket is amazing, these ribs are amazing. What are these sausages? We have three, which we make in-house, fresh daily, of course. Of course. We have our traditional, which is actually the spiciest. We have a chipotle and then jalapeno, no cheddar, by the way. Okay, all right.

Yeah, yeah, you see that? Because macaroni and cheese rules. You know, I just don't like cheddar. And I want you to know something. And I'm not going to say the other place's name because I respect them as well. Cool. But you brought this La Barbecue. There was another barbecue

restaurant that we had brought in other food from. I saw that. I know, and before the show, Kendra's like, they saw the other barbecue and they just pushed it aside and put their barbecue in instead. Oh my God, get that to the back side of the table, please. I got to tell you, that macaroni and cheese is okay, but this is some macaroni and cheese. Yeah.

Come on. Come on. You got some black people in your family? What's going on? I wish. And Brian, the producer, was like, is this the macaroni and cheese from that other place? And I was like, no fucking way. I know that macaroni and cheese and this is better than that macaroni and cheese.

That's right, motherfucker. And I like that other place. I like that other place, but this is, no fucking way. I know that macaroni and cheese and this is better than that macaroni and cheese. That's right, motherfucker. And I like that other place. I like that other place, but this is better. That's right. All right? Just saying. Just saying.

That was so good. Guys, give it up for Ali Clem and Law Barbecue. Everybody go there. This is fantastic. When we come back, we go the distance.

This segment was absolute chaos. Just like, let's eat barbecue, read the news, kind of connect them. Yeah, I liked it. But I don't give a shit. I hope this is how I get canceled, chewing in people's ears. Whatever. And we're back. You might know him as Disney's Hercules. Hercules.

I mispronounced it like Nutty Professor. You might know him as Jimmy Cooper from The O.C., or you might know him from this amazing segment coming up next. Welcome to the stage, actor, Texan, and just generally extremely cool human being. Please welcome Tate Donovan. You ordered ice water? Oh, my God, right. Thank you so much. I love your show. Just get over here. You ordered ice water? Oh my God, right.

Thank you so much. I love your show. Just get over here. You're so cool. I hate this. Hey, this is a mess, man. I know. You've got jokes.

Do you recycle this stuff? Nope. Yeah, sure. Sure we do. Thanks for asking. I'm keeping this. I want you to know something speaking of recycling. So in Los Angeles, if you want a straw at a Starbucks, they've hidden them behind the counter.

You must ask for them. They are not allowed to be in reach of your hands. They're behind glass, and maybe Tahls can get them, but I can't get them. I can totally get them, by the way. He can totally get them. But here in Texas, you're a free people. And so I'm not buying into that, but a little. But so anyway, I went to a local establishment.

It's the one that we have also. And I asked him for a straw, and he looked at me like I was the dumbest motherfucker on planet Earth. Like, you mean the bucket of them behind you? You stupid fuck. Tate, thanks for being here. I'm so happy to be here. Can you reveal to us an Austin secret that an out-of-towner couldn't know? Stupid fuck. Tate, thanks for being here. I'm so happy to be here. Can you reveal to us an Austin secret that an out-of-towner couldn't know?

Do you, Joe Rogan, and Elon Musk end up at the same Starbucks all the time? We have a men's group that we get together. Cool. We talk about how cool it is here and how real estate prices are going up. So there's a story you've told that I love about an experience you had with early fame.

When a couple asked you for a photo, would you mind recounting that event in your life? I was on Friends, which was, you know, awesome show. I was very lucky to be on. But I wasn't used to sort of so many people seeing me, you know. I wasn't a known actor too much. And I went to a Broadway show and people were coming up to me and they're like, oh my God, you're on Friends or wow, you're Joshua. Awesome, you know. And I was like, oh, this is pretty cool, you know. Like people really know who I am. I had never

really experienced that. So it was at the break and I was with a friend of mine from college and this young kid, he must have been 17 and he was dressed in a light blue tux and he came up to me with a camera. This is back when people had cameras. He sort of mentioned something, he was super shy. And he was like, you know, take a picture. And I was like, oh, oh, you want me to take, oh, you want a picture. Awesome. That's fantastic. And he sort of pointed to his date who was in a prom dress and she was under the awning of the show. And I was like, oh, you want a picture with me? Oh, yeah. Fantastic. Fantastic. So I go over and I'm like, yeah, go ahead and take it, and he's standing there, and I'm like, wow, this kid is really nervous. He's never seen

anyone famous at all, and I'm like, go ahead, yeah, great to meet you. Hey, how you doing, you know, and he's not taking the photograph, and I'm like, okay, how do I get this kid to take the photograph already, and so I put my arm around his date, and I'm like, yeah, go ahead, take it. It's cool, it's cool. And he finally lifts it up, and he takes it, and then he goes, could you take a picture of us now? So he didn't know who the fuck I was at all.

He just wanted me to take a picture of his girlfriend on their big date on a Broadway show. And yeah. I love it. I love it. I want you to know that that story has inspired me. Nobody tweet this at Josh Gad. This is going to be a secret.

I would like to pay a bunch of people to go up to Josh Gad over the course of a day and ask for a picture and then hand him the camera. I want to cut him down a peg. Don't tell him. This is just for us. It's exciting. Now, romantic comedies are back.

All right. And you were in a film called Love Potion No. 9. This was part of a classic 90s genre where hot people are wearing glasses and so they are

disgusting. Well, I mean, it's kind of true, man. And then they take off the glasses. Glasses are so

fucking gross. They're so gross. And then they take off the glasses and they're insanely hot. See, this is nothing. They're so gross. And then they take off the glasses, and they're insanely hot. See, this is nothing. You look like nothing.

Nothing. For those of you just listening, I've put on a pair of glasses. And then he takes them off. Smoke show. For those of you just listening, I'm so much hotter now. When is the last time you've seen Love Potion number nine?

Come on. I swear to God, I was like the premiere. So sorry. I think it's probably a rich text about 90s gender norms. You know? I bet we should go back and watch. What do you think? All right, let's do it, man.

Right now. Let's get out of here. These people are totally into it. You're also in Rocketman and Respect. Here's my question for you. All right. These are classic biopics. Who will be cast to play you in the biopic of Tate Donovan?

Do you want some options? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. We have Miles Teller. Awesome. Taron Egerton. Super.

Aaron Taylor Johnson. He's great. Now, this would be, I think, sort of a controversial choice, or at least a choice that would have a conversation. Brian Stokes Mitchell. I think it'd be interesting. Wow. I think it'd be interesting.

I think it's something to think of. What point in my life does Brian Stokes Mitchell pay me? A couple years from now. In the future. I'll be able to sing. It's going to be great. The problem with all those choices is that all of those actors are way more talented than I am.

Oh. So they'd have to tone down their... That's that Tate Donovan modesty. Yeah, that's a false modesty. That's why everyone loves him. What a guy. Final pitch. Think about it. Okay. Tate Donovan modesty. Yeah, that's a false modesty. That's why everyone loves him. What a guy. Final pitch. Think about it.

Okay. Tate Donovan. Tate Donovan on Tate Donovan. Wow. Yeah. I don't think I'm up for it, really. If I could wear glasses. I think it'd be like an Irishman situation.

We start with you, play you the whole time, but you start as a small boy. And they de-age you. Yeah, but they... CGI can do anything. Yeah, a little rattle. Yeah. Goo-goo-ga-ga. Yeah, that'd be awesome. All right. So you also play, you're in this upcoming Apple TV movie, Ghosted. Yes. Can you tell us about it? And it co-stars Chris Evans. Has he asked about me at all? Has my name come up? It's so up. It's so funny. His beautiful blue eyes searched my face. And he's like,

hey, do you know anybody who who's involved in Pod Save America? And I was like, you're not going to fucking believe it. And he's like, I love Tommy Vitor. I'm like, ah, damn it.

I thought I had him. Oh, I'm so sorry. Now, as soon as I announced that you'd be joining us for this show, our team began slobbering over the fact that you were enshrined in Disney canon as the voice of Hercules. It's true. They were gushing. It was almost perverse. Now, the passage of Florida's Don't Say Gay bill has unfortunately inspired Republicans to pursue similar bills across the country. The crux is that merely mentioning gay people or gay relationships is inherently warping children's minds. They've also set their sights on Disney

as being too woke, embracing unhinged rhetoric about Disney's very safe content. Meanwhile, the reality is that a lot of fairy tales are pretty dark. So now with Tate, it's time for a game we call Tragic Kingdom. And here's how it works. Tate, I'm going to describe a horrific tale. And you're going to tell us if it's from a Disney movie, the source material of a fairy tale for a Disney movie, or if we just made it up. Okay. So it's Disney, myth, or neither.

Okay, got it. Are you ready? I'm ready. First question. Consuming a potion that makes every step feel like you're walking on knives until the love of your life marries someone else and your whole body dissolves into foam. Neither. No, that's a myth.

That's The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen. That's how they started. Instead, they're like, nah, we'll improve it. It's about a girl who changes herself and says nothing to win over a man she does not know. We'll show it to little girls forever. Literally the worst thing.

I think it'd be better to show kids seven. Seriously, I really believe that. Next, attempting to seduce a much older man who thinks you're his bewitched sex slave only for him to almost drown you in a pile of sand. Myth? That's the plot of Disney's Aladdin. That's it, there it is. Goddammit, I suck at this game. No, That's the plot of Disney's Aladdin. That's it.

God damn it. I suck at this game. No, you're doing great. You're winning. Next. Watching your beloved father get murdered by your British uncle who then compounds the trauma

by convincing you that the whole thing was your fault, you careless piece of shit. Lion King. You got it. Woo! Selling your soul to the devil and losing the respect of everyone you've ever known, all in exchange

for a whiff of power that's quickly lost in the stench of your own relentless farts. My life story. No. No, no, that's the story of Rudy Giuliani. Oh, Rudy. Murdering your wife and kids in a fit of madness, then shoveling out 30 years worth of cow shit in a single day to make up for it.

A myth? That is correct. The myth of Heracles, which Disney helped turn into a pretty dynamite film. Yeah. Thanks. Dancing in a pair of red-hot iron shoes until you die at your stepdaughter's wedding is punishment for that time you tried to eat her lungs. Jesus.

I've got a mythology professor over here. And she's saying myth. That's correct. That's Snow White by the Brothers Grimm. That's so much better than... So much better. Being a kid was terrible until seven years ago. So much better.

Being a kid was terrible till seven years ago. Failing to protect your wife from an intruder who also destroys hundreds of your children, leaving behind just one surviving son whose physical injury

will forever remind you of the worst day of your life. Nemo? You got it. That's why I named Nemo. The people getting these right, you're freaks. Gotta bully them a little.

Getting kidnapped and sold into the entertainment business where you eat coins and drink gallons of whiskey to keep you from becoming aggressive until you're hit by a train. Dumbo, right. Jesus. Well, it is the tragic true tale... You put it that way. Well, it's the tale of. Dumbo, right. Jesus. Well, it is the tragic true tale. You put it that way. Well, it's the tale of Jumbo,

on whom Dumbo was based. That was close. It was really close. Thank you. Man, Dumbo. I'll cry just thinking about that fucking song. Let's all take a moment to think about the first time we saw that When he sees his mom Supposed to be an upbeat segment

Supposed to be an upbeat segment, bringing it back up Thank you, Tate Donovan, a pro Drinking from an enchanted pond That guarantees you have all the riches in the world While millions starve, but curses you to be too narcissistic To enjoy it The Trump administration I'm gonna give it to you.

Wrong narcissist. We were going for Elon Musk. Guys, give it up for Tate Donovan. Check him out in Respect. You can watch him in Worth on Netflix. Keep an eye out for The Holdovers and Ghosted. This man works all the way from Texas, and he's going to stick around for the rant wheel when we come back. The rant wheel. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. Before we come back, this week

Love It or Leave It Live or Else tours in Texas. The next show on the road will be in Portland, Maine on May 19th. Plus, we've added a bunch of new show dates at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Tickets are available right now. Find your city and date on crooked.com slash events. And I have one more note,

which is this. A couple weeks ago, I said that I went to a premiere, and Tate, you'll appreciate this as a, you're here, you're in Austin, but you're Hollywood in your fucking blood. I went to one of these Hollywood premieres. Happens all the time for me. And it was wonderful. The show was great, but there was a

snafu and I had to pay $21 for parking when I left. Are you shitting me? And I said to the powers that be that I would not say one positive word about this show with its name until they gave me $21. My dear friend Spencer, who happens to work at this streaming platform called Apple, sent me over cash app $21. My dear friend Spencer, who happens to work at this streaming platform called Apple,

sent me over cash app $21. And so I can now say to all of you, Pachinko on Apple Plus is phenomenal. It is beautiful and moving and excellent and an incredible achievement. It is the story of this intersection of Koreans and Japanese, and it is a beautiful tale told over a century. I can't believe it exists,

and everybody should check it out. I really did love it, and I felt bad that I forgot to come back to it once Spencer sent me the $21. That is the best $21 they ever spent. I know, I know. I know. I know. I also got some little fried chicken on a waffle at the premiere.

So I got a little something. Did you get any pickle juice with vodka in it? There's no pickle juice with vodka, unfortunately. Now it's time for the Ram Wheel. Please welcome back to the stage, Akilah Hughes. Akilah's back. Man, those shots are hitting. What up, Tate? Can I sit on Grimes or no?

Yeah, I warmed up for you. Hey, Brian, any word from Grimes before we hit the rant wheel? No Grimes. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. Now it's time for the rant wheel. You know how it works. On the wheel this week, we have Elon Musk on the Twitter board.

We have Operation Lone Star. We have dancing as the one after dinner activity at a wedding. Too many award shows. Love, man. How the internet changed the experience of visiting a new place, not being allowed to talk about dreams and the It has landed on dancing as the one activity after dinner at a wedding. I've put this on the wheel, obviously. Fine. I'm not saying it's not a valid option. But what I don't understand is, are we not a creative species?

There's not one other thing that can become part of the fucking repertoire? You go to a wedding, you eat okay food at a table that you hope you like, then they say, now it's time. For what? Every time. Dancing. And that's

fine. But every time? There's nothing else we can figure out to do on a square piece of wood in the middle of a fucking room. Can't even I mean, like, when I during the bar mitzvah phase of my life, you do mummies. Did you say mummies?

Mummies. You would get you know what I'm talking about? No. Not Jewish enough. You would stand up in a little, you would have like a couple kids would be assigned and then a couple other kids would get toilet paper and they'd wrap them up. And the goal was to get them completely covered. And that's when you won the mummy game. Now, I'm not saying that that makes a lot of sense after a wedding.

A lot of shaking of head over here. All right. You didn't grow up in Long Island in the 90s, and you didn't have to. I did. The point is we can't think of something else to do on a square piece of wood in the middle of a room that isn't rhythmically shaking our bodies every single time we finish

dessert. What's that decision? We can beat it. Settlers of Catan is an option. Mario Kart. These are great games Dodgeball Dodgeball fucking rules And even though I was a tiny little kid

And I was terrible at dodgeball And would just get absolutely destroyed Just every ball I threw was caught Every ball threw at me landed perfectly I loved it And I didn't mind that I only got to play for 15 seconds a round every ball I threw was caught. Every ball threw at me landed perfectly. I loved it. And I didn't mind that I only got to play for 15 seconds a round. In fact, I had a dodgeball

birthday party, and my father, who means well, didn't like that kids were getting eliminated, so he just created a rule where you just got to go back in. But then it never ends. Let's spin it again. Damn. Then it never ends. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Love Man,

I believe suggested by Akilah Hughes. Take it away. Yeah. All right. Let's talk about love, man. Okay. So I'm a big fan of pop music and it's all about love. It's like all you need is love.

Love is all you need. Love lifts us up where we belong. That's like elephant love medley in a nutshell. Anyway, we all love love. We think it's great. And I think that there's like a pervasive part of culture that's like love conquers all. Love will like conquer hate. And I do believe that.

I will say I'm a cornball and I think that it will. However, I think you have to love out loud. Like the hate is really loud right now. And I want to say, because I love Crooked's audience, obviously. And so I feel like I'm preaching to the choir, but you will get this. I feel like when you see arguments online or even just like benign posts and then there's like true not bought people saying horrible things, we all try to protect our energy by not engaging with that. And I get it. And like we don't want to fight all the time. I get it. Like I'm on Twitter fighting all the time because I'm built for it. But not everybody is. And I don't and I reject the premise that you're built for it. Oh, I mean, good point, good point. I hate it.

In any case, I feel like if love is going to conquer hate, we have to be a little bit louder with our love. Meaning, if you don't want to fight these maniacs on the internet, just put like a smiley face emoji or like a swimming emoji or like a thumbs up. Like, don't respond to morons but like if thank you we got one person who's like love but in any case i was thinking about it today because it is very draining to feel like you're trying to fight for other people's rights and we're in an ugly time and

look y'all are in texas where it's bleak right now for a lot of people and look there are more are more people, I think, on the right side of history than wrong. I just think that we don't want to fight. We're all fucking tired. So I'm like, let's not fight. Slacktivism rules. Just put a thumbs up. Put a horse jockey. Put something out there that is not the hatred.

Because I think for the people who are on those front lines, and I'm not talking about me because literally, like, I got this. But for the people who are out there like Beto, like, comment on his Facebook post with a smiley face. Please put that positive out there. And I know that you all do, but, like, tell your friends and family. I know that they're not wrong, but they're just scared. And so it's like, protect your energy, but do the right thing. Conquer the hate.

Love, man. Throw a smiley face on there. Why not? It's the least you could do. Thanks, man. I really loved that rant. Thank you, Tate. Loved it out loud, man.

Tate, man. This guy is so great. We love him. We love him. We love love. We love him. We love love. We love love. Let's spin it again. Oh, shit.

It has landed on Operation Lone Star. Tate Jonovin, take us away. What a segue. Okay, so Operation Lone Star. Do you guys know what this fucking thing is that Governor Abbott is doing at our border? It's so fucked up and cruel and inhumane. We have to stop it because we're causing a lot of harm in this world and to the most vulnerable people. So I need everyone to do a couple of things. I need them to volunteer, to knock on doors, to make phone calls, to,

you know, do fundraisers, just get Beto O'Rourke's ass in the governor's seat. Just get Beto O'Rourke's ass in the governor's seat. But until then, there are so many great aid organizations down at the border, on both sides of the border, that are doing everything to help these people. Border kindness is my favorite, but there are dozens of them, and support them, send them money, send them clothes, go down there and volunteer, meet these people because there's a lot of pain.

There's so much fucking pain. We just got to do whatever we can to... Our neighbors! That's right. Thank you. That was great. We'll put some organizations in the notes so we can get people to go donate.

Thank you for sharing that. Let's spin it one more time. I feel bad that all of mine are dumb. This is going to be quick. How the internet changed the experience of visiting a city. It's very simple. It used to be, oh, I'm going to a new city. I can't wait to get there and find out what wonderful things people will tell me to do

so that I can explore it and experience it and feel the rich tapestry of a new community. Now you land and you're like, oh, I'm going to go get some barbecue or I'm going to go get some Mexican food. You fucking piece of shit moron. You didn't read the infatuation, you dumb fuck. Wrong places. Get to research. Do the work before you visit a city. You want to go to a new

place? You're just going to show up and try to have a good time? You fucking moron. If you don't spend two solid weeks before you visit a new town, finding out the correct answer to every goddamn question, you know what you did? You wasted your time and your life.

You fucking blew it. There is no mystery left on this goddamn planet. You show up informed or you don't come. That sucks. I hate it. Yeah. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back.

Kendra and Brian are on either aisle. If you have a high note, please step up to the microphone. Hi, what's your name? Hi, my name's Jamie. What's your high note, Jamie? Well, four years ago, I saw you here, and I came by myself. It was a birthday treat to me, and my friends didn't want to come. So, you know, it was cool by myself.

But now I'm here with my sister, Taylor. She has become more political than even I am in this time. And it's so nice to be here with her and everyone. And also, Kendra, I love you. Thank you. Thank you, Jamie. Let's go over to Brian. Hi, what's your name?

Hi, my name is Joy. Joy? Yes. What's your name? Hi, my name is Joy. Joy? Yes. What's your high note, Joy? My high note is that the day that Beto announced that he was running for governor, I resolved to do everything I could to make sure that he beat Greg Abbott. And so seeing him today made me super excited to do every single thing I can. So I will be knocking on doors on Sunday.

Fantastic. It was genuinely... I'm a tough person to inspire, just being honest. I want to win, but I view inspiration as something for other people. You know, I don't need it. I just do the work. Beto gets me every time. He really does.

Hi, what's your name? Katie. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, Katie. What's your high note? So, it's been about a month since I bought meet you. Nice to meet you, Katie. What's your high note? So it's been about a month since I bought my first house as a 28-year-old. I did not have a down payment, and I got $30,000 appraised over value.

And I just got chickens that learn how to get in and out of their coop, so I'm a very happy homesteader now. That's cool. Congrats on all that. Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Caroline very happy homesteader now. That's cool. Congrats on all that. Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Caroline. Hi, Caroline. What's your high note? A few weeks ago,

Austin Independent School District, which is where my kids go to Doss Elementary School, had Pride Week. And we were super excited because the kids were going to participate in this Pride Parade, and we have all these classmates and families who are LGBTQIA+, and our school had all these fun and families who are LGBTQIA+, and our school

had all these fun activities planned, but then this small group of really vocal right-wing parents basically ambushed our principal and our teachers during a school meeting, and they accused the teachers of promoting identity politics and said some really hurtful, horrible things, and then they released all this information to these right-wing trolls on Twitter. And so our teachers started getting death threats from, you know, texts and phone calls. And then the cops had to show up and were, you know, staked out in front of our school during Pride Week when our kids should have been, you know, really celebrating each other and celebrating inclusion and diversity. And so that was a really hard time for our community. But then, you know, the great thing is it caused everyone else to get together.

And we all, you know, came together in support of our kids, including our trans kids, our LGBTQIA plus kids, and their families and all of our communities. And we got together and painted some tables and chairs at our school with these, like wonderful, diverse messages. And our community is so much better, and I agree, we should be spreading love, and we should be more vocal than all those other people.

Thank you, Caroline. What's your name? Try to beat that shit. Unfortunately, I went to that elementary. What's your name? You have to say your name. My name is returning champion Chase, and I actually was on it, and I actually went to that elementary school.

Ceremoniously. So thank you so much for having that thing, but I would, my high note was actually, I was going to pressure you on getting the defund Bruce Wayne t-shirts actually made because I am returning i'm so glad you raised this and this was the place to do it uh you're right i did say i love that defund bruce wayne t-shirt but here's what happened i feel things deeply and briefly uh and i did forget

but let's we're gonna make a note of it. We got, Chase, we got you. We got you. And thank you again. I am a Northwest Hills born and raised kid. And so the fact that somebody right before there from my community going out to do that, it does mean the world to me that there is so many of those people out there.

And that is way more of a high note than me coming to pressure John Lovett to finally make that t-shirt that was meant to be that was great he did it yeah it's um these people are fighting to have the kind of school they grew up in which was a kind of school in which gay people just had to figure it out completely on their own that if the world wasn't for them that they could find a place in it but it wasn't for them at that they could find a place in it, but it wasn't for them at all. And they are deeply, deeply uncomfortable with a world in which they feel

completely and totally welcome. And I do think that one thing we fail to do sometimes as progressives is we spend so much of our energy fighting these terrible people and trying to stop these terrible things. And I don't think sometimes we do enough to imagine what the world is like, not just better, terrible things. And I don't think sometimes we do enough to imagine what the world is like, not just better, not just more equal, but actually equal for LGBTQ people, actually open, actually truly, fully safe and free for gay people. And I think that happens when we talk about Disney, because we go down this rabbit hole. They're calling Disney woke. They're saying Disney is doing identity politics. We do not live in a world where Disney is doing nearly enough to represent the world as it should be.

Two people holding hands in the back of a cartoon is not what we're fighting for and not the scraps that we should accept. So wherever Caroline is, thank you for fighting that fight. Hi, what's your name? My name's John. John, hi. Good names. My name's Tim. Great name, great name. So me, myself, My name is John. John, hi. It's good names. My name's Tate.

Great name. Great name. So, me, myself, and everyone else in this room, I bought a ticket to your show when it was available. Like everything else that we do during a pandemic, it's an act of bravery. We have no idea if we're going to get to be able to do anything, including you coming to Austin. But about two weeks ago,

which was the one-year anniversary of my first shot, I got sick with COVID. I went to a house party. We weren't wearing masks. We weren't thinking about it. But I'll hold here in my hand that this morning Walgreens gave a swab to put up my nose, and I got a negative test. Which means I was able to come to our show.

Nice. So glad you're here. And negative. Good show. Let's do two more. We'll do two more. Hi, what's your name? My name's Jordan.

Jordan, hi. What's your high note? My 25th birthday is on Sunday. And 25 is cool. I guess. I hope so. I might not be able to afford to live in Austin for another year, but we'll see if I make it to 26 here. But anyways, coming to the show was like a birthday present for myself.

And I just want to say thank you to everybody for being here. This was really fun. And I feel really nervous right now, so I'm handing the mic back all right what's your name my name is Sophie I'm also 25 um and I run all right let's stop bragging okay bragging about being young just bragging about not getting hit by a train yet while standing on the tracks I have loans to pay you can hit me. That's really good. Oh my God.

All right. What's your fucking high note? So I run a political nonprofit that focuses on voter registration and turnout in South Texas. And out of the 10 largest counties in Texas during the primaries, the two that I work in saw the highest increase

in voter turnout. That's awesome. Thank you. One more over here. Thank you for everybody over there, but just one more over here. What's your name? I'm Preston. Thank you. Big fan. Yeah, thanks. Don't know how to follow that. I have a very petty medium to high note. That's perfect. Yeah, that's exactly the right level. Several years ago, I was leaving an HEB. This guy in front of me was pushing a grocery cart. He had one bag. He pushed the grocery cart into the crosswalk, pulled his bag out, and just walked away.

Like, didn't put his, yeah. I hate that. Like, big pet peeve of mine, right? That's not like a, yeah, okay. So I yelled out at him, hey, man, what the fuck? And he looked back at me and he didn't say anything, but his body language was like,

what are you going to do about it? And my body language was very much like, probably not anything. Which is, by the way, correct. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to die on that hill, but I'll take a peek at the hill. I don't know.

Anyway, so I've thought about this for years. It's bothered me. The same fucking situation happens. And I see the guy, and I'm just like, I'm ready for this now. But it's a different guy. It's a different guy. Good. I'll never forget his face.

It was a different guy. I was actually wearing this watermelon shirt, and I credit that more than my body language, but I was like... Nothing's more intimidating than a fruit-patterned fucking button-down. I thought about wearing a watermelon hat today, and I didn't add it, but anyway.

I said, hey man, what the fuck? And I'll be damned if he didn't grab that cart and put it back. Thank you, Preston, for making a difference. Sir, you're going to be our last high note. Thank you, Preston, for making a difference. Sir, you're going to be our last high note because you, sir, are the person who put his chips all

the way forward in defense of North Carolina barbecue in this room. Well, it's completely true. As a native North Carolinian, What's your name, sir? Tyler. Tyler, hi. Of course that's your name, by the way. Thank you. How many of your friends in North Carolina are also named Tyler?

Well, funny enough, I never met another guy Tyler until I dated two female Tylers. Nice. So it's a great name. Great name. Love it. What's your high note, sir? So my high note originally was going to be that I'm going to North Carolina next weekend for Easter to see a bunch of family after a lot of tragedy the last six months.

And we're going to eat a lot of Carolina barbecue, which is by far better than this beef swill you guys have here. I am so glad I ended with Tyler. This rules. Yeah, what? Is that it? Well, so I decided to change my high note after all the shade you threw at the best barbecue to thank my girlfriend Taylor for bringing me here so I could defend the better barbecue.

Bring it on, haters. Everybody, boo Tyler. You know what? That's the great thing about America. Some people can say that North Carolina has better barbecue, and then some people can be right. Thank you to everybody who shared high notes tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope,

you can call us at 213-262-4427. That is our show. Thank you so much, Austin. Thank you to Akilah Hughes, Beto O'Rourke, Tate Donovan, and Allie Clem. There are 213 days until the 2022 midterm elections. Have a great weekend.

Thank you, guys. This was so great. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, Thank you.