Lovett or Leave It - He Can’t Say Anything to Your Face

Episode Date: October 21, 2017

Trump drags the country into a cruel debate. Women post their stories of sexual harassment. And Crooked Media obtains a leaked White House memo. Jenny Slate, Zoe Lister-Jones, and Jenny Yang join Jon to break down the week. Plus a dramatic reading and a much-needed counterpoint in defense of the Avatar sequels.

What up guys? Hey Elijah. You getting some good content? He knows it. I know it. So, housekeeping before we begin. November 3rd at the Anthem in D.C. There are still a few tickets left. Great news.

The Beacon shows in New York are both sold out and you can't get tickets. I'm sorry, great news for me. You can get merch on the website now, crooked.com. I am very excited about our panel tonight. She is a writer, actress, and producer of Bandit and star of the CBS show Life in Pieces. Please welcome Zoe Lister-Jones. She is a former labor organizer turned stand-up comedian, a writer and actor. She produces the Disoriented Comedy Tour and the Comedy Central Festival. Please welcome Jenny Yang.

And she is an actress, comedian, voice and co-creator of Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, recently starred in Landline, which is now on iTunes. Please welcome Jenny Slate. Hi, Jenny. Hi, hi. So, we have two Jennys on the panel. Yes, yeah.

Should I just... It's more for the home audience. I'm thinking Yang and Slate or just Jenny and Jenny? Jenny Y and Jenny S, like homeroom? I mean, we both kind of have a little bit of that raspiness, so I don't know if they're going to be able to tell. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I don't sound like a cartoon turtle.

No one will be able to tell. Let's get into it. What a week. So we had to start out with something that was just like a shitty, depressing, dark, fucked up, bullshit story that occupied us for the entire week. And it starts out with something that's obviously sad

and tragic, which is that four U.S. soldiers lost their lives in Niger. Trump was asked why he hadn't commented 12 days after the ambush, and he said, the traditional way, if you look at President Obama and the other presidents, Trump said, most of them didn't make calls. A lot of them didn't make calls. I like to call when it's appropriate, when I think I'm able to do it. That is not true. to do it. That is not true. So he sets this all off with a lie, and of course he can't let it go. And then there's all these questions as to whether Trump had called people. On Monday, Trump called the widow of Sergeant LaDavid Johnson. Congresswoman Frederica Wilson,

who was close to the family, sat in on the call on speakerphone. She was in the car. who was close to the family sat in on the call on speakerphone. She was in the car. She said that Trump told Johnson, she said that Trump told her her son knew what he signed up for. Since then, Trump denied the remarks and said it's totally fabricated, that he has proof that it didn't happen. We can go through all the details of this. He dragged his chief of staff, John Kelly, General John Kelly, whose own son was killed in Afghanistan and said that President Obama hadn't called General Kelly. In fact, General Kelly had been invited to the White House. It has been days of this story. Just before we came out on stage, there was a report that said that there's Pentagon documents that contradict Trump's Gold Star claims. Not only had he not been calling all the families, the White House did not even have an up-to-date list of those who

had been killed. Anyway, I don't know what's to say about, what do you do when the president drags the whole country into an absolutely disgusting debate for a week. I mean, what are we supposed to do? The thing that first happens to me is like, I start to compare it to a personal relationship because it feels so personal. First of all, because it's just unprofessional and unheard of for a political figure, let alone the President of the United States,

to behave this way. Just literally to not be up to date, to not know how to do your job or have any sort of structure within your administration to just get it done. Like, I would love it if he just were like, I don't know, everyone do my job for me. He hasn't even been able to find those people. So that's just, like, super terrifying and, like, you know, what a pig.

Like, what an oinker. What a terrible pig. But the other thing is, and this is just how I exist, I guess, is that it feels so personal to me. It feels like being in a relationship where you're just so worn down and abused that you lose your faith. In a relationship where like. You're just so worn down. And abused. That you lose your faith. And so my reaction this week is like.

To try. I don't mean a secular faith. Like you know. I'm clearly a Jewish person. I own all the bagels in the United States. But. But it's about. Personal faith. And like faith as an American person you think your leaders are just like gonna

have that nobility understand what's sacred and when that's not there you can't see it you have to start to like find it and put it out but like remember when women were sacred god I just want someone to keep me sacred to those days god i would just love it like when john kelly was born

when women were sacred what is the women are sacred thing what is that what is that we're the most valuable possessions you can have control us we're too horny. Watch out. I agree with everything that Jenny said, and I own half of the bagels. That's right. Sorry. So I just wanted to... Silent partner. Fact check that.

Actually, how many bagels do you own? I have a lot of bagels. You have a lot of... You'll have a lot of bagels, too. I don't know how the equity shook out in the negotiation, but I got a lot of bagels. Listen, I own all the bagels. They're phenomenal bagels. I own the most bagels that there are, and anyone who says that I don't, they're lying.

John lied about all the bagels that there ever were. I don't have any of them. It's fine. Yang has no bagels. No, no bagels. I was going to say, though, that, you know, I think, like, just how deeply racist our president is just becomes, like, so painfully more and more apparent.

Like, when you're like, oh, he can't be any more racist, then, like, some more shit happens. You're like, he's more racist? And I feel like this this the tragedy of this um situation is like especially in the wake of the whole nfl debacle where you know he's his racism is so clearly driving his agenda in trying to silence these players acts of of patriotic dissent and to try and you know have justice served in a system that has completely tragically underserved black people in this country that then he's he's like not actually

calling the family of a fallen black soldier and when he does so that he can tweet about all of his other racist shit having to do the nfl. And then when he does, he's so deeply disrespectful to our military, which is what he's accusing the black football players of being when they are in fact being so respectful of what this country stands for that they actually want to fix it. And he is in the midst of destroying it head to tail. So happy Friday. Good Shabbos.

What a week. Can we talk about, though, the fact that Donald Trump is the last person anyone would want to be calling you in your lowest time of need? That's just what boggles my mind. That, like, the most basic human ability to empathize and console somebody is not even existing in this freaking presidential, you know, his little toolkit, you know? Like, he literally said to them, sorry, your son signed up to be a soldier. It was almost like he was asking for it. That's basically

what he said. I think it is possible. I think this is like, it's similar to what happened in Puerto Rico, which is, there's plenty of times where he goes out of his way to be a racist prick. This might not be one of those times.

I think that this is more a case of a person who is broken and has never really been able to properly empathize with another person who he treats as, you know, tools in his various little schemes because he's, you know, a deeply fucked up person. And so in his effort to be consoling, he was inappropriate and disrespectful and coarse. And the fact that this congressperson was in earshot and then talked about it set off this firestorm. Now, a better person in that job, a person with some modicum of respect who sees the damage that is done when you draw the country into this kind of

a puerile debate for a week would say something like, I am so sorry for the loss of this family. I was calling to express my condolences. If in any way that I did that inappropriately, I obviously meant no harm. This person gave the ultimate sacrifice. This family has lost a loved one. My heart breaks for them. And if there's something I could have done better, I will learn from this. And now on to cutting taxes for billionaires. That could have been what a reasonable

adult would have done. But of course, we don't have one of those. We have this animal. Well, I had this thought that that like trump was secretly trying to to drum up all of this controversy over the nfl taking a knee you know uh scandal in order to distract from the military fuck up in niger because that's still there's so many question marks about what actually happened and why these soldiers were killed is it Niger or Niger? I think it's Niger but you said Niger and

it's your show so I was like oh I'll just do what he does but it's Niger but that I thought oh like is this because that's always the question with Trump is like is he just so like a dumb big toddler who's just like knocking things over because he

still doesn't know how to walk or is this like the art of the deal which I know he didn't actually write but like that's his brand and is this just spin in order to distract from the things that he's actually doing behind the scenes I still don't have an answer I think he is just the

toddler that is knocking things over. But the questions remain around what actually happened. And it's, I think, of great importance that we find out. Right, yes. At the root of this are four dead Americans, and not to mention all the other serious policy issues being debated and not discussed on the news because we're totally preoccupied by this, whether it's tax reform or the president sabotaging the health care system and all the rest.

And also the entire country has been in the midst of, I think, a pretty profound debate about sexual assault and a culture of silence around predators. So I did want to move on to that. So obviously there's been these revelations about Weinstein, but in the wake of that there's been this outpouring of women and men sharing stories. And one thing that happened this week was a Me Too campaign, people sharing their stories online.

What did you guys make of that do you think that this is actually is this a big shift is this represented represent something fundamentally new what do you think i think it does i think um i mean first of all i noticed that i was like wow i know the statistics this is something i really care about um and i still and i'm a pretty like hopeful person i'm a natural optimist and i realized that i was so worn down by just the relentless silencing um of women in our society that i just was like kind of sure that nothing major would happen um and the me Too thing is, I think, really important just because of the number of people that there are and because every person's story is incredibly important to them,

and most of them have been completely just put the lid on that, including my own Me Too experience. That's just what you live with so I do think it's I do think it's different we have a long way to go obviously but I felt something this week that I have not felt before and I felt a solidarity and a pride and I also was very interested in the number of dudes that I know who were starting to ask questions about how they are complicit in a misogynist culture that has a devout belief in what it means to be a man and what it means to be like you must be impenetrable you must not be vulnerable

like all the women hold the emotions and you know and we fight each other and then someone gets to the top and that's the system and and like you see now that it I mean you see always but like it hurts us and uh I think the different types of pain that are being shown are really really important I don't know it feels at once like really good and really bad. I would say that it's nice to know you're not alone always. And it's nice to know when people can chime in online, people you don't even know, maybe even friends that you know on Twitter publicly, that they believe you. Right? I believe you and I hear you and you're not alone. That's all any survivor wants to hear.

Right? And that's like sadly a majority of us and so for us to take to social media in order to express this what's really powerful is that that we are undeniable now if that makes any sense like the way that the Harvey Weinstein you know scandal broke the way that the repercussions came down hard and fast the fact that on social media we have this groundswell of voices saying, that is us, that is me.

I've experienced a Harvey Weinstein. It blew my mind. I mean, I feel like this week and these couple weeks will forever shift the way that we do our business. Because entertainment, we are in workplaces as much as it's all fun and, hey, look at us, we're being wacky. But this is a workplace you

know and and this is because entertainment has a public platform because these are stars we get to look inside the workplace rights and issues of being in entertainment and hopefully that'll help affect other industries yeah i was gonna say is this your first all-female panel i'm sorry to ask that question it is not oh. Oh, sorry. Hey! Oh, did you see that? People at home, you didn't see John do a little neck roll? I got a side eye, and I'm sorry that I've listened to every single podcast. I'm an acquaintance of the pod.

I might not be a full friend. But... No, I also felt a profound shift in the last couple weeks, But... No. No, I also felt a profound shift in the last couple weeks, and I think that there's, like, something to say about, like, the microaggressions that women face on a daily basis. Yes.

That there was something that, like, the Me Too hashtag and just all of these women sharing their stories even before the hashtag began that allowed us all to to sort of give ourselves permission to stop excusing that behavior which I don't think we had done previously because I think for so long um thank you I think for so long you know and I continue to even in the wake of Harvey Weinstein, I will have something happen to me on set and laugh it off because I don't want to be seen as someone who can't hang with the boys or as someone who is problematic or on her period, all of the things that women have been accused of when we attempt to set a boundary or say that's not okay. And I'm a person who thinks of myself as very confident generally and outspoken and was raised by a feminist. And I still find myself so silent on a daily basis. And so I think that while it felt like this profound shift, I think there's also like a lot of sadness that comes with it that because I think we all realize quite how terrified we

still continue to be in a society that deems itself, you know, kind of incredibly progressive when it comes to how far we've come with women's rights. I think there's so much further that we have to go, and a lot of that starts with our male allies to, I think, speak up for us in those situations because I think their voices will often be heard before ours will. And I think we were talking about this in the green room, too. There's a hashtag that has started, like, him though, and there's all these kind of responses to the Me Too hashtag,

which are kind of about like men taking this opportunity to self-reflect and to see when you might have been complicit in in this kind of behavior because I think like the term rape culture is like it's important but it also like allows for men to be like but I would never rape somebody I'm not a rapist and I'm not a rapist. And I think it's so important to look at how many shades of gray there are. If you were in seventh grade and kind of pushed a girl's head a little bit

towards your crotch because you really wanted a blowjob, which how many guys have done that, right? But that is rape culture. And so I think it is really like taking a hard look in the mirror or even just like on a daily basis just being like you know walking like on a set I'll have someone being like close to my butt and being like I'm not gonna make a sexual innuendo that's rape

culture you know like these like really little things that you wouldn't think would be because we all can hang like I think it's important to start really drawing a line in the sand you know what else is is weird about it for me is that like the thing that makes it the hardest but also the thing that somehow makes it the blurriest is that it's a is that it's a human issue and so like I think for me when I went I went through a sexual harassment thing at work I I was kind of like but uh but it it's not cut and dry you know like I I feel responsible I'm scared I'm um and I that's not the way I feel about myself I'm like I'm a feminist and and I like myself and I'm confident and I know I'm a kind person and I kind of know this isn't my

fault but my whole feelings don't match up because I'm unable to somehow admit to myself that this is abuse you know and that's like what the abuse does you know but it's just so blurry and I remember thinking like me that's that's not really what's happening to me right and just being like I'm afraid to say anything because what what if I don't understand my experience and then it's proved that I caused it? I mean, and like all of this weird timid stuff. Yeah, we're like, weirdly part of the culture is that like, if it is what it is, it must, it's got to be someone grabbing your pussy. You know, it's got to be someone saying like, I'd love to see you. I'd love to have sex with you you know rather than super direct

yeah like your gross boss being like come on just like give me a hug I just want to like feel your cute little body against me you know like I heard Jewish girls like love sex you know and you're like is that just a bad joke or is that whatever and it's so blurry that like it's just all so blurry and you never want to be the person uh that made a spectacle of yourself which is a crazy thing because by the way my career is making a spectacle of myself i do want to make a spectacle of myself you often make a scene that's right i right. I like to just underscore an implication to all of this, which is if you think about how pervasive all of these little paper cuts of microaggressions, of sexism, of abuse, and you add it up to a super predator

like a Harvey Weinstein. Or a Donald Trump. Or a Donald Trump. If you add this all up, remember, this is completely connected to all of our issues of representation of women and people of color and queer folks in media and entertainment. It's all connected. It blows my mind how this is exactly why in the pipeline of how talent develops

from the ground up to becoming these amazing people, right, that any measure of power in the comedy scene, in entertainment or media, whether you run a coach improv team, whether you run a comedy club, all of those levels, people will abuse their power. And I think what I've heard during this last week, too, is people at all levels, whether you are an Angelina Jolie Or you're someone who's just trying to get your reps in doing open mics These types of men mostly will abuse their power And that's what causes a lot of women to shriek to shirk away and say this is not a comfortable thing

I don't think this is the the space for me to develop and become a comedian or an actor This is what happens. This is literally what happens. I'm on tons of private, secret Facebook groups of women who've been sharing these things, and it's the reality. This is why there's a representation problem. Yeah. No, I'm really glad.

Even sitting here, you know, look, I often feel like as a gay guy that I feel like I'm observing straightness, men and women, like Sir Richard Attenborough or something. tolerant society about gay people you get access in a way that a straight guy or a straight woman doesn't in that I think that like I can spend time with straight guys and I can be one of them because they're tolerant right they're not prejudiced so I'm just a guy and then you can spend time with women and feel like you're you know you're sort of part

of that club and you have a little bit more access because you're not you're sort of you're outside of the whatever the male female sort of sexual thing whatever it is that i just don't understand it doesn't make sense you should date each other it's the thing where you're so different i forget that man like i'll often try to set up my straight guy friends with another straight guy because like you have so much in common like why on earth? Like it doesn't make, the thing you do makes no sense. Just think about it logically. Who do you go to Star Wars with? You know? I feel like I've

just learned a lot just even in this conversation but over the past few weeks of all these kinds of stories because I just didn't know I wasn't privy to it because it is something like an open secret and because it is something that people have held private both the people that commit these acts because they know that it's shameful and they know that there will be

consequences and the people to whom it's done who feel like they don't have the ability to come forward so anyway I'm glad we're talking about it. I think it's really important. And as an Asian-American woman who's very connected to the Asian-American arts and media entertainment community, I personally have struggled with sharing about a Me Too experience of mine

of a prominent indie Asian-American director. So this is what happens when then you are there for also a woman and maybe in another sub-community. i have all of these thoughts racing like we're already so small as a community and we want to represent asian americans and this person has some accomplishment and will that affect how people view me because they're gonna feel like i'm gonna be betraying asian americans because i'm like calling out someone who's like an accomplished indie director. Right, like you should just sacrifice yourself. Kind of, yeah. Yeah, that's really... So that's, so I just wanted to share that because that's also what's going on with women of color and other folks who, you know, fall into all

of these different intersections and I, it's, it's really frustrating. So obviously I'm not even saying this person's name because I'm still thinking about it. And that is to, I think like so many women have come out and said outside of the Harvey Weinstein thing, like a prominent producer did this to me or a prominent director assaulted me, but we're not naming names still. And I think that is what's so indicative of like the Harvey Weinstein thing he went down

in flames because a few women were able to name him and then it's it's taken weeks I mean Lupita Nyong'o like just came out you know it's like it's still just like this trickling like I think I have the courage to do this but we're still not naming the names of these hundreds of other sexual predators who are destroying women's lives, not only in our industry, but in every industry, sadly. And I guess that's my question, is when do we start naming those names? Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Now for a new game. It's called The Jokes on Euphemism. Oh. You guys like it. Here's how it works. This week, Crooked.com's editor-in-chief,

Brian Boitler, got his hands on a leaked memo from the White House, and I highly recommend you go to Crooked.com and read his write-up because Crooked Media broke some news. Not a big deal.

Not a big deal. But this was a document from policy aides laying out their policy priorities for the budget. There was a bunch of crazy shit in there, but it was often shrouded in euphemism, in sanitized terms, especially around women's

health. And so we are going to play a game. It is a quiz. Someone in the audience, you are going to play. I am going to tell you one of the euphemisms from the policy document, and then we are going to read three possible explanations for what that euphemism could mean. It's your job to pick which is true and which are made up. Would anyone like to play the jokes on euphemism?

I have to say, I really want to come to the front row because he's got a repeal and go fuck yourself shirt. And I really enjoyed the way he asked to be called on. What's your name? I'm Nate. Hi, Nate. Always talking to the mic. Where are you from, Nate?

Originally from Dallas. I go to school here in Orange. Are you ready to play the game? As ready as I'll ever be. So I'm going to read you the euphemism, and then each of our panelists will offer you an explanation. Question number one. White House policy aides in sections related to women's health and pregnancy

repeatedly recommend funding programs that promote something called fertility awareness. It is your job to determine which of these three answers is what fertility awareness describes. Zoe will kick us off. Option A. A famously ineffective means of birth control, commonly known as the rhythm method, which has been found to fail couples a quarter of the time.

Option B. An app parents place on their teenagers' phones that prevents them from sexting. Jenny Slate with option C. A publicity campaign to remind

working women to not miss their opportunity to their biological children. What is fertility awareness, Nate? I gotta say A. So I'm going to give it to you, even though the couple to your right, who we thought was right, or seemed cool, whispered you the answer in such a fucking ham-fisted way. I heard you go, it was a stage whisper.

I have a microphone. You guys make me sick. You're one for one, Nate. In fact, according to the policy document, both for USAID, which does work around the world, they recommended cutting family planning and requiring equal funding for fertility awareness methods and no other family planning programming for girls except for fertility awareness. Also, domestically, they recommend shifting funding for Title X and teen pregnancy toward fertility awareness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. While he's tweeting about the NFL,

that's what these people are doing. Alright? Question number two, Nate. The White House wants to increase funding for something called the Conscience Protection Unit. What the fuck is that? Zoe, you're up. Um, paramilitary

unit led by Vice President Mike Pence That swoops in To protect bakers Who don't want to cater gay weddings Jenny Yang, option B America's least favorite Law and Order spinoff

Starring Rick Santorum And the creepy dad from American Beauty Law & Order spinoff starring Rick Santorum and the creepy dad from American Beauty? Law & Order CPU. That's option B. Jenny, option C for the Conscience Protection Unit. We're not totally sure,

but it doesn't sound great. Nate, I'm gonna be honest. but it doesn't sound great. Nate. I'm going to be honest. We're out of time on that one. I have to say, though, all three are very compelling. Uh-huh. What do you think?

I'll go C. You're right. You're two for two. Your final question, Nate, in the policy memo exclusively obtained by Crooked Media. The White House policy shop wants to shift funding from something called sexual risk reduction to sexual risk avoidance. What is sexual risk avoidance. A. Investing in scientific research into pheromones and other chemical solutions that would lower libido for unmarried adults.

Jenny Yang, B. It's about shifting funds from proven comprehensive sexual education to teaching abstinence until marriage, despite evidence that these programs are not effective. And finally, last possible answer for what is sexual risk avoidance, option C. Option C, a program that keeps women from being left alone in a room with Donald Trump. Nate? I gotta say, as much as Donald Trump would love that last one, I'm gonna go with B. You did it, Nate.

Nate, you're three for three. You've won the jokes on euphemism. You've won the parachute gift card. Yeah. You also get the prize for having successfully answered questions in the easiest quiz we've ever done on a show defined by extraordinarily easy quizzes. Before we go to break, while we were talking about all these other

things, Donald Trump has been continuing to undermine the Affordable Care Act. This year's open enrollment period is the shortest it has ever been. It starts on November 1st, and you must sign up by December 15th to have insurance in 2018 in any state that uses the federal marketplace.

The administration is trying to make it difficult to get health care. They are trying to make it harder and harder to enroll. You can help, and the way you can help is by going to getamericacover.org. This is an organization that has been created specifically for the purpose of making sure people get enrolled because the goal of this administration is to sabotage the Affordable Care Act, to keep people out of the marketplaces, to drive up the cost of insurance, and to create a crisis. And people will either fail to sign up, forget to sign up, not realize it's time to sign up. That's why Donald Trump is going out there every day saying Obamacare is dead. So you can do your part to help people sign up.

Go to GetAmericaCovered.org, and they will show you how to help. to help people sign up. Go to getamericacover.org and they will show you how to help. When we come back... Okay, stop! Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It and there's more on the way.

And we're back. All right, calm down. Now for a segment called Okay, Stop. Here's how it works. We watch a video from the news as it goes. When we feel like it, we say, okay, stop. And then it stops and we talk about it. This starts with actually a very difficult and sad story.

A young woman from Central America was detained after crossing the border in September. Upon detention, the 17-year-old learned that she was pregnant, and she sought to have an abortion. The Department of Health and Human Services refused to grant her permission to leave the facility. A state judge ruled that the young woman could receive an abortion if a guardian accompanied her, but the lawyers from the HHS could not provide a timeline for how long approving a sponsor could take. The young woman is 15 weeks pregnant, and Texas bans abortion after 20 weeks. As reported in the Washington Post, this Tina said that her parents abused her in her own native country, and the DOJ lawyers have argued that she was free to return to her home country for the procedure. The judge in the case said she was astounded by this, that the idea that the government's position would be

that she has to leave the country to exercise this constitutional right. There's been an appeal. The case is ongoing and recently has gotten some pickup in conservative media. So this is a young woman. She is a minor. And the government is attempting to force her to carry this pregnancy to term. And this is what happened on Tucker Carlson when they discussed it. Boo. So this is one of those stories. It's kind of hard to believe it's true, but you fill in the blank.

Okay, stop. Can I just say, fuck your fuck face, Tucker Carlson. Fuck your fuck face. Fuck your fuck face. Okay, that's it. I feel like that was a little aggressive. Arguing that U.S. taxpayers somehow have an obligation to fund abortions for illegal aliens. True? U.S. taxpayers somehow have an obligation to fund abortions for illegal aliens. True? That's right.

Not surprisingly, the ACLU seized this opportunity, along with their abortion allies, to mandate that taxpayers facilitate her... Okay, stop. The taxpayers aren't paying for this young woman's abortion. She's paying for it... Yeah. Right? She's paying for it, or she's, she's found the money to pay for it autonomously.

Well, she says facilitate because they're playing with words. That's why she doesn't say pay for it. They say pay to facilitate. Right.

And, but they have forced her to go to a crisis pregnancy center, haven't they? Or they are, they have attempted to force her to go

to a crisis pregnancy center, which are these like centers now that are being pushed on women who are seeking out abortions, that basically try to convince them not to get an abortion. And the Department of Health and Human Services is really pushing these on women seeking abortions, and many of those are funded by taxpayer dollars. So I think it's a misguided attempt at just spreading more lies.

And this is just a shocking case because it shows you just how far the ACLU, their friends at Planned Parenthood and the abortion industry want to take their extremist abortion agenda. They want to use this girl. And what they're trying to do is use her as sort of a Jane Roe 2.0 to internationalize Roe versus Wade. And they're declaring that she has a constitutional right to have a Jane Roe 2.0 to internationalize Roe versus Wade. And they're declaring that she has a constitutional right to have a taxpayer-funded abortion, which the last time I checked, the Constitution only applies to Americans. I mean, the left...

Okay, stop. That's actually... That's not true. That's not true. But, again, at the heart of this is a young woman, 17, who has come to this country seeking safety. She has found out that she is pregnant. And the government is attempting to prevent her from getting the medical care that she seeks, ultimately at the barrel of a gun.

I mean, that is what we are talking about. It's very odd. I mean, like, what's hard, first of all, this is very hard, very hard. It's hard to, like, do any sort of anything. It's, like, this makes me feel so paralyzed. But also, so they're just punishing her. They don't want her to be here.

Why did they want another person to be here? You know, like, I don't understand. Like, isn't, like, if you don't want her to be here, then don't make her be here plus one. Like, if you're like, you can't come to this party. Okay, fine, come and bring a friend. Like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about what are you talking about

so you're just it's just so sick it's super sick um and i guess you know it's sick on both sides but this lady especially i really would love to know what happened on the way here like for however many years she has been alive like how what happened on the way to today or that day? The other piece of this too is like... What is this? Sorry. Yeah. Where's the beer? The idea to turn this into an issue of taxpayer funded abortion as if there wouldn't be private funding. A dystopian online world in which people try to get more followers on Twitter so that they can fund their own medical care via GoFundMes and Kickstarters. The idea that this is a taxpayer issue, that anyone involved in this is trying to get taxpayer money to fund this abortion. It's so beside the point because we have this abortion debate and pro-life side always wants to get the focus

to the end of pregnancy. They want to focus on late-term abortion, and they want to focus on third trimester. They want to make this about that. And on the pro-choice side, we push back on contraception and birth control. It's a difficult issue. But the reason they have to do this

and talk about it about taxpayer funding is it's uncomfortable to realize what happens at the end of this position, which is ultimately a young girl in handcuffs being forced to give birth against her will, which is those who argue against women's reproductive freedom, they have the luxury of us not living in a society where that happens every day.

Yeah, and it's about just ultimately controlling women's bodies and particularly women of color and undocumented women. And it's so fucking sick. And to make it about anything else is just a lie. You know what is the other weird thing? That like if you read some recent feminist literature, like if you read Rebecca Solnit, who I'm obsessed with, there's a lot of, you know, she speaks a lot about this sort of tendency in misogynist culture. And you can be a female woman you know like a woman

who has this belief system too it's not just men you know like this lady right here is stinking up the joint with it um major major time but that you know you take the things that you don't like about yourself and you put them on the woman and she holds them and And it's very odd to be like, well, you know, these people and their friends at Planned Parenthood want to globalize this, like, you know, like, horniness for abortion. Like, these women just want to just have sex all over the place and they don't even care about it. And it's like, that's really actually not true.

They just want the rights to their bodies. And if anybody has wanted to prove that they can have sex all over the place you know the most sex negative attitude anyway but like that they can just fuck and it just doesn't matter it's certainly not the women it's the men you guys are fighting for it you're trying to keep that gross weird privilege that by the way everyone should have and then decide what's right for their bodies after they do the sex or hopefully before but like just decide you know and it's like do the sex i've done the sex before i mean i hate saying it for my parents who are here of course but um i know about it loves duckling do the sex but

but it's just like so odd it it's just like the logic never works. It's always so transparent to me. It's like, oh, I don't know. I just sometimes I have this fantasy that I'm like, what if I could just sit down with one of these people and be like, hold on. Do you know what you're actually asking for? Do you know what you're doing? And what would happen?

I would probably. They wouldn't want to talk to me, huh? I think that it would not go as well as you would hope. Story would probably. They wouldn't want to talk to me, huh? I think that it would not go as well as you would hope. Story of my life. Yeah. I always think you can talk it out. It's the heat of freedom and personal liberation, as you know. But it almost seems like it's not really about abortion. It's the ACLU and affiliated groups seeing how high they can raise the middle finger in the face of middle America and say, you know what, we hate you. we despise your values, and we're going to do exactly what we want to make you pay for it, whether you like it or not. So this is just their anti-life, their anti-faith

agenda coming out in full force, and that's what we're seeing. And that's why, really, it's so important that we have... Stop. Anti-whose life? It's anti... Like, that, the other thing, is like... Yeah, it's destroying the life of a real, alive human. Yeah, why does that 17- other thing is destroying the life of a real alive human. Yeah. Why does that 17 year old woman's life? Why is it garbage? You know, because she's she's not from here. She's not a white person. Like what? What is it? It's all of that. You know, it's just like racism. It's that some lives are more important than others.

President Trump there in D.C., we have a pro-life administration, a pro-life HHS, because they're the ones trying to protect this young girl from the ACLU, from Planned Parenthood, who are just simply using her as Jane Roach. There's no way around it, right? You have to talk around it. You have to say that she's being used, that she's not in control. You have to talk about taxpayer funding. You have to talk about Planned Parenthood.

But you can't talk about the thing itself, which is trying to force a young woman who wants to terminate a pregnancy to carry it to term. You can't grapple with it. You can't face it. Yeah, she wants the abortion. She asked for it.

No one asked her to say that. She's trying to find a guardian. She's trying to find a way. She doesn't want to be deported home. She came here because she according to her was abused and you can't face her. She's Jane Doe. You can't talk about her. You have to talk about everything else because the thing that's happening

to her is too ugly to defend on Fox News. It doesn't work. You can't do it. Point out. Yeah. See, this is why Trump's going to win again. Because no matter how flawed he is, people, normal people look at the alternative and say, you know what? You scare me. Because you're like, you're nuts, actually. And you're haters. That's right. They're extremists. That was tough. That was hard.

I got to tell you, it's been, the issues these past couple weeks have been really tough. You know? Yeah. Just been serious and dark and hard. I gotta tell ya it's been the issues these past couple weeks have been really tough you know yeah just been serious and dark and hard I mean just to throw I mean

they're trying to claim that Planned Parenthood and the left are politicizing her desire for an abortion that's literally

what they're doing you know it's like it's already so hard to be like undocumented I was a legal immigrant that shit was scary That shit was scary.

That shit was scary to go to a green card office interview and be like, I was like, I don't know, 10 years old or something. And I'm just like, it's frightening. I can't even imagine what this woman is going through right now. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. What is that a bracelet for? Why do you have a, where'd you come from? Did you come from a water park? They all have them. Wait, that is from here? Leave It coming up. You're getting big. Yeah. You're getting big. No, no. See, I think that's just a compliment in recognition of how insane this is and how quickly it happened. You say my life looks cute?

Wait, who said that? Louise Linton. Louise Linton said that. That's a deep cut. I recognize that. That was from Louise Linton's Facebook comment. Instagram. Instagram.

What did I say? Facebook. Who cares? It's all just different kinds of chat rooms. We built our entire culture around different kinds of chat rooms. Why are we so angry all the time? I don't know. I spend all my day in this chat room and I keep getting madder and madder.

No, this is a photo chat room. This is a chat room where you can only say one sentence. This is a chat room about dogs. It's all just fucking chat rooms. This chat room killed the advertising industry. You guys want to come back

from break now? And we're back. Very special treat for all of you. Now, back in 1999, when Mike Pence was a talk radio host in Indiana, and not the world's luckiest dead-eyed Reagan impersonator, who ended up as vice president because he was craven and desperate enough

to sign up for this fucking sewer circus when everybody thought he would lose. Anyway, back then he wrote a little op-ed about a Disney film. And Jenny Slate, actress and comedian, has agreed to grace us with a dramatic reading. Jenny, take it away. Okay. Just spent a memorable Father's Day like so many other all-American Hoosier dads with my kids

at the new Disney film entitled Mulan. For those who have not yet been victimized by the McDonald's-induced hysteria over this film, Mulan is a fictional account of a delicate girl of the same name who surreptitiously

takes her father's place in the Chinese army in one of their ancient wars against the Huns. Despite her delicate features and voice, so delicate two times already, Disney expects us to believe that Mulan's ingenuity and courage were enough to carry her to military success on an equal basis with her cloddish cohorts. Obviously, this is Walt Disney's attempt to add childhood expectation to the cultural debate over the role of women in the military. I suspect that some mischievous liberal at Disney

assumes that Mulan's story will cause a quiet change in the next generation's attitude about women in combat and they might just be right. Just think about how often we think of Bambi

every time the subject of deer hunting comes into the mainstream media debate. Oh my God. That's put in parentheticals like it's in confidence. Just guys, look what already happened with Bambi. It is instructive that even in the Disney film, young Miss Mulan, that's not what her name, it's not Miss Mulan. I mean, it's just, you know. Falls in love with her superior officer!

Exclamation point. Methinks the politically correct Disney types completely miss the irony of this part of the story. They likely added it because it added realism with which the viewer could identify with the characters. Giant bummer. You see, now stay with me on this. Many young men find many young women to be attractive sexually.

Stay with him. Stay with him. Okay. Yeah. He's like, I'm trying to stay with this. Many young women find many young men to be attractive sexually. Put them together in close quarters for long periods of time, and things will get interesting. Just like they eventually did for young Mulan.

Moral of story, women in military, bad idea. Boo! It's real. That's our vice president, Joe Booing. That's what he thinks. Show some respect. That's vice President Mike Pence booing and hissing.

I won't have it. I won't have it. Give it up for Jenny Slate. Thanks, guys. With a dramatic reading of Mike Pence's deeply weird, very reactionary experience of seeing the film Mulan.

If Mulan could respond, she would say, which means, fuck your mother, okay? That's what that fucking means, all right? In Chinese, all right? Mandarin Chinese. And that actually, that to Mike Pence means fuck your wife.

Yeah, doesn't, yeah. Doesn't, yes, he calls his wife mother. And you can only have dinner with mother your wife. Yeah. Yes, he calls his wife mother. And you can only have dinner with mother. Yeah. It's so deeply psychotic. I mean, what the heck happened? I just wanted to imagine Mulan cursing. I loved that.

I mean, is there more that she would say? Because that was exciting. Yeah, more, more, more. She would say, Mike Pence, you're such a bad person. I think you're stupid. Why do you think I can't be the leader of China? Right?

So here's the thing. Here's the thing. I don't think it's appropriate to translate that. And I'm really glad you said it. And I appreciated it. But I think it's... I think you went a little far. What did it mean? Oh yeah, I just said,

you're a dummy and why would you not think that I could lead China? Yeah. I just picture Mike Pence sitting in the theater just seething with his... Mischievous liberals.

I mean, I remember watching Mulan and being like, meh, not enough songs. Like, not enough songs, but... Mike Pence must be the most repressed person. Is he not the most repressed person? Because he's probably

so afraid of sexuality that it's like this nuclear-activated thing that he's afraid of putting women and men together or else they're gonna just start fucking but that's how that's i i feel like that's like in his fantasy but it's also like well who cares i mean like when you have sex you don't like open a portal to hell like you just have sex like penis and vagina penis and vagina like a bunch of stuff happens and then you just like go to bed. Like it's not, nothing happens. It's not connected to anything.

I swear. It's not. I mean, it is when you're in love with someone. That's beautiful. But like, you know, I don't know. What is going on with Mike Pence? I would love to know. I would just love to like be in his skull during a dream.

Like just like find out. What are even the private thoughts? It's just Mulan. That's a secret. He loves it. You're always in Mulan. And it's different scenarios, but Mulan is there. Yeah, it's always Mulan being like,

you call me mother now. And he's like, ah! When we come back, the rail wheel. call me mother now. And he's like, ah! When we come back, the rail wheel. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It and there's more on the way. And we're back.

Now for the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel. It lands on things. We rant about the topic as we see fit. This week on the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel. It lands on things. We rant about the topic as we see fit. This week on the rant wheel, we have the Megyn Kelly dance-off. 280 characters on Twitter.

Cities wooing Amazon. Avatar sequels back on the wheel. Ivanka Trump's punk phase. Fake Melania. Sarah Huckabee Sanders saying that it's inappropriate to question generals. Very cool. And audience suggestion. Let's spin the wheel.

It has landed on Sarah Huckabee Sanders saying it is inappropriate to question generals. I guess we have a clip. He come out here and talk to us about this at some point. I think he's addressed that pretty thoroughly yesterday. No, he was wrong yesterday in talking about getting the money. The money was secured before she came into Congress. If you want to go after General Kelly, that's up to you. But I think that if you want to get into

a debate with a four-star Marine General I think that that's so thank you for booing yeah so it is pretty despicable for a White House press secretary to say that it is inappropriate to debate a four-star general when that four-star general is the chief of staff of the White House who has been through a terrible personal loss, who has been dragged into a debate that Donald Trump did not ask him to be a part of, who clearly has tried to avoid talking about the loss of life, the loss of his son, but nonetheless took to the podium, defended Trump, and did it with a story that just wasn't true. It just wasn't true that Congresswoman Wilson, at the opening of an FBI office, bragged about getting the money. It just did not happen. It's just simply untrue. And to say that it is now inappropriate to debate the White House chief of staff who said something false from the podium to impugn someone with whom they were having a political disagreement is an incredible precedent, especially when you know that this administration has elevated generals from McMaster at the NSC

to Mattis at Defense to Kelly at the White House Chief of Staff's office. So this is America. We can question generals anytime we want. In fact, the reason we have civilian control of the Pentagon is so that they can be questioned. It is not only appropriate but necessary. This is not a controversial idea. This is basic civics about the United States of America.

And it's a reminder to me, too, that fascism is just what shitty goons think is patriotism. That's what that is. That is just authoritarian nonsense. Yes. It has landed on fake Melania. Now, I don't know how many of you saw this, but an internet weirdo... Guys, an internet weirdo Guys, an internet

weirdo has discovered that Melania has been replaced by some kind of an alternate understudy Westworld robot Blade Runner We're not sure, but he's on the case, and

you know, I don't know what to make of this except that, I don't know, I'll believe anything. Jenny Yang, where are you at? Oh, my God. It's like, do you remember those highlights magazines in the dentist's office? It's like that game at the end where you compare what's different between one and the other. And it's like a lampshade that has like a mushroom on top. And you're like, oh. That's what this game was.

This is like real life. Compare the two photos. What's different? And it was so fun. I believe it's a fake Melania. Whatever. I hope that like real Melania is like back at HQ just like gathering all of the sexual assault allegations

against her husband and like meeting with Gloria Allred to just get him the fuck out of here. I think sadly... No, that is what's happening, John, okay? That's what's happening. I think she's got... That's her plan A. Plan B is to grow her hair long enough

so that someone can climb up and rescue her. Sure. Who knows? Maybe Melania is truly plotting behind the scenes. You never know. I want to believe. I mean, she's not, but... I mean, whatever.

Insane. There truly was a part of me that was like is that like just another lady and like is it are things so bad that like the president is such a like deranged bully that he's like it's melania what you know and everyone's like nothing nothing actually i guess like i'll say this one final thing on fake Melania. Maybe she and the fake Melania are the only two who know, right? That it's not a secret with Donald Trump. It's a secret from Donald Trump.

Right. That's so funny. That's the best we can hope for. And that he doesn't even look over. He's like, the sunglasses thingy. Let's spin it again. Yeah! It has landed on the Megyn Kelly dance-off,

and we're going to show a clip here, and if you're at home, go check out the Megyn Kelly Hoda Kotb dance-off, and we're going to show a clip here, and if you're at home, go check out the Megyn Kelly Hoda Kotb dance-off from the Today Show. It is really worth checking out. Let's roll the clip. Oh, yeah. Oh! Oh! No! No! I want to see what's like

out on the stage! Come on! Come on! I know you're watching! Oh, I do! Wait! Come here! Come here! Okay, so I just want to start the preface by saying there has been a kind of, like basically a prisoner transfer. They're clearly forcing all the other Today Show people to kind of march through the Megyn Kelly morning show

one at a time. Like they made Matt Lauer do it. They've made Roker do it. They're making Lauer do it. They made Roker do it. They're making Hoda do it, and we love Hoda. This dance is the most embarrassing thing I have ever seen. It is crazy.

It is absolutely crazy that a Fox News lawyer who spent a decade being the sharp, a little less racist one is now like cooking and dancing in the morning and it's and it's like this it's this crazy thing of like you can like feel the like effort to make it work like the idea that like no this is what people want they want light they want no politics and then but but but. But she never explained why she wanted to become this totally different person. She was like, I'm just done with politics for a while. Which is like, well, that's lucky for you.

But the thing that kills me about it is just talk about it. Talk about it. Are you sorry for what you did on Fox News? Do you regret all the racist shit and the harping on the new Black Panthers and just the decade of being part of a propaganda machine? Either you are or you aren't. What are you doing here? What are you doing here on television? Why do you want this? I know it's a crazy thing, but it actually is part of why this is so crazy to watch like it is the problem like what are you doing on television why are you doing this what are you after is it like what you could

have not done this no one's making you dance what are you after megan kelly yeah primal scream primal scream but i just like talk about it like don't you you clear it's clearly not working like why did you want to dance in the morning like what what led you to stop wanting to do racist shit on Fox like do you what that's a bad dance is what I want to say that's the dance you're gonna do I that's the that's just the one thing is that's like a bad mom dance they look like exactly they look like they're bad like you know the quinceañera and no one's dancing because, you know, the daughter doesn't have friends. And they're just like, come on!

But just like the one final point on the Megyn Kelly thing, which is only to say, like if these shows, I don't watch daytime shows, but like there is some truth to the fact that like what makes like people watch them is that they like these people because they're kind of open, and people love Hoda and Kathie Lee

because it feels like they're friends in the morning, right? And part of that is, are you not going to just be honest about what led you here? Are you just going to try to pretend it never happened? That's weird as hell. Anyway. So it has landed on Avatar sequels yet again. However, this was a requested rant by Zoe Lister-Jones who wanted to argue with me over my rant vis-a-vis Avatar sequels.

Zoe, the floor is yours. I'm so sorry. You know, I was listening to the podcast from last week, and I have to say, I've never disagreed with you once, but there was a moment that you took a considerable amount of time to rant against the upcoming four Avatar sequels. And in that moment, I chose to leave it over love it. I felt...

I returned, I returned, but in that moment I left. And then I loved it again. But I... Here's what I'll say. I never have re-watched Avatar since I saw it in the theater in, what, 2003? But you said it was just about blue people. And I don't think it's sophisticated filmmaking or storytelling necessarily, but I do think it goes beyond just blue people.

And I think it is really an allegory about protecting our natural resources and listening to the indigenous peoples who have done that historically rather than exploiting them and their resources. And I think that in the grand scheme of things, the amount of garbage that is being produced in the tentpole franchise universe, I think James Cameron, I'm like, if you want to go make some more environmentalist fantasy movies, fucking go for it. Because at this moment, that is what we need. Because I think so often environmentalism is kind of on the bottom of the food chain of what we are like riled up against.

Because it's something that is like ethereal and we don't have to face right now. And I think that James Cameron, you know, puts his money where his mouth is in that sense in that he's at least making something that has some sort of meaning in the face of an administration, especially now, that is trying to just destroy all of the protections that have been put in place, even though we need more, of our sacred environment.

And he has, I looked this up since the podcast, he has committed to donating some of the profits of the upcoming four sequels to environmentalist causes. In your face, John. Zoe Lister-Jones, you've opened my eyes. I'm so happy. I will make two points. One, you and Mike Pence both agree about the power of cinema

to change hearts and minds. Much as Mulan opened the door to women in the military, so too did the destruction of Home Tree open the eyes of a generation

to the importance of preserving our environment and of course the plight of the Navi in the beautiful and magnificent world of Pandora as an allegory for the treatment of people underrepresented in our culture. I apologize. I'm going to say something now. Oh, God.

I cried when Home Tree came down. There we go. And I'm remembering it now. Honestly, not only did I forget how much I loved Avatar, I forgot how much I loved film itself. Wow. I want to thank... Wow.

Powerful. And with that, I want to thank our awesome panel. Zoe Lister-Jones, Jenny Yang, Jenny Slate. Thank you guys for coming out. Have a great night. Thank you.