Lovett or Leave It - God Save the King’s Fingers

Episode Date: May 13, 2023

This week, Lovett Or Leave It has an episode only a mother could love. Elizabeth Holmes (Nicole Travolta) makes a pit stop on her reputation rehabilitation tour, and did she mention she has two kids? Scam Goddess’s Laci Mosley weighs in on the ultimate mama’s boy, King Charles III. Stiffed host Jennifer Romolini gives your mom what she wants most this Mother’s Day (full-frontal nudity), and we spin the Rant Wheel in honor of 79-year-old new parent Robert DeNiro. Quick! It’s not too late to buy your mom a gift! Go! Order it now! For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Good evening, Los Angeles. How's everybody doing? You guys watch that CNN town hall last night? All right, calm down. It doesn't make you a hero. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else. Coming at you from somewhere between years and based on those fingers, months before King William's coronation.

I've said it before, but if you're in line for the throne, stay in line. We've got a great show for you tonight. Elizabeth Holmes is here. Let me be the first to say, I forgive her. The American scam queen herself, Lacey Mosley, weighs in on even bigger scams across the pond. And Jennifer Romolini, the host of Crooked's Own Stift,

is here to talk porn. And if you can believe it, the debt ceiling. And the wickedly talented Nicole Travolta joins for the rant wheel. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Republican lawmakers and founding member of Maroon 5, George Santos, pleaded not guilty in federal court this week after he was charged with 13 counts of fraud and various financial

crimes, including theft of public funds, money laundering, and lying to the House of Representatives, as well as using campaign donations to buy designer clothes, and of course, stealing America's heart. Some of the accusations against Santos haven't been previously reported. For example, prosecutors say Santos fraudulently collected over $20,000 in unemployment benefits, which he was ineligible to receive because at the time, and this is real, he was fully employed by a company doing a Ponzi scheme. These charges are ridiculous, said Santos in court, the security tag still dangling from the sleeve of his J.Crew jacket. I will clear my name, he continued,

as he placed his hand over the prosecutor's Montblanc pen and deftly slipped it off the table into his pocket. After being fired from Fox News, former host and current guy at a tennis club jokingly referring to his unemployment as a sabbatical before complaining that his salad is underdressed, Tucker Carlson announced he will be relaunching his show on Twitter, a site he deems the only free speech platform left in the world. And with that, the lights on Twitter came up to full brightness,

revealing its countertops to be disgusting and letting us know we don't have to go home, but we can't stay here. Meanwhile, California's own Dianne Feinstein made her return to the Capitol this week. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, said the triumphant senator as she zipped up the spray skirt on her kayak before her morning row in the Potomac. Feinstein was cleared to return to work by doctors as long as there isn't a single gust of wind in all of DC for the rest of her term. In a statement, Feinstein said that while she continues to recover from shingles, her doctors have advised her that she maintain a lighter work schedule. I'm sure that's what her doctors advised. What doctor looks at a frail and

declining 89-year-old recovering from what must have been severe complications from shingles to the point where she was unable to travel for months and say, you should be a senator, but take it easy at first. On Monday, Harlan Crowe, the Republican billionaire who has given Clarence Thomas lavish presence for the last several decades, rejected a request from the Senate Judiciary Committee to submit information regarding the gifts he's given Thomas or any other Supreme Court justice. Crowe defended his action

saying, hey, it's not my fault that that's Clarence Thomas's love language. We have acts of service and physical touch. We have serious concerns about the scope of any authority for this inquiry, Crow's attorney Michael D. Bopp said. Yep. Michael D. Bopp said in a response letter to Senate Finance Committee Chairman Ron Wyden. Thank you, Mr. Bopp. This is obviously a witch hunt, and I'm confident that when it's all said and done, these critics will

eat Crow, which is exactly what Clarence Thomas had to do to get all that free shit. It's gross to think about. At his CNN town hall Wednesday, Donald Trump played the hits, insisting, despite moderator Caitlin Collins' steady pushback, that the 2020 election was rigged. This must be the worst possible assignment at CNN,

and you know someone had to clean up Don Lemon's low blood the time he pierced his ears live on air on New Year's Eve. Nobody remembers that. You remember it? Yes. Great. In one exchange, the audience laughed after Trump steamrolled Collins' questions about the former president asking then Georgia Secretary of State Ben Raffensperger to help him rig the election. I question the election. You asked him to find you votes. I didn't ask him to find anything. We've heard the audio.

I don't know why CNN insisted on holding the physical event at Arkham Asylum, but I'm sure they have their reasons. When Colin pressed the former president for information regarding the stolen classified documents found during the FBI's raid of Mar-a-Lago, the audience laughed and cheered as Trump said this. Do you mind? I would like for you to answer the question. Okay, it's very simple to answer.

That's why I asked it. It's very simple to... You're a nasty person, I'll tell you. Two ways you can look at this, all right? One way is that it's Trump being shitty. The other way is to think that Trump moved from nasty woman to nasty person. People of all genders can be disgusting. And the green M&M wears Keds now. Gender inclusive win. When asked by Collins if he owed Mike Pence an apology for endangering Pence's life during the insurrection, Donald Trump said, hell no. Mr. President, do you feel that you owe him an

apology? No, because he did something wrong. He should have put the votes back to the state legislatures, and I think we would have had a different outcome. I really do. The need doesn't have the authority to do that. At this point, his relationship with Mike Pence is hanging on by a noose. After this week's, that deserved better from you. That was excellent. Thank you. Also this week, President Biden lifted COVID restrictions at the border while announcing a new set of measures to manage the rising influx of asylum seekers

and a historic migration crisis that has seen record numbers of people seeking refuge in the United States. The first measure, officially renaming the country to Mass Shootapalooza. What did you think this show was? We take the news, we do this to it, and we shoot it back out at you. These new rules are a shift in Biden's previous policy, which was just sending Kamala out there in a goalie uniform. Do not come. Do not come. Beginning in March of 2020, the Trump administration used Title 42 to turn away asylum seekers as part of the pandemic emergency. It wasn't good policy,

but I will say it did stop a lot of asylum seekers from getting their hands on America's most abundant resource, COVID. One of the new policies first announced in February will bar migrants who pass to another country from their country of origin on their way to the U.S. without seeking refuge there. However, if migrants make an appointment to seek asylum in the U.S. through the CPB1 app, they will be exempt from this rule. These people have escaped poverty and persecution, uprooted their lives, brought their families thousands of miles, risked everything, and now the toughest hurdle of them all, downloading a government-made app using rural Mexican data. This topic is hard to joke

about. A committee in the Louisiana House of Representatives voted against adding exceptions for rape or incest to the state's anti-abortion law. Guess it's not as bad as when the state's tourism committee did it, but still, it's grim stuff. Yep, I know, look, this seems really bad until you realize that the people of Louisiana are really going to need webbed toes if they're going to survive what climate change has coming for them. Yep, that's good. Said a Republican lawmaker, my wife and daughter is here with me today to say they back this decision fully, as he pointed at one woman. An experimental fertility lab in London confirmed the first group of babies born by combining the DNA of three different people in a procedure that aims to eliminate rare genetic diseases.

The lab went on to confirm that the combining of just one family's DNA also resulted in a baby named King Charles III. This week, the FDA announced that they are ending their discriminatory policy that prevents gay and bisexual men from donating blood and will instead update their questionnaire to reflect a focus on having multiple sexual partners, not because of the historic fear of STIs, but because of the wonderful benefits associated with dweeb blood. but because of the wonderful benefits associated with dweeb blood. I think it's beautiful and long overdue that the FDA is reallocating its resources from homophobia and toward worthy causes like slut-shaming. Speaking of dweebs, Mark Zuckerberg won gold and silver medals in a Brazilian jiu-jitsu competition in California last week.

Last year, he said he took up mixed martial arts during the pandemic. You win again, Mr. Zuckerberg. You're so strong, Mr. Zuckerberg. Ow, ow, ow. I give, I give, Mr. Zuckerberg. I love that one. I don't care. Mr. Zuckerberg, wow, what moves. Ow, ow, ow. I'm down again, and yet I'm so much bigger than you. How is it possible? Mr. Zuckerberg, you're incredible. A man in Sacramento said he's lucky to be alive after his Tesla seemingly burst into flames while he was driving it. That's why you never ever push the Vietnam protest button in a Tesla. The news this week has been absolutely wild. A man in Sacramento is under the impression he's lucky to be alive. Meanwhile, the family of a man who died in a different Tesla crash is suing the automaker.

Their lawyers entered as evidence a video from 2016 in which Elon Musk claims that the cars can drive autonomously with greater safety than a person. Despite the fact that the video has been on YouTube for almost seven years, Tesla's attorneys falsely claimed it was a deepfake. While the video may not be fake, one thing is certainly deep. The price cut on my Tesla. This thing is priced to move. Don't miss out. Got a great Tesla. It rattles a bit.

Mine too. Yours too, right? These things are unbelievable. Built with scotch tape. One bump, you expect the doors to fall off. The great, he's amazing. I was his biggest defender and almost as if the car wanted me to know you expect the doors to fall off. The great, he's amazing. I was his biggest defender and almost as if the car wanted me to know,

the worse Elon became at running Twitter, the more the car stopped working. With each passing day, less and less was functioning. Scientists in Australia have begun administering the chlamydia vaccine to koalas in the wild in order to fight against the disease, which causes blindness, infertility, and death in the animals. Unfortunately, it will be some time before it's once again safe to fuck them. Not to slut-chain koalas, but have they tried not being such little fucking sluts?

Guinness World Records recognized an Oregon dermatologist for detecting the world's smallest skin cancer spot, a mole roughly the size of the tip of a needle. Sadly, Tinkerbell is not expected to survive. Unless we all clap. Wow. A woman identified only as Lillian, who was found in the Australian bush after being missing for five days, revealed that she survived until her rescue

solely on wine and candy. Okay, and that makes her special. Why? Because she did it outside? Anyone impressed by this clearly hasn't been to a poorly planned bachelorette party before. A German man was discovered tied up in the woods with pantyhose on his head after his online date fled suddenly during

roleplay, also known as a Deutsch exit. Yeah. And as the police released his ropes, the man said, Nein, not so fast. Do it slower. That was like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Nein, not so fast. Do it slower. That was better. Schwarzenegger. That was better.

That was it. That's getting better and better. Wow. Wow. A Colorado woman who thought she had finally bought her dream home was shocked to discover hundreds of snakes living in the walls. Actually, this sounds a lot like a dream, said one of the snakes who could talk. The woman realized she had an infestation when her dog started barking at a crack in the wall, and she found a snake coiled up in it.

Upon putting her hand on the wall, she could feel the warmth which she believed emanated from more snakes. There's no housing crisis. We've just entered into a new phase of the American dream entitled, you get what you get and you don't get upset. And what you get is warm snake walls. You, doubtful of the American housing market, hear walls full of snakes. I, a realtor with endless faith in capitalism, here's walls heated with renewable energy. After throwing just six pitches, Major League pitcher Amir Garrett

left a game after vomiting on the mound. Let's roll the clip. I'm just kidding. I forgot to say we should roll it beforehand. This is why I can't be a professional athlete. Was he supposed to not eat room temperature clams before work? Tom Cruise is apparently extremely interested in Shakira after the two were seen together at the Formula One Grand Prix in Miami.

Shakira, Shakira! That's it. If anyone can pass Scientology's E-meter lie detector, it's Shakira's hips. They famously don't lie. And finally, a metallic object assumed to be a meteorite crashed through the roof of a New Jersey home this week, which may have come from debris left by Halley's Comet. The homeowner was alerted to the incident

when they heard a loud bada-bing from the other room. It's sad. The meteor traveled three billion miles and landed just 45 minutes from human civilization. You shit, New Jersey. What are you going to do? When we come back,

is that a scepter in your shriveled hand or are you just happy to see me? And we're back. In time, every young boy must grow up to fill his mother's shoes. I don't think that's a saying. A fact the United Kingdom celebrated last weekend with the coronation of King Charles III.

Here to celebrate the scam of the last several centuries, the British monarchy, it's the host of the Scam Goddess podcast herself. Welcome back, Lacey Mosley. Hi. Hello. Is there a bigger scam than the coronation absolutely not they threw this party for millions of dollars for the oldest man like to walk around with the worst drip i've ever seen in my fucking life and it's like this is who we looking up to this is royalty like come on

let's be so serious and for real. And like, they've lived off of the people for forever. And they're like, no, we got to keep doing it because it's tourism, y'all. We live in museum. And now they really look like a museum. I think it's cool that Charles has been thinking about becoming king for 70 years. When I was like a little kid, i pictured a king they had a big old crown and like one of those fur capes with the little dots you know like the white thing with the little dots and like that was like the thing and i like that that's what charles has been imagining

since he was a little boy too like it was like it was a real thing that a king has always wanted. He's like, I'm going to have one of those things, those furs with the little dots. Do you know what those are? I don't know what they're called. Anyone know what those are? What? Ermine?

Ermine? Ermine. Ermine. They sound vicious. I was just like, it's a cape. But now that you say waiting to be king since a little boy, I'm thinking of Simba in The Lion King. But Simba is just the most scraggly,

old-ass lion when he becomes king. That's Charles. Yeah, Scar was on Jeffrey Epstein's plane. Checks out. It works. It works. Charles opted to use a lot of historic checks out it works uh uh Charles opted to use a lot of historic

and religious iconography like he was trying to get the monarchy like back to its roots do you think it's silly or do you think it's a king playing the hits it was so fucking dumb I saw them singing to a rock a rock that came from Scotland so not even they rock

and I mean it harkens back to the british museum like when they like look at all this shit we stole like they don't got nothing cool like i once researched a scam that was about britain like pretending that they found the first man but it was actually like some monkey bones and some other shit that they put together but they didn't have anything to put them on the map culturally so they were like we got to do something quick fetch the monkey bones. Yeah. So I don't think the religious iconography is going to work on the girls.

I mean, we saw the photos. Have you seen the Meghan Markle conspiracy theory about the coronation? I have. Can we show that photo? On the left, we have Meghan Markle. On the right, we have Meghan Markle. Or Sir Carl Jenkins. left on the left we have megan markle on the right we have megan markle or sir carl jenkins if you can believe that i love this conspiracy theory because it really leans into the fact that like british women want megan markle to be ugly so bad they've been wanting her to be ugly

since they saw her for the first time with prince har. And they were like, this is a bad bitch. How do we ruin her? She's so sexy. So they're like, yeah, we want her to look like that so we can hate her more. But it's not her. Why would she do that? She is a black woman who is rich as fuck, married to royalty, knows Oprah, Tyler Perry personally. Like, she was hiking and doing photo ops. You don't have to sneak into things.

You choose not to attend even though you were invited. Yeah. That's not a thing. No. It doesn't make any sense. She doesn't have to sneak into things. You choose not to attend even though you were invited. Yeah. That's not a thing. No. It doesn't make any sense. She doesn't need to sneak in. If Sir Carl Jenkins had jumped up and taken a big old shit in the aisle at Westminster and then ran away screaming, I'm Carl Jenkins, I'd have been like, okay.

Yeah. Especially if the scream, I'm Carl Jenkins, sounded like someone from the show Suits. You're right. I mean, honestly, I kind of wish that she would have snuck I'm Carl Jenkins, sounded like someone from the show Suits. You're right. I mean, honestly, I kind of wish that she would have snuck in as Carl Jenkins and maybe did an old-fashioned stoning. We should bring stoning back. Just tiny rocks and just threw them at Charles until she got kicked out. Sure. You can get into a church with rocks in your pocket.

Ain't nobody checking for rocks. They're not checking for rocks. And more and more people are realizing that. Sorry, I got a little caught as we should bring stoning back. Usually that comes from the other side. I'm not usually like, yeah, what a good point. We should bring stoning back. Usually it's like

the people they want to throw rocks at. They're us. It's like women who are smart. A witch. Now, no. They're us. It's like women who are smart or like women who are... A witch. Now, the coronation was also a moment of celebration of the side chick. What a way to put it. That's what it says on the card.

Your thoughts on Camilla, who's now the queen consort. I mean, she pulled a scam like none other. I mean, look, Camilla's evil, evil, but you, she pulled a scam like none other. Woo! I mean, look, Camilla's evil, evil, but you have to appreciate a little bit of it, okay? Because this bitch played the long game, okay? She stayed alive for this shit, okay? Like, she was going to get her mammogram.

She was going to get her checkup. She was like, bitch, I will live to be queen, okay? Don't worry about that, okay? We will be breathing, bitch, I will live to be queen. Okay. Don't worry. Don't you worry about that. Okay. We will be breathing. And I mean, she was fucking with Diana. She was fucking with him.

She was being his bloody tampon. He was her bloody tampon. I don't know. She worked it. I feel like Camilla can work the dick. I feel like she's definitely. No, I think it's amazing. I think it's amazing that like 40 years ago, these two people met and the queen was like, it won't work.

It'll be bad for us. I have another idea. Oh no. And then she just hung, she just waited them all, waited them all out. Waited them out. And you know what's funny?

I never thought that Charles would become king because I thought that Queen Elizabeth just would not die. Like she just, at one point was refusing to die. Like people were reporting that she was dead and she was like, no, I'm not bitch. But she just at one point was refusing to die. Like people were reporting that she was dead and she was like, no, I'm not, bitch.

But you bring up a good point because the queen was blocking everybody's relationships. Like the queen was the biggest relationship hater. She married her fucking cousin. Her cousin.

But then she was like, no, my sister can't marry this person. My son can't marry this person. Like she blocked everybody. And it didn't work. Because look who's queen consort now. Yeah, look who's dancing on your grave now. Camilla.

Have you seen Charles' fingers? Whew. My baloney has a first name. This is, I don't understand how this is possible. Like, is he too rich to drink water? Does it have to, you know what I mean? Is it like, is he like on that ship in Triangle of Sadness where it's like, no water, champagne only?

I don't want to, it's so hard for me because on one hand, I don't want to body shame big handed people because like, if you got some thick ass, swollen ass hands, like, you know, I don't want you to feel, catch some strays, but like, he's so evil that I gotta talk shit about this.

I'm so sorry. And you know what was crazy to me? That at the coronation, they had a close-up of his finger touching the ring and I was like,

why would y'all do y'all boy like that? Y'all gonna zoom in in 4K when y'all know what his hands look like? Also, we live in a time

now that you can get, I've had a foot double before because i'm not i mean i have a wiki feed so fuck they got my raw toes but i didn't want them zoomed in on so i'm like why couldn't they cut away and it was like some dude like with normal hands touching the ring and then they cut back just like completely not matching arms yeah we have the technology we have the technology i mean look at these. I mean, look at these things. Incredible hands. I mean, they're just incredible. That's what happens to your hands when you go on a hike

and you get dehydrated and you get to the top of the mountain and you're very hot and you have to drink a bunch of water and you look down at your hands and you're like, your fist's not closing. Has that ever happened to anybody? It's like a spider bite. I feel like I would think I had a spider bite every day. But also now I'm thinking something super weird. I'm so sorry, but I'm like, is Camila getting fingered with these hands?

Like, he got to use the pinky just so he... Happy Mother's Day, Mom. This is our Mother's Day episode and my mother never misses. I'm going to regret that. No, it's fine. It's good. I'm going to regret that. No, it's fine. It's good. I love it. And finally, Lacey,

we have a game that's honestly nearly impossible to win. It was inspired by the truly unbelievable items we saw incorporated into the coronation. We're calling the game

Charles and Camilla and Dragons. Here's how it works. Okay. I'm going to name an absolutely wild item, and you must tell us, is this a piece

of real-life coronation regalia, or is it an item from the fantasy role playing tabletop game Dungeons and Dragons? Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. Cortana, the sword of mercy. I'm going to say that's royal. That's royal.

That is royal. It was crafted by bladesmiths centuries ago. This sword represents mercy by being intentionally blunting. It is real and from the coronation. It's very goofy. That's what they do. They should have put those photos of themselves in black and white. Slap an inkwell filter on it from Instagram or something because it looks real goofy in color. So this makes sense. Very goofy. Next up, the emerald pen. This pen is tipped with an emerald nib and actually requires no ink to write.

Okay, the only reason I'm going to say this is Dungeons & Dragons is because I've seen Prince Charles get real mad when his pen wasn't working. So when he was becoming king and whatnot. So I'm going to say Dungeons & Dragons. Correct. While holding this pen, you can create an illusory script at will, which is a spell that also allows the writer to encode messages. There's also a documentary

where Charles, if he crumbled up a piece of paper and threw it in the garbage but he missed, he would call somebody. That rules. That's rules.

Yeah, that honestly fucks. I kind of like that. Those hands don't reach down and pick something up from the ground and throw them in the garbage. He calls somebody. When he gets upset

about the pen, it's like that is a man that has been waiting for his mother to die for 70 years. You're absolutely right about that. Everything frustrates him now. He was just screaming because Bic didn't pull up. I love it. The Shard of Shaluan.

Okay, the Shard of Shaluan, it sounds like something that they stole from another country and then pretended that the country donated it to them. I'm going to have to say Coronation. Dungeons and Dragons.

Damn! This one-foot-long shard of obsidian has veins of silver and gold beneath its surface and was stolen from an ancient tomb. Holding this shard, you can use it as a spellcasting focus. I want it so much. It can't raise your strength above 22. I've never played D&D. Maybe I should start.

It's not a clap! Malcolm plays D&D. I want to play! Oh, wait, you're black. I heard there's not a lot of us. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna come. I feel like it would be lit. Yeah! Y'all would have to explain everything to me though and i'll be asking hella questions and i will be cheating as well i will find a way to cheat

she's gonna scan yeah i mean that checks out the black prince's ruby i mean it's a jewel they steal hella jewels yes gotta be coron be coronation. Correct. Yeah. Originally given to the Black Prince, the Black Prince's ruby sits atop the Imperial State Crown. The Black Prince was Edward of Woodstock, and he got the sword in 1367. That crown is so goofy, and you know it is so heavy, and yet their elderly necks were just like, please, no more.

Like, remember when they put it on Camilla and she literally looked like she was about to melt into the chair? They don't. You know, I got to say, it is a classic example of they're not wearing drag, the drag is wearing them. You know what I mean? Yes! They look like those episodes.

Camilla and Charles look like those episodes where the drag queens dress up like the cameramen. Yes. And there's just these burly teamsters wandering around in their high-heeled shoes being like, actually, you know what? This is making me feel kind of free and fun. That's what they're like.

That's what it's given. They're like, we support the teachers. So then they put the teachers in drag, and the teachers are like, I get it now. They took away my eyebrows. It's definitely that. Or you know what? Game of Thrones, remember when um blondie

okay so the girl the girl who wrote on the dragon what was her name daenerys so remember when dade's brother got his head burnt up with the crown that's exactly what camilla looked like when they put that crown on next up the vorpal sword they put that crown on. It was like a crown and she was like, ah! Next up, the Vorpal Sword. It's a sword, so it could be,

but there's already one sword at the party. I feel like, how many swords do we need at the function? I'm going to say D&D. Correct. Forged out of a very rare bluish-green metal,

famous for ability to hold a fine edge. Even after heavy use use the Vorpal Sword is rumored to have cut off enemy heads in a single strike. Also isn't Vorpal Sword isn't that from a poem

from like Rudyard Kipling? Oh Alice in Wonderland. Okay. Lewis Carroll. Okay well. I didn't know that. I think I've seen that movie and I didn't know that.

Maybe I just read the book. She was doing drugs, right? Yeah, she's on drugs. It's like an LSD trip. Basically. You know what's wild is when I first did LSD, I've only done it once because I was like, oh my God, I can't do this ever again. But I didn't get no Alice.

I just stared at a tree for three hours. Maybe that's what you needed. She needed something else. Sovereign's orb. Sovereign's Orb. Sovereign's Orb. Okay, it's got sovereign in the title, so we're going Coronation. Correct.

A gold sphere encircled with a band of gems, this baby is held by the monarch during their coronation in the right hand, and that's it. God damn it. That looks so fucking stupid. It looks like my guy is walking around with a bottle of Chamb stupid. It looks like my guy is walking around with a bottle of Chambord. It looks...

He's like, we taking shots after this. We gonna take shots. Looks like a... I'm pouring it up. What a joke. What a joke this is. And he looks so serious about it. And he got a Laker jersey on underneath.

I just... What are we doing? Charles I had that orb made in the year 1661. Huh? Wow. That's a long time ago. So old, that makes it good. So old, that makes it good.

The Rod of Rulership. That sounds kind of sexy. That does sound good. Give me a high five. The Rod of Rulership. That sounds kind of sexy. That sounds good. Give me a high five. The Rod of Rulership. It's another sword, though. I feel like it's got to be Dungeons & Dragons. Correct.

A jeweled scepter, rod in golden bronze. When held by a monarch, all must do as he asks without question. You can also use an action to present the rod and command obedience from each creature of your choice that can see within 120 feet of you. Each target must succeed on a DC 15. Wisdom. Saving, throw, or be charmed by you for eight hours. While charmed in this way,

creature regards you as a trusted leader. This game seems great. And finally, the Rod of Equity and Mercy. The Rod of Equity and Mercy. It's a gold rod with enameled and gem-set collars and a gold cross supporting an enameled dove with outspread

wings. Man, you know the monarchy be gaslighting the fuck out of us. This has to be coordination because they be going to African countries and letting them hoist them up and ride around and shit. Meanwhile, they ruin our fucking lives, bro.

It's definitely coordination. You got it. If I'm wrong, I'm gonna be mad. You got it. Hey, Lacey, you won the game. Wait, really? No. Thank you so much for being here.

Go watch iCarly and listen to Scam Goddess. And if you're in LA, your Scam Goddess live show will be on June 22nd at 7.30 at the Elysian. When we come back, hide your blood. It's Elizabeth Holmes. Thank you. Back for the rant wheel. Back for the rant wheel. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back! This week, the New York Times published a bizarrely sympathetic profile of Elizabeth Holmes, the biotech entrepreneur behind Theranos, currently facing 11 years in prison for defrauding investors about her medical device, the Edison, which turned out to be a complete scam. But boy, you could barely tell that from the article, which focuses on Elizabeth Holmes' reinvention as Liz, a wife, mother, and contrition expert. Unfortunately, Love It or Leave It uses the same booker as the New York Times, so please welcome to the stage, Elizabeth Holmes.

Okay, here we go. So you're going by Liz now. Yeah, um, yes, John. It fits my new vibe. And my testing suggests people think it sounds friendlier. Oh, no. You're testing? Yes, John.

I invented a machine that tests likability using one drop of their blood. I'm kidding. Okay. Anytime I use humor, it's another way I make myself more warm and approachable. Well, it's really working. I'll be honest, the New York Times article said you had dropped the weird fake voice,

but if anything, it sounds weirder. Turns out I did this weird Romy and Michelle meets Bane voice for so long that it's my actual voice now. And I have to fake a normal voice, but Elizabeth Holmes, that was just a character that I created. Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone knows. It's extremely weird. Why did you do that exactly?

It's like I said in the profile, and this is a literal quote. I believed it would be how I would be good at business and taken seriously and not taken as a little girl or a girl who didn't have good technical ideas. But Liz, you didn't have good technical ideas. That's why there was a trial. You lied not only to Theranos investors, but to the FDA and the US military. You never actually invented the device you told people you did.

And you were actually told by real experts that it was scientifically impossible. You're so right, John. It's like I told the New York Times in another actual quote I said. I made so many mistakes and there was so much I didn't know and understand. And I feel like when you do it wrong, it's like you really internalize it in a deep way. Yeah, you should.

You should internalize it in a deep way, Liz. That's the whole point. And those weren't mistakes. Yeah, you should. You should internalize it in a deep way, Liz. That's the whole point. And those weren't mistakes. Mistakes are ordering the wrong size black turtleneck and being too lazy to return it within 60 days, like it says on the receipt. Been there, sister. You didn't make a mistake. You engaged in years of deception. You were convicted in court. Exactly. This is what happens to people who girlboss too close to the sun. John, another actual phrase they use in my profile, society just can't handle a strong woman.

Liz, you aren't going to prison because you girlboss too hard. You committed a massive, sustained, morally repulsive fraud whose victims weren't just high-flying investors, but literal cancer patients. Can you believe I'm going to prison, John? Me? But I'm so... How do I say this? Not the type? Yeah. Plus, I have two beautiful babies, which I think you'll agree,

tells you that I'm the kind of person who should have been more sympathetic to the judge and jury, especially when I was eight months pregnant in sentencing. Yeah, well, you did get 11 years, but it could have been more. Could have been less. But it could have been more. Point is, I hope I'll be defined by the most important and impactful leadership role I've ever had. You're going to say... Being a mother, of course. Fuck. I've ever had. You're going to say...

Being a mother, of course. Fuck. I mean, okay. People know that you can be a mom and a terrible person. You really want that to be your pull quote of the week, John? And right before Mother's Day? For shame. I love my children. I have two.

The baby whose actual name is Invicta and the other one. Okay. I'm sure... I'm sure you love... I'm sure you love your children, Liz. But it's amazing to me whose internal journey gets to be the one

that's meant to matter to the rest of us. Well, look, John... No, it's really rough and rough with that baby. I'm sorry, but like the reporter actually said in the piece, and this is a real quote, I don't seem like a hero or a villain. I seem like most people somewhere in between. That's right.

That's what it said. in between. That's right. That's what it said. It also noted that the reporter caught me dancing with my husband. Oops, we're so romantic. I'm a nuanced, complicated, beautiful blonde mother with a lot of understandable reasons for doing what I did. Yes, I made mistakes, but I also have a family who will be punished by my absence. By my absence. But prisons are filled with nuanced, complicated people, Liz. People who have kids and shame and hope and a desire to prove that they're more than their worst decisions.

They should get their own New York Times profile. But they can't. That's the point. Really? It's not like it was hard. You just go up to the people shouting outside the courthouse on your way back to your rich husband's family's compound, and you

say you're willing to talk with certain ground rules. I think I speak for everyone when I say, rules. Oh, okay. I think I speak for I think I, yep, I think I speak for everyone when I say how did you get a handsome, rich husband? How do you get everyone to give you money? How do you ensource all this Times reporter?

Are you Kilgrave from Jessica Jones? Are you a fucking witch? Wouldst thou like to live deliciously? Oh, no. It's just amazing who gets to be a protagonist, like who gets to be treated like their perspective is valid and human and worthy and who remains faceless. It's amazing who can commit felonies without ever being a felon and who gets treated like a felon when they walk out their front door. But you don't care about any of that.

I really don't. You use people. You don't fix anything. You're a fraud. That's right. Hey, do you want to hear about my new invention? Oh, no. Oh, no, Liz. What is it? It's a machine that tests dozens of dozens of diseases using a lot of your blood.

Like way, way, way too much blood. All right. Elizabeth Holmes, everybody. Get out of here. Oh, no. Liz, you forgot your baby. I'll take my baby. Okay.

There goes my hero. Elizabeth Holmes, everybody. Thank you so much to Nicole. Her show, Nicole Travolta is doing all right. We'll be at the Groundlings Theater in L.A LA on May 23rd and at Edinburgh Fringe on August 14th and 19th and 21st to the 26th. When we come back, porn for ladies? Okay.

That was great. And we're back! Sex. Now that I have your attention. Please welcome to the stage the host of Cricket's new podcast, Stiffed, Jennifer Romolini. Come on out. How are you doing? I'm all right.

I'm a little nervous. Hi. Please. It's going to be all right. Hi, everybody. Here's the thing. The stakes. I warmed them up real good with some light bullying earlier.

Thank you very much. Thank you. And the stakes are low. We cut out everything that doesn't earlier. Thank you very much. Thank you. And the stakes are low. We cut out everything that doesn't work. Oh, thank God. Thank God. So only they have to know.

Okay. All right. If it's not clear from the title, what exactly is Stiffed about? Dicks. Cool. No, it's about 70s feminist erotica. It's about specifically a 70s feminist porn magazine called Viva that was put out by Bob Guccione, who, if anybody doesn't know, was the publisher of Penthouse and sort of famously sleazy, but not. But he looked sleazy. And a bunch of scrappy feminist journalists put out this magazine sort of under his, you know, sort of hiding from him, basically.

Now, one of the main turning points in Viva's history hinges on an important question. Should we or should we not show dong? Yes, yes. And they do. They show so much dick. It's just there's like a point where there's just like dicks with glitter on them, rodeo dicks, like just so much dicks next to a stereo. There's just so much dick.

And like they're all flaccid and they're not that erotic. There's like shrinkage and it's weird. It's just a weird magazine. It's like, hey, let's turn that knob and then turn the radio up. You know what I mean? I do. I do.

I do. I'm picking it up. So actually this guy, Bob Guccione, was actually sort of in charge of choosing the dongs. Is that right? So, yeah. So, yes. He was weirdly. And he was straight.

He was 100% straight. He loved women, famously loved women. He had a whole floor of his house in Manhattan that just a bunch of penthouse pets lived in. Anyway, that's a whole long story. But he, Vivo was never through a woman's lens. It was always through a male lens. All of the photography was shot by men. And, you know, this one man was like, you know, I felt like I was a lesbian.

And I was like, I think you got that wrong, sir. Like, that's not, you know. That's confusing. Yeah, it was very, they were all in their 80s. So it was all very confusing. But Bob Guccione wanted to control all of the images, and he decided what he thought women wanted. How did Anna Wintour feel about the dicks? The dicks were gone by the time Anna Wintour came around into the magazine, but she still will never talk about the magazine.

She pretends like she never worked there. And, like, I was like, I know you work there. We all have those jobs. Totally, totally. We 100% do. She doesn't want to be like, oh, yeah, and there was that time I worked on the magazine with all the dongs. Exactly. I worked for Bob Guccione, like with all pornographers.

She doesn't want anything to do with that. She, in fact, wore sunglasses the entire time she was in the office, too, which I just love. Imagine. So one of the themes of the podcast is how the men and women who made Viva possible and more broadly, the men and women engaged in what we think of as like the sexual revolution are really stuck in their gender roles. Yes. And doesn't seem like queerness was a big part of the conversation. Not necessarily. I mean, what's really interesting is that there was so much progressive writing in this magazine and it's a mainstream magazine. And there was, you know, they wrote about bisexuality.

They wrote about open marriage. They wrote really openly about fantasies. There were trans people in Viva. So it was so far ahead of its time because it was part of the sexual revolution. But I think that you're right that they were stuck in their gender roles. And particularly the way that they were stuck in their gender roles was that there's a man in charge and the women were like, oh, I'm cowering. So that was a problem. Another theme in Viva is how difficult it is to make an erotic product when the motive is profit and when it's meant to be for women in a culture that is, as you said, like sort of controlled by this man and controlled more generally and made more generally to please men.

controlled by this man and controlled more generally and made more generally to please men. In some ways, it seems like trying to appeal to what you think people find hot is a way of telling them what they should find hot. Yes. I mean, and I think we still haven't figured that out. I mean, I think that porn is still mostly geared toward, you know, cis white straight men. But I think one of the interesting things about this project for me was that, you know, we think of this sexual revolution as this like funky freewheeling, you know, sexy fun times. And for women, it was actually a really confusing time because they had all this pressure to get hip and get sexy and, you know, get with the times, but they had no protections. And there was a lot of sexual assault, not to be a bummer, but like there was a lot of sexual assault and there was just, they didn't really know what they were supposed to do. There

were no protections for them. And it was really only revolutionary for men is what I came to ultimately. That is a live topic right now, right? Yes. Where like basically, you know, this idea of liberation but without power. Yes, that's precisely it. And, you know, also just direct correlation. So 50 years ago, they started this magazine. Roe v. Wade had just been passed.

And they really thought that like, okay, now progress begins and doesn't end. We've won. So interviewing these women 50 years later, I mean, it was – I really tried to not bring this into the podcast because it was so depressing. But like they were bummed the fuck out. You know, they were really bummed out. Like they thought they were bummed the fuck out. They were really bummed out. They thought they were going up. And now they didn't expect that their body autonomy would start being taken away again.

We're moving really far backwards. It's true. It's true. It's a bummer. Let me ask you this. Yes, let's move to something else, please. Glitter dicks again. Let's go back to that. What do women want anyway? I mean, please. Glitter dicks again. Like, let's go back to that. What do women want anyway?

I mean, I think women want dicks. But I think our straight women want dicks. And maybe they would like to see them in not such a ridiculous, like, you know, bouncing, sort of soft, shy way. Like, maybe they would like to, you know, see something else. A heartier, I don't know, stronger, something else. And again, happy Mother's Day, Mom. How did this become the Mother's Day episode?

Woo! I think they want freedom. I think women want freedom and autonomy. That's what I think they want. Yeah. Now, I thought since we have you here, this is the perfect opportunity to take something everyone is extremely interested in, sex, and use it to discuss something absolutely no one is interested in, despite its importance, the debt ceiling.

Seeing as how we're hurtling toward defaults as soon as June 1st, and we've got to do something to get people to give a rat's ass. Jennifer, it's time for a segment we're calling Debbie Does Debt Ceiling. I'll be playing the role of the United States current debt. Jennifer, if you would please be Congress. And joining us is the sexiest member. Okay, who wrote this? Did Hallie write this for herself?

The sexiest member of the Love It or Leave It team, head writer Hallie. Of course I wrote it. I have to write this whole show every week. Just given the topic, I can't call you the sexiest member without acknowledging that you wrote the card. Thank you. Honesty above all things.

Oh, no. Let us begin. Gross. Someone's at the door. Oh, hi. Oh, hey, right on. No. Love your extremely long 70s nightgown

Anyway, I've got a huge hot financial obligation pizza With extra sausage for Let's See Here The name is, it says Congress That's me Ah, wow, that's like one of my favorite names Anyway, that'll be $31.4 trillion Uh-oh, I don't have enough money How will I ever pay you?

Oh, I bet we can come up with something if we get creative. Oh, I'm sure we can. I ordered this with my roommate, the Republican Party. Let's see if she could help us out if you get my drift. Let's make some magic happen. Republicans, could you come in here? Oh, hi, sorry, I was taking a shit in the back of your toilet. What?

Ew, Republicans, why would you do that? Because I don't give a fuck. I will do anything to ruin your life, even if it means ruining my own. But that's your toilet too, Republicans. We only have one. Don't you see? You upper-deck yourself. Why would you do that?

You think I don't know that? I repeat, I don't give a fuck. I will let the entire world burn before I help you figure out how to pay for this, even though I absolutely racked up this debt alongside you. This is my only way to force my horrible policies onto our household. Like rolling back clean energy tax credits, reducing spending on affordable housing, not to mention slashing nutrition assistance for mothers and babies living in poverty, air traffic control, the State Department, and you guessed it, fucking cancer research. Jesus, that's really fucked up.

Oh, I know. And all that stuff is really popular with all voters, so it's not even like people are asking me to do this. Don't get her started. It's a whole thing. Dang, wait, so you don't want to get together for one steamy voting session And make some magic happen By which I mean prevent a country-wide recession

And a potential global economic collapse No, I'm gonna take this pizza And I'm gonna throw it on top of the neighbor's garage And I hope when it falls off Their dog eats it And it fucking dies Bye, gay lords Hey, she rollerbladed away with the pizza.

I hate her so much. Stop running up the stairs! That is not parkour, just because you call it that. Damn, I really thought we were going to make some magic happen. Sorry about your pizza. That's okay. Hey, while you're here, can you help me pull my stepmom out of the dryer? Hey, while you're here, can you help me pull my stepmom out of the dryer?

She's been stuck in there for days, and I'm starting to get worried. Yeah, it would be an honor, Congress. And scene. Holly Kiefer, Jennifer Romelini, everybody. Thank you so much, Jennifer. Everybody, go listen to Stiffed. It's an incredible story, an incredible podcast. Congratulations on the podcast.

You will love it. You will really love it. When we come back, it's time for the rant wheel. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! Crooked's newest podcast, Pod Save the UK, is on a mission to free the royals in the UK from the madness of monarchy.

In the hilarious and insightful first episode, host Nish Kumar and Coco Khan give their takes on the coronation of King Charles and answer the question, has King Charles' coronation sent the UK into a frenzy of royal fervor, a bored stoop, or a Republican rage? Listen to the first two episodes now and new episodes of Pod Save the UK

every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts. Everybody check it out. By the way, Pod Save the UK, it's a bona fide hit. All right? Everybody check it out. Also, do you suddenly feel a strong desire to fulfill your civic duty by serving on a jury in Manhattan? We have a new T-shirt.

It's our totally impartial potential juror T-shirt. It's our Totally Impartial Potential Juror T-shirt, which you can get at the Crooked store. If you happen to get put on the Trump trial jury, then so be it. It's not like you really follow the news or anything, right? Head to crooked.com slash store to shop. I really want that one. Totally Impartial Potential Juror.

I'm excited about that shirt. That one's cool. All right, Nicole, first of all, nice to see you for the first time. Thank you so much for having me. And you have your one-woman show is Running at the Groundlings? Yes, it's Running at the Groundlings. I actually just did a show here, and it was amazing. I love this place. And it's about spray tans?

So it's about debt, divorce, and how I saved myself by having to spray tan people. Hey, do you ever tell somebody they can wash it off after three hours, but really it probably should have been two hours because then you go to a party and someone pulls you aside and said, you need to go home before this starts looking like blackface. Does that ever, has that ever happened to you? No, it's never happened to me, but I might start doing that.

It's happened to somebody. I heard it happen to somebody. I heard it happen to somebody once. It wasn't you? I heard about it in a book. I think I saw that movie. I have another friend of mine in a book. It was John.

All right, now it's time for the rant wheel. Here's how it works. The wheel spins, someone complains. The wheel spins, someone else complains. Until we all complain. On the wheel this week, we have the Wes Anderson TikTok trend. People in yellow vests. I can't justify that one.

We have people who don't use headphones in public. We have grocery store self-checkouts. We have bothering women about their use headphones in public. We have grocery store self-checkouts. We have bothering women about their plastic surgery and how they age. We have Robert De Niro having a baby at 79. We have the dumbing down of America. We have liberal... which is still left over.

From when... was it... Joe Mantegna left. So that'll stay on there. And liberal outrage at CNN. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on grocery store self-checkouts. Who suggested that? Was that you, Lacey?

It was me. Take it away. I'm going to stand up for this because I'm really angry. So I'm going to tell y'all why I fucking hate grocery store self-checkouts. Okay, first of all, it's racist. Second of all, it's homophobic. Bitch, I came here to give y'all money to get some strawberries and some shrimps and a little salmon from behind the counter when I ring the bell

because homeboy is never there, so I got to ring the bell so many times. Okay? I came in here to patronize your grocery store and now all of a sudden i'm an employee i work here this is my job now and listen this is no shade to people who work at grocery stores we all gotta motherfucking eat out in this bitch so i love people who work at grocery stores. Absolutely, but why can't I see them no more? Why y'all making me interact with AI like this? This is not fair.

And then now they got the nerve. They got the gumption. The unmitigated gall to tell me I can't steal. They're like, we're watching you. We have you on the camera. And I'm like, I would have paid for shit if you had let somebody bring it up for me. But now you made me employ. Bitch, we're watching you. We have you on the camera. And I'm like, I would have paid for shit if you had let somebody bring it up for me. But now you made me employ.

Bitch, this is a wage. I'm taking my wages. I just personally just think we need to keep jobs where human people are doing them and they're trying to make everything a robot. And, you know, robots are fun sometimes and do make things easier.

But what are we going to do when everything's automated, bitch? Where are we going to go? Okay? Yeah. First they came for the supermarket cashiers. And I didn't speak up because I wasn't a supermarket cashier. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Bothering Women about their plastic surgery and how

they age, which I believe was Jennifer's suggestion. That was mine. That was mine because poor fucking Meg Ryan. Poor Meg Ryan just went out into the world this week, okay? She just was like, you know what? I'm going to go to a movie premiere. I'm going to go see my friend Michael J. Fox's movie open. I don't know what movie it was.

It doesn't matter. And then the New York Post, page six, fuck them. Page six is saying that she looks unrecognizable. She has the audacity to go out. And it's like, here's the thing. Not everybody's going to age like Dame Helen Mirren. And that's the only aging we accept in this country. It's like, you're not allowed to look old.

You're not allowed to get work. And I just think women should be able to age. That's it. That's my rant. And also, fuck everybody talking about Madonna. Fuck everybody talking about everybody. Like, we have such a double standard in this country and we don't let women get older.

And it's not the same for fucking men. It's like silver foxes all around and women aren't allowed to do shit. And that's it. That's my rant. I always think it's funny when their comparison is, they'll say, oh, look at this woman who's aging gracefully,

which is a kind of euphemism for got a lot of work done, but it's not that noticeable. Yes, well, yeah, that's Michelle Pfeiffer. Everybody has to also look like Michelle Pfeiffer. But also, Meg Ryan is 61 years old. She was 35 when she was in You've Got Mail. Like, what do we expect her to look the exact same? It's absurd. I'm five years older than Meg Ryan,

and you've got male. I gotta lie down. I'm sorry. I gotta lie down. This is Taylor Swift. Meanwhile, like, Harrison Ford is like Indiana Jones again. He's like 90. It's like they could just swashbuckle forever.

How old is Harrison Ford? He's like 80-ish. Is he 80? Yes, he's like 83. How old is Harrison Ford? How old is Harrison Ford? He's like 80. Is he 80? Yes, he's like 80. He's 103? He's 103. No, but he looks amazing. Wait, you have a phone in your hand.

Are you being for real? Are you Googling that? He's not 103. No, he's absolutely not 103. He's like somewhere between like Dianne Feinstein. He's a working actor. He's 103. I will say in the show, I watched the pilot of the show Shrinking,

and they did come up with a lot of ways to have him be stationary. Oh, no. You know, he's at a sink. He's in a chair. The scene takes place around him. Let's spin it again. Sorry, sorry. No, no, it's okay. This says yellow vest construction, sorry. No, no, it's okay.

This is a yellow vest construction, guys. And I want you to know something. This is my idea. And I said what I wanted my rant to be. And I sent it to our Love It or Leave It group Slack. And Malcolm replied, so you want to rant against the working class? Which is not. I have a very specific and short rant.

It's a very specific and short rant. It's a very specific and short rant. And then Zuri was like, oh, you don't want the guys in yellow vests to make sure everybody's safe? Yeah, that's what I don't want. I have a very, very small and specific point, which is this. A yellow vest can be bought on Amazon. It does not bestow any superpowers or government sanctions. And so all I'm saying is, I get it. You got to get out there, direct the traffic. A big truck is coming through, but you do not get to tell me that while you're telling me what's happening, I don't have to obey other traffic rules in the vicinity.

You can't be like, I'm here. Don't worry about this stop sign because you're just a guy. I respect you. I respect the work that you're doing up until you tell me that I can run a stop sign because you can't tell me that in the same way I can't tell you that if I bought a vest on Amazon and came here. You know what you're getting for your next birthday. I mean, obviously. Okay, wait though, wait though, wait though. What if they have the yellow vest, white glove combo? That's very powerful. And the hat. And the hat. And the hat sometimes. Because they be getting cocky with hat. And the hat. And the hat sometimes. Because they be getting cocky with them gloves and all of a sudden the hands are just flailing,

it's giving vogue. You know? And that's a really important point too. Let's spin it again. I'm not talking about like the police crossing guards. I'm talking about just somebody on a construction site walking into the road with a yellow vest and saying, I run this area of the street now. Robert De Niro having a baby at 79.

That's me. I just don't understand. First of all, I was really blown away at his delivery. Someone asked him and they were like, oh, and you have six kids. And he's like, seven. I just had another one. And I'm like, oh, and you have six kids. And then he's like seven. I just had another one. And I'm like, why, why are you having kids at 79? And why can men still have kids at 79?

Why is it that women turn 35 and the doctor is like, you got mothballs down there. You're fucking drying up. But like, why can you ride the pony on a man's deathbed and still maybe get pregnant? You can ride the pony on a man's deathbed and maybe get pregnant and I don't understand. And like that sperm's any good.

And is it good? Does it make a good baby? Come on. Am I gonna get cancelled for that? You're fine. Do you know what I'm saying? I just don't understand. That's my rant. I will say Robert De Niro kind of sexy, though.

Yeah, he is sexy. I would. You would say it? I wouldn't say. I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say I would, but I wouldn't say that I would be like, like if I was into older men and he presented himself to me, I might be like, I might just double,

I might put a grocery bag over it from the self checkout line. Also babes, I got to say to you, you thought about the sex cause he he's 79, and so you said ride the pony, because you know he can't get on top. You thought about it. No, you picture him on his, not Robert De Niro on his deathbed, but a man on his deathbed, and you gotta

get on that, because you gotta get yourself pregnant, because you gotta collect that money. Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Again, this is our Mother's Day episode. The phrase, this is our Mother's Day episode. The phrase, ride the pony, said three times. A phrase never before uttered on this stage. Said three times in the last three and a half minutes.

Ride the pony. That's five times now because I said it twice. Let's spin it again. All right. It has landed on liberal outrage at CNN for having the Trump town hall. Okay. I respect and understand why people are frustrated with Donald Trump getting that platform. But I saw a lot of people saying, why would CNN do this? CNN has jumped the stark.

This is wrong. This is horrible. This is exactly what Trump wants. I've seen a lot of conversation like that. And here's what I'd want to say. Over the course of 70 minutes, Trump said he would pardon insurrectionists. He won't accept the 2024 election results. He wants the US to default. He won't back Ukraine. He is proud to have overturned Roe v. Wade, and he is open to a national abortion law. he is proud to have overturned Roe v. Wade and he is open to a national abortion law. These are terrible statements for him. And in the same way, liberals worry that Trump is being treated differently by CNN or want Trump to be treated differently because of the threat he poses. I think sometimes people don't stop and remember that he's a politician running for office and he

just said a bunch of really fucking unpopular things that we should be exploiting. But in response, there was a lot more commentators and a lot more liberals deciding it was better to talk about why CNN was wrong to host the event than why Trump was wrong to hold these extremely unpopular views, turning the whole fiasco into referendum on the media instead of one on the Republican frontrunner.

Donald Trump is a no-win scenario, wrapped in about 250 pounds of fast food. You can't ignore him. You also can't engage with him. He thrives off attention and he will lie and he will steamroll. The issue is not whether or not he is interviewed or does a town hall,

whether he's treated as a normal Republican or an abnormal Republican. The issue is that a vocal minority of the country and the majority of Republicans chooses this. That is the issue. CNN's editorial judgment is largely beside the point. We have 18 months to go, and I'm begging everyone to get a fucking grip.

So here is my proposal. And by the way, I am not saying that it is wrong to be critical when the media indulges in Donald Trump, fails to hold him accountable, fails to push back on his lies. I'm not saying that. What I am saying is I have a proposal. Let's get the outrage ratio right. I'm thinking 80-20. You can go ham on a New York Times headline, on reporters on TV saying the

immigration debate is polarized, people saying Biden needs to reach out to the other side, anyone saying Washington is broken, so long as 80% of your heart is filled with rage at Republicans. That's all I'm asking. Not saying you can't have fun. I go after the media all the time. I do the meta all the time. I am fine with that. And I also understand, I understand where this anxiety comes from, because there's a certain amount of bewilderment that has been born of the last six to eight years of watching these goons get power and not understanding how people as despicable

and obviously deceitful and bigoted and vile and divisive as these Republicans have been able to gain office. I get that that is bewildering and it leads to a fear of what happens when the goons' messages reaches the normies. It's a bunch of hyper-engaged people saying, oh, no, the goons are going to get through to the normies. I get that fear.

I understand where it's coming from. But just 80-20. 20% media criticism, 80% focusing on the fascists. Can we make that deal? And that's the rant wheel. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Here it is, because we all need it this week, the high note.

Okay, what's up, love it or leave it? My name is Jess Darrow. I'm the voice of Louisa from Encanto. Just so that I want you guys to care about me extra hard before you listen to this, because this is now my redo of the last one that I tried to send in. But anyway, my name is Jess, and I just heard the last episode of Love It or Leave It, and I had the biggest smile put on my face because of the message left by the Viva Las Vegas group getting back together again. After all these years, I literally just, like, cried. I just want to thank you guys so much for really always leaving the best message to leave with.

And hope you guys give me hope every single week, especially right now during the writer's strike. I don't know how I'd be able to get through all this without being able to laugh about it. So thank you for always giving me that gut fuel. Love you guys! It's so long, I'm so embarrassed. Hi, Love It.

This is Lindsay from two shows ago. And my high note this week is for Kara for saying such kind words and making me feel like I didn't really make a home in Alabama. Kara, if you were activated down there, how cool would it be if you could show me the ropes? I'm going to figure out how to email these guys, and then maybe they can reach out to you or something. Oh, God, I don't know.

Who knows? Anyway, that was my high note. It just made me so happy. So gentlemen, thank you for creating such a global community. Hey, love it. For my high note, about two years ago, I met a girl on Hinge. Our opening conversation was us coming up with fake erotic fan fiction between Bill de Blasio and Andrew Cuomo. And when we finally met in person, we bonded over our mutual love of Love It or Leave It. And now we've listened to it just about every Saturday morning together

over the last two years. And after we finished yesterday's episode, I proposed and she said yes. We can't wait to see the show live in New York in July. Thanks so much for making us laugh and for bringing us together. Hey, John, I just want to say thank you because I tried psilocybin for the first time the other week and I smiled for the first time in 15 years. And to the point where my face hurts. Thanks for the suggestion.

Love you. Thanks to everybody who sent in a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 3, 2, 3, 5, 3,

8, 2, 3, 7, 7. That is our show. Thank you so much to Lacey Mosley, Nicole Travolta,

and Jennifer Romelini. There are 542 days until the 2024 elections. Thanks for coming out. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Thank you.