Lovett or Leave It - Guilty!

Episode Date: August 25, 2018

Paul Manafort is convicted and Michael Cohen pleads guilty while implicating the president. So we invited Andy Richter and Max Silvestri to help us imagine what it would be like for Paul and Mike to share a cell. Plus Trump sounds like a mob boss who lost a step, prisoners nationwide are striking for better working conditions, millennials are killing Hooters, and one-size-fits-all stores are evil. Alice Wetterlund, Jess Morales Rocketto, and Kirby Howell-Baptiste join Jon to break down one of the most consequential weeks of the Trump “presidency.”

Good evening. Friends, it has been an eventful week. And so in the wake of a very special week, we're going to begin tonight with a special performance. Tonight, we will be debuting a play by a young auteur playwright who is the perfect height. You know his work from the beloved cult classic 1600 Penn. And One Perfect Season. Tonight, we will begin with a first ever, the debut of a one-act play entitled Mike and Paul, as written by John Lovett.

Playing the role of Paul Manafort, please welcome to the stage Max Silvestri. Hi, Max. How you doing? And playing the role of Michael Cohen, please welcome Andy Richter. Thank you. A prison cell with two beds. A man, debonair and shrewd, enters in an expensive Italian suit. This is Paul.

We hear a guard over a tinny speaker. Change! Paul carefully removes his suit and puts on an orange jumpsuit. He sits down. Then a second man, rumpled and bewildered, enters. This is Mike. Change. Mike doesn't move.

Then he looks from side to side, confused. Me? Yes, you. Paul rolls his eyes. Moron. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Mike removes his suit and lets it drop to the floor. He gets in the jumpsuit but struggles with one leg hopping on one foot. She come with instructions, huh? Mike lets out a loud sigh and sits opposite Paul. The two men stare at each other.

I'm gonna try to get some rest. I hear that. You hear what? You're tired. I relate. Paul lies down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Mike, meanwhile, twiddles his thumb, stretches, can't sit still. Hey, Paul.

What's up, Mike? Did I ever tell you by the time I met Billy Joel? This is maybe our third occasion ever speaking. So did I? No, you haven't told me about meeting Billy fucking Joel. All right, I can see you're not in the mood. I'll save it for another day, you know. Mike, I don't mean to be rude.

Well, I got some bad news. To be honest, right now, I just need some time to think. Oh, well think, think, think. I mean, I'm gonna be just like Paul Ryan, shockingly silent. shockingly silent. A montage shows the passage of time.

Hey, Paul, what's an ostrich coat feel like? Is it comfortable? Hey, Paul, did your lawyer ever ask you for your wife's phone number? Is that weird? Hey, Paul, remind me to tell you about this story. It's about Billy Joel. Taxi Manaliens, good or lose? And then boom, Uber out of fucking nowhere. Have you ever seen an ostrich egg? They're huge. They're huge and they're eggs. Can I be honest, Paul? Pence creeps me out. He's got a weird vibe.

Can I be honest, Paul? Pence creeps me out. He's got a weird vibe. Hey, Paul, I've been meaning to ask you, what's Ukraine like? Six months later. Oh, can you believe it? It's already been six months.

Hey, Paul, listen. I can't remember. Did I ever tell you about the time I met Billy Joel? No, you haven't. And you know what, Mike? Let's hear it. Yes, okay. So we're at the tower, and we're supposed to be meeting about a payment to... You know what?

It doesn't matter who. Forget that part, the payment part. Anyway, it's just important. Anyway, I'm waiting, and I'm waiting, and the phone rings, and it's the boss man. He tells me, come up to the office. And I think, okay, finally, the meeting about this. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush.

So I walk into the office. It's this, you know, big, beautiful room. It's gold, and there he is. But who's standing right next to him? Billy frickin' Joel! The piano man himself. And then the big guy goes, Billy, this is my lawyer Mike. He's a real Long Island bumpkin.

Look at him. Can't you tell? Huge fan of yours. It's all true. It's all true. And I shake Billy Joel's hand and we take an awesome picture. And it hangs on my wall to this very day. And? And what? That's it. That's it. You shook his hand and took a picture.

Oh, he was so nice. Uptown girl, the best. Mikey, moron, forget prison. I'm amazed how long you've managed to function in the world without cutting your dick off or falling down a fucking well. You insult me and insult me. If you're so much better than me,

then how are we in the exact same spot? Bad luck. Impossibly bad luck. You know what, Paul? Fuck you. You kiss Billy Joel with that mouth? My whole life, guys like you have been looking down on guys like me yeah because you're worthless you little shyster you are a fucking pet his little jewish poodle a judel your taxi

scams and your yes sir no sir mr boss man you think you're so slick with your hermes ties check out the mastermind russia's so far up your ass, you shit Romanovs. You know nothing. The money I was moving around, the operation, the scale of it. You're chasing ambulances. I overthrow countries. And I protected myself.

They even scratched the surface. This prison shit will end, but I'll continue. And the time I spent in here with you, you Mineola Hicksville fucking goon, will be a story I tell about some moron who shook Billy Joel's hand. Got it. Good. I got it.

We got it. A moron who shook Billy Joel's hand and just got a confession out of you, fucknuts. What are you talking about? You confessed. I recorded it. Go Mets, bitch. I'm out of here. The end. Guys, give it up for Andy

Richter and Max Silvestri. Thank you guys for doing this. Thank you guys for doing this. Thank you. And give it up for, in the role of guard number one, Travis Hellway. When we come back, our panel. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. We're at the Improv. The next show is Thursday. So get tickets if you're in L.A. All right. Let's start the show. She is the political director of the National Domestic Workers Alliance and leader of the Families Belong Together Coalition. Please welcome Jess Morales-Riquetto. Hi, Jess.

Hi. How you doing? Good. I'm really excited to be here. Excited to have you. She is a comedian and actress who regularly performs at UCB and can currently be seen in the hit series Barry on HBO and Killing Eve on BBC America. Please welcome Kirby Howell-Baptiste.

Hi. Hi. Thank you for being here. Hi. I heard him introduce you and I said, wow, she is very qualified. I am not. I think that's ridiculous, starting. Be your own booster.

You're right, I am highly qualified. I'm not funny, so we'll tag team. Oh my god, if we were only one person. All right, get a room. All right, here we go. She is the co-host of the internet's premier feminist Star Trek podcast Treks and the City

on which I was a guest and will be headlining the DC Comedy Loft August 31st and September 1st please welcome back to the show Alice Wetterlund

hey hello Kirby you have an English accent so you're always qualified that's true that's true.

To do everything. Yeah, that makes me, that gives me like extra smart points. Exactly. You have to know that. Yeah, it's true. Use it. Let's get into it. What a week.

You know, we've had months of sad, depressing shows about how we need to stay strong and we can make it through. So let me just say, with a bright and happy tone, what a fucking week this was. On Tuesday, or as I like to call it, the red shredding. On Tuesday, a federal jury found that Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort was guilty on eight different counts of fraud, including five counts of tax fraud, one count of hiding foreign bank accounts, and two counts of bank fraud. These convictions have a chance of putting Manafort in prison for the rest of his life. Almost simultaneously, in New York City, Trump's longtime personal attorney and fixer, fixer in the biggest fucking quotes you've ever seen. Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to eight charges, including five counts of tax evasion, one count of bank fraud, and two campaign finance violations stemming from the 2016 election.

One of those campaign violations concerned an excessive campaign contribution on October 27, 2016, which is the date he paid $130,000 in hush money to Trump's former mistress, Stormy Daniels, who I'm pretty sure we all owe an apology. At his plea hearing, Cohen confessed to illegally arranging payments to Daniels and former Playboy playmate Karen McDougal in coordination with and at the direction of a federal candidate for office. But who could it be? That means Donald motherfucking Trump is an unnamed but implicated co-conspirator

in a crime that someone has already pled guilty to. Simply put, Michael Cohen stood in court and said that the President of the United States directed him to commit a crime. Are you sure we should be cheering? Yes, we should be cheering? Yes, we should be cheering. Yeah, crime! This is almost exactly what happened to Richard Nixon

before Republicans in Congress did the right thing and forced his resignation. I'm sure Paul Ryan... Why finish it? The following day, Trump praised Paul Manafort for, quote, refusing to break and belittled Cohen as a bad lawyer. I have to say, the tweet about Michael Cohen being a bad lawyer, I don't like it. I just, all caveats about Trump implied.

It's a good joke. It's a funny joke. It was a good joke. It was a good joke. Yeah, yeah. If you need a lawyer, don't hire Michael Cohen. That's hilarious. When your lawyer pleads guilty to federal crimes and implicates you,

it is really funny to say, hey guys, if you're in the market, not right, not good. That was a good, that was just a good joke. It's like cool because it's a tiny bit self-deprecating. Yes. And he never goes there. Yes. It's so off-brand for him, which is why it works.

It was self-aware. Yeah. It was self-aware. Yeah. It was self-aware. It was like, it was a Rodney Dangerfield joke. It was just a good joke. It was great. He's a monster. He's the worst person.

He's a cancer. But it was a good joke. Cohen's lawyer, Lanny Davis, went on television confirming that Cohen was present for a conversation between Don Jr. and President Trump about the Trump Tower meeting that Trump claimed to not know about, which is a big deal. And news broke yesterday that Michael Cohen made a previously unreported $50,000 payment to an unidentified tech company in 2016,

reportedly in connection with the Trump campaign. The company and the payment's purpose are currently unknown, but the payment raises questions about what else Cohen was handling for Trump. And on top of that, David Pecker, the CEO of the company that owns the National Enquirer, has received His name is Pecker? His name is David Pecker.

Again, look, we are living in the fourth season of an alien TV show in which they gave up. And they just took all the cards that they didn't use from the previous season and said, let's shoot it. I actually went out for that.

Yeah. So David Pecker, who is the CEO of the company that owns the National Enquirer, he has received immunity from the special counsel in exchange for information on how Donald Trump arranged to catch and kill these women's stories. And finally, earlier tonight it broke that the Manhattan DA and the state of New York is eyeing criminal charges against the

Trump Organization that is very exciting because Donald Trump can't pardon anybody for state crimes and I do not believe it is clear yet to the Trump family that they may lose it all. What's really cool is that he refused to divest in Trump. He wouldn't stop being the head of the CEO or whatever. And they're like, you gotta do it, you're the president. He's like, whatever. And now he wishes he did.

He's like, I don't have anything to do with that. Like you do, though. It's your whole shit still. Kirby, what went through your head on Tuesday? I think that the same thing that goes through my head every day when I wake up, because I think like most people

addicted to the news, unfortunately. I thought, yes, the house of cards is crumbling, but then I also thought, but is it? You know, it's that moment where you'reumbling. But then I also thought, but is it? You know, it's that moment where you're like, yes, things are happening. But is it? Are they? I always get nervous and it's like, it feels like, you know, like in football? Soccer.

Where like the goalie is out of a goal and it's wide open and we could do it. But then somehow the person kicking the ball still just kicks it way above the goal and I'm wondering if that's a situation that we're in where it's like we've got it we've got it we can do it are we still just going to kick way above the goal and he's just going to get another like I get optimistic and then I get down well what happens sometimes is the

goalie leaves the goal the ball rolls to a stop right in front of the goal. The ball rolls to a stop right in front of the goal. And then Joe Manchin comes up to the ball and he looks at it and he's like, nobody touch it.

You leave it right here. And Chuck Schumer is like, what can I do? What can I do? And then Gillibrand's like, what can I do? What can I do? I'm not a, you know. And then, you know, Gillibrand's like, kick the ball into the Medicare for All. I don't know where the analogy,

I don't know where it goes. I don't know where the analogy goes. And then right at the end, Bernie Sanders swoops in to take all the credit. Hey, got him. Got him. That's a tough hit on Bernie. I don't, it's very,

it's so early in the show. And he deserves some of the credit. Yeah. Where are we at? Actually, we should have a more nuanced conversation about Bernie's contribution. It's been quite great, but at the same time,

he's become a, you know, a lightning rod for various forms of criticism, some fair, some unfair. Jess. So you work for Families Belong Together. Now, to Kirby's point, we have watched Trump weather storm after storm this has been a week in which we have seen you know a real

and I think significant blow against the Trump administration but at the same time there are still hundreds of children separated from their parents that is an ongoing you know humanitarian disaster even that was a political problem for them, and yet here we are all these weeks later

where it has fallen off the front pages. What do you make of that? I mean, are we in yet another cycle where Trump is going to be damaged and yet we'll all move on without having reckoned with the actual harm that's being done? Yeah, you know, I mean, I think it's tough because it's like the threat of our democracy,

babies in cages. Like, what should we choose? So it is on all of us to really be serious about holding them accountable for all of the crimes, of which even those are only two of like a whole menu of things. But here's what I think it's actually really important for us to say on this issue, which is yesterday in The New Yorker, it came out that there's an intra-agency task force that is doing family separation round two. And their big takeaway, the Trump administration's big takeaway from what happened there is,

we didn't realize that people would be really angry about this. And so now they're just trying to do the exact same thing with more enforcement and worse. And there's a big ruling, it's called Flores. So whenever you hear that, that's like red alarm, like five alert fire. Flores ruling is going to come down. And what Flores allows is for children

to not be detained indefinitely in like immigration jail, in detention. And so they're trying to reverse Flores because it's not enough to separate them from their families. We need to be able to keep them in jail forever. That's where all immigrant children belong to the Trump administration. So even if it's out of the front page, what put this in the front page in the first place was Americans being like, fuck no.

And so that's what we need to keep doing. Yeah. It's a really important story. People should read it. I think it was in we need to keep doing. Yeah, it's a really important story. People should read it. It was in, I think it was in Today's New Yorker. Yeah, I think so. And the parallel to me was that it's very similar to what happened with the Muslim ban, which is the lesson they learned from their first attempt at the Muslim ban in the first days of the administration was we really fucked this up because we didn't have our ducks in

a row. And we didn't have the- Bad PR. Bad PR, bad process, not enough cover. And so they do it in this ham-fisted way. It causes a bunch of chaos. Everybody kind of rises up against it. And then what they do is they revise it. They learn from their mistakes. They include non-Muslim countries on the list to give themselves protection. They do it in a more sophisticated way and they ultimately get away with it. And it seems that we might be heading for the same thing on immigration, which I think is a really important thing to keep in mind.

You know, before we move on past this, though, Alice, do you think that we're finally at the place where we're going to start talking about impeachment? In the same way that after Helsinki, people started talking about the fact that the president seemed compromised. Like, we have actually not that much new information other than the confessions on record that confirm what we knew, and yet it seems like the impeachment word now feels like it's rolling off the tongue a little bit easier. There's precedent now

with the exact same thing that happened with Nixon. So we have a historical precedent for an impeachment happening based on the same things that are happening now. And I think we are going to talk about impeachment because we are literally doing that now, and you and I are saying it, and it's happening. And Trump said it. Trump has said that's a really good point, Kirby, that like the president has already started

talking about impeachment himself. At that stage, it's in the ether. It's out there. It's not as unprecedented as before. Yeah, it's interesting. I feel like there has been a sea change, but we are in this race where the administration and Congress will continue to try to wring the policy rag to get as much liquid out of it as they can. You know, we've seen they're attempting to repeal the Obama era Clean Power Plan. McConnell said again today that they're in a race to confirm as many judges as they possibly can.

We are going to see more and more harmful policies as we get closer and closer to the end. But the end. But the end is nigh. I mean, they see the window closing. They are aware that they may lose Congress. They may lose the ability to pass things. They are aware that Trump has been weakened even more than he already was. He's already

an historically weak president. It's a bit like the part of Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Thank you for making that when... Explaining it to me that way like you know I need. When the castle is burning and the monk is just looking around and realized he bet on the wrong horse so he's just kind of

filling his pockets with as much gold as he can get and trying to make it out before he gets killed by Morgan Freeman or Kevin Costner at his peak. I thought you were talking about the one with the fox for a minute. The animated one. No, it's the other. But now I'm you were talking about the one with the fox for a minute. The animated one. No, it's the other. But now I'm with you.

There is a part in that one, too. Yeah. But now I'm on board. I'm speaking of the cynical monk who sided with the forces of power and then quickly regretted it. Anyway, Mitch McConnell is the monk. He's filling his pockets with the gold.

He's not a monk. End of analogy. Yeah. I'm so sorry, Mr. Trump. I don't know what happened i thought it was they they scared me so much mr trump i love you mr trump i didn't mean to confess to all the crimes i don't know they're coming after my family go mets i still love you mr mr trump Trump. I'm so sorry. Oh, God, Mr. Trump, look at this.

What's happened to us? We had it all, you and me. I was going to be the mayor of New York, and now look at me. Now look at me. I'm not going to be mayor of anything. Go Mets. When we come back,

we're going to talk about Brett Kavanaugh. Because we love him. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! While the news is wall-to-wall on the Trump White House's criminal enterprise, there's an incredibly important battle going down for the future of the Supreme Court. Conservatives are on the cusp of taking over the court for a generation,

and we need to do everything we can to stop the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh. So we thought we'd highlight everything we know about why he is not good in a segment we are calling The Kavanaugh Stuff. Two minutes on the clock. Let's go. In 1994, Kavanaugh joined the legal team of the independent counsel Kenneth Starr. Kavanaugh pushed hardest to confront Clinton with explicit sexual questions.

For example, this is one sample Kavanaugh suggested Starr asked Clinton. If Monica Lewinsky says that you masturbated into a trash can in your secretary's office, would she be lying? You little creep. It's kind of feisty, though. You only have two minutes.

After Clinton's testimony, Kavanaugh patted one of Starr's other attorneys on the back and congratulated him for asking the sex questions. In 2000, Kavanaugh represented Jeb Bush, who was battling legal challenges to the school voucher program that would direct public money to private religious schools. Also in 2000, Kavanaugh worked on George W. Bush's legal team during the Florida recount. In 2009, Kavanaugh argued that the president should be exempt from criminal prosecution and civil suits while in office because, quote,

the president's job is difficult enough as it is. In 2011, Kavanaugh dissented after the appeals court upheld a law that required gun owners to register their guns and also ban semi-automatic rifles. In 2012, he voted to strike down the Affordable Care Act. In 2015, Kavanaugh argued that employers who do not wish to cover the cost of their employees' contraception for religious reasons should not have to, as it would make them, quote, complicit. In 2017, Kavanaugh argued against net neutrality. Kavanaugh backed the Trump administration's attempt to block a pregnant immigrant girl from obtaining an abortion. Kavanaugh was in favor of using military commissions instead of federal courts to try Guantanamo Bay prisoners.

And he suggested the military had the power to detain people even when the evidence of their involvement in terrorism was weak. Kavanaugh also backed a ruling that made it harder for detainees to win habeas corpus cases. Kavanaugh has opposed the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Kavanaugh has supported the NSA's phone call surveillance program. And on top of that, Republicans won't release the full documents on Kavanaugh's past before the hearings begin in September. Just this week, Susan Collins and Kavanaugh met for two hours, and she says Kavanaugh told her he considers Roe v. Wade the landmark ruling that legalized a woman's right to choose settled law. Collins also said she wouldn't vote for someone expressing hostility towards Roe v. Wade, meaning she will now probably vote for him. But there is some hope because Senate Dems are starting to rally around halting the Kavanaugh hearing until we have a better idea of Kavanaugh's documents and we have a better understanding of Trump's involvement in Cohen's crime.

Alabama Senator Doug Jones is even joined with the chorus of Dems proposing to halt the nomination. Joe Manchin of West Virginia, however, sees no point because... Come on, Joe Manchin! Get it together! It's not that fucking hard! If you can't look at what's going on and say that this is not normal, and that we don't have the information, and the president is a criminal, and this is maybe the judge in his case, if that's not enough to say you know what let's tap the fucking brakes i feel like why can't you convince the people of west virginia no one votes on this issue alone what are you talking about oh i like joe

manchin's positions except he's not giving brett kavanaugh the fair shake he deserves what are we talking about he's the lowest approval rating of anyone nominated to be the Supreme Court. Just make an argument. But is he single? Hello! That's what I'm saying. I feel like we just watched you get your cardio.

Anyway, if you're in a state with someone on the fence like Susan Collins or Joe Manchin, you have to call them every day if you can. The number is 202-224-3121. And if you want to do even more to help stop Kavanaugh, this Sunday, NARAL is hosting a day of action to oppose him all over America. Check out UniteForJustice2018.com to find an event near you. It is going to be tough, but it's not over yet. I've been on tour for the last two weeks doing Rise Up for Roe around the Supreme Court thing.

And a thing that I think, like, everybody tell your friends, you have to tell this, but, like, he's going to get confirmed, and that is a lie. We can actually stop it. I know people, like, think that the Supreme Court is, like, something we can't influence. That's also a lie.

So you really, really need to tell everyone. Like, truly, i'm not sure our democracy will survive if we like appoint this guy to a lifetime thing on the supreme court like i i just cannot stress enough like he will overturn roe v wade he had one chance to vote on roe and he chose to vote against roe this guy is the absolute worst possible version he might be worse than trump he might be worse i know it's a radical statement but i think He might be worse than Trump. He might be worse. I know it's a radical statement, but I think he might be. I believe that

because he's smarter. I believe, like, no, but really, I think it's more dangerous. Like, someone who is, like, evil and maniacal and they're smart is more dangerous

than someone who is just a narcissist who's kind of, like, has, you know, an android, you know? Sorry, you don't think Trump is smart? Okay.

When we come back, OK Stop! Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back! Now it's time for a game called OK Stop. We'll roll a clip and the panel can say OK Stop at any point

to comment. Current president and future former president Donald Trump went on Fox & Friends this morning to clear his name. He did an amazing job. Let's roll the clip. Michael Cohen, tell me about your relationship with him. Well, he was a lawyer for me for one of many. You know, they always say the lawyer and then they like to add the fixer. Well, I don't know if there's a fixer.

I don't know where that... Fair point. He did... If it's not broke, don't fixer it. You know what I mean? You can tell that Cohen wanted to be the fixer, that he was like, they call me the fixer, and everybody's like, nobody calls you that. It's like, hey, what if in the first three minutes of Michael Clayton,

a cement brick fell on Michael Clayton's head, and then he kept trying? The fixer. He came from, but he's been a lawyer for me, didn't do big deals, did small deals. Not somebody that was with me that much. They make it sound like I didn't live without him. I understood Michael Cohen very well.

What turned out, he wasn't a very good lawyer, frankly. He said one story. He said you didn't know anything about the payments. And now he's saying that you directed him to make these payments. Did you direct him to make these payments? He made the deal. He made the deal.

Okay, stop. Fascinating for him. First of all, this is a softball interview. She's bad. But it's not just that he says it. We've all, this is a stop-blow interview. She's bad. But it's not just that he says it. We've all heard a tape of it. He said that he had nothing to do with it, and then there's a tape where he's like,

yes, money for secrets, for sex secrets. Bring me a Coke. Thank you. So it's not just a he said situation. It's his tape. There's a tape of it. That's all.

She shouldn't have mentioned that. It's actually really easy to work on a political campaign and not break the law. There's a lot of fail-safes. I worked on many political campaigns at this point, and the things that people had to check included the times they went to the bathroom, every shred of copy that was on a website,

every word somebody said, every tweet someone said. I'm with you. I don't, who's checking on the bathroom count? Totally. That's weird. Totally. Yeah, I mean, listen, there's no HR on campaigns. It's a whole thing.

Seems like we found a new crime. There's like so much check on you to not break the law. Well, unless you're on a campaign run by criminals and neophytes who've suddenly found themselves in an extraordinary position of running a national campaign, even though they have no aptitude, experience, or facility to conduct one. Go Mets. Go Mets.

And, by the way, he played to two counts that aren't a crime, which nobody understands. I watched a number of shows. Okay, stop. Some people understand. The confusion here, I guess, for him is that he doesn't, when he says nobody understands, he usually means I don't understand. And I get it because are you guys not... Okay, imagine being Trump for a minute,

because, like, I just heard everything. I read the news for, like, four days to prepare for this, and I'm confused. Imagine being the guy who did the crimes, but also watches a news network like Fox every day, which is all about how he didn't do the crimes but also watches a news network like Fox every day which is all about how he didn't do the crimes. I mean,

and being as old as him and only getting like four hours of sleep a night. It's confusing. Like he is so confused that he's like, literally nobody can understand this.

Do you know what I mean? Like there's, it's impossible to understand what is going on. It's like, when your grandma wakes up from a

nap, she's confused. Yeah, and he's always in the state. It's like he's always woken up from a nap and there's news coming at him. He's confused. And your grandma would swear like, I don't think anybody gets this. Yeah, yeah. How can anyone know that? What time of day is it?

Kind of thing. Sometimes you get some pretty good information by watching shows. Those two counts aren't even a crime. They weren't campaign finance. Did you know about the payments? Okay, stop. I just like, we should stop and just appreciate the incredible gall of this. Because that's not even a crime.

I don't know. Prosecutor, judge, the guilty person. Like, this is a time in which it's hard to find agreement. What is a fact? You know, we all ask, truth isn't truth. But when you plead guilty to something, what you're doing is you're saying, I agree with you, prosecutor and judge.

There was a crime. And I was a crime and I did it and I did it later on I knew later on the payments, if they're not illegal then why would he even why would he use that information for a plea deal because he makes a better deal when he uses me

like everybody else and one of the reasons I respect Paul Matt. Here's the thing. When he's, okay, everybody loves Trump. The people who love Trump, his base loves Trump because they think he's a winner, because he loves to win. And then all he does when he goes on Fox News

is talk about it, he's like, everybody fucking uses me, man. Like, I just, I'm a doormat. Right, also, we just went through this a week ago. Remember last week? When Omarosa, who he brought into the White House,

was basically running around with a steadicam. Wait, wait, I love, I just love it so much. I love to imagine Omarosa, huge Omarosa stan. I don't care what anybody thinks. I love her. She's amazing. Because this woman, like, she went into the Situation Room and everybody's like, oh, that's a security breach.

Okay, the security breach was elected to office. That's what happened. That was done. She's in jail and they flip on whoever the next highest one is, or as high as you can go. It almost ought to be outlawed. It's not fair. I just love that.

They're like, ugh. These law enforcement tools by which they squeeze people to get information to slowly work their way up to more and more serious instigators of crime until they reach the perpetrator at the top of the crime pyramid. It's got to stop. Also, when did he get on such a high horse about what's fair and what's not? Like, it's not fair?

Oh, it's fair for kids to be separated from their parents? I love the idea. Oh, it's not fair. And all of a sudden he's like, he talks about people and liberals whining and this and that and the other and we're always wanting things to be fair and equal and whatever. And all of a sudden he's like, it's not fair. They turn on me. It's not fair. fair also the fact that he wants something to be

outlawed it's like okay you wouldn't abide by that law either like it's not like you like he's like all right we need more laws you don't care about laws you've never given a shit about laws never this whole thing is we're watching someone who's never been beholden to any laws before and it really kind of frustrates me that we are living through this and going like oh wow can you believe what the president's doing can you believe this is the president of the United States I think that it's a delayed response to uh what a lot of people in our society have been knowing is going on for a really long time which is that like stupid rich cis white guys like this fail up to the presidency. And people have been watching this happen

since the beginning of our country and saying, this is how it is. Listen to us. And finally it's gotten to the point where it is at and we're all like, oh, oh, oh. Okay, Native Americans, I get it. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Also this idea where people say like,

this isn't America, this isn't America. It's like, no, actually, this is America. And if we want it to be different for the future, we have to change it. But this actually, like, unfortunately, Trump is actually a great example of America. That's right. He's the status quo.

Which is very, very sad. Yeah. But we could make it not that, but that's what it is. The window's closing, though. Yeah. The window's closing. Yes. Well, the other thing I think, too, is like, it's like, who's the window's closing though yeah the window's closing yes well the other thing i think too is like it's like who's above the law he's above the law all his guys are above the law not above the law jane doe who's trying to get her legal right to an abortion immigrants who are

trying to come to america to escape violence black people brown people women those people let's definitely make sure they follow the laws to the letter. And maybe we can reverse all the laws too, so they can follow all the new laws that we make that are terrible and oppressive. It was amazing to me to watch people say that they can't believe Paul Manafort is being

subject to solitary confinement when there are many, many, many people subject to solitary confinement every day. For years. Like, for entire sentences. I mean, where's Baron? We had to shout out to Baron. Where's Baron?

You know what? There could have been more point, but who cares? All right. When we come back, a game. Don't go anywhere. Just love it or leave it. There's more on the way.

And we're back. This week has been filled with wall-to-wall coverage of Donald Trump's shenanigans, let's say. But there's a very big story that hasn't gotten enough coverage. In response to a prison rise in April where seven inmates were Killed in South Carolina because of in part overcrowding Jailhouse lawyers speak organize a massive multi-state prison protest that could be the largest in American history It started earlier this week and we thought we'd highlight how important it is and a game we were calling

Protest is the new black Would anyone out there like to play the game? Is Catherine here? Do you want to play? You drove very far to be here. This doesn't happen to me often. Hi, Catherine. Hi.

How you doing? Great. Thanks for being here. Yeah, happy to be here. We saw the tweets. I'm glad. Where did you drive from, Catherine? I drove from Bishop, California sweet

Bishop where is that? yeah like how far away is that? five hours oh wow America is big it is look we're not trying to get

Catherine's life story let's just play the game wow so Catherine I'm going to read you questions about these ongoing strikes and our panel have answers for you to choose from.

Are you ready to play the game? Yeah. Question one. The strike will last 19 days from August 21 through September 9 and has the potential to be the largest prison strike in U.S. history. Prisoners are planning a number of actions, including work strikes, sit-ins, boycotts of prison residue streams like commissaries and collect phone calls, and hunger strikes. What are their demands?

Is it A? They want better ventilation installed ahead of Paul Manafort's prison sentence, since judging by his clothes, he smells like cologne from the airport. Is it B? They released a list of ten demands centered around the need for humane living conditions,

access to rehabilitation resources, sentencing reform, reinstating the Pell Grant program, and an end to what they call modern-day slavery, where prisoners are forced to work from companies paying them below the minimum wage. Or is it C? They want to change the prison playlist.

All prisons have the same music playlist, and right now it's a lot of Imagine Dragons. And not, like, that Thunder song. I'm talking B-sides. Do you know what I mean? Punishment is punishment but where is the line?

Catherine? I would totally believe A but I think it's B. It is. It's B. Question two. Which of the following

is a real company that has used prison labor? Is it A? Abercrombie and Snitch. Is it B. Soup Actual Plantation. It's a weird name for a soup place.

Insanely weird. Or is it C. Lockheed Martin, Boeing, Starbucks, AT&T, Target, Nordstrom, Whole Foods, and yeah, motherfuckers, JCPenney. Oh, shit. It's C. It is. It's C. Question number three.

How are prisoners currently compensated for their work? Is it A? Compensation varies widely. The Federal Bureau of Prisons' UNICOR program makes $500 million a year, but pays inmates less than a dollar per hour. In Louisiana, pay can be as low as four cents per hour, with The Atlantic reporting pay can be as low as two cents an hour. And, of course, some work gets absolutely no pay whatsoever. Or is it B? They're paid a modest stipend except for the Hamburglar whose pay is used as restitution

for his victim's family. He also killed those people. I don't think people know that. Or is it C? A free download of U2's latest album that... Which is the opposite of payment

because you can't get it off your phone if it comes there. Unfortunately, A. Yes, it's A. And question number four. During the California wildfires of 2017, inmates made up an estimated 50% to 80% of the total fire personnel. Why is this

fucked up? Is it A? After all of their contributions, the prisoners were woefully underrepresented in 2017's sexy firefighter calendars. Is it A? After all of their contributions, the prisoners were woefully underrepresented in 2017's sexy buyer-fighter calendars. Is it B? They made the prisoners stay in camps in the hills even though they were in Ojai and there are like so many super nice fars around there.

Or is it C? Because not only is it dangerous, two inmates died fighting wildfires in California in 2017 and six inmates died fighting a fire in California in 2017, and six inmates died fighting a fire in Arizona in the 90s. Inmates often don't receive death benefits when this happens. On top of that, training for inmate firefighters can be as short as three weeks compared to three years of apprenticeship for full-time civilian firefighters. And a lot of these inmate firefighters can't even get firefighter jobs when they are released because in cities like Los Angeles

you can't serve as a civilian firefighter if you have a fucking felony conviction again unfortunately C so you can check out Catherine you've won the game give it up for Catherine

so you can get the game. Give it up for Catherine. So you can get the word out about this important strike. And if you want to see how to help, you can check out Jailhouse Lawyers Speak and demand criminal justice reforms that include workers' rights in prison so that when prisoners want to work, which they often do, they should enjoy basic rights and worker protections. And there's an issue that I think is, it's one of those, it's a rare case where there is a genuine conservative and liberal place where there could be agreement, which is around rules around licensing. There are too

many professions that protect themselves and their own work by making onerous licensing restrictions, and some of them make it impossible for people coming out of jail to work, and I think it's a place where you can do a lot of good for people, from fighting fires and other civil service jobs to things like cutting hair and other places where there are places where there are rules that prevent people who literally did that job, could do that job again, but don't have the chance. And we tell people when they get out that they should find

work and then make it really impossible and there's actually the conservatives are more interested in this than a lot of liberals are in part because it is about getting rid of government rules some of which are good rules right you have to you know it's a balance it's a fight and sometimes they're trying to be shitty to get rid of good rules that protect people but at the same time there's a lot of onerous licensing shit

that I think actually would be a really cool place to help people in a bipartisan way, which never happens because one of our parties has been eaten by a toxic sludge that came from space. Or white supremacy. Oh, that's right. That's what it is.

And that's the game. When we come back, the rail wheel. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Now for the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands.

We rant about the topic. This week on the wheel, we have Rudy Giuliani's quote, truth isn't truth. We have the execrable New Yorker piece about writers not owning dogs. Whoa. The reason it reports that millennials are killing hooters. Netflix is testing ads. There have been a bunch of measles outbreaks.

There's a guy named Ninja on Twitch. They're closing polling sites in Georgia. And finally, one size fits all clothing. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on Truth Isn't Truth. Someone who still cares about Rudy Giuliani needs to stop letting him go on television in the evenings, first of all. Second, you know, I'm of two minds of truth isn't truth because it's funny, there was this really self-righteous jumping onto it. Don't you see it's yet another example of the Trump administration's

Orwellian abusive language. It was actually so much fucking stupider than that because he was trying to make a different, smaller dumb point, which is that all of this comes down to he said, he said about the fact that Donald Trump

can't talk to Robert Mueller because it's going to be a perjury trap in the same way a bank is a robbery trap. All you have to do is not rob it and you don't fall in the trap. Thank you. Thank you.

Let's spin it again. It has landed on Ninja on Twitch, which was suggested by Alice. This needs a little bit of explaining because nobody here is 14. And basically, the kids these days, the young kids out here, they don't watch TV. They don't even watch YouTube anymore.

They watch this thing called Twitch, and that's what they watch. It's all they see. It's the people who do games, and then they FaceTime themselves doing the games. Look, I'm not 14 either, so this is all new to me. It's literally a website

where you watch someone else play a video game. Yeah, and this is all kids watch now, apparently. The biggest streamer on Twitch, the person with the most subscribers, and the most money uh because you can pay to subscribe so this guy has like a bajillion gajillion dollars and he has refused to stream video games with women so when you play he's played video games with drake before and that got like you know 40 million people watching it um and he won't play

with women because he says that when he does play with women there's too many rumors about them dating because everybody on twitch is 14 and he's married so he's being a good guy and he won't use his platform to promote any female gamers at all because he's it's not worth it to him and it just really bothers me because it's fucking stupid if we don't blame diamonds for being shiny when burglars steal them we blame the fucking burglars first of all if women are objects that's the analogy there if women are fucking objects this really bothers me because i felt like a white guy named ninja was gonna be great uh i was like there's never gonna be problems there but it really and then when you found out

that he played video games for a living, you were like, oh, it's a done deal. Yeah, it's a done deal. This guy's an ally. But what bothers me is that if this is indeed what our children are watching, not that I have kids, I have cats. But like, if this is what our children are watching,

I feel that the window is closing for a lot of things right now. And I just, it really matters to me when men do this thing where they're like, I'm just being a good guy. And then they don't include everybody in their project. And they're fucking at the point, he's, this guy's at the point where he's got all the kids eyes are on him. And he's sending the message that it's like, nah, I'm not going to deal with this problem because it doesn't affect me. You're 27 years old. You know better than this. And it's fucking inexcusable. And I'm not going to deal with this problem because it doesn't affect me. You're 27 years old. You know better than this. And it's fucking inexcusable.

And I'm sorry, if you can't stand the burden of being in the spotlight, get the fuck out of the spotlight. You don't need to have this platform. You don't need a bazillion, bazillion dollars. You could just play video games like every other fucking pink-haired loser out there. Also, I'm sorry. I'm confused. So he doesn't want to play games with women in case people think they're together, but

they're women that are in a completely different location to him. They're not even in the same place. Because it's a game. It's just a video. So it could just be someone way thousands of miles. But he's worried that a couple little boys will be like, you guys are dating. It's like a lot. It's like a lot.

Right. But it's their world. I will simply say. Right, but that's his good stuff. I will simply say that you made a very good point that culminated in a brief moment where you insulted video games generally. I play video games. That's why I care about this.

Let's spin it again. Let's spin it again. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Georgia closing polls, which was suggested by Jess. Yeah, okay, so I'm not going to talk about it because it turns out that all you have to do is be like, whoa, you can't close polls in Georgia where all the black people are voting when the first black possible female governor is running

because then two days later they fire the dude who suggested it because we made such a fucking outrage about it. So congrats to us. Let's spin it again. it again. It has landed on one size fits all clothing, which comes from Kirby. I'll take that.

One size fits all clothing. What an absolute lie we've been sold. There's no such thing. Not even a hat fits everybody. And there is a particularly egregious store named Brandy Melville. Ever been there?

Brandy Melville only has one size. They have it in their labels. OS. One size. Why label it? Why label it? I would like it more if they said skinny bitches only. Because they're liars. It can't fit one size.

I couldn't get a wrist in those jeans. They're liars. One size fits all is a myth and a conspiracy. And I hate it. And it's not true. And only a scarf is one size fits all. That's, I only recently learned

about that very specific store which is at the Grove and Naturally. I was shopping with the wife

of one of my Pod Save America co-hosts who shall remain nameless. Let's call her Individual One. That store is so fucking evil. It is fully evil, because it's aimed at young women, really young women.

A store aimed at teenage girls that's one size fit all is a fucking crime against humanity. There should be protests. It's crazy. It's like someone said, how could we take Abercrombie and Fitch and make it openly

about praising bulimia? Is what they said. They were like, how do we make that a thing? And they made Brandy Melville. Yes, it was like, how can we concentrate what makes girls feel bad yeah in a location and then how do we spread that around the world yes there's also one in London now like they're just everywhere well It has landed on millennials killing Hooters. Fake news.

And I want to end it on this one. There's been a lot of stories about millennials killing things. They're killing the certain kinds of restaurants. They're killing the diamond industry because they don't have money. They're killing this. They're killing that. I think it's okay that millennials are killing Hooters.

I debated this, and it's a true coincidence that this happens to be on the board. My parents are here tonight. Robert Lovett, do you remember when I was maybe 13 or 14, and you took me to Hooters. Guess what? It didn't work. And I sat at that table and remember, it's a high top table and given my size as a 13 year old which is proportional to my size as a 36 year old I remember where

my eye line was and it was Hooters height. I remember sitting there in silence and I remember turning to you and saying

I want to leave. Did he post like a really bad TBT picture of you? This is like a crime. And then we went to White Castle and we ate in silence. So, RIP Hooters. And RIP to all the wonderful

experiences of dads taking their soon to be gay sons to fucking hooters and that's our show I want to thank Jess Morales-Riquetto, Kirby Howell-Bethley Alice Wetterlund, Andy Richter

Max Silvestri. Thank you.