Lovett or Leave It - Godwin's Law and Order

Episode Date: April 15, 2017

Trump's policy reversals, Spicer's analogies, Page's FISA warrant, and a look at the week's worst punditry with Rhea Butcher, Zhubin Parang, and Mike Schur.For a closed-captioned version of this episode, please visit crooked.com/lovettorleaveit. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hi guys, I'm John Lovett. Welcome to the show. A little show called Love It or Leave It. Put your hands together for our panel. We have the creator of The Good Place and basically like a force behind every great comedy on NBC for like a decade except for 1600 Penn, Mike Schur. We have a hilarious stand-up comedian, Rhea Butcher is here. And the head writer of The Daily Show, Jubin Parang. Thank you guys for being here. Let's get into it. What a week.

For the audience listening at home, the dings are not coming in at the right time. Jesse, we do this once a week. So let's get into it. I feel like I'm dividing the world into two big stories this week. One is Trump reversing his course on a lot of issues, and the other half is his foreign policy exploits, which are not unrelated. So let's start with domestic. I've come up with a name for this segment.

It is I put Trump down flip it and reverse it terrific now you know what when you sent that in the email I didn't understand it I thought you missed a period or a word here but now you say it out loud because I said it like Missy I convey an energy similar to her it's an energetic tracksuit

that you have we shop at the same place we have the same custom tracksuit. People at home can picture it. So running down the list, Trump reversed on a bunch of issues that were sort of central to his campaign, not just Syria, which we'll get to. He used to say that NATO was obsolete. He no longer does that. to say that NATO was obsolete. He no longer does that. He used to say that the Export-Import Bank, which provides loans to companies, was not necessary. Now he changed his mind about that.

He spent years talking about China as a currency manipulator. This week, he said that China is not a currency manipulator. A lot of stories about why this has happened. Peter Baker in the New York Times wrote a piece that basically he's kind of learning on the fly uh he had a 10-minute conversation with china's president and he said uh there's a lot about north korea i did not understand um uh the same goes for the export impact bank he like talked to a couple ceos i'm like actually this thing might be really important uh i guess the question is uh how do we feel about the fact that we have this neophyte old racist in the White House we certainly wouldn't rather he remain

consistent right we'd like him to change his mind on these things and yet it also feels bad when he does I felt like the real promise of a Trump administration was that he would not learn anything while in office and it seems now he's just kind of becoming like another Republican president. And going into the election, if I had known that Trump was going to be like a Jeb Bush, I would not have been as, how can I say, like viscerally terrified, but also thrilled to see what was going to happen over the next four years. And now it's like, oh, it's just going to be like dumber Bush. And I think, and I,

so I guess I wish he, I wish he had stuck to his guns on the export-import bank and just like refused to accept any knowledge or any advice on what anything was. You're rooting for the catastrophe.

You're like Susan Sarandon now. Yeah. Oh, very much so. Hey, it's all about the lotus blossom. You know what I mean? It's like... I have a theory. I don't much so. Hey, it's all about the lotus blossom. You know what I mean? It's like... I have a theory.

I don't know if it's right or not, but my theory... Because he's so sort of narcissistic. In his brain, the only person who exists is him. So he's like, I didn't know that healthcare was so complicated. So nobody knew that healthcare was so complicated because I'm the only person. He's literally playing peekaboo with the world, right? Yeah. Like, when we cover his eyes, he does not believe we are there.

He's a true solipsist. It's our first non-object permanence precedent. Yes. I literally think that's what's going on. Just put him in a truck and let somebody else take care of everything. Just give him a big fake truck that doesn't even run, because I wouldn't trust him driving a truck either. I think if you put him in a Playmobil version of the Oval Office

with a toy phone and just were like, go do president things, he would be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think we could put together a budget. I think we could keep it under like $6 million, because we would shoot him being president, create news around it that is not real, talk about his various successes. We just need a studio with an anchor,

put the Fox and Friends people there. Honestly, I don't think they'd know either. And we have him sign things. We then do an announcement on our fake Fox News channel where they say the president has solved yet another problem. He sleeps like a baby uh as he as he withers uh mentally in front of us and mike pence who we love runs the show i think it's interesting though that you're saying that you would you preferred the true crazy version though because i have to say that even though the instability of the opinions recently is like it gives you more than pause because it's like the guy is insane. But I prefer the like, yeah, no, there's a reason we have like a bank that handles this stuff.

Here's my problem with that, though. It's like, you know, when you're like a kid and you're the first way you learn about something is like your mom or dad tells you about what that is. And you kind of always have that initial impression of what your mom and dad or whoever the first person was who told you about something. You always carry that with you. And he's like that. I think the first person who talks to him about any issue, he's going to be like, oh, that is also, I guess that's what I think about. And I feel like that's an argument for the Democrats to kind of like wrap their arms around Trump. We got to be the first people in the room to tell him, hey, health care is the kind of thing that everybody needs to get.

So he's like, yeah, that makes sense. As opposed to like whatever the next, what are the first thing is someone will tell him? He's like a beautiful blank slate of a man. Yeah, no, that's what he is. I don't know if i would say beautiful he's a magnificent creature uh we've talked about how handsome donald trump is just a chiseled yeah if i wasn't a lesbian you know i would just jump all over that guy but uh i feel like i feel like we should we can't fall into the trap of believing that we can make trump into some other thing because, you know, for all these stories about the infighting and Bannon and Kushner and the cucks versus the nuts and the rest of this nonsense, you know, nothing's really changing, right?

Like he's taken this position on, he's kind of come around to the more traditional Republican position on NATO and export-import bank, the kind of business-friendly position, but he still signed a bill this week to make it harder to fund Planned Parenthood. He's still about Jeff Sessions running around the Justice Department doing whatever he's going to do on immigration and marijuana and all the rest. So there's not really any evidence that he's been dragged to the left by Gary Cohn or Kushner or America's sweetheart Ivanka Trump. There's no one in the left who is there talking to him. Someone in the Democratic Party needs to finagle the way into his administration, drop a couple of N-words here and there, get in there,

and then once they're there, then be like, listen, police need to stop beating black people up so much. Hypothetically. Hypothetically, I wanted to do that. This is my long way around pitching that to you directly. I clean out my Twitter feed, right? Right. Got to start over there.

Got to get a fresh start on that bad boy. There's no time to go through them all. I don't know what you do. I don't know how you get to these people because – Honestly, even the – I like the idea of the Democratic mole in his or her own White House. But the truth is that even if you would pull that off, he's going to change again. Like 20 minutes later, he'll change again. There's no – like it is object permanence is the problem. There is no position that he is held firm on.

None of this aspect of the job is he interested in. He's not interested in like, this is what I think. This is my vision for the world. That has never been anything that he's interested in at all. He likes the plane. He likes the golf. He likes people saluting him. I think he likes dropping bombs on things when people clap for him.

We're going to get to it. Yeah. But this kind of stuff, he has no actual vision or position on anything. And I think that was honestly part of the reason some people voted for him. It was like he's not a guy who comes out and says, here's what I think. He's just flipping the table over. I will be very personal here and mention that I have a close friend who voted for this person. And I tried to talk to him for 18 solid months.

And the only thing he would talk to me about is emails. Straight up, he would send me every article about emails. would send me every article about emails. And this person texted me like two days after the election is, he's not going to take your gay rights away. Calm down. And if the orange boy acts up, the people will impeach him. And I truly think that's the attitude of most of his supporters,

like you're saying, Mike. It's like just a person they got in there, so they didn't have to deal with our shit anymore. So I don't know, how do you fight with that when they're willing to put whatever in there to get whatever they want done i guess it's you know i think the harder question to answer is why were people so angry and so frustrated that they were willing to take a chance on this guy that they don't like either um but uh i guess you know no reason to look back we're in it now yeah whatever but it's interesting what you say about trump not having any positions because there have been all I guess, you know, no reason to look back. We're in it now. Yeah. Whatever. What's interesting what you say about Trump not having any positions because there have been all these reports that it's actually making it hard for them to work inside the White House because nobody wants to be outside of his field of vision.

Literally. This is my favorite story of the whole month is how they travel in like a pack, right? Yeah. They like walk around like they have to stay physically near him well they can't schedule a meeting without him right nobody wants to be in that meeting because then whoever's not in that meeting runs to the Oval Office to be by Trump and be like man you did a great job today there's no way they don't eventually like plan bathroom breaks around that like they all just kind of walk to the bathroom together it's sort of like um like they all want to sleep with him

and none of them want to leave the bar first. They're all going to be like, you're pretty tired. It's hands on a hard body, the presidency. They all have to have a hand on him physically. They are going to win the Harley. Try to win a Ford Tempo. Here's what I thought was so disappointing about this, like what he's shifting over now.

I was looking forward so much to a real end of days fight over what that party meant. And it seemed like so fast Trump was like, oh wow, yeah, I guess I'm a deregulating,

tax cutting guy just like everybody else. And now Steve Bannon's getting, I know I'm making a very Steve Bannon case here. That guy just can't win. He just can't win. And now Steve Bannon's getting... I know I'm making a very Steve Bannon case here. That guy just can't win. He just can't win. No.

I just want to see him succeed, you know? It's been really hard for that guy. When will things go Steve Bannon's way? When will his good luck return? Poor guy.

Just a hapless white nationalist with a chunk of Seinfeld money working in the White House in jean shorts and a fucking flannel shirt. But don't tell me it's not tragic for anybody to be destroyed by Jared Kushner. To have that be like the end of your story.

It's like I was outmaneuvered by Jared Kushner. I mean, how bad of a guy could you be? Whoever took the photo of Kushner with the flak jacket on deserves like a does that deserve it's one of the greatest pieces of art I've ever seen in my life my favorite someone tweeted if Wes Anderson made a war movie yeah I mean so Jared Kushner uh Steve Bannon's collapsing. Jared Kushner went on his second ski trip of the first 100 days. What the hell? Nobody takes a vacation in the first 100 days.

That's the part you kind of stick it out. That's why they call it the first 100 days. And then he's in Whistler for Passover for a while. Like, there's Seders in DC, man. There's, there's her Rosette in the nation's Capitol. It's run by Jews. Your supporters Infowars tells you that all the time. Was this the second trip?

He took one during the healthcare fight, right? Yeah. In the healthcare fight. No, listen, that was smart. I'm not kidding. That was not, that wasn't like the guys slacking off. That was, this the healthcare fight. No, listen, that was smart. I'm not kidding. That wasn't like the guys slacking off. That was, this is a disaster. I'm getting the hell out of D.C., don't you think?

That's what I thought it was. I thought it was like, this thing is never going to pass. It's not a bank robbery. It's not about getting away from it. Yeah, no, it is. It's a job. Absolutely. This is worse than a bank robbery.

This is a train wreck. And I think he read the room and was like, hey, let's go. Let's get out of here. And left it in the hands of people who were all badly damaged by it. I thought that was intentional. Maybe I'm giving him too much credit. I just don't understand how that's an excuse. Like, I know health care went down the toilet.

I wasn't in town. That was the moment they learned that you can't the executive branch can't force the the Congress to do whatever they want all the time and I think that was the beginning of the problems that bandits having right now let's give it up for James Madison huh yeah yes from from the grave helping us my kids are obsessed with Hamilton right now and we listen to Hamilton every day and as I'm listening to it in the car for the millionth time, I'm like, these sons of bitches were pretty smart. They

anticipated this kind of thing at some level. That electoral college really turned out great. That electoral college was a real sharp idea. It wasn't all great. But some of the stuff they did was to prevent crazy people from being too powerful and it's kind of working.

Yeah, it's like the founders are like a great 60s sitcom. A lot of racism. Some of the episodes do not work. But on the whole, the oeuvre is something we're glad for. You see where we came from all of that. Right, right. You're just like, this is the best that they could do

at that time. I do love the idea, though, that Trump can tell the popularity of one of his positions by whether like Jared Kushner is putting ski goggles on like I can't hear you I'm on that chair super windy did you see the thing where he I'm sorry I'm tangible did you see the thing where Trump they asked the producer of 60 minutes if he had ever talked to Trump directly and he said that Trump called him after the interview to see if he had broken a ratings record.

That's what we're dealing with. That's when the president of the United States is interested in something. That's all he cares about. Yeah. It's just ratings. I think this leads naturally into our next topic, which is drop bombs, hold for applause. I got that the first time. I didn't have to hear you say that to get that one I got.

Very great. Yes, I agree. I'm not really sure how we're supposed to deal with the fact that we have a president who is now in a Pavlovian feedback loop with cable news that involves dropping the biggest bombs he can find. Now, to your point about this is a president who's kind of making decisions based on the ratings, we're kind of had this crazy week where all of a sudden the foreign policy establishment kind of got behind him, right? They said like, now he's presidential. Fareed Zakaria said he's presidential. There was a lot of cable commenting about like now he's doing the things he's supposed

to do. It's good that he changed his mind. That's what a president does. We got into this on a little show called Pod Save America, The Juggernaut. Do we applaud? Applaud Pod Save America. Pay for this sweater. Anyway, we criticized

Fareed Zakaria for saying that it's presidential to drop bombs, and he wrote a little piece about this in which we were mentioned. And I love being in the zeitgeist. I love the way it feels. I love being in the zeitgeist. I love the way it feels. I love being in the conversation. So I wanted to go through it because I think... I heard like a longer laugh on that.

I think that's great. So Fareed Zakaria said that liberals can't have Trump derangement syndrome. And this is his defense of having called Trump presidential. And I want to go through his argument and I want to be fair to it, because I think it's really important that we stick to our guns about why it's so stupid. So here's what he said.

He said, it seems like Trump listened carefully to his advisors, chose a calibrated response, acted swiftly on behalf of a broader set of ideals. That was his standard for why this is presidential. And to Farid's credit, he's like, I didn't say he was the pope. I'm very critical of Donald Trump. He is, you know, he said he's a bullshit artist. He's been relentlessly focused on criticizing Donald Trump when he deserves it. But the idea that Trump here is making a decision where he listened carefully

and chose a calibrated response is ridiculous. That's not how he makes decisions. And I think that's clear when you talk about the fact that Donald Trump is supposedly defending a broader set of ideals. What are the ideals? Because it's certainly not protecting innocent lives of children, because one of the things that Donald Trump also did this month was take the gloves off of the military to allow for greater civilian casualties in our military operations. And it's certainly not caring about the people of Syria because he's not letting the people of Syria,

those children who are being bombed, come in as refugees. But the most important reason it is ridiculous to say that Donald Trump dropping bombs proved that he's presidential is because he's still fucking Donald Trump. It's not a partisan thing. He's Donald Trump. It's not a partisan thing. He's Donald Trump. He's not going to learn anything. He's not going to change. And we know

that because what's happened in the past few days is we have seen the fact that he feels rewarded for the bellicosity of his week. So we saw a story yesterday that the U.S. is planning a military preemptive strike against North Korea in the event that they test a nuclear bomb. And we saw a story by Eli Lake saying that aides next to Trump are considering whether or not we should send troops in to Syria. So no, Fareed. It is not acceptable to say that it is presidential for Donald Trump to adhere to a broad set of ideals. He's not behaving in a more responsible way. He's still him. And I guess the question I have for you guys is,

don't you agree? No. No, I guess the question is, how do we make sure that people like this foreign policy establishment who are so ready to kind of get on board with the normalization of Trump, that we hold their feet to the fire and we make sure that they remember that this guy is just a dotty old racist who's in way over his head.

I don't think you can do that. I feel like that foreign policy consensus establishment that more bombing is always better than less, and that is a good chunk of the Democratic establishment is also that way. I mean, the Clintons are kind of that way. I think there's a story.

Just to pause for a second, I want to hear the rest of this, but you should know that I consider Hillary Clinton perfect until after she comes on the podcast. Of course. So I'm going to maintain that line for a little while longer. Go on. When I think of the great Hillary Clinton, I think of – No, but I want to hear the criticism because I can't do it right now, but I want to hear it.

No, she's great, yeah. When – there's a story I read, and I forget the particulars of it, but Obama, when he was being advised by these various groups about whether or not he should do the surge in Afghanistan, being advised by these various groups about whether or not you should do the surge in Afghanistan, one of these kind of hawkish Democrats stood up and told him in a very dramatic tone, Mr. President, the decision you make here to send soldiers into Afghanistan will be the most consequential of your administration and your life. And Obama turned to some guy next to him and was like, I didn't know people actually talked like that.

And when I read that story, I was like, I will forever consider this man the greatest president we've ever had because he didn't buy into this bomb to send a message, bomb for credibility bullshit. I think Fareed Zakaria and to some extent, even though he's not supposed to say this, but Brian

Williams, all these guys kind of have that sense of being a president is this manly, masculine thing. And of course, Donald, why did we even fucking tell him that sense of like being a president is this manly, masculine thing. And of course, Donald, like why did we even fucking tell him that we had a mother of all bombs bomb? Yeah. And when he was like, can we drop bomb to – So for someone to be like, well, we have the biggest bomb ever made. Do you want to drop that? Like what is he going to say?

Somebody showed him a picture because he doesn't – people don't tell – he doesn't read anything. They just say, which of the bombs do you want to drop? It's from biggest to smallest and this one is smallest to biggest. Which one, sir? Big boy, big bomb. Most of the real men who are making these decisions just had never served, like got out of a million deferments. So soft.

So soft. The softest little cucks in the world are the people who are making these military decisions. Set that aside. But there is a real problem, and it is the problem that comes out when, like, Trump says, like, well, this is wrong. We're going to do something. And someone shows him a picture of a big bomb. And it also, by the way, is the problem, I believe, when Brian Williams says, oh, it's so beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

And like there it's all dudes. The only people who talk like this are dudes and they get erect when they see weaponry. And it's there's there it's a huge problem. And it's like there is the people who are surrounding Trump and Trump is the number one guy for this. but all of the people surrounding him, too, they've gotten a taste now. They got a taste of what it's like to fly. They went down in the Situation Room, and they watched that bomb. They've watched that tape over and over again, and they got all the praise. He got all the praise from all the men on the networks saying, like, look this is and you are so presidential it is not going to stop like something he will continue

to do this now i believe there will be many more of these incidents and he will brag about them and it's so much easier to defend bombing something really far away than it is to try to untangle an intellectual exercise like a health care bill that he fundamentally does not understand yeah yeah the thing i'm so like bummed out about is that i think that's the one thing that like enough of the left and the right comes together on that's just going to encourage him to do more and more so i think we are going to go into i think we're going to go into syria i feel like we're gonna i mean you heard it here first uh we're all going to meet in Damascus, guys. It's all going to be pretty cool.

Maybe they'll bring Don't Ask, Don't Tell back first. I'm just thinking it through. Alright guys, when we come back, a segment called OK Stop. And we're back, now for a segment. Paul. Okay, stop. We're going to watch a clip from the news, and we're going to stop when it feels appropriate

to talk about what's happening in this crazy clip. In this clip, we have Carter Page, former advisor to the Trump campaign, discussing the fact that he is the subject of a FISA warrant and it is fantastic let's roll the clip thanks so much for joining us thanks for having me Jay so the Washington Post as you know has reported that last year the FBI went to a FISA judge and argued successfully that there was probable cause to believe that you were acting as an agent for a foreign government so my question is were you stop listen you don't go on Jake Tapper when you're the subject of an ongoing probe into whether

or not you're an agent for the Russian government the subject of a FISA warrant. Who is telling this person to go on television? Hang on. Hang on. But I would amend that to say you don't do that unless you have a super good answer. Okay. Right? So let's just, I'll bet he has a really good answer. I also think

Right? I shouldn't judge ahead. Look at how charismatic he is. Yeah, he really is. Do we not want to see this face on television every day of our lives? Yes, we do. I genuinely always feel bad for him. The expression on his face always looks like a guy who thought he was coming on to talk about the tennis game. He always looks like, what?

I thought we were talking about something fun. All right, so let's just see. Let's see what's in the answer. He's coming on Jake Tabber because he's like, I've got to clear this up. You've got to clear the air. After I give this answer, no one will accuse me of being a Russian agent. I worked on it last night. I thought through it.

I talked to my lawyer. I have the perfect sentence to make clear what's going on. Okay, here we go. Of course I wasn't, Jake. It's just such a joke that it's beyond words. And what's interesting about it is March 20th, Director Comey, he made the point that people can lie to the press, people can lie to the American public, all they want in politics.

What's interesting about last night's report is if it's true, well, there's a different standard when it comes to evidence in court. So all of this false evidence that you've been hearing about myself with the dodgy dossier and other false reports going back through most of the last summer, well, that will have very different implications. So this is a real game changer if it turns out to be true. I just have to say, dodgy dossier.

He's Brandon the dossier. Well, he basically says, no, of course it's not true, and then brings up of his own accord all of the things that are suspicious about it. He brings up, Jake Tapper didn't bring up the dossier. Jake Tapper didn't bring up all the, he keeps going like, the stuff you've heard about all that stuff that's nothing like that's all he's got my my trip to russia yeah many undocumented conversations my appearance in a dossier that's been verified by several sources about which uh uh russia investigated and then killed anyone associated with it all of these things are just absurd.

There's also a lot of focus on this trip you took to Russia last July. You met with Russian academics. You've said you also met with people in the business community. Did you meet with anyone in the Russian government or connected to Russian intelligence? I said hello briefly to one individual who is a board member of the New Economic School where I gave my speech. And in any of these conversations with Russians, either in Russia or back here in the United States, did you ever suggest to any of them that President Trump, a candidate Trump, would be open to easing sanctions on Russia? Absolutely not.

Never? Not once? I never offered that. No, nothing. Pause. Wait, wait. Absolutely not, or I never offered that. Sounds like he's not sure if he talked about sanctions with a Russian spy and then weakened the platform of the Republican Party during the nomination of the candidate

he worked for. If a Russian guy brings it up on his own, you're going to be rude if you just say, like, I don't want to talk about that. Those guys don't wear name tags, you know? I said hello, I'm an Adelphi. It's only not. I mean, it may, topics, I don't remember. We'll see what comes out in this FISA.

Okay, stop. That's the craziest moment. That's the craziest moment. He went on talk shows and was like, look, am I a spy? No. I mean, let's find the FISA transcripts that were accumulated by U.S. intelligence

because I'm a spy, and we'll read them, and then we'll see what happens. That's so crazy. It is so crazy to say, I think I'll be vindicated by the warrant for my arrest. Yes, that's literally what he did.

And also, again, no one is making him go on George Stephanopoulos. There's no rule that says when you get a FISA warrant because you're a spy, you have to go on the morning shows. You specifically are told to not do that. Maybe don't go, yeah. Don't go on the morning shows. You specifically are told to not do that.

Maybe don't go, yeah. Don't go on the morning shows. The only thing that could have made this better is if they'd been like, are you a spy? And he had been like, absolutely not. And I will be vindicated by the FISA transcripts. And then they went, here are the FISA transcripts. They say you're a spy and he's like, guilty as charged.

Like that's the only way this could have been improved. Intimate anything that was impossible. But it sounds like from what you're saying, it's possible that you may have discussed the easing of sanctions. Something may have come up in a conversation. I have no recollection, and there is nothing specifically that I would have done that would have given people that impression, George. But you can't say without equivocation that you didn't discuss the easing of sanctions. Someone may have brought

it up. I have no recollection. And if it was, it was not something that someone was asking for. And any conversations about those emails that were stolen from the DNC, from the Clinton campaign, any conversations about that? Not a word. Stop. Let's leave it there. Again, just a simple thing. If someone asks you if you talked about easing of sanctions and you say, who can say I don't remember? You gotta stick with that for the other questions that follow.

If then someone says, did you talk about the DNC email hack? You're like, 100% no. Fuck you. No. Sure then. It's suspicious, Carter. These are just some of the things I would have given you as tips before you went on George Stephanopoulos after bullet point number one on the talking points. Do not do this.

This is a bad idea. That's what I'm telling you. This guy thought he was going to be on the cooking segment. He was not aware they were going to ask him about this stuff. He had a recipe for a spring frittata. Spring is here, and there's a frittata you can make in 45 minutes at the end of the day. I call it the dodgy dossier

get those kids to eat asparagus with Carter Page I think we're gonna find out ultimately that everybody in the Trump administration is a Russian mole

except for Donald Trump like he is just a innocent newborn child from Melania on down it's all like Matthew Rhys and Kerry Russell

it's all like hard for the Americans. Just bad fake mustaches and clots that almost hang together. I love the Americans. I'm not going to shit on the Americans. And that's OK Stop. Yeah. When we come back, a segment called There's Just Like So Much Going On.

When we come back, a segment called, There's Just Like So Much Going On. And we're back! So there's just so much going on. Trump is president. It's a national crisis. So some stories, you don't hear about them. How many of you guys have heard about the crackdown on gay people in Chechnya? I have. A couple people. A couple people. I saw you tweeting about it. I was like, I'm glad

this is on the outline. Yeah. We're going to talk about it. Great. So there's this anti-gay crackdown. So two things have been going on in Russia, obviously. One is a crackdown on dissidents. The other is a law banning gay propaganda, which just means being gay in public. And there's been sort of rising anti-gay sentiment. This has come to a head in Chechnya. So so we don't really know exactly what's going on there's been a lot of stories that are sort of have different claims and it's actually really hard to figure out because Russia's further along on their authoritarian track than we are but we're nipping at their heels looking forward to that but so anyway gay people have been targeted in sort of a wide scale arrests, held in makeshift prisons, tortured. There have been several deaths. The spokesman for Chechnya's leader said this to reassure people.

He said, you cannot arrest or repress people who just do not exist in the republic. If such people existed in Chechnya, law enforcement would not have to worry about them as their own relatives would have sent them to where they could never return. So reassuring, Ria, I know you've been following this too, is so the State Department put out a statement and it was actually pretty good. It was like, this is bad, this is wrong, we need to stop this. But Rex Tillerson hasn't said anything because he's Rex Tillerson. But Nikki Haley hasn't said anything either. She is the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations. GLAAD has put out a statement trying to get her to call for an investigation

and to get more involved and speak in her own voice. The issue right now is the State Department is kind of divided in half, right? There are these career people who feel a bit abandoned by Rex Tillerson who hasn't filled key positions, and it's kind of basically an empty empty building did you see that he took down all the pictures a former spokesman from the wall it's like a nice touch but no need to do that left the nails yeah you know like didn't even didn't even fill those holes just get a little fucking cock yeah it's creepy what are you doing if you're gonna be an asshole get some cock get some. Put some cock in those holes. Rex Tillerson, name of a Bond villain.

But anyway, the career people seem to be behind this statement, but we haven't heard from the Trump appointees, and we haven't heard from Nikki Haley. She can, from her perch, do things. So a lot of these organizations are kind of trying to pressure Nikki Haley to say something, and so basically there's a change.org position that you can be a part of. There's a lot of things that you can do to try to pressure Nikki Haley to speak out on this issue, because it's one of these things where, look, there are crackdowns going on all over the world. There are people being thrown in

jail and tortured all over the world. But this is the beginning of something and it seems pretty scary. So there's something you can do. You know, Tillerson is in, it's tricky because Tillerson is in Russia, right? Like when this happens, he's there. And so that is a dicey proposition for him as the – like he's got a bunch of things on his – whatever the agenda is, he's got a bunch of things on the agenda. And it's probably dicey to throw that curveball at the last second. But there is no one else. There should be other – I believe that all of this stuff, I could be totally

wrong. It might be rank incompetence and generally speaking, if there's a problem in this administration, the first explanation, the Occam's razor explanation of rank incompetence is pretty accurate. But I also believe that they are living out this kind of weird fantasy of like

smaller government, right? There's like this weird tiny shrinking federal government, you know, fantasy that's been like bandied about for a long time. I think a lot of these, like there's no one, no one's been appointed to these roles. I think it's intentional. So I don't know that. You think it's rank incompetence?

I do. I think it is mostly incompetence. I think it is a combination of, I think there's some malevolence in it. I think specifically the State Department, there is a bit of a policy agenda there, right? They're starving the State Department while putting their focus on the military. And it's – look, this is not the first Republican administration to try to prove that the only way that you can act in the world is through military force. through military force. But largely, I do think that there is a lot of A, incompetence, and B, somebody pointed this out, that there aren't a lot of people who are interested in being Donald Trump's chief of staff. That's crazy. It's a really coveted position. And we were,

you know, we hear about this, you know, through the grapevine of like people like, you know, Republicans who are kind of, you know, whatever adults, more reasonable people who are like turning down jobs in the White House. Nobody turns down jobs in the White House. And so it doesn't surprise me that diplomats, smart people, foreign policy experts are like, I don't want to get in there. Why do I want to be associated with this garbage administration? Seems like a good opportunity for a Democratic mole to kind of sneak in there. So I feel like what I'd have to do is, I think if I'm going to do the mole thing, and I am going to do it right um I think I need

to start I need to have some kind of life event that causes me to sort of question some things you know like I need to have like I need to like crash my car because I'm drunk and I realize like I'm liberal because I've been drunk this whole time yeah like something like that where I kind of have a come to Jesus and then I start reaching out to people and I just be like I just need to talk like I have these weird ideas the spy playbook would be you do something publicly embarrassing and get like fired. And then there's like a press release. It's like we're like you're and then you got to you got to be seen publicly drunkenly like stumbling down the street. And it's like, oh, that guy's lost it.

So that they think you're, you know, you need a job. You need a gig. And that's when you can you've hit rock bottom and you hate all the people you used to associate with. So it's like The Departed. So now I'm in the rehab and I'm like... It's a spy who came in from the cold, if anyone's read that book. Yes, it is.

That's what you've got to do. I'm going to be the spy that came in from the cold and then worked with Dina Powell and Ivanka Trump at the White House. And you only drink cranberry juice. Yeah. That's a The Departed reference. That's a Departed reference.

That's a reference to The Departed. And it was fantastic. More applause. It was was fantastic. More applause. We're Boston. Come on. I think we're... It's a Boston movie. That's great.

And you're still shouting. And here's the thing. And I think that's really great. Again, we only talk during the breaks. And now we're in the real show. And no one knows what's going on. But we're going to leave it in. We're going to leave it in.

We're going to leave it in. Some people say that leave it in. We're going to leave it in. Some people say that the live show feels a little indulgent in the podcast form. Thoughts? When we come back, a segment called Too Stupid to be True. And we're back. We're now going to play a game called Too Stupid to be True.

We have an audience member named Tracy, who was very vocal during the break, who is from Boston. There's some affiliation with Holy Cross. I wasn't paying attention. I'm not a good listener. That's why I do the show. Hi, Tracy. You should say hello. Oh, yes. Now we're having a conversation That's why I do the show. Hi, Tracy. You should say hello.

Oh, yes, hi. Now we're having a conversation. Now you're on the show. I feel like this is really strange. You talked a lot when you did not have a microphone. Now there's literally a mic in your hand, and you got shy. All right, I will change that immediately. I will first start off by saying that I am a big fan, and I love you so much,

and I appreciate this opportunity so much. I also have to say that my daughter loves Michael, so that has to get in the show too. Like, just a big fan. She recognizes him as well. So great cast, great show. I think I hear a Massachusetts accent. Am I crazy? We parked that car.

This is on you, man. You gave her the mic. I'm really... This is a hundred... Whatever happens is a hundred percent on you. I feel very good about it. So here's how the game works, Tracy. Can I say another thing?

No, no, no. You're cut off. No, I want you to know, you need to not be embarrassed by your mom. She's fantastic. Oh, you're trying to help the show. You're producing. The reason why this is...

What's your name? Delaney. The reason this is important is I'm an independent with Republican leanings, and you are shifting me, shifting me with every single talk out. Well. That is why this is important. Thank you for coming.

You just bought yourself a spot on this panel, ladies. Oh, my goodness. We tell people that that's happening, but we rarely have proof. It is true. So here's how the game works. Each of our panelists has a quote. One of the quotes comes from a pundit.

Two of the quotes are too stupid to also be true. Yes. I play this every week. I know. So now you know that every time we've done this in the past, I've been lying. They've all been true. Right. But I want to tell you right now that these are not three real quotes from three dumb pundits.

Okay? I am not lying about that. Do you believe me? No. You should believe me. I am telling the truth. These are not three quotes that I went and found from three pundits who said something really stupid to try to trick you into thinking that only one of them was real. Okay? Do you believe me? So, how many are real? One is real.

One. Okay. If. Okay. I'm telling you. I don't believe you. I told you, man. It'm telling you. I don't believe you. I told you, man.

It's on you. You knew the risks. Our first quote. This is a quote about Trump sacrificing his own popularity for the mission of Ryan's health care bill. Mike? Quote, think of President Trump as the Martin Luther King of healthcare. End quote. Very stupid.

Too stupid to be true? You don't know. Don't comment. Thank you. Our second quote is supposedly a pundit reacting to what happened aboard that United flight before the cameras were rolling. Quote, I was thinking back to Rodney King and that infamous video of his being beaten by LA cops. What we didn't see was what the precipitating incident was. Also very stupid. And finally, a pundit asked whether or not it's hypocritical

for Donald Trump to criticize Barack Obama for playing golf and then playing golf himself over and over again as president. Did President Obama play golf on his own golf course? I don't think so. Now, Tracy, I am telling you, okay, I promise you,

these are not quotes from three random pundits. You need to pick which one is true. And the prize is $100 from a little company called Parachute. Is that true? Or is it a robe? Oh, there's a robe. It's a robe from Parachute. Oh.

Well, I need the sheets, too. Wait, hardball, John. You've got to negotiate her down. Tracy, here's the thing. Mike made a point that I was wrong to choose you. That I owned whatever happened after, and it was your job to prove

that I was right to trust you. So far, I'm not sure. I think we're good. You think you and I are good? We're good, yeah. I like this. I think this is working. All right, good.

I think so. Jason, do you think it's working? This is working. It doesn't matter what he thinks. This is working. We're good. Pick a fucking quote. Do you think that it was

Martin Luther King, Rodney King, or Obama didn't own a golf course like an idiot? I think it's think of President Trump as the Martin Luther King of health care. Well, here's the thing. Now, they are not three quotes from three real pundits. They are three quotes from one pundit. They are all quotes by our man on CNN, Jeffrey Lord. Can we roll the clip? I want to say something here that I know will probably drive Simone crazy, but think of President Trump as the Martin Luther King of health care

I'm yeah Jeffrey what I is that civil rights bill because he said it was popular you have the votes for it cetera doctor King kept putting people in the streets in harm's way to put the pressure on okay would be it that I understand that you understand that Dr. King was marching for civil rights because people that look like me were being beaten. Dogs were being sicked on them. Basic human rights were being withheld from these people

merely because of the color of their skin. So let's not equate Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a humanitarian and Nobel Peace Prize winner, to the vagina-grabbing President Donald Trump. I gotta tell you, I did not know we'd let that clip run so long, but Jesse, I'm glad I trusted you. Listen, not only that... The one caveat I would have here, and I think you're absolutely right,

this was devoid of all common sense. The one caveat here is, you know, I was thinking back to Rodney King and that infamous video of his being beaten by L.A. cops. What we didn't see is what the precipitating incident was. And I'm just picking Rodney King at random. Any time I see something... I don't believe the White House very much because, you know, like little things like

these little trips where they get on, they cost you a fortune. All right, and Jeffrey, and on top of that, CNN is reporting that President Trump is on pace to spend more on personal travel in his first year than President Obama spent all eight years that he was in office.

It just so happens, I don't think there's anything wrong with presidential golfing, but doesn't this prove that then-candidate Trump was dead wrong about it when he was running for office, Jeffrey? No, I don't think so. I think this is just the media gossip. Jeffrey, that was a moment of my life. You know, I'm still waiting for... Jeffrey Lord, how is it the media gossip?

You heard the president's own words. You know, I'm straight-way- Jeffrey Lord, how is it the media gossip? You heard the president's own words. You know, I'm looking for things like, did President Obama donate his first quarter salary to the National Park Service? I don't think so. Did he play golf on his own golf course?

I don't think so. And there it is. Does this guy have, like, a corpse filter on him? Why is he so pale? What is that? He actually only communicates from the world five minutes behind

with the Langoliers. So it's all a little bit muted. Jeffrey, webcam lord, coming in. It's also like, what are you, fucking busy? You haven't had a job since 1987.

Like, go to the studio. Have some respect. I want to thank Tracy for participating. There's a parachute rope with your name on it, and let's just say there may be a gift card in the pocket, okay? And don't even worry about it, alright? That's for you because you're

Republican. That seems wrong. That seems wrong. Why would we reward you for your past mistakes? Oh, independent. Independent Republican leaning. Now for a segment we call What You Should Have Said. Here's the thing. We just needed to do something with Sean Spicer

and the whole Hitler thing. So that's why we're going to do this. Now, we're going to come in midway through because we've all seen Sean Spicer say, even Hitler. Two words you should never put side by side. You just never need to say even Hitler. Now, here's the thing.

Sean Spicer, to his credit, apologized. And I have to say, like, it was like a real apology. It was like an apology from an era where words have consequences. And I appreciated that. But I feel like to accept his apology, we first have to go through this process together of making fun of what he did. So we're going to come in. He has already said that even Hitler wouldn't drop chemical weapons. A reporter in real time is going to ask him to follow up. And then we're going to stop it. We're going to say what he

should have said. And we're going to see what he did say. Sean, thanks. I just want to give you opportunity to clarify something you said that seems to be gaining some traction right now. Quote, Hitler didn't even sink to the level of using chemical weapons. What did you mean by that? Pause. Here's what he should have said. I'm really sorry.

Obviously, Hitler used chemical weapons to kill literally millions of people. Also, you don't need to compare dictators to Hitler. You don't need to grade them on a Hitler curve., you don't need to compare dictators to Hitler. You don't need to grade them on a Hitler curve. You actually don't need to be worse than Hitler to be worthy of being bombed from the sky. Anything else?

I think really he should have said yeah, I quit. I'm sorry. I'm terrible at this job. Nobody else would do it. He made me do it. I tried.

I'm really bad at it. I quit. It's been great. See you around. Just walked off. Like, that would have been amazing. I've really, I've watched him so many times now, and I feel like that's what he's,

that's what his eyes are saying. Yeah, his eyes are saying, I quit. Please let me quit. He should just go back to being the Easter Bunny. That's what suits him best. Yeah, he was good. He was great. Best Easter Bunny.

One of our top bunnies. Top bunny. Yeah. But there is something cool about a man who says something so horrific and has a self-confidence of saying, like, I can talk my way out of this that's the best part that's the best part because Sean it's not like we haven't been watching the briefings we know you're not articulate you're not gonna trick us into thinking that you meant it we know you fucked up you know you fucked up all you do is say you

fucked up all right let's see what he did I think when you come to sarin gas there was no he was not using the gas on his own people the same way that Assad is doing. I mean, there was clearly, I understand your point. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. There was not in the, he brought him into the Holocaust Center, and I understand. No.

I'm saying in the way that Assad used them, where he went into towns, dropped them down to innocent, into the middle of towns. It was brought. So the use of it. I appreciate the clarification there. That was not the intent. Just a reminder. He apologized three more times over the course of the rest of the day. We accept his apology.

I think we accept it. Do we accept his apology? But isn't. No. We think no. Why not? Don't answer. I just think you should.

Tracy, you answer for him. I just think, like... He's just stupid. He's not a citizen. He's just ignorance and stupidity, right? Just fucked up. He just fucked up. I like...

My favorite detail of it is that he... The first person he apologized to, I think, privately was Sheldon Adelson, which is so funny, because he was like, fuck, who's Jewish? Yeah, yeah. The rule... Like, who do I call? The rule is not call the richest Jew you can think of. Right, yeah. But that's what he did. He was like, who's Jewish? Call the richest Jew you can write. Yeah, but that's what he did. He was like who's who's Jewish and powerful I should call that guy and then is there anyone else I know who's Jewish? No

Doesn't have any reception up there was even what he was trying to say like even the Un-fucked-up part of what he was trying to say which was that Sure Hitler guessed six million people, but he didn't do it from the sky, is also not, is a horrible thing to say. It's just not sort of, it's not better. We don't need to be parsing it that way. Don't parse the Holocaust. Don't parse the

Holocaust. Not necessary. Sean. He well-actualied the Holocaust. That's what he did. That's literally what he did. He was like,-actualied the Holocaust. Yeah. That's what he did. Yeah. That's literally what he did. He was like, well, you know, here's something. You guys think you know a lot about the Holocaust. He realized, you can see in his eyes, that he's not happy with where he's at.

I haven't seen a meltdown like that since the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Nice. Nice. Nice. And that's what he should have said. We'll close it out with the rant wheel. We spin the wheel and then we talk about it. It's pretty simple.

This week on the wheel we have hashtag united. That's a twist. That's a twist, I think. We have the Bernie podcast because i will not let a week go by without making fun of a podcast we have trump learned things the last jedi trailer secret white house visitors kushner ski trips which we've covered the mother of all bombs and one that i can't read jesse what is that one great Let's spin the wheel. Okay. It has landed on hashtag United. Look, here's

the thing. What United did was indefensible. But you know what I'm fucking sick of? All these people being like, I'm never gonna fly United again. Fuck you. You're lying. You're gonna fly United again. You're gonna fly United in two months because you're not gonna pay more for a ticket. You're gonna buy a United flight. And the other thing about this is, everyone

has this narcissistic take on airlines. They're like, I never fly Delta. They're the worst. Oh, what? Did Delta have a delay one time with you that was really like bad for you personally you think american doesn't delay people i think american is so much better they're all the fucking same you don't think you don't you think look look i one thing you did not see other than southwest because southwest they're they're they're you know they got a cool social media presence they were like none of the other

airlines were kind of patting themselves on the back because every one of cool social media presence. They were like, none of the other airlines were kind of patting themselves on the back because every one of those social media managers were just like, there, but for the grace of God, go us. Because somewhere deep in the American Airlines form and deep within the Delta form is a line that says, if you say the wrong words, we'll drag you kicking and screaming off this 757. I was on a Delta Airlines flight here, and two hours into that six-hour flight, the flight attendant knocked over, like, a full pot of coffee into my lap.

And I, like, stood up, and I was just, like, losing my mind about how I was so mad. And I was shouting what I thought was loud, but, like, the plane itself is very loud, so no one really hears it. The point being, I sat back down on that pot of coffee for four more hours with just a wet butt, and I was like, I would never fly Delta again, but I'm so close to a silver medallion, so what am I going to do?

Yeah, they put that announcement, and it's like, we know you have a choice when you travel. No, we don't. No, we don't. We don't have a choice when we travel. It's a bunch of fucking shitty options. They're all the same. They're all the same. We're being dragged off these planes every fucking day.

I feel like in the world of what they should have done, why don't they just keep offering money? There must be a reason, right? There must be a like, we never go above $800 or whatever because we want to set a precedent well right i mean it's the sort of thing where they have to be careful because if word get out said how high they'll go they'll all of a sudden be these kind of ad hoc unions forming on the airplanes that's the that's the theory but we all split it but like don't you think that in that scenario it's very interesting like from a like a free market perspective because you are competing. If you're interested in that money that they're offering you to get off the plane, you're competing.

It's like a game show. You're competing with like 150 other people where they're like, what about 850? What about 900? And you can be like, no, I'm going to hold out. But then someone else in row 12 says, I'll take the money and you're screwed. It's a free market. Right. row 12 says I'll take the money and you're screwed.

It's a free market. Right. But that's why it's so frustrating because like that, the free market types should be like, all right, like live by the sword, die by the sword. We overbooked the flight. We got to find four people who will accept a certain amount of money to get off it. Well, I mean, I feel like the airlines would say one part of our fun free market system is the power of the state to remove you like peons at our leisure. Our private security force, the Chicago Police Department.

By the way, those guys weren't even wearing uniforms. That was a guy that had a leather jacket on and some loose-fitting jeans. You can't pull people off a plane in jeans. You should have proper pants on and better shoes. I agree that they should carry some authority so you can leave with dignity. If I'm going to be dragged off a plane because somebody with a higher airline status needs my seat, which, again, I am fine with, I just want to see a guy with a badge. That's all.

I feel like what should happen is the passengers should decide among themselves who is the least worthy of being on that airplane. And after that kind of Hunger Games-style fight, then you'll have no problem with overbooking. Yeah. I mean, it's also not like anybody on that plane was like, doctor, take my seat. I don't think so. It's dog-eat-dog on that United flight. No heroes in that story.

And that's the rant wheel. I'm calling it. What a rant. We're over time. Join us next week. Oprah returns with some recipes and yet another secret. I want to thank my guests, Mike Schur, Rhea Butcher,

Jubin Parang. Thank you guys for coming. Thank you, Tracy, for playing the game. I think you have a robe. Here's your robe. I just threw a robe at Tracy. Tracy's daughter is horrified. And we'll see you guys next week.

Thanks for coming. Thank you. Scrappy butt on the side Thank you. It's Love and Polyamor Love and Polyamor