Lovett or Leave It - Hate in a Hopeless Place

Episode Date: March 3, 2018

Chaos, at least more than usual, at the White House: Hope is out, Jared is screwed, Kelly feels God's wrath, Trump declares war on metal, and Mueller is in everyone's business. Amanda Hess of the New York Times, comedian Patti Harrison, and the LA Times' Tre’vell Anderson join Jon to break down the week's news. Plus D'Arcy Carden from NBC's The Good Place stops by to take on the role of a lifetime and we play an Oscars game you won't want to miss. What. A. Week.

Hi everybody! How are you all doing? How are you all doing? Great to be back at the Improv, our home base in LA. So I've had two very bad stand-up shows in the last six months. One was in Aspen, not a big deal, and the other was basically last night. And so, now, the Aspen one, you're just going to have to brace for this part. It was at the Aspen Ideas Festival. And if you remember, John and Tommy and I were all supposed to go because we were going to do a panel there. But then there was all those protests in D.C. about health care.

And so we split up to make sure because we had promised we were gonna do this. You know, we divided and conquered. I went one way, they went to the protest. I made a huge mistake. Anyway, I go to do this like night, you know, this event where I'm gonna do standup and make fun of the people that come to the Aspen Ideas Festival,

your private jet crowd, you know, your wealthy benefactors. And I shat the bed i i bombed so hard in front of these people and as i'm bombing i slowly start recognizing people in the room you know and they still they go they start they go up so it's like oh there's that there's that uh the the guy from a weekend Update watching me crash and burn up here. And it's like, is that Barbara Streisand? Fuck. And then I see Michael Eisner, the former head of Disney.

And I'm flailing. And this was at the time where they were replacing the Han Solo directors. And I made a joke about that. Dead-eyed. Nothing. Nothing in response, just cold stare of a person who has bought and sold people like me his entire adult life. And so, anyway, fast forward to last night, I am now once again in front of a group of wealthy older people, and I will tell you you material where you attack baby boomers

how many times am I gonna touch that stove fuck just just nothing absolutely nothing I had to turn midway into making fun I won't I halfway through I started making fun of Millennials I completely capitulated everything I've ever said on this stage I abandoned it just to win back these people and it was fine but I'm struggling up there and who do I see sitting at this fundraiser

but Michael fucking Eisner and I realize that Michael Eisner is looking at me like how does this fucking shit kid keep getting all these gigs? I can't get away from this guy. So it's good to be back. So, a little bit of housekeeping. We're going to Texas next week.

A few tickets left in Austin. Friday for Love It or Leave It. And a few tickets in San Antonio and Houston for Pod Save America right after that. And Miami, April 6th. Love It or Leave It. Pod Save America. What's going on in Miami? They're not super enthused, but we're going to get them there.

What do you think the problem is? I heard climate change and guns. Calm down, you liberals. I don't think it's those two reasons in this case. I know where it's like every problem's a nail with you people. And reminder for everybody that sent in portraits,

it's portraitmode.crooked.com. That's where you'll be able to check out a bunch of the finalists, which will be coming your way soon. And to sign up for the newsletter, you just go to crooked.com. You give us your email address. We won't take advantage of it. We won't abuse it.

You just put in your email, and you'll get the newsletter. What a day. It's starting on March 5th. It's coming. It's out of beta. It's coming. It's out of beta. It's coming. It's a hit already. The pre-sales are incredible. It's defying expectations. Okay, we have got a, let's get to the show. What do you, let's get to the show.

We've got a great show for you tonight. We have Ross Douthit, Wilbur Ross's soup can, and the guy who's calling Hope Hicks to try to get her a book deal. I don't think that's right. All right, we have a fantastic panel. I'm very excited for tonight's show. He is a film reporter at the Los Angeles Times covering diversity in Hollywood. Please welcome Travelle Anderson. Thanks for being here.

Not a problem. Thanks for having me. I don't talk like this for real. It just seemed appropriate. I can't wait to find out how you talk. She won the National Magazine Award for her investigation into the online abuse of women. She currently writes about internet culture for the New York Times.

Please welcome Amanda Hess. Amanda, how are you? I'm good. Thanks for asking. No problem. It was easy. She's an actor, writer, and comedian living in Brooklyn. You've seen her on Jimmy Fallon, Broad City, and Search Party. Please welcome Patti Harrison. Hi, Patty.

Hi. Okay, cool. I'm setting my drink down. Perfect. I'm going to spill it all over this big-ass carpet. All right. Let's get into it. What a week.

So, we've reached the mid-season finale of the Trump administration. The writers are pulling out all the stops. Characters we hate are leaving. Characters we hate are sticking around. There are no characters we love. The White Walkers are finally coming out of hiding. I miss... That says white supremacists.

I'm sorry. What did you think of that acting? Do you think I'll get an Oscar this weekend? Yeah, you're good. Say the wrong thing, realize it, and then fix it. You know, a year later. A year later, a year from now. So what's been happening?

It's been an insane week. First, news broke that Secretary of Nepotism Jared Kushner's security clearance was downgraded from top secret to guy who holds Ivanka's Birkin bag. On the heels of that, we found out that not only have four different foreign governments attempted to influence Jared over his many debts, but his real estate business has received more than $400 million in loans from companies after they held meetings with Jared at the White House. they held meetings with Jared at the White House. Plus, two administration sources told the New York Times that Trump has privately asked Chief of Staff John Kelly for help in pushing Jared and Ivanka out of the White House.

Trump is annoyed at his children. His children are annoyed at John Kelly. And apparently John Kelly hates all of this because he said on video this week that he's only Chief of Staff because, quote, I did something wrong and God punished me, I guess. Maybe. Maybe, John Kelly. That may be where you're at.

Not to be undone by Jared, the crown prince of corruption, Hope Hicks testified before the House Intelligence Committee and admitted to telling white lies for the president, which reportedly infuriated the president so much he called her stupid. The following day, she resigned but insisted it was unrelated. Who knows, you know? Who knows? Trump attacked his own attorney general for not investigating the people investigating him and has reportedly been referring to Jeff Sessions as Mr. Magoo. Which is, I have to say, unfair to Mr. Magoo. mr magoo was bumbling but well-meaning

and on top of all that it's been reported that white the white house might fire national security advisor hr mcmaster and that the director of the national economic council gary cone might resign after trump announced steep tariffs on steel and aluminum trevell i'll start with you with hope hicks gone jared's being forced to leave leave any room where there are secrets. Trump is losing some of his closest people in the White House. How do you feel about this? There's on the one end there's been this conversation about these people propping up Trump. We got to get him out of there, right? It's not public service to work for Donald Trump. This is something that Tim Miller has written on Crooked.com. A lot

of people have made this point. This is not public service. On the other hand, is there something even more dangerous about an isolated Donald Trump? Do you appreciate seeing people pushed out or do you worry about it? I personally worry just because I need some eyeballs in the room.

I need people who are going to at least try to get him to make sense and not kill us all. And so him pushing everybody out, I'm a little nervous about it. I mean, I was nervous, you know, when he got elected and all that. But it's just unclear what all of this actually means. But there will be other fools who decide to go in those places. And, you know, so we'll see.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't think anybody knows. I think you're right. Amanda, the way Hope Hicks has been treated in the press throughout her time working for Trump in the White House and now in her resignation has been oddly genteel compared to the way other Trump insiders have been treated. There's been a few people have written about sort of the sexist way she's been described, often as a former model. I often think that she's kind of in a broader way, like almost as if she's treated as if she lacks agency because she's young,

because she's a woman. Do you think there's any truth to that? Do you think that she's being treated with kid gloves by the press? I mean, I think every woman is like treated in a sexist way, obviously. But I mean, there was this article in Vox today, I think, that was wondering why she's being, you know, described as like a former model and a political neophyte instead of like a wunderkind or like a very savvy person and I don't think we should describe her that way either I mean is it like can we agree that it's like a savvy thing to join the Trump administration and flame out from it like I don't

think so I think we should if anything we should be like aggressively describing all of his appointees as like out of their element yeah I mean that's fair the uh but but I just want to push you on that so I agree with everything that you're saying but at the same time I do think that she is treated in a way that's different than even a Kellyanne Conway is treated a Sarah Huckabee Sanders is treated certainly different than way of Sean Spicer was treated I mean she's the communications director of the White House. You don't have to believe that she's a savant to say that she deserves to be considered as an adult with agency rather than a vessel for Donald Trump's various, you know, disseminations. Right. I mean, I think it's hard, though, because in one sense, like, I mean, it's hard to know what he's thinking, if he's thinking anything. But in a sense, like, he may have, you know, hired her and kept her around for the short amount of time, which is a long amount of time for him because of her loyalty and her, like, ability to put up with him or whatever. So I think we can recognize that, yes, she's a person with agency. I mean, we'll find out with the investigation, like, just how much agency she did have. At the same time, like, I think we have to recognize that, like,

it's not like people are going to their normal jobs for a normal boss. No, they're definitely not. It's such a, look, I've worked for president in the past. It's not a normal place. It's not a normal place to work when the president is a sophisticated adult. You know, it's a deeply, it's an exciting, high pressure place that's in the news. The people you work with are in the news. It's a strange place to work. I don't know how anyone is showing up at this place every day and being like, what do they

got? What's the soup today? What's the soup at the mess today? Oh, no. Look at all these lawyers. I hope I don't get drawn into the... I'm in it. I'm in it.

I'm deep in it. Patty, Trump has had five different communications directors in only 13 months. Is it impossible to be a successful communications director for Donald Trump? Or do you believe that somebody out there can get it done? You know, I think that as someone who believes in, you know, not settling, I think, you know, just because someone is handed to you and just because you get along fine, that doesn't mean there's a spark. That doesn't mean there's passion there. That doesn't mean there's a real connection. mean there's a spark. That doesn't mean there's passion there. That doesn't mean there's a real connection. And I think what we're seeing him do is take a really amazing, even feminist initiative over his own agency by saying, no, I'm sorry, you are not enough for me. Despite what other people

tell me I should be doing, despite what has been laid out for me, I'm going to follow my own path. And I think that's really powerful and definitely feminist thank you Patty I love Donald Trump and his big ass so cool cool cool cool cool Travelle there's almost a reality show style obviously he's he's going through members of his staff

there's daily chaos in the White House we treat it like a reality show you cover entertainment in many ways what we are seeing is the entertainmentification even to a greater extent than before, of the way the White House is covered. Are we wrong to focus on this way? Do you feel like this is becoming a kind of Hollywood story with actual weapons and actual consequences rather than what happens on a set or in a studio?

I mean, what do you think? Well, you know, I'm reminded, watching all of this foolishness play out in the White House, I'm reminded of the most recent episodeness play out in the White House. I'm reminded of the most recent episode of RuPaul's Drag Race. Right. Where, you know, all of the eliminated queens, they get a chance to come back to the White House. Right. You know, because you just never know what's going to happen with RuPaul's Drag Race. And it's just like that at the White House. You never know what's going to happen.

And so, you know, we've been covering it sort of like it's a reality show because it is because you can leave the White House and go on a reality show. And, you know, Omarosa, in case y'all didn't know who I was talking about. And like, it's, I don't know. But that's what, that's why people were attracted to Donald Trump in the first place. That's why they voted for him because he was a quote-unquote outsider. He had some type of gravitas to him that they felt the other candidates didn't. And he could improve the country and improve the economy because he had all these failed businesses. Because that makes a lot of sense, right?

But yeah, it's just real crazy because you would hope that we would cover the government in a more quote unquote serious way. But we don't seem able to because of the foolishness. Yeah, it's sort of hard to figure out where you're supposed to land. On the one hand, these machinations are important. It matters who surrounds the president. We've seen it have an impact on policy. It matters that C plus Santa Monica fascist Stephen Miller is, you know, falling asleep in meetings about gun violence because he was up late writing whatever manifesto he's been working on. It matters, right? It matters that John Kelly is chief of staff who's supposed to be an adult but happens to also be hardline on this issue. But at the same time, the fundamental problems of the Trump administration flow from Trump. That's what we see when we see steel tariffs being announced on a whim against the advice of a huge portion of his administration.

Because that's who he is. That's what he wants to be. He's impulsive. He has a set of ideas that, you know, hardened in his brain in the 80s and he's going to execute on them. The only new idea he formed was hating Obama. Well, that's it for What A Week. When we come back, OK Stop! Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back!

Now for a segment we call OK Stop. Here's how it works. We roll a clip, and when we feel angry or some other feeling, we say OK Stop, and then we talk about it. Thousands of years ago, deep in the heart of the earth, a small immortal elf was born, and his name was Carter Pitch. Ever since, he's been embroiled in controversy over his connections to foreign governments,

and recently he joined Sean Hannity to talk about it. Let's roll the clip. Your visits to Moscow you would never approach by any Russian in any way shape manner or form. What do you make of the coverage in this country that has been for the last years then? If that's true what you said because you said it under oath and you said it to the House of Representatives. Okay stop. Do y'all see what's happening with his eyebrows? Like, every time he says something, he does this little raise.

It's just like, uh-oh. He's getting closer. I just feel a little protective of him. Like, Carter Page, why are you still going on TV and talking? Like, didn't you take the fifth? Like, maybe keep doing that. Well, it's an exclusive with Fox News, so.

You can't use an exclusive in court. It's exclusive. That's how it works. This can be used on Fox. If it's in federal court, it's not exclusive, is it? Carter knows the law. Let's keep rolling in. In that context, I have to thank you

because you have been the Edward R. Moreau of this whole process. Okay, stop. Just quickly, obviously, it's not Island of Dr. Moreau. It's two different doctors. Edward R. Moreau. I believe that we have fundamentally not gotten, we have not even cracked the surface of what carter page who he is what he's up to this we are still very much on the outside of what propels this human being there

was a fantastic footnote in the in the shift memo i think it was in the footnote you guys saw the shift memo the men the the memo he released because Devin Nunes is a wackadoo. In it, Schiff notes that Carter, it may have even been in the FISA warrant. I don't know where it was, but the point is it's noted that Carter Page gave a commencement address in Russia. And there's a little bit of shade in the text, which says, usually an honor reserved for people who are prominent. in the text which says, usually an honor reserved for people who are prominent.

Can you imagine going to that school and being like, I wonder who my commencement address is going to be given by. It's like, this guy. Why is it a Koopa from the Super Mario Brothers movies in 1992? You know?

That's for so few people. That for that guy you know exactly you know exactly get this guy get carter page of harmonica fucking stat you know the media's gonna love that comment it's been so okay stop the media i mean you're on tv right now i know this is like this is like an old thing but like sean hannity you work News Corp, but you were a member of the mainstream media. Yeah. And also, yeah, the media is going to love you, Sean Hannity, world famous hack being referred to as Edward R. Murrow because Edward R. Murrow's Edward R. Murrow's bones came out of a grave.

Crawl down. I don't know where he was buried, but it was a long way for sure. It wasn't Fifth Avenue, it wasn't at News Corp. Crawled up the side of whatever volcano they make this show out of and said, stop it, don't invoke me. Good night and good luck. Out of control. Going back really a year and a

half now and so you're in your team you know they used to call it the the Murrow boys I mean to dig to dig through and actually get to the bottom of things I mean there's a lot of people has the country been lied to by the media and by Adam Schiff on a regular basis it It's been nonstop, absolutely. Okay, stop. What an interviewer. What a master of his craft. He's so serious with it.

Did you see the glasses? He was punctuating, you know. Does he need to use the glasses? Because they're like, I guess this is how he uses the glasses. They're not real. You know that, right? Okay, let's not.

Look, some people add glasses for a lot of reasons. You know, maybe they have two handsome co-hosts and they feel self-conscious about it and they want to have a slightly different look. You know? Maybe they're glasses for movies and driving at night and why not wear them on stage? Whatever works for you.

Whatever works for you. Some of us are blind. OK. The thing about this, the memo from from Saturday is it's just a continuation of the same game. OK, so real quick, this is not Ed Harris. Patty, no, no. First of all, no, no. This is not Ed Harris. Patty, no. No. First of all, no. No.

This is Carter Page. This is Ed Harris's. Ed Harris looks after Carter Page. You're right about that. I see why you made the connection. He's Ed Harris's ward. Okay. Okay.

They fight crime together at night. Gotcha. I completely understand. He's been playing since the summer of 2016. They have these, it's like Mad Libs on this memo where they have, typically in Mad Libs you have to put in a word. Okay, stop. You take it, you take it. My comment has to deal with, like, I keep looking at him and i keep seeing dobby from harry potter

anybody else okay just check it i was only gonna say that um you know that that saying goes that if you're explaining in politics you're losing i will tell you it works a hundred percent of the time if you're explaining the game mad libs let's keep rolling the clip. It comes out with a crazy saying, but here, you know, it's already these crazy ideas and the ten-page memo, and then whatever's underneath in these blacked-out boxes, I'm sure would even be more

crazy. Yeah. To Amanda's point, why is anyone letting this person go on television? What on earth is going on? What do you think Carter Page thinks he gets out of going? I mean, look, going on Hannity is bad enough. He was going on Chris Hayes.

Chris Hayes. He would go on Chris Hayes again and again, and Chris Hayes would just make him look ridiculous. But it's fun, though. It's like, why am I here? You know what I mean? You mean like here at Love It or Leave It? Yeah, like here at Love It or Leave It. Well,'s fun, though. It's like, why am I here? You know what I mean? You mean like here at Love It or Leave It? Yeah, like here at Love It or Leave It.

Well, you're not under, I assume you're not here despite several ongoing federal investigations into your relations with a foreign power. I don't think. I mean. That we know. No.

I just have to say also that maybe be more open to the experiences of other people. Maybe some of us weren't so ready to watch Dobby die. When he did die, he does die. Dobby dies. And some of us weren't ready for that. So maybe we need kind of like you know a buffer we need to see what he would have looked like if if he was able to grow up

Dobby dies who are you talking about? Hmm? What? Huh? Thank you, Patty. When we come back, a new game. Don't go anywhere.

This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! Earlier this week, Trump sat down with a bipartisan group of senators and members of Congress to talk about what can be done about gun violence. Democrats were ready for a long meeting, but were surprised to discover he literally agreed to every single one of their proposals, even an assault weapon ban. But then,

less than 24 hours later, the NRA met with Trump and they declared he had walked back his embrace of gun control. This keeps happening. Trump loves to tell people what they want to hear, and because he has no positions, he ends up all over the map. So we thought we would play a game in chief. Would anyone out there like to play the game? Hi. Hi. What's your name? Maddie.

Maddie. Yes. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Where are you from? I'm from here. I actually talked to you at the other show

because I thought you lived by me. I thought you might have been my neighbor because I'd seen you before because I live right next to Magnolia Bakery. So,

and then I came up to you and I was like, do we live near each other? And then you said no, but then I was like, but where does he live? Hi, Maddie. Hi. Nice to see you again. It's been a long time. Here's how it works.

I'm going to read you a question, and our panelists will read you multiple choice answers, and it'll be your job to suss out what actually happened as Trump changed his position. Okay. And beneath your chairs, guys, panel, you have your cards with your various clues. We're allowed to look at them?

Yeah. No, it's a secret. It's a secret. Yes, Patty. Mine were printed upside down. So what's going on with your show, right? Thank you, Patty. Maddie. Yes.

Just so you know. Yes. I'm not going home from here. Okay. Okay. Question number one. At a televised discussion with bipartisan Congress people, Donald Trump was asked if he supported a clean DACA bill

to protect young immigrants. And he responded, quote, I have no problem with that. We are going to do DACA and then we can start immediately on the phase two, which would be comprehensive immigration. End quote.

What happened next? Was it A? Trump immediately screamed, Si se puede! And ripped off his suit to reveal a t-shirt reading, Ice out of L.A. Was it B? Marco Rubio fell down through a vent in the ceiling of the cabinet room

after being tricked by Ted Cruz into believing that Trump only won the election because he found the key Benjamin Franklin used to discover lightning, which is, of course, the secret token by which the Illuminati anoint every single American president. Good option, or was it C? Trump was reminded of his position by Kevin McCarthy and then backpedaled completely, and he still has done nothing to solve the DACA problem he created, even though the deadline is about to expire. has done nothing to solve the DACA problem he created, even though the deadline is about to expire.

Well, I feel like B is the plot to National Treasure 3, but I'm going to have to go with C. You got it. Maddie, you're one for one. Question number two. Earlier this week, when trying to console a grieving nation, Trump said he would have run into the Parkland school to attempt to stop the shooting. During a previous interview with Howard Stern, he told which of these anecdotes was it A? So what happens is this guy falls off right on his face, hits his head, and I thought he died.

And you know what I did? I said, oh my God, that's disgusting. And I turned and ran away. Was it B? People who run are idiots. Marathons, 5Ks. Where are they going? They're just running around on the street for fun. You couldn't catch me dead running anywhere.

Or was it C? I would never help anyone in an emergency if it put me in the slightest bit of jeopardy, especially if I had to go upstairs. I hate stairs. I'm gonna have to go with A. You got it right! Question number three. In September,

Donald Trump had a dinner with Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi. Afterwards, Chuck Schumer announced they had agreed to a deal that protected Dreamers and boosted border security without funding the border wall. What happened next? Was it A, Trump locked the door to his residency and refused to come out until Chuck and Nancy apologized for being better at making deals than him? Was it B?

Republicans panicked, reminded Trump of his position on the issues, and Trump backed out of the deal, claiming it never even happened. Was it C? Trump stuck to his guns and he did the right thing, despite the protests of his chief of staff and anti-immigrant advisors. Or was it D? Steve Bannon baked a copy of Ann Coulter's anti-immigration book into a chocolate layer cake and snuck it into the White House.

Trump ate the cake and found the book, but he did not read it. The cake made him thirsty, and when he went downstairs to grab a Diet Coke, the movie White House Down was on the television. And thinking it was real, Trump ran upstairs screaming for help, at which point Melania came out of her separate bedroom and yelled for Donald to be quiet because Barron had school in the morning, which made him angry at her and by proxy all immigrants, thereby causing him to reverse his position. While I don't feel like D is out of the question, I would go with B. No, it was A.

Oh, I think I mixed up all of the ones in my head, because it was by that time, but yeah. It was the one about seeing somebody get bloody in one way. That was the one, sorry. That was the answer, not the 5K. It could have been the 5K, Maddie. It could have been, but it wasn't. You know what, Maddie?

Don't even worry about it. You've won Pandora and Cheap. There is a parachute gift card with Maddie's name on it. Thank you for playing. Thank you. When we come back, a very exciting new segment. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back. A USA Today Suffolk poll came out this week, and someone at CN noted something very surprising about it. According to the poll, there is one Republican woman in the Midwest of the United States who has never heard of Donald Trump. A Republican person in the middle of the country has never heard of Donald Trump. Well, I have some very exciting news. We have obtained the audio of that call between a pollster and the one woman in the Midwest who has never heard of Donald Trump.

Let's roll it. Good afternoon. This is Beverly. Hi, Beverly. I'm calling from Suffolk University in USA Today to conduct a poll. Do you have a moment to talk? Ooh, of course I have time for a poll. Oh my, I wouldn't miss this for the world. Can I tell you something? I'm one of those people who answers the phone and has 15 minutes to answer questions with absolutely no upside for me personally.

Wonderful. So I'm just going to ask you a few questions about different political figures and you just have to tell me how you feel about them. Ugh, this is perfect for me. I love answering questions. Woo, okay. Here is perfect for me. I love answering questions. Woo! Okay. Here we go.

Shoot. Do you consider yourself a Democrat or a Republican? Republican, for sure. Okay. Okay. Are you between the ages of 18 and 34, 35 and 49? Yep, yep. Yeah, that's the one.

That's the one. I am proudly between the age 35 and 49. Hey, ask me a hard one, pal. All right. Okay. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being awful and 10 being fantastic, how do you feel about Donald Trump's current job performance?

Ma'am, I'm sorry, are you there? I'm sorry. Do you mind, um, do you mind saying that name again? Donald Trump. Oh, the fellow from Hunger Games. Oh, yes. Ten. Fantastic.

Ten. Are you talking about Donald Sutherland? Yes. Yes, ten. Fantastic. Ten. Are you talking about Donald Sutherland? Yes. Yes, ten. Fantastic. Body snatchers? Hello. Does this thing actually go up to 11? He's great.

No, ma'am. I'm sorry. I'm asking for your opinion on Donald Trump. President Donald Trump. Ooh, President what? Of the United States. You're pulling my leg. Come on. I know the presidents.

It goes, sex guy, war guy, black guy. Then Trump. We have a president here in America and his name is Daniel Drum? Donald Trump. Donald Trump, the president. Donald Trump. You know the name

Donald Trump. You've heard the name. Donald Trump. You know the name Donald Trump. You've heard the name. Donald Trump. Amazing. What is he like? I don't understand. You've never, you don't know anything. You've never heard of Donald Trump. Well, you've said it, so I've heard it. Do you mind if I, I just have, I have questions.

And I love questions. Where do you get your news? Well, ever heard of a thing called the internet? Have you? Yes. So have I. And you use the internet. I use the internet.

I surf it. I explore. What do you like to look at on the internet when you're checking out the internet? I'll tell you what I like. Smiling faces. I like compilations of news bloopers, but not the mean ones. The ones where they're laughing so hard they can barely keep their straight faces

or faces straight. Do you talk to your friends about the news at all? I had friends. Are you happy, Beverly? This is a good life, okay? I'm living the life that I chose. I am a Republican, and that serves me well in my community. Okay. I'm really, I guess, you know. Where do you live? I don't, that's, no, you don't ask me questions. A lot of people ask me where I live, and I don't tell them. I'm sorry.

Let me... Can I explain? Have you ever heard of a game called Mad Libs? Now that's a good time. Beverly, I'm a bit out of sorts. I apologize. I've been unprofessional. I'm sorry if I ever raised my voice.

This is the best conversation I've had in a long time. There's something here. But there's something here. That you feel? Yeah. Can I tell you something? I feel it too. Do you mind if I ask you one final question?

Yes, of course ask me a question. Anything. Who did you vote for in the 2016 election? Oh, whoever ran against Hillary. I mean, those emails. Ooh!

End scene. End scene. Guys, you know her as Gemma on Broad City and Janet, who is not a robot on The Good Place Give it up for the incredibly funny Darcy Carden for joining us

Let's get Darcy an Oscar Thank you Guys that was incredible Darcy's amazing When we come back an Oscars game Don't go anywhere This is Love It or Leave It and there's more on the way When we come back, an Oscars game. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way.

And we're back. The Oscars are this Sunday, and whenever a big event like this happens, inevitably someone reminds us it's a distraction from our resisting. Everything's a distraction from resisting. Do not have fun. No fun for people in the resistance. But even though the Oscars are yet another distraction from our non-stop resisting, we have a game that will help you enjoy both the Oscars while keeping you engaged on the issues of the day. Let's play Best Picture, Worst President. We need somebody out there to play the game.

It is a lightning round game. I will tell you it will help you to be a movie buff. Think about it. Hi, what's your name? No, we're going to cut some of you. I'm Zizzy. Zizzy. Yeah.

Here's how the game works. I'm going to ask you a question, and the answer has to be a movie that has been nominated for Best Picture, mostly in the past few years. But not all. So all the answers to these questions will be Best Picture nominees. Okay?

Are we ready for the lightning round? It's going to come fast and furiously. Gotcha. Not a nominee. I wish. What did John Kelly say to Jared Kushner this week? Oh God. He said, get out. Gotta move fast, Izzy. I see. What did Melania call her dinner with Donald last night? It's the darkest hour. Okay. According to Donald Trump, who is the biggest enemy of the American people? Someone help her.

The Post. I see. We're going to give you the... Okay, thank you. Thank you. What's the one thing that could have made Trump a better president? Three billboards. No. Not three billboards.

It's an education. What's the name of Melania's forthcoming memoir? Lady Bird. No, it's definitely harsher than Lady Bird. Not Get Out. Not Spot. It's 12 Years a Slave.

It's what it says. It says it. It says it. I don't know. It says it on the card. When Donald Trump's father wrote his son a check to start a business, who did he make it out to? Think about. I'm going to help you with this one.

OK. Think about... I'm going to help you with this one. Okay. I want you to think about the star of the movie who was also in the movie Boys Don't Cry. Okay. Millie Dalton! Millie Dalton, yes!

Excuse me, give me a chance. What's on Trump's tax returns? What kind of figures? Hidden figures. Thank you. He's getting mean. Oh, no. Where does Tiffany Trump rarely find herself?

Out of Africa. The spotlight? Yes! Thank you. The spotlight? Yes! What form do Marco Rubio's principles take? The shape of water?

Yes! Hey, I didn't hear that! You got it, she got it, Lizzie got it. I got that. And finally, if you want your hair to look like Donald Trump's,

what do you ask for at the salon? Phantom thread? Yes. Guys, give it up for Zizzy who won the game. When we come back, the rant wheel.

And we're back. Now for a segment we call the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We rant about the topic at hand. This week on the rant wheel, we have the Las Vegas trans bar violence. We have fancy sinks.

I don't know. Ivanka Trump scolding the Today Show. Woke Capitol. Stacey Dash, Ben Carson's $31,000 table, Omarosa, and an Oscar rant free-for-all. Everybody can just have at it.

Let's spin the wheel. It's a wheel. Travelle, it's a wheel. It has landed on the Las Vegas trans bar. Travelle, this was something you were exercised about. I was interested to hear what you had to say. Wow. So for those of you who don't know,

there was a shooting in Las Vegas at a bar that primarily serves trans people. You haven't heard about it because there's been no media coverage on it. in Las Vegas at a bar that primarily serves trans people. You haven't heard about it because there's been no media coverage on it. So that's problem number one. There's been a lot of shootings, there's been a lot of foolishness going on, but I think this is just one situation that shows how much more we need to show up

for trans people in particular. Yes, you clap for that okay trans people have to deal with all the bullshit can i say bullshit yeah okay trans people have to do with all deal with all these motherfucking bullshit in this motherfucking country right the motherfucking president don't want them serving in the military i don't know about you but i don't want to be in the military so if they want to be in the military why can't they be in the military okay but okay when it comes to this trans bar shooting, so the Las Vegas police, they're like, oh, we don't know if it's, like, hate-oriented yet.

Like, we need to investigate, but we're not really going to investigate because we don't really care about trans people, right? But they're not going to say that, but that's what they really feel, right? And so we just all just need to do better. You need to look within yourselves. You need to figure out how transphobic you are, right? But they're not going to say that, but that's what they really feel, right? And so we just all just need to do better. You need to look within yourselves. You need to figure out how transphobic you are, right? Because we all got problems, right? You always think like, ooh, she look like a man. That's a problem, right? Okay? Decolonize and deorient yourselves about what a woman looks like, what a man looks like, okay? And figure out how you can show up for these people. You want to be out here on these front lines

of these Black Lives Matter protests and stuff like that? Also stand up for trans people. Let's spin it again. It has landed on woke capital, a suggestion, not for a hedge fund name, but for something Amanda is bothered by. Yeah.

So woke capital is actually a phrase that was coined by my colleague, Ross Douthat, who is the fucking goat, actually. I think he's like a great columnist. Fight me. And I love when Ross and I agree, and we agreed on his recent column,

which was about companies like Delta coming out and saying that they weren't going to take, they weren't going to give a discount to NRA members anymore, which, A, a like there's nothing wrong with it but it's a little bit dystopian that our corporations are more responsive to voters than politicians are like i think this is like a bad thing for our country but be like am i supposed to give you points because you no longer have a discount to the NRA like all that tells me is that like two days ago you were giving a

discount to people who were in the NRA like can I get a discount for not being in the NRA now that's what I want yeah it was uh yeah there is something dystopian about it and all the kind of performative outrage right apparently it

turns out that i believe the discount was taken advantage of 13 times uh which is like good for those people i guess like getting their money but yeah i mean get any money out of these airlines that you can you know it's not fake outrage though it's real outrage. Counterpoint. I am actually very outraged and if even one more discount gets taken away from the NRA I will cancel my membership because I joined the NRA

for the perks and I bought my anti-tank rifle so that I could get 15% off domestic flight. I think we just need to be really more respectful of the spectrum of political ideology that's on stage. Be respectful to me. Thank you, Patty. That's the...

Let's spin it again. Oscar's free for all. Anybody can take it. I'll start. You know what the best picture of the year is? A lot of great movies. A lot of great movies out there. Not a denigration to any of the nominees. Florida Projects.

The Florida Projects is a fantastic film. Only nomination for Willem Dafoe. He should get it. He was fantastic. Tough but vulnerable. Cared about those kids. Did the best he could in a system that pits people against each other.

The Florida Project, none of you people saw it. Fantastic film. Really killed themselves with the title, I think. The Florida Project. It puts two things you're not super excited about seeing in a film together. Florida and a project. They both sound like a lot of work.

I completely disagree with you. I thought it was a trash film, personally. And, I mean, Willem in it is fine, but the movie in and of itself, I mean, it's beautiful. It's shot wonderfully. Sean Baker did a great job but the actual movie itself it's like I don't know I wasn't moved at all the little girl everybody loves the little girl

I found her to be tired I wasn't and Sean Baker usually does a great job getting you know energy and talent from you know new, but that one he could have kept. What happened to your, did they replace your beating heart with a pumice stone or some other hard volcanic rock that stopped you from weeping at the end of that magnificent film.

Don't answer it. Who cares what you have to say? This isn't a Q&A. You're wrong about the Florida Projects. Patty, anything about the Oscars? Because I don't want to hear anything more out of Travelle. I did not. I haven't want to hear anything more out of Travelle I did not I don't

I haven't actually watched a lot of the movies that are up for the Oscars because I have lost a lot of interest in the Oscars award shows are kind of bad they're just like

systemically racist and they're facts thank you thank you yeah it's just hard. It's hard for me to stomach it anymore. Yeah, I have thoughts.

I'm not just Trump-ass jokes, even though I love Trump says. Travelle, do you have any other non-Florida Project-related Oscar issues you'd like to raise? Well, I would just like to say that because of the bullshit that happened with the envelope gate, with the Moonlight situation, I think that they should give Moonlight and its producers and its director the real chance and the real energy that it deserves because they fucked it up.

And so now no one even cares that Moonlight won and it was like so historic that the fact that it won and so they should start the show by giving them their Oscar and giving them the appropriate attention. I saw that they were going to have Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway present Best Picture again. That's a classic like stunt queen move. It's like you want people because you're like, oh my God, are they going to fuck up again? again let me tune in don't nobody want them back well but i i thought let

moonlight present the next you know come out have a moment something something i'm sure they're gonna do something let's spin it one more time It has landed on Ben Carson's $31,000 table. Or dinette set. Well, I don't know. And did he get the camper too? I don't know what the showdown was over. I don't know how much of it... Was it the one with the camper or the one with the Dodge Geo?

Ben Carson and his $31,000 dinette set. Obviously ridiculous. I want to make one ultimately side point about it, which is ending up spending $31,000 on furniture that ugly is yet another consequence of the anti-gay agenda of this administration. Because no gay person got within 500 feet of the procurement form that got that fucking ugly ass armoire and table and chairs and whatever the hell over to that building at HUD. I designed that table.

Please apologize. I demand it. Well, shit. Patty. This is a tough one, right? Because I didn't know you designed the table. Not many people do. And I didn't set out to be hurtful,

which is going to make my apology quite hollow because I clearly meant it, right? I didn't say it in anger. Yeah. Like, usually if you say something in anger, you say, I'm sorry, I was just being hurtful. But I wasn't. I really think you did a shitty job

on that dinette set. I also don't understand what kind of dining Ben Carson is doing at HUD. He's not working late hours. Like, what's he doing? He's burning the midnight oil? Well, see, the thing is, is that I had to talk him down from the other table because actually the table he wanted to buy was $3 million. And it was a 40-foot long table that was covered with pornographic images of the green eminem uh because she's so

sexy and then i said this might be a controversial buy so it's like maybe scale it down so he actually made a very uh restrained choice a lot of self-restraint. So maybe, you know, consider. Thank you, Patty. Okay. We're going to leave it there. I want to thank this incredible panel. Guys, give it up for Patty Harrison, Amanda Hess, Travelle Anderson, Darcy Carden.

Thank you guys all for coming out. Sign up for the newsletter, Crooked.com. Have a great night. Respect the compost act Rub it, believe it, it's rubbing, believe it