Lovett or Leave It - Hail to the $Chief

Episode Date: January 25, 2025

WELL here we go again. Trump's pardons, Melania's hat, Elon's gesture, our hell. Comedian Guy Branum and the Scam Goddess herself Laci Mosley stop by to distract us with sweet, sweet television and rate the biggest scams (so far) of the second Trump administration. Plus Oscar nominations, sexually charged honey, and the comfort foods getting us through it all. One week down.Tour dates & cities: crooked.com/events 

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What's poppin' listeners? I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it. Each week I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time. Want to know about the fake heiress? We got them. What about a career con man?

We've got them too. Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins. Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Byer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, Fill all your coins. Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Byer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.

Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts. ["Straight Shooter"] What's up Los Angeles? Love it or leave it. Straight shoot time. What's up Los Angeles? Love it or leave it. Love it or leave it. Welcome to Love It Or Leave It, live from Dynasty Typewriter. This is our first show under the new Trump regime.

But the upside is, this is the last time I'll ever be able to say that. Just one more time, people. Probably. We've got a great show for you tonight. Lacey Mosley is here. Guy Branum is here. And we're going to put some of these brand new scams in their rightful ranks. Then I would like all of you to start thinking now some of these brand new scams in their rightful ranks.

Then I would like all of you to start thinking now of any questions that you have. And I wanna hear about your comfort food, all right? We're just gonna have a little conversation and I'm gonna decide if your comfort food is correct. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Woo!

On Monday, surrounded by his closest wife and billionaires, Donald Trump was sworn in as the nation's 47th president. It's not right. We all knew it was gonna feel bad, but I was not personally prepared for how bad it actually feels. I wish I could just shut off the part of my brain that knows what's happening, like the characters in Severance or Joe Biden.

We can't, we're running out of time. Last couple bites of that apple. Anyway, call me Garfield, because boy did I hate this Monday. In retrospect, Trump's victory in 2017 was a more acute but ultimately shallower feeling. 2017 was like a jump scare. 2025 hits deeper in the psyche.

It's a rounder and more fully realized sense of dread. It's not the part of the movie where you realize the monster is in the closet. It's the part of the movie where you realize the monster is your husband. On Friday, ahead of the inauguration, Trump announced that he would move the ceremony inside citing the very cold weather, adding, I think unnecessarily, on such a big historic day one cannot take the risk in regards to shrinkage. It's a weird thing to add. The extreme cold also complicated House Speaker Mike Johnson's pledge to say fuck Jimmy Carter and hoist the Capitol flags up to full staff

for the day because the cords on the flagpoles froze. Good one, Jimmy, laughed God before simply watching as Trump canceled a bunch of cancer research. That was fun at the beginning. Back to reality by the end. Ahead of the ceremony, outgoing President Joe Biden greeted Trump at the White House. He said, welcome home. I can't claim to know what is in Biden's heart, but I know myself.

And I would only give Trump that warm a welcome if I had taken a gallon of cow's milk, diluted it with some water, and then very lightly misted every curtain and carpet from the east wing to the oval office. Oh, what was your plan? Human shit in the air vents? Sure, it's pointed. But it's instantly noticeable and solvable. Classic Democrat.

Classic institutionalist. You have to think longer term, and you have to think like a maniac. Think about how Trump would slowly be driven mad as day by day, a slightly musky odor gets worse and worse everywhere. Where is it coming from? It's coming from the fine mist of lactose. Trump's stop at the White House also gave us our first glimpse of Melania's inaugural day outfit.

Looking like Carmen San Bernardino. The hat, it turns out, had a practical purpose. Couldn't get in there. People are always trying to read into Melania's outfits like she's sending us a message and yeah, in a sense, all clothes send a message. You're born naked and the rest is track and so forth. But it seems like it might be time we finally face the fact that the message Melania is saying is, I made peace with my choices long before you

had any awareness of me or any desire to project your personal opinions onto my blank expression. And no one's even talking about the secret message encoded in Jill Biden's outfit. I like purple. As expected, mega rich tech bros were the guests of honor at Trump's inauguration with Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, Google CEO Sundar Pichai, Apple CEO Tim Cook, TikTok CEO Shousie Chu,

and White House CEO Elon Musk were all in attendance. More like the capital bro-tunda. I feel like I'm dead. Kicking off his second inaugural address, Trump announced that the golden age of America begins right now. More like the gold-plated age, shiny surface, but the inside is still fentanyl and wildfires. As he did eight years ago, Trump painted a sunny, cheerful vision for America. As we gather today, our government confronts a crisis of trust. For many years, a radical and corrupt establishment has extracted power and wealth from our citizens while the pillars of our society lay broken and seemingly in complete disrepair.

Interesting message on corruption from the first president to accept payment via Zelle. While the pillars of our society lay broken and seemingly in complete disrepair. If you'll indulge me for a moment, I once had a serious job. First of all, what is the word seemingly doing here? Are the columns not in complete disrepair? Or are you just not sure?

But how can you not be sure? It's not a real column, it's a metaphor. And you are sure they're broken. You didn't couch broken. And the columns are not just broken. The columns lay broken. Now you could argue that a column can be broken without being in disrepair, right? It's cracked in some way, part of the capital

at the top of the column is chipped off. But these columns lay broken. And I am not sure how a column can lay broken while not being in disrepair, let alone complete disrepair, unless it literally just fell down, which would be a weird point to make. So it would seem to me that we have found a great place to cut out a few words. It's something any decent speechwriter would catch, which is also strange because I was told we were finally making hiring decisions based on merit again. Best of luck to the best of the best.

Our new Mbath president also weighed in on the devastating California wildfires. They're raging through the houses and communities, even affecting some of the wealthiest and most powerful individuals in our country, some of whom are sitting here right now. They don't have a home any longer. That's interesting. Well, when he's right, he's right.

It is interesting. They're wealthy and powerful, but their houses burned down. They're homeless, but they have suits. Life is so full of contradictions. Trump once again pledged to rename the Gulf of Mexico, drawing a visible laugh from one Hillary Clinton. A short time from now, we are going to be changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico

to the Gulf of America. Got to laugh. All right, listen. We're just letting this one go. He's going to have this one. Who gives a fuck? This is the presidential equivalent of really, really caring about your birthday. This is Disney adult shit. Reprint the maps. I don't give a fuck. Just hours after Trump was sworn in, Elon Musk spoke at a celebratory rally

at the Capital One arena and made this gesture. Oh. Oh. Now, a lot of you have jumped to a pretty shocking conclusion, which is that this was a Nazi salute, which is ridiculous. This was just a wave gone wrong. I've seen it a thousand times. You're excited, you try to wave,

and you fuck up the choreo. Besides, immediately after, Elon Musk put out an unequivocal statement saying it was just an awkward hand gesture, he meant no association or offense, and that he was sorry. Oh, he didn't do that at all. He didn't do that at all.

He had his pal, Benjamin N. Yahoo, obviously the head Jew, I guess, speak out on his behalf. And then Elon mocked the whole episode with a bunch of Nazi puns. And I have to say, Elon's jokes about all this, especially given his embrace of the German far right, rang a little Holocaust. But okay. Let's say hypothetically, in a moment of fervor, Elon Musk felt inspired to throw up a Ciggy H, which he knew better, which he knew better than to admit. What's the message? That he has embraced far-right politics? That he's a troll who wants attention and power without any forbearance or humility in wielding it, that he doesn't feel accountable to anyone

who would care. We already know this. Trump and his little coterie of goons are going to be coming at us with a lot. We don't need to focus on the signs of how bad this could get. It's bad right now. On the first day of his presidency, Donald Trump pardoned over 1,500 people convicted of federal crimes for their roles in the January 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol. No, that's wrong.

The pardons and commutations included Proud Boys and others convicted of brutally assaulting the police officers who defended the Capitol. The QAnon shaman, who was also pardoned and released Monday, posted to X, Thank you, President Trump. Now I'm going to buy some motherfucking guns. Trump is fulfilling his campaign promise to release every prisoner in Arkham Asylum. Meanwhile, one free January six prisoner has already been arrested again on gun charges, and others will now know that if they do violence on Donald Trump's behalf, he will protect them.

The president isn't supposed to have a private far right goon squad. He already has the military and that's just being greedy. The police officers who were injured, who were beaten and tased and in some cases who had to beg for their lives, who showed up that day and did their jobs to protect Congress, protect members of Congress who now spit on that service are, as one retired officer told the Times, angry, sad and devastated. They too cannot believe how many nominations Amelia Perez received. It is, it's polarizing. It's a polarizing film.

I'm eager to see it. Trump also signed dozens of executive orders within hours of taking office. For example, Donald Trump pulled the US out of the Paris climate agreement. So throw another log on California, I guess. Too soon. Yeah, too soon. Current. Trump also ordered the country out of the... ...World Health Organization. out of the...... ...

...World Health Organization. So good news everybody. We don't have to worry about pandemics anymore. We're not going to know they're happening. Trump overturned several of Biden's executive orders on health care, including the one that lowered the cost of prescription drugs for people on Medicare and Medicaid. Drug prices will almost certainly skyrocket as a result, higher costs, just like he promised. Trump also signed an order to stay the TikTok man for 75 days, so his administration had

an opportunity to determine the appropriate course forward. If you think this executive order did anything, go look for TikTok in the App Store. No luck finding it? To recap, first, a law was passed that said TikTok had to be removed from the App Store. Then TikTok pretended the law said it had to shut down their servers in an attempt to mobilize their users. Next, Trump promised he'd sign a meaningless executive order that pretends to nullify this law.

Finally, TikTok turned on the servers and said, Trump did it. It's the stupidest series of events I've ever seen in my entire life, only to be outdone by every single event for the rest of my life. In another executive order, Trump declared that the federal government will only recognize two biological sexes, male and female.

Look, it's one thing to have the federal government only recognize two genders, but if they make that change on hinge, I will kill myself. The president also signed an executive order claiming he could end birthright citizenship, despite the clear and unambiguous language in the constitution. On Tuesday, 18 states sued and a federal judge appointed by Ronald Reagan blocked the order, calling it blatantly unconstitutional. A judge appointed by Reagan?

Boy, that will seem quaint after the next round of crimes for which Trump issues pardons. Yeah. It's day five. In international boner news... We're changing subjects. French customs officials have issued a warning not to eat aphrodisiac honey, illegally imported honey mixed with erectile dysfunction medication

after record seizures of the product. But if it had Viagra in it, why didn't it? Oh, you're supposed to eat it. I'm so stupid. Why didn't it? Oh, you're supposed to eat it. I'm so stupid. Anyway, there was so much of this horny honey on the black market and even ended up in the rabbit feed all the way in England. And we actually have a picture of a rabbit high on this stuff going to fucking town.

But it's hard to see the rabbits behind him. It's been a long week, so I do want to explain this joke. I was really trying to think of a way that the that Winnie the Pooh could have gotten stuck in something because of a boner. That's where this began, that he ate some of this corrupted honey, this godless honey, and he ended up with a big boner that got him stuck in a tree. Because you know sometimes he eats too much honey, gets stuck places.

Classic Winnie the Pooh. Wouldn't it be funny to imagine that that happened but boner wise? Couldn't crack it. And then I thought, well, I looked for pictures of Winnie the Pooh stuck. And this one came up. I was like, well, what if the rabbit's back there?

But that doesn't make sense. The rabbit doesn't eat honey. Winnie the Pooh eats honey. So then it's like, did some of Winnie the Pooh's honey get in the rabbit feed? But it doesn't matter. And let me tell you why. And this is because you so fundamentally associate honey with this world. That I think that's why it's okay.

And finally, speaking of sore passages, Progresso announced an exciting new product in the cold and flu aisle. It's savory chicken soup flavored lozenges. Ew. That's right. Progresso's putting the bird ew in bird flu. All right. We'll be right back.

We have coming up, we've got Lacey Mosley, Guy Branum, and my best friend in the whole world, television. Hey, don't go anywhere. There best friend in the whole world, television. Woo! Woo! Woo! Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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And we're back. And we're back! We are only four days into Donald Trump's presidency and boy are my arms tired. From going like this. I don't know. Here to help my brain temporarily defrag it's the incredible Lacey Mosley and the amazing Guy Branum. Come on out. Hello.

Hi. I was wondering whether I should make a joke about how now that DI is gone, you'll probably have to have a man on this panel. Maybe it could be me. But I thought maybe not the time. Maybe I say that the second. Oh no, you can say it now. Listen, DEI has been gone.

We knew it was gonna go out. And that's why I'm not black anymore. Okay? Listen, I came out as black a few years ago. And now I'm going back in the closet. I am a white man, okay? It is a rich tradition in this country. It worked very well for Carol Channing.

It worked very well for you. It's for no one. It was for me. I knew what it was. Listen, I love to put on my dockers every day and pants with lots of pockets. New Balance. You got it. You got it.

You got it. Be a polo under another polo. Yeah, shampoo that's also conditioner and body wash. I'm a white man, okay? My wife, am I right? I'm a white man. Her wife loves to ruin her fun. Lacey is always coming in with crazy notions, and her wife is like, Lacey! Yeah. You didn't know Lacey could be a white man name?

It is. Now, I, without being a white man, I just don't want to interrupt. You better not, buddy. You're cruising in with a white man name. I'm not a white man. I'm a white man. you're a white man, I just don't want to interrupt. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You better not, buddy.

I'm just hanging back. OK, you're cruising for a bruisin'. So sweet. OK? Now you're giving me a more and more specific white man. I think you're in a new sitcom with Kat Dennings, actually. So I haven't seen, you're on billboards all over this town. And I saw it and I was like, that's great.

Because sometimes people tell you they're working on something, they got something big coming down the pike and they don't. And you just be like, I hope it's true. In LA you just hope it's true because everybody's working on stuff. And then there you are on two billboards. Yeah, two different billboards. Different shows at the same time. Wow. Thank you two different billboards. Different shows at the same time. Yeah. Wow. Thank you.

That's cool. Scam Goddess and Going Dutch, yes. So Scam Goddess is a long time coming. And we're going to get to some scams. But I'm excited for you. Thank you. I'm excited for me, too. That shit was hard as hell.

Do you know what it's like sitting down with victims of scams? I like, I said shout out to the journalists because I don't know how you sit down with so many people who have been traumatized over and over again. I was having like conversations over three hours and it turns into 45 seconds on the television show and I'm like, God damn. But they were wonderful people and we really like explored shame and we shared information.

And like, some, like a lot of great reviews. But you know, some people thought like, oh well she's lighthearted, she's riding in on a horse next to Reagan on a horse and a statue that looks like he was winning a wet t-shirt contest. And I thought I was unserious about it, but I make fun of scammers. I don't make fun of the victims of scams.

I really deeply empathize with them because I have been scammed myself. So when we were having those conversations, they were like deep and real. So seeing a billboard by myself, because I've been on a few billboards, but not alone. And I was like, oh, it's just me, bitch. Hey. Yeah, but not alone. And I was like, oh, it's just me, bitch.

Hey! Yeah. That's cool. Thank you, guys. Ha, ha, ha. Are you ever tempted to organize vigilante justice on behalf of the scammed people? Do you ever, like, show them the movie Thelma

and say, we could do this. We could find the place in the valley that hurt you, and we could shoot those people's computers. Here's the thing about vigilante justice. I think about it sometimes. I really have thought about the logistics. And, okay, we get some tiki torches, we get some pitchforks, we get an angry mob.

How you gonna keep them angry if we gotta walk like three miles? Like, you gotta have an angry motivator, like a hype man for anger. Like you can't be angry the whole time, but then you don't wanna lose momentum. I don't know how you do that. Yeah.

And it's just so hard to walk to the valley. Oh God, it's so hot. It's just, I mean, the first half is a slog. Yeah. Then it's down, but the up, you're gonna lose a lot of people. You're gonna lose people. You're gonna lose people. You're gonna lose people. You're gonna lose people.

You gotta get the rage back. No, remember, we're mad, come back, come back. They see a fucking in and out and they're gone. Like, what am I supposed to do? Now, what is it like to have a podcast that's made for television and then take it to television networks and studios and have them agree. So it was kind of a scam in itself. I was like a talking head on the con and I was like,

yes, I am an expert in scams. Yes. And I just started acting like an expert. You got to sit like an expert. You got to sit up and just like. You gotta sit like an expert. You gotta sit up and yeah, and just like. And so then one of the producers there was like, I wanna make your show into a television show.

And then I got tricked. I ended up at the mouse with Disney and I was there and I was like, oh, we just spit balling. And they were like, we'll buy it in the room and I was like, what, this was a pitch? What? I kinda got tricked, I got scammed into it. But it was a great scam, they got me

and I'm really happy about it. Well, that's nice. That just seems like a good transaction. That's just, that's just, hey, they're not all scams. That just seems like everybody wins. Right, yeah, no, it was. You know what, I'm now realizing that's just that that's hey, they're not all scams. That seems like that just seems like everybody wins. Right? That's you know what?

I'm now realizing that's the difference between a scam and other things. No, you literally got both benefit because what I explained, like when people ask me what a scam is and what a scam is not, there's here's two situations that are the exact same. Let's say you get an old sugar daddy, sugar mama, sugar they-y. Mm-hmm. And you're with them just for the money, right? They think you're with them because you like they old body. Mm-hmm.

And. Maybe he's very charmed by your witty repartee and not just the nice flights and vacations. Sometimes, maybe. Yes! So in that situation, if the baby leaves with whatever accoutrement they have gained and the sugar mommy puppy they is upset, that's a scam.

But let's say in that same situation, you're with someone who's a sugar they, sugar mommy, sugar poppy, and you actually are charmed by their witty repartee, and it's an equal exchange, and no one leaves feeling duped. That's not a scam. One is a scam, one is not, but this is the same situation.

So it's like, for me, the definition of a scam is if someone leaves feeling duped, because there's a lot of transactions that could be scams or are not scams. But they could be the same transaction. Look, if the little bird flies into the crocodile's mouth and eats the stuff from between its teeth and then it flies away, it's not a scam.

But if the crocodile eats the little bird, it's a scam. It's a scam. It's a scam. It's a scam. That's right. That's a really important point, Guy. Guy, where are you at? What are we watching right now?

What are we consuming to get us through this? OK, so when I am in an emotionally delicate place, when I need to be taken care of, what I do is I go to the peacock and I start watching Top Chef from the beginning. And 40 episodes, sorry, 40 seasons later. Not 40 episodes, sorry, 40 seasons later. Not 40 episodes, 40 seasons. I am well, except that I went in this very trying time to Peacock and they had removed the first seven seasons

of Top Chef. And my initial response was to email my primary care provider. I was like, you expect me to not go through DC and just start at first all stars? However, there have been some things that have been really getting me through this. I came late to the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but this season has been amazing.

Dorit, who was a declawed cat for the entirety of her seasons, she fucking showed up this season. Dorit has been, and sometimes when, you know, when the kitty cats decide to play with the big cats, usually they are not capable and they get taken down very quickly. But she tore out Camille Grammer's throats in a way that was very wonderful.

She said a word that I can't say, but Lacey can. Um, the good one. You said it word that I can't say, but Lacey can. The good one, you described Melania's outfit as such. Oh, cunt. Yes. I was thinking of another word. Shh. Which you also now can't say. Oh, cause I'm a white man, you know what?

I would never say. Oh, cause I'm a white man. You know what? I would never say that word. Duree called Camille Grammer a stupid C word and it was, it filled me with a joy I did not think was possible in my life anymore. There's such a response to the word cunt that white women have. It's like nigger for white women. It is. Like they get so triggered by it.

They're like, how dare you? Like, they'll call the police on you. I didn't know that. And so I would sometimes say it when I was a black person. I would say it. And I'd be like, oh, that's so cunt. And they'd be like, oh, my god. And I was like, is that a word for y'all?

Is that a word for y'all? Okay, I'll put that in my pocket. Okay, I didn't know. I didn't know. Because honky wasn't really working. It wasn't really getting, it wasn't galvanizing the people in the way we wanted. No, doesn't hit, doesn't hit. Doesn't do anything to me.

John, what do you want, Traeger? John, honky doesn't work? No, actually, you know what I think do you watch? John, honky doesn't work. No. Actually, you know what I think? When I hear the word honky, I think of the SNL sketch with Chevy Chase and Richard Pryor. And they're going back and forth. I am going through Always Sunny from the beginning. From the very beginning.

And yum, yum, yum. So good. But also that feeling with the sitcom of knowing that there are just vast tracts of land before you. There's nothing to be scared of. Because there have been a couple of things, I went through AP bio real hard, but there was only 42 AP bios.

You can see the end coming the whole time. I don't know the exact numbers like this. We are existing in a time of workplace sitcom drought. It is a lost art, like Roman concrete, where, I mean, to use a parlance of your former people, we are losing recipes. Oh! And like, I just, truly, where are the lines?

Where are they? Are they gone? Are they still here? Will they come back? But it's always sunny. I'm glad I'm not black no more. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Well, no, it is, first of all, Roman concrete. Yes. No, talk about losing recipes, Sean. Well, not gonna do it. Talk about the recipes. Roman Concrete, great analogy for what we're talking about. Perfect. We gotta bring the sitcom back. I miss it, I miss it.

We gotta bring the sitcom back. But how do you feel about the Oscar nominations? Fuck them. Mary Ann Jean-Baptiste, none of you have seen Hard Truths yet. Marianne Jean-Baptiste gives you her fucking life. She tears out chunks of her soul and leaves them on the screen in a relatable working class, black, Mike Lee,

British dramedy, and they're like, oh, I guess Demi Moore gets an Oscar. Demi Moore is very good in the substance and I'm very happy for her. She will fight it out with Cynthia Erivo and then she will win because she has been around this town and the old lady always wins. She looks amazing though. Um, uh, and I'm excited for Kieran Culkin

and I'm excited for a real pain. and I'm excited for A Real Pain. And isn't it weird that Adrian Brody doesn't have a career except once every 20 years he plays a Holocaust survivor and wins an Oscar? That is strange. Have you seen Amelia Press? Uh, I started it today and then I stopped. I truly like, my, my, I am,

I have not been excited to watch a movie in so long because I've just never had him. It's one of those movies where most people, if you have you seen it and did you hate it? Did you love it? It being the trans movie that is a French cis guy's speculation. Like I don't know that this is true, but've been told that it and I always love that our best queer stories are just a straight cis person throwing darts at a dartboard saying what if. Why you mad at me? I'm doing the best I can to What's a, what's a loud lazy. Sometimes it's good.

The bird cage was good. My brain, I was, I was my, the bird cage was the right poll. He was correct. That was, it is good. But that conversation about marriage in the bird cage. Love the bird cage. I know it was the nineties. You can't tell me that. You're also in another show called going Dutch. Yeah. It's a military show. Yeah.

A workplace sitcom from sitcom writers. I love Dennis Leary. I love Joel Church Cooper I love like Danny pootie. I was talking to him today. He's on my podcast. Like I love that man so much. That's my cousin But obviously like he's half Polish and that's the side that I relate to But no, yeah, I love those people. We had a really good time in Ireland playing with each other. It was wild. But yeah, it's a workplace comedy about, you know,

being in the military, but at the least important military base in the world, so we're all goofy as fuck. Luckily, I love that because they had someone come in and teach us all the military stuff and how to like salute and stuff, and we was all doing it really poorly, but we were like, oh, it's a comedy where we're supposed to do it poorly, so this is fine, like this, you can't say anything.

It's fine. F-Troop is not realistic. Oh, no. And that's okay. Yeah, it is. And we still remember it. Wait, I wanna tell you, John, what my TV show is. Were you gonna ask me what I'm watching?

Oh, yeah, what are you watching? I mean, besides my own TV shows. Yeah, I was trying, I, sorry, I was helping you, I wanted to make you promote your work. But yeah, no, no, but sure, yeah. When you're lying at home and consuming, what are we? After I've watched Going Touch and Scam Goddess, both on Hulu next day,

I have been watching a mixture of Traders and Bob's Burgers. I have to like mix them on and off, I'm watching a mixture of Traders and Bob's Burgers. I have to like mix them on and off because Traders is like 48 laws of power but TV and then Bob's Burgers is like therapy if you don't have insurance. I love, when I, for me the best version of therapy if you don't have insurance is there was a show called In Treatment that was on HBO with Gabriel Byrne,

which was an Israeli format. And we used to joke that you could just pause it and tell Gabriel Byrne your problems. And then hit play and whatever he said was probably fine, would help, you know? If you don't have a therapist, I would say give it a try. It's really soothing. He's really good. He's really good.

He makes a lot of good points. Or Bob's Burgers. They're really teaching good lessons over there. Even the villains, they explain themselves. They make it right. I don't know. It's just so cute. But I've also been watching-

God, you are a white guy. I am. And I've been watching traitors because I was like, well, you know, it's 2025 and Project 2025. I got to know who's lying to me and I got to do subterfuge. I like Traders. I got to be a spy.

But now that I'm a white man, I'm much more like chill. Like it's, I'm not worried as much as I was. I love Alan Cumming. Alan Cumming is great. Oh, so cunt. But give me Claudia Winkleman every time. Watch UK Traders. There is an insane woman.

You're saying she's better than Alan Cumming? I'm saying that they are equally good in different ways. I'm saying that Alan Cumming is- I disagree. You don't know. Alan Cumming- I watched UK Traders. I watched all the Traders, I'm addicted.

Are you saying that she's not like a kooky delight at every goddamn moment? She's a delight, but she's just not as cunt, okay? Alan throwing the pictures on the ground and just being like, treter. I'm sorry, you just can't beat that. I'm sorry, I'm saying that a woman who is self-tanned to within an inch of her life with four inch bangs

is serving fucking looks. I have to tell you something, can I confess something right now? I have watched UK Traders as well, and I was racking my brain being like, why can't I picture this person? You said bangs, I'm right back, I'm in it, I'm in it. She's fucking awesome. You're way too dark.

She dyed them black. Oh. And you know what that sound means? I'm in it, I'm in it. She's fucking awesome. You're way too dark. She dyed them black. Oh. Oh! Oh! And you know what that sound means? It's time for Oscar's Conclave. And here's what we're gonna do.

Conclave. Conclave, conclave, conclave. I'm gonna read off the Best Picture nominees. You haven't seen Conclave? No. We're going to like Conclave. It is the most soothing two hours here ever. It is process, process, process, men in wool dresses

swishing. Yeah, it's basically, I mean, what would it be? It's the equivalent of, it feels like a student council election, but make it fashion, I think. Yes. Like kind of, you know what I'm saying? At all moments, marble is visible. Yes, there's not a scene without marble in it.

Oh, I do like marbles. OK. I'm going to read off the Best Picture nominees, and you have to give us your one second review. Mm-hmm. Anora. Oh, that was fine. Anora was great. I have so much hope for this Sean Baker's third best movie.

Wow. The Brutalist. Very brutal. I was excited to see the movie until that man's the director's Golden Globe speech about how white male genius needs to be respected more. And then I was- I agree with that. A Complete unknown. Haven't seen it.

Yeah, I'm going to be a complete unknown at that theater. Nice. Thank you. Nice. Dune part two? Yes. Good. More Dune.

The only real Dune was directed by the late, great David Lynch. Thank you very much. Clap, Gen X white men. Good Gen. Also Zendaya. I mean, come on. The Substance. I mean, it was a fun watch. It's great.

It's like, if an American had made that movie, you would be like, what a fun, trashy movie. But because a French person made it, you were like, if an American had made that movie, you would be like, what a fun, trashy movie. But because a French person made it, you were like, this trash is important. So. Yes. I saw Wicked on Broadway, and the Elphaba on Broadway, who was fantastic, played it more autistic than Cynthia Erivo.

And it was interesting to compare. Played it more autistic? Uh-huh, yeah, that's right. Describe how she played it more autistic. Imagine if it was interesting to compare. Played it more autistic. Yeah, that's right. Describe how she played it more autistic. Imagine if it was me. Okay. Cynthia, amazing.

Ariana, amazing. Hey, John Chu, you wanna know what Defying Gravity isn't about? Munchkins running. I don't need to look at that. I don't need to care about a balloon. I would like to be looking at the amazing actress who's fucking slaying a song.

Thank you very much. Wow. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, to Conclave? Oh, yeah, what do you think of Conclave? We talked about that. What? We talked about it. What do you mean we're gonna get to Conclave? We love Conclave. I need to officially say to this audience that people are gonna bitch about Isabel Rossellini

only being in that movie for three minutes. There's nothing better than somebody who walks into a movie, fucking steals it, curtsies, and walks out of there. That bitch, I think, is gonna win an Academy Award. I'm excited. I'm gonna tell you something. I'm gonna tell you something. I want to be where you are on this.

And I went into this movie being like, give me Isabella Rossellini as much as you can, and I'll take what I can get. And I just, I'm sorry, I love her. This is a make good for death becomes her. But come on, she yells in a dining room for one seat and then she's back to kind of skulking. It's a lot of skulking for an Oscar.

She disappears after that moment because she's done her job. Will we come back, the scammies? Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What do you want your 2025 story to be? The way back up.

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therapists anytime at no extra cost. Write your story with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash love it to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H e l p dot com slash love it. And we're back. This just in. The biggest business in America is being a complete mark and baby business is booming. Who is it? Donald Trump took office Monday.

Already the streets of DC are flooded with griff scams and flim flam sits in mams. What? Lacey, you are forever will be the scam goddess and guy you can spot a hustle from 500 yards away at midnight. I don't know that I could. Which is why we're asking you to rank the biggest scams from Trump's first week in office in a segment we're calling Scammies. Oh no!

Lacey and Guy, I'm going to ask you to blind rank six of the biggest scams so far. Okay. All right? With six being just a little cute little scam as a treat. With one being the exclusive limited run president for life best scam Okay, but you don't know what's gonna come next. All right, we got six scams. Are you ready? Yeah. All right up first a 500 billion dollar investment in AI in America

This is an announcement that Trump has made. This week, Donald Trump announced an investment of up to $500 billion into AI infrastructure for artificial intelligence. Trump is putting the AI in America by giving you the technology you desperately want. Oh, you don't want it? Shut up.

No, no. Kids don't need to learn to write. $500 billion infrastructure. The venture brings together OpenAI, Oracle, and Softbank. It kicks off with the construction of a new data center in Texas. The project is called, of course, Stargate. Of course. Nothing to a star is not a gate.

Elon Musk. Starlink, Stargate. Elon Musk, who has a long running tension with OpenAI head Sam Altman, they were original founders of it and they've some sort of discontent, disagreement between them, sort of made fun of this whole operation saying, oh, they don't really have this money. How big of a scam? What are we thinking? Kline-I would like to say, first of all, the temerity of naming your AI investment after a 90s sci-fi franchise that was notably centered on a trans villain. beautiful work. I'm gonna give it a three because they are trying to figure out a way where all of America could be unemployed but still the Dow goes up is really the perfect

execution of Donald Trump's economy. Yeah, that sucks. It's really a scam. It's a nesting doll of scams, right? Because the large language models, at least, are built on kind of harvesting the creative works of countless people who do not benefit from their inclusion in this technology. And right now, as it exists, the technology is just a kind of cheat code for kids who have essays. Yes. Uh, and, and I'm increasingly realizing in a way that I can't accept, I kind of have a denial about it,

adults who have to send emails. I kind of don't understand that. I understand that many people I know use this for emails and stuff like that. I can't imagine doing that. I know, I know, and is it passing, are we, what, Lacey? I'm going to give it a six.

AI, they want it so bad, but if AI really wanted to really pull up on the scene and do its shit, AI do my dishes, AI do my laundry. Like AI, you wanna come in and steal my creative integrity and the joy in my life, AI do my laundry. Like AI you wanna come in and steal my creative integrity and the joy in my life bitch, fuck that. Also you can't trust what AI puts in. And the thing that I'm giving a six for is that AI came for black people first.

That's how I know it's not gonna work. Like Levi's was like, oh y'all said it wasn't enough black people in the campaigns as models. We gonna put some AI negros in there. And I was like, oh, y'all said it wasn't enough black people in the campaigns as models. We're gonna put some AI necros in there. And I was like, what? No, this isn't, I think that it is an algorithm. The more that we feed it, the more that it will learn. But it's a six for me because it's kind of one

of those dreamer things. It needs too much human upkeep right now. It's just not viable enough right now to be the top scam. I think it might get there. Maybe Elon's robots will all murder us. I don't know. But right now, no. Robots are really bad at picking things up.

Everybody's like, oh, the AI is going to kill us. Get it wet. Literally. Here's the thing that I struggle with, which is like these are meant to be, these are the most sophisticated operations. These are the most sophisticated operations in the world. But when I search for a product that I need on say Amazon, I am served hundreds of nearly identical versions

made by fake brands of random letter combination companies. And I just like, that's what this all was for, to build to the part where if you want Pilates socks, you get it from Zvumbi or Atombo. These are made up. The letters don't even make sense next to each other. It's a lot of double vowels because you

know they were available. And it's like, these are the people that are building all of these factories. So my socks are very good. I think you should purchase a boombi. OK, keep your feet warm. We got a six. We got a three. I'm putting in four. OK. All right. Stargate.

I didn't know you were going to be average in this. OK, that's what's happening. I love it. Next up, Trump wants to seize control of the Panama Canal. This is something that began weeks ago. He said that we should take control back from the Panama Canal. Coingipolitico new Secretary of State Marco Rubio is headed to Panama as early as next week as part of his first trip in his new position of trip focused on two things, immigration

and taking control of the Panama Canal. This is based on Donald Trump claiming that the Chinese have taken over the Panama Canal. A company based in Hong Kong does have some kind of financial arrangement, but is neutral in the overseeing of the ports, but blown out of proportion. My sense of this is that Donald Trump remembers when Jimmy Carter gave the Panamanians control of the canal. Doesn't like Jimmy Carter, didn't like his flag being at half staff. He's going to punish Jimmy Carter.

He thinks there's weakness to give control of the Panama Canal back to the Panamanians. He was going to take it back. How big of a scam? What an exciting moment for the Monroe doctrine. You know, we've been tearing down statues of white guys left and right, but then, I wanna say James Monroe comes marching back to say we should control this hemisphere.

I'm gonna give it a proud two. Marco, que estas haciendo? What is the neo-Latino esto Panama Panama? They were like, you don't know what to speak to them. You gotta go over there and get the canal back. Like imagine showing up in Panama and be like, hey, hola, que tal? Donald Trump, Presidente de Estados Unidos,

necesito canal back. We need canal back. We need canal back ahora. Ahora. Despues. Like what? Like they said Marco Rubio. Donald Trump literally said Marco Rubio. He was like, who we got who's brown, who speaks Spanish?

They gonna take the pen and my canal back for us. Marco, andale. No, no. Like what? Like I would, I'm with you, but I would give it a three cause I think there's some other shit coming. I'm gonna give it a three. All right, three, two.

That's some bullshit. That's three, that's three. That is some bullshit. That's three, I'm gonna say a man. Gaka, like what? A man, a plan, a canal, America. Next up, Trump's meme coin. All right.

First ever presidential crypto ball. Ball Trump dropped his first meme coin. I don't even know the dollar sign Trump. I don't know Trump dropped his first meme coin. I don't even know the dollar sign Trump. I don't know what he's fucking Trump coin. Followed it up with some Melania, uh, which was, I guess, a scam for girls. Here is Trump answering questions about the meme coins to reporters. Do you intend to continue selling products that benefit yourself personally while you're president?

Well, I don't know if it benefited. I don't know where it is. I don't know much about it other than I launched it. I heard it was very successful. I haven't checked it. Where is it today? You made a lot of money, sir. How much?

Several billion dollars, it seems like, in the last several days. Several billion? That's seems like, in the last several days. Several billion? That's peanuts for these guys. Oh, look at that fucking grin. He's so happy. God damn it. Hey, hey, did you realize we built our society so that this guy gets everything he wants? Isn't that amazing?

What a mistake that was. Some crypto bros were upset that Trump released a limited edition crypto coin ahead of his inauguration to make a quick buck, just as crypto is seeking validity on the global stage. On the other hand, it's Donald Trump we're talking about. What did you think he was going to do? Is it possible to scam these scammers? Where are we ranking the Trump meme coins? You want to know what's great for an economy?

An economic bubble bursting. I have always maintained that cryptocurrency is just libertarian beanie babies. Like, they're having their little fun, they've decided to make it valuable, and then they are the ones who will lose at the end. I would like to give it a six, thank you. Wow, wow, low, low. For me, it was higher emotionally, just because it's got scam, it's got the,

it's got the, it's, it feels, what do you think, Lacey? I'm gonna agree with Guy, because we already knew crypto was a scam. Anytime you can't explain something to me, like I'm a five-year-old, it's a scam. Every time you ask somebody what a blockchain is, they're like, okay, now look, we got a series of,

okay, it takes a lot of energy. It's like a long CVS receipt. Hold up. So you like a long CVS receipt. Hold up. So you got a mom, right? So when your mom, and anyways, the weather changes all the time. And like, what is it? What is it?

What is it? And they're like, oh, you got a meme coin. No, you don't own it, but you do own it. And then when you sell it, you get more from what the fuck are you saying? Like, it's an easy ass scam. We've all known about crypto being a scam, but you know what? That's all millennials and millennials got to take two L's. We are the reason that we have so many streaming platforms.

We were like, we're going to cut the cord from cable. And then all the capitalist company was like, okay, bitch, we all gonna have a streaming platform. Now we paying more than we were paying for cable. Everything was all bundled up. We gotta go back to the bundle. I'm gonna bring back cord. I'm gonna call it cord, it's cable.

And I'm gonna make that company again. And then our other L is like, the stock market is so saturated, how are we gonna make money fast and destroy the economy? That's already taken up by the dinosaurs, so we had to make something called crypto, online money, where we just rug, pool, and steal. What are we gonna do?

Our economy used to be based, first it was agriculture and then manufacturing and then services and now it's pretend. Stick more on agriculture. All right, we're giving it a six because we got a six. The economy used to be based, first it was agriculture and then manufacturing and then services and now it's pretend. Stick more on agriculture. All right, we're giving it a six, we gotta move fast. What was that agriculture about? Well.

Who produced two thirds of the world's cotton? We had this fun little strategy for improving profits that might be very exciting to you as a white man. All right, we got three left. It was just like an internship, 300 years. That's all. All right, we got three left. It was just like an internship, 300 years. That's all. Let's keep going. We got three left, we're gonna go fast.

We have, all right, next scam. Melania's inauguration hat. Oh. She didn't have to show her face. Come on, hamburger liar. On the one hand, it's a normal hat, on the other hand, she wore it like the Bop-a-Dook. She wanted to be star in something.

I was waiting for her to moonwalk like she had it. The reality that we have now twice elected a first lady who is vom-peer and cannot receive the direct light of the sun thrills me. Big number two for me. Big number two, what do you think? Oh, no, that's five. That hat wasn't cutsy enough for me. Big number two, what do you think? Oh, no, that's five. That hat wasn't cutsy enough for me.

The fit is cute. You can be, like, look, the Nazis wore Hugo Boss. Like, what are we saying? Nazis wore Hugo Boss, what are we saying? Yeah. Put it at five. I'm comfortable with it. Five.

Five. If one and two are just trash, this is all on you, Lacey. Hat. I'm betting. I'm betting right now. All right. Although, in the green room, I just make the call to Lacey. Hatch. I'm betting. I'm betting right now. All right. Although in the green room I just make the call to Lacey, I think the return of American fascism is going to be an amazing time for braids.

Yes. We are all a Bavarian schoolgirl now. Next up, we have a salute to Elon Musk. And the reason we're including this is because he does this. Everyone says that to describe this as a Nazi salute is hysterical. At the same time, all the Nazis on the internet fucking love it. Yeah. And at the same time, uh, it does feel as though we're being drawn into a debate over a hand gesture at a time in which Trump is doing actual real and terrible things, uh, which makes this whole thing feel like a scam to me. Not maybe not purposeful in any direction.

Like I really do think it is distract, as you're saying, it's distracting from the content while being horrible and so reflective of how much discourse has changed. And over the last 18 months, 15 months, like Jews around the world have had to balance a lot of things and deal with a lot of things. But the ADL declining to acknowledge us for what it was

made me feel really upset. Yeah, I guess like where I finally land on this is that a gesture is a gesture, and if you didn't mean it, you say you're sorry how it was received. Yeah. You don't get to say that you're wrong for saying you saw something. We did see it.

And just say, hey, you're wrong. I'm sorry you felt that way. But it is an example of like the same reason people are at a place where they believe this is a gesture he would actually make is actually informed by the kind of online discourse where he would never in a million years say, oh, I shouldn't have done that. And he did it twice. And I went into have done that. And he did it twice.

And I went into the Roman salute. I even looked it up. And the second time he did it, it was even more sick. It was like, it was definitely that. Number two, Elon's arm whoopsie doodle. Number two, yeah. And finally, we had the anti-woke village people.

Iconic band, the village people, best known for their song about meeting men at the YMCA and the Navy, historically two of the straightest people places you can meet someone. Ushered in our new president last week, Trump danced along with them in his way. We have a clip. Come on everybody. It's fun to stay at the YMCA. Fun to stay at the YMCA.

Yes, that's right. It's fun to stay at the YMCA. Fun to stay at the YMCA. Yes, that's right. Little did we know, the village people, it is a straight operation. It's a straight business, and it's always been straight. Do you feel as though that was a scam? Either the fact that it's now straight, or the fact that it maybe always was. This is the number one scam for me. This is upsetting. Up is down. Right is left. Nothing makes sense anymore. There are some things we should be able to hold close and dear in these troubling times. Queer culture is so meaningful to us. But yeah, I'm very upset by this.

This is the worst one. I did not hear the joke, but you made it. It's raining men joke during the ball. Lacey and I were talking and we were having a good time. But I just want to make sure we know where the Weather Girls are. I just want to know that they're in a safe place and Donald Trump cannot get to them.

Hey everybody, prayers up for the weather girls. All right, we have our rankings. Number six, the Trump meme coin. Number five, Laniya's hat. Number four, Stargate. That's right, you thought it was a movie in the late 90s about how the pyramids are both very old and from the future.

But it's not. It's a factory in Texas. That's very important. Number two, Elon's arm whoopsie doodle. And number one, the village people are straight, always have been, say otherwise, we'll sue you. A great list of scams from just this very first fucking week. Where was Greenland?

I thought we were gonna get Greenland. I think that is the big scam. I think it's amazing. Everybody's like, what's going on? It's like, he's never got a tooth hat. Where's the Gulf of America? I can't wait to swim in it. Yeah, which yeah

Yeah, you just got a it's a pretty nice between the spills Thank you, Lacey. Thank you to guy watch scam goddess Wednesday nights on freeform and Hulu and you can catch guy at the Lyric Hyperion on February 24th and February 27th Next up food for non-thought. Woo! Woo! Woo! Hey, don't go anywhere.

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VSA is creating spaces for you to find community, take steps to protect those at risk in 2025, and to begin the work of organizing that we are going to have to do. We have to think big and we have to think small. We have to think big about what it takes to build a movement that brings more people in, that has credibility to reach the people we haven't been able to reach. But at the same time, we're also going to have to be tactical.

That means fighting everywhere we can to try to win the House. It feels like politics doesn't matter. It feels like the gears aren't turning. But there are these swing districts where they are Republicans who want to keep their jobs, they want to stay in Congress. There are places where the political gears are still turning and that's the place where we're going to have to do a lot of work. And if we can take back the house, we can stop Donald Trump's agenda in Congress. Doesn't mean there won't be losses, doesn't mean things won't be bad, but it does mean

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This message has been paid for by VoteSaveAmerica. You can learn more at vote save america.com. And this ad has not been authorized by any candidate or candidates committee, obviously. It's week one of the Trump administration. I'm running through coping mechanisms faster than missed calls from my therapist. But in times like this, I turn to the old reliable

that makes me pliable, the big cheese that helps me chill, the takeout that makes me zonk out. I'm talking about comfort food. So, and this basically, I wanna hear where you're comfortable. You can ask me a question, we can talk, anything that's on your mind, we can talk about it. But before we do, I wanna hear what your comfort food is, and I'm just gonna tell you if it's correct.

All right, it's time for segment we call Num Num Num Num Num Num Num. That's it. It's a rare moment where you used a good picture of me. Thank you. All right. Chris is right here. He's going to go out there with the mic. Let's hear what's on your mind and on your plate.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Sour candy. Okay. Okay. Wait, no, don't, you keep the mic for a second. Oh, okay, sorry. No, I apologize.

Take up space. So when you say sour candy, that can mean a bunch of different things. Do you mean like Sour Patch Kids? Do you mean hard sour candies? I'm into the gummy variety. Okay, I actually. Yeah, I'm a UCLA student, so things get dicey around there sometimes.

So anxiety wise. So I like a nice sour gummy candy. Sour punch bites specifically, but open to whatever's in the target aisle. Right, right, right, right, right, right. OK. Anything savory? I like a buffalo wing.

Sorry. I know. Kind of an odd duo, but. Um, every once in a while, I remember and I relearn how to eat a buffalo wing. God, I thought that was funny. I could tell. Because without enough repetition, you do the best you can, you get meat from here and there, and you've left behind a mess. then every once in a while you're reminded that there's a correct way to do it, where you're just two bones

fall right out of the side of the fucking thing. Thank you for your time. Laughter. Applause. Laughter. We got one down here. Hey, John. Hi.

I'm Haley, just a little bit nervous, you're my idol. Just want to say thank you. Oh my. That's very sweet, don't be nervous. Okay, I won't. If it doesn't work, we'll cut it. Okay, awesome. Give me great comfort, great joy, thank you. My comfort food is a two cheeseburger meal

from McDonald's with a six piece chicken McNugget and a small cold Coke. And a small what? Cold Coca Cola. Right, they're always cold there. And a small what? Cold Coca-Cola. Right, they're always cold there. Oh yeah. You just order, they come cold. But McDonald's has that sort of crisp type of cold

you don't find anywhere else. That's absolutely correct. It is colder, which seems physically impossible, but it is colder. And I appreciate that. And I want you to know that I appreciate, first of all, an incredible order. Because, and let me tell you why, it's a special order.

It's a really good order, and here's why. True McDonald's connoisseurs understand that you get a meal and one little thing. I've said this before, that's something that I've said. It's on brainy quotes. True connoisseurs McDonald's, they go to McDonald's, they get a meal and they get one little thing. For me, my traditional go-to, I want one beef

and I want one chicken, because I'm a human being with blood in my fucking veins. So that will mean either big chicken sandwich, little burger, big burger nuggets, big burger McChicken sandwich. These are the options that are before you. Once in a while, big nuggets, little burger. But it's always chicken, it's always beef.

And it's two things. You've done something that I've never had the courage to do, which is to get the double cheeseburger meal and call that one thing. And then get something on the side, because what you figured out is there is a path, if you're smart, to three things. And that makes me feel proud to know...

I was never good at math, John. I do feel as though, like... I feel as though, like, I feel honored that in some way maybe I've done something that's shown you something. You have. And then you've taken that and made something even more beautiful.

You've been very courageous about your open love of McDonald's on the show despite the ups and downs that that company has had very publicly in America and that courage has really stuck with me and I appreciate that. And one of the things is that thank you I had McDonald's on my way here. Amen. Really did on the way from the airport. I did. Order? My order was, thank you for asking. So McDonald's is, first of all, they're playing, the menu is changing. And so I didn't know this just happened. So it used to be you can go and you can get two sandwiches for $3.50, then it went up to $3.99. Now it's you buy one, you get a second for a dollar. They call

it the value meal. It's less value. And I feel like Joe Biden's gone now. They can lower the prices. Uh, like they got what they wanted. He's gone. So now that Trump's back, let's get these prices down. But, uh, but so I got a, uh, uh, I got a McD, uh, double cheeseburger and a McChicken. That's what I got on my way here.

And then a large light lemonade. Okay. Watching my figure. Ooh. Thank you, Haley. Do you have any political thoughts or questions? I have a question about dating, actually. What advice do you have for us young, depressed, politically motivated people

who are hoping to find partnership and love in this very dark time? Hmm, wow. Wow. And what kind of person are you interested in are hoping to find partnership and love in this very dark time. Hmm, wow. Wow. And what kind of person are you interested in dating? Oh, well, I'm bisexual, so men or women. Great.

So there's a path for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I will say, like, this is a political, I think, I don't know how we're going to do it, but I do, we're, we've got it, we're going to find our way off the phones. I just believe that. I believe it in my bones.

We are going to find our way off the phones. The answer is not on the phone. I don't know where it is and how we're going to find it, but the answer is not on the phone. And that's true in politics. That's true, like, I love doing this live show. I love getting to be out here and see you. This is always where it feels like the answer is. And when in dating, it is hard because it's like what Facebook did to the, to, uh, to, to newspapers. They were like, they told all the newspapers to make video, and then they said, ha ha, just kidding, you're fucked. And so these companies have obliterated all these ways

of connecting outside of them. And then we're desperate to find the ways to connect outside of them, and they don't exist in the same way. But we have to build them. And the answer is going to be off your phone. And that's not to denigrate online dating. I've done online dating.

It has been fruitful for me. It's a wonderful thing. It can be a wonderful thing. But somehow we've got to get off these fucking things. What else? What other comfort foods we got? Hi, John. I'm Scott.

Hi. What's your name? Scott. Hi, Scott. So my comfort food is takeout Indian food from down the street. Probably chicken tiki masala and aloo gobi probably. And of course some garlic naan. I love that. That's a great order. That's a great order. Thank you. It is actually, it is a correlation, a corollary to the McDonald's theory, which is you get a chicken tikka masala, as one

does, because it's what you do. Right. When you're just being a gluttonous and you're not looking to try to explore new ideas or actually learn about another culture. No, it's just good. It's good. That's why it's comfort food. But then you're going to get a vegetable.

You're just going to get a vegetable to kind of, I don't know, prove something for the ledger at the end. So that when you're running through and you're on the fence, whether you're gonna get in or get out, it's like, well, you did get a vegetable. I mean, it's barely a vegetable, but sure. Sure. Any political thoughts or questions? Let's see, so the first thing I've got is,

was it Haley down here? My son is here. No, you don't have to deal with that. That's not right. That's not right. Don't. Just to make the pitch. Sure, OK. He's in his last semester at SDSU

in industrial and organizational psychology, so he's going to make a lot of money. Honestly, I don't think he's embarrassed enough. And that's a red flag for me. To be fair, to be fair, he's been my son his whole life. That's right. So okay. All right. All right. Well, that's interesting. That's interesting. Haley can noodle on that. You don't have to look behind you. Let's go to somebody else. Hi, John. Hi.

You know the classic peanut butter banana, like, honey sandwich? Yeah. I don't have time for that. So I. Yeah, who has time for that? Not with everything that's going on. Yeah, who has time for that? Not with everything that's going on.

So I get made fun of because I take bananas, and then I take a big bite, and then I just take a handful of cashews or almonds, and then I just make the nut butter in my mouth. You throwing a Ritz cracker down or something? Yeah. It's amazing and everyone should try it. Because you're like incredibly busy.

You're just running around all the time. Yeah. Just shoveling. Do you have your screen time turned on on your phone? I do not. Because you're so busy. You don't have time to make a peanut butter sandwich. So you don't, you must not, you just, it must be insane.

Like, so how do you keep up with your friends and stuff? You must never talk to them, you don't text or anything. It's hard. It's hard, right? You don't, are you on TikTok? Yes. But to one, you must never have time to go on it if you literally don't have time to make

a peanut butter sandwich that you're shoveling moose nuts and banana in your face as you're running about, because life is careening before you. Next person. Hi. Hi. Noodles. Heaping portions of noodles.

Just noodles. Different types. We can go pad see you, pad thai, and a chow mein all in the same sitting. Go ramen, maybe throw in a few dumplings there. Wow. Noodles. Noodles, I love that. You know, just to hear the word noodle shout out,

my childhood dog name was Noodles. And so to hear that shout out at me, I just heard noodles. I was like, where is there a dog? And all I wanted when we had that dog, all I wanted when we got a second dog, because I named the first dog, I named the first dog, Noodle, my sister was in charge of naming the second dog,

and I said, Stephanie, this is your dog to name. I beg of you, consider a name that will be fun with noodles. It could be anything. It could be another kind of pasta. It could be something that we put on noodles. It could be anything. She's like, I've got it. Binky.

Still mad about it. Any political thoughts or questions on your mind? One thing that I've heard for Haley, I don't know if this is true or not, but I've heard that volunteering right now is kind of the hottest club in LA. I have my first volunteer day tomorrow, but I'm married, so I'll not really be looking, but I've heard that that is true. Hey, Haley, you can put a fire out while having one lit. You know what I'm saying? And I think that's a great place to leave it for tonight.

Thank you so much to Lacey Mosley and Guy Radham. Thank you so much to all of you. We'll see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter right here. There are 647 days until the midterms. Have a great night, everybody. You got through week one. See you next week. ["Love It or Leave It?" by John Lovett & Lee Eisenberg playing in background.]

Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Chris Lord is our Producer, and Kennedy Hill is our Associate Producer. Hallie Kiefer is our Head Writer, Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles and Mahana Del Shiki are our Writers. Evan Sutton is our Editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide Audio Support, Steven Colon is our Audio Engineer, and Milo Kim is our Videographer. Our Theme Song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our to our designer Bernardo Serna for creating and running all of

our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. It's love it or leave it. It's love it or leave it. It's love it or leave it.