Lovett or Leave It - Grand Theft Autocrat

Episode Date: March 15, 2025

This week, getting measles is good for you, and if you believe that, Donald Trump has a Cybertruck to sell you. Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne drop by to talk about life, love, death, and documentaries, before two gay relationships are stress-tested to the very brink. Halle reviews a movie that hits close to home. Lovett shares some personal news. And we share a few silver linings, before we all hurry home to our seed oils.Upcoming shows: crooked.com/events

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Sundays for dogs comm slash love it code love it. Hi, Georgia. Hi, David. What do you think the world needs more of? Well, the world always needs more podcasts. Didn't you used to have a podcast? Not only did I used to have a podcast, Georgia, it's coming back. David Tennant does a podcast with.

Season three is coming at you. Okay. And who are your guests? Who are my guests? What about Russell T. Davis? What about Jamila Jamil? What about Stanley the Tooch Toochie? So it's really just you hanging out with your mates then? Yeah.

Come, join me. David Tennant does a podcast with. Bye. What's up Los Angeles? Welcome to Love and Relieve It live from Dynasty Typewriter reports say European wine could be the next target of Trump's tariffs, which is bad news for the Real Housewives who voted for him, and even worse, for the alcoholics who didn't. We've got a great show for you tonight. Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allen are here. And get this, they're lesbians.

If I'd known, I would have canceled. We're talking about inspiring documentaries, charming podcasts and relatable movies. And at the end, we wrap it up by looking on the bright side, which exists? Exciting. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Across the country, people have set fire to Tesla charging stations near Boston, fired shots into a Tesla dealership in Oregon,-painted Nazi on the side of a dealership in Colorado and more police have released an image of the lead suspect. It's a waymo for the audio first audience the OGs. I bet Musk regrets

designing the Cybertruck so it could feel pain. Last Saturday, several hundred nonviolent protesters showed up at a Tesla showroom in Manhattan, with six getting arrested after entering the building. The Tesla staff suspected something might be afoot when they noticed a woman inside the showroom. Tesla shares plunged 15% on Monday, erasing the company's gains since Trump won the election. Still not as big of a plunge as Tesla's have taken in the resale market. I got fucking killed. Getting rid of that Model Y absolutely decimated on the resale. Fuck.

And you know what me saying Tesla shares means? It's time for the Trump corruption roundup. All right. I guess. Yeah. On Monday, Trump announced on True Social that he would be buying a new Tesla as a show of confidence and support for Elon Musk, which is sweet and all, except being affiliated with Trump is the main problem. It's like a dog bringing you a bird after going number two on the carpet. One technicality we should all keep in

mind, the official White House Tesla is just a Model S. It only becomes Douchebag One when the president is in it. It's not the name of the plane. It's not the name of the car. It's the designation. Wrote the president, the radical left lunatics, as they often do, are trying to illegally and collusively boycott Tesla, one of the world's great automakers, and Elon's baby, in order to attack and do harm to Elon and everything he stands for. Radical left lunatic here, and I would just like to point out that if it was Elon's baby, he wouldn't want anything to do with it. Also choosing not to buy stuff is perfectly legal. I've never tried it personally but it doesn't seem it

doesn't seem like something I enjoy but I do know it is allowed. Then on Tuesday Trump turned the White House into a full-blown Tesla dealership selecting a red sedan in an event that was live-streamed on X. This is a different panel than I've had. Everything's computer. Everything's computer. It's perfect. It can't be improved on.

It's like watching someone slip on a banana peel and accidentally carve a horse from a slab of marble on his way down. Am I upset that Trump is a brazenly corrupt clown? No, I am upset because he's funnier than me. Also, everything is in fact computer and it's and it's becoming a huge problem. Our car salesman-in-chief also said that he will label any violence against Tesla property domestic terrorism, but I would simply call it car apartheid. Something Elon is familiar with. Car apartheid.

A car tide. Anyway, excited to find out if doing terrorism now includes a tweet that says, cyber trucks look like a car designed for the specific purpose of plowing into your ex-wife's Pilates studio. Reporters snapped a photo of Trump's talking points, a Tesla sales pitch complete with pricing. This is unbelievable. This is like when JFK stood before that McDonald's and intoned, Ich bin, I'm lovin' it.

Even JFK stood before that McDonald's and intoned, I'm loving it. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what I can do to put you in a brand new Chevy Lakewood. Mr. Gorbachev, try this Froyo. We are the customers we've been waiting for. But of course, every quid needs a pro quo. Elon Musk has reportedly made clear to Trump advisors that he plans to dump $100 million into Trump's political operation.

Looks like someone just bought himself another few months of, we must cherish our high IQ patriots before the switch flips to the rockets. They don't even work. A lot of people are saying the rockets, they blow up. Plus his kid will not stop picking his nose. Disgusting. Speaking of Elon, I am going to Wisconsin next weekend on March 22nd and March 23rd to make sure Elon Musk

can't buy the Wisconsin Supreme Court race. A lot of people are gonna hopefully come out. Elon is dumping millions and millions of dollars to try to buy the Wisconsin Supreme Court race. Democracy is on the ballot and abortion is on the ballot. It is the difference between a common sense reasonable judge will uphold the laws of Wisconsin and one that will put back in place an abortion law from the 1800s. So go to vote save America dot com slash Wisconsin.

Sign up. Do what you can. If you're in Wisconsin or near Wisconsin, come volunteer with me next weekend. Knocking on a few doors, protecting abortion and democracy, following the plans of the richest dipshit in the world. What a treat. In other federal infomercials this week, health secretary and guy who tried to ask a genie

to have the greatest voice in the world, but it was a Twilight Zone situation, and the devil replaced his vocal cords with a cheese grater, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Twilight Zone situation and the devil replaced his vocal chords with a cheese grater, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. participated in a surreal interview with Sean Hannity at a Florida Steak and Shake on Monday where he endorsed the fast food chain for switching to beef tallow to make its fries. It's a completely different experience and the customers are raving about it.

Other companies, Steak and Shake has been great. We're very grateful for them for RFKing the french fries. They turned me into a verb. The perfect spokesperson, a man who sounds like he just ate a fry with a razor blade in it, said Kennedy, it's not roadkill, but it's a start. And as Trump is selling Teslas and RFK Jr. is selling fries, the government is approaching a possible shutdown. By the time you listen to this, of course, you'll know what happened. Democrats caved. But we're recording this.

Probably. Hopefully not. Prove me wrong, Democrats. But we're recording this in the past where we don't know shit. It sucks here. You remember. Probably the only thing worse is the future, where you live. On Tuesday, House Republicans passed a bill that would fund the government through September 30th, with more fiscally conservative GOP members putting aside their objections at

Trump's behest. They throw their own mothers down a well at Trump's behest, so take that with a grain of salt. Democrats are reportedly divided about whether or not to pass the bill. If they voted down, Trump might use the government shutdown to accelerate Doge's destruction. If they voted through, they'll be funding an administration illegally picking and choosing which laws to follow and what money to spend.

In other words, Democrats lose no matter what, which is something Democrats are very used to. Said Senator Mark Kelly about the situation, I'm weighing the badness of each option. Every Democrat just trapped in their own private Applebee's scanning the menu over and over again for the high protein harvest bowl they'll never find. Of course, there's only one way to distract people from your plans to get the government to pay for tax cuts is a reward for the wealthy backers who got you into office, thereby saving you from literal prison, pointing

to the nearest trans person and saying, yuck. On Wednesday, Trump told the press, Everything's transgender. Everybody transgender. That's all you hear about. Now, that's why we won the election in record numbers. Hold on. Is everything computers? Or is everything transgender?

Because transgender is kind of the opposite of computers. Computers love the binary. Yeah. Nice. If you consume conservative news, yeah, it might seem like that's all you think about. According to Media Matters, in the month since Trump took office, Fox News has covered trans issues more than CNN and MSNBC combined. Which makes sense, as it is a network of angrily short men and angrily tall women. Free yourself.

Gender norms are your prison too. This week, Representative Keith Self misgendered Congresswoman Sarah McBride in a House committee meeting calling her Mr. McBride which led to this confrontation with Congressman Bill Keating. I now recognize the representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride. Thank you, Madam Chair. Mr. Chairman, could you repeat your introduction again, please? Yes, it's a, it's a, we have set the standard on the floor of the House. Mr. Chairman, you are out of order.

Mr. Chairman, have you no decency? I mean, I've come to know you a little bit, but this is not decent. We will continue this. You will not continue it with me unless you introduce a duly elected representative the right way. This hearing is adjourned. Just to be clear, he'd rather not have the hearing than treat Sarah McBride with respect. What is ironic is both of these men instinctively respect that Sarah McBride is a woman because they interrupted her and argued as if she wasn't even there, even though her joke calling him Madam Chair was the best one. And I actually think that's progress. I want to say also Keating caught some strap-null on that

joke. Keating did great there. He did catch a stray but he did good. Good for him. Shantay you stay. Speaking of Republican speech codes, on Saturday night Mahmoud Khalil, a Palestinian activist who helped lead student demonstrations at Columbia, was arrested by ICE agents and now faces deportation despite being a green card holder. If you loved I'm Still Here, the Oscar-winning Brazilian film about the forest's disappearances under dictatorship, you're going to love I'm Still Here 2. Where? We really liked that. We had a whole list of sequels to I'm Still Here and we

chose where. Just want you to know that that thought went into it, all right? On Monday the White House used Hebrew to taunt Khalil writing, Shalom Mahmood in an ex-post that quoted Trump's true social post about the arrest, turning the Hebrew word for peace into a fascist taunt, I feel so seen, in a doomed prisoner trying to run past the guard tower sort of way. Deporting students and green card holders for protests Trump doesn't like proved to be a step too far for even some of the right's most stalwart scumbags. With Ann Coulter writing on X,

there's almost no one I don't want to deport, but unless they've committed a crime, isn't this a violation of the First Amendment? Spot on, Ann Coulter, I said, immediately before lowering myself into a vat of molten metal Terminator 2 style. This seems to be as good a time as any to announce Coulter, I hardly know her, Anne's new show with Crooked Media. Welcome to the network, our new progressive queen and happy Women's History Month everybody. While it was too far for Anne Coulter, it wasn't too far, disturbingly, for the Anti-Defamation

League, which released a statement on Khalil's arrest that read, We appreciate the Trump administration's broad, bold set of efforts to counter campus anti-Semitism, and the action further illustrates that resolve by holding alleged perpetrators responsible for their actions. There are a few phrases that should always make you pause and reassess when you catch yourself typing them into a social media post. My lawyer told me not to say this next thing, not to be a racist, but we appreciate the Trump administration. The arrests and deportations of student protesters are part of a broader attack on free speech.

How broad? Not so broad that we can't do this show, but broad enough that in the process of writing this show, I have said the words, let's not leave a paper trail. Last Friday, the Trump administration abruptly canceled $400 million in grants and contracts to Columbia University, saying that the school had failed to adequately combat anti-Semitism on campus, withholding enormous quantities of money for important research in the name of the Jews. Why, this will stop anti-Semitism right in its tracks. Trump has also continued to threaten law firms that have represented people or groups he considers political enemies. First they came for the lawyers and I did not speak

out because lawyers were always telling me to stop insinuating that Lindsey Graham is gay. That swishing little swamp bottom. little swamp bottom. In an Oval Office ceremony last week Trump signed an executive order barring the federal government from hiring the international law firm Perkins Cooey which represented the Clinton campaign and the DNC in 2016 the week before Trump signed an executive order punishing Covington and Burling the firm that represented special counsel Jack Smith. The order could have a chilling effect, making law firms less willing to challenge the Trump administration in court.

And then who's going to stand up for this country? Non-lawyers who crossed the LSAT and would have been top in their class at a law school if their other career hadn't worked out? Like I say in that fantasy I had in high school where I'm at a Dave Matthews band concert and then Dave Matthews is like, our drummer is sick, can anybody help? I'll do it. Meanwhile, is that a sad one? Is it sad because it's Dave Matthews band?

Is it sad because I didn't actually get invited to the Dave Matthews band concert? The other kids planted around me in physics class? What, just a little window for you. Just a little crack. Speaking of our ongoing slide into superstition and darkness, the CDC will reportedly arrange a large study to investigate whether there's a link

between vaccines and autism, despite the many large studies that have already proven there isn't. This is like OJ trying to find the real killer. We already know what causes autism, trains being so cool. I just want to shout out Claudia for that one. And in response to the measles outbreak in Texas and beyond, R.F.K. Jr. claimed that it's very, very difficult for measles to kill a healthy person, which is not the case. Healthy babies and children routinely died of measles before the vaccine became available. The health secretary also claimed that natural immunity

after a measles infection can help protect against other diseases, which is also not true. In reality, a measles infection might make the body more vulnerable to other infections. Anyway, that's where we're at. Fact-checking the health secretary on getting measles is good for you. Alright, enough of all this. It's time for animal news. Yeah, for sure. A body scanner alerted the TSA to a live turtle hidden in a man's pants at Newark Liberty International Airport. That's just my grotesquely deformed penis said the man. Oh you mean in the back?

Yes that's a live turtle. Forget what I just said. Take me to jail or whatever the punishment is for this. Tennessee's Nashville Zoo welcomed a rare clouded leopard cub which according to the AP is currently about the size of a small baguette. The size of a small baguette and just as delicious when slathered in warm butter. Also this week a Memphis man claims he was shot in the thigh when his dog, a pit bull puppy named Oreo, jumped up next to him on the bed and accidentally hit the trigger of his gun. Can't wait to share this with the woman at the dog park who's always trying to convince

me that pit bulls aren't dangerous. I also don't buy this story. According to NBC News, the police found a single spent shell casing in the front room, not the bedroom where the puppy is alleged to have pulled the trigger. I think it's more likely that the man accidentally shot himself and then blamed the dog, which is already the policy for farts. In conclusion, Oreo Innocent, and that's animal news. And finally, I have some personal news.

I got engaged. Several years ago and it didn't work out. And then I got engaged again. After four decades on this earth, someone finally chose not to leave it. You know, to leave it. I... you know, I'll stop it. You know, I've been doing this show for eight years now and while the show has changed a lot, I've changed a lot, but so much of what you see of me here is pretty consistent in the ups and downs of the news and in the ups and downs of my life. I do play a little bit of a character, a mad and beleaguered little imp, ill-equipped

for polite society. My gayness and weirdness, permission to say what I shouldn't. And it is very much me, but just a version of me. A version of me much more willing to let you in on my struggles than my successes because if I'm going to be a bully on this stage, I should probably be an underdog in the real world. But then I fell in love while the world fell apart. And I don't know what the future holds, but you'll be pleased to know that as happy as I am, and I only realize now truly happy, maybe for the first time in my life,

I'm as motivated by rage as ever. I seem to be getting angrier. And maybe that's because my partner, in addition to being the funniest and kindest human being I've ever met, is trans. And I see the space between the beauty of a society that celebrates difference, and one that would rather destroy the lives of strangers

than untangle what is ultimately a tiny knot of discomfort and curiosity. Or maybe that's just who I am. But either way, I'm excited to finally try sex. ["The Last Supper, for those asking, the reception will be in Los Angeles. The honeymoon will be in Guantanamo. And to everyone on Reddit who had already figured this out,

congratulations for your next challenge, Crack a Window. All right. All right, up next, it's Signataro and Stephanie Allen. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Factor. Ready to optimize your nutrition this year, Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy.

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It's great. Eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash factorpodcast and use code factorpodcast to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code factor podcast at factor meals dot com slash factor podcast to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. And we're back. Last week and also earlier, I made a callous comment about how love it or leave it does not like to feature lesbians.

By way of apology, joining me tonight are two of the best to ever do it. Please put your hands together for the hilarious Tig Notaro and the incredible Stephanie Allen. Hi. Welcome. Good to see you. The best in the biz. incredible Stephanie Allen. Hi, welcome. Good to see you. The best in the biz.

The best to do it. Top lesbians, here they are. Good to see you both. Good to see you. Congrats. Thank you. Yeah, congratulations. I'm glad you're here for this show,

which is purely a coincidence. Why? Because we're... Why? Because you are, to me, an example of a very smart, talented, interesting gay couple that I have learned a very smart, talented, interesting gay couple that I have learned through your various works have an exemplary and interesting and enviable relationship.

I guess that's all I wanted to hear. But go on, you were saying something else. Did you forget how much you love me? I don't. I never forget it. I never forget it either. I never forget it. I never forget it. I never forget it. And what I was going to add.

I never forget it. I never forget it. Not once have I forgotten this. Well, what I also was thinking is, Stephanie, this is the first time you've been on the show. Yeah, thrilled to be here. And last. It's her last also. But what I was also thinking is, while...

I forgot to tell you. That I actually was glad specifically to have you both, and especially not just Higg, for this. Oh, yeah. Because... Because I think you're both nurturing people, but yours is a warmer nurturing quality. Like there's a lot of love that comes in your direction,

but I feel like, you know, on a hairdryer, you can set it to cool. Yeah. No, today Tig got a phone call from the dentist and I overheard her answer the phone and she went- How dare you. She went, oh, hold on a second. Hello?

Yeah, I'll be there. Bye. And I truly watched going, it looks hard to do. Like it's to keep that energy with someone else. It's like, hi, we're just checking in, making sure you come to your appointment. Okay, you're making an assumption. Okay. You're making an assumption that the woman was that excited about...

Well, if she was the same as you, you'd have to offset it. You can't both be like that. So your point is that your dental hygienist is like a huge cunt. I guess, yeah, that's what I was trying to get at. And she's here tonight. There she is. Fuck you. But I will be there on Monday.

Stop calling me. My dentist texts. So does mine. That's why I was like, oh my God, I'm getting texts and phone calls. It's a bit much. So anyways. You've produced a new documentary called Come See Me in the Good Light about the poet Andrea Gibson.

Yes. I've seen it. It's beautiful. Thank you. Now, when did you decide that documentaries about queer people with cancer was going to really be your niche? My sweet spot. My sweet spot. You know, when things just feel right, you're like, this is it.

I don't have an answer. This is your groove. Yeah, this is my groove. But I did, you know, somebody else, I didn't make the movie about myself. I didn't know I had my CBS readers on. But yeah, I didn't make the documentary TIG. Somebody else made that. And then with Andrea, Andrea and I have been friends for 25 years and is one of the greatest poets that you could possibly hear and has eight books out and toured the world and is is the Colorado poet laureate,

and just a really incredible person. And our mutual friend, Steph Willen, who lives in Santa Fe, we were talking one day, and Steph was like, I feel like this would be a really good documentary for this period of time in Andrea's life. And so it was truly green lights from that second, to like investors, the director coming on, getting into Sundance.

It got in unanimously at Sundance. And it also won the top prize of Sundance this year. That's great. And it's sold to a network, but we can't say yet, but it's- Fox Business. It's pretty exciting. It's going to feel a little weird for a network, but we can't say yet, but it's... Fox Business. It's pretty exciting. It's going to feel a little weird for their audience. Fox?

It goes from Cavuto to Maria Bartiromo to a beautiful, touching, moving queer story. Fox was salivating at the festival when this came on. We are top bid on this one here. So this may be, maybe this is an inappropriate question, but like Stephanie, you talked about watching it and seeing it and this is gonna be a little glib sounding, but like TIG is a story about the documentary, your TIG is a person, that's you.

That's me. But it's also the name of the film. That's right. But you have cancer in that film. I did, yeah. And it has a beautiful happy ending. It sure does. And you learn a lot and you grow and you find happiness in this relationship. But this film is about finding good and happiness and joy in a story that's ultimately more

of a tragedy. And I'm just wondering, you must feel that when see it. You have seen both of these stories. Yeah. I mean, that's what I think, shockingly, they're both life-affirming. And when you watch Come See Me in the Good Light, it's like, oh, this is what presence looks like. Of course, you can look for a happy ending, but a happy ending doesn't end there. It continues. So in this, you go, oh, it's the same thing. And I don't think this is in the documentary, but Andrea was like, it feels like I've been caught being mortal. And like, she, they're looking around going, no, we're all mortal. You know, like, we're all, it's just that the right now I have the spotlight. So what I love about it so much is going,

oh, what does life really mean right now? What are you so happy that you have and that you want to keep? And you can talk about gratitude and you can talk about all of those things, but when you watch this documentary and you go, God, this is what you have right now. Yeah, there's a moment in the film when Andrea just gotten some bad news and she just starts

whispering like this happens to everyone. This happens to everyone. In one way or another, we all, whether you know it's coming, you don't know it's coming, this happens to everyone. And I feel like a lot of stories about people grappling with cancer are often about really trying to get people to see that. And I wonder what you were trying to,

what you wanted people to take away from this, like why you felt like this person really struggling. This is a person round after round of really painful treatments while trying to find the joy in the daily life. What made you think this was something you needed to share? I mean, I was just, Andrea lives in Colorado, and like I said, our mutual friend Steph lives in Santa Fe, and I'm in Los Angeles, and Steph and I

have been in constant conversation about, between Andrea's medical appointments to trying to get Andrea's podcast edited and maybe up and going and just always checking in, trying to, you know, brainstorm what, how we can be helpful in Andrea's life. And also the film is very much about their relationship with Meg, their partner as well, who is also a poet. But I think that what struck us and what obviously strikes everybody watching the film is just how Andrea is moving through this and with this, and it's not to say that Andrea is, you know,

forcing positivity or anything like that. It's very real, like the ups and the downs. But there's just something when Andrea puts their experience to words in the way that they do. I remember one of my favorite things that Andrea ever said, and it's not in the film, and it's that, what kind of poet would I be if I could only make things beautiful on the page? And I was like, God, I love that.

And it's so, so very true about Andrea. It's very real, like the ups and the downs, but there's just something when Andrea puts their experience to words in the way that they do. I remember one of my favorite things that Andrea ever said, and it's not in the film, and it's that, what kind of poet would I be if I could only make things beautiful on the page? And I was like, God, I love that. And it's so, so very true

about Andrea. Yeah, there's also something I appreciated, which is, I think often finding the joy, Andrea makes a decision, which is to make her life a little bit worse or a lot worse by continuing joy. finding the good in the moment with like, no, I'm going to accept what's happening. And I wonder if you felt like there was a tension there at all or anything that like, that hears someone saying, I want to make the most of my time, but also I'm going to try to get more time by pursuing experimental treatments that'll hurt my voice, that'll make things even more painful. You're not going to believe this, but I... What did you ask me?

I was listening, but I was also really focused on your face. This is inappropriate. We're talking about... Cancer. A beautiful film. Beautiful film. someone dying of cancer for sure. Yeah. That process of like when you it's, Andrea doesn't go I'm just gonna not do treatment and I'm gonna enjoy my time. Yeah.

But is going I'm gonna be in the present, I'm gonna enjoy my time but also I'm gonna do every experimental thing. I'm gonna, like ultimately they're trying to live. Yeah, for sure. Why did you not hear it when I said? She's seen my face. I travel with an interpreter. I like your face.

I got lost in it for a moment. You got lost in it? Yeah, I got lost in it for a moment. I think he has a cute face. Stephanie, let's turn to you. No, I want to know no no Stephanie has much better answers than I do so you directed hello again oh yeah the oh I was like what is that that was my latest comedy yeah it's like what is that hey I

just just listen. I want you to just, we don't have to talk about it, but just, I want you to keep in the back of your mind, I am a professional. And I know I don't always seem like it, but I know what's going on. I am too. I know, I know.

I know the title of your special that I directed. I didn't know it either. I named the special Hello Again. Yes, I directed that. And this is a good working relationship? Yeah. So Ari and I work together. Right.

And I'm wondering if you have any strategies or tips, because what we do is pretend we're strangers until 5 p.m. We shake hands at the end of the day. Do you work well together? Yeah, we do, but we don't really work that much together. Our work doesn't overlap. We work together, but they work on the business side of things, and I work on the stupid side of things. Do you ever have conflicts when you're working together?

We've had conflicts, and I feel like, and correct me if I'm wrong, but we'll be on a TV or movie set and maybe we have a little bit of an argument and then we just ignore each other the entire day. We do our jobs and nobody notices because why would anybody be looking? I feel like it's happened twice.

Yeah, but we've never gotten, I don't think, in an argument about work. No. It's usually something happened at home where we're bothered by the other person. Something happened at home. Something happened. At home.

It was in our home. Where it happened in our home Where it happened our home We were surprised as you are In our home driving to work in silence something happened at home, so That's interesting though. That's interesting. So Are you like I am we need to resolve this now. Like, I can't move on. I'm like that and Tig isn't.

You need time. Do you need time or you? I need a beat. I need a beat because Stephanie will throw a curve ball. And I'm like, wow. Well, what Tig recently said, which I feel like is really accurate, I mean, I don't think you made this up.

I don't know if you read it, but that you like, like we like 99% I didn't read this. You made it up. Yes. Okay. I wasn't like, this is good. I wasn't sure if this was like a relationship thing. No, but we like 99% of the other person

and then the 1% we loathe. And that's what, well that's what I had originally said to you is I was like, I love you 99% of the time and then one person, I cannot stand you when things happen in our house. house at the home. And then we silently drive to work, two times this happened. And then, yeah, we're just doing our job and then we head home for the day. But at some point it's resolved, presumably before tonight. Yes, definitely. But I don't think that we've ever had conflict like about work like Stephanie was saying. Right.

I feel... You work really well together. We work really well together. But then, and then occasionally the minor... The minor... Thing that happens in our home will happen. Right. Whatever that might be.

Oh my gosh. It's tough when it happens inside. And it is in of doors, not yard stuff. No, no, no. It's an indoor problem. It never rolls out. We have indoor problems. We have indoor problems. We also get through our conflict with things like there was a meme or something. Is that what it is? Like a picture? And so there was a meme of a person driving and then the person's dog was in the passenger seat and had its paw on the shoulder.

And so now, oh and the meme was like... And the meme said I'm so how you show you're sorry yeah it's not like when you're mad at your partner but you're sorry and so now we'll like when we're driving highly we'll be like and we'll put a paw on the shoulder and so that means I'm mad I'm still currently mad that means but I love you were wrong you still currently mad. That means you were wrong. You're wrong, but I still love you. Usually when someone does that,

the other person usually goes, oh, you're sorry. Uh-huh. That's sweet. Yeah, but we're not really saying we're sorry. No. We're just putting a paw on the shoulder. It's as simple as that. We're not great with conflict resolution.

Well, another, like when we first got together in our first year when we had a problem indoors, I think it was our first big indoor problem. And we were arguing and I just walked over to the window in our kitchen and I just started making up a window in our kitchen and I just started making up a musical I was like there was a time and I started singing all of our problems and then Stephanie chimed in and we had a duet and so we'll just sing

our problems out. Wow that's beautiful and no therapist has been involved or anything. I was just gonna say our therapist at one point said, have you guys ever heard of sad clowns? I'm afraid I am Pagliacci. Can I tell you something unrelated? Stephanie, yesterday was the first time, clap if you've ever heard of Houdini. Somebody had never heard of Houdini.

Anyway, go ahead, what were you saying? He's Jewish. Houdini was Jewish. Oh. Some people don't know. Never got to me. Henry Houdini. It's the first time I've ever had't know. Never got to me. Henry Houdini. It's the first time I've ever had that experience

where I'm like, I've never heard of that person. And everyone's like, what? I'm just, and why do you think you brought that up tonight? Yeah, Tig. I was trying to bring our indoor problems. But that was one of the kind of conflicts you have. What did it represent? Why is it so, what did it mean to you?

Okay, here's the thing is I don't follow a lot of pop culture and things like that. And so. Like that you'd be like, yeah, I mean, it was pop culture at some point. Tig recently referred to the Olsen twins as Mary-Kate and Olsen. I'm almost 54.

I didn't watch the show, but that was in reference to the movie, Come See Me in the Good Light, because Andrea and Meg are renaming constellations and Meg says, oh, that's Amy Olsen. No, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. And then, and Andrea says, I don't know who that is. And Stephanie's like, how is that possible? And I was like, Andrea is like a hairy armpit queer person in the mountains, like, you know, like fighting in the streets. Like Andrea's not following the Olson twins.

And then I accidentally called them Mary-Kate and Olson. And then I was called them Mary, Kate and Olsen. And then I was like, see, that's what I called them. Why would Andrea know these people? It's about where you are on the male and lesbian spectrum. Yeah. I'm sorry. I took this very... just like steamrolling show, flying down the tracks. You think that's what this was? No. As I never got to, you both directed the 2022 comedy, Am I Okay?, which I loved, in which

Dakota Johnson comes out as a lesbian. I don't know if she ever actually uses the word. I don't think she does. I don't think she ever uses the word lesbian. Good. Uh, you know, but, but, but she, but she, but she likes girls, you know, in it. Here to give her completely honest review, am I okay?

Is Dakota Johnson. Is Love and Relieve its own late in life lesbian, our head writer, Halle Kiefer. The people's Dakota Johnson. Okay, um this is my totally honest review. Okay first of all, I'm supposed to buy Dakota Johnson as a late in life lesbian. Well I do. I thought she did a great job with the role. She's not my go-to, but she's like Scarlett Johansson. For the right part, she's the right gal. It's just my opinion.

Second of all, you're supposed to tell me in 2020s, in Los Angeles, everyone and their mother is fine with a little casual bisexuality, but then Dakota Johnson has a mini breakdown of becoming out as a lesbian. And I do think they use the word, and if not, that's fine, because this is about my opinion. And of course I believe that, because that's fine, because this is about my opinion.

And of course I believe that, because that's exactly what it feels like. I had to keep pausing the movie because it was too close to the bone, but that's just my opinion. And then third of all, you're trying to convince me that, spoiler alert, Dakota Johnson is pursued by a work colleague

played by the endlessly charming Kiersey Clements and is so uncomfortable with her newfound sexuality that she almost fumbles the bag entirely? Well, obviously, yeah, because that's what happens in real life. It's humiliating. The accuracy was uncomfortable to watch and isn't that what art is supposed to do?

Disturb the comfortable and comfort of the disturbed is just my opinion. And then finally, you're gonna look at me in my gay little eyes and tell me that in the end, the movie's really about the power of friendship and how the pain of self-growth gives birth to deeper, more meaningful relationships, which is one of the many often-ignorers,

in that way, deeply lesbian, benefits of having queer people in society that we all enjoy. Well, you couldn't be more right. It's an invaluable observation, so go watch it on OK, available on streaming. That's just my opinion. It could've used more Sean Hayes.

It could've used more Sean Hayes. I'm gonna use more Sean Hayes. Hallie Kiefer, everybody. Thank you. All right, thank you, Tegan, Stephanie. Everybody should watch Hello Again, which is really funny, by the way. And I saw, I went, and I actually, incredible. And I wanna do a compliment for Hello Again,

which I thought was a beautiful special, but... I'll take it now that I know what the project is. I was struggling to articulate this after, but there is nobody, I think, right now that is better able to be incredibly funny without ever making you feel like you're watching someone tell a joke. And there's just, there are a lot of people who can tell a joke,

but there are so few people who can make you laugh without ever telling a joke, which makes you feel like you're watching someone just tell a story, which is so difficult to do. And you make it look like it is not. And I just want you to know how much I appreciate how difficult it is to do what you do and you make it look like it is not. And I just want you to know how much I appreciate how difficult it is to do what you do and make it look so easy. And I think there's nobody that does it better. And so everybody should see Hello Again.

Listen to Handsome wherever you get your podcasts. You'll be able to- Also Stephanie was nominated for an Emmy award directing my special. I didn't know that. What is it? It's called Hello Again. Oh, they love you on Star Trek Discovery.

Well, my character popped over to Starfleet Academy starring Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti and myself. So that'll be coming out soon. Wow. Yeah, right here in the flesh. All right. And everybody can check out Howie's podcast, Ruined, with Allison Levy.

Next up, we're going to the chapel and we're getting competitive. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Haya. Typical children's vitamins are basically candy in disguise, filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, and other gummy additives.

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get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. And we're back! I'll just note that this is actually the second time I've played this game on the show, so let's hope this one sticks. I gotta point make a joke about it. Take the air out of that balloon. Please welcome to the stage my future spouse and the person whose wet towels I can't wait to pick up off the bathroom floor every single day until I die.

It's the wonderful Ari Schwartz. All right, all right. Hi. Hi. Are you glad we did this? I'm... yeah. this? I'm yeah. Do you regret doing this? No. Doing what? Being on the microphone. Oh yeah. I thought you meant engaged. I was like uh oh., now would be the time to kind of hash that out. Anything you'd like to share about the engagement? It happened. And now I'm on a microphone. Because of it.

Tell us the engagement story. Well, I will, so we planned it to with an inch of its life to the point where there was zero surprise. None. To the point where we discussed not just when we would do it, not just that we would do it at a dinner, and not just that we would do it during dessert.

But what dessert? I don't even remember the dessert. But we decided that we would do it... There was some cookie, I guess. But we decided we would do it when the dessert was placed, but before we ate it. Because then we wouldn't face a... We had an overly attentive waiter, which we love, we love. But we were nervous that it would be interrupted.

But are you talking about this the whole time you're at this? Essentially, yes. we love, but we were nervous that it would be interrupted. And so we- But are you talking about this the whole time you're at this? Essentially, yes. But what about before you got there? The whole day. Okay. And honestly, weeks before. So it was, it was, yeah, it kind of took over.

And there was, and that was romantic in its own way. Sure. Yeah. But then we, we had a really nice day together and then we decided on the moment and then we each had set, we decided we would each say something really nice about why we wanted to be engaged and then we made it official. And then we exchanged rings. Sure did. Can I make my joke? Yeah, you sure can. And it turns out there's no amount of testosterone that can kill the part of a Jewish woman

that wants a big diamond. That's true. That's true. That is amazing. All right. I really like, can I make my joke? And then real quick, how far into your relationship did you decide I want to be married to this person and who brought it up and was like, I want to be married to?

Well, it doesn't, it involves the television program Survivor. I assumed. As all engagements should. Because I went on the television program survivor and... For what? To be a... To survive. To survive. Okay. And we had only started dating not soon before, like pretty close to when I had to leave. Wait, you were actually a cast member on there? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know that.

You don't know that I was on the... I only know who Houdini is. Yeah. Right. I don't follow pop culture. No, no, for sure. And so I was on Survivor, which meant I was gone and away from my phone for five weeks or

four weeks and oh my god and when I got my and when I got my phone back so we had talked about we'll see where we are at the end of the year this is May of last year and when I got my phone back I we we both I called you from Fiji mm-hmm but we basically when I called having been away for five weeks we basically, when I called, having been away for five weeks, we're like, when I get back, this is it. And we moved in right then. You said that. Well, I had already moved in, obviously, because he had left the property.

So I moved in. And so you called saying, when I get home, it's just me and you, kid. Basically, for us. That's it. And you said you said you were you were it wasn't like it was like you weren't surprised by that. No, I was a little hesitant. Were you like, like, how long? No, I think I was like, basically like, yeah, I've pretty much already moved

every all of my stuff in. Yeah, so that's a little bit of the old lesbian jumping out. And that, and that it was a very practical thing. Well, my stuff is already here. So I guess we should spend the rest of our lives together. That's how it works. To be fair, Steph, I used to have a loft downtown and Stephanie came over in like, what, the first month.

And she was like I am so sick of trying to find parking down here should we just move in together like sure anybody else before Stephanie I would have been like calling a friend being like no she couldn't find parking and she's like, should we move in? But with Stephanie, I'm like, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. No one came off survivor, but... Yeah. Also, the plumbing did break at your apartment.

Yeah, my apartment flooded, which is also obviously a part of it. And did you call and were you like, so my plumbing exploded? Yeah. Well, I had ripped the pipe out the wall the day before. All right. Good. And now it is with deep regret that I hand over control of this segment to Hallie. Welcome everyone to a segment

we're calling the SUNY web game. Thank you, Kennedy, for the title. We are going to pit one married couple against two spouses toto-be. However, since being married for a decade definitely puts a thumb on the personal trivia scale. We tried to balance out the relationship deep dives with a more philosophical view of your partner.

Did we succeed? It's too late to worry about that now because it's time to play the SUNY Wed game. Ding! Woo! When I ask a question, I will be directing it either to Tig and Lovett or Stephanie and Ari. I paired you guys up based on how much I liked your vibe.

Let us begin. Ari and Stephanie, what is the single most annoying thing your partner does? Now Lovett and Tig, you're going to write what you think they're writing right now. So this is not what you personally think the most annoying thing is, is like what is the most annoying thing to Stephanie in her eyes or Ari in their eyes? I think this is, oh, that's a tough one. Wow. It's most, this is gonna be devastating.

All right. I gave Ari some suggestions backstage, I'm not gonna lie. Okay, okay. Any ideas? What if I can't think of anything? Ooh. Wow. God.

That's longevity. That's practice. That's practice. Stephanie's just erasing wildly. List. All right, how are we doing? Are we still working on it? Nope, okay.

Writing a lot down there, love it, great. Okay, I'm ready. All right, great, everyone. So then who reveals first? Ooh, I don't think we thought that through. I think Ari and Stephanie reveal and then you love it until you reveal and see if they match. Okay.

All right, so Ari and Stephanie, please turn your boards around and I will read them out loud. Ari has written, doesn't know how to pick up dog poop, that's a great one. Sebi says, her love of air conditioning, okay. Love it, let's turn yours around first. Are they a match up?

I said, constantly says, let's deal with this task tomorrow until we die. Yeah, okay. These seem related. And then Tig, I say, okay, great, a lot of laughs. Let's turn this bad boy around. And we wrote Wow

How they got it how's temp too cold Well beers Just to be clear when Ari says I don't know how to pick up dog poop It's not that I don't pick it up. It's that they believe my technique is wrong. It's wrong. Do you guys want to smell the dog poop? He holds it up to his nose. Oh, he opens the bag up here. No, Ari claims the bag is open too long. Because it's open.

That I don't try to close it at the ground. That I come up and then I close it. What a nasty fight Don't worry they have worried about you They have eternity to resolve it moving on Alright, so this question is for Tig and love it Tig and love it your partner is faced with the infamous trolley problem. I think we have an image. Thank you Oh, yeah, that's a good one too. At the ethical conundrum in which a person must consciously choose to pull a

switch and direct an out-of-control train away from a track with five people onto a track where one person will be killed, but it would require them to throw the switch. Would your partner throw the switch? And a simple yes or no. I'm sorry, the switch kills the person. So you're gonna kill a person either way. Unfortunately, that's the trolley problem. The question is, now you could throw it. I'm sorry, it's just that this is an outdoor problem.

That's a good point. The trolley is heading towards those five people. If you do nothing, those five people die. If you proactively. Oh, I'm sorry, Stephanie's head was, I didn't see the five people. If you do nothing, those five people die. If you proactively... Oh, I'm sorry, Stephanie's head was... I didn't see the five people. That's okay. I was like...

That's totally fine. I don't understand what's happening. Yeah, this isn't about whether or not Stephanie would callously murder a stranger. To save five people. To save five people. Would you interfere? I totally get it now.

It's just, because of her head. I could not see the five people. Points deducted, Stephanie. I'm sorry. I didn't know where the five people were. I'm new to the biz. All right, everyone, having written yes or no. All right, Tig, and love it if you wouldn't mind

turning your boards around. Tig, you're still working on it? Sorry, that's on me. OK, yes. Well, go ahead well good all right let's start with you guys and the answer is yes okay well oh just one answer yes well and I'm sorry the answer is it's if would about you. You pull the lever to save five but kill one. You do nothing, five die. Does Stephanie pull the lever?

You already saw the answer. Where? I do want to say that this graphic. Where? On the board. This graphic does seem to be in a loop though. Right, and that's a good question. I saw it.

I didn't see that. All right, you got it. Well, there we go. All right. All right, you got it. Well, there we go. All right. All right. I think I already know the answer, at least, for one of our couples. And this is a question for Ari and Stephanie.

Ari and Stephanie, tell me, in your opinion, who is more likely to ruin a vacation? And take that however you want to take it. You know what I'm talking about. And is this just yes or no? No. If it's possible it is yours or Stephanie's name. And am I doing this? Yes. You're doing all of them. Okay. Okay. All right, great. I see a big old answer on Ari. So we'll start with you guys.

Ari, would you mind turning your board around? Yeah, obviously. Come on, Ari. Obviously, you said love it. Very big, John. I wrote me, not even close. Yes, love it, of course. Obviously.

All right, okay. Tig and Stephanie. It's happened okay. TIG and Stephanie. Happened many times. TIG says Stephanie, Stephanie says TIG. Many times. So many. Many trips. No points awarded or involved.

Sounds like some indoor vacations. Are you guys having fun? What is the most likely thing to get you in trouble on a vacation? I was thinking... Well, are we... Do we write it on the board here? We've had some hospital detours. Well, my body has failed me a few times. Yeah, I don't know if those count.

That's what I was thinking you were going to think. Well, I think you want to know the way I've ruined vacations. Stephanie and I really differ on what time to leave for airports. And in fact, we went through that getting here tonight calling the car. Stephanie wanted to call the car to where we would arrive 40 minutes early. Not interested in that. I'm not interested in that. Whereas I like to just roll in. 40 minutes late. 40 minutes late. No I'm not. No. Don't you start pulling indoor problems with me.

I wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't. Next question. This one is for Lovett and Tig.

Ooh. What do you think was your most memorable date? Something stands out in your mind? Or Mantic Evening? An unromantic, a terrible fight. Whatever sticks out of your mind, what's your most memorable date? A neutral word, I suppose. All right.

Are your board remains blank? This one, it doesn't have to be a good date. It just sort of like, what's the first date that comes to mind? Like, oh, remember we did that one thing. Bungee jumping. I don't know what you guys do at home. We fight. Okay, good.

Here, our first harrowing fight. Indoor versus outdoor. Um, all right, uh, I will have, uh, Lovett, if you'll turn your board around first. I said, pick a Brandy Carlile concert. Okay great, no that's good. Love, okay and here we go, Ari turned around Brandy Carlile.

That's what I'm talking about. Wow. I don't think we're gonna match. I don't think we're gonna match. No, I know we're not. I've gone all over. But that's why we're so connected, we know we're not gonna connect.

Incredible stuff. Should I go first? No Tig, if you wouldn't mind turning around first, whenever you're done, adding to the elaborate evening you must have spent together. So, aren't enough words to describe it, one might argue. Well, okay, I turn it around.

Yes, let's see it. Dinner the night we first said I love you. That's good. That's so sweet. I got half, somewhat similar. Dinner and bruge. Was it the same dinner? No.

All right. We didn't say I love you. Cause you ruined the vacation. We got there late. We got to wrap it up before Love It Collapses here. Final question. Ari and Stephanie, what is your weirdest habit? Obviously the one that you'd be okay revealing tonight in front of all these people and not

trying to end your relationships. So again, Ari and Stephanie, what is your weirdest habit? And then Lovette and Tague, what is the, just what you think is their weirdest habit? Oh my gosh. All right, Stephanie, I'll have you start first. What is your weirdest? This just sounds so weird.

Ooh, okay, great. My cup in the bath, yes. Weird. My cup in the bath. And then Tague, I'll have you turn it around. Please be cup in the bath, yes. Weird. And then, take, I'll have you turn it around. Please be cup in the bath. Money on, when Stephanie points at all. I didn't finish writing it. Where she points all of her fingers up at the water faucet in the bathtub.

So, similar. Same thing. It's the same thing. She either, when the water comes out of the faucet, I notice, because I go sit on this stool next to the bath and talk to her while she's... Enjoying her cup, yep. Yeah. And the water comes out, she's in the tub, the water's coming out of the faucet, and

she makes a cup with her hand for the water, or she does this to the water. So it's, I hadn't finished writing the whole thing, but it's the water. Wow. And we'll give her the point. We'll give her the point. And we'll test the temperature. But come on, that's pretty impressive.

That's crazy. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's not even that weird. 12 years! This is why when I say I thought it was serendipitous that you were here. Yes. What an interesting and exemplary couple.

Thank you. My little cup. Ari, Ari. So we have also aside from indoor problems, we also have indoor weird habits too. You know, right? I love that. Right? Am I right? Right ladies?

Save it for the bathtub. Ari, would you mind revealing your weirdest habit? Bringing up to-do list items right before we fall asleep for things months away. Great, excellent. Wow, first of all, I feel very seen by that answer. Oh my God, don't tell me it's the cup in the bathtub. No, it's a similar, I would say this, it is connected.

You will see how it is connected. If Ari leaves the house, they must shower when getting home. No exceptions, even if it was just like 10 minutes. That once you're outside, you are unclean. Yeah. I like your style, Ari. Yeah, I'm real clean. I love it.

But yes, that is, that does happen. But that relates to my item earlier where I said, I love it. But yes, that is, that does happen. But that relates to my item earlier where I said I like to put off little tasks forever until we die. And I like to talk about them as I fall asleep. And I think weird is annoying, annoying is weird. So really it is the same question. We just reworded it and that somehow was the game.

Thank you. Thank you so much everybody. Thank you for playing. Hallie Kiefer everybody. Ari Schwartz. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love or Leave It is brought to you by Prolon. Do you love going out and hanging with friends? Yes. Does all this eating and drinking start to take a toll? Also, yes. If your body is desperately craving a reset, Prolon by El Nutruc can help with just that. Prolon's five-day program gives your system a break. it's fasting but with food and is

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That's P-R-O-L-O-N-L-I-F-E dot com slash love it to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift prolon life dot com slash love it And we're back Here's a sentence I haven't said once all year something cool is happening in DC Love it or leave it is returning to the swamp for a live show on Thursday, April 24th, we're back at the Lincoln theater. It's our, what we're doing a, uh, White House correspondence weekend show again. So we thought we'd celebrate the first amendment while we still have it and bring some gay chaos right to the heart of the regime.

Friends of the pod subscribers will have exclusive pre-sale access to the best tickets on Tuesday March 18th at 12 p.m. Eastern so please make sure you're subscribed at cricket.com slash friends if you're subscribed through Apple podcasts listen to Terminating Online to hear the code. Tickets will then go on sale to the general public on Wednesday March 19th at 12 p.m. Eastern. So come join me and special guests who will be announced soon, but rest assured they'll be great. Learn more at crooked.com slash events.

Also, at the Crooked store, we have some, we have DEI hire T-shirts. Get a T-shirt that says DEI hire on it. They're great. Crooked.com slash store. I think it's a funny shirt to wear around, you know? And you know, basically everybody can wear it, but not everybody. Almost everybody, but not everybody. Crooked.com slash store. All right. I don't know if it's pre-matrimonial bliss

or the majestic beauty of your new documentary, but I've got a pep in my step that I need to share with the world. So in the spirit of finding the light in a sea of Marco Rubios, we're gonna close things out with a game we're calling Silver Linings Gay Book. I have a hat filled with ostensibly annoying things

and we're each going to fish one out and then share one upside of it. That's part of the fun. Oh, we love this. I can... Uh, Stephanie, you want to kick us off? Yes. Oh my gosh, that is very similar to the hat that, um, well, was it a hat or a bucket that we buried my father in? This is that hat. It was a straw hat. It was a straw hat. This, we thought you would, we got,

this is it. Thank you. We dug it up. Thank you. It's a crazy thing to do. Thank you. Okay, Sharita. Yes. Okay, people who pick up dog poop, put it in a plastic bag, then leave that bag on the ground anyway. Okay, people who pick up. See the good in them. Well, it's nice to know that someone's out there with a friend and hanging out with their dog.

That it shows that, you know, and hanging out with their dog. That it shows that, you know, they were out there with their companion. No? That person said, yay, as they fell into a hole. Did you hear that? Yay! I didn't know people did that, that they pick up the poop and then they just leave the bag on the ground. Yeah. People do.

They do do that. I'm trying to think of another positive. That's tough. That's tough. It's tough. Slittering. That's rough. Slittering.

Thank you. Thank you. That's what I was talking about earlier. Yeah. Number one. Yeah. It's like I don't even write jokes. Do you want to do one?

And I'm sorry. I don't understand the game. It's a negative. You have to find the good in it. Oh, I have to find the good in it. Well, the positive to that is that they're clearly in the process of being cleaned because, yes, and they smelled terribly before and so had to dunk them in the water right before we put soap on them, you know? Got to dunk them in the water right before we put soap on them.

You know? Got to clean them. It's really positive, what I'm telling you. Absolutely. What I'm telling you is really good news. Yeah. Yeah. No, totally.

Yeah. And it took me like a year to come up with that. But I feel like I. I'm going to make them applaud. I like that. I like you too. I said that. Yes. I said you.

All right. Mine is loud chewing. Here's the thing. It's gross. You know, because for whatever reason, chewing of food evokes something primitive in us that we don't like the sound of it. I don't totally understand why. But if you take away that kind of gut, that sort of instinctive revulsion, which isn't really based in anything, it doesn't do anything to you.

Someone chewing loudly isn't bad for you, doesn't hurt you. Really what you're just experiencing is somebody really enjoying their food and they're just having a good time. They're eating as if they're alone. And let's all be honest, we do some of our best eating alone. Some of the most fun we have eating is eating we do by ourselves when we're in the privacy of our own little home, you know? And sometimes you realize you've eaten most of what you're supposed to eat before you

even chose something on Netflix, you know? And then you say, stop it, John, stop it. The part of the fun of this is that you choose something great to watch, but you're still cycling through different YouTube videos about college entrance exam math questions that you're almost done with this Lebanese chicken wrap. Can I? I feel like we need to rework our answers. Would you like to go again? No. Mine is someone had a friend that's a dog. I know. Mine's like, oh, it'll be clean.

They already know. Tig, Stephanie. Is it over? It is. Oh. This was so fun. I love you, John. I love you.

I love both of you. This was such a pleasure. It was such a pleasure. I'm so excited you were here for this episode. I know. I'm so happy for you guys. Truly. Yeah, we're good. Truly. We're actually really good.

It's really exciting to be in love and want to fight indoors. I can't wait to see what our fights indoors are about. That is our show. Thank you so much to Tig Notaro, Stephanie Allen, Ari Halle. We'll see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter. There are 598 days until the midterms. Have a great night and have a great weekend. ["Straight Shoot Time"] Lovett or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett,

and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Coffin, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Will Miles are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor. Kyle Seglund and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer.

Our theme song is written and performed by Shersher. Thanks to our designer, Sami Kadern-Arees, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Dilan Villanueva, and Rachel Gajeski for filming and editing video each week. Our head of production is Matt DeGroote. Our head of programming is Madeleine Herringer. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.